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Soos, despite his love for the shack, was encouraged to have a day when it was closed. Melody’s orders and he learned very fast that a happy wife meant a happy life. Though just because the doors were closed to the public didn’t mean work was ever truly done. He walked the tour route and eyed up the exhibits and attractions that Stan had created. Some of these falling apart pieces were older than Soos, from the days of Stan having an ear piercing and long hair.
Maybe it was time to improve some of the attractions Soos mused as he glanced at one of the poor attempts of taxidermy, watching the beak fall off, hitting the floor and rolling. He rubbed his chin and furrowed his brow. He was the new owner, it was up to him to keep the shack the best it could be. Heavy was the head that wore the fez. With a decisive nod he’d made his mind up.
Just because everyone in Gravity Falls pretended strange stuff didn’t happen around the town didn’t mean he couldn’t go into the woods and pick up some real juicy spooky bits and pieces to make the shack pop and give it another lease of life for when the Fall tourist trade came rushing in with the falling leaves and the thrill of Halloween.
Outside these walls, in the forest that surrounded the shack was a literal feast of the strange and unexplained and even though he was no brave explorer, he was dedicated to keeping this place the best it could be. He made a promise to Stan. He puffed out his chest, hands on his hips and loudly declared to the room of half assed crap “I will be back with sweet new finds my dudes!” he was pumped, he could feel the excitement thrumming through him as the determination swelled.
The door to the shack slammed open as he took a dramatic step outside a bag on his back packed with things he felt he would need for his most noble quest. He loved the shack and everything inside of it but he was nowhere near the master craftsman Mr Pines had been. When he tried to glue various things together for a quick fix he’d gotten himself stuck to the taxidermy mess by his eyebrow, it had taken him and Melody to separate it from his face.
His eyebrow still hadn’t grown back from the misadventure, he thought as he rubbed his face at the memory before he set off into the woods. For the sake of the shack and the sake of his body hair he needed to go forth, into the wilds and find something truly awesome.
Mr Pines would be so proud of him!
He walked deeper into the forest, not too far that he couldn’t see the way back home, the signs that they’d all had to attach to the trees that one summer, always serving as a trail of breadcrumbs that always led him back home.
Soos frowned and squinted, kneeling on the grass and rubbing the blades as he leaned down, trying to spot any traces of the strange and unusual, but as he leaned down, sniffing the grass, it seemed he was the only strange and unusual one for miles around. He sighed and stood up, brushing down his knees as he carried on his mission for cool stuff.
The forest became deeper, darker and he knew he should have turned back, this was past his usual track when he came out into the woods. The tree’s thick and dense, the grass long and he didn’t want to be bitten by anything that lurked.
Sounds from the bushes made him pause. There was something over there and his curiosity was getting the better of him. Walking over he pushed the branches out of his way, peering into the darkness. There, standing alone in the middle of a clearing, dappled light across the moss-covered surface was a statue. He took a breath and shoved his way between the bushes, not caring that maybe he was a little too big to fit well, barging between them and stumbling over to the statue. He frowned as memories came back, seeing that awful triangle monster in stone with his arm stretched out to the sky.
But Bill was dead or gone, banished right? Mr Pines and Dr Pines had said as much. Maybe this was just a leftover from when he took over Gravity Falls and had so many statues erected in his honor. The feeling didn’t sit well in his stomach; everything was coming back, the way everything had gone down. Yet, he was sure there was nothing to worry about, right? He chuckled nervously and looked around, no sign of anything else around and he was getting hungry.
He didn’t want to go back empty-handed handed and this would be a good space filler. If people from the town came to visit it would give them a good scare and Bill was strange enough looking that he could spin a good story that wasn’t as based on reality as the entire Weirdmageddon thing had been, something to wow the tourists.
Right, that was it.
Soos clapped his hands together, a nod to himself as he adjusted his fez, meaning business as he walked over. Half of the statue had sunk into the mud of the forest floor, nature trying to swallow up the evidence of Bill and his awful rule.
This was good enough as anything else he could have found, he decided and started to heave it out of the ground. Just as the heavy statue shifted enough to be freed from the earth Soos slipped on the mud. He yelped as he tripped, in his panic he reached out and grabbed the statue's outsrteched hand.
“Oh no, Oh no…”
Nothing happened and he wiped the sweat from his brow,”Oh man, that was so close,” he mumbled, his relief was short-lived as the statue creaked and cracked, the stone splitting from the bright light, shooting off in all directions. Soos shielded his eyes as the stone shards rained down.
“It’s gooooood to bebaaaaack!”
Bill stretched his arms above his head, letting his legs dangle as he looked around the woods. He didn’t need anyone to tell him where he was, it was burned into his brain. He replayed the entire thing over and over in his mind while he was imprisoned. He didn’t think one of his statues had survived. He was sure that Sixer and his spare parts would have gotten rid of every trace of him.
