Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Anxin could recognize those eyes blind, those round adoring eyes that used to hold him on a pedestal. It’s staring back at him again with the same adoration and love he’s sure he doesn’t deserve, not after everything he’s done. But if you ask him if he ever regretted it all, his silence would be the only answer you’ll get.

“Is that Appa?” Yewon pointed at the television showing the smiling face of the man he once knew every crevice of. Her sweet and milky scent blooming in happiness as Anxin ground himself by scenting his pup.

“Yeah, that’s Appa, Baobei!” Anxin forced his smile to reach his eyes. Ever his daughter, Yewon can read him with the very same uncanny ability as her father could. His own omega crawls and claws inside him, calling for the only Alpha that ever saw him.

“Baba, why is Appa not home?” His little girl is at that age it seems. He dreaded this, truthfully, how could he explain to this lovely miracle that her Papa could never be home.

“He’s busy racing baby, see? He just won a trophy!” Anxin clapped his hands obnoxiously until he saw that smile that made his heart stop. God, he carried this little one for nine months only for her to be his own reminder of what he lost constantly in her every mannerism and smile. He’s sure that his little one would present like his Sangwon too, an alpha with a soft heart.

Anxin could see it in the quiet sadness spread on her round face. Her chubby cheeks round with her pout, doe eyes fill with tears she seemed to resist, little hands searching and clutching her comfort bear from her Uncle Hao the last time she saw him. His lovely girl was a stubborn one. She told him she’d wait for both her Appa and Uncle Hao to visit her. His mother once said maybe that was the only thing she got from Anxin, that pride so early on to seem the strongest.

“Baobei, what’s wrong? Look at Appa, he’s smiling so brightly on the podium. Why the long face, hm?” He can feel his heart breaking from the first tear that fell from her, tracking the droplet with his thumb as he cupped her cheeks. God, so much like his father yet so much like him too. The sudden forced smile after turning away to furiously wipe her own tears was a familiar occurrence for him too. He can’t believe he did this to her. He can’t believe history was repeating right before his own eyes as his five year old held his hand and pat it in a comforting rhythm, the same way he used to whenever she cried.

“Nothing Baba, I miss Appa. But I have you, so I’m okay now.” Anxin didn’t know what he did to deserve such a patient and kind child. The way her nose scrunches and her giggles echo as he tickles her with kisses in gratitude.

Later that night after he tucked in Yewon, he opened the box hidden in the darkest part of his closet. Inside were mementos of a time he held both in contempt and nostalgia for: his father’s handwritten note giving Sangwon his blessing after he first him as Anxin’s lover. There was also Sangwon’s gaudy blue, brown and yellow wool scarf he stole after their first kiss. A roto picture of them in a gay bar in Anaheim fell from inside the scarf dated 2013 “freedom at last” it said. And a money bill marked with Sangwon’s handwriting from their last night before the last Gran Prix in Abu Dhabi that year. Simple treasures he accidentally kept in comparison to the one he hid purposefully.

Hao’s contact photo on his ringing phone broke Anxin’s weary remembrance. He wasn’t surprised when he heard cheers and the thumping of bass surrounding his friend’s voice.

“Anxinieeee~ Heh, I must be so drunk I’m hallucinating you picking up tonight. You’re so cruel, you know? How could you hide my godchild from me? Do I look like Sangwon to you?”Hao speech might’ve been slurred by the alcohol but that ache in his voice was still present no matter how he tried to hide it.

Anxin didn’t know what compelled him to answer the call. He didn’t even know what to say to the older who saw him in the lowest points of his life. Perhaps, it was because his baby insesantly asked and cried about the sudden disappearance of his only and favorite uncle. But what could Anxin do when the latter pushed and pushed for Anxin to reveal her to her father but cut him off too? Running away was his solution to everything anyway.

“Wait, I can’t hear you, I’ll go out wait. Wait. Please.” Hao said as Anxin heard shuffling and more drunken voices until the music blasting earlier faded into a muted whisper.

