Chapter Text
What twinkles isn't always shiny, but there's always the desire to prick your finger with it. It leaves no doubt that it will hurt, but Jungkook will prick his finger anyway if he'll get to know how much pain he has to bear in his life.
If he knows how much, he can get used to it. Jungkook knows there's no running from it. The pain haunts him like a ghost lingering in the back. It rears its ugly head when he least wants it to.
“Jungkook?”
Maybe the twinkle was only trying to sparkle and lure him, and then it will suddenly engulf him and dragging his body back.
But isn't it strange, that despite being pierced most of his life, he is still terrified of being hurt. Jungkook is still scared of blood. Of loud noises. Of his father quietly entering their home. But as an Omega, pain is perpetual. It exists to shape an Omega into a deserving partner. It's supposed to guide them to serve their Alphas better.
Jungkook didn't ask to be born as an Omega. If his family ever heard this thought, they'd punish him severely.
"Jungkook ssi?"
The Omega snapped his head.
Jieun sighs during the session, perhaps the eighteenth time. Her pen taps her notebook like she's thinking what to say.
"Jungkook ssi, is everything alright?"
He gives a stiff nod. Jungkook sits straighter, hoping his attention can convince her of his seriousness. The starry painting behind her wants to be noticed like the stars he keeps dreaming about. Jungkook squirms, Jieun can see right through him.
"The painting was pretty."
His therapist doesn't believe him. Honestly, he doesn't either.
Hands shoved between his thighs, he's shivering despite the warm temperature surrounding her office. The place is cozy; with throw pillows on the couch and jars of plants hanging on the window. It's supposed to make him relax.
Jungkook deep breathes, and releases it unevenly.
Jieun is upset, and Jungkook can tell it's because of him. Jungkook hates when someone is upset at him. He fights against the instinct to shrivel and vanish. He squirms. The clock in her room has barely moved an inch.
They should have started a few minutes ago. Jieun ssi always insists on the first few minutes for them to get comfortable. Jungkook, unable to tell her how eager he is to bolt, stays quiet.
His therapist watches him with worry and Jungkook can't think of anything to assure her he's alright. It makes him want to wish he never stepped inside her office in the first place. Jungkook ducks his head, but secretly, he's hoping she will let it go.
Nothing of the sort happens. Jieun chuckles. "Calm down love. You've done nothing wrong." Laugh lines appear on her cheeks. Jungkook is inclined to nod back. It's strained.
But he accepts the kind gesture. Even if he's doubtful. They've already established in the past two months that there is something fundamentally wrong with Jungkook. Jieun ssi has been so nice in putting it delicately for him. She says she's trying to help him, guide him to express himself better.
While accepting this was easy, Jungkook is not blind how his traits trigger alarms in everyone around him. The heavy gazes, how quiet they become when he says something wrong, how often they glance at the younger to male sure he's with them.
Jungkook isn't even going to deny how broken he feels when he's left out.
"Can we begin?" He makes sure he's polite. A flush of red blooms on his cheeks that he pointedly ignores.
Jiuen says he needs to learn not to create meanings behind words that carry no such things. So when the stark surprise colours her face, he tells himself it's a coincidence and not a response to his curt question.
She slides her glasses up. "Yes. We'll be starting the same way as before. Are you alright with that?"
Despite it being the same question repeated again and again, he's always terrified to answer. The fear of speaking out of turn lingers, and most importantly, the fear of speaking wrong. Jungkook doesn't want to speak anything wrong. He's been training himself to say the right thing, despite how many times Jieun catches him in the act.
Jungkook forces his trembling to seize, all the while maintaining a sincere posture. "I'll begin now.." Jungkook pretends to think it through. He's not thinking anything. He's trying to get his brain to not scramble and ruin his chance.
A smile creases. "Good. I want you to go easy okay? No rush."
Jungkook tugs at his own sleeve. "I'm Jeon Jeongguk. I'm twenty one years old. I'm from Geopang pack territory, in Busan." He mentally rejoices. This is going well.
Jieun stares at him encouragingly. Her glasses slide to her nose, and it's silly on her. However, pointing it out might be rude. Jungkook holds onto his remaining strength and continues with a cracking heart.
"Three months ago," he mentally counts those again, to make sure he isn't lying, "I was mated to Alpha Kim Taehyung, and now I live in Seoul."
He did great. These are the only three lines he memorised and each time he sings it, Jieun's smile gradually expands. He's met with that same proud smile, and she returns to her notebook with a gentle look on her face.
