Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The hum of the ceiling fan. The tapping of H4nk’s busted ass sneaker against the rug of the living room. The methodical click of the AC unit outside. These, along with the heavy, stressed breathing of the Hanks, are the only noises that can be heard throughout the foyer. H1nk stands in the middle of the room, like a stone pillar, solid and unmoving. His hands are clasped behind his back, his fingers laced firmly between themselves.

​

His voice finally cuts through the silence like a hot knife. “I hope you all enjoyed Halloween. It was a great night for us and House Honey.” He nods his head once. He moves around the circumference of the living room, occasionally making stern eye contact with the other Hanks. “We’ve got work to do. Or… uh, lack thereof, I ‘spose. Anyways! You know what month it is, as do I.”

​

H3nk makes noise first in the form of a sigh. His head hangs low, his elbows on his knees. “I don’t get why we can’t just have a normal November! We aren’t, like, bound by a vow of chastity!”

​

“You’ll be fine,” H2nk rolls his eyes. He seems to have an unusual air of confidence, at least pertaining to this matter.

​

“Hush it, brah.” H1nk furrows his brow. “I’ve got the talking stick.” He tuts. He straightens his posture before resuming his diplomatic speech. “I know that as Hanks, we were put on this Earth to do three things: Extreme sports, each other, and our House Honey. Unfortunately, we’re just down to extreme sports this November.”

​

H4nk makes a sound of anguish. “But I love boning, brah! It’s hella dope!”

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“Hella dope,” H3nk echoes, dramatically sniffling.

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H5nk looks sheepish. “And, uh, does jerkin’ it count?”

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“Duh!” All of the other Hanks say in unison.

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“If beating your meat was allowed, I’d be fine,” H4nk pouts. H3nk still looks hurt.

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“I don’t even know if that would help. There’s really nothing like being six and a half—maybe seven on a good day—inches deep inside your homie.” He flops over onto H5nk dramatically. “My nuts are gonna fall off from disuse.”

​

“Your crown jewels will be fine, bro,” H2nk huffs. “Personally, I know my resolve is undefeated, I’m just… worried about our House Honey. Don’t wanna deprive her just ‘cause we can’t bust.”

​

H1nk ponders for a moment, his thumb and forefinger coming up beneath his chin. “Hmm, good point, brochacho. Should we be allowed to pleasure our brobabe? Let’s take a vote. Raise your hand if—”

H5nk immediately raises his hand.

​

“—if you think we shouldn’t be allowed to—”

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H5nk’s hand lowers.

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“...pleasure our homie.” H1nk finally finishes. H2nk raises his hand, along with H3nk.

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H2nk raises an eyebrow at H3nk. “Surprised we agree on this one, brah.” His tone isn’t mean, mostly curious.

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“It’s not fair! If House Honey cums on my face, I’m gonna blow a load in my shorts.” H3nk pouts.

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H1nk looks at H2nk. “Why don’t you wanna pleasure our babe?”

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“I… I don’t think it’s fair either.” He looks away, embarrassed yet pouty. “If we have to do this challenge, so does she.”

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“Nuh uh!” H5nk speaks up. “No fair! House Honey deserves to feel good!”

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“Just because we as Hanks take this challenge on doesn’t mean that our sickass girlfriend has to.” H4nk agrees, his brow furrowed and his lip downturned in a defiant frown.

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“The whole polycule should do the challenge!” H2nk counters. “It’ll make us a better squad!”

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“You’re weirdly insistent about this, brotato chip.” H1nk raises an eyebrow, smiling. H2nk flushes.

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He crosses his arms, shifting nervously on the couch. “I’m not! I just think this is a group activity, and no one should get a free pass!” He huffs. “And… I’m confident I’m going to win.”

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The other Hanks gasp. H4nk looks distraught. “This is meant to be a show of solidarity and strength, not a competition!” He laments, throwing his hands up to his blond curls.

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“Dude, you make us sound like monks.” H3nk grimaces.

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“I have the talking stick!” H1nk raises his voice slightly, trying to control the masses.

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“Hank 2’s bein’ a bitch!” H4nk crosses his arms petulantly.

“Nuh uh! I value team solidarity and doing challenges fair and square—”

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“Quit sowing discord!” H5nk scolds. He stands up from the couch. “If Hank 2 wants this to be a competition, fine. Every Hank for himself. No banging each other, no banging House Honey, no jerking off, no nothing. No. Nutting.” A moment of silence follows his assertion.

​

H3nk looks scared. But also turned on. “Are you sure we don’t get, like, a free nut at the beginning?” He covers his crotch.

​

“He’s hot when he’s assertive, right?” H4nk whispers, leaning over to H3nk with a smile.

​

“No free nuts,” H1nk rolls his eyes, an affectionate smile tugging at his lips.

Chapter Text

Day five.

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Barely one-sixth into the month, the Hanks are already struggling—some more obviously than others.

​

Today, you stand at the kitchen sink, hand-washing sports bottles, pots, and pans. Your boys are scattered in various rooms; H3nk is closest, conveniently. He’s lounging on the chaise by the window, his socked feet kicked up on the armrest. A beat-to-hell Xbox 360 controller rests in his left hand, connected by a comically long wire to an equally worn-out console that sits on a shelf in the entertainment center. It hums like an old car, singing a song that H3nk is finely attuned to. His relaxed, almost comfortable demeanor makes you raise an eyebrow for a moment—why does the horniest Hank of all seem so... chill? You bend down to put a random plate in the dishwasher, your leggings stretching obscenely around the swell of your ass. Then, your eyes trail down to the half-chubbed erection in H3nk’s shorts. Oh.

​

If there’s one thing you’ve noticed over these past five days, it’s that temporary celibacy is the most difficult workout the Hanks have ever partaken in. In this duration of abstinence, you’ve noticed that all the Hanks react differently to their sexual frustrations.

From what you’ve seen, H3nk has been playing it uncharacteristically cool. As the designated horniest Hank, literally everyone thought he’d be humping someone’s leg by now. But no. Nothing. These days, he expends his surplus of energy in the home gym, lifting weights and blowing off steam instead of the other Hanks. It’s cruel—he’s just making No Nut November harder for everyone else, with those rippling muscles and freckles scattered across his shoulders like little invitations. Although... as he eyes you down from his spot on the couch, you feel like you’re taunting him.

​​

You flash him a quick, innocent smile before setting a bottle on the drying mat by the sink. Your hands quickly find purchase on a greasy pan that H5nk used to bake on earlier in the week, lathering it up with soap and attacking it with the firm texture of your scouring pad.

You hear footsteps before you see anyone—in a blur of orange Nike Tech, H1nk enters the kitchen, sprinting past you to grab a protein shake from the fridge. His large palms find purchase on your waist as he gently moves you to the side. He starts shaking the protein shake in his left hand while his right arm loops around your waist. He presses a quick kiss to your temple.

​

“Love you, House Honey! Gotta walk the dog!” And just as fast as he appeared, he's gone out the front door. Do you even… own a dog?

​

H1nk has–outwardly, at least–been the most unaffected. He’s cool as a cucumber. Almost… too cool. H4nk and H2nk are convinced he’s jacking off in the shower, so they’ve begun taking turns with him in there. Just “to watch”, says H2nk. Despite this, H1nk's resolve is as thick and solid as his pectorals. The shower drain is unharmed, and despite some (frankly anticipated) erections, no nuts were busted. He's taking it surprisingly well. 

