Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Rodrick leapt from bar to bar, looking around in hope. He stops and balances himself, the bar he landed on shaking just a bit more than he anticipated. “I know I tossed it up here last night. Where did it go.” He mumbles mostly to himself.

     Drew, who was keeping watch in case anyone walked into the auditorium, whispered to him, “Dude! Careful! Could you not just get a new drumstick?”

     “I could not! It’s irreplaceable! That’s like telling you to get a new bass guitar!”

     “That’s not similar at all, dude. Why’d you throw your stick anyway?”

     “It was an accident! Our performance at the talent show was good, and I wanted to celebrate. My hands were just sweaty. Just help me look or keep watch.”

Drew looks around the catwalk whispering loud enough that it’s just breathy speaking, “Which one? OH! Dude! The door’s opening! Hurry up!”

Rodrick grabs a cable to help himself across to the next light rig, making a note of its odd lack of slack. He hopes the lights aren’t moving enough for the faculty walking through down below to notice. He moves across the beams and finds what he’d been looking for. He silently pumps his fist and slowly kneels to grab it.

The rig shifts, the drumstick drops between the lights and Rodrick reaches for it. His arm bumps the floodlight, and the entire rig creaks with decades of age, but he got the stick. He cringes at the sound and looks over to Drew who is looking away from him, watching the teachers down below, listening to their conversation echoing into the ceiling where they reside.

And then the unthinkable happens. The bump on the spotlight makes that cable’s tautness completely understandable as the cable disconnects, the hinge holding it up snaps and the light plummets onto the stage. It lands with a glorious crash, the sounds of crunching metal and shattering glass echo through the auditorium, punctuated by the principal shouting, “WHO’S UP THERE!?”

Drew looks at Rodrick, he looks back, and immediately hops back to the catwalk, vaults over the railing and the two of them book it for the stairwell back down to the stage. At this point silence is not of any importance, so they clatter down the metal stairs, hoping to make it before anyone catches who they are. Lo and behold, waiting for them at the base of the stairs are the principal, superintendent, and a teacher Rodrick had never seen before, probably someone to do with the theater department.

“Rodrick Heffley. Why am I not surprised.” The principal began. “I want to see the both of you in my office immediately.”

“Rodrick broke the light! I was just keeping watch!” Drew blurted, pointing at his friend.

“Dude!” Rodrick threw his hands up in surprise.

The principal placed a hand in front of them to silence them, “You were still complacent in this dangerous act. Both of your parents will be contacted and there will be a meeting as soon as they get here.”

The room outside of the principal’s office is one Rodrick had seen many times, and each time he’d been delivered detention, in-school suspension, and only once, out-of-school suspension. Drew’s parents arrived first, and his meeting went fairly quickly. When he left the office, Rodrick looked up anticipating what Drew’s punishment was. He responded, “I got suspended.”

Suspension isn’t so bad. Rodrick has been suspended plenty of times. How expensive could that little light have been anyway?

     When his parents, and Manny, arrive, they are silent. The scary kind of silence, not the we’re-here-to-take-you-home-and-ground-you silence. Something is very wrong.

     The principal lays out a folder of paperwork, “I’m sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Heffley the only option we have is expulsion. We can consider the spring semester to be completed, and his transcript is included in the folder. But this amount of property damage and previous activity is unforgivable. The damage to not only the light, but the stage and the rigging is more than Three Thousand Dollars. Due to the rules of this school, Rodrick is liable for the damages and either him or the two of you are required to pay.”

     Rodrick’s head felt like it was full of water. His ears burned. He didn’t hear the rest of the conversation and felt like he was going to pass out. He drove home in silence, following his dad’s car.

     When he arrived home, he sat in the van for minutes just preparing himself for the conversation he’s about to have. He takes one final deep breath, turns off the car, and heads inside.

     Waiting for him in the living room are his parents, and Susan pats the couch next to her, “Have a seat Rodrick.” Her tone is eerily normal. He does as asked and sits down.

     Frank begins speaking, and Rodrick immediately clocks his on-the-brink-of-unbridled-rage tone, “First and foremost, you are grounded until we say that you aren’t. That means no band practice, no going out, and no TV. We are going to pay off the damages, but you will need to get a job to pay us off. The only two places you will be this summer are the house and whatever job you get. We will work to find a school that will be willing to accept you and your… record.”

     Rodrick nodded. He had nothing to say, sulking in his seat.

     “And we’re selling your van to help pay for the repair costs.” Susan added, looking at Frank for him to agree with her.

     Frank leaned in to whisper to her, “No he needs a car to drive himself to a job, I don’t think you’d want him to drive your car, and I don’t want to drive him while I’m on my way to work.”

     Susan nods and agrees, “Oh, that’s true…” she turns to Rodrick, “You’ll keep your van.”

     The next few weeks were a blur. The beginning of his summer mostly involved trying to find a job and sitting in his room. Each place he applied for a job either didn’t get back to him or actively denied him. And today was no different, another restaurant denied his application. When he got back, Susan called from the kitchen the moment Rodrick walked in, “Rodrick! Get in here.”

     He did as asked, and spoke quietly, “What is it, mom?”

     “I’ve been calling a number of schools around the town and county, and none of them were willing to accept you for senior year.”

     “Okay…?” He started to get worried, unsure of what she’s about to say.

     “So I started calling family, seeing who had space for you and a high school near their house. And Your Aunt Cheryl has a guest room, and the house will just be your aunt and uncle in the fall since your cousin Aaron is going to college.”

     “Aaron!?” Rodrick whined, “He’s in Illinois! That’s so far!”

     “Yes but I already called the school, and they said they’d gladly accept you.”

     “Gladly?” He cocked his head to one side.

     “Well you better start packing your bags, you and your father will be heading to Evanston in a few days.”

     Rodrick’s stomach dropped, “Wh-, mom what do you mean?”

     “Well school starts in about two weeks-”

     “TWO WEEKS!? Hasn’t it only been like, a month?”

     “It’s the middle July, and there’s some paperwork that needs to be submitted in person with a parent present.”

     Rodrick stood bewildered, his mouth hanging open. Susan taps his cheek, “Chop-chop! Get to packing!”

     Rodrick was awoken by Frank not very bright and much too early, “Rodrick, get up. We need to get on the road here soon. It’s 4. We need to leave by 4:30 to make it to Evanston by night. Your van’s packed, so just get dressed and downstairs.”

     He did as he was asked, wearing comfortable clothes to prepare to bare the long drive. He sulked downstairs with his final bag, and tossed into the back of his van. “Am I following you?”

     Frank shook his head, “We’ll both drive your van and I’ll fly back from Evanston. We’re going to switch drivers ever couple of hours. I’ll start, give me the keys.”

     Rodrick shrugs, tosses his keys to Frank, and gets into his passenger seat to fall back asleep. A couple of hours later, when the sun is finally up, Frank wakes him up for the next part of the drive. This continues for the rest of the drive, with Rodrick being the final driver.

     He pulls into the driveway of his aunt’s house, and practically falls out. His legs feel dead and his arms are much the same. Frank speaks as he gets out of the van, “Okay. We’ll go to the school tomorrow and then we’ll find you a place to get a job since you still need to pay off us.”

     Rodrick gives a thumbs up not fully comprehending words, and grabs his bag from the back. Unpacking is tomorrow’s activity.

     Frank leads the two of them into the house, “I’ll keep the conversation short since I know we’re both tired. We’ll head to the school tomorrow morning.”

     Rodrick gives him a thumbs up, heading inside right after him. The foyer of his aunt’s house feels slightly different, but it’s been so long since the last time he was here that he can’t seem to place what’s different.

     Cheryl squeals with excitement at seeing the two of them enter, “Oh my goodness! Hi Frankie!!”

     Frank rolls his eyes and goes in for the obligatory side hug, “Hi Cheryl, thank you so much for- Ow.” She cuts him off with a lifting hug, shaking him a little bit, “Okay, okay, can you put me down I’ve been in a car for hours.”

     “Oh right! So sorry!” She sets him down and sets her eyes on Rodrick, “You’re so big! I haven’t seen you in forever!! How’s my nephew!”

     Rodrick gives a half-hearted smile and accepts the hug loosely, “Tired.”

     “You two are probably exhausted, yeah! Well, there’s leftover pasta in the fridge if you want it before bed, but if not, Rodrick you’ll get the guest room, and Frankie you’ll be on the couch. It’s a pullout so you’ve got a bed!”

     Frank gives a weak smile, “Thank you again Cheryl, I do think we’ll both be heading right to bed, where’s Aaron?”

     “Oh, you know him. He’s out and about with his girlfriend Cady. C’mon Rodrick, let me show you the room that you’ll be staying in.” She waves her hand to show him up the stairs.

     He follows, looking at the family photos and photos of Aaron. He’s certainly done well for himself, a number of sports teams, a girlfriend, and a college only a town over. Hopefully he’s not as overbearing as Rodrick remembers.

     “Well sweetie, here’s the room! It’s a bit bland since it’s the guest room, but I’m sure you have some posters to liven it up a bit!” She gives him another hug, “Sleep well Rodrick!”

     He blearily waves at her, kicks off his shoes, and flops onto the bed. He should probably get out of his day clothes before falling asleep.

     He doesn’t.

Chapter Text

     He wakes up before noon, drenched in sweat, a puddle of drool soaking in the pillow. He rotates and sits up quickly, realizing his leg was hanging off the bed the entire night. The tingles of an asleep limb begin to fire through him and he never wants to move again. Then a couple of minutes later, feeling returns to his leg and things aren’t so bad.

     To the shock of anyone who might be awake, Rodrick gets out of bed at… he checks his watch, 7:30. He grabs a towel from his bag and wanders to the bathroom he saw on his way up last night. The bathroom is small, has two sinks, and a shower curtain that he would consider gaudy.

     Rodrick slides it out of the way and stares at the knobs. He assumes that the left one is cold and the right one is hot and turns on the right one. Nothing happens.

     “What?” He mumbles to himself, turning the other knob to see if anything happens. And once again nothing happens. He turns them both back just to be safe.

     He peeks out into the hallway, looking for anyone. He wanders downstairs and finds his aunt and his dad sitting at the kitchen table together. Cheryl greets him with too much pep for this early in the morning, “Good morning sweetie! You’ve got a towel! Need help with the shower? Here, let me come and help you.”

     Rodrick failed to say anything between every one of his aunt’s statements and followed her back up the stairs.

     One lengthy and confusing shower explanation later, he’s slightly more confident. Cheryl sees herself out and shuts the door. He speaks to himself as he works through the steps, hoping it’ll maybe make it easier, “flush the toilet, then turn the right knob, pull the tub faucet stopper…” The shower stutters to life, and Rodrick waits for a count, then “and then turn the left knob to temperature.”

     “You’re up early. Gives us time to find the school.” Frank says over breakfast.

     Aaron, who finally arrived back home after some sort of morning exercise, sits himself at the table next to Rodrick. He’s a little surprised to see Rodrick and asks, “Rodrick! What’s got you going to  my old high school? Mom told me some of the situation, but not why you’re coming out here. Doesn’t your family live way out in Massachusetts?”

     Frank sighs, “Yes. We do. He got expelled and Cheryl had an extra room and lived near a high school, and we want him to have a senior year.”

     “Well, when the two of you get back, Rodrick. We’re going out and I’ll show you around town.”

     Rodrick shakes his head, “I don’t… I don’t think that’s necessary.”

     Frank points his fork at Aaron, “that’s a great plan! Show him somewhere he can get a job! He needs to pay me off.” He checks his watch, “Rodrick, we gotta go. You’ve got your keys, so I guess you’re driving.”

     One short drive and a quick repark later, Rodrick and Frank are standing outside the front office of North Shore High School. Frank rechecks the folder of required files and then heads for the door. The two of them enter, exchange introductions with the receptionist (well really Frank does and Rodrick sulks next to him), and get lead to the principal’s office.

     “Mr. Heffley I just want to thank you for wanting to come here. I’m a little surprised you’d choose here for what happened last year.” Mr. Duvall began, swiping through the pages of paperwork.

     Frank’s smile immediately faded, “What happened last year?”

     “Oh… you don’t know? Then nothing. Nothing happened.”

     Frank clenches his fists, and stifles out, “Okay! Is everything in order?”

     “Yes. Everything is in order. And for you… Rodrick. Here’s your schedule for this semester, your locker number, locker combination, and school account information.” Mr. Duvall handed Rodrick a page and a sticky note, “Don’t lose those.”

     Rodrick gave a thumbs up and folded them into his pocket.

     “Have a nice one. I hope I don’t see you too soon Rodrick.”

     Frank chuckles, “Me too.”

     “Alright mom! Rodrick and I are going out! I’ll show him around town.” Aaron shouted into the house to wherever Cheryl could hear.

     “Bye boys! Have fuuun!” Cheryl shouted back, and Rodrick could vividly imagine her aggressively waving at the two of them as they left.

     The two pile into Aaron’s car and drive off.

     Aaron, not nearly as peppy as his mother but still energetic, starts the conversation, “How’ve you been man! I haven’t seen you in a while!”

     “Alright. Got expelled as you know, which sucks because I just know this girl that went to my old high school was into me.”

     “Yeah? You ever ask her out?”

     “Well. No. But there’s a perfectly good reason for that.”

     “Which is?”

     “A perfectly good reason. Moving on from that. What happened at North Shore Last year? The principal was very weird about last year.”

     “Well, a lot happened. We got a new student, my current girlfriend. She got into a friend group with my ex, and they fought, and it ended with almost the entire junior class fighting with each other, and it was primarily because of two people who both liked me.”

     “Uh huh. How bad was the fight?”

     “My ex got hit by a bus.”

     “On purpose?”

     “What! No! At least I don’t think so. Anyway, here’s the mall. Cady’s meeting us here.”

     The mall in Evanston feels very different from the one in Plainview. Rodrick looks for his usual mall spots, finding only a Hot Topic and nothing else. It’s a little disappointing but not the worst thing in the world. He and Aaron arrive at a small store that sells soap or something, and the redhead chatting with someone behind the counter runs up and gives Aaron a hug.

     “Hi Aaron!” she looks over to Rodrick, “You must be Rodrick! I’m Cady. We’re in the same grade.”

     “Cool. Cool. Yeah. That makes sense. Your friend works here right?” Rodrick tries to play it cool and does a very mediocre job.

     “Janis? Yeah, she works here, why do you ask?”

     Aaron says it for him, “He needs a job. Actually, Rodrick why do you need a job?”

     Rodrick, unsure of if he should be proud of what he did, explains it flatly, “I broke a stage light at my high school and need to pay off the damages to the stage and light cost.”

     Aaron gives a few options as he starts to walk, hand in hand with Cady, “well, you seem like you could work at Hot Topic, you’d fit right in.”

     “I’d rather die.” Rodrick immediately rebutted.

     “O-kay. Don’t you shop there?”

“Shop, yes. Work, No.”

“There’s the smoothie stand at the food court. Looks like they’re hiring.”

     “From prior experience most smoothie places are run by creeps and only hire girls.”

     “Your dad would probably be upset if you don’t at least try to apply somewhere.”

     Aaron was right. He should at least try and apply. He sighed, walked up to the stand, filled out an application, and set it down on the table for applications.

Chapter Text

     The rest of the mall trip was simple Aaron showed him the rest of the mall, they said goodbye to Cady, and returned to Aaron’s house.

     “Mom! We’re back!” Aaron shouted as they walked in.

     “Oh, wonderful! You two are just in time for dinner! We’re having roast!” Cheryl shouted back.

     Aaron and Rodrick found their way to the table. Frank started the conversation about the day, “So. How was the mall?”

     “I applied to work at smoothie place.” Rodrick said, to make sure his dad knew he at least tried.

     Frank looked genuinely surprised, “That’s great! When do you think you’ll hear back?”

     “They’ll call me.”

     “That’s great. And since everything’s in order, you’ll be taking me to the airport tonight.”

     Frank spoke the entire drive from Aaron’s house to the airport. Rodrick tuned most of it out, but understood some of what he was saying and tuned back in as they entered the departures lane of the airport. “… and most importantly. Please call your mother every few days. You don’t even need to say anything interesting, but she will want to hear from you.”

     “Alright, alright. Got it dad.”

     His dad continues talking as both get out of the van, “And don’t get arrested, don’t get expelled again, and just. Stay out of trouble.”

     “Okay. I’ll do my best.”

     Frank sighs, “Okay. I hate to admit it. But I’ll miss you.”

     “I’ll miss you too dad. Have a good flight.”

     He couldn’t believe it. The smoothie place that looked extremely suspicious actually got back to him. He got a job. He didn’t want the job. But he got the job. And now there he was, standing at the register bored out of his mind taking orders.

     His day started out simple, he got to the mall early (lame), talked to his manager (mega lame), and now he’s working the register in a dumb orange shirt and dumber pink hat. He does not want to be here.

     Correction. He didn’t want to be here. That was before she was in his line. She’s shorter than him, not hard to do, blonde, and wearing a pink sweater. Rodrick wouldn’t call it love. No, no, he would. He’d call it love. He was in love with her and he doesn’t even know her name.

     He rushed through three other orders just to hear her speak. He started with the usual spiel he was trained this morning to do, “Welcome to the-”

     She shushed him. She actually shushed him. And he shut right up. “I’ll have my usual.”

     Rodrick felt betrayed by himself having to say literally anything to her. “I-… I just… uh. It’s my first day. I don’t know your order. Or your name.”

     “ugh. Go ask someone. I don’t have time for this.” She scoffed and waved him off. And he moved! He did exactly what he was asked.

He walked over to one of his coworkers and asked, “Hey there’s a blonde girl in line who’s asking for her usual? No clue what her name is.”

“That’s Regina. She gets a medium kiwi-strawberry smoothie. Make sure its light on the sugar or she might actually kill you.”

“I wouldn’t mind.” Rodrick didn’t notice the words slip out of his mouth. It’s nice to put a name to face. It was a name that fit perfectly.

“What?”

“Huh?” He returned to the counter, and said, “Alright Regina. Kiwi-strawberry smoothie. Cash or card?”

“You should know that.” Regina cut him off, and he looked from his screen to her empty hands, back to the screen.

“Uh. I- I don’t know?”

She silently held up a card. He wordlessly sent the transaction to the card reader. she moved out of the line to wait. He would not forget anything about her, and he held that to himself.

The next two weeks before school went by in a blur. He worked most days, just hoping to catch Regina. Rodrick expected Aaron to start school at the same time as him, but he was regretfully informed that Aaron’s college starts two weeks later than high school.

“Here, let me drive you to school today.” Aaron offered, placing an arm over Rodrick’s shoulder.

“Why, so you can visit your girlfriend?” Rodrick asked sarcastically, wanting to ignore him.

“Yeah! How’d you know?”

Rodrick lifted the arm off of himself, “Because what else would you be doing? I’m going to drive myself.”

“If you insist.”

“I do! I do insist.”

“I’ll still be there after school to pick her up anyway.”

“Are you dropping her off? Were you going to carpool and have me third wheel?”

“Yeah? Is that a bad idea?”

“That’s weird! I don’t want to see that. I’m driving myself.”

“Suit yourself.”

Rodrick loaded himself, his schedule, and his bag into the van and drove to the school. In the parking lot he realized he hadn’t done his eyeliner, mainly because he didn’t want Aaron to say anything about it, and the conversation with his cousin ran him out of time to do it at home.

He walked into the school, doing a terrible job of reading numbers to find homeroom. The bell rang and he continued at his leisurely pace, eventually finding the room, walking in and having to find a seat in the side corner with Cady. He didn’t expect to find her in the same homeroom as him, but then again, he has no idea what her last name is.

The moment he sat down, two people one row over leaned over. The girl he recognizes from the mall as one of Cady’s friends, but doesn’t recognize the guy asking him questions, “What’s with the eyeliner, are you sad and gay or just doing it for attention?”

“I’m not gay.”

“Are you sure?”

Cady looked at the two of them and then back to Rodrick, “Janis, Damian, this is Aaron’s cousin, Rodrick.”

Now knowing his name, Damian asks a better question, “Rodrick, why have I never seen you before now?”

“I just transferred.” He explained, “I got expelled from my old school.”

“How’d that happen?”

“Broke a stage lamp.”

Damian gasped, “those are expensive! You gotta pay it off?”

“Yes. Unrelated question. Does a Regina go to this school?”

Janis answered with another question, “Blonde?”

“Yes.”

“looks like she wants to kill you?”

“Yes.” His tone was not meant to sound as enamored as it was, but it happened nonetheless.

Cady answered for Janis, hoping to cut some of her malice, “That’s Regina George, she’s on the Lacrosse team. I would not recommend going near her. She’s Aaron’s ex.”

“So you and-” Rodrick began, his voice higher in surprise and intrigue.

“Aaron told you that?” Cady asked, genuinely shocked.

Rodrick nodded, hearing chuckles from Janis and Damian. Damian spoke to Rodrick, “I would also not recommend going near Regina; she’ll probably tear you to shreds.”

Once again, his vocal cords betrayed him, “Oh, please.”

He was greeted by a very disgusted look from all three of the people talking to him. He just leans back, proud of himself, knowing already that Regina’s into him. He’s confident of that fact.

Chapter Text

Rodrick studies his schedule, English Literature, E hall, room 205. But that’s not his current goal. He now knows that Regina George goes to this school. He scans the busy hallway to find a reasonably skinny guy that looks like he’d know things and finds his mark.

     He grabs the guy by the collar of his shirt and swings him to the side. “You! Nerd! Where’s Regina George’s locker.”

     The guy looked like he was on the verge of either crying or pissing himself. Rodrick couldn’t tell. He looked where the guy was pointing and saw her. He tossed the man away and walked towards her with enough confidence to stun a peacock.

     He leaned against a locker next to hers, and tries to play his plan as coolly as possible, “Hey, do you know where E 205 is?”

     She glares up at him, “and you’re asking me?”

     The glare sent chills up his spine. He could die happy just seeing that. “Yes.”

     “Who put you up to this?”

     “Nobody! You just seem like you’d know your way around.”

     “Why is that?”

     “You… just do?” The plan is about to shatter, she needs to ask something that doesn’t make him lose his cool.

     “Are you stupid?”

     “Probably. Why?” Well there goes the rest of his dignity.

     Regina gestures behind her, Rodrick follows where her hand points and sees the room he’s looking for. There goes his plan to have her walk him to class.

     He wanders back to his locker, gets a different notebook and returns to the classroom. And it’s almost as if the heavens were on his side, because sitting in the second row is Regina. He makes his way to sit next to her, only for the teacher to clear her throat and say, “Please look at the whiteboard to find where your assigned seat. I will use this for the first few weeks of class to get to know your faces and then I will let you all move around.

     Rodrick moves towards the whiteboard, reading where his name is on the board, only to find that he’s in the back corner of the room. Closest to the Teacher’s desk. What did she know already? Oh right. His record. That makes sense.

Leaving with his syllabus and a newly formed dislike for his English teacher, Rodrick makes his way to the next class on his schedule: math. Every new math class they either tell him something they claimed in the last class was a lie, or introduce new concepts. First it was Letters, then it was Greek letters, and now it’s whatever “pre-calculus” has to offer.

Luckily, Janis is in this class with him, and there isn’t a seating chart. He sits next to her and she immediately asks him a question, “Our conversation in homeroom was interrupted, why do you dress like you’re in a bad band?”

“My band’s not bad. We’re pretty great. Had a couple of live performances too.”

Janis looked impressed, “What do you play? You look like you’re the bassist.”

Rodrick had planned to gesture at his bag but remembered that North Shore actually has lockers. While Westmore had a distinct lack of anything nice other than a whole damn auditorium. “My friend Drew’s the bassist. I’m the drummer.”

“What’s your band’s name?”

Rodrick grins, extremely full of himself, proudly states, “Löded Diper.”

Janis stifles a laugh and continues with more questions, “Where does your band perform?”

“Plainview.”

“Never heard of it.”

“It’s in Massachusetts.”

“What the fuck are you doing here? Why not go to literally any other school closer to where you got expelled?”

“I’m ‘well known’ and none of them would take me. And it was also probably the fact that at least one of my parents wanted me out of the house to not be a bad influence to my brothers.”

“So you went like, four states over? All for, what was it again?”

“Stage damage and a broken lamp.”

“That can’t be that expensive, right?”

“You would think, wouldn’t you! But it’s around 3k.”

“Is that why you work at the smoothie stand at the mall?”

Rodrick shot her a confused look, “How do you know that?”

“I can see you from the shop I work at. You’re tall and skinny, and probably visible from space.” Janis studied him, “wait. Is that where you first saw Regina?”

Before Rodrick could answer, the world on his side for the moment, the math teacher got their attention, “Everybody, please pay attention. I know that it’s mostly syllabus day for most other classes, but this is math. We need to get a move on early.”

     After pre-calculus and a sufficient amount of confusion and barely any note-taking, Rodrick is back on his mission of trying to get the attention of one Regina George. He returns to her locker again.

     She notices him when she closes her locker door, and glares at him with the same ice as before, “Can I help you? You keep returning to me like a lost puppy.”

     “You remember me!” He smiles proudly, “But yes you can help me. I’m looking for the C hall.”

     She looked at her own schedule, and sighed, “Follow me.”

     For the first bit of their walk, Rodrick noticed the distinct way that the droves of people moved out of her way as she walked down the hall. “Everyone splits when you approach, are people scared of you?”

     “Are you not?”

     “I don’t have anything to be scared of; you’re freshly in my mind. And you’re very pretty.”

     “Flattery will get you nowhere. Here’s…” She sighs as she stops, “our econ class.”

     “Is that math? I’m so bad at math.” He whines, looking at Regina seeing if she gets the idea.

     “In your dreams.”

