Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

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When the waves begin to rise

Followed by the rains

of fire in the sky;

What if I told you we're all about to die? 

Nothing but the fear of letting go

left behind in your eyes. 

[ Remina - Theia ] 

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            I found the power of familiar smells intriguing. Was awestruck by its ability to bring back long lost memories or even trigger emotional reactions, the cherished & rejected ones alike, with nothing more than a single breath. 

Within the past five minutes since my arrival, I'd taken quite a few of those deep, mindful breaths, acutely aware of every single sip of oxygen that entered my lungs, & now my mind practically threatened to bend under the weight of memories collecting & feelings resurfacing - some of them welcome, others deliberately pushed aside years ago to slowly wither away in the flow of time. 

The characteristic sweetness of fresh moss & sunbathed rock, merged with the odor of petrichor slowly rising from the earthen crust after a heavy rainfall, contaminating the air; a smell that would never leave the grounds of Trost, for it was bound to this place like a promise to the heart.

A delicate breeze brushed across the plane & stirred an otherwise perfectly still scene, breathing but a modicum of life into the illusion of an image frozen in time. 

The castle itself, visibly untampered on the outside & just as intimidating as I remembered: a structure of timeless beauty despite its many rough edges & dust-ridden corners, despite the obvious negligence in upkeep & general presentation, now seemed to frown down on me as I stood before the main gate while anxiously rocking back & forth on my heels, & I frowned at it in return. 

Was it mad that I hadn't come back here in so many years? 

A persistent chill clung to the air, heavy in its essence as it descended like a curtain before the stage of the world. Another breeze that tasted of pine & winter's imminent arrival swept past me, briefly dancing around the gargantuan front yard of the Scout Regiments headquarters before making for the faraway hills; I shivered long after its departure. 

I had never been one to be swayed by the cold, not so easily anyway. However I couldn't argue that something about this kind of cold felt...unnerving. 

Or was it actually the fact that I had been invited here by the Commander himself that filled me with a sense of unease? 

With a hard swallow that made the lump in my throat feel like a sharp-edged rock I took a few steps toward the gate, lifting the hem of my dress as I ascended the three steps to not collect dust worth of ages, & before new doubts could paralyze me yet again, I delivered three solid knocks to the wooden monstrosity to announce my coming. 

More wind, more frigid wintry gusts that tugged at my hair with a different kind of ferocity & clawed at my exposed skin, & I repeatedly cursed myself for not bringing a sweater. The hazy image of an alarmingly fast sinking sun in my peripheral vision - mother nature's personal attempt at mockery. Charming. 

The doors flung open before I could consider rushing back to my house to change into something warmer, the mere sight of a tall uniformed man - a frown on his young face, as evidenced by the deep wrinkles that sat above his brows - compelling me to immediately adjust my own stance with the spirit of a soldier. 

Even though I was as far from being a soldier as a person inside the walls could possibly be. 

“ Sir. “ My voice betrayed not only me but also my ridiculously serious posture, & I was nothing short of relieved when the man's features quickly softened at the sight of me, his frown morphing into a faint smile at the snap of a finger. 

“ How can I help you, ma'am? “

Slowly, surely, the tension escaped my shoulders. 

“ I… uhm… Good afternoon. “ Strong start. “ I have been invited here by the Commander himself. He, uh… asked to see me, “ I managed to utter with a somewhat balanced voice, the invitation in question - a delicate beige envelope depicting the military's distinct emblem immortalized in crimson wax - twirling between my fingers. “ If… if you need proof that I'm telling the truth, I brought the letter with me–” 

“ Not necessary. We have been expecting you,” he said, giving the door a rough shove with those stout arms of his before stepping aside to grant me entry.

“ I shall lead you to Commander Smith right away. Follow me. “

“ Oh… alright,” I entered with a nod, tripping over the slightly elevated threshold in the process yet somehow managing not to fall; a mishap the soldier failed to witness - much to my relief - for he had already turned around, both hands crossed behind his back. 

With the echo of the door slamming shut dancing around the walls that framed the narrow hallway, now blending with that of our asynchronous footsteps, that previous feeling of dread clawed its way back to the surface at an alarming pace. 

How was I here? 

Why was I here? 

What could the Scouts - or rather, their Commander - possibly want from me of all people, & how had he learned about my existence in the first place? 

Could it be… 

… did they know?? 

No. Impossible. They couldn't. Because nobody knew. 

                       At least nobody within the walls…

“ What was your name again? “ Falling out of my reverie I looked up, blinking slowly as my eyes adjusted to the dim light that reigned the hallways. Several steps ahead, the soldier glanced back at me over his right shoulder, short blond hair streaked with the warm orange glow of the setting sun whenever we passed a window. 

“ Oh… uhm… It's Aalefjær, Sir. Loreley Aalefjær. “ 

“ Aalefjær, huh? ” He repeated my name for the sake of confirmation, although mispronouncing a great deal of it, & I decided to let it slide. By tomorrow, he would no longer remember my name anyway. 

             “ Peculiar name, never heard it before. “ 

“ Yeah. I get that a lot. Unfortunately, I don't know much about its origin. ” More like nothing at all, despite many a long year of feral research, but I chose to keep that to myself. 

“ What's your profession? “ 

Realizing I had fallen further behind I quickened my pace, just enough to restore the initial distance. “ I'm a seamstress, Sir… I make dresses, mainly for young women. Anything from festive gowns to wedding dresses, but also more casual garments for everyday life, “ that last sentence was nothing more than a murmur that not even the high walls of the spacious hallway managed to capture. The realization that my answer was already much too long, too involved - given the question's simplicity - settling in. He probably couldn't care less about marginal details. 

“ It's… it's rewarding work. Most of the time. “

“ So, am I right to assume that this dress you are wearing is a personal creation of yours? “ He glanced back at me again, face even softer this time, far more welcoming too. Blue eyes found mine for a first real exchange of looks, one that was more than just the fleeting glance of acknowledgement, & I quickly grasped that there was something like genuine interest - or at the very least curiosity - to his query after all. 

