Chapter Text
Ward leans forward, arms folded on the counter. The little base where they’re staying is cold, the heating’s not working too great. Skye is shivering, and complaining as she tries to cook something for the two of them. Ward doesn’t really plan to eat it, too nervous with everything going on. Other S.H.I.E.L.D. members that have already been vetted are coming to them. They’ve been on the run since everything happened, but Ward has a bad feeling. His stomach has been in knots, his chest feeling a little tight, like he knows something bad is going to happen. His muscles hurt from the cold, but he doesn’t move.
He watches Skye hopping around the kitchen in his jacket, stirring the already burnt rice she has in a pot on the stove. An alarm starts ringing through the halls, and Ward stands. It’s not loud, or flashy.
Probably not a priority, but he still turns to Skye and says, “I’ll be back. I’m going to see what that’s about.”
She nods, pouting. Ward walks to the front door, knowing that Coulson was working there a few hours ago. There’s no one there, though it’s even draftier, which means the door was open recently. Ward starts wandering through the halls, searching for anyone who knows what the alarm was. It’s stopped by now, but he still wants to confirm that everyone is ok since that feeling won’t leave him. The base is quiet, as it always is. So Ward listens out for anyone speaking, but it’s still almost fifteen minutes before he finds them.
Hushed talking from the lab pulls him in that direction, thinking he can talk to Fitz and Simmons before moving on even if it is just them in there. Everyone is in there aside from Skye and May. There are even the new people they were expecting. Fitz turns as soon as he walks in, his eyes wide and scared.
“What’s wrong?” Ward asks, looking around for the threat scaring Fitz. But then he realizes that for the first time, he’s not looking to Ward for help, he’s looking at Ward like that.
“Ward,” Simmons whispers, stepping forward.
But Coulson grabs her arm. “They’ve accused you of working with Hydra. They gave us evidence. Do you have anything you want to tell us?”
Ward looks between them, confusion painting his face. “No, wait.”
“Tell us it’s not true,” Fitz says.
Ward turns to the newcomers, eyes narrowing. He tries to remember if he’s seen them, or knows why they would say that.
“Ward, say something,” Coulson demands.
“It’s not true!” Ward snaps back, stress making it come out angrier then he intended. He’s so confused, none of this makes sense.
“There was a video of you killing S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, and another one of you admitting to it over the phone,” Fitz says, his voice low.
“Show me. I didn’t do that.”
Fitz reaches over Coulson to restart the video on the screen behind him. It shows Ward talking on the phone, leaning against the wall, posture casual. He’s talking about a mission for Hydra, or at least that’s what it sounds like, but Ward vaguely remembers this. It was during an off period for the team when they were at a base, but he doesn’t remember what he was talking about.
“It’s faked. That hardly even sounds like me,” Ward says, his own words ringing in his ears.
His vision is starting to spin a little, and he has to grab the chair beside him. All of the strangers in the room flinch away at his sudden movement. Fitz starts the second clip, and Ward’s stomach turns. It’s him, shooting people that had been nearby when they found out about Hydra. He didn’t tell them that they were attacked, knowing it would break Fitz, Simmons, and Skye’s hearts that he had to kill people they had worked with. He briefly mentioned it to May, but hadn’t said much else.
It seemed like a small burden to bear, but he suddenly realizes how many he’s picked up trying to protect everyone around him. And he’s still failing. Now they’re looking at him like he’s a monster. He’s been taking on every mental and physical load he can to stop them from having to take it, but it’s not enough. They don’t believe him, don’t trust him.
“That happened, but… they were Hydra, not me. I was trying to… keep you all safe.”
“You have to do something. Don’t give him time to switch up on you,” one girl around Skye’s age cries.
Ward glares at her, and so does Coulson.
“So you’re admitting to killing them?” Fitz asks.
Ward nods. “I did. I even told May about it, but I was doing what I had to.”
“I knew them. I was in school with them. They were good people, they weren’t Hydra,” Fitz says, shaking his head.
“And I am?”
Simmons steps forward then, laying a hand on Ward’s arm. “That’s not what we’re saying.”
Fitz grabs her, pulling her close to him before she can say anything else. “Jemma!”
“Ok, until we can confirm or deny, we’ll have to keep you in one of the cells,” Coulson says, his voice tinged in worry. It’s clear he thinks that Ward will snap, try to kill them.
But he takes it, just like he takes everything. He nods. “Ok, fine. But ask May.”
“I’ll talk to May, but for now, come with me.”
Simmons elbows Fitz.
“What if he’s being controlled?” Fitz whispers, clearly unaware that Ward can hear him anyway.
He shudders, following behind Coulson. He can feel his mind starting to detach from his body, the disassociation hitting him hard like a sack of bricks.
They’re both quiet as they walk, but as he steps into the cell, Coulson speaks. He’s quiet, hard to hear past the roaring in Ward’s ears, “We’ll figure this out. This is temporary.”
Ward nods, dropping into the corner of the cell. He puts his head between his knees, focusing on his breathing as Coulson’s footsteps disappear. The last time he was locked up by someone he looked up to was when he was a child, and it’s all he can do to stop the memories from flooding back. Until he can’t anymore, then all he can see is his father. The closet, the chest, the basement, all of the places he was shoved into and locked. Breathing becomes practically impossible, and his heart is hammering, something that seems to be happening more and more recently. Then everything fades away into black. Coming back to consciousness is hard, but he can hear someone calling his name when he does.
“Ward!”
He perks up, turning to look at Simmons through blurry eyes. His body aches.
“Why are you on the floor? Are you ok?”
Ward nods, not wanting to admit to having a panic attack and passing out. He can feel something around his neck, hands reaching up to it as soon as he notices. It’s sleek metal.
“What is this?” he asks.
“They put a collar on you. It’ll shock you if you get out of the cell. Apparently they found more damning evidence. Those awful people insisted on the collar. I think it’s insane…”
“Do Fitz and Coulson know you’re down here?” Ward asks, surprisingly desensitized to being collared like a wild animal.
“No. Be honest with me, what’s going on?”
Ward sighs. “I don’t know. I didn’t do anything. I was thrown off, and didn’t know what to say earlier. But I still don’t know what’s happening.”
Simmons nods. “Well, in that case, I’m going to help get you out of here.”
Ward nods, not truly believing her. After all, everyone betrays him eventually, why would she be any different?
“Ok, I’m going to talk to Skye. I’ll see you later, I promise I’ll be back,” Simmons says.
Ward nods, letting his eyes droop closed again. He falls asleep with dread in his stomach, wishing he either wakes up to find it had all been a dream, or doesn’t wake up at all.