Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Before everyone else, Alpine knew.

It is known animals can detect cancer.

Alpine starts following Bob around, cuddling with him at odd hours, and she even purrs at him, which Bucky says is rare.

Bob thinks it’s just because Alpine likes his daughter, Harper. She always walked around with a kid’s purse full of treats and pet Alpine for hours… that was all, right? It had to be.

…

Something was wrong.

Well… something was always wrong, usually mentally for Bob, but something was especially wrong today.

Bob felt… sick.

Could he even get sick with his powers? Was this all in his head???

Regardless, Bob threw up in the kitchen sink in the middle of making lunch for his daughter, who was waiting for him in their shared room, not even realizing her father felt so off today.

“Woah there,” Bucky sped up towards Bob, “You okay, kid?”

Was he okay? He just got full custody of his three year old a few months ago after leaving her in Malaysia to do a medical study that gave him formidable powers and two new personalities, he just started T gel since he can’t stomach self administering needles and if anybody else tries the needle breaks, and now…? Now he’s just so nauseous and light headed.

“Ah… I…”

Bob passed out right before he could articulate an answer.

…

“…ob? Bob?” Yelena tried to wake Bob up where they laid him in the couch in the common area of the watchtower, not knowing where else to put him. She ran a hand through his hair, worried.

“What… happened…” Bob tried to sit up but it felt like something was weighing him down.

“You passed out. Is it cause of the void?” Walker unceremoniously asks.

Was it the void? Bob can’t remember.

“Where’s Harper…?” Bob mumbled, wanting his daughter. She was supposed to get lunch already, what a parent he is.

“She is in the kitchen, Alexei prepped her something.” Walker smiled, gesturing in the direction of a satisfied three year old rambling to Alexei.

Bob sighed, good.

…

When bedtime came, Bob carried Harper to her bed after her bath time, looking forward to putting his head down himself and just resting after putting her to bed. Bob tucked in Harper, and she squirmed, not quite tired yet.

“Baba, do yous think we can watch TVs a little?” Harper looked up to Bob with pleading eyes

Bob couldn’t say no to that, “I think we can, yeah.”

Picking Harper up, Bob brought Harper to his bed, where the TV was viewable.

They started an episode of Spongebob and Bob started drifting off…

…he was drained…

“Baba sleep?” Harper asked innocently, reaching out to poke her father.

Bob fell asleep.

…

By morning, Bob knew something was terribly wrong.

As shit of a parent he was, he’d never let himself fall asleep mid bedtime routine-!

Bob had a killer migraine when he got up, all of this confused him so much…

Was he sick?

Why be invincible if your body could betray you all the same?

Chapter Text

Dr. Banner had the answers.

After extensive testing, Dr. Bruce Banner had the news.

“Well, Robert. You’d be surprised given the abilities of the Sentry, but what we’re dealing with is a pretty standard case of acute myeloid leukemia, I’m sorry to say.” Dr. Banner started off with, “I would recommend chemotherapy but I don’t know how exactly we could get an IV in you unless you do it yourself…”

“I… I don’t do needles.” Bob interjected, “I- I mean- aren’t there like other options? Like pills or…”

“We can always try pills, but this is the most lethal form of leukemia, and your body seems to be processing it like your average person, rather than healing from it, so slowing down your treatment by trying pills first I would not recommend. We can always insert a chest port with me guiding your actions and then we’ll give you all your medications via IV in the port.”

Bob considered it, but honestly if the pills had half a chance he wanted to try them first.

“What about radiation therapy?” Bob added, confused that wasn’t mentioned.

“We don’t know how you’d react to that given… everything. My assumption is we’d work best going directly into your bloodstream.”

Okay. Makes sense to Bob.

…

They started off with pills, two in the morning, three at night. Harper fixated on ‘Baba’s strong pills’ but Bob didn’t tell anyone yet, lying that he was just trying out some vitamins to be more healthy.

Yelena was catching on quickly though, noticing the fatigue that went beyond depression and the general malaise you’d attribute to illness.

“You’re sick.” Yelena pointed out once the kitchen was empty, Bob prepping himself some ramen.

“Don’t tell anyone, it’ll be fine. I’m talking to Dr. Banner-” Bob started.