“Anxin, Ge is sorry. Fuck. I can’t even speak, clearly or straight but I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to overstep about Yewon, I promise! Please believe me. I miss you and Yewon.” There was that ache in Anxin’s chest again. He really can’t do anything but hurt everyone who loved him, huh? Worst of all, he’s driving away people that loved his daughter too.

“Ge, breath. What’s done is done. Yewon misses you too. She asked me everyday if you were visiting her. I, uhm, I made a mistake. I’m sorry, Ge.”

“I get it. I swear, if I were in your position I would be so mad too that someone was insisting I tell my ex-boyfriend about our secret child too.”

“Ge, it’s alright. I promise, I just overreacted. I—” Anxin was cut off by the yelp he heard from the other side of the phone, “Ge? Ge, are you there? Hello? Are you okay, Hao-ge?” there were voices arguing on the phone, a gasp, and then silence.

“Anxin?” A breath gets caught in between his lungs, air is nonexistence all of a sudden. He knew that voice. It’s the very same one that haunted him everyday in his waking and dreaming hours. It was the very same one that whispered encouragement to him in nights of doubt, the one that was filled with mirth as he hand him over a pretty seashell. The voice who told him love was real things you can run and breathlessly hand over to his own child.

“Anxin. Answer me. Is what Hao-hyung saying true? Please. I need to hear you, just, just talk to me. Please.”

“Sangwon…” unsure, unthetered, and unabsolved—Anxin can’t believe he’s talking to him again. His fingers itch to end the call and forget this night ever happened. But somehow Sangwon’s pull returned and suddenly, he couldn’t resist him again.

“Fuck, Anxin. Fuck, you, where are you? Do you know how long I have been looking for you? What, what was Hao-hyung saying? A child? We have a child together? Why, what—”

“Sangwon, wait. I, uhm, shouldn’t you be celebrating? You won another world champion today right? Why are you outside your own party?” Diversion, diversion is great. He needs to divert this. Fuck, this is a bad idea, he knew this was a bad idea. Fuck Hao and his stupidly loud drunken big mouth. How is it that his luck ran out after 5 years?

“Fuck the party. You know I never cared for these things. Where are you? I need to see you. We need to talk. Please, I just, I’m losing my mind.”

“Sangwon, we can talk tomorrow when you’re sober. Hand the phone back to Hao-ge—”

“No. I’m sober, I stopped drinking after you left. I, I fucking waited for you Anxin. You told me you needed space and I gave it to you but you ran away from me again. Fuck, where are you? Please.”

Anxin took a deep breath. This was inevitable and he knew that. One way or another, Sangwon was bound to find out about Yewon either way. He planned to tell him eventually when the time was right. Really. He did! So why were his hands shaking and the words couldn’t come out of his mouth?

“Anxin-ah, please. Let me see you for fuck’s sake. I deserve this much, don’t you think?” Sangwon’s voice was shaking with desparation but dripping in controlled anger. He deserved that and more, Anxin thought. He was the villain after all, keeping this huge secret from the Alpha.

“…Anaheim. We’re in Anaheim”

“Wait for me. I’m coming to you.”

Chapter Text

2016, After Chinese GP

“Sangwon, wait! You’re not in your right mind!” Anxin tried to control himself but the alcohol made him weak (it's definitely not how ravenous Sangwon was clamoring his skin behind him). But with the overpowering scent of Sangwon’s and his arousal, too much champagne from the after party, and the way the older was holding him—he knows it's a losing battle. Every struggle is coaxed by pillowy lips traveling down the back of the omega’s bared neck, tongue tasting the dried sweat on his skin and hands tugging his matching team kit. Can you really blame him for losing his mind?

The alpha’s teeth grazed Anxin’s swelling mating gland before the same weight was removed in a split second. Hands moving in a blur until Anxin found himself half-bare on his trousers with Sangwon following after. His lean body pressed against a toned torso, both hardened by muscles from their regular trainings mid-season. Whines came out of Sangwon’s mouth as Anxin attempted to push him again before he turned their intertwined bodies to their latest luxury hotel for the night in Shanghai. Shaking from the overstimulation of his alpha’s scent and touch along with the adrenaline of winning three Grands Prix, his body could only submit under the weight of the other.