     “You know it.” Rodrick feels himself cringe.

     She flicks him another disgusted look, “Ew.”

Chapter Text

     Usually when Rodrick likes a girl his plans get ruined by Greg. But this time Greg is states away. No chances to get in his way. And yet at every turn something else gets in his way.

     He tries to sit next to her in classes they share, and a seating chart stops him or a cavalcade of Lacrosse girls are already flanking the seats near her making it impossible.

     However, He does notice over the next few days that when he talks to her in the halls, she listens, and when other people try to do the same, she brushes them off. Something is definitely different.

     So, he decides to test his theory, and does his usual lean against the space behind her locker door. She speaks before she even closes the door, “What do you want Rodrick.”

     “She knows my name! I know your name only because you visit my work on weekends, Ms. Medium-Strawberry-Kiwi-Light-Sugar. And you’re in a couple of my classes. Why do you like light sugar? Just curious.”

     Regina shuts the locker door, finally meeting Rodrick’s eyes. “You act like you don’t know me. I know you’re a new student, but I don’t think that would stop you from at least having heard of me.”

     “I haven’t heard much of you, but I’d love to learn more from you. You also didn’t answer my earlier question!”

     Regina scoffs and walks off without a second word. Rodrick smiles, hearing his name from her instead of being called any number of nicknames is the best thing to happen to him probably all week. The rest of his school day is a bit of a blur.

     That blur of a day was fine up until he is actually dragged by the ear by someone he didn’t see until the two of them were out of view. Now trying not to bump his head on the underside of a staircase, Rodrick finally sees who dragged him over here. It would be pretty funny if it was Regina.

     Oh, it was Regina. He’s dead. How does she look so threatening despite being so much shorter than him. Is he hallucinating? Or maybe dreaming?

Why in the world would the person who hasn’t left his mind since the first day he met her at the mall have dragged him into a secluded corner? Is she about to kill him? Is that what’s happening? Oh, she’s speaking, “Heffley.”

Rodrick mocks surprise, trying to use humor to defuse the situation, “She knows my last name too! This is a surprise.”

“Shut up.”

“okay.” He does.

“I know enough about you from what’s been shared around already-”

“So, I’m popular?”

“What did I say earlier?”

“Right. Shutting up.”

“Good. I know you got expelled from your last school-”

“In daresay, spectacular fashion.” Rodrick gloats, at the time it was terrible but now it’s kind of funny. Regina glares at him and points. He raises hands in surrender and mocks zipping his mouth shut.

“And that you’re in a band, and moved all the way from the East coast.”

Rodrick was about to begin speaking, but felt that if he disobeyed Regina’s ‘shut up’ order he would live to regret it. So instead he stays silent to continue to hear Regina talk about him, which is all he could want.

“But there’s something I can’t seem to place about you.” She begins. Uh oh, something’s wrong, he’s about to die.

“There’s a lot I wouldn’t place about you, the eyeliner is bad, the shirts are abysmal, your pants look like they were tossed through a paper shredder, your bracelets are trying and failing to say that you look cool, and yet.”

Rodrick looks at her intensely to figure out where the ‘and yet’ is going to go, only for the bell to ring, leaving him hanging, curiosity killing him.

He was late to his next class, not the worst thing in the world. He was given detention for being late, but that’s livable.

Detention was exactly how he remembered it, a room of a couple of other guys all just waiting to go home. Rodrick took a seat by the window to get away from the others.

He tapped his thumbs on the table, beating out a simple rhythm. The teacher watching the room shushed him. Since he doesn’t have another chance after this, he did actually stop and decided to take a look out the window.

And there she was. On the practice field practicing… something. Rodrick knew he heard the name before from someone but this is a completely foreign sport to him. He does know who might know and he hasn’t left for college just yet. He loathes the fact that he’s planning on willingly having a conversation with Aaron.

After Rodrick and the other few guys in detention were finally dismissed, he made his way back to the van, and then back to Aunt Cheryl’s.

     “Welcome back Rodrick!” She chimed as he opened the door, greeting him with a hug.

     He returns the hug begrudgingly, and asks, “Where’s Aaron?”

     “Oh sweetie he’s just upstairs if you need to go and speak with him!”

     “Thank you Aunt Cheryl, I’m gonna go talk to him.”

     “Have fun!”

     Rodrick set his bag down at the base of the stairs and headed up to find Aaron’s room. He knocked on the door, and he heard scrambling and then Aaron cracked the door open just barely, “What do you want?”

     Rodrick knew that something was up. He’s done similar moves when hiding things from Frank and Susan. “You smoking in there? I don’t care.”

     “What? No. NO. Is that all you came to ask?”

     “No, but now I’m more interested in this than what I planned to ask.”

     “Just ask your question and go away.”

     “What’s that one sport with the long stick thing with a net on it?”

     “Basket-y net or flat net?”

     “Basket? I think?”

     “Lacrosse.”

     “Alright thank you. Back to my first question, you got someone over here?”

     “Go away. I’m busy.”

     Rodrick hears the chime of a notification from his phone, checks it, and then looks back at Aaron, “You’re lucky I have work. I would have figured whatever is going on out.”

     Back at the mall and back in his fuck-ass uniform. Orange is not his color. For most customers he uses his best talking-to-mom voice, customers seem to like it for some reason. But every time Regina is in his line, he’s leaning on the counter and trying to start a conversation with her once she’s at the front.

     “Hi Regina, your usual I assume.” Rodrick starts, grinning like an idiot.

     “Rodrick, I need to speak with you.” She responds flatly.

     “Oh. Okay, still want the smoothie?”

     “No.” Regina walks to a nearby table and sits down, looking over to him.

     Rodrick spins in circles sputtering out ‘um’s and ‘uh’s before finding the other guy who should be working the stand with him, “Carl! You take over. I’m going on break. You take over.”

     “But we-”

     “I’m. Going. On. Break.” He says, each word punctuated with a poke to Carl’s collar bone.

     “O-okay.”

     Rodrick rushes over to Regina’s table and sits down. He’s smiling again. He’s terrified of what she has to say, but he’s still smiling.

     “Being seen in public with me? How scandalous!” He starts, just egging her on to try and break the tension he’s really only built himself.

     “Why are you so familiar?” Regina asks, studying his face.

     “I have no ideas.” Rodrick states truthfully.

     “You’re a nobody transfer student from another state, and I feel like I know you. Why?”

     “Didn’t… didn’t I Just say I don’t know?”

     “Shut up those questions were rhetorical.”

     “What does that mean?”

     “You’re helpless. Is that why you’re not scared of me? Because you’re just so dense you can’t understand what people have said about me?”

     “I know you were hit by a bus and feuded with Cady. Beyond that I really have no idea.”

     “Who told you that?”

     “My cousin.” Rodrick answers, assuming that Regina already knew since she knew so much about him. She gestured for him to continue, “Oh, uh. Aaron?”

     “Aaron Samuels is your cousin?” Regina sounded furious. This is probably why nobody told her. That makes sense. Well he had a good life. Oh she’s getting up.

     Rodrick stood up as he watched her storm off, and wanted to say something but that would probably make things worse. So he doesn’t and just returns to work with an unshakeable sense of dread.

Chapter Text

     Rodrick sits listening to the morning announcements when one catches his attention: “Attention students! The PTA is looking for student volunteers to run the concession stand at the first Lacrosse game of the season this Saturday!”

     He perked up like a dog at the sound of a whistle. Lacrosse. Regina is on the Lacrosse team. He listened more attentively than he ever did in any class. “If you are interested in supporting the girls’ Lacrosse team, and making a little bit of money, please come to the front office during the first break. That’s all we’ve got for announcements today. Have a wonderful day! Go lions!”

     Rodrick checks the clock. Homeroom needed to end now. He needed to sign up for that. What has that woman done to him, wanting to sign up for volunteer work? Good thing is that it’s something he can tell his mom, and she’d be happy about it.

Regina’s into him, she just needs to realize it; and this is the perfect chance to see her at work playing Lacrosse. Up close. Not from the window of the detention room.

     The bell finally rang, and Rodrick left as soon as he could, hurrying to the front office. He pushes through the door and walks up to the receptionist.

     She looks up at him, “Hello! Are you here to volunteer for the concession stand?”

     Rodrick smiled, “Yes. I am”

     “May I get your student ID number?”

     “Yes…” Rodrick grabbed the crumpled up sticky note from his pocket to read from it, “887535.”

     “Okay! Thank you so much Mr…” She waited for the computer to load to address him directly, “Heffley! You are on the list. First one there! And just in case, here’s a late pass for class.”

     “Oh sweet! Thank you!” Rodrick took it as what it really was. A way to get out of English. He was let back into the school proper and began wandering. He could go back to class and look at regina from the teacher’s desk, but it was the day after a test and he didn’t want to see the result just yet.

For now he’s going to take some time to go around the school and see what he hasn’t seen yet. He finds the usual suspects of school hallways: lockers, former student group photos, trophy cases, obscenely bright lights, nothing out of the ordinary.

     Rodrick yelps when someone grabs him and drags him into a dark room. The light flicks on in front of him and he looks down to find Regina glaring at him. Right now he’s got to figure out what she’s doing. He waggles his finger at her, “You know Ms. George, there’s class right now. You’re not supposed to be in… a supply closet… with me. Not that I’m opposed.”

     “Shut up.”

     “Shutting up.”

     “I don’t understand how you could be related to Aaron, you act nothing like him other than being a complete idiot, and yet-”

     There it was again, the ever elusive ‘and yet.’ Rodrick raised his eyebrows waiting for her to continue. She just glared at him, and he raised his hands in surrender.

     She poked him hard in the chest, “Don’t even think about coming to the Lacrosse game.”

     “Don’t want your biggest fan supporting your team?” He’ll deal with the idea that he enjoyed the pain of her hitting his chest.

     “I don’t want you to be a distraction.”

     “I’m a distraction?”

     “…No. Shut up.” She stormed out of the supply closet and shut the door, leaving him there.

     He sits there for a few minutes, jumping the moment a janitor opens the door to the closet. The janitor sighs, “kid, just get back to class. I don’t even want to know what you’re doing in here.”

     “Nothing bad. I swear.” Rodrick replies before leaving.

     “Rodrick, you’re late.” His English teacher states, “I’m sure you have a good reason?”

     “I have a late pass from the front office.” Rodrick hands it off and finds his way to his seat, finding his test already sitting on his assigned seat. He won’t look at it.

     This time after class, Regina finds him at his locker. A pleasant surprise.

     “What did I tell you earlier.” Regina scolds.

     “What… did you tell me?” Rodrick asks back.

     “Don’t. Come to the Game.”

     “Oh that’s right! I’m a distraction. What if I’m off to the side. Like in the concession booth?”

     “No.”

     “Bad news Ms. George.”

     “Don’t call me that.”

     “Blondie?”

     “No.”

     “Ma’am?”

     “Never.”

     “What should I call you?”

     “Regina.”

     “Bad news, Regina, I already signed up. First on the list as it were. I’m almost certainly going to be there.”

     “You are so frustrating. Don’t leave the stand and you’ll live to see another day.” She declared, walking off to her next class.

     Rodrick gets home, and he called his mom last week but he knows she’d get upset if he didn’t call at least once a week, so he calls her before work.

     She picks up after the first ring, “Hi sweetie! How was this week?”

     “Alright. I just got home from school.” Rodrick began, starting with something inconspicuous before

     “How was school?”

     He decided to balance the good with the bad, starting with the test, “I didn’t do too great on the test I had in English.”

     “How bad is ‘not too great’?”

     “I got a D.”

     “You need to study harder, okay? How have your other classes been going?”

     “A little better. I did sign up for some volunteer work!” He moved the conversation away from his less-than-satisfactory grades, hoping that she’d be excited about that.

     “Really. You? Volunteer. Huh. What for?” She’d taken the bait perfectly and now Rodrick doesn’t have to disclose the D’s he has in his other classes.

     “The first Lacrosse game of the season is on Saturday and I signed up to work concessions.”

     “That’s wonderful! What’s got you so excited about Lacrosse of all things?”

     “Nothing much! Just something I can do that she-” Rodrick slaps a hand over his own mouth, not wanting to talk about Regina to his mom.

     But he already said too much, “She? Is there a girl you like, Rodrick? What’s her name? Is she in the same grade as you? What does she do?”

     “Mom. Mom slow down.”

     “Sorry, sorry. I’m just so happy to hear that you’re talking to people there! I didn’t want you to be lonely. What’s her name?”

     Rodrick realizes that if he continues this conversation Regina would probably be upset, and if he doesn’t his mom will be upset, so he tries to keep it as short as possible. “…Regina.”

     “That’s a lovely name! Is she in the same grade as you? Are you dating?”

     “Yes. No. Also mom, I am sorry, but I’ve got work here soon and I need to get ready.”

     “Okay, okay! But when you call me next you need to tell me all about Regina, okay? Love you and miss you.”

     “Okay. Love you and miss you too, mom.” Rodrick hangs up the phone. Despite the few questions that was one of, if not the most, tiring conversations he’s ever had with his mother.

     He gets ready for work, preparing to serve smoothies to people and fake smile until his jaw hurts. If his mental schedule of when Regina comes to the mall serves him right. She… won’t be there today sadly.   

Chapter Text

One more school day until the day of the game. Nothing else is on his mind other than Regina and the prospect of watching her do something she excels at, needless to say he’s excited. Homeroom? Boring, he ignores the conversation that Janis, Damian, and Cady are having.

     “Rodrick!”

     He sits up and looks in the direction of where his name was said from, it was Damian. “Rodrick why do you look antsy? You have a doomsday clock from the dethroned queen bee?”

     Rodrick gives him a confused look, “doomsday clock?”

     “Impending demise?”

     “Nope. Volunteer work.”

     Before anyone could get another word in, the bell rang and Rodrick hurried out before anyone else, hoping to catch Regina before English.

     He hustled to her locker, leaned against it, and waited for her to say anything.

     “What do you want this time?” Regina asked, not giving him the pleasure of eye contact.

     “You ready for your game tomorrow?” He asked genuinely, looking in the direction of where he thinks her face would be behind the locker door.

     “Why do you care?”

     “I’ll… be there?”

     “If we lose, I’m blaming you.”

     “How is that fair?”

     “You’re a distraction and the team does not need that tomorrow.”

     “So, you admit it! I am a distraction!”

     Regina shuts the door and glares at him, “You’re loud, you’re gaudy, you’re annoying, and you’re always so… present, and yet-”

     There it is again, so he decides to open this can of worms, “And yet what?”

     “Heffley.” Reginas sharp tone causes him to straighten his back and stop slouching, “shut up.”

     “Okay.” Well, there goes that plan. She told him to shut up and he did, he’ll figure out what ‘and yet’ is about eventually. He’s got an idea. As with any girl, she’s into him, he’s just gotta get her to say it to him.

     The rest of the school day passes quickly and without fuss. Each class with her, she leaves before he can say something to her, and each class without her, the breaks are just barely too short to say anything to her. Today was not his day.

     Work was much of the same, serving customers with a fake smile and the mannerisms of someone else. Regina was not in his line today. Disappointing, but most likely the Lacrosse team practicing long for the game tomorrow.  

     The day of the game, Rodrick wakes up before noon. This time it was for a reason other than school. He needed time to prepare for the game. He wasn’t playing but he needed to look his best. Or at a minimum look his best in terms of what he doesn’t mind getting grease on.

     He decides he is going to rep his brand, getting his best-worst Löded Diper (may they rest in peace without him) shirt, his best pair of jeans, and a solid belt. But first he has to go to work.

     When he finds his way downstairs, his aunt greets him cheerily as usual. “Good morning Rodrick! What’s got you waking up so early? You have Saturday plans?”

     “In fact, I do Aunt Cheryl!” He replies with his own pep, from the fact he’s about to see Regina sport some sport he doesn’t understand.

     “Well I would love to hear all about them!”

     “While I would gladly stay and chat, I am running a little bit late.”

     “Well, that’s too bad. Have a nice day, Rodrick!”

     He gets in his van and heads for the mall to speak with the sage of Regina knowledge, Janis Ian.

     “You don’t work this early.” Janis flatly stated as he approached.

     “No, but I would like your help.”

     “Is it related to who I think it is?”

     “That depends.” Rodrick replies, and when she gives him a look of ‘it’s Regina isn’t it?’ he nods.

     “What do you think I could help with exactly?”

     “Were you or were you not part of the ‘dethroning’ as Damian put it, of Regina?”

     “I was, but I won’t be of much help.”

     “Do you know why she dated my cousin?”

     “He was popular. The classic jock types all popular girls go for.”

     “That was it?”

     “Pretty much.”

     “What happened during that big fight Cady and Regina had, and how was Aaron involved?”

     One lengthy and convoluted explanation later, Rodrick was starting to feel less confident that Regina liked him, and probably only pitied him.

     “That’s the gist of it.”

     “So, Regina was cheating on Aaron after they got back together as a way to get back at Cady for liking Aaron?”

     “Yep.”

     “Are you saying she could be hooking up with people and not tell me?”

     “Would she have a reason to tell you?”

     “Well. No. But like, c’mon. She’s into me.”

     Janis stays silent, keeping Rodrick on the edge of his seat.

     He leans in closer, “Why are you silent?”

     “From what I’ve heard, Regina hasn’t hooked up with anyone recently.”

     “How recently?”

     “Beginning of the school year. Nobody knows why.”

     Rodrick checks his watch, “Shit I’ve got to work. Thank you for that info.”

     “Don’t get delusional!”

     “Too late!”

     Janis shrugs, “Well at least he realizes it.”

     Unsurprisingly, no Regina at the mall. She’s probably busy doing something with the Lacrosse team. Speaking of, he checks his watch, realizes he was told he needed to be at the field early to get direction on the concession stand, and grabs Carl by the collar.

     Carl understandably shrieks, and then asks, “What’d I do?”

     “Can you take over for me for the rest of my shift? I’m gonna be late to something if you don’t.”

     “I- I already got in trouble that time you took a break you weren’t supposed to…”

     “Please. I need this.”

     “Can you cover my Monday shift?”

     Rodrick mulls it over. He needs to be at that game, Regina said he’d be a distraction which probably means something in favor of her wanting him there, so he nods.

     “Really!?”

     “…yes. Just. Don’t speak of this to anyone, or else.”

     Carl does a weak salute and Rodrick vaults over the railing, sprinting to his van.

     “Oh! You’re home early!” Aunt Cheryl said, greeting Rodrick on the porch as she checked the mail.

     He waved at her, not staying for conversation. He hustled up the stairs, threw off the orange and pink, and threw on the band tee. He tucked just the front in to show his belt, quickly did his eyeliner, and hustled back down the stairs.

     “What’s got you in a rush?” She asked.

     He had no time for small talk, saying, “School stuff, gotta go.”

     “Oh! Well have fun! You have a house key, just stay quiet when you get back!”

     “I will.”

     Rodrick’s drive to find the field was simple, it was only a few miles down the road from the school, and since he was there early, parking was easy.

     He found his way over to a group of gathered students and listened to the head of the PTA explain things he mostly understood already from working at the mall. He and the other guys get lead over to the stand, given name tags, and told how to set up.

     A couple of minutes later, Rodrick hears a whistle and someone shout, “Hey emo boy!”

     He doesn’t look up; that’s not a name that he would give to himself. He’s not emo. He’s grunge. There’s a difference.

     Someone taps the counter in front of him, “I’m talking to you!” He looks up to find a member of the Lacrosse team. She’s a little shorter than him, hair up in a ponytail, and a light smile on her face, “I’m Stacy, are you Rodrick?”

     “Yes, why didn’t you start with that?” He asks, taking a peek past her to find Regina, who he couldn’t find at this moment.

     “Don’t want your girlfriend to hear me.”

     Rodrick’s eyes widened, “girl-… girlfriend?”

     “Regina? Are you two not dating? With the amount that she complains about you the rest of the girls assume you two were dating and things weren’t going well.”

     “Oh.”

     “So, either back off or do better. This is a formal request. Maybe a threat.”

     Threatened by another member of Regina’s team. About dating Regina. He needs to get his head on straight, or he might pass out.

     When the game began, he did his best to focus on working the stand. If he thought about Regina, he might buckle at the knees. Hot dog, fountain soda, bottle of water. Candy, popcorn, bottle of water. Just a fountain drink. Someone in line mentions Regina, he turns his head off instinct. He shakes the words of Stacy from his mind and continues working.

     He and the one other guy trade off with some other students for a while, watching the game from a distance.

     By the middle of the game, North Shore was winning, and Rodrick had the stand down to a science. The wonders you can perform when trying not to think about something are incredible. He didn’t even bat an eye at mentions of Regina.

     He turns back to deliver a hotdog and fries to the folks in line and then finds Janis and Damian.

     “What can I get for you?” He asks, still in his concessions flow-state.

     “Wow, are you dead?” Janis asks, breaking him free.

     “Maybe?”

     “What do you mean maybe?”

     “How’d you know I’d be here?”

     “I knew you’d be at the game because Barbie is here but you were in the crowds, and yesterday you said something about volunteer work, so concessions was the next guess.”

     “Good guess.”

     “What’s with the dead expression? Something happen or are you in just really in it for the money and not for Regina.”

     “I’ll tell you later. If I say anything about it I think I’ll pass away.”

     “Alright. Can we get a discount for being your friends?”

     “…no.”

    A minute until the end of the game. Rodrick has almost survived the entire game laying low in the concession stand.

     “Rodrick, Jake, it’s the end of the game, You two should at least go and see the end of the game. The sideline is open for PTA members so feel free to watch from there.” Someone on the PTA tells him. He obliges, thinking that it’s close enough to them winning he won’t be noticed on the sideline. As he walks up, he immediately spots Regina, watching her run the field. He’s got no idea what she’s doing or why it looks so hot. He’s just gotta focus on watching Regina, not thinking about anything he’d been told today.

     He’s not thinking about the fact Regina hasn’t hooked up with anyone since the start of the semester. He’s not thinking about the fact the Lacrosse team thinks him and Regina are dating. He’s not. He’s watching the game as a fan of the team and a fan of Regina. That’s all.

     Okay he’s thinking about it. How could he not! There’s something up and he’s going to figure it out. He looks over to the scoreboard hearing the final buzzer ring, not caring about what’s happening on the field. They won the game! That’s something he’ll compliment her on on Monday.

     One loud ‘ting!’ and an intense face pain later, Rodrick is horizontal. The wind gets knocked out of him as he hits the ground, and his heart races. Everything hurts. His chest hurts. His face hurts. Oh, Regina’s over him, and the rest of the Lacrosse team, and someone with an ice pack, and that PTA member from earlier. And then everything goes black.   

Chapter Text

Regina’s senior year of high school has been… interesting, and it has only been two weeks. Almost every day of school she’s been pestered by a guy who looks like a dropout. Between nearly every class just about every day he comes up to her and shoots his shot like he even has a chance.

He performs in class with extreme mediocrity, she’s honestly surprised that he’s still showing up.

He wears eyeliner like he headlines Green Day.

He tucks in only the front of his shirts.

His hair looks like it’s never seen a comb.

He gloats like being in a band makes him cool.

His idiosyncrasies make him hard to predict.

He tries way too hard in every place but school.

He grins ear to ear at every little thing she does.

He’s like a dog, a very obedient dog.

He listens when she speaks.

He’d probably fetch something for her if she asked. She should try that. That could be fun.

By all accounts, Rodrick Heffley is the most pathetic, annoying, unfunny, brash, and loud loser she’s ever met.

And now here she is, standing over the boy in question. Her hand slipped and she didn’t expect the ball to bounce off the side of the goal in just the right way to hit him. She only realized it was him when she ran up to apologize (for the sake of good sportsmanship, according to her coach). The hit to his face was already starting to swell.

God, she hates Rodrick.

She hates that he knows her schedule.

She hates that she knows when he’s tapping out a rhythm on his desk when he’s bored in class.

She hates that he projects how much he likes her without ever saying it.

The Athletic Trainer immediately runs up after a few people gather, and starts asking questions, “What’s his name?”

Regina responded first, “Rodrick, Heffley.” 

“Is he an athlete?”

Regina shook her head, “I don’t think so, no.” He's too scrawny to compete in most sports she thinks.

“Sir? Sir can you hear me?” The AT started, waiting for a response.

Rodrick’s eyes flicked open, and he nodded. He looked around, smiled weakly, and waved at Regina. She rolled her eyes, annoyed that she was the first thing he noticed.

“Can you say anything?”

“I-… yeah?” he replied weakly.

“Can you move your arms?”

Rodrick shifts his arms around, “a little… a little bit.”

The AT looked around “can we get some people to help him up, I need him sitting up for the next test, preferably away from others.”

Her coach helps him and she watches from a respectable distance.

They help Rodrick up and walk him to a bench. The AT continues his tests. “Are you able to consistently respond to questions.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you have any neck pain?”

“No… don’t think so.”

“Can you look side to side? Any double vision when you look?”

Rodrick does as asked, and answers, “yeah, okay… no double vision.”

“I am going to ask you a few questions, please listen carefully and give your best effort. First, tell me what happened.”

“I walked up to the sideline from the concession stand… and then I think I was hit by a ball. I was looking at the scoreboard.”

“Okay. What venue are we at today?”

“The North Shore field…”

“Which half is it now?”

“The game finished… I remember the buzzer.”

“Who scored last?”

“I don’t know, I was in the stand for a lot of the game.”

“Do you think you could answer questions about your background?”

“I… I can call my mom.” Rodrick pulls out his phone, and dials his mom. “Hi mom… I got hit with a ball. Here’s the person who’s going to ask you… questions.”

