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1991, July 4 - Siberia - Bucky Barnes - The Winter Soldier:

It's a holiday today. He isn't sure why or where but all he hears in the whispers and growls around him is that it's a holiday today.

He's in limbo, he knows that. They know that. Even the new kid with the nervous tick around his eyes knows it. The entire cold room of greasy walls and boot-dirt floor knows it.

Nobody does anything though. It's a holiday. They don't do anything on holidays.

He's half-way between being the Asset and something else at the moment. There are memories for one and the Asset doesn't have them. Things don't stick to the Asset, not unless it was the ways you could dismember a man, clean a rifle, find the weak spot in an armor or plain old shoot a bird's eye accurately. No, the Asset doesn't have memories, that would be a disadvantage. The something else though, that part of him does. They're alien and hazy behind his eyes but he keeps them closed and lets those hazy images run through. Sometimes it's a pair of red lips whispering, soft and calm, like it means something. Then it's a mountain range, white and snow capped in it's grief. There is a roller coaster hurtling down for a second. But most of all, the most consistent of them all is the same - a hand on a shoulder, thin but strong. 

He likes that hand and that shoulder. He can't name a particular reason for it but then he can't really come up with a reason for anything he does these days. He doesn't know why he picks up a gun. He doesn't know why he has wet trail lines on his cheek after every Chair session. He doesn't know why the Doctor smiles at him when his arm hurts. He doesn't have reasons, doesn't know their necessity. All he knows is that the hand, that thin, bony hand, looks kinder than everything he has seen. And that shoulder looks warmer than his metal arm.

He keeps his eyes closed, watching the hazy images run by again and again till he imagines that he can hear voices and names. James. Bucky. Sergeant. Names that don't mean anything to him but sound familiar, like he had heard them before.

He likes those names. They sound better than Soldier or Asset. He wishes they were his name and then stills at the thought. He can't wish. He shouldn't wish for things, not unless they are arm check-ups or more missions. He opens his eyes and keeps them that way.

He keeps it open as the Doctor calls for the ice chamber. He keeps it open as they strip him down. He keeps it open as he is told to get into the chamber.

It would hurt, it would hurt to keep his eyes open when they closed the door. The cold always hurt.

He keeps them open anyway. Anything to stop himself from wishing, because wishes didn't come true.

Even if they were made on a holiday.

1991, July 4 - MIT- Tony Stark :

Tony hated holidays. There's nothing special about them, he had grumbled to Rhodey as the older boy, man Rhodey would correct him teasingly, had left to go back home. Nothing good came from holidays. A couple of years back Rhodey would get a pinched look on his face when Tony said such thing but now he knew better and simply threw him a box of chocolates and told him to stay away from Rhodey's chest of secret stash. Both of them knew that Rhodey had tried to hide the new crate of alcohol there but Tony liked to let his best friend pretend that he could protect Tony from himself. It made things easier when he would lay drunk on his ass after Rhodey left.

Like now, in his dorm room floor, rifling through another Captain America comic he had nicked from Rhodey's collection. He doesn't like these comics, particularly because Dad seems to love them. He just likes to mock the clearly exaggerated parts written and illustrated in them. Like that, the loyal side-kick and best friend. Bucky Barnes.

Tony snorts at the way he is drawn and described. 

"Inseparable in the schoolyard and out of it," he reads and giggles in his drunkenness, "What a load of crock. Seriously, who the hell stays friends that good for that long?"

Tony is sure that this Bucky guy must have definitely hated being the good 'ol Cap's side-kick at some point of his life. He would have and he hasn't even met the guy. Just heard the description over and over and over again from Dad. And that had been enough to make Tony hate the guy. He can practically hear Rhodey's voice in his ear telling him to stop pitying his ass and keep Rhodey's comic back but that makes him giggle again and flip over another page even though he's hardly reading now.

His mind travels back home, wondering what his parents might be doing now. He doesn't go back home in July, not if he has any say in it. He hates July like the plague, especially the first week of it. It's always a gala at the Stark Mansion, that first week. Talks about Steve Rogers, Captain America, flow around like wine and wine flows around like water. People from everywhere and nowhere come down and have long chats with Dad, some of them from the past that Howard will never let go of. Peggy Carter never comes and Tony is for once glad of that. It somehow makes her seem normal compared to the assclowns Howard surrounds himself with. 

Tony wonders if Steve Rogers would have liked this all, this celebration of his birthday and the country's independence day with grandeur that would put the President to shame. He wonders if Bucky Barnes would still be Cap's best friend if he knew how much Howard obsessed over him. He wonders if it would actually make a lot of difference to Dad if Cap didn't reciprocate his deep admiration for the man. He wishes Cap doesn't reciprocate it. He wishes Cap doesn't like Howard.

Outside the window, he can see the beginning of fireworks going off. He's always liked them, fireworks. They remind him of shooting stars and he's always been a sucker for those. Of course, he didn't believe the myth about wishes but it was nice to see a part of space from Earth. 

He likes space. One day, maybe some day when he would finally prove his worth to his Dad, he would travel out into unending space and see the beauty of it for himself. Exploding colors in the dark background and worlds beyond this one.

He wishes it would come true and looks back at the comic in hand, tracing a finger up Bucky Barnes' ridiculously drawn face.

"Some day, I'm gonna do it," he whispers to the cartoon, "Some day my wishes will come true."

Tony can't make every wish come true but he will make most of them happen.

Even if he can't make himself like a simple holiday.

********************

1991, September 25 - Siberia - Winter Soldier :

The Asset has succeeded again. That much is evident in the way the handler is laughing and talking in rapid Russian to someone who looks like a doctor. The Asset doesn't focus on the words and sit still, awaiting orders to remove the gear.

It had been a simple mission this time. No stalking, no chasing, no waiting. Simple track and shoot. The Asset had been in and out within an hour and that too only because the driver had been slow across the border. 

"хорошая работа , солдат" one of the men in uniform spoke, coming closer and -

One minute the Asset was sitting still and the other minute he was looming over the man, metal hand choking the life out of the body under him. People should not touch the arm, the Asset knew that. When people touched the arm, that meant that they were the enemy. The Asset knew that concept. Enemy means death. For them, not for the Asset.

"Soldat! Soldat! Стоп!" the handler came by in a second and within seconds the Asset had released the body, "Get up, stand up you idiot! Move back!"

The Asset stared impassively at the blood gushing out from the body's nose on the floor. It looked like the same blood of the target the Asset had shot dead earlier.

Daniel Sousa. SHIELD. Husband of Margaret Carter. Supersoldier serum. Enemy of Hydra.

The Asset didn't resist as the handler pushed him back into the chair. He doesn't care. He's still fresh off blood and that does something strange to his mind. He doesn't resist as the clamps come on. He doesn't resist as the mouth guard comes in.

The Asset remembers the name Margaret Carter and Daniel Sousa hard because the first name tries to pull to another name but before it comes to him, the jolt of current begins.

The Asset bites down hard and forgets.

Mission completed. Memory erased.

1991, September 25 - MIT- Tony Stark :

He had failed again. Tony knew that he had failed again even if Rhodey and Jeannie kept growling that it had all been her fault. Tony wanted to laugh at that because how could it be her fault if he had been the one to blabber it all, every little thing without thinking twice. She had been clever. He had been a fool.

Sunset Bain had been the second love of his life, after Ty and she had been different from the word go. She had been older, more experienced, more giving, sweeter in her words and definitely smarter in her thinking. It had been a clear moth to flame relationship between them right from the start according to Rhodey but Rhodey hadn't been the one who had felt her casual touches, her airy scent lingering in her hair, her smile touching his lips and her laughing eyes whenever he tried to impress her too hard. Rhodey hadn't been the one who practically begged her to stay the night every time they slipped off for a date night. Rhodey hadn't been the one who had thought that he would have at least one meaningful relationship in his life.

"Sunset Bain? The woman who now owns technology that  I  spent years perfecting? You're a fool, Anthony! A complete waste of potential and disgrace of the Stark name! And you call this a tragedy for yourself? Peggy Carter lost her husband today! That woman has given her everything for this country, for us, and she lost her husband! THAT is a tragedy, Anthony! God, talking to you is such a waste of time!"

Tony would have been okay with all that if he had actually called to talk to his dad. He hadn't. He had called to talk to his mom and Howard had come blazing in, snatching the phone from her and yelling at him in rage. Tony had slammed the phone before his mom could have reclaimed the receiver from Howard. 

God! Could the people of the past never leave him alone? Any time he needed his parents, someone from the past had to take preference. First Captain America, then the Howling Commandos and now Peggy Carter. 

Tony chugged another gulp of the bottle he had bribed from one of the juniors, because Rhodey had trashed all of Tony's bottles. He hated them, he decided. He hated the people from the 40's who had to remind him at every step that he wasn't good enough. He hated Sunset Bain but he hated them more.

He drinks all night and has to be thrown into an emergency ambulance.

Tragedy completed. Memory added.

***************

1991, December 11 - Siberia - Bucky Barnes - Winter Soldier :

It was snowing all around and he could see flakes of it come in through the single rusted window on the top of the warehouse. It would trickle in, like a little defiant intruder, and pool down with the dirt of the floor, small white flecks in between brown. 

He admires that bit of snow. It has more freedom than him. He tastes the word on his lips. Freedom. It tastes like something cold and bittersweet.

"There's a new mission," his handler says and he has to avoid looking up into the guy's eyes to try and keep composure. He is still in limbo and the Asset side is stronger but he still has tendrils of the hazy images floating around. 

