Archive of Our Own ^beta

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"Fable and truth, direct me to someone who gives me the juice and new rules. Someone to tell me we're not born to be mules in this, everything it contradicts.. Thoughts and prayers was all they'd do, all they'd do, they'd do, they'd do, they'd do!?~ When I lifted her urn, divinity says, 'Destiny can't be earned or returned'. I feel when I question, my skin starts to burn. Why does my skin start to burn!? Ah-ah, capital loss. Love was the law and religion was taught, I'm not bought!! Feel when we argue, our skin starts to rot, our skin starts to rot!~"

Simon sung, his fingers grazing across his guitar quickly. He thought about his sister, how her blue her lips looked as she laid on the kitchen floor. He remembered calling her name while walking around the house before finding her laying there in the kitchen, his father standing over her, looking horrified, yet angry.

He thought about how she held him after beaten senseless, cleaning his wounds, being the parent he never had. He remembered how she always apologized after their arguements, making him food, with what they could scrape left from containers.

Simon looked over the small crowd below, glancing at Finn. He gave him a small nod, smiling softly.

"So share me your plan, if I implore you, could I be your lamb? Understand. I look for the truth in the back of your mind, and I, look into the open sky." His tone softened, his playing slowing. "Stars blink like my sister's eyes-" he paused, freezing when he heard his sisters voice, her last voicemail playing over the speakers with the music. The sound was glitchy, considering the only thing they could afford was two old Samsungs that costed 20$ each at a garage sale. It brought back what it felt like to be a fourteen year old just trying to survive.

'Hey, princess, it's Mary. I'm just calling to wish you luck on your job interview at the café downtown—'

Simon looked at Finn with wide eyes, then at Shelly and Gigi. He took a deep breath, continuing. "Stars blink like my sister's eyes,"

'Um, I love you, you're gonna kill it, bye, baby.'

"Stars blink like her eyes, blink like her eyes. I dream of eternal life. I dream of eternal life." The others had stopped playing by now, just letting him go on by himself.

OCT 3RD, MONDAY 12 AM.

Simon walked down the street, rain soaking him. He turned a sharp corner, walking down an alleyway he knew all too well. He pushed open the metal cemetery doors, the hinges shrieking as it closed behind him. He sat down in front of a grave, placing the bouquet of flowers he brought down. He sat there for a moment, silent as the crickets buzzed and trees shifted in the wind.

"..hey, Mary." He started softly, sniffling. "I had my first concert today.. Seems like I actually might achieve my dreams of becoming a popular singer in a band." He chuckled softly. Not a happy chuckle, more like a desperate one. "I brought you your favourite flowers, red hibiscus." His fingers traced over the letters on the gravestone, "I thought about that day up on stage. I remember seeing you laying on the floor, lips blue, your chest not moving. Father eventually beat me because I wouldn't stop sobbing.. I waited in my room, for hours, waiting for you to peer your head in and bring me to the bathroom to clean me up. You never did. I- I miss you, Marianne.. I miss you so, so fucking much.. I wish I was there to help, to save you, to do anything. But no, I was at that damn job interview!" He sobbed, his head in his hands. The air shifted, now colder. But he felt warmer, like someone was holding him. He suddenly heard a camera snap behind him. He whipped his head around, but nobody was there. He looked back at Mary's gravestone, and just started breaking down. Everything he had pushed down over the course of a few months, coming right back up.

Simon pushed open the door to the apartment, noting that all the lights were turned off, everyone probably asleep. He closed the bathroom door behind him, stripping from his clothes and getting into the shower. He stood under the warm water, feeling the guilt and tension be washed away from his body and down the drain.

Once he was done, he stepped out of the shower, water dripping from his hair, down his shoulders and chest. He dried off, putting on his pajamas— a baggy T-shirt and a pair of boxers— and dried off his hair, leaving the bathroom and dropping the towel he used and dirty clothes in the laundry basket before getting into bed.

Simon's eyes fluttered open, already inhaling sharply as he prepared for a slap. 'Hey, hey.. Calm down. It's Okay, Sam. It's just me. It's me, Mary." Marianne cupped his face, her touch soft. "You're alright. It's gonna be alright." She paused for a moment, 'Simon. Listen to me.'

'you need to let me go.'

