Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

John's checking for a third time that the bathroom door is locked; not that anyone would barge in with his bedroom door shut, but he was in a little bit of a panic. He checks the timer on his phone, only seeing a minute out of the five he needed to wait had passed. He had distracted himself in the first one by washing hands and staring into the mirror, but what the hell could he do for four more?

Fuck.

The blonde keeps himself from staring at the pregnancy test out of fear more than anything, though also really wanting to stare it down for the answer.

That other part of him was thinking how impossible this was to begin with. He and Buck had talked about how impossible it was for him to get pregnant. The serum had left him sterile and supposedly barren, or at least had while he was still with Olivia. He had been under the impression that his son with her was the only biological child he would have, whether he wanted that or not.

John had just— been feeling weird. Weird for a super soldier to feel. He had been tired for weeks, which was unheard of since the serum. He could try to explain away how grumpy and short-tempered he had been on just normal stress, but even he could admit his fuse was far shorter than normal.

Plus, he'd been pissing like a racehorse and drinking enough water to drown one the past couple weeks. He didn't know if some type of cancer would be the easier option to handle than pregnancy.

Was it any more impossible of a risk either?

Hands run down face, checking the timer again, but it had only been twenty more seconds. He hangs head with a huff, feeling some sort of hatred for the goddamn test that he had practically smuggled into the Watchtower. He was so stressed about someone knowing he bought it that he had flushed the receipt in the drugstore's bathroom.

He looks at himself in the mirror, trying to judge if his face looked any different. Maybe more tired? Maybe a little fuller in his cheeks? Nah, had to be the lighting.

A pout pulls at lips before moving to lift his shirt up next, looking in the mirror at exposed stomach. He turns one way, then the next, before ending up back forwards.

There was weight gain. Yeah. He couldn't just make the same excuse of the lighting for this one. It wasn't anything drastic, but it was there. His waist wasn't so cut— and his stomach seemed like it was a different shape in his own skin. Maybe he just— didn't look at himself much? Or ate more lately? It had to be the stress talking.

There was no way in hell he was pregnant. Bucky had said that Hydra fucked his body up. That he was in the same boat of infertility on both ends. It would have to be his though in the impossible chance that he was.

No.

No way.

John releases his tight grip on his shirt, pacing the bathroom while avidly avoiding looking at the test. He opens and closes drawers mindlessly, even messing with a bottle of lotion to read the back of it. Anything to distract himself.

His chest tightens as the timer dings, quickly moving to silence it. He tries to breathe slow. Tries to prepare himself. Why the hell was he scared of looking? It had to be negative. He was just freaking out over nothing.

Blue eyes move to the test, sidestepping to pick it up. He pales at seeing the positive result, tossing it in the trash immediately to dig out the second test he bought. He had to have done it wrong somehow. Something was wrong with the test. No way. There was no way.

* * *

Bucky pants over the toilet, hair tied back and head dipped down as another wave of nausea has him throwing up a third time. He swallows heavily, hitting the handle to flush it before moving over to the sink. Metal fingers deal with turning the faucet on while flesh ones grip the counter. He rinses hands off before grabbing the nearby rag to rinse down his chin again.

It had to be two weeks now dealing with this damn nausea. His appetite was there and maybe even worse, but he was having trouble keeping things down. He felt like half the smells that he wouldn't even notice on a normal day were setting him off.

Sure, he vomited easy if he got a migraine, but his head had been fine in that span of time. This was something different. He couldn't blame it on a bug because he couldn't get sick. It wasn't food because everyone else was fine— and he hadn't eaten the same thing to cause it every day.

He looks at himself in the mirror, trying to see if anything was different. Besides shaving his beard down to stubble— directly because of the vomiting— he thought he looked fine. Little pale currently, but fine. His stomach didn't hurt. There were tiny pangs of pain here and there over the last week, but nothing concerning.

Buck grabs a cup to rinse mouth out before grabbing toothbrush, not wanting to leave the taste of bile in his mouth. He puts toothpaste on it, bringing it up to put in his mouth to start trying to work the taste out.

The scent of strong mint hits him from it, curdling his stomach immediately again. He shoves it out of mouth for the counter, running back to the toilet to start the process all over again.

Mint? Why the fuck was mint making him sick? It couldn't be the toothpaste; he had used more than half of the tube and been fine.

He gives into the same process after empty stomach retches out anything remaining in it, but this time not breathing until after the toothbrush was clean. He inhales when there couldn't possibly be a scent left to offend his stomach. He was sure it would be begging him to eat something soon enough.

Eyes look over to the bag on the counter he had been ignoring until now. Shit— did he really think he needed to take a pregnancy test?

Bucky shouldn't be fertile at all. Hell, John shouldn't be either. They had talked about this when they started sleeping together. Neither of them should've needed to use protection, but— shit— maybe they should've. It wasn't like he was sleeping with anyone else. His eyes had been set on that man since moving into the Watchtower.

Maybe that was why he needed to know now. Needed to make sure that he wasn't messing up what they had.

He moves to pull out both tests he had gotten, wanting to make sure that he was double-checking himself. Plus, he had been stressed on sneaking a test in, so might as well have two.

He needed to know.

* * *

John stares down at the second one reading positive.

These things were supposed to be pretty accurate, but that doesn't help him in believing it. He sits on the lid of the toilet, running hands down his face as his brain attempts to process this. As he attempts to force himself into believing that it was correct.

He was pregnant.

"Shit," He breathes.

It shouldn't be possible. They were both supposed to be sterile. What had changed?

And how would Bucky take it?

They had been fucking for months now, but had only recently decided to put the label of "Dating" on what was going on between them. It had been hard enough feeling comfortable with getting to that point. Sure, it didn't change how they behaved much, but— it made things different. Real.

What would throwing in a pregnancy do to that?

Beyond that, how was he supposed to deal with being pregnant and an Avenger? Or even after if it turned out he would have a baby?

No, that was— that was thinking too far ahead.

The blonde takes a slow inhale, trying to focus the stress back down before he ended up giving himself a headache. A stress migraine was the last thing he needed in the middle of this. His body certainly had enough going on at the moment.

Head turns to look at the test again, staring at it for a long moment before getting to feet. He pockets it.

Bucky needed to know. If he waited— it would be harder. If he waited— he would just make it worse on the both of them. Keeping Buck in the dark about things was the worst possible option in any scenario. He knew that.

It just— didn't make him any less scared to face it.

* * *

Bucky gulps down the rest of the water bottle, sitting on the edge of his bed to battle away his nerves and his nausea.

It shouldn't be possible.

Both tests were positive.

Both tests had told him that he was pregnant.

How in the hell was he supposed to tell John?

The man was full of guilt enough about where things had left off with Olivia and his son, and now Buck was going to have to drop on him that he was very likely pregnant after telling him he shouldn't be able to conceive ever?

Yeah, that would go over great.

"Fuck," He huffs, throwing the bottle to the trashcan.

It would be one thing if they had been officially dating longer than a month, but this just felt like he was springing some sort of trap on the guy. "Oh yeah, we're dating now, also I'm going to have your baby." Yeah, great thing to drop on John.

The worst of it was that he knew the guy would want to take responsibility. He knew the man wouldn't reject him because John never had. But how would he feel adding a kid into the mix?

Part of Bucky wanted a baby. He didn't like that Hydra had taken that from him, even if it was seeming like that wasn't the case. He liked kids and kids were always some of the few people that didn't give a flying fuck who he was. He didn't have family anymore and he wanted that. He did.

It just— scared him.

He didn't know if he would feel better or worse actually telling John, but he knew that he needed to. He deserved to know. He deserved to take the first couple steps with him in figuring out what to do.

Dammit.

The brunette gets to his feet, judging himself to make sure he wasn't going to throw up again. It seemed like it had passed. He hoped so.

He starts for the door, unlocking it and pulling it open before stuttering in his step at the blonde already being on the other side about to knock.