“Dr. Banner??? Bruce Banner? Bob, how serious is this?!?” Yelena half yelled.

“Cancer. Leukemia.” Bob whispered…

Oh. Oh…

Yelena’s expression dropped, she didn’t know what to say, so she just hugged him.

…

The pills did absolutely nothing. So that afternoon, Bob got grandpa ‘Lessie’ and grandpa ‘Buck Buck’ to babysit Harper, which they were more than glad to do, and Bob went to Dr. Bruce Banner to try out radiation therapy.

“Now it’ll take a few sessions of this to know if it’s working, although considering your abilities perhaps it’ll work faster, who knows. So just hop into that machine…”

“…I’m going to lock you in place…”

“…I’m closing the machine now…”

“…and now we let it do its thing.”

Bob sighed, wishing he could go on his phone right now. Hopefully Harper wasn’t giving Alexei and Bucky too hard of a time. She was a fun kid to be around but even Bob knew that she was a handful.

…

The next day, Bob felt like shit.

Harper woke him up, jumping up and down on the bed.

“Baba-! Lessie said he’d teach me a gun today-!” Harper smiled and giggled.

“What? No, no, no. You’re not using guns, you’re three sweetie. Sometimes Lessie doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

Harper shook her head and huffed, still wanting to shoot with Buck Buck and Lessie, everyone at the watchtower knew how to use a gun after all, and that wasn’t the only way she felt like she was the odd one out, bring three and all.

“Mean, baba, mean-!” Harper yelled, a tantrum starting.

Bob could cry, he can’t deal with this right now.

“Harper, what if he teaches you with nerf guns instead? Those are more appropriate for your age and we can get you a pink one then.” Bob tried to compromise, knowing pink was his girl’s weakness.

“Hmm…” Harper considered it, “okay Baba. But it has tos be pink!”

Bob giggled and tried to lift his daughter up, but she felt too heavy in that moment… The thought of struggling to carry Harper hurt Bob’s heart.

“Baba okay?” Harper innocently asked.

“Yeah… yeah. Let’s go get breakfast.”

…

Around dinner time is when someone else noticed.

Of course they’d start noticing by now, they’re a team-! Bob was sitting and hardly eating, falling asleep at the table, his daughter routinely poking and tapping at him.

“Harper, why is your Baba so tired…? Did you two stay up late last night?” Ava gently asked Harper, using her nickname for Bob.

“No. Baba fall asleep before my bedtime. Baba real sleepyhead.” Harper giggled.

Bucky, cleaning the table, pondered for a moment.

“He has been asking me and Alexei to babysit often, maybe he’s going through something.”

Yelena stayed awfully quiet.

“Lena… has Bob talked to you about anything?” Alexei asked, his voice gentler than usual.

“No… no.” Yelena answered awfully quickly, walking over to Bob and getting his hair out of his face.

He’d tell them in their own time.

…

That night, Bob woke up to a knock at the door, even though it was unbelievably late and Bob was absolutely exhausted.

“Who…”

Yelena opened the door and stepped in, unfortunately waking Harper up in the process.

“…Yena…?” Harper mumbled, confused.

“Lena, what are you-” Bob tried asking, before Yelena interrupted.

“I need to know more about this… thing you’re going through.” Yelena tried to be vague considering Harper was awake in the kiddie bed next to Bob’s.

“It’s… what I said it was last time we talked.” Bob began, “I’m trying out different treatments, they haven’t worked so far, given my powers…”

Yelena’s heart dropped. She couldn’t lose Bob like this. If the treatments didn’t work he’d… he’d die.

“How does this even figure out? You’re invincible-!” Yelena tried to argue, even though she knew it wouldn’t change a thing.

“Baba strong.” Harper interjected, not really understanding the depths of the current conversation.

Bob didn’t want to discuss this in front of his daughter, so he had an idea.

“Lena, how about you sleep over? You can sleep next to me, Harper’s sleepy y’know…” Bob tried to hint at the fact he just wanted a change to talk once the little girl was back asleep.

Sleep in Bob’s bed? Yelena doesn’t know why but the idea of that made her blush.

Yelena hopped into his bed, instinctively putting an arm around Bob’s waist. He didn’t complain.

The two didn’t get to any talking, Yelena ended up falling asleep holding onto Bob the second she saw Bob doze off.