He sees a couple of photographs in the handler's hands and waits till they are placed before him. Patience is key, it has always given him his rewards even if they are measly. The two meals yesterday were proof of that. Usually there was one but when he was patient and quiet, well, quieter than usual, they would let him have some residue broth. Or some berries. He liked the berries, he realized early on. They didn't hurt his mouth, even after a Chair treatment. 

So he waits and keeps calm till the photographs are placed before him. It's a man, silver hair and a moustache. The next picture is a bunch of vials with blue liquid. The next picture is of a symbol, an eagle with the letters SSR below it. The last is again a picture of the man, this time with a woman and a boy.

He watches that picture for long, eyes tracing the strange looking expressions. The man looks cold, proud and challenging. His eyes are hard and body stiff upright. Like a soldier, he thinks. The woman, seated between the standing man and boy, is all grace. Blonde hair, warm eyes, a hesitant smile on full red lips. She looks sad in a way but also relieved about something. The last is the boy, caught between adolescent and young adult. His eyes are the same color of the man, his face with the same contours and the hair with a similar wave to it. It's the mouth that is dissimilar. It's like the woman's, with an upturned curve to it rather than a flat line. He zooms out and looks at them together again.

Something about the man rings a bell in his mind but all it produces is an empty echo. He doesn't remember but he knows that he should. 

He is pushed into a chair and the clamps are put on, he tries to remember the picture again. The words begin, slow, rough Russian words that trip over each other and trigger nerves in his mind.

He struggles mid-way, when the memory clicks and the edge of a name begins to form. Something with a Star, something with a sharp end to it. He tries to hold on to it but the Russian flows on.

He remembers bright lights, a smirk and a car. He forgets it all.

"Ready for the mission" the handler commands and he dies to let the Asset be born again.

1991, December 11 - Stark Mansion - Tony Stark :

"Oh Tony"

The amused yet saddened lilt to the voice is exclusive to her, Tony thinks. He pats Dum-E's head one last time and stands up, turning around to smirk at her.

"Hi mom" he waves lightly and she smiles, beautiful and warm in that untouchable grace of hers. Sometimes Tony wonders how Howard got this lucky with her; she is far, far better than anything they deserve. She has endured it all, from Howard's madness to now Tony's burgeoning one. She has stood through all their storms and still comes back to them with that slightly sad, slightly broken but always beautiful smile.

That smile makes him fall in love with her every time and hate Howard a bit more.

"Did you hear? Apparently the patent got through," Tony laughs and Maria sighs, "I mean sure, the name on it is all wrong and the use isn't what I imagined but hey, it's approved, so success, right? So what if they credit Howard for it when the guy simply put in his money in the end?"

"Tony..."

"No, I know, I know, it's the same thing. It's the Stark name that matters, right?" he chuckles bitterly and she comes in, her feet making no sound in the cold workshop's floor.

"Bambino," she murmurs and pulls him into a soft hug that he can't really resist, "I'm so sorry."

"Why? He's the ass," Tony hisses but breathes in his mom's sweet, light perfume and shuts his eyes, "God, mom, why don't you leave him? We both could go away and live our lives. Just--just lets leave."

"Anthony," she chides through a sniff and leans back, cupping his face when he turns away, "You don't mean that."

"Er, yeah, I do," he says with a fierce glare that only gets another sad look before she gently strokes back his hair and leans forward to kiss his forehead.

"I'm so proud of you, my baby boy," she mutters against his skin and he clenches his jaw but leans down, "You're a genius, just like I always knew you. You're gonna make the world such a better place, bambino. I know you will."

"What if I don't want to? What if I just want to throw around money and party?" he raises an eyebrow and juts his chin forward. She simply laughs softly and tweaks his chin fondly.

"Then you'll be the life of every party," she assuages and he snorts before shrugging in agreement. It has been just a day since he's come back from MIT and his dad has already started making his life miserable. If not for his mom, Tony would have run away a long time ago. 

He doesn't though, not till Maria Stark is still in this house. Howard could steal all his patents for what it was worth and Tony would still stay and do better. Because his mom was here and he loved her more than he hated anyone else.

He lets the anger die and a small grin be born.

***********

1991, December 16 - Unknown road - Bucky Barnes - Winter Soldier :

It had taken just two shots to the tyres to get the car to swivel and crash. It was too easy for all that the Asset had been prepped for.

He saw the car when he stopped his bike and hopped off it, steps sure and mission ready in his head. 

Kill Stark. Get the serum.

He trudged forward and found the first target fallen on the ground, moaning raspy words.

"Save her. Save my wife, please..." he heard the man plead and brushed it off, walking forward to pull the guy's head up by his hair.

There was blood on his face, trickling from his head and yet Howard Stark blinked up into the Asset's face. The expression of confusion cleared and was replaced by shock.

"Sergeant Barnes" he gasped and the Asset's hand tightened on the man's head. The name was not good, something about that name was not good. He punched the man in his face a couple of times with his bionic arm. Twisting his head, he slammed it into the car once for satisfaction and heard the neck snap.

Good, one target down. 

Dragging the body up, he dumped him in the driver's seat again and noted the other passenger in the car. A woman, a blonde woman who was gasping but stared up at him in horror. The orders were to not leave any witnesses, he remembered and began to walk around the car. He heard a groan from the woman as he was walking around and then some rustling. She was heaving and panting by the time he had rounded to the front and he put his flesh hand around her throat, more because of convenience than habit.

Maybe that was what had gone wrong. Maybe that was where things changed. 

He was choking her calmly when he felt a new surge from her and a desperate grasp of her hand gripped his wrist, right on his pulse. Her nails digged in and she seemed to possess some sort of renewed determination with every bout of pressure he increased. He was about to simply snap her neck when she began choking out words.

"Barnes...Bucky...please...no...Bucky Barn-...Soldier!...Stop..."

He didn't know why he faltered but the name, Bucky, made him loosen his grip for a second and she must have been a really smart woman because she took it and began throwing words out without stop.

"Bucky Barnes, don't...you're our friend...please, don't do this...you remember Howard...you don't?...Okay, look at me, please, look at me...You remember Captain America? Your friend? Steve Rogers! Please, please, listen to me, you're Bucky Barnes. Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes."

"No" he growled and panicked because why were these words affecting him? The Asset should not be affected, the Asset did not have memories. He moved to strangle her again but she had gained the confidence of a dying woman holding on to that last vine.

"No! No, you listen to me Soldier, you listen to me!" she commanded all of a sudden and the Asset was shocked again because people didn't command him when he was sent to kill them. They pleaded. They didn't meet his eyes with this fire. Something was screaming in his head and he was being pulled back into that limbo again.

"You are James Buchanan Barnes, do you hear me? I don't know what happened to you or who did this, but I know that I have heard enough about you to know who you are. You are not this. You are not a killer.," the woman bit out each word, now clenching his hand firmly in her shaking hands, forcing him to meet her fired up eyes, "You are a good man, a soldier. You are Captain America's best friend and people trust you. We trust you. You will not do this. You will not kill me, do you understand Bucky? You will not become this monster because people trust you. Steve Rogers trusted you and you will not break his trust by doing this."

The Asset is now dropping, falling into that space where he sees hazy images and he steps back in shock, prompting the woman to stagger out of the car, weak but eyes still fixed on him.

"I have a son, I have a boy waiting for me at home, Bucky," she continues firmly and he cannot stop her, not when she is still holding his hand and gaze and calling him Bucky, "I will not die today. His name is Tony, Anthony Stark. The man you just killed? That was my husband. Howard Stark. He helped you and your friends during the war. He was your friend. I am his wife and Tony is his son. You just killed your friend but you will not kill his family. Whatever happened to you, whoever made you this, you will not fall to this level. Do you understand me?"

He is staring at her with confused eyes because he has to kill her but it's like his brain is stuck between her commands and some old Russian commands.

"Do you understand? Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, answer me! Do. You. Understand?" she snaps and even though she is weaker than him in size and strength she makes her voice hard enough that he flinches and drops his hands down, moving back in confusion, staring at her and his hands.

"I--I'm not--I am the Soldat. The Asset," he rasps because his head is hurting and he has too many voices yelling in it, "Mission--Kill Stark, get serum. Mission--"

Her eyes widen in shock before she quickly gets back under control and her voice is softer but words still hard.

"Alright, Soldier," she says firmly despite the fact that her hands are still shaking and her voice is hoarse, "You completed your mission. Got it? It's over. You came here to kill Stark? You've killed Stark. You want the serum? Take it. But you will not harm anybody else today. Not me, not my son."

"No witnesses," he repeats from memory but his voice is hesitant now and the woman's eyes tear up for some reason but she shakes her head firmly.

"No witnesses," she repeats and gestures to herself, "I did not see anything. Okay? I am not a witness if I did not see anything. There are no witnesses. You've completed your mission. Now you will go back and not harm anyone. Is that understood?"

He stands still, not understanding her meaning but she just said that she did not see anything. Does that make her a witness? 

"No witnesses?" he asks this time and it is strange even for himself to have this tone but she grabs on to it and shakes her head firmly.

"No witnesses. Mission completed," she says and something in his body relaxes at those two words. He nods wordlessly before going to the back of the car and retrieving the case of vials from it. 

"Wait!" she commands and he stills, cocking his head at her and she trembles on a breath before gesturing to a camera on a post a small distance from the car, "Destroy that. That's evidence."

He blinks at her and she swallows before clarifying.

"Witnesses. Destroy it," she asserts and he stares for another minute before drawing a gun from his back and shooting at the camera point-blank.

