Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Yeah, and this way you can solve these questions easily, if you’re not stupid”, Ivan says. He’s been helping Till with the week’s homework for some time now. Some may call it bullying. Some, in this case, being Till.

“I don’t fucking get it. What the fuck do I do with two different results? Shouldn't there be just one correct and end it there?”, he whispers in response, after giving Ivan his middle finger as discreetly as possible.

“You have to use them as coordinates,” he said, leaning a little too close into Till’s space to snatch his pencil, “use it as X and Y, here, see?”

Till yanks his pencil back to make the line between the points, while Ivan repeatedly shoves his shoulder to try and annoy Till. It works, as his lines get all crooked. Sua ignores it, but Mizi says “Boys, shhh!!” a tad bit too loud when Till starts violently jabbing Ivan’s sides and the dark haired boy just laughs at him. It’s always like this, really, and they sometimes are told to leave the school library. It just ends up with all of them at Ivan and Sua’s house, but they soon forget to study altogether and end up snacking and talking, so it’s a no-go today.

Ivan, still with reminiscences of a smile – which he hides with the back of his hand while Sua sighs loudly and tiredly –, feels like it’s nice to be with everyone like this, since his sister, being one year above them, doesn’t have much time to be with them if not studying. Speaking of, he stares, very indiscreetly, at one point at the table and kicks his sister’s foot. Purple eyes glare daggers at him, having two black holes stare back at her and quickly move to Till and back. She gives in after they have a kind of staring contest, and gets her pinky finger away from Mizi’s before Till looks up, confused as to why she’s been sneakily kicking her brother non-stop under the table.

The rest of their time at the library goes as smoothly as possible, with Ivan helping Mizi make notes about the next History of Music class and occasionally – all the time – getting distracted looking at the other boy at the other side of the round wood table. Till continues to be very confused with math and geometry, but none of his music and art assignments are late or undone. Sua keeps picking up highlighters from a pink case that’s clearly not hers but doesn't say almost anything all the while.

Before they have all finished their homeworks for the week, Ivan puts his face at the top of Mizi’s head and nuzzles, attracting the other two attention and almost laughing at their faces. Mizi doesn’t understand, but he says it’s nothing and she hugs him quick before putting her homework in her backpack, all crinkled.

When they’re leaving, Sua intertwines her arm with the pink haired girl and walks fast – basically runs, actually –, as if to leave the boys behind, Mizi trusting her blindly to guide her, as her eyes shut while running , laughing all the while. Till looks at them for a second too long, before Ivan whispers, “Aw, are you feeling left out? I can hold your hand even if you’re a sore little loser”, grabs his hand and starts to run towards the exit, receiving curses from his best friend that does not, in fact, do anything to get him to let go of his hand.

Mizi and Sua talk between themselves, giggling, while Ivan stares at Till instead of looking at the way they're going. His hair is so messy today. I want to put it up in small ponytails, it would look so funny, so cute. Till shakes his hand sometime along the way in hopes it'd get Ivan to let go (to no avail), but gives up, and they walk in pairs to the sibling’s house.

“Look at where you’re going or let go of me, I refuse to fall with you.”

“How about falling for me then?”

“The hell you talking abou-”, and Ivan pulls his hand down, making the boy trip on his own shoes and almost fall. This gets him some punches in the arm, that he pretends to defend and puts on that maniac smile that he knows the boy hates, just to get under his skin.

Eventually, at the sibling’s residence, Ivan lets go of Till’s hand (that he may or may not have pulled more along the way) and pretends not to notice how mad he looks before going up the stairs to follow the girls. Ivan combs his hair with his hand and then looks at it for some time, the littlest of smiles at the corners of his mouth, before he goes to the kitchen to get them some sweet snacks. Heh, that should be a bit funny if it goes as I think it will.

Somehow, they always end up at Ivan’s room in the same formation: Sua in his chair close to his bed’s headboard, where Mizi is leaning. Till, as always, is sitting at the floor, reclining his head on the mattress, eyes fixed at the glow-in-the-dark stars at the ceiling, sometimes looking not-so-discreetly at Mizi. Ivan puts the sweets at his desk. He realizes, as he imagined, that his sister is looking pointedly at him.