My nod was quick, almost enthusiastic, before my eyes landed on the white flowing material that engulfed most of my body. “ Yes, it is indeed. My very first one actually… Took me several months to make. Nowadays, I couldn't afford to take that long ~ “

“ Well, it looks very nice. Certainly unlike any dress I've ever seen around my district, “ the man revealed upon leading me around a corner & up a long flight of stairs. Suddenly, a smirk began to sprout under his slightly hooked nose, & I nearly tripped again, still caught off guard by the unforeseen compliment. ” I just know my girlfriend would love to get her hands on one of your dresses. She's very fond of delicate materials & unique designs. You know, all that fancy lady stuff I can't seem to wrap my head around... Say, do you happen to own a shop that I could send her to? “

“ Oh, “ caught off guard once more, I stared at the stairs. “ I do, yes. Although it's more of a small boutique than a shop, really. Moonlit Lily, North of Trost; right by the big fountain… “

He briefly paused in his tracks, a visible arch to his left brow. “ Near that bakery that is so popular, they make you wait in line for an hour just to get your hands on some bread?? “

“ That's the place. “

We both reached the first floor at the same time when another, much wider hallway with countless windows & even more doors on either side, came into view. The soft crimson glow of an early fall's evening sky bled into the old castle from almost every angle, gifting it some of the comforting warmth those mirthless stone walls marked by time failed to provide. From various directions I heard chatter, either intermingled with heartfelt laughter or shouts of playful nature, & as I allowed my gaze to drift around I finally spotted other soldiers in casual attire roam the halls, most of them gathered in smaller groups, seemingly undisturbed by my presence. 

“ Hm, strange… I have been down there so many times, you'd think I would have come across a boutique in that part of the district at some point. “ The two of us continued to walk, now side by side, until the scout turned left to lead me into another, more secluded & significantly shorter hallway, towards a dark wooden door at the very end. 

“ Like I said, it's fairly small, tiny even. Easy to miss unless you are actively looking for it. “

“ I see. I shall bear that in mind,” he retorted as he slowed down, & before I knew it we had reached the door to the Commander's office, a new tension creeping its way back into my shoulders once the sound of stirring voices on the other side reached my ears. No doubt, there were at least two people in that room, if not more, awaiting my arrival. 

“ Ready, Miss Aalefjær? “ He almost got my name right this time. Almost. 

“ Ye–yeah… I think so. Except, “ the words felt like sandpaper as they brushed past my vocal cords, forcing me to clear my parched throat, “ if I'm being honest, I'm feeling a bit unsettled by the entire situation. If you don't mind me asking… Why does the Commander want to see me? Surely not because of my profession … right? “

A shattered, half-hearted chuckle, with expectation widened eyes scanning his young features for a hint, an idea, an emotion - anything to feed my need for some enlightenment on the matter. 

              To no avail. 

I watched as the wrinkles above his brows deepened. “ My apologies. I'm afraid I'm just as clueless as you are, Miss, “ was the reply - no less, no more reassuring than those anxious voices inside my head. “ But don't you fret. A personal, handwritten invitation - especially around this time of the year, when the Commander tends to be busier than ever - usually means that something you possess has attracted his attention & piqued his interest. What that might be, I can not tell you. Only the chief himself can. Therefore, “ a subtle tilt of the head, followed by a tender smile that - at least for this one moment - banished each & every dreadful thought from my mind. His fist already hovered mid-air inches away from the door, the alabaster skin straining around the knuckles, “ may I? “

A deep breath to ground myself & inhale new courage, my back straightening automatically at the mere action. Unwanted misgivings dwindling as fear was replaced by curiosity. Though I knew that wouldn't last long. 

“ Please, Sir. “

Three slow, rhythmic knocks that bounced off the surrounding walls, an echo as cold as the stone they were built from, unlike the surprisingly warm & rich-in-timbre voice from behind the door that responded to it.

                                    “ Come in. " 

Chapter Text

" We are not free;

we were born under entropy. " 

[ Theia ] 

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The Commander's office was far more spacious than anticipated, rustic in its essence yet pleasantly tidy, inviting; the tender warmth emanating from a fireplace between two large bookshelves in stark contrast to the dry cold that reigned the hallways just beyond that door. With the last light of the day still trapped beneath the wooden beams of the ceiling, the mollifying smell of sunbathed timber & warm dust settling in my lungs like a comforting touch, all of it created the illusion of a familiar environment, if only temporary. Until I gathered the courage to look straight ahead, past the serenity of the room, at the three human figures that occupied it, each one motionless as a sculpture & with a countenance just as blank, impassive - downright bored - in the face of my arrival. 

The comforting, soothing touch abandoned me, left me with the subtle tingles of anxiety that ripped through my body in small waves, & I felt my hands go clammy within seconds. The fact that all three pairs of eyes stared right at me - through me - as though I was a subject that needed to be dissected & analyzed, did not do much to help the cause. 

From my peripheral vision I caught movement as the young scout from before appeared to my right, the heels of his boots hard against the wooden tiles under our feet as he got in position for a salute that was so abrupt, so heartfelt, I visibly jumped. 

“ Sir! I apologize for the interruption, but Miss Loreley Aalefjær just arrived. “ This time, he mispronounced my entire surname, & I bit hard into my bottom lip, concealing amusement. ” She states that you conveyed, by way of a personal letter, a request for her to appear in your office! ” 

One of the three faces - the one in the middle, situated right behind the table - finally disenthralled itself from its frozen state, the ghost of a faint yet endearing smile melting away the previous frown. 

        “ I did indeed. ” 

In an instant, for some inexplicable reason, something inside my chest coiled violently at the sound of his voice, twisted & convulsed like a snake in the midst of its mating dance. Gooseflesh forming, spreading like a flameless fire, to engulf each & every inch of my body. I swallowed hard, & the action alone hurt my throat. 

It was that warm, sonorous, earthy voice I had heard before, & now I knew for a fact that it belonged to him. Him, Erwin Smith - author of the letter I had tucked back into my corset. Commander of the Scouting Legion. The reason why I was here on this particularly cold evening. 

The man whose words & actions would change everything for me from this evening forward; without my knowing, without my consent… 

“ Sir… ” I peeped, my voice nothing more than a whimper under the weight of my anxiety, & I quickly cleared my throat.  “ Sir. It's an honor to be here. ” A nervous, quite long curtsy, my eyes drifting past the faces of all three male individuals to ensure they knew that the greeting was directed at all of them.  