The AT takes the phone from Rodrick, “Hello Mrs. Heffley? Your son Rodrick was hit in the head and may have a concussion; has he ever been hospitalized for a head injury? Okay. Does he have or have been treated for migraines? Okay. Does he have any learning disabilities? Okay. Does he have ADHD, depression, anxiety, or any other disorders? Okay. Thank you for your time, Mrs. Heffley, your son should be fine with some rest. His memory is still intact, but he may still not remember some of tonight for a short time.”

Regina’s coach asks the next question, “The game is over, did he drive himself or did he get dropped off?”

She saw his gaudy van in the parking lot on the way in, "No, he drove himself."

Her coach spoke up first, "Regina, you seem to know him, you can drive him home."

     When Rodrick comes to, he’s in the passenger seat of a car. He has no clue how or when he got there. It’s nighttime, and he thought he’d have been driving back to his aunt’s house at this moment. He lets his arm down, realizing he’s holding something cold and wet to his face, and looks over to the driver.

     It’s Regina. Rodrick asks, “Regina?”

     “Yes?”

     “Why am I in your car? Is this your car?”

     “Yes, this is my car.”

     “What happened?”

     “You don’t remember?”

     “Last thing I remember was getting hit in the head by something and having the wind knocked out of me.”

     “Well, you had an exam with the AT and now I’m driving you home because it was reccomended you don't drive. Your aunt is driving your van home since you can't. Also, I hate you.”

     "Why do you hate me?"

     "I had to interact with Aaron because you couldn't drive yourself."

     "Isn't that really on you? You did hit me after all."

     "Shut up."

     “Before I do, anything else I said before just a bit ago?”

     Regina sighs, “A lot.”

     Uh oh. That doesn’t bode wells for him. “Like… like what?”

     “You said you liked me, and you said you think I like you.”

“Starting off strong.”

“You said you ‘really, really, really’ want to date me.”

“Doesn’t sound like me.” That does sound like something he’d think. But he’d never say it.  

Regina continued, “You told me I’m pretty at least four times.”

“Only four?”

“I stopped counting. You told me you knew I hit the ball because I’m that strong.”

“Yeah I knew that.”

“Ugh, you’re so annoying. And when I put your arm around myself to walk you to my car, you tried to give me a hug.”

     “Did I get one?”

     "No.”

     “Damn. I’ll try again when I get another concussion.”

     “You know you got a concussion?”

“Just a hunch, hit in the head pretty hard and then blacked out. Very concussion-y.”

“Because I feel bad, and you seem very desperate.”

“I’m not desperate, I’m committed.”

“Shush."

Rodrick mocks zipping his mouth shut and looks over to her.

“When we get to your house, I will give you my phone number and we will go on a single date. Only one. A pity date. Tomorrow at noon, the mall, don't waste my time.”

     Rodrick couldn’t believe his ears. “Really? I mean, a pity date is still a date.”

     “Yes. But don’t be so excited about it. I’m only doing this because I hit you and feel bad.”

     “The queen bee who hates me feels bad? What made you have a change of heart? Is it my good looks or my winning smile?”

     “Shut up or I’ll cancel the date.”

     “Date?”

     “pity date.”

     “I don’t know, you said date.”

     “I said shut up.”

     “Shutting up.” Rodrick meant it this time. He could have sworn he saw a little bit of rose on her cheeks.

     Regina gave him a couple of looks every few minutes for the end of the drive, expecting him to slip up and say something. 

     She parks the car, “Just. Give me your phone.”

Rodrick does as asked and opens it for her. She clicks through the menus finds the contact list, and begins putting in her phone number.

     He looks over to her, returning the ice to his face, “Anything you want to tell me before I leave your car?”

     “Get out of my car or I’ll break your phone.”

     Rodrick gets out of the car immediately, realizing his speed of doing so might have been a bad idea. He wobbles and leans against the car.

Regina sighs again and gets out, walks him to the door, and gives him his phone back. Rodrick opens the door and steps inside, then turns around and looks at her.

She asks, “Yes?”

He does his best to look pathetic. Lowering the ice and jokingly leaning in, he says, “My boo-boo still hurts, can you kiss it to make it feel better?”

She rolls her eyes and glares at him again. "I don't have to give you a pity date."

He surrenders silently and moves back inside. She shuts the door, and he just stands there. Something just happened. He got a date with The Regina George. She may call it a pity date, but he calls it for what it really is. A date. She has to be into him.

     He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone to assure what just happened is real. He turns on his phone, and the brightness of the screen is too much right now. He turns it back off, and heads upstairs. He rotates to his back, and falls onto his bed slowly. Now is the time to sleep. He will remember tomorrow. He needs to remember tomorrow.

Chapter Text

Rodrick wakes up on Sunday around noon with a searing pain on his face. He sits up slowly, and wobbles to the bathroom to get a good look.

     “Oh, damn. What happened?” Rodrick mumbles to himself, poking at his bruised cheek and black eye. Each poke making him wince.

     He remembers showing up to the game yesterday. Beyond that everything is fuzzy. He remembers seeing Regina. Everything outside of that is a blur.

     Rodrick slowly stumbles his way downstairs, finding Aunt Cheryl sitting at the kitchen table.

     She looks at him and frowns, “how are you feeling this morning, sweetie?”

     “Do you know much of what happened last night?”

     “You got a concussion at the Lacrosse game, Aaron and I had to pick up your car since you weren’t considered safe to drive.”

     “Concussion? From what?”

“You got hit in the face with a ball…” Cheryl stood up and walked over to the freezer, “Here, put this on the bruise, it should lower the swelling.”

“Who drove me? You or Aaron?”

     “Regina George did!”

     “Huh.” His head throbs, he places a hand to it and sits down. “whoah. Ow. I feel… I feel like I’ve forgotten something important.”

     “You need to stay home today so that you can recover. I’m sure you can be forgiven for missing what you forgot because you got a concussion.”

     And so, Rodrick did just that, He spent most of the day sitting on the couch in the living room with his aunt. He moved back and forth between his room and the living room, really only to grab a couple of things.

     He didn’t realize he forgot his phone, so he went back to grab that. Not wanting to sulk in silence with his aunt, he decides to find someone to text and opens his contacts list.

     That’s when he sees it. The holy grail. The one thing he never would have expected, Regina George’s contact in his phone. So he decides to send out a text. He doesn’t want to be too forward in case this was just for emergency purposes, and sends out a simple message.

     ‘RH: Hey.’

     Almost immediately he gets a reply from Regina.

     ‘RG: Who is this?’

     ‘RH: Rodrick.’

     ‘RG: I hate you. Waste of my time.’

     ‘RH: That’s new.’

     ‘RG: Don’t talk to me.’

     ‘RH: What did I do?’

     He waits for a reply. She doesn’t send one. A couple of minutes later he tries again.

     ‘RH: Hello?’

     Something is very wrong. Somehow, he got Regina’s phone number, and he already fucked it up. And he doesn’t even remember what he did! Damn you concussed Rodrick. Fucking things up for post-concussion Rodrick. He’ll fix things at school on Monday. He has to.

     He wakes up for school, his face is still a lovely shade of purple, and his equilibrium is still off.

     “Aunt Cheryl, can you drive me to school? I don’t think I can yet.” Rodrick asks as he heads downstairs wearing probably his least put together outfit ever. He’s not going to try and apply eyeliner, that might just irritate something.

     “Of course sweetie! You still not feeling well enough to drive? Are you sure you should go to school today?”

     “I’ll be fine at school, I just need to get there first.”

     “Okay! But just so you know, your cousin is leaving today and I’ve gotta go with him to make sure that he moves in alright so you’ll need a drive home, okay? I won’t be back until Wednesday.”

     “That’s alright. I’ll figure something out.”

     When Rodrick makes it to school, he immediately heads to Regina’s locker before homeroom. He doesn’t find her. But someone else finds him. She’s a little shorter than him, and she looks very mad about something. Hopefully not mad at him.

     “Rodrick.” She starts; tone is very noticeably angry.

     “Yes?”

     “Do you have any respect for what I told you on Saturday?”

     He’s met this girl before? Rodrick does not remember meeting her. Then again, he has been forgetting a lot recently. “I’m sorry, I don’t… I don’t remember what you said to me. I did get a concussion at the game.”

     “You didn’t even set yourself a reminder? For someone who clearly likes Regina you really didn’t think that one through.”

     “Set a reminder for what! I don’t know what I’ve forgotten!”

     The bell rings and the girl storms off. He makes his way to homeroom slowly.

 Immediately when he gets there, he gets asked a question by Damian, “are you the reason Regina looks ready to bite someone’s head off today?”

“I don’t know? Maybe? Probably?”

“What did you do? Did you get that bruise because of it?”

“I don’t know what I did! No, the bruise is because I got a concussion at the game.”

“Do you remember anything after that?”

“Nope. All I know is that I got a concussion at some point at the game and now Regina’s number is in my phone and she’s mad at me.”

“Well, it’s your funeral. Good luck out there.”

Janis leaned over, “Don’t say I didn’t warn you!”

“You said, and I quote, ‘Don’t get delusional.’ Pretty sure Damian warned me.”

Damian shook his head, “I did, and look at where we are. You’re going to die today if I had to take a guess.”

     After homeroom he finds his way to Regina’s locker, and tries to start a conversation, “Hey, I-”

     Before he could even finish, Regina slams her locker door shut, holds her hand up to silence him and walks to class.

     Oh. He did something very wrong. He has no idea what he did wrong and she isn’t telling him and he can’t remember. It’s a game he can’t win but he has to.

     He catches her on the way out of the classroom after English, “Regina, can I.”

     “I don’t want to talk to you right now.” She replies flatly, pushing his hand off her shoulder.

     “I don’t know… what… I did.” His voice falls as he speaks. He’ll catch her somewhere.

     That time is neither of the next two classes he has, so he decides to do something he never does: attempt to speak to her at lunch. He’s already been given the spiel of how specific the lunch tables are and how he’d never be able to get close, but he decides to try anyway.

     As usual, the cafeteria is a crowded disaster, he decides not to get a tray and just directly head to the table with the Lacrosse team. The moment he approaches, their conversation stops. He already feels out of place and like the world is ending. Either they’re all mad at him or they’re waiting for him to say something.

     And so, he says something, “Regina, Can I talk to you?”

     The team makes her the center of attention and she sighs, realizing this is probably something she can’t get out of. “Fine. Away from the table. Follow.”

     She gets up and starts walking, and he hurries to catch up to her. When they stop the noise of the cafeteria is but a faint mumble.

     “What do you have to say for yourself.” She asks, clearly fed up with something Concussed Rodrick fucked up for him.

     “I’m sorry?” Rodrick starts, his tone betraying him.

     “You say that like it’s a question.”

     “I don’t know what I’ve forgotten! Why are you upset with me!”

     “You really don’t know?”

     “Yes! Really!”

     “You stood me up.”

     “I- whoa.” Rodrick pauses, he… he forgot he had a date with Regina. That’s unforgivable. “I’m so sorry.”

     “I waited for you for an hour.”

     “I don’t even remember when the date was supposed to be. Concussion’s been fucking with my head.”

     “It was a pity date. I felt bad for hitting you with a ball.”

     “You hit me? Yeah, that makes sense for your strength.”

     “You’ve said that every time you’ve heard I hit you.”

     “Can I get a second try?”

     “On? Me hitting you? Gladly.”

     “… A date.”

     “Pity date.”

     “A date, with you.”

     Regina stands there, thinking. “You want a second chance, on a date with me. The first one you forgot about.”

     “Concussion! You drove me home apparently!”

     “Ugh. Fine. After school today. You’re meeting me at the mall. We’re going shopping and you will have one chance to redeem yourself.”

     “Problem.”

     “What is it this time?”

     “I don’t have my van; my aunt’s out of town. And I have work today.”

     Of the things he does remember about Saturday, he’s covering Carl’s shift after school today. He’d probably lose his job if he doesn’t show.

     “You haven’t earned the privilege to be in my car.”

     “Wasn’t I in your car on Saturday?”

     “That was because my coach told me to. You either figure out how to join me, or you lose it. For good this time. No excuses.”

     Rodrick now has less than four hours to figure out how to get to the mall with no car, and get someone to cover his shift.

     One problem at a time. He starts by leaning over to Janis in pre-calc and asks, “Can you drive me to the mall after school?”

     “Don’t you have a van?” She whispers back.

     Rodrick vaguely gestures at his face, emphasizing the large bruise. “Nope. Concussion.”

     “Rough. Oh shit, you were the guy who got hit in the face at the game?”

     Rodrick nods. “Think so yeah.”

     “That bad, huh. Yeah I can drive you, loser. What do you need to do at the mall today? You don’t work Mondays.”

     “Covering a shift. I’ve got my work clothes in my bag.” He doesn’t. “I’ll change when I get there.” He won’t. With any luck, he’ll be on a date with Regina George. One he doesn’t forget.

     Rodrick raises his hand. His teacher notices, “Yes, Rodrick?”

     “Bathroom?” He plainly asks.

     “Take the hall pass.”

     Rodrick gets up, takes the hall pass and makes his way to the bathroom he usually avoids. Every time he goes in there, he knows someone smoked something. But he needs the privacy of the bad bathroom.

     He dials his manager. She picks up pretty quickly, “You’ve got Diane.”

     Rodrick does his best to sound tired, “Hi Diane… I don’t think I can come in today.”

     “Something happen?”

     “I got a concussion, It’s hard to stand for long times. I’ve been advised to stay home.”

     “Concussion? What happened?”

     “I got hit by a Lacrosse ball on Saturday.”

     His manager sighs. “Okay. Thank you for telling me. Lucy will be working alone today. Get some rest and be sure to come in tomorrow.”

     “I’ll try.” Rodrick hangs up the phone and releases a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

     He did it. He freed up his schedule. He can officially go on a date with Regina George. He’s more excited than he’s been ever. About anything. Rodrick struts back to class. And he owns every second of that walk.

Chapter Text

Rodrick scours the school for Janis, before finding her talking with Damian. He walks up and Janis asks, “You need to get going here soon?”

     Rodrick nods, “Yeah, my… shift starts here soon.” He lies, only to protect Regina’s honor from being spotted on a date with him, despite the fact he’s so incredibly proud of the fact he has the date.

     “Cool, Damian’s coming with. You can’t say no.”

     “Well since I can’t say no that’s cool with me.”

     Damian studies Rodrick, and declares, “You’ve got a date.”

     Rodrick looks at him, shocked, “How’d… no… how do you guess that?”

     “You sounded excited. About going to work. That’s crazy.”

     Janis nods in agreement with Damian, “You don’t sound very convincing either.” She starts walking, pushing past people with Damian following closely behind. Rodrick does his best to dodge around people in the way, following the two of them to Janis’s car.

     They all get in, Janis driving, Damian shotgun, and Rodrick in the middle of the back just to continue conversation.

     Damian asks the first question, “So, who do you have a date with? It’s important for me to know so that I can gossip efficiently. And don’t try and lie and say you have work.”

     “Won’t you see me at the mall and figure it out from there?”

     “Well… yes but hearing it directly from the mysterious new senior himself instead of from my eyes means I have vital information, no?”

     Rodrick thinks about it for a minute as they drive, eventually thinking it through enough to realize, 1) They aren’t going to believe him until they see it, 2) Apparently he’s mysterious, 3) People are talking about him.

“Fine, I’ll tell you.”

Janis looks at him through the rearview mirror and Damian turns around read for his answer.

“Regina. Geo-”

“Bullshit!” Janis shouts, “No fuckin’ way you have a date with Regina George.”

“Drop me at the door and you’ll see she’ll be waiting for me.”

Damian points at him, “Oh we will. We. Will.”

     As the three of them approach the entrance, Janis slows to a stop and parks the car. The three of them look over to the front door, and there she stands, Regina George. Looking slightly impatient.

     “Well, I’ll be damned.” Janis waves Rodrick out, “Now get out of my car. Go on your date with blondie.”

     “I will. And I’ll enjoy it.” Rodrick gets out of the car and walks up to her, waving.

     “I don’t believe it. He’s actually talking to her.” Damian pulls out his phone, “I have to tell someone. One of the most popular girls in school is on a date with Rodrick Heffley. That’s big.”

     “Hey.” Rodrick waves at Regina and stands in front of her.

     She looks at him, “Well? Get a move on.”

     Rodrick walks in the door, looking behind him to make sure she’s following. “I feel like you should lead the way, I only work here, I don’t really know my way around.”

     Rodrick’s muscle memory of walking to work kicks in, and he finds himself in the food court.

     Regina sits down at a nearby table. “Get me my usual. You work there, you know what it is.”

     “I… I called out sick and I don’t think I should approach the stand.”

     “I’m sure you’ll be fine. Go on. Be a good boy and go get it for me.”

     Rodrick gives in and walks up to the stand. Thankfully, there’s a bit of a line, so he doesn’t have to face the wrath of his coworker just yet. The line moves slowly but surely, and an overwhelming sense of dread fills him as he reaches the front of the line.

“Rodrick.” Lucy starts, “What. Are you. Doing here.”

“Heh.” Rodrick nervously chuckles, “I’m here… to get a drink?”

“I was told by our manager that you were feeling sick. Mind telling me why you’re here?”

“I got better?”

“And left me to die out here?”

“I have a date!”

“Inexcusable.”

“Look can I just get my drinks?”

“Fine, what do you want.”

“Can I get a medium kiwi-strawberry with light sugar, and a medium strawberry banana?”

“That first one’s Regina’s usual. Why are you ordering that?”

“I have a date with Regina George, I feel like that’s pretty excusable.”

“I don’t believe you.”

He points at the table where Regina took a seat.

“She could just be here at the same time as you. That means nothing to me.”

“Look, I’ll take my drinks over there, will that be enough proof?”

“No. Cash or Card?”

“Card.”

“You know where to go.”

Rodrick steps off to the side and waits. Lucy passive-aggressively sets the drinks down on the counter, scowling at him as she moves to the next customer, returning to her cheery façade.

Rodrick picks them up and makes his way back to Regina. Setting her drink down, he announces his presence with a voice attempting to sound like royalty, “For you, my lady. Your drink.”

He does an extravagant bow and then sits down, asking, “So what’s the plan for this date?”

“Pity Date.”

“Well? Ms. Pity Date, what’s the plan?”

“We’re going to have our drinks and then you’re going to take me shopping.”

Rodrick thinks for a moment, “Wouldn’t a pity date be one that benefits me? I feel like this will be bad on my bank account of basically only gas money and money that gets sent to my parents.”

“Why are you paying your parents? What caused that to happen?”

“So you know how I got expelled?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you know how?”

“That’s not something I’ve heard, no.”

“I broke a stage light at my old school’s auditorium. I have to pay it off so they can get a new one. Hence the job.”

“Tough, but fine. We will go shopping it just won’t be to my usual standards. And I guess we can also go to somewhere you’d enjoy, like Hot Topic.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Could I get to see you in a band T-shirt?”

“Never in a million years, Heffley.”

“Isn’t this date supposed to pity me?”

“You’re pushing your luck, another comment like that and I walk.”

“Worth a shot. Where are we starting?”

Unsurprisingly, after they finished their drinks, Regina led Rodrick to a store he’s always walked past and never went into. It’s a very bright women’s clothing store, with a number of items he’s familiar with seeing on people, but not just on hangers.

“So… what are we going to do here?” Rodrick asked as he continued to follow her into the store.

“You’re going to help me pick out some new clothes.”

“I am?”

“Yes.”

“Why me? And not like… one of your girlfriends?”

“They only say what they think will garner attention from me, or they don’t know fashion and think I’d look good in things I know I wouldn’t.”

“I always want your attention, and I know nothing about fashion.”

“But you like me, so you’ll know what looks good on me.”

Rodrick couldn’t argue with that logic. Well, he very easily could, because that means she’s going to pick what he thinks looks good on her, and that will definitely be different from what most people will think looks good on her. He thinks. He could be wrong. The point is she’s going to show him things, and he’s going to give responses.

“Are you sure I’ll have good judgement?”

“I trust you.”

“You do?” He asks genuinely.

“On matters of me, yes. After the concussion-”

Rodrick interrupts her, “Great work by the way, I knew it was you who hit me.”

“Shut up.”

“Okay.

“After the concussion you said what everyone already knows you’re thinking. And you said I was pretty a number of times.”

Rodrick opened his mouth to say something and she just sternly pointed at him and he closed his mouth.

She held up a shirt for him to look at. He looked at it, it was a solid blue shirt, it didn’t really feel like her color. Rodrick shook his head, “It’s too… blue?”

She looks at it, shrugs, “Okay. Moving on. I know you’ll have good judgement for this because when you spoke your mind you said I was very pretty.”

She shuffles a few shirts down and raises up a pink one, “I know it’s cliché, but…”

Rodrick nods, “But it does look good on you.”

“Okay, hold onto it.” She hands it to him and he grabs it.

They continue around the sections of the store, eventually resulting in a fairly large stack of clothes. Rodrick stumbles and says, “I gotta sit down, I’m feeling dizzy.”

Regina sighs, “Good, we’re heading to the dressing room anyway. I need to try these on, and you’ll see how they are on me. Sit down.”

Rodrick follows her to the side of the store and sits down on a chair outside of one of the rooms. Regina picks up the clothes and walks inside.

She and Rodrick get into a rhythm of she’d put on a shirt or a pair of pants, he’d give his two cents, ‘no that one’, ‘too long’, ‘sleeves are weird’, ‘I like that one’, and then she’d change into the next one. Rodrick kept his critiques short and simple, so that he doesn’t have really justify it beyond the first thing that sticks out.

But some of them he does just like. They looked great on her. He’ll get her to like him. She’s gotta be into him. She gave him a second chance at a pity date. That’s gotta be worth something.

After culling the herd to get down to just the stuff that really well and truly looked good on Regina. She walked him up to the counter, and he set down the clothes, and the cashier scanned each item. To the surprise of Rodrick, Regina paid for her own clothes. He would have anticipated that she would have made him pay.

“Where to next?” He asks, looking over to her, gathering the bags for him to hold.  

Chapter Text

A good while into the “pity” date, Rodrick could still not believe what he was seeing. He’s been wandering around the mall with Regina George. And now they’re in a store he never would have expected her to willingly enter.

The cramped space of a Hot Topic with a bright pink gem of a girl standing next to someone who looks like the walls of the store got up and walked away. He’s convinced she has to like him for this. Why else would she listen to what he says about how a pity date should go.

“What bands do you like?” Rodrick asks, looking over at Regina who’s just been standing next to him looking impatient.

“I don’t think I’ve heard any of these bands before.” She replied, looking up at the wall.

“I think you’d enjoy some of them. I can give you a CD of my favorites if you’d like.” Rodrick offered. He always has a copy on him just in case. The original copy is back in the van.  

“Is any of it unpopular?”

“I don’t think the names of the bands have been said in upwards of a decade. Most of it’s older stuff.”

“I’ll think about it.”

She’ll think about it? That’s more than he could have asked for. He fully expected her to brush it off and say she’d rather not.

“You’ll think about it? Like for real?” Rodrick asks elated.

“Don’t push your luck, Heffley.”

“Okay, okay. Where to next? There’re no shirts I want to pick up at the moment.”

“Do you want to purchase anything for me?”

“You want something?”

“You’re on a date with me, you should buy something for your date.”

“Then what would you like?”

“Pick something you think I’d look good in.”

Rodrick looks up at the wall, trying to find something that he thinks she won’t say no to. He finds a good looking Megadeth shirt for her, and walks over to the counter.

He pays for the shirt, and add the bag to the number of other bags he’s already holding from the couple of stores they’ve stopped at, and meets Regina outside.

“Are you hungry?”

Rodrick thinks for a moment. He’s not very hungry, but if he says no the date will probably be over and he’ll need a ride home. So he thinks through all his options. Who is he kidding, he wants to be here longer. “Yes. Lead the way.”

“What are you thinking to eat? I want to stay at the mall.”

Rodrick has no ideas of what to eat, and just declares, “…food?”

“Anything, more specific?”

“Nope.”

“Alright. I’m getting chicken. What do you want?”

“…sandwich?” He’s nailing this answering questions thing. Definitely not just being enamored by Regina and the prospect of seeing her in a Megadeth shirt.

     “Okay. Anything to drink?”

     “Whatever.”

She starts walking towards the food court, stopping after seeing the surprisingly large crowd. “Ugh. We aren’t going to get a table. Find us a seat at a bench nearby.”

     Rodrick smiles at her and gives a thumbs up, walking over to a clear bench and sets down the bags and then himself.

     He catches himself watching Regina walk up to the restaurant. She’s walking with a purpose. He waves at her when she looks over towards him. She doesn’t wave back. He didn’t expect her to, but he’s happy she’ll be coming back in a moment.

     After watching Regina order and then grab a receipt and two drinks she sits down next to him. She gives him a drink; he takes a sip. Some sort of cola. He’ll drink it.

     “Why are you into me?” Regina asks, taking a sip from her own drink.

     Rodrick didn’t think that would be what she asks, and has to think about it more than just that she’s pretty. “Well. I don’t know. You’re very pretty. That’s one thing.”

     “You’ve told me that before. But why do you want to date me?”

     “You listen to me, I’ve seen you brush off so many people trying to talk to you, but you listen to me.”

     Regina absentmindedly, at least as Rodrick would assume, leans against him. Rodrick needs to focus himself. She’s leaning on him and he’s got no idea what to do. He decides to try and drown out his panic of Regina leaning against him by continuing to ramble.

     “You know, I first met you at this mall. First day I worked here. You got on my ass about not knowing your regular order.”

     “That was you?”

     He chuckles, “yeah! It was. Never forgotten your order since. I don’t know how to explain it, and I know I don’t have a chance, but I like you and would like to date you.”

     Before Regina could say anything, Rodrick continued speaking, “I’ll say that I’ve really been enjoying this. I know it’s just a pity date and that you’re doing this because you feel bad for hitting me and that it doesn’t mean anything.”