Grabbing a beat-up Hydro Flask from the dirty stack of dishes, your mind wanders to your other boyfriends.

H5nk is outwardly weary. It’s not lost on you or the other Hanks how much he’s been longing for a good fuck–the way he awkwardly shifts his hips when he sits down for dinner, the beads of sweat that adorn his cheekbones like a cruel veil, the tent in his shorts that never seems to wane–it all gives him away. H3nk teases the ever-loving shit out of him for it. It makes you giggle. Despite himself, H5nk remains affectionate in his gentle touches, just like always, even if it means blue-balling himself every time he places his hands on your soft midsection.

Without much else to do, H4nk is mostly bored throughout the day. Boning is one of his go-to hobbies, so with that off limits, he drapes himself across the living room furniture, idly scrolling through his phone, half-hard and unsatisfied. He whines and pouts like a puppy every time H1nk won’t indulge his desire for a heated makeout sesh (which is often), even if it would ease tensions.

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Oh! Right! Speaking of tension.

​

H2nk.

​

Imagine, for a moment, a ball of rubber bands. Imagine it’s a really, really big ball of rubber bands—but that the actual rubber bands it’s composed of are tiny: a bunch of thin strips of rubber stretched to their limits, one false move away from snapping. That’s H2nk.

​

He hasn’t even touched you since the first of the month. Or any of the other Hanks. Frankly, it’s getting a little annoying. He’s denied every form of touch like some sort of ascetic eunuch—even H5nk’s world-famous back massages.

​

You drop the now clean Hydro Flask onto the drying mat by the sink, grabbing another pan that H5nk used for a sheet cake. As you begin the task of washing it, H3nk starts to set down his controller, eyeing you like a cat about to capture its prey. Before he can pounce on you and become the first loser of NNN, H2nk passes by through the hallway, his hands full of miscellaneous papers for his journaling job. He doesn’t make eye contact with either of you, opting to keep his head drawn down close to his chest while muttering something incomprehensible. A few wayward papers fall from his full arms, and when he ignores them, H3nk shoots you a look.

​

“If this is his tactic for winning, then I doubt bro’s gonna come out victorious.” He snorts, peeling his eyes away from you long enough to click something on his video game. “Def gonna cum, but not victoriously.”

​

You roll your eyes in response. “You sure this is about the no nutting thing? It could be his job getting him down. Y’know how his boss is.” You suggest, trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. H3nk laughs.

​

“It’s cute of you to see the best in us, babe,” He smiles. “But Hank 2 is only this tense when he’s gotta bust.”

​

You sigh. “’M gonna go check on him,” You set down the pan you were scrubbing, wiping your hands on a nearby hand towel. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t.” Your lips press briefly against H3nk's cheek as you pass, walking down the hall that H2nk went down. You follow the thick tension in the air all the way to his study, where the door is shut tight. You knock once before trying the handle. It’s locked.

​

“I’m, uh, busy!” You can hear H2nk’s voice ring out, clearly not expecting anyone to look for him. You smile for a second; if you knew the Hanks any less, you wouldn’t be able to differentiate them by voice alone.

​

“It’s me,” You frown, softly pressing your cheek against the cold painted wood of the door. “Can I come in, please?” Your nails idly scrape against the surface, your feet shifting beneath you as you wait. A soft grunt can be heard, a mix of annoyance and soft reluctance. A second later, the door opens.

​

There stands H2nk, looking... a way you’ve never seen him before. It’s odd; he’s nervous, tense, scared—maybe a mix of all three. The office is dark, lit only by the rainy sunshine pouring through the red curtains that adorn the windows. His jet black hair is slightly overgrown and messy, forming a shag down his neck. His presence is accentuated by the soft pitter-patter of raindrops outside, and with how dejected he looks, you’d almost guess he was out there in the downpour—if not for his dry clothes.

“I’m...” His eyes trail down to your face, softening on impact. “...busy. What do you need, love?”

Your hands, soft as a midnight breeze, rest on his forearms. “What’s wrong, hon?” Your lip, the bottom one H2nk loves to kiss so much, turns down into a piteous frown. “You’ve been out of whack all week, Hank. Is it work? Did someone upset you?”

​

“No! No, not at all—” H2nk shakes his head before you can even finish your questioning. “No one did anything wrong.” He stiffens up as you gently press past him into the office. He turns to follow you, the door clicking shut softly behind him.

​

“Then what’s up with you?” You sit against the edge of his desk, peering up at him through your lashes. “I just wanna help, y’know? I can’t do that if you’re all... closed off.” You add with a quirk of your head. He sighs.

​

“I’m way in over my head,” He grunts, sitting down on the desk chair beside you. He peers up at you with those big doe eyes beneath his monolids. You almost expect him to say with his job, or his novel, or being human for Christ's sake– “...with this no cumming thing.”

​

Your face drops. You try not to laugh at the stark contrast in his confidence compared to the other day. “Really?” You steady yourself. “How… how so?”

​

“Shut up, you know how.” He grumbles, turning his rapidly flushing face away from you. He seems to immediately regret the bite in his words, because his eyes fly open and he turns back. “Sorry. I’m…”

​

“Frustrated?” You finish his sentence with a smile that is way too cocky. He nods, biting his lower lip.

​

“Usually this sort of confidence is reserved for Hank 3, you know? I wanted to try it on for once. Wanted to have a big head and actually get away with it.” He exhales shakily, rubbing his sweaty palms against his slacks. “But I failed to take into consideration how many times Three’s confidence gets him embarrassed ‘nd shit. And now I’m…”

​

“Embarrassed and shit?”

​

“Yeah,” He mutters, turning to face the rainy window. “The others will never let me live it down if I chicken out this early. Especially after talking all that big game on Saturday.” His pointer finger and thumb pinch together as he fidgets with the scruff on his chin.

​

“Hon,” You rest a kind hand on his knee. He nearly yelps. “You’re so tense. No silly challenge is ever worth your well-being like this.” Your words are sincere and syrupy sweet, but you can't help but feel a little guilty. You're luring him right into your trap.

​

H2nk gets that look in his eye, the same look he got when you first agreed with him that Redbowl was a shitty sponsor: hope mixed with relief. “You think? But, what about the gu–”

​

“Forget about the guys,” You hop off the desk. “You gotta relax, babe. I know you didn’t want one from Hank 5, but…” You walk over to the armchair in the corner of the room, patting the cushion with a hopeful smile. “I could work out some of those knots in your shoulders?” He shudders.

​

“R-Really?” He swallows thickly, standing up. “But no funny business, right?” You simply chuckle, beckoning him close with a small wave of your hand. He walks over, like a noble following the order of his queen, and sits down where you’ve motioned. “Please don’t tell the guys that this is why I’m all tense. They’ll make fun of me so hard.”

​

“I’ll make sure they won’t,” You purposefully drop your voice into a comfortable, low octave. It clearly has the desired effect, because H2nk squirms. “Your secret is safe with me.”

​

Like a potter sculpting a raw lump of clay, your diligent hands gently press into the stiff muscles of his back. He groans, his head falling back onto his shoulders. You remain standing up, looming over his side. “Bro-babe, your hands feel- ah-” His incisors sink into his thick lower lip, trying to muffle the increasingly needy sounds that escape him.

