Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Just for future reference, is the number of places you’ve been banned from in the double or triple digits?”

Leo tossed the question over his shoulder to his purple blur of a brother who had crashed into the dumpster behind him. Donnie grumbled into his hands and did a stilted half somersault into a defensive position. 

“Not the time, Nardo,” he said, waving off the question as he thumped his tech-bo on the ground. The device whirred and produced several comically large rockets that fired back at their assailant. 

Leo shrugged, he slashed a casual portal in the air to fend off a stray rocket and sent it hurling towards the screaming newt witch yokai that had been hunting them through the Hidden City.  “Just gathering data, D-day. Thought you liked that? And don’t say you don’t know the exact number,” Leo said and Donnie huffed like that was exactly what he was about to say, “we both know you record everything,”

“Leo,” Donnie groaned, then put a finger to his chin, “are we counting double banishings?”

Before Leo could ask what that meant, he caught sight of the new orange blur hurtling towards them. He twirled his odachi in an arc above him, producing two portals to catch it and drop it in Leo’s waiting arms. 

“Geez Don, what did you do to piss off the witches?” asked Mikey who had previously been going at a concerning speed before being deposited onto Leo, but seemed unbothered and was actually making himself quite comfortable in his current position. 

“Language!” came a voice from above them. Raph dropped down into the alley and crossed his arms. Mikey rolled his eyes and stepped neatly onto the ground before crouching and launching himself back towards the newt yokai. 

She managed to somehow dodge Leo’s spring loaded brother and send him flying back towards Raph who caught him easily with his ninpo. She was a gruesome sight, by yokai standards and witch standards: unnervingly tall with dozens of slimy eyes covering her orange forearms. Leo assumed there were more eyes, but the rest of her was swallowed in a velvet cloak and a huge pointed hat that came down to where the eyes on her face should have been. 

She snarled at them and Leo snarled right back. As the now appointed leader, Leo had taken the opportunity to take (read: drag) his brothers to the Hidden City today to witness a master of sleight-of-hand (read: watch a magic show) that Leo had discovered through studious research (read: he saw a flyer while getting pizza from Hueso’s) so Leo was rightfully annoyed when the witch caught his brother’s eye and started hurling spells towards them and yelling something about Donnie getting her home destroyed. 

The witch pulled a glass orb from her cloak. “I’ll end you!” she screamed, chanted something, and shattered the orb on the ground. The alley was immediately coated in magenta as the walls and floor took on the consistency of jelly. Donnie sunk, Raph slammed and stuck into the wall, and Leo flailed his arms for an embarrassing moment as he tried to regain his bearings. Mikey was the only one who seemed relatively unaffected as he rolled with the floor and sent his kusurai-fundo flying at the witch. It caught her by the arm and Mikey pulled her forward, but the floor moved and Donnie went crashing into her. 

“Shit!” Mikey yelled, scrambling back as his weapon was flung back to him.

“Language!” Raph yelled again, though Leo wasn’t sure how he heard anything with his face firmly in the wall. At least it confirmed he could breathe, but it didn’t stop Leo from frantically yanking him out. 

Donnie was sinking faster now. The witch blinked the stars from the impact out of her eyes before sending him a nasty smile. She produced an intricate dark crystal flask from her cloak, this one shimmering with some kind of volatile goo inside. It violently attacked the walls of its container and Leo didn’t know what it was, but a bad feeling was brewing in him. He readied his odachi and started towards them while the witch tipped the container towards Donnie and angled her own head away before uncorking it.

Normally, Leo would have just portalled him out of the way, but normally the floor was not jello.

Instead Leo slipped, ripped a portal in front of Donnie, and crashed them both into it. They rolled twice before Leo’s shell hit a wall (notably not jello-like which was good for the ‘getting-away’ part of Leo’s plan and not good for his now sore back). Rocks dislodged themselves from the impact and Leo held onto Donnie until he was sure the rock spray was over. 

“Yeouch,” Leo groaned and peeled himself away from his brother. He glanced around them, “think I portalled us underground,” he said, taking stock of the rocky cavern that they were standing in. Sparse crystals lined the walls and cast the space in a dim orange. 

Donnie still hadn’t uncurled himself from his position on the ground. Leo frowned. 

“Oye, hermano? You good?” Leo asked, crouching. Donnie chose that moment to rocket up and clock Leo in the jaw. The force of it sent him reeling backwards. The wrong feeling Leo had multiplied tenfold as he looked up.

Donnie was sitting up on his haunches. His pupils were whited out and he was growling low with a thin stream of saliva tracing its way down his face. Leo would say he had seen similar looks on his twin during a particularly bad video game raid, but bulging threads of blue traced their way over his skin and reached out like short tentacles. 

“I’m triple banishing you from witch town,” Leo said. 

Donnie sprung towards him gracelessly, nearly feral in his intensity. Leo made a sound (he did not yelp) and barely managed to jump out of the way. Donnie screeched and clawed at him, Leo ducked but he didn’t account for the reach of the now growing tentacles as they gripped his wrist and flung him hard in a way that knocked his odachi out of his hands and also made Leo miss the jelly walls. Before Leo could take another breath, Donnie appeared in front of him and dug his claws into Leo’s shoulders with an iron grip. Leo kicked out, but Donnie barely registered the blow. The blue goop was gathering at Donnie’s shoulders and paused for a moment. 

Leo wriggled unsuccessfully. He tried to catch his brother’s blank gaze. 

“C’mon Don Don, work with me here,” he said. The goop bristled, seeming almost expectant. Leo could feel his heart rate pick up, “what-”

And then Leo was screaming.

He didn’t recognize it as pain at first. Liquid ice had suddenly been injected into his skull and was freezing his brain but the cold quickly mutated into burning, burning, burning and Leo was sure his bones were melting out of his body.

The first coherent thought he could form was thinking I’ve been shot. He had never been shot before, but the movies made it seem like the sort of thing that’s hard to come back from. 

His vision was washed in blue. Leo’s breathing came in quick, short gasps as he registered that the goop was piercing into his eyes, hot acid searing itself onto his face and mixing with tears.  

Leo once read in his medical texts that the body localized pain in one spot at a time, but this was actively putting that theory to rest. It was everywhere and simultaneously coming from within, like his soul was being gouged out. His mind was on fire. It didn’t feel like his own anymore, it felt like someone was trying to pull it through his forehead. 

Something ugly was rooting into his brain. 

Leo’s vision dimmed. He tried to lean away from consciousness but the agony kept him present. Through blurry vision, Leo could just make out Donnie’s face. The ferocity on it looked completely out of place and directed right at Leo. 

Blue was working itself into his vision again, but it was different this time. Softer. He reached towards it. 

There was an angry screech from around him as Leo tightened his grip on the soft blue that he slowly realized was his ninpo. The goop whipped around him angrily and retracted, completely pulling the pain with it. 

Dizzy from the whiplash, Leo blinked as the goop swished angrily on his brother’s shoulders. It looked smaller than before. Leo took a shaky breath, but before he could attempt an escape, it shot back. His head slammed into the wall behind him as he arched away from the pain flooding his mind again. He found his ninpo faster this time and held it out like a shield in front of his mind. The goop battered against it wildly before retracting again. 

“Fuck,” Leo breathed, “fuck, let me-”

The tentacles pierced him a third time. Leo’s entire body spasmed with the force of it. His arms flailed wildly at his sides as he took longer to find his ninpo and send the parasite out. It was getting smaller and angrier, but Leo could feel the grip on his shoulders loosen.

“Donnie,” Leo gasped, “Donnie can you-”

It attacked again. Leo pushed it out and a distressed whimper tore its way through his throat.

“Donnie-”

Leo was on fire again. Waves of shocks rippled through him. He pushed back again. 

“Make it- make it stop.”

And again.

“Let me-Donnie let me go,”

And again.

“Please.”

Leo’s voice caught on the hard edges of a sob. The waves were getting shorter but there was a building desperation in both parties that made it harder and harder to push out each time. It hurt. It hurt to keep pushing it out but it hurt more to let it keep burrowing in. 

Was Donnie in the same kind of pain?

A sense of sobering dread ripped through Leo. 

It had been his fault after all, if he had opened the portal faster, if he hadn’t slipped, if he didn’t drag his brothers here to begin with-

Leo felt his ninpo flare and he pushed with it, this time not stopping when the goop retracted. He was pretty sure he was screaming the way his throat burned but he pushed further, letting it cover him and his brother in a dusty blue. The parasite wailed. It tried to pierce Leo again, but shriveled on contact with his ninpo. It tried to go back to Donnie, but met with the same fate. It bristled and ping-ponged between the two of them ravenously, writhing until finally, finally the last of its scorched away in the same gentle fire that cradled Leo and Donnie. 

The claws in Leo’s shoulders retracted and he crashed to his knees. 

Leo’s world fully tilted on its axis. It took a few long moments of breathing harshly into his hands, his form bowed and his forehead nearly touching the ground, before he was able to wipe at his face and sit up without being overcome by the roiling nausea that was threatening to overwhelm him. When he did he realized the cave around them was crumbling. Because of course it was. 

He attempted to stand once, stumbled, wheezed out a few more breaths that still had a lingering hysteria in them, and got to his feet successfully. He eyed his brother who hadn’t moved an inch. 

Donnie was looking notably less feral, but his expression was completely blank. His arms hung loosely at his side and his eyes were set somewhere far away. Leo would have been worried that some of…whatever that goop was could still be in his system, but the feeling of wrongness had completely dissipated. Regardless, he would definitely run a battalion of tests on his twin when they got back home. Leo put his hands to Donnie’s face. 

“Donnie?” his voice came out scratchy and Leo had to clear his abused throat, “You with me, kid?” he asked softly, hoping that Donnie would scoff at him for calling him kid and insist that he was the older twin. 

Donnie didn’t even blink. The cave rumbled. Leo sucked in a breath through his teeth and looked around before spotting his odachi. He tugged and Donnie all but flopped on top of Leo who scrambled to catch him which he did (very successfully he’d say) but then also fell down with him. 

Stray stones were clattering from the cavern roof. Leo’s legs were shaking as he pulled both of them back up and towards his swords. He bent down to grab them and only just managed not to fall again. 

“Ok, one portal coming up,” Leo said with a half shimmy. He reached for his ninpo and… he was running on empty. 

Larger rocks and a few of the embedded crystals in the walls began to rain down. Leo covered them as best he could. 

“C’mon,” Leo whispered and tried again to no avail. He swore softly and reached for the ninpo that had burned so brightly before. 

The cave vibrated and a large chasm in the ground appeared so suddenly that Leo just managed to push Donnie away from it before falling back. His stomach swooped as he fell, twisted, and jammed one sword into the wall of the split. The force of it reverberated in his joints.

Leo’s arms were shaking. The claw wounds from earlier made themselves loudly known in the form of a deep ache. 

“This would be a great time for that beautiful brain of yours!” Leo called up with no response. He took a shaky breath and swung as he buried his second sword into the rock wall. Normally a climb like this would take a laughably low amount of effort, but by the time Leo made it back over, sweat was pouring down his forehead. 

He swung his sword. 

No portal appeared. 

He would have screamed if his throat didn’t already feel so raw. 

More chasms were opening in the middle of the cave floor, enough that Leo herded them to the walls which had harsher rocks falling but less chance of falling to their death. 

“Don’t you have anything in that fancy shell?” Leo asked, “any tech? You love talking about your tech, I’m literally asking for a Donnie lecture!”

Donnie didn’t react. Leo grabbed him and used his own shell to shield him from one of the larger rocks crashing down around them. 

“Dammit. Dammit why can’t I,” Leo ripped his sword in the air in front of them, his vision swam. Leo closed his eyes. 

Raph had wanted to train today. He had bit his lip in quiet disappointment when Leo retconned his plans and took them to the Hidden City. They should have just listened to him. He was the real leader. Not whatever Leo was. When Leo led they all ended up in trouble. 