     “Stop being genuine, it’s weird. You’re supposed to be making weird jokes and what I think you assume is flirting.” She finally interjects. “I’m going to go get the food, they just called our number. Stay put.”

     “Okay.”

     He watches her walk up to the counter. Once again with so much authority it’s overwhelmingly hot. She returns to the bench with the food. Rodrick scans the food court, and points to an empty table nearby so that they don’t have to eat without a table.

     She quickly claims it and he gathers the bags and moves to the table.

     Regina looks at him, “Why do you have such a dopey grin? Were you looking at me while I was up?”

     “You walk with so much authority. It’s hot.”

     “You are so strange.”

     “You love it.”

     “No, I do not. Eat your food, it’ll keep you quiet.”

     Rodrick does as ordered. He does that a surprising amount when it’s from Regina. He doesn’t mind it. There’s something about the way she tells him that he wants to do it. Very different from his usual I-will-not-bow-to-any-authority vibes.

     They eat in silence, until Rodrick decides to break it, “I can’t remember. Did you win the game on Saturday?”

     “We did win, yes.”

     “I know you did great, I mean isn’t that when you hit me?”

     “Right after, but yes.”

     “It was like a victory lap, you win the game and then hit the guy who’s constantly pestering you.”

     Regina chokes on her drink and chuckles.

     Rodricks smiles and laughs in return, “Was that a laugh? Did I get Regina George to laugh? And I thought you said my jokes were weird!”

     “They are weird. But that was weird and funny.”

     “Was it cathartic?”

     “You don’t know the word rhetorical, but you know the word cathartic?”

     “I answer questions when they’re asked. Especially by you.”

     “Gross. But no, it wasn’t. You got a concussion, that’s not good for anyone.”

     “It’s scary to see a side of you with remorse.”

     “Shut up! You’re on a pity date that could end at any minute!”

     Rodrick raises his hands in defeat.

     “Good boy.” Rodrick is ignoring his internal response to that response, and lets Regina continue speaking, “Tomorrow at school, you will not speak of this date.”

     “Date?”

     “Pity date. You’re pushing your luck as usual.”

     “Okay, okay. But, I don’t think I’ll have to. There are probably a couple of people that saw us here and are going to be talking about it tomorrow.”

     “I will deny all of it.”

     “Doesn’t the lacrosse team already think we’re dating?”

     “Pardon.” Regina’s tone drops to complete seriousness.

     “Why do I know that?” Rodrick asks himself, there’s a haze around why he knows that and he can’t seem to get to what it was. “God. Things are so hard to remember.”

     “Is that why Stacy walked off during pre-game? To talk to you?”

     “I genuinely have no idea. Maybe? I’ve probably met a Stacy.”

     “Shush. You aren’t being helpful.”

     “It might help me remember! Can you describe this Stacy?”

     “A little shorter than you, usually wears her hair up, brunette?”

     “Maybe… I think she threatened me earlier today. Asked me if I had any respect for what she told me at the game. Which I can’t remember very well. Something about the team thinking we’re dating and how I need to treat you right.”

     “You do. You should treat me right.”

     “I try! Am I not treating you right?”

     “You’re doing okay.”

     “Good enough for my classes.”

     “I’m not one of your classes. You should treat me better, like… royalty.”

     “You’re right. I’d love to.”

     “Ew, gross. I take it back.”

     “Worth a shot.”

     “You’re the worst.”

     “You’re on a date with me.”

     “Pity date.”

     “Speaking of, could you spare me some pity and be my ride home? Aaron and my aunt aren’t home and I don’t have a drive home.”

     “Didn’t I tell you to find a ride?”

     “You told me to find a ride here. I don’t remember anything about a ride back.”

     “You’ll need help carrying all the bags to your car, and if I’m left to my own devices in here I don’t think I’d be all that helpful.” Rodrick begins sarcastically, “And I don’t think that’d be treating you well.”

     Regina sighs, “Are you sure you have no other options?”

     “Hundred-percent.” He lies. He knows Janis gets off work here soon and could very easily drive him home. But he just wants to see if he can get a ride from her.

     “Fine. But you will be silent in my car, you will only help me put the bags in the car, you will not touch my stereo, you will keep your hands to yourself, I will drive you home, and then you will get out of my car. Deal?”

     More than enough for him. She said he hadn’t earned Regina car privileges but here he is using the ‘I have a concussion, I can’t drive’ card (which is entirely understandable, Rodrick did not feel like he would have been safe to drive today). “Deal.”

     The two of them make their way into the parking lot, Rodrick holding all of the bags, and Regina holding her drink from dinner. She opens the trunk of her car, and places all the bags in a line, organized as well as he can.

     They both file into their seats, and Regina drives off.

     “So…?” Rodrick asks, hoping his silent question makes sense.

     “So… what?” Regina responds, keeping her eyes on the road.

     “Was I a good date?”

     “Pity date.”

     “Didn’t answer the question.”

     “Ask the right question then.”

     “Was I a good… pity date?”

     “Yes. You picked out clothes well and you kept your attention on me when in stores that you didn’t know what to do in. And you got me something.”

     “Would you pity date me again?”

     “In your dreams.” She responds, and immediately responds before Rodrick can say anything, “Don’t.”

     He doesn’t. But he does think about saying ‘you know it.’ He chuckles about it.

     Regina looks at him, a little surprised he didn’t say anything, but noticed the laugh above all else. “What are you laughing about?”

     “You said don’t, so I won’t. New question, would you go on a non-pity date with me?”

     “No. You’re too weird and loner-ish to be someone I go out with.”

     Rodrick thinks about the response: 1) She didn’t say he was ugly. 2) She didn’t say just no. 3) If he was less weird (Impossible) and less loner-ish (more possible), she’d consider it. All of this culminates in Rodrick’s still slightly foggy brain coming to the one conclusion it can think of: He’s got a sliver of a chance.

     That’s enough for him.

Chapter Text

Thankfully, when Rodrick wakes up on Tuesday, he actually feels balanced enough to drive, and didn’t have to ask someone to pick him up. He found a parking spot and wandered inside.

As he approached Regina’s locker, he noticed the excessive crowd around her. They were swarming her like paparazzi, asking an endless number of questions.

“Why’d you choose him?”

“Is it the fact he’s in a band?”

“Is it that he got expelled from his old school?”

“How long have the two of you been dating?”

“Were you keeping him a secret?”

Rodrick realizes that all of the questions are about him. Someone saw them at the mall, exactly as he expected and now they’re asking her questions about it.

“Yo, Rodrick!” Someone who Rodrick is 110% confident he’s never talked to before walked up to him like they’d been friends their whole life.

“Who… are you?”

“How’d you do it?”

“Do, what? Exactly?”

“Go out with Regina, obviously.”

“Oh.” He shrugged.

“Wait seriously? You’ve got no idea what you did?”

“No fuckin’ clue.” He’s lying. She pitied him and went on a date with him because she knew he liked her. But that’s not a fun story. And she very explicitly told him not to talk about the date. So he won’t.

“Damn. Well if you ever figure it out you should tell me so I can shoot my shot.”

“Who the hell are you?”

Before the guy could give an answer, the bell started to ring and he headed off in the opposite direction of Rodrick’s homeroom.

“This fucking school. What the hell.” Rodrick mumbled as he walked to his homeroom.

When he entered the room, someone whistled. Whistled. What fucking caricature of a school is this place. He’s barely been here a month and shit like this happens.

He ignores the whistle and finds his seat in the corner.

Cady turns around and speaks first, which is a surprise, “You’re popular, why’s that?”

Damian answers before Rodrick could and says, “he went on a date with Regina.”

“How’d you manage that?”

     Rodrick shrugged. He feels that even though Regina’s not in his homeroom, she’d somehow know that he’d said anything so he keeps quiet.

     “Seriously, no answer?”

     Rodrick nodded. The allure of the fact that he, as described by Regina a weird loner-ish loser, went on a date with her, will fuel him for the rest of his days. Or as long as it takes for Regina to ask him to actually say something so that she can stopped being swarmed by a bunch of weirdos.

     “Are you going to give us an answer at all?”

     Rodrick shook his head again. He could lie but that would go against what he was told to do and they’ll know he’s lying so he’s taken a vow of silence.

     Janis looks over to Damian and asks, “You were wandering while I was working, what did you spot?”

     Damian sighs, “They did normal date stuff. I’ve got nothing.”

     “You weren’t eavesdropping on conversations?”

     “The mall is so loud. That’s impossible.”

     Janis looks back at Rodrick, “Alright Drummer boy. Spill. What did you and Regina do.”

     Rodrick shrugged, he’s going to keep it vague and keep it light. No reason to do anything too crazy, “Date stuff.”

     “Like…?”

     “That’s all I’ll give you.”

     Rodrick continues with his usual schedule of trying to talk to Regina between classes, and begins to push past people to get to her locker, only for the people to move away much like they do for her.

     He leans against a locker next to hers, and simply says, “hey.”

     “What did you do.” She asks, annoyed.

     “Nothing!”

     She gestures at the gathered people who clearly want to ask her something but aren’t because he’s here. “This, is nothing?”

     “Did you say anything to anyone?”

     “We went to the mall together, I feel like it’s hard for people not to have noticed.”

     Someone from the gathered crowd shouts, “How long have you two been together!?”

     Both Regina and Rodrick say in unison back at them, “Shut it!”

     They look at each other, Rodrick smiles and points and she rolls her eyes and walks off to class. Now that it was just him, he began making the trek to his locker before class. The gathered group followed him. He’s gonna be honest, it was pretty great. It was like he was a rockstar and these were his adoring fans. And in a sense, they were.

     But also, this sucks. Why are these people following him! All he did was go on a date with someone. It wasn’t even a real date! They don’t know that though. He doesn’t want to tell them because this is much more interesting, despite being annoying.

     “Rodrick!” Someone started. It’s so odd hearing his name from people he didn’t even assume knew he existed now saying his name like they’re friends.

     “Buzz off! Go to class.” Rodrick yelled back, waving his hands at them, trying to shoo them away.

     “Can I ask-”

     “No! All of you! Out! I’m not answering questions from ANYONE!”

     The group slowly started to disperse, but not fast enough for him, so he shouted, “MOVE!”

     And so they did, but the shout did also get the attention of a nearby teacher, who shouted back, “Heffley! Quiet down.”

     He waved his hand and scoffed in their direction and grabbed his notebooks for class.

     English was boring people were paying attention, Math was boring and confusing and Rodrick was paying attention even though he really didn’t want to. But Econ, that was where it got more interesting, because most people already didn’t pay attention and it didn’t seem like the teacher cared enough to stop people from goofing off.

     Someone was asking him questions about Regina, and he was answering with shrugs and silence, wanting to not say anything. And then he looked past the guy, and saw Regina get up and start walking towards him.

     “Scram.” She said to the guy sitting in front of him. The guy got up immediately and she sat down. She whispered, “Have you done anything to fix this?”

     “It hasn’t even been a whole day, what could I have done?” Rodrick whispered back.

     “I don’t know, tell people it wasn’t a real date?”

     “I remember you telling me very specifically not to tell anyone anything. So I’ve done exactly that. I haven’t said a word. Plus, I feel like it’s good for business.”

     “What business?”

     “You like the attention, and I like you, so if we keep this up we could get some mutual benefits.”

     “This is temporary stardom from the fact that I took you on a pity date.”

     “And?”

     “And by next week, everything will be back to normal.”

     “How would that happen?”

     “People won’t see me on another date with you, and they’ll stop talking about it.”

     “But I’ve been enjoying the adoring fans! Are you saying you don’t like the eyes on you?”

     “Not when they think I’m dating you.”

     “Damn. Tough crowd.”

     Rodrick continues with his usual charade of talking to Regina between classes and saying hello to her at work for the rest of the week. And somehow, like clockwork, each day of school that passed less and less people interacted with him and Regina about the two of them dating.

     The honesty with which she knew that it would happen was hot. She had the school down to a science. If he could figure out that science, he could probably get through to her and get a real date.

Chapter Text

For the record, Regina still hates Rodrick. That hasn’t changed. He’s still a weird loser who has too much confidence. He’s still that guy who pesters her at her locker and the one she went on a pity date with.

She does still get the occasional latent question about the date with Rodrick, which is irritating. Like the date was weeks ago, it’s no longer relevant. The Lacrosse team asks her questions about it sometimes, but each time she just asks them to drop it and get back to practicing.

Thankfully, Regina only has three classes with Rodrick: English, Economics, and Modern World History. She’s not fully confident he knows how to read, she fully knows he can’t do math, but history is a bit of an odd one. The teacher started pretty late into where she assumed the class would start and is already talking about the Cold War.

Since the start of the Cold War unit, she hasn’t heard any tapping from where she knows Rodrick sits.

She hasn’t heard the teacher berate him for slacking off.

She hasn’t even heard his normal laughter at dumb names in the textbook.

So, while they’re discussing something about the formation of the Berlin Wall, she decides to look towards the back to where he’s sitting.

He’s taking notes? Like, actually taking notes. Rodrick Heffley is paying attention in history class. In a class.

She turned back around to continue taking her own notes, thinking it must be some sort of fluke.

“Does anyone know when the Berlin Wall began being constructed?” The teacher asked, and pointed to the back of the class, “Yes… Rodrick?”

Rodrick is answering a question in class. This has to be fake. He’s probably going to get it wrong anyway.

“August 13^th, 1961.” Rodrick responded and sure enough that was his voice.

“That is correct! The GDR began construction on the wall on that day. Does anyone happen to know why? … Because you answered the last question Rodrick, I’m going to pick someone else.”

Rodrick got the question right, and wanted to answer another?

Maybe it’s a fluke. But if it isn’t, she could use this.

She could use him, make him do her history homework.

And he’s already very obedient he most likely would.

The rest of her school day is fairly simple and most of her classes don’t give her much of any homework except for one.

Her public speaking class gave her an assignment to interview another student on their background.

There’s no reason she can’t also use Rodrick for that. He’d be a good guinea pig. Two birds with one stone.

She knows at a minimum he works on Fridays and Saturdays, which thankfully lines up with her own schedule. She has practice on Friday, an away game on Saturday, but she’s free on that Sunday.

So, she does the unthinkable. Something she never thought she would do willingly.

     Rodrick’s days have been boring and unremarkable. He goes to class, tries to talk to Regina. Goes to work. Goes home.

     But they’re finally at a topic in history that he actually knows things about.

It’s not his usual roll to try and garner to the side of the teachers, but it’s probably smart to do so not to get expelled again. He’d lose his chance with Regina, and also lose the favor of his parents, and his ability to graduate high school. Lots of things are dependent on this school year.

So, he answers questions about the part of history he knows. He notices that Regina noticed. That’s nice. But he knows she’s smart and is probably doing it better than he is.

He flops onto his bed after school and opens his phone. He heard it buzz on the drive home but couldn’t see who it was from until he got home.

“RG: You. My house. Sunday.”

Rodrick couldn’t believe his eyes. Was he dreaming? Was he alive?

He checks his pulse. His heart is still beating.

Did he win? Is this her way of inviting him over? He decides to make sure he’s not going insane and replies.

“RH: Did you send this to the right person?”

“RG: Rodrick?”

“RH: Yes?”

“RG: Yes, I sent it to the right person.”

“RH: To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“RG: You’re going to do my homework and I’m going to interview you for class.”

“RH: I’m bad at a lot of things. I don’t know if you want me to do your homework.”

“RG: If you know what’s good for you you’ll be ready when I pick you up on Sunday.”

“RH: Okay.”

He accepted for three main reasons.

1) He gets to see Regina’s house.

2) If he does well, she could continue to use him for homework related reasons meaning he’ll have to go to her house more.

3) She was very demanding and he’s kinda into it.

He sits, staring at his phone, beginning to zone out. Then his phone starts ringing and he immediately drops it onto his face.

He scrambles to pick it up, “Hello?”

“Hello Rodrick, Honey!” It’s his mom. He doesn’t really want to talk to his mom but he did forget to call her a few days ago so she probably wants to catch up.

“Hi, mom.”

“How are things going in Evanston this week?”

“Good, I would say.” He would think the idea of going to Regina’s house to be a good thing.

“That’s new. You usually just say that things are going ‘okay’ or ‘fine’.” She replies, before immediately following it up with, “Is this something to do with Regina? How’s she doing! I know you told me about her a few days ago, but I want to know what’s happened since then!”

“Mom.”

“Right. Sorry, sorry. How are things at Cheryl’s with Aaron gone?”

“Quieter. It’s different. It’s a good different but still different.”

“That’s nice. Are you staying out of trouble?”

“Yes. I am.”

“Not getting hit by any other sports balls?”

“No. I’m not.”

“Not going to any parties?”

“No. I’m not.” But that does give him an idea. He’s gotta find a party to go to. Nobody’s really been partying yet, but he’s gotta find something.

“Well, that’s my usual mom questions. Do you want to talk to anyone else? We’re all at home since it’s after school and work.”

“No, I’m alright. I’ve gotta head to work here soon.”

“Oh, well okay then! Love you and miss you, Rodrick.”

“Love you and miss you too, mom.”

Chapter Text

“Oh no. He’s smiling again. Last time was for the Lacrosse game and this could be anything.” Damian whispered to Janis as Rodrick entered homeroom.

     When he sits down, Janis asks, “What’s got you so cheery this time, Loverboy. No wait, let me guess. Regina?”

     Rodrick nods. “Yeah.”

     “You get another date or something? Or is she using you.”

     “The latter.”

     “You mean the former?”

     “Nope.”

     “So, she is using you?”

     Rodrick nods with a dumb smile on his face.

     “You’re proud of that fact?”

     “Absolutely.”

     “Ignoring that. What’s she using you for?”

     “Homework.”

     “You? Homework?”

     “Yep.”

     “Why?”

     Rodrick shrugs. She didn’t explain what homework he’d be doing for her. But it’s probably something she expects him to be good at.

     “Well, it’s your funeral when she inevitably fails whatever she’s making you do for her.”

     After homeroom, Rodrick finds his way to Regina’s locker, and does his usual lean, hiding behind the door.

     “What do you want, Rodrick.” Regina asks.

     “I was going to ask you what I’m going to do for you. Since you never explained.”

     “I’m going to interview you and you’ll do my history homework.”

     “I don’t know much about history, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

     “You know cold war history.”

     Interrupting their conversation, someone holding a camera asks, “Can I get a picture of the two of you for the school paper?”

     Rodrick points at the guy, “If you take a picture of us, I’ll break your fucking camera.”

     The cameraman makes some sort of fearful squeak, and then hurries off.

     Regina closes her locker door, “You know your cold war history and that’s the current unit. I don’t want to do it, so I think you’re a good fit. Also, your eyeliner’s smudged.”

     She walks off before Rodrick could get another word. He goes to the bathroom to see if his eyeliner is smudged or if she was just fucking with him.

     She told him the truth, it was. He does his best to fix it, and then heads off to class.

     The comment stuck with him. She went out of her way to make a mention of it to him. And he’s got no idea why.

     For the rest of the day, he was thinking about why she said that. There’s really no reason for her to have said that, but she still did.

     Rodrick stands at the counter, waiting between customers and just asks out of the blue, “Why did she say that?”

     “Say what?” Carl asks, handing off an order.

     “She said my eyeliner was smudged. There was no reason for her to do that. And she’s already said she hates me so I’m really at a loss.”

     “Dude, I’m so confused right now.”

     “Okay. Let me start over. Imagine that you have a crush on someone. That you could also probably consider love.”

     “Alright.”

     “And that she also coincidentally hates you.”

     “Tough, but alright.”

     “And let’s say you shoot your shot consistently to try and get her attention.”

     “Okay…?”

     “And when you’re having a short conversation with her she makes a mention of something she doesn’t usually mention, and isn’t lying.”

     “Uh huh?”

     “What do you think the reason for that comment would be?”

     “It could just be that it was that noticeable?”

     Rodrick thinks for a moment. She’s never made a comment about it before, and he knows he’s had smudged eyeliner before.

     “But it’s happened before, and she hasn’t said anything then.”

     “Yeah dude I have no idea.”

     “You are no help.”

     Carl shrugs and cleans up the workspace.

     “But here’s the kicker.”

     “Oh, there’s more?”

     “Lets say she also invited you over to her house to do homework. What would you think then?”

     “She probably just thinks you can help her with some homework, I wouldn’t think anything of it.”

     “Once again, no help Carl. No help.”

     “Dude I ain’t got nothing to do with this.”

     Rodrick paces back and forth in his room. He’s not thinking about the comment she made at school. He would never.

     Okay, he’s lying he’s thinking about it.

He’s thinking about a lot that Regina has done.

She took him on a date. She calls it a pity date, but it was a date to him and the rest of the world.

She drove him home after the pity date when she said she wouldn’t.

She invited him over to do homework. He’s doing her homework for her but it’s still an invitation to her house.

He’s imagining what her room looks like. It’s probably big. Probably pink. She wears a lot of pink. He wonders if she kept the shirt he bought her at the mall.

He has seen her in the outfit he picked out for her. That was pretty great. He’s getting off topic he’s now thinking of Regina being herself and not things that don’t feel like things she would do.

She made a mention of something she usually doesn’t.

She’s been paying more attention to him in class. Probably to make sure he can do homework, but that’s beyond the point. She’s paying attention to him.

He thinks about what he could do to figure out what to do. He remembers (Regrettably) that Greg has a girlfriend. Little sister of Heather Hills. Somehow his little brother got a girlfriend before he did.

He’s gonna figure out why.

So he decides to give Greg a call. After a few rings, he picks up. “Hello? Who is this?”

“Greg!”

“Rodrick?”

“How did you figure out that your girlfriend likes you?”

“Why are you asking me this?”

“Because you have a girlfriend. So, spit it out.”

“I don’t know! It just kinda happened!”

“You. Are. Useless.”

“Sorry…”

Rodrick hangs up in defeat and goes to bed. Tomorrow is Sunday. He’ll need to wake up early to be ready for whenever Regina comes by since she never specified.

     He wakes up at 7:00 on a non-school day. It’s painful, but he does so. Rodrick puts on his best outfit, and heads downstairs.

     “You’re up early!” Aunt Cheryl cheerily remarks as Rodrick sits at the table. “What plans do you have on this fine Sunday?”

     “I’m going over to a friend’s house to do homework.” Rodrick replies plainly, he hasn’t said much about his attempted endeavors with Regina, and doesn’t know her opinions of her since Regina is Aaron’s ex.

     “Oh that’s so fun! Are you getting picked up?”

     “Yep. She never gave me a time she’d pick me up, so I have to be prepared for anything.”

     “Well, I’ll fix you some breakfast while you wait for her! What would you like? Anything in particular?”

     “Just something to eat would be nice.”

     As Cheryl gets to making breakfast, he decides to send a text to Regina.

     “RH: You never told me when you were going to pick me up.”

     He gets no reply. Either she’s asleep or on the way.

     Aunt Cheryl makes a simple breakfast of eggs and toast. He eats it and has a small conversation with her. It’s less of a conversation and more just listening to what she wants to talk about while he stares at his phone waiting for Regina to send a reply text.

     An hour and a half passes, and then he finally gets a text from Regina.

     “RG: I’m outside. Don’t keep me waiting.”

Chapter Text

Rodrick grabs his school bag, just in case he needs it, and then heads outside.

     “Have fun!” Cheryl cheers as he rushes out the door.

     He shuts the door and wanders down the porch, heading towards Regina’s car.

     He goes to knock on the window, unsure of if the car is unlocked. Before he can knock at all Regina unlocks the car and he hops in.

     “Why did you decide to pick me up, I thought you decided I wasn’t worthy of being in here yet, and that the last two times were because I was still recovering.” Rodrick asks, with a grin on his face like he knows what’s going on.

     “Because I don’t want to give you my address. That’s not information I want you to have.” Regina replies bluntly, and begins driving.

     “So, me having your address is higher on the ‘Things I don’t want Rodrick to have’ list compared to me being in your car?”

     “Yes. And I know that you won’t figure out where I live from this because you’ll be paying attention to me and not the roads.”

     “You know me so well.”

     “Shush.”

     “So what all are we doing at your house? I know you texted me about it but I was really most excited about being invited to your house.”

     “You’re going to my homework for history, and then I’m going to interview you for my communications class.”

     “Any reason you want to interview me?”

     “You wouldn’t say no.”

     “…Said it once, I’ll say it again. You know me so well.”

     “Shut up.” She declares with a good bit of force.

     He shuts himself up. Normally he’d make some jokes about it but that was a very specific tone that he knew to listen to.

     The rest of the drive was quiet except for the hum of the car on the road and the music coming from Regina’s speakers. It was something poppy he hadn’t heard before. Thankfully he did have a copy of his recommendations for her. He made another copy just in case she actually wanted to take it.

     As Regina pulls up to her house, Rodrick drinks it all in. The house is extravagant. It’s a lot more than he would have expected and it’s nothing if not big. It’s a house and a half.

     Regina parks the car, and gets out, “Get out. Try to avoid my mom. She’s… overbearing.”

     “What, does she think we’re dating?” Rodrick asks sarcastically.

     “She just has assumptions any time I bring a guy over.”

     “You don’t bring many guys over?”

     “No.”

     “Any reasons for that?”

     “No. Just shut up and walk inside quickly.”

     Rodrick does an exaggerated salute and follows her inside. They move fast and he does not have much time to try and look around the house. He gets a peek of someone in the kitchen and someone in the living room. Probably her mom and little sister.

     Regina shuts the door of her room after Rodrick enters. He kicks off his shoes and wanders further inside.

     “Wow.” Rodrick looks around. “Your room is… big.”

     “Don’t ogle. You have work to do.”