At least they were comfy.

…

Bob woke up to Yelena on top of him, clinging onto him for dear life.

Cute.

Bob closed his eyes, wanting more rest.

…

Yelena woke up on top of Bob and mortified. She shifted herself off of him and looked around the room. The sight she saw broke her heart, Harper kicking and thrashing, clearly due to a nightmare.

“Baba. Baba go away?” Harper mumbled in her sleep. How did she know? Who told her?

Yelena jumped out of bed and picked up Harper, comforting the little girl in her sleep.

“Baba is fine… okay?” Yelena lied, not even knowing if Harper could hear her, “Baba is going to be fine.”

…is Bob going to be fine?

Chapter Text

It became routine for the three.

Yelena would help Bob get ready for the night on days he was too tired, even brushing his teeth for him once, and then she’d put Harper to bed once it was her bedtime.

It was… domestic.

Yelena was starting to learn just how much she loved Bob through this, and it killed her more and more each day seeing him get worse.

They still had to do a few more rounds of radiation before Dr. Banner would consider it a bust.

Tonight, Bob was still awake, watching TV with Harper in his bed. They were watching a show about colorful cartoon horses, Yelena didn’t know the name of it.

Things felt okay.

Yelena hopped into bed, cuddling up against Bob, always telling him to think nothing of it. She just wanted to be comfortable is all, and he was warm. But as his skin got colder and he lost weight, it was starting to become a dumb excuse.

‘Just a force of habit now,’ Yelena said at one point or another, ‘I don’t care if you’re less comfy, I’m used to holding onto you.’

Neither shared their feelings.

…

Today, Alexei was going to teach Harper to shoot targets with a gun.

Plastic targets. With a nerf gun.

Harper was excited to play all the same, running around with her pink nerf gun, shooting targets as well as Alexei and Bob.

One landed and suctioned perfectly on Alexei’s forehead. It was too funny.

Bob started laughing, laughing so hard until his vision was blurry and he dropped, passing out.

“Baba-!” Harper yelled, terrified.

The little girl ran all the way over to Bob and tried to wake him up, Alexei didn’t know what to do so he scooped up Harper and tried to soothe her.

“Ah little one… Baba is just… he’s- he’s feeling a little funny, da? I will help him to bed, and he will be alright.” Alexei tried to comfort, concerned himself.

Alexei picked Bob up and brought him and Harper to their shared room, laying Bob on his bed and checking his temperature.

Do superhumans get sick? Alexei never got sick, maybe his serum was more different to what they gave Bob than he thought.

Before Alexei could ponder any further, he noticed a set of Yelena’s pajamas folded neatly on the bed, like she’d slept over often.

…were the two together? Alexei smiled at the idea.

“The Sentry and my daughter, what a match.” Alexei chuckled to himself.

Hopefully Bob would wake up soon so they could talk.

…

Now only Alexei and Yelena knew. Alexei was disappointed to find out the two weren’t dating, and even more upset to hear the reason why Yelena was sleeping over so often.

“Cancer?!?” Alexei scoffed, “you are the Sentry, how does something so human like cancer-”

“Daddy, stop.” Yelena interrupted abruptly, “Bob is going through a lot, don’t undermine that.”

“Is there treatment?”

…

Yelena went with Bob to Dr. Banner’s office today.

They needed to discuss other options, like IV chemo. But it’d be complicated, given only Bob can pierce through his own skin.

“We’d have to do an IV port, you’d have to insert it. You could self administer general anesthesia and then I’d instruct you on what to do. I understand you’re squeamish about needles but it’s our only option.” Dr. Banner’s started, “I’ll have to do an ultrasound today to find out a good placement where you’ll be getting the stuff directly in your bloodstream.”

Bob paused, that sounded awful. Was that seriously the only option left?

“So you’re saying radiation didn’t work?” Bob asked.

“No.” Bruce answered, “it was nowhere near the speed we need it to treat for you to-”

“For him to live?” Yelena interrupted, “how long does he have left?”

“I can’t say for sure, Yelena, we have to try the IV chemo first to see if it slows things down.” Dr. Banner scoffed, preferring it when Bob came alone.

Bob nodded and hummed, and they prepped the ultrasound. They couldn’t find a good vein on his arms, years of drug use making the area obsolete.

