Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Souji’s favourite memory of Nanako was one of his first. He wasn’t sure what to think of his Uncle when he arrived in Inaba. Though he was used to moving around, it was the first time he’d been sent to live with relatives, rather than ahead on his own or with his parents. He was surprised the morning of his first day of school to find Nanako precariously balancing a pan of eggs on the stove, a sleepy and tentative smile on her face. He’d expected to spend the morning alone_, feet bare on the cold floor of the kitchen. Silence, like so many other mornings. It was the first time in a long time, in fact, that he’d had reason to speak before school began.

“The eggs are good. Thank you.”

Her smile was a million watts bright. “I’m glad!”

This child had walked him to school. On her own. His heart twinged a little as he thought of the long walks to primary school, his umbrella twirling in the puddles he passed. That day a certain determination was sparked in his heart. This was something he could do. He could follow in the empty footsteps beside her, at least, until his Uncle was ready. She wouldn’t have to be alone, not while he was here.

He nestled his chin into the collar of his coat. His breath misted in front of him, under the soft orange streetlights that barely cut the darkness that winter cast over the hospital roads. He tried to hold onto the warmth of that memory, but he couldn’t banish the thought of her limp hand, motionless and tiny on the hospital bed. Her limbs were all that way; strangely lax. Not like sleep. He’d seen her sleep, sick with fever. Something, even then, still held her together. Now, her arms….pooled, disturbingly, whenever he moved them. Like a puppet with its strings cut.

An empty house was not unfamiliar to him. But he’d been spoiled. Spoiled by warm light and school projects at the living room table, by magic tricks and lighthearted jokes. He had to go home, to sleep. At the very least, he should walk a bit faster so that he didn’t miss the last bus out to his neighbourhood.

But…

Snow began to fall. It was cold. His jacket really wasn’t enough, but it hadn’t really been cold until today. His winter clothes were still stowed neatly in the bottom drawer. He shivered. Stupid really. But then lately…he’d done a lot of stupid things.

He took a breath.

There were footsteps behind him.

There had been for a while. Yosuke had been silent since they’d come out of Namatame’s room. And Souji didn’t blame him. He’d never been that…angry…or frustrated with Yosuke before. Hell, he wasn’t sure he’d ever felt that angry, period.

“Calm the hell down!”

Yosuke’s eyes had been twin hot coals, staring at him with an unspoken well of rage as they stood nose to nose, Namatame cowering beneath them. His ears still rung with the yelling, from Chie, Yukiko and Rise to stop, to think, from Kanji and Yosuke to toss him in the TV and be done with it. And he knew, that Namatame deserved it. For Nanako, if nothing else. Or so he thought, because now he wasn’t sure. Just about everything he wasn’t sure. He both wanted to go home and didn’t, wanted to scream and to never speak again, and for the shadow behind him to leave him the hell alone and to forgive him for the yelling, for the possible mistake-…

Yosuke had come to a halt. He could hear his breathing, soft but slightly labored where he’d had to run to catch up. For a moment, Souji stood still, staring out into the empty street. He couldn’t bring himself to face Yosuke. Not right now. He didn’t want to find out if those eyes would still be hot with rage, or perhaps simmered down to a low, hazy disappointment. Yosuke had the most right out of anyone to judge him for his actions tonight, and he wasn’t sure if he was ready to find out which way the scales would tip.

Snow fell. It was cold on his nose. He should move forward, to catch that last bus, but his feet wouldn’t move. Yosuke’s breath evened out, and they were left with the odd quiet of the street, and the occasional crunch as Yosuke shuffled his feet.

Maybe he wasn’t ready.

Souji bit his lip.

But maybe, he didn’t have a choice.

He took a breath to speak. The words clung to the surface of his mouth. “Do…” he stopped, shoving his hands in his pockets.

Yosuke said nothing.

Souji felt as though he knew the answer to his own question, but he unstuck his words and said them anyway.

“Do you think…we made the right call?” His voice wavered. He whipped up a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. Yosuke shifted behind him, his feet crunching in the freshly fallen snow.

And there were arms around his shoulders. The light fuzz of Yosuke’s jacket rested against the back of his neck. Souji sucked a breath in through his teeth as the tears he barely held back began to fall.

