Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Five years had passed since the tragedy at Maria Wall.
Now, the sun shone in a clear sky, bathing Keith Shadis, the instructor of Training Corps 104, in its light. He was about to give these future soldiers their cruel welcome.
Shadis walked between the rows, shouting at each one of them to state their name, where they came from, and what motivated them to be in this training under the ruthless guidance of Keith Shadis.

One of the recruits was certainly going to be a front-row witness to Keith Shadis' modus operandi.
Shadis stood with his unbreakable firmness and threatening gaze in front of a boy with very light brown hair, almost pink in colour. He was tall and thin, had a somewhat acceptable physique, and something that stood out about him was that the sides of his head were shaved, giving him a peculiar haircut.

"Who the hell are you?!"
Shadis shouted at the top of his lungs at the young man, who proceeded to perform the signature salute of all factions, and one that stood out even more in the Survey Corps: his left hand behind his back, and his right hand clenched into a fist and held right over his chest, where his heart was located. This was the sacred symbol of giving one's heart to humanity.
"I am Jean Kirstein, sir, I come from the city of Trost."
said the boy.
"Why are you here?!"
The boy was silent for a moment, hesitant to speak, but finally did so with a nervous smile on his face (one he tried to hide as best he could).
"To join the Military Police and live in the inner district, sir."

A person standing nearby heard those words and couldn't help but look at the boy who expressed his desire to live comfortably far away from the danger posed by the Titans, who was none other than the one who experienced first-hand what it was like to see those monsters: Eren Yaeger.

"Ah, so you want to go to the inner district, eh?"
Shadis said with an unexpected (and worrying) tone that denoted a certain irony, which made Jean gain a little more confidence and say with a slightly more sincere smile.
"That's right, sir."
Suddenly, Jean felt an unexpected and painful blow to the head from Shadis' bald, hardened head, stunning Jean and causing him to fall to his knees, his hands clutching the wounded area, grunting in pain.
"And who the fuck gave you permission to kneel? If you're so easy to knock down, then don't expect to even become a member of the Garrison Regiment."
Shadis said in his stern and cruel tone, going after his next victim, leaving Jean writhing in pain with his injured head, which felt like it might even have a skull fracture because of how much it hurt.

Shadis walked towards a boy standing nearby who looked more innocent and gentle than Jean. He had black hair combed to the sides, light brown eyes, and a few freckles on his face.
"And who are you, and why the hell are you here?!"
"I'm Marco Bott, from Jinae. I live in Rose Wall."
The boy, true to the nature that Keith Shadis sensed he had, flashed an enthusiastic smile as he continued his introduction.
"I came to join the military police and serve the king, sir."
With those words, Shadis used the same method he had used with Jean.
"Hmm, well, that sounds like a noble goal, a very noble one, good lad."
Marco's smile widened at those words.
"But..."
Shadis moved closer to Marco and, with a sombre look and a deeper, harsher tone of voice, said to him.
"Good lads like you are the first to fall, and that kind of rubbish is not to the king's liking."
Shadis said coldly to Marco, whose smile completely disappeared from his face and was replaced by one of deep and noticeable nervousness.

"Next!"
He shouted as he turned to another recruit, this time a girl.
She was quite small, perhaps the shortest in the entire unit, with long, straight, golden blonde hair and blue eyes with an innocent and fragile look, which disgusted Shadis the most.
"Name and why you are here."
The girl saluted and followed Shadis' order.
"I am Krista Lenz, sir. I came here to serve humanity."
The girl said in a tone that tried as hard as she could to sound strong.
"And you will, no doubt you will serve well as bait or cannon fodder against them, it's the only thing you'll be good at."
Shadis said and quickly moved on to the next recruit, and Krista felt a certain pain at those words, for she felt with complete certainty that they were true.

Far from Shadis' shouting and his cruel words to the recruits, two veteran soldiers walked calmly, watching what they had once experienced as recruits.
"You went through the same thing, didn't you?"
one of the soldiers asked his companion.
"Yes, and I remember well how it felt. I can certainly see it in those boys' faces. What does he hope to gain by humiliating them like that?"
"I thought you remembered, it's a rite of passage. He destroys the recruits as much as he can until he wipes out what they once were, it's like a turning point for them."

Shadis approached a girl with long, dark hair. Shadis saw in her black eyes a calm and serene gaze, in which one could perceive a temperament harder than the most solid rock.
"Who are you and why are you here?"
The girl saluted and replied.
"Mikasa Ackerman, I'm from Wall Maria. I have come to participate in the fight against the Titans, sir."
"I hope those are not just words, brat."
Shadis moved on to the next recruit.

This certainly left the soldier watching from afar with his comrade even more confused.
"Is that all? Won't she say anything else?"
"It's not necessary."
said his comrade, clearing up his doubts once again.
"She and the other recruits have already had their own initiation rite. You can see it in their faces."
And he was right. The looks on some of the recruits' faces told stories of trauma, loss and struggle, and for them, just knowing their names and their reasons was enough for Shadis.
"I bet they've already been through their own hell."
"Hmm, yes, you're right."
With that, both men left the site, smiling with a certain nostalgia as they remembered how they had once stood in the place where the new generation now stood.

Shadis approached a boy of small stature (though not as small as Christa). His head was completely shaved, and it was hard to tell that he had ever had hair, which had been grey in colour.
"Who are you?"
The boy greeted him in a way that made Shadis' blood boil, and he replied.
"I'm Connie Springer, from Ragako, south of the Rose Wall."
Immediately after finishing his sentence, Connie felt a sharp, stabbing pain on both sides of his head as he felt his feet lose the sensation of touching the ground. Several recruits watched in surprise as Shadis grabbed Connie firmly on both sides of his head and lifted him a few inches off the ground.
"Listen to me carefully, you moron."
Shadis said in an even harsher tone than before.
"I think it was clear that your salute symbolises that you are giving your heart to humanity."
Shadis squeezed the sides of Connie's head even harder.
"Tell me, Springer, where the hell is your heart?"
"O-on the left side, sir."
Connie said with difficulty, being harshly reprimanded in this way because the idiot had made the greeting with his left hand and not his right.
"Then why the hell are you making the greeting with your left hand?! Are you going to consecrate your lung or what?!"
"No, sir!"