He’d need a IV chest port. Bob was sent many surgical videos to study.

…

Bucky was worried about Alexei. The other night he went to bed crying, mumbling something about Sentry and weakness.

Bucky tried to ask his boyfriend, but got no straight answer, just a ramble about how Bob and Yelena aren’t dating, it just made no sense.

Everybody knew something was going on with Bob, he stayed in his room all the time but went out when he wasn’t, he got people to babysit Harper to go out and do god knows what.

Hopefully it wasn’t drug related.

Whatever it was, Bucky tried to support and look the other way, but now it was affecting Alexei, and him and Yelena weren’t giving any clear answers.

So he gathered Walker and Ava to a secret meeting.

“So. I think we all know something is going on with Bob. Any ideas?” Bucky stood up at the front of the meeting room, looking a little silly. They could’ve done this literally anywhere else.

“I think he’s sick, remember when he passed out a while back?” Walker suggested.

“Yeah, but how could he be sick, moron. He can’t even be shot.” Ava snapped back.

“Oh yeah? Well, he can hurt himself right? Isn’t sickness just… the body attacking itself?”

“Any other ideas?” Bucky interjected.

“He’s going out to get high.” Ava suggested, “I’ve babysat Harper so often lately and he’s always out for hours on end.

That’s not the option anyone wants it to be.

Probably the worst option.

Hopefully it’s something else, anything else.

…

Bob was curled up in bed, resting his head on Yelena’s stomach. She was so comfortable, he wished this could be a thing in other circumstances, wished he could confess his feelings to her.

But if he does it’ll be so messed up.

Who could reject a dying man?

Would she say yes then break up with him when he gets better?

Would she pretend to love him?

What if she rejects him and he’s then alone in all this because he loses her as a friend?!?

Oh, it’d just be disastrous to confess.

So Bob doesn’t confess.

He yearns in silent.

…

Yelena loves Bob, that much she knows.

But he’s going through so much that she can’t tell him. It would be a dick move to anyways.

Instead, she takes what she can get. Bath time with Harper, watching cartoons with them, cuddling in bed… they were a thing in all but labels honestly.

But Yelena wouldn’t dare point that out, because what if that’s what pushes Bob away?

She sat up in Bob’s bed, the man in the bathroom brushing his teeth, and ran her hand through the covers. She was getting too comfortable here.

So she walked out without a word, she can’t let Bob see her wanting, can’t let him see her vulnerable at all…

Harper wakes up as Yelena walks out.

Chapter Text

Bob went to Dr. Banner’s office alone.

Yelena hadn’t stayed the night, which felt wrong. But it was her decision to do so.

…maybe they needed the space.

Dr. Banner passed Bob a syringe, local anesthesia, saying it’s the only needle Bob would have to see pricked onto his skin.

“I’m here to aid you in the process by passing you things. It’ll go like we simulated your last visit, I believe you can do this Robert.” Bruce calmly told Bob, “I believe it’ll run smoothly.

Bob administered the anesthesia, his chest now completely numb, and Dr. Banner handed him a scalpel. This would be gross, Bob thought.

Cutting into his skin horizontally, Bob had to be careful and search for a good vein.

Blood spurted and dripped down Bob’s chest from cut open capillaries.

He found the vein and Dr. Banner passed him the needle with the tube to connect the IV that would permanently be placed in that vein. Bob punctured the vein and placed it, Dr. Banner helping him move it around, and they covered it with the plastic port, gluing and stitching the skin back together.

The port was red and puffy, but now he could get all his IV medicine through plastic syringes rather than pricking himself on the daily.

It was a small win, and healed within two hours, Dr. Banner cutting the stitches out and pulling Bob free.

Bob wished Yelena had come to occupy him in that time.

The two hours of healing consisted of Dr. Banner flushing the port with saline and instructing Bob to do the same.

He tasted the saltiness every time.

“Well, let’s start you on chemo tomorrow since everything is up in order. Be sure to bring a friend with you…” Dr. Banner smiled, patting Bob on the back.

…and this is when he tells Ava.

…

Back at the watchtower, everyone was on the couch save for Ava, so Bob made his way to her room, wanting to talk to her.

“Ava… would you do me a favor no questions asked?” Bob asked sheepishly.

