Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It's about time, anyway.

Himari's wheelchair hit the bricks on the edge of her apartment building's roof, coming to a halt. She glanced down to the street below, where she watched the students just out of their clubs walking the scenic laneway home. A brother and a sister were excitedly chatting, surely about their plans for the weekend, oblivious to the pain that plagued the world around them.
She used to be on the track team. She wasn't bad at it either, Tokyo university had even offered her a part-scholarship for her athletic performance, it was one of Himari's greatest prides regardless of the fact she couldn't accept it anymore.

It's a nice view to go out on. I wish they were here to see this sunset, they'd love it.
Those MMOs Kenji loved so much kept him away from views like this. I tried playing them, but it's no fun now that he's not here to teach me.

She reached forward, carefully taking off her Mary Janes. She didn't need shoes anymore, given her inability to walk, but it gave her a sense of normalcy in her everyday life. It was a needed comfort when her life had so drastically changed after the car accident. Himari tucked the shoes neatly underneath her wheels, preventing the chair from sliding back as she lifted her body up from the seat. She laughed a little at herself, not that long ago she would have found it absurd to go a week without showering or brushing her hair, but today was the first time she'd smelt such a buildup of sweat and dead skin on her body.

It'll be Autumn soon.
I'm sorry mother. I won't be there to celebrate your birthday. I just can't do this anymore without you and dad.

Himari didn't need to leave a note. There was no one left who she'd need to say goodbye to. Her family was dead. Her extended family lived far away in the countryside, none of them would miss her, they might even feel joy at the sudden material inheritance. Her friend group, though large, had stopped talking to her when she got out of hospital. Himari didn't blame them, they were young and it surely must be too much to be surrounded by such a sad person all the time. Her disability would limit the places they could go, and her depression would limit their fun. She'd understood, and grieved the loss of friendship already.

As the last of the sunlight disappeared behind the horizon past the city's skyline, Himari gently closed her eyes. A gust of wind brushed across her face, lifting her fringe to expose the tears welling in her eyelashes. The breeze provided a polite relief in the summer evening heat, gusting up her skirt as she leant forward, the ground disappearing below her. Himari felt pity for the people who'd soon encounter her body on the sidewalk.

Time seemed to slow to a pause.

As she fell past each storey, her life flashed before her eyes just as she'd seen in movies. An almost nostalgic slideshow of memories; her childhood, time spent with her family, her accomplishments in school, the friends she missed so deeply. She remembered the times her little brother would run up to her excitedly when she'd be the one to pick him up from school, her gut wrenched at the memory of feeling his small arms hug around her waist as tight as the boy could manage. She began openly sobbing mid-air, when the memory of her parents scolding the two kids for staying up past their bed time to play on their Nintendo DS flashed into her head. Bitterness followed soon after, as she regretted her teenage years, rejecting spending time with her mother and father, or the brother she'd been so close to, sacrificing time with them to study her youth away. All of the hard work she put in during and after school every day to get one of the highest grades and running speeds in her schools history was now for naught. The friends Himari had made during high school used to matter so much, she would save up pocket money all year for their birthdays, but they now barely mattered.

Being only 18 years old, her life was quite a brief slideshow.

----

"Did you hear about that girl in class 3B?"

Seikichi could barely hear the rest of the students in his class gossiping around the room. His mind was focused on her. He'd left a note in her mailbox this morning, today was the day he was finally going to do it. He was going to as her out. He's been preparing for years, and they were both about to graduate highschool. Now was the perfect time.

For the past seven years, since middle-school, he'd made her the centre of his world. It all started when he transferred into her school, and she was the only one who made an effort to talk to him. With his stutter at the time, no one wanted to wait around for him to finish his sentences, but she would wait. She would wait as long as it took for him to talk, with the kindest smile plastered across her face from ear to ear. She was the only reason his stutter gradually improved through the years, though sometimes in her absence, it would recur.
Tonight, he was going to confess his feelings. He'd already bought a bouquet of roses to bring to her house after school. She'd be there, he knew. She was always there.

He knew about the accident. When it happened, she stopped coming to school and he'd become distressed daily. She'd helped him so much in the past, but now, she was the one who needed help and there was nothing he could do. It's not like he can just spontaneously resurrect her family or make her legs work the same way they used to. The thing he desperately wanted to give her, was the happiness she'd lost. That spark inside her she used to have, he missed it. If he could just convince her to accept a date, surely she would see it's possible to be happy again after the crash. Happy with him.