“You’re right, Anxinie. I’m not in my right mind, it’s the scent of peaches and jasmine driving me insane. Why do you think I keep dropping on the standings every race? Every time we were on the garage, your scent marks every corner of my room. How could I not fuck up my race if I’m chasing after this sweet, sweet temptation?” Sangwon’s hot breath brush Anxin’s ears as the latter’s hand palm the buckle of his brown belt before they drift on the bulge below his blue jeans.

“Ah! Hyung! Wait,” the younger struggles underneath as slick gushed under him, “We can’t! We, ah, have to t-train, to–tomorrow!” he felt the chuckle weave through the other’s pressed chest to his before a wave of cedar, winter, and apricot scent flood the room and his pants are stripped away. Sangwon stood to remove the offending cloth and tossed it to the other side of the room along with his own, leaving both of them in their boxers.

“Wow, I miss you calling me hyung, baby. Can feel how wet you are Xin-ah? Do you really think hyung cares about training right now? Besides, we can do cardio right now. Can do it, fuck,” Sangwon groan as he felt Anxin’s dick grind up to his, “W-we can do it all night, baby. hyung needs to be in you all night Xinnie, would you let hyung in?”

Anxin is torn between listening to his omega, already presenting, and the obligations of tomorrow. But really, what the hell was Toto going to say if the three-time podium winner of the season loses one or three days of training right? With the thought in mind, Anxin surged forward to capture Sangwon’s lips. Sangwon reciprocated the fervid of his kisses, drool dripping as their scents entangled in a desperate and sloppy effort to quell the hunger coursing through their veins.

The alpha’s fangs elongated as he bit the omega’s bottom lips before his tongue surged inside. Hands tweaked sensitive pink nipples before pinching them harshly in punishment to all the races Sangwon lost because of him, Anxin hears as he arches his back forward before lips moved to suck them. The latter was shaking as the room starts to pulse in sweltering heat and yet his competitive nature couldn’t be quelled as his fingers weakly reaches the elastic of the alpha’s boxer. Once Anxin hooked his index and thumb on the elastic, he mustered the strength to pull the boxer down as Sangwon’s hard cock peaks through the waist band. The alpha groaned above him and in a whiplash, discarded the only pieces of cloth that separated them from paradise.

“Hyung, hyung please!” The younger’s anxious face starts to tear up in agony of the flowing slick dripping between his legs as he grasps the older’s cock to rub it in his boy pussy.

Sangwon cursed before he grabbed Anxin’s hands in a bind above his head and drive his cock in a shallow trust between the younger’s pussy. Anxin couldn’t stop the whine from escaping his mouth, squirming to meet the trust and put Sangwon’s cock inside him. A hand strikes the side of his toned thighs, Sangwon’s ringed fingers leaving their mark on Anxin’s flushed skin.

“Oh? My god is being naughty today, I haven’t even tasted you yet. Look at me Xinie and listen to hyung, okay?” a finger lift Anxin’s chin, angled to meet his dazed eyes to the alpha’s half-lidded ones, “Pretty omegas like you should be patient for their alphas, don’t you agree?”

“‘M not yours” the younger protest and the scorching hands and weight above him disappears.

His gaze followed the older’s retreating figure as the alpha dropped on his knees and spreading the omega’s legs. Sultry breath blows on the inside of his thighs and a finger glides from his Achilles heel to his hamstrings before stopping on the top of his knee. Sangwon looked up, his hypnotizing doe-eyes lures Anxin into a fiery pit he is so sure would ruin him and then there was red-hot pleasure coursing through his whole body as the older dived in between with a loud moan.

Tongue circling the little nub in between under Anxin’s little cock before moving in figures of eights, alternating between teasing and devouring. Sangwon trace kisses up the Colette before his fingers tease Anxin’s leaking hole. His mouth superficially sucking the head of the cocklette before bobbing his head up and down to the sound of Anxin’s whimpers and moans, his finger thrusting back and forth the opening. Anxin choked a scream as the alpha took him further his throat as his middle finger ease itself in his walls. Fever desire made Anxin dizzy with delirium from the mewls and high pitched call of his alpha’s name.

