Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Aaron

Aaron has never cared much for Exy. He liked it well enough, when it meant an escape from his abusive mother or a full scholarship to college, but after all, it has always been simply a means to an end for him, nothing more. And then, of course, there was the fact, the ugly and horrible, that he had once killed a person with an Exy racket. Not that Drake should be considered a person, or a human being, in his opinion. But regardless, Aaron had taken a life with an Exy racket, and that means every time he has held one since, he has been haunted by that same nauseating, inexplicable horror, and bone-chilling panic for his brother, for his future, for himself. So really, it isn’t that he doesn’t like Exy, or hates it, as he is often accused, he just simply cannot bear to think about it for too long before starting to feel like a caged animal with nowhere to run and no oxygen to breathe. 

But because that is just his luck, of course Exy refuses to leave him in peace, unbothered and blissfully ignorant. His brother has gone pro, and so has Kevin, of course, and Allison and Matt. All of them people he was once close to; despite this however, Aaron has never attended any of their matches. Andrew knows why; Aaron has blurted it out during one of their counseling sessions with Betsy. He doesn’t think the others are aware. He doesn’t know if it bothers them, either. Them, meaning the rest of the Foxes from his time, often make appearances at each other’s matches, sometimes popping up unannounced, other times pre-planned in their old group chat that Aaron has muted years ago. The only reason he is even aware of this, is because his social media likes cruelly notifying him of such occasions, his Instagram feed full of sweaty, after-match selfies and photos of the party that always seems to follow afterwards. Sometimes, they tag him in their posts, as if he had also attended. He never knows what to make of that. 

It has come to a point where it has been almost two and a half years since he has set foot in an Exy stadium. It is a rather spectacular feat, in his opinion, considering he has more pro players in his life than he thinks anyone ever should. Or, it could be a great show of not only denial and avoidance, but also being a “stubborn bitch”, as Josten likes to say. But well, what does that asshole know? Either way, Aaron isn’t quite sure how he ends up watching the Olympic Exy finals from the VIP stands, but somehow he does, and just like that, his streak of match no-shows is over. 

He’s greeted by his former teammates telling him they had two separate bets riding on him; one, whether he would bother to show up at all and two, whether he would burst into flames once/if he manages to walk through the doors of the stadium. He tells them to fuck off and slouches down between Allison and Abby. He doesn’t burst into flames, he doesn’t panic, and he would even go as far as enjoying the whole thing, if not for the motherly pestering from Abby and the looks from every idiot who mistakes him Andrew at first sight and has to do a double take to make sure that they are in fact sitting around the more boring brother and not the one quite literally competing in the game they are watching. 

Aaron scowls at all of them; he and Andrew don’t even look that similar anymore. He has lost most of the muscle he built up during his years as a backliner, and Andrew has only bulked more, looking wider and more like a threatening menace than ever. Aaron is also missing the black armbands, murderous glare and numerous facial piercings his twin is sporting at all times. Plus, his hair is longer, and he started wearing his glasses more. Not that it matters. Nobody is actually looking. He doesn’t want anybody looking, anyway.

The match is good. Next to him, Abby spends the entire ninety minutes holding Wymack’s hand, who is squeezing back in what looks like a death grip. On his other side, Allison complains loudly about the other team, Spain’s players, their every maneuver, every switch, every shot at the goal, even their uniform at one point. Renee is scolding her gently at the worst insults, but keeps her eyes on the court at all times, vigilant as ever. Dan and Matt scream every time Kevin or Andrew so much as touches the ball. Neil is bouncing at the edge of his seat, looking like he’s ready to jump up and run down to join the US team any second. Aaron has no doubts that the fact that he can’t be down there, playing with Kevin and Andrew, is killing him right about now. Too bad he wasn’t born a year earlier, or whatever.

Kevin is captaining the US team and Andrew is in goal for most of the game. Jean and Jeremy are also there, but Aaron doesn’t care enough about them to take his eyes off Kevin. Or his brother – definitely not adding that as an afterthought. For a second, he regrets not having watched all their matches in the past years, because really, they are a sight no one should miss, out on the court. The whole team is good, obviously, because they’re playing in the Olympics, but Aaron spares them about five glances altogether during the whole match; he can’t tear his eyes away from Kevin or his brother much longer. While seeing his brother play in the Olympics, and fucking locking down the goal, makes him proud beyond telling, the sight of Kevin awakes some entirely different emotions deep down within him.

Aaron has always recognized the beauty in Kevin’s game; it would be hard not to - if not for the sheer dedication, then for the elegance, the ease behind his every well-practiced move, as if playing comes as naturally to him as breathing. He zooms around the court, making impossible maneuvers left and right, stealing the ball an embarrassing number of times from the opposing team’s players and shooting at the goal more times than Aaron has ever seen anyone do. He lands goals that shouldn’t be possible to pull off and points and gestures to his teammates from the sidelines when he, on the rare occasion and much to everyone’s dismay, asks to be swapped. 

Aaron can’t look away from him, and he thinks he wouldn’t want to, even if he could manage. Kevin Day is glorious, and beautiful and unreal as ever, and suddenly, Aaron is back in college, staring at him from afar, his thoughts racing and his heart beating so hard he’s afraid it might just break through his ribcage and burst out of his chest. And then, Kevin scores again, and the buzzer sounds, and the Spanish goalie throws his racket on the ground, and for a second, Aaron thinks he’s going to punch Kevin, but they shake hands instead, and Aaron realizes the match is over. Which means he just spent ninety minutes doing nothing but staring at Kevin Day. Well, fuck him. The stands erupt in cheers and someone, Nicky, is hugging him, and he blinks, dazed. 

The next time he opens his eyes, he finds Neil fucking Josten tearing down the stands and across the court, jumping first into Andrew’s, then Kevin’s open arms. How he manages to get through security, Aaron has no idea, but honestly, it doesn’t even surprise him. Kevin pulls off his helmet and shakes his sweat-drenched hair before spinning Neil in the air and Aaron barely catches himself in time to stop himself from actually feeling jealous of the redhead. He refuses to think about it. And the bitter taste that is left in his mouth when he swallows. No, it is not there. It does not exist.

It takes a nudge from Abby to make him realize that he could, in fact, be down there too. Right. To hug Andrew, not to be spun around by Kevin Day, of course. Because he’s family. His brother lets him wrap his arms around him for almost an entire minute, even going as far as hugging him back and letting Aaron melt into the embrace, as if it was him who just fought like hell instead of sitting comfortably on a cushioned chair. 

“Love you.” Aaron grins when they let go. He may or may not get overly emotional when Andrew mumbles it back, even though he must know they are surrounded by cameras and their image is currently up on one of the huge screens for everyone to see. 

Aaron thinks he should perhaps say something to Kevin too, because, well, he just captained his team into winning the Olympics, and he’s Aaron’s friend, and he’s right there, so close, all Aaron would have to do is reach out and offer a hand. “You were incredible.” he would say. Or maybe, “Glorious.” “Spectacular.” Except, he doesn’t think he has the right to say that, not now, not to Kevin, who was the only one of his former teammates who kept inviting Aaron to his games and whom he refused every single time until now. So, he just smiles his way and mouths something that even he isn’t sure he knows what is. Kevin is not looking at him though. His gaze scans the crowd, and he beams, all teeth and genuine delight, when he spots Wymack waiting for him behind a group of photographers. 

Aaron can’t decide if he’s glad their eyes never met. He leaves the stadium before the reporters swarm Kevin or his brother. 

Kevin

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m here with none other than the legendary Kevin Day, the Queen of Exy and newest Olympic Champion!” The reporter’s voice booms from every speaker in the stadium, the live footage of her next to Kevin up on every screen. “Hello Kevin! First of all, congratulations, what a wonderful job you did out there, truly amazing. How are you feeling?”

Kevin smiles, for once offering a genuine grin to the cameras. “Hi! Wow, I don’t even know what to say. I’m gonna be honest, mostly I’m just feeling exhausted, but of course I’m super proud of my team and I couldn’t be happier that we have made it all the way here.”

“Ah yes, your team. Tell me about that, your own Perfect Court, am I right?” She chuckles, like she said something funny. Kevin has to fight against his every facial muscle not to scowl at her words. 

He takes a deep breath, hoping it comes across as nothing but a symptom of his exhaustion. “This is not my Perfect Court, such things don’t, and shouldn’t exist. These people behind me are the nation’s best players, simple as that. They were picked by several coaches and former champions, not me. Though I agree there is no one else that could deserve to be here more than any of them.”

“Noone? Not even-“ Oh, her first strike. Kevin knows what she's going to say before she opens her mouth. Not even Riko Moriyama? Bile rises in his throat at the thought, and while he swallows it back, he lets her get in a few words before interrupting, just to seem a little less rude. 

He smirks, all teeth, perhaps a tad bit too wild for the camera, but he reasons he just won the Olympics, he can go a bit overboard. “Neil will be here with us next time in four years.” 

“Yeah, oh, right.” She looks taken aback, smiling awkwardly. “Neil Josten, of course.”

“But really, I just want to thank my current team, for putting up with me as their captain and getting us here. We couldn’t have done this without any of them, the guys were amazing.”

“That is for sure!” She beams, shrugging. “And I gather you plan on returning here in four years?”

“Of course I do. So long as I am able to play, I will be on the Court.”

“Well then, I can’t wait to see what you do next. Speaking of, tell me, Kevin, what can we expect from you in the future? Other than winning the Olympics, of course.” She jokes. “Can we expect to see you in Tigers colors again next year? I know your contract is coming to an end soon.”

“You know I can’t give away anything yet. But I am happy with where I’ve been these past years. Getting to play with Jeremy, with Jean again, it’s been amazing.” 

She continues on. “What about some closer plans? How are you going to celebrate winning the Olympics?” 

“My good friend, Allison, booked us a weeklong trip to the Swiss mountains. We’re leaving next Monday. I’m finally going skiing, huh?”

The reporter’s face visibly pales when he mentions skiing, just as it always happens. Really, Kevin thinks the press would send a more seasoned interviewer to the literal Olympics. He smirks - Neil will applaud him for it later, he knows. Maybe all those around them are right, the guy is a bad influence. The reporter simply pretends not to have heard the remark. “Do you mean Allison Reynolds?” She asks instead carefully. “Your old teammate from the Palmetto State Foxes, current dealer for the Boston Barracudas?”

“The one and only.” He nods.

“Oh, do the two of you still keep in touch?”

“Of course. We might be opponents on the court, but she’s one of my closest friends anywhere else. In fact, she’s sitting right here in the VIP tent with some-”

“Just friends?” She interrupts, eyes gleaming, hungry for gossip. “Are you sure? You two have known each other for a long time, and it sounds like the two of you must have a special relationship, if you’re vacationing together.” Mentally, he facepalms. Two strikes.

“I’m sorry. I meant Alli booked us, as in, the entirety of our old team, a trip. We’re all going together, our Foxes, a few other friends and partners.”

“So, there’s nothing you should be telling us?” Three fucking strikes. She’s out. “It’s been a long time since we’ve seen a pretty woman on Kevin Day’s arms. Perhaps now that the Olympics are over, in the off season there is a chance you might-”

He thinks back to countless hours of media training in the Master’s office. He thinks back of so many lies, of forced smiles, of canes hitting his back every time he so much as took too long, coming up with an answer to a practice question. He thinks back before he thinks, fuck it.

“Excuse me, let me stop you right here. Should? Is there something I should be telling you? Absolutely not. But here is something I will tell you. First of all, I’m going to ignore the incredibly weird wording of your question and simply say that no, you will not be seeing any women on my arm, not in the off season and not next year. I am not dating Allison nor am I dating any of the other women reporters like you write gossip about every time we’re spotted together. Allison has been in a publicly confirmed, committed relationship for years, and it is honestly insulting to her and me both that you are still speculating about the two of us every time we mention each other. I am asking you to let us keep our private lives private, but let me settle this for once and for all: Allison is gay and so am I. Not that it is any of your business, especially not when you should be interviewing me about the literal Olympics that I just lead my team to win. Make no mistake, I don’t want to tell you how to do your job, even though someone clearly should, but I think that is what you should be asking the winning athletes, the winning team’s captain about. Now if you’ll excuse me, I don’t think there is anything I can add to this interview.”

Kevin doesn’t think he’s ever been more aware of the several cameras all focused on nothing but him. His face, his interview is probably still projected live onto the big screens all over the stadium, all eyes on him. Everyone in the stadium heard him say all that. He just came out on national television. 

He isn’t sure how to feel. The crowds in the stands are going wild, screaming and shouting; his teammates ail jump at him, leaving their own interviews mid-sentence when he walks by. Jean offers him a careful hug, gripping him tight, whispering French in his ear. Jeremy whoops, practically jumping at him, shrieking, more than speaking. 

Andrew claps a hand on his shoulder. “Neil’s back in the stands, but I’m sure he’s elated you told that reporter off.” He says, and that makes Kevin smile. He shouldn’t have worried; perhaps the Exy world will be divided about his attitude, about his coming out, but he’s got a family, a team, friends who support him. 

He waves to the cameras one last time, offering a polite smile to maintain whatever is left of his public image. He is the first of his team to make his way to the changing rooms, stripping his champagne-soaked clothes off and locking himself in a stall. Despite this fact, he stays long after his teammates disappear. He sits on the bench between the showers and closes his eyes. He wants to remember this; he wants to feel all of it, of being here, of winning. Of doing it without Riko, of doing it with Jean and Jeremy and Andrew instead. Maybe doing it again in four years, with Neil – a different brother than he had planned it all those years ago, when he was only daydreaming about it. A different brother, but a better, a truer one, definitely. 

Speaking of Neil, Kevin’s phone seems to explode with how many messages he’s receiving once finally turned on after days.

Neil

MAKE THE SPANISH YOUR BITCHES
fucking hell rogers is too damn slow, get him the fuck off the court
seriously who let this guy on the team, I cant believe that asshole can be there, barely scoring and I have to sit here
YO, THAT WAS AMAZING
YOU DID IT
god andrew was so good too, jesus christ
(deleted message)
sorry, that was meant for drew, def not you

PSU Foxes

Dan: @kevinday @andrewminyard congrats guys!!!

Matt: that was so cool

Matt: i cant believe im friends with olympic champions

Renee: so proud of you both <3

Allison: Yes bitches LETS GOOO

Nicky: my baby cousin is an olympic champion waaaaaahsbsjwnshw

Nicky: also kevin wow (ur still on my list btw if u wanna celebrate;))

Allison: nicky ur husbands sitting right next to u

Nicky: eric says congrats too yeah lmao

Allison

wtf is that uniform for the spanish jfc

like minions 

smh

u look much hotter

lmao ur dad just saw me type that

speaking of dadmack i think he might have an aneurism if this isnt over soon

omg get that ref needs glasses

(voice message)

(voice message)

Neil

GOD, THAT REPORTER IS A BITCH
YES TELL HER OFF

the others are saying this is my influence

idk about that but im definitely taking credit for this

OMG KEVIN GOOO!!!

Renee

wow kevin that reporter was really something

are u okay? We love you of course

Dan

uve been spending too much time with neil 

but that was really brave, were all proud of u

Matt

dude 

that was so badass

im gonna hug u for this yk that right??

Nicky

kevin day the man that you are

also i fucking KNEW u were fruity

Abby

your dad and i are so proud of you, that was a really brave thing to say

Allison

omfg this reporters such a bitch

dw well get her fired

jesus lmao well never shake the dating rumors are we

oh shit i guess u just did

yes go offff

you made matt and nicky cry btw

(photo attachment)

proud of u<3

His inbox is overflowing with messages and his heart calms its wild hammering a little, reading them. He responds to every text with a smile on his face, occasionally chuckling to himself, but he can’t shake the feeling that something is missing. 

It only occurs to him what, when he’s leaving the stadium, catching up with his teammates, hugging Wymack goodbye, heading off to celebrate: Aaron never said anything.

Chapter Text

Kevin 

“Did you know I’ve never been skiing? I’d like to try it one day though.” He had said it during one of his interviews in Neil’s freshman year, during the whole Riko drama. It was originally meant as a jab, a calling out to his once “brother”. He didn’t actually mean anything by it, by saying he’d like to try, even though everyone around him seemed keen on making it happen. The interview went public, and immediately, there were plans made, resorts picked out, dates considered. It didn’t take long for him to give in; he had always been weak after all. 

Except then, just when he finally agreed, Riko died, and to everyone’s shock, Kevin grieved, for what might have been too long and too honest. But of course he did, he has spent more years of his life by Riko Moriyama’s side than anywhere else combined. Which didn’t mean that at the same time he wasn’t also, and emphasis on the swearword here please, fucking relieved.

Riko’s death… it had messed Kevin up. It wasn’t easy to understand what he had felt. Feelings have always seemed too complicated, too contradictory, when it came to Riko. Kevin had spent his first year at Palmetto instinctively despising him. It was his immediate reaction to him breaking his hand, what everyone around him did, and it was certainly easier than dealing with the devastating betrayal of it all. Plus, he did almost, and that ‘almost’ is not there thanks to Riko’s mercy, ruin Kevin’s career, his every dream, his life. And still, his death had left Kevin confused, more than anything. Because as much as he loathed the man, he had once loved him too. And so he mourned, what they could’ve been in another life, what they ended up being in this one, but mostly because, even though he was a horrible person, he was still the one Kevin spent twelve years calling his brother and he was forever gone, just like that. He didn’t deserve any tears, and Kevin still shed them. He never wanted to see him again, not to ask why, not to fare good bye, not even to spit in his face. But he didn’t want him to die, to cease existing, to be laid down in a coffin and buried six feet under while he watches from the back of the funeral crowd.

