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Chapter Text

Alhaitham has been dreaming every night. He would have noted an observation of this in one of his journals, were it not for the fact that he forgot the dreams the instant they were over. The scenes were always clear, perfect memories, the kind that he hadn’t thought would be possible to forget in any context. Except he always did, in the silent darkness right before he opened his eyes.

Tonight, it was a moment over a decade ago. Alhaitham knew exactly when and where he was, yet, in the familiar way of dreams, was detached from himself, watching through blurry glass as the moment unfolded.

He was reading a literature review of linguistic research on desert languages in the House of Daena. A boy, a couple of years older than him, passed by his seat a total of three times, having smiled in his direction. Alhaitham had pretended not to notice. He did not know how he was expected to act in situations like this.

The boy finally stopped.

“I think you’re the first student your age to check out a doctoral thesis to read for pleasure.” His smile was warm. Why had he approached Alhaitham?

“It is a possibility, but almost impossible to confirm.”

“Are you in Haravatat?”

“Yes.”

“Kshahrewar,” he said, pointing to himself, “but I have it as a life goal to be fluent in at least five languages, and I’ve been wondering if a desert one might be a good choice for my fourth. I’ve been taking a few classes a week at your darshan.”

Alhaitham did not react.

“What’s your name?”

“Alhaitham.”

He waited for Alhaitham to ask him the same, but was met with silence.

“I’m Kaveh,” he said, but it was unnecessary. Alhaitham had not asked because he already knew.

Kaveh continued to speak, but it melted into a distant haze. Right before Alhaitham woke up, all that was left of the memory was braided blond hair, moving to the sound of laughter.

He was brewing coffee when the doorbell rang. Three sages stood on his porch, looking somewhat constipated.

“Scribe Alhaitham, pardon us for the intrusion and the inconvenience. May we come in?”

Alhaitham complied without a word. With uncharacteristic hospitality, he offered them each a cup of coffee.

“The Grand Sage resigned last night.”

The Scribe did not react.

“As you are well aware, she was the third scholar to leave the position within the span of two months.” He paused, waiting for a response which did not come. “That is excluding, of course, your kindly filling the role after Grand Sage Azar’s… removal.”

Alhaitham calmly sipped his coffee.

“We understand that your ambitions are not political or power-driven in nature, which we find most admirable,” continued the second sage, adjusting his glasses, “but, with Sumeru’s best wishes in mind, we cannot help but request that you reconsider your stance on the job. The Akademiya thrived under your hand, with your methodical reorganisation of its structure. We cannot think of anyone better for the Akademiya at this moment than you.”

“We have tried to find adequate substitutes,” added the third sage, “but, evidently, we have failed.”

“I accept,” Alhaitham stated, expression unchanged.

“Pardon me?” The sages were stunned.

“As in, I accept your proposal to return to the role of Grand Sage. Permanently.” Their jaws had dropped, losing all composure. They had never imagined Alhaitham would actually give in. “Am I needed at the Akademiya right now?”

“Yes… Yes, please,” the sage stuttered, clearing her throat, “Thank you so much, Alhaitham. You are helping Sumeru. If you will accompany us, we can sign the necessary paperwork immediately. We will arrange for your office to be ready for you as soon as possible.”

Alhaitham changed into more appropriate clothing, washed the coffee cups, and left the house. He had only made one request: a new secretary. A Vahumana scholar accepted the position on the spot.

He lay to sleep, unaware of what would come.

He was staring at his grandmother’s face, attempting to memorise every wrinkle and the exact tone of the grey in her eyebrows. She looked the same as always.

He was lying to himself. The colour of her skin was unnatural. Her lips were too relaxed. Her face was devoid of… something.

Of life. A logical conclusion, considering she was dead.

He had reached for her hands, but their coldness had sent a paranormal shiver through his bones. He gulped. He felt too hot, too cold, too claustrophobic, everything was too noisy, too much, too many people. Why were all these people at her funeral? He had never seen so many of them.

He left for the rainforest, not having the stomach to listen to the speeches. The blurs of green and blue made him dizzy.

He woke up crying, but could not remember why.

Alhaitham returned home to a letter on the doorstep. He placed it on top of a neat pile collecting on his desk. You’ll read them today.

He sat down and opened them in chronological order.

Dear Alhaitham,

I am very well and the construction is going wonderfully, thank you very much for NOT ASKING even though I was supposed to return home a whole week ago.

As you can surely tell based on my lovely calligraphy (the exact opposite of your neat, soulless handwriting), this is Kaveh. The guy who lives with you? Who you have known for over fifteen years? Who sent you two letters you could not be bothered to answer?

I’ll start making arrangements for your funeral if you don’t give me a sign that you are alive.

With rage,

Kaveh

Kaveh had been working on some project outside of the city. Alhaitham could not remember the details. He skimmed the next few letters.

Very Un-Dear Alhaitham,

Give me one good reason why I had to find out through Cyno that you are Grand Sage again. Hello??? What happened to you hating it and being desperate to resign????

I don’t understand. Also, why didn’t you tell me? Also, why are you not answering any of my letters? Have you been kidnapped and are being forced to do what you hate most (working a lot) while ignoring the best thing in your life (obviously me)?

On a serious note, Alhaitham, I’m weirded out. You’re acting weird and ignoring me. Just send me a short note, saying “I read your letters.” That’s literally all. Is it so hard?

With genuine concern (and rage),

Kaveh

Alhaitham started preparing for sleep while reading the last letter. He closed the windows, turned the corridor lights off, and lay in bed.

Alhaitham,

You are not going to TCG nights with Cyno and Tighnari, and you have not checked out a single book from the House of Daena in two weeks.

I am returning home tomorrow.

I hate you,

Kaveh

Alhaitham rose from the bed and made his way to his study. He silently piled his journals and unfinished letters into a box. He left the house at almost midnight.

Chapter Text

It was pouring when Kaveh finally managed to drag his suitcase into the living room, hair disfigured into an interrogation mark and shirt completely soaked. In his current mood, it was statistically (highly) likely that he would get into a fight with Alhaitham capable of rivalling the outdoor thunderstorm.

“Alhaitham!” he shrieked, tongue dripping with pure fury. “Why is my room window open during a thunderstorm? I’m going to actually strangle you with my drenched curtains! Where are you?”

If Alhaitham could not hear him, he would be the only one on the street. Meaning he was probably not wearing his hearing aids. Kaveh stormed into the study. Empty. He stormed into Alhaitham’s room. Empty. He stormed into the bathroom, even. Empty.

He attempted to storm into the Grand Sage’s office.

“I will be very quick, and it’s extremely important. Like, urgent,” he murmured to the secretary, putting on his best attempt at the classic Kaveh Heart-Melting Smile.

“I am afraid no unscheduled visits from unidentified persons will be possible at the present moment,” she answered, unflinching.

“Unidentified? Alhaitham can identify me,” he cleared his throat, attempting not to sound mentally unstable, “and I am completely sure he will consent to seeing me if you explain who I am.”

“Very well.” She pressed a button on her desk and spoke into an odd-looking device. “I apologise for bothering you, but Kaveh is here to see you. He says it’s urgent.”

Alhaitham’s voice came out loud and clear. “Now is not the time. Tell him I will speak to him later.”

The secretary looked at Kaveh with an unreadable, almost amused expression on her face. Kaveh gritted his teeth. And lunged for the magical button that forced Alhaitham to listen to him. Only to have his hand smacked away.

“I will be forced to ask for you to be escorted out if you do not leave, sir.”

Kaveh left, cursing Alhaitham, the secretary, and the fact that he didn’t have a magic button for himself.

It was still pouring when Alhaitham finally opened the front door, somehow perfectly dry.

“It’s almost four in the morning.” Kaveh’s tone was frigid.

“Being Grand Sage comes with a considerable amount of work.”

A deathly, thick silence.

“Alhaitham.”

He looked at Kaveh.

“The Light of Kshahrewar.”

Kaveh scoffed. He was exhausted from a five-hour trip on a suboptimally designed road and from spending forty minutes cleaning his storm-wrecked room, having left the construction site several days too early out of concern for a man who couldn’t even say his name.

“Is your goal to make me kill myself out of pure frustration and annoyance? Because congratulations, you can stop now, it has worked,” he spat, rising from the couch.

Alhaitham moved towards his room, but Kaveh stepped in his way. “What the fuck is going on, Alhaitham?”

“I am going to sleep because, as you pointed out, it is almost four in the morning.”

“Oh, you are not going to sleep. You are giving me the satisfaction I deserve.” His teeth came close to drawing blood off his lower lip.  “Did you receive my letters?”

“I don’t remember.”

Kaveh threw a cushion (wishing it was a slab of concrete) at Alhaitham’s face. “Tell me a better lie, at least! Do I look like an idiot?”