Sangwon pulled the cock from his mouth to take greedy breaths, sweat dripping from his forehead, neck, and chest. Drool smeared his cheeks and precum stains his lips, and yet his hands continued to move. The alpha’s left hand clamped on the pulsing cock, right hand moving in rhythm. In and out, up and down, Anxin writhe like a sinner exorcised by a holy ghost.

The summit of paradise creeps closer to Anxin’s veins as his hands clawed on the bed sheets and gripped Sangwon’s hair. Until the older one suddenly rose and left him empty and reeling from the high. His chest flushed, cock an angry scarlet and double the size it was before, and his eyes though still dazed have dilated—as though Anxin was a drug he was high on.

Fuck. That smug look on his debauched face was the evidence of the greed they were talking about in the bible.

“Present for me, my pretty omega.”

And just like that Anxin rose from the soaked pearlescent sheets, turning on his hands and knees. He arched his back and purred, enticing the alpha who approached like a snake hypnotized by the scent of Adam in the garden. Sangwon couldn't help but smile tenderly, eyes softening in the submission of the younger. His hand reached the discarded pillow at the foot of the bed to support the omega’s position. He answered the calls to his body with feathered kisses mapping the moles that lead to the spine, a few centimeters to where the scent of peach, jasmine and summer meets cedar, apricot and winter.

“Alpha, hyung, oppa, please, please, please!” Delicious arousal spread towards Sangwon’s spine at the unfamiliar name. If anyone were to hear Anxin’s desperate mating call, they wouldn't be able resisted this Sangwon knew. He knew beyond these four walls, he is just like anybody to the younger. He's another older figure catering to his needs in a flutter of his eyelashes or to the pout on his lips. Albeit, he had an edge to them. This scene in front of him, this decadent, whining, debauched Anxin is only his. He made sure of this in every time he engraved his scent to the point where no one can separate him to the omega. This is his only greed.

“What did you call me, pretty?”

“Oppa! Oppa, please! I can't, I can't anymore!”

“Ah, so desperate already. Alright. Oppa will give what my baby wants, hm?”

Finally, Sangwon aligned his cock to the alluring hole. He sinks slowly, letting Anxin feel every inch and every vein. A proof, he thinks, of ownership and belonging. Tender hands cradled Anxin’s waist, the pressure bruising in adoration. This quiet devotion from the alpha was something the younger is too delirious to comprehend in the haze of the contentment of being filled, finally. There was a stillness that clouded the room. Sound disappeared, replaced by breathless silence. Sangwon slowly pulled back, the weight of his cock leaving Anxin’s pussy made the latter gasp and rendered boneless to the bed with the alpha supporting his whole weight.

Sangwon thrust back, letting Anxin breath again and again as he carved the shape of his cock inside Anxin, the only mark the younger allowed him to leave. If he can’t fill the blank canvas of his neck, then he would mold his pussy into ever wanting him. Anxin mewled and moaned louder and louder as Sangwon increased the tempo of his hips thrusting, face scrunched in pleasure and whines harmonizing with the younger. Sangwon snapped his hips in every angle he could, searching for that spot that makes Anxin so pliant and lose all his inhibitions. When a yelp echoed through the room and the walls tightened around him, Sangwon knew he finally found it. The alpha paused before trapping the omega’s arms in his and pulling him up to his chest as Anxin’s back arched and bounced with the force of his every trust.

“Hyung! Fuck, right there! Fuck, baby, right there!” Anxin’s shouts were sure to guarantee them both a call from the reception after but who the fuck cares? Not Sangwon. He’s too busy fucking the lithe body of the omega in front of him to even think about the shrill ring of a phone vibrating and flashing threatens to disrupt their tempo.

“An-Anxinie, that’s not, ah! That’s not my name, baby, fuck, so tight. Call me my name if you want me to breed you right.”