“I…just d-don’t know if…if we-“ Souji choked, the tears suddenly falling in earnest. Yosuke spun him and he found his nose resting in the collar of Yosuke’s jacket. The arms around him tightened, hands patting him lightly on the back.

“I know.” Yosuke’s voice wasn’t warm. But it wasn’t angry. Not even resentful. Just kind of…exhausted.

Maybe…

The snowflakes that had gathered on Yosuke’s collar melted against his cheek, the water mingling with the tears on his face as he cried.

Maybe, at least, he hadn’t lost his best friend.

Chapter Text

Sunshine filtered through the wood slatted blinds that covered the wide window Souji had chosen to sit by to try and enjoy a quick lunch before he had to return to his afternoon accounting class. As he slurped another wriggly noodle out of his steaming bowl of soup, the table of younger men behind him broke out into yet another bought of obnoxious laughter. Usually lunch was quieter at this ramen house in particular, but apparently his luck had run out today. His server, her smile tight and hair frazzled, stopped at his table with a teetering platter of sake bottles and asked if he would like anything else.

“Just the bill, please.” He murmured, careful to give her a warm smile. She deserved that, at least, after the antics of the other patrons.

She nodded, adding his dishes to her already chaotic tray. “One moment.”

He smiled again as she turned back to unload her dishes, but let his face drop as soon as her back fell behind the curtains separating the dining area from the kitchen. He’d really hoped he’d be able to relax before having to put up with his overzealous professor screaming at him about accounts and balances. He knew for certain now that finances would not be his area of concentration. He just didn’t care about it, and the teachers certainly didn’t help. He sighed, leaning down to make sure that his book bag was all in order.

On the tabletop, loud against its glass covering, his phone buzzed with a text.

His heart leapt with a little hope. He tried not to get too excited. It could very well be his parents. Or his uncle. Or Rise. Again. But it was lunch time, so there was a chance it was…

Souji picked up his phone and grinned.

---Yosuke <3 ---

omg im dying hlp plz

                        12:20pm

----

The restaurant didn’t seem as loud as he typed a quick message back.

----

If this is about math, you brought it on yourself you know.

---

The response was immediate.

---Yosuke <3---

IM DYING

            12:22pm

dont b that way omg its too hard

            12:22pm

---

Souji snickered, abruptly covering his mouth as the server returned with his bill. He took a second to rummage for the appropriate amount of cash before slinging his bag over his shoulder, making for the exit with his phone in hand.

---

Well, if you passed it the first time, you wouldn’t have to upgrade.

            Read 12:27pm

---Yosuke <3---

who needs it anywy. Bs.

            12:28pm

----

You do, for business. Which is why you’re in an extra special class for victory lap adults.

            Read 12:29pm

---Yosuke <3---

RUDE

            12:29pm

RUDE RUDE RUDE

            12:29pm

so rude. im hurt now.

            12:29pm

---

Souji pushed open the glass door, setting off the chimes and stepping out into the bright mid-day sunlight. The sidewalk was packed with pedestrians, and he struggled for a moment to join the flow of people heading towards the nearest train station. He clutched his phone to his chest, feeling it buzz a few more times before he made it to the platform.

---Yosuke <3---

but srsly when we skype l8r can u show me how 2 do the shape thing

            12:30pm

like with making it big small

            12:30pm

because wtf

            12:30pm

---

Souji laughed.

---

…conics?????

            Read 12:40pm

---Yosuke <3---

…yes? …maybe?

            12:40pm

---

omg

            Read 12:41pm

---Yosuke <3--

shut up partner

            12:41pm

---

<3 <3 <3

---

Souji looked up as the train pulled into the station, a slight breeze rustling through his hair. It looked fairly packed, but he was sure he could squeeze on. He had to, really, otherwise he’d be late. He shuddered. He didn’t want to find out what would happen if he ever showed up late to accounting class. The doors slid open, and after a couple disembarked he slid through, holding his elbows in close to his body so he could still hold his phone in the packed train car.

---Yosuke <3---

r u going to class?

            12:41pm

---

Yeah, I just got on the train.

            Read 12:45pm

---Yosuke <3---

cool me too

            12:45pm

so

            12:45pm

talk l8r

            12:46pm

ilu

            12:46pm

---

Souji sighed as the train pulled away from the station. But unlike earlier, he held a little spark of warmth in his chest.

---

I love you too. <3 Talk later.