Chapter Text
Gojo fell into step with Nanami after the exorcisms were done for the night two months later, the summer months pressing down on him as he moved. “So, supper?” Gojo asked lightly, slipping his hands into his pockets as he walked.
Nanami glanced over at him before looking forward again, and nodding. “Yes, but in my apartment since you probably have coffee, protein bars, sugar and not much else,” he said calmly, and Gojo laughed as they stepped out into the cool nigher air.
“I probably have flour as well,” he said grinning as he paused next to Nanami’s car, the other sorcerer sliding behind the wheel with only a moment’s hesitation.
“Get in the car Gojo,” Nanami said on a sigh slamming the door shut before Gojo could respond.
Gojo laughed and stepped around the car, sliding into the passenger seat still grinning. “You know it’s Saturo,” he said as soon as he had the door closed, not wanting to prompt Nanami into driving away with it still open.
Nanami sighed again, and started the car without responding, his latest tactic in refusing to call Gojo by his first name.
“I’ll get you to call me it eventually,” Gojo said contentedly, slouching back into the seat as Nanami pulled away from the school smoothly.
“Not likely,” Nanami said quietly, a frown flickering over his face for a moment before he smoothed it out again, staring straight ahead.
“Fine, fine, I give up for today,” Gojo said, lifting his hands slightly in surrender, not wanting to actually annoy Nanami. The car fell into slightly awkward silence and Gojo shifted to lean against the door, attention slipping for a moment as exhaustion swamped him before shook himself and raked through his mind, trying to find something they could talk about.
“Just sleep,” Nanami said tiredly, without looking away from the windshield, hands tightening slightly on the wheel.
Gojo winced and turned his head away for a moment as he schooled his expression. “I’m fine,” he said waving the suggestion off as he shifted so that the side of the seat would press harder into his back, keeping him alert. “I swear I used to be harder to read,” he thought rubbing a finger briefly along the inside of the door. He’d revealed too much already, he knew that, but he still wanted Nanami to trust him, to rely on him.
“No, you haven’t slept in days, you don’t have anything to do for at least twenty minutes, so go to sleep. Then you will be twenty minutes worth of sleep more fine,” Nanami said, still not turning to look at him, his voice serious and hands tensing on the wheel again.
Gojo hesitated for a moment, checking the area around the car, and then nodded. “Alright you win, but just because you asked, don’t go telling anyone else that I sleep on command,” he said flippantly, slouching further into his seat.
“I would never tell anyone anything,” Nanami said, voice quiet but certain as he took a turn slowly.
Gojo smiled slightly, something warm filling his chest as he relaxed into the seat, slipping into sleep as Nanami quietly turned the heat up slightly before going back to driving.
Gojo jolted awake when the car came to a stop almost forty-five minutes later and checked his surroundings for cursed energy first, the only nearby concentrated source Nanami, and then he checked the rest, attention lingering on the clock.
“How did it take you forty minutes to drive somewhere twenty minutes away?” he asked sitting up in the seat as Nanami turned the car off, without looking over at him.
Nanami only shrugged in answer and then slid out of the car and started for his door. Gojo climbed out of the car slower, and started after him, studying Nanami as the other sorcerer opened his door with a smooth motion, stepping inside and kicking his shoes off, before pausing just inside the door to look back.
“Nanami?” Gojo asked, tilting his head to the side and grinning as he stepped through the door, pulling his own shoes off.
“Do you want something to drink? Not coffee?” Nanami asked once again ignoring Gojo’s question still refusing to look at him.
“Oh Nanami,” Gojo said sing song as he stepped quickly to get in front of him, exhaustion momentarily forgotten as he watched Nanami hang up his weapons, still trying not to look at him. “You’re evading the question, that means the answer has to be good,” he paused, and when Nanami still refused to answer or look at him he tried something else, shifting to lean lightly against the nearest wall, “if you don’t tell me I’m going to come up with the most embarrassing reason I can think of, starting forgetting how to operate a car,” he said turning to follow Nanami as he stepped around him to move towards the kitchen.
“If I had forgotten how to operate a car we would have crashed,” Nanami said placidly pulling two mugs out of the cupboard and dropping them on the counter.
“That’s what you would say if you had forgotten how to operate a car,” Gojo said stepping into Nanami’s kitchen to shift the kettle to the right burner.