"Uh— hi?" Bucky gets out, noticing right away that John looks nervous. He— wasn't sure what to think about that. There was no way he knew already, right?

"Hi—" John stutters out, equally surprised with the door opening. Bucky looked pale— and he wasn't sure what to think about that. He didn't know already right?

"Are you okay?" Buck asks, squeezing the door harder than he means to in stress.

"Uh— I— I have something I really need to talk to you about," The blonde manages, having been thrown off his false confidence with the sudden change. Any amount of composure he had felt was quickly crumpling, maybe second guessing himself on telling him.

"Oh— Yeah, I need to tell you something too— Good timing," The brunette replies, stepping aside to let him in. His own stress was mounting hard with John's nervous behavior. He didn't get exactly nervous easy. Flustered, sure, but nervous?

John moves in, thinking Bucky looked like he didn't feel good. He had been sick lately— which was weird. He wondered if he had found out about it, and also if this was just bad timing on telling him.

"Do you, uh, want to go first?" He asks, taking a seat on the edge of Bucky's bed.

Buck moves to sit next to him, "I— maybe you should go first. If you want," He says, a bit of unsureness bleeding into his voice. Was this a bad time to drop it on him?

"I don't really want to— if you rather—" The blonde admits.

A soft huff comes from Bucky in consideration, sucking in bottom lip to bite before taking another breath. "How about— say it at the same time?" He offers.

"Okay," Yeah. Alright. Ripping off the band-aid was fine.

Bucky gives a countdown with hand.

"I'm pregnant," Both admit at the same time.

Chapter Text

John bounces leg with heavy nerves in the doctor's office, very squirmy in contrast to Bucky staying very still. They processed the unsure energy in different ways; John's body acting out what he felt while Bucky's expression held his own worry. He was quiet, muscles tight compared to his own nervous blabbering when he couldn't help himself.

They had made the appointments to come get a blood test and ultrasound to be positive of both pregnancies, having to make it a few days out to get them together. The office had said it would be longer at first, but something about mentioning both of their names to make the appointments had freed up time.

Neither had said a word to anyone else yet.

Both wanted to be sure first. Both needed to have an answer, and know about any complications that could pop up.

Bucky attempts a squeeze at John's hand, mind at least unable to wander with just watching him move around. He could tell it was in contrast to whatever frenzy of thoughts the other was having right now.

This was— a lot— for both of them.

The brunette rests head against his shoulder the best he can, inhaling slow breaths to focus on the scent of his cologne. Something about it felt like one of the few grounding smells he could breathe without triggering a wave of nausea.

The jostling didn't help too much with that, but it seemed like every time he tried to part, the blonde's eyes would find his and get that look like he was about to cry. It sort of solidified in his own mind that John was pregnant. He could be dramatic, temperamental, but it was hard to get him emotional.

Well, he got sniffly sometimes after sex if Bucky was the one fucking him— but this was different. He just seemed sensitive. Hormonal.

John was more pushing his behavior into the category of stress. He didn't want to let himself believe that he was pregnant until he knew for sure. He tries his best not to include Buck in his shifting around, but he feels wound like a spring with worry.

Sure, the brunette had been nothing but concerned over him, but— there was so many What If's still in the air.

The biggest one being if they both had gotten knocked up. He couldn't help but run through his head over and over about what he had been told about his own fertility, and what Bucky had believed about his own. He had some nasty scarring in the area to back it up too. If he was pregnant, he was worried there would be complications.

Hell, he was worried that there would be complications to begin with from the serum. Would a baby develop right? Would anything weird get passed down? He had no idea. He wasn't sure if anyone would have that answer.

Attention shoots over to Bucky as he sits up, pouting immediately even as he sees the other is just stretching. He gives a tug to his hand, swallowing heavily as he watches the man look over at him again. He would think he was calm if he didn't have that look on his face like a kicked puppy.

"Still right here," Buck reassures, voice staying gentle. His muscles just felt a little stiff. Before the other can start getting the pout again, he's laying head back against his shoulder, adjusting arm to hold hands easier. He already knew it was going to be hard once they got called back; John didn't want to be left alone and Bucky didn't want to leave him alone.

"Think they'll get us back soon?" John asks.

"Well, we're the only ones left in the waiting room. Gotta be," He replies, inhaling against him again.

"Hope so."

"I can tell, squirmy," Buck muses.

The blonde pouts a little, knowing full well that he was making it harder for Bucky to stay laid against him like he wanted him to. It couldn't be great for how upset his stomach had been lately. He hadn't even realized he was getting sick beyond one night where he made a run for the trashcan when someone had burned popcorn in the kitchen. The man had hid it well, which concerned him if he was hiding any other symptoms.

"Feel okay?" He asks while thinking about it.

"Right now, I'm fine," The other reassures.

Buck hoped that feeling of okay would hold out. He didn't know how the other would take it if he suddenly had to go running for the bathroom. Really, he was thirsty more than anything right now. If everything went well, he was sure he could convince John they needed to get milkshakes on the way back.

Besides John's fidgeting, both stay settled in their seats until someone comes to call them both back.

John stands immediately with the brunette trailing in the action much slower to avoid any risk of making himself sick. Bucky falls in line next to him as the man walks, keeping hand held tight in his grip.

"Hi there," The lady smiles politely leading them back through the door. "Mr. Walker, you're going to come on back with me, while Mr. Barnes, you're going to go with Miss Lisa here to go get your blood drawn first. We'll get yours second after the ultrasound."

Bucky gives a nod, stressed smile, and squeeze to John's hand before letting go of it. He feels a pit right in his chest at getting the wet puppy eyes immediately about splitting up. "Let's meet on that bench out front after, okay? It won't be too long," He tries.

"Okay," John pouts, hesitating, but following the nice lady on away from him. He didn't want to leave Bucky. He wanted to be clingy. It made him feel better for some reason. But— he knew the less he drug his feet to separate, the less time it would take to meet back up outside.

As much as he didn't want it to happen, he's the first one out to the bench. The air outside was a little nicer on him than trying to deal with what he'd been told in the waiting room. Bucky had definitely made the right call on meeting out there.

He wants to mess with phone, but also doesn't know if he can take any sort of input until he had been able to see Buck again. He needed to know that he was okay. Unfortunately, that ends up making him stare at the blank screen of his phone for ten minutes and worrying the entire time.

What would Bucky even think?

When Bucky does come out, he feels bad immediately to see that John was the first one out. He couldn't do anything about that, but it pushes him into quick steps over to the other.

"Hey," He calls, getting attention to snap over to him.

"Hi," John perks up, holding out hand for him to take.

Buck curls fingers around the hand, taking a seat next to him. He tries to judge his expression, tries to look for any signs of the answer before he asks for it. Maybe he finds it too. "So?" He asks, heart hammering in anticipation— plus stress of having his own answers.

"I'm pregnant, yeah," The blonde nods, then doing a bit of a head tilt with an odd look crossing features, "Said I'm probably nine weeks— and have twins."

The words hit like a damn truck, shoving Bucky off the bench to run over and puke into one of the nicely trimmed bushes along the front of the building. He retches hard a few times, stomach cramping up as he does.

A hand carefully gathers his hair up, holding it behind his head as another wave of nausea hits. He really hoped this would pass. It couldn't even be called morning sickness when it randomly happened all through the day. The doctor had mentioned it could be due to scar tissue causing spasms right now. It could even get worse if his body didn't counteract it. Fuck.

John watches him, holding hair as carefully as he can with a hand while rubbing along Bucky's back with the other. He wasn't sure if it was from hitting him with the twins comment or just really bad timing on getting sick.

The brunette pants when it starts to pass, squeezing eyes shut as tears involuntarily drop. God, he hated throwing up.

Twins?!

"John, you're such a fucking overachiever," Comes out between swallows and pants, head turning up to see the lip starting to waver. "Fuck— sorry— I'm sorry— You're fine," He quickly follows with before having to turn to retch again.

