Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Agent Barton. You finish up the reports, before you go on you well deserved holiday." Maria Hill declared, as she gave out orders. "Why is Hill giving out orders, doesn't she work for Fury directly now?" Someone mumbled in the row behind Natasha. "Agents Sheffied and Turner. Agent Morse needs back up you are headed there today." Natasha looked up, they hadn't heard from Bobbi in a few days. Bobbi Morse was one of Clints friends, that Natasha got to know in the last few months working at S.H.I.E.L.D. She had grown on her and she didn't like her being MIA. At least she made contact. Contact for backup wasn't great, but at least she wasn't dead in a ditch somewhere. Clint knew where Bobbi was sent to, but it was Clearance level 5 and Natasha only just made 4, so no information for her. "Agent Romanoff. You also have some stuff to wrap up and then you'll take mandatory holiday." "What?" "Did i not speak clearly?" Maria said and stood right infront of Natasha. "I don't understand. I didn't apply for holiday." "No. But our system flagged you. You have racked up almost 1000 extra hours ontop of the already hours you work. You've only worked for S.H.I.E.L.D for six months and in that time did more overtime than some agents do in years. You need a break. Our company needs strong and reliable agents, which one can't be if they are overworked and overtired. Take a break. One week." "Yes, Ma'am." "Good." Maria gave her half a smile and walked away to give out the rest of the orders. Natashas brain raked around how she would struckture this now. She had plans for the next week. She wanted to visit the Widow deprograming group at the academy and the Red Room group home. She also wanted to visit every girl that was placed in foster care, just to make sure, they were okay. She couldn't do that in a day.

"Comander Hill." Natasha asked and walked up to Maria, who was already taping something on her tablet. "Yes." "Can i shift my holiday back? Just a few weeks. I have plans. I need to oversee the Rescue Programm. I wanted to check in with..." "Agent Romanoff, I can not override the system and i also have to warn you, if you try to work on your freetime, it will come with consequences. Be glad our company is looking out for you." Natasha sighed. "Right." "Natasha. It's not bad. Just a week. Maybe if you come back next friday afternoon, we could get that drink you promised." "Maria, you know it's not allowed." Natasha sighed. "I know, but it doesn't say we can't be friends." "Friends....I'm new to the concept, but okay?" Maria sighed. "We'll figure it out." "We'll see. Friday 2000 hours?" Natasha said and walked away.

"Hey Red." Clint said warpped his arm around Natasha. "Still mad about the mandatory holiday?" "No. It's fine. I'll just head to the academy today and check on the widows see how they are doing. Two of them have really bad health issues and i just need to be sure, they are okay." "Okay. I'll be down and writing up my last reports if you meet me at 1900 down at the hangar. We can go to the farm together." "You want me to come?" Natasha asked. "Nat. You are always welcome." "I know, but Laura..." "Is about to give birth, and she would love to see you. Cooper, too. He keeps asking when Auntie Nat comes to visit." "Okay. Yeah. I don't have anywhere else to go." "Great. I'll text Laura, that we'll meet her this evening." Natasha nodded. "Hey. You two love birds." Agent Stephen Raider yelled. "I caught you. You know." Natasha and Clint looked at him confused. "Caught us doing what?" "I saw you getting out of Bartons room last night at 0100." "I did and?" "Well, what were you doing there?" "Watching Greys Anatomy and then talking." Natasha said and frowned. "Why? What were you and Gather doing? I mean, you were leaving his room, when you saw me, didn't you?" Raider stutterd and stumbled over his words. "No, but thats different. We are both dudes." "And. It's 2008 Raider. How do i know you and Gather aren't sleeping together?" Raider got beet red. "We weren't. We are just mates." "Oh, so you get it. Two people can be friends without sleeping together. Good job." Natasha said and scoffed. "Oh come on, Romanoff. No guy break you heart of ice yet?" "No. And if any guy ever managed that, well... I wouldn't tell you." "I'm a spy..." "Please. I was a spy when you were in kindergarden, collecting boogers." Natasha said and walked away.

Clint followed her and smiled. "Raiders an ass." "Yep." "But i know someone broke your heart of ice. Well it's not like it is actually a heart of ice, but they don't have to know." Natasha scoffed. "And it's no guy..." Natasha stopped. She looked at him. "What do you mean?" "Oh please, Natasha. I know you like girls. I walked in on you and the little science girl, what was her name again?" "Jemma Simmons." "Yes. Her a few years ago." "We didn't..... we came close, but i... she ... we weren't ready." "Nat. I'm sorry." Clint said taking her hand, but she pulled it away. "No. It's okay. She and i are good." "Well, i didn't mean her... You have a crush on Maria." "What?" "Natasha. You might be a spy, but as soon as she stands infront of you you are as obvious as Cooper is, when he says he hasn't had any chocolate, but it's all over his face." Natasha chuckled. "No. There is nothing, because if there were... That would be bad. Because of policies and she is my superior. So. Nothing. We are just friends." "Okay. So when will you see your just friend next." "In a week. After my holiday. My long boring holiday.... We will have drinks." "It will not be boring at all. Lauras mother is there helping her with the farm, but there is so much to do. You're help is greatly appreciated." "You got it." Natasha said and smiled. "Okay. See you this evening."

****

Natasha took a cab over to the Academy building. When the liberated the Red Room, they found 64 women and girls. 39 of those were under the age of 12 and were put in foster care. The 16 12-18 year olds were put in a specific group home here in DC. The social workers were specifically briefed to support the girls and all of them had madatory counceling. The 9 widows that they could find, were given the option of moving into shared living apartment at the academy dorms. Some of them left after a few weeks to stand on their own feet. 2 already passed the deprogramming and were now training to be S.H.I.E.L.D Agents. The five girls that were left all had pretty bad health issues and were taken care of by social workers, nurses and therapists. Natasha felt personally responsible for them and checked in with all girls for time to time.

She rang the doorbell and waited. A girl with blonde hair and her left arm in a cast up to her shoulder opened the door for her. "Hey Katya." "Hi Natasha. Come in. I wasn't expecting you." "No. I'm being put on mandatory holiday next week, so i had to move my visit." "Madatory holiday. Wow." Katya laughed. "I know. It's acually pretty amazing, right?" "Yeah. We have rights now. People make us rest." "And that's good." Katya nodded. "We have to keep reminding ourselves." "How is everyone?" "Tanya is in the hospital again. She had another seizure." "I heard. I was planing on visiting her." Natasha followed Katya into the kitchen and sat down at the table. "And everyone else?" "Malya is good. The new formular helps and the meds she is getting. Masha is still in the psych facility. We talked yesterday. She is good, recovering, doing better. Xenia... she is not well. She isn't leaving her room and she isn't eating and speaking to anyone. Ms Tirmoff is comming this afternoon, but i doubt Xenia will takt to her. Maybe she needs more help like Masha, but i'm not sure." "I'm sorry. How about you?" "Well. I'm okay. My arm is getting better. No more strong painmeds." "I heard the surgery went well." "Yeah. It's the fourth one and i might need another one. Feels weird. I mean..." Natasha put her hand over Katyas good one. "I know. Try not to think about that. You are worth it, okay? Do you talk to Ms Tirmoff?" "I do. It's hard, but i'm getting there." "Good. I know therapy sucks, but it will get better." "I am teaching." Katya said. "Oh. That's great." Natasha tilted her head questioningly. "I help two academy students with russian. Tutoring. It's really fun." "That is great. I love that for you." "It feels right. I decided, i don't want to be an agent. I mean chances that i can are really slim, but i have free will now. I can do whatever i want. I might want to be a teacher or... translator or an actress on stage." Natasha smiled. "Whatever you do, i'm sure you'll do great." Katya nodded. "What are you gonna do on your holiday?" "I don't know." Natasha said. Noone knew about the farm or Laura and thats why Natasha couldn't tell Katya. "I might go to New York. Check out the city or something. I don't know. Maybe i'll stay in DC and just sleep or i'll bother Clint. He is on holiday aswell. Roadtrip. That sounds fun." "It does. All of those. I really want to go to New York. See a broadway show." "And i'm sure you will." Natasha said and Katya smiled. "Yeah. Because i got free will now."

"I'm gonna check on Xenia and Malya now. Take care." "Yep." Katya nodded. "I'm gonna prep for my tutoring tomorrow. I also went grocery shopping, maybe we could cook later. Just knock on my door." "You got it. Although, i'm not a good cook. " Natasha waved. She knocked on Malyas door carefully. "Come in." "Hey Malya. How are you?" "I'm good." Natasha pulled a chair up to Malyas bed. The girl was only a little younger than Natasha, but she looked so much younger. The feeding tube stuck to her face by a blue tape with stars. A stark contrast to her pale complexion. "Katya told me you got a new formular. How has it been?" "Good. It helps me gain weight. Now with the tube that bypasses my stomach, i'm not hurting and getting sick. It's good. I've managed to walk a few steps and stand for a little. I'm getting there." "Did you watch the TV-Show is suggested?" "Oh yeah. I like it. It's funny. Katya watches it with me sometimes." Natasha had suggested for them to watch "How i met your mother", because it was one of her comfort shows. "Well. I'll leave you to it. I'm gonna check on Xenia." "She has not been doing well." "I know. I'll see if i can get through to her." Malya nodded. "How about i take you out after? We can go for a walk around the grounds. It's nice spring weather." "I would love that." "Okay. Then rest now." Natasha said and Malya nodded.

****

Natasha kocked on the door to Xenias room. No answer. She knocked again. Again no answer. "Xenia. It's me, Natasha. I'm gonna come in." No answer. Natasha opened the door carefully and a stench hit her. Sweat and old air, food and something that smelled faintly of vomit. She nodded. "Xenia?" She asked and looked for the bed. It was really dark in the room, but a thin beam of light from the covered window shone onto a heap in the pillows. This was all to much like the time she found Masha. Just a couple of weeks ago, she found the young woman blacked out with an empty pill bottle next to her. She had called an ambulance and they had gotten her to the hospital in time, but the memory still lingered in Natashas mind. What if she hadn't come to check on the widows that day? "Hey. I'm gonna come in." The heap was moving slightly. So she was alive at least. Natasha walked over to the window and opened it. A groan and a wimper came from the heap on the bed. "Sorry, but it smells awefull." "Leave me alone." it was a raspy, weak grumble and Natasha almost didn't catch it. "Well you are not taking care of yourself right now, so i will." "No!" Xenia said and hid in her pillows. Natasha started gathering the old food bowls and carried them to the kitchen. She would deal with them later. "Okay." She said as she stepped back into Xenias room. The sunlight light the room in a nice glow, but it still showed the signs of Xenias evident depression. The faint vomit smell came from a trashcan, that Natasha quickly took outside, to deal with later. She walked up to Xenias bed. "You will take a shower now." "No." "Yes." Natasha tried to channel her inner Laura, when she gave her tough love. "I don't have to listen to you. I'm not a widow anymore." "True, but you are a human and as a human you have certain things to do. One being showering or just washing yourself in general." "No." Xenia said and burried herself in her blankets. Natasha sat on the chair next to Xenias bed and said nothing. "I'm not leaving you until you shower and change out of these clothes. I can even help you, but i'm not leaving you." "Good luck." "Okay."

Natasha started cleaning the room. The picked up dirty clothes and threw them in to the basket by the door, she put the books back on a bookshelf and she sorted through the trash, to make sure she didn't throw away anything of value. "Stop doing that." Xenia mumbled, but now turned towards Natasha. That was good. A reaction. "What?" "Picking up my things." "Well. you aren't doing it, so someone has to." "Why?" "It's good for mental health." "Like you know shit about that." "I do know shit about that. In fact i have been holed up in bed or somewhere else for days before and i might again. But what has always pulled me out was tough love and a semi-forced shower. Someone sorting my things, so the space i exist in isn't as chaotic as my mind. It sounds crazy, but without a tidy space, it's really hard to get a tidy mind." Xenia scoffed. "Don't get me wrong with a tidy space it's still hard, but not as hard. And with a clean body and a clean bed it is even a little less hard. So please. You don't even have to wash your hair in the shower. I can help you do that over the sink. Just a quick one. Sit down if it's easier. There is a showerchair in the bathroom." "What's the point, my bed is smelly. I'm gonna be smelly again as soon as i get back into it." "Well, that is were i come in. While you shower, i will clean your bed and put new sheets on." "Why?" "So it isn't smelly?" Natasha tilted her head. "No why are you doing this?" "Because someone did it for me, so i'll do it for you and maybe one day when you feel a little better, you'll do it for someone and the world is a better place." "I have no place in the world." "That couldn't be more wrong. You do. You have all the places. What ever you want your place to be, that is where your place is." "I'm a murderer." "So are we all. And we can never forget that, but only to make sure we do better and help others out of the situation that we are in." "Be a S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent?" "Yes. Or a teacher, or a therapist or a scientist or a mechanic or an actress. Whatever you want? You can change peoples lives for the better in any job. I chose to be an Agent, because i want to be. Some widows do the same, some girls might still do the same. But some might be doctors, nurses, i know one of the widows is getting a cosmotology degree. Every one is doing good in the world."

"Pfff... What if i don't want to do good?" Xenia asked. "What do you mean?" "What if there is a part of me, that wants to hurt someone? I get angry. What if i hurt people?" "But you don't want to do that, right? You are scared you might want to, but you don't actually want to?" Xenia rubbed her face. "I don't know. My brain is jumbled and sometimes i feel so angry and hurt." Her sleeves slipped down and Natasha saw dirty and bloody bandages. She sighed. "Are you hurting yourself?" She asked softly. "What? No... That..." Xenia hid her arms and then looked up. "But it's better though than hurting others." Natashas head dropped. She was in way over her head. "Can we go to the bathroom? So i can clean them and wrap them?" Xenia nodded. "Okay. Alright."