“It also happens to be true; this also happens to be the most ridiculous conversation we have ever had,” Nanami said, turning around and moving towards the fridge, his shoulder pressing into Gojo’s for a moment as he stepped to the side to open the fridge, and then he jerked away, sending the fridge door flying into the wall beside it with a crash as he jumped forward and spun around.
Gojo moved with him, spinning to face the door, stepping to the side so that infinity could cover Nanami and searching for the threat, his heartrate picking up as adrenaline flooded his system, his skin prickling with it.
“Are you okay? I’m sorry,” Nanami said taking a couple steps farther away from Gojo, leaving the range of infinity his face stricken. “I didn’t know it was that bad.”
Gojo’s eyebrows furrowed as he turned back to face Nanami. “What are you talking about?” he asked, reaching out to flip the stove off as he studied the other sorcerer closely.
“Your…” Nanami started before he trailed off with a wince, taking another step backward. “Infinity is down,” he said carefully after a short pause, his shoulders tense but his gaze steady.
Gojo’s pulse jumped, fear hitting him like a punch to the gut as he checked his infinity. “How could I be so careless again, what was I thinking, how did it go down it never goes down,” he thought quickly, breathing speeding up, it had been years since he had forgotten to put up infinity, since he had let it drop before he was out of cursed energy… but no it was still there, still protecting him.
“No, it’s not,” Gojo said finally, fighting to get his pulse back under control, even as the residual fear made his hands shake.
“Yes it…” Nanami started before trailing off, looking away for just a moment before he looked back at Gojo. “I touched you just a second ago, I didn’t mean to,” he said quickly, shifting his weight slightly, I thought infinity would stop me before I go too close.
Gojo hesitated, resisting the urge to touch the still warm spot on his shoulder where Nanami had leaned against him. “Damn, I should have warned him, I just didn’t think… but I guess he is always careful to stay well away from me,” Gojo thought catching the movement to reach up and rub at his tightening chest and changing it into adjusting his bandages, as he turned his head away slightly.
“I’m sorry,” Gojo said finally, rubbing his eyes. “I should have warned you that you would probably go through my infinity,” he continued, head tilted down, shifting in discomfort at the admission, at the vulnerability, heartrate going back up.
“Go through…” Nanami started before trailing off, his eyes widening as he took another step back, his hands going up in a surrender that was frankly unnecessary.
Gojo watched the other sorcerer stare at him in silence for a few minutes, resisting the urge to say something sarcastic to lighten the mood, to distract from what he had revealed, skin under his uniform going clammy with dread.
“I can get through your infinity?” Nanami asked finally, hands dropping to his side as he audibly forced his voice back to being calm. “When it’s up?” he asked before Gojo could answer.
Gojo shifted, suddenly wishing that he was anywhere else at the moment. He didn’t know why Nanami had a problem with that, it didn’t mean anything. “Unless he’s wondering how I could be so fucking incompetent as to let anyone through infinity,” Gojo thought, pivoting slightly away from Nanami, the colours in the kitchen feeling suddenly muted.
“Yes,” Gojo said calmly, opening his mouth to make a joke to make light of it, before he clamped his teeth shut, Nanami deserved better. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know…” Gojo said again before trailing off. He didn’t know what? That Nanami use the infinity to gauge how far away he was? The other sorcerer had been capable of walking through infinity for months, and it hadn’t caused any problems. “I didn’t know that it would be a problem?” he said, carefully, shoulders tensing as Nanami only stared back at him, eyes wide.
“Why are you apologizing?” Nanami asked after a couple of seconds, finally dropping his hands, his eyes still wide. “I think that is the largest compliment I have ever received,” he said, and then he winced and looked down for a moment.
Gojo shifted to lean casually against the counter, body language shifting to relaxed as he tried to figure out what was going on. “The largest compliment? Why would that be a compliment? If anything, it’s fucking irresponsible and dangerous,” he thought keeping his posture relaxed and open as his fingers prickled, guilt looming, he couldn’t keep infinity as subconscious and keep Nanami out not so long as he wasn’t dangerous to him.
“A compliment?” Gojo asked finally as Nanami just kept staring at him silently.
