Chapter Text
“Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And once it does come, we no longer exist.”
Epicurus
It was inevitable that Kiku would end up alone. A part of him rejoiced, as though a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders.
The wind was biting. Once the sun completely dipped below he horizon, the three of them would begin to freeze. Kiku dreaded the eventual search for shelter, as they never truly found anything satisfactory or remotely warm.
His feet hurt, and his toes were beginning to numb from the cold. It was surprisingly a welcome change given he was dealing with the painful cold sting hours earlier. Kiku learned he preferred numbness to pain very quick.
”Just a little bit farther,” Captain Alfred Jones called over his shoulder between huffs. “I think I remember an abandoned cave somewhere around here.”
Kiku and Vash exchanged uncomfortable glances. “Abandoned” caves weren’t abandoned forever. Sooner or later another one of them would take it all for themself, swallowing up anyone or anything that dares to cross over.
“Knowing him, he’ll lead us on another wild goose chase,” Vash grumbled under his breath. Kiku suppressed a chuckle and looked down at his feet, not wanting to acknowledge the long stretch of land they’d have to trudge through.
He didn’t have to focus on his feet for long. Up ahead, he heard Jones take a sharp intake of breath and scurry forward.
”There! You see?” He waved an exaggerated motion towards what looked like a giant light brown rock in the distance. “I think that’s it!”
”Oh please,” Vash grumbled some more, then picked up the pace. Kiku hurried after the two, his rucksack rustling behind him. It was far, for sure, but based off the looks of it, it seemed warm and inviting. It was an especially inviting respite from the wind, which was drying Kiku’s face and hands to the point where he’d noticed the skin cracking. He could’ve done with a fire to sleep beside. That would’ve been nice.
The sky was a deep grey by the time they made it to the cave. Like Kiku anticipated, it had gotten much colder. Their breaths puffed in front of them as they panted from the exertion, and Kiku noticed Vash shivering slightly.
”Sir, are you sure it’s clear?” Vash asked wearily. His eyes scanned the entrance of the cave, and he gripped his rifle closer to his body, his finger itching towards the trigger.
”Oh yeah, sure! I’ve been to this one countless times. The wolves never found it, it seems. And it’s warm too! Come in, come in.”
Captain Jones crumpled up his map and shoved it into his side pocket on his trousers, then pulled up his headlamp and turned it on. The cave was immediately illuminated with a sickly white light, and the cobwebs in the shadowy corners became very much more visible. Kiku shuddered, but forced himself to step forward.
Jones seemed to notice Kiku’s apprehension, and gave an obnoxious cackle. “The cobwebs are old, jackass! They’ve been there since forever. Just trust me, dude.”
Vash began scattering spider repellent near the entrance. The fine powder smelled faintly of lemons and some sort of chemical powder that made Kiku want to cover his nose every time Vash pulled it out. He hurried deeper into the cave.
Kiku always felt severely unprotected compared to the other two. As a medic, he was only allowed a pistol attached to his hip, and he was required to carry the biggest motherfucking rucksack known to man. The damn thing was practically 75% his body weight. The amount of times he wanted to just shove the thing off his shoulders and leave it behind forever was far more than he could count. He knew, though, that leaving it behind would spell doom for the three of them, should any of them get bitten.
He did feel a certain jealousy towards Vash. Vash, short but strong, his aim impeccable. Kiku knew he’d be lousy with Vash’s rifle, but he envied him regardless. He never felt quite safe with just a pistol. He doubted he had many bullets to save his life if it came to it.
“Hey Doc?” Jones called out from deeper in the cave. His voice echoed loudly, causing Kiku to bristle and look over his shoulder. “You there?”
Kiku rushed deeper into the cave, towards the glowing light from Jones’s headlight. “Sir,” he huffed, as quiet as he could. If he could speak freely, he’d call Jones an idiot and ask him to quiet down, but he would never speak in such a way to a superior officer.
Though, Kiku knew, it really didn’t matter. Everyone was dead. Soon, there would be nobody else to punish him for anything.
He still held closely to his principles, though, and bit down his insults day by day.
”I think we should set up camp right here,” Jones said, dropping his gear on the ground. “It’s nice and dry. I can make a fire and one of us will take watch.”
