Chapter Text
Kim Dokja had a rough childhood.
Rough was almost an understatement. From being the son of a murder, to being bullied at school and having no one to lean on, the child was completely alone. And that’s when he found it, his night light. Sitting in his room, still in his school uniform, the white light of his phone illuminated his face as he read yet another web novel. It was bad, to say the least, but it was something to take Dokja’s mind off his pathetic existence. His thumb pressed the cracked screen, scrolling down to the comments. Most of the readers were insulting the author, yet Dokja always saw their username under the next episode. They only wanted to vent and doing it through a screen to a stranger was the easiest guilt-free way possible. His thumb stopped midway, his eyes catching a comment, different from the rest. The words weren’t attacking like the others that surrounded it, just a simple sentence, just a acknowledge of their existence.
‘MC looks like Joonhyuk, is this based off the idol?’
Dokja’s interest peaked. He never really got into idol stuff, hearing on the news about scandals and drug use time to time. Sometimes he would get pop up adds for songs under episodes of novels, but he always brushed past them. Yet he couldn’t this time, his small thin thumb clicked the photo attached to the comment. His screen blanked to white as it loaded, and the moment it did, Dokja’s pupils expanded. It was a comparison style photo, two images side by side. On the right, was a paragraph from another novel:
‘Eyebrows seemingly drawn by a single, uninterrupted stroke of a famed artists brush; a nose and a chin shaped in perfect angles that defied attempts to measure them through mere devices of men; a pair of deep eyes seemingly carved out of a beautiful jewel containing all the misfortunes found in the world.’
It was a good paragraph, and the boy had felt drawn to the character the moment he read the words loading on his screen, but Dokja’s eyes didn’t even catch the paragraph at first, tracing the idols face. Joonghyuk looked about Dokja’s age, maybe one or two years older, it was hard to tell. The boy stood, unenthusiastically holding a pose with a few others, sweat glistening down his cheeks in the stage lights. Dokja never understood defiant people, why act like you don’t want to do something, when you actually want to? He understood the charm now. The tired look in his eyes, blank yet so full of emotion, they were just like Dokja’s.
-
Dokja wasn’t a collector, and he never thought he would be a collector. Now at the ripe age of 17, he was sleeping next to a body pillow of a man he had never met, and honestly, he hoped to keep it that way. But no matter how much shame he felt taking the packages from the delivery guy, who gave him weird looks every time, he kept buying more. He wasn’t rich, so it took some time, but after 2 years of devotion, your shelf starts to get a little crowded. Joonhyuk was part of a boy band group, but the seats weren’t filled, the merch wasn’t sold unless Joonghyuk was involved. He was the looker of the group, the dancer, the singer, the leader. It also meant his merch sold out quicker, so Dokja spent more time crying over missing exclusives than breaking up with girlfriends.
The boy flipped at any mention of the idol, the cool quiet aloofness he had mastered, blending into the wall the moment he didn’t make himself known snapped in two when he saw that familiar face on adverts. It didn’t take him long to find fanfictions. Tls123 was a common name in the fandom, a known figure, a goddess even. With talent to write a full-on book, she took her time feeding the hungry masses like Dokja. Her first was a crack fic, making fun of the idol like they were close friends. But back then, the boy didn’t care. He supported any type of content related to the idol and soon, tls123 began posting more. No one knew the face behind the name, they didn’t know Han Sooyoung sat in her chair, typing on her computer and giggling to herself as Yoo Joonghyuk sat in the flesh on his phone, playing a mobile game. Joonghyuk only agreed to let his childhood friend write stories about him to boost his image, but the rule was he had to proofread them all first before she posted the chapter.
Sooyoung stretched her arms over her head, her black hair shifting over the purple hoodie around her neck. “Done.” She called out leisurely, making Joonghyuk stand up and walk over. He leaned in, thick eyebrows creasing as he searched the words for anything too personal that might sell them out. He looked nothing like he did on stage, in a gaming hoodie and fringe clipped back with a strawberry clip he borrowed (more like stole) from his little sister, like he was about to take his first day of school photos. He miraculously pulled it off. “Fine.” Joonghyuk gave it the ok, Sooyoung clicking the enter button as the chapter was released into the wild.