"Who? The one who stopped coming to school?"

"Yeah! She-"

The classroom door suddenly burst open as the scrawny homeroom teacher made her way to the front of the class, addressing all the students who scrambled to sit at their desks immediately. 

"Goodmorning students." She spoke with an unusually stern voice. "I'm sorry to say, but we have a terrible announcement this morning."

She paused, unwilling to speak aloud the note she'd been instructed to read. She had to say it without a single crack in her voice, showing emotion in front of her students like this would be incredibly embarrassing and unprofessional. The students eyes were staring though, and that always intimidated her. Seikichi noticed that slightly lower pitch, the furrow in her eyebrows, he knew it was serious and sat ever so slightly forward in his seat in anticipation of some shocking world event.

"Last night one student's body was found outside of their house. The police contacted the school to inform us of the suicide. Her name was Nakamura, a third-year student in class 3B." Though she tried to keep it together, the teacher's voice slipped ever so slightly when saying the student's name. "Now, I'm sure some of you may have known this student even if she wasn't a part of this class. We have set up open meetings with the counsellor, should any of you be particularly affected by her recent passing."

Seikichi's stomach dropped. He couldn't have heard that right, could he? There's no way it would be THE Nakamura. HIS Nakamura. Nakamura Himari. It was a common surname, wasn't it?

"I will also be available at any time, if any of you have private questions or should need extensions on your current assignments." The teacher added on her own, deviating from the note she held in her hands.

"Does she even still attend? I haven't seen her here for like a month!" One boy at the back of the class blurted out.

A girl with bleached curly hair replied before the teacher had a chance to. "I mean, she's still enrolled here right? Nakamura only stopped attending in person because of an injury in July I'm pretty sure. I don't know though."

Seikichi stopped breathing. It was the same Nakamura. The teacher's words echoed in his head. Student's body. Suicide. Why? How could she do something like this? His face fell flat, dissociating as the students began to pick apart the poor teacher for answers. They were treating her death like common gossip, he felt sick.

He felt like the world was moving around him. Continuously spinning, while he stayed still. The grass keeps growing, the children keep playing, the people kept talking, but he was stuck in time. The world was leaving him behind.

The teacher allowed him to visit the school counsellor, but instead of walking to her office he instead walked directly out the building's back door. Seikichi didn't even bother to visit his locker before jumping the garden fence and walking down the street, skipping the rest of the school day entirely. He beelined directly to her home. As soon as he turned the corner onto her street, he knew it was true.
Outside of her house was a police car parked next to a larger family van. There was an elderly woman standing on the footpath, yelling at someone in her house. As he approached closer, he could see the large, heavy suitcase another lady was hauling out of the house. Nausea overtook him. They were already clearing out her belongings, he couldn't stand the sight and turned around immediately.

It was a long walk back to his apartment. His mind was only on her, it was torture. He was filled with thoughts of regret, thinking if only he'd asked her out sooner maybe he could have saved her. If only he'd enacted his plan a few days before. Why did he wait so long to ask her out. Why didn't he think to visit her before this.
He slammed open his front door, unsurprised to see his father drunkenly passed out on the floor. He stepped over the unconscious man and locked himself in his room, heading directly to his computer to look up any details the news was reporting on her death. Nothing. Well, nothing more than what the teacher announced at school. 'High school student found dead at five-thirty AM this morning' read some articles, with no additional info. They didn't even mention her name. Himari. What a beautiful name. Social media was buzzing with misinformation and clickbait, people love to gossip but no one really knew her like Seikichi did. No one could understand like he did.

The rest of the week felt like a blur. He stopped attending school altogether, just like she did. Now, he understood her loneliness. He completely stopped talking at all. It's not like he could anyway, as his stutter had returned and no one would give him the time. He was stuck in his own personal hellhole, self-made punishment for not saving her. 

Each day afterwards, he'd visit her home, staring up at what used to be her bedroom window full of regret and sorrow. It was too late now.

Her funeral was beautiful. Her portrait stood framed at the front of the room, with white flowers surrounding her closed casket. Incense smoke explored the room as a man in a suit read poetry aloud. Seikichi was able to attend as there were many empty seats in the rented hall. Only a few of her old friends were there along with some extended family and the staff.

