Archive of Our Own ^beta

"It's hard to look away from him, isn't it?"

Azune watched as Occtis jumped at his words, face contorting in an expression of pure panic at someone noticing him staring. Azune chuckled and shifted so that he was looking the same direction as Occtis. "Don't worry. I was even younger than you when I started to look at him this way."

Across the room from them, Teor was standing by the table, deep in conversation with Thimble and Hal. Muscles bulged under his fur as he leaned to point something on the map, the golden and purple armour only adding to the already impressive image of the silver-furred nama.

Azume remembered the first time he had seen Teor, all those years ago when he joined the revolution. Still barely more than a child - a few years younger than Occtis was now - with big dreams and desire to prove himself worthy.

He remembered the way he immediately felt drawn to Teor, how he couldn't help but follow the older warrior with his eyes, intimidated and in awe of him. He remembered the feeling of Teor's arm around his shoulders after Azune's first battle - steadying him; keeping Azune from collapsing. He remembered how unsubtle he was, bringing Teor a bowl of stew or soup every day in hope of being invited to sit next to him. Offering to help him get in and out of armour just for a chance to touch him. Volunteering to help Teor take care of his weapons, just for a chance to be alone with him in the tent. Pushing to the front of the line in training, just to show Teor how much he had improved, just for a chance to be acknowledged by him.

He remembered it all. The feeling of reverence. The sunburst in his insides whenever Teor gave him an aproving smile. The sudden dryness in his mouth when Teor said Azune did something good.

(After so many years, Azune had thought that these feelings would subside. But no. All it took to reignate them was a single moment of looking into those golden eyes. One handshake that lasted for just a fraction too long to be a casual greeting.)

(Did you see how I've changed? Am I your equal now? Will you truly look at me now?)

So yes, Azune was familiar with the look in Occtis' eyes. He had no problem noticing the signs from where he stood across the room. The startled sound Occtis had made when Teor appeared in the house. The stunned look on Occtis' face when Teor shook his hand.

(Was he too overwhelmed by the difference in size? Surprised by the softness of fur? Excited by the indication of claws?)

"I don't—" Occtis stuttered out.

"Relax. I'm not judging," Azune turned to look Occtis in the face. "As I said: I've been there."

Occtis exhaled. Nodded a few times, eyes focused on the floor to the right of them, thinking. "Did you—? Have Teor and you ever…?" Occtis stopped, seemingly unable to finish asking the question.

"No, we haven't," Azune said. "But now that he's back, I'm going to try again."

Occtis' head snapped back up, eyes almost comically wide. "O-oh! I'm… I see. Sorry. I didn't know. If I did—" he started to say but Azune shook his head with a small smile.

"I don't blame you for looking. As I said: I know how hard it is to not look at him. And please don't stop on my account," he took another step closer to Occtis and leaned in to whisper, "I can't speak for Teor, so I can't answer any of the questions you may want to ask him. But I know what I can offer you, should you want it."

Green eyes regarded Azune with surprising intensity. "An offer? What do you mean?"

(Something I knew I wanted more than anything when I was in your place. Something to lessen the hunger, should Teor give you the same answer as he once gave me.)

"I don't think this is a conversation we should be having in here. Wait for me after the meeting," Azune said. Then, he walked away from Occtis to join the others at the table.

Two hours later, they were in Azune's home, Occtis looking around like he was trying to figure something out about Azune simply by analysing the things he had in his rooms.

(Azune had been a little surprised to see Occtis waiting awkwardly near the door for Azune to finish speaking with Hal. The boy was fiddling with his gloves, heel of his boot tapping nervously against the cobblestone.)

(Did Azune ever look as nervous as him? Did his face ever light up so abruptly at someone calling his name, only for the expression to dim in uncertainty?)

"Here," Azune said, handing Occtis a glass. A mixture of nervousness and anticipation was practically emanating from the younger man. "It's water," he added quickly.

There was something irritated in Occtis' gaze when their eyes met but he still wrapped his long fingers around the cup, accepting the drink. "Thanks. So…" fingers tapping against the metal. "You said you had a… proposal for me. What kind?"

"I think you're smart enough to have figured it out already," Azune said, taking pleasure in the blush spreading across Occtis' cheeks. Azune lifted his cup, taking a sip. Looked at Occtis from above the rim. "But what I want to offer depends."

"On what?"

"On what did you want from Teor."

Occtis frowned. Eyes darting to the side before locking on Azune again. "I though you said you didn't mind me… looking."

"I don't," Azune set his cup down. "I have an inkling what you want but I want to make sure we're on the same page."

Occtis opened his mouth but no words came out. He was flustered. Unsure. But even despite the shadow of nerves and suspicion, Azune saw it: the curiosity. The want.

(Azune remembered feeling like that. Not having the words to name the burning in the pit of his stomach. The embarrassment at the thought of voicing his desires.)

