Archive of Our Own ^beta

All three of them used to be in the same music program in college. Till, Mizi, and Ivan. Ivan was Till's roommate and Mizi lived a floor below them. As much as Till hated to admit it, Mizi was always more Ivan’s friend than Till’s. He’d always been too nervous around her. His cheeks would glow red, his eyes would stay on the ground, and he'd stutter over his words.

Usually, she would invite Ivan to hang out, and then Ivan would bring Till with them. The two of them would laugh at something together while sharing snacks or playing a board game, and Till would feel like an outsider while watching them. Ivan and Mizi were two of the most beautiful people on the planet, and Till was just Till. 

It was clear from the beginning Mizi was meant to be a star. She was radiant. Her smile. Her laugh. The way she managed to fill everyone with joy. Till was like a moth to a flame. He couldn’t look away. Her presence encapsulated everything around him. Till would do anything to be a part of her happiness. After graduation, he was too shy to reach out to her, so he figured the best support he could give was from the sidelines.

When she debuted as an idol, Till downloaded her first song and played it on loop everywhere. Ivan joked that he’d heard it so much he could probably sing it backwards. When she dropped her first batch of merchandise (a graphic t-shirt, a paper fan with her signature, and a pink light stick) he’d preordered them the second the official social media accounts posted the link. He bought all the variants of her first album when it physically released. He even ran a fan account that was fairly popular. 

Ivan was surprisingly encouraging about the whole thing. Yeah, he'd tease Till constantly about his encyclopedic knowledge of Mizi's discography, but Ivan would also buy him posters and photocards all the time, smiling when Till gave him thank you hugs.

The only issue was that he’d never seen her live. He was jealous of the other fan accounts that got to post videos of her concerts, even if they had nosebleed seats. Her voice probably sounded amazing live. His insides practically boiled alive whenever he saw people actually get to MEET her. She'd always have a bright smile on her face as fans took photos or gave her handmade gifts.

Even though he was a former classmate of hers, he never got her undivided attention before. 

“I want to see her perform so bad,” Till grumbled, head resting against Ivan’s shoulder. The two of them were riding the subway together and Ivan had been dealing with his complaints the whole ride.

"You lose another giveaway, didn't you?" asked Ivan, teasing smirk on his face. Till kicked Ivan’s leg, making him laugh.

“Seriously, Ivan, I’d kill to see her perform. But the tickets are so damn expensive, especially all the good ones.”

“Maybe I can help you find some tickets.”

That got Till’s attention. Ivan had always been good at finding some of Mizi’s rarer merch, maybe he could find cheap concert tickets. 

“You mean it? You really mean it?”

“Of course! I know how happy she makes you.”

Till tackled Ivan with a crushing hug and nuzzled himself into his chest. He could feel the vibrations of Ivan’s laughter against his cheek.

It didn’t take Ivan that long to find tickets either. Within a week, Ivan was waving two tickets in front of Till’s eyes. And not just any tickets. Ivan somehow managed to find deluxe tickets that included a free exclusive shirt, free light sticks, and a fan meetup with Mizi after the show.

The two of them were eating lunch together in a small, quiet restaurant when Ivan broke the news. It was nearly empty, so the pair were able to snag a bigger round table near the back. 

“Ivan, how the fuck did you get these?! How did these not cost you a whole kidney?! What the fuck?!” Till said, voice giving away his disbelief.

Ivan grinned wickedly and poked his own cheek. “Can my reward be a kiss?”

Till wasn’t actually paying attention. The shock had taken over. He was going to see Mizi perform live! He was going to talk to Mizi! Maybe he could even shake her hand. If he touched her hand, he’d die instantly.

Once the shock had worn down, Till asked, “Ivan, really, how did you get these tickets? Please tell me you didn’t have to spend a small fortune or something.”

Ivan was still smiling like he had a secret, “Actually, I didn’t pay for these at all.”

Till swirled his straw around, “Did you win a giveaway? Did you have to trade something?”

Ivan’s wicked grin didn’t dim. Till took a sip of his drink as Ivan leaned closer, like he didn’t want others to hear, “I fucked her security guards.”

Till started choking.

₩1,500,000 for each ticket.  ₩3,000,000 in total. ₩1,000,000 for each security guard he fucked. 

