Archive of Our Own ^beta

1998, Custer Grove High School, Georgia.

“And presenting next we have…” The teacher glanced down at the class roster she had sitting at her desk, going down the list of names to pick the next kid to present. She ran her pen down the side of the list, as she clicked her tongue quietly throughout, she stopped on the first name not crossed out. “Jonathan.” She said plainly and simply, being tired and no longer having the motivation to put more personality into her voice.

John froze in his seat and sucked in a breath nervously. He clutched the stapled together papers in his hands as he re-read the beginning over in his head one more time as he stood up. He remembers the excitement he felt when the project was first announced. The teacher had told them that they were going to do a presentation on their childhood heroes, anyone who had inspired them, gave them hope or guided them in some way. 

John had known the moment the words left her mouth that half the class would be doing a presentation on Captain America. Steven Grant Rogers, American hero—The American hero. He inspired everyone, brought hope to the people for a better future full of understanding and peace. Everyone and their moms had done a presentation on him for a “people who inspire you” prompt, John included.

Captain America had been who John had done a presentation on in his freshman year, John didn't like to think of himself as “nerdy” but when it came to Captain America he knew a lot. He didn't like to brag but he had done one of the most extensive and informative essays of the man from that year's group of freshmen. But despite all of that, when the teacher had announced the theme of the presentation, John knew he didn't want to do a presentation on Steve again.

That wasn't to say the man wasn't still his hero, he adored Captain America and basically modeled his life after the man, planning to join the army as soon as he graduated to save people and help just like he had, but John wanted to shine light on another hero who was too overlooked. Sargent James “Bucky” Barnes. 

He was as much of a hero as Steve Rogers was, having fought alongside the man and helping him lead the Howling Commandos into battle. He was a sniper and a damn good one at that. He was the only Howling Commando to ever give his life in service and yet he was so overlooked despite his sacrifices. John looked up to the guy almost as much as he looked up to Steve. Barnes wasn't “forgotten” by the world, not in the slightest, but in comparison to his best friend he was overshadowed too often, in John's opinion at least. 

He knew that everyone’s presentations were going to be about Captain America and John decided to take this as an opportunity to help bring light to the sacrifices of another hero who he knew wouldn't be mentioned much today aside from being referenced as a sidekick to Steve Rogers. John wanted to present him in his own light, as the hero and individual he was rather than reducing him to the sidekick but as he stood up from his desk with the papers in his hands he felt the rush of anxiety that almost brought him to his knees.

He clutched the papers so hard they gently wrinkled at the sides and his knuckles turned a pale shade of white. He felt his stomach churn and a cold chill tickle his spine. John didn't get anxious like this often, sure he got nervous, but so did everyone and yeah sometimes he'd get the jitters before one of the football games but what good Captain wouldn't? But now as he shuffled to the front of the classroom he felt almost dizzy with anxiety.

He stood at the front and glanced at the sea of his classmates, he realized– soul crushingly –that not a single person was paying any mind to him. Not a damn person cared. Well, that wasn't mortifying at all… John just wanted to sit back down and wallow in his embarrassment but he heard his teacher get everyone's attention and they all turned to stare at him. Some of them glared at him as if he himself was interrupting their conversations for having to take his turn to present. One kid scoffed and mumbled something to his friend who rolled his eyes. One girl went right back to writing in her notebook, paying no attention to John. 

He took a deep breath to calm his nerves and he noticed Lemar sitting in the back of the class as he looked up, Lemar threw him a thumbs up and a big smile, which in turn made John smile just a bit. He coughed awkwardly and fidgeted for just a minute before he started reading from his packet. “For my presentation, I wanted to talk about a hero who doesn't get as much recognition as he deserves. Someone overshadowed despite all his sacrifices and bravery, and that someone, is Sargent James Buchanan Barnes of the 107th infantry.”