Suddenly, there was the sound of something crunchy and hard being bitten into, followed by the soft sounds of someone chewing. Shadis looked away from Connie and turned his gaze to a girl who was just a few inches away from them.

She was a slim girl of average height with reddish hair tied back in a ponytail.
The girl was nervously chewing on a potato, fervently hoping not to be noticed so she could devour the whole thing before it was her turn to introduce herself. Unfortunately for her, her plan did not work out as she had hoped.
Shadis stared at her for a few moments, dropping Connie to the ground, who hit it dazedly, raising a light cloud of sand and dust with the impact.
"Hey, what do you think you're doing?"
said Shadis, his patience wearing thin.

The girl seemed not to hear the reprimand, as she continued to chew nervously, paying no attention to Shadis.
The instructor approached her, his anger already evident in his voice.
"I'M TALKING TO YOU, YOU IDIOT! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!"
Seeing Shadis in front of her shouting at her, the girl quickly swallowed and greeted him with the potato in her right hand, pointing it at his heart.
"I am Sasha Blouse, sir. I am from Dauper, south of the Rose Wall."
Shadis stared at her with a questioning expression for a few moments, which made Sasha's nervousness grow with each passing second.

"Sasha Blouse... What are you holding in your right hand?"
"A boiled potato. I found it in the kitchen, sir."
Sasha said, trying to remain as calm as she could, even though she felt like she was about to wet herself.
Shadis continued to stare at her with the same harsh judgemental expression.
"So you stole it... Why? Why are you eating it now?"
Sasha quickly thought of an answer that might work in this situation, finally blurting out the only thing her nervous mind could come up with in this tense moment.
"If you don't eat them hot, they're worthless, sir. It was the best possible decision.
"Blouse... Why are you eating a potato right now?"
Sasha began to feel increasingly nervous.
"You... Are you asking me why people eat potatoes in general?"
An overly tense silence filled the room, several recruits looked at the girl in disbelief as she asked such a bold question. And some simply thought to themselves, 'You're dead'.

Shadis just stared at Sasha with a look that made the girl feel as if a heavy anvil had been thrown on top of her. She could no longer bear that look, that silence, and that tension that was growing more and more.

Sasha took the potato in her hands and broke it in half, offering it to Shadis.
"Here, I'll give you half."
Shadis took it in his hands, genuinely incredulous.
"Half..."
Shadis said dryly.
Sasha could only smile awkwardly, fervently hoping she had managed to save the situation.

Shadis crushed half of the potato in his hand, reducing it to a pulp.
"You will run all day until your body can no longer respond."
Shadis said coldly, sending a deep chill down Sasha's spine and then through her entire body, but for her, that wasn't the worst of it. Shadis still had the best part in store.
"Forget about dinner tonight, and tomorrow."
Shadis moved on to the next recruit, leaving Sasha with an expression on her face that went beyond shock and disbelief.

Shadis approached a boy whose face seemed familiar, painfully familiar.
"What is your name and where are you from?"
"I am Armin Arlert, I come from Maria Wall, sir."
"You have the name of a coward, did your father give it to you?"
"My grandfather gave it to me, sir!"
Armin said with a firmness rarely seen in him.
Although those were the words that came out of his mouth, the words that echoed in Armin's mind and that he was really dying to say were different.
'I am Armin Arlert, I come from the Maria Wall, and my cowardly name was given to me by my grandfather, Shane Arlert, that good man whom you sent to his death without mercy, you damned mean bastard'.
Shadis simply moved on to the next young man without saying anything else to Armin, which, even in his hatred for Shadis, left him somewhat confused.

Shadis was already checking to see if there were any recruits left. He had already spoken to all of them, so he could end this session... Or so he thought.
During his inspection, he saw one he had missed talking to, one who internally left Shadis in shock, but he did not let it show... or at least he tried.
He patiently approached the recruit, a boy with short, dark brown hair, almost black, and striking green eyes with a determined look. Shadis found himself praying deep down that it wasn't who he thought it was.
"Who are you?"
said Shadis in a tone that was far from the stern and authoritative manner he was known for, which baffled everyone present, including the person he asked for his name, but he did not let that confusion and surprise show on his face or in his eyes.
The boy saluted and said in a voice full of determination.
"I am Eren Yaeger, a resident of Shinganshina, sir."
Eren did not want to simply say 'Wall Maria'. No, his home is, and always will be, Shinganshina, and he would live with that in mind for the rest of his life, even now.

Instead of a reprimand or something else to be expected from Shadis, he simply asked him.
"Why are you here?"
Eren's eyes almost seemed to shine, his gaze conveying great determination, but also an immense rage that gnawed at him inside, and which was subtly noticeable in his voice.
"To join the Survey Corps and slaughter all those damn beasts myself, until there's not a single one left."
All the recruits looked at him in disbelief, their eyes wide, unable to believe those words.
Shadis just looked at him without saying a word. Not an insult, not a hurtful comment, nothing, and that definitely unsettled Eren inside.

Finally, Shadis walked silently among the recruits and left the group, standing in front of them all.
"All right, scum, listen to me carefully because I'm not going to repeat myself. From now on, you are no longer civilians, nor poor idiots who cry at night because you are afraid of the dark. Now you are soldiers, and I will make sure that one day you will be titan killers. You will have three years to prove that you are capable of withstanding whatever comes your way under my instruction, because what you will experience here is nothing compared to what you will experience when you face a titan. I will put you through hell so that you will be able to survive in the true hell. Is that clear?"
"Yes, sir!"
All the recruits shouted at the top of their lungs.
"Good."
Shadis turned his gaze to where that boy, Eren Yaeger, was standing, and once again, Shadis felt the world torment him again, just as it had when he was commander of the Survey Corps. Now, he saw that boy and Armin as living echoes of his greatest failures and his most painful regrets.