Ivan knew he had an evil grin on his face. This was the easiest con he ever pulled. He even got them to pay for the love motel.

Mizi was easily one of the most beloved solo idols in this current generation, so it was pretty easy to identify her security guards. At first, he just wanted to try and get 1 ticket for Till through one guard, but when the guard brought up giving him 2 if he slept with him and the other guards, he couldn’t turn it down. 

Ivan loved the look Till got when listening to Mizi, talking about Mizi, or when Ivan gave him a new piece of merch. It was a look of pure joy. Of pure love. Ivan wanted it cemented in his mind forever. He wanted to earn it anyway possible.

Anyway, not much to say about the actual night. Instead of all at once, they took turns. They weren’t romantic, but they weren’t unkind. It was professional. Transactional. Ivan didn’t remember their names and all their faces blurred. They served their purpose. 

Till’s reaction to the tickets didn’t disappoint. The look of outright shock on his face was completely new. Ivan filed it away in his brain under Favorite Till Expressions. Till almost looked like he’d start vibrating.

But then there came the reaction to how Ivan got the tickets. Ivan thought his plan was clever. He’d gotten 2 tickets worth ₩3,000,000 for free! He thought Till would burst out laughing or get angry at him for doing something so reckless.

But a second new expression came over Till’s face. One that Ivan didn’t like.

It was like a light switch in Till was turned off. All the happiness and excitement in him had been drained out. His face went blank. His smile fell. His eyes glazed over. It was like the news did didn’t register at all. No, that wasn’t right. It was like the news had broken something. Ivan had no clue how to handle this. He wanted the excitement back.

“They’ll give us the shirts when we get there. The design on them is supposed to be exclusive for this tour,” said Ivan. He was pretty sure he said something about the shirts already, but he had no clue how to deal with a shell-shocked Till.

“Oh…that’s awesome…” Till still looked a million miles away. His voice was oddly weak. 

“Come on, where’s that smile from earlier? Are you in shock over the tickets?”

“I mean, I’m in shock.”

Ivan threw an arm around Till, jostling him slightly. “We’ve also been entered into a raffle! I'm not sure what the prize is. Maybe it's more exclusive merch.”

“That’s cool.”

This was getting irritating. Ivan put a lot of work into this. 

“The show is this Friday night. I’ll drive us down and we can get some food together, does that sound good?”

Till nodded, eyes still distant, and that was the end of the conversation. Ivan felt cheated.

Till wanted to burn his free t-shirt. He didn't care that he could make decent money by selling it online, he wanted it destroyed right then and there.

The shirt was handed to him by security at the door, and Till wondered if this was one of the men before remembering he was probably just stadium security. An odd and unfamiliar paranoia had set in, and Till didn’t know what to do about it. Ivan having sex with Mizi’s security guards was a fact that kept jolting his heart like dose of electricity. It hurt. It hurt to think about, and he didn’t know why.

Maybe he was just protective of his friend? Yeah, that made sense. That was a pretty reckless thing to do. How many even were there? Did they care for him properly? Did they mistreat him? Was Till going to have to murder someone? Till’s desire to know if Ivan was alright warred with the pain of learning details about that night in any capacity.

Either way, Till knew two things.

He never wanted Ivan to see those men again.

And they were probably going to run into them at the concert.

The two of them had gotten some food before entering, and Till knew he was making a terrible date. He’d barely said anything or touched his food because of his nerves. Ivan had put his free shirt on in the bathroom, and it was slightly too small for him. It hugged his muscles and curves deliciously, and Till didn't know what to do with that observation. He also didn't want anyone else staring at Ivan's curves. 

“It’s about time to take our seats,” said Ivan, breaking Till out of his trance. Till realized too late that he'd been staring at Ivan's figure intensely. Thankfully, Ivan began leading Till by the arm without commenting on it.

The pair made their way towards the stage. Where security guards protected the perimeter.

Ivan dragged Till all the way to their seats in the front row. They were so close that Till would probably be able to see Mizi’s face up close once she came out. But right now he could only focus on the security guards lining the stage like Christmas lights.

Which of you bastards did it? I know you bastards are here, Till thought, surprised by his own aggression. Ivan did consent to it, but that didn’t stop Till from feeling angry about it. Those men took advantage of Ivan, and Ivan let himself be taken advantage of for him. Till hated that fact more than anything.