“You look sleep deprived and emotionally unstable. Please allow me to go to bed.”

Kaveh had the decency to not scream at the top of his lungs at dawn (purely for the sake of the neighbours, of course. Alhaitham deserved much worse than a little ear pain). His fingers were trembling and his eyes twitching.

“Alhaitham, you are a ridiculous, arrogant, idiotic, egocentric, impolite, inconsiderate and absolutely disgusting piece of— of rotten algae… of… Fuck, I am sleep deprived. I mean— I could literally not have a worse roommate!”

It had come out as a scream.

“I have something to tell you,” Alhaitham replied, or rather, it seemed like a disconnected sentence. It was unlikely he had heard Kaveh’s outburst.

“Oh, please, do go on. Be my guest. It’s not like you had a month and a half to write whatever it is you have to say and just fucking send it! You pass by a post office every single fucking day on your way to work!”

“I am moving out.”

Kaveh blinked. He blinked once more. He stared at Alhaitham’s face, dumbfounded. It was not his usual glare— it was not a glare at all. It was silent observance, with genuine doubt.

“What? Why?” His voice came out more quiet than he had planned.

“Due to permanently being Grand Sage, I have been offered more comfortable accommodations where I can live by myself. I will leave this house to you, as it was originally given to the two of us.” Kaveh continued to stare. “I will pack my things and leave tomorrow.”

Alhaitham walked into the bathroom without another word, not having spared Kaveh a single glance. Kaveh walked into his own, still somewhat wet room, also without a word. For the first time, he did not know what to say.

His pillow had already been damp when he arrived, and the tears made it worse. When Kaveh finally fell asleep, Alhaitham had left the house.

Alhaitham, too, cried that night, although he does not know, because he was asleep.

Like in previous nights, he knew exactly when and where he was. The first half-second of the dream filled him with pure dread and a bout of nausea.

He was speaking endlessly, his diction impeccable as always, but his lips were lopsided, out of control. He was angry, not at Kaveh, but it was seeping through. He said everything that came to his mind, unable, for one of the first times, to mask his emotions with reason.

Unrealistic. Overly idealistic. Blind to reality. Deaf to reason. Stubborn. Unable, like a child, to understand that you must take care of yourself. He cringed, knowing the next line, like an actor desperate to leave his character. Completely dependent on me to provide you with basic logic.

The dream did not provide him with a clear image of his setting, or of the papers lying in front of him. But, standing there in pristine, picturesque, formidable clarity, were Kaveh’s eyes, heartbroken. Heartbroken. Alhaitham considers it an imperfect metaphor. He knows what heartbreak is, because he felt it that day. It does not feel like a crack— a clean, jagged, clean cut. It feels like the fibres of his body were all pulled and tied into an excruciatingly tight, pulsing knot impossible to untie, right below his navel. Every microscopic movement pulled on it further, tightening the pain.

He woke up exhausted.

“He’s acting in indecipherable ways.”

After going through every emotion a human could ever experience, Kaveh had gotten out of bed, thoroughly washed every inch of his body through a one-hour-and-a-half methodical routine, drank an entire litre of coffee, and called Cyno and Tighnari for an “urgent” meeting. He felt somewhat dizzy, and his mind was blurry.

“No offence, but he was born that way,” came Cyno’s response.

“I also don’t understand what is so urgent about Alhaitham acting oddly. I have a job, and a life. I understand that you don’t want Alhaitham to move out and that you’re sad he’s avoiding you, but that’s something you just have to talk to him about. And not drag me out of the forest for.”

“Except I’ve tried. I sent him, like, a billion letters, then I literally came home to confront him, he refused to receive me in his office—“

“—Because he's the Grand Sage of the Akademiya and, like us, has a job.”

“I have a job! I have an unfinished house on the border with Liyue and I came back for this absolute asshole to ignore me!”

“Maybe you should just return, and wait for when he’s ready to talk to you about whatever it is that’s going on,” Tighnari sighed.

“Gods, don’t you know Alhaitham? When will he approach me to talk about what’s wrong with him? I have to insist, or it’s never gonna happen. He has the emotional intelligence of the leftover chunks of a carved block of marble.”

“Highly specific, but okay,” said Cyno. “The best thing for you to do now is wait for your anger to die down and for him to come around so you guys can talk about it.”

“Okay, but what if it’s bigger than that? I feel like there’s something actually wrong, like, sure, he always acts weird, but he’s acting weird in a different way, I mean, he doesn’t usually straight-up avoid me, so I’m thinking, what if something happened? He looked like he didn’t even really recognise me when he saw me. Like, I don’t know, Tighnari, is there a fungus that makes people start ignoring their brilliant and beautiful roommates?”

Tighnari’s eyes started twitching. “I can’t think of a fungus with such a specific mechanism.”

“Maybe Alhaitham has just been avoiding you because he’s busy, since he’s Grand Sage now,” Cyno offered. “Maybe he ate a no-fun-gus.”

Cyno winked, and Tighnari got up and left. Kaveh sighed. He was going to have to investigate alone.

The first, and most obvious, place to snoop would be Alhaitham’s journals. Living with the man, Kaveh had been annoyed first-hand at his obsessive writing and annotating. Everything went into his quickly-filling notebooks, from an observation on a simile employed by a street vendor to Kaveh’s reaction to too-spicy food. It was unnerving, but it was practical when one needed to figure out what the fuck was going on with Alhaitham.

Is it unethical to read his journals? Kaveh was dealing with this ethical question as he looked through Alhaitham’s study’s bookshelves. A sea of books. But if it’s out of genuine worry, this is excusable, no? Gods, why does he have so many books? That’s a logical fallacy, would you not agree, Kaveh? came Alhaitham’s voice in his head. He gulped. You are implying the ends always justify the means. Kaveh slapped the air. Shut up, imaginary Alhaitham. How can you annoy me when you’re not even here?

Conclusion: journals not in the study. How? They are always here. Kaveh looked in the living room, Alhaitham’s room, the kitchen, even the bathroom. He looked in the laundry area. Not a single notebook.

Did he take them with him to work? Maybe he took weird notes while at the Akademiya, since he’s a freak. So much for being busy, if you have the time to write about your stupid feelings.

So, Kaveh found himself in front of the Grand Sage’s office for the second day in a row, but this time, he was smarter. He had come during lunch break. If Alhaitham was still any bit himself, he would use one hundred percent of his lunch break to get away from work.

The issue was that ridiculous secretary. Why was she still at her desk? Kaveh concluded that she had been placed there by prayers made by his enemies, wishing for his misery. She eventually left, and Kaveh silently made his way to the door.

Breaking into the Grand Sage’s office is definitely some sort of criminal offence. But he doesn’t know which one, since he’s not a lawyer, so it doesn’t matter. He was definitely not sweating by the time he reached the doorknob.

Except, obviously, the door was locked. Kaveh groaned, then remembered he had to be silent. He started rummaging through the evil secretary’s desk, looking for a key. Gods, she had better have a key. He opened all the drawers, rummaged through stacks of paperwork, and looked between pens. He opened a box to find—

The journals?

What were they doing there? Why had Alhaitham hid them? Kaveh was even more suspicious. He sneaked the notebooks into his bag as swiftly as possible and left the Akademiya.

When he got home, Alhaitham had somehow already moved out. Kaveh ignored the lump in his throat and thought of the bright side: I don’t have to worry about him finding me with the notebooks.

He flipped to the last page of the first one and, strangely, it was dated over a month before. He must not have been using this one. Kaveh opened another one, then another one. Alhaitham’s last entry had been two days after Kaveh left. I was right, something is wrong. An Alhaitham who isn’t reading or writing isn’t an Alhaitham.

He read the last few entries to look for clues.

Will interview the second set of “Sirajs” with Armita. I am not enthusiastic, unlike last time. As per my notes on the matter, I did not learn much, and I suspect Armita’s intentions do not lie in academic research. Unsure of what she is seeking. She gave me premium coffee grains to thank me for joining her. Is this evidence of romantic interest?

Kaveh did not remember meeting an Armita. He read an entry from two days before.

I met Siraj #6, #14 and #30. They seem superficially repentant. I was not seeking apologies, but it seems to be what Armita expected. She asked what seemed, to me, like irrelevant questions, with surprisingly relevant responses. Odd. I am more interested, now, in understanding her intentions than in the project.

What project is this? Kaveh flips back further.

I was approached by a scholar who introduced herself as Armita. She, like me, had heard Siraj’s proposal before it was put into practice, and had thoroughly criticised it. She mentioned the ethical inconsistencies and vehemently ridiculed the project’s practical flaws. She proposed that she and I interview the arrested “Sirajs” as an interesting psychological piece of research. Although it is not my area of expertise, she convinced me to participate. She was surprisingly convincing.