He could see some eyebrows raise and the girl writing in her notebook glanced up. Most people assumed he'd do another presentation on Captain America, considering his small reputation for being a fanboy of the man. His teacher looked at him and tilted her head, not having heard anyone in the class– or any of her other classes that day –do a presentation on Sargent Barnes. John had to take another breath to steel his nerves before he could continue.

His throat felt like it was closing up and his hands were sweating beyond belief but he knew he could get through this if he just focused and breathed. He proceeded to go on and on, giving his presentation with as much enthusiasm as he could muster despite the panic attack that edged in the back of his mind the entire time. When he finished the presentation he let out a sigh of relief, feeling like he could breathe again without the pressure of messing it all up. He could vaguely hear his teacher praising him for the presentation but he couldn't focus much on it due to the intense relief that flooded his system.

He glanced at his classmates and most were either back to their conversations now that he'd finished talking or preparing to present their own projects in case they were called on next, but there was one person still paying all his attention to John and that was Lemar. He smiled brightly at him and nodded in approval with his thumb still up. John shuffled back to his seat and sat down next to Lemar who praised him for the project and lamented on how good it was while John relaxed after the anxiety attack he'd almost had.

————————

It was nice to have a team who would help him sort through all this bullshit.

John had recently visited with a distant family member on his mother's side and she'd given him a bunch of stuff his mom had kept for him. Old photo albums, a video camera with some childhood home videos, a shoe box of old essays and school assignments, things of that sort.

He had about three big boxes and a couple odd n’ in little boxes to sort through so the team decided they would all sit in the living room and help him go through them– team bonding experience –Alexei had called it.

As they were all going through the boxes, Yelena grabbed an old, tattered shoe box and opened it. Inside were stacks of papers, all with perfect grades and notes of praise written at the top. She ideally looked through them, being bored of the mind numbing process that was digging through boxes of stuff that smelled like a distant memory and placing stuff into piles to keep or donate or trash.

As she skimmed over some old assignments she found a small three paper packet in the box. "My childhood hero" was written at the top. ‘This should be fun’, she thought as she looked through it, expecting it to be about Captain America, expecting to tease Walker a bit and move on. 

What she didn't think she'd find is that at the top it read, ‘For my presentation, I wanted to talk about a hero who doesn't get as much recognition as he deserves. Someone overshadowed despite all his sacrifices and bravery, and that someone, is Sargent James Buchanan Barnes of the 107th infantry’. She smiled wide knowing she'd struck gold and nudged Ava before silently sliding her the paper.

Ava looked confused and raised an eyebrow suspiciously but looked down at the paper anyways, she read the first paragraph and her eyes widened and then her smirk matched Yelena's. She looked at Yelena and they both smiled an evil smirk at each other just as Bob glanced up from where he was sorting a bunch of old Disney VHS tapes.

“What are you two smirking about?” He asked as he tilted his head. At Bob's words, John and Bucky looked up from where they were arguing about if John should keep a photo album or trash it— “I would've been so appreciative to have photos of my childhood, John, you're so lucky and you're just gonna get rid of them?!” Bucky had argued valiantly but John was certain he was trashing it.

Alexei looked up too and smiled at the look on the girls faces. “You find old baby photos?” He asked as he slid over to see what had them smirking. Yelena held the packet in her hand and did an over dramatic cough to clear her throat before she began reading.

“My childhood hero, written by John Walker” she glanced up and could see the color drain from John's face and the way his eyebrows furrowed as he stared at her in mild horror. Bucky tilted his head, confused, but smirked nonetheless, also under the impression it was about Steve. Oh how wrong he was.

John stood up and moved across the room quickly attempting to take the packet out of her hands but she jumped up and crossed the room just as quickly whilst still reading from it. “For my presentation— she was cut off by John yelling at her to give it back —“I wanted to talk about a hero who doesn't get as much recognition as he deserves.” 

She was still running around the room as John chased after her, despite being a super soldier and being much faster than Yelena he was struggling to catch up due to all of the things scattered across the floor which she so easily traversed unlike John who had to slow down not to step on anything.