Natasha managed to clean and bandage Xenias cuts. She determined that they weren't deep enough to need stitches, but they needed to be kept clean and dry and thats why she quickly handed Xenia a pack of wipes and told her to just clean herself with theses. "If showers are to much, these are okay. I'm gonna wash your hair later, let me just change your sheets." Xenia nodded and took the wipes.

Natasha cleaned the sheets and then looked in everywhere for the blade, that Xenia aparently used. She found two. One under her pillow and one in the corner of her bed. She assumed there were more, but she didn't have time to actually go through all of Xenias things. That would also be invasive. So she shook out her duvet and pillow and put new fresh sheets and covers on. She left the window open, to let more fresh air in and grabbed all the dirty clothes to put them in the laundry. She'd take them to the laundrymat on campus, when she'd go out for a walk with Malya. "Xenia. Can i come in?" Natasha asked as she stood before the bathroom. "Yes." Natasha put a smile on. "Sheets are done. Can you please tell me where you hid your blades?" "Are you gonna take them?" "Yes." "Then no." "I already found two, are there more." "No." That was so obviously a lie. "I know that's a lie." "Well. I need them. I don't want to hurt one of the girls." "I don't think you would." "How would you know? I hurt so many girls in the Room. What difference does it make?" "Noone is telling you to. Noone will hurt you, if you don't." Xenia sighed. "I'm sorry. I can't." "It's okay." Natasha took the wipes from the young woman. "But you need to talk to Ms. Tirmoff. And you need to try. When you feel the urge to hurt yourself, talk to the other girls. Watch a movie or something. Or call me. Distract yourself. Try. For a week. Take a shower tomorrow. Eat at least one meal out of your room and open your window at least once a day. One week. Then i'll be back and we'll reassess. If you need more help. We'll get you more help. Your struggles aren't less because they are mental. Just like Katya, Tanya, Malya and Masha you are worth of help and we will get you better. Okay?" "Okay."

Chapter Text

Natasha waited for Clint to come down at the jet. "Hey." He said and smiled. She just nodded. "Everything okay?" She nodded curtly. "Okay. Ready to go?" Natasha nodded again.

"Okay. This silence is killing me. What is going on?" "Nothing." "Right and I'm the director of S.H.I.E.L.D. Talkt to me, Nat? Are you that pissed about going on this holiday?" "No. Sorry. It's not that." "Okay." Clint turned to Nat who was curled up in her seat. In total Natasha fashion with her legs over the armrest, sitting like no human would ever find comfortable. "Then what?" "Is Bobbi okay?" "You know i can't tell you, also don't change the subject?" "I don't want to talk about it." Natasha said and turned away. "Okay. But atleast i now know there was something. It's okay if you don't want to talk about something, but please don't pretend there is nothing bothering you." "Already had therapy this month." "This month?" "Yep. I only need monthly now. Therapist said so." "Okay..." Clint was not convinced. But Natasha was a grown up and he was glad she was going to therapy at all.

"We are almost there." "Good." The rest of the flight was quiet, but Natashas mind was running wild. The conversation she had with Malya during their walk repeating in her brain over and over. She tried to think about something else. Breathe and stop thinking about it, but it was impossible.

"Natasha. Hey, sweety." Laura greeted her and hugged her tightly. "Hey Laura." "Auntie Nat." "Hey Coop. You should be asleep already." Natasha picked him up and tickled him. "Mommy let me stay up, pecause its weekend and daddy and you are come home." Cooper said and laughed. Her squirmed out of her hold when he saw Clint comming around the plane with his bag. "Daddy." He squeeled and more or less flung himself in Clints direction. "Hey Buddy." Clint said catching the four year old and wrapping him in his arms. "I missed you." "I miss you, daddy."

***

Clint went up with Cooper to do bedtime. Natasha and Laura stayed in the kitchen. "You had dinner yet?" "No, but i'm not hungry. I ate lunch with the widows. We cooked way to much. They will have food for the next two days." "That's good. What did you make?" "Solyanka. It's soup and Golubtsy. Some kind of cabbage rolls. We tried at least. It was nice. And they didn't taste too bad." "You and cooking. Why didn't you go for something, i taught you?" "New challenges, Also Katya had already gone shopping. So we cooked what she had." "Just Katya and you?" "Yes. Well Katya still has her arm in a cast. But Xenia helped in the beginning. And Malya did aswell, but as soon as it started to smell like food, she left. She is still struggling with nausea as it is." "Poor girl." "Yeah. But the feeding tube is helping." "Okay, so do you want something for dinner?" "No. I'm just going to sleep. Good night." Natasha had almost forgotten about what she had talked about with Malya, but when the conversation fell on the girl... She couldn't stay anymore.

Clint came down just as Natasha rushed up to her room. "Night." She mumbled. "Night." Clint said and went into the kitchen. "Dinner?" Laura asked, as Clint sat down with a huff. "Yes. But i'll warm it up myself." He said. "You sit down. You are pregnant and you shouldn't be on your feet more than nessecary." "You sound like my mother." "She is right." Laura chuckled. Clint sighed. "That was a big sigh." "I'm worried about Nat. She didn't talk to me on the jet, but i know something is troubling her." "I had a feeling. She was masking really well, when i spoke to her, but i could tell she was struggling." "I just wish she'd talk to us." Laura nodded. "She is an adult and she will come to us. She always has." "I'm just worried." "Yeah, me too." "She was wearing short sleeves though, so..." "I noticed that." Laura said. "Thats good." Clint took Lauras hand. "She'll be fine right." "Yes. She has us."

***

Natasha didn't sleep that night. Her brain always circled back to the converstation she had with Malia. She felt so guilty, so angry and so ashamed and by 1am she had worked herself up so much she had to run to the bathroom to throw up. By 3 she couldn't stay in bed any longer. She had to move, had to do something. She put on some leggins and sneakers and went outside. Clint had a boxing bag in his little shed, he used for archery practice. She opened the door and hung up the bag. Natasha didn't bother to wrap her hands, she was far to worked up. She thrashed into the bag like it had personaly insulted her. Like it was the cause far all of the feelings she didn't want to feel right now but was feeling so much.

When she stopped it was already light out. She left the barn sweaty and exhausted. Laura was in the kitchen. "Good morning. How long have you been up?" "What time is it?" "Just around 8." "Oh like an hour." "Really. I didn't hear you come down. Cooper was up an hour ago, but we stayed in his room reading some books." "Oh well. I'm really quiet." Natasha said. Totally liing. She didn't want to lie to Laura, but she also didn't feel a lecture right now.

She went upstairs and showered, then came down into the kitchen again. Cooper was munching on his cereal while Laura, Clint and Lauras mother talked about what they needed to get done today. "The horses stables need to be done, Carla and Tina aren't coming this week they have exams, but Riley is going to come over. But we can't let her take the horses out alone and she might need help with the stables. The ducks need new waters, the chicken coop roof needs fixing. And the rainpipe is broken. Also I have a doctors appointment at three thirty and we need some things from down town. So since someone needs to drive me anyway that person get as much shopping done, while i'm at the doctors and then we'll do the rest together." "Also you should technically be resting." "I should, but you are here now and so is Nat." Nat had listened, while picking at her cereal. Clint had handed her a bowl and Copper had pushed the box of cereal over, so she didn't really have a chance to say she didn't want anything. She took a bite. It tasted great. It was very sweet. The kind she usually loved, but right now. It also made her feel guilt. Which made her ashamed for being ungreatful.

"I can do the horses." She said. She liked the horses and it gave her an excuse to flee Lauras prying eyes. "That would be great. Riley should be here soon. She is Carlas little sister. She is 13. They live with their aunt and one farm over. She has been here with Carla a few times. She loves horses and she is really good with them. She'll help you with cleaning the stables and washing and cleaning the horses and then you can take them out. See if you can get all of it done before lunch. We'll have lunch at 1am, right Mom?" Laura looked at her mother. "Yes. I will watch Cooper today. We'll do some things around the house and then make lunch. We will have it ready around 1." "Great. Mom, have you met Natasha?" "No, darling. Not yet." Laura smiled at Natasha and then pointed at her Mom. "Mom Natasha. Natasha Mom." Natasha tried a smile. It felt fake. Like everyone could see right through her act. "It's a pleasure to meet you darling. Call me Caroline." "It's nice to meet you, maam."

***

Cleaning out the stables with Riley was nice. She was very quiet. They worked in solitude next to eachother and that was what they both liked best. The stables were soon done and the horses cleaned. They still had almost two hours so the saddled the horses and decided on a route. Riley was still very quiet, but Natasha could see the love the girl had for the animal. She was so careful and kind with them. But the horses also followed her every command. She rode Shimmer, where as Natasha took Glow. The trotted along the way in the crisp spring air, when Riley broke the silence.

"Are you okay?" That was a loaded question. From a thirteen year old, that Natasha barely knew. "Why are you asking?" "It's just you haven't said anything and people usually always talk and i like the silence so i'm not complaining, just i feel like i missed a social cue, and i just want to know if you are okay." "I'm okay. I'm like silence aswell." "Good." Riley said focusing back on the horse. 'Weird kid' Natasha thought, but she liked her.

Riding along the small roads was odly comforting. Her mind was slowing down and she kind of felt better. 'I'm fine. I was just stressed. Maybe this holiday is good. I'm fine.'

By lunch the sleepless night was starting to get to her. She was nauseous and shaky. She didn't follow the conversation at the table quite as well. Natasha noticed Riley didn't hold eye contact when answering Clints questions. It felt weird. At the Red Room holding your head down was normal. But only to guards, teachers and the director. When they trained and when they were on missions. Eye contact was key. You needed to see all the signs the person might be giving you. It irritated her. She knew nothing about this girl. Obviously her life couldn't be just easy if her and her sister lived with their aunt, but still there were these little signs that showed that she didn't grow up in that hellish place. And that irritated Natasha. Not toward Riley. Towards herself. She felt so angry, and then again so guilty.

***

She spent the afternoon with Cooper. Laura, Clint and Caroline went into town and droped Riley off home on the way there. She rested on the couch while he napped, but she couldn't sleep. Her mind was at it again. After his nap she played in the sandbox with him and pushed him on the swings. They plucked some grass and fed it to the chickens. Eventhough they had grass in their coop, they somehow seemed to think the plucked grass was much better and Cooper loved seeing them run over to where he had tossed the grass. It was getting cold so she took him inside and they played with the legos in his room. Natasha remembered she and Yelena had some of those. They had a train tack set and they would build tracks to send eachother messages through their room. The memory felt like a dagger through her heart. She had to excuse herself a moment. She stepped out of Coopers room to take a few deep breaths.

Everything was fine. She was fine. Totally fine.

They had dinner together and Clint took Cooper to bed. Caroline also excused herself to her room and now it was just Laura and Natasha in the kitchen. Cleaning up. "So whats going on?" "What?" Natasha felt like a bucket of ice water had been dropped on her. "You are really quiet. Drawn in. You starred at Riley during lunch. You don't laugh or speak. And you look like you haven't slept in days." "I did sleep." "When? Last week?" Laura snickered. "Come sit. Talk to me." Natasha sat down at the table where Laura was sipping her tea. "I'm okay. I'm just tired." "No. Not true. But you don't want to talk to me right now, so i'm letting it slide." Laura took the last sip of her mug and got up. She placed it into the sink and then looked at Natasha. "Do you want to watch TV?" Natasha shook her head. "I'm really tired. I'm just going to go to sleep." Lauras face softened. "Do that. Sleep well. But remember, we are always there for you. You might be 22 now, which makes you a full adult, but adults also need to talk to people. I talk to Clint, he talks to me and to you." "I know. Thank you." Natasha had to hold herself together. She felt so tired so angry so ashamed.

She made it up to her room before she couldn't hold it in anymore. She cried into a pillow. Slaming her fist into a wall. Sending the sidetable lamp crashing to the floor. It shattered into tiny pieces. The sound startled her. She looked at the hole she punched into the wall and the broken lamp on the floor.

Tears streamed down her cheaks and her breathing got irregular. She started picking up the glass. The shards digging into her hand. She gave up. Sinking against her bed. Crying sobbing.

***

Clint heard the muffled scream. Cooper was sleeping in his arms in the rocking chair. He had stayed a little longer, just savoring the time with his little boy. He carefully transfered him into his toddlerbed, covering him with a blanked when he heard the slam into the wall and something shattering. Luckily Cooper didn't wake up. He left his room checking if the babyphone worked and walked over to Natashas room. Laura was already at the door. "She is not okay." "No." Clint sighed. "Here take this. Go to our room. I'll handle her. If i need you i'll call." He said giving Laura the babyphone. She nodded and waddled over to their bedroom.

Seeing Natasha like that was quite the shock. He had known that Natasha was not doing so well, but he didn't think it was that bad. Natasha sat on the floor in the middle of lots of broken glass, hugging her knees to her body, making herself as small as possible. Blood was running down her arms and legs and she was sobbing so hard her entire body was shaking. "Natasha! Hey. Nat. Look at me." But Natasha didn't look up. Clint walked out and grabbed a broom. He started cleaning the glass away around Natasha. Silently being there, but letting Natasha calm down enough on her own.

Natasha noticed Clint cleaning the floor and looked up. She followed the broom with her eyes. Still sobbing, but not as hard anymore. She pushed herself up on the bed and hissed when she pushed the glass deeper into her hand. She looked down at her hand as if she hadn't even noticed that it was bleeding heavily. "Can you give me the glass in your hand?" Clint asked. Natasha kept her hands in her lap holding the glass as if it was her most precious item. "Natasha. Give me the glass, you are hurting yourself." Clint said still calm. She lifted her hand and he wanted to take it, but he could see that it was too deeply impacted into her hand, that he'd need to take it out carefully. "Lets go to the bathroom." He said carefully grabbing her by the arms and guiding her in. He let her sit down on the toilet and hold her arm over the sink, then he handed her some toiletpaper to wipe some of the blood away, that has run down her arms. "I'll be right back."

He walked out the door. Natasha was alone again. For some reason the couldn't stop staring at her bleeding hand. She understood Xenia now. The pain hurt. It hurt badly, but it felt so much better to hurt physically then mentaly. The pain was distracting her mind, making her feel... Less.