The turning point had been the day Kevin was approached about captaining the US National Team for the Olympics. That day, he remembered Riko telling him this will be him one day, that he will take his Perfect Court to the Olympics once. It had made Kevin rage again, then grieve, then rage then grieve, and it’s been years and Kevin still wasn’t sure what he felt, but he was sure he had had enough. He made himself a promise. He will take his Court to the finals, he will win, and he will do so with people much better and much more deserving than Riko Moriyama. He will truly be the best. He will be standing where Riko had wanted to be, he will be all he ever wanted to be. And there, after he has held that trophy in his hands, after he has become the best, the number one, the last man standing, will he let go of the dead man and his cursed voice that still lingered in the back of his head. And whether one chooses to interpret that as a spectacular fuck you, one last tribute or final closure, he will, in fact, go finally skiing.

He had called up Allison months ago with the idea, his letter of invitation to the Olympic Games of 2024 still hot and shaking in his hands. She had immediately offered her help, and spent - meaning: made her travel agents, yes, plural, spend - the next few weeks obsessively researching the world’s best ski resorts and spamming Kevin’s inbox with every one that she found fitting her undeniably insane criteria. “We need to find one that is appropriate.” She said. “If you win, we need to go all out to celebrate. If you don’t, we need peace and comfort to daydrink and drown our sorrows. It needs to have good security and be not overly crowded, because ski-suit selfies don’t suit anyone and I don’t wanna try to sign shit in gloves. It needs to have a fancy cafeteria because all Andrew’s gonna do is try to eat his bodyweight in sugar there while staring at you and wishing you do end up actually breaking your arm. And it also needs to have good beginner slopes that you and Neil can start learning on.”

Allison had ended up choosing the resort but it was Kevin who made all the rest of the plans. He reserved plane tickets, looked up nearby restaurants, and promised Andrew, always his biggest critic - except for himself of course - that no, nobody will make him actually ski unless he wants to, and yes, Kevin will stop “bitching” about his diet even if he spends all day at the buffet. He has called up all his former teammates, and then some, to join, considered just how soon after the finals they can leave. 

It was fairly simple, finding a week they could all manage to get away from their routine, with most of them being in pro Exy and the season having just ended. Dan, assistant coaching alongside Wymack and was let off without a second of hesitation, Renee has arrived two days before Kevin’s match from another peace corps mission, and Neil has just graduated from PSU, although already signed by Andrew’s team but not yet practicing. Nicky and Erik said they already had a plan to drop everything and get on the first plane, once he finally got himself to do this.
Aaron had been the hardest to convince to take some time off his residency program, but Katelyn had snitched to the Foxes that her boyfriend had in fact not taken a single day off in years, and after that and great amounts of peer pressure, the good kind, for once, he finally budged. Kevin supposed another reason for Aaron’s hesitation might have been his notorious avoidance of anyone and anything that could link him to PSU. Why he did that, Kevin never dared to ask, scared that if he did, Aaron would end up shutting him out just as everyone else. He appreciated the fact that he, at least, for some unfathomable reason, remained spared, an exception, from being cut from the man’s life.

All that to say, Kevin had planned it all. They won the Olympics, they were going to celebrate in the mountains of Switzerland, all the original Foxes plus Katelyn and Erik, and Jean and Jeremy, who somewhat got adopted into their little group after the two of them and Kevin had signed with the same team. It was going to be perfect.

There is only one thing Kevin had not accounted for: skiing.

Which, he finds out right on their first day, after they had all settled in their respective rooms and let themselves be dragged back outside by an overenthusiastic Neil and his equally elated upperclassmen fan club - see as: their mutual friends, but said with an eyeroll - is not as easy as it seems. One could also say, if they were Kevin Day, that it is fucking hard. Like, embarrassingly so.

Turns out, Neil and Kevin are the only ones who have never before attempted the absolute idiocy that is skiing. And Andrew, although he doesn’t count, because he refuses to do so even now. No surprises there, Kevin guesses. He learns, while they put on their ski gear, which Jeremy had dragged him to buy weeks prior, that there are three different kinds of slopes, the green being the easiest, blue being intermediate and black the hardest. There is also a place his friends refer to as the “bunny hill”, which is where lessons are provided for free timers. 

He doesn’t point out how embarrassing he thinks that name is, because he knows they would just end up making fun of his discomfort. Which, yes, he understands why that might happen. He should not be uncomfortable just because he is inexperienced at something. But the fact is, Kevin is used to being the best. It was all he was for so long, the best in his history class, the best striker in the NCAA, the best in pro Exy. And now, here he is, and he’s nervous and though he loathes to admit it, also a bit scared.

Aaron tells him it’s just anxiety, the heavy feeling settling between his ribs as he puts on his boots. So he nods and sucks it up, squares his shoulders and sets his jaw in the same way he does before a match, hoping it would give him the same boost of confidence. The upperclassmen, who are no longer that but will be always remembered as such by Kevin, head over to the intermediate slopes immediately, to “warm up”, Nicky and Eric following them hand in hand. Allison gives him a pat on the back and Matt an encouraging smile before they leave. Jean, Jeremy, Neil, Aaron and Kevin go the exact opposite direction, following the multiple signs until they reach the beginner slopes, the tamest one at that.

There is an instructor waiting for them, a woman around their age, with two blonde strands of hair sticking out the front of her shiny helmet. She introduces herself, smiling bright, the corners of her eyes crinkling. “So, guys, hi! I’m Annie, I’ll be teaching you all there is to know about these slopes and the basics you need to enjoy your, I believe, one week stay here. Now, not to be rude,” She starts after an awkward second passes. “but I was told there would be… less of you? Not that I mind, I mean, this is already a very small group.”

“Ah, Jean and I are only here for a warm up. We’ve both skied before, only as kids, though. We thought it might be good to refresh our skills a bit, to avoid injuries.” Jeremy says.

“And we wanted to offer Kevin and Neil our support, of course.” Jean adds with only a slight smirk.

“Fucking liar.” Neil mutters. “Jeremy? Maybe. But you? You only came hoping to watch us fall all over ourselves.” 

“How could you think such things of me, Josten? Jean snorts. “I’m here to check out Jeremy’s ass while he warms up. I don’t need to refresh shit, I can ski perfectly fine, actually.”

“Oookay.” Annie laughs, awkwardness gone and replaced by genuine amusement. “Totally fair excuse.” She whispers to Jean, then turns back to face all of them once again. Jeremy’s face turns as pink as Annie’s ski jacket. “I see we’ll have fun here. I’m glad. I rarely get to work with people my age, it’s exciting. Now, I was told there would be two newbies, and there you are, five of you in front of me.” She points at Jean and Jeremy. “These two say they’re good to go, so who’s the third one and what should I know about him?”

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about me. I’m just gonna wait right here and watch. Unlike Moreau claims, I did come here solely to watch Kevin and Josten make a joke out of themselves.” Aaron shrugs, hands on his hips. He looks ridiculously good in his ski suit, though Kevin tries his best not to let that thought linger. It’s the only way it doesn’t feel suffocating.

“Always pleasant to be around, Aaron.” Neil makes a face. 

“I hope you fall and break your nose.”

“Oookie.” Annie puts up her two hands. Kevin kind of feels like he’s watching a kindergarten teacher breaking up a fight between pre-schoolers. “How about nobody breaks anything, and we all have fun, huh?”

Kevin soon realizes that Annie is a vicious liar. Despite her numerous promises that they will indeed end up having fun, Kevin most definitely does not. Quite the opposite, actually. It takes him exactly one hour to decide he absolutely hates skiing. Bitterly, he thinks perhaps Riko had decided to go with a ski accident as his cover story because he knew how much Kevin would despise the sport, if he ever went and actually tried it.

His boots are stiff and clunky, and too uncomfortable to even sit in, not to mention move. His gear feels heavy on his body in a way his Exy gear has never, too many layers but all necessary in the afternoon chill of the Swiss mountains. Around him, Jean and Jeremy are completely engrossed in each other, barely paying any attention to Annie as she tries, and fails, to teach Kevin and Neil how to walk (why the hell would you do a sport in which you need to relearn how to walk?), stop, and do basic turns. 

Kevin’s balance is absolute shit, as it turns out, which pisses him off to no end, much to everyone’s amusement. “I’ve been doing sports since I could walk! Why the fuck is this so difficult?” He whines, aware of just how ridiculous and bitchy that must sound. Annie smiles at him reassuringly. Aaron only snorts. The rest are too busy zooming down the bunny slope. Fucking Neil, of course, is a natural at such an insane and dangerous activity.

“Must suck to suck.” Aaron shrugs, the up and down of his shoulders barely visible in his layers. Any other day, Kevin wouldn’t think about simply flipping him the bird. Except today. Except today, because today, Aaron doesn’t simply just mock him. He mocks him while grinning like a madman, his mouth stretching a bit crookedly, all teeth and menace. And Kevin, quite literally, falls over himself. Like, full on topples over and lands face first in the soft snow. He stays there for only a second while he wishes the ground could swallow him, then scrambles back to his feet and whips his head in Aaron’s direction once again.

And oh, there it is, brighter than ever. Andrew is smiling, no, laughing, although clearly at Kevin’s expense, but he cannot quite care about that when it has been so long since he saw Aaron’s smile. Not because he never smiled, but because when he did, it was always a shy thing, shielded by a hand, or a bite of his food, a sip of his drink. To see him grin and laugh out loud without any of that, unashamed and genuine, to know he has been the one to make that happen, makes Kevin want to bash his head into the freezing snow once again. He allows himself to just stare, for a moment, before Aaron inevitably realizes what he’s let him see, but to his surprise, no hand comes to hide the amusement. And suddenly, Kevin thinks, perhaps he doesn’t hate skiing that much.

“Whatever, it’s a stupid sport to begin with.” He mumbles to himself regardless.

“Maybe you should’ve told that to Riko before he came up with his beloved cover story.” Neil pipes up, coming to stand next to them.

“I am half convinced he only said skiing because he somehow knew how shit of a sport I would think it is.”

“It is not the sport that is shit, oh Queen of Exy, it is just your lack of any kind of talent and accomplishment that bugs you.” Aaron jokes, poking an elbow into Kevin’s side, which he returns enthusiastically. “It is incredibly entertaining to witness, I’m so glad we’re doing this actually.”

“You know Aaron,” Neil says before Kevin could have a chance to start. “You talk a lot for someone who hasn’t gone down the slope a single time since we arrived.”

“Fuck off, Josten. I don’t have shit to prove to you.” But alas, because there is no opportunity in which the two of them can shittalk or torment each other without Andrew being there to call them out, Aaron gets up from his seat on a bench. 

Kevin would like it to be known how much he wishes Neil Josten’s swift and sudden death in that second, because Aaron does actually get up to make his way over to the top of the slope. He hobbles lazily, much more gracefully than Kevin has ever moved. 

“Don’t skip warm up, Aaron! You may not be an athlete anymore but…”

The words get stuck in his throat when Aaron begins to move, circling his hips before sinking into a squat. He does so a few more times, meeting Kevin’s eye during one, an eyebrow raised, head cocked to the side. It should look ridiculous. Should. “This enough for you, Kevin?” Kevin doesn’t trust himself to answer at the moment.

Aaron glides down the small slope easily, his every movement practiced and elegant, as if it was all second nature to him. He swerves left and right gracefully. Kevin wonders when he had learned how to ski, wonders why he had no idea he was good at it. But of course, that is Aaron for you: an enigma, a mystery Kevin desperately wants to solve.

“What? Have nothing to stay now? You look stupid as fuck, staring, Josten.” Is all that Aaron says when he makes his way back to them where they’re still standing on the hill.

“Since when do you know how to do that?” Kevin asks before he could stop himself. He can only hope he doesn’t sound as affected as he truly is by the sight of Aaron clearly being so good at this.

“One of Tilda’s less shitty boyfriends was a ski instructor in his better days. I almost liked him, so did she. They were together for almost an entire year. They went to ‘ski trips’ together, which basically meant the guy cried about his ruined ski career and then they got high as shit and laid in bed for a week straight. They usually forgot about me, so I just went out and asked some people to teach me.”

“Huh. That’s shit. I guess. But you’re really good.”

“I went down the bunny slope. It’s not a big achievement. For most of us.” He adds snorting.

Aaron is being cocky. Kevin doesn’t think he has ever seen him like that. No, he thinks back, he most definitely hasn’t. It is a good look on him. On most people, Kevin would feel the goading to be inappropriate. Yes, yes, he’s aware he is not the one who should be saying that. But he has to admit, the confidence looks good on Aaron. Perhaps it is because Aaron so often acts as if he doesn’t deserve to be proud of himself. Which is so not true. Or perhaps it is because he does feel proud, but never shows it. 

Kevin knows for a fact, has seen it with his own eyes, that Aaron did not even smile while accepting his diploma, while he received his med school acceptance letter. So the fact that he’s doing it now, it warms Kevin’s heart perhaps a little too much. Before he could help himself, Kevin wonders if it is because he feels comfortable enough here, with them, with him, to do so. He frowns, scolding himself immediately. What a ridiculous idea. 

Aaron

Aaron is too old for this shit, really. Two days ago this time, he was still in the hospital, working his ass off. In forty-eight hours, he has managed to sleep about four hours, had flown thirteen and spent the rest of whatever day that even is, skiing and listening to overexcited Foxes. He is exhausted. All he wants to do is sleep. But of course, the rest of the Foxes are not in med school; they’re athletes in the off season with no concept of responsibilities or a healthy sleep schedule. Okay, well that last part might be true for Aaron as well. Either way, they’re having a party. Possibly not a party, he wouldn’t call it that necessarily, but they’re at the resort bar having generous amounts of drinks, way past what he would call his bedtime, if he didn’t think he would be laughed at for saying such things.

Aaron arrives last out of everyone, because he took way too long in the shower, and definitely not because he almost fell asleep while changing his clothes. Annoyingly cheery background pop is playing when he walks into the bar, whether Nicky’s or Knox’s doing, there is no knowing. The bar is otherwise empty. It is only the group of them and yet the noise is obnoxious enough that if he wouldn’t know, he would guess a herd of teenagers have been let loose in there. Aaron seriously questions his life choices that had led him to this point.

A drink is shoved into his hand as soon as he enters, and he accepts it gladly. “Aaron, we thought you’ll never show!” Nicky exclaims. He’s already sounding pretty buzzed, but then again, he never could hold his liquor. “Come on, there is a game of two truths and a lie going over there.” He points to the other end of the bar where Allison is sitting on the counter, laughing loudly at something Josten is saying.

“You’re playing two truths and a lie? What are we, highschoolers?”

“You were doing hard drugs in high school, I doubt you ever bothered to play two truths and a lie.” Kevin comes up behind them, smirking at Aaron.

Nicky sucks in a sharp breath, clearly expecting Aaron to get mad at Kevin but he only huffs a dry chuckle, shooting back immediately. “Shut up, you grew up in a cult.”

“Aaron!” Nicky gasps scoldingly, wearing a stern expression until it morphs into a surprised laugh within seconds. Kevin swats at Aaron’s shoulder.

“Are you actually playing that game though?”

“Ah, yes.” Kevin clears his throat. “We’re making Neil tell stories from his past and the two bartenders try and guess which one is the lie. It’s hilarious. The best part is, he doesn’t seem to understand why they keep thinking they’re all lies.”

Aaron scowls reflexively at the mention of Josten and his insanity, but lets himself be steered towards the rest of their group regardless.

“…almost murdered on national television, two, I used to have a stalker binder full of pictures and articles about Kevin there, and three… I used to have blue hair when I was seventeen.”

Aaron snorts despite his best efforts and looks at Kevin. “Tell me the binder is not real.”

Kevin cocks an eyebrow, face completely serious. “Of course it is, I’ve seen it. Pretty thorough, though horribly organized. The blue hair is obviously the lie, just imagine…”

“Obviously.” He rolls his eyes. He’s too busy following Kevin to sit down beside him to pay attention to the bartenders’ guesses. 

Dan jumps up when she sees them. “Minyard, finally! Now that everyone is here,” She looks at him pointedly. “we can finally celebrate properly. Sara, dear, could you get us a bottle of your fanciest champagne, please? The Olympians are paying.”

“Oh, honey.” The bartender, apparently named Sara, answers, her accent thick. “This one’s on the house. You guys deserve it.”

“That’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout, baby!” Jeremy whoops, plopping on the counter to get the glasses the other bartender pushes their way.

Nicky and Andrew pour the champagne into them with ease Aaron recognizes from their days at Eden’s. He jumps in, helping to pass them around, clinking his glass together with his brother’s first and Kevin’s second. “To our Olympic champions!” They all cheer, glee infectious enough to make the corners of even Andrew’s mouth quirk upwards. Kevin hugs Jean, and Jeremy and Andrew and Neil together, and then, to his surprise, Aaron too.

“To winning the fucking Olympics!”

“To being the best!”

“To winning with you!” His eyes gleam wildly as he says it, and out of nowhere, Aaron is captivated. An earthquake could come, a fire could burn the whole building down, but he doesn’t think he could take his eyes off Kevin Day. He doesn’t pay much attention to that theory. If he did, he might just lose his mind, or, God forbid, say some of it out loud, when clearly, no one needs to hear this bullshit. So, instead of trying to make sense of his disturbing thoughts, he stares into the greens of Kevin’s eyes and downs his champagne in one go.

