Chapter Text
Every concert has its own charm.
Kaveh can’t put a finger on what determines it; maybe it’s the crowd, the atmosphere of the arena, the group’s energy, or all of the above. He only knows he wants to stay on stage until his bones give out, and he won’t be able to sing and dance anymore.
Cheers and screams blend with the loud bass of the music, a cathartic harmony Kaveh has been addicted to for years. The lights are nearly blinding and warm, sweat sticks to his back and glides from Kaveh’s forehead. One of his in-ear hangs around his neck as he drinks in the crowd’s united voice as they sing along with Tighnari’s verse.
Banners and signs fly high in the air. Kaveh has a hard time reading any of them, unless he goes to the edge of the stage and squints hard.
Each concert is different, but he enjoys them all with the same love.
A genuine smile is plastered across his lips, even if he has to share the stage with Alhaitham. Even if he has to admit that his voice is beautiful, he only declares it in moments where they are both high from adrenaline and the rush of excitement.
It’s the encore now, Alhaitham, and he danced around each other the whole concert — both literally and metaphorically. Exchanging long glances, touches that went on a little longer than necessary, side hugs and soft smiles; all part of their fanservice agreement.
Yet, as Alhaitham stands and sings the last part of their song, illuminated by the lights of the stage, he bathes in silvers, blues, and greens. Kaveh can barely tear his eyes away. The lights are warm, and Kaveh’s neck and cheeks are in flames.
Tighnari pats him on the back once the music quiets and the cheers of the fans echo. His eyes reflecting with a mischievous spark, Kaveh hurries to the centre of the stage to give their ending speeches.
“Wow.” Cyno laughs into his mic, catching his breath. “Tsurumi, you were fantastic tonight!”
Cheers erupt, and they delve into the well-practised speeches. Despite hearing them multiple times throughout practice, Kaveh still listens to what the others say. Or, he would, if Alhaitham, out of nowhere, didn’t move a piece of hair out of his eyes.
Startled, Kaveh whips his head towards his group member. He stares at Alhaitham with wide eyes.
Like an innocent feline, Alhaitham only tilts his head slightly before his hands fall and answers whatever jab Cyno threw at him, while Kaveh’s mind is filled with storms. Acting as if his brief touch didn’t ignite something in Kaveh once more.
Damn you, fanservice. Damn you, management.
“Despite this being the first time in Inazuma, you all made it very magical and special for us,” Kaveh speaks into his red mic. The last one to give a speech. “Thank you for coming to our concerts and supporting us throughout the years. We will be back with more awesome songs and performances. Thank you!”
Backstage is cursed with the usual post-concert chaos. Staff turning off the lights, the machines that breathed life into the screens and stage mechanics. Tighnari had already disappeared into the dressing room, eager to get rid of his stage outfit. Cyno is still in talks with one of the protocol team staff.
Kaveh stands on the side, hands crossed in front of his chest as he watches Alhaitham a few steps away, conversing with manager Mehrak.
He doesn’t have to wait for Alhaitham; they share a dressing room, a car to the restaurant and the hotel.
Yet, he itches to get this all off his chest before he loses it all.
“Kaveh?”
Cyno calls for him, ready to leave the hall. Then, his sharp eyes wander off to Alhaitham. He shakes his head and walks away.
Kaveh grimaces after their leader. Cyno doesn’t understand the inner turmoil Kaveh has been going through for weeks now. Minutes later, Alhaitham strolls away from manager Mehrak and Kaveh wastes no time, falling in step with him.
“You should dial back,” Kaveh mutters.
“Hm?”
Busy with his in-ear, Alhaitham doesn’t look at him. He fluffs and messes up his carefully gelled hair. Kaveh scowls at him, but keeps his voice steady. The team know about the arrangement — they were the ones coming up with it, after all — but he would still rather not give them gossip topics.
“The fanservice. Dial it back.”
“Hm, why? Weren’t you the one who said we should give them a great show?”
Finally, Alhaitham looks at him. The kohl around his eyes smudged slightly along with the subtle brown eyeshadow, and his already piercing emerald eyes looked sharper. Or perhaps it’s all in Kaveh’s mind. In the dim hallway, Alhaitham looks less like an illuminated deity ready to be worshipped and more like the teen boy whom Kaveh shared his dreams with in their trainee days, fantasising about the day they would finally debut.
Kaveh shakes his head, trying to keep his blood from boiling. This wasn’t a great show; it was a full-course five-star meal for the fans who relentlessly ship them.
“You only listen to me when you want to make me suffer. Unbelievable.”
“But Senior, you didn’t look like you were suffering at all.” Alhaitham’s voice lilts, the corner of his lips tugging into one of his annoying smiles.
“That’s called great acting, Alhaitham. You trained to be an actor, you should know, no?”
“Well then, perhaps I should take lessons from you.” Alhaitham leans closer as a few of their protocol staff pass them. One hand carefully sneaking around Kaveh’s waist. “Your cheeks were particularly on fire. Indeed, great acting, Senior Kaveh.”
A cold shiver runs down Kaveh’s spine, yet he feels his face heat up once more. He dares to look at Alhaitham, looking all smug and almost victorious. Oh, how Kaveh would love to wipe that smirk off his face.
“You enjoy this, don’t you?” Kaveh accuses, jabbing his finger into Alhaitham’s chest. “This isn’t funny, Alhaitham.”
Something shifts in Alhaitham’s eyes. The sharp edges dull, and the warmth of his palm is gone in a second. He leans away. Kaveh’s foot slides closer.
“You are right. I’m sorry,” He sighs, taking a step back. “I will dial it down. Don’t worry.”
“I…”
“Hey, lovebirds.” Cyno interrupts with the grace of someone who is a daily witness to this. “Your mating dance is entertaining, but we are going to have a team dinner, and I’m starving.”
“So hurry, please!” Tighnari shouts from their shared dressing room.
“W-what… It’s not- Cyno!” Kaveh stutters through his words.
Alhaitham says nothing, only glances at Kaveh, and leaves for the dressing room. Kaveh narrows his eyes, staring needle and nails into his back until he disappears behind the door. He doesn’t even want to glance at Cyno, already knowing the look he will give him. That all-knowing one he usually wears when it comes to witnessing their fanservice.
Perhaps it’s his leader instincts, maybe it’s him knowing them all like the back of his hand. As Kaveh passes him, he remembers Cyno’s words when the management revealed their newest idea a few months ago: it’s going to end up in a disaster.
Kaveh thought it was pessimism, since it’s just acting, nothing more.
Except there weren’t cameras or fans in the hallway. The warmth Alhaitham’s hand left behind still lingers when Kaveh sheds his almost sheer blouse.
Now, he isn’t sure if Cyno was a pessimist or simply knew they would eventually slip into old habits.
“Congratulations on wrapping up the Inazuma leg of the tour.” Faruzan walks into the room, disrupting Kaveh’s thoughts with a clap. “You’ve worked hard in the past month, the company agreed to a few days of loose schedules once we are back in Sumeru.” She looks at Kaveh. “Except you, Kaveh, I’m sorry. The Sumeru Fashion Magazine starts a week earlier than planned.”
“It’s okay.” Kaveh sighs. “I will hibernate while I can.”
“Calculate in a quick meeting into your hibernation, Alhaitham, too.”
Alhaitham looks up, half of his eye makeup wiped away, hair clipped away from his eyes. “Why?”
Faruzan shakes her head. “I wasn’t informed about the subject of the meeting. But they assured me it would only take an hour, you needn’t worry, if it were about something bad, it would be longer.”
“When?”
“They don’t know yet, but once we land in Sumeru, I will know more.”
Kaveh blows his bangs away from his eyes. One part of him hopes it’s about the fanservice. That they proved to the fans, gossip pages and nosy paparazzi, he and Alhaitham aren’t mortal enemies, and they can finally end this ridiculous arrangement.
All of this only because of one ridiculous rumour.
He glances at Alhaitham, finding the other already looking at him through the mirror. Green eyes bore into his red ones.