Clint came back and started taking the glass out. It hurt, but Natasha was very desensitised to pain. She didn't flinch once. Clint used cotton balls to check if there were any more little pieces of glass in her hand, but he determined there weren't. The cuts were deep enough to warent stitches, but he didn't have any here and taking Natasha to the ER in her current state was not an option. He would wrap her hands really well and see what it looks like in the morning. "Talk to me, Natasha? What did you punch a hole in the wall?" "I was angry." "Okay. Why?" Natasha didn't really know how to answer his question. The world was fucking cruel. "The world.... It's so cruel and unfair." "Thats true. Anything in particular?" "I am so angry that people take advantage of little girls. I mean we destroyed the Red Room, but there are so many more people like Dreykov, Madam Belyakov. So many like them. They hurt and exploit girls because they can and noone protects them. It's not fair. And i can't do anything about it. I can't save them and that kind of makes it my fault too, right? I'm watching the suffering in the world and i can't do shit." "Thats not true. You are doing shit. You are tracking down the last of the Red Room, you exposed that trafficking ring in Namibia and you are working on illiglizing child marriages. That is huge. Natasha. You are doing everything you can." "But it's not enough. So many are killed and hurt everyday. I got out. I got the chance to live my life, but they didn't... she didn't... It's not fair. I feel guilty, because i get to ride horses, eat food, laugh with Cooper, i get to have all of this, but so many girls didn't. One in 20 survives." "Yes but you stopped them. You got out and you made sure no girl ever has to go through that again. Okay?" Natasha was crying again. "But it was too late." "Going in earlier would have been stupid, you know that. We needed a plan that was going to work. It didn't really, but eventually all went well. If we had gone in earlier we'd probably failed." "But i promised!" Natasha screamed. Clint put a finger to his lips, "Cooper is sleeping. Do you want to go outside?" "No. I'll be quiet." Natasha said. Clint carefully cleaned her arms and ran water over her uninjured hand. "This is about Yelena?" He asked.

Hearing her name was like a punch to the gut. She nodded. "I failed her." "You were a child." "Yes, but she trusted me." Natasha sniffled. "Do you know for sure?" Natasha nodded. "Malia, she wants to take her GED, but because of her illnesses she can't do evening school like Katya does, so she goes to the group home where the 12-18 year old widows live whenever she can, they have a tutor a few hours a few days a week, to help them catch up on things they missed. The redroom education is pretty basic, basic maths, basic science. Just so your lack of knowledge doesn't show when you are undercover. Well except for languages. But other than that most girls have sever deficits. But the tutor is helping. But anyway. Malya spoke to a girl, that was Yelenas age. She just turned 18. Yelena would have turned 18 in March." Natasha couldn't hold a sob in. "She knew her. She said, she knew a girl called Yelena, the slept in beds next to eachother for a long time. Yelena would always tell her stories about Ohio and her big sister. But then one day, they were 15 or something. Yelena and a few other girls were pulled away. Called on a mission or maybe a test or something. She never came back. None of the girls in the group did." Natasha was quietly crying. Clint got up from the edge of the bathtub where he had been sitting and wrapped Natasha in a hug. She clung to his shirt and cried quietly.

"This, what you are feeling. The anger, guilt and everything... It's grief, Natasha. It's grief. You are grieving the loss of your sister." "But she wasn't even really my sister." Natasha sobbed. "She was. In all ways that mattered. You are grieving that the chance you had at seeing her again is gone. That you will never get the chance to see her again. That's grief and that is okay. But maybe we can find more healthy coping methods. Punching the wall is not good, for both the wall and you." Natasha chuckled tearily. "Thank you." "Always, Red."

Chapter Text

When Natasha woke up in the morning the room was light in a gloomy light. It was raining and the mood was perfectly fitting for Natasha. She felt like she had been in a bad fight and drank too much the day before. She got up and went to the bathroom, then let herself fall back into bed. Her body felt heavy and her mind was dull. Like someone pushed cotton into it. Dampening every thought. It wasn't nice, but it was better than yesterday.

A knock a the door pulled Natasha out of her semi asleep state. "hm?" She groaned. "It's me. Laura." Someone said on the other side of the door. "Come in." Laura opened the door. "Hey. I heard some noises, so i wanted to see if you were awake." "I am." "Great. It's almost noon. I am making potato soup. We'll eat that in a hour. Clint is building a basinett currently. He is completely failing though. She chuckled. My mom took Cooper to one of her friends, that lives about an hour and a half from here. They'll be back tonight. I thought since the weather isn't great, we could play a board game later if you want. Since it's just us adults today." "Hm.." Natasha said rubbing her face. "I'm sorry. Laura. I don't feel well today. I'm just going to sleep and.... I don't think i'd be fun to be around today." "Thats okay. Ah!" She gasped. Holding the doorway tightly. "What is going on?" Natasha asked. "It's okay. Just Braxton Higgs contractions. Practice contractions." "Okay?" Natasha was worried about Laura. "It's fine. I'm already better. So are you going to come down for lunch or do you want me to bring you some upstairs?" Natasha sighed.

She really didn't feel like going down, sitting at the table... "It's okay. I'll bring you some." Laura nodded. "Oh and Clint said that you cut you hand yesterday. Can i check on it? I am a nurse afterall." Natasha thought about it. Her hand did throb uncomfortably. She nodded slowly.

Laura sat down at her bedside and carefully took Natashas right hand. It was the same hand that Natasha used to be tied to the bedframe. The scares were still there, although much less visible. But Natasha was very sensitive when it came to someone touching that wrist.

Laura carefully took of the bandage and the gauze, Clint had stuck to it. She cleaned it and carefully checked the cut to see if they needed to get stitches or not. "It already looks better, so no stitches necessary." She grabbed some fresh gauze and bandages and wrapped it again. "Here you go. Is it too tight?" "No. It's fine. Thank you." "You are welcome, sweety." She grabbed the things and got up carefully. She groaned. "I really just finally want the baby to come. I am sick of being pregnant." Natasha wanted to laugh, but it came out more like a huff. "She is already a day late. So she definatly takes after her father." Laura teased and this time the corners of Nats mouth twitched upwards. "I'll be downstairs. Just yell if you need something. Clint is in our bedroom." Natasha nodded into her pillow.

***

Natasha had been listening to the rain and the wind around the house. It was really calming. She needed that. She had cried twice already. Thinking about Yelena. She only had that one picture, she kept in the end of her copy of Little women. A book that always reminded her of Yelena. Other than that she had nothing, nothing only her memory.

***

Melina was clapping as Yelena ran over to them. Her soccer team had lost 12 to 0, but Yelena didn't care. "Did you see?" She screamed. "Did you see? I caught two balls today. Two balls." "You did, my girl. Oh i'm so proud of you." Alexei picked her up and twirled her around, but Yelena was looking at Natasha. "Did you see? We practiced and i did it." Natasha nodded. "You were wonderfull, Lena. I'm really proud of you." Yelena jumped onto the bench next to Natasha and looked at her. Natasha nodded and Yelena climped onto Natashas shoulders.

At first Melina had been scared that Yelena would fall, but Natasha was really strong and she would never drop Yelena. So now they had done it so many times, that they were really good at it. Melina handed Yelena a bottle of water. "Drink. You must be thirsty." Yelena took the bottle of water and gulped it down. Alexei made a joke about russians being able to empty any bottle quicker than anyone else. Natasha was only nine so she didn't full understand it, but she saw the corners of Melinas mouth twitch up.

A little girl ran up to them. "Ehm... We are all going to McDonalds for a treat. So my mommy wanted me to ask you if you want to come?" Yelenas eyes grew wide."Please daddy. Please!" She said looking at Alexei. He looked at Melina, who shrugged. Natasha could tell that Melina was not a fan. It was unhealthy, fatty food and Yelenas team had lost terribly, they hadn't earned that. But Melina was actively unlearning the ways of the red room, just like her so she took a deep breath and nodded. Yelena squeeled and Natasha couldn't help but smile.

There was a fotobooth next to the Mac Donalds and Yelena had wanted to know what it does. Alexei was fascinated and gave the girls some money to try it out. They made funny faces and it printed them out on along stip. Yelena put it in their car. Natasha love this picture.

***

A knock at the door took Natasha out of her daydream. She took a deep breath and wiped a few tears of her face. Collecting herself before saying. "Come in."

Clint was carriing a bowl of soup, some bread and a bottle of water. "Here you go." He said placing it on the side table. "Just eat as much as you can." He smiled comfortinly. Natasha sat up and took the bowl of soup. Lauras cooking was delicious and the smell made her stomach growl. "Wow. I didn't even notice, i was that hungry." Clint smiled. "I'll be downstairs if you need me."

Natasha nodded, but she didn't want Clint to leave. He was already closing her door again, when she brought up the courage to ask him. "Clint!" "Yeah?" "Can you stay with me? Just for a little while..." Clint came back in and sat down at Natashas bed. "Sure."

They sat in silence, while Natasha at her lunch and just enjoyed eachothers company. Like they had done so many times, when they were working together.

"Coulson texted me. Bobbi is back and okay." Clint broke the silence. "Really?" "Yep. He called this morning." Natasha took a deep breath. "That's good." Clint nodded. "Yeah." "Did you know the operation-cadets were shipping you and Bobbi. After you two taught the weapons class." "What?" "Yeah i know. I thought it was really funny." Natasha teased. "They called you "the birds" because you are hawkeye and she is mockingbird." "How creative." Clint said sarcastically. "How do you know that though?" "Well i have my informants." Natasha said eating more soup. She was keeping contact with the redroom girls, that had finished deprogramming and were right now training in the Ops Academy of SHIELD. She just wanted to keep checking in with them, eventhough all of them still see a councelor. Just to be sure they were okay and knew the Ops Academy wasn't the redroom.

***

The first proper contraction had come just after lunch. Laura shifted in her chair at the kitchen table, pressing one hand to her lower abdomen, the other curling around her pen as if holding on would keep the world steady. Clint was doing dishes, while Natasha was reading in the comfy chair by the window. He had managed to convince her to come down. And he was really glad he did. Natasha couldn't really concentrate on her book. Her mind alway went back to Yelena. She thought about Ohio and how she actually didn't really know Yelena. She knew the tiny six year old, but what happend to her after. She could only guess.

It was probably similar to what Natasha had to go through. But she never saw her again. The Redroom kept them seperate. Maybe on purpose, maybe by accident. She took the picture out of the back of the book and looked at it again. It was torn in half. She had two of the four little pictures and she had given the other two to Yelena. Where they were now? Probably didn't exsist any more. They were lost like Yelena was. A tear ran down Natashas check. Laura hissed and took a deep breath, ripping Natasha out of her trance. "You okay?" Clint asked, his voice careful but already taut with worry. Laura exhaled slowly. "Think so. Just... could be starting. Not sure. I've had contractions all morning but these feel different."There was no mistaking the way Clint's shoulders shot upright. His whole body seemed wired to react, even as he tried for casualness. "Starting like...?" "Like labor," Laura said plainly. Her tone was calmer than either of theirs. She had been through this before, after all, though every pregnancy felt a little different.

Natasha's lips twitched, almost a smile, though her eyes flicked toward Clint with faint amusement. "Breathe, Barton. She doesn't look panicked. Maybe don't you start." "I'm not..." Clint began, but the protest fell flat. He set the bowl down, wiped his hands on his jeans, and turned back toward Laura. The farmhouse kitchen felt warm with the oven's lingering heat and the smell of herbs drifting through the air. The wind outside rattled the windows, more insistent than it had been this morning. Spring in Iowa could turn on a dime, and storms were nothing new. But this one had been predicted as strong. Laura drew in another breath, held it, and let it out. "It's not too close together yet. We've got time." She got up and walked around a little bid trying to loosen the tight muscles in her back. She sat on the Yoga ball next to Natasha and looked at what Natasha was reading. "Little women again?" She asked. Natasha wiped her eyes and nodded. "Kind of. I didn't actually read it. It's just where i keep this." She pulled the picture out and showed it to Laura. She had never shown it to anyone. Not even Clint. "Is that you?" Laura asked. Natasha nodded. "You had blue hair?" "What?" Clint jumped up and came over. "You had blue hair?" "I did." Natasha said. "How??" Clint looked at the picture and laughed. "Well it's actually a really sad story. So... When i first came to Ohio, i couldn't sleep. I was so scared. There was this guard at the Red Room... He had a thing for redheads... and i was the only one. Kept having nightmares, waking up screaming. Yelena was only three, she didn't understand. And i didn't really either. I was seven. Well. Melina didn't really know what to do with me. She was cold at frist, but a can't blame her... She had probably gone through the same things. So she yelled at me at first... Eventually i cried in silence...I hated my red hair... so i took bleach and bleached it at night. It wasn't a good idea. Because it wasn't hair bleach. So my hair was kind of greenish. Melina was mad at first, but then i told her why i did it. And Melina softend.

She helped me wash my hair properly and asked what colour i'd want it. And i said blue." Natasha thought about that memory. She had told Melina to make Yelenas hair blue aswell. So noone would do something to her, but Melina had assured her that that wouldn't happen to the two of them while they were with her and Alexei. And if something like this happend, she were to tell the imediatly. Because it was not okay. "I'm sorry that happened to you." "It's fine. At school the kids thought it was really cool and suddenly everyone wanted to play with me. Eventhough i had a strong accent and was behaving weird." "I'm sure you were the coolest." Clint laughed.