"Mission completed," he mutters out loud and looks at her impassively. She is beginning to cry and flicks a look at the car before taking a shudeering breath and nodding in his direction.

"Mission completed," she agrees and before he can walk away she continues, "Bucky Barnes, I don't know who did this to you but promise me this today. Promise me that you will not come after Tony. Remember his name, Tony Stark and you promise me that you will not harm him. Howard...You promise me that and I promise you, I will repay this debt. Whenever you get out of this...whenever you are back, you come to us. To me or Tony. We will help you. Okay? I promise you this."

He doesn't understand what she means to say but he understand that she wants him to reply something, so he simply nods and walks away, swinging his leg over his bike and riding off.

He doesn't think about a woman who commanded him and changed his mission later. He also doesn't hear a woman's shuddering wail after he leaves.

1991, December 16 - Unknown road - Maria Stark :

She can't breathe. She simply can't breathe from the shock and has to swallow through a closed throat to wet her lips and try speaking.

"Howard...Howard..." she tries to rasp out but nothing solid leaves her lips. She tries to blink her eyes and a dead-end of a road meets her eyes.

"Sergeant Barnes..." she hears Howard's voice and stills. His voice sounds broken but it is the words that catch her attention. Barnes, she thinks and something rings in her memory. A soldier's title. A friend. A -

Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, she thinks with a jolt and remembers all the comics Tony had devoured in his childhood about the guy and Captain America. Bucky Barnes. The loyal friend. She tries to place the name in a context that would make sense right now but then she hears the sound of punches and bites her lips to stop a scream. She has to think. She has to use her few moments to think straight. 

Contrary to popular myth, Maria Stark was not just a trophy wife. She had been born in a family of doctors and scientists, not to mention, had been a promising law student before she had married Howard. She had not just inherited her father's blonde looks, she had also developed her mother's brains. Sure, she tended not to flaunt it in Howard's presence but that was only because he was her husband and she knew how easily his pride was injured. But right now? Right now she couldn't care less for pride or prejudice. She knew even as she heard the second punch that Howard had extremely less chances of survival.

She had to be cold right now, if she wanted to survive. She had to think in terms of numbers and probabilities.

She tried to place her options when she saw a metal arm drop Howard's dead body on the driver's seat. So option A was over. She couldn't trust Howard's mind to help them out. Which left only her.

In the back of her mind she knew that if this was an assassination attempt, Tony would not be left behind for long. And that thought was like fire burning through her skin. Whoever this was, they had come here out of enmity with Howard. She would not let her son get involved into this. Not till she was alive.

Pulling on her last ounce of strength, she steeled herself for the attack and wasn't surprised when a hand closed around her neck. She tried to claw at it, using her nails to her best effect as she targeted the pulse. The hand's strength simply increased and she dug in as hard as she could. When that seemed like it wouldn't work, she threw out everything she could and tried words.

"Barnes...Bucky...please...no...Bucky Barn-...Soldier!...Stop..." she pleaded and demanded in the same voice. She expected her neck to get snapped but did not expect the hand to loosen. She didn't have time for hesitance though and jumped onto that chance with more words.

"Bucky Barnes, don't...you're our friend...please, don't do this...you remember Howard...you don't?..." she turned her head and found him staring down at her with unblinking eyes. Eyes that looked like they had been drugged or washed out of emotion, "Okay, look at me, please, look at me...You remember Captain America? Your friend? Steve Rogers! Please, please, listen to me, you're Bucky Barnes. Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes."

She doesn't know why but she soon realizes that he isn't in his senses. He looks at war with himself and she intends to take full advantage of that. He growls out a denial but even there she can hear confusion and fear, like he is being forced to do this somehow and cannot find his way out.

She finds that fire, that determination to protect herself and her son and begins talking again, throwing confidence in her voice.

"No! No, you listen to me Soldier, you listen to me!" she commands and he looks shocked "You are James Buchanan Barnes, do you hear me? I don't know what happened to you or who did this, but I know that I have heard enough about you to know who you are. You are not this. You are not a killer.," She notes the metal arm and the pained looking expression and gathers that some monster has done this to him. All the stories of Bucky Barnes spoke of a good man and not this killer. She refuses to believe otherwise right now. Seizing her confidence, she caught his hand firmly in her shaking hands, forcing him to meet her eyes, "You are a good man, a soldier. You are Captain America's best friend and people trust you. We trust you. You will not do this. You will not kill me, do you understand Bucky? You will not become this monster because people trust you. Steve Rogers trusted you and you will not break his trust by doing this."

He looks more uncertain now and she sees some part of a hurt animal in him. It strengthens her resolve and she barges ahead.

"I have a son, I have a boy waiting for me at home, Bucky," she says and her heart is breaking at the thought that this man could kill him but she forges ahead, "I will not die today. His name is Tony, Anthony Stark. The man you just killed? That was my husband. Howard Stark. He helped you and your friends during the war. He was your friend. I am his wife and Tony is his son. You just killed your friend but you will not kill his family. Whatever happened to you, whoever made you this, you will not fall to this level. Do you understand me?"

When he looks confused again she snaps.

"Do you understand? Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, answer me! Do. You. Understand?"

He stutters then, genuinely scared but also terribly confused, like somebody was talking in his brain.

"I--I'm not--I am the Soldat. The Asset," he whispers and she hears somebody having drilled that information into him, "Mission--Kill Stark, get serum. Mission--"

Her brain throws words like POW, Hydra, torture and more at her. At any other time she would have felt compassion for him but now she is more concerned about getting out alive. 

"Alright, Soldier," she says and doesn't give two hoots about this serum Howard had thought safe to carry with them, "You completed your mission. Got it? It's over. You came here to kill Stark? You've killed Stark. You want the serum? Take it. But you will not harm anybody else today. Not me, not my son."

The SSR could deal with this serum, whatever it was. She didn't care as long as she and Tony were left alone.

"No witnesses?" he asks and she had to bite her cheek to keep from screaming but she nods.

"No witnesses." she says firmly, willing to forget it if he just left them alone, "Mission completed"

He visibly relaxes at that and she has to wonder what exactly happened to him. She doesn't have time to think about that because he goes back to the rear of the car and brings out a suitcase. Her eyes travel skywards as she attempts to breathe in when she notes a camera on a post nearby. This could be it, she thinks, this could be her evidence to get him. This could be enough for the SSR to destroy him and anyone he worked for. She could easily have revenge.

But then she thinks about it and realizes that somebody knew about the serum from Howard's circle. Somebody Howard trusted must have betrayed him because not many people knew about this trip. She remembers Daniel's death from a few days back. She remembers Howard being determined on leaving on an unplanned vacation immediately, leaving Tony behind. She remembers Peggy sounding clipped when she had last spoken to Howard about SSR. 

Something wasn't adding up. Somebody was a mole here and if the footage got out, they would gather that she had spoken to Bucky. Or whoever the 'Asset' meant.

"Wait!" she commanded suddenly and he stills, cocking his head at her. Pulling a deep breath, she gestured toward the camera, "Destroy that. That's evidence."

When he continues staring at her, she elaborates a quick lie.

"Witnesses. Destroy it."

She watches as he shoots it on point. He works like a puppet, she realizes and that makes her even more sure that this isn't Bucky Barnes who had fallen from a Hydra train. Whoever he is though, she has one last card to play and she plays it.

He comments that his mission is completed and she agrees before throwing her last ace.

"Bucky Barnes, I don't know who did this to you but promise me this today. Promise me that you will not come after Tony. Remember his name, Tony Stark and you promise me that you will not harm him. Howard..." she breathes and calms herself for a second, offering a barter in the moment, "You promise me that and I promise you, I will repay this debt. Whenever you get out of this...whenever you are back, you come to us. To me or Tony. We will help you. Okay? I promise you this."

She doesn't know if he understands her but he nods after a moment and she takes solace in that as she watches him get on his bike before riding away. Only when she is satisfied that he has left completely does she allow herself to break down. Pushing herself back into the car, she clutches at her dead husband's suit and sobs.

"Howard! Oh God!" she wails and shudders through wrenched sobs, "Oh God! What did you do! Who...Oh God, Howard, why! Please...no, please come back!...Howard!"

She cries till her body is tired of bringing up tears and then fumbles in Howard's pocket for his pager. There is a single emergency number she remembers and she keys it in before letting it fall from her hands and slumping down to cry a bit more, the adrenaline seeping out into fatigue.

Jarvis, Peggy and a few SSR agents arrive in screeching cars and sirens in half an hour. Jarvis takes one look at Howard and resolutely doesn't look back, scooping Maria up gently in his arms instead, murmuring shaken but firm assurances. Peggy gets a horrified look on her face before it falls and the strong willed Director of SSR is back and running, only placing a firm hand on Maria's shoulder when she is done barking orders at the others.

"How?" she asks quietly and Maria has an urge to spit out Barnes' name before she remembers her promise. It is a feeble grasp at hope but she had seen something in his dead eyes that proved that he wasn't himself. Howard had spent his entire life searching for Steve Rogers. He hadn't succeeded but they had never thought to look for Bucky Barnes. Now, having seen him, she feels some crazy part of her think that maybe this is a second chance at righting the past. Or maybe this is just gratitude to someone who remained human despite having been made into a monster.

"Accident," she whispers and knows that the part-truth would carry over. She thinks about her Tony back home and prays fervently that this part of her promise guarantees fulfillment of the other part.

She has everything and nothing to lose at the moment, and she puts her biggest gamble out to play.