Kaveh did not know what to make of this. Was it evidence? Completely irrelevant? Crucial to solving the puzzle? Alhaitham felt each day less like a puzzle and more like an ocean of secrets where Kaveh was unable to swim. Would he drown?

Chapter Text

Alhaitham had been waiting for a full forty minutes in the Sumeru sun, his Akademiya hat falling awkwardly against his hair. There was an uncharacteristic, almost imperceptible tremble to his hands.

“Kaveh,” he murmured, and it came out as a sigh of relief. “Can we talk?”

Kaveh did not look at him, choosing instead to occupy himself with whatever he was fidgeting with in his pockets. “Do you need something?”

“Yes, to talk to you.”

He gritted his teeth. “You have exactly two minutes.”

“I’ve completed my final section of the thesis. When would you like for us to do the final compilation and editing?”

Kaveh laughed, or rather snorted, or rather groaned. Some mixture. “Alhaitham, for you, who are so logical, I am surprised you did not understand my exacerbatingly clear and direct statement: I am withdrawing my name from the thesis.”

“You will not graduate.”

“So be it.”

“There is nothing you care more about.”

“That is demonstrably incorrect.”

Alhaitham frowned. “I apologise that my words hurt you. Let us be rational about this. It would be nonsensical to not submit the research, and for you to remain angry at me because of one moment of irrationality. You act irrationally very often.”

Kaveh scoffed, gaped at the mouth, frowned, swallowed, then curled his fists. “Nonsensical? Nonsensical? It’s nonsensical for you, because you don’t have feelings. I apologise that my words hurt you. Who the fuck do you think you’re kidding? An apology must include a recognition of blame. You’re implying this is just me being dramatic, because I act irrationally very often.” He properly spat on the floor in front of Alhaitham’s feet.

“I did not lie. And I do admit blame. My words hurt you. That is, obviously, my fault, for speaking those words.”

“You know, Alhaitham, when we first met, so many people asked me how I was hanging out with a kid who was such an asshole. And I’ve always defended you. I said you’re not half as cruel as you look, that you’re not ignoring, you just listen a lot more than you talk, that you’re secretly kind of sweet, but it takes knowing you to realise it. I thought I’d cracked you, like a puzzle. But clearly, I was wrong the whole time. You really are incapable of basic respect, of anything remotely close to love. Your ego is too big. It’s pretty clear that you never cared about me, because you only care about yourself.”

Kaveh walked past him, trembling all over. “Kaveh.” He stopped.

It was so obvious. It was so painfully, excruciatingly clear to Alhaitham, now, what he should have said. I’m sorry, he screamed from the inside, Kaveh, I care about you, I’m sorry, I was trying to take care of you, I’m sorry. He was screaming at the top of his lungs now, his throat scratched. He finally opened his mouth.

“I will remove my name, and you can publish the paper alone.”

Kaveh walked off into a black wall. Alhaitham woke up panting. When he arrived at the Akademiya, he still felt a tight discomfort just below his navel.

The Evil Secretary was the last person Kaveh wanted to see on his doorstep at seven in the morning. And he wanted to see absolutely no one, having been woken up and forced out of bed by insistent doorbell ringing after only five hours of sleep.

“I do apologise for coming so early, but I have reason to suspect you stole the Grand Sage’s personal property.”

Kaveh glared at her through half-blurry lenses.

“I have reason to suspect you stole the Grand Sage’s personal property. His notebooks are his life. Why were they hidden away on your desk?”

“Naturally, because I am his secretary. He has not finalised the move to his new house, and so was keeping some belongings at the Akademiya.” She looked at him with a blank expression. Kaveh felt like he was playing chess with an opponent whose moves he could not see.

“I don’t believe you,” he snapped. There was just something, something about her, that he did not like. He did not like her green glasses. Why were they green? Green did not suit her. It made her look like a parrot. Yes, a parrot. In fact, she spoke like a parrot. And moved like one. And the look in her eyes was like a cruel parrot, trying to destroy his life.

It was definitely not because he was jealous that Alhaitham was talking to her, but not to him.

“I have nothing personal against you, I was simply sent by Alhaitham to retrieve the books,” she replied, clearly bothered by Kaveh’s hostility. Which made him realise how ridiculously he was acting.

“I’m, uh— of course…” Fuck, he’s an idiot. “I’m really sorry for being rude. I’m mad at Alhaitham, and I guess I discounted it on you. It was really immature of me. I’ll get the books for you.”

He handed her the pile and collapsed onto the floor.

Cyno and Tighnari were right: he had to return to his job. The owner of the house he was building definitely agreed. He had received several letters urging him back, due to some issue related to southern walls.

Kaveh started packing everything back into his suitcase, but had a sliver of hope that he would still be able to speak to Alhaitham before he left. Maybe if he told him he was leaving. Maybe he would give in.

Kaveh appeared at the Akademiya, for the third time, and faced the secretary.

“Good morning.”

The tension between them could have been cut with Alhaitham’s sword (although Alhaitham could cut almost anything, so that is not saying much). The secretary barely eyed him before “regretting to inform you that the Grand Sage is not in his office at the present moment.”

Fine. This is fine. He’ll go after him wherever he is. Except she “regrets to inform you that I cannot disclose the Grand Sage’s current location, for both safety and privacy reasons.”

Kaveh had asked her for her name. And she had answered, loud and clear: “Armita.” Obviously, saying he was taken aback was euphemistic. He did the logical thing and interrogated her.

“Why are you working as a secretary when you’re a scholar?”

“Being the Grand Sage’s secretary is a highly skilled role, and requires trust. Who would you suggest for the job?”

“If it requires trust, I would not have suggested someone he met not even two months ago.”

“How do you know who I am, anyway? I feel uncomfortable in your presence. Please remove yourself from here, or I will call the Matra.”

Kaveh left.

He asked every single person in the hallway if they had seen Alhaitham, and was pointed in the direction of the Sanctuary of Surasthana.

Before entering, he asked himself if he was crazy. You must be a lunatic, still chasing after Alhaitham after all these years, demanding he talk to you over a God.

The thoughts stopped on their tracks when he saw Alhaitham holding a cloth over an almost unconscious Nahida’s mouth and nose. Kaveh staggered back, eyes wide, scared that Alhaitham had seen him. But he had not.

Kaveh left the Sanctuary in a blur, and when he was out in the courtyard, he collapsed.

“What a ridiculous proposal from Siraj,” Armita muttered.

“What proposal? I haven’t heard what he’s been working on,” an unknown female voice answered.

“Nothing of interest. It’s pseudo-psychological nonsense. I suppose it’s like an improved Akasha system.”

“I could live with that. The Akasha kind of bothers me sometimes.”

“I agree, the Akasha could be improved. But Siraj is not improving it. He has a vision, but not much more than that. His project would collapse in days.”

“What is it about?”

“Nothing… An interesting vision, indeed…”

Colours flash. Silhouettes pass.

I am writing in a notebook. Critique of the “Hive Mind Project.” Suggested improvements. Edits. Concerns. Steps to be taken. Problems: Alhaitham.

Alhaitham…

How to turn Alhaitham into a solution? Integrate him?

Alhaitham…

”Have you tested it?”

”Yes,” replied a man. “It works as expected.”

“Then we know what to do. I will bring him to speak to the others, under the guise of a psychological study. I will give him the herb, ground and mixed in with coffee beans.  We will need him alone for hours to work on the memories. Let us do it at night.”

“This week?”

“No, he has a roommate. I have arranged for a job to take him away from the city very soon. When he leaves, we can put our plan into action.”

Kaveh felt sick. He tried opening his eyes, but could not find the strength. Then, his eyelids darted open, and he sat up briskly. He was in the courtyard still, on the floor, with several people hovering over him.

Nahida had given him Armita’s memories.

Chapter Text

Cyno and Tighnari stared at Kaveh, dumbfounded. The architect was close to collapsing from sheer shock, retelling the story in mumbles.

“And then I understood. I saw what she did. I was in her head. Basically, she managed to repress some of Alhaitham’s, like, memories, and thoughts, and feelings. I did think it was weird how he didn’t seem to completely recognise me when he saw me, which is just insane. They spent hours working on his head. It’s the way she found to fix Siraj’s project. She removed any undesirable thoughts or feelings from him, so the hive mind couldn’t be destroyed from the inside. The memories were limited to his subconscious, so he can only experience his full mind in his dreams.”

Cyno had forgotten to breathe. “So she mind controlled Alhaitham into… kidnapping Lesser Lord Kusanali?”

“Yes, so that Armita can do the same to her that she did to Alhaitham.”

“She can do that to a God?” Cyno asked.

