Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“My name is Kirishima Eijirou. I am 20, a freshman in college..and I’m addicted to heroin.”

He fidgeted with his hangnails as people in front of him said ‘Hi’ to him simultaneously. The podium he stood behind was wooden and was full of papers that people doodled on as they spoke up here. Kirishima personally doesn’t want to ruin the scribbles or drawings of other people. The therapist, standing on the edge of the group, spoke up.

“And how long have you been addicted for, Kirishima?”

“Uh-..may-maybe a few years. I don’t really..”

He doesn’t want to talk anymore about it. It was uncomfortable. Kirishima looked down at his bloody finger - he had pulled a hangnail too far. Kirishima looked away and at everyone’s feet. He’d rather stare at their shoes than at those eyes that judged him. They didn’t see him as Kirishima; they all saw him as an addict. Nothing more. He felt himself start to sweat - along with a stinging sensation under his skin that made him feel itchy.

Everyone sat in uncomfortable metal chairs while staring at him. Some had feet crossed, some slouched, some sat up straight but didn’t pay attention to him. He knew everyone in here was an addict, maybe, but he also knew that they didn’t give two fucks about him or this H.A meeting.

Neither did he.

Looking up, his eyes finally met ones that he recognized. Mina Ashido. She was worried - terribly worried about Kirishima standing up there. Mina knew how anxious Kirishima tended to get whenever there’s a presentation, but Kirishima needed this. He needed to go to these meetings - he’s been having so much trouble with drugs, he needed help. Kirishima broke eye contact and looked back down at the feet of group members. Irritation forming from standing up here too long. He furrowed his brows,

“Can I sit back down now?”

Like a shameful puppy, his voice was quiet in hopes that only the therapist could hear him and no one else. He didn’t get her reaction as he already moved away from the podium and sat down next to Mina. Sitting down there for a moment, Kirishima knew what was coming. Mina was holding her hands tightly and she was sitting up properly. Not like what she usually does. Mina only did that when she was around Kirishima. Of course, she’s nervous.

Mina felt like she might explode. She didn’t know if this was even worth it - Kirishima can be a very stubborn person, despite how it seems. But this was the only thing she could afford. With her taking online classes and having two jobs, she tries her best for Kirishima. He’s been through so much - and she could tell how broken he truly is. She finally turned to Kirishima and spoke in a hushed tone so as to not interrupt the therapist.

“..you okay?”

Kirishima was slouching and looking at the floor again.

“We should just-..just go.”

His voice was low and he was mumbling. Mina sighed,

“Ei, you need this.”

Mina tried to hold his hand to stop him from itching, but he pulled it away at the last second. She frowned. Kirishima was getting annoyed at how much Mina was pushing him. If he didn’t want to do this, he shouldn’t have too.

“I’m fine. I’m missing school.”

Kirishima knew Mina was staring at him now. He avoided eye contact like a child. He refuses to stay here and talk if it was pointless. Everyone knows group therapy doesn’t work and is just a way to out yourself out in front of people instead of actually helping yourself. Mina stared at him as she saw anger and irritation forming in his face - brows stitching together, hand going to scratch at his arm through his long-sleeve shirt. It felt like she was staring through him - she couldn’t *see* him anymore. He’s built these walls up so high that not even his closest friend can help.

Giving up, Mina sighed and nodded. Kirishima was quick to get up and start to head outside to the car. Mina watched for a short second before turning and waving goodbye at some of the people who she met while here. One guy has been addicted for years and is trying to stop, and another guy has been sober for 2 years now. They all have their problems - problems that Kirishima goes through currently. If Mina can stop them from being worse, maybe Kirishima will be okay.

Kirishima was waiting by the car once Mina walked out - she unlocked it and got in. It was a heavy ride back to school. Mina had gone to a different college instead of Kirishima, as she’s being a business entrepreneur while Kirishima is being an engineer. Even when he missed a few hours of classes, Kirishima didn’t care.

As Kirishima got out of the car, Mina waved goodbye with an encouraging smile. She really wanted the best for Kirishima. When Kirishima saw the smile, he saw sympathy. He tried his best to smile back, but all he could muster up was a wave. Mina pushed,

“Have a good day today, Ei.”

Kirishima closed the door and she rolled the window down.

“Yeah..I’ll try.”

The small smile that formed on his face gave Mina a small hope that he’ll try. She watched him walk all the way into the building until she drove off. Kirishima leaned against the door for a second.

Deep breath in, and out.

__

“Hello Kirishima. Welcome back. Are you returning?”

The kind office lady spoke, and Kirishima nodded. She already knew what he needed at this point, having always been there every time Kirishima came back from a H.A meeting. She doesn’t know that of course, but she does know it’s something medical, from all the notes Kirishima has given her.

After Kirishima signed back in and got his classes, Kirishima waved a small goodbye and then walked out. He didn’t exactly like his schedule, but he couldn’t complain. Looking around for signs, he noticed that all his classes were apart from one another; separated. Which means he has a lot of walking in between.

Finding the right class was a challenge itself - the corridors of the school becoming a maze of lefts and rights. The signs seem to lead him back to where he began, or maybe he was reading them wrong. It was overwhelming seeing the amount of doors in each hallway - it made Kirishima claustrophobic.

Until finally, finally, Kirishima found the right room. He walked in and immediately felt all the stares on him like snipers ready to shoot. Kirishima felt that burning sensation under his skin again - he wanted so badly to itch at it to snuff it out. Kirishima ignored the stares anyway, walking inside to find a seat next to a blonde.

The blonde didn’t look his way and Kirishima didn’t mind. Instead, he placed his bag on the floor and looked forward. Head bowed ever so slightly. He was fidgeting with his hands again, only stopping once the hangnail began to bleed.

__

Around lunchtime was probably the worst time of day. It wasn’t like Kirishima was bullied or anything, that was only during passing periods or free time. Instead he felt incredibly alone. All he did most of the time was watch people and the way they all spoke to their friends - it was the first day of college, how did they have friends already?

Deep down, Kirishima loathed them.

Kirishima sat near the exit doors (and the trash cans) and pulled out a book and his sack lunch Mina made him. Kirishima doesn’t know why she cares so much - not when he isn’t someone to care about. Kirishima pulled out a bento box with a sandwich, rice balls, and some cut up steak and sauce. He picked up the sandwich and tore off the crust. Mina always forgot to take it off. It was nice of her to make his lunch though.

Picking up his fantasy book, about some girl saving herself from her prince or something Kirishima doesn’t entirely remember fully, he read only for a little bit before he had to put it down. His eyes couldn’t stop looking at all the friends around him. Comparing him to others - seeing how bright and cheerful they were while he was alone and quiet.. it hurt him inside. He began to scratch at his arm.

Throughout lunchtime, Kirishima watched as people spoke to one another or slept in their piles of papers. Some ate and ate and ate, while others played games or read some books. If Kirishima didn’t know any better, he would say that everyone enjoyed life so much that they did little things like play games. And what did Kirishima do? Read a book with a sad sandwich?

He suddenly lost his appetite.

__

His shadow crept along the sidewalk, slowly growing in length the longer he strode down the street. Counting the weeds in the crevasses, stepping on all the cracks he could see. The sky was golden in front of him but behind it still had some blue; as if the sky was bleeding for the last few moments just to replace itself with something extraordinary.