“Just one portal,” Leo prayed to he didn’t know who, “Just long enough for Donnie to get out, just one.”

A sudden touch on his forearm made Leo’s eyes fly open. He looked down. 

Donnie was still looking far away, but he had moved his hand onto Leo. 

“Donnie? What are you-”

And then Leo felt it- a warm wash similar to his own ninpo but distinctly different, like two pieces of a puzzle. He reached for it, feeling it feed the flame of his own ninpo. 

Leo slashed under them. Space cut away as they fell. 

Chapter Text

Donatello

Donnie woke up with a killer headache. 

His brothers always teased him about his dramatics whenever he got a headache, to which he would loudly announce that more brains was directly correlated with headache intensity. Donnie was pretty sure that Raph actually believed him because he was extra careful around him when a headache hit. That or his teddy bear of an older brother was just Like That. 

Donnie waved a hand in front of his eyes. His lab was way brighter than normal which didn’t help at all with what felt like a rubber band tightening around his head. 

“You’re awake!”

Donnie jumped back from the noise with a hiss then blinked. 

Leo was standing in front of him, hands up placatingly. His twin had on a navy blue cotton sweater that came down to his knees. Donnie squinted his eyes at Leo in question. 

“You’re in the med bay,” Leo supplied without Donnie having to ask, one of the quirks he was grateful for. Leo called it his ‘twin sense’ but Donnie would never subscribe to something so unscientific. Leo sat at the corner of his cot, expression totally calm but foot tapping restlessly. “You got hit by some witch spell when we went to the Hidden City.”

Ah. Yes, the one time Donnie tried to embrace mystic wahoo which kept biting him in the posterior. 

“I portalled us back and called Raph and Mikey. The witch apparently left after the spell and they’re headed back now. Dad checked on you a little earlier. How are you feeling?” Leo rattled off, and though his expression was steady, there was something shaky about it that Donnie couldn’t quite grasp. 

“Headache,” Donnie muttered. The lights turned off immediately and Leo pushed a glass of water and two tylenol into his hands, “Thanks. You said a spell?”

Leo nodded.

“Sigh. I suppose I now have to research who and what that spell is before it manifests into some mystic nonsense?”

Leo’s brow creased. He looked a lot like Raph when he did that. Donnie saw that expression more and more recently. 

“Uh. No, actually it’s- we got rid of it. I,” Leo bit his lip, “what do you remember?”

“Mikey crashing me into the newt witch and then waking up here. What do you mean we got rid of it? What was it? How do you know it’s gone?” Donnie asked with a frown. He didn’t like the missing data points in his memory. 

Leo’s shoulders slumped. “Honestly, that’s probably for the best,” he said quietly. 

“What is that supposed to mean?”

For a microsecond, Leo hesitated. If Donnie hadn’t known him for his entire life, he would have missed it, but then a smile stretched lazily onto his face, so perfectly placed that it masked it instantly. 

Donnie saw that expression more these days too. He was about to call him out but then-

“It meansss,” Leo said, drawing out the end of the word, “that I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t want to remember Zombie Donnie. Should have taken a picture of your drooling face.”

Donnie sat up with a scoff, “I- what?” Leo snickered. 

“Yeah, think the witch cast some dumb-dumb spell on you, so naturally it took me a moment to tell that something was up at first.”

The witch did something to his brain? Donnie’s shoulders gathered towards his ears. 

“It couldn’t survive ninpo, though, so it's gone now,” Leo said, amusement still dancing in his eyes but his expression had gotten a little softer, “I ran a bunch of scans- nothing mystic or pathologic going on. Anything else besides the headache?”

Donnie shook his head and typed out a few programs onto his forearm monitor, “All other systems are functioning at full capacity,” Donnie confirmed. The crease in Leo’s brow hadn’t smoothed out. He was rubbing lightly at his shoulders swathed under the sweatshirt. “How about you?”

Leo blinked. “Me?”

“Eyeroll. Yes, you, Nardo. I assume you had to deal with me in my ‘zombified’ state as you put it. Did you incur any harm?”

“Pfft, like your zombie ass isn’t something I could easily handle.”

“Language!”

Donnie and Leo looked towards the Medbay entrance to a quickly approaching Raph and Mikey. Mikey flung himself onto the cot and clung onto Donnie’s arm. 

“Are they going to give you more lines, or are you sticking with the one?” Leo asked. Raph shook his head, though Donnie found it admirable that he continued to try and keep a leash on the profanities that Leo, and subsequently Mikey, leaned towards. 

Raph crouched down to meet Donnie’s eye. “How you doin, Don? Raph heard you got hit with some crazy witch spell,” he leaned forward to put his hand on Donnie’s forehead which would have been sweet if Raph’s hand didn’t encompass his entire face. Donnie batted it away. 

“Mystic nonsense cancelled out mystic nonsense it seems,” Donnie said, patting Mikey on the head, “Leo says the Hamato ninpo burned out whatever that spell tried to do.”

“And you’re feeling ok otherwise?” Mikey asked from his side. Donnie shrugged. 

“I believe so,” even his headache was dissipating with the medicine.

“And you’re sure whatever it was is gone now?” Raph asked, peering at Donnie like he could manifest x-ray vision. 

“I don’t actually remember what happened, but that’s what Leo said.”

“Right. But you’ll run your own scans and stuff right?” Raph asked.

“Hey! I’m very thorough!” Leo protested.

“Yes and I 100% trust you,” Donnie said. 

“You already ran your own scans, didn’t you,” Mikey asked, tapping at his forearm monitor. 

“...Both statements can exist in the same space.”

Leo rolled his eyes. 

“But like, what happened?” Mikey asked, “Even if you don’t remember, Leo was there.”

Leo shrugged, “I was telling Donnie. The spell made him a little wild for a sec, but the Hamato ninpo burnt it out of him easy-peesy,” he said and Donnie could feel it again. Like Leo was saying all the right things but shifted slightly to the left. 

Mikey’s eyes narrowed. “Easy-peesy?” Maybe he picked up on it too. 

“Lemon squeezy,” Leo affirmed, “Would I ever lead you guys wrong?”

Leo jumped slightly when Raph set his hands heavily on his shoulders. “It worked out this time,” Raph said and Donnie spared a glance at Mikey who had tensed, “Though Raph’ll remind you that it wouldn’t have happened if we just did a training day like Raph suggested.”

Donnie waited for the instant rebuttal from Leo, hoping that it wouldn’t spiral into another shouting match between the two. That would be enough to bring his receding headache back to front stage again. 

“Yeah,” Leo mumbled instead, “probably not.”

It was subdued enough for the three of them to stare at Leo in shocked silence. Raph recovered first. 

“Uh. Right! And don’t think Raph didn’t see that stumble when you portalled yourself and Donnie.”

Leo scoffed, shrugging off Raph’s hands. He rolled his shoulders and turned towards him, “Yeah, you could only see that after I pulled your face out of the wall,” he rebutted, voice sharper than necessary. 

“If I recall, Mikey was the only one unaffected,” Donnie offered, hoping it would bring down whatever was rising in the air. Mikey did a fake bow, clearly playing up the compliment. Raph sighed. 

“Extra training tomorrow, Leo. Donnie gets a pass since he should be recovering.”

Leo made an aborted move like he was going to throw up his arms in exasperation, but it faltered halfway and he crossed them in front of him instead. “Fine, yeah. Whatever.” He glanced at Donnie, “I know you said you feel ok, but staying on the med bay monitors for the night is probably a good idea.”

Donnie shuffled towards the edge of his bed, “Oh, that’s alright. Besides I have a few things to tweak on my tech-bo should we ever need to counter jelly floors again. Perhaps an icing attachment? A bonding alloy for cement?” Donnie went to put a hand to his chin, but his arm was caught by his youngest brother who hauled him back onto the bed with surprising force. 

“Oh Donald,” Mikey said sweetly, “That sounds an awful lot like you trying to pull an all-nighter after Raph and Leo just told you to take some time to recover.”

Donnie swallowed, “I simply mean to prepare-”

“For bed? Yes, that sounds like a great plan,” Mikey finished for him and Donnie sighed. Maybe he’d wait out his brother’s visit and then-

“The med bay is looking mighty comfy. Raph thinks he’ll sit here a while,” he said, fixing Donnie with a saccharine smile. 

“Put-upon groan. Fine ye mother hens,” Donnie said and flopped back onto the cot. He made a show of closing his eyes, “ah, I have set my GPS to dreamland. Wow. Here I-” he yawned. An annoyed part of himself realized it wasn’t all for show, “here I come.”

Donnie felt his head loll slightly on his pillows. His brothers may have snickered at him, but Donnie didn’t grace them with a reaction which was a totally conscious decision and not a by-product of him falling asleep. 

“Sweet dreams, Don.”

Leonardo

There was a spot. 

Leo watched the monitors set a reassuring, steady rhythm for his brother from his bed. He had set up a linked system from the med bay ages ago, back when Donnie once complained that he couldn’t sleep with Leo looming over him all night. Which was wild coming from the one who sometimes invited himself over to Leo’s room, shoved himself into a corner on his full-sized bed, and knocked out around 4 in the morning after finishing whatever experiment he had been working on. Leo realized later that it was Donnie’s way of trying to get Leo to sleep. It was sweet in theory, but Leo’s relationship with sleep was perilous at best anyways. 

For example, Leo hadn’t slept after the events of the day. When his eyes did droop, he was greeted with the image of his brother frothing at the mouth as claws dug deeper and deeper into his brain and-

Leo wasn’t tired anyways. 

He shrugged off his sweatshirt, wincing a little at the way his bandaged biceps caught on the inner material. He tossed it into his closet and checked that the wounds hadn’t opened. Reassured, he turned back to the monitors and scrolled.

Donnie’s monitor had been steady throughout the night. There was a moment where his heart rate picked up for a moment so Leo looked in through the cameras. It seemed like he was just dreaming, though, because he settled when Mikey (who had refused to leave and made himself comfy next to his brother) nuzzled closer to him. 

Donnie’s scans were all normal. Leo combed through them dozens of times just to make triple sure, but Leo scanned himself too and his eyes kept catching on a spot. A slight echogenicity in Leo’s temporal lobe that the mystics scan picked up. Leo ran a full neuro exam on himself and, with no abnormalities, decided to just keep an eye on it for now.

He busied himself with carefully documenting the scans and tests he ran and adding them to his ‘Donnie medical folder’ on his laptop. Then he documented everything he could remember about the newt witch and her creepy spells and added them to his ‘mystic nonsense’ folder (Donnie named that one). 

Leo thought about his stumble from before. He hadn’t realized it was so obvious that Raph noticed. He bit the inside of his cheek. It was a dumb mistake. How was he still making dumb mistakes? Worse than that, his portals had fizzled out when he was trying to escape that cave. Sure he had been low on ninpo, but that shouldn’t have happened either. He thought he was past the point where he had to worry about his portalling ability again. It had taken so long for him to finally build some semblance of confidence in them, way longer than his brother and their respective mystic abilities (even Donnie, who had avoided mystics, was able to master his abilities once he finally got his head out of his butt and embraced them a little bit). 

Leo asked his dad why none of them had any faith in him and his dad responded by making him the leader. Leo wished now that his dad had just been honest. 

The smell of bacon put his thoughts on hold. He glanced at the clock. Mikey must have woken up and, judging by the monitor, Donnie would be close behind. Leo stretched his hands behind his head. His arms were still a little sore, but he had taken a little bit of tylenol and some muscle relaxants which helped the ache. He hopped onto his feet, threw his sweatshirt back on, snagged a spot in the bathroom to wash up before Raph could hog it, and strolled into the kitchen. 

“Morning, Leonor!” Mikey called. He shoved some scrambled eggs and bacon his way. Leo grinned at him.