Kaveh turns away.
dadjokesarefun: kaveh was really really awesome tonight!!!
Kavehs_feather: IKR?!! HE WAS SO COOL DURING THE DANCE BREAK AHHHH
Haih-haih: Alhaitham was cool too!
WeedByWeed: This is Kaveh’s live… Can we not mention that green toe?
Haih-haih: @WeedByWeed I hope you are not calling yourself an OT4. Kaveh and Alhaitham are very close!
KVTHM4EVER: Soulmates!
With a full belly and freshly showered, Kaveh sits by the low table, munching away on sweets he and Tighnari bought a few days ago. His eyes skim the comments, ignoring the impending fight.
His hair, freshly washed and a little damp here and there, falls around his shoulders and into his eyes. Free from the hairpins, the makeup, and the concert outfit, now he sits in an old t-shirt and sweatpants, stretching his toes as he sits on the ground.
After the flurry of the concert, it’s almost strange sitting alone in his hotel room.
“Ah, this was our last spot in the Inazuma tour, yes. I hope you liked our concert today, guys.” He beams after downing a full bottle of water.
His tired eyes scan the chat, and a small smile appears on his lips as he reads the overwhelmingly supportive messages. Every concert is draining, the preparation, the tight travel schedule, and not to mention the constant anxiety of hoping that everything goes well with the group, the performance. It’s taxing, but Kaveh wouldn’t change any of that.
Kaveh rolls his shoulders and cracks his neck. He sighs contentedly when it pops loudly. He will need to see a masseuse after they get back to Sumeru.
“Comeback?” He tilts his head, catching a comment with his eyes. “We just had a world tour, give us some time to prepare something good for all of you.”
Kavehs_feather: YES GUYS!! Let’s not pressure them!!
dadjokesarefun: will you guys come back to inazuma next tour?
Kaveh chuckles at the comment and reaches for another bite. “ I hope we can come back to Inazuma next time too, the cities are lovely, and the food is delicious! But since it was our first time in Inazuma, we couldn’t perform in many cities yet. Hopefully, next tour, we will have more opportunities to meet with you guys.”
WeedByWeed: Did you buy anything fun while you were in Inazuma?
He reaches around himself, sitting on the floor and the bed against him, and he fumbles with a bag a little and eventually shows the camera a well-decorated purple feather. His unexplained obsession with feathers is something that’s widely known by the fan base.
“Of course.” He smiles. “I saw it while Nari and I were going around Tsurumi. I also got a mug, but I have no idea where it is right now.” He sighs, dejected.
Clothes lie around the room. He carelessly threw his makeup bag at the desk by the window in the morning, and it still sits there, half open. His skincare bottles are scattered around the adjacent bathroom and the low table in front of him. Both of his suitcases are wide open, lying on the floor at the foot of the bed.
“The room is a mess.” He mumbles to himself rather than the audience.
KVTHM4EVER: Did someone capture when Alhaitham back-hugged Kaveh? Send me the link PLS! <3
Feather-sprouts: hld up, the official haikaveh fan acnt has it [link] bon appetit
His eyes catch the comment, and he goes rigid for a second before blowing out a sigh. It was such a fleeting moment. Kaveh is surprised fans caught it. Alhaitham sneaked his hand around his waist and pulled him towards himself when the lights dimmed after their speech.
It was more of a side hug than a back hug, if anyone would be bothered to ask Kaveh. It’s not the first time Alhaitham has done that; they are supposed to do this.
He chews around another bite while some people ask more questions about the tour, whether he had a good time altogether, and tell him to eat more since he looks like he has lost some weight.
Then, a knock on the door and the soft click of the lock don’t faze Kaveh as he takes another bite. How he survived these months without a drop of alcohol to tune this circus out is beyond him.
He doesn’t have to look up from where he sits to know who it is. He doesn’t need to look at the chat to see fans going wild and probably taking a hundred screenshots of the live, or to see the view counter shoot up. He doesn’t need to do anything because Alhaitham’s sage shampoo permeates the room in seconds as he lies on his stomach on Kaveh’s bed, and looks over his shoulder into the camera.
“Hello, everyone.” He mumbles and reaches to steal a piece of cherry blossom-flavoured cookies.
“Don’t eat while you are lying on the bed,” Kaveh warns him. “I will let you choke on it.”
Alhaitham hums nonchalantly, a little drowsy. Kaveh relishes these moments while he can. He takes a glance at him. Alhaitham blinks slowly, his hair sticks out at the side a bit, and Kaveh is half sure the shirt is inside out.
Did he really have to rush over?
Alhaitham takes a look around the room, then he looks at Kaveh. He seems more awake now. He grabs one of Kaveh’s pillows and gathers it in front of himself, resting his chin on it. “Your room is a mess. Not surprised.”
“Then why did you come over?” Kaveh points at Alhaitham with a half-eaten cookie between his fingers.
Kaveh only realises his mistake when he sees Alhaitham’s eyes light up with mischief, “Because it’s your room.” He states and leans forward, biting into the sweets. Lips brushing against the pads of Kaveh’s fingers.
His skin tingles.
Alhaitham’s self-satisfied smirk is almost blinding in the dim room. “Thank you, Senior Kaveh.” He sing-songs.
Kaveh grits his teeth, forcing a smile onto his lips. “You're welcome.”
Feather-sprouts: HSDLSFKJHDSLKDLS YOU ALL SAW THISLHSFLDHSF
Kavehswife: IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MEEEEEEE
KVTHM4EVER: FUCK MY SCREEN RECORDER DIED
Kavehs_feather: Don’t worry someone already put it up !!
KVTHM4EVER: THANK THE GAY GODS
WeedByWeed: They aren’t gay.
Haih-Haih: You are really just looking for trouble now buddy
Alhaitham disregards the chat; his eyes find Kaveh’s instead. “One more, please.”
“What am I? Your butler?” Kaveh grumbles, still, he fishes out another piece of cookie and holds it out for Alhaitham, while his other hand is under the spoon in case crumbles fall off.
“No way. Senior Kaveh is too pretty to be a butler.”
Kaveh leans to the side, hiding his mouth from the camera. “I’m going to strangle you.” Kaveh mouths at him as Alhaitham takes the bite with another self-satisfied smirk.
Damn you, fan service! Damn you, management!
Alhaitham seems to abandon his pesky crusade against Kaveh as he looks at the camera instead. His brows furrow, and he leans closer.
“Hm?” Kaveh blinks, confused. Looks back at the phone, thinking he might have found a weird comment.
Instead, it’s a notification pop-up. A message. From an unknown number.
Unknown number.
Congratulations on your successful tour, ya assal.
Kaveh is quick to swipe it away. He clears his throat, reaching for the water. He can only hope that Alhaitham has the sense to not act weird.
Alhaitham moves around the bed a little. “No, it’s going to be next month’s issue.”
“What?”
“Your photoshoot with the Sumeru Fashion Magazine. It will come out with the next issue, not this month’s.”
“Oh, yes!” His eyes light up, skimming through the comments. “It’s an honour to take part in Charlotte’s work, she has an amazing eye for detail,” Kaveh answers a question. “Ah, thank you… But I’m sure there are prettier idols or even models in the industry. I was honestly surprised that she asked specifically for me.”
Alhaitham shoots him a look that Kaveh doesn’t know where to put. “Don’t belittle yourself. You are a respected name within the industry, and happen to be a good model too.”
Kaveh blinks at him, owlish. He snorts, looking back at the camera with a half smile.
“Did anyone hear that? Alhaitham finally admitted I’m better than him!”
“I didn’t say that.”
“After all these years-”
“I still didn’t say that.”
“I have waited more than 10 years for this day!”
“This is why I never compliment you.”
He has to give it to Alhaitham; he is truly a great actor! Without the cameras, he would first chew his arm off and set his tongue on fire before admitting or even thinking about Kaveh being good at something.
All it takes is one glance at Alhaitham for Kaveh’s laugh to die in his throat. His eyes, always unreadable, now almost with a soft edge as he looks at Kaveh.
