Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ryan had been in the industry for a little over a year when he was contacted by someone from a company he’d never heard of. It seemed to be new and pretty low budget. That was typical for him, the job offers he got were more often from low budget companies than from bigger studios. This company also had the most specific requirements for its actors Ryan had ever seen: all actors had to be men between the ages of 18 and 25 with at least somewhat of an “emo” look. And at 20 years old with fringe that partially covered his left eye and ears still stretched from when he was in high school, Ryan fit the bill.

The job he was being offered didn’t seem too bad. It was scheduled to be a one day shoot, which meant a very long day on set, but he wasn’t being asked to do anything too crazy. The guy told him it would be making out with another guy, giving mutual handjobs, him fucking the other guy in a couple different positions until the guy came and then pulling out to jerk off until he came on the guy’s face. The pay he was being offered was also pretty good for a low budget company, so he accepted.

He got ready at home the morning of the shoot, like he always did for non-studio shoots. This one was really easy to get ready for because all he had to do was dress and style his hair like he usually did. He picked a plain black shirt and a black pair of women’s skinny jeans. The tight fit of the jeans was going to be a little uncomfortable, but he figured it would look good on camera when he was hard. For good measure he added a studded belt, some red eyeshadow and ear tunnels so it would be obvious that his ears were stretched and he wasn’t just wearing big studs.

He waltzed into the kitchen, where his roommate/best friend Spencer was eating breakfast. “What do you think? Just like high school?”

“Your dad would have killed you if you wore women’s pants and makeup in high school,” Spencer pointed out. Ryan conceded before scarfing down his own breakfast.

When he arrived at the filming location, which was just some house, the director immediately introduced himself to Ryan. A production assistant was nice enough to come by and take Ryan’s lunch (they were told to bring their own lunches) and put it in the fridge for him. The director quickly approved the outfit, hair and makeup and took Ryan to meet his co-actor.

Ryan’s first impression of his co-actor was that he was very good looking. He was a little shorter than Ryan and had choppy black fringe and beautiful doe eyes with some black eyeliner smudged underneath. He was wearing a gray and black striped shirt, black jeans with a studded belt and had some rubber bracelets stacked on both wrists. Ryan wondered if he actually dressed like this in his daily life or if he’d borrowed the clothes from someone.

They introduced themselves (with their porn names, of course) and went to go take the photos. This was always the most boring part of filming for Ryan. He let his mind wander to distract himself while he did his best to pose to the photographer’s satisfaction. Then they were brought to the bedroom where they would be filming.

His co-actor started to make conversation while they waited for the crew to finish setting up. “So I guess this is supposed to be one of our bedrooms?”

Ryan shrugged. “I guess this is what they think an emo boy’s room looks like.” The production team had cleared out the personal belongings of whoever actually slept in the room and the only real “decorating” they did was put black sheets and pillow cases on the bed.

“You’d think they’d at least put some posters on the wall or something.”

“I don’t know, I think My Chemical Romance would sue if someone put up their poster on the wall in a porn video.”

The guy laughed and it made Ryan’s heart kind of flutter for some reason. “Do you listen to them?”

“Yeah, I’m a really big fan. Do you?”

He nodded. “I kinda guessed your eyeshadow was inspired by Gerard-“

He was cut off by the director telling them to get on the bed and start making out.

Muscle memory took over for Ryan when their lips met, which was a damn shame because his co-actor had such soft lips, but this wasn’t the time for them to really enjoy kissing each other. Ryan knew what he had to do to get good shots, which involved the two of them devouring each other’s mouths until Ryan felt like his lips were going to fall off.

It was actually a little frustrating for Ryan to have probably the sexiest man he’d ever met right there with him but not be able to fuck him properly. Instead he had to wait until the director gave the okay for them to palm each other over their pants. Once they both started to get hard, Ryan’s co-actor had to angle himself in a certain way so the bulge in Ryan’s tight jeans could be seen more easily. Ryan wanted to see what his co-actor’s bulge looked like but he had to keep his eyes shut because they were still making out.

Things got a little better when they were allowed to take their shirts off, even though there wasn’t time for Ryan to admire his co-actor’s bare chest. Things got much better when the director said they could actually touch each other. It took some fiddling with those damn studded belts but Ryan immediately liked what he saw when his co-actor’s erection sprang free. He didn’t miss the look of approval he got from his co-actor when he saw his cock for the first time.

They had to redo the shot of them pulling down their pants a couple times, but then Ryan finally, finally got to touch him and be touched by him. They grunted against each other’s mouths as they stroked each other. His co-actor was way too good at this. Ryan figured he was new to the industry and not used to touching someone without actually trying to get them off. It felt fucking great but it was seriously testing his stamina. But he kept up with his co-actor’s pace and touched him like he was actually trying to get him off because now he wanted to. It took everything in him not to say fuck it and start sucking the guy off because he wanted that gorgeous cock in his mouth and to find out what kind of sounds he could get him to make.

And then he was brought back to reality (that he was filming for work, not actually having sex) by the director yelling cut. According to him, both of them looked like they were about to cum. The footage they had of the handjobs was good enough, so everyone was going to have a break and then they’d get right to the penetration once they were back. Ryan had to take a moment to cool down and soften enough to tuck himself back in his pants before he could get off the bed. His co-actor looked positively flustered. The director awkwardly told them the scene was going to look really good.

Ryan was in the middle of eating his lunch on the couch in the living room when his co-actor came and sat next to him. “So, what’s your real name?” he asked. He was completely nonchalant, like he and Ryan didn’t almost ruin the shoot by getting off too early.

“Ryan,” Ryan answered quickly. His co-actor was sitting a little too close to him, but he wasn’t going to ask him to move. “What’s yours?”

“Brendon.” Ryan waited for him to start with the usual questions (how old are you, how long have you been in the industry) but instead he asked, “Did it hurt to stretch your ears like that?”

“Oh, uh. I mean, kinda, yeah. I did it like three years ago so I don’t remember exactly how much it hurt but I don’t remember it being too bad, so yeah.”

“That’s cool.” Brendon paused to take a sip from his water bottle. “I don’t think I’d ever get any piercings. I want some tattoos eventually, though.”

“Yeah? Of what?”

“Well when I was like 10, I would draw piano keys on my arm during class and I always thought it would make a cool tattoo.” Before Ryan could ask him to elaborate, Brendon was holding up his arm and gesturing to the area near his elbow. “Like right here, having some keys across this area.”

Ryan probably would have rolled his eyes at literally anyone else saying they wanted to get a tattoo of something they drew on themselves in class when they were 10, but Brendon was so earnest about it that Ryan couldn’t find it ridiculous. It would suit him, Ryan decided. In a good way. “Yeah man, that would be cool.”

They didn’t get to talk for much longer before the production assistant called Brendon to the bathroom so he could start preparing himself for their next scenes. That was standard. No one wanted to see the preparation it took for anal sex, it was way hotter when someone could just magically take a dick in their ass without any issue. Ryan had done some anal scenes before, with men and women, and was almost always the one pentrating. He always took the opportunity to rest a little while his co-actor was being prepared, knowing he was going to need a lot of energy for the next few hours.