“What is it, Sua?”

“... Have we finished all the chips already?”, she asks, innocently, as if to test him, but he knows this phrase means: Go back and get something salty for me.

Holding back a sincere smile, he thinks: I can play this game as well, a pretty, trained blank smile already spreading in his face. “The chips? Oh, I don’t know. How about you go check?”, translating as: Go pick it yourself, you’re the only one who doesn’t eat sweets here.

“You–!”

“I’ll go check!”, Mizi says, happily hopping away from Ivan’s bed, which is not exactly unexpected but less fun anyway.

To no one’s surprise, Till and Sua started to get up to accompany her… Except Ivan throws himself on the floor and put his legs above Till’s, who looked at him with a grimace. Sua passes both of them and doesn't look back.

“I won’t let you~”, Ivan starts, pining Till to the ground with his leg's weight as if sitting lazily and putting his feet up on a desk. When they were younger, this would already be enough and they'd be throwing punches. They grew a bit and stopped biting each other's arms, but didn't stop playfully (most of the time) throwing hands. Thankfully, time has led to this playful fight but, now, with no blood on their knuckles or noses.

The tickling did get Till annoyed enough, though... And thus, a war started. Till’s gray hair got in front of his eyes for a brief moment while they pushed each other around and, in the next, Ivan was tackling him to the ground, arms keeping him caged, the smaller boy kicking his sides with little curses.

“Fuck off already!”, and, when Ivan started tickling him: “Stop, damn it!”, laughter echoing like music in Ivan’s ears, as if the sky itself presented before Ivan with a music sheet with divine notes, for his eyes only, to read. His eyes closing, wrinkling at the corners, smile big with forced laughter. Ivan started smiling per consequence.

“Oof–”, he said, flinching back after Till managed to hit him in the stomach, viridian eyes glowing with rebelry and, if Ivan searched well enough, a bit of remaining joy between deep breaths. Beautiful. “Now, that’s better, isn’t it?”

“Better? Really, what’s wrong with you.”

“Who knows”, he finally let Till go after a few more jabs at his side, smile wide, hurting his cheeks, his snaggletooth pressing on his lower lip; eyes like camera lens, trying to, as always, burn the image of Till in his mind. “You look better now, your sulking face is ugly.”

“You fucker–!”

“I’m lying, I’m lying. You’re sooo pretty, Till!”, he said with hands up and a smug smile contrasting the annoyed red in Till’s face and ears and nape, the truth enveloped in a sarcastic voice, as if he didn’t remember all the times Till looked directly at his eyes. It was, yes, mostly when they were fighting, but it also happened positively sometimes, okay? Like, when Ivan found and gave back something Till had lost. Which Ivan absolutely didn’t steal from him first. Anyway. “So pretty, so cute, like a wet kitten.”

“Shut up! I’m not a wet cat, nor am I pretty, Mizi is the pretty one!”

“Aww Till, thanks!”

And with that, Ivan’s time was over. Not that he minded much. Mizi’s company was always enjoyable, so, so bright it even hurt to be too close for too long. And his sister was… Well, his sister. Too much like him for Ivan to consider something good to say about her most of the time.

Seeming to know how to read minds, Sua looked at him with something close to an offended grimace. He only realized she wasn’t, in fact, able to read his mind, when he caught a glimpse of the chips in her arms, and understood why she was making that expression. He laughed, containing it in the back of his hand.

“I should kill you and put the blame on Till.”, was what she ended up saying, and it made Till chuckle.

“Don’t even have to joke about that, I’d help you take him out”, and soon the focus was on Sua and Till discussing the how’s and where’s of their assassination plan as if the victim of said plan wasn’t right behind them, even adding little points of his own – like what color he wanted his coffin and why it had to be white with viridian details – and being utterly ignored.

_______

“Oh, yeah!”, Mizi said, changing the subject abruptly, mouth full of candy, “we saw Uncle Unsha in the kitchen. He said he’ll be here for the weekend and that we could sleep here.”

“He has a soft spot for you, Mizi.”