“Ah, whatever.” Kaveh shrugs, dropping the topic, and checks the time: 01:06. “We should end the live.” He mentions, and Alhaitham leans forward for a cookie, only for Kaveh to ignore him. “We have a long flight ahead of us. Thank you to everyone who joined the live and supported us through the tour. See you soon!” He waves at the camera with his signature smile.
“Bye,” Alhaitham says his farewell without half the enthusiasm Kaveh had.
When Kaveh ends their live, Alhaitham rolls onto his back and sighs. Kaveh looks back at him and narrows his eyes, but says nothing.
Instead, he gathers around the remnants of his late-night snack and cleans up, making sure to put away his clothes and organise his toiletries for tomorrow morning.
The room is filled with silence, one that makes Kaveh’s skin crawl, but only because he never knows what nonsense Alhaitham will spew out again. The cameras aren’t rolling, there are no thousands of fans who are eagerly looking for any interaction between them, and no photographers to capture if they slip up and tear into each other once again.
They don’t have to pretend to like each other.
And yet, Alhaitham’s voice and look still linger in his mind. He zips up his suitcase with more power than it needed.
“Who gave you a key?” He asks for the sake of breaking the silence.
Alhaitham still refuses to move from the bed. “Manager Mehrak. I asked for it before you want to explode on her.” He glances at Kaveh.
“I didn’t plan to.” Kaveh mumbles.
“I knew you were going to do a live and refuse to let me in.”
His eyes twitch, and he has to remind himself it’s past midnight; he shouldn’t be shouting. “Shouldn’t this be a sign to not barge into my room then?”
“I didn’t barge in. I knocked.”
Kaveh stares at Alhaitham, and Alhaitham stares back at him.
He used to read those emerald eyes so well, but now they are a closed book to him, unable to open it, let alone string the letters into a coherent sentence. He could dwell on where it went wrong, whose fault was it, but what would it change?
He sighs, leaving the pondering to another time. He steps around his bed, looking down at the body lying among the sheets.
“The fans would have eventually asked, so why does it matter? We always do lives together after concerts.” Alhaitham looks back up at the ceiling.
“Correction: I do lives,” He points at himself. “And you hijack it.”
“As long as people don’t think that you want to kill me in my sleep, who cares?”
“I… I don’t-... Get out.”
“Aw, but Senior Kaveh, would you really let your junior go out into the scary hallway alone?”
Kaveh lifts an eyebrow and snatches away his pillow from Alhaitham’s grasp. “I’m sure no one will want to mess with a big and strong man like you. Get out, I need to sleep.”
“So cruel.” Alhaitham mumbles and stands from the bed. Kaveh was right, the shirt is indeed inside out. “Do you two talk again?”
The question catches Kaveh off guard, dropping the pillow to the bed. He looks back at his phone on the table, and it lights up with another notification from one of his apps.
“I’m not. He didn’t text me for months before this.”
“Will you-”
“No, I won’t, Alhaitham.”
Kaveh’s voice rings with finality. He sighs and sits on the bed, pushing back his hair from his face.
“Don’t tell it to the managers or the members.”
He looks up at Alhaitham, finding the other watching him with hawk-like eyes. Once again, Kaveh wishes he could read the words hidden behind the impenetrable emerald wall.
“Are you judging me?” He asks, almost agitated.
Alhaitham sighs. “Why would I? You said you don’t talk to him. The only thing I could judge is your painfully bad taste in your partners.”
“Rude!”
“But true.”
Alhaitham walks to the door, holding onto the handle as he says. “You should mention it to one of the managers if he keeps contacting you.”
“I know.”
“Knowing doesn’t mean you will do it.”
Kaveh groans, rolling his eyes. “I promise I will tell it to the managers if he keeps contacting me. Glad?”
“Passable.” He opens the door. “Good night, Kaveh.”
The door softly clicks as it locks behind Alhaitham.
Kaveh sighs again and falls back on the bed. He only notices now the key on top of the nightstand. He turns the lamp off instead and turns his back against the furniture.
The room is illuminated only by the light of the city and the silver of the waning moon. Kaveh blinks lazily into the distance. The rooms are soundproofed most of the noise of the city stays outside, leaving Kaveh with an empty and silent room.
Just like he likes it.
He snuggles deeper into the bed, cuddling one pillow while he kicks off the blanket from his left leg. He sighs deeply and lets himself be lulled into sleep.
Sage lingers in the air.
Kaveh squints behind his sunglasses as he stands next to Cyno and Tighnari. His handbag is by his side, and he is showing a V sign for the photographers. Their plane landed in Sumeru City, a mere 30 minutes ago, and they have been posing for photos before they could go back to their dorm.
Pressure builds behind his eyes, and his head pounds like a small drummer is residing there and playing out their routine. Sleep didn’t come so easily to him last night, only falling asleep an hour or so before his alarm went out. He doesn’t have the privileged skill of his group members to be able to sleep on the plane, so he spent his time watching the clouds pass or working on new lyrics.
The good news is he has half a song, and the bad news is his head is killing him, and the constant flashes don’t help.
A relieved sigh leaves his lips when Manager Faruzan signals them to get into the car. Unlike with planes, he sleeps in cars like a kid. His train of thought is derailed when he senses another presence near him. Alhaitham’s jasmine and amber perfume surrounds him, and a gentle hand plants itself onto his lower back.
Kaveh’s head snaps towards Alhaitham, furrowing his brows. Alhaitham beats him with words.
“You were stalling.”
No doubt, there are already many photos of the two of them from various angles. The fans will eat it up like a five-course meal. Cyno and Tighnari don’t regard them, already used to it. Kaveh grunts and hurries into the car and settles into the back seat. Alhaitham sits at the front with Cyno.
“You always tell us not to frown because we will have wrinkles.” Tighnari chimes in next to him with a teasing chuckle.
“Do you ever wonder why he is so good with this?”
“Who are we talking about?”
Kaveh gives Tighnari an unimpressed look that says, ‘don’t play dumb.’ Tighnari snickers and shrugs.
“Maybe he is just a good actor.”
Tighnari pulls his phone out and searches for his earphones. Kaveh sighs, his head bucks back against the backrest, and he closes his eyes. The car pulls away from the airport, and they are heading back to their dorm.
Despite the long tour, each time Kaveh comes home, he misses the stage already. And when he is far away from their dorm, he misses Sumeru. Yet, even when he is home, his weeks are filled with busy schedules, barely having enough time to get 8 hours of sleep. He wonders when he can get some free time, a week off where he does nothing but sleep and rots in his bed.
“Holy shit!”
His eyes crack open, and he looks at Tighnari in question. His friend hides his mouth with his hands, his eyes crinkling with amusement. Tighnari looks at his phone, quickly scrolling through what seems to be photos.
“What?” Cyno turns his head back, blinking just as curiously.
Tighnari turns his phone towards Cyno, who glances at Alhaitham and Kaveh. He snorts and quickly turns back in his seat, clearing his throat, trying to subdue his laugh. Alhaitham doesn’t move to see what is happening. Kaveh, on the other hand, snatches the phone from the chuckling Tighnari.
Kaveh squints at the phone; it’s Tighnari’s alt account on X. The first picture he sees is, of course, him and Alhaitham from the airport. From this angle, it almost looks like Alhaitham is kissing Kaveh’s cheeks, their head close to each other, and Alhaitham’s hand is clearly seen on his lower back. Whoever posted it only typed out incoherent keyboard smashes.
He scrolls further and sees the same picture again and again, from different angles, and people spewing their wildest fantasies about the two and the hand placement of Alhaitham’s. One catches his eye, and he almost drops the phone.
“What the fuck.” He whispers, and this is the point where Cyno breaks and breaks out into a howling laugh, and Tighnari laughs into his hand.
