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The Great Fall, although a terrible time in human history for all those on Gunsmoke, came to be celebrated once humans got a decent foothold on the planet. While their lives were hard, crime was high, and average life expectancy was low, people still found reasons to live on. They clung to hope. So, each year, on the anniversary of the Great Fall, people celebrated being alive, rejoicing in the fact that the harsh elements of Noman's Land hadn't squashed them out. Life persisted and moved on. They drank, partied, and were overall much kinder to each other than they were any other time of the year.
After losing their map and Milly and Meryl’s GPS shitting out on them, Wolfwood, Vash, and the girls managed to find their way to the town of Creedence on the 156th anniversary of the Fall. It only took one look for them to gather that Creedence was one town keen on celebrating, and the prospect of a little fun greatly improved everyone's moods after wandering aimlessly for a couple of days. Paper streamers hung from store fronts, a live band played in the center of town, and many stalls had been set up in the street hosting games and selling specialty foods. It was a welcome change of pace, especially after Wolfwood and the girls had been getting used to the sort of welcome committee that Vash brought on (guns, pitchforks, and people ready to kill whoever they needed to claim Vash’s bounty).
Once they found an out of the way place to park their vehicles, the four entered the town together. It was a lot, but not in a bad way. In a way, the noise and the people, it gave Wolfwood the far off feeling of home, of Hopeland. He only wondered how long the good feeling would last. The neighborly feelings people felt towards each other only lasted the day, he figured it would be sped up if the people of Creedence realized they had Vash the Stampede and his $$60 billion bounty right under their noses. But he wasn’t going to worry about that. No, there wasn’t much use in worrying before the thing happened.
They stopped at a stand that was selling beer, and all of them but Meryl bought one.
“What’s the matter, princess?” Wolfwood grinned, pressing the cold metal can of his beer to the side of Meryl’s face just to see her jump. “Ain’t 21 yet?” He snickered.
Just as Wolfwood had anticipated, Meryl flinched and batted his hand away with a glare. “It’s the middle of the day! I’m on the clock-” She spun around on Milly, “So are you, Milly! You shouldn’t be drinking at all!”
Milly laughed, a foam mustache on her upper lip. “Sorry, Meryl. It’s just so hot out, I was really thirsty. Just one won’t hurt.” She licked away the foam and held out the can to Meryl. “Would you like some?”
Meryl eyed the can, lips pursed. “Fine,” She snatched it. “Just a sip.”
To no one’s surprise, ‘just a sip’ turned into Meryl finishing off the beer. While it did make Meryl less stressed, her small size made the alcohol (however little there was) go straight to her head. Since he was hungry and swore he could smell donuts in the air, Vash offered to go take Meryl to get some water and something to eat so she wouldn’t be drunk on an empty stomach. That left Wolfwood and Milly to explore the celebrations alone. They didn’t mind.
Wolfwood enjoyed observing, a part of it was a conscious effort to keep an eye out for danger; but another was just that in being removed from such simple fun for so long, he had forgotten how to be a part of it. He was a big man (at least he looked like one), it wasn’t his place to have fun, to play games. It was enough to see others enjoy them, especially little uns. He didn’t-
“Ooh, this game looks fun!” Milly gasped, grabbing Wolfwood’s hand and dragging him over to a game stand. “We should try it!”
Milly always managed to surprise Wolfwood. In all of his training, all of his attempts to be aware of his surroundings, she always got the jump on him. His body tensed when she grabbed him, but quickly relaxed as she pulled him over to the stand. It was a simple knock down game, one where you threw a ball and tried to knock down three cans. They were no doubt weighted to make the game harder for the average Joe Schmo, but Wolfwood figured he could swing it. He certainly should’ve been able to anyways, what with lugging around the Punisher all day. He gave a look over the prizes. There wasn’t much, some were just scribbled out notes for free food from some of the neighboring stands, but there were a couple of stuffed animals and children' s toys there as well. They were old, probably second hand, but toys were scarce, especially in poorer areas. There hadn’t been many stuffed animals at Hopeland, but they had been patched together a million times over, and always handed down to the younger kids. Wolfwood had been too old when he arrived to have one.
“Look at that bear!” Milly shook Wolfwood’s arm and pointed to one of the few stuffed prizes, a pale blue bear with shirt button eyes. “Isn’t it cute?”
“$$5 for one ball.” The stand owner smiled. He looked at Wolfwood. “Wanna give it a shot? Give your lady something fun to take home?”
Wolfwood eyed the bear and began to reach for his wallet. He had no doubt he’d be able to win such a simple game, easy. He slapped the money on the stand counter and held out his hand. “Let’s do it.”