Kiku nodded and looked further into the cave. The darkness looked heavy, somehow. Like he was looking directly into a black hole, waiting to be swallowed up and suffocated.
”Did you check the rest of the cave?” Kiku asked hesitantly, pointing towards the darkness.
Jones looked over his shoulder. “Erm. I mean…” There was a moment where it seemed as though he were fighting for something worthwhile to say, before he decided on: “If there was a spider, it would've woken up by now.”
”Was the cave always this…deep?” Kiku asked. He would prefer to sleep with a wall behind him, so at least he knew nothing would sneak up on him from behind.
”I think so.”
I think so. That was a dangerous thing to even think in times like this.
How could they even know for sure? Jones had a shit memory, to be sure, and both Kiku and Vash understood this. For all they knew, the cave could’ve grown twice its size in the span of a day or two.
Kiku sighed, quietly enough for Jones not to hear and misinterpret as attitude. “I’ll go check for any spiders, just in case,” he said, before adjusting his own headlamp onto his own head, turning it on, and stepping into the vast darkness of the ever continuing cave.
His footsteps were the only thing he could hear aside from the echoing sounds of water dripping in the perimeters of the cave. Kiku shivered and pulled his fleece coat tighter to his body, trudging on.
After what felt like ten to fifteen minutes, Kiku turned around to glance behind him, and was met with the sight of complete, absolute darkness. He couldn’t even hear the scraping coming from Jones’s pitiful attempts at creating a fire. Kiku didn’t want to turn around completely, for he feared that he would lose track of where forward was and where backward was, and what direction he was going in the first place. He turned his head back around and continued walking what he believed to be forward.
A loud tapping sound echoed throughout the cave in an instant, causing Kiku’s hand to fly to his pistol, his body stiffening in anticipation. The echoing of the tapping sounds were disorienting to hear, and for a moment Kiku was unsure which sound came from its original source and which was merely an echo.
Kiku didn’t turn around this time either, and so was met with a painful blow to his back by another body. He heard Vash swear as he hit the ground, and panicked at the potential reason why he was running in the first place.
”Are you being followed?” Kiku asked frantically, offering Vash a hand. Vash gratefully took it, and shook his head.
”You shouldn’t be out here alone, stupid,” grumbled Vash, as he wiped at his uniform. “I was right there. Why didn’t you tell me you were going?”
Kiku felt himself smile softly. Vash was the kind of person to berate you to your face as he lent you a helping hand. Not nice but rather…kind. It reminded Kiku of his stepbrother, though Yao tended to mercilessly tease Kiku through any of his inconveniences when he was a child.
Kiku frowned at the memory, then forced his thoughts away from his brother. Now wasn’t the time to be sentimental. He could focus on that when he knew he would be safe.
”I’ll watch from behind,” Vash said, then pointed his rifle towards the direction he came from.
It was comforting to have Vash there, guarding his blind spots as the two of them trudged onward. Eventually, Kiku noticed the glimmer of water along the cave’s walls, and realized they’d finally reached a dead end.
”We made it,” Kiku said, before slowing to a halt. He reached out and touched the wall of the dead end, the cold water biting at his bare hand. Vash continued to look out towards the opposite direction as he addressed Kiku.
”I was here about two months ago. It wasn’t this deep last time I ventured through,” Vash murmured. “I counted how long it took to get to the end.” He paused as he did the math in his head, before finally saying, “twenty nine minutes this time around. Two months ago it was about fourteen minutes.”
”We have a roommate,” Kiku concluded, his voice quiet yet cold. “We should warn Jones.”
They began walking back the same direction they came, with Kiku watching the tail and Vash watching the front. There was no telling whether or not another spider may claw itself through the walls of the cave and surprise them.
”He won’t do shit, by the way,” Vash said after a long pause.
”Pardon?” said Kiku, shifting his gaze away from the blind spot to glance at Vash. Vash’s face was cold, his eyebrows furrowed in thought.
”Jones. He’ll insist that we should just take watch and everything will be okay.”
Kiku nodded but didn’t say anything else for a few more minutes, before a deafening purr blasted through the entirety of the cave, the echoes following in equally deafening responses. The purr send a shock of vibrations jolting both Vash and Kiku backward in surprise, with Kiku catching Vash by the arm as the vibrations continued. He felt the vibrations all across his body, but most especially in his bones, his teeth. It felt as though his brain were rattling against the walls of his skull.
