Archive of Our Own ^beta

“You know I’m not Dick right?”

Jason hadn’t meant to say it, but the thought was always pressing down on his mind these days. Bruce had gone off on another lecture about how Jason should have hacked into some database or the other like he had shown him how to do. But that’s just it, Bruce hadn’t shown Jason how to hack into Italy’s arrest records quicker by using a VPN and using local websites instead of trying to go through Interpol. Because he didn’t speak Italian. Dick did. Just like every other thing Bruce forgot Jason hadn’t been taught because Dick already knew it all.

“What? Of course I know you’re not Dick.” Bruce was in casual clothes since it was a couple hours before patrol started, but that didn’t matter if Jason wasn’t up to Boy Wonder gold standard. He didn’t even glance over at Jason when he said it.

“But you wish I was.” Jason was surprised he even had enough in him to fight about this right now. He’d been so exhausted lately, and it was the two year anniversary of the day his mom had died. Here he was, still just as sad and lonely as the day he fled to the streets after calling the police to get her body. Bruce finally looked at him.

“Jay, what are you talking about?” Bruce had that slightly pinched look that meant he was getting frustrated when he didn’t fully understand what was going on. Jason dragged his eyes back to the ceiling. 

“You know, I thought when you picked me up a year or so ago that I was getting a second chance. I even hoped you would eventually care. After I got over the being mad part of course. Convinced myself for a bit that you did. But you don’t. You just don’t. You wanted Dick back, not me. Not Jason. I mean, I get it. Guys great and all but I’m tired of it Bruce.” His eyes still didn’t leave the stalagmites that were far above them. He wondered if he screamed loud enough if one of them would fall on him. 

“Jason, I do care about you. Where is this coming from?” Jason still didn’t move from his reclined position in the chair. He wasn’t sure he was even blinking anymore.

“Bruce, what's Dick’s favorite color?”

“Blue.”

“What’s his favorite patrol snack?”

“Dried cranberries. Why are you asking?”

“Just go with it for a minute. How many medals has he won at gymnastic meets?”

“Forty seven.” Jason didn’t need to double check, he was sure all of those facts would be correct.

“Alright B. What’s my favorite color? My favorite patrol snack? What’s my soccer jersey number?”

“Red, you also like cranberries, and 14.” Jason wondered if Bruce could hear how unconfident he sounded.

“Wow Bruce, that's actually impressive. I had thought you’d at least get one right. Managed a whopping 0 out of 3. Green, I’m allergic to cranberries but you only remember to pack those instead of the granola bars, and it's 29.” He finally glanced over to Bruce whose eyebrows were doing that small uptick saying he was surprised. The guy couldn’t use his words, and his poker face was legendary, but you learned the micro-expressions if you wanted to stand a chance in this house.

“You’re allergic to cranberries?” Bruce actually managed to sound a little shaken. 

“I told you that more than once, that’s why I never eat them. But you always forget. Because I’m not Dick.” Jason still hadn’t gotten angry; not like he thought he would when he finally broke down and talked about it.

“Jason, Dick was my partner for years. It’s not fair to-.” 

“Not fair? Not fucking fair?!” There was the anger he’d been missing. “Bruce, it's shitty you don’t know my favorite color or jersey number. It’s down right fucking neglect you don’t know what I’m allergic to! What’s not fucking fair is that you made it seem like you’d give a shit about me, when you only wanted a puppet to pretend was someone else! What’s not fair is that the guy you so desperately want me to be can’t even look at me. He hates me because he knew just like I do now that you were trying to replace him!” Jason was shouting, having shot up in his chair and spun to face Bruce directly. He took a shaky breath.

“No Bruce. You don’t get to tell me what’s fair here. I’ve let it slide for months. I didn’t use a VPN to access Italian sites because I don’t speak Italian like Dick does. You get mad when I favor covering your left side instead of your right in a fight. But I’m fucking left side dominant Bruce, Dick is the one on the right. You get mad when I can’t make a jump that ‘should be easy’ but newsflash Bruce I’m not a fucking acrobat. I’m clearly not your son either, papers be damned.” He made to stand and leave the Cave. Bruce's hand shot out to grab onto his arm.