​

Despite his needy noises, he isn’t visibly hard. You huff. Part of you–an evil, sadistic part–wants to make him lose on purpose. Wants to see him squirm, hear him beg you not to tell the others. So, you lean into it. Into him.

​

Your knee innocently presses against his crotch as you lean over him to “get a better angle”. His breath audibly hitches, his deliciously olive-toned cheeks flushing a dark magenta. His two front teeth dig deeper into his bottom lip, leaving semi-crescent-shaped indents in their wake. He looks beautiful like this, it’s undeniable–but, as your knee presses against where you want to be the most, you feel a distinct lack of an erection.

​

“That feel good?” You hold back your other question, the obvious one burning at your tongue. The Hanks have never been shy, especially not with desires of the flesh. So why isn’t H2nk… well, hard? He’s never had trouble getting it up before.

​

His words snap you out of your thoughts. “I– I can’t do this,” he stumbles over his words. A thick sheen of sweat has settled over his brow like fog, his cheeks flushed a deep red.

​

You pout, looking down at him with those big puppy dog eyes that usually help you get whatever your heart desires. “What do you mean, babe?” The feigned innocence in your tone tastes like satisfaction on your tongue; you know you’re so close to breaking him.

​

“T-This, homie, I can’t do–” H2nk grunt, a low moan escaping him. “–this.” His hips buck up of their own volition, and before you realize it, his fingers are undoing his pants. “Fuck,” he whimpers, his thumb and pointer grabbing his zipper with sloppy movement.

​

“Hank?” This was, undoubtedly, the goal, but it’s all happening so fast and without explanation that you can’t quite keep up. “What are you–”

​

With a grunt and a lift of his hips, H2nk’s trousers are off and down his thighs. Now clad only in his boxers and shirt, he speaks. “I’ve been cheating!”

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Your eyes widen and your eyebrows raise. “Cheating?”

​

“At No Nut November,” He whimpers, though the blush on his face gives him away; he wants you to be mad.

​

With your interest piqued, you lean forward, close enough into his space to make his body tense. “Have you been… touching yourself?” Your voice is dangerously low, so much so that it sounds foreign to your ears.

​

“Worse,” He bites his lip, his eyes rolling back for a split second as his hand moves of its own volition, pulling down his boxers. Then, your eyes lock onto it: a shiny, metal cage. It appears to be a combination of plastic parts and stainless steel, featuring a small padlock on the tip. The bottom of it flares into a snug ring at the base of H2nk’s cock, and a second ring of firm plastic secures it beneath his balls. Your jaw drops.

​

He almost looks like he might cry. “A chastity cage?” You try not to sound too excited, but the thrill is a wild current in your veins, tangled up with a rush of power and control. Like coaxing purrs out of a scared cat, your hand makes gentle movements on H2nk’s thigh, the tips of your fingers caressing just below where he so clearly needs. His hips jerk up, and the cage does its job beautifully. H2nk can’t get hard. The shape of the cage is that of a flaccid dick, not one clearly in need of some help. It makes your tummy twist with excitement, imagining how it must feel to have his cock crammed in that space when he’s aroused.

​

“Please don’t tell the others,” He whines, his eyes glossing over with something that makes your core flutter. You’ve… never really seen this sort of submission out of H2nk before. At least not toward you–you’ve seen him get dicked down by the other Hanks before, yeah, but this? This is… different.

​

It makes you feel a rush of power, something you don’t usually get to dabble in. “And what if I do?” There’s a bite to your words that wasn’t there before. You can see the muscles in H2nk’s thigh jump beneath your hand.

​“Please,” it’s such a broken sound, pulled from the back of his throat effortlessly by your words. His hands grip the edges of the armchair helplessly. “Please don’t, I’ll do anything.”

You fight the urge to raise your eyebrows and smirk like some deranged lunatic. “Anything?” You manage, tempering down the super villain-esque tone of your question.  You finally situate yourself on his lap, sandwiching the cock cage between your stomach and his abdomen. He gasps.

“A-Anything,” He reassures, a delicious bead of sweat rolling down his brow.

“I want you to lose for me,” You whisper, your breath hot as it fans against his ear. You feel his entire body shiver beneath you, his hips bucking up in a futile attempt to gain any sort of pleasure. “I want you to lose,  and then I want you to go out and tell the boys about it.”

“B-But—”

“What’s more embarrassing? That, or me going into the living room and announcing that our confident Hank 2’s been caught keeping his cock in a cage because he’s just that desperate?”

“B-Babe, they’re both—”

“Your choice, bub.” You coo, stroking the slight prickle of hair on his jaw. “I mean, jeez, even Hank 3 didn’t have to lock himself up. Do you really have that little restraint?”

“I promise I—”

“You talk too much.” You smile, gently pressing a finger to his plush lips. “I can think of better uses for that mouth.” Rising from his lap, you let your fingers thread through his hair, lingering for just a moment before stepping away.

The prospect of pleasing you lights up H2nk's face, his eyes bright, his energy almost puppy-like. If he had a tail, it would be wagging. “Y-Yes, please. I want that. God, how I want that.”

“Good boy.” You let your other hand drift over the cage, just enough to make him moan, loud and unabashed. “Get on the floor, pretty please.”

He obeys immediately, his eyes big and glossy as he sits on his knees. He’s got a stupid, blissed-out expression on his face. It’s so cute, it almost makes you forget what you wanted him down here for. “Lay down flat on your back, please.”

And he does. He lies down against the plush rug of the office, his long legs bent at the knee to fit in the space. You sit down next to him and take a moment to just... admire him. He’s so pretty like this, his eyes wide, pupils blown up like saucers, his hair starting to stick to his forehead with sweat... it almost makes you feel bad for how you’re about to use this man like a toy. Almost.

“W-What are you gonna do to me?” He sounds excited, in a masochistic sorta way.

Your hands trail along his belly, his abs, his happy trail that leads down to the bush around the base of his caged-dick. They make their climb back up to his chest, pushing his shirt out of the way to thumb at his tan nipples. “Well, since I’m making you lose, it’s only fair that I lose, too.”

He whimpers, his face dissolving into something between pain and pleasure. As you remove your bottoms (as well as panties) and position yourself above his face, he looks like he might faint. A thin string of drool falls from the corner of his mouth from being slack-jawed the whole time. “R-Really? I really get to? O-Oh, fuck, please, please—”

You finally shut him up by pressing your hot cunt against his mouth. His eyes immediately flutter shut, his stomach lurching and his abdominals clenching as he moans, rough and strangled, against you. His tongue makes quick, frantic circles around your clit in a way that isn’t as gratifying as you’d like. You reach down, tugging his sweat-damp hair.

“Slow down,” You warn, your voice strained with a moan that dances at the back of your throat. Your pretty boy nods, cracking his eyes open for just a moment before getting back to work.

This time, his kisses your pussy in a way that makes your breath hitch. His tongue, long and warm, licks a trail from your opening up to your clit. You cry out at the unbelievable sensation—H2nk’s gone down on you countless times, but this? This is a hungry, desperate side of him you have yet to see.

“Hank, oh fuck—”

His fingernails press love crescents into your hips as he holds you like he’s drowning. He’s whimpering, too, nearly crying as he eats you out. That tongue of his continues his assault, making love to your clit as his nose buries into the curls on your mound. You throw your head back onto your shoulders, moaning loud enough that it’s almost certain H3nk heard it in the living room. You try not to think about that.