About an hour or two into their evening, Aaron reaches a point where he is just about the right combination of tipsy and exhausted that he feels like he’s floating. He’s sitting at the bar between Kevin and Jean, watching as the former flirts completely unashamedly with one of the bartenders. Elise, he thinks, but he can’t be sure. He isn’t sure of a lot of things at this point; like why his chest seems to constrict and his throat swell every time Kevin flashes a cheeky grin at the woman, or why he wants to strangle her when he leans across the counter and lets Elise-or-not-Elise trace her manicured fingers along his queen chess piece tattoo.

Perhaps if he were more sober, he could make sense of the jumbled half thoughts crossing his mind a hundred miles an hour, but alas he is not, and therefore, he just sits there and glares, apparently much to the neighboring Frenchman’s amusement. For the record though, Aaron is not the only one buzzed. Erik, Nicky and the other bartender are howling some German song at the top of their lungs, swaying left and right with questionable balance. Aaron thinks they might be singing 99 Luftballons, but he may only be imagining to recognize the lyrics. 

Jeremy, Dan, Matt and Allison are playing another horrific high school party game Aaron doesn’t recognize. It involves a pack of cards, lots of shouting and a concerning amount of shots. Renee, Neil, Andrew, and occasionally Jean, are debating something horribly boring to drunk Aaron’s ears. He loses time staring around, laughing at something Kevin says and trying to figure out the roots of his growing distaste towards Elise. 

The next thing he hears is Allison’s obnoxious clapping. “Okay! New game!”

“If she says Truth or dare I’m leaving.” Jean says to no one in particular, and Aaron nods sincerely in agreement.

“Moreau, you’re not leaving until either you or your sunshine boy are drunk enough that you’re struggling to walk back to your room.” Dan gestures wildly.

“And we’re playing Never have I ever.” Renee supplies.

“Yeah, I’m out.” Josten pushes his chair back, standing up and grabbing Andrew by his elbow. “Smoke break.” Andrew follows him silently, only looking back to shoot a single pointed glance at his twin. His eyebrow twitches in the slightest, something no one else probably notices. But Aaron has spent years trying to figure his brother's nonverbal cues out and he sees the question in his gaze: Are you okay? He nods, lifting his drink in cheers and Andrew vanishes out the door.

Aaron gets pulled into the circle the rest of them create around one table. He looks around, vision hazy. Kevin was right when he guessed Aaron has never played these stupid party games before. He was not a partier in high school, neither later in life. He went to some outings at PSU of course; his girlfriend was a cheerleader and he was an athlete, but he never really participated in the group activities. He was never invited to. Not that he would’ve said yes. He shouldn’t be saying yes now either, because he never does, as a principle, as the games are clearly stupid, but as established, he is more than slightly tipsy and Allison can be very persuasive when she wants to be.

“Oookay, never have I ever…” She clears her throat, and just like that, chaos ensues. He can’t tell whether the increasingly scandalous questions should be making him cry or laugh; he’s a little mortified at the whole thing – it really feels as if they’ve gone back ten years in time. Everyone around him, all these people, his former teammates, his (perhaps) friends, his (reluctantly) family, they’re so… carefree and relaxed, he can’t help but let the atmosphere swallow him, until he feels their comfort envelop him in a warm hug. He would never admit it aloud, but despite his every reservation, he’s having fun. He honestly doesn’t remember when was the last time he let himself go and simply enjoyed something, even if that something was as ridiculous as a drinking game.

“Never have I ever hooked up with someone in a uni classroom.”

“Low blow, Dan.” Renee and Allison clink their glasses as they down their contents, the former blushing nervously while the latter smirks smugly.

“Real classy, Al.” Kevin huffs in amusement, shooting the two women a disbelieving glance.

“Oh, you’re the one to talk.” Allison’s lips widen into a grin that means trouble, and Aaron mentally prepares himself for the direction he knows the game is about to take. “Never have I ever hooked up with someone on an Exy court.”

Someone groans. Maybe it’s Aaron. “Jesus, Kevin.”

“I told you that in confidence!” Kevin glares at his friend while taking a sip of his drink. He tips his head back to swallow and Aaron’s gaze is suddenly drawn to his neck, unable to glance away, watching the bob of Kevin’s Adam’s apple, feeling his own throat go a little dry. He tears his eyes away from Kevin’s warm tan, slightly damp-sweaty skin and shakes his head; he shouldn’t have drank so much. He blinks and doesn’t think about who Kevin had sex with on a court. In fact, he doesn’t think about Kevin, or sex, at all.

The game goes on unbeknownst to him, loud cackles and shrieking laughter echoing off the walls. “Never have I ever…” Erik muses, his mouth pressing into a thin line as he thinks, before curving upwards. “given a lap dance.” Way, really, way too many people drink.

The game remains atrocious. Most of them have spent four years on the same Exy team, living in the same building, if not the same dorm; in his opinion, they already know more than enough about each other, probably too much, if he thinks about it. There is not really a point to the game therefore. It’s just stupid.

And then, Matt, the big idiot says, “Never have I ever… sucked dick.” A collective groan leaves almost every person’s mouth at that question. Renee and Matt share an amused glance before turning his way.

Aaron changes his mind. Perhaps it is not the game that is stupid, perhaps it’s just Matt. Or him, because he takes a sip of his drink. He doesn’t think about it because he doesn’t think anybody else will. But of course, with his nonexistent luck, that is not at all how things go. He’s been quiet the whole game, so he doesn’t imagine the others are paying much attention to him, but apparently, that is very much not the case, because the entire room goes silent with the exception of Matt’s excited gasp and the now eerily loud background music. 

With all eyes on him and his cup still between his lips, he gulps down any remaining alcohol and thanks every deity he does or doesn’t believe in, that Andrew is not in the room still. “The fuck are you all staring at? This is not story time, it was a yes or no question which I answered.”

“Damn, okay, dude.” Jeremy whistles.

He crosses his arms in front of his chest, feeling overly exposed. “Stop looking at me, assholes.”

“Wait a second. When did this happen? What about Ka-“

“A few weeks after Kate and I broke up.”

“What?” The shouts echo around him from all directions. 

Renee looks at him like he just told her he’s dying. “Oh, no, Aaron, I’m so sorry.” 

“What happened?” Dan pushes on. “You guys have been together for so long.”

“Jesus, you guys need to calm down. Nothing happened, people fall out of love; it was mutual.” And it’s true. There are no hard feelings between the two of them; they still see each other every day, working at the same hospital and hanging out with the same people after all. They’re better as friends. 

Erik glances his way carefully. “What about the guy then?”

“What about him?” He pointedly avoids meeting Nicky’s, or his husband’s curious gaze. “When did this turn into a fucking interrogation, anyway?”

“Well, we’re all a bit surprised, Aaron. You’ll forgive us for asking questions.” Renee says innocently.

“What if I won’t?” He barks, frustrated with the uncomfortable situation he has gotten himself into.

“We don’t mean to be nosy, Aaron. We just care about you.”

He grimaces on instinct, much to the apparent amusement of his friends. “Well, don’t. Nobody asked you to.”

“Oh, stop bitching.” Allison kicks him in the shin from beside. He isn’t even sure when she got there, because she sure as hell wasn’t sitting next to him when the game started.

“I don’t know what you want me to say. Kate and I broke up, I got drunk, we hooked up, that’s it.”

“Well, that’s nice. Who was it?”

“His name’s James.”

Nicky almost falls off his chair. “James from Eden’s?”

“Shut the fuck up, Nicky.” He mumbles with an eyeroll, but he doesn’t deny it.

“Are you and this James guy a… thing now?” Kevin says the name James with such disdain in his voice, it makes Aaron wince. Not that he gives the slightest shit about James, or Kevin’s opinion for that matter, the word simply drips with disapproval. Disgust? Aaron suddenly feels sick. Next to him, Allison snickers.

He shakes his head vehemently. “No. He got me off, I got him off, that’s it.”

Kevin’s face twists. “Ah.”

“Got a problem, Day?” He asks, bile rising in the back of his throat. God, if Kevin, his probably only true friend, hates him for this… He shouldn’t have said anything. He shouldn’t have joined the game. He should’ve known better than to feel at ease, to think he could just have fun.

Kevin frowns at him. “I’m literally gay, if you wanna pick a fight, it’s gotta be about something else.

It takes a second longer than it should, for Kevin’s words to register in his mind, for him to make sense of them. And then, he feels as if he had just been slapped right in the face. He blinks, confused, shocked perhaps more than he should be. “You are?” He can practically see the heat spreading from his cheeks, a blush taking over his entire face while he’s unable to do anything to stop it.

To his relief, Kevin seems just as confused as he is. He raises a perfectly shaped eyebrow at Aaron. “I came out on national television like… two days ago. Did you not… did you honestly miss that?”

All Aaron can do is gape like a fucking fish at him. His thoughts are chaotic; it’s not even that he is so surprised, he just can’t believe he didn’t know. Of course, Kevin didn’t have to tell him, probably didn’t want to, after how shitty Aaron used to be to Nicky. But that was so long ago, and Aaron has changed. He thought Kevin knew that. “I- Did all of you know this?”

“Did you miss the part where he said it on live TV?” Jean spits. “Like, right after the finals.”

“I left right after the match ended. And do I look like I have time to watch tv?”

“I’m surprised you didn’t know anyway. It’s not like it was a shock.” Matt quips, and Aaron ignores him, along with the stab in the chest he feels. His friends nod along to Matt’s words.

He supposes Matt might be right. Kevin never dated any girls other than Thea, and that relationship was the weirdest and most uncomfortable thing Aaron has witnessed. Now that he thinks about it, it might have been easy as day, no pun intended, to deduce Kevin was into guys, if Aaron had paid any attention. It’s just that, he didn’t. He didn’t think he needed to; he thought if there ever was something to know, Kevin would tell him.

“Why would you come out though?” He winces when he realizes how that sounds, but Kevin must be expecting the question, because he just sighs deeply. Oh, this is exactly why he seems to be the only one not to know about this, isn’t it? The bitter taste of betrayal, of disappointment gathers in his mouth but he swallows it down. He can’t even blame Kevin, not even when he aches to do just that. This is clearly because he’s an asshole.

“The reporter the press sent to interview me was a real asshole. I didn’t mean to come out, but she was asking some really stupid questions, and it pissed me off too much, I just went all off on her.”

Josten chooses that moment to walk back in, grinning, teeth bared. “It was awesome.”

“It was stupid.” Kevin mumbles under his breath.

Aaron’s heart jumps, a knot suddenly in his throat. “Do you regret saying it?”

Kevin locks eyes with Aaron for the first time since Matt’s idiotic question, and Aaron stops floating. It is as if not only his eyes, but his entire body, suddenly started focusing on Kevin, his every cell, his every fiber drawn to him like pieces of metal to a magnet. He looks at Kevin, searching, trying his best to figure out whatever could be going on inside the stupid, stupid man’s head and for a moment, for that one second while nobody dares break the tense silence, it feels like only the two of them exist in this world. “I regret saying it the way I did. Instead of celebrating, while I was so angry. But I don’t actually mind that it’s out there, that people know.”

Fifteen minutes, two shots and countless invasive and distasteful questions later, Allison is screaming at Aaron like he just admitted to the worst of sins. Though, now that he thinks about it, they had heard him admit to murder before, and that reaction wasn’t quite so visceral as this one, so maybe that’s not the right comparison. “You’re telling me you sucked that James guy’s dick but you’ve never kissed him? Or any other guy?”

He furrows his brows. “Erm… yes?” Allison looks both like she’s having the time of her life and like she just received devastating news at the same second. “Why do you look like that?” He demands.

“Because you need to kiss a guy, Aaron! Oh my God!”

“No, I really don’t.”

“Ah, shush. There are many guys here, pick one, come on.” Aaron feels dizzy.

“Reynolds.” Andrew, who had gotten back with Josten, growls at Allison threateningly.

“It’s fine, Andrew.” He rushes to assure his brother, his chest warming slightly at his protection. “Plus, it’s not like I’d kiss any of them. They’re all taken.”

“You can kiss Matt.” Dan offers, her words slurring slightly. She leans on Matt, who winks at Aaron exaggeratedly. Jesus, they’re all clearly too drunk.

“What the fuck, Dan? I’m not kissing your boyfriend. Or anyone’s, for that matter.”

“Boring.” They both groan.

Allison kicks him once again. “Kevin’s single!”

“If you kick me one more time, Reynolds, I swear…” He starts, but Renee’s one look makes him shut his mouth before he can finish the sentence. Instead, he just kicks back gently.

Allison ignores him, turning instead to Kevin, screaming like her life depends on it. “Kevin, you need to kiss Aaron!”

Kevin’s eyes widen, his lips parting slightly. Aaron hates that he’s looking at his lips, those godforsaken, never too chapped, so fucking soft-looking and pink lips. Aaron should punch him, break skin, turn those lips bloody and swollen. Aaron five years ago would’ve done it without hesitation. Aaron currently is a drunk, happy fool; his heart roars in his chest, thumping, thumping, suddenly yearning to do what he knows he shouldn’t. Kevin is sober, he is drunk. Kevin doesn’t want him, he… he doesn’t want Kevin either.

He kisses Kevin anyway. He has to straighten up in his seat, twist his torso to reach Kevin’s face. Their lips meet somewhat clumsily, their noses a millimeter away from knocking into each other. Kevin’s lips are just as soft and plush as they seemed, which is both a blessing and a curse to Aaron’s traitorous mind. Kevin is gentle, almost shy, not at all how Aaron imagined he would be, not that he did, imagine it. He definitely didn’t. Never. He bites a little, on Kevin’s lower lip, smoothing it over with a brush of his tongue, feeling Kevin gasp into his mouth in response. The man sways a little in his seat so Aaron reaches out and grabs him by the back of his neck instinctively.

It is over as fast as it started. Aaron pulls back, expecting to find Kevin’s wild eyes on him, but the green irises are nowhere to be seen. Kevin has turned away from him, his chest heaving a little, his eyes fixed on Andrew. Aaron takes in his expression, the fear, the regret, the longing. He suddenly feels like throwing up, and it’s not because of the amounts of liquor he has consumed. He forces himself to take a deep breath, his lips tingling with warmth and the feeling of Kevin against them. He doesn’t check if Kevin is still staring at his brother before he turns away to leave. 

Chapter Text

Kevin

In the entirety of his first and second day of skiing lessons, Kevin falls a total of thirty-four times. Embarrassing, truly. An even more embarrassing thirty-five, if one decides to count that one time which had nothing at all to do with skiing and all with Aaron Minyard and his stupid cocky smile.

On the topic of Aaron Minyard, strictly because Kevin’s hasn’t been able to think about much else therefore neither should you, dear reader; Aaron Minyard is absolutely amazing at skiing. Like, properly, really fucking good. And it’s not just the man’s rare confidence and Kevin’s own absolute lack of perception of the sport, that makes him form that solid opinion. Kevin watches him, not because he actively decides to, or consciously seeks out his silhouette while he himself takes a breather between two horrendous attempts. No, he watches Aaron because he can’t not do so. It’s like his eyes have suddenly gained their own free will, separate from Kevin’s mind, finding their ways to Aaron at all times.

Aaron, who is almost like a different person out on the slopes, with his helmet shining on his head and cheeks red from being out in the harsh chill of the mountain air. While everywhere else he falls on the clumsy side of whatever spectrum that is, out here, in the crisp white snow and biting cold, Aaron is shockingly elegant. He moves purposefully, sliding left and right, his knees slightly bent, his usually slouched shoulders squared back. Kevin most definitely does not spend his entire morning staring at him, at his strong thighs, wondering what it would feel like to run his hands up and down the flesh, trace the muscles with his tongue…

“Jesus Christ.” He says to Neil. “This was an incredibly stupid idea.”

“Was it your thirty-fourth fall or Aaron Minyard’s tongue down your throat that made you think that?” Neil claps back immediately, always insistent on teasing Kevin.

“Don’t… Shut up.”

“Did I hear thirty-four falls correctly? Jesus Christ, Kev, I hope you’re glad your mom didn’t invent a balance-based sport because that is simply a pathetic number.” Kevin whips around to see Aaron catch up behind them as they enter the hotel lobby. Kevin shivers at his closeness. Has he heard what Neil said? Had he seen Kevin’s face heating at the reminder? Does he know just how much his mere presence, not just here, so close, or in Switzerland, but at the Olympics, is affecting Kevin?

“Fuck off.” He mumbles, turning away.

“Ooh, moody.”

Neil snorts. “I mean, wouldn’t you be if you fell thirty-six times in the span of twelve hours?”

“That might be the only thing you’ve ever said that has a good point, Josten.”

“I also say he’s a whiny bitch quite often, what about that?” Kevin’s going to have to kill at least one of them, isn’t he?

“Damn. Am I gonna have to start agreeing with you? What has my life come to…” Actually, why choose only one?

“If the one thing that makes you assholes bond” He says with air quotes, “after all these years turns out to be shit talking me, I’m ghosting both of you after this trip.”

“You would never.” Neil jokes, throwing an arm around Kevin’s waist, because he cannot reach his shoulders. Kevin sometimes wonders how he managed to surround himself with only short people. Maybe it’s the attitude that comes with it, he thinks.

Aaron doesn’t say anything. It may just be that he has had enough of engaging Neil’s antics, but when Kevin turns his way and doesn’t find the oh-so-familiar annoyed spark in his eyes but instead only dull blankness, he has the sudden feeling there might be more to Aaron’s suddenly sour mood.