“Do you know what today is, Bruce?” He didn’t receive a reply. Jason shook off the hand that was holding him. “You told me months ago that we could take today off. No school, no patrol. That we would go put flowers on her grave.”

He started walking towards the stairs again. “I never should have put on the cape. I never should have left the streets. I think I’d rather have taken my chances out there and been myself than being smothered to death by Dick Grayson's shadow.” He finally reached the stairs and started climbing, Bruce still hadn’t said a word. He wasn’t surprised, but his eyes were still filled with tears even though he desperately wished they weren’t. 

“I wish I didn’t fucking love you.” Jason whispered the last part and ran up the stairs as quickly as he could and tore through the Manor. When he got to his room he considered throwing things, tearing it all apart, screaming so maybe someone would finally fucking hear him. He didn’t. 

Instead he was methodical in his packing. Take just enough to last him a little bit. He’d come back at some point, he didn’t need a lot. Or maybe he’d never come back at all, but he really did like going to school and didn’t want to give it up. Jason would decide later, but right now he needed out and had somewhere important to be. So he army rolled some clothes, grabbed a couple trinkets he could sell if he needed to, and stuffed it into a backpack. Then he shoved his arms into his warmest coat and took a glance around. Maybe for the last time.

He saw the bed he’d fallen in love with instantly, the walls covered in band posters, his Wonder Woman figurines on the overflowing bookshelves. The room, the stuff, it was nice. But it was just paint slapped over the mold, something to hide what it really felt like to be adopted by Bruce Wayne. He took out his phone and set it down on his desk before he shimmied his window open and slipped down the trellis.

He didn’t want Bruce to track him. He was also scared to know if he even would.

**

It wasn’t hard to catch a bus into Gotham, but his Robin training nearly stopped him from doing it because it was the most obvious choice and easy to track. He decided he really didn’t care. If he wanted to go to ground, he would, but he needed to make it to a florist before they all closed first. 

Watching Bristol’s affluent neighborhoods shift into the bustle of the city almost felt surreal. He made the trip daily in one way or another, but it was different today. Today he wasn’t Bruce Wayne’s adopted son being ferried off to private school, or Robin in the Batmobile. He was just Jason Todd, the teenager who wanted nothing more than to see his mom. Seeing the streets change felt like he was stepping back in time. He couldn’t decide if he was shedding the persona of being a Wayne, or stepping back into the persona of being an Alley kid. He didn’t know who he was or wanted to be. He turned away from the window.

**

The florist was empty when he stepped inside. Jason made his way to the counter and asked for a bouquet of lilies. 

“Lilies? Who you going to visit at the cemetery?” The older lady spoke gently, but it still startled him.

“How’d you know I was going to the cemetery?”

“Well, we’re one of the closest shops to the entrance and lilies are sometimes called the funeral flower. If you don’t want to talk about it that’s fine, but I like making bouquets that match a person. Plus sometimes it's nice to tell someone about those you lost. Keeps their memory alive. I like telling people all about my late husband. Let’s me remember him and sometimes it’s like he’s still here laughing when I tell them about how silly he was.” She was smiling at him, and Jason didn’t know how to respond to it at first. People weren’t often kind in Gotham, or at least not blatantly.

“Why was he silly?” The florist started gathering up lilies and other greenery to make his arrangement.

“Oh all sorts of reasons. Back in the day we had a small greenhouse and he’d talk to the bees that visited the flower plots like they were old friends. Always yelling about how Ricky had come to visit again when a bee floated on in. Susie if it was a butterfly. Don’t get me started on how he used to try to solve the daily crosswords after reading the first clue and nothing else. Never did actually accomplish that though.” She was laughing a little wistfully remembering her husband.

“He sounds like he was a nice guy. My, uh, my mom used to make me ‘smileycakes’ which were just pancakes with something on it in the shape of a smiley face, and wouldn’t let me eat it until I gave her a smile back. Always did it to make me feel better if I was upset.”