After the ceremony, the attendees filed out of the room, eager to get home.

And just like that, it was over.

She'd no longer be spoken of.

That night, all he could do was cry in the fetal position beneath a blanket. He hadn't been able to move on after the loss of her. He wanted nothing more than to hear her cheery voice just one more time. He craved it.

"Where the hell is your mother?" His father stumbled into the room, beer can in hand.

"I dunno." Seikichi mumbled from his bed, trying to hide the grief in his voice.

"Mhh. What're you good for anyway. Son of a whore."

The old man slammed the door shut behind him. His footsteps could be felt three rooms across, but Seikichi couldn't be bothered enough to be annoyed the way he usually would. His brain wouldn't deviate from her. There was no one left he could talk to the same way he'd talk to her. There was no one to idolise in the same way he'd idolise her. No one.

He'd always thought about his backup plan in the furthest corner of his mind. It was always there, in case he needed a quick escape. He'd never needed to escape before now.

With a determined mind, set only on one goal; to meet her again, he reached into an old shoebox underneath his bed. Inside, a long, thick rope and a dried out bouquet of roses. He tied the rope around his ceiling fan, looping the ends of the rope around itself to create a noose. His tears were dried up on his cheek, he'd become resigned to his future and contempt with his next act.

He wrapped the rope's loop around his neck, taking care to pull it tight enough to keep him suspended above the ground. The bouquet of roses he'd planned to give her little more than a week ago were cuddled tightly in his arms, the petals half-decayed, falling to the ground at each slight movement of his arms.

With her face in the forefront of his mind, he leaped off the end of his bed. The bouquet fell to the ground.

----

Himari's eyes opened softly with a wave of confusion washing over her face. She... Survived? A ghost-white hand reached for her chin, forcing her gaze upward to the eight-foot tall, pink-haired woman standing in front of her.

"Goodmorning, sweet Himari." the deity's voice echoed.

Chapter Text

"Where am I?" Himari whispered, unable to conceal her fear from the unusual creature in front of her.

"You have died, young one. You are in heaven, awaiting the next life."

"Oh." Himari's voice was soft and sleepy, not understanding what the girl had just said.

She took a few moments to look around; only to find an endless dark void with small golden specks floating in the air, she tried to get a grip on the floor but her legs couldn't find it, as if she were floating in space. Himari turned back to the only person in her line of sight, the pink-haired, subtly glowing girl in front of her. "Who are you?"

"I am the goddess of the world you will soon be reborn into, I am the ruler of Erde." The girl spoke gently and gestured downwards, enticing Himari's eyes to follow the pointed finger to the sight below.

Himari looked down to where her body should be, but only found an empty space. Below, in the distance, the surface of a large blue and purple planet could be seen in plain view. Surrounding it were several dozen stars, but completely unlike the stars that Himari had seen from her window on Earth. These stars were perfectly symmetrical, four-pointed compass roses, totally dissimilar from anything she'd ever seen outside of a cartoon.

The goddess continued; "What happened, young one, to cause you to perish so soon? It was not nearly your time yet."

"Um." Himari hesitated. She had totally blanked on her death, given the shock of where she woke up. "I think I fell."

"You think you fell, young one?"

Just like her vision, her mind was fuzzy and out of focus. "Yes, I fell a long way."

"No, young one. You jumped. You jumped knowing it would kill you."

"Oh... Yeah. Yeah, I jumped." Her dazed voice trailed off as the memory of her fall came back into the forefront of her mind.

"Why would you dare jump, young one. Life is rare and beautiful."

"I'm sorry." Himari began to feel uncomfortable in the conversation, "I guess... there was nothing more I could live for, I don't know."

"NOTHING MORE YOU COULD LIVE FOR?"

Himari fell backwards, fearful of the sudden demonic voice emanating from the woman who, at first, appeared so gentle.

"YOU DESTROYED A SACRED GIFT, YOUNG ONE. THAT PRECIOUS LIFE WAS NOT YOURS TO TAKE."

The goddess was emanating such a violently bright light that Himari couldn't help but turn away. "I'm sorry!" she cried out.

"Oh sweet child." The deity's voice returned to the calm, feminine demeanour from prior. Himari stayed completely silent. If only she'd still had a body, tears would be welling in her eyes right about now. "Sweet, summer child. You have chosen this fate, but I do not have a body prepared for you."