“Aaron?” He asks after Neil has wandered off. “You okay?”

“Sure. Of course. Why would I not be?” It all comes out a bit too quick and mumbled, but before Kevin could say anything more, Aaron promptly changes directions and walks away, leaving Kevin to stare after him in confusion.

At lunch, Aaron squeezes himself between Nicky and Renee, even though there is barely enough space for him. Even though the chair next to Kevin is empty. Kevin does not think too much about it. Then as they eat, he offers to go and get Allison a coffee, even though it was Kevin who yawned loudly. But Kevin does not think too much about it. They finish breakfast and suit up, and they’re all joking and bickering, and Kevin makes fun of Andrew for being a “cat dad”, and usually, Aaron would be right by his side nodding along, because he hates those ferocious little furballs more than anyone, but he just stands, watching from the edge of their group with an undecipherable expression on his face. And Kevin definitely does not think too much about it.

Neil and Kevin graduate the bunny slope and move on to the green ones, with more or less success staying on their feet. Kevin, of course, falls into the latter category, but he barely even cares anymore. Barely, because he doesn’t, not really, but just enough to keep bitching about it regardless.

“I just don’t get it.” He says when he finally catches someone willing to listen to him, his newest victim being Jean, because Neil and Andrew and Allison have already given up. “Like, I have great balance. We used to do all those balance drills at the Nest. I was good at them, was I not? I was.”

“Of course.”

“This should be easy. Why the fuck can I not do this?”

“Kevin.” Jean says his name in a voice so calm, it makes Kevin’s insides boil with irritation. Okay, so perhaps he is not handling this situation the best. Perhaps he does care about not being good at this. Perhaps he does think too much about Aaron’s weird behavior. Perhaps it is all he thinks about, driving himself and everyone around him insane. Perhaps. “Do you think you may be overreacting?”

“No!” He claims, even though they both know it’s in vain. “It’s just a stupid sport, really! Like, why would anyone even want to do this? I thought the point was that you can see all the beautiful snowy mountains while getting some exercise in, but really, that’s not even how it works! Because you’re zooming down the fucking slopes and you can’t even look around because you will quite literally break your neck! So why even do it? It’s not fun, if you constantly have to work on not dying. It’s not fun if you can’t even look around! You could just take the lift up, look around and then take the lift back down! There is no need for you to tie yourself onto stupid little snowsticks, like a disfigured penguin!”

A moment of silence passes between them while Jean only huffs, as he processes this outburst. “You don’t have to ski. You know that, right?” He suggests, warm gaze latching onto Kevin’s and not letting go. “I know this is your closure. I may be the only one that really understands that. But skiing isn’t actually the important part here. It’s you making it to this point, winning the fucking Olympics, being the best, and being free; free to go wherever and do whatever. Something that you actually enjoy.”

“I know.” He pouts, looking up at the white-covered mountains in the distance.

“And I know you do. I also know skiing isn’t really why you’re out here by yourself. Is it?” God damn Jean for knowing Kevin so well.

And God damn Kevin for still not being able to lie to him. “Do you think Aaron’s being weird?”

“Weird, insane, chaotic, sure. Though that is hardly unusual, and not specific to just one of the Minyards.”

“You know what I mean.” He glares, his focus moving from tourist-filled hills to Jean’s possibly mockingly, thoughtful expression. “He hasn’t talked to me this whole day.”

“He doesn’t usually talk much. It is one of his most, no, his only redeemable traits.”

“Jean, come on, man!” He blurts, running his hands through his hair in frustration. “Help me out here. He is clearly avoiding me, but I just can’t figure out why. Have I said something weird to him? You were there in the bar, you would’ve… heard.” And then it all dawns on him. “Fuck. It’s that stupid kiss, isn’t it? Was I too… much? Did I force him into it? I didn’t, right? I didn’t even… What if he didn’t really want to… Fuck!”

“Stop.” Jean reaches out, hand on Kevin’s forearm, soothing in a way only he can be. “He was drunk, yes, but not stupid. He was the one who kissed you. And quite enjoyed it too, it looked like, might I add. Just… Do you remember when we first kissed?”

The question catches Kevin off guard, but he answers with only a second hesitation. “Of course I do.”

“What exactly do you remember?”

“Why are we talking about this? Didn’t you just hear what I’ve been saying?”

“Just humor me. How did it go?” Jean pushes.

“It was after one of our late-night practices.” Kevin recounts monotonously. “We stayed to clean up the court after Riko left. I told you Riko wanted me to date Thea. You asked if I was nervous, I said yes, because I’ve never even kissed anyone. And then you kissed me.”

“And?”

Kevin sighs. “What and? That’s it.”

“What about the part where you ran away and refused to even look at me for a week?”

He looks back at the scenery, unable to keep his gaze where Jean’s might meet it. “Do we really have to bring that up? I was having an insane amount of gay panic, okay? You kissed me and I didn’t want to like it, because I was supposed to be kissing Thea, or literally anyone else that was a girl, but I did like it and it freaked me out.”

“Okay. So, to put it simply: you kissed one of your friends, a guy, and realized you were into it so you freaked and avoided him. Sound familiar?” Kevin practically hear Jean’s smile as he speaks. It makes him want to push his face into the freezing cold snow.

“It’s different! Aaron is straight! He would not… be into it.” He says it with conviction, and yet, he thinks back to the moment, his mind only slightly hazy after a couple glasses of champagne but nothing more. It did feel like Aaron was into the kiss, for a second. He kissed like he wanted it, like he wanted to kiss Kevin and not stop any time soon. It feels ridiculous to even form the thought.

“Really? Because it looked like he was.” Jean insists.

Kevin takes a deep breath, in and out slowly, stalling. “Do you really think that’s it?”

“I do not know what is going on inside either of the Minyards’ brain at any given time. If you want to know, you should ask him.”

“Like how you asked me?”

“I didn’t have to.” Jean smirks. “You were climbing into my bed before I had the chance to.”

Kevin hates him so much.

…………………………………………

Contrary to popular belief, Kevin is not a dramatic person. Most of the time.

But this godforsaken ski resort is ruining his life. Not to overreact. Just mentioning, casually.

Exactly five minutes after midnight during their second night, the power goes out in Kevin’s room. He wouldn’t even have noticed if it wasn’t for the already horrible day he’s had. Normally, he would be fast asleep at midnight; call him lame, whatever. But he needed the distraction, so he borrowed one of Renee’s books, and has spent the past few hours staring at its pages registering basically nothing of what he was reading, because his thoughts were still too busy circling back to a certain Minyard brother for him to comprehend anything about a whatever insane and concerningly incestuous fantasy bullshit Renee apparently spends her free time reading.

He sighs, definitely not overdramatically, then gets up. He tries one light switch, nothing happens; he tries another one, nothing; plugs in his charger to see if it works, it doesn’t; he paces, sighs, paces again. He picks up his phone, dials Allison’s number.

“Allison.” He mumbles, plopping down in the darkness, satisfied when he lands on his bed and not on the polished hardwood floor.

“Kevin.” Comes the answer, short and simple. “It is past midnight. I am tipsy and in bed with a very hot woman. What the hell could you possibly calling me about?”

“The resort you chose is a piece of shit.” He grumbles.

“I don’t know, it has good soundproofing. Which I am planning to take full advantage of, if you know what I mean. So again, why the hell are you calling me in the middle of the night?”

“Do you have power in your room, Alli?”

“Duh.” Then a second later, “Wait, do you not? Oh shit! Well…” There is a muffled sound, something high pitched and a giggle. Kevin wishes he could cut his ears off. “Ah, shit, Renee, baby, wait a sec!” Allison rushes to say, words slurred with how fast she’s blurting them out. “You know what Kevin? This is all my travel agent’s doing. You can call her or you can call reception. I literally don’t care. Bye!”

Kevin closes his eyes, breathes deep.

Sabrina Carpenter, whose music Kevin does absolutely not recognize, not at all, plays for long minutes after he dials in the number. Allison’s travel agent does not pick up her phone. Reception does but he wishes they didn’t. They tell him someone will be sent up to assess the issue as soon as possible, but they cannot guarantee reparations will be made before morning. Also, because that is just his fucking luck, there are no more empty rooms in the resort.

Kevin wishes he could put his head through the wall right about then. That is, before he realizes what he is about to do. Then he actually considers doing it.

When Kevin ends up in Aaron Minyard’s room that night, neither of them are as surprised as they should probably be.

“Is it weird? That you have to share a bed with me?” Kevin whispers, once they lie next to each other, bodies stiff and awkward on the two sides of the bed.  

“We’ve shared a bed before” Not that either of them had acknowledged that before. Not that Kevin thinks they will now.

“Yes, but I’m… I just came out only a few days ago. And then you were clearly very drunk and I wasn’t and I still let you kiss me and… I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Kevin.” Aaron says. Kevin gulps. He prepares for Aaron to kick him out, to sound stern and distant. Regretful. Disgusted. He isn’t prepared for the softness in the man’s tone when he speaks. “Did you know you were the only one I stayed in contact with from the team after graduation? Well, Nicky and Andrew too, and Josten, I guess, but they don’t count.”

Kevin tries very hard to level his voice. “Why?”

“I didn’t like to think about Exy. Still don’t, not really. I kept on playing it through college, because it was the only reason I had a scholarship. But every time I played, every time I picked up a racket or even thought about doing so, it reminded me of killing Drake.”

Oh. He did not know that. How did he not know that? Of course; Kevin was too busy dealing with his own shit after Riko to even pretend to care about Aaron’s. He wonders if Aaron resents him for that, but instead of asking that, simply because he doesn’t think he could hear it if the answer was a yes, he just says, “And I, of all people, did not remind you of Exy?”

“You did. But still, I could not let go of… you. Do you get it?” Aaron shifts, suddenly facing him, his gaze heavy on Kevin’s face, searching everywhere but his eyes. “I couldn’t let go of you then and I’m sure as hell not gonna do it now, just because you’re gay. I feel like the memory of murder is a bit harder to deal with than knowing your friend likes dick and I managed that.”

“But you’ve been weird.”

“I have not.” Aaron says.

“You have.”

“Have not.”

“Have too.” It comes out a bit more forceful than intended, but Kevin doesn’t stop. He can’t, not when he has just finally gotten himself to bring it up. “You’ve been avoiding me! You barely spoke to me and you can’t even look me in the eye now.”

“Oh.” Aaron turns away sighing, and this time, it is Kevin who faces him, looking at him as he stares up at the ceiling as if it is the most interesting thing he’s seen all day. “You noticed that.”

“I’m not stupid, Aaron.”

“Arguable. But you’re right, I have been off. But it has nothing to do with your… sexuality.”

Kevin cocks an eyebrow in disbelief. “Okay, maybe a bit.” Aaron admits in a defeated huff, his hands coming up to nervously run through his hair.

Kevin feels his guts twist, bile rising in his throat. The sweet old taste of the oh-so-familiar disappointment.  “I knew it! Fuck. I’m sorry Aaron, I shouldn’t have let that kiss happen. You probably didn’t even want it, and I… I’ll just go. This is your room after all. Neil will probably let me sleep on their couch until they fix the lights in mine.” He moves to get up, rolling off the bed in one painful, emotionally, not physically, move. A hand shoots out to grab his, yanking him down unexpectedly. He falls onto the mattress suddenly, barely catching himself to avoid faceplanting in the sheets. He holds his breath in anticipation, because he is one pathetic man who will always, always put Aaron Minyard’s attention above his self-worth, and waits for Aaron to break the silence.

“Don’t go.” He rushes out, pulling his hand back. “It’s not what I meant, that all came out wrong. I mean that I’m bothered that you’re gay. Because I’m not.”

“Okay, well, that’s getting hard to believe.”

“Fuck, sorry. I’m sorry.” Aaron grits his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut as if he needs to think over every word that leaves his mouth. It does not, at all, ease Kevin’s discomfort. “This is probably why I ended up being the only one who had no idea, isn’t it? Look, I know I used to be an asshole to Nicky about his sexuality, but that was years ago. I’m not like that anymore. I genuinely don’t care, suck dick if you wanna, what is it to me? I’m even like… you know, proud of you, for saying it. I know it couldn’t have been the easiest to come to terms with for you.”

“Wait a second.” Kevin blurts in disbelief. “You’re telling me you avoided me all day because you were bothered I didn’t tell you I liked men?”

“No. Yes. God, I sound like an asshole again. You didn’t owe this to me, of course not. You should come out whenever and to whoever you want. But it feels like I’ve been the only one that didn’t know before yesterday, and I can’t help but wonder if it’s because you didn’t think I would accept you. And hell, I know this is not about me, and I don’t want to make it about me, but it feels a bit shitty, okay? I’m not the same person I was four years ago. I thought you of all people knew that.”

“I did. I do.” Aaron says. Kevin notices his hand never left his wrist, still squeezing, scorching warm on his skin. “It just never came up and I never knew how to mention it casually.”

“I’m sorry if I made you feel like you couldn’t.” He smiles self-deprecatingly and Kevin smiles back, a true smile, a peace offering he hopes his friend will recognize as such.

“You didn’t.” Kevin will never be sure if only a minute or an eternity passes before he manages to speak again. "Tell me something.”

“This is not a truth for a truth. We are not Andrew and Josten.” Kevin tries not to overanalyze why that is the comparison Aaron chose to make.

“It’s not an exchange. You said it: I didn’t owe you that truth and you don’t owe me any.”

“But you still want one. A secret.” Aaron smirks, gaze heavy and piercing, as if looking straight into Kevin’s soul. “Shameless.”

Kevin simply holds his gaze as an answer. Long, silent seconds pass; one, two, three. Then, “I liked kissing you yesterday.”

One, two, three, fourfivesixseveneight. Oh. Oh. “On a scale from one to ten, how much does that freak you out?”

“Not nearly as much as it should."

“Oh.” He had not been expecting to hear that. But then again, this is very much not the first unexpected thing Aaron managed to shock him with tonight. “Why?” He asks dumbly.

“I think… I think because it’s you.”

Kevin does not bother to point out that while that does sound flattering, he is in fact still very much a man, and Aaron should probably consider that. He instead stays quiet, because contrary to popular belief, he is not actually a total idiot and he will take what little wins he can, even when he thinks he will probably end up regretting it once he is not in this disgustingly pink and sweet bubble that is sleeping with Aaron Minyard. Not that they’re sleeping together. Definitely not like that. That will not happen. Kevin doesn’t even consider it. He really, really, doesn’t, and you, dear reader, should be ashamed of yourself if you dare believe otherwise.

It’s cliché, but Kevin doesn’t know who moves first. He turns; Aaron reaches out. He sucks in a breath, Aaron huffs, whether amused or anticipatory, he can only guess. He blinks slowly, Aaron’s gaze dips. And then they’re kissing, their lips colliding somewhat clumsily, but more than that, desperate and wanting, and so, so fucking good. Distantly, Kevin thinks it all feels too good to be true, to be real. Aaron should be freaking out, he should be unsure and Kevin definitely should be worrying about that instead of focusing strictly on Aaron’s burning lips on his. They shouldn’t complement each other the way they do, as if the dance of their tongues is a well-practiced duet, as if it is not something they both expect to regret in the morning but something they were born to do.

Aaron pulls away, his breath on Kevin’s flushed cheeks, his gaze fixed on something behind him, and perhaps that is what wakes Kevin up, what makes him realize what is actually happening, that this is indeed, very, very real. That there is no drinking, no party games, no dare and even if there was, this would far exceed whatever any of their idiotic friends would ever deem appropriate for the completion of it. Aaron’s chest rises and falls slowly, his fingers that Kevin hadn’t even noticed snuck up alongside his arms to grip around his biceps flexing. Kevin can practically hear the wheels in the man’s mind working, and he desperately, desperately wishes that he knew even the tenth of what he is thinking in the moment. Is he mad? Is he regretting letting Kevin in? Is he rethinking everything he just said? Is he panicking the way Kevin was, after kissing a boy the first time?

He wishes he could say something, anything to ease the tension that grows between them by the second, but before he could open his mouth, Aaron breaks the silence. His voice comes out a bit hoarse and it sends a shiver down Kevin’s spine embarrassingly fast. “This is strictly a one-time thing.” And with that, Aaron swings a leg over Kevin and lands straddling his lap, knees on each side of his hips, his body a more than welcome weight on his thighs.

Kevin’s mind properly short circuits for a second. No thoughts, head empty. Certainly not because all his blood is rushing south, of course not. But then Aaron’s eyes meet his, searching, a silent question gleaming in the darkened browns of his irises.

Kevin will never know where he finds the willpower to whisper, “We shouldn’t.”

“Do you not want to?”

“I… Fuck, Aaron, don’t ask me that. That doesn’t matter.” He says, every inch of him aching having to say the words. Aaron opens his mouth to reply but Kevin speaks before he could. “What about Katelyn? What about…”

“Kevin.” Aaron cuts him off, a hand on not even Kevin’s mouth, just on the edge of his cheek but still managing to shut him up effectively. “Stop speaking.” Kevin doesn’t think he could put a sensible sentence together, even if he wanted to. “Do you want me?”

“Jesus, yes.”

Aaron’s smirk is sharp enough to kill a man. “Well then.”