The stand runner’s smile only grew and he placed the ball in Wolfwood’s hand. “Give ‘em hell, slim.”
Milly stepped back, giving Wolfwood room, and Wolfwood swung his arm in a circle to stretch it out. He cracked his neck and shot her a grin before moving into the same sort of pitching pose he’d assume when he was a boy at the orphanage, playing baseball in the sand lot that was the yard. “Just ya wait, big girl.” He said, “I’ll get ya that bear.”
$$20 and 5 failed throws later, Wolfwood had still not been able to knock down all three cans. The most he had been able to manage were two, always leaving at least one on the little podium where they all sat. He was close to draining his money and getting rather frustrated at the game, smiling just a little too widely as he mumbled and cursed under his breath. The game runner seemed all too happy to continue to take his money. Wolfwood had the stray thought of chucking the ball at his head and just taking the bear while he was unconscious, but he held himself back. He wouldn’t do something like that with Milly around.
“How about I have a try?” Milly suggested as Wolfwood began to dig in his wallet once more.
“Huh?” Wolfwood looked up, Milly had on a determined smile and already had $$5 out. With a shrug, he put his wallet back. He didn’t want to downplay Milly’s strength, he knew she was strong from toting around her stun gun, and hell, she was able to lift the Punisher with ease, but if he couldn’t do it, he didn’t know if she could either. “Yeah, shoot.” He nodded.
Nodding back, Milly placed the money on the counter and grabbed one of the balls.
“Good luck, girly.” The stand owner said, stepping back to lean against the counter. His tone made Wolfwood’s skin crawl, but he ignored it and crossed his arms to watch Milly attempt the game.
Still with a smile on her face, Milly took a big breath and put her arm back. The ball whizzed through the air and slammed into the center of the stack of cans. They flew in every direction, one even smacking the stand runner in the side. She cleared all three of them from the podium in one go.
While Milly celebrated her win, whooping and clapping her hands together, Wolfwood’s mouth fell open. He felt slightly humbled seeing Milly do something he couldn’t manage after five tries, but more than that he felt warm. Christ-alive, was he attracted to that girl. He came to his senses and clapped her on the back while she pointed to the stuffed bear.
“Way t’go, big girl.” Wolfwood smiled, watching as the stand owner (who looked a lot less pleased than he did previously) handed Milly the bear. “Nice job.”
“Thanks!” Milly gave the bear a tight squeeze. “I think you loosened them up for me.”
Wolfwood snorted and shook his head. “Sure.” With his hand on Milly’s back, he began to steer her away from the stand. “Whatever you say, Mills.”
As they walked, Milly held out the bear to Wolfwood. “Here, it’s for you.”
Almost stopping in his tracks, Wolfwood took a second to respond. “Nah, you won it.” He told her, hand moving down from the small of her back to wrap around her hip. “Keep yer prize.”
“But I want to give it to you!” Milly pushed the bear on him, forcing Wolfwood to take it. “You were going to give it to me if you won it.”
“Yeah, but-” Wolfwood looked at the bear and struggled for an excuse. He never had toys, not really. Even in the place, the ‘home’, he had lived before the orphanage didn’t have toys, and he had been an only child there. There had only ever been the crudely whittled figures he made that he could play with. Nothing soft, nothing to hug or to hold. His words died in his throat as he saw the pleading look in Milly’s eyes. He sucked in a breath and tucked the bear under his arm, squishing it against his body. “Okay, okay, I’ll keep ‘em.” He relented, holding on to his first ever real toy. “Let’s go ‘n find the others.”
They managed to find Vash and Meryl not too long after Milly won the bear. Meryl was doing much better, sitting in the shade of a storefront with Vash while sipping on a grape Nehi. Her face was still flushed from the heat and the alcohol, but getting some real food in her stomach seemed to help. She certainly had a better hold over herself, munching on a donut from the mostly empty box between her and Vash.
Vash raised a hand as Wolfwood and Milly approached, his eye quickly moving to the bear under Wolfwood’s arm. “There you are. We were just going to start looking for you.”
“Didn't realize we were meetin’ up again so soon.” With a sigh, Wolfwood sat down next to Meryl. “How ya doin’, shorty?”
“Mm,” Grumbled Meryl. “I told you that drinking during the day was a bad idea.”
Rolling his eyes, Wolfwood gave Meryl a bit of mercy and withheld from teasing her further. “Sure.” He reached into jacket and fished around for one of his few remaining smokes.
“What's with the bear?” Asked Vash, leaning forward to look around Meryl at Wolfwood.