“Morning Mickey,” he said and shoved his fork into his breakfast. 

“Hey, I’m a turtle, not a mouse!”

“Weren’t you the one who said you took after Splinter?”

“Papa is a rat, not a mouse,” came Donnie’s mumbled contribution as he shuffled into the kitchen, grabbed a pitcher (pitcher!) of coffee from the machine, and tipped it down his throat. Donnie sighed contentedly, folded his arms, and put his head down. He tilted his face towards Leo and squinted. “Had a weird dream about you.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, you were blue.”

“Donnie I’m. I’m always in blue. Kinda my thing,” Leo replied, trying to ignore the way his heart dropped. 

“Mm,” Donnie nodded sagely, “but you were more blue. Like,” he picked up his hand and waved it at Leo.

Leo’s fork clattered onto his plate as he flinched back. Which was dumb. Extremely dumb. Even if for a moment Leo felt claws digging into him again and burning in his head. 

Donnie’s eyes widened and Leo cursed internally at himself. He took a breath around his pounding heart, “Sorry. Thought you were trying to make a play for my eggs,” Leo said with a laugh.

“There’s plenty for everyone!” Mikey called. Leo sent a silent thank you for the fact that his little brother’s back had been turned. Mikey slid a plate towards Donnie with exactly two hard boiled eggs cut into halves and lightly sprinkled with salt and pepper. Donnie fixed Leo with a look that Leo pointedly ignored as he set upon his breakfast with the focus it deserved. Raph wandered in at some point and ate with them after rubbing Mikey’s head affectionately in thanks and checking in on how Donnie was feeling. 

“You remember we got our training session later today, right Leo?” he asked. 

Leo groaned. “Yes Raphabelle,” he said, "Shockingly I did not forget in the less-than-a-day since you told me about it.”

“Good. Raph’s gotta help April with packing for her summer trip but I’ll be back around seven,” he grumbled and stabbed his sunny-side ups. The yolk leaked sluggishly. 

Leo hummed and went back to his breakfast. Mikey dipped his scrambled eggs in his ketchup and swirled them around his plate. Donnie sighed quietly which made Leo feel a little bad. 

It wasn’t like Leo didn’t know about the tension between him and his big brother, he just didn’t know how to not keep feeding into it. When Splinter had first made Leo the leader, he had tried to, nearly begged to have Raph take the position back. Raph had been adamant that Splinter’s decision was not to be overruled, but it was obvious that Raph was uncomfortable with it the way he was constantly questioning Leo’s plans, his ‘commitment to training’, his, well his everything. 

Before when they disagreed, it had been so easy to fall back into their dynamic. Leo would take the long route to apologizing and Raph would fold immediately because he couldn’t stay mad at any of his little brothers for long. 

But Leo being a ‘leader’ (whatever that meant) changed things. It meant that Raph was less forgiving towards Leo’s screw ups. More desperate for Leo to become ‘more responsible’ for the ‘good of the team’. And Leo was! He was responsible and of course he cared about his brothers but the fact that he didn’t have the same exact values as Raph seemed to drive a larger and larger wedge between the two of them. 

And maybe if he showed how much better Raph was at this, their dad would take his decision back. 

Raph bid them goodbye and went to April’s place. Mikey, Donnie, and Leo migrated to the living room. Leo was surprised that Donnie didn’t go to his lab, but when he asked Donnie just said that he was in the ‘pre-phase’ of some experiment and that his work could be done on his laptop. He then went on a twenty minute rant on the experiment he was working on (upgrades to the turtle tank to make it all-terrain). Leo normally would have interrupted him midway, but the memory of his twin completely silent in a dimly lit cavern made him hold his tongue. He even sprinkled in some ‘oo’s’ and ‘ahs’ because he was a good brother like that. 

They fell into companionable silence. Mikey was hunched over, laser focused on a painting he had been working on while Leo flicked lazily through some comic books. His eyes were drooping again and his eyes glossed over the words in the book a few times without registering them. 

“Ah ha!” Mikey cried from his corner, making both Leo and Donnie jump. Mikey was holding up his painting victoriously, eyes full of stars as he looked at his brothers, “gentlemen, behold!” he said and turned the painting towards them. Donnie and Leo leaned in. 

An intricate golden butterfly rested on the page, lines in careful strokes of orange and dotted with painted foil. Leo ‘oo’ed and ‘ah’ed in genuine earnest. Donnie hummed. 

“Masterful work as always, Michael,” Donnie said in appreciation, but Mikey frowned. 

“What? No, guys, wait I haven’t done it yet.”

“It?” Leo asked. 

Mikey grinned. He held the page above his head and closed his eyes, brow furrowing as he took a deep breath in. The orange spots on his shoulders glowed gently as Mikey brought the page back down in front of him and breathed out. 

For a moment, nothing happened. Leo was ready to throw some more ‘oo’s and ‘ah’s at the situation because that hadn’t failed him yet. 

But then, the page shimmered and a golden afterimage of the butterfly lifted itself off the page. It fluttered its wings and took flight around the room. Leo whistled.

“Wow, Mikey,” he said, genuinely impressed. 

Mikey bounced on his heels, “I know right? So far my ninpo has just been chains and stuff, but after watching Donnie use his ninpo to make his awesome machines I was inspired and realized that maybe I could do more!”

Donnie flicked his goggles on and traced the butterfly’s flight. His cheeks had darkened considerably in response to the unrestrained praise from their little brother. Leo snorted. Donnie turned to send what Leo assumed would be a glare, but his expression morphed into confusion through his goggles. He stepped a little closer. 

“Is there something on your head?” he asked. Leo took a half step back.

“What? I don’t,” he looked up and saw Mikey’s butterfly fluttering towards him. It landed gently on his head, “Oh hey little guy,” he cooed. 

The butterfly perked up at the affection, spun in a circle, and floated back towards the paper before settling itself back onto the page. 

Donnie’s gaze was still fixed on Leo, but Mikey had saddled up to Donnie and tugged on his elbow. 

“What do you think, Donnie? You haven’t said anything,” he asked with a pout. Donnie turned towards him and flicked his goggles back up. 

“Let me know if you ever want to test how your more artistic mystic wahoo works with my mechanical mystic wahoo,” Donnie said simply.

To anyone else it would seem like a dry response, but Mikey was practically vibrating. An invitation to Donatello’s experiments was no small thing, after all. Especially since Mikey’s tendency to touch what should not be touched had him locked out of Donnie’s lab most of the time. 

Leo wanted to comment on the sweetness of it all (half to hype up Mikey more, half to embarrass Donnie), when a strange sensation came over him. A mix of nausea and sudden dread. Leo shook his hands, trying to dispel the feeling. He blinked hard, but it was rising up in his chest. His all-nighter must have been catching up to him. 

“I can do more!” Mikey said with a bounce, “Wanna- Leo?”

Leo yawned and waved his hand at the pair, “You guys go, I’m- I think I’m gonna lie down for a bit.”

Mikey frowned. “Did you sleep at all last night?” Donnie asked. 

“Course I did!” Leo said, hoping his smile didn’t come off as a grimace as the nausea doubled, “just feeling like a lazy cat nap.”

He tossed a wave at them over his shoulder and waltzed out. He tried to ignore how his hand was shaking when he opened the door to his room and closed it quietly before sinking to the ground to hold his stomach. 

He didn’t usually get nauseous when he pulled all-nighters. He was not excited about this new development but even though this had never happened before, Leo had a strange feeling like he had experienced this exact moment already. 

That thought tickled a part of Leo’s brain, a stray line from one of the medical texts he had read floated into his consciousness. He had just enough time to think oh shit before he blacked out completely.

Chapter Text

Leo floated in and out. 

When he first blinked into consciousness, he was distantly aware that all his limbs were sore. Then, nausea took over his senses and Leo curled up on the ground pathetically until it passed. He forgot what he had been trying to do before that. Where was he even? He faded again. 

When Leo roused a second time, he was slightly more aware. He managed to pull himself into a sitting position and identify that he was in Leo’s room. Leo. He was Leo. He was Leo and he was in Leo’s room which meant he was in his own room. Awesome. Oriented to place and self. Leo closed his eyes as a reward and drifted.

The third time, Leo managed to hold onto consciousness and look around. His room was a mess. Files on the cabinet nearest to him had been knocked down. His arms felt wet. Leo shimmied out of the sweatshirt which took much longer than necessary and winced when he saw spots of red on his bandages along with several new bruises along his forearms and thighs. His head was pounding. Leo reached a hand to feel behind his head, and was relieved that it didn’t come back with blood.

“Ow,” he managed to croak, then giggled because ‘ow’ summed things up pretty well. “Fuck,” he laughed into his hand, only sounding slightly hysterical, “What the fuck. Did I just have a fucking seizure?” he asked no one in the middle of his giggles because it was, for lack of a better term, really fucking funny. 

His head hurt. 

Leo closed his eyes for another long moment before stumbling to his feet. He unwrapped the bandages on his arms and inspected the damage- nothing too serious thankfully as only a few sutures had popped open. Leo didn’t even need to redo them, he just cleaned and rewrapped his arms. He was shaking by the time he finished and sat heavily on his bed. 

He just had a seizure. 

Leo’s mind wandered to the spot he saw on his brain scan. A tight feeling swam around his chest for a moment before Leo recognized it. 

He just had a seizure and it was scary. 

Leo got up. His old sweatshirt was soaked in sweat so he quickly pulled a new one out of his closet before heading out of his room because he just had a seizure and he really needed to tell someone. 

What if it happened again?

Leo swallowed down a rising feeling of panic. His legs were carrying him somewhere and he stopped when he recognized the door. Leo knocked, trying not to let the frantic energy buzzing in his stomach come through. A mumble came through the other side and the door opened to Raphael rubbing his eyes and yawning. His gaze narrowed when it landed on Leo. 

“Heeey Raph,” Leo started, voice warbling slightly, “I have to-”

“Save it, Leo,” Raph interrupted.

Leo blinked. “Wha-?”

Raph sighed and turned away, “I can’t believe, actually no, I can believe. Of course you wouldn’t take what I said seriously. You don’t take anything seriously! But you know what,” Raph whirled around, “Go ahead. Give me the excuse, why did you miss the training session we specifically scheduled and talked about?”

“The-oh,” Leo paled, “I-”

“Oh? What do you mean oh?? Don’t tell me you forgot in the less-than-a-day it’s been since we talked about it,” Raph said, imitating Leo’s voice in a high pitch. 

“I- ok first off I don’t sound like that, second-”

“Where were you?! Mikey said you were taking a nap but no shot the one time you decide to actually sleep is when we have a training session right?”

“I wasn’t-! Well, technically I may have been asleep but-”

Raph growled. Honest to goodness growled. He looked down at Leo and Raph had always been taller but he never made Leo feel small the way he was doing now. Leo hunched. 

“Raphie,” Leo tried. 

“Don’t,” Raph said, “I- Leo I can’t trust you like this.”

Leo’s stomach dropped. 

“You have no sense of responsibility. No sense of discipline,” Raph’s voice was raising, “You’re selfish and you’re lazy!”

Raph was right. Of course he was, that’s why he should be the leader.

“How can we trust you to lead us when you can’t get yourself to do anything on your own?”

Usually at this point, Leo was biting back- his teeth sharper than Raph’s could ever be. Usually he’s screaming how he can’t do anything on his own with Raph’s constant hedging and back-seat driving. How he didn’t ask for this so why can’t Raph do what he obviously wants so desperately and become their leader again?

And maybe if he did that, Leo would have his big brother back too. 

The thought was almost too much for him and it mixed uncomfortably with the nausea and dread that lingered from earlier. 

“Well?” Raph asked, crossing his arms in front of him, “Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

He didn’t. Not really. He wanted Raph to stop yelling. He wanted him to stop looking at him with that bottomless disappointment which- Leo had disappointed him so what else should he expect?