Unfortunately for Ryan, fucking Brendon was not as fun in practice as it was in his mind. The director wanted Brendon to finish on his back so Ryan could easily pull out and move to finish on his face, but he also wanted some footage of Ryan fucking Brendon from behind. That meant Ryan had to thrust into Brendon indefinitely while making sure neither of them were being pleasured too much so they wouldn’t cum too early.

And yes, being inside Brendon did feel nice but that didn’t make the process any less exhausting. Ryan thought it would be nice if these directors took into consideration how physically demanding this actually was. After awhile he had to open his mouth slightly, close his eyes and throw his head back while he pounded into Brendon so he would still look aroused while he tried to distract himself from how sore his body was getting. It was a look he’d practiced in the mirror when he was first starting out. He also used it when he was needed to concentrate on not cumming too quickly or hide boredom.

Fucking Brendon on his back gave Ryan some relief because he got to make some eye contact with Brendon and admire his naked body a little more. Plus he could angle himself to hit Brendon’s prostate since Brendon was allowed to cum in this position. He could tell Brendon was getting some actual pleasure from it based on the noises he was making (even though they were clearly exaggerated), which really turned him on. He had to bite back a few moans because he knew he wasn’t “supposed” to moan too much as the top. Only the bottom was allowed to make any noises that weren’t low grunts.

When Brendon finally came, Ryan had to zone out so he didn’t cum too. He kept reminding himself that the final scene of him cumming on Brendon’s face was necessary for them to make more money since it was considered a more “extreme” act, and ruining the shot would mean everyone had to stay even longer while they waited for him to get hard again. So he held it together and told himself he was a professional who could handle anything, including not cumming while Brendon was moaning like an absolute fucking slut beneath him.

Ryan pulled out slowly once he got the okay. He grimaced while he rolled the condom off of his painfully hard erection. He didn’t have to worry about his facial expression because this part was always cut out. His thighs were shaking as he moved around on the bed until he was kneeling at the perfect angle to cum all over Brendon’s face. The director told him he could start jerking off when he was ready, but he wanted him to try and hold off on cumming for as long as possible. (Ryan, for his part, thought that this guy could kiss his fucking ass because he wasn’t the one whose entire body was killing him). But he still obeyed and started with slow strokes when he made eye contact with Brendon.

Brendon looked like he’d just had the best fuck of his life. Ryan wished that was the case. He wished the two of them were really having mind-blowing sex that left Brendon in such a state instead of him putting on a performance for work. But his practiced post-orgasm face was still a nice view. Brendon was looking up at Ryan like he wanted his cum on his face more than anything in the world. Ryan wasn’t about to deny him (or himself) that.

He forced his eyes to stay open when he came so he could watch himself decorate Brendon’s face. Brendon took everything Ryan gave him perfectly, never once dropping his fake aroused expression when the thick white ropes hit him. Ryan tried not to pant too hard when he finished. He and Brendon kept their eyes locked on each other (which Ryan found very easy because Brendon’s eyes were such a lovely dark brown, a darker shade than his own) until the director yelled cut.

“Can I have your number?”

“Hm?” Ryan was exhausted. He made sure to say goodbye to Brendon before he left but he didn’t have much energy for a conversation after everything.

“So we can talk after this,” Brendon said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. None of Ryan’s co-actors ever asked him for his number after they filmed something together, but Brendon was handing Ryan his phone and looking at him almost expectantly.

“Uh, okay, sure. Here, put your number in mine too.” They exchanged phones to put in their contact info. Brendon was practically bouncing when he handed Ryan his phone back. Ryan wondered where the hell he got all his energy from.

“It was nice to meet you, Ryan.” Brendon was grinning in a way that could only be described as infectious, because the corners of Ryan’s mouth started to curl up without Ryan even trying. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Oh, uh, it was nice meeting you too, Brendon. And yeah, uh, talk to you later.”

Chapter Text

Ryan planned on getting a shower and going right to sleep when he got home, but when he walked into the apartment and found Spencer watching TV in the living room, he couldn’t resist telling him about how his co-actor for this shoot was this really cool guy who liked the same kind of music as him and they ended up exchanging numbers. Spencer made some remark about how of course Ryan would get a crush on someone he met while shooting porn. Ryan’s attempts to explain how this was not a crush didn’t sway him.

Ryan was admittedly a little skeptical about Brendon actually wanting to talk to him more. At most, Brendon probably wanted to see if they could try to work together more often since their chemistry was so good during this shoot. But to his delight, Brendon texted him the next day, and about something completely random.

They started talking regularly but the idea of working together again was never brought up. Instead, Ryan got to learn more about Brendon, like how he was 19 and had only been in the industry for about five months and was also ridiculously cute and charming.

One evening he sent Ryan a text telling him that he was forcing his roommate to marathon Disney movies with him, and then the very next evening he called Ryan to tell him about how he’d gotten rimmed for the first time in his life during a scene earlier that day. He liked it more than he expected, he said, but it was kind of awkward having his first time ever being filmed and he was also a little surprised that he had a female co-actor do it because he didn’t think anyone was into girls rimming guys.

Sometimes they talked about music. Ryan talked about his love of blink-182 and Fall Out Boy, and how his friends used to give him shit about having a crush on Pete Wentz. Brendon talked about his admiration of Frank Sinatra, which fascinated Ryan because he wouldn’t have guessed Brendon would like someone like Sinatra. Ryan shared his own idea for a music inspired tattoo; he wanted the lyrics “mad as a hatter, thin as a dime” from the Tom Waits song “Diamonds & Gold” on his wrists, which Brendon thought was cool.

He considered telling Brendon that he played guitar and wrote some of his music, but he decided to avoid the topic for now. It wasn’t that he wanted to keep it a secret- he actually would have loved to share his music with Brendon- but he wasn’t sure he was ready for Brendon to hear how personal some of his lyrics were. Vulnerability with others wasn’t always his strong suit. So he was content to learn all about Brendon and occasionally share some lighthearted things about himself so it didn’t seem completely one-sided.

Then one evening he got a text from Brendon.

They uploaded our video to their website and we look pretty good ;)

The director told them in advance that their company exclusively posted their content online instead of making DVDs, which was really convenient for Ryan because it meant he could watch himself fuck Brendon without having to hide a physical copy of his own porn. He sat down on his bed with his laptop and quickly found himself agreeing wirh Brendon. They looked very good just in the thumbnail alone. He made sure his door was locked and the volume was all the way down before he pressed play.

There was no pretense to anything. No cheesy dialogue to set up a plot, just two guys passionately making out. Then the shirts were off and it was bringing back some memories of how good Brendon actually felt. Ryan had a bit of a thing for having sex in front of a mirror, or even just jerking off in front of one, but he (usually) drew the line at jerking off to his own videos. It felt too narcissistic, even for him. But his dick was telling him he could make an exception for this when he and Brendon started giving handjobs in the video.