Kavehswife @kavehswife79
WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT DO YOU MEAN ALHAITHAM WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHY IS YOUR HAND ON MY MANS BACK BACK OFF
26🗨 •105⟲ • 995♡
🏛️🌱 @KVTHM4EVER
Do you think they will explore each other’s bodies after that?
50🗨 •574⟲ • 1.9K♡
Feather sprout 🪶🌱 @Feather-sprout reply @KVTHM4EVER
You bet they will
3🗨 •21⟲ • 30♡
Ayato’s bubble tea 🧋 @1574KK
Okay but hear me out on this okay? Okay? Inazuma air did something to these two because remember when they were walking around in Narukami and they were at the beach and Alhaitham posted a picture of Kaveh on the beach? Illuminated by the sunset? With a big smile? They are married your honor
10🗨 •41⟲ • 107♡
Weendy @WeedByWeed reply @1574KK
You are all delusional.
2🗨 •25⟲ • 3♡
🏛️🌱 @KVTHM4EVER reply @WeedByWeed
begone hater
🗨 •2⟲ • 60♡
Kaveh tosses the phone back to Tighnari; his whole cheeks are flaming, while Tighnari’s are red because he is trying not to break into laughter. Cyno seems to be calming down by now, coughing a little. Kaveh hopes he will choke on his spit.
“Why are you following ship accounts?!” Kaveh cries out.
Cyno bursts into laughter again, and Tighnari clears his throat, smoothing his hair like some prim and proper madam in a period drama.
“I’m merely curious. I like to keep up with your relationship.” He snickers to himself, quickly looking out of the shaded window.
“What relationship?!” Kaveh groans to himself, and he only notices now that Alhaitham settles back into his seat, with Tighnari’s phone in his hands. “Don’t look at those!” Kaveh flails his hands around, trying to lean further, but the seatbelt stops him.
Alhaitham only hums. “Oh, exes to friend au.” He taps at the post, and Cyno leans closer to look at it too.
“I hate all of you.”
“Aw, don’t worry, Kaveh.” Tighnari pats his shoulder, no sympathy in his voice. “It’s just fans having fun.”
“Fun? They are writing fanfiction.”
“It’s important to polish and treasure literary skills.” Alhaitham chimes in, scrolling through the wall of posts and photos. “Besides, none of this is real.”
Kaveh narrows his eyes at him. “Doesn’t it bother you?”
“Not much.” He shrugs. “It’s just fiction to them. It was the purpose of the deal, no?”
“People barely mention the rumours now, the company will probably tell you to dial it back soon,” Cyno adds, pointing at a post, and Alhaitham taps at it.
Kaveh frowns and settles back into his seat. He keeps his eyes on the phone, which eventually gets back to Tighnari, but not before Cyno pulls his phone out and follows some of the accounts that Tighnari does too.
Kaveh rolls his eyes and thinks his friends are ridiculous for liking this situation.
He would love to crawl into Alhaitham’s head and see what he thinks, what he truly thinks. Most of the time, it’s him who initiates the affection, who steps into the fanservice mode, and Kaveh simply follows his lead.
Kaveh could lie to himself as much as he wants, but just a few months ago, they couldn’t be in the same space without tearing into each other with words. Couldn’t work together, be it with lyrics writing, learning choreography, producing music, or attending events.
Then, the rumours started spiralling, and one day, they were called into a meeting about their attitude towards each other. The rumour about the group disbanding, or one of them leaving. And thus, the idea of the fanservice was born.
Whether it improved their relationship or not, Kaveh can’t tell.
Sometimes it’s almost like it was before, Alhaitham’s touch and presence grounding and warm. Other times, they were as if his skin touched ice-covered stone.
He tunes these three out and watches out of the window, watching buildings pass by, and his mind wanders. Narukami Beach comes to his mind; the four of them took a trip there before they flew to the next city. Despite the lack of cameras, Alhaitham and Kaveh were on good terms. Of course, they managed to get into an argument with Alhaitham about some shells, but it was simple banter.
Simple, old one he sometimes craves when the nights are lonely and cruel to his mind. When not even the alcohol can chase the voices away.
He doesn’t remember when Alhaitham took the pictures.
Kaveh reaches for his phone and pulls up the pictures. Stares at it, and they are… Pretty. Taken from an angle, the golden sun casts a halo around his blonde hair. He is ankle deep in the sea, mid-laugh. He has no makeup on, and a simple butterfly clip keeps his hair away from his neck.
His eyes wander to Alhaitham, a book in his hand, while Tighnari and Cyno chat away.
A notification shakes his phone.
Unknown number:
Did you land in Sumeru?
He deletes the text and mutes his phone.
Once they are finally in their dorm, Kaveh could almost weep.
It’s a far cry from the dingy one-room flat they were cramped in during their trainee days and after debuting. Now all four of them have their own room, a spacious kitchen, and a living room with multiple controllers sitting on the polished mahogany table. An L-shaped comfortable sofa sits in the middle of the living room, picked up by them during the move-in.
The windows are wide and tall, providing a beautiful view of the city from the 5th floor.
Before they could start unpacking and finally collapse into their bed, Faruzan sat them down in their living room and took out her tablet. Kaveh internally groans: schedules debriefing.
He sinks deeper into the cosy sofa, Cyno doing the same next to him.
“Okay.” Faruzan starts. “It’s 11 am, and you have all day for yourself to rest and recharge. Alhaitham, Kaveh, the meeting with management will take place tomorrow at 1 pm sharp. Let me know if I need to pick you up from the dorm or if you will be at the company. Kaveh’s photoshoot will be tomorrow after, we have to be at the studio around 8 am. I will be here to pick you up at 7 am. Cyno, you are scheduled to appear in Grim Legends at the end of the week, and Tighnari, you will have a vocal lesson tomorrow from 11 am to 1 pm as you requested.” She looks up from her tablet. “As I said, this is a light schedule week, so make the best out of it. Next week will be busy.”
“Thank you.” They echo each other. Faruzan nods and leaves. The door clicks shut after her, and Kaveh sighs, sinking deeper into the sofa.
“I’m going to shower.”’ Tighnari announces, and he is gone in a second.
Kaveh hums and hauls himself up, scuffling to his room after grabbing his suitcases from the foyer.
He catches Alhaitham going into his room, phone in hand. Kaveh wonders briefly if he is looking through social media. He shakes his head, closing his door with his legs and hauling the suitcases to their side.
Unpacking is much easier than packing, he decides after putting away the last of his perfume and tossing the suitcase into his wardrobe. Most of his clothes were already washed during the tour; he only needs to worry about his pyjamas and the ones he wears now.
Kaveh opens the window, letting in the fresh afternoon air of Sumeru City.
They have a set bathroom routine. Tighnari and Alhaitham go first, then Cyno, and lastly Kaveh, since the two take the longest with their routines. Kaveh eyes his bed and flings himself into the covers. He will hate himself later for lying in his bed with outside clothes, but his tired eyes demand a nap while he waits.
Kaveh snuggles deep among his pillows, hugging a weasel plushie to himself, and he drifts off to sleep.
Rotting on the sofa while watching a romcom is the perfect way to spend the night after a month of concerts and travels. Kaveh lies sprawled out on the sofa, having finished showering a few hours ago. Alhaitham is still in his room, probably sleeping away. Cyno left for the gym in the basement of their apartment building, and Tighnari is trying to revive one of his half-dead plants on the balcony.
All in all, it’s a quiet night, and Kaveh quite enjoys it.
Once the commercials play, he shuffles into the kitchen, looking through the freezer.
“What are you doing?” Tighnari asks, filling up a glass with water.
Kaveh has already unloaded half of the freezer on the counter. “Do you know where the ice cream I bought before the tour is?”
“The triple chocolate one?”
“Yeah.”
Tighnari takes a few seconds to answer, drinking the water slowly. “Alhaitham and I ate it.”
Kaveh looks at him, dejected. “Are you serious? I wrote, do not eat on it.”
“I thought it was for Cyno.”
“He doesn’t even like ice cream!”
“Okay-okay, I will buy you a new one. How about that?”
“Alhaitham too.”