“She sounds like she was nice too. Mind if I ask how she passed?” Jason swallowed hard. People tended to get judgemental quickly when he told them she had overdosed, but the older lady seemed nice enough.

“She got real sick, never found out what it actually was. Started doing drugs to help with the pain since we couldn’t afford doctors visits, but she just got sicker the more she used. I don’t know if she would’ve survived even if she didn’t OD but that’s what got her in the end.”

“Oh I’m sorry dear. That must’ve been hard. Sounds like she loved you a whole lot either way. What else did she like? Any specific colors or flowers?” Jason felt his shoulders relax, he hadn’t realized he’d tensed up ready to defend his mom. 

“We didn’t really have money for flowers, but she had this shirt that had orchids on it she loved. Not sure if it was the flower print or the fact it was the nicest one she owned to be fair but I always thought she was beautiful in it.” He hadn’t thought of that shirt in years or even had the chance to share the memories with anyone else. It was nice afterall, getting to share the softer parts of his mom with someone, and not just the bad circumstances they’d fallen into.

“Orchids are very beautiful. Your dad still around after she passed?” Usually such a blatant attempt at getting information about his personal life would’ve irked him, but he found he didn’t actually mind.

“Nah, he was gone long before she died. We were better off for it really. I got adopted since then though, so don’t worry about me not being able to pay or anything.” She simply laughed at his poor attempt at a joke.

“Oh I’m not worried about that dear. Just wanted to make sure you were doing alright. It’s not easy losing a parent so young. You doing okay at your new place?”

“Honestly?” He waited until she glanced over at him, stopping whatever she was doing with all those flowers, and nodded. “It could be better. Don’t get me wrong, he’s alright. Doesn’t beat me or anything. But I don’t know if he wanted me or someone to fill the shoes of his son that just moved out.” Jason knew he should be careful, Bruce was a very public figure and there was a chance the florist would recognize his newly adopted son sometime in the future from a gala picture or something. He also just couldn’t find it in himself to care at the moment. This was the first person who seemed genuinely interested in how he was doing in God knows how long.

“It ain’t my place, but I think if someone goes through all the court proceedings and fees to adopt, they must at least care a little bit. Maybe he saw a kid in need but then forgot that what you need and what his other son needed were different. You talked to him about it?” She’d resumed her task of arranging the flowers while she spoke but was glancing at him now. Not in a way that seemed like she recognized him, more in the way that someone does when they want to double check you weren’t hurt even when you said you were fine. Jason felt a warmth in his chest thinking about how this stranger was more concerned for him than anyone else around him.

“Sorta. Not really. I got mad at him earlier, asked if he realized I wasn’t my brother. He didn’t say much, but I needed to get out here to see my mom so I left.”

“Left? Did you tell anyone where you were going?”

“Well no. I didn’t think he’d care.” Jason wasn’t sure if he was being scolded, but he sure felt like it.

“Young man, even if you’re on the outs you can’t just leave without telling someone. They’re probably worried sick. Especially in a city like Gotham, it only takes a second for something to happen.” Didn’t Jason know it, he was often the only reason people made it back home to their families.

“I can take care of myself. Plus I wasn’t leave leaving. Just taking a break for a while.” She was wrapping the bouquet up in paper, grabbing some twine to hold it all in place.

“Well, you go see your mom and then I think you should go home. If he really doesn’t care about you then come back and see me, we’ll figure something out. But give him a chance to prove himself.” Jason was stunned at the offer of help, and found himself nodding along. The bouquet was placed into his hands and he stared down at it. He recognized the lilies and orchids scattered around, but in the middle was a single red flower he wasn’t immediately able to identify.

“That’s a poppy. It means remembrance, usually for those lost in war. I know it’s not quite the same, but if you ask me addiction and illness are two of the hardest battles people can have.” She must have noticed him staring at the red flower, and Jason felt tears welling up in his eyes for the second time that day. No judgement or condemnation for his mom was being thrown around, just sincere empathy and soft petals.

“Thank you.” It didn’t feel like enough. It was a small gesture but Jason knew he wouldn’t forget it, and a simple thank you just didn’t cut it but it’s all he had to offer.