***

"And that is Yelena?" Natasha nodded. "She was five there. I was nine i think... Not sure. We went out to McDonalds after one of her soccerteams games. They were awefull. Won zero games and their jerseys were way too big on them Melina had to fix Yelenas with a hairtie. The girls looked ridiculous. But they were so happy." Natasha sniffled. "You look really cute together." Laura said pulling a tissue out of the pocket of her hoddie and handing it to Natasha. "She was the sweetest... She cryed once, because i killed a fly that was bothering me while i was doing homework." Natasha chuckled. "I can't believe i never got to see her again. I promised her i would save her... I was hoping so much i could get her out... She would have been 17 when we took down the red room. I was hoping so much that she hadn't graduated. That they... But i was too late. One of the girls Yelenas age told me that she vanished when they were like 14/15 along with some other girls and never came back." Natasha rubbed her hand over her face. Laura took a sharp breath in. "Sorry, Sweety. Give me a minute." She clung to Clints hands and breathed through the contractions. "They are getting stronger much faster than last time." Laura said. "You are doing great." Clint strocked her head and kissed her. Laura turned to Natasha. "I'm sorry about Yelena. She sounds like an amazing little girl. I mean she has to be. She survived until 14. That is impressive." "I just hope she didn't die in pain and she didn't think i forgot her." Natasha bit her lip to hold a sob in. "But it's okay. I shouldn't bother you with that. You are litteraly in labour." "No. It's fine. It's a good distraction." Laura smiled.

***

They tried to keep the afternoon normal after that, or as normal as three people could manage when waiting for contractions. Natasha read her book, still a little shaken from all these emotions, watching without intruding. Clint hovered, alternating between sitting and rising to fetch things Laura didn't ask for...water, a cushion, a fresh napkin. She tolerated it with patience, squeezing his hand once in a while as though to tether him. By three o'clock, the contractions were closer. Laura leaned over the back of the couch in the living room, eyes closed, swaying on her feet as she worked through another wave of pain. Natasha had the television on low, tuned to the local news station. The meteorologist's voice was clipped with urgency.

"...storms continuing to develop across the county. A tornado watch is in effect until 10 p.m. Conditions could worsen quickly..." Clint crouched beside Laura, rubbing circles into her lower back. Her water had broken half an hour before and the contractions came closer and closer. "We'll head in once they ease up. I'll get the truck ready." Laura shook her head, sweat dampening her hairline. "Clint. The roads...look." She nodded toward the window. Sheets of rain lashed the yard now, the fields beyond blurred into gray haze. Branches and halfs of entire trees were scatered across the roads. The dirt driveway was already streaked with rivulets of water. "We can't stay here," Clint said, almost more to himself than her. "You can't drive in that." Natasha's tone was practical, not sharp. She tilted her head toward the TV again. "If you leave, you might get stuck halfway." Clint exhaled, hands flexing uselessly before he shoved them through his hair. Usually he was good at problem finding he was an Agent afterall, but this was his wife and child and he was not calm at all.

Laura straightened after the contraction passed, her voice steady though tired. "We'll stay for now. If it slows, we'll go. If not...we handle it here. We already had one baby and i am nurse. We can do this." The farmhouse had stood for decades; its bones were solid. Beneath it, the storm shelter Clint's father had built years ago remained stocked with basic supplies. Clint knew it was sturdy. He didn't like the idea of delivering a baby at home with a storm bearing down, but he couldn't change the weather. By late afternoon, the contractions were steady and stronger. Natasha busied herself preparing the bathroom. She filled the tub halfway, steam curling against the mirror, then set towels and a clean blanket nearby. The bathtub could offer some relief if Laura wanted it, a way to ease her muscles, distract from the pain. "Bath's ready," Natasha said as she stepped back into the hall. Laura nodded gratefully, leaning against the wall. Clint hovered close, supporting her with a hand on her elbow. The wind outside picked up, a low howl threading through the eaves. The television flickered once, recovered, then went dark as the electricity failed altogether. The sudden silence was startling, broken only by the pounding rain. "Great," Clint muttered. He grabbed the flashlight off the counter, thumbed it on, and tested the beam against the far wall. "Generator's not working...we'll have to manage without." Laura lowered herself into the tub with a sigh of relief. The warm water seemed to loosen her clenched shoulders, though each contraction still rippled through her with force. Clint sat on the edge, one hand clasped in hers, murmuring whatever reassurances came to mind. Natasha gave them space. She was not one for hovering where she wasn't needed. Slipping on her jacket, she told Clint quietly, "I'll check the barn. Horses get jumpy with storms like this." "Careful," he said automatically, his eyes still locked on Laura.

The barn wasn't far, but in weather like this it felt like a mile. Natasha moved swiftly across the yard, boots splashing through shallow puddles, rain plastering her hair to her face. Inside, the horses stomped and shifted anxiously, ears flicking at every clap of thunder. Natasha stroked their necks one by one, murmuring low in Russian, the steady rhythm of her voice softening their nerves. A flash of lightning lit the horizon when she stepped back outside. For a moment, the world was daylight-bright, and there, beyond the fields, she saw it. A dark funnel cloud twisting downward, broad at the top and narrowing to the earth, moving steadily in their direction.

Natasha's jaw tightened. She jogged back to the house, pushing the door shut against the gust that tried to rip it from her grasp. She pulled off her muddy boots in a frenzy and ran into the bathroom. Clint had lit candles and it actually looked really nice. Laura had her eyes closed and was trying to breath throught the gradualy stronger contractions. Clint looked up sharply, catching the urgency in her face. "Theres a tornado. It's coming this way," she said simply.

***

The first wail of the tornado siren wailed faintly across the farmland, carried even through the pounding rain. Clint's heart sank. It wasn't just the wind or Natasha's sharp eyes now it was official. "We're going," Clint said. No room for argument. Laura was already struggling to get out of the tub, breath shallow from the effort. Natasha caught her under one arm, Clint the other. Together they half-carried her to the bedroom so she could change into dry clothes. Laura pulled on leggings and an oversized T-shirt, not bothering with shoes. Her contractions were too close together for anything else.

Clint moved with military precision, though his face was pale. He darted from room to room, flashlight beam jerking across furniture. A duffel bag filled quickly: towels, clean sheets, scissors, bottled water, granola bars, the small first-aid kit, matches, candles. Natasha grabbed extra blankets from the closet and an old thermos. Laura clutched the banister on the stairs, another contraction tearing through her, doubling her over. They kept most of this in the shelter anyway, but just to be save.

Natasha grabbed her copy of Little woman, making sure the picture was in there.

***

"Clint..." her voice cracked, the panic in it raw now. "It's too close. We're not....we're not going to make it to the hospital." He was at her side instantly, hand braced against her back. "Then we'll make it here. You hear me? You're not alone in this." Her breathing stuttered, ragged. "Here? In the shelter?" "Yes." Natasha's voice, calm, certain. "Better a dry concrete room than the truck in a tornado. We'll manage." Lightning flickered again, and Clint swore under his breath. The funnel Natasha had seen earlier would be on them soon. He swung the duffel over one shoulder and scooped another bundle of sheets in his arms.

"Nat, get the lanterns," he barked. "Laura, hold on to me." The shelter hatch was outside, ten yards from the back porch, a squat metal door embedded in the earth mound. The walk there felt like forever. Rain hammered their skin, mud sucked at their boots. Laura stumbled halfway, groaning as another contraction seized her, and Clint half-lifted her to keep her moving. Natasha sprinted ahead, yanked the hatch open, and vanished down the ladder first, lantern swinging in one hand. "Careful," Clint muttered as he guided Laura onto the rungs. She climbed slowly, breath hitching, his arm steady against her. Then he dropped down behind her, pulling the hatch closed.

The storm shelter smelled faintly of earth and concrete. Its walls were lined with shelves: canned food, bottled water, an old crank radio, a bucket with a lid. Clint set the duffel on the narrow cot and began unpacking frantically, spreading sheets and towels across the surface. Natasha lit two lanterns, placing them on crates so the space glowed dimly, shadows deepening in the corners. She scanned the shelves, mentally cataloging supplies. "We've got peroxide. Bandages. Rubber gloves, sealed. Not perfect, but..." "Better than nothing," Clint finished, hands moving fast. He checked every item like he was on a mission, voice muttering low: "Scissors, check. Blankets, check. Water, food..." Laura sank onto the cot, hair clinging damply to her forehead, arms wrapping around her belly. Her breath came in shallow pants, eyes wide in the lantern light. The claustrophobic space, the relentless storm above, the certainty of what was coming...it all pressed down at once.

"Oh God. I'm going to have the baby here, Ohh!!! I can feel it. She is comming." she whispered. The words were stark, final. Clint knelt in front of her, resting both hands on her knees, trying to catch her gaze. "Hey. Look at me. You can do this. You are the strongest person I know." Her laugh came out almost hysterical. "I don't want to be strong right now." "You don't have to be. That's why we're here." He glanced at Natasha. Natasha crouched beside them, her voice steady as stone. "We've got you, Laura. You're not alone. We'll get through this together." Laura's chest shook with a sob, but her breathing steadied under their dual calm. Clint brushed damp hair from her face, thumb pressing lightly against her temple. "Remember when Cooper was born? You said you couldn't do it then, either. And you did. You can do this again." Another contraction wracked her, and she doubled forward, clutching Clint's arms. Natasha moved with swift efficiency, spreading clean towels over the cot, laying scissors and gloves within easy reach. She tied her hair back with a rubber band, expression focused, unshakable. "Have you ever done this?" Laura half yelled- half asked. Natasha shook her head. "No. I had a theory class, when was in field medic training." Clint nodded. Totally paniking. "We can do it, Clint. We don't have another option."

Natasha kneeled infront of Laura. "Hey. So i have never done this. I know the logistics, but only in theory from field medic class. You gotta work with me. But i'm here. I'm ready. We got this. Clint will be your support. Yes." Clint snorted, nerves easing just a hair. "Support duty. Got it." He climbed onto the cot, settling behind Laura so she could lean against his chest, his arms anchoring her.

Laura sagged against him, closing her eyes briefly. "If we ever...ever...have another child, we're naming it after Natasha," Clint murmured into her ear, half-teasing, half-earnest. Laura's eyes snapped open, incredulous even through the pain. "Are you insane? Stop thinking about another one. There will never be another one. I'm done. Done, Clint." Natasha's mouth twitched with a smirk as she snapped on the gloves. "I'll take that as a compliment anyway." Clint chuckled low, kissing Lauras temple. "Fair enough. Just focus on this one, then." The storm outside roared like a freight train, wind hammering against the earth above them. But inside the shelter, time narrowed to breathing, contractions, whispered reassurances. Natasha guided Laura with calm precision, instructing when to push, when to breathe. Laura had changed positions, she was now kneeling infront of the cot, clint was stitting on it. She was holding tightly onto him, pressing her face into his thighs to muffle her screames. Clint held her tightly, murmuring encouragements into her ear, his steady presence wrapping around her like armor. "Almost there," Natasha said, voice even. "You're doing beautifully." Laura cried out, body trembling, fingers digging into Clint's arms. He pressed his lips against her damp hair, murmuring, "You're okay. I've got you. Just a little more." Minutes stretched long, the storm outside peaking in furious crescendos. Then, suddenly, a sharp new sound filled the shelter: the thin, wailing cry of a newborn. Laura collapsed against Clint, sobbing with exhaustion and relief all at once. Clint's arms tightened around her, holding her up, his own breath shuddering. Natasha lifted the tiny, squirming bundle, wrapping it quickly in a towel. Her usual composure softened as she leaned forward, placing the baby girl in Laura's arms. "Congratulations," she said quietly. Clint helped Laura onto the cot. She rested back against him, breathing heavily.

Laura stared down at the red, wrinkled face, tears streaking her cheeks. "Oh... oh, hello." Her voice was hoarse, tender. Clint pressed his forehead against hers, eyes wet. "You did it. You really did it." "Do i finally get to know the name now?" Natasha asked, teasinly. Clint smiled. "Natasha meet. Lila Elena Barton."

AN: What do you think?

Chapter Text

They stayed in the shelter for the entire night. Laura was sleeping, while Clint and Natasha took shifts watching the baby and paying attention to the storm outside. By the morning it had camed down and they were all ready to get out. Clint opened the hatch and looked out.

There was a lot of damage, but it could have been worse. The house was mostly standing. There was a big branch on the veranda, that damaged the roof and a few parts of the roof were missing, but other than that the house was fine. Clints shed had no roof and the windows were shattered. The chicken and duck coop was magically totally fine. The barn was damaged the worst. It had completely fallen into itsef. A Tree had fallen onto it consequently crashing the entire noth side. The rest got blown away by the storm.

Clint sighed. He got out, then helping Laura out, who looked around just as shocked. "The animals." She gasped. "We'll look, why don't you go inside." Clint took her hand. Natasha had Lila in her arm and tried to smile comfortingly at Laura.

Laura put Lila in her basinett in the kitchen and sat down on the couch. She was still exhausted from giving birth. Natasha went into the kitchen to boil some water to make tea. The electricity was still out, but the gas stove worked. Clint tried calling Caroline and Cooper, but the landline also didn't work. He went upstairs to check around the house, but all seemed fine. There was a little water in coopers bedroom and the hallway, but Clint already figured that is where the roof had holes, so these were to be fixed first.

He came back down and smiled at the two women sitting drinking tea. "I'm sure Cooper and Caroline are fine. The landlines will be up soon and then they'll call." Natasha comforted Laura. She handed Clint a cup of tea and smiled.

"Lets go check on the animals." Natasha nodded. Laura had fallen asleep after feeding Lila and Lila was also content. The babyphone was batery powered so Clint took it with him. Natasha walked up to the ruins of the barn.

They started lifting away pannels of wood and debree. Everything was heavy and wet. But soon they realized that the horses must have been able to flee. They weren't trapped in the piles of wood. "Okay. So we'll have to go look for them right." "Yes. But lets check on the other animals first. The chickens and ducks were fine. Ever since they had build the bigger chicken coop, the goats lived there with them. They didn't mind it and the goats helped keep away foxes and marters. The goats were fine aswell, but terribly frigthened.