“I’m sorry,” Leo managed, whisper-quiet to prevent his voice from breaking. 

The apology echoed through the hall and hung in the air. Leo chanced a glance up. 

Raph seemed shocked. Leo didn’t know how he felt that a simple apology would put that look on his face. It definitely didn’t feel good. Leo looked away. At some point he had wrapped his arms around himself. Usually, before all this leader business, by this point of an argument Raph was already hugging him. Leo tightened his arms to stop his shoulders from shaking. 

There was an intake of breath from above him. Raph crouched a little.

“Raph didn’t… expect an apology,” he said, staring at Leo like it was his first time really looking at him through the whole conversation. His hands hovered. Leo didn’t know what to say to that so he stayed silent. Funny how it took until this point for him to learn how to do that. A lot of things were funny today. 

The silence stretched thin. Raph shuffled, clearly thrown off. “What,” he started and cleared his throat, “Why’d you come to Raph’s room? I thought it was to talk about the training session but it looks like you forgot about that,” Raph asked, his tone careful. 

Leo shook his head, “It’s nothing,” and dammit his voice did crack then. He swallowed quickly and waved off the way Raph honed in on the slip up, “Really I- you should go back to sleep,” Leo said, turning on his heel before Raph could reply and disappearing down the hall. 

“It’s nothing I can’t handle on my own,” he told himself quietly. He wondered if Raph would have been proud to hear it. 

Probably not. 

-

The breakdown Leo had when he got back to his room was rough, embarrassing, and something he would like to leave as a distant memory, thank you very much. 

He told himself that it was something he could handle on his own, but as he poured over his texts the truth was he had no idea what he was dealing with. His medical references only covered human anatomy and, while they described temporal lobe anomalies as correlated with seizure activity, the fact that the spot on his brain was picked up by the mystic scan pointed towards more magical origins. 

The texts also said that sleep deprivation and certain pain killers lowered the seizure threshold. He tried to shut his eyes, but memories of piercing lines mixed with the bad feeling that hadn’t gone away post-seizure had him jolting awake anyways. 

Leo groaned. He had repeated the scan and the spot was still clearly present: not something Leo could write off as artifact. He had exhausted his medical resources and there was only one person he could think of who knew more about medicine and mystics than him but he really didn’t want to resort to contacting him. How bad even was the seizure?

Bad. It was bad. And it would be even worse if Leo had one in public or on a mission. 

He waited a few more hours, taking the time to gather some materials before it became an acceptable hour to pay a visit. Leo grabbed his odachi and slashed a quick portal (which, to his relief, worked instantly) before stepping through. 

“Sup Bear Bear,” Leo said casually as he walked in on Baron Draxum having a breakfast bagel in his tiny New York apartment. The chair and table he had were on the shorter side so he was leaning over it. It reminded Leo of doll house furniture and the comparison made him snort. 

Draxum choked on his tea which brightened Leo’s mood even further. 

“Leonardo,” Draxum said with a cough. He cleared his throat, “I see your brother’s penchant for unannounced visits run in the family.”

“Mm, yeah mhmm don’t get used to it,” Leo said, pouring himself into the chair across from him. He pushed out so that he was leaning as far as possible from the table. “I’ve just got a mystic sciency question that, unfortunately, google doesn’t cover.”

“I am Baron Draxum, not some search engine equivalent for you to use whenever you please!” said the great Baron Draxum while chewing on a bagel and getting a little cream cheese on the corner of his mouth. 

“Right, right,” Leo said placatingly and slid the scans he had across the table. 

Draxum fixed Leo with a glare, but his curiosity must have gotten the better of him because he picked up the materials. He set his bagel down. 

“Hm. This is your scan?”

Leo winced. He initially wanted to play this off as an ‘I found an interesting case I wanted to discuss’, but Draxum did literally make them. It stood to reason that he’d recognize the scan. Draxum held up the scan and pointed to the spot that was currently the source of all of Leo’s problems. 

“How?” he asked.

“Does it matter?”

Draxum raised an eyebrow at him in a way that told Leo he wasn’t going to give him anymore information without a little more background. Leo stuck to the bare bones of what happened- Donnie pissed off some witches, witch hit Donnie with spell, Donnie became feral for a second and was infected by some goop, goop burned away with ninpo. 

“Donatello’s scans are clean,” Draxum said, carefully looking through Donnie’s folders, “what did this ‘goop’ as you called it look like? If it infected Donatello, why is there evidence of mystic signatures on your scan?”

Leo threw his hands up, “I don’t know man!” he exclaimed. Draxum just stared at him, a look of intrigue sparked in his eyes that almost reminded Leo of Donnie. Leo crossed his arms, “Well. Ok, It was blue. And in this fancy dark, crystally container and…like volatile? And I guess it tried to infect me too, maybe?”

There was a spark of recognition in Draxum’s eyes, “How?”

“How what?”

“How did it try to infect you? Did it try to go through your eyes?”

Leo grimaced without response, but Draxum was already moving. He disappeared into his room for a moment and came back with a scroll. He laid it out on the table. The great Baron Draxum then poured Leo a cup of tea before letting him peer over. 

“That’s the bitch!” Leo gasped, too preoccupied to refuse the tea or at least snort indignantly at it. Draxum nodded smugly.

“Your incredibly vague descriptions were no help, but I am an expert in the mystic arts and master of magical-”

“A toxofantasma,” Leo read, interrupting Draxum’s ego party, “a hex spell that will take over the host and target their loved ones, leading their loved ones to excruciating death until the host is left alone to roam the earth. This spell is permanent and should be used only for mortal enemies, blood feuds, and coven crashers,” Leo sucked in a breath through his teeth as he kept reading the gruesome methods that the spell used to cause the ‘excruciating death’,  “yeesh, we gotta start keeping a list of Don’s enemies.”

“A list that is sure to rival my own,” Draxum muttered and Leo let out a huff of amusement at how serious he sounded about that. “I have seen the effects of a toxofantasma before, but they have always been, as written here, permanent. You said Donatello was able to use his ninpo to burn it away?”

“...Actually I used my ninpo to burn it out of both of us while it was still trying to dig into my brain,” Leo said. 

“Fascinating.”

“If you say so. Now do I still have the little bugger in my brain or not. I’d really like to avoid the ‘excruciating death’ part please and thanks.”

Draxum shook his head. He scrolled through the scan on Leo’s tablet. “There is no trace of the physical toxofantasma left,” he said and pointed at Leo’s brain, “this is just a faint mystic signature left over from when you physically uprooted it from your mind. An impressive feat, but then you are my creation so I am not surprised.”

Leo shuffled a little at the praise. Leave it to Draxum to make a compliment feel weird. 

“The signature should fade with time. The location is slightly concerning, however. Avoid high mystic energy for the next few weeks as it may flare in response and trigger seizure activity.”

“Right, and when you say ‘high mystic energy’ and ‘seizure activity’ could you expand for no reason other than scientific curiosity?”

Draxum’s eyes flicked over to Leo. Leo liked to think he was usually pretty good at keeping his thoughts under wrap, but something must have leaked through because Draxum sighed. “I will send you some medication. It will take me a few days, but the pill you will take daily for prevention and the injection for prolonged or unremitting seizure activity. I assume your family is already aware and will take the necessary precautions to make sure you do not injure yourself in the meantime?”

“They know what happened,” Leo said vaguely, pulling his figurative mask on firmly. He sipped at the tea, surprised to find the mellow flavor rather calming. Draxum nodded. 

“It is important to clear the area to ensure there is nothing you can hit against. Seizure activity caused by this kind of anatomy can lead to a post-ictal period of confusion that you should not be left alone in until it is resolved. In terms of mystic avoidance, low density mystic activity such as your portals should be fine. Michelangelo is the only family member you may need to give a wide berth to for now.”

“Pop some pills, avoid baby bro, got it,” Leo said getting up and gathering his materials,  “I’ll come by in a few days to pick those meds up, though are you sure you can’t just expedite it?”

“I am Baron Draxum!" he exploded, "Not some personal pharmacist for you and your family! The medication’s dosage and pharmacokinetics are not ones that I can just ‘expedite’ anyways. The fact that I can do it in a few days is a feat in itself! A feat only I, Baron Draxum am capable of, you-”

“Yeah, yeah. Yeesh, you ever thank your mom for giving you a name you like so much?”

Draxum sputtered angrily and Leo laughed as he cut a portal back to his own room. Leo paused for a moment before stepping through. He turned back. 

“Thanks, by the way for,” he gestured vaguely, “well you know.”

Draxum waved him off, “As Michelangelo keeps telling me, I have a responsibility to ensure the upkeep of you four,” he said.

“Uh. Sure. That’s…sweet, I think?” 

“Take care, Leonardo.”

Leo stepped through his portal back into his room. He looked around his still messy room and felt… strangely better. He had a plan now. Draxum would give him the medication, Leo would ride out the next couple of weeks until the mystic traces in his brain were gone and his family would be none the wiser! He could probably wait out the next few days while Draxum prepped the pills.

Really, how bad could it be?

Chapter Text

Leo had two more seizures before he was finally able to pick up the medication from Draxum four days later. 

But he handled them! One came on when Mikey showed Raph his new ninpo trick and the second when he showed dad. Both times Leo had the wave of nausea and disorienting deja-vu to warn him about the onslaught. He made himself scarce, laid down on his floor which he had cleared completely since talking to Draxum, and spent the rest of the day in a drowsy nap-state.  

Raph had come in once when he was still recovering, but Leo didn’t remember much from the conversation. Something about rescheduling their training. Leo must not have given a great answer since he fell back asleep and Raph kept sending him disappointed looks the day after. 

The medication Draxum gave him at least seemed to be working. He hadn’t had any episodes since he started taking the white capsules and it had been a full week since then. He was still taking care to excuse himself subtly whenever Mikey was in the room. Just to be safe. 

The capsule was a modified version of valproate and the injection, which was supposed to be used if Leo couldn’t get out of a seizure, was a turtle-friendly version of a benzo. Leo wasn’t exactly sure how he’d give it to himself if he'd be mid-seizure, but he tucked both into his medicine pouch anyways.

He thought that would end the interaction between him and Draxum, but the old goat kept texting him (Leo really had to give Mikey more grief for giving out all their numbers) asking for updates on his scans and any new seizure activity. Which, again, Leo found weirdly sweet. He wasn’t about to admit that to Baron Draxum of all people but he did pepper in a little more gratitude and a little less sass when he texted back. Marginally. 

All that to say Leo was back to his usual activities. Currently, that activity was complaining loudly while he helped Donnie adjust his robot arms. 

“You cannot possibly have anything more productive to do right now, Nardo,” Donnie said, twisting a teeny-tiny screwdriver into a teeny-tiny panel. 

“There’s a new Jupiter Jim reboot trailer,” Leo whined, “I gotta watch it before the spoilers leak!”

“Just use the spoiler blocker I installed for you.”

“Stop logically pointing out solutions to my predicaments!”

“So I should just let you complain nonsensically instead?”

“Now you’re getting it,” Leo said with a grin. 

In all honesty, he didn’t mind helping Don with his maintenance repairs. Actually, he was surprised he even asked Leo for help, he usually didn’t let them come close to his battle shell add-ons. 

Donnie hummed. “Speaking of nonsense, subtle segue, are you and Mikey fighting?”

Leo blinked. “What? No, why would we be fighting?”

Donnie didn’t answer, he was looking everywhere but at Leo. 

“Don?”

“He-gah,” Donnie nearly dropped his screwdriver and adjusted himself, “I’m not the one who’s good at this,” he muttered. He flicked on his goggles the way he always did when he wanted to hide his expression, “Mikey says you’ve been avoiding him.”

Ah. Leo thought he was being more subtle than that. He couldn’t exactly outright deny it, Donnie would see through the lie right away. He had noticed their littlest brother frowning at him when he left the room the other day. 