Not only him, Ivan thought, in response to his sister's affirmation. Something strange twisted close to his heart. Something ugly that he’d put under his metaphorical carpet and never look at again, if possible.

“We all do. It is Mizi, after all”, Ivan said instead. Till agreed, head going quickly up and down, eyes focused on her long pink hair, admiration readable, palpable. “Our little sunshine.”, Sua nodded along with that as well, and though a lot more composed than Till, her eyes also shone in a way they did only when she looked at Mizi.

They soon got back to their formation: Sua at the chair, Mizi at the bed, Till and Ivan on the ground. Ivan got a book from his shelf, one of the classics that he’s read so much the book lumbar was already becoming limp. The girls were back to studying, surprisingly, so it didn’t take much for Ivan to offer to get Till some headphones so he wouldn’t be bored – by the time he offered, Till was already cracking his joints. He accepted and started taking music sheets out of his bag, together with a pencil with some bite marks at the top, close to the eraser. His eyes glinted with renewed fire as he started murmuring the beat of a new song.

Ivan took in the scene for some time, standing near his wardrobe with wired headphones: the girls, arms touching so much they could fuse, speaking real low about Religion and Music as if it was the most interesting class they had (Ivan didn’t agree), and Till doing crazy unreadable scribbles while his hand touched invisible chords.

He sat back, close to Till, and handed him one side of the headphones and his cellphone, so Till could choose the song that better fit his musical rampage. A funny, sudden thought passed by his head… Ivan remembered seeing Till with his own headphones in the morning… Maybe he’d forgotten where they are, but Ivan wasn’t going to be the one bringing attention to this.

Ivan sat there, reading his book and hearing a bit of his sister and friend’s talk before fully immersing in his book as if he hadn’t ever read it. He left Till alone to work on his new song, knowing he’d be the first to hear it anyway.

Anakt Technical Arts School would soon have a festival of sorts, and Till wanted to participate with a new song and, who knows, maybe in their second year he could form a band; though, if he kept his geometry grades so low, he wouldn’t be able to apply anyway. Ivan would help him again after classes tomorrow.

_______

After devouring his book – metaphorically, of course, he stopped eating the pages when he was… six? –, Ivan was suddenly reminded, by his bored thoughts, that his sister was preparing for a presentation for her extension classes on acting. When he asked without even lifting his head from his book, her response was simply: “It’s a stage play of Carmilla”.

“That one lesbian vampire?”

“That one”, Sua confirmed. Mizi looked about to start cheering, “but I’m still not sure how to do it.”

“I get it!”, Mizi said, nodding her head, arms crossed. “Vampires always seem to show so much emotion on each of their movements, but always sugarcoat their intentions on their phrasing and it’s hard to really know what they really mean if you’re not looking…”

“Reminds me of someone”, Sua commented, sarcasm dripping from her lips.

“Probably of yourself, sister. Oh, to be or not to be!”, Ivan said in response, “Or better yet: to pine or not to pine!”

“At least I’m seen without needing to be in the spotlights of any kind of violent play. Would you like me to send you the script of Achilles and Patroclus before Illiad?”.

Ivan’s carefully blank expression started to crumble when his eye started twitching. Sua saw it and opened the biggest smile she could. A fake, venomous one, but a smile nonetheless.

“Now, now, guys…” Mizi started, sensing the offensive air that suddenly infected her friends. “Let’s put this aside, yeah? How about we play something after Till ends his draft?”

Ivan agreed, murmuring a bitter sure, and Sua’s attention, already on Mizi again, answered by itself. Excusing himself and taking his side of the headphone off, Ivan went to the kitchen to get a bit more candy and something to drink.

While going down the stairs, Ivan heard his father talking to one of the employees about work. At the kitchen, he got a tray, four glasses and left them at the white marble countertop. His fingers prolonged on the cold surface, thinking of what to do and what to get.

Say hi to father. Maybe lemon juice. Ask him how was work? I’ll need some more of that honey-something chips for Till.

Lost in his thoughts for some time, Ivan didn’t realize when the big figure got close to the kitchen again.

