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“Welcome to Toad Training Day!” Toadette called as the crowd busted past. “Registration and check in is straight ahead. If you need equipment, you'll find rentals to the left! Welcome in, folks!”
Captain Toad knew one thing after his travels all over the Mushroom Kingdom and beyond: It is not safe out there. He came home and realized that his friends and family were woefully unprepared for battle. He didn't think they needed to be fully armed, but even the basics of self defense seemed beyond them.
The day he decided to start the Training Camp was the day his cousin was caught in a Shy Guy Stickup. She came out on the other side relatively unharmed, but shaken. And he could help, so he did.
Treasure hunting and exploring didn't make tons of money, but he made decent coins. He was happy to set up the place. And now he had to limit the number of arrivals because the whole ordeal had become so popular. He hadn’t set out to be popular, just to help his fellow toads out.
Today, he was standing in his office, windows open, listening to the toads arrive. The whole camp was abuzz with activity as things got underway. There was a knock on his door and he turned to see Princess Peach pushing through his door.
“Your majesty!” Captain said, kneeling before his monarch. “You didn’t say you were coming, or I would have prepared.”
Peach giggled. “Stand up, Captain,” she said. He raised his head to check that she was serious, then stood. “I just wanted to see how training day was going this year.”
“Ah, we’ve just begun, Princess,” he said, turning back toward the window and beckoning her over. He had all the facilities built at toad scale, so Peach had to duck slightly as she came to stand next to him. “As you can see, we’ve got the usual gear, and more of it this year than last. I have high hopes for training this year.”
She nodded and hummed in approval. “You’re making a difference, Captain,” she told him, resting a gloved hand on his head.
He looked up at her and she smiled. “Would you like to take a look at the stations, Princess?”
“Oh, my yes,” she said.
Captain Toad nodded and strode toward the door, remembering at the last second that he should really allow the Princess to walk first. He glanced back, but she waved him forward. He led the way out onto the grounds, avoiding the crowd - although it was impossible to hide the Princess’s presence - and to their self-defense station.
A group of six toads were being taught where to hit an attacker to stop them and keep themselves safe. In order to protect the “enemy” toads from the hits of the “ally” toads, pillows had been strapped to their chests. Captain tried pads, he really did, but the toads hadn’t liked them as much as having big fluffy pillows to punch. If he had been training them in actual combat, he would have been more insistent.
“As you can see, your majesty,” Captain Toad said, turning on his heel to address her. “We have a good crop this year. We’ve refined our methods, and will continue to do so. In the meantime, this course is efficient. Do you have any questions?”
At his voice, the class became distracted, watching the Princess with rapt attention. “They’re doing so well,” she said, her voice sincere. “Keep going! You can do it!”
A chorus of cheers came from the toads, and they redoubled their efforts.
“If you’ll follow me this way, Princess,” Captain said, turning again.
The next station was a weapon handling station. They weren’t training for combat, but knowing at least how to hold a weapon was important. You can’t exactly look like a trembling toadstool who’s touching a weapon for the first time when your life is on the line, can you? He had watched enough of his people cower.
The station was set up with giant plushes, a variety of fake weapons with enough heft to feel real, and a crew of toads who seemed to be more worried about which plush to fight against. “Here,” Captain started, turning again to address Peach directly, “we have our students face down an enemy that is bigger than them, holding a weapon. They do not necessarily strike at their opponent. Our only goal here is to counteract the toad instinct to cower when faced with a threat.”
“That’s very wise,” Princess Peach said, observing. “It’s a strong and primal urge. Do you teach them how to use a weapon at all, Captain?”
He glanced up at her, then away. “No, your majesty, we don’t. We aren’t sanctioned by your military, you know that. But we can’t talk about it here. Let’s move to the next station, shall we?”
Before she could ask any more questions, he turned and stalked away. She knew full well why he didn’t train with weapons. Is that why she was here? To double check her guards’ reports?
“Next! We have agility training,” Captain explained as they came to the next area. “One of the biggest flaws in the ‘fleeing and cowering’ method that toads typically employ is their lack of dexterity. We train them to watch where they’re going while keeping an eye on their pursuer.”