Chapter Text

The afternoon was drawing to a close, and the sun was beating down so fiercely that it felt like being in the middle of a huge, hot fire.
Sasha Blouse could confirm this without a shadow of a doubt, as the dull golden rays beat down on her, increasing the heat of her body and making her feel like she was running on fire with the burning sensation of her worn-out legs and her hot breath full of exhaustion. As Shadis had ordered, she had spent the whole day running around the training ground. It had been five hours in which the now so-called 'potato girl' had run non-stop.
Now she was on her 105th lap in front of the cabin where the boys were watching her run, her body quite limp and almost without the energy to keep going.

"Wow, that girl is tough, she's still running."
One of the boys, the one who had introduced himself as Connie Springer, commented.
"Yes, she really lasted longer than I thought, she's very persistent."
Eren also commented, feeling a small bit of respect for Sasha. If he were in the potato girl's situation, he would probably have collapsed from exhaustion a long time ago.
"She said she's from Dauper, right? From what I've heard, it's a place located in the mountains. Maybe that explains why she has such a high tolerance for fatigue."
Connie said, still impressed.
"What an excellent prejudice, Connie."
said a girl standing next to him, one with two pigtails in her shoulder-length black hair.
"Hey, Mina, I wasn't being prejudiced, just... Intuitive."
"Haha, okay."
said the aforementioned Mina to a somewhat annoyed and embarrassed Connie.
Marco Bott was there too, looking at Sasha with a certain pity. He certainly wanted to go to her and tell her that she had run enough, even pass her a piece of bread, because it was obvious that she was dying to eat something, but he knew that would only cause problems for him, and above all, for Sasha. He refused to call her 'potato girl'. That situation was surely something she wanted to forget completely, and at the very least, Marco did not want to be the one to remind her of it.

At that moment, Marco's gaze was drawn to something that caught his attention: a cart climbing a small hill, and in the back of it, he saw some people sitting with a dejected and discouraged look on their faces.
"Who are they?"
Marco asked.
"They are the deserters. They requested to be withdrawn to the border,"
Mina explained.
"What? But it's only the first day?"
"Well, I think it's normal."
Eren said, joining the conversation.
"Some people just can't handle this kind of thing. If you're not strong enough, you leave."
Eren sensed that perhaps those people would eventually settle for jobs that were more suited to their abilities, such as... farming, for example. Eren couldn't help but smile secretly. The countryside, that place that was so hard for him as a child, but now seemed like nothing compared to this.
"They settle for carrying buckets of water and pulling weeds."
he said.

Marco, Connie, and Mina noticed Eren's presence, remembering the place he said he belonged to, but they still found it hard to believe that it was true.
"Hey, you're Eren, aren't you? The one who said he came from Shinganshina."
Marco said, intrigued.
"Yes, that's right, just like this boy here."
Eren said, introducing them to Armin, the boy he now saw as almost a brother. Armin raised his hand, waving a little sadly at the three boys.
"I see, so..."
Marco was about to say, "You were there the day the Maria Wall fell," but he knew that on that day, Eren and Armin must have witnessed unspeakable tragedies and accumulated great trauma in their memories, which Marco did not want his new companions to bring up.
Unfortunately, Connie did not share Marco's thoughts.

"You were there when it happened, weren't you, Eren?"
Connie asked, genuinely intrigued.
"Connie!"
Marco protested, but Connie's curiosity was so great that he did not seem to pay any attention to his protest.
"Did you see it? Did you see the Colossal Titan?"
Eren felt a little overwhelmed and uncomfortable at that moment. Certainly, those were memories he did not like to bring back, much less have them asked about with such curiosity.

"Y-yes, I saw it..."
Eren said, a little tense.
"Well... I'd better go inside."
And with that, Eren proceeded to enter the cabin, trying to get as far away from Connie as possible and, in general, to avoid anyone who wanted to know the details of that fateful day.
The others simply watched him enter in silence, with an uncomfortable and growing tension.
"Connie, you shouldn't have asked that, it's a very sensitive subject for him."
Marco said to Connie.
Connie just scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment, realising what he had done.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to do that."

Armin could only see the door of the cabin through which Eren had entered. He still felt bad for him, even today. Armin still found it hard to imagine how Eren must have felt when he saw his mother die in front of him, and indeed, this thought also brought back a memory of a tragedy he himself had suffered.
Once again, his grandfather's warm smile appeared in his mind, and Armin shook his head, trying to remove that painful memory, but it was useless. Nothing could ever erase the love and pain generated by the memories of that man who cared for him and made him who he is today. But more than that, it was the anger and hatred he felt for the cruel irony he was experiencing at that moment.
That his training as a soldier would be carried out by the same bastard who had led his grandfather to his death, and that for Armin, was definitely worse than any Titan he could ever see.

The Training Corps' training ground was located far from the city and its walls, as was the field. If the recruits' training was to be effective, then they had to be as far away as possible from the epicentre of chaos generated by the night titans. It would be unfortunate if the new recruits died because of an invasion by those monsters, or if their training was cut short because they couldn't sleep well due to the confrontation between the Garrison Regiment and the titans.
For Eren, this was a complete relief and stroke of luck. In fact, he could no longer remember the last time he had heard cannons firing or soldiers being killed, and he was glad that his streak of being far away from the night titans was going to continue even now.
Or at least, that's what he thought at first. Certainly, at that moment, Eren would have much preferred to endure those night-time attacks again than to have to deal with that large number of recruits who, knowing where he came from, kept bombarding him with the same stupid questions that Eren was already tired of, and which certainly made him prefer to eat outside in the cold of the night rather than inside the cosy cabin.