“Ivan”, he said. Simple, plain. Almost professional.

“Father”, he responded as soon as he snapped out of own his head. “Good to see you. How was work? Mizi said you’d be here for the weekend.”

“Work was the same as always. And yes, I’ll leave again as soon as monday comes”, he patted Ivan’s back once while passing him by to get to the fridge, his hand calloused and big and heavy.

After some time in a silence broken only by the clatter of metal utensils, Ivan remembered what he came to do. Maybe lemon juice, he repeated. Honey chips.

As he crouched to look at the cabinet where they put the snacks, he heard his fathers low-toned voice at the other side of the kitchen.

“How’s school?”, Bottle of wine in hand when he turned.

“It’s fine, same as always. Sister is doing her extension on acting”, he tried. When Unsha didn’t dignify him with a response, he said: “I’m thinking of going for modeling again this semester”.

“I see. Don’t forget to be at Bocell’s at eight.”

“I’ve never missed any classes, father. The first one won’t be administration.”

“As it should be”, Unsha said. “I’ll be in my office. If you or Sua need something, ask the chef. Don’t go eating just sweets all day again, boy”.

“Thank you for the reminder. Rest well, father”, and, with a hum, his father was no more in his vision.

Candy, glasses, juice and honey chips in the tray, Ivan went back to his room.

By the time he got to his door, Till seemed to have already finished his music sheet for the day. Ivan’s eyes locked on his uniform, white shirt wrinkled, blue and green tie a bit too much to the left. His vision followed to his hands, tips of his fingers black – probably the pencil’s fault, Till must’ve drawn again to focus –, holding his pink bunny keychain.

Till only realized he was standing there, at the obvious open door, when he felt the characteristic feeling of being observed under a microscope. And there he was: as if glued to the door, Ivan stayed there, tray in hands, eyes unfocused as if searching for something in Till’s face. He probably wasn’t looking for anything, as far as Till knew. He did this all the time and, if he was really looking for something, he was really bad at finding things, which is ironic.

“Are you trying to haunt us or what? Get your butt in here, we’re playing Kario Mart”, Till said, not daring to look at Ivan’s face. He’s got strange eyes, too dull or too full of something Till couldn’t quite place, and it was uncomfortable how, always when he actively (or just accidentally) looked, Ivan was already looking back at him. It gave him an eery feeling sometimes.

Seeming out of his trance, Ivan gave a last look at Till’s keychain before entering, sorry, sorry, he said. He gave Till some chips, the same ones he’s been craving more of all day but was too awkward to ask. Everyone sat on the ground and got a controller, TV screen now on and divided in four.

Mizi got the pink controller, Till the green one, Sua went with purple and Ivan got the blue. After the character selection, everyone was ready.

After a whole match, Till screaming at Ivan for repeatedly throwing turtle shells and banana peels at him – and ignoring the fact that Sua did it more, as she was behind him most the time, playing safe –, Till ended up the lowest of them at the final rank, with Mizi on top, followed by Ivan, two bots and Sua.

“I’m sure it’s because I went with a motorcycle. Yeah, that’s it, it’s unstable to turn while riding on them!”

“Till, all of them do the same thing. You just keep on trying to drift on literal straight paths”, Ivan said with an expression that, in Till’s point of view, read you suck so bad.

“I’ll show you! One more, I’ll pick the map!”

Mizi was laughing at their little argument, but by the end of the second race, she was cackling loudly.

“Till! What happened to you there?”, she said while watching the replay. “You just–”, she wheezed, “you just went straight for the wall and gave up for five whole seconds!”

“I–”, Till tried, face all red, “I got stuck, okay. That’s all.”

“Hmm, yeah? What about the whole motorcycle thing? If Sua wasn’t so terrible, you’d be after her at the ranking again. With a kart that you carefully chose the properties of”.

“Shut the fuck up, Ivan!”

Ivan played the last round with a motorcycle. He placed first.

“I’d love to keep showing Till’s lack of ability”, Ivan started, mocking, receiving a middle finger in response, “but I’ve got to go to my admin classes now.”

“Oh, shit. Is it already this late?” Till startled, looking for his phone to check. “I’ve gotta go back home.”