Nanami jolted back into motion, turning to pull sugar out of the cupboard with hands that shook. “To have your trust? Even just for this is something I will cherish,” he said without looking up from the drawer where he pulled two forks out and set them on the counter, before taking a deep breath and turning back around to face Gojo, who couldn’t help but stare, dumfounded. His trust a compliment?
“I will never betray it,” he said solemnly, his gaze steady even though Gojo couldn’t meet his eyes.
“I…” Gojo started, warmth filling his chest at that, his shoulders relaxing slightly. “That is what he says for now, give him one more year,” Gojo’s mind cut in viciously and he grinned at Nanami suddenly. “That’s great but we should still eat,” he said turning to start the stove, weight settling on his shoulders again, taking a step away from the fridge. Nanami stood still watching him for a moment, and then his shoulders slumped slightly, and he stepped forward to start pulling food out of the fridge.
Gojo finished shifting the kettle onto the burner in silence and then a few seconds later turned back around to start another argument about the importance of sugar, letting the normality, ease the rest of the tension from his shoulders, even as guilt pressed down on him at the slightly stilted way Nanami began the conversation.
Chapter 2: Chapter 2
Chapter Text
Nanami felt the rush of displaced air and cursed energy a second before Gojo fell into step with him, and had to step on the smile that wanted to spread across his lips. They were still in the school, close enough to other sorcerers that someone could be watching.
“So, supper?” Gojo asked lightly shoes crunching on the gravel as he walked, and Nanami shot him a quick look, checking for tension along his shoulders or mouth, making sure there wasn’t an emergency, then he looked straight again, and nodded, a giddy warmth filling his chest.
“Yes,” he answered after a moment, “but in my place since you probably have coffee, protein bars, sugar and not much else,” he said evenly, biting the inside of his lip to stop the smile as Gojo laughed, a real genuine laugh that echoed into the night air as they left the building.
“I probably have flour as well,” Gojo answered easily, still grinning, unconcerned with the gibe.
Nanami hesitated, hand resting on the car, caught for a moment by how painfully true that joke probably was, by how little Gojo ate during the summer, how little he slept. Then he shoved the thought away and pulled the car door open, he would have to do something about that later.
“Get in the car Gojo,” he said, sliding into the car, sighing quietly with fond exasperation, and closing the door firmly, cutting the conversation short unless Gojo got in the car. He watched Gojo laugh quietly and step around to the passenger seat, his amusement not dulled in the slightest.
“You know it’s Satoru,” Gojo said lightly as he climbed into the car, and Nanami stuttered to a stop, his hand on the ignition key, the steady warmth in his stomach curdling as he took a quick breath against the sharp stab of pain.
He wouldn’t, would not make Gojo make that payment. He sighed and started the car, trying to ignore the way the familiar shame started to creep in around the edges, and pulled away from the curb.
“I’ll get you to call me in eventually,” Gojo said easily, leaning back in his seat, seemingly completely relaxed.
Nanami managed to catch the flinch before it showed, but couldn’t quite stop the frown that creased his forehead, breath catching on the sharp hook in his chest. “Not likely,” he said quietly, almost gently, smoothing away the frown, his hands shifting on the steering wheel. He hadn’t earned that intimacy, after everything, after… “And I’m only getting farther away,” he thought bleakly, swallowing against the knot in his throat, he was still lying, still… still in love.
“Fine, fine, I give up for today,” Gojo said, cutting into his thoughts, lifting his hands in slightly over done surrender as he shifted to wedge himself closer to the door, and slumped back, head tilting up.
“Thank you,” Nanami thought, hands tightening on the wheel as he took the next turn, listening to Gojo’s breathing even out next to him. He couldn’t stand listening to the sweet temptation of Gojo offering him something he wanted desperately but could not accept, something Gojo thought was expected, necessary instead of the intimacy he wished it was.
The silence stretched long and comfortable, and Nanami held very still, trying his best to make sure the drive was smooth, watching Gojo slowly sink deeper into the seat, then Gojo jolted up suddenly, shaking his head sharply in a by now too familiar gesture.
“Just sleep,” Nanami said tiredly, not looking over, giving him the privacy he needed to admit he needed something. He knew that the summer had been hectic, leaving him very little time to sleep. “Even if it isn’t anywhere near as bad as it was that first summer,” he thought, teeth clenching against the rush of emotions and memories that thought brought with it.