     “Can I at least look around a little?”

     “No. Sit down.”

     “Where?”

     “The desk?” Regina points across her room.

     “Gotcha, desk.” Rodrick wanders over to Regina’s desk, and flops down in the chair, letting his momentum of sitting down spin him around. While spinning, he asks, “Why couldn’t have I sat on your bed?

     “You’d be weird about it.”

     “I wouldn’t be weird about it.” He would probably be weird about it.

     Regina sets her homework on the desk. “Get on with it. I’ll interview you after.”

     “Shouldn’t I do mine and then you copy off that? Since my handwriting probably looks nothing like yours.”

     “Fine. Just do yours, and then I’ll interview you.”

     “Sounds good to me.”

     After a few minutes of answering simple history questions, he finishes it up, and sets down his pencil. He says, “Alright, I’m done. How are we doing this interview.”

     “Well, I ask you questions, and then the voice recorder will get the conversation, and I’ll write everything up from there.” Regina replies.

     “Those things usually have pretty shitty mics. We’d have to sit pretty close together for it to pick up our voices.”

     He watches as Regina really thinks about it. As she thinks, he looks around her room, seeing a wall of pictures, her wall mirror, but nothing really of interest.

     “Fine.” Regina sighs.

     “Fine… what?”

     “You will sit on the end of my bed, and I’ll sit across from you.”

     Rodrick stands up slowly, making his way closer to her bed.

     “It won’t kill you. And I’m allowing this to happen. Just don’t be weird about it.” Regina makes a gesture for him to hurry it up.

     He climbs onto the bed, crossing his legs, and sits still. He’s not gonna be weird about it.

     “So the recording is just so that I can get you out of my house as fast as possible, and then use it to write your answers later.” Regina explains.

     Before Rodrick could give a reply, someone opens the door holding a small dog, she says, “Regina I have some mail- Oh! Do you need anything? Drinks? Condoms? Snacks? Anyth-”

     “Mom! Get out!”

     Regina’s mom leaves, and Rodrick grins like an idiot asking, “That’s your mother?”

     “Yes. She’s the worst.”

     “Did she-?”

     “Yes.”

     “Should I ask why?”

     “No. We have work to do. Also, your eyeliner is smudged again.”

     Rodrick was hit with another wave of confusion. She mentioned it again. “Why’d you mention it?”

     “Mention what?”

     “My eyeliner. Again.”

     “Because it was noticeable and bothering me.”

     It was bothering her! That’s a new one. She is paying more attention to him, so that’s fun. He wants to know why.

     “But before a couple of days ago, you would never say anything about it. Plus, the messiness is part of the vibe.”

     “What vibe? Looking disheveled?”

     “You think you could do better?”

     “Yes. I do think I could do better! I am almost certain I’ve been doing my own makeup for much longer than you.”

     “You gonna do my makeup or something?” He asks sarcastically, not expecting her to take him seriously.

     “To prove I’m better than you.”

     Oh, she did take him seriously. She’s more competitive than he imagined, “Let’s make it a competition then! Let me do yours, and we’ll see who does it better.”

     “Get off my bed. We need to settle this.”

     He hops off the bed, and says, “I’m all for it. I’ll let you go first, and then I’ll do yours. Ladies first and all that.”

     “Nicest thing you’ve done to date.”

     “I bought you a shirt on our date!”

     “Pity date. And the shirt was too big. Sit here.”

     She put it on? He could have sworn she was just going to toss it. He’s gonna be thinking about that for a while. He sits where she wants him to and she spins the chair to face her.

     “What happens now?”

     Regina preps something that Rodrick isn’t sure what it is, and then hands it to him. “Remove your makeup. Here’s a cotton ball.”

     He once again, does as asked, and holds the ball to each of his eyes for about half a minute, then wipes it away. He hands her back the cotton ball, “Done. What next.”

     She doesn’t take it back, and just pushes his hand away. He sets his hand in his lap and looks back up to find her right in his face. His heart immediately starts racing.

His eyes flicker across her face. And down once. She jabs him with a nail when he does so and he whimpers. She looks at him disgusted but shrugs it off and continues to prep.

He’s going to ignore the feeling that jab gave him other than pain. He’s already on the verge of probably dying.

She’s very close and he needs to keep his composure.

     She’s just applying his makeup.

Rodrick’s just going to zone out and wait until she’s done, or he might burst a blood vessel. And so, he does just that.

     Some amount of time later Regina says, “There. Done.”

     Rodrick shakes his face slightly and feels more than he would have expected on it. “Did you do my eyeliner?”

     “I did your makeup.” She says through a devilish smile. He looks over to her worried and he gets blinded by the flash of a camera.

     He lifts his hand up in response to the flash. “Jeez. What’s the picture for?”

     “It’s funny. I’m not keeping it but your face of surprise was cathartic.”

     “Not unlike hitting me in the face?”

     “I already said that wasn’t cathartic. Concussions suck.”

     “Okay. My turn?”

     “I guess."

Chapter Text

There are so many things he never expected her to do.

He never expected her to ask him to come over.

He never expected her to accept his challenge over makeup.

He never expected her to be so adamant about his eyeliner bothering her.

     And now here Rodrick is, in Regina’s room, about to do her eyeliner. And they’re not even dating.

     Rodrick needs to focus. She’s distracting him by being so hot. There’s something specific about how she looks without makeup that he loves. He’s probably not going to win this competition but that’s not the point. His main point is being able to see Regina in the kind of makeup he wears. That’s the small victory.

     “Your hands are shaking.” Regina says, keeping herself still so that he can actually do his work.

     “I know.” Rodrick didn’t know. He’s so nervous. He doesn’t want to accidentally do something stupid and he normally does this on himself which is somehow easier.

     He takes a step back and does a small spin, hopping on one foot, shaking himself out to prepare himself.

     “You look like a dork. What are you doing?” Regina stifles a laugh as she watches Rodrick flail around.

     “Preparing. Trust the process.” Rodrick points at her dramatically, before moving back in and readying his hands.

     He’s still shaking a little bit. He holds his breath and works very slowly. His internal mantra as he works shifts from complete silence to ‘focus on the work, not on the canvas, focus on the work, not on the canvas…’

     And before long, he steps back. His work is complete.

     “Well? Are you going to do any other part of my face?” Regina asks, “You just did one thing. I worked your whole face.”

     Wow. She’s hot. She’s always hot, but Rodrick’s look on her makes him feel so extremely flustered he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

He takes an extremely long time to process what she said, and replies, “uh… I don’t put makeup anywhere else. Eyeliner’s my whole deal.”

“Are you going to be able to focus for the interview? Or are you going to be weird about me. I’ll gladly take off the makeup.”

“No no no! I won’t be weird about it!” He already was being weird about it. Just, internally.

“Fine. Sit. No distractions this time. Your makeup is better than I’ve ever seen you do it, so it won’t bother me.”

“Why does it bother you?”

“Excuse me?”

“Nothing!”

He thought he only said that internally, he might be dead. He does like living, especially in the same room as Regina. He takes a seat on her bed as soon as he could get his legs to move.

“Good. You going to be distracted?”

“Nope.” Rodrick points at his own face. “Eyes are closed. Not gonna open them for the entire interview. Therefore, can’t be distracted.”

“Alright.” Regina climbs onto the bed and sits across from Rodrick. “Ready to begin? I’m going to skip all the usual interview preamble questions because they aren’t required.”

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” Rodrick gives a thumbs up.

He hears her fiddle with the voice recorder and then after a very solid click, she begins the interview.

     “Rodrick, where are you from?” She asks with a very specific tone that feels… different from every word he hears from her. Probably because she’s almost always upset with him.

     “I’m from Plainview… Massachusetts.” He replies, short and simple no reason for excessive answers here. He’s trying to focus.

     “What plans do you have for college?”

     “I applied to a few places back home, but depending on how this year goes, probably just community college.”

     “What interested you while growing up?”

     “I enjoy playing the drums. I had a band back in Plainview. I was interested in the punk and grunge music scenes.”

     “What topics interest you in school?”

     “None of them, really. I guess some parts of history, but other than that, nothing.”

     “Who do you have in your immediate family? Any older or younger siblings?”

     “Two younger brothers. Greg’s a freshman in high school this year, I think, and Manny’s three or four.”

     “You don’t know how old your brothers are?”

     “Not really. I just know they’re my brothers and that’s about it.”

     “Outside of school, do you have any hobbies?”

     “Drums.”

     “Anything else?”

     “Without my band, not really no.”

     “Where would you move if you didn’t have to care about money or travel?”

     “Anywhere outside of Plainview. It’s very boring and so many other places are more interesting.”

     “And that’s all the questions.” Regina shuts off the voice recorder. “Now I’ll get you home so that I don’t have to deal with you in my room.”

     He opens his eyes and sees her again. It’s a lot but he’s got this.

“Can I get something to remove this? It feels odd.” He gestures at his face.

     “You have some at home, right?”

     He sighs, “Yeah, I do.”

     “Then, I’ll take you home and you remove it there.”

     “Are you going to actually keep the picture you took of me? You could say literally anything about me and people would believe you.”

     “I already said I wouldn’t, but. As a show of good conscience,” Regina picks up the picture off her desk, and tosses it in her desk trash can.

“Regina George? Good Conscience? Are my ears working correctly?”

“Shut up. I can very easily send that photo to my friends and it’d spread like wildfire.”

“Shutting up.”

“Put on your shoes. I’m getting you out of my house.”

They hustle out of the house, successfully avoiding her mother, which Rodrick is kind of happy about because the comments earlier did seem to upset Regina.

They get in her car and start off towards Aunt Cheryl’s.

“So, how’d I do?” Rodrick asks, anticipating either a complete failure, or a shining success.

“For the interview, well enough. You kept it reasonable and businesslike. Not weird like your usual self. History homework is untested at the moment.”

“That’s a win in my books.”

“Why have you been answering questions in history?”

“it’s a topic I know, to impress you, and so that I don’t fail.”

“Why do you know so much about the cold war of all things?”

“It’s an important part of a lot of the music I like. The offer for you to take my mix is still open. I’ve got a copy with me as usual.”

He sees her thinking about it a surprisingly long amount. “Sure. I’ll take it.”

“Really?”

“You helped me with my interview. It’s the most I’ll do.”

“You mean the least you could do?”

“Nope.”

“That… makes sense.” Rodrick rifles through his bag, pulls out a surprisingly pristine jewel case, and sets it down. “Well. Here’s this. You can listen to it if you want to.”

     As Regina drives back, she looks at herself in the rearview mirror. Despite how shaky his hands were, Rodrick did a surprisingly good job. She looks like someone she’d hate. But it doesn’t look terrible.

     She’s still thinking about him. But less about how much she hates how ever-present he is. She did invite him over, so this time it was on purpose. He looked kind of nice with her usual makeup, adjusted to match his skin tone.

     She contemplated listening to the CD. She was just going to use Rodrick for her homework, but she still took the CD and claimed it was what she could do for him since he helped her.

     Why did she take it? She didn’t need to. He helped her like the obedient dog he is; his reward was doing something for her. She’s not going to get rid of it though. That would be distasteful.

     She finishes the rest of her drive in silent contemplation.

     He’s so odd.

     He’s so nice to her.

     He doesn’t seem to mind that she’s mean to him.

     He gets so distracted by her. It’s very funny.

     She can’t seem to get him off her mind sometimes. It’s probably because he’s just that annoying. Sticks around in the mind like a stain.

     When she gets home, she gets a better look at herself in the mirror. The eyeliner is kinda cute. Not at all her style, but it doesn’t look bad. Doesn’t match her outfit, but it could.

She wanders into her closet, and finds the shirt Rodrick bought her. Crumpled into a pile on the floor. She picks it up, and changes into it. It’s definitely his size, and is big on her.

     Regina wanders over to her mirror. She looks at the outfit she has on now. Dark eyeliner, a dark gray, wrinkled shirt. It matches the ‘vibe’ as Rodrick said earlier. She hates that she understood what he meant.

     She’s not going to pass up a cute outfit, and grabs her camera to take a picture. First, final outfit adjustments, she lets the shirt hang over to one side, letting it fall a little bit off her shoulder. Then she fixed her hair.

     She takes a picture, and set the camera down while the Polaroid does its thing.

     That picture of Rodrick from earlier was very funny. It’d be a shame for it to just immediately get thrown away.

     Regina squats down and picks up the picture from right off the top. She could put it on her picture board. But Rodrick may see it if she does.

Why is she assuming Rodrick will be back? That’s not likely.

But it would clash with the rest of the board. So, she’ll put it in the CD case he gave her. Along with the picture of the current outfit.

She sets the two pictures in the case, shuts it, and slots it into a drawer on her desk. She tosses the shirt back onto the floor of her closet, and puts something else on.

Then she takes off the eyeliner and lays back on her bed. Not thinking about Rodrick. Or at a minimum, trying to get Rodrick off her mind.   

Chapter Text

Rodrick wakes up for school as usual, anticipating absolutely nothing. He gets dressed, does his usual routine, heads downstairs, says hi to his aunt, and then drives off.

     He gets to the school, isn’t able to say hi to Regina before class, as usual, and heads off to Homeroom.

     Homeroom is… homeroom. That’s for sure.

     “Rodrick!” Janis says a little bit louder than usual, just to get his attention.

     He jumps a little bit, slamming his knee into one of the metal bars of the desk. “Shit! Yeah?” He rubs his knee as the pain spreads.

     “You were looking very cheery about being used on Friday. What happened with Regina?”

     “I did her homework, her mom made some wild accusations, she complained about my eyeliner and got competitive, she interviewed me and then I went home.”

     “What does her mom have to do with any of this? Where were y’all?”

     “Regina’s.”

     Cady, Janis, and Damian all give Rodrick a bewildered look.

     “Wh-what?” Rodrick asks through a laugh.

     “You went to Regina’s house.” Cady deadpans.

     “Yeah?”

     “Did you see her room?”

     “Yeah?”

     “What. The. Hell.” Janis looks so confused. “Backtracking a bit, what do you mean got competitive?”

     “She claimed that she could do my eyeliner better than I could, and then I challenged her to do so.”

     “And?”

     “She did my entire face. Not what I signed up for, but I also didn’t expect her to take the challenge.”

     Damian asks the obvious question, “Do you have any pictures?”

     “She took one and then-”

     In the middle of gloating, Rodrick realized that he’d been gloating and that if Regina heard about any gossip through the grapevine, she’d probably kill him. She would be furious at him. It’d probably be hot. But also she wouldn’t invite him over again so he needs to make sure this doesn’t get out.

     “Don’t tell anyone anything or I might die.” Rodrick continued after pausing for a moment.

     “Can I tell one person?” Damian asks.

     “No.”

     The bell rang and Rodrick got up to leave the conversation quickly, hoping to avoid that getting further than he wants it to.

     He hustles to Regina’s locker. He does his classic vague hide-not-hide behind the open locker door.

     “Hello, Rodrick.” Regina says plainly.

     “A greeting this time! That’s new. Usually you just say my first or last name.”

     “What do you want?”

     “You.”

     “Gross.”

     Before Rodrick could get another word in, someone he’d never seen before walks up to Regina. The guy’s tall, kinda jock-ish. He’s talking to Regina about something. He’s not really listening.

     Not until the guy says the word ‘party’. Rodrick perks up at the prospect of a party. He hasn’t been to a good party in a while.

     “You gonna bring your boyfriend here?” The guy asked.

     “Not my boyfriend.” Regina replied.

     “Good, I would’ve told you he’s not invited anyway. See you Thursday.” The guy walks off at that.

     Rodrick asks with a grin, “Who’s that guy?”

     “Why do you want to know?”

     “I haven’t been to a good party in a while.”

     “He just said you aren’t invited. Were you even listening?”

     “That just sounds like a challenge to me. And not really, just tuned back in at the sound of the word party.”

     “If you show up, you will get thrown out.”

     “I can’t believe you’d go to a party where your boyfriend isn’t invited!” Rodrick sarcastically whines. “Are you cheating on me!?”

     “You’re not my boyfriend! Shut up!” Regina says back. Rodrick could have sworn he saw a bit of blush on her cheeks when he made that joke. He’s probably just going crazy.

     She stormed off to class before he could get another word in. He wandered to his locker, got his notebooks, and made his way to class.  

     For most of English, he focuses on Regina, up at the front. For a teacher who claimed that after the first couple of weeks, they’d shift to an open seating schedule, it’s suspiciously been a month and still no change.

On the other front, Regina is pretty and hot as usual. That’s had no change. That’s never going to have any change.

Off to his next class. First stop, Regina’s locker. Oddly enough, despite seeing her leave the classroom and her locker being right outside of the classroom, no Regina. Weird. Maybe she just went to go do something or something. He’s got no idea.

He makes his way to his locker. All the while he feels this odd feeling like he’s being watched. He looks behind him. The swaths of students in the way block him from figuring out if he was in fact being watched.

He opens his locker and gathers his things for pre-calculus.

“Rodrick.”

Rodrick screams. Like actually screams. He drops his books and pencil.

Regina appeared out of nowhere and said his name.

He closes his locker door and tries to play it cool.

“Yo.” He says, internally cringing at his own words.

“You dropped your stuff.” Regina replies, ignoring his terrible introduction.

“What can I help you with?”

“You left this at my house. Bye.” She hands him his history homework and then hurries off.

“Thank… you?”

Everything about that interaction felt weird. She wasn’t her usual sassy self. She was… something. Some emotion he has no idea what to describe it as. But at a minimum she was not her usual self.

He goes to class, Regina stuck on his mind more than usual.

Most of the rest of the day goes by as usual. Econ, lunch, but then after lunch, some brunette who’s never talked to him before says, “Heyyy Rodrick”

“…Hey?”

“You aren’t dating Regina, right?”

This is a strange line of questions but he can assume where it’s going. “No… why?”

“I’m Cindy, we have Pre-calculus together.”

“Okay?”

“Would you like to go on a date with me?”

She’s pretty but she’s no Regina. “You want to go on a date with me?” He asks, not at all surprised by her question. He really doesn’t want to answer.

“You’re cute! And yes… so?”

Rodrick stands there in silence. He looks around, trying to find an out to get out of the awkward response of turning this girl down for the reason of he is still trying to get with Regina.

And then he sees Regina. And she sees him. She makes some sort of a face and then storms off. That’s new. Normally her anger towards him goes, well, towards him.

“I… gotta go. I’m… late… for… detention?” He turns about face and hustles away, around two corners and then slides into the bathroom.

The rest of the day Rodrick feels odd. Regina seems mad at him, more actually upset than just the playful rudeness she normally has.

Something happened and Rodrick has no idea what.

     Rodrick wakes up the next morning, does his usual routine, and heads to school again. Once again, no Regina before homeroom.

     “Damian.” Rodrick sits down.

     “Rodrick?” Damian asks, a little worried.

     “You know things?”

     “That depends.”

     “Someone’s hosting a party tomorrow.”

     “Nerd party, jock party?”

     “… Jock party I would assume. Tall and wide guy.”

     “Steven. Lives in the fancier neighborhood.”

     “Do you know where the party is?”

     “Are you invited?”

     “… nope. Want to crash.”

     “I can get you that information by the end of the day. If you get thrown out please tell me how fast and how far.”

     “How far?”

     “They will throw you.”

     “Noted.”

     Rodrick thinks about what he’d wear to make sure that he’d not immediately get kicked out. Then not before long, the bell rings and he makes his way to Regina’s locker.

     No Regina again. Something’s weird. He’s got no idea what.

     He shrugs it off, and heads to his locker.

     He opens it up, and right on top of his loosely organized set of books and pencils is a note of some kind. It’s a little glossy.

     Rodrick picks up the note and reads it. It’s very neat handwriting. He’s not sure who’s it is though. He wouldn’t know Regina’s if he saw it since he’s almost certain she’s never actually written him a note.

     ‘Come to the party on Thursday. I’ll text you the address. Left basement window. 6:45. Don’t be late.’

     He got invited? To the party? Unofficially, but he was invited by someone.

     He flips the note over. It wasn’t a note. It was a picture. That’s why it was glossy.

     Rodrick’s knees nearly buckle as he looks at the picture. It’s Regina. In the shirt he got her. With the makeup he put on her. God, she’s so hot he can’t handle it.

Chapter Text

Rodrick gets a hold of himself and walks to class slowly. He’s got the picture on him just so that he can ask Regina about it after class. And also because if it ever left his person he'd probably cry.

     English is boring and he’s not focused. Not at all. That picture is all that’s on his mind for the entirety of class. He needs answers.

     The bell rings, he waits a little bit for her to leave so that he can follow her out, and then catch her when her locker door is open. It’s not usually on purpose, but this time he feels like it’d add to the experience.

     He leans against the locker, and Regina speaks first, “Yes?”

He holds the picture out far enough for her to see it, “Did you put this in my locker?”

“I don’t know. Who was that girl you were talking to yesterday?” She sounds genuinely upset. Why would she be upset about that?

“She walked up to me? Why are you asking?”

“Was she interested in you?” Her tone makes him feel like he’s being interrogated.

“…yes?”

“Why was she talking to you?”

“Are you upset that a girl was talking to me and interested in me?”

“… No.”

Rodrick jumped out of his skin when Regina slammed the door of her locker with more force than usual. She stormed off and he felt so bewildered about whatever the hell was happening.

“Heffley!” Someone shouted for him.

“Uh oh.” He mumbled to himself, turning to see who it was. It’s that girl who he assumes is Stacy. Hasn’t seen her since she got upset with him because he did something he didn’t remember. “Yes?”

“What did you do?”

“I… I don’t know.”

“Don’t pull that shit again.”

“Last time I didn’t know because I got a concussion! This time I just… I don’t know! Regina’s upset with me and I don’t know why.”

“Are you going to fix it?”

“I would like to, yes! Also, real question: is Regina into me?”

She looks at him confused. “Are you an idiot?”

“Probably.”

“I’ll let you figure that one out.”

“What.”

She walks off before he can ask another question. Now he’s even more confused. He’s got a picture of Regina (hot), Regina’s mad at him (not hot), and Stacy (no confirmation on if that’s her name) is also mad at him.

Rodrick makes his way to pre-calculus, Regina picture in tow, sits in the corner with Janis, and notices a note on the desk he normally sits in.

What is it with him getting notes today. He flips this one over.

‘I never got an answer from you at lunch yesterday. I’ll try and catch you again today! -Cindy’

The ‘i’ in Cindy’s name is dotted with a heart. He feels like if he meets with this girl again, he’s going to die. Regina would probably kill him. Wait. Rodrick thinks for longer than a couple of seconds.

“Regina’s jealous?” Rodrick whispers to himself.

“What’d you say?” Janis asks, looking over at him.

“Did I say something?”

“You did. Sounded like you being delusional again.”

“I have evidence though!”

“Of your delusions?”

“Okay. So you see this note?” Rodrick holds up the scrap of paper on his desk.

“Yeah?”

“Read it.” He hands it to her.

Janis skims the note. “This girl’s into you?”

“Yes. And I’m pretty sure Regina saw her talking to me yesterday at lunch.”

“And how does this lead to your conclusion of Regina being jealous?”

“So you did hear me!”

“I just wanted you to say it again, not gonna lie.”

“Rude.”

“Continue, I want to listen to you be delusional, it’s very funny.”

“Also yesterday, I was talking to Regina, as usual. And that Jock that Damian said was hosting a party invited Regina and said that I wasn’t invited.”

“And what does this have to do with her being jealous?”

“Let me finish explaining! And I’ll get there!”

“Okay, okay. Finish your story.”

“And then this morning, I got to my locker, and found a note from Regina, inviting me to the party.”

“So…? How do you know the note was from Regina specifically?”

“It was written on the back of a picture of her.” He holds the note up words towards Janis.

“That’s just a note. Can I look at it to make sure it’s a picture? Also couldn’t it just be a picture they got of her from a bit ago?”

“No. And I think Regina would kill me if anyone other than me saw the picture.”

“Well, your funeral!” Janis reaches for the photo and flips it, “I mean it could very- woah.”

“Can I have that back?”

“That’s Regina.”

“…yes.” Rodrick feels defeated and really just wants photo back.

“When did she take this picture?”

“Sunday.”

“How do you know that?”

“I did her makeup. She probably took that photo after she dropped me off at home. Can I have that back?” Rodrick reaches for it.

Janis moves away, continuing to hold the photo. “This is crazy.”

“What is?”

“I think she is actually jealous.”

“Really?”

“Maybe. Here’s your photo back you weirdo.”

His next classes pass, and he’s dreading lunch. He does not want to talk to Cindy. He kind of wants to try and talk to Regina but that’s probably a terrible idea.

He starts towards the lunchroom, makes his way to the table with Cady, Damian, and Janis, and Damian speaks flatly, “Rodrick.”

“Damian.” He responds with an equally flat response.

“Here’s the address to the party.” He hands off a small sticky note.

Rodrick pockets it. “Thank you. Any reason for the odd tone?”

“It was dramatic?”

“Fair enough. Shit I gotta hide.” Rodrick starts scanning for Cindy.

“Why are you in need of hiding?”

“There’s a girl who likes me and I don’t like her and I think Regina’s gonna kill me if I talk to her again.”

Damian looks to Janis, she nods, and he looks back at him, “Okay. You could also go and talk to Regina I feel like that will get you out of the way of this other girl. Or you can cower in the corner the whole time.”

“I’m going to go hide in the bathroom. On the other end of the school. And then try and survive the rest of the day without seeing her.”

“Which her?”

“Regina’s fine. Probably. Maybe. Anyway gotta go.”

Rodrick gets up and immediately starts booking it for the exit to the cafeteria.

As he makes it past a set of doors, he gets asked, “Where are you going!” By Cindy.

He yelps. LOUD. He looks at her mortified, but does his best to answer, “Bathroom?”