"I already told you, I saw it."
The recruits were surprised by Eren's words, and he was somewhat annoyed by this. For Eren, it was too obvious that if he was a resident of Shinganshina and was there on the day the wall fell, he would have clearly seen the Colossal Titan, which these days had become almost a legend on par with the stories parents tell their children before bedtime.
"It can't be."
said one of the gossipy boys.
"Tell us, how big was it?"
"He could see over the wall, it was a little taller."
said Eren, taking another bite of the bread in his hand.
"Really? I heard that titan easily climbed over the wall.
"I heard that too."
said the incredulous recruits, and Eren was certainly a little surprised at how exaggerated the story of that titan had become.
"No, it didn't climb over the wall. It was big, yes, but it wasn't that exaggerated."
"And what did it look like? Is it true that it wasn't deformed like the other Titans?"
Mina asked, unable to resist her curiosity about what had happened that day.
"That's true, it wasn't as deformed or disgusting as the other Titans, but it was still very grotesque. It was missing all its skin and had a very large mouth. Its eyes were normal, black and somewhat small. Honestly, because it wasn't as deformed as the other Titans, you could clearly see what an idiotic face it had."
Eren replied, with some contempt in his voice at having to remember that colossal bastard again; he thought that if he wanted to be left in peace, he should answer all the questions they asked him as quickly as possible so that they would stop pestering him, preparing himself for the next one that would come.

"And what about the armoured titan? Did you see it too?"
"Yes, and I really don't know what was stranger about it, that it was armoured, or that it was perhaps the most 'normal' titan I've ever seen."
And that was true. For Eren, seeing a Titan that was so ungrotesque and disgusting, ironically, far from making him feel more at ease, made his discomfort even greater when he saw something so 'human' in those monsters that everyone was used to seeing as beings straight out of hell.
"And what are the Titans really like?"
asked a boy, somewhat nervously.

"They..."
Suddenly, Eren vividly remembered that monster with its macabre, twisted smile, that body that looked more like a corpse than a living being, and those two swollen, veiny globes of flesh that stared at him with sadistic animal appetite; but worst of all was remembering how his mother was put into that rotten mouth and then...
Eren dropped his spoon into the soup he was drinking, bringing both hands to his mouth. He felt an uncontrollable urge to vomit as he remembered that scene, even feeling the vomit already close to his throat. Eren's eyes were wide open, a light sweat was sliding down his forehead, and his eyes were even beginning to moisten, close to shedding tears.
Everyone was surprised by Eren's reaction, sensing from his reaction the apocalyptic ordeal that had unfolded that day, which Eren had been forced to face, still bearing the painful aftermath of it even today.
Marco, who was sitting at a nearby table with Jean (who had been listening to Eren's words with no interest), saw Eren's reaction and understood that those questions should stop.
"Hey, you better leave him alone. I'm sure he doesn't want to remember all that."
The recruits heard Marco's words, and they all felt ashamed and regretful of how far their morbid curiosity had gone in wanting to know the details of such an unfortunate event.
"Sorry, Eren, we didn't mean to do this to you."

Eren heard those words and instantly swallowed the sour vomit that was about to come up.
"No."
He said, struggling to overcome the trauma that had taken hold of his mind for a few moments.
"It's not that."
Eren took a bite of his bread.
"They're not impossible to defeat. Once we've learned how to use the ODM equipment, they'll be nothing more than simple prey."
A confident smile appeared on Eren's face, one that tried to leave behind the fear and shock he felt for a few moments.
"I will join the Survey Corps, and I will finish off all those things myself."

"Hey, are you crazy?"
said someone at a nearby table.
Jean finally decided to express his opinion about Eren's maniacal desire.
"Did I hear you right? You say you want to join the Survey Corps?"

Eren felt a little annoyed at that moment, not so much because of Jean's comment, but because it was Jean who said it.
"Yes, you heard me right."
Eren said, trying not to let his annoyance show on his face or in his voice.
"And you're the one who said you would join the Military Police and live a quiet life in the inner district, right?"

"Yes, that's right."
Jean said, without losing his smile.
"At least I'm honest about what I want. Pretending to be tough to hide how fearful I really am isn't my thing, you know?"
Certainly, ever since Jean heard Eren say he wanted to join the Survey Corps, he couldn't help but see him as an idiot who was either in a hurry to die or, as he said, just trying to act brave. Jean was always someone who found it really hard to keep his thoughts to himself, and if he had to tell the truth, he would say it without much consideration.

This seemed to affect Eren, as he suddenly stood up from his chair, looking at Jean with a noticeable anger in his eyes.
"Are you talking about me?"
Jean was a little surprised by this action, but not enough to wipe the smile off his face. After all, if Eren was the person Jean sensed he was, it was obvious he would do that, and boy was Jean right.
"What, do you feel offended?"
"Hey Jean, that's enough."
Marco said to Jean, but Jean got up from his chair and approached Eren, who did the same, still maintaining his angry expression.
The two stood facing each other, locking eyes, and an increasingly tense atmosphere could be felt in the room. Everyone was fearful and certainly eager to see what would happen next.
Suddenly, distant bells rang, announcing that it was time to go to sleep.

Eren and Jean looked at each other again, and they both felt that at any moment the situation was going to explode and become even more complicated than it already was, but Jean preferred not to let the situation escalate any further. His opinion of Eren had not changed, but he preferred not to start an unnecessary confrontation.
"Well, sorry, I wasn't trying to judge you like you think I was."
Jean said.
"Talking too much is a bad habit of mine. I didn't mean to downplay your goals."
Jean extended his hand to Eren.
"Truce?"
Eren looked at Jean for a few moments, sceptical of his words, although he certainly did not want the situation to escalate either. after all, during his five years in the field, Eren had done his best to avoid getting into fights that were ultimately unnecessary, and now that he was starting a new phase in his life, he did not want to return to those bad habits of fighting with anyone who looked at him the wrong way.
"All right, I'm sorry too."
Eren shook Jean's hand.
"Good luck joining the Military Police."
said Eren, leaving the place.
"And you with the Survey Corps."
said Jean, about to go to his table to pick up his plate, wash it, and leave as well.