“I’m fine,” Gojo said casually, a brief flash of motion in Nanami’s peripheral vision that was probably him waving away the suggestion, the concern, the implication that he wasn’t an invincible machine.
“No,” Nanami answered seriously, hands going tense on the wheel, he had to be careful, too much and Gojo would laugh it off, doubling down. “You haven’t slept in days. You don’t have anything to do for at least twenty minutes, so go to sleep,” Nanami said, seriously, resisting the urge to turn his head, or hold his breath. “For fucks sake Gojo just take a moment for yourself, you don’t need to entertain me, take care of yourself,” Nanami thought before he spoke again, reaching for something to soften any sharp edges. “Then you will be twenty minutes worth of sleep more fine.”
Gojo paused for a moment, fingers drumming briefly before he answered, shifting to sit more comfortably in the seat. “Alright, you win, but just because you asked. Don’t go telling anyone else that I sleep on demand,” Gojo answered flippantly, and Nanami jolted in his chair, he knew that tone, knew that he was probably joking, trying to make light of so much vulnerability, but tension slid its way up his spine all the same, gathering until his breath caught in his throat, he couldn’t let that pass, not even the suggestion that he would betray… wouldn’t keep his secrets.
“I would never tell anyone anything,” he reassured quietly, listening to Gojo’s breathing even out, going deep and regular, taking the next turn carefully so as not to jostle Gojo awake again.
Nanami stared at his relaxed posture for a moment longer, smile flickering over his face despite the tension, warmth and pride blooming in his chest at the knowledge that Gojo would sleep in front of him, would admit to needing sleep and then would actually go to sleep. It didn’t matter that infinity was still up, didn’t matter that Gojo was safe no matter where he was, or who he was with, Nanami still felt a rush of pride whenever it was him.
He dragged his eyes back to the road, taking a quick breath, before he remembered Gojo telling him that infinity always carried a chill, something about all that distance for heat to fill, then he reached out and twisted the heat on, he wanted his friend to be comfortable for once.
“Everything’s okay, just sleep,” he thought fondly, looking back at the road, his hands itching to reach out to rest comfortingly in Gojo’s hair as the other sorcerer slumped sideways towards him, instead he tightened his grip in the steering wheel, resolving to more than double the drive time, hopefully buying Gojo more sleep without risking him missing another meal. “Never long enough,” he thought, reaching up to rub at his eyes, before he dropped his hand back to the wheel and leaned back, rolling his aching shoulders.
Nanami pulled into a parking space forty-five minutes later, wincing when Gojo jolted forward immediately, waking up suddenly, abruptly. He braced himself for the obvious question as he watched Gojo take stock of his surroundings quickly, his head never turning.
“How did it take you forty five minutes to drive somewhere that was only twenty minutes away?” Gojo asked, predictably, leaning forward in his seat.
Nanami sighed and twisted the key in the ignition, turning the car off, refusing to answer that question. There was no good answer, not unless he lied, so he only shrugged and slid out of the car, starting for the door, not looking back as Gojo followed him in the door, down the hallway to his door.
He shifted to the right key, and unlocked and opened the door, stepping just far enough inside to kick off his shoes before he turned back to look at Gojo, to make sure he would actually follow him in.
“Nanami?” Gojo prompted, stepping in the door, and pulling off his shoes without turning away, a teasing mischievous smile spreading across his face as he tilted his head to the side questioningly.
“Do you want something to drink?” Nanami asked, ignoring the prompt, and the question that there was still no good answer to, and continuing down the hallway. “No coffee,” he added over his shoulder, half hoping that it would distract Gojo enough to let it go, but the stubborn sorcerer ignored the question and danced around him so that he was ostensibly blocking the hallway.
“Oh Nanami,” he said singsong, leaning forward, and Nanami sighed and pulled his weapons harness off and hanging it on the wall. “You’re evading the question, that means the answer has to be good,” Gojo continued brightly, before he paused, recalibrating and slumped against the wall, trying a new tactic.
Nanami turned to stare at him, biting back a smile that would only encourage him, would only make him double down.
“If you don’t tell me I am going to come up with the most embarrassing reason I can think of, starting with forgetting how to operate a car,” Gojo continued, gently teasing.