Nods of collective acknowledgement, one more subtle than the other, & I felt compelled to pause a few seconds & take in their faces, one at a time:

First, the one to the Commander's right - the shortest, leanest, yet indisputably most noticeable of them all, visually striking. Silken ebony hair that swayed above his forehead like a curtain & framed a face that looked as if it had been chiseled out of stone; smooth & eerily symmetrical, flawless in its proportions, yet it was exactly that: statuesque. Empty. Stoic. Pale. Devoid of emotion. Eyes like graphite streaked with moonlight that obviously weren't at all eager to look my way but did it regardless - simply because the man to his left had ordered him to -, analyzing me with a fervor that contradicted the indifference that radiated off his face like heat off a fire, & I felt utterly trapped under its scrutiny, helpless. Vulnerable. Naked. 

He was beautiful, yes, yet it was a haunting kind of beauty. Distant & cold, otherworldly… 

            Like the stars. 

Then there was the other, significantly taller man - the perhaps tallest I'd ever seen in my entire life -, situated to the Commander's left, closer to the window than the desk & leaning against the wall. Blond hair that edged into a soft shade of gold - unless the light of the setting sun was fooling with my eyes. Prominent features emphasized by a strong nose, dusty blues beneath thin brows & shapely lips, barely curved into what looked like a faint… smirk? No. Surely that was my imaginations doing. 

A neat three-day-beard & mustache, perhaps four days given the coverage, cradled by a jawline that soon vanished in the shadow of his parted bangs. 

Classic handsome. Smoldering & earthy looks, & even though his face was about as stern as that of the other man, it did at least look like something that occasionally harbored a spark of life. 

I could've sworn I caught a glimpse of another smile when we briefly locked eyes, but as the Commander's gravelly voice stirred & dragged me out of my reverie, my gaze veered back to him instead. 

“ Take a seat, please. ” Fingers extended, he gestured to a chair in front of the table whose existence I hadn't even registered until now. “ Unless, of course, you prefer to stand. “ 

“ Oh. I… N-no, Sir, ” I retorted hastily, struggling not to be visibly rattled by those three intense pairs of eyes that rested on me & me only, sharp as arrows & drilling just as deep. They were obviously trying to read me. All of them. 

The well aged wood of the chair responded with a soft groan as I sank into & crossed my hands in my lap, both of them trembling, digits curled around the fabric of my dress.

Subtle movement from the Commander as he leaned forward, both elbows propped on the table & hands folded just below his chin; a stance that augured undivided attention. 

“ I take it,” he began, “you managed to find us without complications?” 

“ Yes, Sir. No complications.” I have been here before, many long years ago, the voice in my head continued, however my lips remained sealed. Much has changed since then… 

“ That's good. How long did it take you to get here?”

“ About fifteen minutes, give or take,” I said, a small nervous chuckle bubbling in the back of my throat. “I'm a fairly quick walker, so…”

A content hum, low, acknowledging, & before I knew it my eyes were back in motion, wandering around the landscapes of his face for yet another brief journey of observation. 

He too had blond hair, although his was painstakingly slick & tidy, too tidy - he looked far more like a business man than a ‘wild-at-heart’ soldier. Not to mention he was fair-faced, austere-looking, blessed with high cheekbones & prominent eyebrows above two beckoning ponds of icy blue, deep enough for me to drown in. He was of broad & tall stature, intimidating even while seated, & that feeble smile he carried struck me as more of a non-optional gesture of hospitality than genuine kindness. And I would soon get to peek behind that curtain of deception…

“ Thank you for showing her to my office, “ he suddenly stated, voice firm, and it took me a second to understand that he was addressing the scout behind me, still standing in a firm salute by the door.  

“ You are dismissed. “ 

“ Sir. “ Quick footsteps thudded, a door that whined in protest, and only a heartbeat later I heard it fall shut, the same footsteps - now muffled - thudding away. 

A slow exhale through my nose to ground myself in the moment; to anchor myself in the awareness that I was now alone with these three individuals who definitely had not invited me here for a nice cup of tea or a game of chess. 

Sounds of gentle sniffing stirred the silence in the room, pulling my attention to the tall man by the window; I noticed how his strong nose twitched, his nostrils fluttering rhythmically as he clearly picked up some kind of smell. However, whatever it was appeared to elude my own senses, because I smelled nothing. Some dry timber & sun-kissed dust, if anything, but nothing noteworthy. Perhaps something from outside? 

“ I apologize in advance for potentially mangling your name like my comrade did just now, but I'm afraid I have no choice but to repeat it for the record, “ the Commander stated through a clearing of his throat.  

“ Your name is Loreley Aalefjær, is that correct? “

A telling look from me, filled with surprise. He could not have pronounced my name any better. “ That is correct, yes. ” 

“ I'm relieved to hear that.” A feeble smirk, almost smug.  "Yours is quite a peculiar name. Intriguing, foreign, and, dare I say, rare.“ While he spoke, he cast a fleeting look down at his desk - at a document I hadn't even known was there - and I swallowed hard. Something I had not done in a hot minute. 

“ And yet, I can't help but recognize a certain familiarity in the sound of it… “ 

His gaze then drifted back to me, the pale tortured blue of his eyes suddenly even colder, offensively solemn, & it made me choke on my next breath. 

“ Sir… “

“ Speaking of names & formalities, I should perhaps introduce you to these two gentlemen as well, “ I heard him say somewhere in the distance, watched as he pulled away from the desk just far enough to extend his right arm & gesture toward the silently brooding, statuesque version of a man beside him. 

“ Captain Levi, leader of the Special Operations Squad within the Survey Corps, & humanity's strongest soldier. “

Through the gradually thickening haze of confusion, of dread settling & misgivings arising, I somehow managed to give a nod of acknowledgement to the man, though my head felt incredibly heavy all of a sudden, my neck stiff, sore. Clammy digits curled tighter around my dress, nails digging into the fabric like thorns into flesh. 

The captain's nod was half-hearted at best, if it was at all. 

“ And this fella,” Erwin Smith continued, either oblivious to my emotional turmoil, or deliberately ignoring it, his other hand gesturing left, “ is Mike Zacharias. Section Commander, squad leader, & one of my most trusted allies.”