The blonde tries to push down the upset, feeling crazy with how it was just springing on him. He usually would think the comment was funny— it was funny. Of course his body had decided on twins. Why wouldn't it?

Buck stays put until he's sure it's out of his system, swaying a little to lean into the other man before leading to return to the bench. He just— needed to sit and close his eyes for a minute. It would pass.

"You're pregnant too?" John assumes. He had to be, right?

"Yeah. They couldn't see much yet, but yeah," He breathes, taking the opportunity to inhale against John's shirt again. If he didn't feel like absolute shit right now, the smell of his cologne might drive him up a wall. Or at least to suck his dick in the car. "They think four or five weeks. Just saw a— sac or whatever. Want me back in four weeks to check again."

John tries to do the math in his head, thinking that had to put them about a month apart or so. "What are the odds this happened?"

"Low. Really low," Buck says, "They think my body just now healed enough to conceive. Said I really need to be on it with doctor visits with the scar tissue, if I want to keep it."

Saying the word 'if' sort of backtracks him in his own mind.

'If' hits John too. They'd used it while talking to him too, but something about Bucky saying it hits way harder.

"Do you?— Want to keep it—?" The blonde asks. He knew his own answer as soon as he got to see the ultrasound. As soon as he got to know that there were two very tiny heartbeats. He had cried then. The doctor had reassured that he wasn't the first or the last to do so, but it hadn't stopped him from being a mess of tears and snot and apologies.

"Yeah. If— it's healthy. I don't know if I'll get another chance," The other answers softly, his own lip quivering some. It left him terrified that he would miscarry or something would end up wrong to need an abortion. He didn't know if his body would heal enough to give him a second chance to carry a baby. He wanted it so bad after getting the confirmation— and he wanted John's too.

"Are— you?" Buck asks, but the look over gets his answer. The look plastered to the other's face gives him everything he needed to know before the blonde can give a nod. He was teary-eyed, but looking at him like he was the best thing in the world. "I swear to god John, if you make me cry out here," He half whimpers.

Dammit.

Arms wrap around the brunette, squeezing him while being so careful of his stomach— for more reasons than one. He kisses on him until a hand blocks him, at least earning a laugh out of the other man between stray sniffles.

"You're ridiculous," Buck huffs, taking hand away from John's mouth to be able to wipe eyes. He didn't want to cry; if he cried, then he would sniffle, and if he sniffed then he might puke again. He wanted to be kissed and a milkshake, and not to throw up on the man trying to kiss him.

"I just— This shouldn't have been possible," The blonde says. Shock, excitement. He wasn't sure what it was. He just— knew the odds were slim even after being checked. It gave him a new list of worries, most being aimed towards Bucky.

Maybe it was just the hormones right now.

Maybe.

He dips closer again to kiss on his shoulder before face reddens as Buck puts a hand on his stomach.

"God— twins— you are ridiculous," The brunette breathes, fingers moving in a slow circle on John's stomach. He really didn't know how he had missed how much fuller the other man felt. He had noticed a little in his hips before now, but hadn't paid attention like he should've.

Next time, he wanted to be there to see the ultrasound. He wanted to see them.

And— he hoped to see his own next time. He hoped it would be healthy. God, he hoped it would be healthy.

"I know. I know," John huffs, kissing on his cheek a few times before leaving him alone for now, "Would you be okay to drive?"

"Yeah. You okay?"

"Sleepy."

"Yeah, I can drive. I want a milkshake though," Buck comments, still keeping the motion going.

"If I fall asleep, will you get me one?"

"Oh please, if I get one, I have to get everyone one. I'll get you one," The brunette snorts.

The realization sort of hits them at the same time, exchanging a nervous look again.

"When should we tell the others?" John asks. They were going to have to.

"Not today— I can't handle more today," The other decides right away, "Maybe— give it a couple days and we can tell them? I want to figure this out better with you first."

The blonde nods in agreement, thinking that sounded fine. Bringing three babies into their life was a huge step. It did leave them with a lot to figure out. It left himself with a ton of worries. He couldn't help that. Their biggest questions were answered at least, which made him feel better. They were both pregnant and they were both wanting to keep it.

Chapter Text

Figuring things out without telling the team was a lot harder than either of them thought it would be. They had decided that it was a good idea to spend the pregnancies at the Watchtower, but beyond that point, it was too hard to say. Would it be safe to let a baby be raised here, much less three of them? Would it be too much on everyone else to have to deal with that?

The thought of finding a house to raise kids was really stressful when coupled with trying to deal with mission schedules and how short of notice they may be needed. Neither man wanted to step away from their jobs, having too much of a sense of purpose with trying to fight for people's safety. It was also hard to take into consideration that they needed to be careful about their own bodies because it wasn't just themselves depending on that.

They were also at the issue of being in a pretty new relationship, still trying to figure out if it was going to work out. There were a lot of feelings between them, some good and some bad, which made it more complicated. There was at least an agreement to raise the kids together, especially because both of them wanted to have them.

John wanted to try again and try way harder this time, admitting aloud that he felt he had to if he ever wanted to alleviate that guilt of his son. Bucky had bared back that he wanted the chance to raise a family, knowing this was the only way he feasibly could. They would do this together whether the relationship lasted or not.

It just left a lot out in the open. It left a lot that they weren't sure they could prepare for by themselves.

The team being brought into the know would help. Hopefully.

It was a week longer than they had wanted to break the news, but it was the first time that everyone would be there.

Bucky had been the one to send the message in the group chat, knowing it was way more likely to be taken seriously. The two of them wanted to talk to them after dinner and it was important.

It was sort of funny the difference of how the other's would act to requests to talk. If it had been John, they would've trickled in, making joking excuses about why it took so long. But with Bucky, the other four came together, leaving him to assume they had been trying to guess what the two had to say.

He didn't want to know their theories.

His eyes flick over the group as they sit on the couch, having taken a spot across from it to sit for now while the blonde stood next to him. He was sure he was too damn fidgety with nerves to be sitting right now.

"Are you two getting a divorce?" Yelena snorts, eyes flicking between the two in search for what was serious enough for a group meeting that couldn't be talked about through texts.

John snorts, "Yeah. Bucky decided to elope with Thor instead," He shoots back, nerves trying to be hidden with the joke. It might've worked with people that didn't know him, but unfortunately, Buck knew that all of them heard it. If he could hear nerves, then he was sure they could too.

"Always the big blondes with him," She comments, eyes daggering towards Bucky the same time Ava's do with the search for the actual response.

Bucky sighs softly, honestly feeling his own nerves tighten up with actually bringing himself to say it. "We wanted to tell you guys that we're pregnant," He says bluntly.

His eyes flick to the shocked expressions, all except Alexei, who looked like he was about to piss his pants in excitement.

"Wait— You're pregnant in the weird way couples say when only one of them is or— both of you?" Yelena is the first to ask.

"Both," John replies before Bucky can.

"Oh wow," Bob blurts, looking down at both their stomach's before at the other three for reactions too.

There's some sort of symphony of phrases consisting mostly of, "Aw"s and "Oh my gosh"s. Which did bring amusement to hear from the group in front of them.

Alexei is moving for John first, hugging the man tightly to smack him against the back, "Oh! You are both so pretty! You will have pretty babies too!" He says, sounding absolutely elated with the news. His excitement shows even more as he hoists John with the hug, the blonde awkwardly grabbing at whatever he could with yelps. It made the effort funnier with them being only a tiny difference in height.

"Easy with him! Bucky just said he was pregnant," His daughter scolds.

Ava seems more than a little amused, even if eyebrows knit together to give away the same worry of one of the pregnant men being squeezed.

The man sets John back down with being reminded about it, "I'm sorry! I just want to give encouragement. This is exciting!"

He moves for Bucky next, who's quickly putting out an arm to pause him from potentially trying to pick him up. "Gentle, please. I've been really nauseous— and I'd like to keep my dinner down," He quickly warns, but lowering arm to at least let the man hug on him. He appreciates when it isn't nearly as tight as how he'd grabbed John.