“Why would I be avoiding him?” Leo opted to say. 

“I don’t know, Leo! That’s why I’m asking! Not to mention your whole thing with Raph has been getting worse lately!”

Leo shifted. He had a sinking feeling that Donnie didn’t ask him for help because he was confident in his twin’s mechanical prowess. Had they been talking about him? He hadn’t noticed Raph getting more upset with him over the past couple weeks, mostly because he had been avoiding him too. 

That one would be a little harder to explain. 

“Raph and I are fine, D,” Leo reassured, “We’re just…working through some stuff. No big.”

“Yes, big! Big enough that I’m initiating a conversation about,” Donnie shuddered, “feelings.”

Leo really didn’t want to have this conversation, feelings or otherwise. When he didn’t respond, Donnie turned towards him. Leo turned away.  

“Well, you know I think that Jupiter Jim trailer really is calling my name now, so-”

Leo set the robot arm he was holding down on Donnie’s work bench and turned to leave.

“Wait,” Donnie said, grabbing his wrist. 

Leo sighed, “Don, seriously everything is fine.”

“That thing is still on your head.”

Leo did a double-take at the sudden topic change. Donnie was peering closer through his goggles. Leo pulled his hand back, but Donnie held fast. 

“I saw it a few weeks ago too, but Murphy’s Law I got distracted.”

“Was that a swear? Should I get Raph?” Leo tried to joke and pulled his wrist again. Donnie was coming closer, silhouetted by his robot arms. Leo swallowed dry as his shell hit the wall.

“Dude, don’t worry about it, it’s fine.”

“I’d worry less if you’d let me look at it. You don’t seem surprised so I’m assuming you know what it is?”

Dammit “Probably just some smudge on your lenses,” Leo tried. Donnie raised his hand.

“Right. Why are you being weird about this?”

“I’m not! It’s- I’ve got it handled, it’s fine!”

“Got what handled?” Donnie asked, voice pitched and hand rapidly approaching Leo’s head as if to inspect it. Leo jerked back, his heart rate tripling. His mind played an unhelpful loop of what happened last time Donnie was this close to his face.

“Donnie, let me go,” he said, voice coming out weaker than he would like as he ripped his wrist out of his brother’s grip. Donnie rolled his eyes and used the robot arms to hold Leo’s shoulders.

The hold was gentle, like Leo was a misbehaving kitten.

It didn’t stop the sharpened ends from lightly scraping on his recently healed shoulders. Like sharpened claws that held him place as thorns dug their way through his mind and set his blood on fire. 

Leo’s vision whited out. For a delirious moment, he thought he felt the rocky cavern wall behind him. 

“LET ME GO,” Leo screamed, erupting as he pushed back with his full strength and sent Donnie reeling backwards. It gave him a great opportunity to escape, but Leo’s knees gave out and he slumped down, breathing harshly.

“What the helion, Leon!” Donnie yelped, but Leo couldn’t answer him over the rush of blood in his own ears. “Leo?”

Donnie had flipped up his goggles and was crouching now. He was too close. Leo drew his knees to himself and tried to meld with the wall. 

“Leo, what- hey, what’s wrong?”

Donnie was reaching out again, eyes as wide as dinner plates. 

“Don’t” Leo croaked, “Don’t-just. Stay away.”

Donnie’s expression shattered. He fidgeted with his mini screwdriver. Leo fought unsuccessfully to suck in air. Neither moved, Donnie's hand stayed suspended in the air. “You’re scaring me, Nardo,” Donnie said quietly, “Why won’t you let me near you?”

A pathetic whine Leo couldn’t suppress bubbled out. “Please,” is all he said, trying to gulp down deep breaths. His texts had also told him that increased stress could trigger a seizure and Leo really didn’t think he could deal with that at the moment. 

He had to get out. Donnie’s lab was too dark. Donnie had backed up a bit but was too close. Leo grabbed his sword from its back holster. 

“Are. Are we fighting now?” Donnie asked, voice thready as he watched Leo guide his sword out.  Leo shook his head. 

“No it’s. It’s not,” Leo took a breath that was too shallow and left him light-headed, “I’m sorry,” he said and cut into the space beneath him, feeling awful about leaving his twin with such a lost look on his face. 

He tried to ignore how his brother still reached for him anyways. 

-

Leo wasn’t sure he could count what happened after he left Donnie’s room a seizure since it only lasted a few seconds, but it didn’t stop the awful, drowsy, not-good feeling from taking over afterwards anyways. Since he hadn't had one in a while, it felt like the aftereffects had doubled. 

He stayed in his room for a few days after that. Let Raph be mad at him for missing missions. Let him be mad somewhere Leo couldn’t see or think about how bad it made him feel. 

He wanted to clear the air with Donnie. He also couldn’t stop his heart from picking up when he was around him. 

He wanted to spend more time around Mikey, but the threat of the awful, not-good feeling had him steering clear. 

Leo was tired. 

It was late, or early depending on what side of society you're on, when Leo slipped into the kitchen. Sleep, unless it was forced upon him, seemed to like him less and less these days and he wandered in to make himself some tea. Annoyingly, he had become attached to the brand Draxum had served him. 

A sound from the living room caught his attention. He made his tea and meandered over curiously. 

“Hello, Blue.”

Leo jumped. Splinter hadn’t even turned around from his place on the couch to see Leo come up behind him. 

“Oh. Hey dad,” Leo said, sipping at his drink. 

His dad hummed, neither in approval or dismissal. Leo wasn’t sure how or why, but he found himself kneeling next to his dad's chair with no conscious input from his brain.  He finished his tea while watching the movie his dad had put on (Lou Jitsu 4: Soup or Salad!). He set his tea cup down and glanced at his dad. He was getting scruffier around the ears, it made him look softer. 

Why did you do it? He wanted to ask Why would you make me the leader when I’m so clearly not. Didn’t you know? Couldn’t you see what it would do to Raph? To our family? To me? Why won’t you take it back? 

What do you see that I don’t?

“Blue?” his dad asked, “What are you…?”

Leo startled, face flaming when he realized he had put his head on his dad’s lap, something he hadn’t done since he was a kid. Leo let out a strangled sound and scrambled backwards. 

“Sorry!” Leo blurted. He grabbed his tea cup and stood stiffly. Splinter reached for his hand, but Leo pulled away. Splinter frowned. 

“Is everything alright, Leonardo?” he asked. His voice was so tender that it took all of Leo’s willpower not to break down right then and there. 

“Yes,” Leo said, “Yeah, I’m just,” he swallowed, “I’m just tired, Dad.”

Splinter was looking at him with so much care that Leo almost wanted to sit back down. He wanted to tell his dad everything. He wanted to demand answers. He wanted to sob into his dad’s lap and have him say that everything would be ok. 

But Leo was fine. He was handling it. 

“Good night, dad,” Leo said and went back to his room.

He really was tired. 

He still didn’t sleep. 

Chapter Text

Raphael

Raph had a serious sense of deja-vu when he heard a light knock on his door when all of his brothers were supposed to be sleeping. Raph sighed, rubbed his face, and got to his feet. 

He hoped it was Leo. 

If it had been a few weeks prior, the thought would have surprised Raph, but Raph still felt a little bad about going off on Leo and Leo had been actively avoiding him since. Which was weird. Leo didn’t usually have a problem retaliating and usually became even more needling the day after an argument. When he went by Leo’s room later that week, Leo wouldn’t even register the word ‘training’ and himself in the same sentence so Raph just left it alone. 

Raph opened the door. 

It wasn’t Leo. 

Instead Donnie was standing in his entryway, big, purple sweatshirt swallowing him and hood all the way up. He was holding his elbows in a way that reminded Raph of when Leo was in almost the same exact position a few weeks ago. 

Raph had run that night through his brain a dozen times. When he had finally stopped yelling and looked at Leo that day, it set every ‘big brother’ alarm off in his head. The kid looked like he was falling apart.

Donnie looked the same now. Raph reached out, waited for Donnie to nod, and gathered him into his arms while herding him into the room. Raph wasn’t sure when it became so hard for him to do the same for Leo. 

Raph piled a few blankets on his little brother and sat near him, waiting. Donnie nestled into the pile, leaving only his head and the ends of his socks showing. 

“Leo and I had a fight a few nights ago,” Donnie mumbled and thumped his head against Raph’s arm. 

Last man standing Raph thought wryly, but kept quiet as Donnie’s face flickered through several emotions before settling on frustration. He shook his hands out, “Here are the facts. Fact 1, we had a fight. Fact 2, I don’t know why. Fact 3, now he’s avoiding me too.”

Raph waited. Usually Donnie gave him more facts, but he seemed to be done. 

“How do you know it was a fight?” Raph asked carefully. It would be a weird question for any duo other than the twins. They were either at each other's throats or thick as thieves, often switching between the two dynamics within the hour. 

Donnie kicked out with his foot, “Because he apologized?” he said, sounding unsure, “I don’t know what to do with that.”

Raph hummed knowingly. The Leo apology tour was just as unexpected as it was disconcerting.

“He’s been acting weird,” Donnie said, straightening suddenly, “Right? Tell me you’ve noticed he’s been acting weird.”

“He’s been acting weird,” Raph complied instantly. Donnie let out a breath of air. 

“Exactly. And-”

“Starting a couple weeks ago, after the Hidden City debacle” Raph said, remembering that Leo had come to his room the day after, then winced, “sorry for interrupting.”

Donnie shook his head, “No, you’re right and a few nights ago…” Donnie frowned deeply. “I was trying to check on him and he-well for lack of more descriptive terminology, he freaked out.”

Raph’s grip on his brother instinctively tightened. Donnie wiggled and Raph relaxed. 

“What do you mean he ‘freaked out’?” he asked. When Donnie stayed quiet, Raph debated whether he should just check on him himself. 

“I’ve been having weird dreams,” Donnie said because sometimes speaking with Donnie was a little like floating down an uncharted river and letting the bends take you where you need to go. “Ever since that newt witch, I keep seeing…” Donnie bit his lip, “He looked like he does in my dreams.”

Donnie looked at him then, with a look that begged to be understood, but Raph didn’t have his and Leo’s twin-sense. All he could do was give Donnie’s shoulder a squeeze and ignore how it felt like he was missing a step. 

“You think something else happened when you got hit with that spell?”

Donnie paused, then nodded slowly. “I do.”

He shuffled. 

“But you don’t remember what happened.”

More shuffling. “Rrriiight,” he said, drawing out the word like Leo did sometimes. 

There was something else there. Something Donnie wanted him to see.

“You shouldn’t beat yourself up about something you can’t control Don,” Raph said, “Maybe we can ask Leo about it?”

Donnie looked away. Raph had a sinking feeling that he gave the wrong answer to a question he didn’t understand. 

“Leo won’t go deeper than a vague description and a few poorly formulated barbs about how I drooled,” Donnie said. He retreated further into the blankets, “But…technically I have a way to figure out what happened.”

Raph could feel his chasm growing as he tried to figure out what that meant. He lit up. “Oh! Your recordings!” he said, feeling like he finally hit the right note, only to immediately falter, “But why haven’t you looked at those already if you’ve had them the whole time?”

Donnie was disappearing into the blankets. Raph uncovered his head gently. 

“Don?”

“I don’t know,” Donnie said quietly and Donnie saying those three words set even more alarms off in Raph’s mind, “Every time I think about it I feel. Bad.”

“Bad?” Raph asked. Donnie didn’t elaborate. In fact, it seemed like Donnie was done speaking for the night as he curled onto the bed and faced the wall.

“What if…Raph watched it with you? So you don’t feel as,” scared?, “bad,” he finished. 

Donnie yawned. Then nodded imperceptibly. A long moment stretched out between them before Donnie inched slightly closer to Raph. Raph rubbed his shell in a way that had worked to calm Donnie down since they were kids. Donnie always denied that it worked, but Raph knew that wasn’t true. Raph smiled. 