Until there was a specific crack in the curb that he knew all too well. He stopped in his tracks and looked to his right where he saw a house. It wasn’t big, and wasn't flashy like all the others. It was just white with black exterior - whereas the other houses were red brick and white. Its lawn was overgrown, hiding that stone path that led to the back. The doorway had a large archway before actually reaching the door, so there were some decorations that looked incredibly full of spiderwebs. Kirishima’s hands tightened against his bag’s straps.

Turning towards the driveway - there were no cars.

Kirishima looked away and continued to walk. Counting the amount of times he stepped on a crack, and how many weeds he saw peaking out of the ground. It wasn’t long until he finally reached his home.

Taking his shoes off near the front door, he heard Mina say hi to him and he walked towards the dining room where she resided with a computer and some papers littered around her. She didn’t look away until she was done typing - the blue glow of the screen gave her tan skin a gleam. Her pink hair didn’t hide her pierced ears or her choker. She had a spaghetti-noodle strap tank top on and some shorts.

“Hey Ei, how was your day?”

Finally looking up from her school work, she gave a small smile towards Kirishima who shrugged, giving a weak smile. He put his bag down in a chair. His jet-black hair framed his face, while his long-sleeve shirt and jeans looked a little crinkled.

“Tiring, you?”

Mina had been staring at the table for a few hours doing her online work while her mom cooked. The smell of tempura and steamed rice filled the air - Kirishima seemed to just now notice it, perking up slightly.

“I’ve been studying all day. These tests aren’t playing!”

She chuckled, Kirishima rolled his eyes with a small smile before walking into the kitchen finally.

“Hello Ayama.”

“Oh, hello Eiji. The food is almost ready.”

Kirishima hummed, glancing at the food she was cooking. Ayama was brightly colored with her pj pants and tank top on; her hair went down to her shoulder blades and a yellow headband stayed to keep back her bangs when cooking. Kirishima turned and walked back to Mina - grabbing his backpack.

“What are the tests about again?”

“Mathematics or something, word problems.”

Kirishima sucked in through his teeth, he sucks at math!

“That sucks. I wish I could help, but I have a lot of homework myself.”

“You don’t wanna help!”

“You’re right. I was just trying to be nice.”

Mina laughed and playfully pushed him away, he gave a slight smile then started to walk upstairs. Ayama called from the kitchen,

“Food is almost ready, don’t go anywhere!”

Kirishima didn’t listen to her. He walked to his bedroom and closed the door behind him. With a heavy sigh, he dropped his backpack somewhere and then turned to lay on his bed. Staring up at the popcorn ceiling - counting the fake stars that Mina had put up there. But after a few seconds, he began to itch again. He turned and looked out the window. Tired.

He closed his eyes, wanting nothing but sleep to overcome him.

Chapter Text

The house was terribly dark - the only light he could see were the red and blue lights outside and the gleam of rain from flashlights.

Kirishima was holding a bloody syringe in his right hand - while a shark toy stayed in his left. He was shaking, crying. But why? Why was he crying? He was looking around, scared - terrified of what he’s done.

The door busted open, cops spilling in and going towards the bathroom. They didn’t pay attention to the toddler in the hallway. He only cried more, backing away from the bathroom and dropping the syringe. The cops came in and crowded the bathroom - some kneeled while others stood to prepare certain tools that Kirishima didn’t know what their purpose was. As one cop handed another something, they were talking amongst themselves.

“Seems like an overdose.”

“What are her symptoms?”

“Vomiting, muscle tension, pin-point pupils. Respiration depression, she’s a shade of blue.”

Blue? Respiration? What did it mean? What were they saying? Kirishima tried to go back into the bathroom, but he couldn’t move.

“Get her in the van.”

It was pouring down rain outside. Kirishima’s mom was called, she said she would be at the hospital. His aunt was there too apparently. What was happening? Where was everyone? He sobbed in the rain but his tears were mixed - he felt alone, so incredibly alone even when there were people surrounding him with questions he couldn’t answer. He doesn’t know what happened - it was all too fast for him to comprehend.

Suddenly he was at the hospital. He doesn’t remember how or when he got here. He was staring at the bed by the door - the bed that was taken up by a black haired woman; his step-mom, was crowded by people in white coats and his Aunt. Kirishima held onto his shark toy for dear life - it was all his fault. He listened as best he could to the doctors that used big words he couldn’t understand at the time.

“-it was an overdose of Fentanyl, a highly dangerous and addictive opioid. She took too much for the human body to take.”

A nurse began to talk to Kirishima while the doctors spoke around the bed - he wasn’t listening to the nurse, he needed to know what was wrong with his step-mom. He was looking at his mother who was standing next to the bed. She suddenly broke out into a sob, hands shaking against her face. That was probably the last time he ever saw his mom. But then, like a flash of lightning, everyone in the room turned and looked at Kirishima with the same angry and sad eyes. Kirishima was terrified.

He thought it was helping her.

~~

Springing up from his bed, Kirishima woke up panting heavily and sweating. He shook his head, hands suddenly going to his head to stop it from shaking. He began to sob out, feeling like he was a toddler again. He tried to control his breathing but it was no use.

It was all his fault. He couldn’t control himself - maybe he actually did it and killed her. What kind of monster was he? Why would he kill her? What did she do to him that she deserved such a thing? She was funny when she was around. Not like Kirishima’s mom, who worked too much to even *be* around. But unlike her, his step-mom actually had a life and enjoyed it to the fullest.

And he had to disrupt it - by killing her.

He was a horrible person. Who would do such a thing? Instead it should’ve been him - then it wouldn’t be this bad would it?

Shifting in his bed he turned to throw his feet over the edge then got up to go to the bathroom. He was wobbly, off-balance as he did. His vision was blurry with tears and he couldn’t focus on one thing properly. Finally in the bathroom, he was rummaging under the kitchen sink. Pushing aside the extra toilet paper, shampoos, conditioners. He pushed aside the cologne and the lotions, not caring everything had been organized to a tee. He finally found what he was looking for; a pencil-pouch that weighed down with its contents.

Opening it, there was a bag with white powder inside. He grabbed it without thought.

He was quick to scoop some up with his finger and snort it, tilting his head back so it’ll reach faster. Kirishima knew Mina wasn’t asleep until many hours later, and that the effects would wear off once school starts. He just needed to forget about the horrible nightmare and stay calm. He finally felt it hit, and his body got heavy. He sighed out, leaning back against the wall of the bathroom. He sat there, eyes staring at the ground for a long while.

Kirishima was fine. Amazing, actually.

As his body was heavy, so did his heart and lungs. He breathed slowly, threatenly slow if he wasn’t careful. Kirishima saw the floor shift and change, except for the tiles he sat on. His body was too heavy for him to move or lift his head to look. He didn’t care, he found it funny how his limbs felt like they were filled with sand. Sand bag arms and legs?