“Aw, Till, I thought you’d sleep here today. We could have a pj party!”

“Sorry, Mizi. Maybe next time”, he smiled sheepishly.

“It’s not even Friday yet, after all.”, Sua added.

With a little more messing around, Till and Ivan got their belongings and turned off the console, Till heading home and Ivan going for his night classes. They said their goodbyes to the girls, that were now going to Sua’s room, and went to the front door.

“Let’s get you home first, and then I’ll go to Bocell.”

“Won’t you be late like this?”

“That’s for the driver to worry about, I left home at the right time.”

“You suck”, Till answered, but didn’t refuse the ride.

Ivan spent the whole time looking at Till inside the car, who was looking out the window. He was still looking when he got out, waved goodbye and went to the gate without looking back.

“To Bocell’s Cram School, please”, Ivan asked the driver as soon as Till vanished from his view into the apartment complex.

Chapter Text

Another day starting at Anakt meant another day of insufferable classes until Sua could meet Mizi. It also meant going to school with her annoying younger brother who didn’t know when to shut his mouth.

But, knowing attention is what he likes most, she learned to put her headphones on without really playing any music and filter what she thought was relevant. Sometimes Ivan did say something important, after all.

“He got mad when I said I didn’t really want to date him, can you believe that? That was the most interesting he got and he had the audacity to call me an asshole”, he said, pouting and looking out the window.

Sometimes he said something important. Not the case today, it seems. Sua continued scrolling on her phone, and clicked to read again the message her mother sent the previous night:

[Mother]

22:43

Good night, my daughter. I’m here to remind you of our family time this weekend, as I’m pretty sure you have the capacity to forget it. Your sister and I will be waiting for you, please do not be late, for our time together is important.

Sua really didn’t want to go.

“I don’t really understand”, Ivan continued with a groan, “it shouldn’t feel this way, it was supposed to be fun.”

“...”

You see, Sua wouldn’t say anything normally, not on any normal day. But she was in a pretty sour mood today.

“Maybe you would understand”, she said, mouth forming a scowl, “if you stopped going out with people just because they want you to and breaking their hearts when you get tired of them”, was what she decided to say after hearing the whole story of how the latest of Ivan’s admirers got tangled in his mess of low emotional intelligence and stupid, incoherent curiosity.

Ivan got quiet for a bit. He turned to face her, eyes slightly wider than normal. “I didn’t think you were really listening today.”

“I do regret being capable of hearing, believe me.”

“Mizi would love to hear me.”

“Go die or something.”

Sua really turned on the music this time, lips pressed in a thin, angry line, and Ivan stopped talking, a smile dancing on his lips in comparison.

Maybe he already knew of her not-hearing-trick.

Before heading to her classes, Sua gave her brother an angry, short nod that was answered with a happy and flowy wave.

It'd be so nice if she could see Mizi before Linguistics II. Hold her hand for only a few minutes so they wouldn't be late for class. Her mood would get a great boost.

Instead, she bumped into someone. Poorly bleached hair, eyes in a grayish brown. Sua didn't remember his name. Staring with dead eyes, she didn't realize when her keychain fell.

“Hey! Sorry! I'm in a hurry!”, he quickly picked the little pink thing from the ground and tossed it in his pocket. “I'll give it back to you at class!”

What the fuck.

“You! Give it back!”, Sua tried, a few quick steps on the direction the guy’d gone. No use.

Sua wouldn't, ever, run in the corridors, although she wanted very much. Such a terrible start to her day. She kind of wanted to cry already.

Going to her classroom, dejected, she could hear the boy being yelled at for running. He deserved to be kicked out, that's what! After returning her keychain, of course. Sua should also do him a favor and get him an absence excuse by breaking his foot with a hammer.

Murmuring while walking, face purely sour, Sua entered the class, sat down at her chair and waited for the teacher. She took out her pencil case and stared at the chartreuse star eraser she got exclusively because it was the same color as Mizi's eyes, and it was a difficult color to find randomly. It made a smile appear in her face before it got contorted, sad for the loss of her pink decoration that could be lost forever.