But when he turned around, he saw a girl with skin as white as a cloud, eyes as black as coal, and what caught Jean's attention the most, her long, shiny black hair that was almost as dark as the comforting and welcoming black of the night. and for Jean, that was the most beautiful sight his eyes had ever had the honour of seeing, and without a doubt, that girl was the most beautiful Jean had ever seen and would ever see in his life.
"Hey."
Jean said suddenly, almost unconsciously.

The girl turned to look at him, and Jean felt his heart beating so hard it was about to burst when he saw her face clearly. Now he could say with certainty that she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.
A deep blush spread across Jean's face and, with his nerves on edge, he thought as best he could of something to say to the girl.
"I... I've never seen a face like yours before, so I..."
«What the hell am I saying?!»
Jean reproached himself internally.

The girl did not seem to react to those words and just looked at Jean with a calm and serene gaze, which, ironically, made Jean feel even more nervous.
"I... I just wanted to tell you that... your hair is very beautiful."
Jean congratulated himself for not stuttering, despite how close he came to doing so.
The girl did not change her calm expression and simply said,
"Thank you."
She then left the room.

Jean just stared at her, watching her leave the cabin, still stunned and unable to move.
«Is that really all you have to say to her? 'What beautiful hair you have'»
No, of course not.
Jean quickly left the cabin, and as he did so, he quickly searched for her with his eyes; he managed to find her... and she was with Eren.

Mikasa had approached Eren, and noticing her presence, he turned around and saw her looking at him with a judgemental expression, and Eren easily guessed what it meant.
"What? I haven't fought with anyone."
"And earlier, weren't you about to fight with that boy?"
Mikasa had seen the conflict between Eren and Jean, preparing to act the moment Eren or the other guy threw the first punch. Seeing that in the end, things did not escalate further made her feel calm, although she also knew that if Eren continued doing this, at any moment what had happened so many times in Shinganshina would repeat itself, and that last time Eren had fought with someone in that barn.
"Oh, come on, I haven't fought with anyone in five years, and you know it."
Eren defended himself.
"True, you didn't, but you still let your emotions get the better of you... You haven't changed."
"I did!"
Eren said angrily, which took Mikasa by surprise.
"Yes, I did, I have changed, I'm not the same child I used to be... I can't be the same as I was before."
Eren was struggling to leave behind that child who was incapable of doing anything, that weakling who could only watch as his mother was devoured by a Titan, and from then on, his life and that of his people was nothing but trouble.

Mikasa understood Eren's feelings perfectly. She really didn't make that comment out of malice or with the intention of hurting him. It was made out of sincere concern for his well-being, wanting Eren to truly be able to become the man he wanted to be one day.
"I'm sorry, I just care about you,"
Mikasa said, apologetically.
"Don't worry, it's fine."
Eren said, turning to look at her and noticing how long her hair was, too long for her own good.
"Instead of worrying about me, you should worry about this."
Eren said, running a hand through his friend's hair.
"It could get in your way when you're using the ODM gear, you could even have an accident."
Mikasa grabbed a strand of hair, looking at it and pondering Eren's words. And in fact, they were true. With hair like that, it could obstruct her vision and, as Eren said, cause an accident that could be fatal.
"You win, I'll cut it, but how short should I leave it?"
"I don't know, you could ask the other girls for help."
"Hmm, maybe."
Mikasa found that a little difficult; she was never the most sociable girl in the world, and she certainly wasn't used to asking people for favours.

Far from the conversation between Eren and Mikasa, Jean stood watching them walk away as they talked.
Connie walked past Jean, humming cheerfully to himself, when out of nowhere he felt Jean run his hand down his back, just like that, without warning.
"Hey, what the hell is wrong with you, idiot?! What did you put on my back?!"
Connie said angrily as he tried to remove whatever Jean had put there.
Jean just responded with a sombre look into the distance.
"All my faith... in humanity."

Night finally fell, and with it, almost all the recruits were already asleep in their rooms, but that was not the case for Sasha.
The potato girl struggled to walk towards the cabins, with only a single brazier lighting up her surroundings in the total darkness of the night. Sasha staggered with every step she took, feeling her whole body like limp, weak jelly that could barely stand up. She finally fulfilled Shadis' order, running as hard as she could all day until she was exhausted and her body was no longer able to respond.

The girl ended up collapsing on the ground, close to the huts, her breathing too difficult, and the burning of her muscles taking its toll on her in these moments of rest.
It was then that her stomach growled loudly, causing Sasha some pain, feeling her gastric acids almost tear her stomach apart from her uncontrollable appetite. and if there was anything worse for Sasha than the extreme fatigue she felt at that moment, it was the memory that Shadis had strictly forbidden her from eating anything tonight or the next day, all for having eaten a potato. Damn, just remembering that potato made her hunger worse. If only she could...

From the darkness, a person slowly and nervously emerged, cautiously approaching Sasha, and the young Blouse sensed a particular aroma, an exquisite one that was like a sweet tickle in her nose. It was...
"BREAD!"
Sasha shouted, lunging forward and startling the person who had approached her, who fell to the ground with a sharp cry of fear.
Sasha had grabbed the bread with her teeth (she had intended to use her hands, but her hunger made her lunge directly at the food with her mouth) and when she had it in her mouth and confirmed that it was indeed a whole loaf of bread, she could not hide her enthusiasm at this situation.
"IT'S BREAD, IT'S BREAD!"
She shouted excitedly.
"I'm sorry, it's all I could save for you."
said a nearby voice, fragile and somewhat nervous in nature. Turning around, Sasha discovered that it was a rather small girl with blonde hair, remembering who it was, Krista Lenz.
"Here."
Krista offered her a bag containing water.
"You should drink a little before eating."
she said in a friendly tone.

Sasha was stunned by the situation and by the selfless kindness shown to her by this girl, and, whether due to exhaustion or hunger, or a combination of both, Sasha thanked Krista in a way that bordered on the religious.
She quickly approached her and took her by the shoulders.
"ARE YOU A GODDESS?! YES, YOU ARE A GODDESS!"
Sasha shouted, which baffled Krista.
"What are you two doing?"
said a third voice, one that was far from Krista's sweet and delicate tone.
Turning around, Sasha and Krista saw a girl with short hair tied back in a ponytail, slender and with an apathetic look on her face.

