Archive of Our Own ^beta

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It had been six days since Harvey was released from rehab. It took him a few days to adjust to his new living arrangement, but he settled in quite nicely. Tessa was more than accommodating to his needs. For the first few nights, he felt uncomfortable in the new atmosphere, preferring to sleep alone. He often woke up on the couch, stiff as a board, but feeling less like a burden. 

It took Tessa a few days to convince him to chill with her in bed. Harvey was so nervous about nothing that it was cute, in a way. She was reading a book while he just stared at her, entranced. The two had become close during his stay in the psychiatric facility, with her visiting him three times a week. They had gotten to know each other better, and Harvey could happily say that he had developed something stronger than lust. Was it affection, a crush, or a deep understanding? She stayed by his side when he was in the hospital, and then visited him when he was transferred to a different facility. His mind would often flash back to the night they slept together, and he could feel nothing but embarrassment and sadness that he let himself get so out of hand. He was really messed up at the time, but it brought the two of them together, and he wouldn’t apologize for that. Tessa shut her book with a dull ‘thud’ and curled up next to Harvey. He was busy staring up at the ceiling, a sign that he was deep in thought. “Harv, you okay?” 

Harvey’s head turned to look her in the eye. “Yeah, just thinking. I don’t know how I could ever repay you. You saved my life, were there for me when I was at my lowest, and gave me a place to stay after I completed drug treatment. You’ve treated me better than most people in my life ever have,” he said, a stray tear falling from the corner of his eye. Tessa wiped it away with her thumb and smiled at him. She pressed her forehead to his. “It’s because I care about you,” she said sincerely. She wrapped her arm around his chest and pulled him close. 

Tessa took the opportunity to give him a quick peck on the forehead. Harvey’s face went blood red, and he buried his face in a pillow. Tessa let out a loud laugh and playfully snatched the pillow from his face. The redness of his face went down, but it was still evident that the action flustered him. “You are so cute when you get flustered like that!” Harvey threw the other pillow at her, a playful grin threatening to split his face. She threw it back with equal force, pelting him in the jaw. The two laughed, enjoying each other’s company. 

Once the laughter died down, Harvey scooted closer to her. He curled up close enough to her that his head rested in the fold of her neck like a puzzle piece. Tessa didn't seem to mind it one bit. She stroked his hair, a motion that comforted him considerably. He closed his eye and tried to soak up as much of the affection as she was willing to give. Tessa smiled at him; she was also enjoying herself tremendously. 

“Harvey?”

“Hm?” He groaned, opening his eye. 

“I know it'll take time to build your trust, but I also wanted to let you know that for as long as I'm here, you'll never be alone. I promise,” she said quietly. Harvey's grin threatened to split his face. This time, he pulled her closer before flipping her on her back. He climbed on top of her, her face becoming red at the action. “I know, and I appreciate it more than words can describe,” he whispered. Harvey pressed his forehead to hers, a stray tear falling on her cheek. Tessa stroked his back with the tips of her nails. She now knew that he needed this, but deep down, she needed it, too.

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A feeling of lead in his chest woke Harvey up with a jolt. He had been out of rehab for a month, but it didn't mean he was clear from the painful nightmares or the occasional cravings that they brought with them. His arm started itching, and a familiar tingling sensation shot up from his old track marks. This nightmare was particularly gruesome. 

“Tessa?” He said softly, trying to wake her up. The shaking in his voice must have alerted her that something was wrong. “Hm, what's wrong, Harvey?” 

His eye filled with tears, and Tessa instantly knew what was wrong; Harvey needed some comforting. “Come here,” she said without hesitation. She opened her arms for him, and he gladly accepted. Harvey buried his face in her chest and let out a muffled wail. He hated when the nightmares inevitably crawled back; it always put his sobriety into question and made him feel weak. 

“It's okay, Harvey. I'm here for you,” she soothed. Her nightgown was soaked with his tears, but she didn't care. Harvey showed no signs of slowing down; his wails only grew with more intensity. He was dangerously close to a panic attack, so she had to act accordingly. 

“Harvey, you need to calm down. You're going to have a panic attack if you don't,” she said gently as she massaged his scalp with her fingertips. He pulled away and looked at her, his face red and puffy from crying. 