This kiss is different. It’s as if every trace of previous hesitation had been thrown out the window and was replaced with all consuming hunger and need. Kevin feels hit skin set on fire when Aaron cups his jaw, angling it ever so slightly to deepen their kiss, his teeth dragging along Kevin’s lower lip followed by a tongue that dances with his until all he can feel is heat. Kevin’s hands grow a will of their own as they find their way into Aaron’s hair, pulling just so slightly, skimming down, touching and feeling every available inch of skin, finally coming to grip Aaron’s thighs, those fucking thighs that he would kill to run his tongue over. He scratches a line down Aaron’s back as the man trails wet kisses down his neck, sucking at his nape, biting at the skin over his collarbones.

A moan slips out Kevin’s mouth before he can stop himself and Aaron pulls back to smirk at him smugly, grin sweet and dangerous, practically inviting Kevin to kiss it away. And so he does, letting himself be pushed down into the mattress under Aaron, their bodies impossibly close.

“Never… ah, never happening again.” Kevin doesn’t even care about the way Aaron’s insistence makes his heart clench when their hips slot against each other in the same moment, sparking electricity all over his body.

“Shut up.” He mumbles into the blonde’s mouth, his words muffled by another quiet hiss of pleasure from Aaron. And dear God, Kevin wants to beg, get on his knees and plead to hear more, to never be able to forget the sounds, to be given another chance after this. Shirts disappear faster than Kevin’s resolve, and soon all there is between them is their underwear, Aaron’s hand quickly swooping in and palming him without hesitation, pushing the cotton of both their underwear down in one smooth motion, taking them both in hand, his rhythm unforgiving and having both of them out of breath in an embarrassingly short amount of time.

Afterwards, Kevin expects it to be awkward, but to his surprise, it isn’t. They lay next to each other for only as long as they both catch their breaths, Aaron chugging half a bottle of water and tossing the rest to Kevin without saying anything. He stalks into the bathroom after, and comes back in a pair of sweatpants and an oversized hoodie that makes Kevin want to undress him all over again. Kevin repeats the actions, washing himself off with hands that only shake the tiniest bit, and climbing back into bed.

Aaron watches him do so without the slightest resemblance of shame on his face. His expression, unlike his twin’s, usually betrays every bit of emotion he’s feeling is now unreadably neutral, more searching and assessing than anything else. Then, as if it were that easy, he just says, “If you think this is an excuse to cuddle up to me while I’m asleep, you are very much mistaken. If I wake up with as much as your leg touching mine, you’re dead.”

Kevin smiles to himself.

Chapter Text

Aaron

“Oh… God fucking dammit.” Aaron wakes with Kevin’s legs tangled with his under heavy blankets. And look, dear reader, I know what you’re thinking, oh, he promised to kill him if that happens, is he going to do it now? The thing is, Aaron has dealt with a murder charge once before in his life, and he would very much like to not do it again, only because he is pretty sure he would not get out of this one without a life sentence. That is the sole reason he doesn’t end up throwing Kevin out of not only his bed but also his window. The sole reason.

And so, if he has already decided he isn’t going to murder Kevin this morning, then what would be the point of pushing him away, just to wake him up and being forced to listen as he fusses like a bitchy, sleep deprived teenager? Nobody wants to deal with that. So really, it is common sense, not to move and rather stay tangled up in the furnace-like heat of Kevin’s strong body. Aaron is simply doing the sensible thing. And if he scoots a bit closer after he has made sure Kevin is in fact, fast asleep, no one has to know that.

The next time he wakes is to the change in Kevin’s otherwise steady breathing. Both awake in a matter of seconds, they slip out of the bed wordlessly. Kevin shoots an apologetic look Aaron’s way, and Aaron really, really plans on rolling his eyes, but Kevin is staring at him with a deep blush, messy hair, sleep-ridden eyes and the tiniest bit of drying drool in the corner of his mouth, and he looks so shockingly innocent and vulnerable, that all Aaron manages to do is turn away to hide the pink of his own cheeks before storming into the bathroom.

He slams the door shut from the inside, his chest heaving, back to the door. His own reflection mocks him in the mirror, unsurprised, pitying, judging. He stares at himself, at his flushed cheeks and eyes that are swollen from the uncharacteristically long hours of sleep he managed to get last night. He doesn’t think about why he might have slept better than any night in the past several months with Kevin next to him; he writes it off to the simple exhaustion from skiing and left over from the hospital overtaking him. He distracts himself by brushing his teeth with his nondominant hand.

“Did you mean it yesterday, when you told me I was the only one you stayed in contact with?” Kevin’s voice streams through the door suddenly. Aaron chokes on his toothpaste. Kevin Day is going to be the death of him.

“I thought we weren’t going to talk about yesterday.” He says, once he manages to breathe. He flushes again, thinking about what followed after that particular conversation. If one could even call that a conversation. Face flaring with crimson, he is unbelievably thankful for the door between him and Kevin in that moment.

“We never actually said that. You said it was a one-time thing, not the unspeakable.”

He sighs, splashing cold water on his traitorous cheeks. “Do you really think there is need for a discussion here?”

The door opens, Kevin standing behind the dark wood. Aaron doesn’t turn; he watches it all happen in the mirror.

“I don’t know.” Kevin says. “Is there? Are you going to just pretend it didn’t happen, and you can go back to avoiding me? Or freak out again?”

“I told you that wasn’t about us… kissing. I apologized.”

Kevin nods, looking around, looking restless. Aaron waits for him to spit out whatever worries him. Whatever it takes to end this conversation sooner. “I just need to know where we stand, okay, Aaron? Are you going to be weird about this?”

Aaron takes a deep breath, holds it, exhales slowly, turns around. “It is only awkward if we make it awkward, right?”

“Yeah, that does not sound awkward at all.” Kevin grimaces.

“Fuck off.” Aaron says. It doesn’t quite have the intended effect without any vice in his tone. “It’s nothing. It happened once, it doesn’t have to mean anything. Just some friends kissing.”

“Okay. Exactly.” Kevin agrees, blowing out a long-held breath in what Aaron guesses must be relief. “It’s not like you’ve never kissed anyone else on the team.”

Aaron stares at him for a long minute. There is something, he isn’t quite sure what, in Kevin’s tone that makes him uneasy. “Uhm.” He frowns. “Yeah, it is.”

“Huh?”

“I mean, yeah, I’ve never kissed anyone else from the team.” He says in confusion.

“What?” Kevin continues being his usual, annoying self. Aaron cannot understand what possessed him to choose this moron of all people to hook up with. “Why?”

“What do you mean why, Kevin?” He repeats, his voice rising to a pitch he would rather not admit to. “Literally every single person on this team has been in a relationship since college! Plus… Wait a second… Who have you kissed?”

Kevin’s eyes grow comically wide. “Noone!” He barks his answer way too fast.

Aaron cannot believe he’s having this conversation. Maybe he has hit his head. Maybe this entire trip has been a coma dream. “Aha, sure, and me and Josten are secretly best buddies.”

“Knew it!” Kevin jokes with fakes enthusiasm. Aaron is not entertained. He is way too curious to dance around now.

“Don’t deflect, Kevin Day. Who, from the team, have you kissed? No, scratch that. Who, from the people on this trip, have you kissed?”

Kevin’s face turns an impressively deep shade of red. “Well, uhm. Jean. And Jeremy. And Neil and Matt. Though I don’t know if Matt counts, we were both so drunk, I only happened because Dan took a video and showed it to me the next day. Does it count if I don’t remember?”

Aaron stares. “What the fuck.”

“Hey!” Kevin throws a pillow at him, which he deflects with ease. “No slut shaming! Just kisses between friends, like you said. They didn’t mean anything.” They walk out onto the hallway, alongside several hotel room doors. Aaron thanks the universe that they’re still alone and unheard by the time they reach the elevators.

“Just like this one didn’t.” Kevin cocks his head and Aaron sighs deeply, hiding his face behind his hands. “Don’t get any ideas, Day. One-time thing, I told you.”

Kevin pokes out his tongue in response, looking unaffected. They stare at each other for just a second too long. A loud ping sounds around them and the elevator doors open swiftly. Kevin springs away from Aaron as if burned, looking out the door, gaze jumping all over the lobby until it settles on Andrew. Aaron takes a step back, feeling his stomach churn and not in a way that has anything to do with his morning hunger.

Kevin

Kevin stops counting the number of times he falls on their second day. He figures it might be in the hundreds at this point. He also figures he might just sit down instead of trying again and again. He watches the others instead, his eyes instinctively seeking out Aaron’s form in the distance of the steeper slopes and not finding him.

“Didn’t think you’d give up this easily.” A voice rips him out of his daze and he jumps a little, spinning around to see Aaron right behind him, instead of where he’s secretly been looking for him.

“I’m not. Just quietly raging about this fuck-ass activity before I decide to make a fool of myself again.”

Aaron rolls his eyes. “You’re so dramatic.”

“I’m not!” Kevin gasps.

“You’re just bitter ‘cause you’re shit at it.” Kevin doesn’t deny the accusation. There is no point. “You can’t be the best at everything you try, though.”

Kevin scoffs. “Are you saying you’re the best?”

“All I’m saying is that I’m sure as hell better than you.” Kevin should be pissed. Challenged. Bitter. All he is, is hot all over.

“You know what’s the worst part?”

“Your lack of talent?”

“Fuck off!” Kevin flips him off, chuckling. “Well, yes. But also, fucking Neil! He’s never done this before either! Why is he so good at it? He went down a blue slope or whatever today, with like, very little difficulty.”

“Hm. I think,” Aaron muses, looking genuinely thoughtful, “for once in his miserable life, Josten’s insanity might actually come in handy here. He has no regard for his life. He doesn’t care if he gets hurt. If he crashed straight into a tree and broke his leg, he would just get up and say, with that freaky fucking smile, that he is fine. But you care. You’re always aware of how whatever you do could possibly go wrong. You’re too scared, too careful.”

Kevin scowls. “If you’re gonna call me a coward go ahead and do it, no need to beat around the bush.”

“That is not where I was going and you know it. Now you’re just picking a pointless fight.”

“I can’t help it.” He mutters, kicking the snow at his feet.

Aaron elbows him. “What? Being an asshole?”

“Being scared. At the Nest, if you were injured, if you were hurt, you couldn’t play well enough, you would not survive. It’s too engrained in my head. Surviving is all I have ever done my whole life. Everything I ever did was to survive, even when I had no reason to, that was all I wanted, desperately, always.”

“It’s an instinct.” Aaron nods, offering a tight smile when Kevin lets himself peek at his face. “And I didn’t mean to insinuate it’s a bad thing, to say that you have to not care. But you have to let loose a little, if you want to make it off the bunny slope. You’re so tense, your whole body is vibrating.”

“I can’t just let it go.” He huffs. “I don’t trust myself enough to just… do this, without breaking half of my body.”

“You’re on the learning slope surrounded by ten-year-olds. You couldn’t break half your body if you wanted to.” Kevin just gives him a look for an answer.

“Okay fine.” Aaron says, holding his hands up. “I have an idea. But just to be clear, I’m only doing this because you look pathetic.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You don’t trust yourself.” Aaron states, simple and true as that. “Do you trust me?”

“Yes.” The answer comes out way too early and they’re both aware of it. Neither of them acknowledges it though.

“Take my hand then.” And really, who is Kevin to say no to that?

Aaron guides Kevin to the top of the slope, going out of his way to position himself in a way that he can keep holding onto Kevin as they start torturously slowly crawling down the slopes. Kevin leans on him probably too heavily, and he would be embarrassed if he wasn’t still, despite Aaron’s support, way too preoccupied trying not to end up face first in the snow once again.

Aaron grins at him when they arrive safely at the bottom of the hill. “See? It isn’t so hard.”

“Shut up. You’re enjoying this way too much.” And just like that, they’re up the hill again, Aaron correcting Kevin’s posture with a gentle yet burning hand on his back, and they’re sliding down smoothly, wind in their faces and infectious smiles stretching on their lips. Adrenaline soars through Kevin’s veins, and he laughs to himself, tightening his grip on Aaron’s steadying hand, feeling oh-so-so alive.

They go again and again and again, until the muscles in Kevin’s face feels just as sore as the ones in his legs. It is after their umpteenth go, on one of the steeper slopes, that he ends up losing his balance badly enough that Aaron can’t keep him upright, despite the grip they have on each other. He lets out a shriek high-pitched enough to rival a little girl’s, tumbling down onto the ground gracelessly.

“Ow…fuck. What the fuck, Kevin?” Aaron groans above him. Wait. Above him? Kevin blinks, slightly disoriented. Aaron looks back at him from way closer than he expects. He’s practically laying on top of Kevin, his weight heavy but most definitely not unwelcome.

Their eyes meet and for a second, they just stare, silence and snow enveloping them. Then they burst out laughing, heaving in breaths as they chuckle hard enough that a drop of tear forms in the corner of Kevin’s eye. After an embarrassingly long time, they gather themselves enough to stop screeching with laughter at their own misfortune. Aaron takes a deep breath and exhales one last cackle, letting his face bury itself into the crook of Kevin’s snowsuit-covered neck. Despite the devastating, freezing cold of snow under him, Kevin feels scorching hot, his body suddenly on fire. He sucks in a breath sharp enough to pierce through the delirious bubble around them.

Aaron freezes, his entire body growing rigid within a second. His head snaps up, wide eyes blazing into Kevin’s. They’re so impossibly close. He feels his throat go dry and he licks his lips instinctively. Aaron’s eyes follow the movement, his own breath held as well. Kevin swallows hard and it seems to wake up Aaron, who clears his throat, tearing his gaze away.

“Not here.” He croaks, voice deep and raspy. Kevin feels himself lose his mind a little bit with the unspoken promise in Aaron’s sentence that suddenly hangs between them.

Aaron

Kevin takes an obnoxious twenty minutes to finish his ridiculously extensive haircare routine after they have both showered. Aaron waits for him lying around in his bed, checking his phone. He has a bunch of messages in the old Foxes group chat, which he had been forced to unmute for the time being, most of which consist of Nicky, Matt and Jeremy exchanging good morning selfies, because they are simply too full of joy and happiness and all that positivity bullshit and it needs an outlet before their stupid faces explode. Allison sends an all-caps text telling everyone they’re all eating lunch together at two, nobody be late.

He smiles as he opens the next text thread. Katelyn’s. She has sent him a text that rivals a short novel in length, something about a brain tumor and mint ice cream. He stretches, about to click on the video that follows it, hissing when he feels the low burn spread in his legs with the movement. “Fuck.”

“Sore?” A voice asks from behind him. He shuts the video so fast he almost drops his phone, feeling caught doing something he shouldn’t have been. He isn’t sure why; it’s not as if he and Katelyn still have something, or that he and Kevin do. It’s not forbidden to talk to his ex, they are friends after all; Kevin, no, everybody knows that.

Still, Aaron may be a tactless asshole, but he is not that much of an asshole. He will not make the man he hooked up with only hours before, listen to the voice of his ex early in the morning, so instead, he drops his phone and just says, “Not all of us are professional athletes, Kevin.”

“True. But you’ve been working out.” Kevin’s eyes sweep up and down Aaron’s body unashamedly, and Aaron squirms under his gaze, forever disliking being perceived.

“I go to the gym sometimes. Mostly don’t have time to, though.” He’s overly aware of how obvious that is, when looking at him the way Kevin is right now. He’s lost muscle since quitting Exy and he’s never been one to worry about diets. He doesn’t have a problem with his body, but he has a little tummy and he is very conscious about it in the moment. He wonders if Kevin is disappointed with what he sees. He wonders, not for the first time, if he wishes Aaron still looked more similar to Andrew. Maybe, he thinks, if he squints a little, he can still pretend.

“Where are you sore?”

He gulps, pushing ridiculous thoughts to the back of his mind. It doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter. Aaron doesn’t care what Kevin thinks of him, because there is nothing between them. “My thighs, a bit. Mostly my calves though.”

“Is it because of your knee?”

“What?”

“Your right knee.” Kevin gestures. “It was always weaker, I assumed some old injury. You have to overcompensate, right? That’s why your calves are so sore.”

“I never told you about my knee.” Aaron blurts, ignoring the rest of what Kevin said completely.

Kevin looks up, a curious look in his eyes. “You didn’t have to. I noticed it immediately, back in Palmetto. You always favored your left side on the court.” He says it as if it was the most obvious observation. Aaron blanks for a second. He has never told anyone about his knee. And nobody has asked.

“My mother pushed me down the stairs when I was thirteen.” He explains. “I couldn’t stand on it for two days, on the third, I walked all the way to school. She wouldn’t take me to the hospital so I went to the school nurse, told her I had a skateboarding accident. Turns out my knee was dislocated.”

“What the fuck, Aaron.” Kevin mutters, voice strained.

“She set it and it healed alright, but it hasn’t been a hundred percent ever since.”

“You should see a doctor about it, if it’s still acting up. Fifteen years is a long time to be in pain.”

“I am a doctor, Kevin. I am also surrounded by them literally twenty-four seven. If I wanted it checked out, it would already be done. It’s not bothering me. It doesn’t hurt.”

Kevin gives him an unimpressed look. “Yeah, I can see that.”

Aaron despises him, really. “Only when I’m putting too much strain on it.” He mumbles.

“I could massage it for you. Not your knee, I mean. Your calves.”

“Uhm.”

“You don’t have to say yes. I just… uhm. If you wanted to, I could. It might help.”

Aaron is well aware that this is a very, very bad idea. But Aaron has never been known to make particularly great decisions, now, has he? “Sure. Why not?”