Maybe people were wrong. Maybe Howard Stark was not the craziest person in the Stark family. But people also did not know what she would do for her son.

She wasn't very keen on revealing it anytime soon.

Chapter Text

28 May, 1993 - Stark Mansion:

"For the love of God, Stane, let it go," Maria sighed and went through another page of the document she was currently perusing, not bothering to look up at Obadiah's apoplectic face, "He's doing what he's interested in. Leave him be. It's his birthday tomorrow and if he wants to spend it with his godmother, then that's what he should do."

"There's a party tomorrow! We've invited everyone from our associates and important contacts!" Obadiah bit out in a strangled voice, "Now is not the time for Anthony to be pulling a fast one on us! What are we going to tell everyone? That our heir to Stark Industries couldn't bother to come meet them because he's out on a ridiculous camping trip?"

"Peggy will shoot you in the knee cap if you call her trip ridiculous you know? Just warning," Maria hummed casually and rolled her eyes before looking up from the file at Obadiah when the man made a choked noise, "Honestly, Obadiah, you're seething for nothing. It's just another party."

"It's good for networking," Stane countered and plopped himself on the chair in front of Maria, frowning heavily at her, "He's going to turn 21 in a year. He'll be taking over the company then, because you clearly aren't comfortable with him taking over already -"

"And I won't be till he's got himself that Ph.D that he wanted to get," she added in that sweet voice that meant danger for the other person if they poked the issue more. Tony already had one Ph.D but he had been eyeing another one hesitantly, almost ready to throw away the idea when Stane had obnoxiously suggested that Tony take over the company in Howard's absence. Maria hadn't saved her son from a crazy assassin just to have him walked over by Howard's business partner though. 

Which is why she had taken over instead, even though she had to keep Obadiah as the partner, because apparently the world wasn't convinced about letting a woman run a company that manufactured weapons for the military. Peggy had a few choice words over that when they had discussed it in the beginning but even the Director of SSR understood that it was important to pick your battles. Both the women had their husbands forcefully snatched from their lives but both of them had learnt it quickly to keep their thinking hats on all the time. 

"He's going to go soft like this," Stane scoffed and Maria smiled without looking up from her work.

"Better soft than stupid, Obie," she pointed out calmly. Education was extremely important according to her and with Tony's brilliance, she was not going to deprive him of any opportunity to widen his horizons. The business was important and she knew that Tony would have to take over some day, but till he wasn't ready for it, she wanted him to sharpen his already bright mind. Money would save you a lot in life but it was the mind that saved your life, she always said. 

"This is not what Howard would have wanted" Obadiah muttered and Maria stilled before looking up with a blank face.

"Tony is not Howard's mule, Stane," she said coldly, holding the balding man's gaze firm, "He doesn't owe his dreams and life to his dad or me."

The underlying message of leaving it alone was crystal clear and Maria saw it in the grudging nod she got from her business partner. Obadiah was smart, sometimes too smart in her eyes, but he was invaluable to the company. He had been with Howard for a long time and knew their clients, not to mention had their trust more than anyone else. Sure, he was a bit smarmy and Peggy didn't like the look of him, but Maria could gamble well by now and she was keeping Stane where he was. 

When Stane mumbled about something he had to do with some General, she simply smiled and nodded him out of her study, not bothering to watch if he left. She had Jarvis for that. The British snark-spitting butler was always smug when he had to guide Stane out of the mansion. Tony liked to call it the 'Jarvasauras Look', which apparently meant that Jarvis would bite Stane's head off if he dallied late. 

As she sat in the echoing silence of his departure, Maria took a moment to think back at the last couple of years. She was now building up a long list of secrets all starting from the one about the accident. Peggy had been suspicious at first but what exactly could she counter with? Maria was not supposed to know about the serum and if they let it out that Howard did, then the world would begin questioning the SSR about illegal experimentation. Or worse, Stark Industries could come under a lot of heat citing repercussions of an assassination plot. The accident bit had been easier than Maria had imagined. It hurt, it hurt more than anything she had experienced, to not rally around and bring justice to her husband. But Maria was too pre-occupied with making sure that her son and herself were safe to avenge the past. 

Whom would she get revenge from anyway? A man who was believed dead and now appeared to be a puppet to some nefarious people? Maria didn't know anything about Bucky Barnes post his famed fall from the train. She didn't know who he was right now, but she knew that he was hurt and wronged by someone. He was being controlled, being forced to do something against his will. Maria didn't know if vengeance was something she could extract from someone who probably didn't have a life of his own anymore.

Peggy had become closer to her and Tony after Howard's death. While she knew the woman pleasantly before, Maria came to trust her and admire her completely in the past few years. While Howard had named her godmother for show on Tony's birth, it seemed like the relationship was blooming for real now. Peggy had a large family, with relatives pouring in from many parts. Tony had lost a major part of his childhood to the cold shouldered affection of a busy father and a dejected mother, but now Maria figured that she would try to make him feel the warmth of a real family. Initially, Tony and Peggy clashed like a sword and shield. Tony had a deep-rooted defiance against anything that reminded him of Captain America and Peggy was the brightest reminder there was. Maria had attempted to intervene but Peggy had assured her that they would work it out on their own.

And they had quite marvelously. Peggy didn't bow down to Tony's haughtiness and Tony wasn't cowed by Peggy's achievements. They learnt to form respect for each other's strengths over ribbing Edwin, stripping down weapons, and resilience to rejection. It was only a matter of time before Peggy kept an open door for Tony to come over and discuss his doctorate topics, raid her kitchen for Micheal's (Peggy's brother) special cookie parcel or just pick up old electronics to fiddle with. 

Of course, the tension completely vanished when Tony found his No.1 fan in Peggy's niece, Sharon. It was kind of ridiculous how the little blonde girl would follow him around awestruck as he yapped about Artificial Intelligence, robots, flying suits and such. Sharon quickly turned out to be his audience for most of the inventions he made, whenever she would come down for the vacations. Tony even had a special corner in his workshop titled Ronnie's Area where he let Dum-E and Sharon play and learn whatever they wanted to.

Maria shook her head with a smile at the reminiscence. With a soft sigh, she got back to work, preparing mentally for the party the next day.

************

29 May, 1993 - Calver Cottage, Greenwich Village:

"Oh come on!" Tony whined, no not whined, complained, as he was dragged physically by Joseph to the hall of the cottage they had rented, "It's the middle of the night! Go back to sleep you damned zombies!"

"Look who's talking!" Mandy shot back from where she was standing near her uncle Harry. Tony made a face and poked his tongue out at her, which she dutifully returned. Amanda 'Mandy' Carter-Sousa was the eldest of the Carter-Sousa siblings and Tony was only three years older to her. She looked nothing like Peggy but more like her grandmother, whose namesake she was. Roger, the younger sibling, on the other hand was really young at just seven. Still, he was a year older than Sharon, who was now beaming up at Tony from beside Roger.

"Happy birthday, Tony!" she squealed and immediately everyone else groaned about surprises and ruining the whole effect. Tony though, ignored them all and beamed back at Sharon, freeing his shirt from Jo's grasp and crouching so that he could tackle the little girl into an exaggerated bear hug.

"You're all losers. I hate surprises. Ronnie's the best! Aren't you, Ronnie?" he asked into her hair and she leaned away to nod vehemently, her grin spilling out of her face.

"Ugh, sap-attack," Mandy rolled her eyes but looked fond when she added, "Happy birthday, Starky."

"Thanks, Sousy" Tony shot back with an eye-roll, ducking in time to escape her thwack on his head.

"Yeah, happy birthday pal," Joseph slapped him on the back with a grin before turning to his mom, "Now can we eat the cake? What? I'm hungry! You made me wake up an HOUR ago to drag him down! Mom! Moooom!"

Joseph was the stark opposite of Sharon in looks, with his dark hair and striking blue eyes, not to mention his absolute love for food where Sharon was picky. He was a big goofball though, and Tony preferred to simply roll his eyes at the lug when he got all slap-stick. He had enough of sassing opportunity with Mandy, who was sharp as a whip and could meet anyone toe-to-toe. Tony hadn't stopped cackling for weeks when she had casually asked Rhodey out last Christmas, telling him that he had moderate biceps. Rhodey had nearly dropped his jaw when she had asked him if he was sexually active. Peggy had stopped the whole thing before Mandy skewered Rhodey with any more dangerous questions. Speaking of Peggy -

"So, entering 21," her voice came from directly behind him and Tony smirked as he turned around.

"You're making it sound like I'm entering a haunted place," he pointed and Peggy raised an eyebrow.

"Well, young man, another year has passed. What are your plans now?" she asked in a prim voice and Tony had to bite his cheek to not snigger as Mandy rolled her eyes and left, grumbling about embarrassing dorks for a family.

"Well, my lady, I was hoping to find a fair maiden this year, now that I enter another stage of this adventurous life," Tony replied theatrically and Peggy's lips twitched when he wagged his eyebrows.

"And how will you provide for this fair maiden?"

"With the unending wealth of my father, of course," Tony replied with a flourish and both of them stared at each other for a moment before Peggy cracked up, followed by Tony.

"You're such a horrible actor," Tony wheezed and Peggy sniffed in response.

"I'll have you know that I am an excellent actress. I have it on good record," Peggy corrected him with a sly grin.

"Uh-uh. Getting an approval from Angie means nothing," Tony rolled his eyes and squawked when Peggy ruffled his already mussed hair, "Lady, my precious hairstyle!"