“Take a deep breath, hold it for five seconds, and let it out slowly.” Harvey did what he was told, but it was shaky. He tried it again, a sense of relief washing over him. His chest no longer shook from the force of his sobs, but he could still feel the weight that the nightmare carried. “Now that you're calm, can you tell me what happened in your dream?” Tessa asked. Harvey gulped as his body trembled. 

“I had a dream that I was being stabbed repeatedly while also being set on fire. At first, it was scissors, then it escalated to a knife and a match. I- I died each time, only for it to keep repeating over and over again… The more I begged for them to stop, the more they hurt me. It was never-ending…” Harvey shook. He was having a nightmare about his time being tortured. It all made sense now. Tessa wrapped her arms around his torso. “Harvey, you're safe. I've got you, and as long as I can help it, you'll never have to face something like that again.” Harvey's sobs lessened, but were still prominent. She started humming a tune that Harvey immediately recognized from his time in the hospital.

He looked at her, his cheek red and streaked from his cries. “Please, don't leave me…”  Tessa felt her heart shatter at his plea. “I wouldn't dream of it,” she soothed, trying to keep her composure. Harvey buried his face in her chest and trembled. Tessa let him sob and stroked his hair. She hated seeing him like this because she knew she could only keep him company.

Tessa gave him a big kiss on the forehead. Harvey was still trembling despite the soothing motions. "Harvey," she whispered. He sniffed and looked at her, "Everything will be okay. You survived and you're here, safe with me. You'll never have to experience something like that again. Not while I'm breathing."

He snuggled closer to her, the trembling dying down. Tessa hated seeing him like this on the rare occasions he had nightmares. All she could do was whisper in his ear and tell him that he had her for support.

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The last time Harvey Harvington went on a proper date was when he had been approached by Eun-Mi. He nervously tried (and failed) to tie his tie, his hand shaking. He had enough money from his part-time job to pay for a date this time. "Harvey?" Tessa called out. He unwrapped the tie and haphazardly tossed it on the bed. He always had a hard time tying one with both hands, but his missing hand made it even more difficult. He took one last look in the mirror, fixed his hair, the collar of his shirt, and did one last look over his general appearance. Satisfied with the outcome, Harvey made his way to the living area.

"Sorry about that… I got a little carried away," he apologized. His face was an adorable shade of pink. Tessa just giggled in response. She wore a midi, emerald colored, strapless dress that complemented her petite figure. She wore minimal make-up that supplemented her natural beauty, and her long, blonde hair came down in natural waves that framed her face elegantly. Harvey couldn't stop his eye from wandering. The pink blush became darker the more he stared at her. She was absolutely stunning. Harvey nervously tugged on the collar of his shirt. "Ready to go?" Tessa asked. Harvey quietly gulped and nodded. Tessa grabbed her purse and locked up their apartment. She hooked her arm around his, and the two made their way to the restaurant.

"Welcome in! Do you have a reservation?"

Harvey nodded. "Harvington, party of two."

The hostess checked the reservations on her computer and smiled. "There you are! Harvey, right?"

"That's right," he confirmed. The hostess grabbed two menus and handed them to a waiter. "Right this way," the waiter acknowledged. The duo followed the waiter. Harvey took in the sight. The last time he had been to a restaurant this fancy was for his and Eun-Mi's wedding dinner. He suddenly found himself self-conscious about being in a place like this. The waiter led them to a table by a window. Perfect. Harvey thought to himself. The waiter handed them the menus and took out a notepad. "Can I get you started with a drink? Maybe a bottle of wine or champagne?"

"No alcoholic drinks for me, please. I'm a recovering alcoholic." Harvey explained. A look of horror replaced the smile on the waiter's face. "I didn't know, I'm so sorry!" He chuckled at the waiter's horrified face. "It's okay. You had no way of guessing. I'm not upset!" Tessa smiled at him. This was quite the progress on his end. When they met, Harvey hardly smiled. It seems he has come out of his shell since getting sober.

"I'll take a glass of red wine and a cup of water," Tessa said. The waiter looked back at Harvey. "What will you have, sir?" Harvey pondered the question for a second. "Do you serve lemonade?"

"We do. I'll write that down and be back with your drinks shortly! I have to see some ID from you, ma'am." Tessa pulled her wallet out of her purse and flashed her ID to the young man. He glanced over it and was satisfied. "Be back in a few minutes!"

Harvey studied the menu for a second. He was peckish, but that was about it. He debated getting an appetizer and calling that his meal. Tessa hummed a little tune while browsing the menu. Harvey blushed a little while trying to avoid making eye contact. Seeing her so happy was infectious.