He didn’t kill his step-mom, he was only helping her. That’s what happened! Kirishima was kind enough to do that, he’s a good person in and out. No matter what people say - what his aunt or his mother does. Kirishima doesn’t even remember what happened fully, and he doesn’t care. He’ll enjoy the daze while he has it. It does wear off after a while - though, he wishes it stays permanent sometimes. The world is too much for him to handle. He needed an escape and this was it.

It was helping him too!

~~

At school, there was a library that had all the textbooks you needed. From mathematics to agriculture to art and science, there was a textbook for everything. Kirishima personally loved the library - not because of the books but because it was quiet and peaceful. The only people that actually go to the library were the so-called ‘nerds’ or ‘geeks’ that came here to read or play video games on the computers quietly.

The people that actually read were the book-worms that probably had the hardest majors, which Kirishima could never take so he is proud of them for getting all that work done despite how hard it is. Pushing through work is what he usually did - or a pseudo-studying type deal, like most other students did.

The library was like any other; dark wooden rows upon rows of books that were all labeled A-Z. The shelves circled along the wall, leaving an empty space in the middle. It was almost like an upside down T shape that held chairs and tables, on the right of the T was the computers that seemed outdated for the current year. On the left of the T was more book shelves, those were the regular books that no one seemed to touch.

The library, also called the study hall, wasn’t a popular area for people to go to so Kirishima enjoyed hiding there when things got bad. Or at least he went there when he thinks a book can help him - (they usually don’t. He can’t sit still long enough to read a book.) - if he can even find a book in the first place.

Tracing his hands along the spines of the books, he tilted his head so that he could read the titles properly. He was trying to find a book about engineering, as there was a specifically hard problem that he didn’t understand whatsoever.

But when Kirishima turned the corner, he saw a certain blonde sitting down with many parts and pieces of something littered around him- tools scattered but still somewhat organized by type and size. Kirishima has never seen someone build something in the library, especially not a machine. Those were louder than most things, but Kirishima hasn’t heard this guy at all since he was here.

Staring at the back of the blonde's head; he tilted his own to try and figure out what he was making. Some sort of strange holder? It seemed to be in the shape of a grenade but Kirishima couldn’t tell at the moment. The blonde’s legs were crossed with a large piece of green in between, holding it securely as he tightened a bolt. But it seemed to be the wrong screwdriver, so he threw it somewhere to the side and reached for another tool that laid around him.

That’s when Kirishima got caught. The blonde’s fiery red eyes met his own scarlet and Kirishima swore those eyes could see straight through his soul. They stared at each other for a moment as Kirishima couldn’t exactly move away from those eyes. Has he seen them before?

Bakugou stared at the black-haired man for a moment. Confused as to why he was just staring at him and why he couldn’t buzz off. He was getting pretty annoyed by his personal space being invaded - this was his own hideout, not accepting invites at the moment. He furrowed his brows - the raven-haired man seemed new, or perhaps a student from the high-school sneaking into the college. The man had a hoodie with ripped jeans and worn-down outside shoes that screamed hand-me-down.

But before Bakugou could even say fuck off, the man was straightening up and walking away out of view. Bakugou frowned. What a weirdo. Turning back with the right tool, he finally tightened the screw he worked on before.

Kirishima had finally gotten out of the library after supposedly getting lost. After walking away from those eyes, the blonde, he had just walked straight until he reached the other side of the library. He actually has never been on that side before, and he was lost. But overcoming the trial, he found a way out and left. He didn’t want to be there any longer than he has too- especially if he interrupted the blondes working. How rude!

~~

When Kirishima was walking home that day, he never did shake off those eyes that the blonde had. Has he seen them before? He must’ve. But where? When?

They were fierce and full of anger. Or was it passion? A terrifyingly strong passion over building it seemed. Or maybe that’s just what his eyes held in general. Scary yet..manly. He wished he had eyes like that. Sure they were red, but they were meek. Feeble. Not as sincere or serious like the blonde’s was.

Really, where has he seen those eyes before? He shouldn’t be thinking so much about someone’s eyes - how creepy is it to -

He stopped in his tracks. The memory hit him like a freight train.

**

It all happened way back in middle school. Where Kirishima first found heroin, and where Kirishima first stood up for someone.

His middle school days weren’t the best, considering he got severely bullied over seemingly nothing. He can tolerate being bullied. But when other people are bullied? He can’t stand it for some reason. It made him itch, made him want to scratch something - punch those jerks that decided to bully some random student that didn’t do anything.

Usually if he ever did see someone getting slugged, he couldn’t find it in himself to move to help. He never feels more worthless than the time Mina got bullied and he sat back and watched. He still doesn’t forgive himself for freezing in place - he can’t be a man if he gets scared over bullies.

The first time he actually did fight back, of course, was with the meanest dog in the grade. Bakugou Katsuki. He doesn’t remember why he went back into that class, he must’ve forgotten his bag or pencil case, but when he walked back he only heard the haunting words of Bakugou talking to someone on the floor.

“-take a swan dive off the roof. Maybe in your next life..-!

It was all Kirishima needed to hear before he was suddenly running over and pushing Bakugou out of the way, now standing in front of the green haired boy that was pushed onto the floor. Bakugou, shocked that someone actually decided to have the balls to push him,

“What the fuck-?”

“Get away from him!”

Bakugou saw what extra he was dealing with and stood up a bit straighter. Not that he was intimidated but that it was almost laughable how the boy chose death over saving this useless nerd. Kirishima was standing with one of his hands protecting Deku, while his teeth were bared like a dog. But he was shaking. The scene was pathetic, but Bakugou has to admit, having the gall to stick up to him was pretty brave. And incredibly stupid.

He was gonna reach and grab the boy's collar, before Deku got up and nudged the boy. Kirishima blinked out of the trance and looked to the side, seeing that the green haired boy had gotten up and looked defeated. Kirishima softened up at the sight. Bakugou frowned, now the moment was ruined and he had lost the rush he had before. He shoved his hands in his pockets,

“Tch, whatever. I don’t want to waste my time on both of you extras anyway.”

Kirishima watched as Bakugou stomped out the room. Kirishima let out a breath he didn’t know he held in - and Midoriya sighed. Midoriya didn’t want to be caught getting bullied, especially after what Kacchan said this time. It really stung. But the way Kirishima still rushed in and saved him.. he was like a hero. Midoriya’s eyes met Kirishima’s,

“Thank you-!”

Midoriya bowed. Kirishima just waved his hands in front of him awkwardly and shrugged. Mustering up the courage to give a small smile to the boy.

“No problem, man.”

He really thought he was gonna get his ass beat for a second there, though.

**

Kirishima blinked back into reality once he figured out his feet had stopped on a familiar broken curb. He looked up and turned - seeing that same house from yesterday. Everything was still the same of course. There weren't any cars in the driveway still. Kirishima clutched his bag tighter.

He continued to walk forward. Hands falling into his pockets, he messed with something metal with one hand.

Kirishima finally reached home and sighed. Closing the door behind him, he could hear Ayama and Mina talking to one another in the kitchen as he took off his shoes.

“Ah, Eiji! Perfect timing!”

Mina smiled, hugging Kirishima once he came into the kitchen. Ayama chuckled and looked in the fridge again.

“There’s a party going on tomorrow night, you wanna come with?”