“She doesn’t know. But it’s possible, especially considering Nahida doesn’t have a gnosis anymore. And it’s her only chance at the experiment actually working. The people will follow the archon.”

Tighnari had been silent the entire time.

“I have heard of an herb with such properties,” he started, carefully, “but it is absolutely forbidden from use, and knowledge of it is highly guarded.”

“Clearly, Armita was in control of several people in the Akademiya.”

“I assume, as she made him Grand Sage and herself his secretary, that she wants political power. I don’t know if she has specific goals right now, or if it’s just to secure her hold on the government when she gains control of Lesser Lord Kusanali… But she clearly wants complete control of Sumeru,” Kaveh said.

“I will look for Armita and Lesser Lord Kusanali.” Cyno got up, but Tighnari stopped him.

“We don’t know who we can trust, even in the Matra. Perhaps we should call outsiders to help you.”

“Yes… I will call for Dehya. I fear she will not arrive in time. I will start on my own.”

“And I will investigate this herb, to find an antidote. Kaveh, for the love of the gods, act normal. Pretend you saw nothing. Go home. Wait for Cyno and I to contact you. Otherwise, she will go after you.”

Kaveh nodded and pretended he was not trembling.

Kaveh had almost thrown himself out of the window. Do nothing? Was Tighnari absolutely insane? What kind of ridiculous plan is that? But he had been too shocked to argue.

He did not feel safe, even in his house. He locked all the windows. He went into Alhaitham’s (old) room and locked the door. He lay on the bed and covered his whole body with the sheets.

“Fuck, Haitham, what have you gotten yourself into?”

After an hour or two (or fifteen minutes, Kaveh could not tell) of absolute suffering, Tighnari knocked on the door.

“It’s simpler than it seems. There’s no known direct, immediate antidote, but the victim themself should be able to fight it. This also suggests that Lesser Lord Kusanali will be unlikely to fall for it.”

“Yet Alhaitham hasn’t fought it. Can we still make him do it?”

“Yes. Although I’m afraid the literature isn’t highly specific about it. We have to unlock the memories that have been locked. Somehow. I looked into psychology and neuroscience for hints. I think our best bet is some kind of sensorial stimulus. Like, a nostalgic smell or a song or something of the kind that will unlock a memory.”

They reflected in silence. Tighnari pointed out that it would be difficult to unlock memories when they did not know what they were. “Were you able to see what she repressed?”

“Not specifically. We have a few hints, though. I felt like he didn’t completely recognise me, and he didn’t remember if he had read my letters. Meaning I was at least partly repressed.”

“How can we remind him of who you are? Can you think of any sensorial stimuli that could help?”

“Well. Does the smell of my shampoo count? I don’t think that would be strong enough to pull him back, but I don’t know what else he would associate with me. Maybe the smell of a dish. I could make him Sabz meat stew, but I don’t think it would remind him of me…”

“A song? Some sort of sound?

“He does complain about my singing in the shower. But if hearing my voice didn’t work, I don’t assume my singing will.”

“We could look at it from another angle. Research on this is not extensive, so what I suggested is just a hypothesis,” Tighnari started. Kaveh’s fingernails were almost drawing blood from his palms. “Another way to go about it would be to trigger a deeper, instinctual response. Like, if you were in danger, he would likely instinctually try to protect you, even if he doesn’t quite remember who you are, because memories can be repressed, but feelings not completely.”

Kaveh gulped. “So your suggestion is that I… put myself in danger…”

Tighnari looked away. “Let’s consider it a last resort. I only mention it because there’s a retelling of someone who allegedly was snapped out of it by something similar. If our sensorial attempts don’t work, we could plan a situation in which you are safe, but Alhaitham thinks you are in danger.”

“Right.”

Silence.

“Do we have any clues as to what else may have been repressed?”

They discussed possible hypotheses until they received a message from Cyno. Armita detained. Alhaitham probably somewhere in Avidya Forest, with Lesser Lord Kusanali. Come.

Finding Alhaitham proved easy enough with a Forest Ranger gifted with incredibly powerful ears. But he was not with the archon.

“Where is Lesser Lord Kusanali?” Cyno’s voice was low and deadly.

Alhaitham ignored them, replying simply with a hand on the handle of his sword.

“Alhaitham, I am going to actually kill you when we get home. You will be on laundry duty for five years, so I suggest you drop the bullshit,” Kaveh growled. The Grand Sage looked at him with a completely blank expression.

Cyno and Dehya lunged for him, movements coordinated to the blink of an eye, but Alhaitham was infuriatingly swift and methodically steady.

“We don’t want to hurt you,” Dehya whispered, “just come with us.”

“If you don’t want to hurt me, withdraw your weapons,” Alhaitham replied. He used the fact to his advantage, moving such that they would have been able to injure him if it were their intention, yet avoiding an ambush.

Kaveh and Tighnari prepared what they had brought. A small bag of Alhaitham’s favourite tea leaves, which his grandmother used to brew for him, a keychain Kaveh had gotten him, and a torn research paper (Kaveh insisted this had deep emotional significance, although he refused to explain why to Tighnari). And, obviously, a bottle of Kaveh’s shampoo.

Dehya and Cyno had managed to disarm Alhaitham and tie him with specific ropes Tighnari had provided which, in theory, prevented his teleporting. They forced him to the forest floor and held his head down.

“Alhaitham,” Kaveh started, touching his palm, “remember your grandmother used to make this for you?” They brought the tea leaves to his nose, but he exhibited no reaction. “You drink this while you’re working at home. I hide your cup when you’re annoying me.”

His eyes remained blank.

“Remember I gave this to you?” Kaveh pressed the keychain to his palm. “You scolded me for falling for the merchant’s lies, of poor orphans or whatever.” When Alhaitham did not move, he brought it to his eyes. “It’s a cute little aranara, green like your clothes. You said the features were distorted, and I called you out for lying, because it’s not like you know what they look like.”

Gods, no reaction. They brought the shampoo to his nose and ran the torn paper through his fingers. “Remember, Haitham? I tore this up in the House of Daena, because you yelled at me. I found it in your study months ago, but I didn’t tell you.”

Why was it not working?

“Alhaitham!” Kaveh yelled, forcing his eyes open with his fingers. “Don’t act like you can’t see me! It’s me, it’s Kaveh. Look at me, damn it!” His hands were trembling. “Do you remember me? Remember when we met? You were reading. I knew who you were already, because they were saying you were a genius. And also that you were an asshole. And obviously, I had to see for myself.”

Alhaitham seemed to be looking through Kaveh.

“But I liked you. I could see that you weren’t ignoring me, you were paying attention, you just barely responded. I guess that’s why we worked, I talk too much and you listen too much,” he chuckled, nervous.

“Do you remember when we spent the night in the House of Daena, after it had closed for the night? It was while we were working on our thesis. You wanted to read all night, but I wanted to talk. My talking got us caught.” Kaveh laughed this time, having temporarily forgotten where he was. “But you told the guards that you had convinced me to go with you, because you needed a book for an assignment due the next day. You said it had been your idea.” Kaveh paused, looking for a sign of acknowledgement. “It might have been the only time I heard you lie.”

He had whispered the last part softly, eyes looking desperately into Alhaitham’s. “Haitham, please, remember who you are. You are not a god-kidnapper. You are not a puppet. Use your logic, since it’s all you ever use. If you were doing the correct thing, why would Cyno, Dehya, Tighnari and I be trying to stop you?”

Tighnari’s ears stood up to attention. “Someone is approaching.”

Kaveh grew desperate. “Haitham, this is not you. You are the person who doesn’t go one minute past your working hours, who rejected being Grand Sage because it’s not what you want. You read in the bathtub all the time. For too long, may I add, and often when I need the bathroom. You cook when it’s my night sometimes, because you can see that I’m stressed, though you don’t say that. You buy the best cheese at the bazaar for me when you do the groceries, even though it’s more expensive and you barely eat it,” he gulped, “and you… You know me. You could never forget me. You say it all the time: I’m too loud and theatrical for my presence to not be noticeable. You reduce the volume on your hearing aids at home because I’m too loud.”

He thought he saw a flicker of understanding in Alhaitham’s eyes.

“You take my damn keys with you just to piss me off. You’re Alhaitham, you’re a pain in the ass, but I love you. Look at me. You’re Alhaitham, and you love me.”

Alhaitham parted his lips, and the four of them held their breaths. “Kaveh…” he murmured, “The keys are not on purpose…”

The relief did not stop Kaveh from groaning. “Gods, really? That’s what you say?” 

“Where is Lesser Lord Kusanali?” Cyno repeated.

“In the Sanctuary.”

Cyno went off alone, while Dehya remained to escort the groggy Grand Sage.

“Is this permanent?” Kaveh asked Tighnari. “Or can he go back to how he was before?”

