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Avery, who had been inside of the trailer cleaning up some after lunch, stopped when she heard a car pulling into the driveway and she knew from the time it wasn't Zac. He was still in school, a place Avery hadn't been since she started showing because the principal didn't want her there.
Apparently they wanted to send her to an alternative school and she wasn't having that so she had just asked to do it online and they had agreed to that and now Avery was finishing up her senior year online instead of in school.
But even if Zac wasn't in school, she knew he wouldn't be home just yet. After school he had to work at the grocery store, the job he'd taken on to give them extra money for the baby and all the adult responsibilities they now had.
Coming out of her thoughts when she heard a knock on the door, Avery laid the broom against the wall as she walked to the door and when she opened it, she felt her face scrunch up at the sight of Taylor on her porch with an envelope in his hand.
"Taylor?" she asked, trying to rack her brain on if Diana had said he was coming to visit, though she was sure she hadn't.
"Hi, Avery," Taylor told her and she just looked at him like he was crazy because why was he here on her porch and holding an envelope.
"Hi," Avery said as she let her hand rest against her bump softly. "I...I wasn't expecting you to be here at my door," she said, trying to be polite when she was confused. "No offense but why are you here?"
When Taylor's gaze fell to her stomach she raised an eyebrow as she watched him swallow hard. "I umm..." he started clearly not knowing what he was going to say. "I got your card. The recorder. I ummm...." he sighed as he held the envelope out to her. "This is for you."
Avery took the envelope from him and she looked down at it, eying it warily. "It's not something you could mail?" she asked with a slight laugh before opening the envelope and pulling out a folded piece of paper and cd and well at least it wasn't anything too bad.
It wasn't a restraining order which she kind of feared after her note and the recording of their daughter's heartbeat.
"Do you....I mean I don't know if I should read this now," she said, not sure if that was what he wanted from her and why he was on her porch looking like he hadn't slept in days or at least hours.
"It could have been. I was going to. But when I put it in the envelope, I just...I found myself going to the airport, for the third time in the matter of five hours. That's beside the point. I needed to see you," he shrugged. "I heard her heartbeat and I needed to see you." He gestured toward the letter and CD. "Do with it what you want. If you don't want me here when you read it, I'll go. Or I'll sit out here. I don't know. Whatever you want me to do. Am I even making sense?"
"You're making some sense," Avery said with a shrug. "But how about you come inside and sleep?" she asked, thinking what Taylor really needed was sleep.
"I can't..." Taylor said with a shake of his head.
"Zac won't be home until nine tonight," Avery said, feeling like his refusal to come inside and sleep was because of that. "Even if he was here I'm sure he'd see the state you're in and agree you need sleep."
"It's not because of that," Taylor told her, which only made her sigh.
"Then what is it?" Avery asked clearly, having forgotten how stubborn he was. "Why can't you come inside and sleep? It's clear you need it."
Taylor ran a hand through his hair. "You'll understand when you read the letter, Ave."
Making a face, Avery heaved a small sigh once again hating how stubborn he was. Zac was the same way at times and she hated it in him as well.
"You...you can come inside while I read then but after you will go to sleep," she said as she gave him a small glare and she kind of got a thrill from the way he swallowed hard at it but nodded his head.
At his head nod she wordlessly turned on her heel and headed back inside, listening as Taylor followed after her.
-----
Avery frowned to herself as she looked down at the necklace she'd just taken off, a necklace she hadn't taken off since her thirteenth birthday.
It was also one she felt naked without but what was the use in wearing it? Taylor had Natalie and she was maybe dating Zac now. They'd gone on one date and another was planned. Avery wasn't sure she saw a time when they'd stop going on dates with each other so that had to mean they were dating.
They were dating and Taylor had Natalie.....Taylor was having sex with Natalie and she didn't need to be wearing a necklace he bought her. She wasn't the girl he wanted and he...he was never going to be the Hanson brother she ended up with.
She'd loved Zac first and she'd been a silly stupid girl to let herself believe that maybe she'd even stood a chance when it came to Taylor.
"Are you sure you want me to give this back to him?" Jessica asked as her words brought Avery out of her head and she looked at her sister with a nod.
"I'm sure," Avery told her, hoping she sounded genuine because the truth was she wasn't sure at all if this was what she wanted.
Or well no she knew it wasn't. She wanted to still be wearing it but didn't see the use anymore. Not when her heart was still broken from what had happened weeks ago. It was broken and even dating Zac wasn't fully helping anything right now.