“MMmnhghh, gaahdahss—” You can’t quite tell what he’s mumbling against your cunt.

You begin to indulge H2nk, rocking your hips in time with the movements of his tongue. It finds a steady pattern of circling you, sucking you, and lapping broad stripes up your center. He’s drinking you in so fully, so completely, that you hardly realize your orgasm as it approaches; that thin band stretches in your lower tummy, and as he stuffs his tongue deep into you, it snaps.

“H-Holy shit!”

With a cry to end all cries, you cum all over H2nk’s face, nearly drowning him in the process. He works you through it, his lips sealing around your clit and suckling until you’re nearly sobbing in overstimulation. When you finally dismount his face (after some heavy petting), he looks up at you like you hung the stars in the sky.

“D-Did I do a good job?” He whimpers. Your eyes trail down his torso to where the cage sits tightly around his dick, and you notice it’s weeping at the tip. You nod, your pupils blown wide with your lingering arousal.

“Incredibly good,” You exhale shakily, still recovering from your earth-shattering orgasm. Sitting back on your haunches, you take a moment to look at his pitiful state. Tears streaming down his flushed cheeks, cock leaking through the confines of a chastity cage, and chin wet from eating your cunt like a man starved. He looks wrecked.

“Does that mean I get to lose, too?” His tone is that of a dog begging for food at the dinner table. He looks up at you, his back still against the sherpa rug. He’s probably got shag-textured indents in his back at this rate. You smile down at him, brushing a strand of damp hair from his brow.

You nod. “It does, doesn’t it?” Your smile is only half genuine. The other half is pure tease. “But I think you’re gonna have to tell me where you put the key to this cage, right, babe?”

H2nk swallows, thick and slow. His eyes widen in a mix of embarrassment and undeniable lust. “It’s— it’s in the desk drawer, honey. The one on the— the far right.” He stammers. You retrieve the key, a small, metal piece. It rests heavy in your palm, burning a hole in your mind.

You kneel back down in front of H2nk, who has sat up against the edge of the armchair. You bat your eyelashes at him innocently. “I got it,” You show him the key in your palm.

“Oh, thank fuck,” He whines. His eyes are wide with relief. “Please, love.”

You gently lean forward, dragging the metal teeth of the key against the edge of the plastic cage. When you get to the lock at his tip, he moans, bucking his hips up. He’s like a bitch in heat.

“I could just... not use it,” You admit with a quiet smile, your fingertips fidgeting with the padlock. “I don’t have to let you out. After all, you put yourself here.”

His expression falls, his eyes widening in fear. He’s not bound physically, but the restraint in his movement makes it clear who’s got the power here. “No, no, please, honey, don’t— don’t make me wait any longer—”

“Don’t get your panties in a bunch,” You tease, choosing to ignore how that seems to make him flush deeper, “I’m gonna let you out. But isn’t the threat of me not letting you cum so fun?”

He moans as you click the key into the lock, his thighs shaking in anticipation. “Y-Yes, ma’am, o-oh goddess—”

Your eyes widen. Goddess? That’s a new one.

The cage gently releases his aching cock as you twist the key. He groans, and whether it’s from pain or relief is unclear. “How’s that feel, hon?”

“S-So—” He bucks his hips up, “—so good!” His dick twitches as it’s released from its plastic prison, wet and abused.

You make quick work of positioning yourself over his weeping cock, now free from its restraints. He’s swollen and red, likely from pressing against the cage for so long. You make a show of rubbing his tip through your folds, allowing it to catch on your entrance every so often as he catches his breath. Well, not really. He’s all but crying. Slowly, agonizingly, you sink down onto H2nk’s aching dick. It throbs inside of you the second he’s sheathed fully. Both of you let out a groan of relief in tandem. He feels molten inside of you, hot and molding to fit inside you perfectly. Your heart beats heavy in your ear, your throat is dry as you swallow once. 

“O-Oh, honey-” H2nk whines. He looks up at you like you’re the only thing he cares about. You can feel him twitch where he’s buried deep inside your guts. Tears have begun streaming down his cheeks, his jaw slack.  His thumb traces reverent lines over your lower tummy, right where your womb sits. “I-I’m not gonna last, goddess, I—”

He nearly screams as you lift your hips and drop them back down, effectively spearing yourself on his cock. At this angle, he hits that sweet, gummy spot deep within you; it makes you wanna sob. You give a cheeky, testing roll of your hips to gauge his reaction. He yelps, his head hitting the side of the armchair with a thud. A rhythm is quickly found between the two of you as H2nk’s hands come up to guide your hips down harshly onto his lap.

“Ma’am, I’m s-so sorry, I— ah— I’ve been so— so bad—” He cries softly. If he wasn’t currently buried to the hilt inside you, you might actually be a bit worried, with the way he’s apologizing so earnestly. But you’re not, because you can see (and feel, for that matter) how turned on this makes him.

“You like when I’m mad at you?” You grunt, your voice rough from the energy it takes you to continually bounce yourself like this. “You want me to degrade you, babe?”

It’s both hot dirty talk and a convenient way to ask for consent. H2nk nods swiftly, his head temporarily a blur of raven-black hair. 

“Yes! Oh, yes, ma’am, I’m so, so sorry—” You can feel his dick twitch within you. “C-Call me bad, goddess, please!” His eyes are lazer-focused on the way your tits bounce with each movement, the way your jaw hangs open so similarly to his.

You manage a smile, despite your own moans and cries. “You— You were such a bad boy, Hank. I— I should’ve kept that cage on you and made you wait out the rest of the— ah— the month—”

“P-Please, tell me I’m awful–”

“You’re pathetic,” You groan, your head rolling back onto your shoulders. The shag of the rug is forming indents in the skin of your knees, but you honestly couldn’t care less. “You’ve been so bad, babe. Fuckin’ terrible.”

“I’m so sorry, Goddess,” He cries. “‘M so sorry, so, so fucking sorry–”

You manage to huff a laugh between moans. “Yeah? You want me to forgive you, Hank?”

“Y-Yes! Just– just wanna make you p-proud–” He jerks his hips up to meet one of the rolls of your hips, pushing his dick just that tiny bit deeper into you. The thick head of his cock kisses your cervix with every movement.

“Then cum, sweetheart.”

“Oh fuck!”

Without warning, H2nk forces your hips down hard. Hard enough to bruise. His movements don’t cease as you feel him release deep inside you with a guttural groan. 

“G-Goddess, ‘m so sorry, didn’t mean t’cum so quick, I– oh my god–” He’s sobbing through it, “P-Please don’t be mad, a-ah–” His hips are rutting up into you uncontrollably, now, his eyes screwed shut. His right hand releases your hip to come up to your sex, rubbing fast, desperate circles onto your clit. “Please, please cum on me, ma’am, I-I’ll– I’ll be s’good–”

 His desperate, needy tone of voice spurs you into your second orgasm as he presses down on your clit just right. Your back arches, your whole body tensing up on his cock. You swear your vision goes white for a second as you scream.

“You’re– ah– such a good boy, Hank. S-So good for your goddess.” You pant. Once he’s rubbed you to the point of near-sobs, he pulls back, satisfied. And then collapses against the floor in exhaustion. You follow suit.

Around twenty minutes into the afterglow, H2nk seems to regain consciousness. “Hey, House Honey?” His voice is a strained croak from disuse. Or maybe over-use. “I... I love you. Like, really love you.”