Why not? Well, because, the next words out of Kevin’s mouth are, “Okay. Strip then, pants off.” As soon as he utters them, Kevin’s eyes widen slightly, as if just then realizing what he has said. He blushes deeply, the crimson creeping up his exposed neck all the way to his ears. Aaron has the distant thought that he looks kind of adorable in the moment, but he is thankfully too busy trying, and failing, to keep his own face from turning a similar shade.

“Is this just a ploy to get me out of my pants?”

“It’s working, isn’t it?”

Aaron gives an exaggerated sigh as his only response. He shifts though, lifting his hips from where he’s sitting and tugging of his sweatpants in one swift motion. Kevin watches him the entire time, gaze intent and scorching hot as it travels from Aaron’s hips down to his thighs then back. “You are extremely unprofessional, Kevin Day.” Kevin throws the bottle of lotion he just fished from his bag at Aaron’s face. Aaron catches it with a judgmental frown before tossing it right back.

Kevin does his best to warm up the lotion before touching him, but that does not stop Aaron from getting goosebumps all the way up to his neck. He blames it on the season. Kevin’s hands travel up and down his calves, pressing and prodding. Aaron grits his teeth, cursing both himself and the other man for everything they did that led to this.

Kevin winces apologetically when a choked “Fuck.” escapes Aaron’s mouth. He eases the pressure and lets his hands travel further up Aaron’s legs, his fingers caressing, because really, there is no better word for what the hell they’re doing, around his knees. Aaron feels himself break out in goosebumps once again. “Kevin.” He breathes somewhere between a warming and a moan, his voice sounding strange to his own ears as he too focused on the hands on his legs to pay attention to anything else properly.

Kevin looks at him, pupils blown but the corners of his eyes crinkling in badly masked amusement. “Thighs?” Fuck this guy, seriously, Aaron thinks. And then, you could, his mind supplies, because as established, it is in fact actively working to betray and drive Aaron to an early grave. Aaron nods, because he doesn’t think he can do much else, and watches as Kevin shifts closer so he can reach him. He makes the mistake of glancing down to where their skin touch, warm brown against pale white, the dangerous sight of Kevin’s hands sliding along the muscles in his thighs captivating him until he can’t force his gaze away despite his best efforts.

Kevin is leaning over Aaron, pushing the palm of his hands into sore flesh, and it should hurt, but Aaron finds he doesn’t have it in himself to care about pain at the moment, brain too preoccupied in the pleasure, the fucking intimacy of what is happening. Damn Kevin Day and his hands. Kevin Day, who towers over him, suddenly sweating slightly and breathing just as heavy as he is, their breaths mixing halfway between them. Kevin’s hands travel into a territory that could most definitely not be considered professional anymore, and they both gasp, their heads snapping up, a soft moan escaping Aaron before he could control himself.

“One-time thing, huh?” Kevin asks, and Aaron can’t decide if he wants to kiss or kick him more.

“You’re so fucking infuriating.” He hisses, sitting up straight, pushing Kevin back. “Asshole.”

“Charming.” Kevin grins. Aaron can’t bear it. His earlier words in the snow echo ruthlessly in his mind. He pushes him further until Kevin is the one leaning on his elbows and looking up at him.

Their kiss is scorching, a heatwave traveling through their bodies, burning down everything in sight except for the two of them. Kevin bites at his lips and sucks, his tongue curling into Aaron’s eagerly until they’re both gasping. It is sloppy, it is messy, and Aaron feels dizzy by the time they pull apart, only for Kevin to follow him, sitting up and immediately latching onto the crook of his neck, traveling wet kisses down until he reaches his collarbone.

“We… fuck, Kev…” He sighs, feeling his face heat up at the desperation in his voice. “This is a really stupid idea.”

“Tell me to stop and I will.”

Aaron should. He really, really should tell him to stop. This, him and Kevin, cannot be a good idea. Aaron knows it, they both know it. As much as he would prefer to never admit it, Kevin is Aaron’s best friend. There was a time when he was his only friend, when they were both clinging onto each other in their darkness so hard they were left with bruises, in the metaphorical sense only. Andrew had been skeptical, of course, but when is he not? He told Aaron his connection to Kevin is nothing but a desperate trauma induced, last resort clutch at normalcy, but Aaron knows that’s not true. It might have started that way, both of them only interacting with the other because they were so lost to everyone else, so desperately lonely and alone. But that was years ago. Kevin had turned out to be actually pleasant to be around, and Aaron’s insults have turned from meaning to be offensive to nothing but banter and teasing. It is good, enough. And it has been so for years, so why doesn’t it feel enough now? He can’t ruin whatever they have built in years for a fun few days of hooking up, can he?

Aaron really should tell Kevin stop. But God knows he is a weak man, because all he does is drag the man’s face up to level with his own and kiss him again, allowing himself to lose his breath, pressing closer and closer until it feels impossible to do any more so, their lips meeting his personal solace and hell at the same time.

The voice breaks through the sounds of their panting like a hammer crashing into delicate glass. He jumps back in alarm before he could stop himself and Kevin scrambles, his head snapping towards the door swiftly. It takes Aaron several seconds to realize what is happening; what he’s hearing. Who he’s hearing. “…and then he tells us he went out that morning to get ice cream! Like he doesn’t know he needs to fast before a surgery! And he got mint, of all the flavors, Aaron! Who even gets-“

Remember, dear reader, when Aaron said he is not enough of an asshole to have Kevin listen to Katelyn after hooking up? Well, he didn’t say anything about right while hooking up, now did he?

“Oh my fucking God.” He mutters, scrambling out of bed and reaching for his phone they had apparently managed to knock off the bed just in a way that his last fucking message would start playing. “This cannot be happening to me.” He mutes the entire phone, then deletes the video, and for good measure, he even shuts the phone off completely before turning back to face Kevin.

“Katelyn?” Kevin asks quietly, running a hand through his already very much messed up hair, courtesy of Aaron.

“Sorry.” He blurts. He isn’t sure he ever apologized about anything to Kevin before their trip had begun. “It was just a video she sent me. Total nonsense. Must’ve knocked my phone off the bed…”

Kevin looks away, forehead creasing deep in thought. Well, Aaron thinks, at least he got his wish, nothing will happen now, because this has surely ruined both their mood. Which is a good thing. Because they shouldn’t be hooking up. He shouldn’t be feeling disappointed.

“So the two of you still… you know?” He gestures lamely, looking anywhere but at Aaron.

“We’re friends.”

“Is that all you are? Because Aaron, if you wanna get back together with Katelyn, I can’t…“

“I’m not getting back together with her.”

“I don’t want to get in your way if you change your mind.” Aaron kind of wants to break Kevin’s face. He also kind of wants to die, because he is in fact getting painfully hard in his boxers, and now Kevin’s freaking out on him, understandably, and he’s just gonna have to take care of himself alone in the bathroom, while Kevin is just meters away from him out here, while they both know that Aaron is, unfortunately, thinking about him while getting himself off. Oh, how low he had fallen. This might be one of the most embarrassing moments of his life, if he thinks about it.

“Kate and I are friends and nothing more. Just like this,” he gestures between the two of them, “is nothing more.”

“Okay.” Kevin nods simply. “Can I suck you off then?”

“What?”

Kevin gets off the bed, takes a careful step toward Aaron where he’s standing on the other side of the room. “We both want this. You’re hard. Let me take care of you.” Aaron doesn’t believe in God anymore, but he does think it would be nice if some higher power could just strike him down right about now. Kevin takes another step, two, three, coming to stand flush against Aaron, his breath tickling and sending shivers down his neck when he leans close. “It doesn’t have to be anything. And you can keep saying it’s a one-time thing. It is technically the same day, I came over after midnight last night, so it would even be true. One day, one time, you know.”

And look, Aaron already knew this whole thing was a horrible idea. He has eyes, he is aware just how unfairly attractive Kevin Day is. He has seen him flash smiles and flirt with countless people at Eden’s. And okay, perhaps he had thought about what it must be like, to be that other person, on the receiving end of Kevin’s grin and wink, a little too many times for it to not mean anything. Whatever, he will not delve into that, not now. The point is, because he is rambling, head filled with nothing but images of what Kevin must look like on his knees, Jesus Christ; the point is that unknowingly, he had made up an expectation for Kevin to be like, in a situation like this: confident, collected, arrogant perhaps, because when is he not. Aaron thinks if it was like that, it would be easier to say no. But he’s not, he’s pleading and wide-eyed and desperate, and Aaron cannot, for the life of himself, pass up an opportunity to witness the Kevin Day fall even further apart.

“Let me suck you off.” Kevin whispers again, not pressuring but asking, as if it was his biggest wish in life, to have Aaron in his mouth.

Aaron’s world spins a little, his breath hitching. In all his previous encounters, Aaron had insisted he be the one to first pleasure his partner, no matter the situation. It has always been his priority. He enjoys it, making someone fall apart under his tongue, his fingers, his own body. But Kevin sinks to his knees and blinks up at him with his mouth slightly parted in anticipation and lust-lidded eyes, and well, Aaron can’t say no to a sight like that, can he? Kevin smirks at his consent and pushes him back until his back hits the nearest wall, before diving down and pulling Aaron’s boxers off of him in a second.

Aaron loses his mind the second Kevin’s mouth is around his cock, hot and quick and so, so fucking eager. Strong arms sneak around his thighs, gripping firmly, as if knowing Aaron’s knees would buckle otherwise. Kevin swallows down around his length. He looks sinful, teary gaze trained at Aaron, mouth wide open, cheeks hollowed in his mission to make him come undone. He overwhelms Aaron’s every sense, who genuinely shocks himself with how he reacts to the man’s touch, how easily he lets himself fall apart, helpless to do anything else, really. It’s dangerous. He should not let himself do this, but he is so devastated by everything Kevin, Kevin and Kevin, that he doesn’t even care anymore. Their gazes meet as Kevin bobs his head and Aaron bucks his hips involuntarily. Kevin gasps around him and Aaron pulls back, swearing up a storm and muttering a hushed, “Fuck, sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Kevin rasps, sucking a bruise into Aaron’s inner thigh between his words. “Do it again. I like it.” And well. Aaron does do it again, and again and again, fucking Kevin’s heavenly mouth, frantically chasing his pleasure while listening to every noise Kevin makes, trying his best to commit them all to memory. As it turns out, where Kevin is usually careful and withdrawn in life, he is the opposite in bed; loud and vocal and unashamed. He moans so loudly that Aaron would worry about the soundproofing, if he wasn’t so preoccupied, his fingers tangling in dark hair and pulling just so, gripping tight while he mumbles a string of curses and incoherent warnings.

“Fuck, Kev. Kev, I’m gonna…” Aaron’s hips lose their rhythm and Kevin takes over, bobbing his head relentlessly, setting an unforgiving pace, because of course he does, ever the overachiever, and Aaron comes within seconds, throwing an arm over his mouth to muffle his groan.

He slumps against the wall, feeling a slight tremor in his legs as he fights to hold himself up. He breathes in deep, exhales. Kevin sinks back to sit on his knees, his chest heaving, lips slick with spit and cum. He’s never been more beautiful. Aaron’s head spins with the force of the sudden thought and he blinks, opening his mouth to say something, anything, as long as it keeps him from thinking. “Do you want me to…?” He ends up blurting out, faltering halfway and gesturing rather lamely at Kevin’s crotch.

If he hasn’t been with him all day, he would think Kevin has somehow managed to get a heatstroke, based on the deep red flush that spreads all over his face. “Uhm…” He says, eloquent as always.

Aaron frowns. “You don’t have to say yes, Kevin, if you don’t want to.”

“I want to.” Kevin says, a beat too fast, which they carefully ignore. “It’s just that, well… I kind of already… came?”

Aaron feels a grin stretch across his face. “Oh my God. Kevin, did you come in your pants while sucking me off?”

Kevin wipes his mouth before pouting. “Not funny.”

“God, no.” Aaron’s smug grin widens, if that is even possible, before he sinks to his knees to level with the man. “Kev, Jesus. Look at you, you’re wrecked and I didn’t even touch you.” He coos, his palm pressing lightly against Kevin’s crotch that is still covered by his jeans. Kevin squirms, overstimulated, glaring at Aaron with narrow eyes.

“You could.” He offers through gritted teeth.

Aaron can’t help the chuckle that falls from his lips. He can’t think of a single reason why they weren’t doing this before, why it had seemed such a horrible idea. This is fun. In fact, it might just be the most fun Aaron has had in the past several months.

Despite the fact that he just came less than two minutes ago, a feral kind of interest stirs low in his stomach. He wants to see Kevin fall apart and put him back together, he wants to hear him beg and give everything he has to him. He can picture it perfectly, Kevin spread out on his bed, clutching and fisting the sheets, back arching and abs flexing under salty-sweet sweaty slick skin. The fantasy burrows itself deep into his mind the second it forms in his stupid imagination, and Aaron knows he is fucked. Perhaps, he considers, if he just makes it all come true and sees it once for himself, he can rid himself of such ideas. Get it all out of his system once and for all. It should be easy, right? It’s not like he’s in love with the guy or anything.

Aaron falls asleep with that thought on his mind and an awkward space left between his and Kevin’s body.

…………………………………………

What feels like mere minutes, but is in reality probably a few hours, later, Aaron wakes up drenched in sweat, gasping for precious air while he shoots upright in bed. His heart beats so hard in his chest, he fears it might break a rib if he doesn’t calm down. His head spins, the remnants of his nightmare still all over his mind, making him dizzy with nausea. The bitterly familiar sound of an Exy racket crashing into flesh and cracking bone still echoes in his mind when he feels the mattress shift under him. He rubs his eyes open, disoriented enough that he only just then realizes where he is and with whom. Fuck. Kevin.

Kevin, who blinks up at him with wide eyes and whispers quietly, his voice slightly raspy with sleep, but more calming than anything. “Aaron? You’re okay.” Aaron fights his own body, forcing away tears threatening to spill from the corners of his eyes. He wills himself to inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. “You’re okay, love. Andrew’s okay. I’m okay.”

Aaron takes another shaky breath, before he speaks. “Fuck. I… Thank you.”

Kevin doesn’t acknowledge his thanks. “Nightmare?”

Aaron only nods. He knows it’s not a surprise to Kevin; they have roomed together after Josten’s Baltimore incident after all, when the memory of the torrid Thanksgiving affair was still fresh in Aaron’s mind, nightmares haunting him more often than not. He knows Kevin had woken up to his erratic breathing several times, but just like so many other things, they’ve never once addressed the situation. It always went the same: Aaron woke up terrified, went into the bathroom to either dry heave into the toilet or wash his face, and when he came back, there was a cup of hot tea by his bed. Every time, Kevin made him tea, a gesture so sweet and so caring, it usually ripped Aaron straight out of whatever nightmare plagued him; but never, not in all those years, has Kevin said anything.

“Drake?”

Aaron’s head snaps Kevin’s way. “What?”

“Sorry. I don’t mean to pry. Forget I asked, it’s none of my business.”

Kevin shifts on the mattress, and Aaron only just notices how far he’s sitting, scooting even further, at this point threatening to fall off the bed. Aaron isn’t sure what to do with that. Katelyn is the only other person who has waken with him in a situation like this and she’s always tried to soothe him with strokes across his back. Aaron never minded Kate’s closeness, but he finds strange, overwhelming comfort in the distance Kevin is offering him.

“You’re gonna fall off the bed.” Aaron says dumbly, cursing himself internally. “Come back.”

“You don’t mind? I’ll give you space. I can sleep on the couch, really.”

Aaron shakes his head before he consciously makes a decision. “It’s not really Drake. It’s more about killing him, you know.” He admits in a whisper. Kevin hums and Aaron chuckles dryly to himself. “Is that selfish? That it isn’t what he did that I still can’t escape but what I did?”

Kevin gets up, stalks over to the table that has a couple packets of tea and an electric kettle and takes a cup out of a drawer.  “That’s stupid.”

Aaron huffs. “The whole thing is stupid, isn’t it? It was so long ago.”

“It was extremely traumatizing. It’s normal you’re still affected by it.”

“I don’t regret it, you know. Killing him, I mean.” Kevin stays quiet and for a moment, the only sound between them is the whirring of the kettle. “I would do it again, in a heartbeat. I’m not proud of that, but it is the truth. It’s why me and Kate broke up, actually. I lied the other day.”

“What?”

“Yeah. She was great about the whole murder thing even when it was still fresh. She was so understanding, handled it so well. But we never really talked about it, but she knew I didn’t regret it, and I could see that deep down, it was bothering her. It was just too much, after a while. I didn’t want her to not be the absolute happiest, so I broke things off. She is an amazing person, she deserves someone equally amazing to be her partner.”

“You’re amazing.”

“We both know that’s a lie.”

Kevin shakes his head, his messy, bedridden hair flailing around. “You’re good. Maybe a little fucked up, yeah, but just as much as any of us, nothing wrong with that.” He jokes.

“I killed a person.” Is all Aaron says to that.

“So did Neil. And Renee.” Kevin counters, pushing the hot mug into Aaron’s hands. Their fingers brush lightly as he reaches to take it, and he feels warmth and comfort seep back into his body at the contact. He’s thankful the conversation distracts him enough not to be able to think too much about that.

“That’s different.” He says, swallowing hard. “They did it to survive.”

“And you did it so your brother could survive. And it’s not like he didn’t deserve it.”

“You can’t say that. Especially not when you cried when Riko died. If there is one asshole who deserved to…”

“I didn’t cry because… Riko was different. He wasn’t a…”

Aaron tips his head, taking a sip of his tea. “A rapist?”