The brunette sort of blinks in surprise as the larger man decides to sit down next to him instead of back on the couch, but not saying a word to it. He was relieved that the team was taking it well, even if he had figured as much.

"So— did you two plan that? Or— wait— is it even each other's?" Bob asks, looking between the two of them, eyes settling on John as he talks first.

"Accident. And yeah, it's each others," Walker answers, resting hand on his own stomach. He seemed to do that every time they really talked about the babies, which Bucky found cute. He knew he was only ten weeks now, but he did wonder if he could feel anything. Then again, he felt like he would tell him if he had.

"We're not together," Ava mocks in a lower voice, calling them out immediately for their months of denial. Though mostly seeming to pick at the blonde with her eyes raised to him. He was the easier target to get pouting.

Which he does. "Hey— we weren't dating until the beginning of last month. We weren't together," John tries to defend.

"You know, I did think you were looking puffy. I thought you were just getting fat," She continues to pick, smiling at the noise that comes out of the man.

Bucky snorts softly, leaning forwards slightly as Alexei lightly pats a hand between his shoulder blades. "I told him he's an overachiever because he's having twins," He drops, knowing that would get them all going all over again.

Yep, that does it to get them making noises and comments at the other man. He didn't even need to look over at him to know how red his face had to be. John seemed even more sensitive to getting flustered the past couple days, though it mostly happened when Bucky wanted to touch his tummy.

"You thought about, like, names? Or is that too early?" Bob asks, attention still flicking between the two until one of them spoke.

"Too early. We just found out a little over a week ago," John answers, earning the group's gaze, "I'm maybe ten weeks along? Four weeks ahead of Bucky."

"I'd like to be out of the danger-zone of miscarrying before I think about names," Buck comments, arms unintentionally hugging his own stomach. He knew by now that John hated to hear him give that option, but it was still heavy in his own mind. He hadn't helped himself in looking at the statistics of how often it happened in the first twelve weeks. He was just— scared his body couldn't handle something he wanted this badly.

Alexei pats him on the back a little harder, "Heeey, no thinking like that. You'll have perfect little baby. You both will."

The brunette shrugs a little, but nods to that, "Just— I'd rather hold off on names until twelve weeks for myself. I would feel better if I know it's healthy," He says firmly. He felt like it was too early for either of them to put for sure thought into it, even if he felt a ton more confident in John than himself.

The large man next to him grabs his shoulder to shake him a little, "You'll be fine! You have strong spirit, they will know that to hold on for you," He says.

"Easy," John's the one to pipe up about the shaking, "He's not lying about the nausea," He warns, which eases the shaking down to just patting on his shoulder again.

"Is that normal? I thought it was just in the morning?" Ava asks, eyes on Bucky now for the answer.

Buck shakes head a little, "Not really. I called the doctor about it and they said it was— Hyper-something. Something with an H.G.," He answers, causing Yelena and Bob to pull out phones to start trying to look it up. It was some long medical word that he was sure he couldn't say right if he tried.

"Is that— dangerous or anything?" She asks.

"Uh— they said just try to hydrate and monitor weight. Figure if it stays bad I'll just start making the medical team here give me an IV or something. They mentioned there were medications for it, but— well, you guys know," He sighs. They were well aware from all three super soldiers that medication was a waste on them. It burned off too fast and larger doses could be dangerous.

The blonde and brunette on the couch start trying to pronounce whatever word Bucky hadn't remembered, at least earning a snort out of him with it being as hard to say as he remembered. "Yeah, that," He gives to end their suffering.

John finally takes a seat on the other side of him, nerves seeming to have dwindled with everyone taking it so well. His hand curls around Bucky's to lock fingers together, sure he's squeezing even if left hand couldn't feel it. Either way, he offers a gentle squeeze back. He felt better too after talking to them.

"Hey— whenever you have to buy baby clothes, I want to go," Bob comments, "I like seeing how little the socks are."

"Awww— yeah, I wanna go!" Yelena agrees, getting Ava on board easy enough with a look over to her, "We can pick out little pajamas."

John huffs a laugh, "Yeah, alright," He gives, dipping head to shake as if he didn't like the idea. Buck knew better than that with seeing him smiling. Him happy made the brunette happy, bumping gently against him to get the man to look over at him.

"They're as ridiculous as you," Bucky teases, getting a pout for the comment, and smiling to him in return.

"When are you two going to tell Valentina?" Yelena asks.

"Uh, when Bucky tells her over the phone," John answers.

Buck rolls eyes at that, but fine with being the one to tell her. He wasn't ready for that one yet, but needed to sooner or later to start pulling back on missions. He wasn't about to let John go on anything dangerous. He didn't want to risk his own baby either. They would have to be mindful of physical needs for once.

"You two are in trouble when you do," Ava smirks, getting both men nodding in agreement.

It would be amusing for all of them at least to see how she processed that one. Bucky was already in a refusal of letting Val anywhere near the babies. He didn't trust her with his teammates, let alone any kids they would have.

"You guys think they'll have any— you know— enhancements?" Bob asks.

John's the one to answer first, "No idea. I wouldn't think that's how that works, but I'm not a doctor."

"Good thing too," Bucky gets in before Ava or Yelena can.

He sees the offended expression from the blonde out of the corner of his eye, not turning to look, but squeezing his hand gently. He was glad he wasn't in a sensitive mood at the moment, though was sure it was bound to happen at some point that the normal teasing would upset him. He could foresee a lot of backtracking on words in the near future.

"What if you had a really strong baby?" Bob continues in the thought.

"That'd probably be a bad thing," John comments.

"Or cool," Alexei throws in.

Bucky wished he wasn't between the two.

Though he was a little sleepy with the warmth from two super soldiers beside him, and Alexei still opting into patting him on the back again. He felt like he was unintentionally staring at the floor a lot right now.

Ava gets to feet, moving off towards the kitchen area, "You two are staying here right?" She asks, doing the thing where the words are said like she doesn't really care, but the question itself gives away that she does.

"For the pregnancies, yeah. After that— we haven't decided," John answers.

"We have so much room here. You two could have such a big nursery," Yelena starts.

Bucky could practically feel that being the trigger for an argument about to happen. He just wondered if they would all be on that same side.

"There's that big room near all the bedrooms we haven't done anything with," Bob adds in.

"You have four people right here that can watch them when you need break," Alexei also piles in.

Ava comes back with a cold bottle of water to hand to Bucky, retaking her seat on the couch after.

He wasn't sure if he was starting to look out of it or something— or if it was his earlier comment on risk of dehydration. But gives a soft thanks to open it and sip on.

"Uh, do any of you actually know about kids?" John counters them.

The only one with actual baby experience was John, even if Bucky had well enough too of toddlers to older kids.

Beyond having two younger sisters, he had been the frequent visiting spot of Wakandan children for whatever reason. Plus, Sam's nephews had also taken a liking to him. He was confident that he could learn how to handle babies properly from John— and that wasn't just his own hormones talking.

The rest sort of shrug and shake their heads at the question, getting a snort out of the pregnant blonde.

"You'd trust us with your kids, right?" Yelena asks, half serious, half joking.

"Physically? Sure. They'll be safe from anyone else. But not safe from any of you. I know you're going to teach them horrible shit," John replies.

Bucky snorts as he sips on his water.

"You're one to talk," Ava mutters.

"Between the two of you, their first word is going to be 'shit', 'fuck', or 'hell'," Yelana teases.

"Don't fucking know what the hell you're talking shit about," Bucky dryly gives.

He takes a few more gulps of water before handing over the last fourth of it to John. With his hand unclasped from his, the brunette is getting up to move spots, needing to go to a free part of the couch to lay down. He didn't feel too good, but still wanted to listen to them talk.

"You okay?" John asks as soon as he finishes off the water.

"Mh, fine. Just need to lay down," He dismisses, closing eyes and waving a hand for them to continue. He could practically feel all the eyes on him right now. He supposed that did come with people actually wanting to support them on this.