“I don’t know.” Kaveh shuddered.

“How can you guys get into so much trouble?” Dehya lamented. “It should be relatively easy to not be manipulated into kidnapping a god.”

“How do you get yourself into this stuff, Haitham? First you overthrow the government, then you uncover a hive mind, and now you get yourself mind-controlled by a Vahumana scholar. It was that coffee she gave you, if you haven’t noticed.”

Alhaitham frowned. “How do you know?”

“Nahida showed me her memories.” Kaveh paused and looked away. “Also, I read your journal.”

“That is an invasion of privacy.”

“I’m sorry. But also, I saved you from mind control. So I will consider myself forgiven.”

Alhaitham’s lips pulled into the shadow of a smile, but, before he could reply, Tighnari yelled, Dehya whipped her claymore out, and Kaveh collapsed to the floor.

“The good news,” Dehya started, “is that you’re not fucking dead.”

That was not an especially encouraging sentence for Kaveh to hear as he blinked his eyes open.

“Where’s Haitham?” he sputtered.

Cyno cleared his throat. “Armita was released by the Matra due to her influence over several individuals I thought were loyal to me. We were ambushed while returning to the city, and Alhaitham was taken by the Matra. They attempted to kidnap you, but Dehya saved you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“They stabbed your arm and knocked you out,” Tighnari added.

“What?”

Only then did Kaveh pay attention to the throbbing pain on his shoulder, aching like a light burn. His eyes widened as he noticed the bloodied piece of gauze Tighnari had carefully wrapped around his skin.

“The other good news,” Cyno continued, “is that we have located Lesser Lord Kusanali. She contacted us through Katheryne, and she is, indeed, still in the Sanctuary of Surasthana. Armita was unable to repress her memories, since, well, that would basically require repressing Irminsul. She is still being held captive, with the help of the Matra. However, we have no idea of the number of individuals Armita has successfully repressed. If she managed even with Alhaitham, I can’t imagine she had much trouble with others…”

“Why do you say that?” Dehya asked.

“He’s impossible to fool, trust me. His logic overpowers any feeling,” Kaveh grumbled.

“That’s exactly why I think he’d be the easiest target for something like this,” Dehya pointed out. “If we repressed the feelings of someone like Kaveh, it would be immediately obvious that something is incredibly wrong. Plus, I think he would act bizarrely, because he’s used to being guided by emotions.”

“I sure hope you’re complimenting me, Dehya.”

“…Whereas Alhaitham is the perfect target because no one would notice that he’s acting without emotion… Yes, it makes complete sense…” Tighnari murmured.

“Except I noticed.” Kaveh sported a proud smile. “I’m a genius. You guys are welcome.”

“You’re not a genius, you’re just obsessed with him,” Cyno scoffed.

“Excuse you! It’s perfectly normal to know someone well when you literally live together!” Kaveh snapped, slightly red in the cheeks. “This makes sense, though. Especially because Armita waited for me to leave Sumeru City to get started on her experiment. I had thought it was only so no one would notice his absence while she drugged him, but I suppose it was also this.”

“This is a relieving conclusion,” Tighnari stated. “It means that it will probably be easier to snap others out of the daze than Alhaitham, because they fall prey to their emotions more easily. And it was already relatively easy with him. Kaveh just had to talk for five minutes straight, as he always does.”

Kaveh narrowed his eyes and opened his mouth.

“Let’s think about the here and now, guys,” Dehya interrupted. “What do we do? Armita didn’t manage to make it work with Lesser Lord Kusanali, meaning she made her first big mistake. We don’t know if she has a plan B, but we should be able to exploit this mistake in some way.”

“If we have concluded that Armita’s plan will fail anyway, because the mind repression can be undone, what we have to deal with are any immediate threats,” Cyno said. “We have to detain Armita herself, and first and foremost neutralise her influence within the Matra. If she does not have physical force, she cannot stop us.”

“She would still have Alhaitham,” Kaveh pointed out.

“Yes, and that will be your responsibility,” Cyno continued. “You have to snap him out of it again, and take him the fuck away from everyone. While Tighnari finds out how to permanently get rid of this ridiculous curse thing.”

“Should I go with Kaveh, or come with you, General?” Dehya asked.

Cyno paused. “Do you know anyone trustworthy who could help us? I don’t think two is enough for this task.”

“I’ll gather a few eremites.”

“Very well.”

‘Terrified’ would not be an appropriate word to describe Kaveh’s feelings as he walked through Sumeru City. With his arm bandaged and two unknown eremites shadowing his steps, he felt like he was willingly walking towards gallows.

Alhaitham was engaged in a sword fight against Dehya’s friends, defending the Sanctuary, where Armita did gods know what. How was he supposed to approach him without becoming a Kaveh-mushroom skewer?

Worse: Alhaitham was blindfolded. Literally how was he fighting blindfolded? Probably the same way the eremites did it. He thought of asking the ones accompanying him, but was too ‘terrified’ (or whatever more appropriate word Alhaitham would definitely be able to pinpoint) to do it.

Well, there was only one thing to do.

“Alhaitham!” he screamed. No reaction.

They approached the Grand Sage, with both eremites joining the fight. “Alhaitham, listen to me, remember what I said earlier today? We just talked…”

He didn’t seem to— Oh.

He wasn’t wearing his hearing aids. Fuck. How would Kaveh get to him, when he couldn’t see or hear him? He thought of the tea leaves, the shampoo, but… it hadn’t worked… only Kaveh had worked…

The eremites seemed to be winning against Alhaitham and the Matra, although they were slightly outnumbered. Should Kaveh wait? Should he try to contact Tighnari? Should he try to go home and find a set of hearing aids?

A guard’s sword missed Kaveh by a centimeter, and he thanked the gods for the eremites defending him. He had to admit he was trembling in fear. And he still didn’t know what to do.

The eremites immobilised Alhaitham, who still put up a fight. Kaveh approached him, swallowing his fear. He touched a hand to his cheek, featherlight, to show him he would not hurt him. What would Alhaitham recognise?

He brought Alhaitham’s hand to his fingers, so he could feel his rings. “See, Haitham, I’m only wearing them on these two fingers. Like always. So you know it’s me,” he murmured.

Alhaitham looked disoriented, but was not moving, at least. The knot on the blindfold was strong, and Kaveh didn’t have a knife to cut it off. The eremites were busy fighting off the Matra.

He brought Alhaitham’s hand to his hair, so he could feel the feather. Who else wore a feather on their hair? Surely this will work, Kaveh told himself. Please work. He used the opportunity to bring a strand of his hair to Alhaitham’s nose, hoping he would recognise the smell. Alhaitham had complained that Kaveh cluttered the shower box with too many bottles, when he moved in. “Complain about something,” he muttered, “I promise that, for the first time, I’d prefer that over you being silent.”

Kaveh leaned back to a sitting position, but, to his relief and horror, Alhaitham held him back with a gentle touch to the hair. He recognises me. Kaveh pulled harshly at the blindfold, desperate to not lose the opportunity. If I could sign something, he would understand…

He managed to pull the cloth down enough to see Alhaitham’s frowning eyes. Do you recognise me? he signed. I need you to come with me.

Kaveh, Alhaitham’s hands signed, I recognised your skin the moment you touched my face.

Gods, not the right time to leave Kaveh’s mind blank. He stuttered out loud, then remembered Alhaitham could not hear. Come with me, he urged.

But Alhaitham’s eyes had returned to that misty, indecipherable look. He got up swiftly and looked for his sword.

Alhaitham, Kaveh tried, desperately, his hands shaking, look at me. Pay attention to me. Alhaitham picked up a dagger from the floor. It’s me. I know you could never hurt me.

And Alhaitham, in fact, did not. He pushed Kaveh away as he surprised an eremite with his newfound weapon, returning to the battle while Kaveh stood, betrayed, with a useless stabbed arm.

Hyperventilating, he returned to the meeting point appointed by Cyno. You failed. You failed. Gods, when it mattered most, you failed. What now? He waited, seated on the floor, for what felt like hours. Or seconds. He hoped no one could see him. It was unlikely.

“Kaveh,” Tighnari called. Kaveh was startled. He looked up with widened eyes, breath still shallow.

“Kaveh, breathe. I have good news.”

“Alhaitham isn’t wearing his hearing aids.”

“I’ve heard.”

“He recognised me, but then went back to how he was before.”

“Listen. The effects wear off after a few hours. Meaning all we have to do is detain Armita and wait. And I have a serum which might help reduce the herb’s acting time.”

“How are Cyno and Dehya?”

“I don’t know.”

Fuck. This conversation should have been good news, but every moment spiralled Kaveh more and more into anxiety.