Till scanned their faces to see if any of them reacted. Till realized, with some dismay, that they were all taller and buffer than him. Till was a twig, but he was fairly tall. If he got into a fight things might turn ugly.

Till shook his head like that would cast off his violent thoughts. Again, he wasn’t quite sure where the urge to pick a fight came from. He gripped Ivan’s arm, causing Ivan to frown in confusion, but he didn’t pull away. Till again scanned all the men’s faces to see if he could find a flash of something. Jealous? Discomfort? Recognition? Lust?

Nothing. 

Now Till was getting offended on Ivan’s behalf. If he’d slept with Ivan, he’d make sure to sear every detail of that man’s body into his brain. He’d never act nonchalant around him again. Till took a drink from his water bottle to try and drown out the weird thoughts. They just kept coming.

“Till, are you sure you’re okay?” asked Ivan, eyebrow raised.

“Yeah. Totally. I’m doing great! Everything is normal up here,” Till tapped the side of his head with his water bottle to try and alleviate the tension. It didn’t work.

Then the lights suddenly dimmed.

Till was so relieved he didn’t have to look at the security guards anymore that he forgot to be excited for Mizi. The excitement came when she came on though. Her voice was as beautiful as he remembered. She songs were cheerful and bouncy, just like her. He got tons of good footage for his fan account. He looked over at Ivan to make sure he was having a good time, only to see Ivan was already staring at him.

“Aren’t you going to watch the show?” asked Till, worried his friend was bored.

“No, I’d prefer to watch you.”

“Why?”

“I love the look you have when you’re happy.”

A warm, fuzzy feeling spread through Till’s chest. Despite the excitement of Mizi’s concert this was the happiest he’d felt all night.

“Thank you for the tickets. I know I’ve been acting shitty this week. I’m glad we got to spend this time together.” 

Ivan smiled. A large, true smile. Ivan leaned close, and for a second, Till thought they’d kiss. But Ivan only said, “Me too, Till. I love every moment with you.”

When he pulled away again, Till felt a surge of disappointment. This night was confusing as hell.

“Thank you so much for coming everyone! I hope you all get home safely!” said Mizi as she waved while walking off stage.

The disappointment of the concert ending was overshadowed by the disappointment of Ivan not kissing him. Till figured he should probably start unpacking some stuff emotionally, when he remembered the meetup afterwards. 

He’d get to talk with Mizi.

And her security guards would be milling around. 

"I've got to go to the bathroom," said Till, walking away before Ivan could properly respond. He headed towards the bathrooms, but once he saw that there was a line he decided to keep walking. He walked until his feet started to hurt, and then he leaned himself against a wall.

A vision attacked him. A vision of Ivan kissing one of the security guards. Ivan's soft lips pressed against the man's greasy mouth. His long fingers caressed the man's ugly face. It didn't matter that Ivan didn't actually like the man, Till hated the guy with an unbridled passion.

Till had always known that Ivan was attractive. That was something that he assumed everyone knew. It was such common knowledge that it faded into the background of his mind. But this whole event brought that fact back to the forefront of his mind. Till was starting to notice the tininess of Ivan's waist, the smoothness of his skin, and other distracting features. 

This also brought on another realization. Till didn't like the idea of Ivan being someone else's. Till thought back to college. He'd always felt jealous when Ivan and Mizi laughed together. Originally, Till thought it was because he was jealous of Ivan. But looking closer, Till was actually probably jealous of Mizi. Ivan was his best friend. He was a permanent fixture in Till's life. The idea that someone could whisk him away was terrifying. 

Till wanted Ivan by his side forever. 

A buzz emitted from Till's pocket, so Till whipped out his phone to see a text from Ivan asking where he was. The meetup was about to start. Not caring about his sore feet, Till ran back to Ivan.

Ivan didn't question Till any further when he returned. He just gave Till a water bottle before they were directed to the backstage where they had to get into a queue. Again, no security guards seemed to pay them any mind. This made zero sense. If he’d slept with Ivan, he’d be heartbroken if he saw him with another man a week later. Then again, they did give him two tickets, so they had to know he was going to bring someone.

“Okay, Till, this is getting annoying. Tell me why you’re being weird.”

Till flinched. He must be acting weird if Ivan was being direct for once in his life.