“Sure, what do you need?” Ava was used to everyone asking her to do small favors like retrieve things in hard to get places so thought nothing of the request.

“Come with me to my chemo appointment tomorrow?” Bob huffed out an awkward laugh.

“I’m sorry… what?” Ava stood up, concerned.

“No questions aske-”

“No, no. You can’t pull that right now. Is that why you’ve been off all this time? We thought you were off doing drugs or something-! You should have told the team, I mean this is unbelievable Robert, I cannot possibly begin to understand why you’d do this and…” Ava ranted and yelled, stopping herself, “I’m sorry. I need to calm down.”

Bob sighed, “I’m sorry.”

“I’ll go with you, but on the way there I need more of an explanation.”

…

They didn’t talk on the way there, but once Dr. Banner hooked up the IV to Bob, Ava started asking questions.

“So how’d you even know about Dr. Banner without us finding out about this?” Ava questioned.

“Val brought me to him, I was feeling sick and we thought it had something to do with the void.” Bob answered, yawning while the chemo flowed into his veins. It felt weird and tasted oddly metallic while hardly having a taste at all.

“Why couldn’t Yelena take you? Does she not know?” Ava sighed, running a hand through her hair.

“She knows, so does Alexei. I just thought… I needed someone else for today.” Bob mumbled.

“Well, I’m here.”

The chemo goes well after their talk, they discuss Harper a little bit and what this all means for her, Ava recommends that Bob tells the team but he denies that suggestion, and everything is fine until Yelena tries to FaceTime Bob.

Bob, a lovesick idiot, answers.

“Bob? Where are you? Walker gave me Harper saying it’s my turn but I thought you didn’t have any appointments all week and-” Yelena took a deep breath in, overwhelmed.

The sound of Harper knocking things over was loud in the background, she was giggling.

“I got the port yesterday, chemo today.”

Yelena froze. What? How could he- how could he go and do that without telling her? Without bringing her? Yelena was pissed now, mad and upset.

“Who brought you? Did you tell someone else?” Yelena snapped, “I thought this was- I mean…”

“Ava. Look, it’s going fine, Lena.” Bob sighed.

“I should be there.” Yelena demanded, teary eyed.

Yeah, she really should…

“It’s fine-” Bob tried to offer, but-

“No. It’s not. It’s your first chemo and you didn’t take me. I thought we were in this together.” Yelena whined, teary eyed.

“I’m sorry… I thought you didn’t want to cause you left my room and…”

Ava, listening to the whole conversation, rolled her eyes unnoticed. These two were hopelessly in love and didn’t realize it, they just needed a date night to sort everything out themselves.

“No, I’m sorry Bob.” Yelena started, “how about we talk more once you come back, yeah?”

That sounded good.

…

They didn’t get to talking, Bob almost immediately fell asleep on the couch in their communal space. Yelena scoffed but smiled, putting a blanket over him, sitting next to him like nothing was wrong.

Bucky walked in seeing the two.

“So uh…” Bucky stood there awkwardly, “anything new with you two?”

The question was mostly directed at Yelena, directed at her father’s complaints of the two not dating, directed at the fact that Bucky felt like he had to be the one to find out the answers and fix things.

“Nothing new, no.” Yelena hummed, “unless you know something I don’t.”

Bucky nodded, not knowing what else to say, walking off awkwardly.

If the two were dating he’d find out on their time, since his questions weren’t being answered.

…

Bedtime resumed as normal.

They didn’t bring it up or properly discuss it, but Yelena started sleeping over again and putting Harper to bed. They’d cuddle and talk on days Bob couldn’t sleep, now being overtaken by pain most nights.

Sometimes Ava visited, understanding the burden of a consistent gnawing pain.

Walker grew suspicious as to what was going on, still thinking Bob was sick and nobody knew, but honestly? Bob would tell them if it got bad… right?

That night, Bob was the little spoon, Yelena spooning him up in a warm embrace, her head resting on his shoulder.

“Do you think I can die?” Bob randomly asked.

“I sure hope not.” Yelena answered, frozen in time.

It would kill her if he could die.

It would kill Harper if he went away.

Neither of them could handle that, and neither could the rest of the team.

Here’s to hoping that Bob is immortal.