Kirishima hesitated. His brows furrowed - but tomorrow was Saturday.. Doesn't he have H.A? Why would he want to go to a party afterwards? Mina could see the gears turning in his head - the way Kirishima slouched down slightly showed how much he was hesitant. But she was patient.

“Who-who’s party is it?”

“Some boys. They’re inviting everyone and I want you to come!”

*Why me?* Kirishima wanted to ask. If anything, Kirishima was a party pooper. (The truth was, he’s never been to a party. He already ruins the mood, why would he want to go to a party?)

Fidgeting with his hoody strings, he shrugged. Mina began to get worried, and Kirishima could tell. But she wasn’t gonna give up, damn it! She walked and gently held the sides of his arms, giving a firm look towards him. He got nervous - a sweat bead forming.

“Come on! You need to get out of your shell. Meet new friends, party! Plus, it can be a reward for going to your H.A meeting!”

Kirishima visibly cringed at the mention of the meeting. He hates going to those things - they really didn’t help him. He doesn’t know..

Amaya then came over; crossing her arms while holding her bandana with one hand.

“As much as I disapprove of you two going to a college party..I think it’ll be good for you, Ei.”

Getting closer, Mina shifted to the side, Ayama cupped Kirishima’s face and made him look at her. She had sympathy and faith in her eyes. She always had faith - even in impossible things like Kirishima actually going to a college party.

“You might meet some new friends. It’s better to have friends than be alone.”

She gave a smile and Kirishima looked into those eyes - not knowing if he was pleading or not, he knew it wouldn’t work on Ayama or Mina. Kirishima sighed, slouching and Ayama pulled away with a smirk. Kirishima gave up,

“Fine. I’ll go.”

Mina squealed in happiness, quickly hugging Kirishima to which he grunted in surprise. Before giving a small smile and hugging back.

Despite seeing how happy Mina was about him going, Kirishima was utterly terrified.

Chapter Text

Kirishima has never been to a college party before - let alone a party in general. He didn’t like going, especially with people he didn’t know. What do people even do there? Drink, rub bodies against one another, drink some more? It doesn’t sound fun at all. Who would want that? Though, maybe people like doing stuff like that. Why? He would never know for sure.

He was..different from other people - so maybe that’s why he doesn’t like parties. Maybe he should go to more parties like Mina said, what could go wrong?

Everything! A fight could break out. His bullies could be there and they would pull him aside and beat him up - he could get sexually assaulted, drugged, or even peer pressured and get super drunk and who knows what would happen when he’s drunk! He doesn’t even know! The radio could break and they would all just have to stand there in a room and watch each other take sips of those plastic red cups awkwardly. Maybe someone would throw up on him and he’d have to go home. Oh, there’s so many things that could go wrong.

It terrified him.

Just like the thought of what would really happen if he went -

What if he made friends? What if he wasn’t a loner anymore? What if the party wasn’t a drinking party but a video game party full of a Mario-cart marathon?

All these what ifs, yet no true solution. It all scared Kirishima to the core.

Kirishima found himself in his bathroom many times throughout the day, quietly snorting his heroin from the little bag. If he couldn’t calm down by himself, how else is he supposed to? This was the only way he knew how. Except for when he’s around Mina, but even so she’s not here and he's around people that hate him. Kirishima was fine being a little high just to calm his nerves. But when it wore off his anxiety started up again.

The window seemed huge right next to his seat. The whole tree was swaying in the wind, with some leaves falling down. Kirishima wondered if he could be a leaf one day; just falling freely in the sky. It would be better than being here in class. In this world. Where would he go? Where would he land? The next town over, or in a river where it'll carry him to another state? He’s always wanted to travel; how was America? Was it as ‘free’ as how Mina’s grandma tells it to be? Is the food there really that big? It would be better than going to this stupid party.

“Kirishima? Earth to Kirishima?”

He blinked away from the window and towards the front where the professor was talking to him. He sat up straighter and hesitated. Hands quickly going back to pick at one another.

“I-im sorry, what was the question again?”

Snickers were heard around him. People were laughing - at him. He felt his walls crumble and he wanted to hide like a mouse. Squeeze into those small crevices that others can’t; he had rubber-like bones unlike everyone else. He could fit. He just wanted to leave.

“-the textbook?”

Shit. What about it? Kirishima looked at the book in front of him. It was something about history. So with what little answer his professor gave him, he decided to just read the first paragraph and hope for the best. It felt rude to ask what the question was because then they'll know that he zoned out again.

His hangnail was bleeding once more.

__

*Riiiing!*

Everyone, seemingly in unison, got up and grabbed their backpacks to start heading outside to their next period. Kirishima did the same, following the routine everyone did. He held his books against his chest while he walked out, not having enough room in his backpack. The moment he walked out of the class he heard some laughter and then his books were hit out of his hand.

He looked at the boy who had run off before he could even react. Kirishima’s hand balled into a fist. He couldn’t do anything though - he wouldn’t even if he wanted to. Kneeling down he picked up his books again and began to walk towards the stairs. But he was suddenly pushed again - his books falling once more. This time they pushed *him* - straight into the lockers. A loud slam was heard and the boys that pushed him laughed while they ran off too. Kirishima felt hot - he wanted so badly to run after and give them a piece of his mind. How would they like it if they got pushed into the lockers?

But it wasn’t worth it. Instead, he thought, it was better not to do anything instead of getting jumped in the alleyway again.

__

With a click, the door closed behind him and he began to take off his shoes near the door to put them in the cubby. Kirishima placed his backpack down against the chair in the dining room, before hearing the soft hum of music upstairs.

Ayama wasn’t in the kitchen, she was probably out working or getting groceries for dinner this week. Kirishima wondered what she was gonna get while walking up the stairs to Mina‘s room. He knocked, then entered.

Mina‘s room was filled to the brim with pinks, blacks and purples; stuffed animals laid across her bed and along the chairs. A fur carpet laid in the middle, with a stool. A nightstand, dresser, and a white vanity that held all sorts of makeup and brushes. If makeup was on the market, she would have it. So much so that she had a whole nightstand dedicated to all her makeup. Her walls were etched with flowers, an old thing that her mom did for her when she was young. They were starting to go dull.

Mina sat at the vanity, putting mascara on. But seeing Kirishima through the mirror, she turned and smiled.

Despite how it looks, Mina is incredibly popular at his school. Mina used to go there before she had to start online school, it was better than public school. That being said, Mina went to lots of parties - she was used to getting ready and putting on makeup. Her tan skin shone with that glitter she likes, a crop-top with black army pants and boots. She was stylish, sure, everyone loved that about her.

“Ei! Perfect timing! The party is about to start, aren’t you gonna get ready?”

Shit. He forgot all about the party, honestly. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly before shaking his head.

“No thanks. I don’t want to dress up.”

Instead, he’ll go in his long-sleeve shirt and regular pants and shoes. He wasn’t trying to show off to anyone or stand out. That would just create a target on his back. Mina finished her eye before getting up and grabbing her purse.

“Suit yourself! Are you ready to go?”

Kirishima nodded. She smiled and grabbed at his arm, pulling him to the car outside. As she drove, Kirishima looked outside the window and felt his anxiety rise. The bile wanted to escape, but he wouldn’t let it. He was not going to be a popular throw up story at a party. Kirishima began to itch.