No matter how much they grew, they’d still be his little brothers. 

Michelangelo

Mikey wasn’t just the ‘little brother’.

His other three brothers liked to ascribe most of his personality to his ‘youngest’ status, but Mikey was more than that. For one, he was the only one of his brothers who put in any emotional legwork without kicking or screaming (figuratively in the case of Raph and Leo, literally in the case of Donnie). 

Mikey stuck out his tongue as he focused on the large canvas painting in front of him. His fingers were splattered with gold paint. 

Leo had been avoiding him and that was…ok! It was ok because he was sure he hadn’t done anything to upset him and wasn’t going to take it personally. Mikey was mature like that. But Leo was also avoiding Raph and Donnie which was not ok because his house had become silent and it wasn’t supposed to be silent. 

Donnie had spent the night in Raph’s room which Mikey felt could have meant some progress at least. When Mikey asked Donnie what Leo said about his seemingly avoiding Mikey, Donnie had rubbed his neck and looked away. 

“We…didn’t exactly get that far,” Donnie had said. Mikey wasn’t sure what that meant, but Donnie had looked so upset that Mikey decided not to push. 

Which was why Mikey was going to fix it and what better way to do that than by reminding Leo how much his family loved him and how much he loved his family? Mikey nodded, proudly looking at what he might have to call his Magnum Opus. 

The painting was of the four of his brothers, their dad, and April (who Mikey missed fiercely and hoped was having fun on her trip). They were standing in a group hug and Mikey tried not to make Leo stand out as much as he did, but he couldn’t help it. Leo was like a planetary force, bringing the people he loved into orbit around him. Even before dad had made him the leader, the three of them had always looked to Leo for the best games, the best jokes, the best everything! Leo seemed to understand that before. Mikey wasn’t sure when he stopped. 

Mikey shook the thought out of his head and grinned at his finished painting. After playing around with his ninpo he had found that not only could he bring his art to life, but he could also inject it with feeling. It was tricky, and Mikey was still getting the hang of it, but when it worked it was awesome. He and Donnie had managed to make a heat-seeking missile that made the victim feel paralyzed with fear! The experiment was still in beta. 

The painting in front of him, though, he’d inject with as much brotherly love as turtley possible. Now he just had to find Leo. 

Mikey popped his head into the living room and kitchen. He shuffled down the hallway, balancing the large canvas across his shoulders as he went, and peeked into Leo’s room. Hm, also empty. Just for the sake of being thorough, Mikey tried the training room next. It was usually empty at this time because Raph typically liked to get his work outs in earlier in the day.  

Leo was standing in the middle of the room, eyes closed, sword held out in front of him. 

Mikey was both surprised and not- Leo had a way of keeping all of them on their toes. But his brother looked…

A generous word for it would be tired. 

Mikey almost bounded over to him, but there was something buzzing in the air. He kept quiet and watched. 

Leo exhaled slowly, opened his eyes and slashed a portal in front of him. It opened easily and Mikey was so proud of how far his brother had come with his portalling abilities that it seemed almost second nature to him now. Leo raised his sword again and jumped. 

And the portal came with him.

Then Leo did a double cork and threw the fucking portal. 

Mikey lost his goddamn mind. 

“Holy shit Leo! That was so cool!” he yelled, unable to contain himself any longer. Leo startled at the noise. He closed the portal before spinning to meet Mikey’s sparkling eyes. 

“Ah, hey Mikes,” he said, laughing when Mikey squealed and pointed to Leo’s swords, “yeah, I’ve been trying to work on more long range stuff. Still a work in progress, I guess.”

It looked like the work was completed to Mikey, he said as much to Leo who just shrugged. Mikey felt a flicker of irritation. In the past, Leo would be revving up to show his brothers his new cool mystic moves, but Leo had already sheathed his sword and was edging out of the dojo. Not that he was avoiding Mikey, of course. Mikey got in his path anyways.

“I got something I wanna show you!” Mikey said, dragging his brother back to the middle of the room. “I also got some cool mystic stuff I’ve been working on!”

His brother shrugged out of his grip. Mikey tried not to read into it.

“Ah. Maybe later,” Leo said, “I should-”

“You were just training when I came in and didn’t look like you were stopping any time soon, where do you have to go now?” Mikey asked, unable to stop the pout in his voice. 

“I just have to be-”

“Not here?” Mikey interrupted a little bitterly. 

Ok, so maybe he was taking it a little personally. 

“Leo,” Mikey started then stopped, “Do my new mystic powers creep you out?”

Because that was the only thing Mikey could possibly think of. Leo had seemed as enamored as he was when he first showed them, but Leo was a good liar. As much as Mikey caught him in the act, he still hadn’t quite fully cracked his brother’s tells the way Donnie somehow managed to. 

“What?” Leo asked, seeming genuinely bewildered but, again, what did Mikey know, “No, Mikey of course not,” he said. Mikey looked away. 

Leo took a breath like he was going to say something else. He didn’t. Mikey swallowed the disappointment and plastered a smile on his face. 

“Ok then, look!” he said, dialing up his enthusiasm and little-brother charm (hey, just because it wasn’t his whole personality didn’t mean he couldn’t capitalize on it) “I made something for you!”

“You wha-oh,” Leo said, eyes catching on the painting that Mikey finally revealed in a flourish, “Oh wow. Angelo. This. Wow.”

Leo’s jaw had dropped, genuine astonishment that even Leo couldn’t fake was written across his face. 

Donnie always spoke about getting praise for his experiments and, while they always teased him about it, deep down Mikey was the same with his art. He knew he was a good artist, but his art was the kind of thing he needed to share, to feed off the reactions of others. This was a very, very good reaction. 

“You make me look so…,” Leo started and stopped, something complicated ran over his expression. 

After a minute or two of Mikey soaking up the initial reaction, he closed his eyes and tugged on his ninpo. He pushed it gently into the painting, letting his love for his family weave into every paint stroke.

“Wha-?” Leo started, voice choked. The painting started to peel itself off the page. Warm golden outlines of their family circled Leo. 

“Oh,” Leo said softly, gravitating closer to the painting. 

Then, “Oh shit.”

Mikey blinked. That was an odd reaction. He looked at Leo who’s eyes had gone wide and was backing up from his painting-family. 

“Wha-Leo?”

“I have to go,” Leo said. His legs were shaking. 

“What? Why? Leo, maybe the feeling is overwhelming, but you have to embrace it!” Mikey said, “It’s all our love for you poured into one place!” Mikey insisted, pulling more on his mystic and sending waves of it out to surround his brother. 

Leo grabbed for his sword.

“No!” Mikey yelled and outline-Raph knocked the swords out of his hand, “No you don’t get to run away, Leo. Not from- why do you keep running away?” he asked, the flicker of irritation from earlier spinning into anger, his ninpo flared in response.

The golden outlines took on a red hue. Some of them unspooled and spiraled around the room. Leo made a very un-Leo like sound. 

“Mikey it’s not, fuck,” he choked out, holding his head. 

“What then, Leo? What is it? What did we do?”

“Nothing!”

“What did I do??” Mikey yelled, tears welling up in his eyes and spilling down his cheeks. Leo looked even more panicked. 

“Oh Mikey, no,” he said, coming towards him, “c’mon kid, don’t cry.”

Mikey wanted to stay mad, but he also really wanted a Leo hug. He sniffed and let the outlines fade back into gold. He opened his arms, waiting for his big brother to hug him. 

But Leo had stopped. He was curled around himself. He looked up at Mikey.

“Don’t freak out,” Leo said, slowly lowering himself to the ground.

“Wha-?”

Leo’s eyes rolled back. 

It was an image that burned itself into Mikey’s memory instantly. Suddenly, it was like an electric shock went through his brother. His muscles tensed as he crashed the rest of the way to the ground. His head slammed back into the floor so hard that the tile cracked. 

And Mikey freaked out.

Chapter Text

Donatello

Donnie being Donnie had an entire in-home theater service that could play whatever he desired in 1080p.

Why they were hunched over one of his smaller laptop monitors on his bed as Donnie shuffled through to find his recordings from a few weeks ago, he didn’t know. Maybe the smaller screen would make whatever they were about to see feel less consequential. 

Raph was sitting at his side, twiddling his thumbs and glancing over Donnie’s shoulders every once in a while. 

“I got it,” Donnie said, pulling the appropriate file that followed Leo that day into the media player. Raph came to his side. All he had to do was press play.

Donnie’s finger hovered. 

“You know, we can still just go ask Leo,” Raph tried and Donnie appreciated that but he had a feeling that his dumb-dumb brother wasn’t about to tell them anything. And that didn’t have anything to do with a so-called ‘twin sense’, it was just pure logic. Donnie took a deep breath, shook his head, and hit play. 

He scrolled through the beginning of the footage. Leo asked him how many places he had been banned from (87, not counting double banishments which made the number 111). They were running from the newt witch. Floor turned to jelly. Yada yada. 

The witch turned towards him and splashed some goo in his face. Donnie hit the pause button. His memory cut out from this point on. Raph put a hand on his shoulder. It eased some of the growing tension building in him as he hit play again. 

Leo had tackled them into some kind of dimly lit cavern. 

“You really were drooling,” Raph observes as Donnie’s wild face pops up on screen. 

“And you snore. One of us has permanent videographic proof and the other should hush up and keep watching.”

Raph snorted but didn’t say anything more. 

It looked like what Leo had described was playing out. Donnie watched him and his brother tussle. He shuddered at the way the goop climbed over him, glad that he had his battle shell firmly on that day. 

Leo danced out of the way of Donnie on the screen, but the goop grabbed him and Donnie watched himself grip his brother’s shoulders hard enough that they started to bleed. Donnie bristled. Is that why Leo had been wearing so many sweatshirts up until recently? 

“C’mon Don Don, work with me here,” came Leo’s tinny voice from his computer. Donnie watched in morbid fascination as the goop on his shoulders swayed like a living being. 

Then gasped when it shot itself into his brother’s head. 

There was screaming. Was it Donnie? No, it was- it was Leo, anguish erupted from his twin as the spell attacked him and kept. Going. 

Donnie wanted to slam on his spacebar to make it stop. He couldn’t move an inch. He watched Leo’s head hit the wall behind him, watched him beg Donnie to stop and, just like on the screen, Donnie couldn’t move. 

“Let me go,” Leo on the screen screamed and he sounded exactly the same as he had in Donnie’s lab and in Donnie’s dreams.

“Maybe that’s for the best,” Leo had said when Donnie told him he couldn’t remember what happened. He wondered for the first time- best for whom? 

“It couldn’t survive ninpo,” Leo had said. He didn’t mention that it was Leo’s ninpo that had saved them both. All Donnie did was stand there, watching his twin be torn apart. Watching him as he almost fell to his death. Watching him protect Donnie from the cave in before slicing a portal home. 

“Fuck,” croaked a sound from behind him, but Donnie didn’t react. He had forgotten that Raph had been there until two heavy hands set onto his shoulders and pulled him away from the screen, but Donnie still couldn’t look away. He watched Leo crash into the living room and haul him into the medbay. He ran scan after scan with blood still running down his arms. He went to his room and- instead of sleeping, kept looking at Donnie’s monitors. 

Donnie hadn’t realized that Leo even kept monitors in his room. Where did he even find those?

“Don? Donnie. Donnie, look at me, please?” 

Donnie let me go, please.

Donnie was distantly aware that he was shaking. Raph was too by the way his entire bed frame was. 

“Donnie, whatever you are thinking, this is not your fault,” Raph said. His voice was shaking too. Donnie shook his head once. Twice. Then frantically, like his life depended on it. Like something more precious than that depended on it. 

“It’s not Don. Whatever fight you guys had wasn’t your fault either, especially if he didn’t tell you, or any of us, about what happened. There was no way you could have known.”