"If we can baby-proof some things and make sure it's safe to have kids in here— then we can talk about staying," John decides, voice moving closer before Bucky feels the weight of him sit at his feet.

"Oh easy!" Alexei reassures immediately, "We just put weapons down on the floor below. Put those little caps thingys on the outlets. Have lots of baby gates."

"There's no balconies on this floor either," Bob adds.

"Plus, there's those babyproof handles that even adults can't open. And the security systems," Yelena gives.

"It's bound to be more safe here than a house," Even Ava pushes.

Bucky feels a warm hand pull on his ankle, shifting down some to have legs laid across John's lap. He relaxes more at the hand rubbing along lower leg through pajama pants. His hands were always so warm on him.

"It's a Maybe," John huffs when Buck doesn't give his own answer.

That seems to be enough to satisfy the others. It really just depended on how safe it was to keep them there in the long run. He was sure they could tweak the systems for the tower enough to account for kids and keep them out of dangerous places.

It was a Maybe for him too, sure they could talk more seriously on it once they both were further along. He was just glad that the others were taking it extremely well. He had expected a little excitement, but definitely not the attempts to talk them into staying there. It had to be doing wonders for both of their anxieties to have the support.

Chapter Text

John sinks deeper into the hot water, letting the nice smell of the bubbles help him forget the smell of the dishwasher filter. He didn't know if he could count it as morning sickness, but he did understand now what Bucky meant by a scent setting him off— which he had been trying to help fix for the other man.

Buck had been refusing to use any dishes that the brunette didn't hand-wash before, claiming they had a smell to it. No one else knew what he was talking about, but John had said he would clean the filter out to see if that fixed it.

The filter— Well— It had been enough to have him running for the trashcan. He wasn't one to get sick easily, especially with scents, but that had done it. Alexei was quick to take over the job when Bucky also had to bolt off for a bathroom.

He couldn't remember the last time he had taken a bath, but Buck had been insistent on it helping. He had to admit that the man was right on this one, along with the hot water helping alleviate the cramps he had been experiencing through the morning. It hadn't been anything too concerning, but it had to have been another catalyst in him getting sick.

The blonde tilts head, watching Bucky's fingers trail along the top of the water as he sat outside the tub, appreciating that he had wanted to sit in there with him. He also thought it was sweet that the other had been working through a parenting book for the past couple days, eyes trailing the hand out of the water to dry itself before turning the page.

Fingers come back to sway lightly in the water, enjoying the small current it made near his stomach. He rests his own hands on the small bump of his tummy, really feeling the difference now. He wasn't showing too much yet, but the blonde felt almost hyper-aware of his body now that he knew two babies were growing in it.

He was due for his second ultrasound at the end of the week, marking around the transition from twelve weeks to thirteen. The two of them were pretty set up for checks every four weeks with no one knowing what the serums would do. So far, everything was normal, and he hoped it would stay that way.

Eyes threaten to close with the warmth and rhythmic sounds from Bucky, much more relaxed than he had been even thirty minutes ago. He was worried he would doze off at this rate, but knew even if he did, the brunette would make sure he didn't accidentally drown himself.

Still, he doesn't want to put that stress on the other, sitting up a little more and drawing blue eyes his way. They made him feel even calmer just with a look.

"Feel any better?" Bucky asks, seeming to know that conversation was needed with a glance over. If they didn't talk, John knew he would sleep.

"Yeah. This helped," The blonde nods, cupping bubbles to put on Bucky's hand.

"Told you," He snorts, trying to wipe the suds off on John's arm, but failing when he dips it under the water to avoid him. The other squints, scooting up closer to wipe it on his beard instead.

"Hey— you can't bully me while giving an 'I told you so'," John protests, wiping the bubbles off with wet hand. Then promptly splashing water out at Bucky.

The brunette quickly holds the book away from the water, squinting in challenge over at him, but not acting on it more than using the hand towel to dry himself. He leans to put the book up on the counter instead, shifting to be able to lay chin on the edge of the tub and look in at John.

John offers wet hand out for him to take, glad when he doesn't protest on it, pulling it into the water to rest on his tummy too. Every time he had cramps or just felt overly bloated, it felt better immediately when Bucky had a hand on him. Sure, it was likely a mental thing, but— didn't matter if it worked.

"They behave when you have your hand on them," The blonde murmurs, catching the red springing on Bucky's cheeks.

"I like having my hand on them," Buck says back, voice taking that soft tone. It was a growing habit every time he 'talked' to them. Talking about the pregnancies in general pulled that dip of softness into the other man's voice. It was love. And as much as John would deny it, it was starting to be aimed at him too.

Love out of pure care for each other wasn't a crazy jump to make, knowing that the whole team was in the same boat. It was a bond; one that he was thankful to have in his life again. He couldn't fathom where he'd be at now in life without them. He knew Bucky cared for him. That was obvious— He would have to be an idiot not to realize that. He just— didn't know how much further that love was stretching.

Hormones had to be playing a huge part too; another thing that was insanely obvious to him. They both were a victim to mood swings, but where John got aggravated or upset, Bucky got docile or sniffly. He felt a little sorry for their team, but then again, the others almost took turns in trailing them when either were out of the bedroom. Which, they had begun sleeping together in John's bed.

"Might need to get out soon," John admits, getting even more tired at the thought of a nap.

"You look sleepy," Buck snorts quietly, taking hand out of the water to dry off. He stands, going off for the closet to get John a towel, but sitting down again to not rush him.

The blonde weighs how tired he was to how much longer he wanted to stay in, deciding after a few more minutes that the sleepiness was starting to outweigh his enjoyment. He supposed he could take another later if he felt bad again. He had no idea how Bucky was dealing with nausea so often. Probably why he had been extra grumpy recently. It sucked.

The brunette stands as John hits the drain, offering hands out to help him get to feet safely. He takes the towel offered, watching in a bit of amusement as the man quickly gets a second one down for him to step out on. He didn't even have to tease needing help on things with how on it Bucky was the past couple weeks.

John dries himself off, taking the help without a fuss in stepping out onto the second towel. He does one more rub down with the towel before laying it across the rim of the tub. Just in case he did decide on a second bath later. Might could even talk Bucky into joining.

"You want clothes?" Buck muses, back-stepping towards where he had the pajamas already set down.

"Yeah. Don't wanna get cold," John decides, holding hand out to take them. He didn't even have to ask if the clothes were Bucky's, knowing from a glance that they weren't his own. He had been complaining about getting new clothes soon, his own becoming uncomfortable. The other man wore a size up from himself, so it worked as a temporary alternative.

John gets soft pajama pants pulled up and tied, taking the shirt next, but pausing on putting it on just yet. "Am I showing more? I feel bigger." He asks, turning to the side to let Bucky have a proper look.

Blue eyes flick down, lingering with a soft look before the man nods to that, "Yeah, for sure. I think we're going to need to go buy clothes soon," He replies, seemingly containing himself from touching at him again.

"Feels like it too," He says back with a tiny pout pulling at lips. He didn't necessarily care that he was gaining, knowing it was more from having twins growing in there, but he was upset that he was going to have to get all new clothes likely more than once to accommodate. He could practically predict the back pain that was coming when the twins grew even bigger.

Bucky offers a smile, eyes staying as he gets the shirt on, glad when it's just as soft as the pants. Maybe he would let Bucky be the one to pick out clothes, knowing he was very particular about the feel of fabrics on skin.

"Don't think I've gained much still," Buck comments, pulling his own shirt up to look down at his stomach. There were spots that looked fuller, mostly around his hips, but no clear indications yet on weight gain. Definitely not in the same boat that John had been at eight weeks.

"No, not yet," The blonde agrees, moving closer to put both hands on his sides, rubbing thumbs gently against the man's stomach.