“But who summoned me back to Hicksville?” he rubbed under his eye, frowning as he floated in place, Soos unable to make a sound as the glowing nightmare demon hovered above him. Bill couldn’t wait to be bonded to another puppet, someone who would help him make his dream a reality. He wasn’t going to make the same mistake he had with Ford. He turned when he heard someone trying to make a stealthy exit.
“You!” Bill snapped and watched Soos trying to sneak off, getting his backpack strap calught on a tree branch and making the entire thing shake and rattle. “Oh, this is going to be easy! I’ll be out of here in no time!”
Even without the portal, he was sure he could do some damage, get some payback. Since those idiot man-child twins knew the giant mole rat stood in front of him, he’d be able to manipulate them into fixing what he’d always been owed, that damned portal. Bill narrowed his eye and rubbed his hands together with delight.
“Heeeey old buddy, old pal, no hard feelings about the whole Weirdmageddon thing, riiiight?” Bill floated over and put an arm around Soo’s neck, batting his eyelashes at the human who just stumbled over his words and looked at Bill. “Right, right, good talk.” Bill rolled his eye and floated in front of him.
“I thought Mr Pines beat you…”
“What? He didn’t beat shit kid! That old sack of fat and regrets just stunned me, that’s all!” he folded his arms over himself and huffed. Tapping his foot in thin air as he floated around Soos in a circle, trying not to think about the things that had transpired the last time he was here, or he’d lose his cool and ruin his chances.
Bill put his hands on his hips and gave Soos an appraising look, seemed he was following in the old coot’s footsteps. The situation wasn’t ideal but he was nothing if not apative. He rubbed under his eyeball in thought before he saw Soos trying to back away again. “Alright, pal, we may have gotten off on the wrong foot, but I’m not all bad.” Bill could tell Soos was giving him a look.
Okay, so the big pile of meat wasn’t as dumb as he looked. Interesting.
“So, wanna make a deal? Just a little tiny nothing kinda deal?” he didn’t need to tell the mortal that he would get a foothold and really take over this shitty town and stamp it into nothingness even if he couldn’t could out of the weirdness buddle his desire for revenge had been boiling ever since his defeat and he itched for a chance to get back at inhabitants of this smudge on civilization.
Oh, he could imagine IQs face when he came back to see everything he cared about desecrated. Bill rubbed his hands together in wicked delight as he pictured Ford and Stan overcome with emotions at seeing the true extent of his wrath.
“No thanks, dude.”
“That's a gre- wait, what?” Bill floated closer now, eye wide as he loomed over Soos. “What do you mean, no? What sort of idiot rejects the chance of a lifetime!” he flailed his arms above his body and let out a sigh.
Soos shrugged his shoulders, playing with the hem of his shirt as he averted his gaze, not enjoying the way Bill was staring him down, the arms folded over his triangle body as he tapped his foot in midair, the irritation rolling off the demon in waves. “Sorry, dude, just nothing I want and I like, totally don’t trust you.” Soos crossed his arms over his chest, mimicking Bill which infuriated Bill.
“Are you sure?” Bill’s voice took on a sing-song quality. “Not even your dad coming back?” Bill saw the waver in Soos' resolve. “Nah, I made my own family.” Soos puffed his chest up with pride, thinking about his connections with the Pines, his own family with him, Melody and his abuela.
There was nothing this creature could offer Soos. He was rich with the things he needed in life. “Doesn’t ultimate power sound nice at all kid?” Bill tried to tempt him. “I already have that, I got all my Pokémon to level 100 and I’m like platinum in Overwatch.”
Bill squinted, he had no idea what Soos had just said but it seemed like Soos was going to be a harder sell than he originally thought. He watched as Soos picked up the statue and started to lug it back to the shack as Bill floated behind him. “What about something to carry that huh? Huuuh?” Soos shook his head. “No deal, dude.”
He slapped his hand on his face and grumbled, just floating after the human. Why were the dumb ones harder to trick?
–
Bill was a persistent sort of being, always convinced he would get his way and as annoying as this meatsack was he knew he was close to getting what he wanted. He was always lurking, using the statue to keep an eye and ears on everything Soos was doing. Sooner or later a perfect opportunity would present itself and he would swoop in, make a deal, be free and then bye-bye Gravity Falls and the waste of skin that lived here!
The only issue was, Bill hadn’t realised how annoying this generation of humans was. Ford had been special, his flavor of being to surround himself with. Soos, well…
Bill wanted to bang his head against the wall as Soos swept around his statue, which was now proudly displayed for all to see, was singing loudly and badly to himself. The man had confidence by the truckload and the singing talent so low there was nothing in this dimension that could measure just how little he could sing.
He groaned as Soos played the same song over and over, his voice ringing through the halls of the Mystery Shack. Soos paused with the broom as he pretended it was a mic stand, bellowing into the top of it as he dipped it.
“H-O-T T-O G-O! Snap and clap and touch your toes! Raise your hands, now body roll!” he even tried to do some dance steps which Bill had wished he hadn’t seen.