This was, in a lot of ways, their messiest area. But it was intentional. Sort of. It was an obstacle course. Again, instead of padding, there were pillows and piles of blankets everywhere. This had the double purpose as padding and additional obstacles. He based this whole area’s layout on the scene of one of Peach’s kidnappings where he saw over 100 toads attacked, scattered, and lost. Mario found them, but for a moment, it didn’t look good.
“I recognize this,” she said quietly from behind him. “Is this layout based on…?” She trailed off, her hand moving to her throat.
“Ah, yes, Princess. I’m sorry to bring that to your mind. This was one of your kidnappings, I’m afraid. Bowser, as always,” he said. “We can move along.”
He watched her royal training kick in, smoothing the worry from her face as she took one breath in, one breath out. “No, that’s quite alright. I remember this one. It is perfect for the toad population to work through. Do you have any other stations? Or can we go back to your office? I have something I’d like to discuss.”
That made half a dozen alarm bells go off in his head. “We’re about to the mess hall, then there are a few more, but we can retire. I’m fine with that.”
She nodded, and he led her back to his office, a shorter walk than on their way out. He had his assistant bring them some tea and settled the Princess into a chair before he took his seat.
Instead of jumping in to start the conversation, as much as he wanted to, he decided to let the Princess start the conversation. Peach was wily - she hadn’t remained their ruler this long without some wit - and he wasn’t sure what she wanted from this.
“You don’t train them to use weapons, just to hold them, is that correct?” Peach started. Her eyes were on the windows, toward the sounds of toads in training.”
“Yes, your majesty.”
“And why did you say that was?”
“You know why that is.”
She smirked and picked up her teacup. “Remind me if you will.”
This felt very much like a trap, and Captain Toad could feel himself walking right into it. “Princess, your Guard is very serious about threats to your rule. Toads are the majority of your subjects. Right now, many of them are content. If something should happen, your Guard believes that a populace that not only cannot defend themselves but more importantly cannot attack is best for you and your continued reign. They have made it clear that my Training Camp is tolerated at best.” His voice was on the verge of breaking and he took a sip of tea. “And they’ve told me that all of their actions have been approved - encouraged, even - by you. Which I don’t doubt.”
“Oh, my,” Peach said, feigning shock. “I wouldn’t say I’ve encouraged them. But my Guard does seem to have ideas.” She was the picture of elegance. “I like what you’ve done. I’ve noticed there have been fewer attacks on toads within the borders of the kingdom. We have fewer reports outside of it, but I imagine the trend holds.” She paused to sip her tea. “You seem adept at creating and implementing training for toads who otherwise would never think of self-defense. It’s something the Guard has always struggled with - even the fiercest of toads struggles with the innate feeling of pacifism.
“We - my Head Guard and I - were thinking that perhaps we should use your Training Camp. Improve it, expand it.” Here she paused again to take a long sip of her tea, to let him digest her words. With sudden and intense clarity, he knew where she was going with this. But he let her talk. “We would like you to help us train an army.”
Captain Toad was not a pacifist. He had seen what pacifism did - in the case of many toads, it was a stand in for complacency. But this, this was… not what he wanted. His goal was what Peach had mentioned was already happening: lessening the rate of crime against toads by giving them the tools to be tougher targets. He was successful. Thriving. His programs were efficient and smart. Not tools for violence.
“Captain?” Peach prompted, setting her teacup and saucer back onto the table.
“I cannot go against the will of my Princess,” he said, forcing his voice not to shake. “But I cannot say I think it is a good idea.”
She smiled at him, as if he was a child who just didn’t understand what she was saying. “Your camp is very impressive,” she told him. “I want to take it to its full potential.”
“With all due respect, majesty, it accomplishes everything I set out to do with it.”
“And why do you think that we have tolerated it?”
“Reduction of crime?”
She laughed, the sound chilling him to his core. “No, for this moment precisely. Work with us, or we will supplant you and use your camp anyway.”
His heart clenched. She was crazy. Absolutely insane. And he had no choice but to obey. He imagined that there was a cell in a dungeon somewhere already prepared for him.
“Yes, your majesty.”