Once Mina arrived at the house, the road was already full of cars and bikes, and people were littered in the front yard all heading inside. The house was two stories, but Kirishima doesn’t remember who’s house it was. Mina looked away from the house and at Kirishima who was still staring at it like if he stared at it long enough, it’ll burn.

His hands weren’t shaking, but they were fidgeting with each other by picking at the hangnails or rubbing his fingers together. It was until Kirishima began to rub his palms on his thighs, a sign that Kirishima’s hands were sweating. Mina looked at him once more. Anxiety and worry was pouring out of him like a stream - in any moment he was gonna crack. Mina moved a hand to gently hold his arm, he looked over.

“Are you gonna be okay?”

She asked, knowing that there was a deeper meaning behind her own words. Kirishima felt his eyes twitch at the implication. He looked away. He didn’t need sympathy or anything, he didn’t want Mina to worry about him over and over again. He wasn’t her child or sibling, he didn’t want her to feel that way. Like she had to take care of him. So he nodded, despite not believing that he was gonna be okay.

“Are you gonna have fun?”

Mina teased, seeing the tension rise and some sort of anger fester up inside him. Mina just wanted Kirishima to be able to escape that shell he has; sure he can hide in it, but hiding in it forever won’t let him live life. Kirishima looked down at his hands before at Mina.

“I’ll try.”

She chuckled, rubbing his arm gently before hopping out of the car. Kirishima followed, then trailed her as she walked towards the door of the house.

Inside, much like the outside, was already littered with people dancing and drinking. It was a bit crowded at the front door, and ever so loud that Kirishima couldn’t even hear the music. Mina stood out like a sore thumb of course, with the flashing lights hitting the glitter on her made her skin look like a disco ball. Kirishima made sure to keep up with her, yet be far enough where she doesn’t have to introduce him to her friends or so he doesn’t interrupt her.

He was a bit busy avoiding every bouncing body that seemed to not care about their surroundings. Kirishima swears he got hit on the arms around four times while following Mina. It stunk of weed, alcohol and sweat. Kirishima almost couldn’t breathe. Mina was saying hi to all of her friends, going to the kitchen where all the alcohol resided. Kirishima had lost connection, now confused where she went. Kirishima looked around, anxiety clouding his thoughts.

Despite being worried, Kirishima began to walk around to try and find a safe place to sit down and relax from all the closeness. But the deeper he went, the thicker the crowd got. It was to a point he had to push through the crowd and say excuse me. People ignored him and continued dancing. Kirishima finally found the living room, already littered and broken from all the partying. I mean, the painting was on the ground and the lamp was flicking on and off while being tilted to its side. Kirishima couldn’t imagine his parents coming home to this.

Kirishima finally found a safe space: the fireplace. It wasn’t that crowded because it was colder over here, but he had a full view of the living room if he sat down on the cold brick. There were two couches, one full of people he thought were sleeping or high on weed, and the other was empty except for the loose jackets and purses. He began to just watch people while the party continued on. He felt itchy. Hugging himself, nails slightly scratching at his sides, he just wanted to go home. Can’t time go faster? How long do these parties usually last anyway?

He only got pulled out of his trance of self-loathing once he saw a familiar blonde and pink-haired. Mina was coming over with some drinks, and the blonde followed. Along with a green haired boy with messy hair. Was that.. Midoriya? Was he friends with the blonde? Even after-?

“Oh, but you have to meet my best friend, Kirishima Eijirou. You’ll love him! He’s the sweetest!”

Kirishima heard Mina speak the closer she got. Now he stood up straighter, suddenly being the star of the show as all six eyes laid upon him. Now he was fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, avoiding the watchful eyes for a moment. What was he supposed to do? They haven’t exactly reached him yet. Plus, he was trying to avoid that stare of Bakugou.

Once they reached him, standing in front of him, Kirishima gave a weak smile and waved. Mina walked over and gave him a cup, not of alcohol but of soda. Kirishima noticed this and looked at Mina with thankfulness.

“Guys, this is Kirishima Eijirou. Kiri, this is Midoriya Izuku and Bakugou Katsuki.”

Bakugou’s eyes met Kirishima’s. Kirishima noticed how they were still as strong and determined as before. Bakugou noticed how nervous the raven-haired boy was; looking like he didn’t belong at a party like this. Ignoring that, Bakugou went and started to clear the couch that had everyone’s lost things, placing them to the side so that he and Midoriya could sit down. Kirishima noticed Midoriya - wondering if they were friends now even after..

“So you’re new here, right? Freshmen in college? How come I feel like I’ve seen you before?”

Midoriya began as he sat down, tapping his chin as if he was actually trying to think. Kirishima shrugged, a sweat bead forming. Should he even mention it? What if it’s a taboo topic? Shit, here he goes.

“Uh, I-i think I saw you in middle school? I don’t exact-exactly remember.”

Bakugou furrowed his brows, while
Midoriya tilted his head. Mina sat beside Bakugou, pushing him aside and ignoring his glares. Bakugou didn’t exactly care, he was more focused on how he knew Kirishima. He knew he saw this kid before, he saw him in middle school back when he bullied Deku...

Shit, don’t tell him Kirishima was that kid that stopped him! Midoriya seemed to realize at the exact moment as Bakugou, and then smiled.

“Oh, you must’ve been that one student that stopped Bakugou! You were my hero that day.”

Midoriya gave a cheery smile but Kirishima didn’t give him one back. He didn’t feel like a hero. Bakugou turned to hit Midoriya upside the head, and Midoriya laughed.

“Shut up you damn nerd! I’m past that phase.”

“Phase he says..”

Mina said into her cup while sipping. Bakugou heard and began to yell at her, and Mina just began to laugh, his words not affecting her like they did with anyone else. Midoriya continued,

“But don’t worry Kirishima, Bakugou isn’t like that anymore. We have gotten a better relationship, ironically we even became step-brothers.”

Kirishima would’ve lost his jaw if it wasn’t connected to his head. Step-brothers? How? After all that..bullying? How did that even work or come to be?

“Why the hell are you spitting out our information??”

Bakugou yelled, he yelled a lot it seemed, and Midoriya yelled his hands in defeat. It seemed the blond still bullied him but not as..harsh or seriously as before. Kirishima took a sip of his soda as they fought. Midoriya avoided Bakugou’s wrath by paying attention to Kirishima, asking him,

“I didn’t mean too!! Anyway, I’m glad you're here, Kirishima! You party a lot?”

Kirishima glanced down at his soda for a moment. Watching as the ice rubbed against one another with a small *glink!* sound. He shook his head, looking back up but not at the eyes that were staring at him.

“No.. My best friend used to do all this stuff. Never really got into it like he did.”

“And where is this best friend of yours?”

“..-he shot himself last month. I wish I could’ve seen the signs, but y’know..”

His eyes finally met with the others. Midoriya was suddenly worried; startled more than not about how quickly the topic changed. And about how easy Kirishima admitted that. Bakugou was staring hard, shocked that the man said something like that as if he said a slur. Mina was used to the shock, but was taken by surprise by how Kirishima said it so randomly. She felt a sweat bead form, nerves making her breathing go ragged. She doesn’t want to remember how Kirishima’s friend, her best friend, killed himself. She looked down at her drink.

