Chapter Text
Ow… Kou Minamoto popped five pills of Zophran into his mouth last night, letting them dissolve before going to sleep. He thought he’d die, thought everyone would find him and his petty red slashes and rushed suicide note that morning, letting him finally catch a break.
But he instead awoke the next morning.
“Ughhhhh.”
He scratched his wrist, burning red slashes met him, starting to slowly bleed again. His own doing, sure. But this time, it stung more than usual.
He propped himself up and glanced at his alarm clock. 6:15 a.m.
He flopped back into bed and reached for his sweatband on the bedside table.
The color of the band matched the swelling red on his wrist—and his earring, which he grabbed right after sliding the band onto his arm.
He groaned as he forced himself out of bed, dreading the day ahead. Within a couple of minutes, he had slipped into his uniform.
There. All ready for school.
He stretched his arms, yawning in an attempt to wake himself up. The stinging only got worse after that, though… He shrugged it off and tried to ignore the voice screaming in the back of his mind, begging him to disinfect his wrist. Whatever. The only thing that would do is make breakfast harder than just with the swelling.
He was still a bit worried about what to make that required little effort. What he decided on was simple: cereal.
“Okay, Tiara,” he beamed, holding out two boxes. “Lucky Charms, or Cap’n Crunch?”
His sister pressed her finger and thumb to her chin, stroking an imaginary beard as she thought. “...Both!” she shouted, throwing her arms up with a giggle.
Kou couldn’t help but laugh at her answer as he poured both cereals into her bowl.
“Okay,” he grinned, grabbing the milk carton, “but I need you to wake Teru-nii, alright?”
She shoved five spoonfuls into her mouth and nodded rapidly, her messy golden curls bouncing as she did. She hobbled off on her tiny legs while Kou rubbed his sore wrist.
Jeez… Looks like I’m not taking notes today…
By the time Teru woke up and got breakfast, Kou had already left for school.
He’d left a note on the table for him:
Had to go to school early for morning classroom prep. Drop Princess off at daycare.
His handwriting was garbage—at best—but Teru could still read it perfectly. One of the many perks of being student council president.
The moment Kou stepped onto school grounds, Mitsuba was there to greet him—one of his few friends who actually liked him for him, and not just because of Teru.
“Heyyyy, Minamoto-kun!” He waved both hands in the air, just like Tiara had earlier.
Kou had noticed that about the lonely supernatural—he acted like a five-year-old sometimes.
“Hey, Mitsuba,” Kou grinned, waving with his left hand this time.
No way in hell was he risking activating the pain in his right.
“Why’re you here so early?”
“Classroom prep.” Kou sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.
Ow… Shit, wrong hand. He winced, and Mitsuba narrowed his eyes.
“What’s wrong? You okay?” His voice was unusually serious, almost worried.
Kou swallowed and shoved his hands into his pockets. “Nothing, really… Just sore from training last night…” he lied, badly.
Mitsuba stared for a beat, then smirked. “Pfft. Sure. I bet you were just being a freak. Stupid pervert.”
Kou groaned. “I am not!”
“Mm-hm~ say what you want, we all know I’m right.” Mitsuba’s grin widened smugly as he tossed his fluffy pink hair.
Kou rolled his eyes, walked to the entrance, and began changing into his school shoes. For a brief moment, silence lingered. Kou slipped his shoes on, stood up, and smiled warmly at Mitsuba. “All ready. Wanna help me prep?—”
“Minamoto-kun,” Mitsuba cut in sharply, “there’s something seriously wrong with you. It’s obvious. You don’t have that obnoxious sparkle in your eyes, so stop being a closed-off dumbass and just tell me already.”
Kou froze. His throat locked up. Mitsuba’s expression was so serious, like he truly cared. Something in the way he looked into Kou’s eyes felt warm and inviting.
“I-I…” Kou swallowed. His voice quivered against his will.
Shit.
Mitsuba’s face softened instantly. “...You idiot.”
He pulled Kou into a hug. Kou’s breath hitched, but he leaned into it. Mitsuba was cold—but surprisingly soft. He smelled like apple blossoms. Kou’s chest ached, threatening tears, and this time he didn’t fight them. They sat together on the floor of the school entrance, Mitsuba gently petting Kou’s hair as he wept into his shoulder.
After a moment, Mitsuba murmured, “Do you wanna tell me what’s up? ’Cause that reaction wasn’t just from physical pain—or just emotional pain, either.”
Kou wiped his eyes and glanced at his wrist.
Why do I even do this? Why can’t I just be normal? He quickly looked back up, panicking at the thought of Mitsuba noticing. But it was too late. Mitsuba had already followed his gaze.
For the first time, Kou saw the right side of Mitsuba’s face.
He tucked his bangs behind his ear, cupped Kou’s cheeks, and looked at him with soft, reassuring eyes. “Kou… Can I move the sweatband?”
Kou nodded, blushing, and Mitsuba slid the band away, revealing faded scars and fresh cuts. Mitsuba’s breath caught.
“...too…” he whispered.