"Oh do shut up, Anthony," she rolled her eyes and he responded with a snort at the full name before accepting a fond hug from her," Happy birthday"

"Thanks. Did mom call yet?" Tony asked as he entangled himself from her hug with a mock-face.

"She did call some time back but I told her you'll call back when we wake you up," she replied and gestured to the house-phone on the table at the corner. Tony shot her a sloppy salute at that and she lightly cuffed his neck with a grin.

"You're okay with being here today, right?" she asked quietly and Tony knew that Peggy wouldn't ask just for the sake of appearance. He shrugged but his eyes were soft as he answered.

"I know to drive back if I get bored, Margaret," he said cheekily and she sighed about kids this age exaggeratedly but did leave the room, presumably to go check on the others and the cake.

Tony walked over to the phone and called home, waiting as the line rang thrice before a familiar voice came along.

"Stark residence," Jarvis spoke politely and Tony grinned into the phone.

"I'm stuck with bats, Jarvis. Rescue me," he said instead of answering the greeting and knew that the butler would be hiding a fond sigh at Tony's 'maturity'.

"Hello to you too, Master Tony," the British man answered, "Happy birthday"

"Aww shucks, old man, let's not celebrate growing old," Tony replied with a grin and now he heard the fond sigh clearly, chalking it up to a win, "Where's mom?"

"Transferring the call now," Jarvis said politely and Tony waited another minute before a female voice came on the line.

"Tell me I'm not the last one to wish you," Tony laughed at the insistent tone in his mother's voice and closed his eyes to lean back against the wall and imagine her face.

"Nope, Rhodey hasn't called yet" he assured her and huffed a chuckle at her relieved sound.

"Great. Happy birthday, sweetheart," Maria wished him and before Tony could shoot back a quip, she continued, "No, I'm not going to get Ms. Potts to go out on a date with you as a birthday gift."

"Joykill" Tony muttered with an amused smirk.

"Crassy-boy," Maria tutted and Tony rolled his eyes, "I do have another gift for you though."

"Mom, I swear, if you get me another STD awareness and prevention kit this year..." he warned, remembering the gag-gift she had given him with an innocent smile last year.

"Well, every growing man who wants to keep his penis safe and not chopped off by his godmother or mother, needs condoms, dear," she said sagely and he choked on a laugh before she continued, "No, this one's different. I promise you'll like it."

"Well, I suppose it will be better than the pajamas I got Obie for Christmas," he conceded and heard silence on the other end for a minute before Maria hummed in agreement.

"Alright, look, I have to go now. There's a lot of work left for the party," Maria spoke up after a while, "But I'll call you later, okay?"

"Mom, I should be there..." Tony spoke up, feeling guilty again about dumping this party on his mother's head.

"Nonsense. You'll have enough and more parties to schmooze at later," she dismissed the concern firmly, "Now, be safe and have fun, alright sweetheart?"

"Yes, Mother," Tony replied with an eye-roll.

"Mouthy, mouthy," she tutted before adding fondly, "Love you, bambino."

"Love me too, mom," he replied even though he knew that his mom understood. Appearances of being cool mattered sometimes.

As he kept the phone back down, Tony let himself have a minute of silence, wondering how things might have been different if his mom hadn't survived the accident with Howard. He would probably be at the Mansion right now, dressed to the nines, drowning himself in alcohol as he waited to follow Obie's instructions of schmoozing. He had always been a bit messed up but imagining a time without his mom, he knew that he would have been an absolute mess. There would have been no trips with the Carter-Sousa family, no midnight cake surprises, no fond calls from home, and definitely no family. He would have become a much more damaged version of his dad.

He didn't vocalize it enough or loud but the simple fact that his mother had survived changed his life. He clung to that part of his life with both hands and worked hard to make sure that he didn't miss this chance.

"Hey, Starky! You're missing cake!" Mandy's voice hollered from the other room and Tony smiled briefly to himself before jogging off in search of promised cake.

*********************

7 April, 1994 - Hydra base - Rwanda- :

The mission had been successful. The Asset had no memory of some of the failures the junior agents were talking about around him, but he knew that this mission had been successful. It had been relatively easy, firing the missiles to the aircraft from the surface. The Asset had done his homework on the routine and pattern of the presidential jet in advance and hitting the target had been child's play.

The Dassault Falcon had carried the President of Rwanda. The Asset did not care. He simply cared about hitting the target and completing the mission. A junior agent claimed that this was the second Presidential assassination of the Asset. He didn't respond. He didn't remember.

"Your arm is dented," the handler noted and the Asset blinked blankly at him. The Asset did not recognize him but then the Asset did not recognize a lot of people. He had introduced himself as Alexander Pierce but the Asset had only cared for the Hail Hydra at the end of the introduction. He said that he was to be the Asset's new handler and that the old one was dead.

The Asset knew death intimately but did not know grief. He simply nodded and sat on the Chair.

"You did a good job yesterday, Soldier," the handler, Pierce, spoke again and the Asset looked up calmly at him, "You are changing the face of this century, you know that?"

The Asset simply stared at the man, not knowing what to answer.

"The President. He is dead?" he asked in a gravelly voice and Pierce seemed pleased by the question.

"Yes. Yes, he is," he said softly, a strangely fond look in his eyes that made the Asset's insides twist. He simply nodded and closed his eyes, indicating that he was ready to go back to rest.

He wasn't wiped this time before the ice came. The Asset didn't know if the handler was a fool or someone smarter than the rest. They always wiped him after a mission.

He didn't ask about it. He didn't care.

There was some strange voice in his head that sounded like a young man saying he cared. It then changed to that of a woman repeating the same message. 

The Asset welcomed the ice with the voice in his head freezing as his body did.

He didn't care. He didn't feel.

He was ice.

******

Chapter Text

"Can you, for maybe two minutes, sit without squirming or flirting with the help?" Pepper Potts hissed and Tony turned his eyes to the side, catching the gaze of the woman sitting in front of the piano with a soft smile.

"I take it back," he groaned, yelping when Pepper tugged at his hair, "Gimme Mrs. A. You can have this one!"

"It's not a good idea to antagonize your secretary right before she becomes your secretary, dear," Maria hummed and smirked when Pepper proved her right by pinching Tony's shoulder in a guise of picking out dust.

"She's going to kill me!" Tony whined and glared at Pepper when she made an exasperated sound.

"I'm right here and if I had to kill you the I would have got you a decaf this morning," she rolled her eyes at the horrified expression on Tony's face. He craned his neck above her bent head and glared at his mother instead.

"I agreed to become CEO, not a test dummy for Claws Of The Red Dragon," he informed her jerking his head in Pepper's direction but Maria simply shrugged, prompting a long-suffering sigh from Tony, "You know, you don't have to -"

"I know. But I am coming," Maria cut him short without looking up.

"You have a broken arm and -" he reminded her.

"And you are a broken record," she quipped back without missing a beat.

"This is going to be such bad press," Tony shook his head and both Pepper and Maria paused to stare at him, "What?"

"Nothing, grandpa," Maria commented and Tony had no qualms about scowling at her.

"Mom, you heard the Doc say -"

"Tony," she looked up and caught his gaze in a firm one of her own, "My son is taking over as the CEO of his company today. I am not missing that or watching it on television. Not for the world and this is just a broken arm. I am fine. I survived the fall, I can survive a sling on my shoulder for a few hours too."

"You look like shit," Tony shot back and didn't wince when Maria's gaze hardened, "Well, lovely shit but still shit. Your eye is purple and your lip is some shade of it too. You had a freaking neck brace yesterday. You. Should. Not. Come."

"Ms. Potts, can I have a moment with Mr. Stark, please?" Maria addressed Pepper politely and Pepper looked between mother and son before nodding gracefully and taking her leave. SHe turned her gaze back to Tony once the door had closed and both of them held each other's stare for a few minutes till she sighed and shifted on the piano bench, patting the seat beside her.

Tony didn't move a muscle and she shot him a look till he huffed before complying. He walked the short distance and sat on the ivory bench, jaw working and staring down at the beautiful piano keys.

"You know the first song I ever taught you on this piano?" she asked him in an amused voice that Tony didn't respond to but she still continued, "It was right after we had come back from your first Broadway show. It was raining, wasn't it? I remember telling you to wear your coat but you were feeling too 'itchy' about it. Dozed off right in the middle of the show too, but you liked one particular song. So when we came back home, you were adamant that I sing to you on the piano. Wouldn't eat your dinner till I did it."

"Yeah, and dad yelled at you for that," Tony snorted bitterly but Maria let that one slide in lieu of bumping Tony's foot with her own.

"You remember the song?"

Tony stayed silent for a couple of minutes, eyes still averted from his mom but finally nodded once.

"Play it for me, won't you?"

"Mom..."

"Well, I would do it myself but..." Maria looked at her slinged arm with an exaggerated sad look and Tony tilted his head with narrowed eyes before breathing out with a small grin.

Maria heard her son mutter something that suspiciously sounded like 'drama queen' under his breath but then his hands came up and fingers rested on the beautiful white and black keys.

Try to remember the kind of September

When life was slow and oh so mellow

Maria closed her eyes, listening to her son's voice transport her to a time when she had sung this in the presence of Howard. Right before they had left the house for that vacation that never happened.