He knew exactly what the sound was coming from. It was a giant mutated wolf spider, more commonly referred to by survivors as “Kitty” due to its famous vibrating purrs used to attract mates.
”Cmon,” said Vash, and he rushed forward, almost leaving Kiku alone in the darkness. Kiku sprinted after him for what felt like minutes, his legs beginning to grow sore and his lungs beginning to sting before he halted his running and froze at the sight in front of him.
Vash was already there, his rifle aimed upward toward a gigantic wolf spider taking up the entirety of the entrance, blocking it off as a safe exit for the three men. Its purring stopped as its eyes twitched and landed on Jones, who was standing frozen in fear. Kiku immediately drew his pistol and pointed it at the spider’s eyes and waited for any movement or indication the spider would attack.
It was a male spider, evidently. The purring was its way of signaling to female spiders nearby. Though Kiku noticed it was quite early in the year for mating season, especially for wolf spiders, which usually mated in the spring. As giant spiders of all species evolved and mutated over time, they developed unique qualities and acclimated to newer temperatures and climates.
They grew accustomed to consuming human flesh as well.
Jones remained standing frozen, absolutely petrified and wide eyed. The three of them were well aware of just how intelligent these creatures were, especially this particular species of spider. They were quick and resilient, and they’ve even recognized the sound of gunshots to mean potential harm. One shot by either Kiku or Vash and it would immediately go into defense mode, attacking to save both itself and its home.
This time around, however, it seemed to be relatively peaceful. Kiku guessed that it was likely due to the fact that it had just come back from searching for a mate, so its intent may not be to eat at the moment.
But the purring had stopped. The spider was still, and so was everyone else in the cave. Kiku knew he hadn’t had many bullets left, and he knew it would take a damn many bullets to take out a wolf spider. Their best bet was to pray the spider wasn’t hungry, and sneak away under its nose.
A small whimper sounded in Jones’s direction, and the spider shifted in less than a second to completely face the young captain. Kiku and Vash stayed frozen, watching, their eyes wide and their expressions helpless as Jones turned his head slowly towards them. His face was streaked with tears, and his eyes were begging them for help.
”Doc…” Jones said, his voice wobbly and his eyes focused directly on Kiku’s. The spider shifted again, this time taking a few assertive steps towards Jones, its long legs shaking the cave, leaving horrid vibrations in the ground. Kiku heard Vash take a quick intake of breath before firing his rifle at the spider’s face, but the spider was far too fast for Vash’s imperfect human aim. By the time Vash pulled the trigger on his rifle, the spider already darted for Jones, the vibrations from its body weight causing Vash’s aim to grow sloppy. He missed completely as he fell backward, and Kiku blinked rapidly as he attempted to process the scene unfolding in front of him.
The spider was directly on top of Jones now, and in an instant the young captain’s voice pierced the air in a deafening scream as sounds of crunching and smells of blood permeated the cave. Kiku had to force himself to move, rushing towards Vash and hoisting him up.
When Vash finally stood up straight and aimed his rifle, Kiku followed suit, before the two of them froze in shock at the sight.
All that was left of Jones was the upper half of his body and a single leg hanging from the mouth of the spider as the monster chewed at it. Jones’s eyes were half lidded, and his entire rest of his body was unmoving, save for a slight twitch in his right hand.
”Is he…” Kiku whispered, unsure what to say. Is he alive? Dead?
”We need to get out of here,” said Vash, sprinting towards the mouth of the cave. “Now. While the damn thing is still eating him!”
Kiku turned to run, but stopped in his tracks when he made eye contact with Jones. Jones’s eyes were no longer half lidded, but wide eyed in terror, his mouth open in a silent scream.
A wave of horror for the young captain washed over Kiku just then, with the terrible realization that he may still be alive or at least somewhat conscious to experience being painfully eaten alive by the spider. It took great effort to raise his pistol to aim it at the man’s petrified face, but Kiku knew it had to be done. He couldn’t have lived with himself if he allowed Jones to suffer a terrifying, painful death such as this. He squeezed his eyes shut and pulled the trigger, and when he opened his eyes, he was relieved to see that his aim was exactly where he needed it to be.
