Chapter Text
Tommy couldn’t remember a time where he felt at peace. Everything around him felt surreal. Time wouldn’t seem to stop for him- it definitely didn’t for him and Wilbur. It wouldn’t even slow down- not even slightly. His imperfect world that had already started to collapse suddenly disintegrated. What he thought would get better- just worsened- what he thought he could fix- he damaged.
Maybe it wasn’t perfect in the beginning, but maybe- just maybe if he thought hard enough there would be a time- deep in his memories when everything felt perfect. Tommy was once high on that feeling. Being a youtuber, meeting his idols, and especially befriending some of them. He was there— he had everything that he’d ever ask for.
The internet was pretty shitty- people were harsh- they name called- they even stalked him from time to time- expectations were high, but he had people to push him through it and he was managing through it all. Streaming and making funny videos with friends was still fun.
Somehow, it didn’t last and those moments were now just memories. Suddenly, streaming wasn’t fun anymore. People had left- even a legend- an idol- someone Tommy had called his mate, had died. Tommy felt empty. Like everything had ended the second he picked up that phone call-
Months passed slowly, dragging Tommy along with them, it was difficult, and suddenly there was still hope- the spark Tommy had once lost was coming back. He was moving on, getting hold of himself, going on tour for his comedy shows, and he even found himself a girlfriend.
He still had friends, just not many. Everyone grew distant but a select few. One of those few was Wilbur, which helped him through a lot. Although, something was different.
Wilbur’s temper seemed to have worsen, he seemed more tired, and sometimes a little distant. Although, Tommy could handle the slight change in Wilbur’s demenour. After all he was still Wilbur and still helping Tommy through everything. Wilbur had been going through stuff as-well. It was only normal and expected.
Everything felt okay for awhile— and then quicker than it came back— it was gone.
Tommy had heard the recent rumors. Who hadn’t? Twitter was blowing up and for the first time in a year ‘#dsmp’ was trending. Funny. It hadn’t been chaos like this in a hot second. Trending for the wrong reason- accusations and assumptions- Tommy didn’t believe them.
He picked up his tooth brush and continued to drag each bristle crossed his teeth, he read each hateful tweet towards one of his best mates.
‘Nilbur Soot’
‘Did anyone see Shelby’s new stream? The guy who shes talking about is definitely Wilbur.’
‘Whaaatttt Wilbur? How could he. He was my comfort streamer.’
‘#cancelwilbur’
Tommy let out a sigh as he spit all the left over toothpaste into the sink. The taste of mint remaining in his mouth. He turned the water on- watching as the left over residue that had been in his mouth a moment before, disappear down the drain.
This whole Shelby situation sure was something alright. Tommy had watched the stream, he knew they had dated, but not once did he consider the mysterious man the poor girl was talking about would be Wilbur. Tommy immediately took Wilbur off the suspect list, call him detective Tommy now.
Seriously, he couldn’t see Wilbur treating someone like that- he just wondered how Wilbur was feeling after everything happening online. Maybe that was why he hadn’t replied to any of Tommy’s calls or texts.
It was weird— especially when he would have thought Wilbur would have immediately addressed the rumors or told some of his friends what had been happening.
Hours had passed and Tommy tried to focus on other things- but the internet was blowing up. He was getting @s all day asking his opinions and if he had any idea if Wilbur had actually abused Shelby.
He took at least two showers in one day and had did some exercises that his therapist had suggested in stressful situations similar to this one.
He just didn't want to lose another close friend- especially not Wilbur.
It had been a long day of trying to focus on his online and personal responsibilities.
…
"I don't know mate- it's just a stupid lot to process"
His words left his mouth quickly. The topic had been on his mind all day and he couldn't help himself from complaining to the other on the end of the phone.
He sat at his dining room table; eating a sandwich while he contemplated about something he told himself he wouldn't obsess over.
Crumbs dropped onto the table and onto the floor while he shoved each bite into his mouth- not bothering to finish chewing before he spoke.