He closed the distance to Occtis and slowly reached out his hand. He touched the tip of his finger to the the cuff of Occtis' jacket. There was a sharp inhale, but Occtis didn't move away. So Azune let his finger slip under the sleeve, above the glove, dragging over the skin of Occtis' forearm.

"Is this just his attention that you want or his touch too?" Azune asked. "Do you want him to see you as his equal, or to see you laid bare?"

Occtis shivered and Azune immediately stopped. He watched closely the younger man's face. Lips parted, nostrils flaring, eyes shining, pupils dilated.

(His lips looked so kissable.)

Occtis swallowed. "I… all of it," his breathing was becoming shallower and more uneven. "I want all of it."

"I see," Azune said, an unexpected pride blooming in his chest to see Occtis trust him with this confession. He moved his finger again, lightly tugging Occtis' glove the tiniest bit lower, exposing a quarter of an inch of skin. "And would you be open to wanting those things from me too?"

"But didn't you— You want Teor."

Ah, the youth and their simplified view of desire.

"I do," Azune pulled his hand back from Occtis and marveled at the way the younger man's arm moved forward, following Azune's touch. "But I also think you're a very handsome man. And, if ever given a chance, I wouldn't mind sharing you with Teor. Giving myself to both of you."

A pleasant shiver run up Azune's spine at the thought. He could imagine it so clearly, the three of them in bed together, a dance of limbs, breaths mingling together, hands closing around sweat-covered skin to pull closer, to move faster.

Occtis had to imagine it too, if the burning look in his eyes was anything to judge by.

Azune gently took Occtis' cup from his hand and set it down. He moved into Occtis' space again. Not enough to completely close the distance, but close enough to make his suggestion clear. "Only if you want to," Azune said, letting his gaze drop to Occtis' lips for a moment before looking back at his green eyes.

That simple look was enough. Occtis parted his lips a little wider, probably unconsciously, tongue darting out as he licked them. "From what you said it seems that you believe Teor wouldn't… appreciate my interest."

"I can't say for sure. I haven't seen him in years and you are not me. He's the only one who can answer that. But I can tell you... Warn you, that he had said no to me years ago, because he believed I was too young to know what I really wanted. He was very gentle about that, though."

"And you don't hold the same reservations as Teor?"

"You're young, but you're not a child. I know how frustrating it is to have everyone around you act like they know better. That's not what I want to do. I have simply seen something in you that I recognise. And I decided to make you an offer. The decision whether you accept it or not is yours and yours alone, Occtis."

Occtis' answer was conveyed in a pair of hands grabbing at Azune's face, lips crashing against lips.

For a moment, Azune let it be frantic. He twisted the lapel of Occtis' jacket in his fist, his second hand grabbing the back of Occtis' head, fingers sinking into those beautiful, dark hair.

(It was a perfect lenght to get a fistful of without getting too much in the way. Perfect to hold onto if he wanted to set the pace for Occtis to follow.)

He opened his mouth wide, letting Occtis explore and kiss however he wanted to. He matched the pace to make the message clear: I want it too. I want you. This desire, this want of yours is beautiful.

When they parted, Occtis was panting, blush covering not only his face but also the neck.

(Azune wanted to see just how far down it reached.)

Before Occtis could dive into another kiss, Azune put a hand on his chest, keeping him in place. He saw the momentary panic flash in the green eyes, so he rushed to explain. "There's no rush, sweetheart. Slow down. I want to make you feel good."

"This feels good," Occtis said, and Azune had to stop himself from chuckling at his eagerness.

"I'm glad," he gaze Occtis a quick peck on the lips. "But is this all you want to do tonight?" Azune put his hand on Occtis' jaw. "It's okay if the answer is yes."

Occtis seemed to consider it for a moment before answering, "And if- If the answer's no?"

Azune smiled. "That's more than okay too," he moved down his hand that was on Occtis' chest. Applied a little pressure, Occtis instinctively breathing in. Azune could feel the faint outline of his ribcage, even despite the jacket and shirt. "How much do you want? My hands on you?" he drew with his finger a circle on Occtis' stomach. "My mouth?" he leaned in, letting his beard scrape against Occtis' clean shaved cheek until his lips were right by Occtis' ear. "More?"

A hand grabbed at Azune's shirt by his hip. A shiver Azune could feel being so close to Occtis. "I've never…"

"It's okay," Azune tried to kiss his embarrassement away. "We can go slow. We have all the time in the world, sweetheart."

"Okay," Occtis nodded after a moment. "Okay."

"Come on, let's sit," Azume said, taking Occtis by the hand and leading his towards the couch. Even as he sat down, Azune didn't let go, watching Occtis' eyes move around, clearly trying to figure out what to do. "You can sit next to me. Or you can sit in my lap," he squeezed Occtis' hand. "Whatever feels right."

Occtis swallowed, then gingerly lowered himself into Azune's lap. "I… Am I not too heavy?"