Noticing everyone’s reaction, Kirishima suddenly felt nauseous. He blinked and chugged the rest of his soda before standing up.

“Pardon me.”

Bakugou watched as Kirishima swiftly exited the room - to god knows where. Bakugou furrowed his brows, shocked stupid at how blunt Kirishima was.

“Did he really just say that?”

Midoriya hit him upside the arm and he retaliated, saying he was just asking a question. Mina sighed heavily and cupped her cheek, sadness in her expression.

“I forgot to warn you.. Ei has been through a lot of shit. But don’t treat him any different. He doesn’t need any pity - he’s just like all of us. Okay?”

Mina made sure that everything she said about Kirishima was vague. She made sure that they didn’t ask anything too personal or that she didn’t say anything that Kirishima doesn’t want them to hear. They shouldn’t treat Kirishima any differently just because his mind is a little broken; he just needs some time to help to fix it. He’s getting the help. She just hoped it was working.

Kirishima was so much stronger than he takes credit for. He’s stronger than herself, despite everything that he’s been through he’s still taking that step forward in life..

__

*It wasn’t all the time that Kirishima was open about his bad days. It seems he has no bad days - or at least he doesn’t tell anyone about them. Back then, he had just started doing heroin and he seemed to actually regret doing it apart from now. Mina knew about it for many months but even so, she never got used to how it affected him.

The bedroom was dark, quiet and heavy with tension. Mina laid in bed with Kirishima, quietly comforting him as he came down from his high. Albeit very slowly, but Mina will wait forever just to make sure Kirishima will be okay after a dose. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t freak out every time she finds him high on heroin.

This time he came to her. She was trying to sleep before she heard a noise and suddenly someone was crawling into her bed. She seemed to know who it was already. Like it was normal for someone to creep into her room. But it wasn’t and Mina hated it when Kirishima came into her room to sleep; most of the time it was because he was high or because he had a nightmare. It hurt her heart so much seeing him like this.

With a hand gently rubbing his back, he curled into her chest with his arms laying weakly against her side. They sprawled out awkwardly but he didn’t seem to notice. His eyes were closed, but she could tell he was high from how slow he was breathing.

Oh, it always scared her whenever he was breathing slowly.

Was he even breathing?

Two seconds. No inhale.

Five seconds. No inhale.

At seven he finally took a deep breath in and so did she; not realizing that she was holding her breath too. Mina doesn’t want to steal what little air Kirishima had. But even so, sometimes, he spoke. And it worried Mina that he wouldn’t have enough air in his lungs to finish a sentence.

“I’m…sorry, Mina.”

His words were heavy, breathing in-between each sentence.

“I didn’t want to do it…But I did it anyway…I didn’t mean- it-it's just-… it’s so hard.”

As he mumbled, she would gently move his arm to check and see if he had busted any veins. Mina began to wrap it, having extra bandages under her pillow or in her nightstand for this exact reason. The positioning was a bit awkward since they were both laying down, but she made do with what she got. Kirishima tends to always say sorry or regret doing it, but at times it doesn’t feel like that’s the truth.

Soothing his back with her hand, she finished wrapping his arm and she let him have some room to breathe yet still hugged him.

“Shh..calm down.”

“I can-can only calm down with it, Mina…That’s the thing, I need it. I-I need it, Mina.”

Kirishima whispered, out of breath. Mina quickly shook her head and shushed him, feeling tears form and fall. It hurt so much seeing him like this. Every night it seemed he would get bad. She just doesn’t want him to get bad again. But she can only take so much, and can only help so much before she has to take matters in her own hands. Even if Kirishima doesn’t like it - Kirishima never liked rehab.

“You’re stronger than this Ei. I know you are.”*

__

The bathroom was upstairs in a small doorway, seemingly hidden from everything because why was it so hard to find a bathroom? Kirishima didn’t dwell on it much, silently pushing past every sweaty body that was dancing to the overwhelming music. He pushed himself into the bathroom, thank god it was empty, and locked the door behind him.

Kirishima let out a sigh of relief once he finally had some clearance. He looked at the mirror, taking a moment to try and look at his reflection.

His hands were shaking against the counter. He couldn’t see himself anymore - he wasn’t that same boy as before. His eyes were heavy, red, and wet with tears. Kirishima didn’t enjoy looking at himself - ever. That's why he never stared in the mirror for too long.

The way he ruined the mood back there was making him panic. How could he say something like that and think nothing of it? How crazy is he? Why did he even mention his best friends suicide, let alone to a group of new people that didn’t need to know? He’s so stupid! So, so stupid!

Why did he do that? It was so selfish; now they probably think he doesn’t even care that his friend died. They probably think he just shrugged it off but that’s not true. He mourned for so long, and technically he’s still grieving. Damn it, he’s a horrible fucking friend. That wasn’t his story to tell.

He fingered his jean pockets, checking each one for something. He knows he put some in here because he knew something like this would happen. How could it not? He was Kirishima Eijirou. He always ruins everything. Always have, always will.

Finally, he pulled out a small bag with white powder inside. He opened and scooped some up, quickly snorting it down with a tilt of his head. Kirishima groaned, now leaning forward and looking at the mirror again. He had white powder on his nose.

Wiping it away, his eyes began to dilate. He could see himself now. He was blurry and distorted.

Chapter Text

“-Prefiero estar dormida que despierta, De tanto que me duele que no estés..” (*I’d rather be asleep than awake. It hurts me so much that you are not here..*)

She reached a hand towards the brush that resided next to her foundation and mascara. Mouthing the lyrics, she brushed down the crazy-ness of her hair as best she could.

“- Cómo quisiera, ay, Que tú vivieras..” (*how I would like, oh, that you lived..*)

The sound of violins and other string instruments filled her room, and Rocío’s voice echoed as the song began to end. Mina always loved listening to Spanish, even when she hardly knows how to speak it - she can understand it though!

As her hair still stuck out every which way despite how much she brushed it, the radio that sat on her shelf above her vanity slowly began to fade into a different song that she doesn’t know very well as the other. She doesn’t mind; always loving when she learns new songs. She put her brush down wherever there was room on her vanity - which, there was none.

Mina‘s make-up vanity was a soft white with lights along the rim of the large mirrors. She added a feathered boa scarf for some design along the edge so that it doesn’t look so bland against her greatly decorated room. Many posters, many shelves full of figures, books, and more makeup- pink leopard print blankets and carpet and white leopard print chairs, flowers painted along the walls. Dream catchers and crystals on a string hung from the ceiling, while her small light was now a small chandelier that she installed with the help of Kirishima. She knows he doesn’t pay attention to most things, but she always did hope he noticed how lively her room was.

She had an Elvis lamp on her bedside table along with some papers and her keys. She always loved vintage things; thrifting was her absolute favorite thing to do. She found the Elvis lamp one day and could’ve sworn that they were over ¥45,888[1] online! Who would throw away something like it? Sure, she doesn’t know Elvis that well but he seemed pretty handsome back in the day.