They didn't currently have bunnys so the fact that the bunny stable was totaled by the roof of Clints shed, wasn't so bad. It was all pretty overwhelming. Clint looked around. He didn't even know where to start. There were branches and debree everywhere. The cars were fine luckily. The garage had survived the storm. Natasha walked up to Clint and squeezed his shoulder. "It will be okay. We are fine. Everything else can be fixed. The lights inside flickered and went on. "See we even got electicity. How about we call Caroline and then you and Laura enjoy some time with your new baby and i'll go look for the horses."

Clint nodded. "We will fix everything. One step after the other. Okay?" "Yes." Clint took a deep breath. "Good."

***

Cooper and Caroline were fine. They didn't even loose electricity, but they were very worried about them. When they told Caroline they were fine and her granddaughter was born, she squeeled into the phone.

The streets were still blocked and so the two of them had to stay another day before they could hopefully come home, but the weather was supposed to be better at least.

***

The next few days were a blur of fixing the most prominate things and finally finding both horses, newborn baby stuff, little to no sleep and just chaos. But it was exactly what Natasha needed. Something to do. A task and exhausting herself so she could sleep.

***

Clint paused outside the guest room door, knuckles hovering just short of the wood. He could hear the faint shuffle of movement inside, the steady rhythm of someone pacing, slow, deliberate, like they were thinking instead of packing. He frowned. Natasha was supposed to leave tomorrow. He knocked. "Hey, Nat. You decent?" There was a short silence, then her voice, muffled but sharp enough to cut through the door. "You've seen me covered in blood, Barton. What exactly would count as indecent?" He smirked, pushing the door open. "Fair point." "Still thanks for knocking... I appreciate it, but i'm better. Living in SHIELD housing, with shared bathrooms has been confrontation therapy."

The room looked mostly the same as it had all week, tidy, efficient, impersonal. Except for the suitcase on the bed. Empty. Clothes still hung neatly in the closet. Her boots were by the wall, her jacket folded on the chair. Not a single thing suggested she was leaving in less than twelve hours.

Clint leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms. "You're aware you've got a flight at nine, right?" Natasha sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing the back of her neck. "Yes, Barton. I can tell time." "Then maybe you can tell me why you haven't packed." She sighed, leaning back on her hands. "Because I'm tired." He raised a brow. "I know cleaning up the hurricane mess wasn't exactly relaxing, but you fought your way out of an ememy compound with three broken ribs, and I've never heard you admit you were tired." "This isn't the same kind of tired." That made him quiet. He stepped farther into the room, his boots creaking on the floorboards. "You mean the kind that doesn't go away with sleep? I know." Natasha glanced at him briefly, then away. Her shoulders slumped slightly, tension melting into something more fragile. "It's... strange. I felt so much. The grieve i thought it would drown me and then the hurricane came and Lila... There was so much to do, i forgott and now, i think i feel overwhelmed... like i didn't grieve properly." "There is no way to properly grief. Nat you are so strong and..." "And by living my life and protecting other girls, i am honoring my sister. Yeah i know i read the grief crap in one of Lauras books. I just feel like i am always running from something. Or towards something and if i stop, i get dark. Like really dark... Clint i felt like is should be dead. Like instead of Yelena. That i didn't deserve to live if she is dead." Clint sat down beside her, leaving a respectful gap. "Do you still feel like that?" "Sometimes..." Natasha said. Clint was glad she was being honest with him, but it also scared him a lot. "Okay here is what i have to say about that. First... Natasha you deserve to live. You deserve all the things. You are an amazing person, with a heart as big as noone i know. You take the weight of the world on your shoulderns and that is so amendable. But i know it's heavy. I know sometimes giving up seems easier, believe me i know. But life is so worth it and you deserve it. We need you. The world needs you." "I know. I just sometimes feel like there are people, who deserve to life more than i do." "And there are people, who i sometimes feel like they deserve to live less. We can spin this rethoric for hours, but what it will always come back to is, Yelenas death is unfair and way too early and that is hard and terrible, but you Natasha do not have to attone for Yelenas death. You don't own anyone shit. You get to live you life and you have all the oportunities and you choose to make the world a saver place for all girls. You are a good person and the world would be a much worse place without you." Natasha nodded. "Talk to your therapist. She is here exactly for that. But know you can always talk to me aswell. But she might be of more help." "No... You are helping." Natasha looked at him a blank expression on her face. "I'll believe it soon. I think."

For a moment, the silence stretched. Outside, the crickets had started up, faint through the window. The air smelled faintly of hay and laundry detergent...home. He glanced at her suitcase again. "So," he said casually, "you'll have time to sleep on the plane. And when you get to D.C., you've got... what? Dinner with Hill?" Natasha's head snapped toward him, eyes narrowing. Her jaw tightened. "It's not a date." Clint bit back a chuckle. "Didn't say it was. You did." "Because it isn't," she said quickly, folding her arms. "Okay," he said, drawing the word out. "So it's two colleagues having dinner." "Yes." "At a restaurant." "Yes." "After work hours." She glared. "You're enjoying this far too much." He shrugged. "A little."

Natasha stood up abruptly, crossing the room to the closet. "She's my superior, Barton. That's it. She's Level Nine. I'm Level Four. There's nothing to talk about." He watched her pull hangers back and forth without actually taking anything down. "You know," he said, "Laura outranked me when we met." "That's different." "How?" She shot him a sharp look over her shoulder. "She wasn't your superior." He smiled softly. "True. But we still worked for the same organization. Still had to lie through our teeth about it for a while. Still had to figure out how to make it work."

"That's not the same," she muttered, more to herself than to him. "Maria isn't... she's..." She trailed off, frustrated, like even naming it cost something. Clint waited. Finally, she said, "She's too good. Too proper. She follows the rules." "You say that like it's a bad thing." "I say that like I'm the opposite." He tilted his head. "She doesn't seem to mind." "She doesn't know." He raised a brow. "Know what?" Natasha exhaled, letting her hands drop to her sides. "That I..." She stopped. The next words came quieter, rougher. "That I like her. That I can't stop thinking about her when I shouldn't be thinking about anyone." Clint didn't say anything. Just waited, like always. "It's stupid," she went on, pacing now. "I've known her for years. I just don't know why she wants to hang out with me at all. She's smart, disciplined, calm under pressure and beautiful and strong... and everything I'm messy and dark. And every time she looks at me, I..." She pressed her fingers to her temple, like she could erase the thought. "It's not supposed to happen. Not with her."

He studied her, carefully. "Because she's your boss?" "That's part of it." "And the other part?" Natasha hesitated. Then she said, so quietly he almost didn't catch it, "Because it's her." The weight of that settled between them. He understood, then, the deeper thing she hadn't said. Not just the hierarchy, not just SHIELD's regulations, but the years of conditioning, the way she'd been raised.

He spoke gently. "Russia wasn't exactly the kind of place that said, 'Love who you love,' huh?" Her jaw tightened. "No. They taught us control. Discipline. Obedience. Feelings were... distractions. And that...." She gestured vaguely, unable to say the word. "That kind of thing was worse than weakness. It was corruption. The redroom wasn't really a religious organization, but that... Yeah no. They caught two girls kissing once. Had us torture them until their hearts gave out." Clint nodded slowly. "And now it feels like you're breaking some old rule that's still whispering in your ear." "Yes." She sat down again, elbows on her knees. "Even when I know better. Even when I know SHIELD isn't Russia, and she isn't..." Her voice cracked, just barely. "I still hear them. Every time I look at her, I feel like I'm doing something wrong."

He was quiet for a moment, then said, "You're not wrong, Nat. You're just scared." She gave a dry laugh. "I'm never scared." "Yeah," he said, "you are. You just hide it better than most people." That earned him a faint smile. He leaned forward, elbows on his thighs. "Look, maybe it's not a date. Maybe it's just dinner. Maybe nothing happens. But maybe something could ... if you let it. And I think you deserve something good, even if it scares you." She studied him for a long time. "You think she'd even....?"

"I think Maria Hill doesn't waste time," Clint said. "If she asked you to dinner, it's because she wants to see you. You don't need to make it complicated." Natasha huffed out a small breath, half a laugh, half a sigh. "You make it sound easy." "It's not," he said. "But neither is ignoring it." For a while, neither spoke. Then Natasha reached for the first shirt in her closet and folded it into her suitcase. Clint smiled. "There we go. That's progress."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm packing. Not confessing." "Uh-huh. Sure." He stood, stretching. "Well, in case your exhaustion turns into productivity, I'll leave you to it. Need me to set an alarm for the morning?" "I'll manage." He started for the door, then paused. "Hey, Nat?" She looked up. "Just don't talk yourself out of something good before it starts, okay?" Her gaze softened. "Good night, Barton." He grinned. "Night, Romanoff." When the door clicked shut behind him, Natasha sat still for a long time, staring at the open suitcase. Her hands hovered over the folded shirt, then she started packing.

***

Natasha stood infront of the restaurant. They had said, they'd meet here, but what if Maria had already gone in and was waiting for her inside. Natasha shivered. It was cold and wet and she wore a thin coat. She own the standart issue SHIELD Coat, but she didn't want to put it on to meet Maria. So her thin wool coat had to do. She took another deep breath, when she saw Maria come around the corner holding her phone to her ear and talking to someone. "I know. I know. Yes. I have sceduled the meeting with the congress.... Yes. Alright. No, Director Fury i am very happy to talk to the NRA and the CIA, but Congress is your playground. I can not handle that and come out sane....Alright. Copy that. See you tomorrow." Natasha couldn't help but smile at Maria slightly dishevled look. "Sorry. Hi Nat. Nice to see you." "Hi." Maria hugged Natasha and then put away the phone. "Sorry, Honestly Fury is like a little kid sometimes. I sometimes wonder if i should remind him to brush his teeth, because he forgets so much." Natasha chuckled. She loved Marias fun teasing side.

"Lets go inside. The weather is disgusting." "Yes. At least there is no tornado." "And no pregnant woman." Maria nodded. "You'll have to tell me all about that. How are the Bartons?" "They are great. Totally in love with their new babygirl. Lila Elena." Natasha smiled. Maria nodded and took a seat. "Right. It's a really pretty name." "They named her after my sister." Natasha sat down and wiped some hair out of her face. "You mean the little girl you go put on that mission in Ohio with?" "You remember?" Natasha tilted her head. "Of course. I looked for her. Yelena, right." Natasha nodded. "She didn't make it. A girl in her year told me she was sent on a mission and never came back. That wasn't uncommon..." Natasha took a deep breath and pressed her tounge to the roof of her mouth to stop herself from crying. Maria put her hand on Natashas and squeezed it. "It's okay to be sad about that." "I know, but i've been sad for a week." "Thats okay. Grief has no timeline." "Clint says that." Natasha said chuckling tearily. Her hand was tingling where Maria was touching it. Maria rubbed her thumb over the back of Natashas hand and smiled at her. "Anyway. It's really nice that Clint and Laura named Lila after her. It's like her legacy lives on and Clint and I will never stop fighting until no little girl on this world ever has to go through something like this ever again." "Amen to that." Maria said.

The converstation flowed easily, Natasha talked about the farm and the Bartons and Maria talked about work, as far as she could and complained about those stuck up men that kept making her life harder. They talked about a book they both read and a movie that was set to come out soon, that they'd like to watch. For a few moments Natasha felt like a normal person.

In Marias presence everything seemed easy and fun. The way the light got mirrored in her eyes and the way some little babyhairs had fallen out of her hairdo was so beautiful Natasha had to remind herself not to stare at her. She couldn't help for her mind to think about what it would be like to kiss Maria right now, but she stopped herself quickly.

***

The air bit at Natasha's cheeks as she and Maria turned onto the long stretch of road leading back to the S.H.I.E.L.D. Complex. Early March in D.C. meant a sky that looked gray and the streetlights painted a pale cold picture, air that cut straight through coats and tactical reflexes alike. Natasha tucked her chin deeper into her scarf, watching her breath cloud and fade in front of her. Beside her, Maria's strides were even and steady, her posture somehow still immaculate despite the cold. She had that rare ability to look composed in any situation, like wind and weather were just things other people had to deal with. Natasha wasn't sure whether she admired or resented that.

Maria had laughed, and Natasha had let herself enjoy that sound far more than she should have. Now, with the restaurant several blocks behind them, the silence felt heavier. Not uncomfortable, Natasha didn't do uncomfortable silences, but charged somehow. Every footstep on the wet pavement seemed to echo in her chest.

"Thanks for the food," Maria said finally, her voice quieter than usual, almost hesitant. "It was good to... get out." "You paid," Natasha said. "So technically I should thank you." Maria gave a small smile. "I didn't mind." That shouldn't have made Natasha's pulse quicken, but it did. She shoved her hands deeper into her coat pockets, trying to focus on the steady rhythm of their boots instead of how the faint streetlights made Maria's eyes look warmer, or how her breath caught in her throat whenever their arms brushed.

She told herself this was nothing. She liked Maria, admired her, even, but that was as far as it went. She didn't do this. Not with people she worked with. Not with a superior, not with someone who deserved so much more than Natashas dark and twisted mind. And Maria Hill, one of Director Furys closest confidants, definitely deserved better. They reached the corner where the road forked: left for the residential wing where Maria stayed, right for Natasha's. The complex loomed in the near distance, a shadowed silhouette against the night sky, windows glowing faintly like watchful eyes. Maria slowed to a stop. Natasha mirrored her, exhaling a slow stream of breath that turned to fog between them. "Well," Maria said, stuffing her gloved hands into her coat pockets. "Guess this is where we split." "Guess so," Natasha said. She shifted her weight, wishing her heartbeat would stop feeling like gunfire in her chest.

The wind gusted down the street, tugging at Maria's hair, carrying the faint scent of her perfume ,something subtle, crisp, impossible to ignore once you noticed it. Natasha's brain, traitorous as ever, supplied the memory of Maria's laugh from dinner. The way she'd leaned forward, elbows on the table, eyes lighting up when Natasha had told a story. A loud laugh. A real one. Maria hesitated, glancing down, then up again. "You know, I... had a good time," she said, her tone measured but soft around the edges. Natasha nodded, lips curving slightly. "Yeah. Me too." Silence again. The kind that stretched and shimmered with unsaid things. Natasha should have said goodnight and turned away. She knew that. She'd perfected the art of leaving before anything could get complicated. But Maria didn't move. She looked... nervous, which was new. Maria Hill didn't do nervous. That alone made Natasha freeze. Maria took a half-step closer. Her breath mingled with Natasha's now, visible in the cold air between them. "There's something I..."