"I mean I haven't heard from him since- even before these allegations came out. I don't know what to do.."
Complaining and whining was all he could do in these desperate moments- desperate for answers.
The voice on the other end of his phone pulled him back to reality.
"You keep saying that you don't believe what people on the internet are saying but are helplessly obsessing over it? I know it's harsh- but mate- it doesn't sound like you're putting-"
A hesitate. It was a long enough of a pause to drive Tommy insane. The last bite of his sandwich was shoved into his mouth.
"It just doesn't sound like you trust Wilbur, Tom."
Tubbo's words were harsh- but true. Tommy knew that. He also knew that he trusted Wilbur, but it was just a lot. No response to messages and no sign of him by any other mutual friend was freaking him out.
In stressful situations, he always would turn to Tubbo. The boy always had the right things to say in the worst situations ever. It wasn't ever what Tommy wanted to hear and more of what he needed to hear. Tommy was thankful for his friend.
"You know Wilbur better than I do. Nothing is confirmed and he hasn't said anything yet. People online will twist anything- never listen to the viewers."
Tommy hummed a response as he put his cup to his lips and drank.
"You could wait for Shelby to come out with another video, Wilbur to make a response to these allegations, wait for a text, or just simply make time to go over to his place and see what he's been up to. Have you asked Molly her opinions?"
Tubbo's voice was firm but also relaxed. Tommy could tell Tubbo was focused on something else other than their conversation- not from his tone- Tubbo was good at multitasking. He could hear keys being pressed rapidly in the background, he must be playing something while Tommy rambled. He didn't blame Tubbo.
As Tommy set his cup down, Tubbo's words finally hit him, faster than they were spoke, slower than he could process.
"Shit, Tubbo. You're right. I'll just go over there-"
Tubbo didn't say anything so he continued speaking,
"I haven't talked to Molly all day- she's with family right now. Didn't wanna be a bloody bother."
Tommy heard Tubbo sigh. Deserved.
"It's late, Tom. Don't you think you should wait until morning or before you see what someone else other than myself say before storming over there? He may not even be home mate-"
Tommy interrupted before Tubbo could finish what he was saying,
"I'll just take the next train over there and it'll all be good. I have no plans tonight anyways. I need to make sure he's alright."
Silence was what he got in return- he knew Tubbo was right- he should wait until morning.
His gaze drifted to the time on his phone.
8:20pm
"Whatever you say big man."
"Bye, Tubbo."
"Bye, Tommy."
Once he got off the phone with Tubbo he went to his room and put on something a little more decent. He decided to wear jeans and a navy blue shirt that had a small rip at the bottom- in Tommy's opinion- it made it look cooler.
He stumbled over stuff in the lounge just to get to his coat. Before he slipped the coat on he shot Wilbur a quick text,
8:42pm
Hey Will just letting yk im dropping by in about an hour. Cya then big man
Sent
Now, he wasn't showing up without a warning. Wilbur probably wouldn't see it but he won't be able to get mad at Tommy for showing up unexpected. It would be Wilbur's own fault for not checking his phone.
He finished putting his coat on, grabbed his phone, and started walking out the door.
It was cold outside- evident from the snow falling from the sky. The chilling wind had caused him to shiver. He glanced up- the moon played peak-a-boo behind clouds, stars shined like diamonds, and street lights flickered.
As he made his way to the nearest train station he stopped in-front one of his favorite cafes- debating to go in or not. He could grab something for both him and Wilbur. It'd probably be better than showing up empty handed and without permission.
It seemed to not be too busy, not many people inside the small building.
As he opened the door a little bell rung from above him, indicating someone walked in. He was greeted with a happy smile from the barista, the fresh smell of coffee, and other sweet treats they had. The cafe was nice and warm compared to the outside chilly weather.
The place was decorated in Valentines day decorations. It was lit by warm lighting that made you feel at home. Motivational signs were hung up nicely alongside the other decor.
A family of three sat in the corner talking quietly- probably about plans for tomorrow or whose doing what chores.