Zac was nice and she loved him but her heart was still broken over the fight and the fact that Taylor no longer wanted to share a bed with her. That he'd rather get his dick wet and maybe she also hated herself for falling in love with Taylor.
That had been a really dumb decision.
"If you say so Avie baby," Jessica frowned as she left Avery's room with the necklace before Avery could even change her mind.
-----
Sitting on the couch as she finished reading the letter Taylor had written her, Avery just looked at him not even sure what to say or where to begin.
"You told Zac you wanted the baby?" she asked before cringing because of course that wasn't what she'd meant to ask first but it was the first words out of her mouth.
"We texted on my birthday," Taylor answered with a shrug.
Avery nodded her head as she remembered the argument her and Zac had that night. She wondered if that conversation happened before or after it, though she also knew why Zac had kept it from her. He was scared of where that would leave them.
"And you do really want this baby?" Avery asked him, hating the way her voice cracked and tears came to her eyes because the last thing she wanted was to cry right now. "You want our daughter?" she questioned as her hand once again went to her bump.
Taylor nodded. "I wanted her since you told me you were pregnant, but I panicked."
At his words Avery swallowed around a lump in her throat as she blinked back the tears in her eyes.
"And I was panicking too but I couldn't run from it," Avery said with a shake of her head. "It made me think you didn't want our baby."
"I'm sorry I made you feel that way Ave. I'm so fucking sorry for that."
Going silent Avery took several deep breaths because she knew she should tell him that she did want him there beside her and raising the baby. She really fucking wanted that but how did she do that without at least talking to Zac first?
It would cause issues and things were slowly getting better after their argument on Taylor's birthday. They'd made up and were having sex again and things were okay. Things were going okay and she knew telling Zac that she wanted Taylor to be a father to her daughter would cause issues.
How could it not when Zac had stepped up when Taylor couldn't?
"I do want you to raise the baby with me," Avery told him softly. "I know after everything I probably shouldn't but she's your baby and I can't keep her from you. I wouldn't do that to you," she said with a shake of her head, still processing the fact that Taylor wanted her as well.
Taylor wanted her and what did she do with that?
How did she deal with that?
She was Zac's wife now and she'd spent years trying to come to terms with the fact that the feelings she'd had for Taylor would never be returned. She'd spent years telling herself that any little signs she saw back then had all been in her head and there was no way he loved her back.
Yet now she knew differently.
"No, you shouldn't want that," Taylor said with a shake of his head. "And I wouldn't blame you if you did keep her from me and choose to let Zac be the one who was her father. If we're being honest Zac probably deserves that title more than I do."
"Yeah probably," Avery said as she let out a bitter sounding laugh. "I have to admit sometimes I still hate you for asking me to lie to him...you had...you had to know outside of Zac you're the only other person I'd do anything for if they asked me."
After that confession, Avery blushed as she looked away from him and down at her stomach, feeling a few of the tears she'd been holding back finally come out and she wiped them away harshly because that was the stupidest thing to finally make her break and cry.
But it had and now it was out there. It was out there just how wrapped around Taylor's finger she still was.
Because despite everything. Despite him being her first major heartbreak she'd do anything he asked of her even now.
Looking up when she heard Taylor shift in the chair, she saw that he'd dropped his forearms onto his thighs and now held his head in his hands. "I hate myself for asking you to lie to him," he stated as he looked at her again. "I didn't know for sure that you would, but..." he shrugged. "I think deep down I knew you would and I used that against you. That was beyond wrong of me. I hope someday you'll be able to forgive me for that. For it all."
"I hope I will be able to as well," Avery sighed because the truth was she wasn't sure she'd be able to, at least not right now. "None of that negates the fact I want you to raise her with me though," she said knowing she still wanted that even in her anger.
"But Zac may not...."
"I'll worry about Zac when that time comes," Avery told him with a shake of her head. "Why did you only sing My Girl when I was there?"
Avery frowned slightly when she watched Taylor wipe at his eyes though at this point she wasn't sure if it was actual tears or if he was just tired and she hated herself for having so many questions for him.
"Because it's the song we danced to at homecoming your freshman year and you told me that you'd give anything to hear someone who loves you sing it to you."
"You remembered that?" Avery asked as her voice came out soft.
"Of course I did," Taylor said as he looked at her again. "It involved you."