"And how is Seoul treating you?"
Jungkook averts his gaze. "Good."
Jieun would assure him that he's safe here, that there's nothing wrong with talking to her. All their conversations will be kept secret but it isn't what's partially stopping him from opening his mouth.
Jieun stares at him, like she's assessing. Then slowly, she cracks. "When we met last time, you said you miss your mother."
The Omega ducks his head. Tugs the lips until it is a convincing act. Then he shakes his head.
Concern flashes on Jieun's face. She leans closer. "Are you sure?"
Jungkook nods. He doesn't miss her. His life in Seoul has been cemented, and to miss his family is a ridiculous thing for an Omega like him to do. A moment of weakness allowed him to admit a grave secret. That day, he had imagined a call from his mother, then dreamed of her combing his hair while Jungkook slept. And suddenly was hit that he'll never get to see her in the same way ever again.
It had him breaking during their session. Jieun was quick to pass the tissue. Jungkook had to give himself a quick pinch to gain his composure back.
But Jungkook is ready to make amends.
"I'm happy here," He smiles, for an extra effect, “I don't miss her at all. Sometimes. But not that much.”
Jieun doesn't seem to believe him. She writes down in her notebook anyway.
"But you've talked to her. On the cellphone.'
"Yes." Multiple times than he'd like to admit. When Taehyung is out, or he's sleeping or if he's just so confused as to where his life is heading, he'd call her. If only to hear her voice. His mother doesn't want to talk to him often either. Jungkook understands. He doesn't want his mom to be caught talking by his father. There will be consequences that he'd rather avoid for her sake.
Only under desperate circumstances, does he let himself crawl to his phone. Only then. And Jungkook is very strict about his usage. He never wants it any more than his mother did. Phones never made sense to him anyways.
Jieun gets the hint. She drops the question altogether after noticing the distress coming off of him.
"How is your life with Taehyung?"
"It's good." Jungkook flushes when her expression turns inquisitive.
"Be honest to me, Gguk. I'm here to help you. Dodging questions won't get you there."
"But it is."
"Jungkook."
"I'm fine. I'm doing fine. Alpha is good to me." His stilted words spill in a hurry, "He takes care of me. And he listens to me. I'm supposed to be home to make dinner cos he likes my food. I'm happy."
He's breathless. Jungkook manages to sneak at her reaction. He's anxious whether he will see worry etched on her face or full disappointment once again.
The Omega answered too long. He was rude too. Unprepared.
But all he receives is a shake of her head. "What about your other friends? SeokJin ssi? And Jimin ssi?"
Jungkook shrinks. He hasn't made many friends- Jieun knows. It's a sore topic for the younger that for some reason is frequently brought up.
"They're all Taehyung's friend and family so..." He lamely concludes.
It were Taehyung's friends that gradually adopted him in their circle. And he can't help but feel grateful for their consideration. God knows he wouldn't choose himself from a pit of bodies. Jungkook is not very desirable as a friend. While Taehyung's friends are all a big bunch of a pack, and they are too eager for Jungkook to open up. It can cause the Omega to be cornered by their enthusiasm. Those instances terrify him.
Jungkook swipes his lower lip. "They're good with me. I like spending time with them."
Juien nods again. Jungkook worries he's pushed her to the end of her patience, and while he can muster up an apology, would it really fix anything? Jungkook shifts in his seat, once more to imply his need to bolt.
So he pretends to be stupid, waiting for his therapist to conclude the day.
Jieun, however, takes her time to end their session. Their time has been up. Jungkook should stand up. But he cant, not until Jieun ssi says so. He has to be good. Good Omegas listen for instructions. Even though he wants to get up so badly.
She rests the pen down. Her hair unravel slightly from her bun. "How about next Friday? You and me. Once again."
Jungkook's entire face falls, but he pretends that he saw it coming all along. With an indifference he didn't have back then, he lifts a shoulder.
"Friday it is. I'll be waiting for you."
❤︎
Marriage; a matrimonial unity to bring together two wolves and tie them together, once was a beautiful fairytale to Jungkook, when his father wasn't an angry man and he could play alongside his brother and everything in his life did not revolve around his title. Jungkook was happy in believing in fairytales. They seemed to always tug a part of his creativity, to experience romance at its height of delusion.
Jungkook's life in Seoul is anything but a fairytale.