Despite the appearance, Sasha immediately rushed to devour the bread in her hands at a strangely high speed.
"She's been running all day."
Krista explained.
"I thought she'd be very exhausted and hungry, so I thought..."
"Do her a favour, if I'm not mistaken,"
said the apathetic girl, which surprised Krista.
Sasha finally finished eating the bread, leaving not a single crumb, and when she was done, she collapsed at Krista's feet, which frightened her slightly.

Both girls saw Sasha fast asleep, snoring lightly.
"So? Was it worth doing the potato girl a favour?"
Krista didn't answer, she just looked at the girl with a doubtful expression on her face.

The girl just sighed.
"Whatever."
She said.
"We'd better take her to bed."
The apathetic girl lifted Sasha off the floor and put her on her back, carrying her piggyback.
"Do you want to do her a favour too?"
Krista asked, somewhat taken aback by her companion's actions.
"Don't get me wrong, this way she'll be indebted to me. Her stupidity could be useful to me."
She replied, smiling as she looked at the deeply asleep Sasha.
"You're not very... Friendly, from what I can see, you...
"Ymir, and your name is Krista, right?"
said the girl, without losing her smile.
"Come on, we'd better go back now."

Chapter Text

It was already daylight, and the time had finally come for the first assessment to determine whether the recruits were worthy of staying in the training corps or being kicked out.

Eren and Armin stood side by side, waiting for all the recruits to arrive so that Shadis could begin the test.
"Well, this is where it all begins."
said Eren, feeling a rush of excitement that he found difficult to control. Armin, on the other hand, did not share his friend's enthusiasm; quite the opposite, in fact.
"Yeah... well, I hope I'm not dead weight this time."
he said, unable to hide the nervousness in his voice.

Armin felt something touch his shoulder. When he turned around, he saw that it was Eren.
"Relax, mate, you'll do just fine."
Eren said, smiling at Armin.
The young Arlert really didn't feel calm despite Eren's words, but he would be lying if he said he didn't appreciate the gesture.
"Yes, you're right, we'll do well."
He said, trying to sound somewhat confident.

"Hello."
said a third voice near them, a familiar female voice.
When they turned around, they saw that Mikasa had finally arrived, and Eren and Armin were surprised to see her new appearance. Just as Eren had suggested, Mikasa now had short hair that reached her jawline.

"Wow, Mikasa, what a change."
said Armin.
"Yes, I think I feel more comfortable this way, and it helps me avoid accidents with the equipment."
said Mikasa, taking a strand of her hair as she spoke.
"Hey, did you cut it yourself in the end, or..."
asked Eren, but Mikasa answered before he could finish his question.

"They helped me cut it this morning. At first I tried to do it myself, but I didn't like how it was turning out, until that girl Krista came to help me finish."
When she finished speaking, Mikasa looked at her hair again. Certainly, even though she found it a comfortable change in her appearance, she still couldn't help feeling a little insecure about such a big change.
"Do I... look weird?"
she asked, with an insecurity rarely seen in her (and when we say rarely, we mean rarely).

"No, you don't look weird at all."
said Eren.
"It's true, it suits you very well, Mikasa."
Armin affirmed.
Hearing those words, Mikasa couldn't help but smile, allowing herself to relax her hardened composure for a moment and let the people she cared about most see a side of her that she rarely let others see.
"Thank you."
she said.

"All right, listen up!"
Shadis shouted, getting the attention of the trio of friends and everyone else present.
"We will begin the aptitude test."
The instructor was standing next to one of the many devices scattered in a straight line around the area. It consisted of three solid, indestructible wooden posts arranged in a triangle, whose tips were connected to a large iron object from which iron suspension cables hung on either side. The purpose of these devices was to test who was fit to use the flagship and distinctive equipment of the three military factions: the ODM equipment.
"Go to the development area."
said Shadis, sending different groups of 12 people to each of the test devices.

The recruits were suspended by their waists and, using a lever, were lifted slightly into the air, allowing them to test their balance and ability to maintain it with the testing device. If the recruit in question managed to remain stable and did not present any noticeable complications, then they were more than qualified to use the ODM equipment.
Shadis went around one by one, observing the recruits hanging from the devices, seeing varied results in many of them in terms of their performance with the equipment.

Shadis approached one of the groups, watching as one of the recruits managed to maintain his balance, with great difficulty, but at least it was clear that with time, he could improve.
"Hmm, not bad, and if you don't want to be titan fodder, then you'd better go from not bad to pretty good."
he said, in his usual, very characteristic way of saying 'not bad'.

He moved on to the next groups, and although his face was far from reflecting it, he felt satisfaction at seeing how the recruits were managing to master the harness they were hanging from more or less well, some even doing so excellently.
He approached a group of recruits, in which the person hanging from the harness was a very stocky and quite tall lad with blond hair and harsh features. The lad was maintaining his balance effectively and without margin for error, which for Shadis was a good sight.
He simply nodded silently to the boy, who smiled discreetly with satisfaction.

As he passed by the next cadets, Shadis saw that the streak of talented recruits continued, as the next recruit in the harness also had a good command of the equipment (although to a lesser extent than the previous blond recruit). The recruit in question had black hair and a less imposing and tough appearance than the blond recruit, but he was much taller than him, perhaps the tallest in the entire unit.
The boy certainly had a somewhat insecure expression and body language, but at least he was still a competent cadet, and for Shadis that was enough for the moment.
He spent a good while evaluating each of them as they climbed into the harness and managed to stay in the air correctly, with some having more difficulty than others, but for now, all that mattered to Shadis was that they prove whether or not they were capable of handling the equipment.

As he approached the next group, Shadis was surprised to see that the 'potato girl' and the idiot with the shaved head were also able to use the equipment effectively, especially the potato girl, whose face clearly showed that using the harness was not really a great difficulty for her.
It was certainly a little more difficult for the boy to stay stable, but little by little he was getting better at it.
"Well, it seems you're good at more than just being the idiots of the group."
said Shadis, retreating to watch the remaining groups.