“Of course. I’m Pauline by the way. I never caught your name.”

“Jason.” They shuffled over to the cash register, and while Jason didn’t know the price of flowers he felt he was being undercharged.

“Well Jason. Go talk to your mom, and then like I said, go home. I’ll be here anytime you need some flowers or a conversation, alright?” Jason grabbed another fifty dollar bill from his wallet and set it on the counter.

“Make a bouquet for your husband and Ricky and Susie for me. I’ll see you around Pauline.” He exited before Pauline could try to make him take the money back, like he knew she would. He hadn’t known her long, but she seemed the stubborn sort if he had to guess.

**

Jason hadn’t had too many opportunities to visit his mothers grave since Bruce had paid to have her moved into an actual plot, but he had memorized the route regardless. It only took him a couple minutes to find the marker. Bruce had offered to get him any style he’d wanted to honor her, big grand over the top things like statues and what not. He’d decided she would appreciate something simple but pretty instead. It was carved marble, with the city skyline adorning the bottom, and some stars along the top. Catherine Todd Loved and Loving Mother, written between it all.

He hadn’t been sure what to have carved into it for a while, but the city had felt right the more he thought about it. The city that she’d never left, the city that tore her down, the city that despite it all she loved. Jason could never fault her for her adoration of the shithole, it was home afterall. Even if sometimes he’d wished they had been somewhere anywhere else. 

He started wiping down the stone with his sleeve, clearing off the little bit of grime that had built up. The cemetery was pretty well maintained but he still didn’t like it being even a little dirty. 

“Hey mom, sorry I haven’t been by in a while. You know how it is around here though, always something to get into. Been staying out of trouble though. Well mostly.” He finished his cleaning with a small laugh. 

Setting down the flowers, he sat down facing the tombstone, arms propped on his knees.

“Met someone nice earlier. In Gotham, someone nice? I know it sounds crazy. You would have loved her, she made you such a pretty bouquet. You would have loved those too.” He trailed off, thinking about how he’d never been able to get his mom flowers while she was alive.

Clearing his throat, he continued. “Well anyways, I just wanted to talk to you. Catch you up on the latest mishaps and gossip.” He spent hours talking about his new school, his grades, dumb pranks he’d pulled with some of the friends he’d managed to make. He finally wound his way to his dad and brother.

“I know last time I was here I told you about how you’d be so happy that I’d found someone to look after me since you were gone. How I was so excited about having a big brother. I hate to disappoint, and I don’t want you to worry about me, but I think I was wrong. I thought I’d beat the optimism out of myself a long time ago, but I still managed to get my hopes up. Really shouldn’t have though. Ah, what am I even complaining about?” He scrubbed a hand down his face.

“It’s not so bad I guess. I think I’m just missin’ you a lot more lately. I was so mad at you for such a long time, but that wasn’t very fair of me. It felt like you chose to leave me, but I know you didn’t. You’d’ve kicked Bruce’s ass for me a long time ago. You would’ve won too. That’s how I know you loved me. Bad choices didn’t make you a bad person, but I didn’t realize that for a while. I’m sorry about that mom.”

He had trailed off, but finally spoke again. “Would you be mad at me if I left? Started over somewhere else? I’m helping a lot of people here, I think it’d be selfish to leave. Leave them, leave you. But maybe it’s time? Thoughts?” He paused as if actually waiting for an answer, wanting permission desperately.

“Yeah, you’re right. You always said help anyone you can but you gotta keep yourself afloat first. For a while I was treading water just fine, but I think I’m drowning. Feels like it at least.” Sighing he put his head on his knees, pressing his forehead down as hard as he could. “It’s not even that bad. It really isn’t. But why can’t I find someone who cares mom? I know you did. I know that. But it was hard. So fucking hard, to remember that at the end. You were just trying to keep yourself afloat, and I can’t blame you. But at the same time why did you leave me? I’m so fucking alone now.” The tears started tracking down his cheeks for the third time that day. 