At his response, Avery blushed before looking away. "I took the necklace off because it seemed like it was what I should do. I'd had the one date with Zac and we were going to have another and I knew...I knew we were going to start dating. He told me he loved me on our first date," she said with a shrug of her shoulders. "And you had Natalie...you two were having sex and we'd had that argument," she said, refusing to tell him that it had been her first heartbreak. "It only seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I wasn't...you weren't all mine anymore."
Taylor stared at her confused. "Nat and I were what?" he asked with a shake of his head. "Who told you that? We weren't having sex. Senior prom was the first time we had sex. And..." he started but shook his head. "You didn't just take it off, Avery. You had your sister corner me to give it back to me."
"I didn't tell her to corner you," Avery said, not sure if that would soften anything. "I just asked her to give it back because keeping it would have hurt too much," she said as she looked away from his gaze. "And Zac told me that. He said that was why she got so upset that one Friday night when I didn't leave your room after the movie. I asked him about it the next morning and he said it was because you two were having sex and she wanted to that night but I wouldn't leave which ruined what she wanted."
"Because keeping it..." he let out a bitter laugh then which made Avery frown. "So instead you hurt me? Did you think about what it would do to me? You..." he said as he dropped his head into his hands again. "I spent the entire weekend drunk, trying to figure out what I did wrong," he said with a shake of his head. "Yeah, she was upset but it had nothing to do with sex. She was upset because I was going to open mic that Saturday instead of taking her out. Your entire rant that night makes sense now."
"You didn't do anything wrong Tay. I just...I'd had my first real heartbreak and I didn't want to be reminded that I'd been in love with you because just seeing that necklace, it reminded me I'd been stupid to even hope you wanted me," she said though now years later she knew differently but she hadn't then. "It does? Because what doesn't make sense to me about it is Zac told me after I'd calmed down that you not coming after me that night proved I was right in what I said about you wanting to get your dick wet."
Taylor shook his head. "No, it was because I knew you needed time. It wasn't the first time I'd seen you like that and you always need some time to yourself. I didn't realize that time included Zac this time because I found you and him asleep."
"Zac was my best friend then," Avery said wondering where Taylor had expected her to go. "I ran to him because I'd just got my heartbroken by the boy I was in love with. I stayed after I calmed down because I thought you didn't want me to come back. You'd just gotten through telling me we shouldn't share a bed anymore Taylor!" she said as she raised her voice finally. "What the hell was I supposed to do?!"
"I'm not blaming you, Avery!" Taylor told her as he ran a hand through his hair and it was only then she noticed his shaky hands. "I thought you left. I didn't know he was even home. Last thing I had known, he was out with his supposed biology partner. So I didn't think I'd find you with him," he told her before his head dropped forward slightly. "God, I would give anything to sleep beside my brother's geeky best friend again."
When Taylor used her own words from years ago Avery hated the punched in the gut feeling she had.
"I think what you need is a cigarette and then to go to sleep," Avery said as she watched him lift his head to look at her. "I'm not letting you drive home until I know you've slept."
"I..." Taylor opened his mouth and Avery knew he was probably going to argue with her.
"No arguments," she told him sternly. "Just go outside and smoke and then come back to sleep."
Taylor closed his mouth with a sigh but she watched as he stood from the chair to head outside and it was after he was gone that she leaned against the couch with a sigh.
-----
"I could have driven to my parents," Taylor said from where he laid in the bed she shared with Zac. It had been a feat to get him here but she had.
"You couldn't," she told him from where she sat on the side of the bed. "You're in no condition."
"Ave..."
"I'd hate myself if you got into a wreck," Avery cut him off as she felt the baby kick and without thinking she reached for his hand and put it on her belly where the baby was still kicking. "And I think she would too," she added on not even sure if he'd be able to feel it. So far no one else but her had been able to feel the baby kick yet but all the books she read said others should be able to feel it sometime soon.
From the way Taylor looked at her, Avery knew he was going to object again but when his face changed and no objection came out she looked at him curiously waiting on him to say something.
"Is that...? Was that her?" he asked as his eyes got teary again. "Was that our daughter?"
"It is," Avery answered as she nodded her head. "That was our baby and she wants you to stay here and sleep, no fussing."
"Fine," Taylor relented as he let his hand fall away from her belly. "But don't let me sleep too long. Pretty sure Zac wouldn't like to find me here."