The classes passed independently of how Sua was feeling. Then, when she started feeling a bit better because the bell was ringing, she was stopped. It was no one if not the one who'd stolen her precious belonging.

“You!”, she whisper-screamed, a moment away of exploding on him.

“Here, I fixed it. Sorry for earlier! I wanted to see my friend before he entered his classroom.”

“You… Fixed it?”, Sua asked.

“Yeah, it got tangled in my stuff when I was running. ‘M real sorry. Here.”, he put the pink little thing on her table. The chain was in a different color, indeed.

“I see.”

She wouldn't thank him. The amount of distress she went through just because he ran off with it. She could've fixed it herself, even.

And still, she gave him a nod, picking the bunny with careful fingers.

“Well, I gotta go, my friend will be playing guitar the whole break and I can't not be there. See ya, Sua!”

He knew her name. That wasn't really impressive or anything, being frequently chosen as an example student. Maybe she'd make an effort and try to remember him some other time, if necessary.

Anyways, two precious minutes of her break, that she could be spending with Mizi, were spent in this. She got up and prepared to walk quickly when someone called her outside her classroom.

“Sua! There you are!”

Mizi. Sua opened a smile, her brows that she didn't even realize were creased, relaxing.

She walked fast to the door and they shared proper hello’s, following in the same direction to go pick a table for them and their friends. Sua loved hearing Mizi speak and all of her moody attitude started to be shoved under her mental carpet. She'd deal with the frustration of the day some other time.

Right now, her focus was Mizi.

Sitting next to each other, basically no sense or respect for personal space, food half forgotten in front of them as they talked, Sua could feel the way her eyes would move slightly to Mizi's lips and back, unconsciously.

Mizi got her hand in Sua's arm and the warmth was almost too much for such strong summer, but Sua would never, ever, be against it.

Some time into their conversation, the other two arrived.

Sua was still a bit mad at Ivan, but it was numbed by Mizi's presence. Till, on the other hand, could be annoying when close to Mizi. He wouldn't take his eyes off her – which, fair –, got all mumbly and messed up any phrasing he wanted to say, if he even said anything at all. He looked at her shiny eyes with adoration.

It was the same adoration that adorned her own eyes and, unfortunately, the same look her stupid brother had when looking at this cranky, delinquent-looking, miserable...

“BUT!!” Sua's attention was brought back. “Mommy got me a new pair of pretty earrings. They're deep lilac, look!”

The three of them were focused on the little four-pointed little shooting stars in Mizi's ears now. Cute and pretty, not too much as to not get in trouble with the school.

“They look a bit royal purple from the right angle…” Till added, seemingly lost in his thoughts.

“Right?!” She clapped, little repetitive and cute noises, her smile brightening the whole world. She looked at Sua, her eyes, as if searching, accompanied her face, pink. “I'm glad mom got them for me.”

Their break passed normally. Sua stayed arm to arm with Mizi. Till still thought faster than the words would come out. Ivan was being too fixated on the way Till's bangs moved when he inclined to eat. Sua was forced to notice it, when she asked Ivan about their father's schedule and the boy took too long to answer.

You see, Sua probably knew Ivan better than he knew himself – which wasn't much, really. It's one of the perks of being an older sister, sure, but it's also… Because Ivan's really bad at interacting; if you don't look for his answer, he won't outright give it to you most of the time.

But in those situations, Sua felt sick looking at him.

His black, carmine-ish eyes were normally already strange. She hated to have them focused on her, observing and absorbing everything he could, knowing others by force before even thinking of reflecting on himself. His eyes, in that expressionless face, were extremely deep and focused and he always prodded and nudged at every small nerve he could to know the reactions and the limits.

And, although she hated it very much… She could, still, see the deep appreciation and softness when he focused solely on Till. The way his pupils dilated in the same way Sua's did when looking at chartreuse irises was very dangerous.

Sua was too distracted, hands playing with her best friend's longer fingers and nails, and didn't hear what Ivan said. It must've been one of his 'look at me' moments though, because he said it too close to Till and with a provocative expression.

Of course, it ended in Till punching him.