With these words, Connie and Sasha looked at each other, apparently not having understood 100% what Shadis meant.
"Um... What was that?"
Connie asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Maybe he thinks we're the best at this."
Sasha said with a smile on her face.
"It's really not that complicated, in fact it even feels like a swing."
And in fact, Sasha meant it in the most literal way possible. She even began to sway slightly as if she were on a swing, laughing with amusement as she did so.
When Connie saw this, he tried to do the same as the girl next to him, but when he started to sway, he felt himself lose his balance slightly for a few seconds and began to lean forward. The boy from Ragako frantically moved his arms and legs, trying to stabilise himself once again. Finally, after a few terrifying seconds, he managed it, sighing with relief and dismissing the idea of using the harness as a swing, while Sasha continued to swing with amusement.

Shadis continued to go through the groups of recruits one by one, seeing how, in fact, almost all of them managed to use the equipment, with some complications along the way, but at least they managed to use it effectively.
Shadis was pleasantly surprised when he approached one recruit in particular, one whose once long black hair was now quite short, but despite her change in appearance, her personality and temperament remained just as cold and serene.
The girl hung completely still in the air, as solid as a rock and quite rigid, her face always impregnated with coldness and calm.
Shadis nodded with satisfaction at this sight. Without a doubt, there was talent among his ranks this year.
Seeing the next recruit standing next to that prodigal girl, he saw that it was the boy named Jean Kirstein. Although Shadis had seen that Jean was quite soft when it came to taking a hit, at least here he saw that the boy managed to hang on with almost the same firmness as the previous recruit, and for Shadis, that put Jean in a slightly better light than before.
Seeing how Shadis nodded his head, Jean smiled smugly. At this rate, his chances of joining the military police were growing more and more.

Despite the great achievement he felt he was having at that moment, Jean couldn't help but glance over at the girl standing next to him. Mikasa remained stable and calm in that harness with a mastery that left the other recruits who saw her mesmerised, and it also left Jean mesmerised, albeit for different reasons.

Jean found himself once again contemplating the beauty of that girl, completely stunned. Certainly, if she had seemed beautiful to him before with her long hair, now that she had short hair, that girl seemed even more beautiful than before (which Jean did not think was possible).
However, it was this very daze that caused him to lean back slightly, almost losing his balance. Fortunately, Jean managed to react in time and quickly regained his stability as quickly as he had lost it, bathed in sweat and completely nervous.
"Idiot, stay focused!"
Jean reproached himself.

Armin certainly used the equipment in a way that could at least be called decent. He felt that at any moment he would lean either backwards or forwards. Armin had the feeling that his body was shaking with nervousness and because of the fragile stability he was barely managing to maintain. The truth was that it was a miracle he hadn't fallen yet.
The young Arlert maintained a nervous expression at all times as he tried with all his might not to move from where he was. His gaze remained fixed on his hip, surrounded by the harness, taking care at all times that it would not betray him and cause him to turn completely upside down.

However, Armin felt the undeniable sensation of being watched, not only by his companions, but by someone else, and when he looked up, his expression changed from pure nervousness to noticeable annoyance when he realised who was watching him at that moment: Keith Shadis.
Keith just looked at Armin with the same expression as always, a harsh judgement that made more than one person's hair stand on end when they were on the receiving end of that gaze, but for Armin, despite his gentler and calmer nature, he really felt that this gaze did not express nervousness, but another emotion, one that Armin was not used to feeling: hatred.

For Armin, that look provoked a disgust he could barely bear, not so much because of how Shadis looked at him, but because Armin felt without a doubt that it was the same look Shadis had given his grandfather and all those refugees whom he had led directly to their painful and nightmarish deaths. and if there was anything in the world that Armin despised even more than the Titans or his own weakness, it was remembering that day, remembering the last time he saw his grandfather, and above all, remembering that he was now under the tutelage of the one who had led him to his death and left him there to rot. and that was what gave Armin the determination to force his own body to stabilise as best he could. It wasn't easy, but finally, after a great effort, Armin felt truly stable in that harness for the first time. His trembling was now almost imperceptible, and he felt his own body rigid in the air, which made him unconsciously smile enthusiastically.
When he saw Shadis again, Armin was a little surprised to see Shadis nodding at him, but it wasn't with the same harsh judgement as before. No, Armin saw and sensed something different in Shadis. He couldn't quite put his finger on what it was or how to describe it, but perhaps it was... melancholy?

Shadis simply moved on to the next cadet, and Armin couldn't get that look out of his head. It was so strange, so unusual in a man like Shadis, and above all, given the way Armin perceived Shadis.
The boy said nothing, just watched him walk away, with a single thought running through his head.
"Are you sorry? For what?"

Until now (and apart from what happened with Armin), Shadis felt satisfied.
The recruits already had a good foundation and the ability to be prepared for training, and deep down in his heart, Shadis hoped to be able to train them as he expected, as relentless soldiers, true killing machines and hunters capable of facing those nightmarish creatures that Shadis had so often had to face, almost always without success.
Certainly, Shadis hoped to be able to truly train these boys as best as possible, to avoid at all costs any of them becoming the mediocre and useless soldier that the disastrous commander of the Survey Corps had been.
His pessimistic thoughts were interrupted when he approached the next cadet, and this time Shadis saw someone fail this aptitude test for the first time all day, ironically, that recruit being the most determined of them all.

"YEAGER!"
Shadis shouted at a surprised Eren.
"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! STRAIGHTEN UP!"
"I'm trying!"
said Eren, trying as hard as he could to straighten his body. When he couldn't, he decided to swing himself back up, but again, his plan didn't work.
When his gaze returned to his companions (whom he could see upside down), he saw that they could no longer hold back their laughter, letting out soft chuckles at the truly comical scene unfolding before them. This sight made Eren's frustration and despair even more unbearable, prompting him to swing again with all his might until he managed to grab hold of the cables that were keeping him suspended. With this, Eren tried with all his strength to stabilise himself again.