Kaveh shot up. “Tighnari,” he whispered. “Alhaitham broke the last hive mind from the inside. If this is a collective like the last one, except any undesired thoughts are repressed, then when we un-repress them, surely this has an effect on all the others in the hive mind. Meaning I must have at least partly destabilised them by reaching Alhaitham.”

“Yes, I would assume so, especially considering they tried to kidnap you in the forest. You are getting in Armita’s way.”

“We have to try the getting into danger strategy thing.”

Silence.

“Another difference between Siraj’s hive mind and this one is that Armita’s is much larger,” Tighnari started, silently. “We don’t even know how many people are in it, but it is a lot. We don’t know if snapping Alhaitham out of it would destabilise the collective enough. A safer option would be to restrain Alhaitham and hold him down until the effect naturally wears away.”

“Except I don’t think we have hours to spare, considering our archon is being held hostage.”

Tighnari swallowed. “I have further news about this,” he murmured, “which I didn’t want to tell you to not make you more anxious.”

“Go on.”

“Armita has been detained by Cyno.”

“So you lied when you said you didn’t know. This is good news. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“She made Alhaitham the overmind of the collective. Meaning, they are all still perfectly coordinated, just not by her.”

“Surely Alhaitham will be easier to reach, now that he’s not being controlled by her?” Kaveh looked hopeful, for once.

“I don’t think it makes a difference. His emotions are still repressed, and he’s thinking like the collective.”

“Right.” Silence. “But if we just kidnap him and wait for it to wear away, wouldn’t he be able to make someone else the overmind? How does it work? Is it a long process?”

“I have no idea.”

Gods, so many unknown variables.

“Our best bet is snapping him out of it right now, Tighnari. Or we don’t know what could happen. Also, how about Lesser Lord Kusanali?”

“We don’t know where she is.” Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Let’s plan the thing. To make it look like I’m in danger when I’m not.”

“Okay.” Tighnari looked uneasy. Kaveh looked close to throwing up.

The plan was simple enough. Firstly, Tighnari would lace an eremite’s dagger with a potion which should allow Alhaitham to hear for a few minutes after he was scratched. Then, another eremite would hold Kaveh at knifepoint and dangle him off the cliff, threatening to drop him into the river. Kaveh would scream, Alhaitham would listen, save him, and all would be well, happily ever after.

Kaveh threw up.

“Here, as we agreed,” Tighnari said, handing the dagger to the eremite. “Make sure it’s just a shallow cut. The goal is not to hurt him.” The eremite nodded, and the plan was set in motion.

Her sword grazed Alhaitham’s forearm, and Kaveh watched as, in the next few seconds, Alhaitham looked around, disoriented, assumingly because he could hear again.

“We can start,” he whispered, with a sharp exhale.

The eremite grabbed him with ferocity, and he felt a tip of steel on his neck. His heart was beating bizarrely quickly. “Help!” he yelled, but he couldn’t see if Alhaitham had reacted.

He felt his legs leave the soil as he was dangled over the edge, being held by the neck. He mumbled a prayer as his breath sped up. “Alhaitham!” he screamed, and although it was a common exclamation in his vocabulary, it had never sounded so loud.

Alhaitham turned in his direction, and his eyes widened. He ran towards Kaveh and lunged for the eremite, sword pointed forward. The eremite held a dagger with his free hand, almost giving Kaveh a heart attack as his body was moved further from the soil. He could not help it, he started kicking. “Let me go! Let me go! I’m gonna die!”

The eremite did not know what to do. The Grand Sage was approaching him with a deathly glare and a perfectly yielded sword, the plan did not include Kaveh resisting, and he was losing balance. He let Kaveh go, and he fell to his knees onto the grass.

Alhaitham immediately threw his sword with impossibly precise aim, craving the blade into the eremite’s right shoulder. He collapsed onto Kaveh, who was pushed.

Off the cliff and into the river.

All was silent, except for the wind against Kaveh’s ears. He did not know if anyone had screamed, because there was nothing in his mind except for one certainty. I am going to die. I am going to die.

The water knocked his scream off when his arm hit the river as if it were concrete. He felt his lungs fill with burning cold water, and realised instantly that he could not move his arms. He kicked his feet desperately, but fell unconscious as the current dragged him to the riverbed. Like a corpse.

Chapter Text

Alhaitham considered it one of his great strengths that he did not let emotion cloud his judgement while in stressful situations. Which explained why he cursed himself while he swam down desperately, sobbing as he looked for Kaveh.

He found him, left arm bleeding furiously, right arm bent in an unnatural angle, features slacken and body resting against rocks. He picked him up, soaked and limp, and screamed for Tighnari.

Kaveh looked the same as always. That was a lie. The colour of his skin was unnatural, too pale. “Kaveh,” he whispered, although it came out like a prayer, “don’t worry, you’re alive. I am here. Open your eyes.”

What a ridiculous order. Was he alive?

Alhaitham froze before bringing shaking fingers to Kaveh’s neck. A weak pulse. He sighed in relief before remembering what to do. He tried to slap Kaveh’s back to remove the water from his lungs, but was thankfully saved from his disoriented, unskilled efforts by the arrival of Tighnari.

He watched Tighnari’s work as if in a daze. “Will he survive?” He saw Kaveh’s body on the riverbed again. He realised he had forgotten to breathe. He thought—

“Alhaitham,” Tighnari near screamed, “I said get me something for me to tie his wound with.”

Alhaitham ripped a piece of cloth from his cape and handed it over. “Will he survive?”

“I will answer you in a moment.” So he doesn’t know.

“Kaveh,” Alhaitham murmured while trembling, kneeling next to him, “you’re safe. Just hold on a little longer. Tighnari is taking care of you.”

“Alhaitham,” Tighnari started, voice surprisingly steady, “You are still the overmind. You have to put a stop to Armita’s collective before she figures out a way to transfer the power away from you. Now.”

Alhaitham’s logic screamed that Tighnari was right, but he could not look away from Kaveh.

“Alhaitham.”

“Yes.”

Armita was seated, back straight, staring at the wall with a blank expression.

“I am curious. Did you think you could keep the entirety of Sumeru drugged for years? Is that how you planned to perfect Siraj’s project?” Alhaitham asked.

“Of course not. I hoped you would have realised, by now, that I am not an idiot.”

“I do realise that, which is precisely why I am confused.”

“With a large enough collective, individual memories and feelings would not matter. We would only use the herbs until we had Lesser Lord Kusanali.”

“You flew too close to the sun. Repressing Irminsul? Not only is it not feasible, it would probably hold dangerous consequences.”

“Unlike you, I am not afraid of risks. That is the difference between us, Alhaitham,” she replied, a sliver of arrogance in her eyes.

“No, the difference between us is that you are desperate to prove yourself. You tested your intelligence against divine, unknown powers. You did not want to be compared to a sage. You wanted to defeat a god.”

“I believe ambition to be a virtue.”

“And you will pay for the consequences of that belief.”

“I will live my life secluded, but I will have my pride. I fooled you. That is an achievement in itself.”

“I have been fooled many times in my life, so you will have to share that title,” Alhaitham retorted. “But you may live knowing that you did something harder still. You changed my mind… Kaveh will have you know I am too stubborn to allow that to happen often. And you changed my mind about one of my firmest beliefs.”

“And what would that be?”

“That emotion is a deterrent to logic. When you stripped me of my emotions and left me only with logic, I made awful decisions. I had not realised, until now, the extent to which my memories, feelings and empathy influence my thought process. Of course, it would be idiotic to think they had no impact, but the scale of this impact was unexpected.”

Armita scoffed. “You would not have made a good Vahumana scholar.”

“I am well aware. Although I would have found it interesting. The human mind is fascinating.”

“Will you allow me to process the fact that I am being arrested, or will you keep monologuing about what you learned today?”

Alhaitham turned towards the door. “Enjoy being alone with your pride.”

Kaveh’s eyes felt heavier than lead, but he forced them open regardless. His lungs were aching, and there was a burn along his shoulder.

It took him a few seconds to recognise Alhaitham, his cape torn, looking through the window. They were in Tighnari’s house.

“Alhaitham,” he tried, but it came out as a painful cough.

He turned and walked towards Kaveh immediately, eyes filled with worry. “How do you feel? Do you need anything?”

Kaveh looked around as if he did not know where he was, eyebrows folded into a deep frown. “What happened?”

“You fell into the river. I removed you from the water and Tighnari healed you. We closed down Armita’s collective, and Cyno arrested her. We are in the forest. You have a broken arm and a stab wound on your shoulder. But, in a few weeks, all you will have is a small scar.”

It took Kaveh several seconds to process the few sentences, and Alhaitham used the silence as an opportunity to change the bloodied shoulder bandage.

“You ignored my letters.”

“I apologise,” Alhaitham said, and if it were not for the crushing guilt in his heart, he would have been amused that this was Kaveh’s first comment. “I was not fully in control of myself. If you so wish, I can write back to you when we get home.”