This was nothing new, and it was worse when they were younger. Ivan would actually retaliate and beat Till up badly. Sua's seen enough of heads being slammed in tables, of punches being thrown on stomachs, of ugly fights on the ground that ended up in blood and bruises and purple-green marks that stayed hurting for days, and Ivan made sure to always poke at them. She did not know for sure how they were friends after such violence.

But that's how Ivan is. He provoked, got a reaction and retaliated. This was just his – abnormal, inconvenient – way of doing things, really.

When their shoving became too bad and was close to becoming another fistfight, Mizi stopped them, putting herself in the middle and shoving Ivan with her hip, sending him to sit by his sister's side.

“Seriously, you guys never stop when I tell you to. Should I just beat you guys up as well?”, Mizi said. She was joking. Probably.

Till murmured something ininteligible, embarrassed. Black irises met chartreuse in challenge for a moment, before softening, his uncanny, big smile becoming nothing more than the one he trained daily: reserved.

“Please don't, Mizi. You'd end me. Then I'd also have to endure some backlash from my family.” Ivan looked at Sua.

Her brother was a freak, sure, but he'd never do anything bad to Mizi. Not anymore, anyway.

With the ringing of the bell, classes were to start again.

Sua was capable of forgetting about her mother as classes went on.

And still, as soon as she got to the gates to meet her friends and go home, only Ivan was there. Not uncommon, but not very comforting either.

There was a prolonged silence.

“Your mother rented you for the weekend, huh?”

His tone was low, and Sua realized she'd have to get closer if she wanted to keep the conversation going. She didn't.

“I… Yes.” How did you know, remain unsaid. He wouldn't answer, anyway.

“When will you be back?”

“I'll come to classes directly from Mother's house on monday.”

“When classes are over, you're coming home?”

That line of questioning wasn't especially alarming, and still…

“Yes.”

The awkward silence, normal when it was just them, continued. It seemed that, the more they decided not to talk, the slower time would pass.

“What is it, Ivan?”

He started cracking his fingers, a motion he only allowed himself to in rare occasions. “I… It's nothing, really. I don't know.”

Sua started getting a strange feeling of eeriness, and said halfheartedly: “The sound is annoying, stop it.”

“Sorry.” But he continued to twist and crack his joints.

“Try to elaborate for me, will you?”

“Okay.” He nodded once, twice, thrice, before speaking again. “I'm feeling strange.”

Sua hummed. Go on.

“It's like, everytime you leave for your mother's house, ours change and I get worried.”

“Worried?”

“Yes. About you. About father. Father dislikes being alone with me.”

Sua knew. “And?”

“And that's it, I guess. I'm worried. You don't even like going there, Sua.”

“I have to. Whether I want it or not, mother has an agreement with father that I have quite a weak influence on.”

The silence again. Sua was trying to process what this meant.

“Are you saying you'll miss me?”

“No”, was the immediate response.

This guy–! Sua inhaled, sharp and angry. Was her eye trembling with stress? It sure felt so.

“Would you like me to miss you?”, he asked in return, expression carefully untradable.

“Ew. Absolutely not.”

And this was it. That was where the conversation stopped. Not because someone got there and they went home, no. Just because there was nothing else to be said. Because Ivan prodded and got no sufficient answer. Because Sua couldn't understand it this time, and break it down so Ivan would too.

And so, they waited. And waited.

They waited until pink brought twinkling to Sua's eyes.

Fortunately, she could go to Mizi's house today before having to go to her mother's tomorrow.

“Mizi?” The girl answered with a little hum and nudged her cheek against Sua's head, messing her hair. Sua didn't mind. “Let's get going?”

Mizi searched for something in her eyes and, seeming to find what she was looking for, nodded slowly. But, before going, she also looked at Ivan. Sua did too, by consequence.

His face was expressionless like a doll painted by an apprentice with no real experience, distracted into thinking no one was seeing him now. The carmine in his eyes was peeking through the pitch black. Ivan was drowning.

Mizi let go of Sua carefully and ran immediately to hug him, the impact taking some of his air out.