Going back to her vanity, most of the table space was covered with many makeup products and different hair brushes and nail polish - she loved doing makeup. She sometimes lost her phone in the mess - speaking of which..

She noticed that her phone was going off and she glanced at it. Her mom was texting her about going grocery shopping - she was gonna work late and she needed the extra hand. Mina sighed softly, looking away from her phone and back at her reflection. Opening some mascara, she leaned in close and was careful as she applied it to her lashes.

There was a noise downstairs - an unlock of the door, and some shuffling of shoes being kicked off and put in a cubby. Kirishima must be home - perfect! She can bring him along - she needs someone to carry all the heavy things anyway!

With that thought in mind, she got up with her phone before taking one last look at herself in the mirror. A small-string tank top with some design on front and ruffles on the edge, along with shorts with rips on the bottom and fishnets underneath. Sock warmers and sleeve warmers, platforms and a small purse that hung over her shoulder.

She nodded at herself before turning and walking downstairs. While she reached the bottom, she was placing her phone in her bag while looking for Kirishima. Kirishima was in the kitchen looking for something, Mina perked up.

“Hey Ei, how was your day?”

Kirishima jumped slightly before looking over. His eyes were a bit darker than usual - and he looked like he was in a rush or at least stressed out. Mina held the strap on her purse a bit tighter. He glanced at her and her outfit, trying not to scratch at the pins and needles under his skin. He was just.. having an off day. Okay? Kirishima wore black sweats and a white long sleeve shirt with a black t-shirt on top, his knees and sides were a bit spotted with dirt.

“Fine.”

Kirishima walked past Mina and up the stairs to his room, Mina watched for a second before following him. Worry starting to form. Was he okay? What’s going on in that head of his? Why were his knees scraped? Was he getting bullied again?

She persisted, and followed him into his room.

“Wanna come to the store with me? Mom wants me to get groceries.”

Kirishima placed his backpack down near the doorway and hesitated. She seemed to have caught his attention because he was now turning towards her; though, not making eye contact whatsoever. Another bad sign.

Today was a Wednesday; one of his HA days.. he didn’t particularly have a good day but even so he never has a good day when he has to go to the meetings.. Did something happen at school? What was he not telling her? She never liked secrets and Kirishima always seemed full of them. He shrugged, hesitantly going to mess with his fingers.

“I dunno..I have a lot of work to do, Mina.”

At that Mina rolled her eyes.

“Oh come on! You’re a smarty, you did all the work at school!”

That was true. Kirishima usually always has time to finish his homework at school - but that doesn’t mean he isn’t gonna study or anything. Mina reached for his hand, one to stop him from picking at his hangnails, and two to give him a grounding tool. But once her fingers grazed his, he flinched and pulled away. His eyes finally met hers.

And now Mina finally knew what was going through his head.

His eyes were red and watery; he’s been crying and it was clear he wasn’t having any pleasant thoughts. He was having bad thoughts again- oh, what happened today? The world seemed to give her a moment's grace because Kirishima continued to stare at her instead of pushing her away like he usually does. Mina hesitated before tilting her head.

“Listen.. I’ll even buy you a reward. It’ll be fun. You don’t want to be stuck up in this house, do ya?”

She spoke so softly, in fear that Kirishima was gonna run away like he was some sort of baby deer. He sure looked like one - and she hated when he did. Yet despite seeing him as a deer, she was still so scared. She felt like she was walking on a tightrope; one moment he’s sweet and caring, the next he's angry and irritated. She was reading up on it, and it seemed to be withdrawals of heroin (or just drugs in general?). But he hasn’t been using it in a bit, at least that she knows of, so she guessed it was just some sort of an aftershock?

Kirishima knew what Mina was doing. She was trying to get him out of the house - out of his shell that he so loved being in. He felt safe - it was already so much going to a party. But then again, he hates being alone. And this was Mina he’s talking about - not some rando at school. With a heavy sigh, he nodded.

“Okay.”

Mina smiled,

“Thank you, Ei. Now come on! Mom said she’s working late tonight, so we can go to your favorite store!”

Walking out to the car felt like a breath of fresh air and a trip into the deepest part of the ocean at the same time.

__

The cars that they passed all varied between Toyotas, Hondas and Nissan. If he counted, there would’ve been more Toyotas than Hondas yet sometimes he couldn’t tell which was what. Most of the time he was just zoned out. Behind the wheel, Mina couldn’t help but glance over to Kirishima as he had been fidgeting with his fingers the whole time.

“…anything happen at school today?”

She tested, knowing it would probably make his day worse. Kirishima was silent before moving a hand to cover his mouth, with his elbow resting against the car door. He didn’t look at her but still shrugged. Guess he didn’t want to talk about it - but Kirishima didn’t want to face that look that Mina always gave him. Sympathy - sorrow. He didn’t need her to look at him like that.

“No. Just normal college stuff. What do you need from the store?”

Deciding to change the topic off of him, Mina seemed to be happy that he was at least talking. Mina relaxed ever so slightly. Kirishima turned to look at Mina, knowing that she would be at least a bit more relaxed after he spoke more.. she always seemed happier when he spoke even when he isn’t interested in what she has to say at the moment. At least she wasn’t as worried for him as before - like she always is. All he could think about was school and how he had to go tomorrow. And the next. And the next…and the next..

“Some food for dinner this week. I think mom is making steak!”

A small smile formed on Kirishima’s face and she couldn’t help but smile with him. She always loved his smile.

“Then I believe regular bathroom stuff. And I need tampons.”

Kirishima’s ears suddenly got red, and he had an awkward smile on his face.

“Oh god, stop talking about that.”

“Haha! It’s normal! You still get icky about it?”

Despite living in a house with two girls, he still gets embarrassed.

“I’m a man, I shouldn’t hear about it!”

His smile got brighter, and even when she knew he was joking about it he still was slightly shy about talking about it. I mean, talking about something that goes into a lady’s private part is just - embarrassing. Mina laughed at him, and he just shook his head with a smile.

Kirishima continued to talk now, something about a book he’s reading in class, and the sound of his rough yet strong voice filled her ears and she couldn’t get enough. She loved it when he spoke; it always told her that he was *okay* and it always showed him that he wasn’t alone. Someone was there to listen to him.

__

After finally reaching the grocery store, Kirishima had grabbed a basket and pushed it along the aisles that Mina went down and helped her pick out the proper food that he thought Ayana would like to cook. She was pretty open about what to eat, so was Kirishima, the real problem was Mina - she is a picky eater!

Luckily, they weren’t entirely guessing. Mina had a list sent from Ayana that she checked on now and then, making sure they got the essentials before getting what they wanted. It wasn’t much, since the budget was tight but still the small package of gum brought content. They didn’t need big expensive products to be happy - Kirishima doesn’t mind living off-brand anyway. Ayama hated off brands, despite the prices and the lack of money.

Mina was talking her jaw off about some random things and about the facts she’s heard about certain products - before she ran across the current price for eggs. Damn! Why is it so expensive nowadays?

Looking between the off-brand and the original brand, she pondered for a moment.

“You’d think she’d like these off brand eggs? She’s pretty particular about what brand.. but it’s so expensive..”