Standing in the waiting area, hands clammy and sticking to his skin isn't an ideal fairytale. Talking to a therapist who's teetering on losing faith in him isn't an ideal fairytale either. Jungkook searches for a familiar face in a sea of unfamiliar ones. He's alone and people are mean without trying, they shove and scoff at him discriminately. Which is fine. Jungkook has some issues he needs to deal with. It's fine.
What is not fine is that he can't pick Taehyung anywhere. Taehyung said if he's not there, Jimin or Yoongi will pick him up. Or Hoseok. He should look for his friends too.
Jungkook makes an effort to appear brave. He thinks he saw Jimin but his hair was black and Jimin's is not black. And nobody in the room is as tall as Taehyung, let alone Namjoon. So he scratches them out.
It's only been seconds. The omega huddles closer to the wall. He represses his panic. Taehyung tries not to be late in picking him up. Jungkook knows the traffic can be terrible. He's seen it. It could last hours sometimes.
Jungkook worriedly darts around. His frame shrinks into itself. There's no Taehyung in sight. Why can't he find his Alpha. Why can't he see him?
Jungkook takes a lungful of gasps. He's supporting himself with the wall. Tricking himself into an anxiety attack isn't an ideal fairytale either. His heartbeat spikes and he hates that. All Jungkook wants is to be good- he wants to be good so bad and yet it never sums up to anything.
As the room shifts and the people move along, he's the only one who feels planted at his spot. Jungkook gradually stumbles to sit down.
From coming from a conservative pack to being married into a city, surely gives one a whiplash. Jungkook doesn't know a lot about Seoul; from its streets to its customs. It's a stark contrast to what kind of place he was raised in. Apparently, Omegas like him are given a lot more freedom than he had been given.
It makes him feel as if he's far behind.
Jungkook shuffles on his seat. He counts to ten, then to twenty, until the method seems futile and he spirals further into his head.
There are times when the Omega doesn't know what he’s doing.
Jungkook didn't want to leave Busan. The Geopang pack was conventional, rigid and it forcibly implemented their culture into their pack, sure, but it was familiar to him.
Back there, the younger knew the rules to his heart. He knew what mating to an Alpha entailed. He knew what he's supposed to do to please the said Alpha. What his duties are, inside and outside their home. Jungkook was given a clear cut expectation to follow. As much as it was awful, it was simple.
And then that transpired, and the control spinned out of his grasp. Jungkook wasn't meant to stay in the packs any longer. They had to get rid of him, in any means necessary. So when a proposal arrived, Jungkook's father wasted no time in inviting them to the pack.
Jungkook buries his face into his hands. He's been trying to make this marriage work. He adhered to his mother's stern warning, her lessons on keeping the marriage tight, even if it hurts to hold onto the threads.
Jungkook shakingly takes a long breath.
He's alright. This union was for the best. There are things he likes about Seoul like the park around the building, and the variety of sweets at the corner shops. Jungkook can try to settle. He can try to accept this as his home.
After some excruciating minutes, when he lifts his head and he sees Taehyung, his heart doesn't ease up as it was supposed to. Instead, it jumps up and goes erratic, the closer the Alpha nears.
Jungkook rises to his feet in an instant. It's rude to not welcome his mate. Taehyung reaches him in a blink of an eye, stopping before him, panting.
Jungkook splits between asking him if he's okay, or completely ignoring the rapid rise of the Alpha's chest.
“I hope I'm not late,” Taehyung says through breaths, “They wouldn't let me use the elevator and then I got stuck in a crowd. I'm sorry.”
Jungkook manages to shake his head. Alphas shouldn't apologise. And it's not like he cried. It's fine.
The Omega's eyes stray towards the other's collarbones. Taehyung forgot to button correctly in a haze. His bones protrude the skin, highlighting the lack of a mating mark. It's indecent. Jungkook represses the urge to tug it forward lest someone sees it.
It's so painfully obvious. Jungkook and Taehyung are not a bonded couple. They could be. They should be. But they aren't.
Kim Taehyung is graceful. He's tall and so devilishly young, Jungkook can't help but secretly admire him all the time. In his own quiet discreet manner.
When the Alpha was introduced, Jungkook was under the impression he's here for another wolf. Jungkook remembers precisely how his mouth had fallen dry, but he still managed to stitch his words together and yet failed to meet his gaze.
It's a miracle Taehyung hasn't broken their arrangement ever since he found out how troubled Jungkook was. Everyday, the Omega quietens his complaints to be grateful for the little miracles. He's aware that his fate could have been much worse.