Tommy almost laughed to himself as he watched the little boy eat his donut. He wasn't paying attention to anything his parents said, he had one goal and that goal was to finish that donut.
He took his jacket off and began digging for his wallet as he walked up to the counter.
"Hey, Tom! You're here quite late, what would you like to order?"
He flashed the lady a grin, "What can I say, I'm always up for a nice coffee at night-"
Ironic because he wasn't planning on ordering himself a coffee.
He glanced up at the menu reading off all the options- deciding on what to order Wilbur.
"Can I get one croissant and a hot chocolate with caramel syrup on top?" Tommy fished money out for the barista, handing her the total amount.
He figured it'd be pointless to order Wilbur a warm drink that would simply get cold- so he just decided to get him a simple food order.
After he was handed the order he walked back out into the cold to catch a train to his friend's place.
The train ride to Will's was peaceful. Not many people take late trains so it wasn't crowded. Tommy felt like it was just him and his music on that train.
…
As he approached Wilbur's apartment he let out a sigh, slouching his shoulders after being tense during the walk here from the train station. Finally, all his worry about this whole situation would falter.
He gripped the small bag he was given for Wilbur's croissant.
When he got up to the door he knocked- he waited a few seconds. The silence sounded loud and the anticipation felt heavy. As he was about to knock again the door opened by a crack.
Standing there was Wilbur- but he looked like shit.
"Tommy? The fuck you doing here mate?" Wilbur said, while he peeked his head out to stare at Tommy. His words were a bit slurred and he reeked of alcohol. Tommy almost gagged.
From the slight crack in the door frame, Tommy could see what Wilbur was wearing; a light grey jumper which was drenched- assuming from sweat- and black pants.
"Will, are you drunk?"
"Fuck.. you aren't supposed to be here, its a bad time.."
Wilbur nervously put his hand to the nape of his neck.
Tommy pushed passed the door and the taller male, walking into the apartment. He stopped dead in his tracks as he walked in.
"Bloody hell man.. this place is trashed. Is this why you've ghosted everyone? You been sitting in your apartment drinking? Mate you're better than this." Tommy said sternly, obviously disappointed.
"Shit Toms.. listen- I don't fucking know okay- I've been struggling. It's bloody hell."
Tommy pushed the bag towards Wilbur, urging him to take it.
"Here. I stopped at the cafe near my apartment. Thought you'd want something."
Wilbur let out a hiccup before taking it. Tommy sat on the couch.
"Thanks, I appreciate it." Wilbur took a seat next to Tommy and began eating the croissant.
The silence was awkward and heavy. Tommy could hear each time Wilbur swallowed. He looked around trying to focus on something other than the silence but it was pretty dark in the small living room. Tommy's eyes focused on the alcohol bottles and garbage on the table to the left of the couch- he frowned.
"Tommy look.. I'm assuming you're not only here for the sake of making sure I'm okay."
Tommy didn't dare look at him, it was only obvious what he was going to say next.
"It's true."
Tommy's heart dropped- he couldn't fathom it. No way would be believe Wilbur was an abuser- he must have heard wrong. He didn't say anything. He felt sick.
"Not about the abuse- but the biting. It was consensual and I hav- had a problem with biting when we were together. I went to therapy and am now better. I took it too far and probably did hurt her but I had no intent of it effecting her as much. I never realized the harm it caused because she always said it was fine, clearly it wasn't."
Silence.
Then Tommy spoke, "So, she was talking about you?" Tommy finally faced Wilbur, he just nodded. Tommy looked forward again before slouching over and hiding his face into his hands.
"Tom?" Wilbur said gently, like he was scared Tommy would break. He placed his hand on Tommy's shoulder- not sure if he was steadying himself or comforting Tommy.
"This is so fucked."
He took his head out of his hands and stood up.
"You're better, Will? It sure doesn't seem like it. Fuckin' hell mate." Tommy's voice cracked- he was holding back tears. He didn't want to believe it, but it was true. His best mate abused someone.