Try to remember the kind of September

When grass was green and grain so yellow

She hadn't told the truth about the 'accident' to anyone yet. Especially not to Tony. While her reasons had been sentimental at first, now it was simply a need to keep Tony from hating Howard even further. She knew why they were attacked and it hadn't taken her long to reason that Howard knew about the risks of taking the serum with them without any protection. He had lied to her. He had lied about going on a vacation because that hadn't been a vacation. That had been an escape, to where she didn't know but it had been an escape, she was sure of. She understood that need but it was difficult to rationalize that Howard had been ready to put everything and everybody at risk for yet another 'mission' or adamance of his. Also, she was still not sure about this whole 'everything is transparent and secure' SSR business, despite how much she trusted Peggy. She had learnt it the hard way that people could be fooled and Peggy Carter was just another person. Maria had no interest in becoming a hero though, which meant that she had no business in going out of her way to wipe out the dirt if it existed. 

All she wanted was to keep her family safe. Letting the sound of the lilting music fill her, she joined in for the next verse.

Try to remember the kind of September

When you were a young and a callow fellow

Try to remember and if you remember

Then follow--follow, oh-oh

She heard rather than saw Tony turn to face her but continued to keep her eyes closed and sing in harmony with him, not letting go till the entire verse was done.

"You fell. Down the stairs," Tony spoke when his fingers had stopped over the keys and Maria let her eyes open, "Mom, if Jarvis hadn't seen you in time, you could have -"

"But I didn't," Maria cut him short softly, because she could see the white knuckles at tight jaw, "I didn't and I am here. Right next to you. Alive and fine."

"You almost weren't" Tony said quietly and wasn't that the kicker. That Tony wouldn't let it go because he had been reminded that he had almost lost Maria again. That he hadn't been there to save her or do anything again. 

Maria sighed and placed a hand on the clenched fist of her son.

"Tony," she squeezed his wrist till he unclenched his fist, "You can't always save me"

"Way to make me feel better" Tony tensed and tried to get his hand away but Maria held on and met his eyes when he looked up sharply.

"You cannot save people all the time," she repeated firmly before softening at the hunted look in her son's eyes, "Life's not a smooth ride, bambino. You cannot be safe all the time. But when you fall and get hurt, it's important to remember that you can get back up. I get it, I get that you're worried and darling, if this had happened to you, I would be worried too. But I am not going to let one bad thing stop me from watching the proudest moment of my life happen."

"Me taking over you is your proudest moment?" Tony snorted, voice a bit unsteady but the smirk in place, "You really don't have an adventurous life, mom."

"You starting your career is my proudest moment," Maria corrected without missing a beat, "Years from now, when the world will be used to your success and talk about the day the Stark heir became the person of his own, I want to be able to remember it in person."

"Oh God, you sap," Tony bumped her shoulder with his own but she could read the happiness in his eyes and simply leaned in to kiss his cheek, ignoring his groan that she would get lipstick all over him.

The press conference was a disaster from the word go and Maria was burning with a cold rage as she watched the reporters tear into Tony because of Howard's legacy. The fact, the very fact that Tony was a genius in his own right seemed to matter nothing to the mongrels who were in for a pound of flesh. Her eyes shifted sharply to Obadiah who was trying to divert the questions to himself.

"He'll handle it," Bambi Arbogast, her secretary, said quietly from her side.

"Obadiah is not going to be the CEO. He shouldn't be the one handling things," Maria replied quietly and got a small scoff from the woman who was the most efficient person she had known.

"I meant Mr. Stark," Bambi said and Maria shot her an impressed look for the sheer confidence the lady had.

It turned out that Bambi was right when Tony found his footing and smoothly took over the questions from Stane. It was like watching a conductor manage the most complicated symphony, Maria thought absently as she watched her son alternate between being razor sharp and smooth as honey. It reminded her of Howard and she inhaled deep to squash down that line of thought.

Once all the formalities were done and the swarm of reporters were being managed, Maria caught Tony's eye and gestured that she'd be in the car. Tony nodded and was about to move when it happened.

One minute he was getting off the podium and the next minute he was getting stabbed. Maria watched her son go down in cold horror and felt a roaring in her ears.

"Mrs. Stark, we have to move," Bambi whispered urgently and firm in her ear, wrapping her arms around a stunned Maria protectively as she tried to steer her away, "Come on, boss, we have to move. There'll be a riot here soon. Come on."

Pepper Potts had begun thundering orders for some medical attention but Maria could see all that only as a blur as she focused on the fallen body of her son. The assailant was being held by a few people but he was strong, definitely skilled, and somehow managed to get away and moved forward to probably take another shot. In a blur of movements someone from the nearby crowd jumped in between the assailant and Tony's prone body to land sharp, heavy punches at the assailant. Maria didn't recognize him, this stranger, but he was definitely trained and skilled going by his fighting stance and bounced on his toes like he was a boxer.

She let herself be led away quickly, the last view she caught being of the stranger-boxer knocking the assailant cold and shrugging off someone trying to ask him something, instead kneeling next to Tony's body which was now being swarmed by medical personnel.

Hours later, when Tony would be pronounced safe and out of danger, she would meet the man who had saved him - Harold Hogan, a retired boxer.

Thirty minutes into their conversation, she would offer him a job as Tony's bodyguard.

Five minutes into Harold's first conversation with Tony, Tony would critique him on his grumpy demeanor and rename him 'Happy' Hogan.

Ten minutes into the same conversation, Happy would promise to teach Tony some self-defense, and Maria would see the stubborn look in the burly man's eyes - the one that came with anyone who unknowingly became protective of Tony Stark.

"Well, it certainly is an interesting start," Pepper commented as she got into her first press release as Tony's secretary and Maria heard it as a premonition for a lifetime.

********

"Have you ever considered what would happen if we stopped making weapons?"

Pepper blinked and frowned at her boss and friend who was still working on his file albeit without full focus.

"We'd be shutting down the company?" she answered with a questioning tone to her statement.

Tony shot her a perusing look before looking back down at his file in silence.

Pepper was a bit flummoxed and even though she had heard a lot of strange statements from this man ever since he had taken over as CEO, this one seemed to be a tad serious. She thought about it, even as she knew that the obvious answer would be that they would have to shut down. Maria and Obadiah had managed to keep the company floating and mildly successful till Tony had taken over, but it had still not been on the position that Howard Stark had left it in. Stark Industries was rooted in Army contracts. That was the Stark legacy, the one that Tony had inherited and was restructuring to grow into something bigger.

Something better, he said usually.

Taking a look at the man before her, Pepper thought about his question for a minute, trying it out for size. What would happen if they stopped manufacturing weapons?

She drew a blank after a couple of gadgets and possible inventions, none enough to sustain them for a long run.

No, she thought firmly, they wouldn't survive as a company if they stopped being who they were made to be. Weapons were their way to go.

Besides, she thought, they were doing what was good for the country at large too. Protecting their soldiers and having their back with the best defense technology could create. That was in itself a good reason to continue.

Removing the thought from her head, she went about with her work, pushing any idea of getting out from the weapons industry out of her mind.

That wasn't going to happen.

________

Hydra Base, Mexico:

It was almost a bust, despite having achieved the hit. Somebody had recorded a video of it and he had almost been caught.

"Suspicions have arisen," he heard his handler talk to a man in a suit, a younger looking man, "The target's spouse has begun a separate investigation into the issue. If she tracks out the truth, then our purpose will be dissolved."

"We could mislead her," the suited man answered and the Asset's handler scoffed.

"Too much time and risk involved," he shook his head and shot the Asset a look, "Besides, it is only fitting that she joins her husband in his sacrifice."

"Sending him again in such a short duration -"

One sharp look and the suited man was silenced. The Asset watched coolly as his handler came closer to him and stared at him, like he was trying to find something on his face.

"Maybe it's time to try one of the others," he mused and the Asset blinked but then the handler spoke over his shoulder, "Get SSX 2 ready. It's time to give the next Soldier a shot."

The Asset did not speak but he knew whom they were talking about. One of the other five, the ones locked like ferals in the basement of another base.

He didn't have any opinion on the matter and simply stared ahead, the visual of shooting the target, Colosio, running through his mind. He didn't remember what number this target came in. Was he beyond the 100 mark? What was his record? Did he have any comparison and would the other five match up to him?

The Asset mused through the questions but didn't get a chance to ask them as he saw the latest doctor come into his line of sight, to begin work on his malfunctioning arm's nerve connections.

The Asset wondered if any of the other five had an arm like his.

He had a strange thought that he hoped they didn't.

Staring impassively at the wall in front of him, he held still as the plates of his arm were opened and the first poke came through.

Then he simply welcomed the pain.

Chapter Text

Maria got the call from James Rhodes at 2 a.m.

"I'm sorry," James said as soon as she picked up, "I'm so sorry."

"What is it, Jim?" she asked because James never apologized unless he truly believed that he had done something wrong. Even then, even during those rare occasions, Maria had found that he always made sure to find a solution, so if he was calling her in the middle of the night with these opening words, she knew it was something serious.

"Tony's humvee got ambushed," he said in a tight voice and Maria came awake alert when she put things together to remember that her son had gone to a weapons test and exhibit. It was supposed to be somewhere deep in Afghanistan and they had been tensed about this one, the Jericho, because it was by far, the most lethal design from Tony's mind. James had accompanied him as usual and there was nobody better suited for the job as liaison to SI as him. Both her sons, because James was as much that as Tony by now, traveled together and Maria had slowly learnt to stop feeling anxious for Tony's safety with the constant presence of James, Happy, Pepper and JARVIS, the AI Tony had created after the death of their beloved friend Edwin. Now though, the fear and anxiety hit like a bullet train and she had to remember to breathe for a minute before she could continue to listen.

" - hello? Deep breaths. Geez, I didn't mean to -"

"I'm fine, Jim," she spoke at last, "Is he alive?"