Another forced nod, one that made me wince. My mouth was dry, parched. “ ...It's a pleasure to meet you. “

The smile he provided in response caught me off guard, in every sense of the word. Not one of pity, or some subconscious urge to deprive this uncomfortable situation of tension for the sake of peaceful negotiation, no - a genuine smile, tender & warm, empathetic. Like he could sense my discomfort, knew about my mental plight; my need for some form of reassurance. 

It was right there, that reassurance - right at the centre of his fleeting smile, inside those cordial eyes, and I accepted it with a grateful smile of my own. 

“ I'm well aware that you might have a lot of questions right now, ” the Commander's deep voice boomed, and I snapped out of my trance in a heartbeat, “ and rest assured that we are most willing to provide answers where answers are due, Miss Aalefjær. But first, we shall proceed with our questions - aka the Scout Regiment's questions - and we trust that you will answer each & every single one of them with utmost candour & honesty. Is that acceptable for you? “

“ I… I'm sorry, Sir, but… Am I in trouble? “ The question burst out of me without actual intention, a blind impulse rather than true curiosity, & I went rigid as a pole in the chair, dread settling in my core like dust. “ Did I do something wrong?? “

“ Wrong ? “ The strong emphasis on that particular word threw me for a loop, gnawing at my already dwindling composure; a vicious rat nestled somewhere in my gut. 

The thoughtful silence was instantly broken by a throaty hum. “ That word, Miss Aalefjær, could not be further from the truth. “ 

“ I don't… I don't think I understand, Sir. “

“ What have you been doing the past few years, Miss Aalefjær? “ he asked, staring past the unease in my eyes, straight into my soul. “ What kind of work have you been dedicating your life to? “

“ I, uh… I'm a seamstress, Sir. Have been for a total of ten years now. “ My voice wavered, the words coming out in breathless bits. “ I own a small dress shop in the district of Trost. Once it belonged to my mother, who was also my mentor. 

After her sudden death six years ago, I inherited her business… “

“ How old are you now? “

“ 30 years, Sir. “

A hum of approval from the Commander. Behind him, the tall blond - Mike Zacharias, if my poor memory was true - shifted; away from us, toward the window. And I couldn't blame him. I looked like an anxious mess right now, & the sunset out there was mesmerizing. 

A flawless assembly of dazzling colours, vibrant against a slowly darkening horizon, the ashen spine of Wall Rose in the near distance visibly glistening as streams of purple & crimson bled from the sky onto the city. A city destined - doomed - to never reach the world beyond the sunset…

“ Does the work fulfill you? “

Eyes parted from the warm sunset, returning to the wintry stare before me. “ It makes me happy… Makes me feel at peace. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I enjoy doing it, which I believe is a form of fulfillment. “

“ Is it, in your personal opinion, more fulfilling than tending to people in need? To people in pain? “

My left eye twitched ever so slightly. “ I… I would not think so, no. “

“ Is it more fulfilling than sealing wounds, fixing fractures and mending someone else's ailments - crippling pain, paralysis, a severe fever - with nothing more than a single touch? 

Is it more fulfilling than looking at a mangled, bloodied body, the awareness that any other form of treatment would ultimately fail it lodged in your mind - a thought sinister yet empowering - & realizing that you are all that stands between it & certain death? “ His stern voice was but a rumble in my ears, syllables strung together thundering into my consciousness, deep & deeper. My eyes were glued to his seated form yet I did not really look at him, did not seem to actually see him, otherwise I would have noticed the rapid shift in his frozen stare, the shadow of an alarmingly unorthodox idea dropping like a curtain. 

I was too shocked, too stunned, to see any of it.

“ Sir… I… I don't follow. Your questions… They do not make any sense to me. “

“ Stohess incident, two years ago. “ Captain Levi to his right had chimed in at last, proving that he was, in fact, made of flesh & bones, & not the statue I'd mistaken him for. The sound of his voice did not surprise me at all; it matched his cold, sullen exterior in every possible way. 

“ A horse stable caught on fire due to a lightning strike, & the flames spread quickly. All the horses escaped, unscathed, but the scout responsible for their survival ended up trapped in the inferno. His body was never recovered, & he was declared dead shortly after. “

My mouth felt dry, my throat parched; the few words I managed to squeeze out scraping past my vocal cords like shards of glass. " The... That... I remember the fire, yes... " 

“ Three months later, he miraculously returned to HQ - burdened with nothing but a handful of scars & a huge gap in his memory. All he remembered was that he should not have survived the fire, as the flames had already engulfed so much of him, he could feel the flesh melt off his bones. And yet, in spite of it all, he looked as good as new, both his body & soul unharmed.“

“ There was one more memory. A memory so absurd, so surreal, he'd vehemently question it in the months that followed his mysterious return, “ Erwin continued after a brief pause filled with tension, the Captain's relentless stare on me an ever-lingering presence; a weight I couldn't shake off. 

“ He remembered, vaguely… a face. The face of the woman who found him & retrieved his body from among the ashes. A face that took care of him, watched over him. Extracted the pain from his burned shell like poison from a wound ~ “

“ His memories returned, one by one, & after almost an entire year of racking his poor brain, he finally remembered the perhaps most crucial detail of all. “ Levi's voice rang harsh, every syllable covered in ice. In the midst of all happenings, my eyes veered left, finding Section Commander Mike - the only person in the room who had not said a single word yet, & oh how I prayed that he finally would, because in my heart I knew that his voice would be a kind one, an empathetic one. A voice I could find comfort in, in the midst of all this discomfort. 

But to my dismay, he stayed devoted to his silence, his face remained empty. Disheartened, I shook my head & stared at the floor, feeling dizzy. “ This has nothing to do with me… “ 

“ He remembered a name. “

“ Sir… I don't–” 

“ A name both foreign & rare. So rare, it became unforgettable. “

The air grew thick & dense, the wooden walls inching in. The room started spinning, a kaleidoscope of shapes & contours - threatening to pull me along. 

“ I… I don't… I can't… “

They can not know. 

They should not know. 

They must not know. 

“ That name was Aalefjær. 

              Loreley Aalefjær. “ 

The Commander's voice ripped through the atmosphere like a thunder, so violent, he may as well have been shouting at me, the finality heavy in his declaration, crushing. He knew he had me cornered, & I knew it too. 

“ We know now. We know that woman was you,” he spoke with treacherous compassion, once more leaning deeper into the desk, towards me. “ We know that you found him after the fire, took him in, & healed - restored - him in a way that would make any mortal man believe in witchcraft. 

