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The Watchtower's kitchen is usually devoid of any living soul at 9:00 in the morning.
Except today.
Except the very day Ava decided, screw it, baking isn't that fucking hard. If Walker can do it, so can I.
And suddenly all of them were actually in the kitchen, staring down at the... things... lying so innocently on a baking tray at the counter.
"...are those supposed to be cookies?" Bucky - ever the most courageous of their bunch - asks her outright.
She glares at him, almost mutinously. "What do you think? Obviously, they're baked goods."
"No, no." Yelena shakes her head at her. "Those are not baked goods. Those are baked bads. There isn't anything good in that tray, Ava."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Didn't realize I'm in the presence of a Michelin chef." Ava just raises her chin at Yelena. "Please. Like you can do any better?"
"Well, yes. Very, very easily. I mean, if that's the baseline--"
Bob - sweet, gentle Bob - uses a fork to poke at Ava's cookies. "They're... overbaked yet undercooked. Raw in the middle yet burnt at the edges?" He lifts his eyes to look at her, almost incredulously. "How did you even manage that?"
"I don't know, okay? I just--" She gestures at the oven, as if it's the one at fault here. "Shoved it in there until it made a sound."
"So you didn't follow a recipe?" Walker asks, his arms crossed, still looking down at the tray like it's both holy and cursed at the same time.
"I did!" she replies. "But I might have made some... very educated guesses."
Bucky squints at her. "What do you mean by that?"
Ava points at the cupboards. "Most of the shit you guys use when cooking isn't exactly labeled, all right? So I just. Pulled things out and used them." She mimics Walker's stance and crosses her arms, too. "So, you know, going by that alone--"
"Oh, no. You are not blaming any of us for this monstrosity," Yelena replies. "Because, if I recall correctly, none of us woke the others up due to bad smell of burning leather and chocolate. That is on you."
Alexei just stares at Ava. "You know, in Soviet prison, we eat almost anything." Pause. "Except that."
Ava throws her hands up in the air. "I give up. I try to do one good thing for you guys in this tower--"
"Trying to kill us through suffocation and poison is not 'one good thing'--"
Bob nudges Yelena to quiet her down.
"Well, I mean." Bucky rubs the back of his head. "It looks--"
"Awful?" Walker cuts in.
Ava throws her oven mitt at him, smacking him in the face.
"I was going to say it looks like she tried," Bucky finishes diplomatically.
"To kill us, yes."
And Ava throws the other mitten at Yelena. Which she deftly catches with a snooty, 'HA!'
"I agree with Bucky," Bob says. "Ava tried to do something... good... for all of us, so the best thing we can do is-- um." He gulps. "Try it?"
"Why is that a question, Bob? Of course you're going to try it. I did not slave away for 5 minutes for you all to just ignore my efforts. All right? I won't let you." Ava shoves the tray forward, and collectively, the five of them step back.
Cowards.
"No, no, thank you, I do not have a death wish--"
"But you have super serum, Alexei, so eating a stupid cookie isn't going to harm you," she points out. "And, technically, all of you do. Except Yelena, since she's not special."
"Hey, so, fuck you." But then Yelena grins and says, "But this does mean I'm exempt from death sentence, no?"
"No." Ava grabs five forks and gives each of them one. "Eat it. Or I'll make your miserable lives even more miserable."
Walker snorts. "Don't you do that already?"
She smirks at him. "More more miserable, then."
When none of them moves a muscle, Ava throws her hands up - again - and says, frustration brightly coloring her tone, "You know what--"
"Okay, fine, geez, it's not that big of a deal." Walker steps closer to the counter with the tray. "It's a fucking cookie. It's not going to kill us." He pauses, then looks straight at Ava. "Right?"
"It shouldn't," she replies. "I mean, it's not like I put ammonia in there." Then, in a smaller voice, she adds, "I think."
"You think?" Bucky echoes.
"Label your ingredients, people!" Ava snarks at him. "Then I can be 100% sure!"
"Fine. Fine, Jesus. But if this kills me, Ghost Lady, I'm gonna haunt you right back, so help me god." Walker uses his fork to reach into the tray, cuts a cookie in half.
Then visibly struggles to lift it to his mouth.
Ava just watches him as he chews very, very reluctantly.
"How do you feel, John?" Bob asks very seriously.
"Are you dying?" Yelena follows up. "Should we call someone?"
Walker curls his finger against his mouth - TikTok influencer style - as he literally digests what's happening.
Then he looks at Ava, who's been unknowingly holding her breath the entire time. "Okay, so. First things first. It's... somewhat edible."
"High praise," Bucky comments offhandedly, earning him a slap on the sleeve from Ava.
"The burned bits, at the very least," Walker adds, gesturing at the tray. "I mean, those are technically... cooked, so. I'd recommend not eating the undercooked middle parts, though, unless you're specifically aiming to get salmonella for Halloween."
"Salmonella, huh."
Then Yelena brightens up - the way she does when she thinks of a devious idea. "You know what we should do, instead of subject ourselves to this inhuman torture?" she asks, then barrels on since she really isn't expecting an answer from anyone. "We should wrap this up and mail it to Val. As a token of our threats and appreciation."
Bob squints at her. "Uh. Don't you mean 'thanks and appreciation'?"
She grins at him. "No, Bob. I do not."
Then Yelena turns to Ava and prompts, "Well?"
Ava plants her hands on her hips, thinks it through, and replies, "You know what? Screw it. Let's do it. Maybe then it'll be good for something."
Now Walker's the one throwing his hands up in the air. "Unbelievable. You decide on that after I took one for the team and actually ate one?"
"If it helps," Ava says, sliding up to stand beside him, "I really appreciate your willingness to die for a cause."
"Uh-huh." He stares at her, nonplussed. "You have to do better than that."
"You never know, Walker." Then she smiles at him. Suggestively. "Maybe I will."
Which basically left the man speechless, for once.
From behind them, Yelena makes loud gagging noises. "Ugh. Flirting so early in the morning. She really wants to kill us dead, doesn't she, Bob?"
Bob looks up from his task of looking for a box to wrap the cookies in. "I think it's sweet."
"You would think that." Yelena rolls her eyes at him, then joins in for the search.
Alexei nudges Bucky beside him. "I have good idea. We should have Ava bake more of these shits, then mail them to other enemies to kill them dead this Halloween."
Bucky actually grins at the suggestion. "You up to the task, Ava?"
And she replies, "If Val actually dies from my cookies? Then I'm roping all of you in to help me make them."