“I won it for him!” Milly said proudly. She made a muscle and patted her arm. “I had to knock down some bottles! Easy-peasy.”
A flush burned in Wolfwood’s cheeks and his lips curled into a knowing smile around the filter of his cigarette. “Got it on ‘er first try.” He flicked his lighter a good few times before the flame took and lit his cigarette. He took a deep inhale and tilted his head back as he sighed out the smoke. As he tucked the lighter away back inside his blazer, Wolfwood held out the bear for Vash and Meryl to see.
“Aw!” Meryl smiled. “It's cute. Reminds me of the ones I used to have as a kid.”
“Ya mean ya had one of these things?” Wolfwood turned the bear over and studied it. Now that he was giving it a closer look, he could see that it was made from old clothing.
“A bear?” Meryl asked slowly. “Yeah. Didn't you?”
Pursing his lips, Wolfwood put the bear in his lap and shrugged. “Wasn't somethin’ I had the time for, I guess.” He didn't say that he had been too poor for the simple comfort of a stuffed bear, too worried about the well being of his adopted siblings to allow himself to be so selfish as to want a stuffed animal. However, the glint in Vash's eyes made something stir in Wolfwood’s chest. As always, Vash seemed to be able to see right into him, read his thoughts like he had the eyes of God. As much as he cared for Milly and Meryl, they did not possess that same skill. Wolfwood was grateful for it, he didn't know if he could handle being so seen by 3 people.
“I didn't have many toys either.” Offered Vash. He picked up a donut, slowly turning it over in his hand before taking a bite. “We-” He smiled softly and shook his head. “We had sock puppets though. That was about all our mom could manage on a sterile ship with no other kids around.”
Some of the unease at being seen melted away and Wolfwood grinned. “I'm no stranger to sock puppets. Guess those do count for somethin’.”
The four spent a few more hours aimlessly wandering about the celebrations before finding a room at one of the local inns. All the while they walked around, Wolfwood held on to the blue bear. He felt so conscious of it, not self-conscious, he was a big man and any fool who wanted to make a remark about it would've had to be extra ballsy or pissed drunk to disregard his size. Just aware. The way the fabric felt under his calloused fingers, the worn stuffing all comfortably clumped together inside its little body, the smooth touch of the button eyes. To a stranger, it was certainly not obvious how much Wolfwood was paying attention to the toy. He only looked like a man carrying around a stuffed bear. But to his traveling companions and partners? They were more in tune to his mannerisms and were quickly able to sense his attachment, even if it wasn't obvious to others.
The sounds and smells of the celebration, the people, the heat of the day. It seemed to get under Wolfwood’s skin far faster than normal. He found himself feeling overwhelmed in a way he couldn’t quite comprehend, clutching on to the bear like a lifeline as he shoved on his dark pair of sunglasses, hiding his gaze from the world.
The bear was oddly calming. Wolfwood enjoyed running his fingers over it, especially the two button eyes. The heat from his hands had seeped into its stuffed body, giving it a faint living feeling. Wolfwood’s voice left him as he followed his partners around. He had no words to say and no thoughts to think, but the others didn't press him much. He was grateful, especially as he didn't even realize what was happening. It was like a switch had flipped in his brain, one that made him weaker to the sensations around him, but also more aware than ever. He nodded and shook his head when asked a direct question by the others, but didn’t respond much more than that. Focusing on Vash, Milly, and Meryl’s conversation seemed just as relaxing as holding on to the bear- even if his brain couldn’t always decipher what they were saying. Their voices washed over him like a wave of comfort, pulling him along as he brought up the rear in their traveling party.
Wolfwood was glad once they finally left the fair in the street for a rented room along the town's mainstretch. Although he had been overwhelmed outside, the passage of time seemed to be accelerated. The dwarf, child sun was sinking below the horizon as its larger mother watched it settle under its pink-orange blanket for the night. The room had two double beds, and the moment they stepped inside, Wolfwood sat on the edge of the bed nearest to the door. It was an unspoken habit of him and Vash to take the bed that was closest to the door when they roomed with the girls. A small piece of self-sacrificing chivalry they practiced, so that if anyone tried breaking in or shooting through the door, they’d be in the line of fire first, hopefully allowing for the girls to have time to escape. Wolfwood and Vash could take a couple of bullets or some midnight aggressors, it only made sense for them to sleep next to the door. Not that they’d ever tell Milly and Meryl that that was why they preferred their bed placement.