Whoever edited the video did a pretty good job of condensing an entire day’s worth of material into a short video that seemed like two ordinary guys having sex. He got to see what Brendon’s face looked like while he was fucking him from behind, and again when he was fucking him on his back. But nothing compared to that handjob scene. He fully understood what the director meant when he said the two of them looked like they were about to cum. Brendon was squirming around, which Ryan hadn’t realized was happening in the moment. The camera cut to Ryan fucking Brendon from behind right after Brendon slightly lifted his hips off the bed.

Ryan wanted to invite Brendon over and do this for real. He wanted to jerk him off again and actually watch him feel this kind of pleasure while it was happening. Turn him over and show him how much better it felt to be rimmed by a guy. Then fuck him properly. Make Brendon say his name, his actual name. He tightened his grip slightly so it felt a little more like being inside Brendon. Then he watched himself cum all over Brendon’s face and had to muffle his gasps with his spare hand while he spilled all over the other.

After he came down from his post-orgasm haze, he remembered his phone next to him. He sent back I usually don’t watch my own videos but i just checked and i agree ;) do you watch yours? and regretted it about five seconds later.

Shit, that was stupid of him. This was probably when Brendon was going to bring up the idea of doing more shoots together because of their chemistry, and Ryan just fucked it up by taking this as flirting. He didn’t say he actually jerked off to the video but the implication was definitely there. Well fuck. Now Brendon was probably never going to talk to him again.

Brendon’s response was Only when I filmed with someone as sexy as you ;)

Well fuck.

It turned out that Brendon and Ryan weren’t the only ones pleased with their video because Ryan was contacted by the company again shortly after the upload. This time the guy said they had an upcoming shoot where one of the actors backed out last minute and they wanted to see if he’d fill in. It was going to be really simple; just him and the other guy making out and jerking each other off with some frotting. It would be lower paying, but it would also be coming off the heels of an exhausting four day shoot, and Ryan’s next scheduled job was still a few weeks away, so he figured it would be good to have something smaller to hold him over until the bigger job.

His co-actor for this shoot definitely had more of an “emo” look. The guy’s left eye was almost entirely covered by black fringe streaked with blond and he had a few piercings and tattoos. Ryan thought he was kind of cute. He was nice enough, but quiet and reserved. It was obvious he was just there to get paid. He didn’t make many attempts at conversation and Ryan was okay with that.

Ryan’s nerves started to kick in when it was time to start the handjob scene. It wasn’t that he needed to think about Brendon to perform every time he did a scene with men (he had a couple scenes with men during that four day shoot and he got through them just fine without thinking of Brendon) but he suspected this company was hoping for him to give the kind of performance he gave last time, and he wasn’t sure he could do that because he wasn’t as attracted to this guy.

At least this guy seemed to have more experience than Brendon because he stroked Ryan in a way that didn’t make him feel like he was going to cum too early. Having an easier time holding on meant he could focus more on faking a performance like the last time. He tried his best and it seemed to work because the director seemed pretty satisfied. And if he pictured the other guy as Brendon while doing it, that was his fucking business.

Ryan and Spencer were eating Chinese takeout in the living room when Ryan’s phone buzzed in his pocket. Spencer was taking a little break from telling a story about his work day to eat, so Ryan opened his phone.

Pretended to be a pizza delivery guy today. I think its a rite of passage in porn hahaha

Haha I think it is. Ive never done it but i know other guys who have

Ryan meant to put his phone away after sending that, but Brendon immediately replied and asked Have you done anything new lately? and Ryan couldn’t just not answer his question. i did another shoot with that gay emo company the other day

Oh shit, really?

“I was in the middle of a story here,” Spencer huffed.

“Yeah, until you took a break to eat more.” Yea they asked me last minute because some other guy backed out

“I don’t text my girlfriend the whole time when you’re telling work stories.”

“Okay first of all, you text her all the time when I’m talking to you,” Ryan said, completely missing how Spencer compared his girlfriend to Brendon. “And you never let me go into detail about my work stories anyway.”

“That’s because I don’t like hearing my best friend since I was 5 go into detail about getting fisted on camera.”

Ryan looked down at his phone to see what Brendon sent. I’ll have to check it out when it’s uploaded ;) He had no idea how to respond to that, so he slipped his phone back in his pocket and informed Spencer that he’d never done any scenes with fisting.

Chapter Text

It was almost midnight and Ryan was trying to work on some of his songs. He couldn’t do anything with the guitar because Spencer was sleeping so he was stuck staring at his pages of lyrics and thinking of ways to re-word them, which wasn’t going well. He happily welcomed the distraction in the form of his ringing phone, especially when he saw it was Brendon calling. “Hey Brendon.”

“Hey. Are you busy?”

Ryan glanced over at his lyrics and accepted that he wasn’t going to make any progress. “Uh, no. Why, what’s up?”

“I can’t sleep, and I figured you’d be awake since you’re the only person I know with a shittier sleep schedule than me.”

Ryan rolled his eyes. Then he remembered Brendon couldn’t see him rolling his eyes, so he asked, “So, why can’t you sleep?”

“I drank too much coffee today.”

“How much?”

“Four cups.”

“Jesus Christ.” Ryan supposed that explained his energy levels during the shoot, even though he never saw Brendon drink coffee once while there. Maybe he drank enough to have it constantly flowing through his bloodstream.

“I know,” Brendon sighed, “I’m supposed to not have more than one cup a day, but sometimes I get carried away.”

“Yeah, I can see that.”

“But now I need sleep. What do you do when you can’t fall asleep?”

“I’m sure you can guess,” Ryan said without thinking.

Brendon laughed at first. But then he seemingly paused to consider it and said, “Actually, I think that’s a great idea.”

Ryan snorted. He heard some muffled sounds that vaguely sounded like bedsheets being pushed away and pants being pulled down. But he was sure it was just his imagination because there was no way Brendon was actually going to start jerking off while on the phone with him.

He became less sure when Brendon drawled, “Mmm, you’re a genius, Ry.”

“Oh my god, stop. There’s no way you’re actually-”

“I am.” Then he let out a soft whine. Ryan recognized it as a lower, less exaggerated version of the one he let out when Ryan hit his prostate for the first time during the shoot. Holy shit. He wasn’t kidding. “Wanna do it with me?” he purred, actually fucking purred.

“God, yes.” Ryan pulled out his already half-hard dick and started stroking himself.

“I’ve been thinking about you ever since we filmed together,” Brendon confessed.

“Me too.”

“God, I wish you were here right now, I need your big dick inside me.”

“Shit, Bren, me too. You have no idea how bad I need to fuck you again,” the words were just flowing freely from Ryan’s mouth now, “I swear to god, you have a better ass than any girl I’ve ever met.”

“Mmh. Would you fuck me harder than you did in the video?”

“Oh I’d have you fucking limping, baby.”

Ryan was loving this. It was like getting a glimpse of what it would be like if they really had sex. Their conversation was reduced to a chorus of grunts, whines and pants. They were practically harmonizing, with Brendon going lower and Ryan going higher.