“You better,” Kaveh replied, and whimpered slightly at the touch to his cut. There was a moment of silence.

“You almost died because of me,” Alhaitham said, quietly. There was a look in his eyes that Kaveh did not recognise.

“Come on, Haitham. You were literally being mind controlled by an evil lady. It was not your fault.”

“How could it not have been? We can debate the extent of my blame when I was not fully in control of myself, but the decision to throw my sword at the eremite, causing you to fall, was entirely mine. You were close to drowning. I dragged you off the riverbed.” He tried to force himself to look at Kaveh, but did not manage.

“Alhaitham. You were trying to save my life. If it’s worth anything, I forgive you completely. I took a risk when I asked the eremite to pretend to threaten me, anyway.”

“What an idiotic plan,” Alhaitham sneered. “I would have preferred you to stab me in the heart.”

“Don’t you fucking say that,” Kaveh snapped, and the movement sent a shot of pain to his shoulder.

“You were close to death. For my reason. If someone was going to be at the risk of dying, it should have been me.”

“It was not your fault.”

“Regardless of my intentions, I recognise my blame. I am to blame for your fall, at least partially. And I am sorry, genuinely. I would never have forgiven myself if you had died, which logically implies I should never forgive myself regardless of the outcome. I am starting to appreciate more deeply the impact of emotion on my rational analyses.”

Kaveh paused. “Come here, Haitham,” he said, softly.

“Where?”

“Hold my hand here.” He did. “Did you recognise my rings, when you touched them?”

“Didn’t I tell you? I recognised the skin of your hand the moment you touched me.”

“I thought that was hyperbolic.”

“I am not the hyperbolic one here.”

Kaveh made a face at him, then softened his eyes again. “So… blind and deaf you recognised me, by touch alone?”

“Do you know why you managed to bring me back to myself, Kaveh?” Alhaitham answered. “Because you know me best. Although you pretend not to, you understand me better than anyone. You know me. And, by extension, I know you.”

“Sometimes I feel like you’re the person I understand the least in the whole of Teyvat.”

Alhaitham smiled, a genuine smile. “It is because we are mirrors. Perfect mirrors. Like you said, you talk too much while I listen too much. You rely too much on passion, while I rely too much on reason. Our flaws are diametrically opposed. Which is why you are fascinating. I know you hate it when I treat you like an ‘experiment,’ but the truth is that I am fascinated by how your mind works. You teach me a lot regarding human nature.”

Kaveh pretended not to smile. “Still not your lab rat.”

“Did you mean what you said?” Alhaitham asked, and Kaveh’s heart forgot to beat. “That I will be on laundry duty for five years?”

Ah. “Obviously,” came the reply. “And, apparently, for the next few weeks, you’ll be on everything duty. Including ‘caretaker for the invalid’ duty. You’ll have to make soup for me everyday. I suggest you take at least a week off work, because I will not let you breathe. Speaking of which,” he pondered, “will you resign from being Grand Sage again?”

“I don’t know, in all honesty.”

“Has power greed finally corrupted your stone heart?”

Alhaitham chuckled. “Hardly. But I am not sure of who could appropriately substitute me.”

“You’re so humble, Haitham,” Kaveh rolled his eyes, but smiled.

“Naturally, I prefer to be the Scribe. But this experience has changed some of my views, and I’m left reflecting on what would be the best decision, and how my reasoning has been affected by emotion in unnoticed ways.”

“I’m glad to see someone left this situation with something other than a near-death experience.”

“Yes. In fact, Kaveh, Armita has proved to me that you were right in several aspects.”

Kaveh stared at him blankly. “Well, I’ll be damned. I didn’t think I would ever hear you tell me that I was right.”

“This experiment forced me to not be affected by my emotions, which eliminated my morality and my empathy. I realise, now, that you are a lot more honest and self-aware than I am, because you express your emotions, while I disguise mine under rationality, believing they don’t affect what I do anywhere near as much as they truly do.”

“I think this warrants another apology.”

“Regarding?”

“Something along the lines of ‘I’m so sorry, Kaveh, I realise now that you’ve always been right and I’ve always been wrong, and I admire your brilliance so much, especially because it outshines my peanut-sized brain. I hope to one day hold a small fraction of your wisdom.’ Preferably on your knees.”

Alhaitham chuckled. “This speech is too hyperbolic for me, but I do admire you.”

“This is news to me.”

“How could it be? I do not hide my opinion of you. You are wise in your treatment of others in a way I do not fully comprehend. You are a genius of architecture, and you follow your beliefs above all. I admire this over everything. As aforementioned, I also admire your transparency regarding your emotions.”

“When you say things like that, I automatically assume you’re being ironic. Because you’re not the kind of person to give compliments for free.”

“Correct, but I act differently with you. I don’t give compliments for no reason, but it is my understanding that expressing such things is necessary when one holds affection for another.”

Kaveh blushed. “Alhaitham, how do you manage to say such sweet things with such robotic language?”

“Perhaps I am a machine.”

“No, you are not. If you were, you would be acting like you were yesterday. You wouldn’t have saved my life. You wouldn’t have taken in a drunk loser who had been an asshole to you years before.”

“I have long forgiven you for ‘being an asshole’ regarding the thesis. I did not have the maturity to treat you like you deserved to be treated. I thought I could ignore your emotions and reach you through reason alone. I hurt you, and I was unable to apologise properly. Perhaps a third apology is in order here, much overdue. I am sorry I did not know how to take care of you, and only knew how to hurt you instead.”

Kaveh blinked back the start of a tear. He had assumed they would never get around to talking about the fight, after so many years. But Alhaitham was always surprising him.

“I’m sorry, too. I overreacted. And thank you, for acknowledging it.”

Alhaitham did not know what to do with the hand still under his. He felt the urge to caress Kaveh’s fingers, but assumed it would make him uncomfortable. How long it had been since they had shared such an affectionate touch.

“Did you truly think my compliments were purely ironic?”

Kaveh groaned. “Not completely. But I don’t know, you’re a confusing person. Sometimes, you act like a sweetheart, and sometimes you’re a complete jerk. Mixed signals.”

“I thought I had made my affection quite clear through my actions. Like you said in the forest. Also, I don’t explicitly say that ‘I’m cooking due to you being stressed’ simply because I think it’s obvious. I don’t want to insult your intelligence, and I assume it would embarrass you if I pointed out that you are stressed. That conclusion is based on several instances in which I pointed it out as an attempt to help and you almost bit me.”

Kaveh laughed. “Gods, you’re a jerk.”

“The House of Daena was not the only time you heard me lie. I have lied to you several times, to protect my privacy.”

“Don’t worry, Haitham. I’ve lied to you many times as well.”

“That is not surprising. You are not good at lying.”

“Asshole!” Kaveh retorted, taking his hand off Alhaitham’s. They both looked away.

“It was a compliment. As I have said, I admire your honesty.”

“What have you lied about?”

“My feelings. As aforementioned, I am not good at dealing with emotions.”

Kaveh bit his lip, wanting to ask but unable to bring himself to do it. Alhaitham did not elaborate.

“My shoulder hurts. I mean, I know I was stabbed, but it hurts more than before. Is there a painkiller I can take?”

“I will call Tighnari.”

The conversation ended as such, with both unable to go further. Tighnari gave him a bitter cup of tea and a handful of even more bitter seeds. He said they would make him hallucinate, but the infection would be gone by late morning.

The water wrapped around his wrists like shackles, and pulled him down. Deeper and deeper. It was obvious he was in Fontaine. The deepness never ended. He tried to scream, but no sound came out. The sunlight above became dimmer, and dimmer, until it was black. He opened his eyes to see his mother, muttering.

“My son is dead.”

The light was suddenly turned on, and Alhaitham came into his view, completely blurry. His mother stared right through Alhaitham. Was she real? Why was she clear and him blurry?

“Kaveh, look at me,” came a gentle murmur from Alhaitham.

His mother dissipated as he remembered what Tighnari had said. It’s likely you will hallucinate.

“Kaveh, you’re safe,” came another murmur. Alhaitham was holding a damp towel to his forehead, brushing strands of hair away from his eyes.

“I had a nightmare,” Kaveh managed, coarsely.

“But you are awake now,” Alhaitham replied, voice gentle and thick with sleep.

Kaveh observed him. He had changed out of his clothes, and was wearing something comfortable, in the style of what he usually wore to sleep. He had arrived so quickly. Had Kaveh been screaming?

“Yes, you were screaming ‘Alhaitham.’” Kaveh blushed, although thankfully it was probably masked by the towels on his face.

“Were you sleeping here?”