“You have to negotiate that with him.”
Kaveh sighs and puts everything back in the freezer. “Come to the convenience store with me. You can clear your ice cream debt.”
“Now?”
“Now.”
If Tighnari had big bunny ears, they would probably droop now. They eventually change their in-house slippers to the outside ones, equipped with Tighnari’s wallet, and they brave the streets.
The convenience store is only 5 minutes away from them. Baseball caps pulled down to their eyes, and oversized hoodies hide them. It’s been three years since they moved into this neighbourhood, and the nearby shops they frequent have got used to them already.
“Ah, good to see you two.” Old Hamawi greets them at the counter, reading away. “I heard from my granddaughter that you finished your concerts.”
“Yes, we will stay in Sumeru for a while”, Tighnari explains, taking a shopping basket.
“Good-good. Go on, look around, no one comes around after such hours.” Old Hamawi busies himself once again, and an old Sumerian song plays from the radio.
“So, what can I appease your craving anger?”
“Triple chocolate ice cream and wine.” Kaveh’s eyes light up. “I’m not on alcohol ban anymore.” He snickers, skipping to the aisle at the end of the shop.
Tighnari shakes his head and follows him. “It doesn’t mean you should get drunk. You have a meeting tomorrow. Remember?”
“Yes, mom.”
Kaveh plucks one wine from the racks, a quite expensive one from Mondstadt, but it’s their collective favourite. Then quickly adds another.
“Two?”
“I know ourselves.”
Tighnari tilts his head. “You mean yourself.”
“Anyway, let’s get those ice creams, shall we?” Kaveh skips ahead. “We should get some other things too, no? We don’t have much for breakfast.”
Their dinner was already 4 different takeouts after they realised their fridge was quite empty, and no one had the patience to cook from the freezer.
“The laundry detergent is also gone,” Tighnari adds.
“Let’s call Cyno and ask if he wants something too.” Kaveh gets his phone, dialling Cyno already.
“Don’t try; his phone is still dead on the charger. But you can call Alhaitham.”
“No, the ice cream stealer gets nothing.”
Tighnari snorts, walking away to the dairies. “Am I exempted?”
“Only because you pay.”
“Lucky me.” They stop by the rack of eggs sorted into packs of 10. Tighnari gets two. “Let’s get everything and have some ice cream in the nearby park, hm?”
“Okay!”
It took them less than 10 minutes to buy everything for a simple breakfast for tomorrow. They will have to make a supermarket trip later this week if they don’t want to survive on takeouts for weeks. Old Hamawi gives them the popsicles for free, as a congratulations on the tour and return.
The park is like a little forest in the middle of the neighbourhood. Tall trees overflow the ground and lush bushes line the path, while lanterns cast a warm glow. Like fireflies, they guide the two friends to a roofed beer table near the entrance of the park.
Once settled, Kaveh opens the popsicles and gives Tighnari the melon-flavoured one.
“I’m happy we got to make this trip. I wanted to talk with you.”
One bite into his vanilla one. “About?”
“This whole fanservice thing.”
Kaveh shakes his head. “No need. I’m sure tomorrow’s meeting is about us ending this ridiculous arrangement. As Cyno said, no one really talks about the you-know-what.”
“And if not?” Tighnari looks at him briefly before his eyes get lost in the night scenery once again. “Your duo have always been popular, and it is living its renaissance now. It would be foolish to drop it only a few months after, no?”
“Well… Maybe you are right.” Kaveh plays with the end of his hair. “I don’t know.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to ruin your hopes.”
“Marketing-wise, it would be unwise, you're right about that.” He watches two cats play a few steps away from them. “But we can’t do this forever. Right?”
Tighnari hums. “I already know how you feel about this, but I do wonder how Alhaitham feels about this. He never talks about it when I ask, only shrugs or plays deaf.”
“Do you talk about this with him, too?” Kaveh furrows his brows.
“Of course. You are both my friends, and I care about you two.”
“Why wouldn’t-”
“Kaveh, please. We have been friends for a very long time.” Tighnari cuts him off. Looking at him with knowing eyes. “What Cyno and I do is also considered fanservice, but we are dating behind the scenes. It isn’t unusual for him to cling to me or to hug me. But it’s something Alhaitham didn’t do before.”
Kaveh leans back, taking another bite. He doesn’t like where this is going. “It’s just acting. Don’t read too much into it.”
Tighnari studies him for quiet minutes. The way he does it with choreography, breaking it down into pieces and reconstructing it, until his body moves according to them. Despite being the youngest in the group, Kaveh was always amazed by the way Tighnari takes care of them. He notices the smallest change in someone’s emotional well-being.
He wonders how he and Alhaitham must have looked to the outside if Tighnari decided to talk with both of them. And how long was it due by now?
“Hm, if you say so.”
“You sound weird.” Kaveh points it out, stepping into the trap exactly how Tighnari wanted.
“I mean, you two dated, and you two live together. I was always amazed at how well you two handled it.”
“We didn’t date. We only slept with each other.”
Tighnari stands and throws the popsicle stick into the trash. He stands there watching the two cats run away, deep in his thoughts. “Was it really just casual sex?”
Kaveh eats the bit of his popsicle. “I told you then, and I’m telling you now, too. It was casual.”
The reason his body sets itself ablaze whenever Alhaitham touches his waist, shoulder, neck or any part of his body in front of thousands of people or in the shadow of dimly lit hallways is because once it was real. Those touches weren’t coordinated, only lingering for what was required for a quick picture or a video.
Those touches were soft, caring and entirely for Kaveh to know. Not for others to chew over or to analyse. It was Kaveh’s.
Until it wasn’t.
Until instead of emerald eyes, dark browns bored into Kaveh’s reds.
His phone lights up on the table. Another message. Kaveh’s stomach tightens.
“We are… It was…” Kaveh searches for the words, playing with the popsicle stick. “It was only an arrangement for us. To blow off steam, to not feel alone. It was nothing more than that.”
Tighnari watches him, eyes briefly flickering to his phone. He says nothing.
“When I said we should stop… That I want to date someone, Alhaitham said, we should treat this as people do with one-night stands. Two strangers going their own way.”
“Strangers don’t work and live together.”
Kaveh looks up at Tighnari, a sharp glint in his eyes. “So you didn’t feel anything?”
Another flash of the screen.
“No.” Kaveh stands, pocketing the phone. “I just want the fanservice to stop.”
“But if it stops… Will you two start fighting again?
In the dead of the night, Kaveh bends over his desk. Pages filled with scrawls of words, sentences struck through, arrows pointing from one letter to another.
A melody is playing in his headphones.
While the world sleeps away, Kaveh drowns in the past.
He doesn't kiss me on the mouth anymore
'Cause it's more intimate than he thinks we should get
He doesn't look me in the eyes anymore
Too scared of what he'll see, somebody holding me
When I wake up all alone
And I'm thinking of your skin
I remember, I remember what you told me
The meeting room is filled with people Kaveh usually only sees when they are discussing marketing strategies, PR moves or comebacks. Higher-ups who don’t have a knack for music, yet they are somehow still leading teams and divisions and deciding on what could leave the studio and what not.
He glances at Alhaitham as they enter the room; the other shrugs.
“Kaveh, Alhaitham. Good to see you back.” Dunyarzad greets them, the head of the team who deals with 4GGRAVATE’s comeback. She is setting up her laptop. “How was Inazuma?”
“It was nice. Maybe next time we should try bigger venues.” Alhaitham suggests sitting down at one of the chairs around the oval table.
“I will bring it up to Lord Sangemah Bay,” Dunyarzad writes down in her notebook. “But now that everyone has arrived. Let’s talk about today's meeting’s topic, shall we?” She smiles. “Since your duo’s recent boom of popularity, we have decided to switch up our subunit plans, and instead of a Kaveh and Tighnari subunit, we would debut a Kaveh and Alhaitham one. Before the Liyue leg of the tour would start, of course.”
Kaveh’s eyes wander to the door. Would dashing out be an appropriate reaction?
