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One year had now passed since the worst day of Chuuya Nakahara’s life.
The day his brother came into his life out of nowhere.
In most cases, it sounded like a great thing to have a long-lost sibling come back into one’s life after years. But Chuuya's life had been one of much misery, grief, and loss. So of course he wouldn't have the privilege of a good sibling, either.
The reason?
His brother, known to most as Paul Verlaine, had made his grand appearance by brutally murdering Chuuya’s group of friends, known as The Flags.
His eccentric, sometimes annoying, but always loving and loyal friend group. Gone in an instant. There one day, and gone the next. With no warning.
Just earlier that day, the five Flags had gotten together and thrown a party for Chuuya to celebrate his one-year anniversary of joining the Port Mafia.
How could Chuuya go from (reluctantly at first) attending his anniversary party that his friends had so thoughtfully thrown for him to mourning their unexpected, untimely deaths the next?
He supposed it really was true that no one is promised tomorrow.
But why couldn't his best friends have had that promise? They deserved it most of all.
After Chuuya had been backstabbed (literally) by a former friend of his when he joined the Mafia, he had found himself alone without anyone by his side.
That had all changed the minute the quirky but lovable quintet who called themselves the Flags walked into his life, took him under their wings, and befriended him.
Chuuya had been distrustful at first, as one would after being backstabbed in both senses of the word. He didn't want to be hurt again. What if these people eventually left him, too? Or died?
...Which did end up happening, Chuuya thought sadly, bitterly, and wryly all at the same time.
His friends did unfortunately die, but they never once betrayed or left him before they left this world. They'd always been there for him, always checked on him when he got a little too focused on work and forgot to take care of himself, always did their best to cheer him up when he was feeling down, always cared about him even after learning how deeply imperfect he was.
And now it was all gone.
Just a year ago, Chuuya had felt like he finally belonged somewhere. Not just somewhere, but to someone. He had a supportive, caring group of friends. He loved them just as much as they loved him. They spent every spare moment they could together. Even though they often all got busy with work, they still carved out time to hang out.
That was all but a distant memory now as Chuuya stood before their graves with flowers in his hand. Sometimes he still couldn't believe they were really gone. The best friends he'd ever made had left him after all. Not because they chose to, but because their lives were taken. They had all died way too soon.
And he didn't even get to say goodbye to them.
That was the worst part. If they really had to die, Chuuya wished he could've at least said goodbye to them while they were still here, not when they were already six feet under.
He wished he could've been able to prevent them from dying at all.
He felt so angry. At Verlaine for causing all of this, at his friends for leaving him after all even if it wasn't something they had chosen or ever would choose, and most of all at himself for not being there and being able to keep them alive.
Chuuya knelt down, formed his hand into a fist, and punched the ground, trying to hold in the sudden onslaught of emotion that threatened to overpower him.
He took off his hat and gazed down at each one of the five graves, starting with Doc.
He sighed. “Doc…you were always a bit on the creepy side, I'll admit. You freaked me out sometimes. But you were one of my best friends, and darn it if I don't miss you. You weren't supposed to be gone yet. You never were. Thanks for always patching me up when I got injured. With how often it happened, I wouldn't be surprised if I was the main reason you kept your job. The one that you were always so great at with the way you wanted to save as many lives as you could.” He placed a flower on the gravestone.
He moved his gaze to Iceman’s grave next. “Iceman…you were always the sensible one of us all, weren't you? And one of the best hitmen I knew. Nothing ever seemed to get past you or scare you. You were probably the bravest out of us all. Sometimes it got on my nerves how calm you were at all times. It made me wonder if you cared about anything. But I learned that you did after I got to know you better. You were one of the nicest people I ever met. I always loved those times where we’d drink coffee and listen to records together, it was a nice, peaceful time away from all the danger and combat of our jobs. And…I wonder if even knowing you were going to die scared you. I'm sure it must've. Does anyone face the threat of death and feel okay about it? …I miss you.” He laid the next flower down on the grave.
Next, he looked at the stone that read Lippmann’s name. “Lippmann…you were probably the best actor I ever knew, and with the most amazing looks to match. You were always the calm one to my hotheadedness. I remember how you would take the time to give me some pointers even when I was being my usual stubborn self and saying I didn't care. You still took the time to teach me. And not just acting, so many other things too. So many things that I still carry with me even now. One of them being how to negotiate and make deals with the way you were always so mellow and eloquent when you spoke. Whenever I find myself in that position nowadays, I think back to what you taught me.” Another flower was laid there to rest, just as Lippmann had unfairly been.
Chuuya paused and attempted to swallow down the lump that had formed in his throat and blink away his tears before continuing.
Next, he shifted his gaze to Piano Man’s grave as he rubbed at his eyes. “Piano Man…you were absolutely one of the best examples of a leader that I've ever known. You not only founded, led, and named this little group, but you truly could've been an executive if that was something you ever decided you wanted to do. That’s just how smart you were. The only thing that probably kept you from that position was your infamous tendency to miss deadlines by months. I'll be honest…that was always a big reason I looked up to you so much. I wanted to be like you one day, be a strong leader, the type of leader who takes care of those under them no matter what. I still want to be like you, even though you're gone now. But I'm not sure I'll ever measure up.” He gave a small salute before setting a flower down.
Finally, Chuuya moved his eyes to Albatross’s grave. “Albatross…old buddy. You were absolutely the most outgoing person I ever met. You always lit up every room you entered, you ray of sunshine. But you were also beyond great at your job. You were the one who taught me how to drive, after all. That was a pretty big milestone, even if I almost crashed multiple times. You never gave up on me, you only ever encouraged me to keep going. And I did…and it worked. And…” The redhead had to pause again before continuing to speak. “I hate that I found you and Doc just moments before you died and I had to watch you both die. That was the worst day of my life, finding that all of you were gone.” With shaking hands, Chuuya laid down the last flower.
Having now given all of his eulogies and placed all his flowers down, Chuuya stepped back slightly and just sat in front of the row of graves that cemented in stone the harsh reality that his friends were all gone and had been for a year now.
Chuuya still felt so lost without them, and he wondered if he would ever feel even a little bit okay again. He wondered if there would ever come a time where he didn't lose everyone he held dear.
He knew losing people was inevitable. He knew no one lived forever, even if some wanted to. He knew life was short, death was certain, and that would always be their burden.
He hated how much death was involved not just in his own life, but in the world in general.
Did everyone in the world have to die?
Everyone in the world had to die.
He didn't know what these tears would say, but he missed his friends that went away.
If Chuuya was being honest, he was still holding on to everything that was dead and gone.
He didn't want to say goodbye cause this one meant forever.
Now they were in the stars and six feet never felt so far.
Chuuya wondered how many more times he’d end up having to say goodbye. He had only been alive for seventeen years. He wasn't even an adult yet and he had already lost so many people. He wondered if his life would always look like this: making friends and growing close to people only to lose them in some way not too long after.
It was hard to say goodbye when he knew that it was over.
How many goodbyes could fit in a lifetime?
He wanted to say goodbye, but there was nobody left.
But maybe…
Someplace through the dark, he and the Flags would meet again and never part. Maybe the heavens would break. He hoped for his sake that if they ever did, he'd be there with them.
He hoped so. He really did.
And that thought was one of the very few things that kept him going when the world got to be too much: he would one day be reunited with his friends.