She stopped. Her jaw flexed, like she was rethinking everything in real time. Natasha tilted her head, her voice quieter than the wind. "What is it?" Maria's eyes flicked between Natasha's lips and her eyes... quick, instinctive. Natasha barely had time to register that look before Maria leaned in and kissed her. It wasn't tentative. It was sudden, decisive, like a choice made after too long not choosing. Natasha froze for a heartbeat, caught entirely off guard. Then instinct took over. She kissed back. Soft at first, then deeper, matching the urgency she hadn't realized she'd been holding back for months. The world seemed to narrow to the press of Maria's mouth against hers, the warmth cutting through the cold, the electric jolt of contact that felt far too good to make sense.

And then it ended. Maria pulled back abruptly, eyes wide, breath quick. "I..." she started, her voice breaking slightly. "I'm sorry." Natasha blinked, still tasting her on her lips. "Maria..." But Maria was already stepping back. "I shouldn't have..." She shook her head, the usually sure lines of her composure cracking in a way Natasha had never seen. "Forget it. I just...forget it." Before Natasha could reach for her or even speak, Maria turned and walked briskly down the left-hand path, the click of her boots sharp against the concrete. Within seconds, her figure blurred into shadow. Natasha stood there, the cold finally sinking through her coat, the night swallowing the sound of Maria's retreating footsteps. Her heart was still hammering. Her fingers ached to touch her lips, to prove that it had happened.

She exhaled shakily, watching the breath dissipate into the dark. What the hell had just happened? For once, Natasha Romanoff had no answer. She turned toward her own path, the right-hand road back to her empty room, but didn't move for a long time. The wind tugged at her hair again, biting at her skin. Her body felt too warm and too cold all at once, like she'd stepped into some parallel mission where the rules didn't apply. She finally started walking, slow and unsteady. The city lights glimmered faintly in puddles along the pavement, reflecting fragments of color, the kind of soft, fragile beauty she never let herself linger on. And yet tonight, she couldn't stop thinking of it. Of Maria. Of the way she'd looked right before she ran.

***

It was Monday when she saw Maria again. She had ignored all Natashas calls and texts and even when Clint called her she had cut him off, told him she was busy. Natasha was confused. What did this mean? Were they not friends anymore?

Maria had called her into a meeting. It was her another high level agent and Director Fury in the room. "Agent Romanoff, i heard you had a nice week off." Maria said sounding way too caual. Natasha knew what game she was playing to she jumped on it. "It was nice. A little confusing at times, but nice none the less." Was Maria even still thinking about friday night? Had she already forgotten it? Maria wasn't like that though was she.

"We have a specialist mission for you." Director Fury stated. "A specialist mission, but i am only level 4. Specalists have to be level 5 and up." "Yes. That is why we promote you. Welcome to level 5." Natasha kept her composure, but inside she was really happy. "Thank you, sir." Natasha sat up straighter. "What is the mission?"

"Your mission is getting a scientist out of Iran. His name is Ismael Asadi. He worked for SHIELD in the 90s. In a facility that should be familiar to you. The North Institute. It has been closed now, but they were working on something that could potentally be really dangerous. Dr. Asadi went back to Iran after the facility got closed and is now requesting Asylum within SHIELD. He has been getting hostile messages, has repeaditly been threatend and we have reason to believe that ceartain group want to upduct him to keep working on the project the North Instiute started." "The KGB?" "Possibly. They were the ones, that took down the North Institute in the first place. As far as we know they didn't take anything, just destroyed it, but it would make sence that they now want to replicate it." Fury explained. "Okay. So my mission is to extract this man out of Iran." "Yes. But as quiet and stealthy as possible." Maria added. "We have planed it out for you fully. You will go to the turkish Iranian border, just outside Esedere. You will take a car to Tabriz, where you'll meet the scientist. We have a new car stationed in Tabriz, you will take this car and drive up through Aserbaijan to the Georgian city of Poti. You'll need to be carefull there is a war starting in Georgia right now. The situation is critical. So keep that in mind. In Poti you'll take ship to Warna in Bulgaria. You need to be really fast. There is a good chance they will follow you. There is only one boat a day and if you don't make it to this one shown in your this file, they have time to catch up. If you miss this. There is a save house in Poti. Go there and take the ship the next day, but be careful, they might follow you. In that case it is better to stay in the savehouse. It is stocked with food and water for two weeks. From Warna you can take the train to Sofia. We will have a jet ready to take you to the states from there."

"Copy that." Natasha followed the description on the paper infront of her. Maria nodded. "Any more questions?" "When am i leaving?" "Tomorrow 0400." Natasha closed the packet. "Okay. Copy that." So there will be no time to talk before she had to leave. Perfect.

An: I would really like to know what you think? I am really unsure about the Blackhill stuff so let me know. And the story in total

Chapter Text

The road cut through the Anatolian plateau like a scar, pale dust, broken asphalt, and the faint hum of cicadas swallowed by the wind. Natasha Romanoff sat in the passenger seat of an aging Toyota Hilux, sunglasses masking the watchfulness in her eyes. The vehicle's heater rattled against the cold that lingered even in early spring. Her partner for this part of the journey, a broad-shouldered man in his thirties with a trimmed beard and a habit of checking his mirrors too often, kept his hands steady on the wheel. Agent Michael Keane, Level 6 Agent. They'd met only two days ago in a safehouse outside Van. It was enough to share a few coded words, a single plan, and an unspoken agreement not to trust each other too much. Ahead, the mountains loomed, sharp and gray against the horizon. Iran waited beyond them, and somewhere inside its northern reaches, a scientist named Dr. Ismael Asadi "Checkpoint in five kilometers," Keane muttered. "Local police?" Natasha asked. He nodded. "Border security mostly. I've got papers for both of us, but..." "Don't say it," she cut in, removing her sunglasses and tucking them into her jacket pocket. "They'll smell nervousness faster than blood." Keane shot her a sidelong glance. "You always this calm crossing into hostile territory?" "Only when I'm the one planning the escape route." He chuckled under his breath. "Right. Forgot I was driving with the infamous Black Widow."

Natasha didn't answer. She didn't need to. The checkpoint was uneventful, just long enough for two guards to check the forged documents and another to kick the rear tires, half out of boredom. Keane spoke Turkish, soft and polite, his accent flawless. She smiled once, briefly, and they waved them through. Once the last line of barbed wire disappeared in the rearview mirror, she allowed herself to exhale. The drive toward Tabriz took them through villages of sun-bleached walls and thin alleyways filled with wandering goats. Vendors sold tea from battered samovars. Keane's radio crackled with short bursts of coded chatter background noise for agents pretending they weren't already on borrowed time.

***

Two hours later, they stopped on the edge of the city. "From here, we split," Natasha said, opening the passenger door. Keane leaned forward on the steering wheel. "You're sure you don't need backup?" "I'm undercover. You'd stand out." "I can blend." "Not in that jacket," she said flatly, closing the door. "Good luck, Keane." He smirked. "Try not to start a war." She adjusted the scarf around her neck and disappeared into the crowd before he could blink. The city pulsed with life, vendors shouting over each other in the bazaar, the tang of roasted chestnuts and diesel, the call to prayer echoing off stone walls. Natasha moved with the flow of it, one more woman in a black coat and headscarf, a canvas bag over her shoulder. Her cover was as "Leyla," a cultural liaison from a university in Ankara. She'd arranged a meeting under the guise of interviewing him about his research for a scientific journal. The scientist would expect someone cautious. Not a spy. Not an extraction agent. She found him in a modest research office on the second floor of a crumbling building near the university district. The air smelled faintly of solder and coffee. "Dr. Asadi?" she said softly in Farsi. He looked up, mid-fifties, balding, glasses sliding down his nose. Nervous, but not paranoid. Not yet. "Yes, please, come in. You must be... Leyla?" "That's right." She smiled and sat across from him, setting her bag gently on the table. "Thank you for seeing me." He nodded, eyes darting to the window. "I have... not spoken with many foreigners recently." "That's understandable." She paused. "Your research is quite remarkable, Doctor. Especially your work neurology and neuron stimulants." His gaze sharpened. "You've read it?" "I've read enough to know you're ahead of your peers. And that your government and others doesn't appreciate what they have." That got his attention. She reached into her bag, slowly, carefully, and withdrew a pen-like object. She held it between her fingers, as if it were just another tool for note-taking. As she couldn't be sure there wasn't anyone listening she just placed it on his desk.

"This," she said quietly, "is a gift from my place of emloyment. I love these pens i though you'd find it usefull for your corespondences.

He hesitated, staring at the device as though it were radioactive. The he wrote on a paper. "Who are you?" "Someone who can get you out of Iran alive," she answered on the paper. "If that's still what you want." For a long moment, the hum of the overhead light filled the silence. Then he reached out and took the pen. The continued the interview as normal, when they were done Dr Asadi sliped Natasha another paper. "How will I find you," he asked. "You won't," Natasha replied. "I'll find you." That evening, she shed her Ankara identity like a skin. The black coat was replaced with a simple gray tunic, her hair tied back beneath a scarf of faded blue. She walked the narrow streets of Tabriz until the faces around her blurred into a single, breathing organism. She needed to vanish to become a ghost among the living. Her safehouse was a room above a spice merchant's shop, rented under a false name. From her window, she could see the flicker of streetlights and the dark outline of Mount Sahand beyond the city. She spent the night monitoring encrypted channels, waiting for the signal Dr. Asadi would send when he was ready to move.

But the city never truly slept. Somewhere beneath the hum of the marketplace and the rattle of distant trucks, she could feel the tension building. By dawn, the signal came, a faint pulse from the relay device. The coordinates matched a small café on the outskirts of town. Natasha was out the door before her tea had cooled. The café was nearly empty. Two men played backgammon in the corner; the radio crackled with traditional music. Asadi sat alone at a table near the window, his hands wrapped around a cup of coffee. She approached casually, buying a tea before sitting down opposite him.

"You made contact," she said under her breath. He nodded, eyes darting toward the street. "But someone may have seen me. There were men near my building last night, they asked questions." "How many?" "Three. Maybe four. They weren't government security. Not official." Natasha's mind clicked through possibilities. Rival agencies. Black-market buyers. Or worse the KGB still scavenging for assets in the chaos left by the Cold War. "Listen carefully," she said, her tone shifting from friendly to firm. "You'll leave here first. Walk north, take a taxi to the mosque district. Wait at the western entrance. I'll meet you there in one hour." He nodded shakily and left his coffee untouched. Natasha waited another ten minutes, pretending to scroll through her phone. When she finally stood, she heard it two men at the counter speaking in low Farsi. The words "Asadi" and "transfer" cut through the noise. Her pulse slowed. Her instincts sharpened. She paid, stepped outside, and kept walking, passing the corner mirror of a parked car just in time to catch sight of the men leaving the café behind her. They were following him. By the time she reached the mosque district, the midday crowds had thickened, families, students, street vendors with trays of pistachios. Her eyes scanned every face, every movement.

Then she saw it: a black SUV idling half a block away, tinted windows, the faint glint of a radio antenna. Dr. Asadi stood near the mosque entrance, his nervous posture giving him away instantly. Two men in leather jackets approached from opposite directions. Natasha slipped into motion. She cut through the market stalls, lifted a scarf from a vendor's display, and wrapped it loosely around her face. Her right hand brushed the small sidearm beneath her tunic, silenced, loaded, ready. When the first man grabbed the scientist's arm, Natasha moved. She was behind him before he realized she was there. A twist of the wrist, a silent crack, he dropped instantly, pain muffled under her grip. The second man turned, reaching for his weapon, but she kicked it from his hand, driving a knee into his ribs before pushing him to the ground. "Come with me." she hissed at the scientist, dragging him toward a nearby alley.

They vanished into the warren of narrow streets before the SUV doors could even open. They moved fast. Natasha led him through side streets, past shuttered shops and laundry lines. She had memorized three exit routes the night before, all of them dangerous, all of them viable. "Who were they?" he panted. "People who want what's in your head," she said. "or want me dead. Which means we're out of time." She ducked into a carpet shop and exchanged a brief coded phrase with the owner, an old contact of SHIELDs. Within minutes, they were in the back, the hum of traffic replaced by silence. "Stay here," she ordered. "Do not move until I come back." "Where are you going?" "To get us a way out." She stepped into the alley, checking for ways to go out. She knew from the prep there was a bus going to the outskirts where their car was waiting. She just needed to get on that bus with Asadi undetected. She took out her widow bites and located one of the electricity boxed. The men were standing under a big line of wires and so she just needed to overload them causing the men to get shocks bad enough to knock them out for a little while. The floor was wet from the rain this morning, so she would need to be carefull, but for her plan it was also helpfull. She fried the panel and then grabbed a rubber tire that was laying around in the ayle. She stepped on it and sent shocks from her bites through the line. It worked.

***

By dusk, the city's colors had changed, the gold of sunset bleeding into a haze of smoke and dust. Natasha and Asadi moved under cover of twilight, using the narrow alleys to stay out of sight. They had taken a bus, but then decided to get off it was much stealthier that way. The scientist carried a small pack of documents and a flash drive containing his research. Natasha's senses stayed on high alert, every sound, every flicker of movement tugging at her attention. When they reached the industrial district, she spotted the convoy, six trucks, engines idling, guarded by local drivers and what looked like merchenaries. Natasha sighed. "We are going to have to run. We need to get over to the other side of the this building and once we leave here we'll be totally exposed." "Okay. But i am not a fast runner." Dr. Asadi said. Natasha nodded it would be fine. "They want you alive."