There is no need to hide your secret any longer, Miss Aalefjær.

               We know about your special abilities. “ 

______

Chapter Text

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“ I found you in the nothingness;

Haunted by the past

Too late I heard the howling

that broke your heart at last… “

[Draconian — Dishearten] 

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        The course of history suggests that people react differently to being driven into a corner. Some completely lose their ability to function in the face of imminent danger, their primal survival instincts forsaking them when it matters most; they freeze and become defeated observers, accepting their fate without consciously choosing to as they surrender themselves to their fear. 

Others display reactions of thoroughly animalistic nature — those fueled by an unapologetic need to ensure their own, as well as their kin's, ultimate survival. Their fears are so severely overwhelming, they have no choice but to devote each and every fiber of their being to the art of flight, for dread clouds their judgment, and doubt numbs their faith. 

Surely Mother Nature did not intend for the human species to grow increasingly timid and delicate over the course of evolution — let alone become a flight-oriented creature that chooses retreat over confrontation — yet at some unknown point in our history, we seem to have reached an impasse. 

And then there are the fighters, the defenders. The warriors. The ones who refuse to leave matters to chance - who refuse to surrender their fate to some higher power or whatever deity they believe to be in charge. The ones who bare their teeth and clench their fists —who not only bark but also bite, and who do so with incredible strength. 

As for me, I would never have guessed I’d be the latter - not for thirty long and, for the most part, uneventful years. Not until that fateful meeting in the Commander’s office, when all the dread and pent up trepidation became suffocating, threatening to crush me right where I sat.

             Or stood..? 

I could not seem to remember the exact moment I arose from the chair - terrified and furious beyond comprehension, defensive to a degree that surprised even me. 

But now I was looking down at the Commander, & he was looking up at me, features back to impassive, stoic. Maybe he was shocked by my action, or maybe he was truly as unfazed as his face suggested - I could not tell with this man. He was an enigma through and through. 

“ I'm not a witch !“ It blurted out of me against my better judgment, though I added a hasty, far quieter “...sir” immediately after, not realizing how much I was trembling until I heard my own voice stir the room —quakes of terror tearing through each syllable. “I… I'm not… what you think I am… I assure you! I'm not… “

“ What do you think we think you are? "

Erwin Smith's voice, smooth as silk, rolled past his pale lips with unfathomable ease. 

No doubt. He was as tranquil as he looked. 

“ Well… I… I guess,” I began, the words bitter on my tongue, ”you think the same as most other people when they discover something that's beyond their earthly comprehension. 

Something they cannot figure out with any of the tools and knowledge acquired throughout their lives… “

“ And what would that be? “

A quick glance of the other two parties in the room. Neither of them had moved a single inch - the Captain's fair countenance looked just as apathetic as the Commander's voice sounded, perhaps even more bored than before in spite of my little outburst. Solely tall Zacharias’ face had adopted a somewhat alarmed expression, his broad chest shifting back towards the room as the first layer of darkness rolled across the land beyond the window. With night's arrival, I had at last become the center of his undivided attention. 

Breathing in a corset of my own making had never been so challenging. “ Like I said, sir… You might think I'm a witch. A sorceress. Some enchantress secretly in league with the devil, because why else would she possess abilities of such peculiar nature? Honestly, I couldn't even blame you for believing that… It's so absurd, so unnatural. Even to me… “ I had no choice but to pause for a breath when a violent tremor ripped through my lower body, causing my legs to turn soft as butter, threatening to give out beneath me; my anxiety had officially reached its peak, and all I could do now was ride the wave till its eventual abatement. 

         “ Or maybe… maybe you think I'm a titan-shifter. “

To my bewilderment, Erwin did not respond to that. At least not vocally, even though he looked as if he briefly considered it. The tension in the room was palpable, thick enough to be cut with a knife, and I suddenly felt the nagging urge to smash the window behind the Commander's seated figure for the sake of some much needed oxygen. 

“ F–forgive me, sir. I… I don't feel too well… “

“ Sit down, please. Take a deep breath. ” His voice sounded distant, echoed faintly in the morass of contours and patterns, and for a moment I was convinced the world around me would turn upside down and sling me into a potential blackout — right in front of three of the most powerful men of the Scout Regiment. Luckily, I successfully - albeit without even a single modicum of grace - flopped back into the hardness of the chair, half-lidded eyes paving their path through the haze.

Needless to say I was astounded to find Section Commander Mike halfway around the table, a deep look of apprehension on his face and ready to jump to my aid. 

For a few delirious seconds, all felt warm inside. 

           He was even more handsome when concerned… 

“ Would you like some water? “

Pressing a hand to my forehead I silently nodded, trying to catch my breath. 

Out of the corner of my eye I watched Zacharias slip through a door to the left, next to another bookshelf — presumably the Commander's private chambers — his steps quick yet not once panicked to not prod my anxiety any further, and words could not describe how much gratitude I felt for such a simple yet thoughtful gesture. 

By the time he returned the tremor that reigned my body had almost fully subsided, my fingers still weak yet perfectly capable of freeing the small cup from the Section Commander's hands — big, if not ridiculously large compared to my own. Calloused, with striking patterns of thick veins, and marked with multiple faded scars. A soldier's hands, a scout's hands. 

I wondered just how many titans those hands had already slain… 

“ Thank you…,” I whispered, my neck craned uncomfortably to look up at him from this angle, but the smile he blessed me with was fully worth the struggle. 

I'd quickly forgotten about the water in my hand, or the fact that I needed it at all. 

“ Once you feel ready to continue this conversation, please let us know. Do not feel pressured or rushed, Miss Aalefjær. We mean you no harm. This is a safe place for you & your secrets. Anything you choose to tell us will remain within these walls. You have my word. “ Erwin said calmly. 

Zacharias withdrew in silence, not returning to his initial spot by the window but now lingering in the corner by the bookshelf, his spine pressed against the wooden frame. I finally took a few careful sips of water before my attention circled back to the man behind the desk, musing away. “...and between the four of us. “ 

“ And between the four of us,” Erwin confirmed with a nod. 