“Can I get your answer first?”

“Uh… Uh…” Rodrick needs to find an out. He does not want to have this conversation.

“What are you doing?” He hears the familiar voice of… Regina.

Rodrick points at himself.

“Yes you. What are you doing?” She crosses her arms and looks at him.

“He was about to tell me that he wanted to go on a date. With me. Especially since he said you two weren’t dating.” Cindy replied proudly.

Regina glared directly into Rodrick’s soul. He shook his head furiously. She slapped him. It stung.

“He’s not going out with you.” Was all Regina said before she stormed off.

Cindy went the other way, and Rodrick just stood there. No ideas about anything to do or say.

Regina just defended him. He’s just gonna take the victory one way or another.

     The rest of the school day was very nothing. He answered a question in history, Regina gave him a smile which was the highlight, and then he went home.

     Now at home, Rodrick needs to find clothes that make him look less likely to get thrown out of a party. He rifles through his drawers and closet, eventually finding one nice-but-not-too-nice shirt. He’s not going to wear a church shirt to a party. But he will wear a less wrinkled and more colorful than just gray T-shirt that doesn’t have a band’s logo on it.

     It’s a red shirt. It’s not what he would ever wear anywhere, and he’s still going to put a hoodie over it. But it’s an outfit. Pair it with some Blue Jeans and he’ll look like a boring-ass high schooler. Which is fine.

     He’s just gotta get through the school day tomorrow and he should be in the clear.

Chapter Text

Rodrick does his usual morning routine, and finds his way to Regina’s locker before homeroom. He saw her, with a posse of Lacrosse girls gathered around her. He didn’t expect to see her, and now he has no idea what to do. She sees him and he waves.

     She doesn’t wave back, just shoots him a small look. He continues to be confused by the very weird signals he gets from her.

     He just decided to head to homeroom and then talk to her before English. Homeroom was boring, not any conversation he felt like participating in, and then it was over.

     “Rodrick.” Regina says as he approaches her locker.

     “Hey.” He says, trying to keep it cool.

     “Hey yourself.” She replies with her usual amount of sass.

     Rodrick was going to give a reply, but Steven, that guy who’s hosting a party shouts down the hall at Regina, “Yo! Regina! You coming tonight? Better not see that loser next to you!”

     “I’ll be there!” Regina replies and waves at him.

     As Steven walks off, Rodrick whispers to Regina, “Do you have a plan?”

     “What makes you think I’m helping you?” Regina asks. Her tone is unplaceable and he can’t tell if she’s talking to him with sarcasm.

     Rodrick holds up the photo of her. “You placed this in my locker? No?”

     Regina gives no reply.

     Rodrick waits a little bit for one before she starts to walk away, and then says, “Wait.”

She stops and looks at him.

     “Thank you for telling that girl that I’m not going to date her.”

     Finally, Regina’s silence breaks, “Stop being genuine, like I’ve already said, it’s weird. I know you’re not going to date her. Don’t be late.”

     Regina walks into the classroom and Rodrick collects his things, and makes his way to his seat in the back of the classroom. As class begins, he decides to send her a text.

     “RH: You said you know I’m not going to date her, so can I date you instead?”

     He looks towards the front of the class, and sees Regina on her phone sending him a response.

     “RG: Pay attention in class. That’s more important right now.”

     “RH: You’re always the most important to me.”

     “RG: shut up. I’ll answer your question later.”

     Rodrick spent the rest of class anticipating her answer. After class, he makes his way to her locker.

     “So?” He starts.

     “So… what?” She replies.

     “What’s your answer to my question?”

     “What question?”

     “The one I sent you in class?”

     “I was paying attention, like you should have been.”

     “But, can you read it and answer the question?”

     “Nope.”

     Regina shuts her locker and walks off.

     Rodrick makes his way through his other classes, each time between if he had time trying to get Regina’s answer to the question. Every single time she dances around the answer. He didn’t even think about asking her at lunch.

The rest of the entire school day goes by and he doesn’t get anywhere closer to an answer. He thinks she’s jealous and he thinks she’s into him. But he’s nowhere near as overconfident as he was before he’d gone on a date-not-date and talked to her so much. He’ll just figure things out at the party. Maybe.

     Rodrick checks both the note Damian gave him and the text Regina sent him (still no answer to his question of if she would date him) to make sure the location is the same. He navigates the streets of weird big houses, and parks down the road and around the corner from the house. He doesn’t want to risk anyone spotting it and calling him out on it.

     He walks down the street to the house, remembering that Regina said to meet him at the left basement window at a certain time. He rechecks the note, 6:45. Current time? 6:40. He’s early.

     Rodrick makes his way past the busy front of the house, and makes his way to the side. He first finds the fence and a gate, not immediately noticing window. He looks down. There’s a small flat window. He could probably fit in there. That’s probably Regina’s plan.

     He sits on the ground as out of sight as possible, waiting for Regina to send a text or a signal or something to let him in somehow.

     After a few minutes, he hears the tell-tale screeches of an old window opening for the first time in ages.

     He whispers into the window, “Regina? Is that you?”

     “Move quickly!” She whispers back.

     “Head first? Or feet first?”

     “Either! Just move quickly!”

     Rodrick decides on head first and starts crawling inside. There’s a whole lot of nothing close to the window for him to brace himself on. And this is definitely a bathroom. Regina is just watching him scramble to climb in through the window.

     He is the opposite of grace. None of this is pretty. And before he realizes it, his center of gravity passes over the threshold of the windowsill and now he’s rotating… and falling. He does his best impression of a cat trying to correct it’s orientation as it falls and lands in the tub with a loud thunk. He definitely bruised something. But he’s inside.

     He stands up and looks at Regina, who’s smiling. “Why are you smiling?”

     “That was very funny.” She replies, arms crossed.

     “You could have helped!”

     “Why would I do that?”

     “Because it would have been the nice thing to do? Did you not help just so that you could watch me struggle?” He asks genuinely.

     “Maybe.”

     “That’s not an answer.” He stands up.

     She looks at him, “You’re not wearing eyeliner?”

     “It’s my look, that’d get me thrown out faster.”

“Shame. Well, come find me.” She turns around and leaves the bathroom closing the door behind her.

Rodrick steps out of the tub, and looks at himself in the mirror. He checks where he fell with gentle pokes and then heads out into the party.

This house has a finished basement. That’s not something he’s seen a lot.

There are a lot of people here. Each time he rounds a corner he scans for the host. As he dodges people who’d kill him if they recognized him, he snatches two drinks for when he eventually finds Regina, and a small snack for himself. He forgot to eat dinner.

Every time he sees him he goes the other way and does his best to avoid being seen.

Of course, the girl who he thinks is interested in him is short enough she’s hard to find.

 He does find who he thinks he remembers is named Stacy.

“You’re Stacy, right?” He asks, approaching her.

“Rodrick? How’d you get in?” She asks, surprised.

“Regina let me in through a window. Have you seen her?”

“She’s on this floor, saw her a few minutes ago. One of the side rooms.”

“Thanks.”

He makes his way to one of the side rooms, this one kind of reminds him of his living room back home scattered chairs, a couch and some bookshelves, and a noticeable lack of many people. And there she is in all her blonde glory, wearing a tasteful amount of pink he’d say. He didn’t get a good look at her outfit earlier seeing as he was trying to escape a bathtub. She’s standing off in a corner looking for someone.

He walks up, asking with a grin, “Looking for me? Drink?”

“Yes.” She takes the drink. “Took you long enough to find me.”

“You didn’t give me much to go off. But I’m here now.”

“Do you want an answer to your question from earlier?”

It’s finally the time. He’s been anticipating a reply for the entire day and here it comes.

“Yes.”

Before he could get a reply, a loud shout reverberates through the entire house. It’s definitely Steven shouting. “EVERYONE! SOMEONE JUST TOLD ME THAT THERE MIGHT BE SOMEONE WHO ISN’T INVITED HERE. IF THAT’S YOU, YOU BETTER RUN OR I’M THROWING YOU OUT.”

Rodrick’s face drops. “Uh oh.” He says.

Regina points at him, “I have a plan.”

Rodrick is ready for whatever she has in mind. She forcefully sits him down.

He hears the voice of Steven approaching and saw the smallest bit of him start to enter the room, “HEY! WHO OPENED THIS DOOR! I TOLD YOU NOT TO COME IN HERE!”

Before he could process what was happening, Regina was in his lap, holding his neck, and kissing him. His soul vacated his body. He had no idea how to react to anything. He could barely hear a thing, his ears were so red. He wasn’t even kissing back, he was just… sitting there.

Steven said, “Woah. Regina. Sorry. Can you just… leave the room when you’re… done? Just don’t do anything crazy. Please.”

Rodrick understood none of what he said. He thinks he heard Steven walk away and shut the door.

Regina backs off him. She’s out of breath. He’s out of breath. His face is the color of his red shirt. He’s ignoring everything happening below the belt. He’s hoping she is too.

Regina, arms still draped over his shoulders, takes one hand and tucks her hair behind her ear. “Does that answer your question?”

Chapter Text

Regina George Kissed Rodrick Heffley. He never thought he would see the day. This is a moment he would have never expected and it’s the only thing on his mind right now. Her words after kissing him went in one ear and out the other.

     “You kissed me.” Is all that Rodrick can manage to say.

     Regina smiles at him, “yes. I did.”

     “You kissed me.”

     “We should probably get you out of here before they toss you out.”

     “You kissed me?”

     “C’mon. Get up.” She stands up off him and offers him a hand.

     He takes it and she pulls him up. She peeks out the door.

     “You kissed me?” He’s still not done processing that fact.

     “Are you doing alright? You haven’t said anything else.”

     “Why’d you kiss me?”

     “To hide you from Steven. He was going to walk into the room and see you. So, I hid your face.”

     “Is that the only reason?”

     “I said that was the answer to your question, didn’t I?”

“What? What do you mean?”

Regina gives him a look, “Are you dumb?”

“Yeah.” Rodrick thinks for a moment. That’s the answer to his question. She’s answered his question.

He doesn’t even have words. She said yes. Well, she didn’t actually say yes, she kissed him. But after she did so she asked if that answered the question. So he decides to just ask again, “You want to date me?”

“Yes! I do! Is that so hard to understand!” Regina crosses her arms, glaring at him.

“You’re hot when you’re angry.” Rodrick has no idea why he said that, it just kinda happened.

She scoffs, and then sighs. “You’re such a dork.”

“I’m your dork! I think.”

“Yes. You’re my dork.”

Rodrick smiles. He’s her dork. She just said it. They haven’t gone on an official date yet, but he’s hers. “Does the pity date count as our first date?”

“No. That was a pity date. You did a good job but that’s not a date.”

Rodrick gives a thumbs up.

Someone knocks on the door of the room. “Regina? You still in here?”

It’s Steven. Rodrick makes a quick move to the other side of the door, hiding out of sight.

Regina opens the door, her demeanor and tone different than when she was just talking to Rodrick, “Yeah, I’m about to leave, what’s up?”

“Apparently someone’s noticed that that guy’s van is around the corner, and he’s probably still here?”

“That guy?” Regina asks, feigning her knowledge.

“The guy that hangs around you in the halls at school. Names like… Rodney or something. You seen him around? He’d probably try and find you.”

“Nope. Haven’t seen him. You saw where I’ve been for a bit.”

“Well if he comes up to you, bring him to me.”

“Will do Steven!” She says cheerily, closing the door.

It’s kind of scary how well she put on that façade. Kinda hot too.

Rodrick whispers, “That was hot. You lied through your teeth for me. Wait, am I your boyfriend for real now?”

Regina turns to look at him, “We need at least one real date before that’s the case.”

“Says who?”

“Me. Now, we need to get you out of here before someone catches you.” She turns around, and peeks out the door again. “Okay, coast is clear, you’ll go out the way you went in.”

     “Out the way I came in? You mean the window?”

     He doesn’t get a response to his question. Instead, Regina grabs his hand and starts dragging him in the direction of the basement. He throws his hood on and keeps his head down as they move through the basement.

     “I’m going to have you enter the bathroom first, and then I’ll head into the bathroom a little after.”

     “Can’t we just enter at the same time?”

     “That’d look suspicious.”

     “You’re going to shove me through a window. Is that not suspicious enough?”

     “Just. Go.” Regina orders.

     “Going.” Rodrick still loves to take orders from her. That’s never going to change.

     He steps into the bathroom, and takes a step into the tub. He waits a few minutes and then in walks Regina right after him.

     “So, what’s the plan other than shoving me through a window? I’ll see you at school tomorrow?” Rodrick rattles off a number of questions.

     “What. No. I’ll meet you outside, and then we’ll go do something. Do you have a curfew?” Regina replies.

     “My parents wanted my aunt to enforce a curfew. But she justified me going out later than I should with ‘boys will be boys’ and hasn’t said anything to my parents.”

     “Okay.” Regina steps into the tub. Rodrick feels his face flush. She just took a step, but he’s already flushed. Dumbass. She continues speaking, “I’ll help you up to the window, and push you out.”

     “O-okay.” Why’s he so damn nervous. She just stepped closer to him.

     “Alright, hop up on the edge of the tub, window should still be open. But, one thing before we continue.”

     “Hm?”

     Regina kisses him again. A small cheek kiss.

     Rodrick has no words. He just stands there, before remembering what she wants him to do. He does as asked, taking a step up, leaning across over to the window.

     She continues directing him, “Okay take a step and I’ll boost you up.”

     He makes a vague, ‘mhmm’ sound, and then steps into her hands, and she pushes him up. He clambers out of the window, and then turns around to give her a smile through the small window.

     “All the way out.” He whispers to her.

     “I’ll meet you outside. Stay on that side of the house.”

     He gives her a thumbs up. She closes the window, and he watches her leave the room.

     He sits against the wall, and after a few minutes, Regina’s back in front of him, but this time, on the outside of the party.

     “Alright. Where’s your van.” She asks, holding a hand out to help him up.

     He takes it and gets up, “Can we not take your car?”

     “I live nearby so I walked. I want to go out, so let’s take your van!”

     Rodrick remembers what the inside of the van looks like. To say it’s got ‘character’ is an understatement. “I don’t know if we should… it’s got a funk.”

     “We’re taking the van. I’ll deal with it.” Regina’s tone switches from playful to forceful and Rodrick understands immediately.

     “Okay. We’ll take the van.” He agrees, and starts leading her.

     She takes his hand and he immediately slows down. She talks as they walk, “I’m sure it’s not as bad as you say it is.”

     Rodrick thinks it actually could be worse. He’s trying to remember the assorted garbage that sits in the passenger seat. He’ll need to move that to the back. The back is empty, thankfully.

     They pass a number of cars parked on the street, round a corner, and then Rodrick holds up a hand in the direction of his van. “And here we are, my lady.” He does a small bow.

     Regina looks at him and remarks, “You’re so weird.”

     “You love it.”

     She sighs, “Yes. I do.”

     Rodrick looks at her with an open mouthed smile. “You love it?”

     “Don’t overdo it, Loverboy. You’ve still got to last a real first date.”

     “What happens if I don’t last the real first date?”

     Regina thinks for a moment, “I guess you try again. I know you’re committed to me, so I don’t think you’d go for anyone else.”

     “Probably not.” Rodrick agrees. He holds up a hand. “I need to do one thing before you get in my van.”

     “Go right ahead.”

     Rodrick hurries over to the van, unlocks it, opens the passenger door, and just starts throwing shit between the middle into the back. Random empty cans, some bags, a shirt, his work uniform, all now scattered amongst the random other things loose in the van.

     “Okay!” He steps out of the way. “It’s ready for you.”

     “Thank you.” Regina says, giving him a smile. She lifts off her heels and gives Rodrick a kiss on the cheek. “Lets get going.”

     She kissed him again! He isn’t sure he can handle this.

Chapter Text

Regina George likes Rodrick Heffley. She didn’t think it would ever happen, but out of the blue, she realized that everything she was feeling, the amount she was talking about him, and the amount thinking about him wasn’t just him being an annoyance.

     Well, some of it was. But most of it, she realizes now was that she likes him.

     He knows very specific knowledge in some areas, and does okay in most of his classes.

     She’d enjoy tutoring him and helping with that.

     He wears eyeliner a little messy because ‘it fits the vibe.’

     She finally understood what he meant, but still wants to help with it anyway.

     He tucks in only the front of his shirts.

     She still doesn’t get that one. She hasn’t asked about it.

     His hair looks like it’s never seen a comb.

     She finds the way it lays cute and fun. It’s not as bad as she first thought.

     He gloats less about being in a band.

     She thinks it’s because he’s been far from home for long enough to think about it less.

     His idiosyncrasies are easier to predict now that she’s been around him for long enough.

     She didn’t realize how much she enjoyed each time he walked up to her locker.

     He’s started trying harder in school as well as everywhere else.

     She enjoys seeing this side of him.

     He grins ear to ear at everything she does.

     She likes how much he’s clearly in love with her.

     He’s still very much an obedient dog. Listens when she speaks, and will go and get things for him, even if he whines about it first.

     And now here she is, in Rodrick Heffley’s van. Willingly. She did this herself. It’s a bit unkempt, but that’s alright. It’s weird that she thinks about it that way. Normally she’d be up in arms about getting into such a ratty vehicle. But he’s him. And she did this on her own.

     It took her long enough to realize that,

     God, she loves Rodrick.

So much for her claims of never dating a loser like him. She’s on a real date with him.

But if anyone found out about it, her reputation would probably be ruined. Last time they went on a date, the pity date, she was swarmed with questions about them dating and she turned them away telling them it wasn’t anything. Thankfully, everyone slowly forgot about it all over time. This time, they’ll actually be dating. That’s a different story.

She may like him, but she does enjoy still instilling fear into the populus of the school.

     Rodrick is driving slowly, and every so often he glances over at Regina. She’s deep in thought. He’s got no idea if he should say something, or if he should just keep driving.

     Eventually her silence, Regina says, “Do you think we could keep this relationship a secret?”

     Rodrick only jumps a little bit. He’s still looking around for a fast-food place that’s open.

     “Do you think anyone would believe me if I said we were dating?” He asks back.

     “Some people might. You still have that ‘mysterious transfer student’ allure.”

     “Is that what got you?”

     Regina laughed. He loved hearing her laugh. Then she said, “No, no. I don’t really know. It was something. You’re just. You.”

     “I know what it was.”

     “You do?”

     Rodrick jokes, “Oh yeah, totally. It was when you saw me eat it falling into the bathtub.”

     Regina laughs again. “After I sent you the picture inviting you to the party?”

     “Yep. Definitely.”

“You’re actually pretty funny.” Regina gives him a smile.

Rodrick gives her a smile back. “You fine with grabbing a snack at a burger place? There aren’t many places open right now.”

Regina makes a face. But then says, “Alright! You’re paying. Since you’re taking me to a place I don’t normally eat.”

Rodrick nods. “That makes sense.”

He parks, and asks, “You ready to head inside?”

“No. Give me your hoodie?”

“Oh, I didn’t realize you were cold.” Rodrick starts,

“I’m not cold.”

“Then, why do you need the hoodie?”

“Most people probably won’t believe what you say, but they’ll believe what they see.”

“You don’t want to be seen with me?” Rodrick asks, already assuming the answer.

“Not really. I may like you, but I also like being popular.”

Rodrick takes his hoodie off and hands it to her. “You saying dating me wouldn’t make you more popular?”

“It could. But I want to wait until I fully know it’s a good idea.”

“Alright then.” Rodrick doesn’t question it. He’s just happy to be on a real date with Regina.

 The two of them make their way inside. It’s quiet, with only a few people scattered in the dining room.

“Can you get me a strawberry shake and some fries? I’ll find us a table.” Regina asks, hood already up.

Rodrick gives her a thumbs up. “You got it.”

She wanders off, and he heads up to the counter.

“What can I get for you?” The cashier asks, sounding very tired.

He looks up from fumbling with his pockets to get his wallet. “Can I get a Strawberry Milkshake, 2 medium fries, two cheeseburgers, and a cherry Coke.”

“15.65. cash or card?”

Rodrick holds up his card. The cashier presses some buttons on the register and he swipes his card.

After a couple of minutes, Rodrick wanders up to Regina, and sets down the tray.

“You that hungry?” Regina asks, looking at the two burgers.

“I didn’t eat dinner, and that time was hours ago. So yeah, but if you want one, feel free to take it.”

She looks at it, and then takes it. She gives him a scowl. Rodrick sits down, and takes his own burger.

The two of them eat in silence, and then Rodrick breaks the silence, “I know you say you don’t know, but I want to know if you know why you like me. Because I’ve liked you since I met you, but I don’t know if it’s the other way around.”

Regina blushes. “It’s dumb. I don’t want to say it.”

“I’ll tell you why I like you if you tell me.”

“You like me because you find me hot and listen to what I say.”

Rodrick looks at her surprised. “Wow you read me like a book. Can you still tell me when you found out you liked me?”

“No.”

Rodrick sighs. “It was worth a shot. Can I get a kiss from you that I’m prepared for?”

“Not in here.”

“Well, what about outside?”

“Finish eating your fries and I’ll think about it.”

Rodrick quiets down, and starts eating faster.

Regina stirs her shake and watches him eat. “When you have a goal in mind, you really set your mind to things. You want that kiss that badly?”

Rodrick speaks with his mouth full, “You’ve kissed me three times and each time I haven’t been prepared! I at least have to get one back.”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full. You can talk my ear off after you eat.”

He listens to her orders, and stays quiet. Before too long the two of them are leaving the restaurant and returning to his van.

Rodrick shuts his door, and looks over to Regina. She’s already leaning over the console.

She asks, “You ready, Loverboy?”

Rodrick feels his face get hot. “N-no.”

“Well, you better get ready.”

He’s not ready. “I don’t think I can…”

“If you don’t prepare yourself, I won’t kiss you.”

Rodrick immediately straightens up. He’s as ready as he’ll ever be. At least for now. “Okay, okay. Ready.”

Regina takes his head into her hands. He tries to purse his lips, and kisses her.

She pulls back from the kiss, and makes a simple remark. “You are a terrible kisser. You’ll need to work on that.”

Chapter Text

Rodrick woke up happy. He did it. He’s still shocked that he did it. He realizes that he never asked an important question last night as he dropped Regina off. So he shoots off a text as he gets ready for school.

     “RH: Am I your boyfriend?”

     He immediately got a reply. It was a little surprising.

     “RG: Yes.”

     “RH: Can I tell people?” He’s gotta ask.

     “RG: No.”

     Very assertive. He’s going to try his best to keep his mouth shut. He finishes getting dressed and heads downstairs. He waves to his aunt, and heads off.

     When he parks his car, he gets a knock on his passenger side window. He jumps a little, and then looks over to see Regina.

     He unlocks the door and lets her in.

     “You haven’t done your eyeliner.” Regina remarks.

     “I have not.” Rodrick replies, “I usually do it when I get here.”

     “Here.” Regina presses a hand against his cheek to move his face to face hers. “Let me.”

     “Are you going to do my whole face?”

     “No, I don’t have my makeup. You have your eyeliner so that’s all we’ve got. Do you want it to ‘fit the vibe’?”

     “Do it however you want to.” Rodrick gives her a smile, and holds up what she needs.

     She takes it, and begins working.

     Regina works quickly but precisely. Before too long, she’s done.

     “See you around. Loverboy.” Regina says, getting out of the van.

     He makes his way inside the school, and visits Regina’s locker. Surprisingly, no Regina, he just saw her. He would have expected her to be there since he saw her walk in. Instead, he finds Stacy.

     “…hi? Stacy…” He says, worried. Usually when she wants to talk to him it’s not good news and it’s typically a threat.

     “Rodrick.” She says, her tone not as sharp as it usually is.

     “What’s… up?” He chuckles nervously.

     “Regina was… different at morning practice today. Not as uppity. Whatever happened I think it has something to do with you.”

     “Uh huh?” He’s confused. He’s got no idea how to respond.

     “What did you do?”

     “I…” He remembers that Regina specifically told him not to say anything. “Have no idea.”

     “I know you were at the party last night, and after I stopped seeing you, I stopped seeing Regina. So, whatever it was, I’m glad you kept up with the request I gave you.”

     “Right…” He’s still confused. But if this will stop her from threatening him more that’s a good thing. “I’m heading to class…?”

     “Hopefully this is the last time I have to come talk to you.” She walks off.

     He heads to his homeroom with his head held high. When he sits down, he immediately gets asked a question by Damian. “So. How far.”

     “How far?” Rodrick asks back.

     “How far did you get thrown? Out of the party?”

     “I… didn’t!”

     “That’s surprising. How’d you get in?”

     “Basement window.”

     “Who let you in?”

     Janis leans in, “Let me guess. Regina?”

     Damian looks towards her, “No. You… you said that like you know.”

     He looks to Rodrick. He thinks about it. He needs to keep quiet. She told him he can’t tell anyone, but he thinks that Damian’s going to figure it out. But without confirmed word from him, Damian’s got no gossip.

     So, he stays quiet.

     “You’ve got nothing?” Damian asks, dejected.

     Rodrick shakes his head.

     “I’ll wring the information out of you one way or another.”

     He shrugs.

     The rest of homeroom is devoid of a conversation about Rodrick and Regina.

     He heads out of the room and wanders the halls to find Regina’s locker.

     “Hey.” He leans against the lockers as usual.

     “Hey yourself. What do you want this time, Rodrick?” Regina asks.

     He sees that she wants to keep their usual banter normal, and response with, “A longer introduction! That’s a surprise. How was that party I wasn’t invited to.”

     “It was fine, better especially since you weren’t there.”

     “It’s hot when you’re rude to me.”

     “Shut up.”

     “Shutting up.”

     She hands him a note. “You dropped this.”