You turn your head to face him, your cheek brushing against the shag of the rug. “Yeah?” You smile. “I love you too.” You scootch over to rest your head on his sweat-slicked chest–or, at least what’s exposed of it. It’s kinda funny that neither of you got fully undressed.

He sighs. “Do you think the guys will be, like, actually mad at me?” You can hear the faint insecurity creeping into his voice, the same kind that kept him from speaking out about Redbowl for so long. You shake your head.

“Of course not!” You reach over to grab his hand, holding it firmly in yours. “And besides, I technically lost first.”

Chapter Text

Day 10.

After H2nk’s public loss of No Nut November, tensions have been slowly and steadily easing. Suddenly, the prospect of losing isn’t so scary. Sure, the other Hanks all teased the hell out of H2nk when they found out, but they weren’t seriously distraught or anything. H5nk seems less on edge, as does H3nk. They’ve loosened up so much—especially H4nk.

It’s no secret that after tearing his ACL a couple of years back in a surfing accident, H4nk has taken to some more... recreational forms of pain-relief. Simply put, he enjoys a little smoking here and there. Nothing crazy, no Snoop Dogg levels of being stoned... just some fun! He keeps it classy, always making sure he has a clear head when he needs it, like when he and the guys go out for crazy, extreme sports. You have, notably, never indulged with him. He’s offered before, sure, but you’ve never been in a place where you necessarily felt the need to get high. However, as the day drags by slowly on this glum Monday evening, you feel the need for more than just a small pick-me-up.

You walk up plush, carpeted stairs, your socked feet thumping softly against the fabric of the treads. H4nk himself is like a drug to you, luring you through the hall and into the bedroom. You crack open the door. He's lounging on the bed, his phone in his hand, scrolling idly.

“Bro-babe?” His head perks up like a puppy dog’s. “Come in here, homie! I’ve been wondering when you’d find me.”

You giggle, fully entering the room. You crawl into bed on top of him and nuzzle into his neck. He smells like sandalwood and love—a warm, woody mix that makes your tummy do somersaults.

“I’ve missed you, sunshine,” H4nk coos, burrowing his nose into your locks just like you’ve buried yourself in his collarbone. “You bored? I could look for some shitty shortform videos for us to watch.” He cocks a small smile.

Well, no better time to ask than now. “I was actually wondering if you’d wanna maybe... smoke?” You wince at your own suggestion, a shy blush rising to your cheeks. “I-I know we’ve never done this together, and I’ve never done it at all, but it’s something I wanna try, y’know? It’s fine if you don’t wanna, I—”

He leans forward, pressing an insistent yet gentle kiss to your blabbering mouth. When he pulls back, he’s smiling. “Homie, I’d literally love to green out with you.” His eyes crinkle at the edges. “You sure you’re down with that, brah? I only want you to indulge with me if you’re, like, really ready to.” You nod your head tentatively.

“I really do wanna try,” You reassure. Your thumbs fiddle idly with each other as you look at H4nk nervously. “I just... need some guidance, y’know? Just ‘cause I’ve never done this before.”

H4nk beams. “I’ll be your maestro, brah! Leave it to me. Ooh, ooh! Would you rather actually smoke or, like, take an edible? Both have their pros and cons, of course, but I’ll make sure you’re totally gucci no matter what, babe.”

“I kinda don’t like the smell of weed,” You hum, internally weighing your options. “But I feel like I won’t care if I’m high. Edibles seem fun, but also kinda boring.”

“We could start out slow, if you’d like,” He smiles gently at you. He tosses his old-ass iPhone 7 onto the bed, standing up. He bends down on his haunches and starts rummaging in the nightstand, clearly looking for something. “Personally, I like smoking better, but it’s totally up to you, amigo.”

“What... are you looking for?” You ask, half-rhetorical, half-not.

He grins, dopey, as his blond curls emerge from the nightstand drawer. His hand lifts like he’s declaring a WWE winner. “Bong,” He smiles. “It’s kinda better than just a blunt, depending on what’cha wanna do. It’ll be waaay easier for you, since you’ve never taken a hit of anything before. The smoke is, like, hella smooth to inhale.” He shuffles across the room to the record player on the dresser.

“Now what are you doing?” You flash him an amused smile.

“I never smoke without my ABBA vinyl, brosef. It’s totes a necessity.” He grins right back, the gap from his missing tooth a deep ebony vortex against the whites of his remaining teeth. He gently removes the vinyl from its sleeve, placing it with utmost care on the record player. He guides the needle to rest against the first notch on the disc. ‘Super Trouper’ by ABBA begins to play.

You cover your mouth with your hand as an uncontrollable giggle tumbles from your lips. “Is this really the vibe?” You look up at him with laugh-squinted eyes.

“Totally!” He walks back over, patting your thigh. You scootch over to make room for him on the bed, and he sits close to you. “So I’m gonna pack the bong, then we light it up, then we blaze. Sounds epic, right?”

You swallow thickly, the reality that you’re about to smoke for the first time setting in. Worry sits deep in the pit of your stomach like a bad burrito. “Yeah, totally.” You echo his words, peering down at your lap and nervously fidgeting with your nails. H4nk shakes his head, gently separating your hands.

“Hey, homie. It’s alright. I’m here with you. You know I’d never ever let anything bad happen to you.” He pulls you against his thick chest, his arms enveloping you softly. “We don’t have to do this if you’re apprehensive, lovey. I’m more than happy to just dick around with you on Minecraft or watch YouTube.”

You nod. “I wanna try, really. I’m just nervous. But I trust you.” You finally look up, meeting his veridian gaze. He smiles.

“Sick! How about you sit in my lap while I pack the bong? That way, I can walk you fully through the process.” He offers with a small quirk of his pretty blond head. You giggle and nod. He helps you situate yourself so that your back is against his front, his legs criss-crossed beneath the two of you. He reaches for the bong, placing it in your hands. “Hold this for me for a sec, pretty. Gotta grab the kush.” He presses a kiss to the sensitive skin behind your ear before leaning over to the nightstand, nearly making you tumble off his lap. Your eyes follow his hand as it digs around in the nightstand drawer before emerging with a little baggie of herb.

“I’m getting nervous,” You admit, your incisors digging into the already slightly ripped skin of your lower lip. He chuckles, warm and airy, behind you.

“I’m here, brah,” He rests his right hand, the one not holding the bag, on your lower stomach. His thumb trails up under your shirt for a split second as he rubs your skin. “Chillax, homie. I gotcha.” He presses a warm kiss to the vertebrae at the back of your neck, making you shiver. You can feel the cold metal of his dual lip piercings against your skin.

“So... you just... pack the bong?” You ask, pretending you know how that works.

H4nk snorts. “Well, yeah. We put the dope in this little tube thing here,” He points to the bowl, “And water in the main area down here.” His finger motions down to the water chamber, where a small pool of liquid rests. “Then we light it up and inhale from the top. Kapiche?” He smiles.

“I think I get it,” You nod. He begins the process, taking some herb from the little plastic baggie and packing it into the bowl with his fingers. Once it’s adequately full, he reaches over to the nightstand and grabs a shitty Bic lighter with a design of a cat hanging from a tree on it that reads ‘Hang In There!’. With a flick of his thumb, the lighter is on. He holds the flame beneath the bowl until the leaves catch on fire.