A faint smile split my face; a tired one. “ Does that mean no one else within the Scout Regiment knows about my ‘abilities’ yet? “

“ None but us — and the scout whose life you saved. “

“ How can you be so sure? I asked, a slight frown weighing down my brow. “ How do you know he didn't already share the story with his comrades, his family or literally any other person he's close to? If he really remembered my face… My name! But he… he was not supposed to remember… Not this early, anyway… “ 

“ What does that mean, ‘not supposed to remember’?” He inquired without addressing my own question first. “ Is their ability to remember something you can control? “

“ Not exactly, no… Not consciously. It's… more like an inevitable side effect of my abilities it seems. One whose extent is always out of my control. And the more severe the injury or ailment, the more unpredictable the temporary amnesia that follows… “ The cup in my lap clutched between two hands like I was clinging to it for dear life, I locked eyes with the Commander once more, & this time I held his deepening gaze, the stalwart intensity it emanated notwithstanding. Curiosity bled from his eyes in rivers, a profound fascination with every word I was willing to share. It was the only emotion his countenance gave away; everything else was masked — suppressed — by his phlegmatic nature. 

“ He… The scout… He was in a coma for almost two months. I myself did not put him there. His body simply failed to handle all the pain and trauma. Although it was heartbreaking to see him in such a vulnerable state every day, unresponsive & ghostly quiet, it undeniably made the entire treatment much easier, faster. The majority of his organs had taken so much damage in the fire, and during the first three weeks I did not think he would at all persevere. You must know that, unfortunately, my abilities are somewhat tied to my patient's very own will to survive… “

“ And did he have it? “ The Commander asked. “ The scout you saved… did he display that will to survive? “ 

“ Oh yes, sir. He absolutely did, “ I said, voice soft, ” He had so much of it. He… he was one of the strongest, most ambitious people I've ever treated. “

A thoughtful silence fell around us, draped over the room like an invisible cloak. More sniffing reached my ears, coming from Mike's direction, and in front of me I heard the characteristic sound of wood scraping wood, a hollow whine from the chair Captain Levi seemed to reside in whilst defending his reputation as the most statuesque man on Earth, merely sliding back a few inches to cross his legs without bumping the table. 

Our eyes met for as long as the silence dared to endure, a silence heavy and telling. 

His ashen eyes harbored what struck me as countless different shades of winter; vast landscapes of frozen rain and snow-covered shadows, rivulets of dark crimson reaching for an untouchable horizon below which fields of emerald bowed to a fiercely blazing sun merged from hope & memory — a distant dream, destined to freeze in a mirthless reality of his own making. 

How many horrors those eyes had seen… How much despair. Tragedy. Regret. Loss. Far beyond anything a simple woman like me —who had lived such a simple life, following a simple daily routine within the sanctities of a simple little shop — could possibly comprehend. 

When our eyes parted, it felt like parting from a wistful memory, and even though that memory was not my own, it planted an ache in my heart — one that I knew would torment me from this day forward, every time we looked at each other. 

“ Miss Aalefjær, are you still with me? “ I snapped back to attention, finding Commander Erwin's face just in time to see the brief frown of confusion above his brows. He most likely was not used to being ignored. 

“ Oh… Yeah. I… I apologize. This conversation just brought back memories. More than I expected... “

“ What kind of memories? “

I bit my bottom lip for a moment, hesitating. “I'd rather not share them right now… “

“ Are they filled with grief? “

Caught off guard by the blunt nature of his question, I couldn't help but shoot him a quick glare of disbelief. 

“ Yes… “

He only nodded, refraining from probing further, much to my relief. Instead, the questions now came from a different direction. 

          “ How does it work? “

My head whipped around almost automatically at the sound of a voice I had never heard before, eyes landing on the tall figure with the morning sun gaze & marigold smile —even though right now, that smile was nowhere to be seen… 

“ I'm sorry..? “

“ This healing thing you've been gifted with,” he elaborated in a voice warm & mellow, crossed arms draped over his chest, “How exactly do you use it? What do you need to do in order to heal a broken bone or seal a wound? Do you need tools, or magic spells, or herbs of some kind? “

It took me a solid thirty seconds to form a reply that did not allow even the smallest vestige of my personal slight to bleed through, fully aware that he did not know any better — like pretty much everyone else that dwelt within the walls. What was normal to my eyes was a mystery to theirs, one that needed to be solved; for unsolved mysteries in a world ruled by titans were not seldom viewed as potential threats, justified or not. And being considered a threat by the Scout Regiment —especially in times like this— was nothing I could afford. 

Full transparency was my only way out of this, and I was no longer reluctant to provide it. 

“ I don't require either of those things,” I said upon meeting his eyes with a newfound confidence, “ only myself, my hands, and faith in my abilities. A fair amount of strength in my heart and soul, and in the rest of my body, since in order to heal someone else, I need to be in good condition myself. If I'm too weak, in too much grief or pain, or plagued by sickness of any kind, the process will be a quite dire one, for me as well as my… patient. “

The Section Commander's eyes were deeply focused, practically glued to mine and filled with genuine interest. They held no harsh judgment, no suspicion —none that I could see or feel — but rather a desire to delve deeper, to learn more and understand better, in a way that did not feel invasive. 

A smile tugged at the corners of his lips, pulling them up, and a tender warmth rose to my cheeks before I could avert my gaze. “ And how long does it take to restore a broken body? “

“ That… depends. First, on the severity of the injury. Second, the victim's personal will. If I were to, let's say… attend to someone with a flesh wound… who's fueled by the wish to recover as quickly as possible… when everything simply aligns… It should not take more than half an hour. “

“ What if that desire does not exist? “ Captain Levi's voice sounded even harsher now, even more frigid, after listening to that gravel-covered-in-honey voice of Mike. ”What if they do not wish to recover, or do not wish for someone like you to save them without their consent? 

What if they'd rather be dead? Are your…powers… any good then? “

The strong emphasis on the word ‘powers’. That less than subtle snarl of visceral disdain as the single letters rolled across his tongue… It did not go unnoticed. By no one in the room. 

I swallowed thickly, not allowing the stern look to slip from my face. “If I ever encounter a patient like that… I'll let you know. “

A barely audible ‘tch’, a shake off his head, and Levi averted not only his gaze but his entire body, making it unmistakably clear that he had nothing else to contribute to the conversation. 