     He didn’t, but if Regina said it, it’s probably true, or she wants him to think it’s true. “You’re not the type to tell me when I’ve forgotten something. How odd.”

     Rodrick notices a small bit of blush on her cheeks. She turns away and walks to class.

     He heads to his locker, reading the note as he walks.

     ‘I want to see you at lunch today. Find me at the table you’ve found me at before.’

     He wonders what she wants him for. She said she wants to keep it a secret. So wanting to see him at the lunch table is crazy. He gathers his things and starts walking back to class.

     He decides to send off a text for clarification.

     “RH: Do you want me to sit with you at lunch? Or are you just going to drag me off to discuss something?”

     “RG: The latter.” She’s going to drag him off. He wonders what for.

     English was boring, pre-calculus was surprisingly quiet, Janis just gave him knowing looks, but he’s fairly certain she doesn’t know everything.

     And here he goes, wandering off to lunch. He makes his way through the sea of students to Regina’s table. Or more accurately, the Lacrosse team’s table.

     Regina stands up when he approaches. “With me.”

     “Okay.” Rodrick replies, immediately following her.

     They head far enough that the bustle of the cafeteria is nearly silent. Rodrick asks the first question, “So… what brings me… here?”

     “I’ve been hearing whispers.” Regina states.

     “…of?”

     “You.”

     That’s worrying. He doesn’t really want to know what the whispers are, but his curiosity gets the better of him. “So, what are they?”

     “Simple things. Just that you were at Steven’s party, nobody suspects anything beyond that.”

     “Any bad things?”

     “Other than you being a bit of a loser, nope.”

     “And here I thought you wouldn’t date a loser like me.”

     “I wouldn’t.”

     “But you are.”

     She sighs. “But I am.”

     “You sound disappointed by that!”

     “I am.”

     Rodrick looks shocked, “You are?”

     Regina smirks at him. “Not really. Well. Maybe a little. If you were a bit more popular, I’d be with you more publicly.”

     “I know I know, we’ll keep me a secret, make out in closets, and only hang out at your house.”

     Regina looks at him with a smile. Then shakes her head, “No. Well. Maybe a little.”

     “Maybe a little?”

     Regina nods.

     “Maybe a little, right now?” Rodrick asks.

     “Quit pushing your luck, Rodrick.”

     “Okay, okay.”

     “Go to lunch and hang out with whoever you hang out with. Who do you hang out with.”

     “I don’t think you know them. But I don’t know.” Rodrick dodges the question, poorly.

     “Alright.” Regina replies. She starts walking back to cafeteria, with Rodrick following quickly after.

     He heads to his usual table, and Damian, as usual asks the first question, “Were you just with Regina?”

     “…No?” Rodrick lies, terribly.

     “Okay yes, you were. What did you talk about.”

     “Nothing!” Rodrick continues adamantly.

     “Janis told me she thinks that Regina was jealous, and now here you are, talking with her at lunch. I’ll figure you out yet.”

     Rodrick smiles nervously, “Figure… what… out?”

     Damian studies him intensely, no words spoken. And then. A simple statement of fact. “You… kissed Regina. Somehow.”

     Rodrick’s face drops. He actually figured it out.

Chapter Text

“I knew your eyeliner looked more neat than usual!” Damian declares.

Rodrick slumps in his seat. Accursed loss of autonomy when Regina touches his face. He could have done his own eyeliner, but she was there and she offered, so he let her.

Damian moves on, “You didn’t say much earlier. How was the party?”

Rodrick shrugged. “It was a fine party. Nothing out of the ordinary. Got threatened and almost thrown out.”

“How did you avoid being thrown out?”

“Hiding. Primarily my face.”

“You usually stick out just about everywhere. How’d you hide?”

“With some help.” He mumbles to himself, thinking he only thought it.

Damian, somehow hearing him, “help from who?”

Rodrick shuts right up again. He needs to stop being an idiot. He thinks about it. There are two possible ways for this to go. He could tell Damian and deal with the backlash, come hell or high water, which is a terrible idea. Or he could try and shut the hell up.

Rodrick sends out a text to Regina like a cry for help.

“RH: I feel like I’m being interrogated and I think my friend already figured me out. What should I do?”

Regina sent a reply quickly.

“RG: Figured you out how?”

“RH: Specifically, that I kissed you.”

“RG: Despite your best efforts, Heffley.

“RG: I’ve kissed you.”

“RG: You haven’t kissed me yet.”

“RH: That’s what you’re caught on?”

“RG: Just be a good boy and keep your mouth shut.”

Rodrick sighed and looked up from his phone, seeing Damian awaiting some sort of response.

“What?” Rodrick asks, feigning ignorance.

“Who helped you get in and out of the party?” Damian asked, a bit more fed up.

“…Someone…?” That was all Rodrick could say. He didn’t want to or need to say more, in his opinion at least.

“You are very frustrating sometimes.” Damian stood up as the bell rang and walked off.  

Rodrick got up to walk to his locker, or more accurately Regina’s locker first. But almost fell over when Janis grabbed the back of the collar of his shirt and pulled him back. He made a vague sound of struggle and asked, “Why-?”

“Tell me the truth, because you know that I know that Regina was jealous.” Janis demands, letting go of his collar.

“You’re going to tell Damian.” Rodrick responds. It’d make sense. They’re better friends than him and Janis, since Rodrick’s only been here not even an entire semester.

“Normally you’d be all over gloating about whatever the hell you did. Something, or someone, is keeping your mouth shut. So how about it?”

“How much would you say this school still depends on Regina?”

“A disappointingly large amount.” Janis sighs. “Okay. I’ll keep my mouth shut. For now.”

Rodrick, for the most part, believe he can trust Janis with the information, “Okay. Regina kissed me. A couple of times. She said I could be considered her boyfriend. And she also told me to keep it a secret.”

Janis looks at him surprised. “I… how?”

Rodrick shrugs. “No clue. It just… happened.”

“Leave before I change my mind. This is a lot to process.”

He does as requested and leaves to go to history. As he walks, he gets a text from Regina.

“RG: Are you going to try and sit with me in history?”

He hovers outside the door and replies.

“RH: Do you want me to?”

“RG: Not anything noticeable. Sit behind me.”

“RH: That a yes?”

“RG: Yes.”

When he enters the class, Regina is already sitting close to the middle of the room, further from the front than usual. He finds his way to the seat behind her. On the desk is a note. From the looks of it he’d assume Regina wrote it.

‘Do you have work today?’

He jots a small ‘yes’ down on the note and hands it back to her.

She turns around and whispers, “Your handwriting is terrible. I can’t be certain I know any of what you put on this page.”

Rodrick whispers back, “It says yes. You’ve seen me at my work on Fridays. I’m almost certain of that.”

“Why are you so you.”

Rodrick shrugs, “I’m me. That’s how. What’s with the ask?”

“I guess you’ll see at work.”

He sees a faint glimmer of a smile on her as she turns back around.

     When he gets home from school, he remembers he should call his mom, since he forgot to earlier in the week. Too many other things were on his mind.

     She picks up after the first ring. “Rodrick! Hi sweetie! How was your week?”

     “Good.” He replies. It’s the truth and he thinks she’d be happy to hear that.

     “That’s wonderful! How have your classes been going?”

     “Fine. Nothing too interesting.”

     After a long pause, she says something odd, “My motherly senses are tingling.”

     “What?”

     “How are things going with… oh what was her name… Regina! How are things going with Regina?”

     Huh. Rodrick didn’t expect the motherly senses to be that attuned. “They’re going… well.”

His mom is someone he will lie to when the need arises, but his mom is hundreds of miles away. He won’t lie to her for this. It’s not beneficial and would take and unneeded amount of effort. In fact, it probably helps his case by telling her since she’ll be happy about it.

“That’s wonderful! You’re staying safe, right? Not going to any parties or doing anything dumb?”

“Yes. I’ve been staying safe. I haven’t been going to any parties.” Okay he had to lie a little. She still thinks he’s not going out and that Aunt Cheryl has been giving him a curfew.

“Okay, okay. My worried mother questions are out of the way. Are you and Regina dating? Or are you just getting closer to her?”

Regina said that he was her boyfriend, “Dating. I think.”

“Ah that’s so nice! When did that happen?”

“It happened yesterday at a p-… study… session.”

“You’re studying?”

“Yes…?”

“That’s great! I knew that someone like this Regina you’ve been telling me about would be able to get you to study.”

Rodrick looks across his room to his clock. “Alright mom, I’ve got to go to work.”

“Okay sweetie! Have a good day. Love you and miss you.”

“Love you and miss you too, mom.”

Rodrick heads out to his van to fish out his work uniform, wanders back inside, and gets ready for work.

     He drives to work actually excited. He usually dreads working, because he is never certain if he’s going to see Regina, but today he knows she’ll be there for some reason. And that they’re together.

     When he gets behind the counter, his coworker immediately notices his cheery demeanor.

Carl asks, “You’re not going to threaten me today, right?”

Rodrick gives him a look, “What? No not today.”

“You’re not going to try and get me to work alone?”

“That was two times. And no that’s not today.”

“Okay…” Carl is still uncertain, but shrugs it off.

After an assortment of random customers, eventually Regina shows up.

“What’ll it be Regina?” Rodrick asks.

“My usual. You know what it is.” Regina replies, flatly.

“Card I’m guessing?”

“You should know that by now.”

He does all that he needs to, and then hands her the drink.

She walks up to the counter, takes the smoothie, and then places another note down on the counter.

He picks it up and reads it.

‘I’ll be here until you get off of work. We’ll go to my house to study.’

He relished in the idea of going back Regina’s house.

Chapter Text

The moment Rodrick’s shift ended he got as far from the stand as fast as he could. He shot off a text as he wandered through the mall looking for Regina.

“RH: So whats the plan?”

“RG: I’m parked next to you and you’ll follow me to my house.”

“RH: To do what?”

“RG: Study.”

“RH: Study?”

“RG: Yes.”

She wants to study? She’s probably joking, or maybe giving it a backdrop for some reason.

Rodrick makes his way out to the parking garage, eventually finding his van parked in the back of the lot. He finds Regina in her car. He knocks on her window.

Regina rolls her window down and looks up at him. “Ready to go?”

“Question. Are we going to study, or are we going to ‘study’?” Rodrick asks, very exaggerated hand quotes as he speaks the last word.

She gives him a look that already answers his question, but answers nonetheless, “Actually Study. We have tests, and I am almost certain you have a C in every class.”

“Not true.”

“How so?”

“I have a B in history.”

“Well we don’t have a history test coming up. It’s English. So we’re going to study. And then…” She trails off, looking up at him.

“And then what?”

“You’ll have to see.”

She starts to roll up her window, much to the chagrin of his hand laying on the window.

He lifts his hand and she waves at him. He waves back and moves around his van to get in.

He follows her back to her house and parks on the road. He gets out of the van, grabs his bag and walks up to her.

“Why are you still wearing your work shirt?” She asks, annoyed.

Rodrick shrugs, “I was rushing on my way to work, didn’t give myself a change of clothes. I also wasn’t sure what your plans were.”

Regina sighs, then starts heading inside. He moves quickly to follow her inside. She has a practiced precision of avoiding her mom, and Rodrick is surprised at how to moves up the stairs so quietly. He does his best to follow suit.

When she shuts her bedroom door, she immediately declares, “Take off your shirt.”

Rodrick gives her a shocked look with a smile, “I-… I thought we were studying.”

“We are, you’re going to borrow one of my shirts. I don’t want you to smell like the mall.”

“Fair enough. I don’t really notice the mall smell since I work there but that makes sense.”

Rodrick turns around to take off his work shirt. The moment the shirt comes all the way off, he hears Regina go, “Woah.”

“Woah what? AH COLD!” Rodrick starts, only to be interrupted by Regina’s hand running across his spine. He turns around, “What was that for?”

“What are the lines on your back?” She asks genuinely.

“Oh. They’re growth lines. Grew too fast and my skin couldn’t keep up.”

“Interesting.”

Rodrick not only sees but can almost feel Regina look him up and down. He isn’t entirely sure what to say, and just decides to ask, “What shirt am I going to borrow?”

This knocked Regina from whatever focus she was in, and she says, “You’re so skinny. You’d look good in a crop top.”

“Don’t you have the shirt I got you? I don’t know if I’d fit in any of your other shirts.”

Regina walks into her closet, and returns with two shirts, the one he got her, and a solid white crop top.

He points to the crop top, “I am not wearing that.”

“But you’d look so good!”

Rodrick notices her starting at his abdomen again, “Would you be able to focus on studying if I was in that?”

Regina’s eyes flick up to his face. “Okay. Band shirt it is.” She tosses it to him and he puts it on.

     She moves, gathers her notes for English and sits on the bed, patting it for him to approach.

     “How have you made it all the way to senior year without knowing how to conjugate verbs?” Regina asks worriedly, leaning over his scrawled chicken-scratch of class notes.

     Rodrick shrugs. “It’s never really come up. I don’t know. My dad wrote most of my reports for school.”

     She gives him an estranged look, “your dad wrote them?”

     “Yeah. I convinced him that I couldn’t type on a keyboard and he got frustrated enough he just started writing them for me.”

     “Wow. Well, your dad’s not here and I want you to at least know how to do it before you get someone to do it for you.”

     “Like how you got me to do your history homework?”

     “Exactly like that.”

     “Okay, then explain to me what I’m not understanding about verb conjunctioning or whatever the hell you just said.”

     “Conjugation.”

     Regina’s explanation is long and confusing, but with a bit of trial and error, Rodrick begins to actually understand what she’s saying.

     She flips to her next page of notes, “Okay. Did you do the readings for class?”

     “Nope.” He says proudly.

     “Don’t be proud of that. That’s the primary part of the test. Do you at least know what we’re reading?”

     “…Nope.” His tone is much more disappointed, knowing that she’s disappointed in him.

     “Okay. We’re going to run through my notes, and then I’ll tell you some of the sections that are important, okay? After that I’ll quiz you.”

     “Alright.” Rodrick nods.

     She runs him through the reading, some quotes the teacher told them to take note of, synopses of the characters, everything he finds exceptionally boring in class. But because it’s from Regina, he’s listening. He’s watching her speak. She’s got lovely lips. But he needs to focus on her explaining, not just her lips.

     When she quizzes him, he gets most of the questions correct. He’s exhausted, he’s been answering questions and he never anticipated doing school work could be more exhausting. He sets his notebook off to the side so that he doesn’t have to care about it existing in his lap.

     Regina places a hand on his cheek. Rodrick is immediately wide awake once again. He leans into her hand just a little.

     She giggles, “You’re like a puppy.”

     He frowns up at her, “I’m not a dog.”

     “You smile at praise, enjoy me doing this, and always listen to me when I order you to do something. You’re a puppy.”

     Those were some solid points. But he’s not a dog.

“I’m not a dog. Nor am I a puppy.” He responds sternly.

Regina’s tone moves from her casual tone to something lower, something he hasn’t heard before, she coos just barely above a whisper, “Now be a good boy and bark for me.”

Rodrick turns bright red. His face heats up in almost an instant. He stays entirely silent. That tone of hers did something to him and he doesn’t want to admit that. So, he’s staying quiet.

She lets her hand down and looks at him, a little surprised. She asks, “did… did you like that?”

“… no…” he lies through his teeth.

“What did you like about it?”

“I don’t know…” he’s almost telling the truth. But he really just doesn’t want to say anything.

“Was it me calling you a good boy? The tone? The order?” She rattles off a few ideas.

Damn it if it wasn’t all of them. He enjoyed every part of it. So, he just nods. Hoping she understands because he’s not going to be able to articulate a thing.

He looks up at her while his head hangs low, there’s a small dusting of blush on her cheeks as well.

She takes a breath and then says, “I have an idea.”

He looks up at her confused. “What would that be?”

She slowly moves towards him, rising from her sitting position to a crawl. She lightly taps a hand to his chest; he leans back without even thinking about it.

His heart is racing; he has no idea what her idea is but now she’s hovering over him. His eyes flick all over the room and all over her, before she leans down and kisses him.

He, once again, was not prepared.

Chapter Text

As the weeks go by, they continue to meet in private. Their dating life is known only to them and them alone. And also Janis but she figured it out on her own and it’s not anything she’s sharing.

     After classes end and after he gets off work they hang out at Regina’s to study for the most part. They don’t stay on topic the whole time and that is completely okay with Rodrick.

     Between classes he talks to her in the hall, and they make it seem like they don’t date. He still enjoys the banter and their back and forth, it’s just fun at this point, not practiced but fun.

     Regina hasn’t told him if he’s actually gotten better at kissing her, since she did tell him he was terrible. He lays on his bed as he remembers what’s coming up. It’s finally Halloween. He himself hasn’t been formally invited to any parties, but Regina has, so in turn he has by proxy and will be let in through the window or by some way of hiding his face on the way in.

     As he stares at his ceiling, he gets a phone call from Regina.

     “Hello?” He answers, still just staring at nothing.

     “Are you home?” Regina asks.

     “Yeah?”

     “Are you ready to leave?”

     “Technically.”

     “Come outside.”

     “Isn’t it like. Nighttime? Are we doing something?”

     “It’s 6 pm? The sun just went down. Get out here. And yes we’re doing something I wouldn’t be here otherwise.”

     “Fair enough.”

     Rodrick throws on a pair of shoes and starts making his way downstairs.

     “Going somewhere?” Aunt Cheryl asks.

     “Oh. Is that a problem?” Rodrick replies, wondering if she’ll actually stop him.

     “Well. Just be sure you stay safe! Have fun dearie! Have a good Halloween!”

     “I will… oh right! Halloween.”

     Rodrick rushes upstairs, and grabs a few things before making his way back downstairs.

     He walks out the door and closes it. When the door latches he breaths a sigh of relief. His aunt just reminded him that it’s Halloween. That makes sense. He forgot about that.

     “Where are we going?” He asks to Regina as he hops in her car.

     “You should know. I told you about it yesterday.” She replies.

     “I… wasn’t listening.” It’s true he wasn’t he was just looking at her lovingly. He should’ve been listening but he was doing the opposite.

     “What do you remember about our conversation yesterday?”

     “Absolutely nothing. Also question. What’s with the coat?”

     “You are so dumb.”

     “I sure am.”

     “Moving on. We’re going to a party. This one didn’t have a specified group of invited people, so I’m dragging you to this one directly.”

     “Alright.”

     “You’ll sit in the car for a little while before coming inside.” Regina turns off the car and hands him the key.

     “You’re entrusting me with your keys to lock the car?”

     “I know you’re not going anywhere, and I can trust you to do this, so yes.”

     “Can I get a kiss for the wait?”

     Regina rolls her eyes, “Fine. Just don’t pass out when you see me inside, m’kay?”

     She gives him a quick peck on the cheek, and then opens the door to head inside.

     “Okay? I’m not sure-…woah.” Rodrick’s own response is cut off by Regina’s costume. It’s not even really a costume but it has ears so he guesses it could be considered something. He just did his usual makeup and also has some fake teeth. She told to ‘try having a costume’ and he did his best.

     She struts inside and Rodrick watches every step of the way. He was so focused on her he neglected to notice the fact that he could hear the approaching voices of Janis and Damian.

     “That’s Regina’s car, right?” Damian asks.

     “Think so, yeah. Someone’s in the passenger seat by the looks of it.” Janis replies.

     “You think that’s someone Regina’s with? Why are they waiting in the car?”

     They get to the open window and Rodrick is none the wiser. He’s still looking right at the door, right as it closes behind Regina.

     “Shit. Rodrick?” Janis asks, looking right at him.

     Rodrick leaps right out of his skin. He’s mortified. His body works overtime covering his face so that he isn’t fully caught.

     Damian waves a hand at him, “don’t worry Rodrick. I’ve been sworn to secrecy. I know what’s been going on and there’s much more interesting drama happening at the school than you and the former queen bee.”

     Rodrick lowers his hand and looks at Janis, she shrugs. She then asks, “What are you doing in Regina’s car?”

     “Waiting a little bit before heading inside of the party so that it’s not weird and nobody suspects we’re dating.”

     “That’s so much effort.”

     Rodrick shrugs, and then checks his watch, “Well, I’ll see the two of you later, unless you’re also going to this party.”

     Janis responds, “Nah we’re just nearby, wanted to see what was happening. Heard about the party and Damian wanted to snoop for some gossip.”

     “So, Damian, are you coming inside?”

     Damian shook his head, “No. There’s nothing that really fits the zeitgeist at the moment.”

     Rodrick gets out of the car, locks it and starts walking inside. He waves at the two of them not looking as he does so.

     There’s nobody guarding the entrance so he easily makes it into the party proper. It’s loud, it’s dark, it’s a bit weird, but after not too long he finds Regina.

     “Hey.” He starts, looking around at the bustle of people who aren’t paying attention to the two of them. He had to speak up because the music was loud enough it makes most everything hard to do.

     “Rodrick.” Regina replies, similar almost shout to his own.

     “Drink?”

     “Do you remember the goal of this party?”

     “Don’t you remember I told you I wasn’t listening.”

     “You are so frustrating. Here’s the plan again!”

     Right as Regina started to explain what her ‘goal’ for the party was, the music got loud enough he couldn’t hear himself think.

     She’s talking for a while and he’s getting closer to try and have a chance of hearing her. To zero avail. He got none of her plan once again.

     The music starts to die down and he can hear her again, “…and I’ll do that when the song starts to end. Okay?”

     “Okay.” He couldn’t hear her but she’d be pissed if he said that so he lies. “Ready.”

     “Good.”

Rodrick hears the song slowly fade to nothing and then she grabs him by the collar, pulls him down, and kisses him. His eyes fling open as he looks at her so confused. He sees the flash of a camera and a collection of ‘woah’s and other surprised noises.

He hears one question before he feels light headed and unsure of if he could still hear, “Are they like, a thing?”

Chapter Text

Rodrick looks down at Regina, who’s arms are wrapped around his neck. He blurts out, “You kissed me!”

     “I sure did.” She replies with an evil smile.

     “But… what? Here?” He gestures at the crowd of people around. Their murmurs are quiet but he still notices them.

     “Were you not listening?”

     “I… was not, no.”

     “You’re the worst.” She playfully slaps him on the arm. Then she pulls him in close, and whispers, “I wanted to see what would happen when I give you all the attention you could want. We’ll see what happens at school on Monday.”

     He whispers back, “What about the rest of the party?”

     “You’ll figure it out.”

     She wanders off to another part of the house leaving him stranded in a sea of ogling audience. He has no idea what to do, or what to say. So he just pushes past people to leave the room. He should have listened. He should have understood what she was planning. Now he’s gotta figure it out with ass-backwards information.

     What he knows is that he agreed to this, she agreed to this, she kissed him, and now wants to see what this attention will bring to him. Is this her idea of having them go public? Is that what this is? He needs to find her and ask.

     “Yo! Rodrick!” Someone shouts.

     Rodrick turns around at the shout of his name. It’s someone he’s seen before but still doesn’t know the name of or why he’s talking to him. He doesn’t really want to acknowledge him but that’d be a real dick move. He wouldn’t really care. But in this case, if Regina really does want to make them officially official outside of closets and bedrooms, then he should probably answer.

     “What’s up?” He replies in an attempt to be cool.

     “How’d you do it man!”

     “How’d I do… what?”

     “You just kissed Regina! How’d you do it!”

     “Don’t know if we saw the same thing, she clearly kissed me.”

     “Okay…? Then how’d you get her to kiss you!”

     “I didn’t? She kissed me. I didn’t have much to do with that.”

     “Why are you being so cryptic, man! Just give it to me straight, what’s got Regina interested in you!”

     “No clue. Genuinely.”

     “Seriously? First the date earlier this semester and now this?”

     “That was a pity date. Not sure what this was.” He decides to answer fully truthfully.

     “The hell’s a pity date?”

     Rodrick shrugs.

     “Well. Peace.” The man walks off.

     “What the fuck?” Rodrick has no idea what he just witnessed or why.

     The doors to Regina’s car shut, and Rodrick immediately asks a question, “Okay. What was the plan in there? I was so lost.”

     Regina glares at him, but obliges as she starts the car to drive off, “The plan, which I explained to you earlier and then re-explained at the party, was that this is a big party and there are lots of people, so I would do something that would put you in the spotlight with me.”

     “What for…?” He asks, hoping for more clarification.

     “I like you enough and we’ve been together long enough that I think it’s more fun if people know.”

     That makes sense. He thinks. He’s not super certain but he can work with it. It’s what Regina wants in any case.

     “Okay.” Rodrick starts, deciding to base his question with a bit of humor, “What about the fact that I’m a loser and a weirdo? You’ve told me that a number of times.”

     “Well, you’re my loser and weirdo, so I can make you popular.”

     That also makes sense. But also makes no sense.

     “Why the change of heart?” He asks, “For so much of me trying to get with you, one of the reasons you wouldn’t was because I’m unpopular.”

     “You’ve made it past the testing phase, and I want the world to know that.”

     Rodrick is thrown for a loop. They’ve been together for longer than any other attempt he’s had at dating someone (Which isn’t difficult but that’s not the point). And just now she’s saying that he’s made it past testing?

     “What?” He’s bewildered, and has something to say, but that’s all that came out first.

     “What.” She asks back sharply.

     “So… can you be more specific as to what you mean by ‘testing phase’?”

     “You know I like you.”

     “I am glad every day because of it.”

     “Dweeb. But I don’t know if everyone would like you, so I’d been slowly testing the people around us while you’re nearby.”

     He hadn’t noticed that at all. He’s even more surprised. “What?”

     “And as I noticed that not that many people find you as weird as you are.”

     “As weird as I am?”

     “Yes. You are very odd. But I like that about you, so now I’ll ask, What were the responses?”