“Shit.” Brendon’s breathing was getting labored. “God, Ry, I’m close.”

“Then cum for me, baby boy.”

Ryan couldn’t tell which one of them actually finished first because he had to set his phone down next to him when he felt himself cumming. They were both panting messes when they mumbled their goodnights to each other before hanging up. Ryan used the last bit of his remaining energy to tuck himself back in his underwear, pull his sweatpants all the way back up and find a dirty sock on the floor to wipe the cum off his hand. He didn’t even bother getting under the covers before he passed out.

“Why haven’t you asked him out?”

Ryan looked up from his phone and saw Spencer standing in front of the couch, staring at him with an expression he couldn’t interpret. “What?”

“Brendon. The guy you’re texting right now- and I can tell it’s him because you’re making fucking heart eyes at your phone like a teenage girl- that you have a crush on.”

“‘m not making heart eyes,” Ryan weakly protested. “And I don’t have a ‘crush’ on him.”

Spencer rolled his eyes. “Sure you don’t. You just talk to him all the time and get so excited when you talk about him and now I guess you have phone sex.”

Ryan cringed when he remembered how he was so caught up in the sensation of cumming with Brendon on the other line that he probably wasn’t being as careful with his volume as he should have been. “So what’s your point?”

“You obviously like him, so why haven’t you asked him out?”

“I don’t know, I guess I don’t know what to do. I’ve never asked a guy out before.”

“How is it any different than you asking a girl out?”

“It just is, okay?” He had plenty of experience having sex with men (mostly because of his job, with a few random hookups thrown in there), but he had no experience being romantic with them.

“It’s one date, Ryan. It’s not like you’re asking him to marry you.”

“Well no shit, Spencer. That’s not even legal in this state.” Spencer continued to stare at him. Ryan sighed and started to reach for the remote. He wasn’t in the mood for this conversation anymore. But Spencer snatched the remote off the coffee table before Ryan could grab it. “What the hell?”

“You’re not getting the remote until you text him and ask him out.”

“What?”

“I’m serious. If you don’t do this now, he’s gonna start dating someone else and then you’re gonna mope about it for the rest of your life.”

Ryan pouted because he knew Spencer was right, but he typed Wanna meet for coffee some time? (because Brendon would probably like that) and took a deep breath before he pressed send. He passive aggressively held his phone up to Spencer’s face to prove he sent the message. Spencer sighed and gave him the remote.

The response Ryan got a few minutes later was I’d love to!! :D, which was just so Brendon that it made him smile and ignore Spencer’s muttered comment wondering how Ryan could possibly be nervous about something as simple as asking a guy out on a date after they literally did porn together.

Brendon was eyeing his coffee like a kid would eye a bag of candy they were about to demolish before he took a sip. Now Ryan fully believed Brendon’s claim of drinking four cups of coffee in one day. Still, there was something incredibly adorable about a 19 year old man being this enthusiastic about coffee of all things.

As if he could read Ryan’s thoughts, Brendon looked down the table. “I’m kinda still getting over being raised Mormon and not allowed to have coffee, so I haven’t learned to enjoy it like a normal adult yet.”

“Holy shit, you were Mormon?”

“Yeah.” Brendon grimaced. “I stopped when I was 17. I told my parents that I don’t believe in God and that I wasn’t going to college or on a Mormon mission. It really pissed them off. They actually told me I had to move out so I moved in with a friend right after I graduated high school.”

Ryan felt his heart cracking at the thought. “Brendon, fuck, I’m so sorry.” Having your own family hurt you like that was one of the worst feelings in the world, and it broke Ryan’s heart to know that Brendon ever felt it too.

“It’s okay, they cooled off after like a month and everything’s fine now. They know what I do and that I like guys and they still talk to me and love me.” Brendon finished his story with a content little smile, and Ryan reflexively smiled back. “It’s actually kinda funny how they tried to raise a Mormon and ended up with an atheist who likes men and does porn for a living.”

“Well, uh, it’s not really the same thing but I went to Catholic school and turned out the exact same way.”

“Damn, at least I got to go to public school. Catholic school sounds like a fucking nightmare, dude.”

“It was. The religion curriculum was really stupid and almost everyone there was a dick. I was always the smartass kid who asked why they never taught us about Eastern religions.”

“Yeah, I can totally see that.” Brendon laughed and Ryan started to laugh too, because how could he not reciprocate that wonderful sound?

Things were going well until Brendon looked at him with a shit eating grin and said, “Now you have to tell me something personal.”

“Wait, what?” Ryan wasn’t sure where the hell that came from.

“Well, I told you about how I left Mormonism and it made my parents stop talking to me for like a month. Now it’s your turn to share something personal.” He was saying it like opening up to people was the easiest thing in the world. “C’mon, what’s something people don’t know about you?”

Well, a lot of things, and for good reason. These were things he almost never talked about with anyone, not even Spencer. He knew that wasn’t the answer Brendon was looking for, though. He had to say something. “Um. My first name is George.”

“What?” Brendon looked slightly confused.

“Yeah. Most people don’t know that ‘cause I’ve always gone by Ryan. It’s my middle name but I think it suits me better.”

“George Ryan,” Brendon hummed, “I like it.”

Ryan didn’t miss the hint of disappointment in Brendon’s voice and he couldn’t exactly blame him. He’d just spilled his guts about leaving his faith and being basically disowned for it (even if it was only temporarily) and all Ryan could offer was that he went by his middle name instead of his first. He decided to try again.

“And, uh, I play guitar and write some music. And I know that probably doesn’t sound like anything but it’s something I don’t tell a lot of people because I put a lot of, uh, personal stuff in my lyrics. But it’s something that’s really important to me that not a lot of people know about, so yeah.” He hoped that was a little better. And also that Brendon wouldn’t ask him more about it. He thought adding the bits about how it was really important to him and how he didn’t talk about it with anyone (because it really was, and he really didn’t) would make Brendon feel like he’d opened up more.

“Oh. Well. I’d love to hear some of it. If you, uh, ever felt comfortable.”

“Yeah.” Ryan smiled. There was a hammering in his chest that refused to slow down until Brendon smiled back at him. “I’d like that.”

Fortunately, they went back to a more lighthearted conversation pretty easily. There didn’t seem to any lingering feelings of awkwardness, at least none that Ryan noticed. The date ended with Brendon saying they needed to get together again sometime soon and Ryan agreeing.

“So, how’d it go?” Spencer asked when he got home.

“Pretty good, I think.” Because it did. He spent the whole car ride home telling himself that he was overthinking Brendon’s disappointment with his attempts at opening up. They had a good time talking and trying each other’s drinks and Brendon said he wanted to get together again, so he was clearly fine with Ryan not sharing something as personal as he did.

Ryan officially stopped worrying when Brendon texted him the next morning like he always did.