”Kiku Honda!” Vash’s voice rang through the cave, the sound echoing. The spider seemed to flinch at the gunshot, and once the sound of Vash’s voice sounded through the cave, it reacted in full force by jumping on the rest of Jones’s body and hauling it away, deeper and deeper into the cave. Its legs nearly slammed into Kiku had he not been paying attention, and he sprinted as fast as he could towards the exit of the cave, not looking back.
Kiku realized now looking back that the spider repellent must have blown away in the frigid wind. He knew Vash was internally blaming himself, as the young man was quiet that night, a pensive but disturbed look on his face as the two of them huddled against one another and ate their dinner in silence. Occasionally, Vash’s eyes lingered on the box of spider repellant, and his eyebrows furrowed as his breathing quickened. Then, he would look away and blink a few times, before his breathing went back to normal.
”I killed him,” Kiku finally said, his voice barely above a whisper. He wanted so desperately to cry to Vash about how he could’ve done something, anything to prevent Jones’s death. But he knew Vash had similar thoughts regarding the repellant, and he didn’t want to ask for Vash to be his thoughtful therapist when he himself was hurting too. So he said nothing else and simply studied Vash’s face, which grew more and more grim by the minute.
They settled in an abandoned car about a mile away from the cave where Jones was killed. They sprinted away until they no longer had any energy to sprint, and then they slowed to a hasty jog, still afraid they were being followed. It was a miracle that they found the car, the beat up old thing, parked in the middle of what used to be a road. There was dirt and clay covering every inch of it, most of it frozen. The two of them had to dig at it a while before the car door finally cracked open, and they hurried inside. They had their headlamps on while they ate what little of the smoked rabbit they had left, and for a while, Kiku felt oddly comfortable. He was cold, but the warmth emanating from Vash kept him stable for the time being.
Vash finally spoke up after more minutes of pure silence. “We shouldn’t think about it anymore.” It almost sounded like he was saying it to himself. “It’s done. We can’t afford to—“
He stopped talking then, and fell silent once more. Kiku didn’t push for him to continue, and embraced the silence a few minutes more, before speaking up again.
”You need to find your sister.” It wasn’t a question. Kiku knew it was on Vash’s mind ever since the news broke that the Kitty Shelter where his sister was hiding was reportedly infiltrated by trapdoor spiders. According to the weekly safety radio broadcast, a few hundred survivors were transported to another Kitty Shelter in Southern France. Vash had been anxiously tuning in to the safety radio broadcast every single week for any potential information on who survived the infiltration, but to no avail. He’d been living in uncertainty ever since, and it has been a year and a half since the devastating event occurred.
Vash’s jaw tightened and he nodded, his eyes welling with tears.
”Well,” Kiku said, “We’ll find her. There’s only the two of us now.”
Vash nodded at that, then handed over an extra slice of uneaten smoked rabbit. Kiku stared at it for a moment, and he felt his stomach beg him to take it, but ultimately he shook his head. Neither of them could afford to indulge in any luxury, even if that luxury meant an extra bite of food.
Kiku watched as Vash tucked away what was left of the food as he brought his knees up to warm his legs. He closed his eyes and turned off his headlamp, preparing himself to sleep, before he heard Vash say quietly, “What about you?”
He opened his eyes. “What about me?” Kiku asked. Vash shrugged and gestured vaguely at him.
”Do you have anyone in your life you wish to see again?”
Kiku nearly choked at the question. It had been years since he’d last seen any of his blood relatives. They had all died when he was a child. The last living relative he had was his step-brother, who wasn’t even related to him by blood. He was a teenager when Yao died right in front of him. Yao had urged him to run, that he was going to take care of him, that he needed to do this. He told him to flee from his bedroom window and never come back. He’d locked him away in his bedroom with a broom jammed into the door, and Kiku was forced to sit and watch through the keyhole as his brother was—
“No. Nobody,” was all Kiku said. Vash noticed his sudden change in demeanor, and quieted himself for a final time that night. He reached up and turned his headlamp off as well, and the darkness allowed Kiku to finally get some well needed rest.