     “Lots of questions, all along the lines of ‘how’d you do it’ all of which I answered as truthfully as I could.”

     “Well, how did you do it?”

     “I didn’t.”

     “Good boy. Glad you didn’t lie. I’ve had you around my finger well before I liked you.”

     Rodrick felt a tingle shoot across his entire body when she said that. He mumbles complete nonsense in an attempt to reply.

     Regina giggles, “Well, I’m going to be fairly busy tomorrow, so I’ll see you on Monday. And we’ll see how the school reacts to what just happened.”

     “Okay…”

     Rodrick is a little terrified. He has no idea of what to expect when it comes to today. He has to go and face whatever the hell the school has to offer. He gets a text from Regina.

     “RG: You’re sitting with me at lunch today.”

     He sends back a confused reply.

     “RH: No test for the team beforehand?”

     “RG: Trial by fire.”

     Uh oh. That’s terrifying. The lacrosse team is terrifying. If he doesn’t die today he’d consider that a miracle.

     His drive to school is silent contemplation. He has no idea what he’s going to do. So he’s going to try and keep it simple.

     He parks and walks to homeroom. As he wanders the halls, he’s swarmed with questions. He answers none of them and just walks silently.

     When he gets to homeroom, someone whistles. Just like last time. Weird shit.

     He flops into his seat and Cady, Janis, and Damian are all looking at him intently.

     “What…?” He asks, worried.

     “The girls mentioned you by name in the group chat I’m in.” Damian responds, distraught.

     “The… girls?” Rodrick asks.

     “The gossip group chat I’m in.”

     “Are you the only guy there?”

     “Yes. But they mentioned you by name in the same breath as Regina.”

     Cady asks a question, “So are you two dating?”

     Rodrick nods. Deciding to keep it simple, at least until he asks a question back, “so what are people saying about me. I ignored the questions I got asked on the way here.”

     Damian, font of a lot of knowledge about things around the school speaks up first, “Everyone is confused as to if you’re the same person as the guy who went on a date with Regina earlier this semester.”

     “Which I am.”

     “And everyone is shocked you were able to get through Regina’s shell and get kissed by her at a big party. I’m surprised by that too.”

     “And?”

     “And most of what I’ve heard people find you ‘cool.’”

     “Cool how?”

     “Just. Cool? Not much on that one.”

     “Interesting. That’s good news I guess.”

     Rodrick finds his way to Regina’s locker after homeroom, unsurprisingly people are gathered around, but split as he approaches. That’s a very fun feeling.

     “Hey.” He starts as usual.

     “Hey.” She replies with a smile.

     “So…”

     “So?”

     He leans in and whispers, “What do you want them to know?”

     “Absolutely nothing. Keep it mysterious. But let them know we’re dating.”

     “Mysterious how?”

     Regina shrugs. “See you in class, Rodrick.” She coos.

     Rodrick gives her a wave. She starts towards the classroom and blows him a kiss.

     As she leaves, surprisingly the crowd disperses, and doesn’t try to follow him to his locker. Guess they actually learned from last time.

     He’s entirely confident that his English teacher was lying at the start of the semester, no only have they not once moved the seating chart, they haven’t stopped enforcing it either.

     Pre-calculus is boring. But he’s paying attention. Regina told him she’d have a ‘reward’ for him if he did good on his next test. So he’s studying. Even when he’s not with her to study, he’s studying. She’s done something to him.

     Econ is a chaotic hellhole as usual. People aren’t doing work, the teacher isn’t doing anything to stop it, and he’s along for the ride. Regina’s in front of him and they’re having a small conversation. Any time someone gets close to try and intervene, Regina throws them a terrifying glare. He finds it so hot.

     And then the thing he’d been kind of dreading the entire day approaches. Lunch. At the Lacrosse table. So he approaches. Lo and behold, an open seat next to Regina. He takes a seat.

He recognizes two of the people at the table, Regina (His hot girlfriend) and Stacy (Threatened him multiple times about things to do with Regina).

Stacy starts speaking first, even before Regina. “How long have the two of you been together, since it’s obviously longer than just since the Saturday party.”

Rodrick looks to Regina with a silent ask of, ‘can I tell her?’

Regina nods, and Rodrick answers, “You remember that party you saw me at that I very clearly wasn’t invited to?”

“Yes.”

“Since that night.”

“What about the date a while ago?”

“That wasn’t an official date.”

Regina butts in before the conversation got any further.

“Girls,” she starts, “This is Rodrick.”

“We know.” Stacy interjects. “You talk about him constantly.”

Rodrick chuckles weakly, “Talks about me constantly?”

Someone else he doesn’t know the name of speaks up next, “Ugh. Yes. For the longest time she was constantly complaining about you! Or least she thinks she was complaining about you. Glad you two aren’t dancing around the fact you both like each other.”

Regina glares at the girl, “I did not like him when I was complaining about him.”

Someone else replies next, “You may not think you did, but we knew. You talked about how you couldn’t stop thinking about him.”

“Because he’s annoying!” She turns to him “No offense.”

Rodrick lifts his hands in surrender, “None taken. I know I can be annoying.”

Stacy speaks up again, “your ‘complaining’ about how he was so present and always listened to what you told him to do was so obviously you just denying that you liked him!”

Rodrick had never seen anyone so sufficiently and swiftly disarm Regina. She was bright red. She didn’t even have a comeback. She just pouted. She looked to him for help. He didn’t know how to help.

All he could do was put an arm around her and whisper, “Sorry…” to her.

“So… Rodrick.” Someone else at the table asks, “What do you do for fun?”

“I play the drums.” He replies, still holding Regina who’s still in stunned silence.

“You in a band?”

“I was back in Massachusetts. But I haven’t looked for anyone to start a band with here.”

“Massachusetts? I knew you were a transfer but why so far?”

“Notoriety.”

“Wow. Regina, is your boyfriend a criminal?”

Rodrick shakes his head, “not a criminal, just a notable person. Did a lot of things that weren’t illegal but made a lot of people mad.”

“And now you’re dating Regina.” The girl says a certain sort of reverence and surprise.

“And now I’m dating Regina.” He says with a smile.

Chapter Text

Being Regina’s girlfriend outside of her bedroom and late night meetings is neat. He thought he’d enjoy the publicity, but also he did enjoy when he was what he thought of as being her guilty pleasure. Don’t get him wrong, he’s still most definitely her guilty pleasure, but now they can go on dates during the day and to places like the mall.

     Like right now, the two of them are wandering around the mall on Saturday, first day of thanksgiving break.

     They’re walking hand in hand, and then Rodrick gets a phone call.

     “Oh, hold on.” He pulls his phone out, it’s his mom, he answers it, “Hi mom. What’s up?”

     “Rodrick! Do you remember the plans your father told you for thanksgiving?”

     “I… don’t. Sorry. What are the plans?”

     Regina looks up at him, and mouths, ‘plans for what?’

     Rodrick whispers back, ‘Thanksgiving.’

     Susan sighs, “That’s okay. You’re heading to the airport tomorrow, Your Aunt will have the plane tickets for your trip there and back, and she’ll drive you to the airport. Then you’ll fly back on that Saturday.”

     “Oh. Okay. Gotcha. Is there anything else you need? I’m… out and about at the moment and I’ve got Regina with me.”

     “Oh! So sorry honey! You have a good date! I’ll see you soon! Love you and miss you!”

     “Love you and miss you too, mom.” Rodrick hangs up the phone.

     “So…?” Regina asks without asking.

     “So… what?” Rodrick did not get the question

     “So what are those thanksgiving plans you were discussing with your mom?”

     “I’m being driven to the airport tomorrow, fly home, and then I’ll spend the break with my family at home. Fly back next Saturday.”

     “Lucky. I have to deal with all of my extended family. Are you going to go and see all your old high school friends?”

     “For sure, gotta visit the band.”

     “Do you need a ride to the airport?”

     “My aunt was going to drive me, but if you’re offering, I’ll talk to my aunt about it and get you information about the flight.”

     “Okay. That’s info for later. We’re on a date. Let’s go do date things.

     And so, they do. They visit a number of stores, buy a couple of things, try on an endless number of outfits, get some drinks, and then go their separate ways from the mall parking lot.

     When he gets back to the house, he asks his aunt the all important question, “When’s my flight tomorrow? Regina offered to drive me, I just need to know when it is to tell her when to come here.”

     “Oh! That’s so kind! Your flight is tomorrow at 4 in the afternoon, so I would recommend getting to the airport around 1:30. The drive there is… about half an hour, so accounting for traffic, you should leave here around 12:30. So I would say have Regina be here around noon!”

     Rodrick was so confused by the number of times she pushed the time back, but he’s been on only a few planes ever, so he trusts her.

     He sends off a text to Regina.

     “RH: Pick me up at 12:30.”

     She sends a question back.

     “RG: What airport?”

     Rodrick looks up from his phone and asks, “What airport is it?”

     Cheryl replies, “O’Hare.”

     Rodrick sends the text off.

     “RH: Ohare”

     Regina’s reply is quick and short.

     “RG: See you tomorrow.”

     As they drive, Regina sighs. “I can’t believe I’m actually going to utter these words. Rodrick, I’m going to miss you.”

     Rodrick chuckled. “Rude. We’ve been dating for a while and you thought you wouldn’t miss me?”

     “I just didn’t think I’d have to say it. It’ll be… different with you not just a call and a drive away.”

     “I’ll still be a call away!”

     “But then I can’t visit you in person.”

     That’s when it finally clocks for Rodrick too. He’s going to be home. That’s nowhere near Regina. He responds with, “I’m going to miss you too.”

     Regina parks her car in departures. The two of them get out of her car. Regina opens her trunk and Rodrick retrieves his suitcase. He slings his other bag over his shoulder.

     Regina glares up at him, “Put that bag down and give me a hug first.”

     He does as requested. He sets his bag down and then leans down to give Regina a hug. The hug is long and wonderful. Rodrick enjoys every second of the hug. When they split Regina looks up at him and gives him a kiss.

     She giggles and says, “I love that face you make when I surprise you with a kiss. It’s so cute. Now, go! You’ve got a plane to go and catch.”

     Rodrick laughs at her response, “Okay, okay. I’m going.”

     He grabs his bags and steps up onto the sidewalk, then looks behind him as Regina waves him off. He waves back at her as she drives away. Then heads into the airport.

     He works his way through each step of the process, checking in, checking his bag, getting through security, and then finding his gate.

     He sends a text to Regina as he finally made it to his gate.

     “RH: Time for the waiting game.”

     He doesn’t immediately get a reply, which makes sense, she was driving home. He lounges around in some of the most uncomfortable seats known to mankind, and listens to music. After 15 or so minutes, he gets a reply from Regina.

     “RG: Just got home.”

     “RH: how was the drive back?”

     “RG: Traffic was terrible, I miss you already, and I don’t want to deal with my family.”

     “RH: I can agree with that. I don’t want to deal with my family but they already bought me a ticket.”

     “RG: I’ve got some things to do around the house. I’ll talk to you later.”

     “RH: Love you.”

     “RG: Love you too. Dork.”

     Rodrick shuts his phone and goes back to listening to music, waiting for the flight.

     After 3 lounge seat changes, a piss break, and a contemplation of buying and excessively expensive soda, the plane finally is ready for boarding. He shoots off a text to Regina before getting on. Then he sends the same one to his mom.

     “RH: Boarding. About to leave the state.”

     His plan of napping through the flight was beginning to take shape (He’s already tired). And then, one lengthy and a little bit bumpy flight later, Rodrick is back in the state of Massachusetts for the first time since July. It’s interesting to be back.

Chapter Text

Plainview. A miserable little place. But it’s where most of Rodrick’s friends exist, including the band. He calls up Drew the moment he’s able to after he drops his bags off.

     It rings for a little bit, and then he picks up, Drew speaks with a bit of a groggy mumble, “Mhyello?”

     “Drew!” Rodrick almost yells to get his attention.

     “RRrrodrick?”

     He definitely just woke up.

     “Drew. I’m in town. No van, so you’re picking me up.”

     “What! You are? Since when?”

     “Since yesterday. Pick up Ward and then pick me up.”

     “Be there in a bit.” Drew hangs up the phone.

     Rodrick looks up from the couch to find his mom.

     “Already making plans?” Susan asks.

     “Yes…?” He replies with a small bit of worry.

     “Well. Just don’t make any plans on Thursday.”

     “Gotcha.”

     “When you call Regina, tell her that I wish her a happy Thanksgiving!”

     He gives her a confused look, “How’d you know I was going to call her later?”

     “She’s in Illinois, and you’re here. You’ll call her.”

     Rodrick shrugs as Susan walks off.

     He lounges around, waiting for Drew to show up. He watches out the front window of the house, hoping to catch Drew soon.

     The moment the car slows to a stop, Rodrick peeks out the window and looks at the car closely. It’s for sure Drew and Ward. He practically leaps out the front door, and hurries out to the car. He doesn’t give his mom a goodbye, but he also didn’t see her in the house anywhere.

     He climbs into the back seat of Drew’s car and then Drew asks the first question, “Where to?”

     Rodrick shrugs, “I’ve got no idea. Really just somewhere to hang. Don’t have my drumset or my van.”

     “Well, while we drive, I gotta ask. How’ve you been, man!”

     Rodrick replies cheerfully, “I’ve been great actually! New school’s a bit weird, being outside of Plainview is also strange, got myself a girlfriend, passing all of my classes surprisingly, haven’t found time to practice since I don’t have my drumset.”

     Ward turns around from the passenger seat, “What was that?”

     Rodrick answers, “I haven’t found time to practice?”

     “No, before that.”

     “It’s weird being outside of Plainview?”

     “After that.”

     “I’m passing all of my classes?”

     “Stop doing that. You know what I meant.”

     Rodrick bursts out laughing. He was doing it on purpose, just to see his reaction.

     “Okay, okay. Yeah. I have a girlfriend. Her names Regina.” He finally says.

     “Bullshit. I don’t believe you.” Drew answers flatly.

     “Yeah. No offense, but the last few times you’ve struck out have been, spectacular. Is this ‘Regina’ Popular?” Ward asks.

     “She is.”

     Ward continues interrogating Rodrick, “Is she blonde?”

     “…yeah?”

     “Is she kinda mean?”

     “…yeah… how’d you know?”

     “That just sounds like Heather. You know, the girl you struck out with two years ago. You’ve just made up a new Heather. Unless you have proof this girl exists. We won’t believe you.”

     As Ward talks, Rodrick texts Regina.

     “RH: My hometown friends don’t believe I’m dating you.”

     “RG: And you’re telling me why?”

     “RH: Because I would like to prove you’re real? By calling you?”

     “RG: Rodrick.”

     “RG: I love you.”

     “RG: But I also love to see you suffer, so, if you try and call me, I won’t pick up because it’s funny.”

     “RH: Please?”

     He doesn’t get a reply. The rest of the hangout he is severely unconvincing despite actually dating Regina. Drew and Ward don’t believe him.

     Tuesday he spends sleeping, Wednesday he spends calling Regina because he missed her (He did remember that his mom wanted him to wish her a happy Thanksgiving), and then the holiday rolls around. Unsurprisingly the entire house is in chaos. It may just be the Heffleys in the house, but the amount of movement seem like it could be at least twenty people.

     Five people at Thanksgiving is a low number compared to a lot of families, but somehow it still feels crowded. Rodrick has been relegated to setting the silverware on the table, because Susan doesn’t trust him with cooking anything, and Frank doesn’t want him to touch any of their dishes. Which is exactly what he wants to do. The bare minimum.

Could he cook a dish? Probably, but not that they’d know or trust him.

Could he set out dishes? Yes, but he fumbled (and caught, not catching would have been more of a pain to deal with) a plate once just to make it seem like he’s unable to carry them and now he’s out of doing that for good.

     Greg glares at Rodrick as he sets down dishes onto pre-placed trivets.

     Rodrick lounged in the living room until all was set for dinner, and then waltzed into the dining room.

     Everyone took their seats, and after food was passed around, Susan started the conversation, directing it to Rodrick and Greg. “So… how’s school going for the two of you?”

     Greg starts, “Fine. It’s school.”

     “How are things going with you and what was her name again?” Susan eggs on.

     “Holly.”

     “Yes! Her. How are things going with her!”

     “Good!” Greg looks directly over at Rodrick with a smug grin. “Things are going good with her. What about you, Rodrick?”

     That’s when Rodrick realizes it. Greg doesn’t know he’s with Regina. All Greg knows is that Rodrick called him to complain about being unable to get with her. So he’s gloating like he’s got the one-up on Rodrick. Time to shatter that egotistical grin.

     Rodrick lifts his arms and crosses them behind his back as he leans, “Things are going great, Greg. I’ve even got myself a girlfriend.”

     He hears a complete silence of utensil clattering and then hears Frank choke on a bite of something. Greg’s expression shifts from smug satisfaction to bewilderment. Exactly what Rodrick wanted.

     Rodrick continues speaking, “Oh yeah. I asked her out a few months ago (lie) and she said yes (another lie) and we’ve been dating since (not a full lie, but still lying most definitely).”

For one, he never tried actually asking Regina out. For two, she basically told him they were dating and he didn’t really have a say (he wouldn’t have wanted one even if it was offered). For three, they have been dating for a few months but spicing up the story just to mess with Greg is more important.

     Frank looks upset, most likely upset with Aunt Cheryl if anything. He speaks through gritted teeth and a bit of a raspy tone from choking on a bite of something, “You’ve been going out?”

     “We’ve been studying. She’s helping me study for tests in classes we share.” Rodrick tells the complete truth, she does help him study.

     He watches as Frank appears to go through a mountain of different emotions before landing on some sort of mix of ‘still upset’ and ‘content.’ Frank’s tone is much less on the angry side, and now just off slightly, “That’s… good. At least you’re studying. Classes going well, I hope?”

     Rodrick nods, “I’m passing my classes. Even have a B.”

     Frank looks pleasantly surprised. “That’s good. Maybe this Regina girl is doing good for you. And you’ve nearly paid us off too. By the time you’re back for winter break you should have us paid back.”

     “Am I driving back for winter break? Or flying back.” Rodrick asks.

     “Depends on if you want your van over the break.”

     “Drive it is.”

     Frank sighs a sigh of relief. “Good, saves us money on a plane ticket.”

     Ah, Friday. The day after thanksgiving. The day of nothing, hopefully. He doesn’t go out shopping because he doesn’t feel like fighting with so many other customers. So he hopes to spend the day laying in his bed and texting Regina.

     He is rudely broken from this idea with a knock on his door, and a statement from his dad, “Rodrick! We’re decorating for Christmas. You’re going to help. It’ll go faster with you helping.”

     Rodrick whines, “Do I have to?”

     “Yes. You’ll be laying out the small assorted decorations that go around the house. Do not touch the tree.”

     “Okay.”

     Rodrick rotates out of his bed, and wanders out into the house. The attic ladder is down, there’s distant Christmas music. Things had already started happening before he was even awake. Everyone was moving with decorations in hand. Rowley was there. Rodrick’s not sure why he’s here but there he is.

     Susan whistles at Rodrick, he looks over to her. She starts explaining, “This box is things that you are putting out. Don’t clump them too close together.”

     He gives her a thumbs up and then walks over. As he starts placing assortments of felt snowmen and small indoor decorations he thinks he could probably call Regina while doing this.

     The phone rings once, twice, and then she picks up, “Hello? Rodrick?”

     She sounds a little winded, and there’s a large amount of crowd noise behind her. He wonders what she’s doing.

     “Hi Regina! What are you up to?”

     “Shopping. Hold on.”

     Rodrick hears what sounds like a bone shattering tackle and the mewl of a dying cat. Or some other high pitched squeal. Kinda scary. He then hears shuffling and a picking up of the phone.

     Rodrick needs to know, “What was that?”

     Regina now sounds even more out of breath than before, “Some bitch tried taking the purse I was already going for.”

     Her tone at the end sounds like she’s complaining to the person he guesses she just ran to the ground.

     “Well… did you get it?”

     “Of course.” She gloats with a tone that he absolutely loves. “I never lose these fights.”

     “Hot.”

     “You’re a dork, you know that, right?”

     “Of course.”

     “Can you call me back later? I have more things on my list and holding up a phone is getting in the way.”

     “Oh. Uh. Sure. Have… fun?”

     “I am!” She calls with a sing-songy tone. And then hangs up. He loves her. She’s so scary and that’s hot. He wonders if she’s getting him anything while she’s shopping today. Well, back to setting up for Christmas.

Chapter Text

Rodrick sits at the airport. He’s bored. He’s waiting for his flight, so he grabs his phone and dials Regina.

     She picks up after the first ring, answering with a cheery, “Hello?”

     Rodrick smiles the moment he hears her voice. “Hi Regina.”

     He hears a small gasp from her, “Rodrick! I didn’t realize it was you. How are you?”

     “I’m bored, I miss you, and the gate seating is so uncomfortable.”

     “You’re going to be back soon, right?”

     “Just a flight away.”

     “I’ll be there to pick you up. Just text me when you land.”

     “Will do. How are you?”

     “I’m fine. Doing better now that I know you’ll be back in just a few hours.”

     Rodrick hears the announcement for boarding and sighs, “I hate to cut the conversation short, but I’m they’re about to start boarding.”

     Regina cuts in, “That’s alright. Means I get to see you sooner.”

     “What, do you miss me or something?” Rodrick says with a sarcastic tone.

     “Yes. Dork. It’s been a week and I haven’t been able to see you. Of course I miss you.”

     He chuckles, “You love me.”

     “I do. Have a good flight, Rodrick.”

     Rodrick exits the airport and looks for Regina’s car. He finds Regina before he finds her car and gives her a wave. She crosses her arms, rolls her eyes, and then smiles and waves at him.

     He walks up to her, “Hey.”

     “Hey yourself.”

     “How was your break?” He asks as they load his bags into the trunk.

     “Could have been better. You weren’t there.” She replies as the two of them get in to the car.

     Regina starts the car, and starts the drive back to Evanston.

     Rodrick asks the question that’s been on his mind all day so far, “so… did you get me any gifts yesterday? I know you were shopping yesterday.”

     “Of course I got you a gift.”

     “What is it?”

     “I’m not telling you that. You’ll figure it out when you get it. Have you gotten me anything yet?”

     Rodrick frowns. “No… not yet.”

     “Well, the end of the semester is approaching, so you better get one soon.”

     As the drive gets closer to Aunt Cheryl’s, Regina drives right past the entrance to the neighborhood.

     “Hey…” Rodrick starts, “You, you missed the neighborhood.”

     “I know.” Regina says coyly.

     “What?”

     “We’re going to my house.”

     “Okay…? I’m still a bit tired from the flight. What are we going to do?”

     “Hang out?”

     “Is this a ploy to get me to study?”

     “Not this time. I just want to spend time with my boyfriend before finals.”

     Rodrick feigns surprise with an exaggerated gasp, “You called me your boyfriend!”

     “I did. Because you are. Even the school knows that.”

     “That’s awesome.” He says with a grin.

     Regina laughs, “You dork. Calling our relationship ‘awesome.’”

     “Is it not?”

     She nods. “Okay, I guess you could call it that. But that’s so dumb.”

     Rodrick looks out the window, noticing that they’re at Regina’s house. “Oh. We’re here. What are we going to do?”

     “Nothing. But together. Since I know you’re tired.”

     Rodrick lets out a happy sigh. “That does sound good. As long as I can lay on your bed.”

     “That’s the plan.”

     The two of them get out of Regina’s car and hurry inside, being quick to avoid any conversations with her mother.

     Rodrick kicks off his shoes and flops onto Regina’s bed.

     Regina pushes against him, “C’mon. At least get all the way on the bed before you fall asleep.”

     Rodrick mumbles no words just grovelly noises, but he does move all the way onto the bed.

     Regina smiles, “there you go. Leave me some room.”

     She climbs onto the bed and lays next to him, sitting up a little bit more than him.

     He sidles up next to her, resting his head against her chest. And in a matter of moments he falls right asleep. When he reopens his eyes, the sun has gone down and it doesn’t seem like Regina has moved.

     He looks up at her and she looks down at him and smiles, “You fell asleep very fast.”

     Rodrick is still half asleep and asks a vague, “What time is it?”

     “Time for you to head home.”

     Rodrick frowns. He whines, “But we barely did anythingggg…”

     “You took a nap! That’s something.”

     “I guess. But I would have also liked to kiss you.”

     Rodrick sits up, and scootches up to sit next to Regina. She kisses him. He gives a surprised look.

     “You’re so cute when you’re surprised.”

     Rodrick thinks for a moment. And then decides he’ll kiss her to surprise her.

     So he leans in quickly and kisses her back. She moves back with a dazed expression. Her eyes are wide and he watches as blush spreads slowly across her cheeks.

     He smiles at her and responds with a mimic of what she said, “You’re so cute when you’re surprised.”

     She crosses her arms and pouts, “Shut up.”

     “Make me.” He says sarcastically, not expecting Regina to have a response.

     And then she kisses him again, practically tackling him. He kisses her back with the same aggression, and then realizes that she’s in his lap. He turns bright red. He stutters over a number of words, unable to say anything.

     Regina leans closer, getting up close to his face, the bits of her blush still lingering on her face. She smirks and coos, “What’s wrong? Cat got your tongue?”

     He still can’t say anything, only sputtering nonsense.

     She leans in closer, and kisses him softly. He feels like he’s going to pass out again.

     “Why are you kissing me like it’s nothing!” Rodrick finally seems to get out.

     “Because it’s fun. And normally you don’t mind. What’s happening now?”

     “I…” He can’t explain anything. No words are working. She’s in his lap and his brain has stopped functioning.

     She gives him one more kiss and then hops off, “C’mon Loverboy, we’ve got to get you home.”