Archive of Our Own ^beta

Skwisgaar slipped into Toki’s bedroom for the sixth night that week.

.

It had been a few months after saving Toki. It just started happening. Toki liked it.

They didn’t do anything. It was just sleep.

And Skwisgaar paid no mind to the uneasy feeling in his stomach when he slept alone now, for it meant nothing.

He would settle himself in Toki’s arms not for his own sake, but to appease Toki.

Skwisgaar didn’t need his hair gently caressed to fall asleep.

He could survive without Toki. This was for Toki.

.

That night, however, Toki was more conscious than usual, appearing to have been tidying his space. Toki stilled and offered him a gentle smile as he tossed a shirt into his hamper.

“You,,, ams awake?”

“Ja,” Toki replied easily, sitting down on the bed, nodding his head for Skwisgaar to join him. “I haves too much on the minds to goes to sleeps.”

“Oh, um…” Skwisgaar thought for a long couple of moments. He never knew what to say. “Ams yous alright then?”

“Ja, ja! Ams mores then okay!” Toki laughed. His face was a strange mix of emotion, impossible to decipher. But he sounded happy. “Skwisgaar! Yous keeps hangings out with me!”

Skwisgaar frowned.

“Yous keeps hangings out with me evens though you says you don’ts likes to…”

“So? What am yous points, dildo?”

“Yous likes me!”

“What the fucks?” Skwisgaar felt nauseous.

“Oh, comes on.” Toki’s expression shifted, quickly growing frustrated. “You haven’ts been sleepings with any of the girls! You keeps cuddlings with me and kissings on my neck and stuffs!”

“Ams just— we ams friends, Toki.”

“Nei, we nots. We am bandsmates.”

“Ja. Bandsmates. That ams it.”

“You does this with the others?” Toki gestured between the two of them. They were both in the nude.

Skwisgaar grimaced. “Nej, but… this ams nothings.” He stepped forward, into Toki’s space. “Why does you care? Yous likes me, huh?”

“Am nots gay.” Toki rolled his eyes.

“Then why does you care?” Skwisgaar repeated.

“We coulds be togethers.”

Skwisgaar’s mouth hung agape. Toki didn’t back down; he rose and stood before Skwisgaar, a new, playful smile on his lips. He tried to take his hand, but Skwisgaar snatched it away.

Skwisgaar turned and left.

.

A few days had passed and Toki hadn’t seen Skwisgaar anywhere.

Toki tried not to worry himself, for he knew Skwisgaar couldn’t avoid him for too long. They’d always maintain a hyper-close proximity due to the band, but also because Skwisgaar didn’t have anyone else.

Skwisgaar wasn’t friends with anyone like he was with him.

He didn’t love anyone— and nobody loved him— quite like Toki.

.

Toki decided to wait for Skwisgaar in his room, flipping the script. He laid in his bed, stared up at the ceiling, and clasped his hands.

Sighing upon seeing him, Skwisgaar commenced with his nightly routine (e.g., brushing his teeth, stripping, playing a few scales, killing the lights) before finally joining him in bed, arms brushing.

“We dont’s haves to talk abouts it,” Toki whispered into the void.

“Okej.”

“Så kom hit,” Toki cooed.

Skwisgaar did, but not before a beat of hesitation. He didn’t want Toki to overthink this.

Or try anything…

He snaked his arms around him, cold hands meeting the small of Toki’s back. He felt the scarred flesh there and how the lines trailed all the way up to his shoulder blades. The pattern was familiar and Skwisgaar felt calmer at once.

It was almost truly peaceful, but Skwisgaar knew him too well.

3… 2… 1…

“What does you think?” Toki broached.

Ugh.

“Whats?”

“About whats I said the others day.”

“Toki.” Skwisgaar recoiled ever so slightly. “Nej.”

“We haves to talks about it!” Toki yelped, voice getting high. He sat up on his elbows and Skwisgaar sat up fully.

“We don’ts! Just leaves!”

“We coulds be togethers,” Toki tried, “and we can stops sleepings with the sluts!”

“I don’ts wants to!”

“Ja, you does! You does! You haven’ts been sleepings with anyones else! You wants it to justs be me!”

“We don’ts sleeps together!”

“Fucks you, Skwisgaar!” Toki shouted.

Now it was his turn to leave. His turn to ignore Skwisgaar for the next few days.

.

Skwisgaar appreciated the space.

He had much more time to practice.

.

They eventually spoke again. They had to, they were bandmates.

Skwisgaar hadn’t missed him much. He was pretty indifferent to their reconnecting.

.

Toki didn't act snippy or sad. He was back to normal.

Good.

.

Skwisgaar slept alone most nights now.

His stomach hurt practically constantly.

He took to twirling and caressing his own hair to fall asleep.