“What? Sorry, I couldn’t hear you,” Kou asked, staring into his pink eyes.
“Me too.” This time Mitsuba spoke just loud enough, and started to unbutton his cardigan.
Kou’s face went bright red. “D-dude…”
“Ugh, relax, you pervert. I’ve got a shirt on.” Mitsuba sighed, cheeks flushing as he turned Kou’s head.
Kou’s eyes fell on his arms—scarred all over. “Most of them came with the body—Souske’s, I can only assume. Some are mine, though.” He pointed to his left shoulder. “These are mine. The rest are Souske’s.”
Silence lingered before Mitsuba tilted his head and asked quietly, “So what’s your excuse this time?”
Kou crossed his arms. “What makes you think I’d lie?!”
“Well…” Mitsuba raised a brow, his smirk returning just faintly. “You already did today.”
Kou sighed and held out his arms. What even was my excuse? Why do I do this to myself?
I never used to… I was fine with my body, my family, and my friends.
When did I start? He dug through his mind for an answer. But he already knew. He already knew who made him feel this way.
Himself.
He couldn’t save anyone.
He guessed he’d started realizing that when he first failed Souske as a friend while he was still human…
'Nice to meet you.'
Or when he failed him again as a ghost…
'Something important to me, maybe..?'
How Teru had told him he was only good for cleaning and making food. How he’d never be strong.
How he felt like he had to carry the weight of the world just to feel accepted and loved.
Was that what it was?
Doubting himself at every turn? Knowing he’d never be good enough? Knowing he messed things up, thinking everything would be better if he’d never strayed from his destined path of becoming an exorcist?
Or was it something else?
Was it the resentment he felt toward himself? How he wished he could be normal—ignorant, innocent again.
How he longed for a normal life.
How he always failed at everything.
Kou found himself crying again, Mitsuba comforting him once more.
Maybe it was him.
Maybe it was the pure hatred and disgust he felt for falling in love with a supernatural.
No… Kou could never hate himself for loving Mitsuba…
“...”
“...I,” Kou managed, the sobs catching in his chest so he could barely breathe.
“Kou…?”
He snapped upright, whipping his head toward the voice.
“...T-Teru-Nii… I-it’s not what it looks like!” He flushed and flailed his arms, trying to cover his face.
Bad idea—without the sweatband on, he was exposed.
“...Wh—” Teru’s voice trembled. “Wh-what happened t-to your arm…?”
Before Kou could reply, Teru was on top of him, hugging him fiercely.
“Why didn’t you tell me…?” he whispered, his voice breaking.
Kou was stuck in a sandwich between Mitsuba—still hugging—and Teru.
“You’re probably the reason, you bitch,” Mitsuba snapped at Teru, squeezing Kou’s waist tighter.
“Stop—!” Kou wheezed, shoving himself free.
He panted, stumbling backward from the two of them. “You’re both being fucking obsessive.”
He sprinted toward his classroom, clutching his stomach; nausea churned in his gut, he fought back more tears.
He hurled his bag toward his desk, missed, and knocked into the table at the back where a glass vase held a single daffodil.
The sound of shattering glass rang in his ears.
It was too loud.
EVERYTHING WAS TOO LOUD.
Fuck.
Fuck..
FUCK.
His legs gave out; they buckled under him.
W-what the hell…
He collapsed to the floor and sobbed.
You were finally going to get help, but somehow you FUCKED EVERYTHING UP AGAIN.
His shoulders tensed. He leaned forward, clutching his stomach.
Don’t throw up. Don’t throw up. Don’t throw up. Don’t throw up. Don’t throw up. Don’t throw up.
He gagged and sat up.
Yokoo can’t see me like this.
No one can see me like this.
“Minamoto-kun,” Mitsuba’s voice floated through the empty classroom. He didn’t need to say more. He simply walked over, knelt, and offered the sweatband.
Kou reached for it; Mitsuba hesitated, then pulled it slightly back. “Y-you… Seriously, you’re an idiot. Let someone in, for once.”
Kou lowered his hand at Mitsuba’s tone and looked up, eyes heavy.
Mitsuba pressed a quick kiss to Kou’s cheek and shoved the band into his chest.
“Th-there! Hurry and put it on, get your fake-ass act together. Yokoo’s at the entrance.” He floated toward the door, pausing to glance back.
Maybe… he needs to hear it.
“Have a good day, pervert… Love you.”
He turned down the hallway, and Kou was left alone for five seconds until Mitsuba’s bright red face popped back through the doorway.
“A-and we’re having a vent session at lunch, you dumbass, you look like your about to go insane!”
Kou groaned, still clutching his stomach. “Okay… A-and, also... uh,” Kou fiddled with his hair and said, "I love you too."
Mitsuba gasped, whipping his head around as his face flared even redder. He flailed his arms like a kid caught red-handed. “Gahhh! Y-you pervert! Lame-ass-earring-pervert!!!” He smiled softly, lowering his arms and sighed, "go sit down, ill see you later loser."
Thankkkssss :3