Nanami stepped past him easily keeping clear of the bounds of the infinity, privately amused that Gojo had positioned himself so that he could walk past without running into infinity, and walked into the kitchen, listening to Gojo follow. “If I had forgotten how to operate a car we would have crashed,” Nanami answered, unconcerned by the absurd accusation, and with the sure knowledge that he had just humoured Gojo’s nonsense. “There are worse things than humouring his good mood, especially if it makes him happy,” he thought setting two cups on the counter, the familiar fondness glowing in his chest and buzzing under his skin at the easy conversation.
“That’s what you would say if you had forgotten how to operate a car,” Gojo retorted nonsensically, moving easily around Nanami’s kitchen to grab the kettle, fill it and slide it into place on the burner, flipping the stove on.
“It also happens to be true,” Nanami said stoically, only resisting the urge to laugh from years of practice, amusement bubbling up in his throat as he turned and opened the fridge, stepping to the side to let the door open, barely noticing a strange warmth at his shoulder. “This also happens to be the most ridiculous conversation we have ever had,” he continued, even though it really wasn’t anywhere near the most ridiculous conversation they had had. Then the strange warmth, registered past the giddy humour and he glanced down, saw his shoulder pressed against Gojo’s, and jolted away, breath catching on the panicked adrenaline that hit him. “What happened? What did I miss, how…” his panicked gaze shot back to Gojo’s face searching for any hint that he wasn’t okay, was more than just a little tired, only to freeze when he noticed that Gojo had spun away as well, facing towards the door, cursed energy gathered, and already coursing through him.
“Fuck,” Nanami thought bleakly, heart racing, breathing too fast, he had to… Gojo was going to leave was going to walk out the door, he’d trusted him enough to come here when infinity was down, and now… Infinity was down, he didn’t know what had happened, didn’t know…
“Are you okay?” he asked immediately, fear crawling down his throat, making it hard to breath, the last time Gojo had lost his infinity he’d… he’d shown up at an exorcism just barely healed. “I’m sorry,” he continued, backing up quickly, stepping farther out of his space, remembering again what he had done, sick with the knowledge that he had… had already got too close. “What did I miss?” he thought again, raw and prickling with guilt and fear. “I didn’t know it was so bad,” he continued, trying to… to tell him that it wasn’t on purpose he hadn’t taken advantage of weakness on purpose. He swallowed hard when Gojo turned around, head tilted slightly.
“What are you talking about?” he asked, reaching out without turning his head to flick the stove off.
Nanami hesitated, sucking in a deep, shocked breath. “He doesn’t know? How could he not know?” he thought quickly even as he went to answer, cringing at the reaction he knew was coming. “Your…” he started, and trailed off, taking another couple of steps back, moving farther away, farther out of his own preferred range. “Your infinity is down,” he said carefully, eyes locked on the other sorcerer, braced against the fear that he knew was coming, the fear that wrenched at his heart.
Gojo twitched, breathing speeding up, panic flashing across his expression for just a second, and Nanami winced, leaning back, but then it was gone, erased, and replaced with confusion. “No it’s not,” Gojo said flatly, hands trembling by his sides, barely noticeable, even before he slid them into his pockets.
Nanami swallowed hard, taking a ragged breath that caught and pulled at something in his chest, shoulders aching with tension. “Yes it…” he trailed off again, taking another painful breath, studying Gojo, he wouldn’t argue with him, not right now, not when he had just gone through infinity. He looked away, guilt clawing down his throat as swallowed and dragged his eyes back to Gojo, bracing himself. “I touched you a second ago,” he started, before he realized what that sounded like and continued faster, “I didn’t mean to, I thought infinity would stop me before I got too close,” he said, as honest as he could be, ignoring the way his shoulder still buzzed from Gojo’ warmth.
Gojo lifted a shaking hand to his bandages, and adjusted them, fidgeting subtly before he turned his face away, hiding his expression. “I’m sorry,” he said finally, rubbing at his eyes, the good mood and amusement gone, drained away, leaving nothing except resignation and exhaustion in their wake. “I should have warned you that you could go through my infinity,” he continued, head tilting down, his shoulders oddly rigid under his uniform coat, a strange twist to his mouth.