“When the fuck did I become such a cry baby? Ah, sorry mom. I didn’t mean to throw all that on you. I’ll be fine, I always am.” He glanced up towards the marker again, the light of day had long since faded and he could hardly make out the words anymore. An arm appeared in his peripheral, and it was a testament to how exhausted he was that he barely reacted at all. It set down another large assortment of flowers next to his own.

“Jason.” Bruce’s voice broke the bubble he’d let himself fall into while sitting at the grave, he tensed ready to run if needed. “I’m sorry.” The shock of the words made the fight drain out of him as quickly as it had appeared. He remained silent though, he wasn’t going to throw the man a bone he didn’t deserve and wiped his face dry.

“I met a nice lady at the flower shop up the road. When I said I was looking for my son and described you, she had some choice words for me. I think I ended up paying triple what the bouquet was worth.” Bruce trailed off, it was obvious in his tone that he was uncomfortable and painfully uncertain but he at least wasn’t masking his voice to be emotionless. Jason heard a sigh and some clothes rustling behind him before he felt Bruce sit down next to him. Close but not touching.

“You must’ve been here a while then. Her shop closed hours ago.” Jason let the accusation hang in the air. They both knew that he was asking how long Bruce had been listening. 

“I’ve been here for a while, yes, but I stayed back. Just wanted to make sure you were safe while you visited your mom. I tried my best not to listen. I may have overheard a few things though.” It wasn’t much, but Jason also knew how hard it was for Bruce to not demand to know everything. Bruce grabbed the bouquet he’d sat down.

“Pauline, I believe her name was, said that these flowers represented forgiveness.” Jason glanced over, it was white tulips and orchids. “I think I need to ask for both yours and Catherine's forgiveness.” He still didn't reply.

Bruce turned towards the gravestone. “Hi Catherine. My name is Bruce.” His voice was still terribly awkward. “I should’ve introduced myself properly a long time ago. I apologize for that. Actually, I worry I have a lot to apologize for in general. Your son, he’s a delightful child. Snarky, but so kind. I don’t think I’ve done a good job letting him grow into that side of himself. Not like you surely would have.” Jason’s breath started to get a little bit shallower hearing Bruce describe him to his mom, those damned tears threatening to come again.

“I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I didn’t do right by you or him. I can only hope you both can give me a second chance. He’ll always be your son, but if he still wants to be, he’s mine as well.” Jason finally looked at Bruce’s face. His jaw was clenched and he seemed like this showing of emotion was going to do his brain in. 

“When I took him in, it was because I saw a spark in him that reminded me of all the things I want to protect. Fierce and determined. But when he joined me, following in my footsteps, I lost sight of that. I often do. But I want you both to know that even if he follows a different path, that won’t change that I want to give him the best life I can.” Jason tore his gaze away again.

“You mean that?” He whispered to the earth beneath his feet.

“I do. I thought you wanted the job. I didn’t think you thought you had to take it.”

“I did want it. I want to help people. But I’m not sure that I’ll ever be good enough.” Bruce turned to look at him, and put his hand on his knee.

“Jay, you’re already good enough. You always have been. You’re right, it wasn’t just shitty, it was neglectful of me how I’ve treated you these past months. There are other ways to help people, it doesn’t have to be the way I do.” Jason stared at the hand that was still pressing into his knee. He’d seen those same hands knock out countless people, throw batarangs and smoke bombs. He had also seen them carry children out of the wreckage of buildings and cars, and patch up his own bloody wounds. 

“I’m not necessarily saying I want out of the job. I just. You need to realize that I’m different from Dick. And you can’t always act like that’s the worst thing I could be.” His voice cracked at the end, he’d blame the cold before admitting he was truly upset right now. 

“I need you to know that what I’m about to say is not me trying to take anything away, it’s your choice. Why don’t you take some time off? Figure out if you want to keep working with me. If you do, that’s fine. If you don't, that's also fine.” Jason pushed Bruce’s hand off for the second time that day, and caught the flash of hurt in the others eyes.