Probably not.
“What?” He blinks and furrows his brows.
Dunyarzad’s presentation is full of graphs and sheets of sales and social media engagements on their posts. She starts explaining why it would be a smart choice to make the switch, and all Kaveh can do is sit there, stunned to silence. This part isn’t exactly for him, but for those who sit at the back and decide on the budget.
He slumps in his chair, knees accidentally knocking against Alhaitham’s. The other looks at him, and Kaveh narrows his eyes.
“Say no to this,” he mouths.
“It’s just a unit album.” Alhaitham articulates silently.
“We have a tour.”
“We’ve done albums while on tour.”
“Alhaitham.”
“What’s your problem?”
Kaveh gapes, wanting to retaliate, but words stuck in his mouth. Right. What is his problem?
He has written songs with Alhaitham. He has been performing said songs with Alhaitham for years now. Spent countless sleepless nights locked up in their studios, agonising over melodies and lyrics or in quiet practice rooms, going over routines over and over again until the sun dipped and rose again.
But he hasn’t worked with him ever since… Ever since that day. Ever since, they couldn’t be in the same room without feeling like they were suffocating. Before that, most of the songs Alhaitham worked on also had Kaveh’s credits, and most songs Kaveh worked on had Alhaitham’s credits too.
Their last album didn’t have any of that.
Kaveh barely participated in anything at all.
“What would be the concept?” Alhaitham speaks up after Dunyarzad has gone through at least a dozen pages and seemingly won the approval of the majority. Completely ignoring Kaveh’s leg hitting his knee.
The audience within the meeting room has halved now. Once they gave their approval, the higher-ups left, leaving the creative team to discuss further plans.
“Oh yes. Since in your last album, your fans seemed to relish the love song Kaveh wrote and another one you produced, we thought the concept would revolve around different stages of love.” Dunyarzad explains, bringing up three different mood boards.
The first one is pictures of abandoned houses and rooms, clothes that are torn, and photos of darker makeup. The second reminds Kaveh of the old vintage films his mother used to watch; the colour palette varies from soft brown to washed-out reds. And the last is what Kaveh could call a fairy tale came to life with soft pastels, light fabrics, and subtle shimmering glows.
“Heartbreak with a darker and edgier feel. Love sick with a nostalgic sentiment that emphasises longing. And Euphoria with an almost dream-like concept.”
“But we only have three months until the Liyue leg,” Kaveh interjects. “Do we have enough time for all of this?”
“We could divide the work.” Alhaitham offers, and Kaveh finally looks at him. “Since it’s only 7 tracks, we could each work on 3-3 and together on the title track.”
“That’s… A reasonable idea.” Manager Faruzan speaks up for the first time.
Kaveh stares at Alhaitham, his eyes almost spelling out the words don’t go along with them, yet Alhaitham disregards him, turning back to Dunyarzad.
“This way, we can finish the songs and have enough time to do promotional shoots too before the tour continues.” Kaveh hits Alhaitham's knee again.
“I would still love it if you could each contribute to all tracks, so don’t be reluctant to ask or offer help,” Dunyarzad notes something down again, then chuckles to herself. “Of course, you two have worked on tracks together before, so I don’t really have to tell you this.”
“It would be cool if you two each had a solo, no?” Xinyan, one of their in-house producer, suggests, drumming her fingers on the table. “We have done something similar when Alhaitham and Cyno unit did an EP. It was a massive success.” She grins.
“Oh, that’s brilliant!”
Kaveh massages his temple as decisions are being made over his head. This is beyond everything he dared to hope from this meeting.
“Do we have another theme for a concept?” He asks eventually, once Xinyan and Dunyarzad calmed down. “Just out of curiosity.”
“Well, we also had ideas about borrowing the concept that was meant for you and Tighnari’s subunit, but ultimately decided to settle on this one. This suits you two better.” Dunyarzad explains. “And you wrote a beautiful love song last year, Kaveh, no need to be afraid.”
“We can handle it,” Alhaitham interjects. “We both have extra materials to work from, or songs that didn’t make it into previous albums. I assume the schedule is already worked out, too?”
Manager Faruzan nods and reaches for her tablet. “Music production officially starts tomorrow. Xinyan is always here to help, and we can also invite other producers if you would like to. Concept photos and such will begin in the first week of next month. Since we agreed on solos, I think it would be a great idea to create an MV for that too. Our in-house actors will handle the title track MV; you don’t have to participate. I advise finishing your songs preferably around the first week of the third month, as after that, we will start preparing for the tour, and we must finalise everything where you two are needed physically. Keep in mind, while this goes on, we also have to film the tour interview for the documentary, too, and have your personal schedules.” She finishes with a nod to herself. “Any questions?”
Kaveh looks at the carefully put-together mood board still projected. Accepting his fate, he sighs, sitting in the chair properly. “Do we get free rein with the songs or solos?”
“As long as it stays within the concept and connected to it, yes.”
“Also, don’t write anything that would get you banned on the radio,” Xinyan adds, snickering.
“I knew you guys would like the idea.” Dunyarzad cheers, smiling to herself. “If it’s possible, please forward me your solo debut as soon as you can. So we can start planning out the music video themes and locations.”
“Okay.” Manager Faruzan stands. “If we discussed everything, I will be going. Be ready for tomorrow, Kaveh. Have a nice day, everyone.”
Kaveh stands too. Almost expecting Alhaitham to follow him out and brainstorm on the title track, or bite his head off for not sticking up to Kaveh. But the younger one is already by Xinyan’s side, discussing something away.
Whatever he suggested had Xinyan smiling like she had won the lottery.
For the rest of the day, Kaveh holed himself up in his studio, which is decorated with his trinkets from the cities where they had concerts, vacation destinations or memorabilia from their years of idolship. The LED strip behind his desk bathes the whole room in a warm glow. Soft red rug underneath his leg, and he has draped a crocheted blanket across himself a few hours ago.
The studio is decorated in colours of brown, red and dark green. A comfortable haven where Kaveh spends most of his days. Lost in music and his own emotions.
The stray melody from last night plays again.
Said that we're not lovers
We're just strangers
With the same damn hunger
To be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all
Sun rays shyly blink through the curtains of the studio’s makeup room. Lazily rising over the horizon, bathing the world in light and warmth.
Layla gently holds Kaveh’s face as he dozes off on the makeup chair, while Candace dusts a pale pink shade over his eyelids. Getting his makeup done is a relaxing process, especially when he is heavily sleep-deprived. Just on the verge of falling asleep, but still aware of his surroundings. Layla’s cold fingers are anchoring.
The long-awaited rest has been missing from Kaveh’s life so far. The nights spent in the stupor of writing nearly incoherent lyrics, then ripping the pages out. Playing with melodies until each variant sounds the same.
“Had a long night?” Candace asks, reaching for a brown eye pencil.
“Yes.” Comes the harmonious answer from both Kaveh and Layla. Candace chuckles.
“When we switch makeup, I will let you sleep a little. How does that sound?”
“Like heaven.”
Once his makeup is done, a really subtle one that enhances his features, while the slight shimmer on his eyelids defines his eyes. Layla presents him with today’s outfits. The first one is a crimson shirt with a deep chest cutout and wide, long sleeves, dark grey straight-cut pants and white shoes with golden embossments. For accessories, chains, pearls, and golden jewellery. The second outfit is a cropped light pink shirt, a puffy long skirt with layers of silk organza, and white stomper boots.
Today’s photoshoot is in a studio outside of Sumeru City. The background is decorated with various red and pink flowers, from vibrant to muted, some with thorns. Kaveh’s photoshoot belongs to an ongoing series that Charlotte has been doing for nearly a year now, where she centres her photos around one specific colour.
Charlotte and he had worked together before, when she was still a rookie on the scene, freshly hired by Sumeru Fashion Magazine. Back then, Kaveh had his hair dyed black, and Charlotte was obsessed with putting him in blue backgrounds and clothes.