Buck makes a new sound at that, somewhere between a flustered and surprised noise. John wanted to touch the man's stomach more often, knowing everyone else gravitated towards his own with showing so early on. The brunette just seemed so— guarded. Sure, part of that was just how Bucky was, but the other part had to have something to do with the voiced fears he was having.

He wanted to touch him more often. Craved it almost. To be close and warm. Safe.

John leans in to kiss him on the lips a couple times, glad when it earns one of those soft smiles out of the brunette.

"Don't worry about that too much, yeah? Olivia didn't really show much until around twenty weeks. You're doing fine," He reassures, bumping foreheads with the other man.

Bucky exhales slow, body relaxing more as he carefully takes one of the hands off himself to hold instead. "I know I need to expect differences between us— especially for twins," He mumbles, eyes squeezed shut until John takes head off him.

He nods, swaying their hands lightly in the hold, "Never know, we don't know if you're having just one yet."

"Don't say that. I'm stressed enough over carrying one."

John grins at that, "What? Don't think you can keep up with me?" He tries to tease.

Buck rolls eyes, though smile staying lightly in place, "Can anyone?" He pokes back, gently tugging him along to leave the bathroom. He only lets go of his hand when they get to the bed, moving to pull the blankets back and get the pillows how John liked them. Then making a half dramatic motion for him to get in bed.

"You're laying down too, right?" John asks.

"Yeah. I'm going to go grab us a snack first."

The blonde gets into bed, getting comfortable as Bucky helps pull the blankets over him. He felt like the number of random pillows and quilts on the bed kept multiplying, even if most appeared on Buck's side of the bed.

"Get me some orange juice?"

"You got it," The brunette nods, making sure the blankets are where he wants them on John before parting to leave.

John grabs phone off the charger, checking messages to reply to the others that he felt a lot better now.

He snorts as an intentionally blurry picture of Bucky is added to the group chat, but not blurry enough to take away clearly flipping one of them off as he reaches into a cabinet.

"The Sassquatch has emerged again. It's grumpy." Ava sends.

"He was sweet in here. What'd you guys do to him?" John sends back.

"Yelena told him that only tall people can get to the cups."

"He can't reach the ones with lids," Yelena adds on.

"Do I need to come in there?" John sends, already feeling the grin pulling at his own lips. He knew what was coming.

"No."

"No"

"No!!!!"

"Are you trying to make Bucky kill us??"

"Yeah. It'd be pretty funny," John sends back, smiling more at the variety of sad emojis that he gets back. "You know he's going to see these right?"

"He doesn't know how a phone works. He's too old."

"Yeah, doesn't he have a jitterbug?" Bob sends.

"I don't know what that is. And I'm going to pretend it's not an insult." Bucky adds in.

"🫣"

"😨"

"😣"

"☺️ Hi Bucky." Bob plays innocent.

"I don't like any of you." Bucky sends.

"Right. You love us." John quickly pokes in.

"Yeah!"

"Awww"

"He's such a sweet guy."

":/" Bucky sends.

John flicks eyes over to the door as the brunette manages it open seconds later, amused as he has his haul tucked into metal arm, while clearly having been texting with the other one. "You got all of that?"

"Yeah," Buck says, closing the door with his foot. He makes his way over to the bed, tossing phone over on his own side before using freed hand to hand the cup of juice to John first. He leans to put the box of Cheez-its and Goldfish in the middle part of the bed, then emptying pockets of a few miscellaneous packages of graham crackers and fruit gummies.

"Hungry?" The blonde muses.

"What makes you think that?" Bucky snorts, rounding the bed to set a water and apple juice bottle on his own side table.

"Please take a nap after eating. You do not need to throw up any of this."

"Don't boss me around," The other snorts, even if he seemed pretty agreeing of the idea.

"You? You're the one bossing me around about taking missions in my place," John brings up, picking up his cup of juice to sip.

"Because you're pregnant."

"So are you!"

"I'm more careful."

"You are not."

Buck huffs, stripping to swap to just pajama pants and join him in the bed. He doesn't say more, giving clear signs that he didn't want to talk about this right now.

John relents in it, deciding it wasn't worth risking working them both up while he was sleepy. They could have a more 'adult' discussion on it later.

It wasn't like the team was letting either of them go on anything necessarily dangerous, but he still wanted to do the work. It got him out and moving, and feeling like he was doing his purpose. He knew Bucky was just being protective, but— if anything John was more worried about him risking himself.

"Thank you for the snacks," He gives, not wanting either of them getting too into their heads about it.

"Mh," Buck half hums, trying to get a bag open without pulling too hard to bust it.

"You okay?" John tries.

"Mhh," The brunette grunts.

"Love you? Don't be grumpy?" He tries.

"Mhhhh, fine. Love you too."

John blinks innocently over towards him, knowing he actually does give when the brunette leans to shove a gummy into his mouth. "T'an's," He muffles with it between teeth.

Buck hums in his more relaxed way before promptly shaking the whole package into his mouth. Oh yeah, he was the perfect man for him.

"You wanna listen to my stomach?" The blonde asks as he watches in amusement between sips of juice.

The other man nods with chewing, pushing the snacks up more as John pulls covers downwards for now. He was sure Bucky would fuss over covering him back up later. He was such a mother-hen.

His body immediately relaxes more at Buck laying head on his tummy, watching him listening carefully. A smile pulls at lips at seeing him close eyes, knowing he was hearing itty bitty heartbeats. One of the perks of enhanced senses.

John breathes slow, watching the rise and fall of his own body as the brunette stays put. He keeps still as long as the other man wants to listen, unsure how long it was by the time he finally parts.

As expected, Buck gets the blankets pulled up again, even leaning over to half tuck the comforter against his legs.

"Trapping me?"

"Yeah."

Eyes follow him until he settles, moving to snag the box of Cheez-its to snack on. He enjoys the show of Bucky devouring the few other fruit gummy packets before moving on to graham crackers, but at least sharing more of those.

Being warm, comfortable, and having a snack was really making him sleepy. It was already weird sleeping regularly again, but— he felt like the two of them were napping a good amount. He wouldn't complain.

He finishes off his juice, brushing crumbs away, then scooting himself down to get comfortable. He was ready for that nap.

Buck takes that cue to wrap up eating, putting the boxes on the bedside table and downing the rest of his own juice. John watches him brush off the bed before getting under the covers, amused at how he practically blockades himself on one side with pillows. He hears the thunk of the other dropping prosthetic off the bed, glad he wasn't looking to put cold fingers on him.

The blonde raises arm to let him snuggle up, relaxing as a hand finds his side as the other man nuzzles up under his chin. Bucky had admitted to him to liked to sleep against his chest because he wanted to hear his heartbeat.

It was sweet.

Plus, he enjoyed the firm warmth of Bucky practically koaled onto his body. He liked the way he felt protected— their babies were protected.

He knew they would have to sleep differently once both of them got bigger, but he was sure they could find a way to keep close. Close was important to him. It made him feel safe and cared about. He knew both of those things were true with Bucky. He just hoped the other felt the same way with him.

John relaxes fully as fingers run along his back, feeling each warm breath roll against his chest. The steadiness lulls him, pushing him off into sleep.

Chapter Text

"Excuse me? You want me to what?" Sam gets in over the phone.

"Help him with this mission. Just— please?" Bucky practically whimpers out, wound up in a tizzy of hormones and worry. "Just— this once? I'll owe you big time."

Sam makes a noise somewhere between a scoff and a huff. "This is extremely last minute, you know," He says, which isn't a 'no'. It gives Bucky hope in convincing him.

"I know— this wasn't supposed to be this way— Yelena was supposed to take this one, but— their transport home got fucked up," Buck huffs, squeezing poor Bob's arm a little harder in his metal one.

"If she could handle it alone, then shouldn't Walker be able to?"

"Yeah— I just— It's a situation— and—" Bucky was almost sniffling at that point, not caring about any looks he was earning on the subway. He doubted it was getting much besides the fact that he was an Avenger about to have a mental breakdown.