Erwin — once again suspiciously quiet behind his desk — dropped his arms and sat up straight, and I already knew that something was brewing; the cogs in his brain were spinning so fast, I could practically hear them. “ How are you feeling right now? “

“ I… I'd say rather well, Sir. “

“ Well enough to heal? “

Slowly, surely, my stomach started twisting. “ Y–yeah, I think so. “ 

“ That's good,” the fair man retorted as he briskly arose from his chair, opened one of his drawers with the smoothest of movements and grabbed something I could not make out from my current position —not until he placed it right in the centre of his desk for everyone to see, “ because I want you to show me.” 

My eyes settled on the object in question, briefly narrowing before going wide with the horror and dread of suspicion confirmed, of fear validated. 

It was a dagger. 

“ … sir? ” Once again clinging to the cup between my hands, I sat in the chair, motionless as a statue, the tension in my shoulders digging deeper and clawing harder until it consumed my entire body. 

      Was he truly going to hurt himself?

“ I'm no man to believe in magic. I never was, and I never will be,” he stated as he began to shed his military jacket like a snake relinquishes its skin, eyes fixated on the small dagger that glistened, menacingly, in the restless orange and red of the fireplace. “ Therefore, in order to believe in something that even remotely resembles it, I have to see it with my very own eyes. All good faith and trust in my comrade's words aside —which shall remain unshaken — I'm afraid my position does not allow me to rely on faith alone. Not when it comes to strangers.

Which you, Miss Aalefjær, unfortunately are. “

I watched in stunned silence as he grabbed the dagger next and walked around the table, the large digits of his other hand working hard to roll the skin-tight material of his shirt up his arm to expose the muscular limb underneath. I clutched the cup even tighter now — so tight, it was a miracle it had not yet shattered in my hands. A quick glance to the right confirmed that I was not the only one who was rather concerned about the drastic change of pace, the bizarre nature of the events unfolding — Section Commander Zacharias’ eyes followed Erwin's every move, the concern beneath his sunken brows deepening further with every step he took towards me. 

Another glance to the left, at the granite-calm Captain. 

He —in a twist I had not foreseen — had actually risen from his chair and leaned forward, looking as though he was ready to go after the Commander any given moment. 

“ Erwin! What do you think you're doing?!“

But Erwin ignored the Captain without so much as a blink, downcast eyes measuring the distance between the dagger in his right hand and the exposed underside of his left arm — a distance dwindling at an alarming pace.

By the time Mike fully abandoned his position in an attempt to stop the Commander, he was already standing right in front of me, so close that his legs brushed my knees, the tip of the dagger pinching the ivory of his flesh just below the crook of his arm, wintry blues falling across my seated figure like an invisible curtain. 

His broad chest expanded with a deep breath he took to ground himself, and when he finally spoke again, his voice was barely above a throaty whisper, the previous unyielding steel & fire of his timbre collapsing under the weight a plea that sounded wrong — hollow and broken — from a man of his status:

“ Please, Miss Aalefjær… Let me see, with my own eyes, and allow me to feel, through my very own flesh, the true extent of your gift. “

“ Erwin! “

But Mike too was being ignored, his tall figure towering in my peripheral vision like a fortress, wary yet clearly reluctant to actually interfere. Behind Erwin I faintly heard what I thought sounded like a growl, Captain Levi's diminutive form positioned at the outer edge of his chair — half seated, half standing — with an agonized fury in his eyes that pierced marrow and bone, force-feeding my heart spoonfuls of regret and doubt.

I never should have come here… 

“ I'm sorry, Sir, but … I can't. “

“ I don't believe you. “ His voice ripped through my body like a bolt of lightning, leaving goosebumps in its wake. ”And I know you don't believe that, either.” 

“ You are mistaken, Sir… “ 

“ Let it go, Erwin. And drop that goddamn knife while you're at it! “ The Captain's words echoed out of nowhere. ” She's a fraud — just as I expected. If you're really interested in pretty women who can mend people's ailments and repair their bodies with nothing but a single touch, I suggest you go read a fairytale. I don't know what kind of disgusting drugs she fed Eld during the months he was under her care, but they must have really screwed with his head.

Maybe she is an enchantress after all… Why else would the poor guy come back with only the faintest memory of his own fiancée —unless she had him totally enthralled? “

“ That's enough, Levi! “ The Commander thundered, his eyes abandoning mine to seek out the Captain behind him for a stern look of warning, of silent reprimand, the temporary rift between these two powerful — and undoubtedly obstinate — individuals turning the very atmosphere into a cauldron of strain. 

And now — now there was a third individual on the verge of emotional explosion. 

“ Care to repeat that… Captain? “

Thin, with surgical precision trimmed ebony brows narrowed at the unforeseen shift in my voice. “What?”

“ What you just said. That insult… Would you mind saying it again, and to my face this time?” I rose from the chair in one liquid motion, my body trembling yet again, although the compelling motive was an entirely different one this time. 

              Anger. 

Sincere & heartfelt. Raw. 

Strong enough to subdue all fear for the moment being. 

“ What exactly gives you the right to speak of me in such a derogatory manner and label me a fraud without knowing anything about me beyond the name I bear?”

I would have drawn closer, a solid step or two, had it not been for the Commander's broad figure looming mere inches from mine, blocking my path. That damn dagger — still in his hand and pointed at the underside of his bare arm, pinching the skin, and barely. 

Somewhere between visceral hostility and the blatant absurdity of it all, a scoff stirred. “ Speaking my mind as I see fit is my inherent right, woman. You can act hysterical about it all you want. It's not going to change the fact that you — albeit a skilled actress and mysterious on the surface — are collectively taking us for fools. Or rather, that's what you have been trying to do… 

Here's the thing, though: not all of us can be so easily wrapped around your finger. “

The plain derision that oozed from his words like blood from a wound was downright maddening, drove me up the wall, and made me take a single step forward — only to walk straight into Erwin's outstretched arm. 

I looked up at him, frowning, and he shook his head at me. “ Don't. I still believe you. “  

“ I somehow doubt that,” I said, with far more bite than intended, “because if you did, you wouldn't try to cut your own arm only to watch me fix it. “

“ It is essential that I see it with my own eyes, Miss Aalefjær.“ 

“ For what though, if you don't mind me asking? “

He paused briefly, his Adam's apple swaying as he swallowed with effort. “ For myself.”