“Your buttons are all wrong.” His mouth blurts before he can think better of it. Jungkook internally slaps his forehead. Taehyung is stunned for a moment and slowly notices that indeed, he's got his buttons wrong.
Jungkook pales. He was about to stutter an apology and grovel when the Alpha breaks into a smile.
“I ran here to get you.” Taehyung easily reminds him while correcting his buttons, “Had to be really fast.”
Sometimes, when the Alpha laughs at Jungkook, it's less because of how unreal the Omega is acting and more because the Alpha finds him endearing.
Jungkook doubts his bursts are endearing, they are hard to tolerate on a good day.
Taehyung's features soften, “But you had to wait anyway.”
He swallows dryly. Tentatively, Jungkook nods.
Taehyung looks like he wants to apologise again. There's a crease in his forehead that doesn't fade away at his reassurance. Jungkook wishes the stakes weren't so high, his needs weren't so demanding.
“I'll come quicker. Promise.”
He's just one inconvenience away from being discarded.
You don't have to. It's not necessary. I'll be fine, dies in his throat. He'd very much like to be picked up earlier.
Being married to Kim Taehyung comes with all sorts of questions and impossible answers. Like how on earth was he able to score a dreamlike Alpha for himself. How is it not unfair that Taehyung is sweet, respectful, educated and desirable while his instincts are closer to a cornered rabbit than a wolf.
Taehyung ushers him to the exit. On the way, he rests his hand over his waist. It's gentle. Not at all commanding like other Alpha's do. Jungkook grins when the hand comes to tickle him. Besides, Taehyung hides a smile on his face.
He feels a little less lonely than before.
❤︎
They won't let him go until the paperwork is done. Just a sign from his Alpha that Jieun's fees will be paid and they can go then.
The scents of the room concoct into a disagreeable tinge of sourness, and he hates it. He's sure Taehyung knows about his hatred of scents, why wouldn't he? So perceptive to his needs, Taehyung takes off his scarf and begins wrapping it around Jungkook.
He's not going to reject a gift. Taehyung puts a lot of effort into tying his scarf, and it smells distinctly of cinnamon. When Jungkook raises his head, something akin to pride swells in the Alpha.
Taehyung's brows flash up, "Better now?" A lot. Much better.
Jungkook curls inwardly, when their hands brush. He shouldn't be this scared of holding hands when Taehyung had been nothing but nice.
Taehyung's frame stands infront of him, tall and unrelenting, and its Jungkook who's out of breath rather than the Alpha. The Omega meets his gaze, and instantly heats up.
Kim Taehyung. Brilliant. Intelligent. Second son of Kim Security Broker House, and so charming, people have witnessed Omegas falling from just a glimpse.
Jungkook understands the feeling. He would also faint at the winning smile if it was directed at him, when Taehyung's warm eyes turn crescent whenever they look at him, like he's precious. Adored. Safe.
Kim Taehyung is everything an Omega desires and Jungkook never knows what to do with himself and this marriage. He was arranged to be gotten rid of. How is he supposed to make peace with it when he's all… stiff.
"How was it?" He asks gently. Jungkook may not he able to read his face, but he's good at reading his voice. The Alpha is just worried, and he took a bit of time coming down. Jungkook nods, like always.
"It was nice." Jungkook nuzzles into the scarf and melts. His Alpha smells so nice. Sweet and cozy. It's wonderful.
Taehyung watches him a little longer. Jungkook is fixated on Alpha's bottom shirt, how the first two ones aren't exactly the same shade, but look identical enough to pass off like they are.
Taehyung stalls, waits for something, anything. Jungkook cluelessly waits for Taehyung to take him home.
After a while, the Alpha relents. "Let's just go home."
It appears, that maybe Jungkook isn't as easy to read either, and both of their attempts to decipher one another don't lead anywhere.
Jungkook jumps to match his steps. "Kay."
And there's their conversation.
❤︎
Marriages are hardly ever easy. Even Namjoon sometimes suffers when his mate chooses to be difficult. Taehyung has seen his parents fight numerous times. Everyone suffers in their mating. It's the truth.
But his relationship with Jungkook is like no other.
When they enter their home, Jungkook immediately beelines for the kitchen. Taehyung doesn't stop him. He's starting to view him from the perspective of a victim of familial abuse.
There are too many things wrong with Jungkook to even begin with.
Taehyung has never met an Omega so docile and prepared to be moulded into the perfect instrument for an Alpha. It is astonishing and disturbing at the same time.