“Bruce, it’s more than that. It’s more than the job. And I know the job will always come first. If I don’t do it, then what will we be? I’ll just be a random kid in your house that you don’t know. Which I guess I can deal with, but I don’t know if I want to. I don’t want to fight for you to hear anything I say. If I’m not out there with you, you’ll never even look at me again.” Bruce didn’t reply for a while.

“I really messed up, didn’t I?” 

“What gave it away?” They lapsed into silence for a moment. Jason wasn’t sure he wanted either of them to break it. Too worried what Bruce would say next. Despite that, when it got to be too much, Jason was the one to cave. 

“You know it’s not just me right? Dick loves you. I know he does, but we both know the job will always come first. Sometimes it feels like we could disappear and you still wouldn’t take a night off to look for us. It’s weird though, because it feels like that but you also are so controlling that we can’t breathe wrong without you knowing and being mad. That’s why he’s always so angry, in case you didn’t know. He wanted you to trust him and instead you went and found some street kid to replace him instead of doing that.” 

“I didn’t replace him. That isn’t what I was trying to do. I love you both, I just get so worried that you’ll get hurt and there won’t be anything I can do.”

“What about when you hurt us?” Bruce took in a sharp breath at that.

“I don’t mean to, I would never do it intentionally.”

“That’s what makes it so hard. That’s why even though all you guys do is fight, he still visits sometimes. It’s why I didn’t deck you and run away the first chance I got. Because it’s so obvious you don’t mean to, but you do Bruce. You really do.” The silence was suffocating again.

“What can I do to fix it?”

“With Dick? You should probably-.” Bruce cut him off.

“No Jason. With you. I’ll figure things out with Dick. I’m asking what I can do for you.” The quiet wasn’t as stifling as it had been previously, but Jason sat and thought for a while. Trying to decide how honest was too honest.

“I think we should both talk to someone. Separately of course. I thought I was okay for a long time but I’m not. I want to be though.”

“Talk to someone? Like therapy?”

“Yeah Bruce, therapy. I know you don’t think it’ll help, and you can’t trust anyone. But isn’t that half the problem? You could fill the harbor with your trust issues and you’d still have so many it’d cause a flood. I’m not asking for a miracle here. Just want you to fix things with Dick, and maybe along the way you’ll see me as myself.”

“I think when we get back home, Alfred is going to cook you all your favorite foods for the next millennia. He’s been trying to get me to go to therapy for decades now.”

“That mean you’ll do it?”

“For you, I’ll try.”

“Will you go to my next soccer game?”

“I’ll paint 29 on my forehead and cheer so loud you’ll be embarrassed.” Jason laughed.

“Be careful, you know I’ll hold you to it.”

“I expect you to.” They stayed a while longer, not really saying much before Jason made to stand.

“Let's go home B.” He offered a hand to the man still sitting on the cold dirt. Bruce didn’t immediately grab his hand though, instead he turned back to face Catherine’s tombstone.

“It was nice speaking with you Catherine. I’ll be sure to bring Jason by more often.” Bruce finally took hold of Jason’s palm and rose from the ground. As they made to leave, Jason turned around one final time.

“Bye mom, thanks for always listening to me.” It wasn’t perfect, but it was finally a step in the right direction.

**

It took a while for Bruce to find someone to talk to that he thought could be slightly trustworthy, but Jason had expected that. Bruce had been rather adamant that he get in with someone first. It didn’t seem like he was trying to get out of his promise though; it seemed like he was actually just worried about Jason himself. It was a nice change.

Jason had taken some time away from the cape and tights, but decided to do weekend patrols once in a while. He didn’t want to do it full time anymore. Instead he found that volunteering was something he enjoyed. Robin’s magic was in stopping terrible things in motion, but wasn’t always what people needed. Sometimes they just needed a helping hand and a warm meal. Bruce had even let him make some outreach program outlines that Wayne Enterprises was working to implement. Reworking the foster system, funding the orphanages that actually cared, helping the schools with more than just books. That was nice too.

Jason had also started working a day or two with Pauline, mostly just cleaning and helping to take care of inventory. He hadn’t quite got the art of making arrangements down, but she needed the help. What with being the sole florist that Wayne Enterprises used for anything these days. Her grandson had started working there as well, and she’d had to hire a couple full time employees. Who knew banquets and charity galas needed so many flowers?

