Chapter Text
Shen Hao Ming never really understood the phrase, "You never realise the value of something until it's gone." He had everything in life and there was no way he was losing any of it. And if he ever came close to losing something important, Shen Hao Ming knew how to have things work his way.
His attitude remained same even when he lost his first love to an accident. But the day he stopped seeing that spark in his wife ex-wife's eyes that she always had whenever she saw him, that Hao Ming was hit by the feeling that he had lost something. It remained a dull ache for so long all because Hao Ming refused to believe that he would ever have feelings for a fraud and materialistic woman like Xu Yan.
Gulping another swig of whisky, he let the familiar burn trail down his throat, numbing the ache in his chest. He cursed that day, cursed himself for the cold words that he had sent her away, for the moment he denied the love he should have admitted. He had been certain, overconfident, that he would never fall for a woman who lied so easily. It was because of his overconfidence and ego that he failed to notice that Xu Yan had quietly carved a place not just in his home, not just in his family, but in his heart and his life as well.
Oh, how he wished he could turn back time and go back to the exact moment when he ruined everything.
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One month ago
The silence between them was unbearable. Xu Yan stood rigidly in their living room, her hands trembling at her sides, her eyes shimmering with tears she refused to let fall.
“Hao Ming,” she whispered, her voice fragile but determined, “Did you... did you never love me? Not even once?”
Shen Hao Ming glared at her feeling uneasy at how well this woman could act. If he hadn't known about her lies, he might have believed her. His jaw tightened at the thought and eyes turned cold as steel as he looked at her, as if she was worthless. When he finally spoke, his words sliced through her like a blade, “I would never love a fraud like you.”
Her lips parted, and for a moment, the air was knocked out of her lungs. Xu Yan trembled visibly but still, she tried to hold on and explain, to make him see, "I know, I lied. I shouldn't have, but you don’t know why I-”
“I know everything about you so save your lies for someone who doesn't know who you truly are.” His tone was clipped, final, “You don’t need to tell me your excuses. All you need to do is be the perfect wife, Xu Yan. The perfect woman to stand by my side at dinners and parties. You’ll get what you want, I will give you whatever you need to fulfil your ambitions, be it money, connections, comfort. In return you just have to help me with mine. But love?”, the unfamiliar gaze and the chill in his eyes made her heart clench, “Don’t expect that from me.”
With that, he walked away, leaving her trembling in the echo of his words. He walked away, without looking back, unaware of how much he would regret this later.
Xu Yan continued to stare at the retreating figure of her husband, the man she dared to fall for, the man whom she believed loved her back. The moment he was no longer visible, the tears she had been holding back finally fell, hot and unrelenting. Xu Yan crumpled onto the sofa, clutching her chest as if to hold her broken heart together. She had loved him, truly, deeply. But he would never believe it. Not when he had already judged her as nothing more than a liar chasing his wealth.
Still, she resolved through her sobs; she would try, just once. She would give this marriage one final chance. If he still rejected her heart after her confession, then she would not chain herself to someone who despised her. She would set him and herself free of this transactional relationship.
Wiping away her tears, Xu Yan stood up and began planning a dinner date for the next evening. She planned onto telling Hao Ming about her true self, about all the lies she had spoken and why. She sincerely hoped that he would find it in himself to forgive her and give their marriage a second chance.
The next evening, she cooked his favorite dishes with trembling hands, arranged candles on the table, and waited with her heart pounding as she mentally rehearsed over and over again of how she was going to approach this. When Shen Hao Ming arrived, she stood before him and confessed her feelings for him.
“I love you, Hao Ming,” she confessed softly, her eyes wet but steadfast, “No matter what you think of me, my feelings for you are real. I wanted to tell you this because I don’t want to live in lies anymore.”
But his expression never softened. Instead, he gave a low, humorless laugh.
Undeterred, she continued, "I know it must be difficult for you to trust me but please, please try and believe me when I say that everything else could be a lie but my feelings for you have always been genuine. Can we give this relationship, give us another chance? Please." standing on the tips of her toes, Xu Yan leaned closer to kiss him but was gently pushed away.
Creating some distance between them, Hao Ming turned away and said, “Instead of wasting your time on this nonsense, Xu Yan, why don’t you focus on being the wife I need? Tomorrow night, we’re meeting potential investors. I need you to smile, to play your part. That’s what matters and not these empty words.”
And with that, he left her again.
Xu Yan’s tears fell silently as she cleared away the uneaten dishes. She cried her heart out but after a while, she stopped as if someone had pressed a "switch off" button for her emotions. That night, her decision was made. She would not remain shackled to a marriage built on lies and contempt. She called her lawyer and whispered the words that sealed their fate, “Prepare the divorce papers.”
The very next day, Shen Hao Ming received the documents. He had been confident, smug even when his assistant told him that Xu Yan had met the divorce lawyer. He was absolutely sure that she would never leave him. But here they were, the divorce papers, served and signed.
He almost laughed at first, believing that she was simply bluffing, so he tried to paint her the picture of what her life would be after the divorce but she seemed unfazed. He tried to threaten her but she responded with a counter threat. "Do you want to separate peacefully or go down fighting?" she asked in a steady voice. There was something so off about her demeanour, her eyes especially. They looked blank as she continued, “I want nothing from you. No compensation, no alimony, no favors. I just want my freedom.”
Even when he threatened her career, she did not waver. She walked away with nothing, no money, no safety net, nothing but her dignity. And for the first time, Hao Ming hesitated. Had he miscalculated? Was there something he hadn’t seen?
Xu Yan wasted no time. She found the first job she could. A modest sales position as a livestream presenter, selling cooking utensils and household goods to strangers online. It wasn’t glamorous, it barely paid enough, but it was hers. It was a start.
The court assigned them a one-month grace period, a mandatory time to reconsider. Hao Ming used it to try and bend her. He sent her money, urged her to move into a better apartment, told her she didn’t need to live like this.
But Xu Yan only shook her head. The soft smile and the tone as she spoke didn't feel right, “I don’t want your money, Mr. Shen. Yes, I lied. I won’t defend that. I have learnt from my mistakes and I wouldn't make them again. I just want a fresh start without your help. Also, since we are getting divorce so let's no interfere in each others matters again.”
Her quiet defiance gnawed at him, made him want to lash out. She was nothing like the gold-digger he had imagined and expected. She was a mystery, an anomaly in his perfectly calculated world that he could not make any sense of.
The month passed swiftly, and Xu Yan built her fragile independence brick by brick. She scraped by, but she endured. And then the day came; the day that he lost his heart, his life to his own stupidity.
At the courthouse, the judge signed the decree. Their marriage certificate was stamped, altered forever, transformed into a divorce certificate.
Xu Yan turned, her figure graceful and resolute as she walked away. It was then that the ache hit him; a sharp, tearing pain in his chest, so raw it nearly brought him to his knees. He watched her retreating back and realised, with devastating clarity, that his heartbeat, his very soul, was leaving with her.
And he had no idea how to bring her back.
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It was only after their divorce was finalised that he came to know the whole truth. The truth about the neglectful and abusive childhood that Qiao Yan had lived. The reason why she became Xu Yan, the reasons why she lied, and it all brought the realisation that he had been avoiding all along.
He had fallen.
He was deeply and irrevocably in love with Xu Yan.
And he destroyed it all.