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"what??-"

Simon shot up in bed, breathing heavily, drenched in sweat. He looked around the room, recognizing the photos on the walls. His eyes fell onto the photo of Mary, his father's face cropped out. That was the only family photo they had. That was the only photo he had of Mary, since his father burned the rest.

Finn groaned softly, rubbing his eye as he sat up. "Mmh..? Simon.?—" he cut himself off, his eyes going wide. He quickly grabbed Simon's face, looking into his eyes, clearly concerned. Simon buried his head into Finn's chest, sobbing. His shoulders shook, heart pounding against his ribcage. Finn gently placed his hand on the back of Simon's neck, the other on his back. 

"Why!? Why did it have to be her!??! Why couldn't it have been me!?" Simon exclaimed, his voice broken and desperate. "I know, I know.. It's gonna be alright.."

"No, You don't know!! Waking up night after night after night from this fucking nightmares, it's like she haunts me!! The day she died, she took a piece of me with her!" Simon pushed Finn away, pulling at his hair. "She was the only person I had! The only one who actually saw me past my anger!! Past my scarred skin!" He backed against a wall, sliding down it till he reached the floor, burying his head in his knees. "I just.. I miss my sister.. She was my other half.. The only person who loved me like an actual human being.."

Finn's expression softened as he watched Simon, getting up to sit next to him. "It's okay, Simon. You're gonna be alright.." He pulled him into his arms, kissing his forehead. "You know you can always come to me. I'm your boyfriend, after all." Simon chuckled slightly, sniffling and wiping his eye. "Yeah.. Yeah, I guess you are, huh?" He smiled at Finn, knowing that wouldn't last for long.

♡

A few weeks later, Simon and Finn stood in a jewelery shop, looking at all of the rings. Finn pointed out a ring, clearly thinking it was pretty. "Ooh!! Look at THAT one! i'd wear that as a wedding ring, totally." The ring was an intricate, yet simple design with a blue stone in the middle, and smaller, white stones around it. "What a beauty!" Simon commented, nodding.

The jeweler from behind the counter glanced at it, then at Simon, and then at Finn. "How about you try it on? It might fit." Finn nodded eagerly, extending his free hand, the other intertwined with Simon's.

"Oof, seems like this one is too big.. Your size seems to be an 8.5." The jeweler said, her voice loud enough for Simon to hear. "Damn.." Finn mumbled, pulling his hand back.

Two days later, Simon was back at that shop, with Gigi this time. She had drawn out some sketches of what Simon wanted the rings to look like. The jeweler nodded, smiling. "You were here a few days ago, seems like that boy might be the one, hmm?" Simon nodded, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah.. He's a genuine, sweet man. Everytime I see him, I can't help but smil-" "Simon. You're rambling, again." Gigi cut him off, a knowing smile on her face. Simon covered his face, embarrassed. If he had a tail it would've definitely been between his legs right about now.

Throughout the week, Simon was obsessively guarding his phone, as he felt Finn would see the emails he was getting from the jewelry shop. It was making Finn paranoid, and he was watching Simon like a hawk. He noticed that he kept smiling at his phone and texting someone. He felt like Simon was cheating. Maybe he should've listened to the warnings he got in highschool.

One evening, Finn was about to confront Simon when he got THE email. "Ah- crap! I forgot I have a uh.. A work meeting! Yeah. Sorry, Love. I gotta go." He pressed a quick kiss to Finn's forehead before getting on his shoes and leaving. Gigi followed suit around thirty minutes after.

At the jewelry shop, Simon waited eagerly for the rings. When he was presented them, he could've teared up right then and there. "They're.. They're beautiful. Exactly what I wanted."

When Simon got home, he was practically bubbling with joy. He was being way more cuddly than usual— much to Finn's enjoyment. "What's got you so clingy today, hm?" Simon kissed Finn's neck before nipping at it softly. "That meeting was SO boring. I can't just not feel clingy." "Really? Because you're acting more than clingy, considering the way you're gripping my waist."

"Why don't I say it then? I want you all the time."

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Hey! I'm probably not going to update this fic for a bit, As I'm actively dealing with panic attacks every other day and my mental health his struggling (╥﹏╥)

I hate how the chapter notes leak into the others 💔💔

Anyway,
Love you all!!!

ヾ(˶ᵔ ᗜ ᵔ˶)