“Yeah, that.” Kevin agrees awkwardly. “Riko was just a bad person shaped by a bad family and bad circumstances. But he was my brother too, for a while, my best friend. I cried when he died because I was horrified by myself, by the fact that even though he used to mean so much, I still couldn’t feel sorry for him.”

“You mourned him.”

“Eventually.” He nods. “You of all people should know grief is complicated like that. I mourned what he could’ve been, what we could’ve been, in another life. I think I mourned that more than the actual loss of him. I was, I am relieved he was dead. Happy even, deep down. And I mean, if I can find the good in Riko being dead then I sure as fuck can find the good in Drake being dead.”

Aaron can’t stop himself from huffing out a slightly shocked, slightly amused breath. “That’s shockingly bold of you to say.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He rushes to say. “It’s a good thing, I like it.”

“Still, I won’t talk about Drake, or this whole thing. The nightmare, I mean. But you know, also, I’m here if you ever want to talk about it.”

“You know Kevin, you really are not the coward everyone claims you are.”

Neither of them says anything after that. There is nothing to say, really. Aaron finishes his tea and lays back down, not bothering to check the time. They might be exhausted tomorrow, but they will be exhausted together, and that thought causes his chest to bloom with warmth. This too, can be their little secret. Aaron has a twin, and yet it is Kevin, who offers him the kind of understanding he’s never before felt in life. Kevin just gets him so well, everything is just so easy with him, it all comes naturally. He might be the only person Aaron doesn’t feel an obligation to explain himself to, and yet, he does so, without needing to, simply because he knows he can say it all to Kevin and he will listen.

“You’re staring.” Kevin whispers after a long time, when Aaron thought he was already asleep. “Are you sure you don’t want me to give you some space?”

“Stay.” Aaron says. Kevin only hums; they are both asleep within the next minute.

Chapter Text

Kevin

Aaron has Kevin panting and pinned against the hardwood door of his hotel bathroom when both of their phones chime with a loud ping that makes them jump apart. Aaron is faster to check the message, fishing his phone out of his pocket and scanning the bright screen. When he notices Kevin just stare at him expectantly, lips too numb to ask, he gives an overdramatic sigh.  “Allison has managed to find and reserve an ice-skating rink for us for tonight. And she will, and I quote, see all of us bitches there, no excuses.”

Kevin, with his mind too hazy and lust-filled, just blurts, “At least it’s not skiing. When?”

Aaron mutes the phone before he slips it back into his pocket. “Seven.” He steps up flush against Kevin once again, mouth hovering over his exposed collarbone, knocking the air right out of his lungs. “That means we still have half an hour left.”

“Better spend it well then.” Kevin mutters, drawing in a sharp breath when Aaron ghosts his lips over a sensitive spot he had bitten and kissed just a minute before. “Mhm, fuck.”

“Exactly.” Aaron murmurs between wet kisses and bites along prickling skin, making Kevin whine in a tone high enough for him to never want to admit to. “Oh, you like that, huh?” Aaron, the asshole, chuckles, glancing up at Kevin, likely to find him blushing furiously. “Want me to leave a mark, Kevin? Would you like that? A reminder for tomorrow? Are you gonna look at it in the mirror and this about this?” Kevin wants to die. And take Aaron with himself into whatever hell he’s going to, so they can continue this there.

All the response Kevin offers is an encouraging moan, but that seems enough for Aaron, who busies his mouth with painting Kevin’s neck red and purple with pleasure. When he deems he has done enough, he leans back to inspect his work and smirks widely in satisfaction. His eyes spark in a mysterious, almost childlike joyous, pleased way that Kevin has never seen on him before, and it is so fucking adorable, he can’t help but giggle a little bit.

Aaron frowns at him. “What are you laughing at?”

“Nothing, you just surprised me. I’ve never seen you smile like that. Kind of… dorky.”

“Fuck right off, why don’t you.”

“It was cute, really.”

The space between Aaron’s eyebrows creases as his scowl furthers, making Kevin want to press a soothing finger, or a kiss, there. “Kevin. I will leave you here alone, all hot and bothered.” He threatens. His arm sneaks around Kevin and comes to grip his ass firmly, grasping and pulling him impossibly closer. Kevin’s breath hitches. “Well, that shut you up quickly, didn’t it? Maybe I should do it more often.”

“Maybe.” Kevin bends down to kiss him, desperate and needy. As if already forgetting he’s supposed to be mad, Aaron kisses him back hungrily, his tongue swiping over Kevin’s lower lip, sending a shiver down his spine and all his blood further south. “To- touch me.” He says, panting between kisses. “Please, fuck, Aaron, I need you to touch me.”

“So needy.” Aaron makes a show of rolling his eyes before looking back at Kevin. He plays it cool but his blown pupils betray him. They tell a different story, one in which he wants this just as much as Kevin does, and that, well that really does something for Kevin. Never in his wildest dreams, has he imagined spending this weekend, or any, making out sloppily with Aaron Minyard. But now it’s happening, even though they both know it’s not leading anywhere, that it’s not going to last, and Kevin doesn’t quite know what to do with that. How can they go back to being friends after this? How can he just let go of what he yearned for longer than he’d like to admit?

His thoughts and worries evaporate the second Aaron kneels in front of him, holding his hips in a bruising grip, eyes intent. He fumbles a little with the button on Kevin’s jeans and says, simple as ever, not ashamed but more informative, blunt and unapologetic, and just so, so Aaron, “I’ve never actually done this.” Kevin thinks he might spontaneously combust from the emotions that swell in his chest. Then, only a second later, to make matters worse, “I want to make this good for you. Tell me what you like.”

And oh, Kevin does. He does, tell Aaron, and Aaron complies, his mouth even, impossibly, better than his hands were only a night before. He stares at Kevin’s dick at first, only for a second, with clinical interest, before remembering himself and wrapping his lips around it. He gags the first time it hits the back of his throat, and the second time, and maybe the third, but he goes back more eager every time. It is sloppy, and inexperienced, not that Kevin himself has had much sex in his life, but Aaron is as determined as he is a fast study, and only minutes after they begun, he has Kevin biting his lips and stifling breathy moans into the crook of his elbow, fearing they might be too loud for the delicate hotel walls. Kevin bites the inside of his cheek to silence himself, but it’s all in vain, and the absolutely pathetic, half-muffled whimper he lets out only seems to spur Aaron on.

Just when Kevin feels his legs start to tremble slightly under him, Aaron pulls off and swats at his hand. “Don’t. The others are probably all gone already. Let me hear you.” He says, because he is evil and wants Kevin to die on the spot, apparently. Kevin lets his arm fall to then tangle his fingers in Aaron’s hair, trying his best not to pull too hard when Aaron goes back to his ministrations. “Good.” Once again, and not be dramatic, Kevin’s heart almost stops.

When Kevin hits his second orgasm that day, he comes so hard his vision goes all white for a second. He despises himself for how fast he decides Aaron had just given him the best head of his miserable life. He shouldn’t be thinking such thoughts, it is as inappropriate as it is unwanted, which is to say, really, really fucking much. This is Aaron. His best friend. A straight guy, because despite all this, Aaron has never once indicated otherwise. He’s someone Kevin can never have. Not that he wants him; he hasn’t, not for years. He is not the same person he was back in Palmetto, sobbing into the arms of a boy who looked so much like the one whose fingerprints were bruised black into the skin on Kevin’s neck. He does not have the same temptations that bloomed deep in his chest back then. He is not falling in love. He isn’t.

(See, dear reader, the thing is, Kevin Day is a fucking liar. He lies, to you, to his fans, to the world, to himself. Do not trust anything he says, not even when he is saying it to himself. It is all an attempt to convince his mind, a weak and impressionable thing just like the man it belongs to.)

Still trembling with the force of his orgasm, Kevin reaches out toward Aaron. He pushes his pants down, palming at his boxers stained with a patch of precum already. He wraps his hands around Aaron’s cock, setting a relentless rhythm, knowing Aaron doesn’t need a lot to push him over the edge. Kevin’s grip is weak from how hard he had been holding onto the nearby shelf on one side and anything he could find on the other. Aaron reaches down between them, his hand on Kevin’s somehow infinitely more intimate than his mouth on his dick was. Kevin struggles to breathe, and so does Aaron, he thinks, but he can’t be sure, too busy trying not to keel over. Aaron’s hands are smaller than his, but stronger in the moment, as he curls his fingers over Kevin’s and jerks himself off moving both their wrists.

He watches Aaron ride the waves of his orgasm, fucking into their joint grip shakily. Kevin wipes both their hands in his shirt, pulling it over his head and tossing it into the corner carelessly. He washes his hands, not missing the way Aaron’s eyes follow his movements. Objectively, he knows he is an attractive guy, body lean with muscle, skin tan, although now tainted, no, adorned, with already darkening bruises blooming all over it.

He stares in the mirror, not meeting Aaron’s gaze but aware of it. He wonders what Aaron sees when he looks at him. What is this for Aaron? An experiment? A last resort at comfortable touch? A rebound so desperate he doesn’t even care if it’s a man he’s fooling around with? A joke gone too far? Realistically, it’s probably not even that. Just nothing, simple as ever. He wishes he could crack the man’s skull open and peer inside, perhaps poke a finger in and mix around just so and so, just in a way that would allow Aaron to look at him and feel even a third of what he feels. But in the end, Aaron is straight, and Kevin can never come out, and this is a one-time thing, it is all it will ever be. And it is fine. Kevin is fine, with that too, he is fine.

“We should go.” He says, swallowing hard.

“Tell me something first.”

Kevin stops, pulling on a new shirt. “I don’t think I actually hate skiing.”

Aaron splutters a shocked laugh, a single eyebrow rising skeptically. “Could’ve fooled me.”

“No, I mean, I don’t enjoy doing it. But I like watching you. You’re good, it is very captivating to watch. Like I can’t look away from you and your…”

“My what?”

“Nothing.”

“Kev.” Oh, fuck Aaron for knowing what hearing that nickname that he only ever uses while fucking does to him, even when they are not touching.

“Your thighs.” He answers, feeling his ears burn. It should not be this embarrassing to admit he finds Aaron hot when less than five minutes ago he had his dick in his hand and tongue in his mouth.

Aaron frowns before understanding dawns on him and he chuckles, once again, cockily, at Kevin. “My thighs?”

Kevin steps closer once again, always orbiting Aaron like he is his personal Sun, letting his fingers graze against the pale skin of those godforsaken thighs that have haunted his dreams since he’d first seen Aaron ski a few days ago. “My fucking God, yes. Just so… Perfect.” He shakes his head, images flashing in his mind. “They’re sinful. I can’t look at them and not want to bite them.”

Aaron stares at him almost in disbelief before Kevin squeezes around said thighs, fingers gripping into his flesh. Then he huffs out a shaky breath, probably still overly sensitive from what they had just done minutes prior. “Insatiable.” He murmurs amusedly. “You are an insatiable and ridiculous man, Kevin Day.” He swats Kevin’s hands away. Kevin goes with a whine, mourning the loss of strong muscle under his fingers immediately upon losing sweet contact. Aaron shoots him an exasperated look. “Let’s go, we need to leave.”

“I’d much prefer to stay here.”

“You cannot be seriously still horny.” He gives a theatrical eyeroll. “Are you drinking today?”

“Maybe.” He says. Since their arrival, he hasn’t drank more than those couple glasses of champagne he toasted with during their first evening. He doesn’t make a habit of it anymore, drinking at every opportunity presented. He had quit years ago; the heavy drinking, not alcohol as a whole. He enjoys the occasional glass of wine, a beer with the team, a cocktail here and there. Not often, never when he’s anxious or alone, and never vodka. It would be too easy to fall back into old habits otherwise. The understanding behind the question reminds him of Aaron’s past he often tends to forget and something twists inside his stomach.

“Come on, I’ll buy you Glühwein.”

“Glühwein?” Kevin repeats, his certainty that he butchers the pronunciation reassured by Aaron’s scowl.

“Don’t ever try to say that again. Mulled wine. Hot, spicy. Kind of like a hot punch.”

“So we’re drinking while skating now, are we? Isn’t that like, dangerous?”

“Glühwein is essential to ice skating, actually. Erik and Nicky took us a few times in Germany. Every rink has at least one stand beside it. It’s much more fun after a few glasses.”

Kevin considers this. A couple years ago, he wouldn’t have needed a second to think it over. If a drink was offered, if it wasn’t, he would down it and then another two, regardless. He was not aware that was a problem; it had seemed so normal. A drink before every interview, every banquet, every exam and so on. When Kevin wasn’t thinking about Exy, he was thinking about getting a drink. Nobody had noticed; or maybe they had, and just… ignored it. Jean was the one who had said he needed to stop. Jean, Kevin’s oldest friend, his first love and heartbreak, in many ways forever the most important person in his life, Jean, who Kevin only ever once said no to, that one time he had regretted ever since.

“It will be fine, it’s not like we’ll be getting drunk and falling over ourselves. Totally safe.” Aaron reassures him, poking at his left hand. “But if you don’t want to, you don’t have to.”

They do, in fact, get way too tipsy for what is probably considered safe for ice skating, but the girl standing behind the Glühwein stand is somewhat of an Exy fan and recognizes Kevin, and after some small talk, a selfie and a signature later, they end up with a bunch of free drinks. Not to worry though, because it all turns out to be an incredibly fortunate turn of events. Here is the situation: Kevin has had two mugs of the hot wine, Aaron is on his fourth. He is… he’s not drunk, Kevin wouldn’t say so. But he certainly is tipsy enough to stumble on the ice and not think too much about grabbing Kevin’s hand for support. And then keeping on holding it, even after regaining an although slightly shaky, sense of balance. Kevin does not complain.

If he were to complain about one thing, it would be about his mind continuously, torturously reminding him of the last time their hands were clasped together, around Aaron’s cock, barely two hours before. Now, their fingers tangle and squeeze around every corner the turn and every stumble they laugh off, as if it comes as a mutual instinct, as if it is only natural to hang onto each other. Kevin finds himself at ease like this, which is a bit mental, considering they’re sliding around on ice and metal blades. Regardless, he smiles like the idiot he is, and Aaron smiles back at him; and when he sees Neil and Andrew frown at them, he ignores it blissfully. At least he delights himself in the pair’s absolutely horrendous attempts at this sport.

“It’s your turn now.” He finds himself saying, breaking the silence between them so long only filled by background pop and several of their group members’ atrocious singing along.

“My turn for what?”

“Tell me something?” He says sheepishly.

Aaron chuckles, the sound barely loud enough for Kevin to hear. “I missed you. Before this trip.” He says, and Kevin almost trips over his skates as the sentence registers in his mind.

“Did you, now?” He jokes.

Aaron immediately grimaces, before jabbing an elbow into Kevin’s side for good measure. “I take it back. Nevermind.”

Kevin turns as much as he can manage without completely losing his balance. “Sorry.” He grins in what he hopes is an encouraging manner.

“Shut up. Your turn.”

“Mhm.” Kevin muses. “I don’t know what to say. You already know everything about me.”

Kevin says it without thinking, equally surprised and amused when he sees something dangerous, something heated and wild flash across Aaron’s expression. Still, the man’s words come out unaffected when he says, “That’s not a real answer. Come up with something, come on.”

Kevin smacks himself in the head mentally right as he says it, before he decides he chooses to blame it on those two mugs of Glühwein. “I like it when you call me Kev. You should do it more often.”

Aaron draws his eyebrows together in confusion. “Dude, what are you talking about? I don’t call you that.”

Kevin feels bewilderment take over his own face. “You do it when we’re hooking up.” He shrugs, lowering his voice slightly.

“Oh.” Aaron lets out a slow exhale, glaring down at where their hands are connected as if only just realizing the contact. Kevin blanches at the reaction. Did Aaron never even notice? How could he nit? How could he miss it when it meant the world to Kevin every time? “Well, we’re not doing that right now.”

“We could, though.”

They drink another Glühwein, down the mugfuls quicker than they probably should, quick enough that it burns their lips, but neither of them seems to mind. Kevin certainly doesn’t; all he can think about is what the aftertaste of the wine is going to taste like on Aaron’s tongue against his. He has the brief mental presence to acknowledge how fucking surreal that is; the fact that he knows they will be kissing the wine away, that he has kissed Aaron Minyard, that he will do so again. It is insane in a strangely ambiguous way; on one side, he enjoys it, more than anything, on the other side, he fears the consequences, the way the clenching ache in his heart feels dangerously similar to the devastating crush he had when they were just teenagers.

Aaron makes up some lazy excuse for them to leave and before Kevin knows it, they’re in the hotel again, rushing to find the card keys to Aaron’s hotel room.

“I can’t believe they couldn’t fix your power issue in almost two whole days’ worth of time now.” Aaron grumbles, fishing around in his coat pockets. Kevin makes a noncommittal sound and Aaron shoots him a glare. “I mean, it just seems unlikely.”

“What are you saying?” Kevin asks, suddenly on edge.

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit.” He spits. “The fuck are you implying?”

Aaron stops his doings, his hand gripping the doorknob. “Just seems suspiciously convenient, you know. With us having hooked up the first night you stayed in mine and your room not having been fixed since then.”

Kevin wishes Aaron didn’t have such a pretty face. It would be so much easier then; he could just punch him for his ridiculous implications. “Let me get this straight.” He sneers. “You think I’m faking a power issue in my room just so I can keep having sex with you?” Aaron opens the door but remains silent, his eyes fixed on the floor. Kevin shakes his head, wishing it was his friend he could give a good shaking to. “Jesus, sometimes I can’t stand you.”