Chapter Text

Ryan wasn’t sure why he was even worried in the first place because they continued talking like they always did. The biggest difference was that Ryan was starting to text first more often. Not that he didn’t ever do it before the date, but Brendon was the one who usually initiated. Now they both initiated pretty equally. Ryan observed that Brendon wasn’t really sharing as many personal things as before, like stories from his childhood or things about his family, but he didn’t think much of it. He probably just said everything he needed to say about his personal life and went back to the more casual conversations they had when they first met because there wasn’t anything left to discuss.

Ryan was well past the point of pretending he didn’t have feelings for Brendon. He didn’t think would happen but in his defense, Brendon kept making a case for himself as a pretty ideal partner for Ryan. He told Ryan about how he wished he was allowed to keep a dog in his apartment. He said he could play piano and guitar and (in his own words) “sort of sing”, and he talked about his love of Sinatra and other musicians in a way that showed a true appreciation for music. His outgoing personality complimented Ryan’s more reserved personality.

So Ryan had fallen for him. Now he just needed to figure out what to do about it.

One morning, about a week after their date, Brendon texted So what’s on the agenda for you today?

Recovering from yesterday’s shoot He refrained from mentioning that he thought about Brendon during the shoot in question, which was a threesome between him and two girls. What about you?

Another shoot. This time its office sex

Nice I’ll have to check it out ;)

Ryan waited for a reply but gave up after about 10 minutes with no response. He figured Brendon got busy with something and went on with his day. He didn’t realize he hadn’t heard from Brendon until he and Spencer were in the middle of playing Halo after dinner. But that was fine, he told himself, because people got busy and he didn’t need to talk to Brendon every minute of every day. He’d call him later. In fact, he decided to give him a certain type of call.

He waited until it was about midnight to dial Brendon’s number. He’d stripped down to his underwear and was already palming himself to the memory of how desperate Brendon was for him on the phone last time while he waited for him to pick up.

“Ryan?”

“Hey, Brendon,” Ryan said, doing his best to keep his voice husky but quiet.

“Uh, hi. What’s up?”

“I can’t sleep. I was wondering if you had a few minutes?” He couldn’t quite purr like Brendon, but the way he spoke made it obvious what his goal was.

There was a sigh, followed by a simple “Ryan” on the other end. Ryan froze at his tone. This was a serious tone. Brendon wasn’t supposed to use serious tones. “Look, I really like talking and hanging out with you, but. You were okay with all the sexual stuff, but when I tried opening up to you, you refused to do it for me. So I get it, you don’t want that kind of relationship and that’s fine, but now you’re calling just ‘cause you want sex and I don’t like that.”

Ryan was pretty sure this was the quickest he’d ever softened, officially beating the time his dad walked in on him having sex with his ex-girlfriend. “Oh. Uh. I’m so sorry Brendon, I didn’t mean for it to come off like… that.”

“It’s okay. I’ve just… I’ve had guys do this to me before and it makes me feel used. We can still talk and hang out but I don’t want to do anything sexual anymore, okay?”

“Oh yeah, no, I totally respect that.” He was going to be sick. “I’m, uh, really sorry that happened.”

“It’s okay, some people are just assholes,” Brendon trailed off, sounding like it was anything but okay, “Was there, uh, anything else you wanted to talk about?”

There wasn’t, but Ryan couldn’t say that because then he would seem like one of the men Brendon was talking about, and then Brendon would never talk to him again. “Uh, well, I’ve been trying to work on some songs lately but I’m kind of struggling.” It’s not like it was a lie.

“Oh, right. Your songs.” It seemingly took Brendon a moment to remember that Ryan told him about it, and Ryan was silently cursing himself for trying to pass that off as something “personal” since it clearly didn’t have much of an impact. “Well, what are you struggling with, the music or lyrics?”

“Uh, I guess both, but right now it’s the lyrics. I’m not completely happy with how some things are worded but I can’t figure out how to fix them.”

“I’m sure you’ll get it if you keep working on it.”

“I don’t know. Sometimes I think maybe I should just stop with this.”

“Ryan, come on. You can’t just quit because you’re not getting it right away.”

“I know, but it’s hard when you know exactly what you want to say and you still can’t find the right words.” Like when you want to tell a guy you’ve fallen for him but you fucked up by not telling him soon enough and now he thinks you’re an emotionally closed off asshole who only wants him for sex.

“You’ll get it,” Brendon said simply, like it was as factual a statement as the sky being blue. It warmed Ryan’s now-broken heart.

“Thanks, Brendon. I really appreciate it.”

“No problem. I’m gonna go now, okay?”

“Oh, yeah, uh. Thanks for talking to me for a few minutes.”

“Of course, it’s always good talking to you. Have a good night, Ry.”

“You too.”

Ryan burried his head under his pillow. He chose to focus on Brendon’s encouraging him, saying it was always good talking to him and calling him “Ry” so he wouldn’t start bawling his eyes out. It mostly worked since only a few tears fell before he drifted off to sleep.

Spencer’s girlfriend came over to spend the night the evening before Ryan’s next shoot, which was… fine with Ryan. Haley was nice and Ryan enjoyed talking to her. Plus she and Spencer weren’t the kind of couple that couldn’t ever keep their hands off of each other so it’s not like Ryan had to watch them make out all evening. He was able to keep himself busy for awhile by texting Brendon, just like they still did every day.

There were a few times where Ryan caught himself thinking about what it would be like to have Brendon over, and how they probably wouldn’t be as reserved as Haley and Spencer because Ryan was the type of person who wanted constant kissing and cuddling from a significant other (his reasoning was that it made him feel reassured) and Brendon didn’t always seem to understand the concept of personal space very well. And that could have been them, if only Ryan had been able to tell Brendon that he was interested in that kind of relationship before Brendon came to his own conclusions.

Ryan went to bed with a nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach and woke up feeling empty. He walked into the bathroom to get ready for the shoot and felt nothing when he walked in on Haley and Spencer in the shower together. They were very apologetic, saying they forgot how early Ryan got up for work. Ryan shrugged it off. Why should he care? He was happy for them, really.

The emptiness remained once Ryan got to the shoot. Today he was going to have his “girlfriend” catch him trying on her bra and underwear before they fucked. He wasn’t super into crossdressing but he didn’t mind doing it for a shoot. At least his co-actor was cute (although Ryan didn’t care enough to really observe how she looked). The dialogue for her “catching” him was unbelievably corny, though. He could picture his friends (Brendon included) laughing at it, and the thought of that was the first thing to make him actually feel kind of happy since he woke up.

It took about five minutes after the start of the first penetration scene for Ryan to seriously consider taking a break from filming with female co-actors and switch to exclusively male co-actors for awhile. He liked having sex with girls in real life, but having sex with them for work often entailed listening to them way overdoing their fake moans. He had no idea how anyone could possibly find it sexy. He was able to drown out the high pitched fake moans from both of his co-actors when he filmed that threesome by thinking about Brendon, but he wouldn’t let himself do it this time. Now thinking about Brendon during sex made him feel dirty. He was able to push Brendon out of his head, and was almost surprised he was able to cum without thinking about him. He hadn’t realized how he’d thought of Brendon almost every time he came since filming with him until he was panting above his equally panting co-actor.