"Of course not," Azune said and to make the point, he grabbed Occtis' thighs and scooted him just a little closer to himself. "Is this alright?"

"Y-yes," the younger man said, hands resting lightly on Azune's shoulders, like he wasn't quite sure what to do with them.

He looked so beautiful like that, the position making him slightly taller than Azune. A few strands of dark hair hanging in front of Occtis' face as he looked down.

"You can touch," Azune assured him, tiltilng his head to catch Occtis' lips in a kiss. "Whatever you like. I'm here for you."

They've passed a few minutes like that, with gentle touches and long kisses that gradually became deeper and deeper. Their breaths started to pick up again, with a hand on the side of Occtis' neck, Azune could feel the flutter of the other man's pulse. He saw in those green eyes the hunger growing. He felt the need for more in the experimental brushes of fingers dipping underneath the collar of his shirt. Azune groaned in satisfaction as he felt Occtis start to shift his hips, like he was discreetely trying to find friction.

There it is.

"You're doing so good, Occtis," he praised him, one hand landing on the other man's side, thumb pressing just above the hipbone. "Tell me what you want."

"Hands," Occtis panted, then had to pause. He was starting to swallow air like it was water, like his body was too much to harness. "Azune, I want you to touch me."

(He shouldn't make it harder for Occtis. He shouldn't. That's not what this was supposed to be about. He should reward him for telling Azune what he needed. He should thank him for the trust.)

(But Azune couldn't help himself.)

"Here?" Azune asked, hand pressing to the side of Occtis' face. When Occtis shook his head, Azune moved his hand lower, to the now open shirt, sliding underneath to brush Occtis' nipple with his fingers. "Here?" this time, Occtis opened his eyes and shoot Azune a withering look. Azune chuckled. "So maybe here?" he brushed the tented front of Occtis' pants, making Occtis moan. "Yes, that's it," Azune moved the ball of his hand over the shape of Occtis' cock. "That's it. I'd love to touch you there, too."

"Then do it," Occtis sank his fingernails into Azune's shoulders. "Touch me, Azune. Please."

The desperate look on his face was almost too much for Azune.

It was a quick work to untie Occtis' pants and free his cock. In relief of finally being touched where he needed it the most, Occtis pulled Azune into another deep kiss while his hips stuttered upward, trying to thrust his cock into Azune's loose fist.

But Azune had a different idea.

With their lips still pressed together, Azune found Occtis' hand and guided it between Occtis' thigs.

"Teach me. Show me what you like," Azume breathed, his fingers closing around Occtis' longer, thinner fingers, that in turn were now wrapped around the leaking cock.

As expected, it was a blinding speed of a restless. An almost aggressive pace of someone desperate for release, someone overwhelmed by the novelity of having another person so close during such an intimate act.

But Azume simply followed, hand wrapped around Occtis', eyes drinking in all the signs of the body getting close to the climax. The arching torso. The sharp inhale. The whimper. Mouths falling open. The quiet, desperate sounds Occtis made. The spasm of lean muscles in Occtis' thighs.

It was perfect. Azune felt so priviledged to be given a chance to witness it.

When Azune felt Occtis losing the rhythm, he took over. Slid his finger under Occtis' hand, releasing him from doing this last bit of thinking and movement coordination. Occtis' hand instantly moved to grab the fistful of Azune's open shirt. And Azune continued to move his hand up and down Occtis' cock. Giving it a squeeze at the base and moving a thumb over the head. Pulling at the foreskin.

When Occtis came, he clung to Azune, body twitching uncontrollably with his orgasm.

"I— Fuck," Occtis panted after a moment, pushing himself with shaking arms until he was in a sitting position again. Azune watched him look down at their bodies, at Occtis' own naked cock, now flaccid, resting between them. He saw Occtis' awe at the view. The disbelief.

But he also saw the moment Occtis started to think about things other than his satisfaction and pleasure. "Shit," Occtis cursed. "Shit, I'm sorry, I've made a total mess," he drew a sigil in the air and some of the marks disappeared from his trousers. He recasted it a few times until both of their clothes were clean. "Oh my. It got on… Here, give me your hand," Occtis put his hand palm up.

Looking at his own hand, Azune saw a stripe of drying come on his wrist. "I can take care of that myself," he said and lifted the hand to his mouth, closing his mouth around the skin and cleaning it with his tongue. When he looked back at Occtis, the other man was watching him with helf breath. Azune couldn't stop a chuckle. "What?" then, a realisation dawned on him. "Wait. You… Never tried it?"

Occtis looked away. "I've told you I don't have… experience."

Azune put a hand on his cheek, gently making Occtis look at him again. "Yes, but… Even when you touched yourself?"

Occtis shrugged. "There are better ways of cleaning up."

Azune grinned at that. "How are you so sure, if you never tried?" he moved his thumb, now clean except for a bit of his own spit, over Occtis' lower lip. "Don't worry. Next time I'll save some for you to try."