Aaron walks into his hotel room, sending a challenging, spiteful glance back at Kevin. “Doesn’t stop you from begging me to touch you, does it though?”

“That doesn’t mean shit, you’re the one who said it.”

“Asshole.” He isn’t sure how they end up kissing. One minute, Aaron is making ridiculous accusations and Kevin’s cornering him, arguing back, then in the next, despite every temptation, it is his lips that meet Aaron’s face not his fist, all vice and anger immediately forgotten.

Their bodies are flush against each other within the second, their faces smushed close together, flushed skin against flushed skin, fluttering eyelashes brushing against each other’s cheeks as they attempt to pull even closer. Briefly, Kevin wonders if Aaron can feel the erratic thrumming of his heart with their proximity. Their tongues tangle and Aaron grips his hair, pulling hard, but not enough for it to turn the sting in his scalp unpleasant. Kevin fucking relishes it. His own hands find their way to Aaron’s body, pulling away layers of jackets and sweaters like his life depends on how fast he can get the job done.

Once he feels prickling skin against his fingertips, Kevin loses his mind. His movements are frantic, gripping, caressing, touching anywhere he can find as if it’s the only thing keeping his heart beating. And it may just be. Aaron mumbles something incomprehensible, tugging at Kevin’s clothes until he shakes them off in one swift movement. His mouth finds its way onto Kevin’s already marked neck the second it is exposed. He leaves a trail of wet kisses, cupping Kevin’s jaw, mouthing along from there down to his collarbone, sending shivers up and down Kevin’s spine.

The act itself isn’t glamourous. It feels like it is, in the heat of the moment, but Kevin’s sure it can’t be, in reality. They’re both more or less tipsy after all, impatient and overwhelmed with pure, instinctive lust.  Somehow, their shoes get kicked off, their pants gone. They fall on the bed, Aaron hovering above Kevin, holding his weight up on his elbow, looking like every wet dream Kevin has ever had, even if he would never admit that. Kevin is so incredibly attracted to him in that moment, he thinks he might come the very first second Aaron brushes his knuckles along his already leaking cock. Aaron jerks them off hastily, hands rough, touch scorching, rhythm wild and ruthless.

This man is going to be the death of him, that is for sure.

The thought is as unexpected as it is fast to materialize in Kevin’s treacherous mind. It sticks with him as he comes, as he waits for Aaron get up and away to wash his hands, then he come back and push Kevin to take a shower before he falls asleep with cum on his stomach. Not that Kevin thinks he is in danger of falling asleep any time soon; not with that thought on the very forefront of his mind.

He takes a shower, climbs into bed next to his friend. Aaron falls asleep almost instantly, not that Kevin can blame him. He would like to do so as well, if it wasn’t for Aaron, ironically, that he can’t even make himself close his eyes for longer than a second. In the darkness of the night, once all the lights are out and Aaron is snoring softly, Kevin allows himself to look. He watches Aaron toss and turn, his eyelashes flutter, his chest rise and fall; he aches to reach out, to smooth the blanket over his stomach, to brush the stray strand of hair out of his face.

God, Aaron’s going to be the death of him.

He remembers the first time they shared a bed; it was shortly after Neil’s brief time in the Nest, when Kevin couldn’t get a single hour of sleep without getting up to check on his friends, sick to his stomach with guilt for what he let happen. Aaron had followed him after he heaved into the toilet for the second time that night and tugged on the sleeve of his shirt until he followed him into his bunk. They stayed up until dawn, kept on telling each other random stuff they otherwise never would’ve shared, until Kevin calmed down.

Kevin remembers watching Aaron fall asleep that night too. Just like this one; he looked. It was perhaps when he started longing, yearning, falling in love. Simply because Aaron looked so… innocent, in his sleep; so calm and relaxed, it was almost impossible to believe it was the Aaron Minyard he knew. And yet it was still, so essentially him; with his citrusy scent, his pale skin and constellation of faded freckles.

That was years ago. Kevin understands he, himself, is not the same person. Neither is Aaron. And yet, his hair is still just as soft, his scent still familiar, his eyes the same icy cold blue. And Kevin, oh, well, Kevin feels an entire lifetime and only a second away from being a teenager again. There is no point denying it any longer: Kevin wants, anything and everything Aaron will give him, he wants, too much always, greedy and selfish, aching for more and more and more than he deserves; he wants, simple as that. But he is Kevin Day, and Kevin Day does not get to have everything he wants. He has Exy, he has Jean, or at least more of him than he had thought he ever would, he has a father and an Abby, and a brother in Neil, he has friends and a life fairly void of Moriyama business. He doesn’t get to have more than that; it is already more than he deserves.

He should’ve known this would happen. Even if it wasn’t for the fact that it’s Aaron, Kevin has never been very good at casual. He should’ve learned his lesson with Jean, but indeed he didn’t. It always turns into love, and Kevin isn’t even going to pretend it’s not happening now, because it has, years ago, a longer time than he would prefer to admit. And Kevin and his love is never a good combo. It destroys and kills (see, his mother) and leaves (see, Jean). Kevin should let Aaron flee before he brings devastation upon him. He should let him go before he ruins him, and them, the friendship most important to him. If he were a better man, he would. But alas, Kevin has never claimed to be a good person.

Aaron

Aaron wakes up to furious knocking on the door. He blinks twice only, before his heart skips. Kevin, fucking Kevin, is hallway draped over him, his face nuzzled into Aaron’s side, arm slung over his waist. In the single second he allows himself to not panic and just look, Aaron’s chest caves with a something dangerously familiar, something deep and aching and all-consuming in a way it most definitely shouldn’t be. In that one second, he thinks, God, I hate him so much, and then right in the next one, he sits up with a harsh inhale, head throbbing and throat drier than the Sahara.

Another knock, louder, harder. Aaron throws Kevin’s limp body off of him, grabbing a pillow and hitting him square in the face with it. “Mhm, what the…”

“Kevin, wake the fuck up. Did you set an alarm?” Of course, he already knows the answer. If any of them had, they wouldn’t be in this situation right now.

“Kevin! Are you in there?” Neil Josten, of all people, demands from the other side of the door. “Are you still asleep?”

Kevin and Aaron stare at each other, suddenly wide awake. It dawns on Aaron a second too late; Kevin is in his room, barely clothed and half asleep, and Josten is knocking on the door. He curses himself for his stupidity, for whatever idiocy took over him last night, whatever spell he had fallen under in the past few days, really. It had been reckless, stupid. Unnecessary. Sure, Kevin is attractive, and he seems to see something in Aaron too, and there is nothing wrong with taking advantage of some mutual attraction. But is it wise? Most definitely not.

It’s not like anything will ever come of this thing between him and Kevin. It doesn’t mean anything. It, is not even a thing anymore. It was a one-time thing, okay, a few-times thing maybe, because Aaron is a weak man, but it is over now, it has to be, really, left in the past. There is no need for anyone to learn about it. Aaron can barely let himself think about the fact that it is a man he is in bed with, not to mention others. He might not feel the same overwhelming shame and self-hatred over the idea that he did when he was a teenager, but the possibility of someone else knowing still makes bile rise in his throat. If the others were to find out, it would be this whole, big thing. He can practically imagine the looks, the questions, the attention. It would be so… weird. He doesn’t think he wants it. Not now, maybe not ever.

 “Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck!” He whispers frantically, blinking at Kevin in a panic, who just stares back at him with an equally lost expression. His bed hair sticks out in every direction possible, his eyes droopy with sleep, his left cheek rosy where it had been pushed onto Aaron’s own skin just a minute ago.

“Kevin, you asshole! I’m coming in!”

Aaron spends a second too long staring at Kevin’s face. He hears Josten sighs outside, a last warning. He does attempt to scramble out of the bed and throw himself into the bathroom, but he knows there is no point, even before something heavy, probably Josten’s stupid body, thuds against the door. Kevin chokes on nothing while Aaron goes tumbling to the floor, cursing every deity he knows and regretting every choice he’s ever made in his miserable life.  

He had thought he was beyond feeling ashamed in front of Neil Josten after he had seen him kill a man and crumble straight after. He does not care enough about him to be feel embarrassed; therefore, it should simply not matter what he says, how he reacts when the door finally cracks open. But emotions, horrible as they are, are rarely rational, and Aaron practically feels his heart pound against his chest, every hectic thud hard enough to bruise.

Kevin screams out a “Neil, don’t!” in the exact same second another thump sounds from outside. The door swings open with too much force, and Neil Josten stands behind it with a frazzled expression. His eyes snap to the bed immediately, the kind of panic in them that only traumatized people manage. Aaron’s pretty sure he would see the same thing, were he to actually make it into the bathroom and look in a mirror. What he must look like right now instead, he would rather not imagine. It must look pretty pathetic though, because Josten stares at them slack jawed, gaze jumping from Kevin to Aaron and then back.

“What are you…? What the fu- Oh my God!” And then, the fucking asshole, has the nerve to burst out laughing. He full on giggles, his hands coming up to cover his mouth, trying, and failing to stifle the sounds of his amusement. He glances at Aaron one more time, the corners of his eyes crinkling around his scars, before he focuses back on Kevin again. “Kev, Kevin, dude, really?!” And more. Fucking. Giggles. Aaron, now more than ever, wants to strangle him.

That is, before he hears another voice stream in from the hallway. Then, all he wants to do is disappear; die, vanish, be swallowed by the ground under him. “Neil, what’s taking so long?”

Suddenly, he feels like crying; not because Andrew’s presence and therefore reaction is inevitable, but because of how stupid, how incredibly small he feels. It is his own fault; how could everything go from being one of the best nights of his past several years to waking up feeling trapped, caged and exposed for all to see like a goddamn circus animal. It was naïve, stupid to indulge in something he knew very well he could never have. His stomach twists with the oh-so-familiar feeling of disappointment.

“What’s… Why are you giggling, Neil?” Andrew says the word giggle with disdain in his voice but his eyes are soft as he steps up near his boyfriend. Or not-boyfriend. Aaron sure doesn’t know. Not that he cares, not usually and especially not when his brother’s gaze flicks from the doorway to the inside of the hotel room. His features sharpen all at once as he takes in the scene before him, jaw squared and a single vein by his temple popping immediately. Aaron is back on the bed, not that it makes the situation better than him sprawled on the floor. Andrew’s gaze locks in on him and he takes a step closer. “Aaron.” He says coolly. “What the fuck is this?”

Kevin lets out a choked sound, like a puppy being kicked. For the first time since the door opened, Aaron looks at him. He seems small, knees pulled up to his chest, body covered hastily by a blanket. Right, because he’s wearing only a boxer, the rest of his clothes thrown across the hotel room floor; last night’s now highly regretted but nonetheless impressive accomplishment. Kevin gulps, his throat, covered with hickeys, bobbing. He stares at Andrew, unmoving, utterly and completely still other than the bobbing of his throat as he gulps. The skin along his neck moves with the theatrical swallow, drawing Aaron’s, and hopefully only his, attention to the darkened bruises blooming all over it.

Aaron thinks he’s going to throw up. He should be at least a little proud that he did that, that Kevin Day, of all people, let him do that, and any other day he would, but in the moment, all he feels is sick. Kevin’s neck looks absolutely destroyed. Wrecked. Aaron could not hold back himself from doing it yesterday; the sweet noises that Kevin made still echo in his mind, and for a split second he thinks he would do it again just to hear those sinful fucking sounds again. He shouldn’t be thinking such thoughts, not when Andrew is staring at him, and Kevin is staring at Andrew with too much emotion on his face for Aaron to even begin comprehending.

“It’s nothing.” He says, trying his best to keep his voice from quivering, tearing his gaze from Kevin.

Neil simply walks away, his snickering coming to a deafening halt. It is dead silent for a moment before Andrew speaks again. “Yeah, try that again, why don’t you, dear brother? What are you doing?”

“What do you want me to say?!” Aaron asks, doing his best to keep on ignoring the way Kevin looks at his brother.

“We were just having fun!” Kevin blurts then, his words hurried and panicked. “It doesn’t mean anything!” Aaron knew that. He had said it first, after all. For some unfathomable reason, it still stings, hearing it come from Kevin, so defensive, so insistent, as if the idea that it does, in fact mean something, has never even occurred to him. Aaron knows that’s not fair, but that knowledge does little to ease the bitterness settling deep into him.

Andrew’s eyes narrow, still not leaving Aaron, before giving an exasperated sigh. “You agreed to this?”

Aaron wishes he could disappear. But alas, he cannot, so he just nods wordlessly, not trusting himself to speak. Not to his brother, not to Kevin. Something settles in Andrew’s expression, something that Aaron only now recognizes as worry.

Kevin must see it happen too, because he sits up straighter, letting the blanket fall around his waist. “Did you think I’d...?” He asks Andrew in a high-pitched voice, his face red, whether with anger or shame, Aaron isn’t sure.

“Shut the fuck up, Kevin.” And with that, Andrew turns on his heel, not sparing either of them another glance, and promptly walks away.

“Andrew, I…“ Kevin starts, but the door slams behind Andrew before he could say any more. “Fucking… Andrew!”

They fall quiet, the only sound between them Kevin’s deflated sigh and Aaron’s anxious panting he hasn’t even noticed before. He slumps into the pillows, groaning into one. “Sorry.”

“Me too.”

A deep breath. “Go after him.” He says. It comes out bitter and they both know it. Kevin buries his face in his hands, inhales and exhales slowly. He gets up, paces around the room, once, twice, three times, Aaron watching him wordlessly, wondering which of them will break first. Of course, it is himself. “Kevin. Stop pacing. What is wrong with you? You wanna talk to my brother, you talk to him. Go after him, nobody’s forcing you to stay here.”

“What?!”

“Don’t play stupid.”

Kevin balks, gaping at him from the far side of the room. “Me? You think I’m the one playing stupid?” At last he stops his anxious steps and slumps against the corner walls, hands resting on his knees, gripping into skin. Aaron has the sudden urge to pry them off and press a kiss in their place, stop any ache Kevin has ever caused himself. “You know what? If I am stupid, it sure as hell isn’t played. I’m fucking confused Aaron! What is this? What are we really doing? Like, really. Because you say you’re not freaking out about kissing me but you’d rather run away than admit whatever this is to your own brother. And yet when I try to say something to save your ass, you look at me like I’m trying to cut off your arm or something!”

And oh, well. Aaron feels something snap deep inside him, something that has kept him tethered for so long disappearing into thin air. He doesn’t know what to say, what to feel, what to be. He is raw, exposed flesh under wounded skin. He is honesty and anger, and desperation and fear, of being seen, heard, perceived. “Oh, why should you care? You said it too, that you’re just having fun?” Of course, he does the thing he knows best: he snaps, lashes out, destroys, because that, dear reader, is what Aaron Minyard essentially comes down to. He says it all without a second thought, spitting out the simplest answer that could lead to an argument. He doesn’t expect to to be taken aback by how much truth there is to the bitterness of his sentence.

Kevin glares at him. “Well excuse me if I didn’t just confess my undying love to you in front of your brother. Would you have preferred that instead? You know what, maybe you can give the memo to your next one-time thing you decide to fuck four times.”

“Oh, fuck you!”

“No, fuck you! I can’t, no, I won’t do this. I get it Aaron, I do, but I cannot be this person for you, I can’t be your experiment.”

Aaron’s face goes blank for only a blink of time before his rage returns, blazing like fire in his eyes. “My… Who the fuck said anything about experiments? Just because I’m not experienced doesn’t undermine the truth of my sexuality, you asshole!”

Kevin blinks, his forehead creasing in confusion. “Why else would you be doing this?”

“Because I want to?!” The whole conversation is so stupid, Aaron can’t even bring himself to filter his words.

“Look, maybe you do, now. But what about after? I can’t lose you because of this, Aaron, I need you in my life too much.” Kevin sighs. He seems exhausted, as if he had thought this over a hundred times.

And Aaron? Aaron is angry. So fucking angry, although unsure why. He just can’t handle this conversation, this situation, these implications any longer. “Well, maybe you want too much. I don’t get you, Kevin. You say you need me and you kiss me like you do but now you’re acting like I’m the only one who wanted this. What the hell is wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me is that I do want this. But not… just this.” Kevin says, quietly, the vice suddenly gone from his tone. His gaze meets Aaron’s, and once again, something snaps deep inside Aaron.

Anger, hurt, disappointment pulse inside his veins, consuming him, eating him up from the inside. “Right. Because I’m not him. I will never be. But you knew that, so tell me, Kevin, why the fuck did you even start this, if you knew it was never gonna be the real thing?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Andrew! I’m talking about Andrew.” The name of his brother suddenly makes him nauseous. “I know it’s him you want. You don’t have to pretend, or play stupid.”

Kevin’s eyes widen and he shrieks. Like, properly shrieks. Aaron swallows hard. “Play stupid?! If you think I’m the one playing stupid then what the fuck are you doing? Are you gonna make up any more bullshit theories or make me spell it out for you? I don’t want your brother, what the actual fuck? That is ridiculous! I want you, you idiot, all of you. Not just this, whatever this is for you. This is more for me. And you’re right, it hasn’t been fair, to start this with you when I knew I wanted more, probably all along, deep down, but oh well, it’s not like I could do anything about it. Believe me if I could, I would’ve.”

With that, Kevin storms out, the door slammed once again. This time, it is Aaron calling Kevin’s name.