Chapter Text

Valentina Allegra De Fontaine was nothing but an asshole.

She acted like a strict parent to Bob.

Being the one that inteoduced Bob to Dr. Banner, of course Valentina knew about the diagnosis and prognosis, and she held this over Bob’s head often as a reason he was incapable of doing anything himself.

So when the rest of the team had a mission, Val went full mother hen in all the worst ways possible.

She controlled Bob’s diet, forcing him to eat at specific hours and eat healthy.

Every food that’s rumored to help with cancer was a food Bob had to consume daily, and he was getting tired of green tea.

Valentina was a menace.

Val even separated Bob and Harper, saying it was ‘good for stress,’ keeping Harper in a hotel with Mel for the time being until the New Avengers were back from their mission.

…

“Millie?” Harper asked, terribly mispronouncing Mel’s name.

“Uh… yeah?”

“Why is Baba so sleepy?” Harper looked up at Mel with pleading eyes, like she had all the answers.

“That’s the cancer sweetie.” Mel answered… not considering this wasn’t appropriate to tell her yet.

“What’s canter?” Harper furrowed her brows, never hearing that word before, what did it mean?

“Cancer, it means he’s sick.” Mel scoffed. Had they seriously not explained Bob’s illness to Harper yet??? How irresponsible…

“Baba sick? Baba invisible though-!” Harper meant invincible, but Mel frowned nonetheless.

She made a parenting decision for Bob on accident since now Harper would ask him about what cancer meant when the two reunited.

…

“Val, do I really have to try to exercise? I’m exhausted today, really.” Bob pouted with a huff, in the training room with Valentina hovering over him.

“Of course you do, it’ll keep you healthy. We need to fight this illness to get our Sentry back.” Val looked at the timer on her phone. 45 minutes of exercise, no more and definitely no less.

Bob attempted another squat and fell over with a loud thump.

“Seriously Robert? How are you supposed to be stronger than all the Avengers combined if you can’t even do a simple squat?? Get up and try again.” Val practically yelled as she scolded Bob.

“Always messing things up…” Bob’s fingertips turned black, the threat of the void prominent.

“Can’t do anything right, can I…?” Bob just lay there, reveling in the feeling of pain.

“Seven more minutes, Robert. Then we’ll call your… daughter as a treat.” Val tried to motivate Bob.

Bob sat up before he stood, “…what next?”

…

By the time the team came back from their mission, Bob was sleeping on the communal couch with Mel watching over Harper in the common area. Alexei ran towards Harper who jumped into his arms then onto his shoulders.

“Lessie-!” Harper giggled, “Lessie, do yous know what canter is?”

The room got eerily quiet.

“Cause… cause Lessie- Lessie, Millie says Baba has canter, that Baba is really sick. But yous says Baba is invisible so he be okay… right?” Harper rambled.

“Millie…?” Was the first thing Walker could come up with, not knowing what else to question or even say.

“Mel I think…” Ava hummed, “she has weird names for everyone. Closest she’s gotten is what she calls. Bucky, or you I guess.”

“Okay… so canter is cancer, right? We can all agree that Bob has been hiding a cancer diagnosis from us???” Walker spat out, angry.

Yelena sighed, “he was slowly trying to tell everyone.”

“So you knew?!?” Walker hit his hands down on a table, waking Bob up from the ruckus.

Bob shot up, scared.

“Wh- what?” Bob stuttered.

“Baba!” Harper ran over to Bob, “Millie said yous has canter, are yous gonna be alright?”

Bob looked up to the team surrounding him, Walker with his arms crossed.

“Guys, I can explain…”

…

So the cat was out of the bag and everyone worked together to explain cancer to Harper in a child friendly way, how her Baba was sick because his body was fighting itself and he will get better. So… maybe they lied a little to the girl, but she wasn’t even four yet-! Who could tell her that her Baba was dying when they didn’t even know if her Baba could die? It was all so confusing and stressful.

Now, Harper has just had her bath and Yelena tucked her in, the little girl still full of questions.

“Is canter why Baba sleeps with yous now?” Harper tilted her head when asking.

“Yes, my sunshine, it is. He just needs the extra help getting up and going to bed.” Yelena answered calmly.

“Is Baba owies?” Harper added to her questioning.