"Yes," James said without a moment of doubt, "He's missing, his humvee got ambushed and hit mid-way back from the presentation and he's an idiot because he went in a different humvee, but he is alive."

"How do you know it?" she asked because if his humvee was hit then -

"Mrs. S, he's alive, okay?" James said firmly, "I just wanted to be the one to call you and tell this because there's going to be a load of press and backlash come morning. Pepper'll get a call right away but I wanted to tell you first. He's alive, Mrs. S. I know it and I know that you have to believe in that too."

There was a pause for a second and Maria took a deep breath as James seemed to collect his thoughts.

"I'll find him," he said quietly, "I promise you this, I will find him. I'm sorry I couldn't watch his back -"

"No, don't," Maria interrupted with a hard swallow even as she got up and took out her tab to check up on Happy and Pepper, "Jim, don't do that to yourself. I am glad that you are safe and I need you to understand that too. You have his back, I trust you. And you will find him. I know."

"Yeah..yeah, I will," James muttered as though he was convincing himself and Maria made a note to call up Roberta to inform her that Jim could use a call from her, because if she knew James even a bit, he wouldn't have called his mom yet. Sometimes Roberta and maria wondered where their sons' self-preservation and self-concern sense got misplaced. "I'll send you more details as I get them. Don't give out statements as much as possible and don't -"

"-believe everything on the news, yes I know, Jim," she said with an involuntary small smile, "Not my first 'rodeo' as you kids call it."

"Should be the last," James said in a tone that meant that he was going to make sure it was and Maria shook her head but thanked the fates that this man existed in their lives, "I gotta go now, but I'll be in touch, okay?"

"Stay safe, Jim," she said in reply.

"I'll bring him back"

"I know. You stay safe too," she said again and heard a shaky breath on the other side before James agreed and cut the line. She stared down at her phone for a few minutes as her head chanted the same message over and over again.

Tony was missing. Tony was missing. Tony was -

She grit her jaw and forced a deep breath out before calling a number on her speed dial.

"Maria? What's wrong?" Roberta Rhodes asked as soon as she picked the call after five rings.

"The Afghanistan presentation went FUBAR," she said shortly, using military slang that the Rhodes household was well versed in, "There was an ambush."

"Tony or Jimmy?," Roberta asked calmly because she was hardly a woman who got shaken up in the face of threat, a reason Maria admired her and sought her out for friendship and support.

"Tony," Maria answered and heard sounds of rustling sheets, which meant that Roberta was getting out of bed, "Jim just called. Tony is missing."

"Can we come over now or in the morning?" Roberta asked quietly, her voice calm but firm.

"You don't have to, I'm fine -"

"Mari, do we come over now or in the morning?" Roberta repeated her question in a tone that brooked no chance of being dismissed, "No way in hell you're being alone. So don't."

"Bertie, you need to call Jim"

"And I will call that boy as soon as you tell me if I can haul my ass there right away or if you want time till the morning," Roberta sighed like she was rolling her eyes, "What, your big old Tower doesn't have cell reception or something? I can call him anywhere. And he's fine if he called you."

"Sleep now," Maria said with a shaky breath, "I'll be fine for a few more hours."

"Uh-uh, sure," Roberta was smart enough to not bluntly call the bluff and continued, "Tony is a smart kid. He's gonna get out of there, wherever he is. And my boy Jimmy ain't gonna sit his ass till he finds that kid, I know that. You know that. So I don't wanna hear about you doing something stupid and panicking, alright?"

"Yeah, I know" Maria breathed out, running a shaking hand over her face.

"Maria," Roberta's voice softened and she sighed before continuing, "He's gonna be fine, you hear me?"

"I know"

"Good, now I'm gonna come down there in the morning and we're gonna figure this out, all of us together," Roberta promised her old friend, "You want me to call Peggy about it or you gonna do it?"

"No, no, don't call her," Maria shook her head, "I'll talk to Amanda in the morning. Peggy is already not doing all that well."

"She's gonna kick your ass if she finds out from someone else," Roberta informed her bluntly, "He's her godson and my son too. Don't go hoarding all the panic, woman. Also, she might know people who can help."

"I'll call Amanda, Bertie," Maria said with a sigh and Roberta made a non-committal noise but agreed.

"Fine, your call," Roberta replied calmly and paused before adding in a softer tone, "Your boy's a fighter, Mari. Whoever's got him, they've got the wrong hellcat on their hands. He's gonna get outta there blazing."

"Thanks, Bertie," Maria said quietly as she closed her eyes for a minute, "Call Jim. He has Tony's habit of blaming himself."

"Nah, that he got from his Daddy," Roberta chuckled, "I'll talk to him, don't worry. Now sleep as much as possible, okay? And don't watch any crap on the TV. Dumb people don't know shit and still keep yapping."

"Goodnight, Roberta," Maria said on a fond exhale.

"I don't know about that, but yeah, some night," the other woman snorted and Maria was shaking her head as she cut the call. She got Pepper's message that the young woman had gotten James' call as well and that she would be dropping in by the morning too. Maria shot off a text to her telling her that she was fine.

And she was fine for another hour, where she went through Tony's itinerary for the visit. It was only when she was checking her phone for previous messages that she broke down on finding a message from Tony.

Hey, old bird. Kinda stuck. Don't panic. Trust Rhodey. Keep JARVIS on you ATT.

He had texted her. He had messaged her when he had been ambushed. At a time when he might have needed every second to save himself, he had texted her.

Nobody was there to hear Maria break down over her son just as nobody must have been there for him as he went down.

*******

"I'm going to kill him when he gets back," Amanda Sousa muttered under her breath as she rubbed her forehead and read the latest press release Pepper and her team had drafted, "I'm telling you, I actually am going to kill him."

"Bite your tongue," Sharon said in an absent-minded tone as she frowned over the last couple of locations Rhodey had ticked off in his month long search, "Happy is hopping on a hair trigger and he might actually tase you if he thinks you're serious."

"I am," Amanda said mullishly, brushing off her dark brown hair from her forehead, "He is such a dick for not sticking by his security."

"You're just mad because you care," Joseph said in his sagely wisdom and Amanda shot him a glare she only reserved for her worst clients or when her opposing lawyer was being a sexist pig.

"All of us care, that is hardly the point here," she said in a clipped tone that always reminded the cousins of Peggy, "The point is that he deliberately endangered himself and the -"

"Mandy, can we not?" Jeanette said pointedly as she gestured at the door where Maria and Pepper were coming in. Amanda huffed a little but nodded at the other woman, who was going through her brother's last record of messages. Jeanette was not as influential or anyway related to the military as Rhodey but she possessed the patience and ability to defuse situations that her older brother sometimes lacked. She had flown in the previous week after her mom called to tell her that they had still not found Tony. Jeanie was just as close to the genius as Rhodey but unlike her brother, she was not quite frequently in touch because of her job and family. Still, they did always manage time to catch up and her daughter Lila was already in awe of Tony's passion for mechanics and robotics. 

The gang of friends and cousins had come together over time. Amanda Sousa, Sharon Carter, Roger Sousa and Joseph Carter were cousins and Tony was connected to them as Peggy Carter's godson. Rhodey got into the group when he became best friends with Tony and Jeanie got dragged in completely when Amanda moved to D.C seven years ago and they became neighbors. Of course, there were the Jones twins, Naomi and Nate apart from Liliana 'Lilo' Dugan who were currently away but still kept in touch. She had seen over time how the dynamic of this strange little group worked. Amanda and Naomi, whenever the latter was away from her museum work, were the unnamed leaders of the gang. Tony and Sharon came in second, even if Rhodey always insisted that he was there too. Nate and Joseph were more laid-back in their nature and rarely got into arguments with anyone. Lilo was more similar to Jeanie herself, and they stuck to being the cool headed ones of the group. Roger and Rhodey, despite their stark contrasts, were more similar in thinking and opinions, the young Sousa an identical copy of his dad while Rhodey was the same of theirs. 

They were all fierce in whatever they did : love, fight, protect, rebuke, support and hate. Maybe it was because their mothers were such good friends or maybe it was because they all came from homes that were a little broken, but the BETA gang (blew everything, try again) was always there to catch whenever one of them fell. Through Amanda's divorce clusterfuck, Sharon's little rebellion to follow Peggy Carter's footsteps, Nate's decision to transition, Roger's decision to change course and join the police force, Tony's paparazzi messes, Joseph's drug problem - there were endless examples but one common factor, they always held together.

Now that one of them was missing and being presumed dead, they had come back to comb through every possible point to get him back. Jeanie knew that out of them all, apart from Rhodey, Mandy was the closest to Tony, even if Sharon was his presumed favorite. Amanda and Tony had grown up as 'heirs' of legacies. They were both burdened with great expectations and sometimes, that went a little nasty when they tried to break out of the mold. Now. with Peggy Carter retired and Maria Stark handling her own Foundation, Mandy and Tony had their breathing space but they always shared a different kind of understanding.  The ruthless lawyer had refused to become part of Stark Legal to avoid messing up their personal and professional lives but she still remained Tony and Pepper's confidant on major matters.

"Any news?" Sharon asked as she observed Maria and Pepper walk in with drawn tight faces. 

"Nothing new," Maria grit out and Pepper shot her a cautionary look but said nothing. The 61 year old stalwart was growing tired of no improvement in the situation and the pressure was getting to her in small ways. Obadiah was handling the company in Tony's absence and Pepper was fielding the press as much as she could but Maria was invariably dragged to the forefront in pursuit of 'emotional scoop'. 