“Someone overshadowed despite all his sacrifices and bravery— “Yelena I’m serious, give it back!” —and that someone is Sargent James Buchanan Barnes of the 107th infantry.” She read it aloud to the room as John's face turned bright red and he finally caught up to her and snatched the packet from her hands. She just smiled at him innocently despite her previous actions. The room was quiet and tension was thick for just a minute before a voice broke through the overwhelming silence. 

“I was your childhood hero?”

John turned around and made eye contact with Bucky who looked genuinely surprised and… happy? ‘that can't be right.’ He had a soft smile gently forming on his face but John mentally assured himself that, no, Bucky was not in any way proud to be his childhood hero, he was making fun of John, same as the girls.

But… he had that same proud but stunned look on his face that Alexei got when Yelena used a move in battle he'd taught her. Hell, John had made that face before, when his son had said his first word–dada. He recognized that look, that quiet pride that hit you right in the gut in a way you weren't expecting.

Yelena just smirked and Ava giggled, Bob looked between John and Bucky like he was watching a ping-pong ball game and Alexei smiled at Bucky, proud for him? It was… odd. It was all too odd and vulnerable and John was not expecting to feel this way on a random Thursday afternoon because the team wanted to help him go through boxes of old stuff.

He grumbled out some snide remark to Yelena about how “stealing is wrong” and stormed over to the box of essays and snatched it up. He threw it into one of the big cardboard boxes and set the packet down so he could pick the box up. “Alright, enough is enough, Yelena ruined it for all of you, we're done here.” There was a chorus of booes and awes that followed that statement and a sarcastic, “Way to go, ‘lena” from Ava but John was firm in his decision to cut off the bonding time here.

To the team's credit they did help him move the boxes back into his room for later and Alexei started to loudly complain about dinner, Bob was suggesting lasagna while Yelena tried to persuade Alexei into driving them to some fastfood restaurant John didn't catch the name of.

As John walked back to the living room, planning on grabbing the essay off the table and bringing it back to his bedroom he noticed Bucky sitting quietly in the corner of the couch, he was holding a packet in his hand and he quietly read through it. John stopped in his tracks and watched the soft, genuine smile form on Bucky's face as he quietly read through it. He didn't make a big show of it, he didn't read it with the others, he was just quietly reading through the half assed essay John had wrote about him when he was 17.

John couldn't help but feel confused by the true smile Bucky had while he read it, John was embarrassed and confused and he couldn't understand why this seemed like it meant the world to Bucky. Bucky quietly set the packet down in the same spot on the table and wiped his face and John willed himself to believe that Bucky was just wiping his eye because it was itchy and not because he was crying over this stupid essay.

Bucky stood up and turned away from John and walked to the kitchen with the others, not having noticed John watching him. John quietly picked up the essay off the table and stared at it for a moment before he turned the pages and skimmed it, wondering why any of it would make someone emotional like that. His eyes caught on the last paragraph of the essay, the one he'd almost hadn't added to it, the one he was embarrassed to say but he felt needed to be added to the essay.

‘James “Bucky” Barnes was a hero, is a hero, he's as much of a hero as Steve Rogers, he's remembered for being Steve's best friend but I remember him for his bravery, his heroicness, and his inability to back down when it came to protecting the ones he loved. I model a lot of my life after the hero Steve Rogers was but I believe a lot of people, me included, would benefit from being more like Sargent Barnes. For being a hero who sacrifices themselves when it matters the most, to protect the ones they love even if it kills them.’

John almost didn't remember writing that part, and he blushed at the thought of Bucky actually *reading* that, but another part of him felt a small bit of pride, pride at being able to make Bucky feel proud of himself the same way John had been so proud of him all those years ago when he'd sat in his bedroom and wrote paragraphs about the kind of person Bucky had been.

The kind of hero Bucky had been.

The kind of hero Bucky is.