Sam's quiet for a longer moment this time, the phone picking up a hint of an exhale on the other end. He was giving, Bucky knew he was, but it was still keeping him stressed. "What's going on?"

Hormones, stress, whatever it was, he's finding the other brunette's hand to squeeze with metal one instead. He felt absolutely horrible that he was acting this way around the last person that was capable of handling it. John was supposed to be the one coming to the appointment with him, but with Yelena unable to come back in time, the blonde was having to pick up the slack.

Bucky couldn't go with him either, not daring to miss this appointment for their baby's sake. He had already been in the grips of a mood swing when John broke the news about the sudden change, and it had left him crying pathetically with trying to get ready to leave by himself.

Whether he was regretting it now or not, Bob had offered to go with him. He had gotten better about it being safe to touch skin to skin, but with the massive stress, it was safer to not risk it. The prosthetic was a great buffer right now.

"Bucky, come on, talk to me. What's going on?" Sam urges, voice at a place between worry and frustration.

Buck can't help the tiniest sniffle, already feeling the embarrassment for how he was acting. He knew he was being ridiculous right now. He wished he could be acting literally any other way about the situation.

"John's pregnant. I didn't want him on this mission. If he got hurt— Sam please."

He wasn't against begging. He hadn't been since he thought to call the number. He knew Sam was too kindhearted to say no, but he also had known he was going to have to tell him first.

The shock is evident even over the phone, the silence only ending with a, "Bucky."

The brunette sniffles again, trying his damn best not to squeeze Bob's hand too hard. He didn't want to bruise him on top of everything else he was putting the poor guy through.

"I can't go to help him— I'm pregnant too— and I have an appointment I really needed to be at," He admits with another sniffle escaping.

He hears the phone being shifted around with, almost expecting to hear the click of being hung up on. It doesn't come, but a sigh does.

"Send me the details— I'll go help him. But when I call later, you pick up this phone, you hear me?"

"I will. Promise."

"I'm going to hang up. Will you take five deep breaths after?"

"Okay."

"Yes?"

"Yes."

There's a short pause where something else might have been said, but it's decided against as the call ends.

Bucky lowers the phone, quickly forwarding Sam the details as he tries to take those breaths to calm back down. He did feel better with him agreeing, knowing that John would be okay with him of all people. At least physically. He didn't know how much shit they were going to give each other.

He slips phone back into jacket, zipping the pocket to make sure it stays in before moving hand up to rub at face.

A few tears had managed to escape, cheeks prickling in more embarrassment than he already was in.

"He going?" Bob asks, turning Bucky's attention to him.

"Yeah," He nods, mentally forcing himself to let go of the other's hand to just lock arms again. He knew sticking close was good for both of them.

"We have one more stop before ours. You, um, okay?"

Buck nods a little, rubbing at face again, "Yeah. Sorry."

"Hey— it's okay. You're just having a tough day," Bob reassures, glancing over to him before attention goes back to watching the doors.

"Yeah," Bucky almost sniffles again. He was having a tough day, knowing he shouldn't really be. He knew it was hormones, but it didn't help him feel any less ridiculous.

He was just— so worried about John right now. He wasn't nauseous at the moment, but he felt absolutely sick with worry.

The blonde hadn't batted an eye with the change in plan except for not being able to go with him. He had pouted a little, but otherwise had reassured Buck that everything would be okay at the appointment. Then when Bucky had started making a fuss on him going on the mission alone— he had reassured him then too. He said he could handle it, and the brunette knew that he could. But— what if something happened?

Bucky rubs hand at his face again, flicking eyes to the doors as they open. The next stop would be theirs at least. Maybe if he could get this appointment over with, he would calm down some. He hoped so for everyone else's sake in dealing with himself.

"I'll buy you whatever you want for lunch on the way back," He offers quietly to Bob, "As thanks for coming."

"Ooh, okay," The other agrees, "Thanks."

Buck nods, feeling like he owed him lunch for the rest of the month for this. He had to give Bob credit, he was doing incredibly well with juggling both his emotional teammate and navigating public transport. The latter had been opted into as the fastest way with streets being closed from an incident the night before that Spider-Man had dealt with.

He pulls phone back out as it buzzes a couple times, reading a text from Sam to say he was about to go meet up with John. It made him feel a lot better. He owed Sam too.

The phone is slipped back away as they get to their stop, standing with the other brunette to quickly exit. They stay glued together with arms locked, Bucky being the one to take the lead to get them through people and up the steps.

He keeps the lead until they can be more side-by-side, getting to the bus stop they needed next. It would be the third stop once they got on there and a very brief walk.

He would definitely opt for an Uber to take them home the long way on the way back, depending on where they ended up at for lunch. He was hungry already, but hadn't wanted to eat much before the appointment. He still felt bad about puking in the bushes last time.

"Little better now?" Bob asks as they wait for the bus.

"Think so," Bucky nods. Walking a little had helped distract him too, even if it made him feel a bit crampy.

"Tummy okay?"

Buck nods again. No nausea was a blessing.

The bus pulls up, letting the couple others go first before getting on, glad when there's a pair of seats free near the door. He lets Bob have the window seat, own eyes flicking around to other people in an attempt to keep himself distracted. He catches a couple trying to sneak a picture of him, offering a tiny smile before glancing elsewhere.

Neither he nor John were looking forward to when the pregnancies went public, knowing it was bound to happen. If Val didn't take it as an opportunity to garner positive attention, then the gossip magazines would run with it as soon as they caught one of them showing. Probably John. The bump couldn't be seen through clothes yet, but— it would get there fast at this rate.

They manage to make it even earlier than planned, having around twenty minutes before the appointment. While Buck was relieved on being on time, he was dreading the wait.

He gets checked in before excusing himself to the bathroom, needing to pee really damn bad, but also wanting a moment to just rinse his face with cold water and calm down.

His plan of calming down gets thrown sideways when he spots blood on his underwear. While he knew spotting was normal— and that it wasn't even a lot of blood— his earlier stresses are winding him right back up.

Bucky tries to breathe and reassure himself that it was fine, and that he would just feel better after the appointment was over. The blood was normal. He would bring it up. He just needed to wait a little longer.

The containment on his emotions lasts until he sits back down next to Bob, giving a nervous look over.

"You okay?" The other brunette asks, already frowning.

Buck opens mouth to try to say he was, but instead he clamps mouth back closed to whimper out a sniffle. He shakes head, cheeks reddening in embarrassment as he tears up all over again.

"Oh— hey— you're okay—" Bob quickly tries, finding metal hand to take again. "Does something hurt?"

Bucky shakes head.

"Just worried?"

Bucky nods.

"The appointment or John?"

"Both," He manages before sniffling even harder about it. He felt just— crazy. Wound up tight over things that he knew were okay. But he didn't know they were okay.

It made him feel worse to cry in public, barely having had his own teammates caught him slightly sniffly before. He felt like an absolute mess.

"It's okay. You can be upset," The other man tries.

Bucky sniffles harder, covering face with hands to cry into. He picks up the sound of Bob frantically texting, figuring the messages were going in the group chat for help. He felt really bad about having his breakdown on the one least suited to handle it, hiccuping breaths as a hand firmly rubs on his back.

His outburst is quickly noticed by the staff, earning him tissues and reassurances before a nurse takes him back to a room to have it dark and quiet. He's offered a thin blanket and medication to help, taking both even if the pill wouldn't stay in his system long. If it could just— get him through the appointment.

He felt like when they put a blanket over a cage for an animal. A good tactic too, since it finally manages to bring him back to just unintentionally sniffly breaths.

Fingers find his phone, checking the time to see how long he likely had to keep calm— a little over five minutes if the appointment was on time. He sort of hoped they would take him late, but— also wanted to get this over with. He wanted to know about his baby.

Buck almost puts the phone back away when a call comes through from John, quickly sliding the button to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Really Bucky? Sam? I told you I would be fine," The man immediately starts with. It might've been a joke; really, it probably was a joke.