The instantly recognizable scent of weed greets your nose, causing you to scrunch up your features unceremoniously. “Hah, you’ll get used to it, babe.” H4nk giggles. “I’ll take the first hit, ‘kay? Show you how it’s done ‘nd all.”

H4nk’s plush, pink lips wrap around the edge of the mouthpiece, inhaling deeply. His eyes flutter shut. He exhales, making a fun little smoke ring over your shoulder as he does. You grimace as it hits your face. He chuckles. “Sorry, babe. Here, take a hit. Don’t hold it too long, it’ll start to burn.” His voice is a bit rough with smoke. Some of it escapes through his nose. You’d be lying if you said it wasn’t a tiny bit hot.

Hesitantly, you lean forward. Your mouth finds the top, just like his did. You scrunch your eyes closed, preparing for the worst as you inhale. Smoke rises, entering your mouth and lungs. It’s immediately bitter; you cough without second thought, gasping for air. H4nk gently pats your back.

“You’re alright,” he coos softly. “I kinda expected that to happen with your first time. Totally valid! When Hank 5 took his first hit, his eyes wouldn’t stop watering for, like, thirty minutes—”

“Wait, you’ve smoked with Hank 5?” You raise an eyebrow, the burn in your throat temporarily forgotten. H4nk laughs.

“Yeah! We tried it together one night just for funsies. Smoked some, explored each other’s bodies, y’know. Bro stuff.” He leans down to take another rip from the bong. He exhales it away from you this time.

You blush. “You guys messed around while high?” The song on the record player switches to ‘Winner Takes It All’.

“Well, yeah. He’s so cute when he’s all giggly and clingy like that.” His free hand, the one not holding the bong, traces down your side, squeezing at your love handles. He smiles (a bit smugly) as you look gobsmacked. “You ready for another hit, babe?”

“I— uh. Yeah—” You nod, wetting your lips. He guides the mouthpiece up to your lips, his hand moving from your side up to cup your jaw.

“Easy,” He instructs, his voice way too hot for his own good. His smoky breath fans over your ear. “Don’t hurt yourself. Just take a small breath.”

You do. Or, at least try to. You inhale again, trying to relax your lungs this time. The smoke enters your mouth, but this time you anticipate the taste. It still burns as it goes down, luckily not as much as the first hit. You only cough a few times. You release the smoke in the form of a sigh.

“Good girl,” he smiles against the hot skin of your shoulder. “You’re a natural, babeski.”

You try not to look too flustered, despite your rapidly deepening blush. “Thanks,” You swallow. His nose burrows into the hair at the base of your neck, inhaling deeply. “Y-You’re not too bad yourself.”

“Can I shotgun some smoke into your mouth?” He hums, nuzzling into the back of your neck. Your eyes go wide.

“Uh—” a beat, then, “—yes, please.” You answer a bit too quickly. You fumble a bit as you attempt to get off his lap. He laughs and helps you turn around to face him. He makes (hot, very VERY hot) eye contact with you as his lips wrap around the mouthpiece of the bong. No wonder H5nk got freaky with him like this. He inhales, then quickly but gently grabs your chin, connecting your lips. He exhales into your mouth, his tongue licking into your teeth as he does. Holy fuck. A moan is ripped from your throat before you can stop it, your hands coming up to brace yourself on his sturdy shoulders. Accepting the warm smoke from his mouth is so much easier than ripping it from the bong. His mouth is so gentle yet firm, so insistent yet patient. After a passionate moment, he pulls back.

“You good?” His grin is so dumb, so dopey. You can tell his eyes are already starting to get red. You wonder if yours are, too.

You exhale shakily. You feel your head swimming, your cheeks flushed. “I am so good right now.” You crawl back onto his lap, this time facing him in a straddle. “I can’t tell if it’s from the weed or you.”

H4nk barks a laugh.  “I’m so glad you’re good, homie. You feelin’ the buzz yet, then?” His large hands rest heavy on your hips, squeezing softly.

“I think so,” You nod languidly, leaning in to brush your nose against his. “Can you blow more smoke into my mouth, pretty please?”

“Dude, I’d love to.”

The two of you continue to smoke and flirt until you’ve all but lost track of time (though it’s only really been about thirty minutes), the B-side of the ABBA vinyl long forgotten as the record player emits static. You’re lying against H4nk’s chest, pliant and happy, his hands on your waist and in your hair. You’re about to make some salacious comment when H1nk’s voice carries up the stairs.

“Dinner time, bros!” He calls from the foyer before presumably walking to the kitchen. H4nk shoots up, nearly knocking you off the bed in the process.

“Duuuude, hell yeah!” He giggles, dragging you up by your arm. “Hank 1 said he’d make hot dogs tonight!”

Your body moves before your mind does. Following H4nk down the stairs, the smells of freshly grilled hot dogs, baked beans, and coleslaw greet you like an angel at heaven’s gates. “’M so hungry,” You pout, dramatically holding your stomach.

“Come eat then, goofy,” H4nk teases, holding your hand over to the table. You take your seat next to him as H5nk and H1nk bring in a large plate full of hot dogs. H2nk pokes his head out from the kitchen, tossing a pack of buns onto the table. H3nk wanders in, holding way too many condiments.

“You two look happy,” H3nk comments, smirking. “Havin’ fun?”

H4nk is too busy playing footsies with you under the table to even register the words. You’re equally as gone, giggling at his socked foot attacks yours. H3nk rolls his eyes, smiling.

“Nevermind,” He shakes his head, setting a hot dog down in front of both of you. You both eat like you’ve been starved, and afterwards, H4nk takes you to sit outside on the front porch.

The sky is darker now, the clouds reflecting oranges and purples as the sun rapidly sets. The autumn air is cold, your breath visible. H4nk’s presence is a steadfast force beside you; his body is so solid, so warm. He’s also stupidly tall. His knees have to bend comically just to sit on the front step.

You lean against his shoulder (or, at least, his arm), and he peers down at you with a dopey smile. “Wanna go for a ride with me?”

“What d’you mean?” You ask, your voice soft and gravelly. “Y’can’t drive high, babe.”

H4nk shakes his head with a small laugh. “Nah, I mean a riiide. Not driving.” He grabs your hand despite your confusion, helping you up. He enters the house for no more than a minute before emerging with two skateboards.

“Skateboarding?“ You give him an incredulous look. “No hate, babe, but I don’t think we’re especially... suited to do that...”

“Naww, you’ll be gucci,” He snorts. “I’ll guide you, pretty. I can put my hands all over your waist ‘nd stuff. It’ll be fire.”

You pout. “But I don’t even know how t’skateboard when I’m not stoned!”

He only laughs at your lamentation. “I’m maestro today, re’mber? I gotchuuuu.”

“Okaayyyy,” You huff a breath through your nose. H4nk victoriously pumps his fist in the air.

“Sick! We can skate down to that shitty 7-11 down the road. I want gummy worms so bad, dude.” He tosses both of the skateboards down onto the asphalt of the road haphazardly. From how beat up they both look, it’s clear this is a regular occurrence.  “So just, uh, put your pretty ‘lil feet on the board. You’ll put your dominant foot on the board the whole time, and use the other to kick off.”

You wobble as you step onto the beat-up grip tape. H4nk’s hands, as promised, are on your waist, making sure you don’t fall. You give a little test push with your non-dominant leg—it’s actually not insanely hard.

“Epic, homie! Try and go a little faster.” H4nk cheers, walking next to you, his arms still outstretched just in case. You push off again, this time a little harder. You wobble, but you don’t fall.