"I'll make sure to wake you before Zac comes home," Avery said as she stood from the bed, glad that Taylor had agreed to stay and sleep.
Now she didn't have to worry about him wrecking as he drove to his parents house.
-----
Avery looked around nervously as she stood next to Zac with some of their friends at homecoming. It was their very first dance since being high schoolers and they'd come with a group of their friends as well as Taylor and some of his friends.
That meant of course the pictures had been mostly crowded but even during them Taylor had found a way to stand next to her even when his friends had been on the other side of the room from them.
But now that they were here at the dance it seemed Taylor had disappeared and Avery was alone with her and Zac's friends which shouldn't have surprised her. After all why would Taylor be caught dead with them?
Though even knowing that it hadn't stopped her from hoping that Taylor would dance with her. But now it seemed any hopes of Taylor dancing with her had been dashed. He was probably off dancing with one of his pretty friends. A girl that wasn't geeky or gawky looking.
A girl that it would be okay for him to dance with.
Coming out of her head as she felt a tap on her shoulder, Avery turned her head, smiling wide when she finally saw Taylor and somehow all the nerves she had faded.
Just his presence alone was enough to make her nerves fade.
"Tay..." she started but he soon interrupted her as an oldies song started playing.
"Dance with me," Taylor told her and Avery nodded her head, taking his hand when he held it out and allowing him to lead her onto the dance floor.
Once there she felt butterflies when he pulled her close and as she heard the song they were dancing too she couldn't help but smile. It was one of her favorite songs.
"You know, I'd give anything to hear someone who loves me sing this for me," Avery whispered softly to him and as she said that she was glad he couldn't see the image she had in her mind of Taylor singing that song for her.
Blushing when Taylor rested his cheek against the side of her head, she felt even more butterflies go off in her stomach.
"You will," he whispered back and she smiled hoping that he was right.
"Yeah?" she questioned softly. "You really think I will?" she asked him and once again she was picturing him singing the song for her.
"I do Ave," Taylor said, sounding sure and if he sounded sure then maybe it would happen even if it wasn't him, maybe he'd tell whoever she dated, though even if she dated someone that didn't mean she'd love them or that they'd truly love her.
Though she hoped maybe they'd truly love her if they were with her, but it seemed right now the person she wanted was Taylor, which she knew was crazy because he didn't want her.
Why would he want her?
-----
After she'd finished cleaning, Avery looked at the time on a nearby clock and she saw it was going on five pm and Taylor was still sleeping and she knew she should wake him but she also knew he needed the sleep from the way he'd looked.
Shaking her head she walked down the hall to the bedroom before going inside and letting herself slide into bed, facing Taylor who was sleeping so soundly.
"I never meant to hurt you by taking off my necklace," she whispered out with a sigh. "I was just so in love with you and seeing it hurt me. I figured giving it back to you was better than throwing it away....I also wish...I wish things had gone differently after our argument and that we'd actually talked about it instead of just ignoring it forever because I hate what it did to us. I hate that we stopped being as close....I love Zac but I never stopped loving you, I only buried how I felt," she admitted, not sure if she could admit that to him while he was awake.
"I love you," Avery muttered out before slowly turning away from him and reaching for his arm to put around her waist as her eyes closed and she couldn't help but relax because this was how they always used to sleep when they had shared a bed before and fuck had she missed it.
She missed just getting to lay next to him with his arm around her.
With a small content sigh Avery closed her eyes as she felt herself beginning to drift off as well.
-----
Avery let out a small giggle with the way Zac was kissing at her neck. The both of them were dressed again but they'd just got done having sex not too long ago and she half wished they could have stayed snuggled in his bed naked longer but she understood why they couldn't.
His parents or siblings could have come in at any time after and hell they were lucky no one had come in during too since they'd forgotten to lock the door.
"I have to go," Avery told him as she reached up to push him away.
"Do you?" Zac asked with a faux frown on his face.
"I do," Avery said with a nod of her head. "It's after ten pm on a school night. You know my parents would freak out," she told him right as his bedroom door opened and she saw Taylor, reminded once again that she was glad no one had walked in while they'd had sex or been undressed.
Taylor stopped in his tracks not long after he was in the room and when he cleared his throat and looked away, Avery knew that he knew what she and Zac had just done. Taylor knew they'd been having sex.