Her brows furrowed with worry. Kirishima was looking at the other brands of eggs beside Mina. He shrugged,

“She probably won’t even notice it if we scratched off the off-brand logo. We could print the original brand on top.”

A playful suggestion, but Mina rolled her eyes.

“Nah, she’ll sense the off-brand! She can sense it a mile away! She's like a hound.”

Kirishima chuckled, slightly fidgeting with his fingers while pushing the cart. Mina put the off-brand eggs in the cart, Ayama was gonna have to deal with it. It was cheaper and was literally the same thing but under a different name - though she did wonder if the difference was how the chickens were fed… anyway.

After having grabbed everything from the list, they finally reached the women’s product aisle. Kirishima was obviously becoming bashful, avoiding eye contact with Mina and staring hard at the floor - his ears turning a slight red. Mina noticed, then sighed softly.

“Oh come on Ei, it’s not that bad. It’s a normal bodily function for women - eventually your girlfriend will want you to buy some-”

“Girlfriend?”

“-if you even roll that way..”

“Mina!”

Mina laughed, putting a hand on his shoulder as he had tensed up and his face got all red.

“I’m teasing, babe! I don’t care which way you roll - just don’t get too freaked out by this..-“

That’s when she was stopped by someone walking down the aisle calling her name.

“Mina!! Oh my god, I haven’t seen you in forever!!”

Perking up and looking down the aisle, she saw her group of friends that she used to see at school before she changed to online. She had smiled brightly, quickly walking over and hugging them all.

As they all said hello and hugged, Kirishima had to move closer to the aisle walls so they had enough room. He was getting tense and felt awkward as fuck from all the girls around him - and the pads. He was lucky that the girls knew that he wasn’t Mina’s boyfriend, they all knew he was like a brother to him. Yet it was still embarrassing being around girls. He was almost 21, but damn it, girls still make him nervous. And talking about something so private, sure it’s normal but people don’t openly talk about it- he doesn’t feel close enough to feel comfortable around these girls. He’s fine with Mina but with her friends..-?

“You out of tampons too?”

“Yeah, but considering how expensive they are now I'm considering just using toilet paper.”

“Hah! Or you could use a menstrual cup?”

“I heard some birth control stop your period?”

As they spoke more and more about women and their menstrual cycle, Kirishima couldn’t help but shrink down at how embarrassing this was. He wasn’t used to this much in-depth talk about periods. It was making him uncomfortable at this point. Mina seemed to notice him, almost having forgotten that he was even there.

“Ah! Sorry girls, I gotta go- we have to get all these groceries home!”

The girls finally turned and noticed Kirishima. Kirishima straightened up, and they all began to talk at once. Their voices overlapping one another - he didn’t know who to listen to. Mina had started to listen to her closest friend, something came up.

“Oh, Kirishima I didn’t even see you!”

“I didn’t know you still hung out with him..”

Kirishima suddenly felt as if some of the girls' stares weren’t as friendly as they seem to be. He clutched the handlebars to the shopping cart tighter - Mina was busy talking to a friend that wasn’t that interested in Kirishima as the other four.

“Are you embarrassed by the pads? You’re as red as a tomato!”

“Your girlfriend will make you get some for her, you know.”

Two spoke to him - the other two spoke about him.

“Mina still hangs out with him? Isn’t he a mood killer?”

“Yeah - I heard he ruined the mood at a party recently..”

“He isn’t a mood killer, he is more of a best friend killer..”

The snickers from the two girls sounded like rats in the walls. Kirishima felt his skin tighten, pins and needles forming underneath. He felt itchy and felt like burning up at the same time. He rubbed the side of his arm, turning towards Mina who was still talking to the girl.

“M-Mina, let’s go..”

He tried, but Mina was too busy laughing along with the girl. Kirishima heard the other four laugh at him and that’s when he felt like he snapped.

“Mina! Let’s go now!”

His voice was louder and his eyes were watery with anger - pain. What they said really hurt. It’s not like he didn’t already know that, but he didn’t need to be reminded. Mina turned and saw the sadness in his eyes - saw the anger and frustration of all the people surrounding him and how overwhelmed he was. She noticed that he probably doesn’t like being crowded or being asked many questions at a time - she nodded before remembering.

“Yeah- just let me get my tampons.”

Some girls chuckled, and Kirishima shook his head.

“You’ll get them later, let’s go.”

His voice was harsh - he was practically yelling at her. He turned and pushed the cart off - she had to follow. She watched him go for a short moment before looking at her friends that stared. She swallowed the lump in her throat before chuckling awkwardly.

“Sorry girls, I’ll see you later.”

As she walked, she felt all the eyes burning her back, either from judgment or from worry. But they shouldn’t be worried - Mina is worried enough for Kirishima as is.

__

“What was that all about Ei?”

Mina asked as she started the car, the roar of the engine turning on and the hum of the car starting filled her ears.

“It’s nothing.”

Now she knows that the other was lying. She knows something happened, but here he was again not saying anything about it. He always hides something - hides behind that wall that is too high for her to climb. And if she tries, he gets angry or irritated.. maybe it was withdrawals but how long do they last? He hasn’t had heroin ever since they started the HA meetings.

“Was it all the talking about pads? Tampons?”

“It’s not-“

“I was just teasing you, but I should’ve stopped them from doing it. That’s just inappropriate in a sense-“

“It’s not about the tampons, Mina!”

Kirishima yelled. Hitting his hand against the door from how fast he jerked his hand. He turned and stared at her, anger in his red, teary eyes. She flinched.

“I’m tired, and I wanna go home! I didn’t even want to come out here in the first place.”

Mina was startled. He was having another episode. He glared at her before he turned away and put his hand over his mouth, elbow resting on the car door. His other hand was scratching at the crook of his arm - right where the elbow was.

“Just take me home, Mina.”

His voice was muffled from his hand. He was staring out the window, holding back tears of anger. Mina couldn’t see them, but she knew they were there. Mina wanted to say something, wanted to help calm him down, but what could she say? It felt like if she said anything he would get mad. So she listened to what he said - putting the car in drive and she began to drive back home.

The car ride home was tense.

Maybe she was too overwhelming for Kirishima.. Some days he would be fine, and other days he would be having a bad day and he would be so- so emotional that it was hard for Mina to predict how he would act. She really just wants to be there for him - but ever since he got addicted.. took that drug.. he was never the same. Gods, she hoped he could get better. How long has he been sober? A few months? Or was that a lie too?

She doesn’t know anymore.

Mina parked in the driveway to her home, and she wanted to say something but Kirishima was already out of the car and walking towards the front door before she could get a word out- scratching at his neck. She watched his back with pain in her eyes - pain in her soul. She wasn’t helping him, was she? Was she making things worse? How can she even know? It was all a blur - Kirishima seemed to be a blur.

Sighing heavily, she closed her eyes and rested her forehead on the top of the steering wheel. A tear falling down her cheek and down to her nose.

She really didn’t want that whole scene to happen. She only wanted Kirishima to feel included; feel like he was normal and not some kid that started doing drugs in middle school. But he wasn’t normal. He changed so much - he continues to change so fast it hurts Mina’s head.

Was it a withdrawal, or was it just her?

She only wanted him to get better. She doesn’t want her best friend to go down that dark, dark path once more because of her.