Dokja’s gasp rang out on the train. People looked over to check on him, and the boy hid behind his backpack, but he was giddy like a child. Tls123 had uploaded another chapter, and he was going to be the first to comment.
“Author-nim. I was wondering if Joonghyuk-ie is suffering way too much lately…but I love the way you made him a regressor! It fits his character so well! When he got regressor’s depression, I could almost see it! It fits your writing style perfectly and I love the way you describe Joonghyuk-ie! When will you be uploading again?
Sooyoung sat up, her signature cat eyed, shit eating smirk creeping up onto her face. “Looky looky, my fanboy is already here.” She teased. Joonghyuk rolled his eyes. He loved being an idol, don’t get him wrong. He didn’t just do it to be able to financially support his younger sister, or because everyone said he should be with looks like his, he did it because he wanted to, and with Sooyoung’s parents financial help, he was able to. But he hated the fans. They acted like they knew him, like they were his friends, when they weren’t. Most of the boys in the idol group avoided him, jealous of the attention, but Joonghyuk wished he was just another singer, a back up dancer.
Being the favourite in a group, the pressure of being loved was too much.
That’s why a few years later, 20-year-old Yoo Joonghyuk left his idol group. The groups sales went down, the idols instantly collapsing without Joonghyuk keeping them afloat. Did he want this? No. He left because he believed the other boys were talented enough to strive on their own, but he didn’t want to work with them anymore. It was their choice to get into scandals and get kicked out after he left.
Of course, Dokja was one of the first to know, slightly bittersweet. He suddenly felt guilty for only liking Joonhyuk in the group now that the idol had seemingly subtly pointed it out by leaving. He would’ve kept listening to the group if it didn’t fall apart.
Joonghyuk’s first album was a complete hit, every line was trending. Dokja’s shrine had expanded around his whole room, posters lining the walls with renter safe sticky tape and a few of his favourite albums. The body pillow was a guilty pleasure of his that he hid under his blanket to hide from the shame. He streamed his songs on the way to work and back, bringing a little bit of fun into his internship.
He had to face the reality someday. His internship was going to end, and he was going to be jobless. What was his first thought, his priority? Was he worried about food, water, the roof over his head? No. He was worried about missing out on merch. He stared at the ceiling, processing his own thoughts. Joonghyuk’s handsome face had really rotted his brain.
But it wasn’t just his face, his physical appearance at all. His lyrics, his song, the way he composed the notes, it was all so thought out. Dokja felt closer with every word, like Joonghyuk had stolen the thoughts out of his brain before he could even think them. He felt heard, in a strange, disconnected sort of way, like speaking through a cheap glitchy walkie talkie. He never looked up the meanings behind the idol’s songs, feeling satisfied with his own.
But he couldn’t hide in his phone forever. The date on the top right of his screen was the exact date his contract would end. He sighed, Joonghyuk’s deep velvet voice emanating from his headphones, serenading him through the train ride. He refreshed the page of the Joonghyuk fan site, hoping for a new update on anything idol related only to find his finger hovering over something big. A job opportunity. Joonghyuk’s manager had been fired, found out to be selling his clothes and products after use.
Dokja froze, feeling like he forgot everything at that moment as his thumbs filled out his information for him. He did even know why he did it, having no experience being in any show biz related job, but he let out a sigh of relief, as suddenly thousands of applications flooded in.
Han Sooyoung huffed beside Joonghyuk, sucking on a lemon lollipop. “You’d think your team just announced a marriage proposal or something.” She sneered; the idol ignored her. She suddenly stopped, catching a name. Kim Dokja. It was the same username as her fanboy. She had thought it was a play on words, the characters meaning reader, but no one would put the word ‘reader’ as their name on a job application if it wasn’t his real name. She smirked to herself, her tone completely changing, placing a hand on the taller male’s shoulder. “Hey. Can I make a suggestion?”