When he got home, he wasn’t sure what exactly he would be walking into but he knew it would probably be something he couldn’t have. So he waited in the car and mentally prepared himself to go inside.

Chapter Text

Ryan didn’t like strip clubs. Of course everyone thought it was ironic and hilarious for a porn actor to dislike strip clubs but he found them so… tacky. When he was 18 (before he started doing porn), his friends took him to a strip club to help him get over being cheated on. He hated forcing himself to enjoy it because he knew he was “supposed” to. After all, what man wouldn’t be delighted to forget about a shitty ex by being in a room filled with strippers?

Him, apparently, because the novelty wore off after about 10 minutes and all he wanted to do was go home. He knew the bleached blonde in a thong and push up bra didn’t actually care about him. She was only purring in his ear that she would make him feel so much better because that was how she got paid. He would give her money, she would grind on him for however long and then they would part ways like nothing ever happened. He still wouldn’t have anyone to talk about his day with or curl up next to at night or comfort him after his dad had another alcohol-related “incident”. So he politely rejected the offer and watched her give the exact same speech to some other guy.

Porn was different. With porn, there was a clear separation between actor and audience. Ryan had no idea how many people watched him have sex on camera and he liked it that way. He liked not having to maintain any illusions of being interested in them so they would keep watching his stuff. There was never any kind of power imbalance between co-actors because they were all being paid to fake attraction to each other, which was different than a stripper being paid to fake attraction to the very person paying them.

Doing porn was also a way for Ryan to enjoy being a young adult. When his ex cheated on him, he took it as a sign that he was going about relationships all wrong. He was trying to be serious and other people his age were just trying to have fun. He decided he could have “fun” too. When some agent from some company contacted him after seeing his pictures on his LiveJournal and offered him a job, he took the offer just because he could. And he found that he liked filming way more than he expected, so he decided to pursue it as a career (at least for a few years, he didn’t plan on still doing it when he was 30). He thought it would help him let go of his persistent longing for a serious relationship because he knew wasn’t going to find love on the set of a porn studio any more than he was going to find it in a lap dance at a strip club.

Except he found it, and he was blowing it.

It took Ryan about a day to come up with an excuse to invite Brendon over and another day to work up the courage to go through with calling him about it. He made sure to call at a more reasonable hour this time.

“Hey, Ryan.”

“Hey, uh. Do you have a minute?”

“Sure, what’s up?”

“Uh, well, I was wondering, uh. I’ve been trying to work on my music more and I know you mentioned you sing and play guitar and yeah, I was wondering if you’d be interested in coming over and, uh, helping me?” Ryan really hoped he didn’t sound stupid. “If you’re, uh, okay with that. And you could finally meet Spencer too.” He’d told Brendon some stories from when he and Spencer were growing up and Brendon expressed interest in maybe meeting Spencer one day. Plus, he hoped having Spencer there would make it obvious that he wasn’t inviting Brendon over just to fuck. (Spencer agreed to be there when Ryan shared this idea with him, but not without shaking his head slightly at the situation).

“Okay, sure.” Ryan could tell Brendon was smiling just by the tone of his voice. “That sounds great.”

“And then I looked over and there was this kid just hitting plastic golf balls into his neighbor’s yard.”

Brendon was sitting next to Ryan on the couch, grinning at Spencer’s recounting of the first time they met. “And then you two were best friends?”

“Yeah, we went through pretty much every phase boys can go through together. I remember we went through a skateboarding phase for like a year and we were both terrible at it. I mean, Ryan was worse-“

“No I wasn’t.” Despite his indignant tone, Ryan was beyond grateful to have Spencer there. He was even doing the ritual of teasing your best friend in front of their new/potential signficant other, just like Ryan did when he met Haley for the first time. Brendon certainly looked entertained by it all.

Spencer kept his attention focused on Brendon. “He’s lying, he fell and busted his ass way more.” When he turned to finally make eye contact with Ryan, he was just smirking. At first Ryan thought it was because he was going to continue giving him a hard time for being bad at skateboarding, but then he started to stand up. “Anyway, I have to go make a call so I’ll let you guys get to work on the songs.”

Ryan felt his heart skip a beat. The songs. Right. That’s why Brendon came over. Really, Ryan would have preferred hanging out with Spencer and Brendon all night, but Brendon was expecting to work on music. Spencer went off to his room (where the fucker probably wasn’t even going to make a phone call) and left Ryan alone with Brendon and his hammering heart.

“So, uh, how did you want me to help?”

“Uh, well, I guess my problem is I’m not sure if the lyrics I wrote work with the music. So I wanted to play and sing what I have so far, and then you tell me if you think the lyrics work or if I need to rewrite them.”

Ryan felt like it sounded kind of flimsy when he said it out loud, but Brendon still went along with it and followed Ryan to his room without question.

Brendon was sitting on the bed while Ryan got his guitar and looking over the page of song lyrics Ryan set out for him. “‘I Write Sins Not Tragedies’,” he muttered before he skimmed over the words. “So what’s it about?”

“I wrote it after my ex-girlfriend cheated on me.”

Brendon cracked a smile. “Is that why you say the groom’s bride’s a whore?”

“Well yeah, ‘cause she was.” Ryan returned the smile as he sat down on the bed, guitar now in lap. “So, uh, I’m gonna do the first verse and the chorus.”

When he was finished, he looked over at Brendon to see what he thought. Brendon looked like he was contemplating something. That’s when it occurred to Ryan for the first time that Brendon was actually going to give him some feedback instead of just complimenting him before they confessed their love for each other and kissed passionately. Brendon was most likely getting ready to suggest Ryan change something and Ryan was going to be… fine with it because he was the one who asked Brendon for his help. And because it was Brendon.

“I wanna try singing the chorus,” Brendon finally said, “Can you play it for me?”

Ryan nodded and started strumming again. Brendon sang and shit, Brendon was really selling himself short when he told Ryan he could “sort of sing.”

“Holy shit, Brendon. You’re a really good singer.” Ryan watched a pink tint start to spread across Brendon’s cheeks. “No, I’m serious, your voice is really good. Uh, can you try doing the first verse?”

They ended up getting through the whole song. Ryan was content to continue strumming, even when he had to play the same part of the song multiple times in a row, because he loved hearing Brendon sing. It clicked for Ryan that the words and music weren’t the issue, the song just didn’t suit his voice. But it suited Brendon perfectly. In addition to having a wider range in general, Brendon was also more expressive, which was exactly what the song needed. He was bringing Ryan’s words to life instead of just singing them. His face flushed even more when Ryan told him that, but it was true.

“I guess I’m, uh, better at playing guitar ‘cause I’ve been doing it longer than singing.” They’d gotten away from working on songs and were back to just talking about their backgrounds in music, which Ryan was more than okay with.

“How long have you been playing guitar?”

“Since I was like 12, when I got one for Christmas,” Ryan smiled at the memory of opening it, “after I begged for it, of course.”

“You begged your parents for it?” There was a hint of amusement in Brendon’s voice.