“I-” Yelena froze, “a little bit, I think. Not a lot.

Cause how do you tell a little girl who hasn’t even reached half a decade that her father is in agony all the time? That he begs to die but nothing can kill him? That Bob and Dr. Banner have discussed attempts for assisted suicide?

“I’m gonna wake up Baba to do his meds, go to bed.” Yelena stood up from her kneel and went to Bob’s bed, where he was already asleep.

Yelena shook Bob up and he stirred, pushing the blanket off himself. He was wearing just a sports bra and boxers, always complaining about his temperature regulation lately and saying if he gets cold he can at least just add another blanket.

“I’m gonna give you some zofran and toradol, that okay Bob?” Yelena grabbed the medications from the second drawer of Bob’s nightstand, prepping the plastic syringes.

“Yeah… that’s fine. Thanks.” Bob answered, calm.

Yelena twisted the first syringe, zofran, onto the chest port and pushed it through. Zofran helped lessen the effects of nausea.

Then came the toradol, an anti inflammatory pain medicine, since they didn’t want to turn to opioids just yet given Bob’s history.

After that was the good old saline flush, and once it was all done, Yelena hopped into bed with Bob.

Without thinking, she kissed him on the forehead right before she fell asleep.

…shit.

…

They didn’t talk about it, as always, they never talk about these things to each other now, do they?

Instead, Yelena made breakfast for the team. Pancakes with chocolate chips and blueberries, with strawberry syrup drizzled on top.

Walker complained it was too many flavors, but Yelena didn’t care for his critiques when she saw Bob happily eating for the first time in weeks.

Harper put a stack of 10 pancakes on her plate, and everyone knew she wouldn’t eat that many, but she’d offer to everyone else.

Bob ate a pancake and a half, Yelena was satisfied with that, it was enough for her.

“So…” Walker started, “you got chemo today? Cause I’ll take you, I wanna help.

Walker honestly felt bad for all the times he got mad he’d have to babysit Harper, complaining about a child in the tower when he doesn’t even get to see his own, when all this time Bob was fighting a very obvious battle that he was too stupid to understand the entirety of.

“Not today, tomorrow.” Bob hummed before taking a sip of apple juice, “you can take me though. Gives Yelena a bit of a break.”

Yelena huffed. Was this because of the kiss? I mean, maybe she deserves it then, kissing Bob on the forehead after putting his daughter to bed, but he’s at fault too for creating this family dynamic.

“Yes yes, cause I am just so busy with so much else, right? I just need the break.” Yelena mocked.

This was like their last argument all over again, when Bob got the port installed without Yelena there.

They were a mess.

Chapter Text

Taking Bob to chemo was really difficult for John Walker.

There was getting Bob out of bed when he hardly has the motivation to stay alive.

Then there was the actual chemo.

Bob sat in a couch set up by Dr. Banner, hooked up to an IV port in his chest that Walker didn’t even know about to begin with, and he started reading a book.

That’s it? Reading? That’s all that matters to Bob right now???

For fuck’s sake.

It pissed Walker off, this should be taken so much more seriously…

But Bob looked so resigned to his fate.

So he spoke up.

“Bobby, how the fuck are you reading like it’s just a regular day today? You’re getting fucking chemo-!” Walker whined and complained in his questioning.

“What else should I do?” Bob retorted justifiably, it’s not like he could go and run a marathon right now, he had to wait for the chemotherapy to conclude.

“You act like you’re dead already.” Walker scoffed.

“Woah, nobody said anything about death. We don’t even know if I can like- if I can even die.” Bob ran a hand through his hair, stressed at the mention of death. He’s always been terrified of dying on terms that weren’t his own.

Dr. Banner took that moment to intervene, “Robert, I think it’s best you know that you can die. It’s more of a matter of your body giving out from the battle, since things like blood loss and euthanasia can’t kill you with how fast you regenerate. But cancer… it eats at your cells and contaminates them, brain cells don’t regenerate, so if the cancer ever reaches your brain it’s only a matter of time for your death.”

Oh. Great news.

If only Bob and Yelena were talking to each other he could cry to her about it.

…

After such a short and little spat, Bob and Yelena weren’t talking once again. They both seem to always get offended over little things or say the wrong thing that gets terribly misinterpreted, and now they’re left with no communication.