Alhaitham nodded. “In case you needed anything. Speaking of which, do you want water? Tea? Does your arm hurt? Do you feel feverish?”

“No pain, but very feverish. My body feels wobbly.”

“Do you want a bath?”

Alhaitham steadied him by the waist and helped him lower himself, fully clothed, into the warm water. Tighnari had forbidden them from wetting the bandages. Alhaitham sat on the floor next to the bathtub.

“Do you remember that night in the House of Daena? Before we were kicked out?” Kaveh’s eyes were focused on the ceiling, and his heart was beating loud enough that he was sure Alhaitham could hear. Everything was quiet.

“Of course I do.”

“Everything seems obvious to you.”

“It is not.”

Alhaitham could hear the sway of bath water as Kaveh rearranged himself. He had dreamed of that night in the House of Daena three times in the past weeks. Not that he remembered.

“I didn’t just want to talk.”

Kaveh had told Alhaitham he was beautiful. “Infuriatingly so. When I met you, you were a chubby kid. A cute one. Now, your jawline is sharper than your sword. And you’re growing muscles I didn’t know existed.”

“It’s good you didn’t choose to go into Amurta.”

“Shut up, I was complimenting you.”

Kaveh had gotten too close to his face. His braid had brushed against Alhaitham’s cheeks. Could he see what he was feeling? He had looked into his eyes for several seconds. Alhaitham looked back. Should he keep looking? Or look away? What message was he sending?

Kaveh had been nervous. Could Alhaitham see that his palms were sweating? He didn’t break eye contact. Does that mean he feels the same? He hadn’t moved away from Kaveh’s closeness. His heart was beating so loudly he was sure Alhaitham could hear.

Kaveh looked so sure of whatever he was doing. Alhaitham often just followed him, enamoured by the confidence in his eyes.

“Can you take your hearing aids off?”

“Why?”

“Because I asked you to.” Kaveh had flashed a grin, then nestled his head in the crook of Alhaitham’s neck. He could probably feel the latter’s heartbeat. He started talking.

“Did you manage to hear what I said that night? Well, not hear, of course. But lip read, or something.” Kaveh asked.

“No. It was evident that you were speaking for quite a while, but I did not understand,” he answered. “I didn’t understand why you wanted to talk when I couldn’t hear you.”

“There were things I wanted to tell you, but not if you were listening.”

Alhaitham nodded in comprehension.

“What did you say?”

“I’ll tell you if you take your aids off,” Kaveh replied, smiling.

It brought Kaveh secret pleasure to have Alhaitham running around the house for him.

“Alhaitham!” he screamed. “I’m thirsty.”

And he would have a cup brought to his lips.

“Alhaitham! I’m in the mood for soup today. Again.”

He grinned. Thank the gods for Alhaitham’s guilt— he was following Kaveh’s orders without a stutter. Which was why he agreed to host a dinner party for Tighnari, Cyno, and Dehya. They had been home for a couple of days and Kaveh felt it was necessary to have a proper wrap-up to, well, whatever the fuck had happened. He had considered inviting Nahida, but did not have the courage.

“I think this needs more cream,” Kaveh said. He was on the kitchen counter, trying samples of what Alhaitham was cooking.

“I think it needs less cream.”

“You don’t know anything about cooking.”

“What if I add extra cream to your portion?”

“If you want to please me while disappointing your guests, sure.”

The pampering did not stop at the guests’ arrival. In fact, they were cruelly mocked at the sight of Alhaitham spoonfeeding Kaveh. Shut the fuck up, you know I can’t move my arms. Tighnari suggested he drink his soup with a straw.

“Haitham, remember our date at the library that one time? Stop nagging me, Tighnari, I swear this is relevant to our plan! You looked so hot that day, Haitham…” Cyno acted out his impression of Kaveh for Dehya, who roared in laughter.

“How about ‘thank you, Kaveh, for literally saving all of Sumeru with your shampoo smell’? Where is your gratitude? I didn’t almost die to be teased like this.”

He was ignored. “Dehya, you should have been there before Kaveh started ‘investigating’ the situation,” Tighnari added. “He came to us, distraught, to rant for an hour about how Alhaitham had ignored his letters, and this was obviously evidence that something was very wrong and the General Mahamatra should drop everything to intervene.”

“And I was fucking right. Assholes.”

The house was silent as Alhaitham finished cleaning up. Kaveh did feel guilty all the work had fallen onto his roommate (friend? “perfect mirror”? what did that make them?) while he sat and watched. And Alhaitham was still going to help Kaveh with his nighttime skincare.

“Did Tighnari concoct this especially for you?” Alhaitham frowned while reading the label on one of Kaveh’s endless jars.

“Yes. We tested a few different ratios to see what worked best for my skin.”

Alhaitham had just washed his face. It had been awkward, to have his fingertips running over his skin and pretend it felt completely normal.

“If I may, your obsession— rather, concern, for your appearance is understandable, but it seems to border on unhealthy.”

“You may not. Also, when we’re old, you’ll be jealous that I look decades younger than you. Maybe you’re jealous right now, that I’m so beautiful.”

“You indeed are, but you don’t need three serums to make it true.”

Kaveh did not know how to react. Comments like this had become somewhat frequent, and he was unsure of what to do. Their fingers kept brushing a lot more often than usual, and Alhaitham was looking at him differently. More honestly, he had said.

“You missed my nose,” he mumbled.

Alhaitham diligently returned his fingers to the bridge of the nose, even though he knew very well he had not missed a single spot. He would not waste an opportunity to touch Kaveh’s skin.

“Haitham, you’re tickling me!” Kaveh scrunched his face and moved his head away, chuckling.

Alhaitham laughed, and his eyes crinkled slightly. He’s properly smiling. Stop wasting your chances.

Kaveh looked into his eyes, unable to stop a smile from forming on his own lips. “You should laugh more often.”

Alhaitham was staring with that indescribable depth in his pupils. Like he could see into Kaveh’s mind, into his bones, between his eyelashes. Like he wanted to.

“You can— you can do the moisturiser now.”

They stayed silent as Alhaitham’s fingers softly contoured Kaveh’s features, as though he was touching porcelain. Kaveh had not stopped looking. When Alhaitham finished, he returned the look. There was no doubt in his eyes. There was silence.

“You can kiss me,” Kaveh whispered.

Alhaitham cupped his cheeks so gently Kaveh could melt. He turned his eyes towards Kaveh’s lips, while his own pulled into a smile as he leaned in. Kaveh had pictured this moment countless times, but nothing could have prepared him for Alhaitham’s gentleness. His hand moved to Kaveh’s hair, caressing ever so softly, while the other reached to hold Kaveh’s. He had kept his eyes open, and Kaveh felt oddly nude, shy at the observance.

After only a moment, Alhaitham leaned back just enough that their lips were barely touching. His chest was filled with relief, but he still needed to look into Kaveh’s eyes. Did he regret it? Did he enjoy it?

The response came as Kaveh forced him back into the kiss, lips desperate for the warmth that had vanished so quickly. They closed their eyes now, and the softness developed into passion. Alhaitham’s arm embraced his waist, pulling him as close as possible, while Kaveh carefully brought his hand to grasp Alhaitham’s shirt, unable to reach further up.

He whined into Alhaitham’s mouth. “It’s unfair, Haitham…” He breathed, “I can’t touch you at all…”

“Where do you want to touch me?”

“Your hair.”

Alhaitham kissed his temple and kneeled on the floor, softly bringing Kaveh’s hand to his head. Kaveh forgot how to breathe as he ran his fingers through Alhaitham’s hair, feeling the curve of skull under his fingertips. He looked so vulnerable, looking up at Kaveh with those adoring eyes…

Adoring. That’s what they were. Kaveh knew he would find the word eventually.

“I love you,” Allhaitham said, simply. What would be a more appropriate word here? Declared? Avowed? He tilted his head. “I’ve loved you for as long as I’ve known you.”

Kaveh laughed. Not out of amusement, but out of pure joy. “Get up here, Alhaitham. Do you want to hear what I said, that day in the House of Daena?”

Alhaitham nestled his face into the crook of Kaveh’s neck, placing a kiss on his skin. “What was it?”

I’m in love with you.

“You know, you could have been more subtle about it. Jumping into a river to save me from drowning wasn’t exactly what I would call casual flirting.”

“Indeed…” Alhaitham murmured, “It’s what I would call a declaration of love. Yet it took you all these years to realise.”

“Shut up,” Kaveh scolded, touching his cheek to grey hair. “You are going to carry me bridal style to your room right now, and we’re gonna cuddle, and you’re gonna tell me literally everything you remember about falling in love with me, then compliment me for, at the very least, fifteen minutes straight.”

Alhaitham chuckled and obeyed, bringing Kaveh into his arms.

“And Haitham,” he looked up, “I love you too.”