“Well, my dad. He was the one who raised me ‘cause my parents got divorced when I was little but yeah, I begged him for it.”

“Oh, uh. I didn’t know your parents were divorced.”

Ryan shrugged. “It’s fine. I don’t talk to my mom a lot but we get along when we do. But yeah, it was just me and my dad when I was growing up.” The words slipped out so casually that Ryan didn’t even fully process what he said until he noticed Brendon looking a little stunned. Ryan thought maybe he just didn’t know anyone else with divorced parents since he grew up Mormon. Mormons seemed like the kind of people who weren’t allowed to get divorced.

The conversation continued and Ryan could barely focus on it because of how badly he wanted to kiss Brendon. He wanted it so fucking badly, and at some points it seemed like Brendon wanted it too. But Ryan held back, just in case he was wrong. He didn’t want to make Brendon feel pressured. He invited Brendon to come over again and work on music. Soon. Brendon agreed.

The next time Brendon came over, he and Ryan predictably spent way too much time talking about everything but music before either of them entertained the idea of working more. Truthfully, Ryan didn’t think there was much of anything to work on. He didn’t have many songs and they’d already figured the solution to the problem (having Brendon sing instead of Ryan), so “working” on music wouldn’t amount to much more than Ryan playing while Brendon sang. But he still obliged when Brendon brought up working on music. He told Brendon he kept the lyric sheets in the folder on his dresser and sat down to start tuning his guitar.

“‘Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off.’ Is this one also about your ex?”

“Yeah,” Ryan said without looking up. Brendon started cackling and Ryan joined him. He figured this would be a good song for them to work on, as long as he didn’t let his imagination get carried away when he heard Brendon singing the suggestive lyrics. Of course, Brendon could be the one to get carried away, which sounded pretty great to Ryan. Maybe-

“‘Camisado.’ What’s this one about?”

Ryan tensed up slightly. “It’s, uh, about my dad.” He looked up and saw that Brendon had pulled out another lyric sheet from the folder and was now reading it. He bit back a sigh, knowing Brendon was going to have questions about what they meant. Well, the conversation had to happen eventually. He closed his eyes. “Uh, he died a few months ago but I wrote it when he was still alive. He had a drinking problem that was really bad the last few years of his life and this song is about what dealing with that was like.” He could feel his skin crawling but he figured it was better to get it out now.

Still, he almost wished he hadn’t said anything when he opened his eyes and saw how heartbroken Brendon looked. “Ryan, dude, I’m. I’m so sorry. Holy shit.”

Ryan could barely breathe. He felt bad that Brendon looked so upset (he imagined it was probably close to how he looked when Brendon talked about his parents kicking him out) so he decided to add in something positive at the end, just like Brendon did. “I think everything worked out, though. Uh, I said this at his funeral, but I think the one thing he cared about since I was born was that he wanted to raise me, so he got to do what he wanted before he died. I miss him but I think it’s okay now.”

Brendon grabbed Ryan’s hand. Ryan marveled at how delicate his touch was as he locked their fingers together. They looked at each other with matching soft, almost shy expressions. “I’m glad you’re doing okay,” Brendon practically whispered.

“I am, uh.” Ryan took a deep breath. This was it. He had Brendon right here, holding his hand while he looked at him with what Spencer would definitely call “heart eyes”. He had to do it now. “This isn’t something I really talk about but I, uh, wanted to share it with you ‘cause you thought me not opening up was me not being interested in you but I am, so yeah. And I don’t know if you still are, but uh, if you want, um-“

“Ryan,” Brendon interrupted. His voice was soft, his smile was radiating warmth and his eyes were shining. “Are you asking me to be your boyfriend?”

“Yeah.” Ryan’s voice was shaking. “I am.”

“Yes,” Brendon whispered.

Ryan pulled him in for a kiss without a second thought. Brendon melted into it. The songs were long forgotten as they kissed each other like they didn’t need to breathe.

Chapter Text

Christmas was rapidly approaching and Ryan wasn’t dreading it anymore now that he had Brendon. They were going to be spending the holiday together with Brendon’s family. Brendon “invited” Ryan over in a way that was so uniquely him, which was technically not properly inviting Ryan and instead randomly mentioning how excited he was for Ryan to meet the rest of his relatives, like it was a given that Ryan would be there. But Ryan wasn’t going to refuse the opportunity to spend time with Brendon, and spend the day doing something other than calling his mom and probably tagging along to see Spencer’s family. Suddenly the first Christmas without his dad didn’t seem like it was going to be so bad.

He’d already met Brendon’s parents. They invited him and Brendon over for dinner pretty quickly after they started dating. Ryan thought they were really nice and it definitely seemed like they got over whatever issues they had with Brendon’s life choices before.

A couple days later, Ryan called his mom to tell her he was seeing someone and then had her talk to Brendon for a few minutes. It was the closest thing he could get to having Brendon meet his parents until the next time he saw his mom in person (whenever the hell that might be). When Ryan got back on the phone with his mom, she said she was happy for him. Ryan chose to believe her.

Here

Finally. Brendon was coming over to spend the weekend at his place since Spencer was going to be at Haley’s all weekend. Ryan tried to look like he hadn’t spent the entire day twiddling his thumbs and waiting for that message as he made his way to the front door. He opened it and found Brendon wearing an adorable lavender hoodie and carrying a little overnight bag. Ryan pulled him inside and planted a quick kiss on his lips once the door was shut. “Hey,” he said softly.

“Hi.” Brendon was grinning at him. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” He took Brendon to his room to help him get settled (and exchange a few more kisses) before they went back to the living room to watch a movie.

Ryan was expecting Brendon to sit a little too close to him, just like the other times they sat together on a couch. It would give Ryan the opportunity to throw an arm around him and pull him even closer. Instead, Brendon practically crawled onto his lap the minute he sat down, which Ryan was more than okay with. He wasn’t sure if Brendon actually liked Adam Sandler movies or if he was just humoring Ryan by watching Billy Madison but it was the most Ryan had ever enjoyed watching the movie, having Brendon curled up against him (even with his constant fidgeting) while they laughed at the same parts.

Naturally they stayed on the couch after the movie was over and started making out. And they were both so shameless about it, moaning and grinding against each other. Ryan didn’t think anything could get him off that couch until Brendon pulled away, looked him directly in the eyes and muttered, “fuck me, Ryan.”

They went back to Ryan’s room, where clothes were frantically discarded. Ryan was treated to the sight of a fully naked Brendon lying on his bed and stroking himself while he waited for Ryan to get the lube. God, he was beautiful. His eyes were closed while he touched himself. He didn’t make any noises, but he occasionally scrunched his face slightly and bucked his hips. Ryan imagined that this was what it looked like when Brendon jerked off in private, and he thought it was way sexier than any “performance” Brendon could give.

Brendon told him he was pretty stretched out from the shoot he did a couple days before, but Ryan still insisted on sliding two lube covered fingers in him. “I really like pleasing partners like this,” he explained. He’d been complimented by both men and women on how long his fingers were, and how good it felt when he put them inside. Brendon spread his legs and easily took both fingers at once, rewarding Ryan with content little sighs when his prostate was stimulated.