The bear was warm in Wolfwood’s hands. A carrier of his own heat after he had held on to it all afternoon. The fabric it was made of was worn and comfortable, soft from wear. If not a toy, the old clothes that it was made of probably would’ve only been good as a dish rag. He was glad they were made into something soft. Old clothes, hand-me-downs, they felt different than freshly tailored clothes. New clothes, on the rare occasions Wolfwood got to touch them, always felt strange. They were nice, yeah, but they lacked… life. It was a strange quality for a lifeless thing to be without, but touching them made him feel uncomfortable. The feeling of the fabrics stuck to his skin like tar and he couldn’t get the memory of the touch out of his fingers for hours. It was why when Wolfwood became the Punisher, an official disciple of the Eye of Michael, that he refused the offer of a brand new suit, one tailored to his body. He felt more comfortable with his second-hand suit, even if it belonged to a failed disciple who had died in his training. It at least had been lived (and died) in.
Wolfwood’s head felt full of cotton, stuffed-packed and heavy. The cotton in his head felt similar to the old stuffing that filled the bear, lumped together and somewhat hard around the edges.
The bed dipped and Wolfwood looked over, his thumbs silently brushing circles over the bear’s eyes. It was Vash.
“You good, Nick?” Vash asked, tilting his head gently in Wolfwood’s direction. “Seem…” He looked over Wolfwood slowly, but then his eyes fell on the bear. “Kinda lost.”
“I’m,” Wolfwood strained his mind for something to say. His lips felt warm and fevered, but he did not feel sick. “I’m good, spikey.” He said quietly.
Wolfwood was used to feeling small. He was a big man, but that didn’t change
how on the inside that he was still a kid. His body was too big for him and he had struggled to grow into it, struggled to pretend like he knew what he was doing. His hands still looked too big to him sometimes, and on occasion the face he saw in the mirror scared him. Dark circles and stubble. It wasn’t the face of the boy he had been before the Eye of Michael set their sights on him. It wasn’t the face of the 14 year old he remembered. He wasn’t 14 anymore, and Wolfwood would never be 14 again, but sometimes that little boy stirred to life inside him. The bear woke him up and he felt like Nico again. He wasn’t pounding against his bones like they were prison walls keeping him sealed away like he tended to when he felt small- he was just… there. It was a strange, yet welcome change for Wolfwood to feel small and not fearful because of it.
The bear seemed to placate him. It made being alive in a body that hadn’t been his for years a little less scary.
“I’m glad you like it!” Milly chimed in, loosening her tie. “Everyone needs something small and soft to squeeze sometimes.”
“Aw, don’ ya worry about me,” Grinned Wolfwood. He took a breath, pushing through the fuzz of his mind to speak. It felt easier to talk now that he wasn’t out in the midst of the noise of people and their celebrating. “Even if I didn’t have this thing, I could still give shorty a squeeze.” He said, looking in Meryl’s direction.
Meryl, who was rummaging through her suitcase, looked over it at Wolfwood. “Don’t you dare, Nicholas.”
With a well needed warmth spilling through his chest, Wolfwood left his bear on the bed and stood up. Meryl only glared as he approached her. It was clear that she knew full well what he was going to do, but she didn’t fight it until he had his arms around her middle and was lifting her three feet off the floor.
“Let me go!” Meryl’s arms were pinned to her sides by Wolfwood’s hold, but she still wriggled and squirmed like a worm on a hook, kicking her feet and shaking her head.
Wolfwood only laughed and squeezed Meryl tighter. “What?” He shook her from side to side, unbothered by her flailing. “Mills said a man needs somethin’ soft and small to squeeze.” He shot a grin at Milly, who was bent double laughing. “Ain’t that right, Mills?”
“That’s right!” Laughed Milly.
“The bear!” Meryl’s face was flushed red. “She meant the bear!”
“Give yerself a lil’ more credit, princess.” Wolfwood shook his head. “You’re better than a stuffed bear.” He turned towards Vash and lifted Meryl up a little more. “Want in on this, spikey? She’s squirmy, but warm.”
“What a coincidence,” Vash pushed himself up from the bed. “My hands were feeling a bit cold.”
“Don’t you-” Meryl began, but it was no use. Vash was on her in a second, sticking his hands under the hem of her shirt, tickling her stomach and sides. She screamed with laughter and fought even harder against them both, but there was a smile on her face. “Milly!” She begged, gasping through her own giggles as she struggled. “Save me!”
“Hm… I don’t know, Meryl.” Milly began to step closer. “I think I might want to squeeze something soft, too.”
Meryl never stood a chance.
For Wolfwood, it was the first time in years since he had felt small and it not be sickening. He was glad to have that little blue bear, and even more glad to have such amazing people in his life.