But the words get Bucky to shove back into a mess of tears and hiccuped breaths. He didn't even really think it was from the words, but more hearing John's voice. More wanting him there and safe.

"Woah— hey— Bucky hey— What's wrong, honey?" The voice dipping to concern and softness.

The brunette squeezes eyes shut, sniffling hard as he tries to find his voice again. The only upside was that no one could see him right now. His first attempt at talking only comes out as a whimper.

"Honey, talk to me," John tries again.

There's shuffling with the phone before catching Sam's voice, then it comes again much clearer, "Give me the phone, Walker."

More shuffling with the phone as John obviously relents in the request. Bucky keeps eyes squeezed shut, feeling tears hitting his arm to run down onto the blanket. He really hoped that his appointment would be a little late now.

"Bucky?" Sam somewhat greets.

The only answer he can offer is another whimpered sound, sniffling hard.

"You gotta calm down, okay? I promise the only thing that's going to hurt your boyfriend is me kicking his ass, okay?" The man tries in a joke, but surely knowing Buck was too upset to reply. He can hear John say something, but the phone doesn't pick up what.

"You sitting down?"

Bucky offers a tiny, "Mhm."

"Alright— Keep your arms above your chest. Don't squeeze your body any, alright? Breathe."

The brunette does so, putting his phone on speaker to set in his lap for now. He gives a sniffly noise, unable to really get in a good breath, but chest not feeling so tight with arms up.

"Breathing not being easy, okay. That's fine," Sam comments, voice staying level on the other end. He can hear footsteps crunching around the other end of the phone, figuring it had to be his boyfriend trying to listen in. He was bad about that. "I'm going to count in four second groups. I want you to breathe in, hold, breathe out, hold. It's okay if it takes a few times to get under control, okay?"

"Okay," Bucky finally manages out, cheeks flushing darker at just how pitiful his voice sounded. He hated feeling vulnerable. He hated crying and how he felt afterwards. He hated all the attention. The only upside he could come up with was that he hadn't thrown up during any of his outbursts.

Sam counts him through breathing, able to get a handle on it after a few rounds. He wondered how many times the man had done this. Maybe the thought of Sam having been a counselor did help with not being so embarrassed. It spoke volumes in general that he was willing to not only go out and help John on a mission so last minute, but now being trying to calm Buck down out of his episode. He should've told him about the pregnancies sooner. He should be making an effort to not let the man out of his life.

"'m okay," Buck gets out when he feels confident that he could talk again.

"You want me to give the phone back?" Sam asks.

"Yeah— need to talk to him."

"Alright. But I'm smacking him upside the head if he makes me have to take it back again."

"Try to be nice?" He wouldn't.

"Him first," Sam snorts before hearing the phone exchange hands. John wouldn't either.

"You alright?" John asks right away, voice giving away his stress immediately.

Bucky— hoped that the other man wouldn't have to talk his boyfriend out of a tizzy too. He felt like shit for stressing out the pregnant man to begin with. "It's— I'm okay," He manages back.

"What's got you upset?"

It was a fair question. He didn't know if he had a direct answer, which threatens up another round of tears. The brunette takes a deep breath, swallowing and shoving the feeling back down.

"Just— acting crazy."

"Honey, I'm sorry to say, but you are crazy."

Buck smiles a tiny bit.

"You at the appointment? Is everything okay?"

"Just— waiting," Bucky answers, not daring to mention that the spots of blood had been the thing to really set him in a panic.

"I'm sorry I'm not there."

His lip quivers.

"When are you supposed to be back?" Buck forces out.

"I think tomorrow?"

He sniffles.

"Can you come tonight?"

"I— I can try. I don't know."

"Please?"

"I can't say for sure."

Yep. Sniffling again. "Please?"

"I— I'll do my best to."

"Okay," He whimpers out, trying to just take that answer.

"I don't know if I can answer the phone again soon, but you'll text me what the doctor says?"

"Yeah."

John sighs on the other end, "Thank you. I'm sorry if I upset you."

"You didn't," Bucky sniffles. Maybe he had a bit, but he could admit it was more from the ache of missing him. Hearing his voice had been the catalyst more than what it had said. "I just miss you."

"You miss me? That's a first," The blonde tries to tease.

"Don't try to embarrass me. I've done that enough to myself," Buck huffs, rubbing metal hand at his face to have the cold helping.

"Sorry. I just— didn't expect hearing you upset. I don't really know what to say," John admits, "I miss you too."

Eyes flick to the ceiling to try to keep in the tears, but feeling stray ones escaping down cheeks again. "I should go. Think I need the quiet for a couple minutes."

"Okay. I'll text you when I can."

Bucky bites lip a moment before, "I love you."

There's a beat of silence before, "I love you too. I'll try to see you tonight."

"Okay," The brunette breathes, moving to hang up before anything else can be said. He didn't think he could handle hearing John's voice any longer without him being there. He wanted him there.

The appointment went completely fine. Good even. The doctor had been extremely sweet and good about talking him through things. They could see a very tiny fetus this time and guessed he was around ten weeks by the size.

There was a tiny heart beating. He got to listen.

The bleeding had been explained away as irritation in the uterus from where the fetus had chosen to settle, likely just spotting from scar tissue being so fragile in him. The doctor had still recommended to keep on the every four week plan for check-ups with the risk of complications, and that she would try to be the doctor to take every appointment if she could. It would offer better consistency on his case.

John's doctor had said the same at his last appointment. He was sure the two might convene with being the first doctors to follow super soldier pregnancies. He was thankful they were both very good about the two's privacy too.

The boost of reassurances the appointment gives him was enough to help keep himself together on getting lunch with Bob, then getting a ride home. He tries to apologize for stressing the other brunette out, but he was being good about reassuring him too.

It's sort of funny how they both slip away as soon as they got home, not out of any negative feelings, but just to go de-stress in different spots. They could find each other if the need popped up, but for now— alone time was good.

Bucky sends a text to John as promised, along with a picture he had taken of the printed ultrasound. He leaves the paper in the favorite sitting area, putting it next to the one John had gotten at his last appointment. Something about looking at all three sets him off again, quickly hiding away in his own room, not wanting to go in John's in case that made missing him worse.

* * *

The water had gone from hot to warm, but not dipping near cold yet as Bucky zones out on the shower floor. The heavy spray against his shoulders feels nice, keeping eyes shut as he continues to enjoy the feeling.

At some point, he must've dozed off, only aware of the realization when the water shuts off and a towel hugs down over shoulders. He lifts head, blinking heavily with the light in the bathroom being on now, quickly finding the other man knelt down outside the shower door.

"Hi," John smiles.

Bucky barely resists the gut reaction to pounce on him, "Hi."

Hands offer to help him up, taking it before drying himself off. He brushes and pulls up damp hair to just air-dry, skipping the clothes before he latches himself onto the other man in a hug. Arms lock back around him, swaying them both slowly as the brunette plants way too many kisses to the other's cheek and neck.

"You doing okay?" John asks, hand rubbing down along his spine firmly as Buck squeezes around his middle.

"Better now."

He felt like his body was out of tears, but— they weren't needed with John back with him. He was better.

"Was Sam nice?"

"No. But he did keep me out of trouble."

"Good."

John scrunches up nose a little bit at that. Buck was sure Sam was his normal amount of sassy, but he trusted him of all people to have his boyfriend's back with his team not there. He felt like he owed him a thousand more thank yous.

"Missed you."

"Missed you too."

Buck pulls back enough to kiss him on the lips, holding it for a long minute before pulling away to look at the other man. He was so fucking pretty. He can't help himself in moving hands to cup around the blonde's face, pressing more kisses until he gets him blushing dark.

"Make love to me," The brunette gets out before stealing a kiss from lips again.

John makes a noise, somehow getting even redder, "Aren't you pregnant enough?" He jokes, clearly flustered.

"Is that a no?" Buck grins back.

"Obviously not. When have I ever said no to sex?" The blonde snorts, dipping in for a kiss.