Dick had stopped glaring at him every time they were in the same room, and he had actually been visiting more often. He’d even come to one of his soccer games when the season started back up, and to Sunday dinner once in a while.

It was at dinner when they were all around the table making small talk when Bruce spoke up.

“Boys, I would like to say something that should have been said a long time ago.” He was looking down at his plate when he started, but seemed to gather all the Batman courage he had and looked up at them. It wasn’t Batman that was staring at them though, it was all Bruce Wayne.

“First I would like to apologize to both of you. For countless things really, but most importantly that I made it seem like you boys came second in my life. You’re both far more important to me than anything else, I was just too afraid to admit it. I can control every aspect of my mission, I cannot control you. Try as I might. I’ve been working on that.” He rubbed a hand over his forehead. Dick glanced at Jason as if to say ‘are you hearing this’, but Jason honestly wasn’t sure he was.

“It was brought to my attention that I probably have OCD. My last session was… insightful.”

Dick jumped in, “You’re in therapy?!”

“Yes. I agreed to attend in hopes that I could convince Jason to come home instead of running away.” Dicks head swiveled back towards Jason.

“You were going to run away?! God no one tells me anything.” His brother slumped back in his chair like the energy had been sucked out of him.

“To be fair, I thought you knew.” Jason shrugged, trying to play off the awkwardness he felt at being called out for his previous antics. 

“He would’ve been justified if he had, though I’m very happy it didn’t end like that. But that was also something that Dinah wants me to work on. Communication. That’s why I’m sharing my thoughts and new found diagnosis. I can’t say I was surprised by it but it was unpleasant for it to be spelled out so clearly.” Bruce cleared his throat.

“It does not excuse how I’ve treated you both, but I’m starting a new therapy to help with what Dinah calls my ‘rampant overbearing control issues’.” Bruce sighed and took a sip out of his wine glass. “I may not like how she described it, but I won’t fault her. Dick I want you to know that I love you dearly, and you’re a remarkable young man. Jason was never meant to make you feel as if I didn’t care. I only have myself to blame for how I handled the situation. I trust you to do what you think is best and just. I just can’t help but to worry as your father. I have been trying to give you the space you asked for, and I know I have a long way to go on that front, but I can only hope to improve.”

Dick looked close to tears. “I can tell you’ve been trying, Dad. I can. I didn’t know what changed but I do see it. I’m sorry too, for getting mad all the time. You deserved it, don't get me wrong. But I appreciate the effort.”

“That’s all I can hope to ask for.” Bruce turned his gaze towards Jason. “And Jason, I love you just as much. I don’t want to imagine what could’ve happened if you hadn’t called me out that day. If you had run away then or some other time because I was too scared to be honest with you both. You asked me then, when I brought up how I didn’t want you boys to be hurt, about when it was me hurting you. I don’t think I’ve ever been hit harder, Kal be damned.” A slight pause.

“It was what I needed, what I deserved, to hear. I didn’t realize that what I was and wasn’t doing was causing such grief. You’ve grown so much these last few months, and tempered that anger I saw sometimes into something precise. You’re working to cut out the rot, but in your own way. Not with fists, and I couldn’t be prouder. Thank you.”

Jason felt his cheeks reddening and he ducked his head. “Sheesh B, way to be sappy. How much did it hurt to say all that?” Was he deflecting? Absolutely, sue him. Bruce just laughed at him.

“A lot, but far less than hurting the both of you.” 

“Little Wing’s right. Enough sappiness. We’re not built for all that.” Dick reached over and pushed on Bruce’s shoulder. “Thanks though B. It means a lot.” 

“And you too Jaybird. You did what no else could, conquered Bruce’s debilitating fear of emotions.” Jason let himself smile. 

They went back to their small talk and jokes pretty quickly after that but Jason knew that they would be alright. It wasn’t easy, trying to carve out a space for himself in a new family, but it was worth it. And Catherine would be so proud of him, he just knew it.