“ For… yourself, ” I repeated vaguely, now looking past the chiseled curve of his jaw and the grieving blue of his eyes, at Mike behind him. Whether I did it for reassurance or some form of validation eluded me, because what really was there to validate? And since when was I in need of reassurance regarding my next course of action anyway - in a thoroughly grotesque situation such as this of all things? 

Just when I was about to let it go for good, a smile split Mike's face. 

My heart fluttered — like a silly little bird — and a soft gasp jumped over the brim of my lips. Heat pricked my cheeks, rolled across the entirety of my face like a tidal wave, unexpected yet appreciated, welcome. 

In silence, I thanked the velvety dimness that reigned the room — the hushed twilight of a fire collapsing into embers concealing whatever shade of red my face had adopted from the Commander's seeing eyes. 

“ The young man,” I began without thinking, without actual intention - driven solely by the desire to fill the unnerving silence, “the scout I saved back then… What was his name again? “

The Commander — who'd meanwhile dropped both his arms in temporary resignation but still kept his fingers around the dagger — gave me a warm look.

“ Eld Jinn. An elite soldier of Captain Levi's personal Special Operations Squad. An important man, delivered from death's grasp through your intervention, “ he said upon glancing over at the brooding Captain in question, prominent eyebrows knitted into a subtle look of displeasure, “ which I believe he doesn't show nearly enough gratitude for. “

His remark was met with silence, much to my surprise. I'd already braced myself for another avalanche of insults and accusations, beyond ready to defend myself with every fiber of my being —in other words, the lack of confrontational energy right now felt oddly wrong. 

“ And he… he remembered me… But he forgot his fiancée? Is that true?“ 

Erwin looked back at me, features once more softening. 

“ That's what he told me once his memories had fully returned, yes. It seems as though your treatment affected his perception of reality for several months, and a few of the memories he shared with me ultimately raised far more questions than they answered. Which is why I chose to invite you… That, along with our obvious interest in your abilities… “

“ Your obvious interest in her abilities,” Levi barked from the sidelines, and I felt the corner of my mouth twitch in a fleeting smile of agitation. Erwin on the other hand looked as if he hadn't heard him at all. 

“ Miss Aalefjær. I need to ask you again… and this time, I hope your answer will be a different one. “ His smooth voice sounded heavy — rich in despondency, each word aching to reach, to prod — the one spot in my soul that would trigger a much desired change of heart. The moment he stepped even closer, his chest nearly brushing mine, a chill crept down my back. 

“ Will you grant me the honor of witnessing your otherworldly powers, if only this once? “

The way he then looked at me. Like a lost little lamb, left out in the rain. Like a foal about to take its first steps and dreading the very thought itself. Like a deer looking at its mother, knowing what it wanted was unobtainable without her insight and aid. 

That look… It made me angry, sick. Outright furious. Because it was all facade, and I knew it. A clever assault on my heartstrings; on my hereditary tendency to grow tender and abandon resolve in the face of unapologetic charisma. As if he already knew it'd make me reconsider. 

And the worst part… It actually worked. 

“ Yes.” My response was but a voiceless breath of unmitigated defeat, but also of relief. 

Erwin's prominent brows rose skyward. “ You will? “

“ Under one condition… “ A bold thing to voice in the presence of a man of his status, no doubt. But after wearing me down like this, he'd have to meet me halfway. 

I would leave him no choice. 

“ Which is?”

“ That it's just the two of us,” I stated firmly, holding his gaze. Noticing the shift in his. A realization settling in — a silent agreement coming to the surface. 

At last, a nod. “ Alright. “ 

The distinct whine of a chair scraping across the floor startled me so much, I visibly jumped, surprised — although not even a bit disappointed — to find Captain Levi rise to his feet, the movement fast and graceful. Another ‘tch’ that was undoubtedly aimed at my ears, followed by the deep grave monotony of his voice. 

“ No need to tell me to leave. I wasn't going to stick around for more of this fairy-tale hogwash anyway. “

When he passed us, he did not as expected glare at me but instead at Erwin, an abyssal scowl frozen into his quite handsome but hardened features. “ Should she cut your throat after lovemaking, don't worry — I'm sure she can use her abilities to fix it. “ 

Erwin did not respond, did not react. His eyes remained on me - and me only - like he feared I might vanish if he looked away for even a second. 

I myself paid no heed to his bitter parting words, instead breathing a sigh of relief when I heard the door behind me open and close almost immediately after, confirming his departure. 

“ I guess I will see you later. ” Mike — now standing right beside us — patted his Commander on the shoulder. “ Better stay sharp.”  

He then turned to leave, although not without a hushed “milady” and a honey-clad, smug smile on his way out, and I saw it in the way he kept holding me in his peripheral vision the entire time, until he had fully passed me: 

            our paths would cross again soon, and how. 

The door opened, the door closed, and everything fell into silence once more.

A different kind of silence. 

A silence that quickly erased the smile Mike had planted on my face. 

Suddenly, there was slight movement, the Commander's statuesque figure coming back to life as he gently took the cup out of my hand, his fingers brushing against mine in the process. “ Shall we proceed?”

There was no turning back now. 

            “ Yes. “ 

“ Good. “ He withdrew to place the cup on his desk before facing me again, new determination swimming in those deep, dreamy ponds of blue. The tip of his dagger back to pointing at the pale flesh of his forearm, strong muscles flexing beneath the skin when he clenched his hand into a fist. I swallowed hard. “ …Will you be alright, sir? “

He frowned. “ What do you mean? “

“ I mean… physically. You are about to injure yourself. It's going to hurt, so… I don't know, I just… It's not something you do every day, and –“

“ Are you worried about me being in pain ? “

I felt myself blush, inevitably. “ I… Y–yes.. “ 

His frown was then shattered by a consoling smile.  

“ Believe me — I'm familiar with pain. Worse pain. If I couldn't handle a small blade in my flesh, I would not deserve to sit behind this desk & wear this badge. “

All I could do was nod, silenced by the sight of him bringing the dagger in position. There was no fear in his eyes, no hesitation in his movements. 

No restraint in his execution. 

Not a single grunt slipped past his lips when the blade finally pierced the skin and cut through the first layer of flesh; his curiosity, his fascination with my gift — it had numbed the pain entirely. And I — I sure as hell would not let him down. I couldn't. 

      Not anymore... 

________