"Sorry," he muttered out in a way that made her frown. "Didn't realize Avery was still here," he said as he gestured behind him. "I was looking for my book....but...sorry," he said before turning and leaving quickly.
Once he was gone, Avery blushed as she looked at Zac. "This is why you lock the door next time," she told him as she stood up and got out of his bed.
"I'm sorry," Zac apologized and at least he had the decency to look sheepish right now. "I wonder if he knows he forgot his book though?" he asked as he pointed to the Stephen King book on his nightstand.
"Probably not," Avery said with a shake of her head. "I'll take it to him as I leave," she told Zac before leaving his room and slowly heading to Taylor's.
Getting to Taylor's room, Avery knocked softly and when he told her to come in she opened the door. "I was just heading out but umm you forgot your book," she said as she held the book up to show him as she entered his room slowly, stopping in her own tracks when she saw the painting she'd gifted him on his birthday months ago, hung up on his wall.
It was a painting of the Los Angeles skyline at night with the text On Our Bed Of California Stars painted in gold letters. The text had come from a song they'd listened too numerous times when sharing a bed and sometimes he'd even strum the song and play it for her on his guitar.
"You didn't have to bring it to me," Taylor said as he sat up with a frown as she held the book up. "But thank you," he said and she swallowed hard watching as he noticed her staring at the picture on his wall. "Probably my favorite," he told her and his words made her blush as she looked down and brushed some hair behind her ear.
"Yeah?" she questioned as her blush grew. "It took me hours to do it but I was listening to that mixed cd you made me the summer...." she trailed off not sure how to say it was the summer before their friendship had ended because that had been two summers now. She was sixteen now and she'd been fourteen then. "Well you probably know...I kind of miss hearing you perform that song and when I heard that song again the painting just took shape in my head."
"You should come out to open mic night next week. I'll play it for you."
Avery nodded her head as she grinned at the invite. "I'll come as long as you promise not to let me be alone in a bathroom with Natalie," she said, remembering their fight from last year.
"I'll be your personal bodyguard myself," Taylor offered as he laughed at her words.
"Then I'll come," Avery agreed faster than she would have liked but again she was still that girl who would do anything Taylor asked of her.
She probably always would be that girl.
"I'll be looking forward to you being there then," Taylor said as he stood from his bed and came to take the book from her hand. "Thanks for bringing it even though you didn't have to."
"I know I didn't have too," Avery told him with a shrug. "But I wanted to."
"And why did you want to?" Taylor asked as he eyed her curiously and Avery blushed under his gaze especially when she remembered how he'd been after coming into Zac's room.
Taylor knew she was having sex. He knew she wasn't a virgin anymore and for some reason that thought made her feel funny and she wondered if he saw her differently now or if she'd always just be Zac's geeky best friend and the girl who he used to share a bed with for two years. The girl who knew all his dreams.
The girl whose heart he had unknowingly broken.
"I wanted to apologize for what you walked in on...or well not really in on since we were dressed by then but still, I wanted to apologize. Zac should have locked the door."
Taylor shook his head. "No, don't....I should have knocked. I just...I didn't realize you were still here. So I'm sorry for barging in," he said with a shrug. "Yeah, we both know Zac doesn't always think straight when it comes to you."
"What does that mean?" Avery asked him curiously with a raised eyebrow wondering where Taylor was going with that.
"I just mean that he's just so focused on you when he's around you that he doesn't always realize what's going on around him," he said with a sigh and Avery knew he was right.
Zac had always been that way and that was something she both loved and hated about him.
"Yeah, I guess you have a point there," she nodded as she watched Taylor take the book from her finally and she knew she'd have to leave. She didn't have much of a reason to stay even if she wanted to.
A small part of her wishing he'd just invite her to sleep in his bed like old days because she missed it. She really missed sleeping beside him. She missed spending long nights just talking to him. She missed getting to wake up next to him.
"I should go but umm...maybe besides singing that one song you could make me another mixed cd..I kind of like listening to the one you made me already when I paint."
Taylor smiled softly at her words, "I'll see what I can do Ave," he said with a nod. "Be careful getting home."
"You know me," Avery teased with a small shrug. "Always so fucking careful," she said before turning on her heel and leaving and the whole way out to her car she really wished she had gotten to stay.
She wished things were like they used to be between her and Taylor. She wished Natalie was out of the picture and while Avery loved Zac...she loved him so fucking much she did wish that maybe just maybe she'd waited to get into a relationship with him.