"What are you thinking about having?" Tessa asked as she continued to study the menu. Harvey had no idea. The food displayed on the menu was overwhelming, and he had no idea what to order. "Hm, I'm unsure. I was thinking of getting some seafood, like salmon, or some chicken. What about you?"

"I already know what I'm going to start with, but it's the entrée that's hard to figure out," Tessa said with a pout. Harvey snickered at her. She playfully glared at him. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing, dear. Honest!" Harvey said, trying to hide his smirk. Tessa couldn't hold the fake glare for much longer and let out a cute snicker of her own. The two were having fun, and that's all that mattered.

Chapter Text

It was another uncomfortable day with his therapist. Harvey had made some realizations about himself that he didn't want to face regarding how his relationship with Tessa started and the night they slept together. Harvey knew he had to come clean for their relationship to grow, and he didn't want to deal with the aftermath should the worst case happen. Tessa was lovely, and she didn't judge him for being a drug addict. She gave him a place to stay when he had nowhere else to go, made him feel secure despite his handicaps, and even helped him get a job at her firm so he could have some semblance of independence. But that gnawing feeling in the back of his mind told him that she would hate him.

The bus ride back to her apartment was a quiet one, and that was hazardous for his mind. He needed to come clean about that night, even if she got mad at him for it, but secretly hoped that it wasn't the case.

He thanked the driver before getting off the bus and making his way back to their shared apartment. When he got inside, he was greeted by the smell of cupcakes and chocolate cake. Tessa's probably in a bit of a mood, then.

Harvey put his keys on the table. "Tessa, is everything alright, dear? You only bake when something's bothering you." Tessa looked at Harvey, her face puffy and red from crying. Seeing her like that made Harvey's stomach churn. He quickly closed the distance and wrapped his arms around her in a comforting hug.

"What happened?" Harvey asked. He was worried about her. Tessa buried her face in his chest and let out a loud sob. Her body started trembling. "They found one of my clients at the shelter dead from a drug overdose this morning. He was the client I had been trying to help get clean over the last two months…"

Harvey's body went numb. Drug overdose? He held her tightly as she cried. Now wasn't the time for her to be baking; it was time for him to comfort her. Harvey gave her a little peck on the forehead before pulling away. "I think that's enough baking for a little while, Tess. I'm turning off the stove." Tessa nodded. He guided her to the couch to sit down. Once she settled, he made his way to the kitchen to turn off everything.

Tessa sat on the couch, despondent. It was heartbreaking, sure, but it was more than that. When the term overdose was uttered, her mind went back to the night she found Harvey on the brink of death from his overdose, and it brought back some unpleasant memories. She wiped the tears with the sleeve of her sweater.

"Tessa, what's really going on?" Harvey asked gently as he sat down next to her. His features were soft, but firm. She knew she couldn't lie to him. Tessa took a deep breath before answering, "I think I might have some unresolved trauma from the night I found you unresponsive. Hearing the word 'overdose' made me remember that night in vivid detail, and how I prayed for you to wake up in the days following the aftermath."

Harvey just held her as she cried. He was heartbroken that she was miserable because of a choice he made to stop his own pain, but those were the consequences of his actions. "Tessa," he spoke, finally gaining enough courage to say something, "I'm so sorry I scared you like that, but I think you need to talk to someone about what you went through. I can't imagine finding someone so close to death was a pleasant experience for anyone, much less you, and if it's affecting you like this, then it needs to be addressed before it consumes you." Harvey's voice was quiet and soft, as if he were comforting a child after a nightmare. She appreciated the gesture. "Thank you, Harvey. I needed that." Tessa smiled, but he knew there was minimal spirit in it.

The two stayed cuddled on the couch for a while, with Tessa occasionally sniffling. He stroked her cheek with his thumb, a gesture she had used to calm him down after he had a panic attack. Harvey checked his watch. It was only 2:30 in the afternoon. She had plenty of time to try to schedule an appointment with a therapist. "Tessa," he said lightly, "I can text my therapist to see if any of her colleagues can take your case. Is that an option that you want to go with?" Tessa nodded. It was surreal for him to be the one offering the comfort instead of being on the receiving end, but he enjoyed it nonetheless. Even the strong ones needed some reassurance every once in a while. He would just put off his discomforting talk when she was in a better headspace; she needed him right now.