“Oppa! Oppa please, breed my pussy. Claim me with your cum, please! I’m so empty, I need it all.”

“Whatever you want, princess.”

A surprised whine escaped Anxin as Sangwon turned his body around, momentarily leaving his pussy until his legs were high above the alpha’s shoulders. This was Sangwon’s favorite position, and perhaps, although Anxin would never admit out loud, his too since he cums the fastest when he sees Sangwon’s euphoric face.

“This, this is how I’ll put my baby in you, Anxinnie. Yeah, show me that tongue baby, come on. Open that mouth for me,” Anxin’s teary-cat eyes scratch Sangwon’s heart as the younger open his mouth, tongue out and uncaring of the saliva that drops.

“Good omega, my perfect omega,” Sangwon spits on the waiting tongue and usurped Anxin in a filthy kiss, making Anxin swallow his spit while his hips drill into the omega. Just like any race, Sangwon Lee would do anything and everything to win. A trophy, an orgasm, a heart, really—winning is the only thing he plans on doing. So when he breathes in Anxin’s exhale and the younger trembles as he breathes him in, he knew the last lap is afoot.

“Alpha, oppa! M’, ah, ‘m gonna cum!” Anxin’s tight pussy close in on Sangwon as he reached for the omega’s cocklette. Anxin slapped his hand and dug his nails on Sangwon’s wide shoulders, tattooing them with scarlet lines clawing deeper with every trust.

“Come, hah, fuck, pretty omega, my omega, ah, my princess, fuck, come for me.” Still babbling incoherent praises, Sangwon pushed and pushed every trust to their full limits, until his cock was swallowed and milked by the tight omega pussy.

Anxin’s shrill moan shout of his name as his body freezes and his legs shook, come spurting from his cocklette and slick gushing on Sangwon’s hardened abdomen. Sangwon’s knot was forming and in a second of clarity, he feebly attempted to pull out only for Anxin to lock his legs around him.

“Oppa, fuck, so sensitive! Why, why are you, l-leaving me? AH! There, fuck! Come, come inside, please! Breed me, alpha come on! I’ve been a good omega, give me our babies! Please, alpha!” Anxin was hysterical and uncontrollably crying tears of pleasure until Sangwon’s hand creeped onto his neck and pressure blocked his sobs. Still thrusting relentlessly, the alpha could only groan and whimper as bliss spread on his limps. Sangwon cages Anxin between his arms and ruts inside pathetically, licking Anxin’s mating gland on the juncture between his shoulder and neck as he comes closer and closer. He clamped his jaw on the gland hard as white-hot pleasure blurred his vision, Anxin’s cum squirting alongside his knot bursting. He could taste the blood, the sweet blood filling his mouth before he licked the spot tender. Placing a reverent kiss and nuzzling it with his sweat dripped hair as his hips stutter and slow to a stop.

Tranquility blanketed the bodies still intertwined into one. The pitiful attempts of the air conditioner to cool the room created a buzzing static that enabled both to catch their breath. Sangwon traced Anxin’s face with kisses, in gratitude or placation only logic coming back to their lust-infested brain has yet to decide. As the knot continues to spur cum inside Anxine, both locked eyes and lips met. Slow and tantalizing, savoring each other's taste on their tongues.

Breaking away from the kiss, Sangwon maneuvered Anxin to his side as he turns to lay beside him. The older traced the younger’s tall nose, his long eyelashes, and the apple of his cheeks. Anxin mirrored him, just like he always does, after a long silence fill the tension of the intimacy. Sangwon’s arm reached below the bed to fetch a basket hidden under. Beside Anxin was a basket filled with towels, wet wipes, bottles of water, chocolate, biscuits, Tylenol, Biogesic, Anxin’s Plan B, his toy squid named Awon, and a first aid kit. Diligently, Sangwon wiped Anxin’s sweaty body and his with the wet towels he drenched from the bottle of water he unscrewed. Every swipe on the younger’s skin was devotion wrapped in cotton. Like how every devotee wiped or dried their saints and angels with prayer dripping from their miracles.