But there was. They were watching it right now. If Donnie hadn’t been such a coward, maybe he wouldn’t have fucking triggered his twin. 

Raph wrapped Donnie in his arms. It helped a little with the shaking and not much with everything else. Raph started arranging the blankets on the bed around Donnie when he stopped. 

“What the…”

Donnie’s eyes flicked up. The video had skipped ahead. It showed Leo the next day walking into his room after Angelo showed them his new mystic abilities. Leo bent into himself. 

Then collapsed onto the ground. Donnie watched him convulse for a second, two, before Raph slammed the laptop shut so hard that Donnie jumped. 

Raph was breathing harshly. “That was when,” he started, “he. He came to Raph after-that’s why he-I’m going to be sick.”

Raph put his head in his hands. Donnie stared blankly at him because apparently that’s all he was good for. There was more screaming. Donnie lifted his eyes up, not sure he could take anymore. 

He blinked. Raph had closed his laptop. The screaming wasn’t coming from the video. 

Raph had straightened and whipped frantically around to catch Donnie’s expression because their baby brother was screaming bloody murder right now. 

They both jumped up and sprinted towards the noise. It took Donnie a few moments to register what he was seeing. Mikey was sitting in the middle of the training room and wailing as he struggled to hold Leo in his arms. Outlines of his family spun chaotically around them, doused in black. He looked up immediately when Raph and Donnie entered the room. 

“I don’t know what happened, I don’t- he was training and then I-I don’t- help him!” he screamed at the end causing Raph to shake off the shock first and move, hands flying uselessly over Leo as his muscles coiled and released and his back arched at what looked like an impossibly painful angle in Mikey’s grip. 

“He’s having a seizure,” Donnie commented dazedly before coming to his senses.

His twin was in trouble in front of him.

He wouldn’t fail him again.

“Clear the space around him, Raph,” Donnie said, taking off his sweatshirt, “Let him go, Angelo. Put this under his head. Don’t restrict him. How long has he been like this?”

“I don’t know!” Mikey sobbed, “Maybe two minutes?”

Donnie flicked on his goggles. The mystic energy spot he had seen in Leo’s head was glowing brighter. Donnie should have investigated more, questioned more. What kind of scientist was he?

But Leo had known. 

Donnie reached into Leo’s medicine pouch and examined his prize with an equal amount of hope and dread- an intramuscular benzo for seizure abortion. He squinted. The liquid in the syringe shimmered slightly. Like it had been tailored. 

“Call Draxum,” Donnie instructed Mikey who did just that without asking any questions. Donnie stuck the syringe in Leo’s arm and pushed down on the plunger. 

Donnie dug further into his medicine pouch, finding anti-seizure prophylactic pills as well. How long had Leo been dealing with this alone? How exactly did this dumb-dumb expect to inject himself? 

The convulsions hadn’t stopped. It was coming in over the five minute mark now. Donnie sucked a breath between his teeth. 

“Hello Michaelangel-oh. What? I cannot understand you, slow down.”

Donnie took the phone from Mikey, “Leo’s having a seizure. I assume you know something about that?”

“Yes,” Draxum said, “did you not?”

“WHAT?” came a voice from the background. Huh. So that’s where their dad was. 

Donnie groaned, wondering what lie Leo managed to feed Draxum, “No. We did not. He’s,” Donnie swallowed, “I gave him the injection from his medicine pouch but it’s not stopping.”

“I’m coming. Lou, stop yelling, I’ll update you on the way. Is there any source of high density mystic energy near you?”

Donnie looked up at the black, spiking outlines of his brother’s mystic energy with his goggles, “Yes. It’s Mikey’s.”

“Tell Michelangelo to dissipate it immediately or leave the room,” Draxum said roughly, “I told Leonardo to avoid Michelangelo’s mystic energy for a few weeks.”

It was news to all of them, but that didn’t stop the guilt from crawling onto his little brother’s face as the outlines disappeared immediately. 

A high pitched keen came from Leo as his body threw itself against the floor again and his arms and legs jerked rhythmically. Raph cleared the room and was working on the periphery which Donnie didn’t want to tell him was unnecessary because he really didn’t know what else they could do but watch. 

It seemed to be a theme. 

Leo’s eyes were open. Donnie fought back the image of blue thorns piercing through them. 

A purple portal opened itself into the room and his dad and Draxum spilled out. 

“Oh my blue,” dad said, coming to Leo’s side, “my baby blue, why did you try and carry this all yourself?” he asked. 

Donnie logged the number in his head when Leo’s jerking stopped. Everyone held their breath, but he didn’t start again. 8 minutes and 22 seconds.  It felt like an eternity. 

Donnie narrowed his eyes at Draxum. 

“Talk.”

Chapter Text

Raphael

Raph had stopped processing a while ago. 

Leo had had a seizure. Multiple. He tried to come to Raph the first time it happened and Raph yelled at him.

It was so clear now, when Raph thought back on it. The frantic look in Leo’s eyes when Raph opened the door. The way his voice cracked. He had looked so scared but Raph was too busy being mad about some training session that Leo couldn’t make it to because he had had. A seizure. 

Draxum and Donnie were speaking, swapping what they knew about what happened. Once Leo had stopped convulsing (his little brother had been convulsing), Raph had carried him into the medbay where they were sitting now. 

“He told me that you were all aware of his condition,” Draxum said. It was the third time he had repeated himself. 

“It didn’t occur to you that he may have been lying?” Donnie seethed.

“Why would he lie about that?” Draxum exclaimed, then put a hand to his chin, “But no I did not notice he had lied. A master manipulator and a skilled one at that. Impressive. But then again I did create you all so- ouch!” he yelled when his dad kicked him (not lightly) in the shin. 

Raph learned that, after Leo unsuccessfully came to Raph he had gone to Draxum. Baron Draxum ended up helping his brother more than he did- a fact that he was equal parts bitter and grateful for.

“You said the spot in Leo’s brain was shrinking,” Donnie said, like the words ‘spot in his brain’ didn’t freeze his heart and throw his mind into panic, “but it seems to have flared again.”

Draxum hummed looking at the scan. “Yes, in reaction to a massively dense amount of mystic energy no doubt.”

Mikey whimpered from the corner. Splinter glared. 

“Ah. An impressive amount of mystic energy! The likes that no one else could possibly imitate. But then, I did create you so-OUCH,” this time Donnie kicked him even harder. Draxum grumbled. “The toxofantasma signature’s new size makes waiting for it to fade impractical, but it’s possible it may also react to and burn away in its original host’s mystic energy. I will need to look into the subject more. There isn’t much material since no one has previously survived such an attack. But then, I’m not surprised you two did as you are my-” Draxum stopped himself this time as Donnie wound himself up for another kick. 

“I wanna turn,” came a voice from the bed. Raph snapped over to Leo who was trying and failing to prop himself up on his elbows. Everyone immediately crowded around him. 

“Whoa-hey! ‘S a party,” he slurred. He looked at Raph, “You gotta chasm,” he said, flicking a finger lazily at his own forehead. Leo settled back down on his pillows. 

“Yeah,” Raph said, not trusting himself to speak above a whisper, “how are you feeling, Le?”

Leo’s brow crinkled at the nickname. Raph hadn’t called him that for a while. It felt longer than it had been.  

“‘R you mad at me?” Leo asked, voice wobbling. Mikey and Donnie shared a glance as Raph put his hands up placatingly. 

“No! No, not mad. Just worried. We’re all here for you to get better, see?” Raph said, gesturing around him. Leo looked up, eyes widening like he just noticed the rest of his family. Splinter put a hand on his forehead and Leo closed his eyes. 

“This ‘s a nice dream,” he mumbled and went back to sleep easily like he didn’t just crack Raph’s heart in two.  

Raph stood vigil in the medbay as Donnie went to talk science with Draxum and dad. Mikey stayed curled in the corner, looking far away. Maybe he hadn’t been doing the best job lately as the eldest, but he couldn’t leave his little brother looking like that for long. 

“It’s not your fault, Mikes,” Raph said, feeling a little bit like a broken record. 

“It really, really is though,” Mikey said, surprising Raph with how bitter he sounded. 

“Mikey-” Raph started but Mikey shook his head. 

“I know I didn’t know. I know Leo didn’t tell me because for some reason he wanted to handle everything himself,” Mikey kicked angrily at the floor, “but there’s a reason for that right? Why didn’t he think he could come to us with this? This isn’t just him brooding and avoiding his feelings, it’s his health in jeopardy,” Mikey gestured to the medbay around him. 

Ralph sighed. “You’re right. We’ve just been fighting this whole time because,” Raph shifted uncomfortably, “well it felt easier. It’s always been easier for Raph to fight something that talk. But obviously that’s gotta change.”

Mikey stared at Raph, something sparkling in his eyes. He leapt up from his chair and threw himself around Raph who caught him easily. 

“Promise,” Mikey said, voice watery with emotion, “Promise you guys will talk.”

Raph squeezed him, “We’ll talk, big man, Don’t worry.”

Mikey pulled back and smiled, tears running down his face. Raph hated that. Hated how much the tension between him and Leo weighed on his brothers, but Mikey just smiled wider. 

“Thanks, Raphie,” he said, then his face turned serious, “I have to go move my Magnum Opus further away.”

“Your wha-” Raph started, but didn’t get to finish before Mikey hopped away. He shrugged. Knowing Mikey, he’d probably understand eventually. 

Raph’s eyes drifted shut. He must have slept a few hours because he opened them again to a darkened medbay and the sound of shuffling. Raph rubbed his eyes and scooped up the medication that Donnie instructed him to give Leo. 

Leo didn’t seem to notice him. He was holding his forehead like his head would drop without any other support. Donnie had taken off his mask and without it, Raph could make out the dark circles carved into his face. Leo curled on himself and let out a soft whimper that had Raph moving to kneel at his side. 

“These might help,” Raph said, rattling the pills in his hand. He kept his voice down, but Leo still startled anyways. He blinked hard at Raph, like he was trying to decide if he was real or not. 

“Raph?” he asked. He must not have been able to come to a conclusion himself. “What…?” he trailed off while looking around the medbay, grimacing as he turned his head left to right. Raph pushed the medicine into his hands. Leo inspected the pills in the low light but didn’t make a move to take them.

“I’ll get you some water,” Raph announced, turning suddenly. Stupid, obviously he needed water to drink his medication. 

“Oh no that’s ok I-,” Leo said but stopped when Raph woodenly shoved the glass at him, “...thanks.” 

Raph grunted in affirmation because apparently a more coherent sentence was beyond him. Raph cleared his throat. 

“You uh, you comfy? Need more pillows?” he asked. Donnie had already piled the entire bed with them, surrounding Leo and making him look even smaller in contrast. Leo shook his head, winced, then swallowed the pills. Raph played with the tag on one of the pillows. “How about food, you hungry?”

“I’m ok,” Leo said quietly, looking down. 

“Do you…remember what happened?” Raph asked, debating whether he should just grab Donnie and Mikey. Maybe it would lift the miserable look from Leo’s face. Something instinctual told him not to leave, though, and he had spent enough time ignoring those instincts. 

Leo shrugged, “Mm. Not really? I remember…gold?” he frowned, “and Mikey maybe?” He tugged at the IV Draxum had put in, “I can guess what happened though. It must have been a bad one.”

Raph didn’t want to think about Leo being so used to the mystic-induced episodes that he could tell what had happened already. “Why do you say that?” he asked anyway.

Leo rolled the IV tubing between his fingers. He had already been looking down but now he looked away, cheek against his shoulder. 

“Because you’re being really nice to me,” he said, voice muffled like he was speaking more to himself than to Raph. Raph still heard it and the shame split him clean in two. 