Himari looked back to the undoubtedly holy woman, who'd returned to the innocent-looking being she'd first seen. She carefully chose her next words, not wanting to upset the deity again. "What... does that mean?"

"You may not reincarnate yet, young Himari. I am not used to receiving souls from Earth, there are too many of you who arrive in heaven long before your planned times."

Himari felt oddly comforted by this, but didn't dare express this feeling to the goddess. She had felt so alone, as if no one on Earth could relate to her. But there were, in truth, many who could. She was one of hundreds, this week alone, who'd taken their own life voluntarily. Each would have their own unique reason, some may be living in financial distress, others may be lost after a romantic relationship had fallen through. But some of these people were surely drowning in grief and loneliness just as she had been.

She wasn't the only one.

"So, what does-" Himari was cut off before she could enquire about how reincarnation would work, since she'd arrived before she was supposed to.

"Shush." The goddess' voice was oddly sweet for such a rude demand. "I need to sew you a spot in Erde, young one. I must find someone who can take you."

Himari obeyed, keeping her unending questions to herself for the time being. She wanted to ask what the woman meant by 'sew you a spot', but that question was soon answered when the deity reached into the pockets of her white, laced dress, retrieving a tiny needle and thread and began to cross-stitch the air.

Himari's mind wandered in the sudden silence. No matter how much she'd been avoiding it, she couldn't help but wonder if her family was in a better place now. Had their souls been reincarnated to the same realm she was about to enter? Would they be able to live the long, happy lives they each deserved? As she watched the goddess full-focus on the stitch, her questions were overflowing in her mind.

"Why don't you ask your family to help you, if you can't handle all the reincarnation work alone?" She blurted out, unable to contain her curiosity. When the goddess paused the stitch, making direct, angry, eye contact with Himari, she immediately regretted disobeying the clear order of silence.

For the first time since they'd met, the goddess' voice wavered as she spoke. "They used to help." she cleared her throat before continuing her thought in a more assertive, powerful voice. "Such people won't help anymore. I am the only one worthy weaving life."

Against her better judgement, Himari continued the conversation as the goddess returned to her stitches. "I'm sure if you asked, they'd help out at least a little. You could teach them to stitch, maybe they'll be good at it!"

The goddess' eyes pierced her very soul. "A mortal couldn't understand. If you can unite them the way I never could, I'll allow them back."

"Deal!" Himari's soul lit up, unable to hear the sarcasm in the deity's voice.

Shocked at this mortal's pure audacity, the goddess narrowed her eyes in judgement. She leaned forward, already cooking up a deal to offer. "You, young one, won't be able to. Not in a million years. They're insolent, dramatic, deeply immature children who cannot work together under any circumstances. Not even my own direct orders could make them."

"In a million years I'd be able to fix a thousand cosmic arguments. I'm quite the pro at it, I used to argue all the time with-" The optimism in Himari's voice faded as she remembered how her life had gone in the past few months. "-with my little brother. But we always made amends. That's what family means."

"The title of 'family' to immortals is not nearly as meaningful as it is to a mortal. You have death to fear, we have eternity." The goddess' words were firm, as if they were the only thoughts she'd ever had. But Himari could see the regret behind each word, and the goddess was aware of her own lies. "Though. I wouldn't mind having my family back together."

"Then let me help."

The words struck the goddess like no mortal's words ever had struck her before. She began to reminisce on her time with her children, feeling almost sad at the loss of those moments. There wouldn't be a harm in allowing this mortal to try, right? It's not like this sweet soul could do any more damage than what's already been done. "Alright, young one." she replied. "I'll give you the blessing of immortality, but in return, you must unite my children. The children of Erde."

Himari was shocked. Immortality. Was this something really possible for her? Once she was reincarnated into this goddess' world, how would she remember this deal? Was it actually possible for her to unite the 'children of Erde' without knowing what happened, or even how to find the them?

The goddess finished her stitch, stepping back to admire her art. Smiling, with the faintest hint of hope behind her eyes, "Should you throw away this life I'm about to give you, I'll ensure your soul burns to a crisp. An immortal life is more precious than any, and I shall see your soul unmade should you refuse to appreciate it."