Sangwon drank water, holding it from going down his troat to pass it to Anxin’s waiting mouth. Parched and watered, a state of limbo for Anxin who receives every ebb and flow of Sangwon. Their eyelashes flutter against each other, whispering adoration in every breath before the older start massaging the younger’s thighs. These moments were Anxin’s most carefully kept treasure. The silence of the after, the suspension of the disbelief, verisimilitude in the grand scheme of this story of theirs. It's in this silence he believes in gods who bless and curse their followers, a euchatastrophy—eucharist dressed as catastrophe. As the alpha called the reception to order his post-sex congee and more. Anxin tapped Sangwon and pleaded with his eyes and dimple for his phone on the bedside table. As his phone opened, he was welcomed with a hundred and more notifications from both his team engineer and their team head principal, Toto. Both inquired if they were in the shape (or mood really) to train for tomorrow. After sending a quick text requesting a break for a day or two, Anxin turned off his phone only to turn and see the older staring at him.

“Anxin…” Sangwon calls him his name a lot, Anxin mused, must be because he likes the name. Maybe.

“Hm?” Sangwon’s face lit up in a carefree smile, Anxin’s post orgasmic daze making him cuter in the former’s point of view.

“Thank you. I needed that. Congratulations again on the podium in your home country, no less.”

Anxin smiled. Of course. How could he forget how sweet being needed by Sangwon taste like and how bitter would be the fall that followed? How many times did any blossoming buds of beginnings were burned by that need, that desire, and that greed they both have? A garden, Anxin would tell you. It suited Sangwon, it's in his name after all.

“I know. I saw how tense you were. But you have to explain all this to Toto!” Anxin attempted to shake his head of thoughts and to pretend nonchalance when a jolt of pain rush towards the side of his neck. Chills traveled down Anxin’s body as his blood froze and heart beat skyrocketed from a hundred to a million. He raised a cautious hand to the ache on his neck only to be blocked by the older’s hand.

“Xinnie, wait, the mark’s still fresh. Let me.” Sangwon grabbed the first aid kit on the basket, talking the antiseptic, gauze and tape. He made a quick work of patching the swelling spot. Attempting to give it a “healing” kiss when Anxin dodged him as much as he could.

“…Sangwon. What mark?”

“The mark on your mating gland, silly baby. I bit it earlier before my knot—”

Anxin felt a shower of ice run down his back, loosening the knot and detaching the two. No. He cannot mean what he think he means. There is no way they were that careless. Absolutely not.

“You bit my mating gland?! Wha, why?! You know it's not in our agreement, heck we don't even agree with hickeys on the neck! What makes you think a permanent mating mark is any different?!” Anxin tried to escape the bed but as his legs shook from the sex and the alcohol, Sangwon surged forward and caught him in his arms. Placing the grumpy drunk him back on the bed, sitting behind him as he caged the younger in his arms.

“You, you turned your head away to the side and then you begged me to mark you, Anxin”

“I sure as fuck did not! I would remember that if I was stupid enough to bare my neck to you.”

“Language. Please, baby, we knew it was coming either way. Plus if its the mark you're worried about then the kits can cover them well enough. We can talk to Toto how this would change our dynamic and even maybe strategies for the season, the Russian GP is next anyway—”

“Sangwon. I, you know what, yeah, let's just talk about this tomorrow. I'm tired and my brain is pulsing from everything.”If Anxin was being truthful to himself, he would admit the warm giddy feeling in his chest at the confirmation of him and the older belonging to each other but he's not. He's Anxin and for Anxin, fantasies turn from dreams into nightmares in a snap of a finger. Plus this is a PR and, frankly, emotional disaster. How was he supposed to wipe the tracks with this nerd of a mate he has blowing bubbles on his arms?

“Oh, my fragile omega. I didn't even go that far, yet.”

“Do not! Or I swear to you I will bring you to your knees Lee Sangwon!”

“Bite me.” were Sangwon’s last words before Anxin pushed him back and the rhythm of the night continued to sway and grind into blinding pleasure of the abyss. Blind to what the morning after would bring.