“’M a natural,” You give a proud, lopsided grin.

“Yeah, but don’t skate off without me!” H4nk laughs and quickly grabs his own board, running up and jumping onto it. It’s way more attractive than it should be. He catches up to you in no time, smiling at you. “You’re so gorgeous, babe. With your hair blowin’ in the wind ‘nd shit...”

“Aw shucks,” You return the smile, blushing. “You’re pretty sexy too, y’know.” It’s a mostly downhill ride to the gas station, and with H4nk keeping you company, it hardly feels like any time passes at all. The sound of the skateboards’ small, textured wheels fills the air. Your feet feel like gelatin beneath you from the rocky sort of vibration on the uneven asphalt.

“Almost there, gorgeous.” H4nk smiles at you. The rapidly setting sun bursts in streams of light across his pretty, tanned skin. Orange rivulets of horizon bleed through his blond curls, forming a halo around his head. “What’chu gonna get at the station? I was thinkin’ maybe some beef jerky, some gummy worms...” He groans softly. “Dude, that sounds soooo good. Maybe, like, some cheese whiz, too.”

You giggle as your hair whips around your face. “I want some sweet tea, and maybe some pretzels.” You kick off the board a few more times as you finally reach the dingy parking lot of the 7-11. It’s dark, now, the sky a watercolor mix of black and purple, like a bruise.

H4nk kicks his board up by the tail, catching it in his hand, while you just sort of awkwardly step off of yours. He opens the heavy door of the gas station, allowing you to head in first. “M’lady,” He grins. You roll your eyes.

The gas station interior is uneventful. It’s a bit cramped and smells like the inside of a freezer. H4nk makes a beeline for the fun drinks. He pretends to think about his choice before grabbing you an Arizona tea and himself a purple Monster. He brings it over to you like a dog that just caught its owner a ball. He drops the tea in your hand before walking over to the candy.

“Sour or normal?” He asks you, pinching his chin with a raised eyebrow. He’s looking at the gummy worms.

You snort. “Your teeth are gonna rot out of y’mouth,” You playfully poke his chest.

“Sour it is,” He grins. His hand reaches for some weird ass off-brand Trolli gummy worms before grabbing your hand. He smiles down at you. “Ready to go? Or did you want somethin’ else?”

“’M good,” You playfully nudge your hips against his. He leads you to the counter, where a very tired-looking employee stands. The guy kinda looks like if a cigarette made a wish on a star to become human. H4nk struggles to get a twenty-dollar bill out of his wallet, which makes you giggle.

After paying, you and H4nk make off with your haul of munchies. Before getting back on his skateboard, he digs in his pocket, eventually producing his AirPods. He smiles, putting one in his ear and outstretching the other to you. “Music, homie?”

“Rad,” You take the earbud, putting it in your ear. H4nk presses something on his phone, and music starts. It’s DARE by Gorillaz.

“It’s mostly uphill back,” H4nk warns you. “But, like, I can totally carry you if you want.” You watch a soft blush rise to his cheeks.

You giggle. “Maaaybe... we’ll see.”

With it being too much work to skate back, you and H4nk begin the trek back on foot. It’s mostly uneventful, the two of you joking around and flirting until he suggests you take a break. You guys pull off the side of the road, sitting down on your boards.

“You’re so pretty,” You look over and see H4nk looking at you with heart eyes. “Like, my heart gets a boner when I see you.”

“Just your heart?” You tease, resting your head against his shoulder. He chuckles.

“Maybe not just my heart,” He grins. He reaches into his pocket, pulling out a blunt and a lighter. “Wanna hit?”

You nod, inhaling the night air. H4nk’s thumb flicks the lighter to life, holding the flame to the end of the blunt. It ignites and begins to glow softly. He brings it to his lips, taking a long drag before passing it to you. When you press it between your own lips, it tastes like him. Or maybe that’s just the weed talking as you watch him exhale through his nose. He pulls out his gummy worms, ripping open the bag and stuffing a handful in his mouth. You laugh and cough a tiny bit on exhale, still not completely used to this sorta thing.

“You did so good t’day,” H4nk slurs. You cock an eyebrow up at him. “Like, you tried s’many new things. Skating, smoking—you’re so adventurous. It’s part of the reason we all fell in love with you so quick.”

“You mean it?” You don’t know if it’s the weed making you all romantic, but he just looks so perfect right now. You pull his head down (he’s stupidly tall) and press a gentle kiss to his lips. He smiles against your mouth and licks at the seam of your lips. You let him in with gusto, your tongue finding his. The cold metal ball of his piercing clicks against your teeth as you make out. He presses forward into you insistently, and before you realize, you’re tumbling backward off the skateboard. You let out a small ‘oof’ as your back hits the soft patch of grass next to the sidewalk. H4nk’s hands come to rest on either side of your head, his lips never breaking the kiss. He crawls over you and envelopes you entirely, his knee coming up to press between your legs. Your lips break away from his as you gasp, unable to stay quiet.

“H-Hank—” You keen as he rolls his knee against you once, looking down at you with hooded eyes. His sclerae are reddened, his green pupils bleary.

“You’re so—” He begins to speak, but stops as the sound of a car approaching cuts him off. His head lifts, his eyes widening. A police cruiser is rolling down the road with its lights off. H4nk gulps. “Pigs! Run!”

“W-What???” You hardly register anything that’s happening, only the firm pressure of his hand on your wrist. He drags you up, grabbing both of your guys’ boards and making a mad dash for the woods. Somewhere along the way, he puts out the blunt, but you have no idea when. Your vision is nothing but sticks and leaves (and a blur of blond hair), your ears full of nothing but the crunching of foliage beneath your feet. A second later, H4nk stops, panting.

“We should be fine,” He collapses onto the forest floor, tugging you down onto his lap. “Unless he’s got a drug dog or somethin’.”

“Did we just run from the cops???” You try not to look too shocked, but you’re seriously gobsmacked.

“Just a precautionary measure, babe,” H4nk grins. “But yeah, totally. Isn’t it exhilarating?”

“Marijuana isn’t even illegal here!”

“Yeaaaah, but cops lowkey hate it when you smoke in public places.” He giggles, his hands finding purchase on your ass. “Sauuur judgemental. Now, where were we?”

“We should be getting home,” You remind him with a small, kind smile. Your fingers brush a curl behind his ear. “Bed’s a lot more comfy than this.”

He looks around, taking note of the fact that 1) it’s nighttime, 2) you’re both in a forest, and 3) that he really misses his bed. He nods with a dumb smile. “Awh, hell yeah, babe. You’re so smart.” He stands and helps you up. “Wanna see somethin’ cool?” He asks, that stupid grin unmoving from his pretty pink lips.

“Sure!” You smile, allowing him to take your hand. He leads you past a few more trees until you pop out of the woods onto a very familiar road. You look up to see your house.

“It’s a shortcut!” H4nk beams. “Sick, right?”

“Hella,” You giggle. The two of you stumble up to the porch, tossing the skateboards aside before entering the foyer. It seems that all the other Hanks have gone to bed by now, because no one is around and the lights are all off. You expect to have a moment of reprieve as you kick off your shoes, but it never comes. As quickly as he kicks off his own shoes, H4nk is on you like nothing else, his mouth finding yours in a sloppy, inebriated kiss. He pins you against the front door as his hands grip your wrists above your head. His knee finds its place back against your core, grinding into you like that’s what it was made for.