"YEAGER!"
Shadis shouted at the top of his lungs at Eren, who, startled, let go of the cables and was once again hanging upside down.
"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"
Shadis knelt down to be at eye level with Eren.
"IS THIS HOW YOU'RE GOING TO USE THE ODM EQUIPMENT?! BY THROWING THE CABLES WITH YOUR HANDS?!"
Eren was overwhelmed by the question, and his desperation increased when he looked away at the recruits who were watching him and laughing loudly at Eren, who felt his mind flooded with intense and definitely unpleasant emotions.
«This can't be true, is this some kind of bloody joke?! Is this what I did all this for?!»

It was already very late, dusk was approaching, and the camp was lit by a sun that cast a mustard-coloured, opaque glow across the sky, now in the last third of the evening.
Despite the hour, Eren Mikasa and Armin were standing next to one of the devices used to carry out the aptitude test.
The surroundings were empty, and the only presence there was that of those three friends, who were there at the request of one of them.
After the humiliating scene Eren had caused during the aptitude test, he had spent the whole day desperate to return to those devices and try the test once more, having to wait impatiently all day until training finally ended. Once it was over, Eren went to Mikasa, feeling very ashamed, and asked her to please help him with this test.

Eren really couldn't understand how he could have failed at something like that, something where all he had to do was simply stand still and not turn around completely in a harness suspended in the air, but in the end, that was what happened to Eren, and if he wanted to at least manage not to turn around again like he did today, he had to ask for advice and guidance from someone who had mastered that equipment, and who better than that girl who mastered it on the first try as if it were a game? Luckily, that girl happened to be his friend.

"Just follow the basic steps."
Mikasa said to a somewhat nervous Eren. Certainly, the idea that he would not be able to do it again made him feel like he was dying inside.
"You don't have to do it perfectly, just put your weight on the straps and tense your hips and feet to maintain your balance better."
Mikasa explained, and Eren couldn't help but feel more nervous. That was exactly what he had tried this morning, and the result was there for all to see.
Even so, Eren still held out some hope that perhaps he had failed to do something Mikasa had told him at the time. Maybe he hadn't tensed his legs enough, or maybe he had distributed his weight poorly. Either way, if Eren wanted to keep his mind focused, he had to think that that was what had happened at the time, but that he was going to correct it now.

"Just stay calm, Eren."
Armin said to Eren, with a smile that tried to inspire confidence.
"I was able to do it too, and I'm not good at these things, which means you definitely can."
With Armin's words, Eren's nervousness was somewhat eased, giving him a little more confidence.
"All right, let's do it. I have a good feeling about this time."
Eren said, returning Armin's smile with a determined one of his own.
"Lift me up, Armin."
The young Arlert gave Eren a thumbs up and proceeded to turn the lever to slowly lift his friend, who gradually began to rise into the air.

Eren felt his feet leave the ground and, with that, he began to feel a deep nervousness attacking him again.
«Calm down, keep your body rigid, distribute your weight well and you'll be fine.»
Those were the words Eren said to himself in his mind to calm his nerves.

When he felt he was at a good height, Eren tensed up as Mikasa had told him to and spread his arms out to the sides to have better control in the air.
Eren saw how he managed to stay stable and rigid as he climbed higher and higher. A feeling of great victory came over him at that moment. He had done it, he had finally succeeded, and now he could continue on his goal of truly becoming a soldier.
"It's working."
Eren said enthusiastically.

Suddenly, Eren ended up leaning too far forward, spinning once again as he had in the morning, but this time it was worse, because he didn't land on his head, but instead his head crashed hard against the ground covered with dirt and stones.
"EREN!"
Armin and Mikasa shouted at the same time as Eren felt everything go dark, quickly losing consciousness and feeling in his body.

At the camp, the recruits were minding their own business when suddenly one of the doors opened, revealing a desperate Mikasa rushing towards one of the huts and an Armin on the verge of tears, shouting at an unconscious Eren to hold on a little longer, that they were almost there. Both were dragging Eren Yeager, who was bleeding profusely from the side of his head, almost as if he had died from his injuries.

When he woke up, Eren felt a burning pain in his head and also felt as if something was wrapped tightly around his head.
Eren groaned in pain, bringing his hand to the side of his head where the sharp pain was coming from, feeling with his hands what was wrapped around his forehead: a bandage.
"Don't move."
Mikasa said.
"I'm not done treating you yet."
The girl continued to gently wrap Eren's head, whose bandages were stained with blood in a specific area, the area where Eren had injured his head.

"What... What happened?"
Eren asked, still somewhat dazed and groaning slightly in pain as Mikasa finished wrapping the bandage around his head.
"Well... We'll have to keep trying to help you with the equipment another time."
Armin said, smiling awkwardly at Eren.
The young Yeager remembered a little of what had happened before he lost consciousness. He was standing next to Armin and Mikasa next to the device they used for their aptitude test when Armin lifted him up. Eren managed to stay steady for a few moments, until everything went black and he couldn't remember what happened next. And Eren didn't need to know exactly what happened.

"All right, that's it."
said Mikasa, finally finishing treating Eren's head.
The boy simply brought a hand to his wounded area, still feeling the pain.
"Thank you, Mikasa."
said Eren, in a subdued tone.

Hearing those words spoken in that tone by Eren, Armin and Mikasa felt concerned for him, but it wasn't the wound on his head that was the reason for this.
"Hey, Eren, are you okay?"
Armin said, putting a hand on Eren's shoulder.
The young Yeager just stared at the ground, looking defeated, then brought one of his hands, clenched into a fist, to his forehead in a gesture of deep frustration.
"Really... Was all this for nothing?"
said Eren with a mixture of frustration and sadness.
"Did I really... fail before I even really started?"
Armin and Mikasa couldn't find the words to say to Eren. At that moment, all they could do was stay by his side, at least so as not to abandon him in such a difficult time.