Finding his expression again, his face looked flawless, prince-like. Careful with how high his eyebrows were, with how big his smile should be. Sua scowled.

Mizi's arms tightened around him and, if Sua had gotten close, she'd be able to hear the little strained sound that got out of his throat and Mizi's sweet words.

Instead, she could only make out small parts: “It’s going to be fine.” Her voice dripped like honey, tone lower than normal. “Wanna come over tomorrow? I'll talk to Uncle Unsha.”

Sua didn't hear what Ivan answered, but it was positive by the way he nodded. He finally wrapped his arms around Mizi's back.

Maybe Mizi knew something she didn't, and that's why she couldn't get the pieces together and present a result to Ivan efficiently. She disliked the idea, thinking Mizi may get tainted by Ivan's strange, all consuming ink, his webs of strange ideas and ever-straining melancholy.

“... Till, too?”, was the ending of the phrase and the only part Sua could hear.

But of course, she'd always let Mizi do anything she wanted, as long as it didn't hurt her. So long as she kept bright. Anything Mizi wanted, Mizi would have. Everything that didn't bend to the girl's wishes was wrong and should be corrected.

“Yes, of course. Us three.” Her hand rested on his shoulders. He gave her a tight squeeze before letting her go.

“Go on, I'll talk to Till.”

“Thanks, Ivan.” She gave him one final look, before appearing to be satisfied. She nudged Sua's hand. “Sorry, Sua. Let's go?”

And go, Sua did, albeit very confused. She kept lost in her thoughts for one or two more minutes, thinking that she may need to try and understand Ivan's strange act if she wanted Mizi to stay comfortable.

She loved alone time with Mizi. They didn't have to talk – although Mizi did, a lot –, didn't have to really do anything, could be just laying on the bed, face to face.

“Want something to eat?”

“No.”

Mizi's hands were trapped in Sua's short strands, her fingers disappearing under the black hair.

“You'll take care this weekend, right?”

That was a strange question.

“Yes? What do you mean?”, her half lidded eyes opened, confused.

Mizi initially said nothing. And then: “We don't like seeing you strange after you come back.”

“Strange?”

“Ms. Nigeh is… She doesn't treat you well and we see it.”

Ah. So this is what this was about.

“What are you talking about? Mother is fine.”

“Sua… I didn't mean to–”

But Sua closed off. She distanced herself without getting out of bed. A metaphorical space she hated to put up against Mizi, full of cutting-cold wind and the unbearable cacophony of silence.

“What did Ivan tell you?”

“Nothing much.” The way she bit her lip said otherwise. Sua’,s silence seemed to push her to continue. “He said you changed every time you got back. I noticed it too.” When she got no answer, Mizi continued: “You go days without talking properly to any of us. To me.”

Long fingers found her cheek and the tips, soft, brushed just below her conflicted eyes.

“It's fine if you don't want to talk. It really is. But…”

“I can't do anything about this, Mizi.”

Mizi nodded. They fell into silence. This was a strangely silent day. Bothersome.

Sua caught the hand that caressed her cheek and gave it a little kiss on her fingers.

“I'll be okay.”

“Yeah.”

And Sua felt a strong, almost uncontrollable force, pulling her forward, as if gravity itself was telling her to kiss Mizi. But she wouldn't. This wasn't the time.

Sua wasn't stupid. She could see the yearning in Mizi's eyes. It got bigger as the years passed, threatening to swallow her whole, and she would give herself up to this unknown force inside Mizi, if she could. She wished to offer all of herself, let pink cover all the straining voices.

But she didn't have anything she could give as an offering. All of her was other's to control. All of hers was tainted by greed and envy and unfathomable strings of red, not the pink she so desired.

And still, her friend looked ethereal. Her hair shone under the orange light of the end of the evening, her eyes focused on Sua's as if she was thinking the same thing.

“Your eyes really are deep lilac with royal purple.” Is what she said, tone sweetly low, as if it was reserved for them both only, even when they were alone.

Sua broke the distance she herself imposed before with a hug and inhaled deep against Mizi's neck, earning a few giggles before their hands tangled in each other's hairs.

Letting go of this was the worst part of going to her mother's.