Then the shot rang out. "RUN!" Natasha yelled. And they did. She shot at them tried to shield the doctor with her body. She pulled him along and then they finally made it behind an old run down wall. She peered around the edge, three armed men closing in from the east, automatic rifles gleaming under the streetlights. Definatly not government, not army. Mercenaries. She fired twice, hitting one in the shoulder, another in the leg. The third ducked behind a car, returning fire in short bursts.

"Move!" she barked, dragging the scientist toward a truck. Bullets pinged against the metal hull as she shoved him into the back. Natasha knew it was theirs because of the licence plate. She jumped behind the wheel and closed the door. The truck was bulett proof, for which she was insanely greatfull. The truck lurched forward, tires screeching. Natasha fired again, covering their escape until the attackers were just shadows in the dark. Then she swung herself onto the rear platform, clinging to the side as the city lights receded.

***

The cold night air whipped against Natasha's face as she opened a window to let some fresh air in. It was the dead of night, but other than a short stop to chance the licence plates Natasha hadn't dared to take a break. Dr. Asadi tried his best not to fall asleep beside her. He looked exhausted, but alive. "You saved my life," he murmured. "It's my job," she said simply. He nodded. "What happens now?" "Well because of stupid international law, we can't just go back to Turkey, and get extracted there, we need to go up through Aserbaijan and through Georgia over to Bulgaria, where we'll be extracted." "Sounds like a long journey." "A little over 14 hours by car. Plus like 4,5 hours ferry and then another three by bus or train." "Great." Dr. Asadi took a deep breath. "I am greatful don't get me wrong. But i feel like i am too old for road trips like this." Natasha chuckled. "It will be fine. Once we make it to Aserbaijan, we have a save house about an hour in, we can take a break there." "Great." "You can rest Doctor, i'm sure this was very stressfull today." Dr. Asadi chuckled. "Defiantly within the top 3 of the most exciting days in my life. For you it was probably nothing." "Doesn't even make the top 20." "Wow. You must have some exciting stories to tell." He sounded like a excited little boy. "I do, but most is classified." Dr. Asadi chuckled.

***

"Okay. Well what can we talk about." "Our cover. We have fake IDs. In the clove compartment. I'm your daughter in law, Karina Isfahani, your name is Arman Isfahari. Your son Ahmad is my late husband. We are going to Ukraine, where i'm from, to visit my family. My husband sadly died." "That's sad." Dr. Asadi said looking like Natasha just kicked a puppy. She couldn't imagine that this kind and a little dorky man managed to switch off free will in a person. That was something so cruel, she couldn't even think that he was able to do. But people can decieve you or maybe he was just a naive curious man that didn't know the consequences of such actions.

***

They made it to Aserbaijan without problems and found the savehouse to rest and head on the next day. Natasha filled the tank of the car again and checked that everything was fine. Then they headed on. The got into a police controll about two hours into their drive. The police officers were a little sceptical that Natasha was driving, but Dr. Asadi was able to convince them that his eyes were bad and he couldn't drive long distances. They asked them where they were going and what their bussines was. Natasha told them in Farsi with a heavy Ukrainian accent, that her husband died and she just wanted home to her family. The police let them go.

Natasha listened carefully to the news on the radio, thankfull there was a russain station they could get that talked about what is happening in Georgia the entire time. Natasha wasn't sure what to believe, because the russain station obviously sent the russian side of the beginning war in Georgia and not the Georgian side. She hoped they would still make it through the country, they were still within the scedule to get the ship in Poti, but noone knew what could happen.

***

The air smelled of dust and tension. The road ahead shimmered in the afternoon sun, a narrow ribbon of asphalt cutting through fields that had once been peaceful. Now, the horizon rippled with smoke. Natasha Romanoff's hands tightened on the steering wheel of the truck, her eyes scanning the distant hills for movement. The static of a Georgian radio station crackled, cutting in and out with bursts of incomprehensible chatter. Dr. Asadi shifted in the passenger seat. "That doesn't sound good," he murmured. Natasha didn't answer right away. She didn't have to. The sound that reached them next, a low, rolling thunder that didn't belong to the sky, said enough. "Artillery," Natasha said quietly. "Too close." The Doctor looked toward the window. "You think....?" The explosion cut her off. The shockwave hit a moment later, the blast shoving the car sideways. Natasha swore in Russian, jerking the wheel as glass spiderwebbed across the windshield. A plume of fire rose from the center of the city of Samtredia. A column of orange and black, buildings collapsing like paper toys. The noise was deafening. "Out," Natasha said, her voice sharp and controlled despite the chaos. "Now!" Dr. Asadi fumbled with the seatbelt, her hands trembling. Her chest ached with the sudden burst of adrenaline. "Where..?" "Follow me." Natasha kicked open her door, crouching low as she rounded the front of the car. Shards of glass crunched beneath her boots. The air was hot and choked with dust. People were screaming. A group of civilians ran past them toward the fields, men carrying children, women clutching plastic bags and coats. A car nearby was overturned, its wheels still spinning uselessly. Dr. Asadi's heart pounded. "Natasha...there's..." Another explosion. This one closer. The ground jumped beneath them, and the sound of it ripped the air apart. Natasha grabbed Dr. Asadi by the arm and pulled him toward the alley between two buildings. "Move!" she barked, dragging him out of the open street just as debris clattered down where they'd been standing seconds before. They ducked behind a wall, coughing through the haze. Dr. Asadi pressed a hand to his mouth, his eyes wide behind the dust-streaked lenses of his glasses. "What is happening?" "War," Natasha said. "And we're in the middle of it." The roar of jets above them made them both look up. Trails of white streaked across the blue sky, too fast, too deliberate.

Natasha's brain calculated distance, timing, possible routes. Poti was still over an hour away, and every road might be watched or destroyed. But she couldn't think about that now. First, she had to get Dr. Asadi out of the immediate danger. "We can't stay here," Natasha said. "The next strike will hit closer." Dr. Asadi coughed. "We need to get somewhere save." Natasha didn't reply. Instead, she scanned the alley, spotting a set of cellar doors half-buried behind a collapsed awning. She ran to them, tested the latch, it gave. "Here. Help me." Dr. Asadi hesitated. "A cellar? What if it...?"

"Those are overground bombs, they are targeting the city not the underground. As far as i know Samtredia doesn't have any underground tunel system so bunker bombs wouldn't work." The argument ended there. Together they forced the doors open and scrambled inside, descending into cool darkness that smelled of earth and mildew. Natasha pulled the doors shut above them, plunging them into near blackness. For a long time, the only sound was their breathing and the distant, rhythmic thud of bombs. Dr. Asadi sat down on the dirt floor, clutching his knees to his chest. "You think they'll stop soon?" Natasha crouched beside him, listening. "They'll stop when they've hit what they came for." "That's comforting." Natasha huffed softly. "Didn't mean it to be." The next minutes, or maybe hours, blurred together. Each explosion made the walls tremble, dust raining from the beams above. Natasha sat close to the door, one hand resting on the pistol under her jacket, counting seconds between the strikes. Dr. Asadi shivered despite the heat.

Another boom rattled the air. Natasha shifted closer, scanning the faint light seeping through the cracks above them. The explosions were getting fewer, further apart. The jets had passed. When quiet finally settled, it was almost worse than the noise. Natasha opened the cellar doors a crack. Smoke rolled over the fields, and the sky had gone an ugly red-gray. The town they'd passed through was burning. "Come on," she said, offering Dr. Asadi a hand. "We have to move before they start again." He took her hand, her palm slick with sweat. When he climbed out, he stopped short, staring at the devastation. Houses leveled, cars torn apart. The air shimmered with heat. "God..." Natasha scanned the street. The truck was gone, half-crushed under rubble. They'd need another vehicle. "Stay close," she ordered. They moved quickly through the ruins, keeping low. A man shouted somewhere nearby, and Natasha instinctively grabbed Dr. Asadi and pulled him behind a wrecked van. A group of armed civilians ran past, shouting in Georgian, their faces tight with panic. "They're looking for Russians," Natasha whispered. "We are Iranian and Ukrainan, right." "Just travelers," Natasha said. "If anyone asks."

They crept along the edge of the road until Natasha spotted what she needed: a half-destroyed garage with a line of abandoned vehicles. One of them, a dark green UAZ, still looked intact. She tried the door. Locked. Natasha glanced around, then drew a thin piece of wire from her sleeve. "One minute," she said, kneeling. Dr. Asadi stared, incredulous. "You're hotwiring a car?""I'm borrowing it." "From a war zone?" Natasha's lips curved slightly. "They won't miss it." The engine coughed to life. Dr. Asadi jumped. Natasha climbed in, motioning for him to do the same. "Seatbelt," Natasha said. "Now you care about seatbelts?" "Humor me." They drove through the burning outskirts of the city, past the craters and the rubble, until the smoke thinned and the countryside opened again. The world was painted in orange light, the sun low behind them. For a long time, neither spoke.

Behind them, the city burned smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror. Ahead, the road to Poti stretched on, empty, endless, uncertain. The sky darkened. The first stars came out. Natasha rolled her shoulders, keeping her senses sharp. "We'll make it before dawn," she said. Dr. Asadi asked nodded. "And then? We missed the ferry." "Then we reevaluate." Natasha said. "We'll figure it out." Dr. Asadi gave a weary laugh. Natasha looked at him, at the soot on her face, the tremor in his hands, and said quietly. The wind picked up as they drove north, carrying with it the distant echo of sirens and the faint smell of smoke.

***

Arriving in Poti it was the dead of night. Natasha parked the car at the harbour and got out. The ferry that went to Warna was gone. The next one left in the afternoon on the next day. Natasha noticed a bunch of weird people lurcking around the docks. She couldn't know for sure, but Maria did say that there would be groups trying to catch them and now that they had spent an entire day in that cellar, they were behind on scedule. She needed to get Dr. Asadi out as fast as possible. Steal a boat? No. Lets stay in legal ways. She took Dr. Asadi to a corner and asked him to hide in there. "I will find us a different passage." She handed him a gun. "There are weird men around. It's for your protection. I am not sure they are sent to get us but better safe than sorry." "I am not a good shot." "Doesn't matter. I'll be right back."

She hid in the shadows climbing up a small cabin. She layed flat on her stomach listening to the two men down. They were speaking russain. "New orders. The General Vernov wants him dead." General Vermov was from the KGB. "What? I thought we weren't to kill the scientist under any circumstances." "No. They rather want him dead than in their hands." "Copy that. Is he still traveling with that woman?" "Yes. They have fake IDs. But she is a SHIELD Agent." crawled of the cabin carefully. She landed quietly and ran back to where she left Dr. Asadi. "They are definatly after us. We need to get out of here."

Chapter Text

Natasha thought about them men, they were KGB, but her name hadn't fallen. Should she risk it. She quickly formulated a plan in her mind. The Red Room was gone, but she was sure there were still Ex-widows working for the KGB. Her red hair could become a problem, but she was a master at manimulation. "Make your way up north. Take the car and meet me there. I'll get us a passage."

She put her hair down and opened her shirt a little. Then walked up to the men and started speaking in russian. And old KGB recognition phrase and she had them. They let her in. Swooning over her. Offering her something to drink, telling her all they knew about the SHIELD Agent and the scientist. Natasha added some coments herself. Like the bombing in the small town and that she lost the Agent there, but she knew she was planing on getting on a boat here. Then seeding the idea. Making them get to their own realization, to make it seem like it was their idea, that going up north by boat was smart. Praising them. Giving them smiles and blinking her eyes. Men were so easy.

On the boat she made quick process with them. She was able to take two men out quitely before on noticed, but before he could sound alarm, he was already hitting the cold water of the black sea. It wasn't too far out, an agent should easily be able to swim to shore, but when he made it she'd already be far far away. The last two were easy. She could have taken them out on land, but by making them trust her, she could do it much easier and quieter and by doing it on the boat meant they couldn't call for backup.

Natasha quickly guided the boat into the bay, where Doctor Asadi was waiting for her. "Lets go."

A static crackling came through a radio on the floor. It was russian. Natasha held her hand up to listen. "They know we planed to get to Warna. They are waiting." Since that is where the ferry went it was the most logical place for them to go now. "I am going to call a friend of mine." Natasha said. Dr. Asadi nodded. "I stole some food. Help yourself." Natasha had sneakily stolen some rations out of the cabin, the KGB Agents hadn't noticed at all. Dr. Asadi smiled. "Perfect. Do i want to know what you did with the Assasins?" "They are alive." Dr. Asadi nodded and took a bite out of something that resembled a protein bar.

***

"Mason". Rick Mason, her british contact, that couldn't help but flirt with her at all times. Natasha would have broken of contact so many times, but he was really good at getting her the stuff she needed and without him taking down the red room would have taken another three years. Over the time something like a friendship or atleast mutal toleration had developed. "Hey nice to hear your voice." Natasha rolled her eyes at the chipper british guy. She was cold and her clothes were dirty and wet and she just wanted to finish this mission. "Look i need...." "I wanted to talk to you. I got some intell about a widow." "A widow?" Natasha stopped in her tracks. "Yes. She has the same zappy things you used to have." "Widow bites." "Right. Well she was seen in Odessa, Ukraine. A contact of mine disapeared, but we found one of the widow bites." Natasha had worried that the widows she freed weren't all of them. Lots of widows didn't work directly for the Red Room anymore and getting the personal assasine of politicians, mafias and government agencies out was a much bigger ordeal. "Okay. I'll meet you in Odessa. Can you get me a car or something that is going to get me over the Rumanian and the Bulgarian border. And fake IDs. I need to get to Sofia." "I can do that." "I'll send you fotos over right now. It's me and a guy i need to get over." "Yes, maám." Mason said and Natasha could hear him saluting to her over the phone. "I'll write it on your tab, love" "Yeah, sure whatever."

***

Natasha steared the boat through the night. The sun was rising slowly and glazing everything in a soft orange light. She pulled her clothes tigher around herself. She hadn't slept in god knows how long, but she couldn't risk it. Dr. Asadi was sleeping soundly on a bench.