“I’ve wanted to jump your bones since you walked in the bedroom earlier,” He grunts, lifting your leg to hook around his waist. He lifts you fully up, supporting your weight against the inside of the front door. His mouth disconnects from yours just to trail wet kisses down your neck. “I want you so bad, babe.”

“This is— ah— a b-bit sudden—” You bite back a moan, your voice a strained whisper. “B-But please, by all means—”

You yelp as his teeth bite at your nipple through the fabric of your shirt. The flat of his tongue runs over the fabric, soothing the sting. “’M gonna move you now, ‘kay?” He groans softly, lifting you away from the door. He takes a few steps in the dark before dropping you onto the couch. He crawls back over you, like he was before the cop drove past. With you safely planted on the plush sofa, his hips begin to rut against you, rolling in time with his rapid heartbeat. “O-Oh fuuuuck—” His voice is a broken whine against your throat.

You cant your hips up to meet his, the seam of your jeans hitting your clit as his dick presses against you. A moan rips from your throat. “Hank!” His lips seal around the column of your throat, suckling to make a hickey bloom in their wake. “B-But what about—”

When he pulls back to stare down at you, he looks... animalistic. At least in the dark like this. “What about what?” He licks his lower lip.

“No Nut November?” You gasp as he rolls his hips against you again.

“A-Ah,” He grunts, lifting your legs to hook over his shoulders. He puts you in a mating press as he humps against you. “There’s always— ah— always next year, brah.” His (very VERY sexy) big hands wrap around your ankles, keeping your legs around his neck.

“B-But— you—” You cut yourself off with another moan as he rolls his hips against you hard.

“If you don’t take your pants off, I think I might explode, bro.” H4nk groans. He releases your ankles, reaching down to unbutton your pants. He helps you wiggle out of them, but stops when he gets the first peek of your panties.

A little red pair with a bow on the front and lace on the hem.

“Fuck,” He whines, his hips bucking up into nothing. He’s embarrassingly hard in his grey sweats. “Didn’t Hank 1 buy you that pair? Oh, god, I haven’t actually seen them on you before.” He squeezes his eyes shut tight. “Don’t bust yet, bro, don’t bust...” He mutters.

“You okay, big boy?” You tease, your hands carding through his messy blond curls.

H4nk nods, swallowing once. “Can I please eat your pussy?”

Your brain short-circuits for a second before you slowly nod. He drops down to his knees on the floor, keeping you propped up on the couch. He helps you actually take off your pants this time, tossing them aside. He looks positively starved as he spreads your thighs open, his eyes locked onto those red panties like a bull. You squirm beneath his hungry gaze, feeling the desperate need to close your thighs.

“Nuh uh,” H4nk holds your thighs open with strong hands. “Stay put.”

Before you can protest, he leans forward and licks a full stripe up your clothed cunt. Your hands immediately fly to his curls, tugging softly. “Hank!”

His lips seal around your clit, even through the fabric of your thong. He suckles gently, breathing heavily through his nose. He takes his left hand off your thigh, moaning against your pussy. The vibration makes you keen, especially as you watch his hand disappear beneath him.

“A-Are you jerking off?” You moan, unable to form an intelligent sentence even if your life depended on it.

He nods, slobbering all over the crotch of your panties. “Y’taste so good,” His nose nuzzles your clit as his tongue presses against your core. He pushes it inside, despite the fabric resisting. His mouth is molten against you, like hot lava gushing against your cunt.

You arch your back, your thighs clasping tightly against H4nk’s head. He moans at the pressure. The sounds of his hand fisting over his wet cock can be heard alongside the slurping between your legs. It makes you toss your head back onto the pillows.

“H-Hank,” You whine, your voice a soft warning. “I-I—”

“Please,” He groans against you. “Cum for me, babe.” His lips seal around your clit once more in a finishing move, the texture of the wet fabric around you just too much to handle. With a scream that will probably (definitely) be complained about in the morning, you cum, your cunt fluttering around nothing as it spasms.

H4nk looks absolutely smitten as he rises from between your thighs. And also VERY stoned.

“I’m, like, drunk on you,” He slurs, licking his lips. He stands up, making it very obvious that he hasn’t cum yet by the way his still-hard dick bounces between his thighs. His dick is, honestly, probably one of the prettiest you’ve ever seen. It’s a thick presence between his legs, nestled in a thick patch of blond curls. It’s flushed and leaking at the tip, a sight for sore eyes.

You loop your arms around his neck, pulling him down on top of you. “And I, you,” You look up at him with big, glossy eyes. Your lips press gently against his, your eyes fluttering shut. He groans against your mouth, biting softly at your lower lip. You let him in, and his tongue immediately tangles with yours. Gentle hands help you lift your hips to get out of your (now soaked) panties. They get tossed aside. He leans in closer, bending further over you. His dick slides over your sobbing pussy, accidentally catching on your entrance. You both moan in tandem, breaking the kiss.

“Oh, fuck, babe,” he drops his head to your shoulder, panting as he uses literally every ounce of willpower in his big, hunky body not to slam into you. “You okay? C-Can I?”

You nod, unable to form words at this moment. Slowly, sloppily, H4nk grabs the base of his cock, pressing it inside of you, inch by agonizing inch. As he bottoms out, the only thought in your head is that this is WAY better than weed. This beautiful blond man is more of a drug than anything you’ve inhaled today. He’s panting above you, struggling to hold back.

“C-C’mon, Hank,” You manage, reaching up to cup his cheek. “Give it to me.”

That’s all he needs to hear.

With a stupid amount of strength, he slams into you. You swear you can feel him in your throat at this point, with how deep his dick is. The tip of it kisses your cervix as he gives another harsh roll of his hips, a high whine drawing from your throat. He’s kissing your neck, moaning in tandem with you as he ruts into your soft, warm heat.

Obscene wet noises come from where you two are connected, a thick ring of pornographic juices forming around the base of H4nk’s cock. His breath is hot and wet against your neck, his tongue darting out to taste the salty sweat on your skin.

“’M so in love with you,” He groans, his teeth sinking into where your neck connects to your shoulder. “You are so hot, homie, a-ah—”

His eyes dart down to your connection, his pupils dilating. His thumb presses against where his cock dips inside of you, the stretch of your walls around him. He gathers some of the mess from around his dick and spreads it over your clit, reveling in the way it makes you sob.

“Baby, ‘m not gonna last—” You warn, tugging him back down to your neck. This only spurs him on, his hips slamming into you with more force than ever. Your body literally scoots up the couch from his thrusts, the whole sofa shaking. His thumb speeds up on your clit, throwing you head-first into an orgasm.

“’M not either,” He grunts. His jaw goes slack as he watches you gush around him. “F-Fuck, y’so tight ‘nd warm—”

With a muffled cry, H4nk slams into you, pumping you full of his seed. His dick throbs inside you to the beat of his heart. You can’t feel your legs. Or your face. Only the (very heavy) brick shithouse of a man now collapsed on top of you. And is he... snoring??? After a full five minutes of him not getting off of you, you decide you need to pee. You groan, struggling to roll his limp body off of yours before heading to the washroom.

Minutes later, you return to the living room where a very sleepy H4nk is snoring on the couch, soft dick still out and all. You smile and snuggle up beneath him.

What a wonderful day to try new things.