Bob wishes he could go to Yelena.

Especially considering his newfound mortality following his past considered immortality.

Cancer can kill him.

The only thing that can kill him is happening.

It’s only a matter of time, as Dr. Banner said.

Okay, maybe he’s being dramatic. Currently the cancer is only in his blood and bone marrow and hasn’t touched his brain yet, Bob is still plenty alive.

Even so, he holds Harper tighter.

He goes to bed and offers for Harper to share the bed with him that night.

“A sleepover, just the two of us.” Bob whispered and kissed Harper on the forehead.

“Baba sleepover?” Harper asked, confused. Thinking they’d both have to cram in her toddler bed.

“No sweetie, we sleep on my bed.” Bob giggled.

“Yay! Sleepover with Baba-!” Harper jumped up and down, acting like a sleepover with Bob and Yelena and her wasn’t already so common.

Maybe she liked the idea of one on one time.

Harper climbed up into Bob’s bed after her bath, jamming buttons on the TV remote to try to figure out how to get Dora on the TV.

It was an adorable sight to Bob, but he was too exhausted to even have the energy to pick his daughter up and pull her into a hug.

It broke his heart how weak he’s gotten.

Was he only going to get weaker as the days go on? Never dying but still deteriorating day by agonizing day? Would it be years of this without release?

The thought sickened Bob more than chemo ever could.

Bob tucked Harper into his bed with him, falling asleep right after he turned the TV on for her.

…

Yelena felt bad for ghosting Bob… but what else was she supposed to do?

He kept asking for other people to go to his appointments, he wasn’t updating anyone on the illness, and the team stopped discussing it as often after a week of worry.

It was like everyone mostly forgot about Bob where they could.

Mel came over more often as a glorified babysitter, watching Harper for Bob.

Yelena wanted to be that mother figure to Harper.

Yelena wished she was- wait… what?

Maybe Yelena just needed a drink.

…

Now that Bucky knew what was going on, he was worried as to what this means for the team. Bob was sort of the glue that holds them all together and if they’d lost him… well, nobody had really considered that a possibility until now.

Bucky tried to boost morale in ways he could.

He lightly suggested to Alexei that they needed more group dinners, and Alexei pulled out his cookbooks and got to making everyone dinner nightly saved for Fridays, which were movie nights.

Ava was in charge of movie nights, always picking an informed choice for a movie considering everyone’s moods and wanting a variety. The first Friday of each month was a child friendly movie night earlier in the night for Harper.

Walker was told to make sure everyone keeps training just in case something happens, and he took his job seriously, keeping a journal. Walker came up with an exercise plan for Bob, low impact.

As for Yelena? Bucky just assumed she was supporting Bob behind the scenes, the two practically being the best of friends.

Maybe Bucky wasn’t officially the team leader… but he still tried to manage things from the sidelines.

…

Alexei was still heartbroken.

When Mel was out, he’d watch Harper, and he’d tear up at the prospect of this little girl losing his father.

He thought of all the ways he failed Yelena and Natasha.

Looking at Harper always felt like his chance to be a good parental figure, just now a grandparent.

Alexei asked Bucky one night how he felt about kids.

Bucky said Alpine is enough for him.

Grandpa it is.

…

Walker couldn’t handle friends dying.

When it came to Lemar he was historically a mess, and now this death was looming so slowly, and Walker knew it was bound to happen, he wasn’t stupid.

Any chance above 0% is a chance.

His new team could fall apart with this loss.

He’d fall apart losing Bob.

He felt so bad for all the times he poked fun at Bob or said something insensitive.

Walker felt so bad that he resorted to complimenting Bob whenever he could, especially during training no matter how much Bob was struggling to do basic exercises.

It was all heartbreaking.

…

Ava was no stranger to constant pain and fatigue.

So she may have slept over some nights, talking Bob through the pain, teaching him stretches and more comfortable positions.

Of course, her pain was deep seated in her atoms and his in his nerves and cells, so they differed.

But her guidance was better than nothing.

Ava showed Bob her favorite escape: books and movies and TV shows and music. Anything that’d distract from the pins and needles under his skin, anything that stopped her from falling apart.

Yelena walked in one night to see Ava sleeping in Bob’s bed, her head on his chest.

She was too late to help him.