Himari gulped, unsettled by the grin on the goddess' face as she made that threat. "No chance. I promise, I will help."

With this confirmation, the goddess pushed Himari's soul through the stitch she'd just made, causing her vision to blur and mind to falter as she lost consciousness. The goddess sighed as she watched the last remnants of the young soul disappear into the world below.

----

"AAAAGH!" A girl's scream pierced the underdeveloped eardrums of Himari's new body. "SAAIINT HIRAAAETH!"

Shouting ensued between each screech, "Procurez-vous un chiffon!" another woman yelled, contributing to the chaos in the small room. Himari could barely hear, and from what she could hear, she couldn't understand. "Tu peux le faire! Ce sera bientôt fait!"

Himari, with no situational understanding, instinctively moved towards the lightest part of the pitch-black cavern she appeared to be trapped in. Within minutes, a cold breeze washed across her face and she couldn't help but let out a lout cry.

"Félicitations! Elle respire!"

"Une... fille?"

"Oui, aussi belle que toi."

The chatter of the two women continued on as Himari was brought to the distressed woman's chest. With all her confusion and discomfort, Himari's unconscious sobbing began to trail off as the sound of a heart drummed against her cheek. No more than 10 minutes later she opened her eyes for the first time, to see the face of an uncomfortably young-looking girl holding Himari's coin-sized hand. Her mother's large, dark indigo eyes staring into the depths of her own before swiftly falling back into a deep slumber, exhausted from a long night of being born.

They stayed like this for hours. Himari had stayed calmly asleep when the couple who'd tended to the birth came to wish the new mother good night, tucking Himari into a soft, silky bassinet beside the bed. She began to think about the new life she could have here, this little cottage she'd been born in reminded her of those fantasy games that Kenji, her little brother from Earth, used to play all the time. It was quaint, quiet, made of uneven wooden planks and mossy stone bricks with a homely feel to the place. Her new home. With her new family.

Hours later, Himari could hear the hushed tone of the girl's voice in the middle of the night, whispering as she lay in her cot. Each word the girl spoke had no meaning to her, this foreign land's language was completely unlike anything she'd ever heard before, but Himari still found comfort in the sweet, soothing tone of voice.

"Je t'aime, Mieko... Mon bébé." Some hurried scuffling followed the hushed voice while Himari could do nothing but lightly giggle in response. She wanted to talk back to the girl standing over her, but every attempt at a word came out as more of a breathy cry.

The girl hurriedly spoke what sounded like nothing more than gibberish to Himari, "Ces gens sympathiques prendront soin de vous." each word being forgotten as soon as it was spoken.

With the sound of light footsteps and a door softly closing, Himari's sleepiness overtook her body once again. She lay there undisturbed until morning, when the sound of a young man and woman's hushed argument the next room over woke her once more. Himari tried not to, but her tiny body was so overwhelmed with emotions that she couldn't help but let out loud, high pitched sobs as her face turned red. The couple came rushing to her side, lifting her from the bassinet she'd been laying in as the man cradled her in his arms, not knowing how to comfort the distressed baby. His voice was much lower than the voice of the girl from before, he kept it as soft as he could manage as he continued the conversation with the woman standing next to him.

"On ne peut pas l'emmener à l'église. Elle peut rester avec nous."

A large smile appeared on the woman's face as tears welled in her eyes, "Merci, Hiraeth!"

Himari looked up at the two of them, smiling widely. They reminded her a lot of her first parents from Earth, the woman had the same dimples when she smiled and the man's eyes squinted in the same way. Nothing could have comforted Himari more than the sight of the pair looking at her with pure love, she once again dozed off in the man's arms. He held her there, not willing to place her back into the cot for hours at the fear of disturbing the baby's sleep.

----

"Goodmorning" The pink-pigtailed goddess whispered again, robotically, as if reading from a script handed out to new employees at a super store.

Seikichi looked at the woman with disinterest, "We're in space."

The deity squinted at this new soul, just as young as the girl she'd met only a week beforehand. What a shame.

"You're in heaven, awaiting reincarnation. Please be patient, as there is a queue."

Her words seemed to glide right past him. The other mortal souls passing through here tended to act terrified of her, but he seemed wholly uncharmed by the goddess standing directly before him. Then, his next words made the usually content goddess lift an eyebrow in curiosity.

"Did a girl named Himari Nakamura pass through here?"