“It’s just—“

“Hey, look who it is!” came a voice. What Till had been dreading was finally happening.

A security guard walked up to them casually, like his relationship with Ivan was normal.

Till’s stomach dropped.

“Oh, hey there…” said Ivan. Till could tell by the way his voice drifted off that he didn’t remember the man’s name. Till felt a twist of satisfaction.

“Did you enjoy the concert?”

“Definitely!” Ivan snuggled against Till’s arm. Till tried to shoot the man a smug grin, but his confidence waivered when he saw the man laugh.

“So it was all worth it then?” The man wagged his eyebrows and Till resisted rolling his eyes. 

“Yep!”

“Do you think you would do it again? Maybe if you want tickets to the next show—“

“He’s not interested,” Till interrupted. He squeezed Ivan’s hand like a stress ball.

“What’s your issue? I’m just offering him a special discount.”

The man had a weird gleam in his eye. That’s when it hit Till.

The man thought he didn’t know how Ivan got the tickets. 

“I won’t let your greasy hands on him again for a trillion won!” 

Then, without thinking, Till stepped out of line and started dragging Ivan away by the arm.

“W-wait, Till, your—"

“Hey, wait!” came a voice from behind them. Till turned to see Mizi chasing after them. When she reached them, she pulled them both into a warm hug. Till froze in place. 

She hugged him so casually, like they were friends. Till didn’t think she considered him a friend.

“I can’t believe the two of you came! It’s been so long!” Mizi pulled back to look the two of them over.

Till couldn’t form words, so Ivan answered, “yeah, it's been way too long, you were fantastic!”

Mizi beamed, “that means a lot coming from you, Ivan. You never give compliments like that. And how have you been, Till?”

“G-good!” 

“That’s great! I saw that you two were just about to leave, do you want to come back stage once this is all done? You can just wait over there.”

Mizi pointed in some vague direction, but Till wasn’t paying attention anymore. His desire to protect Ivan had won over his desire to spend time with Mizi.

Ivan started speaking, “Sure, we—“

“We have some place to be. I’m sorry, Mizi.”

Till was worried that he was being rude, but Mizi didn’t seem to mind. 

“That’s okay. I’ll just give you two my phone numbers and we can hang out some other day. I’ve missed the two of you. I miss the days when we would hang out as friends.”

Friends.

Mizi considered Till a friend. Till felt proud to have that label applied to their relationship, but it didn’t quite feel right applied to his relationship with Ivan. It felt like it watered something down. Mizi hugged them again and went back behind her booth, apologizing and thanking her fans for waiting. Till continued his mission of getting Ivan out of the building.

Once the cool night air hit their faces, Ivan yanked his hand away, “what the hell has gotten into you?”

Ivan never swore, it didn’t fit the princely image he tried to project.

“I’m sorry, I know you went to all that effort to get the tickets, but I just couldn’t be there anymore.”

“Why?”

Unsure of what else to say, Till decided on the truth.

“Because I don’t what the men you slept with near you.”

Ivan wasn’t expecting that. He could tell because for once he had nothing to say.

Ivan took a deep breath, “why? Why does that bother you?”

It turns out that there wasn’t that much to unpack. There was only one answer.

“Because I’m jealous of them. Because I don’t want them to ever look at you again. Because I’m worried they might have hurt you.”

Till took a risk and reached out to cradle Ivan's face. He didn’t pull away.

Till continued, “Because I don’t want you to do something like that for me ever again. Because I want you to stay by my side. Because—“

“Because because because, okay I get it!” Ivan’s face was as red as a cherry. Till had never seen his face look like that before. So adorable.

“I guess if you’re being honest, then I have to be honest too. I feel the same way. I want you to stay by my side. I want to protect you. I want to make you happy that’s why I got the tickets however possible. I thought you wouldn’t care. I thought you’d think I was clever.”

“I care. Deeply.”

Till mustered what confidence he had and took a risk. He pressed his lips to Ivan’s. Ivan squeaked in surprise and then leaned into it. The two of them melted together, their desperate, pathetic moans escaped with each breath they took. Till had never felt so blissful before. When they pulled away a string of saliva connected them together.

Till was already on a winning streak, so he decided to be bold once again, “I want you to take me to the love motel those men took you too. I’ll fuck you better than all three of them. I'll treat you right. I'll treasure you.”