“Okay, everyone, let’s start today’s work!” Charlotte announces, setting up her camera.
The day goes in a flash, and Kaveh almost forgets about everything while he is away from his members and his phone. Forgets about the subunit album, the songs, the text messages. It’s just him and the camera, and Charlotte’s guidance on where to stand and how to pose exactly.
Once they are done with the first batch, Kaveh too looks through the photos. One of his favourites is him looking into the camera at an angle, holding a muted pink rose in his hands, thumb prickled by the thorn — it’s not his real blood, but a fake one instead.
While Charlotte and he swipe through the photos, the crew is disassembling the set for the next one.
“You’ve outdone yourself with these, Charlotte,” Kaveh says, in awe.
“Hehe, I had a great model to work with.” She beams. “While the guys redecorate, you can lounge if you want. Oh, I also have a guest coming in after lunch if it’s okay with you.”
“Guest?”
“Yes, my supervisor. He wants to check how things are going, but he will be in and out. You won’t even notice him.”
Kaveh gives it no further thought, as the allure of grabbing a quick power nap is greater. He retreats into his room, Manager Faruzan on his toes. Layla is already fast asleep in one of the chairs, while Candice is on her phone.
“Mind if I follow Layla’s example?” He asks, already cosying himself on the love seat tucked into the corner under the window.
Manager Faruzan checks her watch. “I don’t think that you have time to nap. You have to change and also redo your hair and makeup.”
“You can sleep in the chair.” Candace offers, standing up to wake up Layla, too. “Just promise me you will wake up when I tell you.”
Kaveh stands with a sigh, plopping down into the makeup chair in front of the mirror. “I promise.”
Candace pats his hair. “Great.”
“Have you thought about the songs on the subunit album?” Faruzan asks, sitting on the love seat. “Alhaitham is having a session today with Xinyan.”
“If this is your way of trying to get me working, I will have you know I already have half a song.” Kaveh looks at Faruzan through the mirror. “I saw them talking yesterday after the meeting. I thought they would start working on a song soon.”
Kaveh closes his eyes as Candace wipes away his previous makeup and applies new products. Faruzan doesn’t have any more questions, but soon walks out of the room to have a phone call. Candace, as she promised, lets him drift off while she is working on his face.
When Charlotte calls them for the second part of the shoot, Kaveh feels just as drowsy.
He takes his place in the new set. This time, he stands in front of a huge roll-down picture of a pink sky, as the sun sets in the distance. The decorations consist of rocks and dried flowers. Candace comes with him, adjusting his hair one more time and applying another coat of the lip gloss before she deems him perfect.
“Okay, Kaveh,” Charlotte starts. “Let’s start with a sitting pose on that rock behind you.”
Kaveh looks at Charlotte’s direction and suddenly freezes up as he stares at the man next to the photographer. He hears Charlotte’s voice, the music in the background, but can’t comprehend the words.
Dark brown eyes look back at him — it’s too far away to see them, but Kaveh feels them on himself, on the exposed part of his skin. Their burning gaze on his face.
“Kaveh? Are you alright?” Charlotte asks, lowering the camera.
His eyes snap at Faruzan, who is staring at the men, not with Kaveh’s shock, but with venom instead. He gulps. Clears his throat.
“Yeah, I’m fine…” He answers, mumbles almost. “The rock, right?”
Unlike the easy flow of the first shoot, Kaveh’s movements are almost mechanical. His stomach is in a tight knot, and his eyes keep snapping at the looming presence next to Charlotte whenever the camera isn’t flashing. He can’t mess this up, not for himself or Charlotte, or the crew who worked hard to organise all of this.
Yet, 10 minutes in, Charlotte asks for a break.
Kaveh flashes an apologetic smile to Charlotte and is about to walk away when he gets in his way.
Kian Esmaeili.
One of the most respected fashion photographers and journalists all across Teyvat. His black hair is combed back, and he is dressed in one of his usual dark blue suits. 15 years older. His ex-lover.
“It’s been a long time, Kaveh. Nice to see you from behind the camera again.” He speaks, voice deep and honeyed. “If I knew Charlotte had you as her model today, I would have visited sooner.”
“Oh, I didn’t know you knew each other.” Charlotte steps next to them, looking between the two.
“Small world.” Kaveh clears his throat. “Would it be a problem if I went out a little? I need air.”
Charlotte’s eyes widen. “Do you not feel well? Of course, you can go, don’t even question it.”
“Thank you.” Kaveh nods, about to walk away, when Kian opens his mouth again.
“Charlotte, darling, would you mind if I accompany our model?”
Kaveh desperately searches for Faruzan. Where did she go? Before he can protest, Charlotte is already gone. Kaveh steps back. Levelling Kian with a look.
“You didn’t answer my texts.” He states. Neither of them moves towards the back door.
A mocking chuckle scrapes Kaveh’s throat. He swallows it. “Maybe it was a sign I didn’t want to talk with you.”
“I simply wanted to congratulate.”
“You sent me 20 texts.” Kaveh hisses, keeping his voice down.
Kian lift an eyebrow. “I was curious if you know I would be here too. I would have picked you up.”
“He has managers for that, Mr Esmaeili.” Faruzan steps next to them, wedging herself between Kian and Kaveh. “You needn’t bother to do anything for any of our artists, thank you.” She firmly plants one of her hands on Kaveh’s back and directs Kaveh towards the back door.
“Thank you.” Kaveh breathes once outside. The summer sun of Sumeru is burning even in the little shade offered by the veranda. He crouches down by the wall, burying his head in the organza.
Faruzan impatiently taps her foot. “I didn’t know he transferred to Sumeru Fashion Magazine. If I knew you wouldn’t even hear from the proposal from Charlotte.” Faruzan speaks and is constantly typing away on her phone. “Unbelievable. What a thick-faced rat.”
“I know.”
“Can you finish it, or do you want me to say you are sick?”
Kaveh lifts his head. “No need for that. I’m alright. Just… He was unexpected. I won’t run away.”
“Okay.” Faruzan agrees, but her word sounds unsure. Kaveh can’t blame her. “I will keep a close eye on him. We will leave as soon as the photo shoot wraps up.”
True to her word, Faruzan watches Kian like a hawk. Ready to interject if he would want to approach Kaveh once again. Once Charlotte says they are done, Kaveh dashes into the dressing room and sheds the clothes as fast as he can. He doesn’t know if Faruzan said anything to Candace or Layla, but they don’t question him and help him get his hair free from the clips and pins and wipe away his makeup.
Once in his normal clothes, Candace assures him that he doesn’t need to help with the clean-up, and he should go. Faruzan went ahead to get the car.
He walks out of the dressing room, phone in hand, thumb frantically searching for the message app. His finger freezes over Alhaitham’s contact. They haven’t sent each other a single text for months now.
Kaveh stops at the entrance.
Why was his first instinct to contact Alhaitham?
He bites his lip and taps on the icon, bringing up the thread of messages. Fingers hesitate over the keyboard.
But Alhaitham would understand, no?
Alhaitham
when do you get back to the dorm?
Why?
just answer
I don’t know.
Why?
Did something happen?
Kaveh?
he was here
Seen. No answer.
Kaveh curses under his breath and pushes the door open. Noon passed two hours ago.
As he steps outside, instead of the fresh summer air, what hits him is the stench of smoke. His face sours and looks to the side, finding Kian watching him, cigarette in his hand.
“I don’t understand why you are so passive, Kaveh. We ended our relationship on good terms.” He takes another drag and slowly exhales the smoke.
Kaveh steps away from it. “I don’t want to talk about it now.”
“When would you like to talk about it, then?”
“Never.”
The phone vibrates in his hand. Kian steps next to him. The stench of smoke hangs in the air, and Kaveh twists his nose.
“You always run away.”
It twists something in Kaveh. He steps away, looking disgusted at Kian. “Stop it. Leave me alone.”
“Will you go and run straight into his arms again? Aren’t you ashamed that a junior has to console his senior?”