He lay down and stared at the ceiling as Soos carried on singing, it must have been on repeat. He had no concept of time as it didn’t mean anything to him, yet this felt like an eternity. He could hear himself mumbling along with Soos, the song had become his own ear worm and he calught himself singing “Ugh…” Bill closed his eye and slapped his face again.
“Does this guy know any other songs?” Bill dispaired as Soos just got louder and louder.
“I go on too many dates. But I can't make 'em stay. At least that's what people say, mm-mm!” Soo’s badly pitched voice rang out in Bill’s pocket dimension. Bill groaned and rolled over, face against the floor as he gripped the sides of his head and mumbled along to the music.
Maybe Bill didn't know as much about persuasion tactics as he thought because he’d never envisioned torture like this. It was going to be worth his revenge though, he was going to snatch his chance and he would erase these songs from his brain and everyone else's.
Soos didn’t flinch when Bill popped out and made an appearance. His eye looked bloodshot and his top hat seemed wonky as Bill rubbed his face. “Kid, you're killing me here,” Bill groaned and Soos just watched him floating there. “Dude, you look rough like Mr Pines the morning after Summerween. Ha!”
Bill felt his eye twitch, the last thing he wanted was to be similar to that oaf in any way but he let it slide, after all this conversation had stopped Soos from singing. Or whatever that godawful noise was.
“That’s great, now, have you thought any more about making a deal?” Bill pushed. Soos hummed and rubbed his chin in thought, catching Bill off guard, he leaned in closer as Soos tilted his head.
“Well…”
“Yeaaah?” Bill balled his hands into fists, anticipation lighting him up.
“Uhh…”
“Come on, kid, you're killing me,” he repeated.
“You interrupted me and it just left my head, aha!” Soos shrugged and gave Bill a big toothy grin. Bill felt his eye twitch more as he tried his best not to explode. Mortals this age were infuriating. “Listen her-”
“Soos!” Melody called and Bill vanished into the statue.
“Mel! What is it?”
“It’s abuela….”
—
The humans had been out for hours, and Bill’s curiosity was piqued as he listened out for their return. Just as he was debating popping out of this dimension for a second, he heard Soos call his name. He appeared with a flourish, something about the man's voice dripped with a desperation he hadn't heard from Soos before and Bill jumped at the chance to strike. Human desperation was one of the best feelings, it made his skin tingle as he loved to bask in their misery. Especially anyone that had anything to do with his ex-puppet.
“Well, well, well aren’t you a sight for sore eye?” he could tell the vibe was different. Soos wasn't asking any of his usual annoying questions, there was no ‘Hey Bill! Do you think wasps dream?’ type frivolity in his words. Soo’s shoulders were slumped, his eyes puffy.
“I’m ready to make a deal.”
“Oh,oh, oh?”
Bill couldn’t keep the glee from his tone as the tired-looking human nodded. It seemed his grandmother was ill, a deal would be a quick fix. Fix the old hag up and Bill could get into his mind. No one would suspect it and when Stanford and Stan came back, well, everything would be too late this time!
“Deal!” Bill laughed and held out his hand as blue fire erupted from his palm. Soos let out a heavy sigh and shook his hand.
Bill opened his eye when he felt the familiar sensation of the door of someone's mind being unlocked, how he floated into his victim's mindscape. “Wow, it’s bright in here…” The colours were bold and loud, overlapping music and sounds. Bill could feel his headache from the frequency of colliding thoughts and feelings.
He felt something hit the back of his head and he winced. “Ow! What the?” he held up the piece of information that had hit him. A list of all the singers of at least five different bands. He stepped over something else that came whooshing past.
Cheat codes for games that came out before Soos was even born. Bill looked at the overflowing drawers and cupboards, spilling with useless facts and mindless thoughts. Bill floated over to a box that seemed fit to burst and as he reached to touch it, the latch opened and out like the horrors of Pandora’s box rushed all of Soos' thoughts and feelings on something called a special interest. The overwhelming gush of knowledge and sounds came rushing at him.
Like a tidal wave, it swept Bill further into Soos mindscape, where bright coloured robots battled, dinosaurs chased after Bill as the current of useless retained information swept him down the river of ‘pro wrestlers’. Bill gripped his face as he felt himself starting to crack.
“I can’t do this anymore! I’m out!” Bill flicked out of Soos’s mind and hovered.
“Kid, I’ve seen some messed-up minds in my time but boy, I don’t think I can take another second of yours! I’m out of here!” he snapped his fingers and in an instant was gone.
“Phew,” Soos sighed and brushed off the sweat from his brow as he headed to his grandmother's room. Sure enough, she was sitting up and chatting to Melody like nothing had happened. Bill had kept his part of the deal, after all it wasn’t Soos who backed down.
It seemed everything was as it should be. “Yes!” Soos pumped his fist into the air. “Everything okay?” Melody asked. “Sure is!” Soos went and sat between them, an arm around them both.
He’d danced with the devil and won.