Taehyung dreamt of marrying an Omega for as long as he remembers. Jeon Jungkook fitted his preference too perfectly. The Omega was adorable. His wide eyes sparkled when they looked up to him. His hand trembled when their skin touched. His lips stretched into a pretty smile showcasing his bunny teeth, and Taehyung had fallen face first into the jaws. Happily.
Taehyung realised a little too late that the Omega he's married to is carrying silent wounds from his past pack. There were signs that were mistaken for anxiousness and the marriage was stamped before he came to know how deeply traumatised Jungkook is, to not have a lick of trust in what a marriage entails.
Taehyung suddenly becomes aware of the depth of the decision. And they've all decided, Yoongi, Jin, Jimin and Namjoon, that they will be very careful in handling Jungkook's needs. They will bring him out of his shell, offer him their help and show him that life is more than just being a subservient Omega.
But what the others fail to realise is Taehyung is also navigating an unknown forest with no instructions. There's no map. Just knowing that whatever he does, could potentially harm Jungkook.
Taehyung didn't ask for an Omega who can't stand on his feet. He can't tell his friends how awful it is to be married and not be married at the same time. How suffocating it can be to overlook his own needs to meet Jungkook's.
He just wanted to have a mate. Why is he being punished for his one innocent wish?
❤︎
Jungkook is sleeping.
He doesn't know if he should be grateful or just miserable all over again. Taehyung throws his bag somewhere. Pulls his tie and hangs it haphazardly in the closet. It makes incessant sounds when it swings but the elder can't give a care if it troubles anyone tonight. He's exhausted.
Namjoon thrives on being a pain in the ass. An utter fool interfering in places he ought not to poke his nose into. He cares. Taehyung knows that. He wonders why he ever ignored his concerns around the marriage itself.
Mabe Jungkook and him wouldn't be here. Maybe they'd be happier in their lives if they had a more suited partner.
They wouldn't be going to sleep like this.
Taehyung has figured out one thing about his mate. Jungkook needs help. Even when he's sleeping fitfully, his fists clench into tiny balls, flinching even in slumber like he could be attacked any moment.
Always a fitful night. Taehyung has relented to have his room separated. It's not even out of resentment. The Alpha watches him puff small breaths out, finally finding the peace in his even breaths. A frown marrs his features.
When Namjoon said he wanted him to be prepared for anything, he had lightly taken heed. The Gangdong territory was quite orthodox, and it was plausible the tradition could have shocked. They livein simple buildings, houses assigned to each family, and a leader whose final verdict was law.
Nothing could have prepared him for Jungkook though.
Taehyung cleans himself, despite how tiredness drags him down. He brushes his teeth and takes a bath and drinks ample of water to finally lay in the other room next to his husband's, only to stare at the ceiling and wonder why his life took such a rocky turn.
Taehyung can break anyone out of their shy shell. It's why his father entrusted him with his business. To crack people, and learn about them.
Taehyung turns his head to the side. Jungkook used to sleep here. He would have considered him beautiful if he didn't come along with so many complications.
Taehyung stares up, and wills himself to settle for what he has. A pretty, soft and gentle mate. Kind. Understanding, maybe a little too much. So demure and timid that sometimes it feels like he's talking to himself. So selfless that it doesn't feel like a relationship sometimes. Jungkook expects something wholly different from Taehyung. And he keeps expecting it.
Taehyung doesn't know what he has to give to make Jungkook trust him. And it's worse that he's starting to see signs that nothing is ever going to make Jungkook trust him. Because Jungkook didn't wed him with the idea to be a partner. He's following his traditions.
Those traditions will lead the Omega down a dark path, and Taehyung simply refuses to watch it happen.
It silently dawns on him, Taehgung can't be what Jungkook wants him to be.
The delusion of marriage shattered the first night of their wedding. Now what's left of them, is to only be there for one another.
❤︎
"Jungkook?"
"Hmm?"
Taehyung shatters at the eager
Jungkook never says no to him. He never talks back. For some Alpha's that is heaven. For him, it's depressing.
"Do you want a new bed?" He gauges the anxious stance.
"I've noticed you sleep fitfully throughout the night. This could affect your health Jungkook. Sleep is the most important thing after all…”
Jungkook loses his colour. What was supposed to be a general question, Jungkook sees it as an interrogation. "I wont- won't next time."
"Not your fault." Taehyung ruffles his hair, to show he's not mad. Jungkook's eyes flutter shut, and it aches that he can't go further. He's learnt that the younger has a bad relationship with touch.
So he ignores all of it. "Do you want a new bed?”