Ryan didn’t spend too much time on it since he could tell Brendon was fine to take him and they were both really, really horny for each other. He withdrew his fingers and moved to put the condom on and smear some lube over it. He was in the process of wiping his hand off when Brendon pulled him onto his back and straddled him. “I’m gonna ride you,” he said simply.

Ryan nodded. He definitely wasn’t going to say no to that. He watched Brendon position himself above his dick and felt his jaw drop when he started to enter Brendon. “Fuck.”

“God, Ry, I missed having your big dick in me,” Brendon moaned as he sunk down. Ryan smirked like he always did when someone complimented his size. Then Brendon moved his hips and Ryan involuntarily yelped. Brendon didn’t seem to notice.

“Oh my god, Brendon,” Ryan hissed when Brendon started to move faster. “You take me so good.”

Brendon rode him roughly, desperately and Ryan made sure his thrusts up into him matched. It was too much too fast but it felt so good and Brendon looked so fucking hot riding him that Ryan forced himself to keep at it for as long as possible, even when he felt himself getting tired and lost his rhythm a couple times.

Ryan put his hands on Brendon’s hips when he noticed the other boy’s movements start to falter too. “Here, wait.” Brendon stopped moving and looked down at Ryan. “Let’s change positions.”

“What were you thinking?” Brendon asked between pants.

“On your knees.”

Brendon obeyed and even arched his back for Ryan. The sight was ravishing. It wasn’t just dirty talk when Ryan told him he had a better ass than any girl he’d ever met. Ryan briefly wished he’d thought to rim Brendon before using all that lube. He gave Brendon (and himself) a moment to rest before he grabbed Brendon’s hips and slid back inside.

Ryan was more in control of the pace in this position and he tried not to be as fast or rough so he could last longer. Brendon wasn’t making it easy to last, though, with the way he was moaning for Ryan and gripping his bedsheets. And his ass looked amazing from this angle and he felt even better than Ryan remembered, and then he whimpered out, “Ryan, fuck, I-“

“Yeah baby, cum for me. Get my sheets dirty, I don’t care.” He watched little droplets hit his rumpled bedsheets while Brendon made a noise that could only be properly described as obscene. Then Ryan heard his name and that was what did it for him. He burried himself deep inside Brendon and came.

Ryan and Brendon were curled up against each other in a state of post-orgasm bliss. They’d kicked Ryan’s (now slightly stained) comforter down by their feet, which were tangled together. Brendon was tracing patterns all over Ryan’s bare chest with his index finger. They were both sweaty messes but neither of them were willing to forgo cuddling.

“I need something to drink,” Ryan said. He looked down at Brendon, who was distracted by the spiral pattern he was making right under Ryan’s collarbone. “I, uh, got us something.” That got his attention.

They slowly pulled apart and got out of bed. Brendon didn’t even bother getting dressed. He waited for Ryan to put his underwear back on and then let him lead the way to the kitchen. Ryan opened the fridge to show the small collection of Capri Suns he’d purchased the day before.

“Goddamn, Ryan Ross, you know how to treat a man.”

They stood next to each other, close enough that their shoulders were touching, while they sipped their drinks.

One thing about Brendon, Ryan was discovering, was that he rarely thought before he spoke. Sometimes it made things kind of awkward but other times it was damn sexy. Like when Ryan made eye contact with Brendon after he noticed Brendon checking out his ass and Brendon blurted out, “I really wanna fuck you.”

“Yeah?” Ryan said breathily. Brendon looked like he wanted to fuck Ryan right there in the kitchen. Ryan would have let him.

Brendon cleared his throat slightly. “Uh, I guess I should’ve asked if you like to bottom first.”

“Yeah I do, it’s just, uh, been awhile.” The last time he bottomed was for some shoot he did before he and Brendon even met, and he didn’t finger himself to get off often enough to be stretched out from it. “So I’ll need, uh, more prep.”

That actually turned out to be a good thing because Brendon’s idea of preparing Ryan was jerking him off and fingering him at the same time, which was great. Ryan nearly jumped out of his skin when Brendon gently brushed his thumb over his tip while two fingers on his other hand were touching his prostate. “B, too much,” he gasped.

“Sorry, sorry,” Brendon apologized. He took his hand off Ryan’s cock and focused on stretching him. “But fuck, you’re tight. You’re gonna feel so good,” he cooed while adding a third finger.

Brendon slid a pillow under Ryan’s hips when he was done fingering him and waited for Ryan to give the okay before he started to slowly push in. It burned a little bit because of how long it had been for Ryan but he encouraged Brendon to keep going until he was all the way in. Brendon wasn’t as long or thick as Ryan but he still felt really fucking good.

“Holy shit, Brendon,” Ryan gasped. He didn’t realize just how much he’d missed the feeling of being full like this. He wrapped his arms around the back of Brendon’s neck.

Neither of them had the energy for rough sex so Brendon fucked him slowly, sensually. He made sure Ryan felt every inch of him and he praised Ryan’s responses to his thrusts. “Fuck yeah, baby, just keep making those pretty noises for me.”

Ryan obliged since he wasn’t capable of much more than softly whining in Brendon’s ear anyway, although he did manage to get out a “fuck, B, so good” when Brendon surprised him with a couple of sharp thrusts.

Brendon let him know he appreciated it. “You sound so hot right now. Jesus, ’m glad you weren’t whimpering like this when we were filming, wouldn’t have lasted at all.” Ryan beamed at his praise and happily let Brendon take control.

Ryan sensed that Brendon was getting close when all of his dirty talk was replaced with labored breathing. He was definitely getting there himself. He moved one of his hands and started to reach for his hard cock.

Brendon seemed to get the hint. He pushed himself up onto his forearms so there was more space between their bodies and more room for Ryan to grab himself. “Oh god yes, Ryan. Touch yourself for me, wanna watch you.” He kept his eyes locked on Ryan’s cock and groaned when Ryan’s hand made contact with it.

Ryan started stroking himself. He tried to keep it natural, not overdoing his moans or facial expressions like he would for a shoot, because he wanted Brendon to have something no one else had, which was sex with him. Not sex with whatever persona a director asked for. He didn’t last very long once he started touching himself and Brendon stopped thrusting to let out a low, guttural growl when the first couple droplets of cum escaped Ryan’s cock and dripped down his hand.

Ryan and Brendon were curled up against each other again, only now they were both sweatier and Brendon was falling asleep instead of making invisible patterns on Ryan. Ryan wasn’t too far behind him, but he fought to stay awake to admire his sleeping boyfriend for a bit longer.

Boyfriend. It was still kind of surreal to say. Ryan was pretty sure most porn actors didn’t try to date while actively working in the industry, and especially not with other porn actors. Really, he still wasn’t entirely sure what a committed relationship between two porn actors would look like. But then Brendon let out the cutest, softest hum as he snuggled in closer to Ryan. And Ryan knew he was going to find out, because he was never letting this man go now that he had him.