Did Raph getting Leo medicine and offering him water constitute ‘really nice’? If this had been even a few months ago, Leo wouldn’t have even questioned his big brother taking care of him in the medbay. It would be a simple fact. Leo was hurt and Raph would help. Easy as breathing. 

“Leo,” he croaked. Leo looked back at Raph in a panic and put his hands up. 

“No! I-I didn’t mean it like, sorry that came out wrong. You guys weren’t even supposed to,” Leo bit his lip, “Sorry,” he said again. Raph shook his head. 

“No Leo, Raph’s sorry,” he said. Leo tilted his head at him in confusion. Raph shuffled. He wondered if this conversation was better put off for when they were better rested. It felt like a flimsy excuse. He could feel mind-Mikey (or was it Dr. Feelings?) glaring at him. Raph took a breath. 

“You tried to come to me, right? The first time you had an episode?”

Leo paled. “How did you…?” he gripped his forearms, “it doesn’t matter,” he said, looking away. 

“Of course it matters!” Raph said, fighting to keep his voice level, “you tried to come to Raph when you were hurting and Raph just yelled at you!”

Leo drew his knees up to himself, “But you were right,” he said, “you- I can’t just keep going to you when I-. I’m the leader, I have to handle things on my own. Like you said.”

Raph felt the blood drain out of his face.

“And I was!” Leo continued, seemingly unaware of how his words piled heavier and heavier onto Raph, “handling it. I figured out how to keep things under control, this was just…a slip up,” he squinted, then groaned and rubbed his forehead, “oh man, I really need to apologize to Mikey.”

“Leo,” Raph said, trying and failing to keep his voice from wavering, “I didn’t mean, you- you never have to do anything alone.”

“But!” Leo said, a flash of frustration crossed his face before he winced and turned away.

Raph really wasn’t very good at this. He sighed. 

“You know, when dad said you were going to be the new leader, Raph was shocked of course, but a part of me was. Well, Raph was relieved honestly.”

Leo glanced back at him. Raph kept going, trying to get his thoughts to string together into something coherent. 

“Raph’s always been a simple kind of guy, so keeping track of you three and coming up with plans was never a strong suit. But you?” Raph smiled, “you always could. Even when Raph was leader, when you came up with plans they always worked in the best of all four of us,” Raph thought about Leo’s plans from when they first faced the Foot clan for the first time to his brilliance in stopping the Shredder, “If Raph’s a weapon, you’re just the guy he wants to aim him.”

The miserable look on Leo’s face was still there. “But you don’t,” he swallowed, “I thought you were mad at me? You don’t act like you want me as the leader.”

That was fair. It’s not like everything had been sunshine and rainbows between the two of them. Raph rubbed his head, “I wasn’t mad about you being the leader, honest. I just didn’t like how you never seemed to take it seriously. And it worried Raph that that attitude may put us in danger. And,” Raph thought about what Mikey said earlier about how Leo had been training, “and it seemed like you were upset with Raph too. I know you work hard, but why do you do it when Raph can’t see you?”

Because that’s what Raph really didn’t understand. He saw the progress that Leo had made over the months that had to have been the product of some kind of training. He knew Leo would be an incredible leader once he applied himself. His brother had always been able to see things he couldn’t, put together pieces in a way that their enemies (and Raph, usually) only figured out once it was too late. 

“I thought he’d take it back,” Leo said.

“He?”

“Dad. I thought. Maybe if I showed him that I couldn’t live up to,” he waved his hand, “whatever expectation he had of me, he’d make you the leader again. And then we could go back to normal. I could go back to being your annoying little brother again,” he finished wryly. He said it like a joke, but there was something honest in there that Raph couldn’t ignore.

“Doesn’t matter if you’re the leader of the Mad Dogs or mayor of the Hidden City,” Raph said, shuddering a little about the thought of Leo in politics (probably a dangerous seed to plant) and filing away the realization that Leo had been rejecting the leader role for his sake to think on later, “Raph’ll always be your big bro. Nothing can change that, no matter how important you get,” he joked. 

Leo was staring at him. His shoulders were shaking. 

“...You know that, right?” Raph asked, a little dumbly. Leo blinked and ducked his head into his knees.

“Hey! Don’t bunny rabbit on me!” Raph said, saddling up closer to his brother, hands wavering unsurely. Raph frowned. “C’mon. I gotta prove my older brother status now?” he tugged Leo close, careful not to jostle his IV, “well my certification for ‘best big brother hugs’ hasn’t and doesn’t expire so there,” he said, trying to keep his tone light. 

Leo stilled. His face popped up from hiding and he looked wrecked. 

“I missed your hugs,” he said hoarsely and a little too honestly for what Leo normally went for. It would have hurt less if Leo physically tore Raph’s heart from his chest. 

Raph wrapped his arms around him and Leo’s shaking started again at double the force.

“I really,” Leo hugged Raph back, “I really missed you, Raphie,” he said and buried his head against Raph’s shoulder. Raph squeezed tighter at the childhood nickname. 

“I missed you too.”

Michelangelo

Let it be known that while emotional conversations are good for resolving angst, it did not help with the pounding headache that was reverberating through Leo’s skull. 

Leo got spotty sleep after his conversation with Raph, most of it forced as the drowsiness tugged him under to unconsciousness. He tried to piece things together in the intervals. 

He had a seizure, that much was obvious. Very publicly, given his current medbay status and the way he saw Draxum and Donnie float in and out of the room earlier. 

He remembered going down in front of Mikey, which could not have been fun for his baby brother. He hoped it didn’t scar him too heavily. He tried to cast his memory to what was happening before that. Mikey had been showing him something.

He could feel the memory more than see it. He had been surrounded in something warm and loving before realizing that it was Mikey’s super dense ninpo that he had been trying to avoid.

Leo cracked open an eye as he saw his littlest brother sneaking sideways into the medbay as if summoned by Leo’s thoughts. His scuttling and orange dots reminded Leo of a crab which made him snort. The crab (Mikey) stood stock still at the noise and turned slowly. 

“Morning Mr. Krabs,” Leo called. Mikey wrinkled his snout. 

“Hey,” he said, coming over. He poked Leo in the forehead, “You still loopy?”

Leo shook his head, sobering at the wrinkle between Mikey’s brows. He’d get a Raph chasm if he kept looking at Leo like that. Leo poked him in the forehead back. Mikey batted his finger away. 

“You sure?” he asked skeptically. 

Leo hummed. The suspicious look on Mikey’s face stayed glued on. Leo had to hold back from poking him again. Mikey nodded and, to Leo’s surprise, turned to leave.

“Where are you going?” Leo asked, definitely not pouting a little bit. 

Mikey turned back. He played with the sticker on his plastron. 

“Do you want to come sit?” Leo asked because he could read his brother like a book and knew that’s what he wanted. Strangely, Mikey still hesitated. 

“I…probably shouldn’t,” Mikey said, “I don’t…my ninpo might,” his lip wobbled.

Oh Leo was the worst. He held his arms out. 

“It’s only if you activate your mystic energy,” Leo said reassuringly, “and since I took my medicine only if you activate it at full blast.”

“Like I did before,” Mikey said, reflecting Leo’s pout (Leo wondered who got it from whom). Leo kept his arms out. 

“C’mere, Angelo,” he said. Mikey’s resolve crumbled immediately as he launched himself to his brother’s side and, oh man, the kid was already crying. 

“That was really scary, L,” Mikey said, burying his head in the mountain of pillows someone put on his bed. “I’ve never seen you like that, I thought,” he got impossibly closer, “that was really scary.”

Leo shushed him and rocked him. “I know, I know. I’m sorry you had to deal with that,” he said. Mikey made a noise of protest and said something, but Leo couldn’t make it out over the crying so he just pat his head and held him tighter. 

“You know you’ll always be my little brother, right?” Leo said suddenly because it felt important. Mikey sniffed and looked at him. Leo didn’t laugh at the snot running down his nose because he was a good brother. 

“What?” Mikey asked, and performed another long, hard sniff, “Are you sure you’re not still loopy? Maybe I should go get Barry.”

Leo laughed, something about Mikey’s confusion made him feel lighter. He pulled his little brother in and rubbed his head. “Nah, I’m good, I promise.”

“Right, because you have a great track record of telling us if you’re not,” Mikey said, arms crossed and, uh oh, he could see his Dr. Feeling’s persona cloak itself around his shoulders. Leo rubbed the back of his neck. “Why didn’t you tell anyone what was happening?”

“I told Barry!”

“Who said you said that you told everyone else.”

Leo chuckled sheepishly. Mikey narrowed his gaze. Leo sighed. 

“I…was trying to handle things on my own. Be an independent leader or whatever,” Leo said with a shrug. Mikey got right in his face. 

“What? Being a leader doesn’t mean having to do things on your own.”

“I know-”

“If anything, being the leader means depending more on your teammates, knowing exactly how strong they are to put together the best plans!” Mikey said, getting fired up, “And you always make the best plans! You-”

“Raph already gave me the spiel,” Leo interrupted, rolling his eyes and fighting the fierce blush that was threatening to take over his face. He could only take so much in a day.  

“He did?” Mikey said, eyes sparkling. Leo snorted and rubbed his head again.

“Yeah Mikes, we talked,” he squeezed his brother close and put his chin on Mikey’s head, “I think we’ll be ok now.”

Mikey was practically vibrating under him. It would have been funny if it wasn’t also a little sad. Leo pressed his lips together. He felt like he was still forgetting something. 

“Oh!” he said, “Where did that painting go?”

Mikey froze. Leo pulled back with a frown. 

“Mikes?”

“I,” Mikey looked away guiltily, “I didn’t throw it away.”

“Ok?” Leo said, brow furrowing, “I’d hope not. It was incredible. Did you show everyone else yet?”

Mikey stammered and flapped his arms, “But it- you,” he gestured wildly at Leo, “it hurt you,” Mikey said, voice tightening. Now it was Leo’s turn to look perplexed. 

“What? If anything, I feel like it healed me,” he felt the blush crawl up to his ears, “do you really see me like that?”

He thought about how brilliantly Mikey had depicted him in the painting- like a shining light that his family gathered around. Like the warmth they brought made him glow even brighter. Leo wasn’t sure how Mikey was able to convey so much in just the painting, but when he made it come to life with his ninpo, Leo felt his little brother’s admiration. He wasn’t sure he would have believed it if the feeling hadn’t been right there- solid enough to touch. 

The whole messy business with the mystic seizures was completely irrelevant and more than a little unfortunate. He wanted to make sure his brother understood that. 

“Can you bring it here?” Leo asked. 

Mikey cringed, “I don’t know if that’s good idea, Leon.”

“It’s not imbued with your ninpo anymore right?” he asked. Mikey shook his head, “Great! C’mon, please Ángel?”

Mikey’s resolve crumbled again like it always did when Leo asked him for something and he shot out of the room. Leo took the time to stretch his sore limbs and rearrange the pillows on his bed (seriously, why were there so many?). He felt the back of his head again and winced at what was probably a killer bruise back there. He should probably check himself for a concussion. 

Mikey came back lumbering under the large canvas. Leo giggled at how ridiculous he looked under it. It was like the canvas was a head with little turtle legs. Mikey set it down and spun it around for Leo. 

The painting had the same effect it did the first time, filling Leo with that warm, soft feeling. 

“Can you hand me my phone?” Leo asked, gesturing to where someone had put it just out of his reach on one of the cabinets. Mikey obliged and Leo tapped on his screen. The sudden wash of blue light made him wince a little. He really should check for that concussion, but first-

He snapped a picture of Mikey smiling next to the canvas and set it as his home screen wallpaper. He showed Mikey who squealed at the honor (Leo had his phone screen set to a sneaky selfie he had taken of the original Jupiter Jim when they met him and hadn’t changed it for months). Leo smiled at the canvas again. 

He wasn’t sure if who he was now matched his little brother’s vision of him, but looking at it like this, it didn’t feel impossible that he could one day.