Nanami’s heart lurched at his expression, melancholy regret eating at him, at the change of mood, then he froze, Gojo’s second sentence registering, his mind blank, buzzing. He could… could… “Gojo trusts me enough to let me through?” he thought, taking a quick breath. “Go through…” he started, pride, and pleasure rushing through him, before he realized what it meant for Gojo, what it meant right then, right after he had broken that trust, he could get through the only thing that kept Gojo safe.
The pleasure curdled abruptly, and he stumbled back, hands going up in surrender, his stomach twisting. He paused there, mind scrambling to catch up to try and understand, he had thought… he had tried to kill him not that long ago and yet… the silence stretched long and awkward. “Infinity is up, and I went through it, that means he knows… believes that I’m not…” he trailed off, swallowing hard, eyes flicking over Gojo’s face, trying to read him, of course he wasn’t a threat, he would never hurt him, but to be able to go through infinity…
“I can get through your infinity? When it is up?” he asked, clarified desperately, because that meant… so many things. His train of thought cut off abruptly as Gojo pivoted away from him something pained in his expression, his mouth turned down at the corners, his shoulders held rigidly straight.
“Yes,” Gojo answered, and Nanami felt his heart leap, warmth filtering back through him, erasing the fear for just a moment. Yes, yes, he could- “I’m sorry,” Gojo continued, voice light and airy, fake, and hurting and Nanami froze, stomach dropping, ice slithering down his spine.
“What?” he started blankly, before Gojo continued in the same strained, voice, act dropping away a moment later.”
"I didn’t know…” he started, before he trailed off, breathing going strange, “I didn’t know that it would be a problem,” he finished a second later, his shoulders going forward.
Nanami stared at him, his heart breaking at the pain he could hear in Gojo’s voice, it wasn’t a problem that he could, it was trust, and… and… “Why are you apologizing?” he asked, skipping the rest because that wasn’t right. “I think that is the largest compliment I have ever received,” he said honestly, hands shifting by his sides, he was honoured, he could still feel the warmth of pride sitting under the concern. Gojo trusted him, actually trusted him.
“You’re lying to him,” his mind reminded him viciously, and he winced, looking down briefly, expression freezing, because it was true, he hadn’t told him… told him, that he loved him, was in love with him, hours, and days, and years, later and he hadn’t told him.
“A compliment?” Gojo asked a second later, seemingly genuinely confused, and Nanami jolted back into motion, he swallowed, grinding his teeth, shoving that knowledge away.
“To have your trust?” he asked, because that was self-evident, of course that was a compliment. “Even just for this, is something I will cherish,” he said, too honest, not quite able to bring himself to look up from the drawer he was pulling forks out of, feeling too raw, to exposed. Then he realized again what he had been given the precious, important thing, and who had given it, the man who never left himself open, and he took a deep breath and turned back to face Gojo, noting the dumbfounded look on his face absently as he squared his shoulders. “”I will never betray it,” he swore solemnly, staring at Gojo, feeling the promise burn through him, he would never hurt him, never betray that trust.
“I…” Gojo started, before he trailed off, turning away suddenly. “That’s great, but we should still eat,” he said, changing the subject abruptly, his shoulders stiff as he stared at the stove.
Nanami studied him for a long moment, then turned away as well, grabbing the food out of the fridge and noting the distance Gojo had put between them. He either didn’t believe him, or he just didn’t want him closer. He nodded slightly, setting the food down and closing the fridge before he stepped farther away. “I will not use this against you,” Nanami swore again, letting himself be drawn into an argument about sugar, resolving to keep the distance Gojo had set, despite the way his shoulder still tingled, despite the urge to press his shoulder against Gojo’s to know he was there, but he would not, would not break that fragile trust.
Just because Gojo’s subconscious knew he wasn’t a threat didn’t mean Gojo wanted him inside his infinity, and he would not take advantage of that.
He looked over at Gojo, shifting the pan around easily, and grinning through the bittersweet warmth filling him as he listened to the ridiculous bastard pretend earnestly that he had no idea what he was doing, that he didn’t know how to cook. No, he would do exactly what he had before, with the added benefit of knowing that Gojo trusted him, and that was more than enough, that was everything.
Even if the man absolutely did know how to cook no matter how much he was pretending his didn’t.