***

They got of the boat a little outside Odessa. Natasha rigged it to autopilot back around the Krim Peninsula to stop in Sewastopol. Leaving it here was too much of a giveaway and there were still KGB agents on the boat. So she didn't want to dispose of it. Unfortunatly there was still the chance that the boat colided with another ship during it's course, but Natasha thought that if the KGB Agents were any good, they'd get out of their cuffs as soon as they left and stear the boat. Hopefully not fast enought to come back and chase them though.

Natasha waved a Taxi down and asked to take them to an adress close to where Mason had told her in perfect Ukranian. "How many languages do you speak?" Dr. Asadi asked her in Farsi." Natasha didn't answer. She raked her brain as to how to pay the taxi. She didn't have any Ukrainian money in the firstplace as they didn't plan on going to Ukraine, but all her cash got blown up with their car in the bombing anyway. Thats when Dr. Asadi pulled some money out of his coat. "The agents from the boat had it." He said and Natasha smiled. "Perfect." They payed the taxi and waited for it to drive away. It was just a short walk over to the savehouse, but Natasha was beyond tired. Dr. Asadi didn't look any better.

***

"Ah if it isn't my favorite red haired russain assasine." Mason said opening the door to Natasha and Dr. Asadi. "Be quiet." Natasha hushed and pushed Mason away to step inside. "No Hello for your favorite mercinary?" "You aren't my favorite mercinary." "No?" "No. Maybe top 5." "Ow. That hurts, love." "Yeah. What ever. Is there a shower at this place?" "There is. Hot water even, but not endless." Natasha nodded. "Doctor, Why don't you go take a shower, while i talk to Mason." Dr. Asadi nodded. "Thank you so much for everything so far. I am so greatful." "We are not done yet, Doctor. We still have about a 15 hour drive infront of us. So much can go wrong." "Don't jinx it, Agent. I have no doubt you will get me there save." "Thats my job." "There are some fresh clothes in the bathroom, Doc." "Thank you, Sir." Dr Asadi left and Mason took Natasha over to a small sofa. "So this is the what did you call it, widow bite?" "Yes." Mason handed it to her and Natasha checked all the things she knew about those. At the Red Room them made them asemble and disaseble weapons all the time, so Natasha could easily tell when a weapon was of Red Room origin or a copy and this one was not. It was definatly a original widow bite. "This doesn't mean that this was actually a widow though. Someone could have stolen or bought the weapon." "True." Mason agreed. "But it's worth looking into. Thank you." "Your welcome, love. Now tell me what is your mission and when did it go off the rails." "Classified." "Wow. Seriously?" "Yes. Absolutly." "Great." Mason leaned back on the couch. "Okay. So anything else. What about the ol'bird boy?" "What about him?" "You and him finally hit it off?" Mason smiled cheakily. Natasha pulled her nose up. "No. Ew. He is not..." "Okay. Well, then why don't i take you out?" Natasha chuckled. He tried everytime they met. "Mason, I told you again and again. No." "Okay. I accept your no today, but i will try again." Mason smiled. That was something Natasha very much appreciated about Mason. He always accepted her no. He my be somewhat pushy and over the top, but he never made her do anything. Her no meant no and Natasha didn't have to fear that he would stop their professional relationship or give her faulty intel or ware. He was just a hopeless romantic and Natasha though it was quite funny at times, how he just couldn't see that she was absolutly not interested in him. At all.

"So what about you?" Natasha opened a bottle of water and emptied half of it in one swing. "What about me?" Mason asked. "Any attention worthy contacts?" "Are you asking if i'm dating anyone?" "Yes. Or you know what ever?" "Nope. I have been traveling so much, there is not much time." "The life of a Merch." "I wouldn't have it any other way." "And you?" Up until this point Natasha hadn't thought about Maria at all. The kiss felt so long ago and all that had happend during that mission had taken her entire focus, that she didn't really have time to think about Maria, but now. Her face however stayed blank. She had learned a long time ago, not to let her thoughts show on her mimic. "Noone." "Nope. I have been working a lot and relationships within SHIELD aren't allowed. Atleast if you aren't the same rank and that is hard, with all the turnover. I haven't really had time to go out and meet people. But i don't mind. I don't have time for relationships." "We are pathetic." Mason said, opening two bottles of beer for them. "Beer?" Natasha wanted to shake her head, but she knew they had to take a break. They were somewhat save for now. She needed at least a few hours of sleep and one beer wouldn't hurt. "Sure." "Cheers. To being pathetic loosers ihn the romantic department." Mason said holding his up. "Cheers." Natasha said, thinking about Maria.

***

After Natasha took a shower, Mason left. He handed Natasha the keys to a car and told her where to find it. In an envelope he had different IDs. It was early afternoon, so Natasha decided they'd leave in the early morning tomorrow. They had some food and got some sleep. It wasn't good sleep, Natasha always listened to any noise that could tell her there was someone comming, but it was some sleep after all.

They found the car and started their drive. The sun was rising and the streets of Odessa were actually really beautiful. After an hour they left the city and went down along the coast. The scenerey was nice and calm. They listened to the radio. Soft music comming through. It was nice. Dr. Asadi told Natasha about his late daughter. Who died as a child. She was severely disabled and only survived until her fifth year of life. "But she was so full of joy. So happy. She would smile and sometimes even laugh when i came home from work. She would wiggle her arms and her eyes. Her beautiful brown eyes. I miss her so much. She would be about your age now, if she made it." "I'm so sorry." Natasha said looking over at the man. "It's fine. She taught me so much. How to live so free and happy. How to enjoy every moment." "Everyone needs someone like that?" "You got someone like that?" "My sister." Dr. Asadi smiled. "Sisters are wonderful. I always wanted a baby sister, but i never had one. Are you and your sister close?" "Not really. We were seperated as children. I was 11 she was 6. I found out a few weeks ago, that she is dead." "Oh, i am so sorry." Dr. Asadi looked down at the floor. "That is horrible." Natasha nodded. "If there is a heaven, then i am sure, my daughter and your sister are best friends." Natasha gave a quick smile. "I'm sure they are."

***

The rode around a cliff when it all went downhill. A clicking sound, a screach and then... "The stearing wheel. I lost controll. Someone .... Shit." Natasha cursed. Triing to get the car to stop rushing towards the edge of the cliff. "Doctor brace yourself." There was not enough time to roll out of the vehicle or do anything else. They just flew over the cliff. The impact was sudden and painfull. The airbags inflated pressing all the air of Natashas lungs. She gasped. "You need to hold your breath doctor. I am going to smash the window in, so water flows in. Once the car is full i can open the door and we can swim out." "I'm not a good swimmer." "It's okay i got you." "Why don't you open the door right away." "Well the pressure from the water is too much. We need to have the same pressure inside as outside, then i can open the door. Ready?" Natasha wrapped her jacket around her ellbow and smashed the window.

Water streamed it at an alarming rate. "Hold your breath." Natasha screamed and then grabbed the scientists arm. She slammed her feet against the door succesfully opening it. Her mind was blank fully focused on getting Dr. Asadi out. She had underestimated how deep the black sea was. Her lungs were burning and her head was threatning to explode. The water was ice cold and Dr. Asadi was alread passed out. But she pushed on. Swimming up to the light. Her eyes stung from the salt. Her fingers were numb. Then finally the broke through the water. Finally air in Natashas lungs. They felt like they were on fire. The shore was just couple dozen meters away. So she grabbed Dr. Asadi tighter and began swimming them to the shore. She pulled him onto the sand, coughing and spitting out sea water. She pushed herself up, but her arms buckled under her.

Finally she could get her barings again, she turned to the scientist. "Doctor. Doctor." She felt his pulse, very shallow and checked his breathing. Nothing. "Shit." She started compressions and blew air into his mouth. After a few minutes Dr. Asadi started coughing. Her gaged and spitt up a lot of water, but he was breathing again. "Dr. Asadi?" He nodded, too weak to move. Natasha pulled him further up the beach, to get him fully out of the water and took his coat and shoes of. She had stripped her own shoes of in the water, to be able to swimm better. It was far to cold to be in wet clothes, but taking them off was not an option either. They had no shelter, only a few wet sticks that surely wouldn't make a fire. The small beach was fully surrounded by steep cliffs. 10 meters or more meters high. Natasha was positive she could climb them, but not in her current state, or with Dr. Asadi. It was not an option. He kept looking worse. His chest heaved as if breathing was a much too big effort. Natasha knew that technically men had an advantage when it came to hypothermia, but not Dr. Asadi. He was in his late fiftys, while mostly healthy not the fittest and definatly not used to cold climates and also probably exhausted from the days prior. She saw his eyes droop close. "Doctor. Open your eyes. Keep them open." "I'm really tired." "I know me, too. But you can not sleep jet. Please Keep talking to me." "About what?" "I don't know." Natasha raked her brain. "Okay. Well think about this. My boss kissed me. My best friend and her are friends and thats how i got to know her and i really like her, but she is my boss and so i pushed my feelings down. But she asked me to get drinks and it was so nice. Fun, lighthearted. I thought though because she is my boss, it was just as friends. Our employer doesn't like when people of different rank date. But then when we walked home she kissed me and we weren't able to talk about it before i was sent on this mission. What do i do with that?" Natasha just blurted it out. Her brain was also not working super well right now.

She was probably also very hypothermic and unwell, so her guards were down at least a little. She also forgot that Dr. Asadi came from a not were queerfriendly country. But that made him perk up a little atleast. "Oh well if she doesn't want to be with you she is a fool." He then said. Natasha let out a breath and chuckled. "She is probably struggling with the same thing as you are. That she likes you, but she is your boss and she doesn't want to overstep. You should have a converstation with her. But if you love her, tell her and everything else will work out." Natasha smiled slightly. "Thank you. Keep talking." She got up and collected the sticks that were the furthest away from the shore. They were somewhat dry, that gave her hope that it wasn't curently tide and the water would flood them in a few hours. She brought them over to where Dr. Asadi was sitting against the stone wall. It was at least somewhat shielded from the wind. Natasha sticked a few sticks in the ground and hung up their wet jackets. They wouldn't keep them warm, but maybe shield some more wind off. "Love is weird. I was once in love with one of my co workers. We worked on a project together. It was years ago. I just finished medical school. Times weren't as they are now. I mean Iran is very backwards still, but even in other parts of the world... I wasn't brave enough to tell him. I regret it every day of my life. I met my wife and i did love her. Very much. But it wasn't the same." "I'm very sorry to hear that." "Me, too. Don't wait until it's too late. Don't make the same mistake i did."

She placed the rest of the sticks on the floor and took out her phone. The SHIELD sat nav was gone with the car, but her throwaway phone, she kept in her bra had made the trip. It was destroyed beyond repair, but she had learned a thing or two from a few other agents. She smashed the phone with a rock and took out the battery. She stripped a few wires and then grabbed a couple of smaller sticks. The wires and the battery sparked. But the sticks didn't catch fire. She tried again. Nothing. "Damn it." Dr. Asadi's lips were blue and Natasha knew her own probably didn't look any better. She took her knive out of the holster on her hip and scraped some wood into more kindling. Then finally the sparks caught on and the sticks started burning. "Yes." Dr. Asadi gave her a tired smile. "Don't fall asleep. We need to warm up. Take your clothes off. Wet clothes pull heat much faster. She did the same. Sitting next to the flame in just her bra and underwear. The fire was small but burned warm and soon Natashas fingers had some feeling again. Dr. Asadi looked a little better aswell.

Then she found it. A tiny chip. "Leopold Fitz." She murmured and grinned. Dr. Asadi looked over to her. "What is it?" "A colegue of mine seems to have put a chip into my phone. It's an emergency beacon." "Okay? Can we call for help?" Natasha nodded. "I think..." She thought for a moment. "Okay so all agents have a subdermal chip. But you can not track them with it. It is only when the Agent activates it with their sat nav and their fingerprint, that the tracker works and that usually means the agent needs extraction. It's for emergencies. Our sat nav now lives on the bottom of the black sea. Too far out to get it. But if we can conect my chip with this chip. It should ping up and they should get our location." "Okay. How do we do it?" "You need to cut the chip out of me." Natasha said taking a deep breath. "It's in my shoulder." Dr. Asadis eyes grew wide. "I'm not that kind of doctor. I only ever used a scalpel on dead bodys... If ever." "Thats good, we don't have a scalpel. We have this." She handed him her knife. He shook his head. "Please. I promise you, i've been through worse." "That is not very comforting." He had thought so though. Seeing the scars that littered her body. Natasha handed him the knife. He nodded.

Natasha showed him where the chip was. He could feel it with his fingers. Natashas body shivered. She had to take a deep breath. She trusted Dr. Asadi. Well not trused... but she was sure he wouldn't ever touch her inapropriatly, but right now sitting infront of him in her underwear, him touching her shoulder. Her body reacted. Her heart beat faster her mind fogged. She shook out her hands and grabed her semi dryied shirt to cover herself a little bid. "Are you okay?" Dr. Asadi asked. "I'm fine. Just do it." Dr. Asadi cut into her shoulder and Natasha had to bite back a scream. She tightend her lips together and let her mind go blank, like she had so many times, when she endured pain.

The sound of fabric ripping pulled her out of her trance. Dr. Asadi was tearing up his shirt. He pressed it into the cut and warapped it around her arm. "It's bleeding quite a bid." "Thats fine. It'll stop soon." Natasha stood up, when suddelny there was a sound, like the sound a gun makes, when it has a silencer on. And pain bloomed in her stomach. When she fell to the floor, all she could see, through their makeshift walls of jackets was a figure. Dark. Holding a gun. His face was covered. His dark long hair swaying in the wind. The shine of the moon got mirrored in something silver that covered his arm. Or maybe it was his arm...A red star on it.

AN: There will be one more chapter, and then a short hiatus, because i want to finish my Agents of Shield My Version and post that, and i also have uni stress. But don´t worry i will continue.