Kaveh stands there, watching as Kian takes another drag. He doesn’t smile, but he knows the man enough to know he feels satisfied with his words, with Kaveh’s reaction. He takes a deep breath, squeezes the phone in his hand.
Their company car is nearing them.
“I’m not going to entertain your jabs and digs. I had a long day, I’m going.”
Alhaitham
Text me when you get back to the dorm.
The dorm is silent.
Cyno and Tighnari said they would go and visit Collei today; they must still be away.
Kaveh sits in the living room, cross-legged and phone in hand. Freshly showered, with stray droplets falling from the strands of his hair occasionally.
He didn’t text Alhaitham back.
And now he feels silly that he did it in the first place.
Just a few months ago, he was cursing out Alhaitham, and now…
This is all because of the fanservice. It messes with Kaveh’s brain.
He shouldn’t run to Alhaitham. He shouldn’t want comfort from him.
Kian is a rat-faced disgrace, but in one thing, he was right. Alhaitham shouldn’t be his solace. Those times are long gone.
They are only civil with each other because it was dictated to them.
The rumours about the toxicity within the group, about disbandment and splitting up, have really hurt the group’s image. Something they still try to redeem, appearing in variety show appearances, vlogs, and posts.
But people like to chew on them. Sometimes they like to bring up the rumours of Alhaitham and Kaveh not speaking unless it was necessary for them.
It was selfish of Kaveh to ignore the way he was tearing the group down. And it would have been selfish to continue to do so.
He takes his phone and goes into Alhaitham’s room.
Alhaitham is a true green thumb; his room is full of plants thriving in the sunlight, cascading through the big window. His room is organised and neat. The light brown walls are lined with bookshelves, filled with various books about music, history, classics, and topics Alhaitham finds interesting at the moment.
Kaveh carefully treds to the bed and climbs underneath the linen bedding.
For just a few hours, he wants to drown in jasmine and sage instead of his thoughts.
I miss the mornings with you laying in my bed
I miss the memories replaying in my head
I miss the thought of a forever, you and me
But all you're missing is my body, oh
Floating between consciousness and fleeting dreams, enveloped by the warm dance of the sunlight on his skin, Kaveh sinks into the mattress. Hours and minutes pass, he barely moves, afraid that if he does, the serenity that hangs in the room will tear off.
A soft melody plays on his phone, barely audible anymore. Kaveh hums along with it at times, eyes closed.
The opening of the door goes unnoticed, but only when the melody stops, Kaveh opens his eyes.
And sees Alhaitham standing by the side of the bed, the gold of the sun spills all over the room. He drops Kaveh’s phone back to the mattress.
“You didn’t text back.”
“Can you lie in the bed?”
“It’s my bed.”
“I know.”
For a fleeting moment, hesitation grounds itself in Alhaitham. His emerald eyes search Kaveh’s face. Who knows what he is searching for? All Kaveh knows is that he is warm; instead of smoke, he smells jasmine and sage and wants to drown in them.
Alhaitham puts his phone on the nightstand, Kaveh’s too. He doesn’t look at Kaveh.
Please look at me. Please tell me I’m not a burden.
“Kaveh-”
“Please.” It tumbles out of his lips; he bites his tongue before more words would cross the threshold without his permission.
He braces himself. Readies his mind to be told off by Alhaitham, after all, it wouldn’t be the first time Alhaitham kicks him out of his room. But instead, he sighs, pushes his hair back and settles on top of the covers, facing Kaveh.
In months, this is the first time they have been this close to each other, without anyone to witness. Kaveh scoots closer. Alhaitham doesn’t stop him. Only watches him.
Said we're not lovers (We're not lovers)
'Cause we're just strangers
With the same damn hunger
To be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all
We're not lovers
We're just strangers
With the same damn hunger
To be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all (Anything)
Silence between them isn’t new; what's new is Alhaitham going along with whatever Kaveh is asking him. Is it out of pity? Is Alhaitham being generous now, like the way people are to stray animals?
If time machines were real, Kaveh would do anything to use one.
The bitter beauty of life is that people are only wiser about their decisions once they know their past.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Alhaitham asks, voice low in the late afternoon.
The cascading shadow hides their faces; the sunlight only reaches their legs. Kaveh traces Alhaitham’s face; his features look soft in the shadows.
Kaveh shakes his head, cheeks rubbing against the pillow. “Tell me about what you did with Xinyan today.”
“We worked on my solo. She gave me some ideas for the melodies, we tried them out, and see what sticks.”
“And what your solo is about?”
They speak in whispers, even if they are alone in the room, in the dorm. Kaveh scoots closer once again, almost sharing one pillow with Alhaitham. He nudges Kaveh’s ankle with his. Kaveh hooks his over Alhaitham’s.
“It’s an old song, actually. I wrote it a long time ago, it didn’t fit into any of our albums, so I shelved it.”
Kaveh blinks at Alhaitham. He wonders and asks.
“How do you love Alhaitham?”
Silence settles into the room, and the question hangs in the air.
“You are very cruel sometimes, Kaveh.”
When did Alhaitham’s face get so close?
He stares directly into those dark green eyes, still seemingly sparkling in the dark. Kaveh reaches out, tentative fingers brushing against Alhaitham’s cheeks, and short stubble grazes his skin. He watches as Alhaitham’s eyes twitch at the touch and settles his thumb over the other’s lip.
Kaveh gulps, pushing against the bottom lip. He wets his own dry one.
Alhaitham follows the peak of the tongue; his hand slides along Kaveh’s forearm, holding onto his wrist, and in a gentle twist pulls his hand forward. Sliding his lips along Kaveh’s palm, down to his wrist, over his pulse.
Kaveh’s mind goes blank, and he surges forward.
Cups Alhaitham’s face as their lips clash. The move takes Alhaitham by surprise; his breath stutters, yet his arms circle Kaveh’s back, pulling him closer, lips slotting together.
To feel anything at all
To feel anything at all
He throws his leg over Alhaitham’s waist, climbing into his lap. Warm hands sneak underneath his shirt, one settling on his waist, the other grazing along his spine. Kaveh moans at the touch.
There’s urgency in every move of theirs, the way Kaveh has to touch Alhaitham’s cheeks, jaw, and neck. Caressing the skin, pushing against it to make sure it isn’t a dream fantasy. Alhaitham bites his bottom lip; another moan tumbles from Kaveh’s red lips. His hands knead the skin on Kaveh’s waist, pulling him impossibly close until they are chest to chest once again, sharing one frantic heartbeat.
He licks the seam of Alhaitham’s lip, and he opens up to Kaveh without a fuss. Kaveh chuckles at the willingness and dives in, sliding his tongue along with Alhaitham’s. It pulls a groan out of Alhaitham, and Kaveh, like the greedy man he is, drinks it up and thirsts for more.
He only pulls back when his lungs are begging for air, kissing along Alhaitham’s jaw, down to his neck. Alhaitham’s hands settle on his ass, Kaveh bites down on his neck when Alhaitham squeezes the flesh through his pants.
“Kaveh-”
“Do you-”
Words tangle and cease when Kaveh’s ringtone blares into the silent and humid space between the two. Crashing the little bubble that surrounded them, bringing both back to reality.
The phone keeps ringing while the two stare at each other.
Alhaitham’s cheeks are flared, pupils blown wide, and lips bitten raw. Kaveh is sure he looks just the same.
He suddenly straightens, and Alhaitham’s hands leave his body like he touched hot iron.
Eventually, the phone stops ringing.
Clumsily, Kaveh scrambles off Alhaitham, not before grabbing his phone and fleeing the room, almost tripping over in the hallway. He shuts his room’s door, back pressing against the wood.
Slowly, he slides down, heaving. The phone drops to the ground.
Only when the world blurs and his eyes sting, Kaveh realises he is crying. He plasters his hand against his lips, the same one Alhaitham claimed as his.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid-” He mumbles against his tear-slicked palm. “What did I do, oh gods?”
(You lost it, you lost it)
(You lost it, you're not whole)