"You're fuckin' drunk man!"
Wilbur watched him- never taking his eyes off Tommy. He stared like a puppy who was thrown into a cage.
Tears stung Tommy's eyes and his throat felt heavy. He couldn't get any more words out.
Wilbur finally stood up, stumbling to get over to Tommy, he wrapped his arms around him in an attempt to comfort. Tommy leaned into it- tears still welling up in his eyes.
He didn't know why he was crying- he didn't know why it effected him this much. He didn't want to lose Wilbur but now he was unsure if he could even keep Wilbur as his friend.
"Shhh.. it'll be okay."
Something snapped inside of Tommy. He pushed against Wilbur's chest causing him to stumble backwards.
"Fuck, no part of this is okay, Wilbur. Your career is going to be over- we won't be able to be friends anyone. Do you see the bottles around your apartment? Does that scream okay to you?"
"Tommy, please calm down."
"No. Fuck that, I don't want to lose another friend Wilbur." Tommy was practically shouting now. His voice was shaky and his fist were balled up.
"You won't lose me Tom." Wilbur replied back, raising his voice, and grabbing Tommy's shoulders.
"How can I tr-"
Tommy was cut off when he felt a pair of lips hit his and before he knew it Wilbur had kissed him. Before realizing, he leaned into it- eyes shutting as the scent of alcohol filled his nostrils but once he was back to his senses he pushed Wilbur off.
"What the fuck?!" Tommy shouted. Wilbur backed away.
"Fuck. Tommy- I'm sorry- I just.. I'm drunk and you were freaking out. I didn't know what to do."
"I have a girlfriend."
The words rolled off his tongue instantly. His tone was harsh and stern hoping Wilbur understood each word he said.
"Yea, man. I know. I don't know what I was thinking."
Tommy's glare softened as he watch Wilbur take a seat on the couch. His hand rested on his forehead as he shamefully watched the floor.
Tommy hesitated, took a breath in, and tried to regain his thoughts.
"I get it. Sorry, I reacted horribly. That wasn't your fault, Will."
Tommy sat next to him, sitting back and staring at Wilbur.
"You said it was consensual, right? I believe you. You're one of my best mates and I trust that you've changed, but drinking won't solve the issue."
Wilbur looked back at him- that same look- like a kicked puppy.
"You need to get your shit together mate. Address the allegations and clear the air. Defiantly don't drink your problems away either." Tommy rested his hand on Wilbur's shoulder, his touch was gentle.
After a moment of silence and wholesome eye contact, Tommy grabbed Wilbur's wrist, and forced him to stand up.
"Now, lets get you sobered up and a new shirt-" Tommy took in the scent of alcohol, resisting the urge to gag again.
"Scratch that- lets get you in the shower- no offense king but you stink."
Wilbur smiled at him- ruffling Tommy's hair.
"I defiantly do not."
"Sure, whatever you say."
After Wilbur's shower Tommy made sure he drank some water and slept. He was disappointed and upset. It's not everyday that you can feel disaster about to strike. He just knew that eventually he would have to choose- Wilbur or his audience and other friends. After learning this information a lot of people will turn on Wilbur, it's only a matter of time.
For now- he'll appreciate the time he and Wilbur have left as friends and convince himself people will be on Will's side. Tommy wants to believe he won't have to choose but deep down he knows what will happen.
Guilt swallows him whole- he knows as soon as Wilbur admitted to it- he should have stepped out- said his goodbye forever. He shouldn't have kissed him back- let alone still continued on staying after it. He also shouldn't be still thinking of it.
What Wilbur did was terrible and Tommy is just at fault for staying but he couldn't stand to see Wilbur like that. He looked like he hadn't ate or slept in days. Not to mention how he scarfed down the croissant.
Tommy let out a heavy sigh as his shoulders finally slumped. He sat on the edge of Wilbur's bed. He casually moves the hair out of Wilbur's eyes.
Staying is a bad idea, Tommy knows that but he doesn't want to lose Wilbur.
It can't possibly get worse.