Jeanie shared a look with Pepper and got up to distract the Stark matriarch into taking a break as the others stayed quiet, knowing the gravity of the situation for Maria.

"I am going to kill whoever took him," Amanda said as soon as Maria had left the room.

"That's more like it," Sharon agreed and went back to plotting possible locations Rhodey might have overlooked in the region he was currently supposed to be scouting.

**********

The second month of waiting was pure hell for a different reason altogether. It was a jolt nobody needed and nobody expected.

"How the hell did this happen?" Peggy bit out from her chair as she glared futilely at the ICU door.

"Construction accident," Roger said as he ran a hand through his dark locks, the other hand clenching at his side, "She was standing directly below it when the ceiling fell."

"Why was she there?! She should have been at home!" Sharon breathed in ragged and paced before Peggy as she shot glares in the direction of Amanda, who was blasting the hell out of Obadiah for not arranging better security, "Why was she even there?"

"She needed a distraction," Pepper said tightly and breathed out shakily when Happy squeezed her shoulder, "She said that she couldn't stay at home any longer and the Foundation's work for the Veterans' Homes is still on-going, so she thought she could go check it over. I didn't -- we never -- this wasn't supposed to happen."

"She'll be fine," Happy said quietly and Pepper shook her bowed head, "She'll be fine, Pepper."

"She better be," Peggy swore even as she blinked back tears as she felt her family fall apart around her.

When the doctor came out of the surgery, he didn't give them good news.

Maria Stark was finally sleeping after a month of sleepless nights, but in a coma. Tony Stark was still not home. Rhodey broke his phone when he got the news. Roberta visited church more than usual. The others were holding fort the best they could.

Nobody was fine.

Time still ticked on

*******

Rhodey didn't call home for the larger part of the third month. He had taken every chance, thrown everything at stake when he had decided to go on another search using the USAF resources but he didn't give a damn about it.

This was now his mission from hell and he was burning, but not ready to give up. Never that.

"I'll bring him back"

"I know. You stay safe too"

He had promises to keep, to himself, to his best friend, to a mother, to a ragtag family they had all created. He had promises he had made with blood and heart, of friendship and family. James Rhodes was going all out to fulfill them because not doing so was not an option.

Not finding Tony was never an option.

Maria Stark had still not come out of her coma but Rhodey could not focus on that right now. He had to focus n one Stark at a time and he left his family and friends to focus on the other.

After three whole months of turning the entire desert out, Rhodey finally found his needle in the haystack. The visual of a tired, beaten, weak and relieved Tony waving the peace sign and laughing up at his chopper was something Rhodey would never forget in his life. It was a moment he swore he would keep as a reminder that this would never happen again. He didn't even bother waiting for the chopper to stop completely and was flat out running through the sinking sand towards his grinning and fallen best friend.

There were a million things he wanted to yell, to sob out, to curse and demand. A million emotions and thoughts warred in his brain when he got closer to the man who had almost taken his life by going missing. There were too many things to say and no voice that could say them all without breaking.

"How was the funvee?" he asked instead of them all and saw it to be the right choice when Tony laughed brokenly. That sound, that broken chuckle that all of them had missed for all this while broke him finally and Rhodey dragged Tony by the shoulder into his arms for a tight hug.

"Next time, you ride with me, okay?" he informed him firmly and clutched the weak but alive man closer, ignoring the way Tony choked off a small sob against his camouflage and clenched at the back of his jacket. 

It was going to be alright now, Rhodey decided with a shuddering breath. They got their boy back. Things could fall back into place now. Tony fell unconscious by the time they got him into the chopper and Rhodey didn't let go of his clenched hand for a single minute.

It was only after about an hour, when he had gotten over his initial horror of finding a metal plate jutting out of Tony's chest, that Rhodey remembered to call back home. After a month's silence, they deserved to hear the good news from him.

"Pepper!" he crowed jubilantly, "We got him! We got Tony. He's fine, he's with me. I'm taking him to a hospital first and then we'll be there soon. Jesus Christ Pep, we did it!"

There was silence on the other line and Rhodey frowned at the unnatural pause.

"You didn't call for a month, Rhodes," she said finally in a strange voice and Rhodey's gut clenched with some unnamed worry.

"Yeah, I was trying to find him first and then call, Pepper, what's wrong?" he demanded and felt the beginning of a chill crawl over him.

"Did you watch the news anytime recently?" she asked instead of answering in the same detached voice.

"No, I told you, we were in the middle of nowhere," Rhodey said in frustration, "Pepper, what happened?"

"We lost her"

Rhodey pulled the phone from his ear and stared at it before bringing it back to his ear.

"What? I didn't hear you correctly," he said and heard a breath being taken in.

"Rhodey, Maria Stark was declared brain-dead ten days ago," Pepper said slowly, "She's no more. I'm sorry."

Rhodey felt a low buzzing flood his ears and could hear some voice call out from afar. His eyes were stuck to the unconscious body of his alive best friend but his thoughts had come to a screeching halt with three words.

She's no more.

No more.

Dead.

"- isn't answering. James? Rhodey?! Rhodes, come on," Pepper's voice flooded in through the still clutched phone, "James, are you there?"

"He's alive" Rhodey whispered as though in trance and heard silence on the other side, "Tony's alive"

"I know, Rhodey," Pepper said quietly, softly even, "That's good."

"He's alive and...she's not.." he commented in a detached voice, a hysterical chuckle bubbling up in his throat.

"Rhodey, I'm so sorry," Pepper said in the same calm tone even though it was evident that she was barely keeping it together herself, "I'm so sorry."

"I gotta -- I gotta go," he said suddenly and shut the phone off even as Pepper was about to stop him. 

Rhodey broke his second phone in three months that day.

He did not want to even imagine how Tony's heart would break the same way.

Tony was alive. But for how long after this news?

They had got back one Stark. And lost another.

Stay safe, Jim

Rhodey didn't think he could ever hear that nickname again.

*****

When Tony came back to consciousness three hours later, the first words out of his mouth broke Rhodey's resolve all over again.

"When're we going back home, sugarplum? The old bird'll be waiting for me."

Chapter Text

The most vivid among the earliest memories Tony had of his mom was of them in the mansion's library. 

He was somewhere around 4 years old and had been nursing a bruised arm from a misfired attempt at creating his first circuit board. Jarvis had found him hurt and had tended to the wounds, telling him to rest in his room, but Tony had always harbored a restless streak. He had gone wandering down the vast and vacant home, looking for mischief, when he had heard his mother's voice coming from their library. Slowly, checking for his father's presence, he had padded into the warmly lit room where his mother sat by her favorite Austrian hand-made piano, singing a tune of faded Italian memories. It was not a sad note or a melancholic tilt to her tune that day and Tony felt encouraged to go closer, to try and feel her voice better under his skin.

Maria had noted him coming but hadn't turned away from her playing, letting him watch her and observe till the end of the song. When the last note ended, she had turned to him with a beautiful smile and he had clapped with joyous laughter only to get peppered with kisses on his face.

That was a rare good day in the mansion when his dad was alive.

He might be a horrible man for thinking it and a terrible soul for feeling relieved about it in a twisted way, but Tony had been lucky when those good days re-appeared after an unfortunate accident. He would never tell it out openly to his mom, not when he knew that it would break her heart, but Tony had always been secretly grateful to a night of December that had given him his mother back.

Now, as he lay on a gurney, half aware and half panicking over his new body modification, he wondered about that day. And by extension, his mother. His entire family, who would have worried themselves sick in the past few months. He remembered Yinsen and felt a sharp pain under his reactor. It was a terrible irony to live, a borrowed life from a man who had saved Tony. Tony's mind went to the conversation he and the older genius had shared during a cold day in the cave.

"You got a family?" Tony asked as he perused his cards, feeling particularly morose that day.

"Yes, and I will see them when I leave here. And you, Stark?" Yinsen asked in return, casually focusing on his work. Tony paused and thought about the people the question warranted. Family was such a binding term that people always seemed to associate to only those connected by blood or law. Tony didn't know if that applied to him. By that standard, Sharon, Mandy, Rhodey, Jeanie, and his entire group of friends - none of them would be family. And yet, they were, weren't they? 

"Yeah, I do. And I'll need to leave here to see them again," he replied quietly. Yinsen paused in his work and looked up with an unreadable look on his face.

"Well then, Mr. Stark. You're a man who has got everything to fight for, aren't you?"

Tony had realized only later what Yinsen had meant by his own family and that hurt, it hurt on a visceral level. He would never forget the dying eyes of that broken but undefeated man who had taught him to live better in his dying moments. Yinsen would always be a part of Tony's life from henceforth, he knew that with certainty. 

But he was more anxious to meet those he had fought to live for.

His eyes slid to his right and he caught sight of Rhodey sitting with watchful eyes monitoring the hands of the doctor who was currently dressing up Tony's wounds. There was a small niggle of worry in the back of Tony's mind about Rhodey's silence. He had been cheerful, morbidly so, when he had pulled Tony up from the sand of a damned desert, but ever since Tony had regained a bit of his consciousness, the man looked different.

He looked more serious. 

Of course, that could always be attributed to the sight of the strange jutting metal piece in Tony's chest but Rhodey was not someone who was easily intimidated by such things. Not for so long anyway.

"Hey, buttercup, m'eyes are up here," he tried, knowing that his voice was slurring a bit but Rhodey understood him anyway and looked up. There was a flash of that sadness again before a smirk came onto his face.

"I've seen your eyes a million times. Got much more interesting things to see now," he teased and Tony huffed a bit, relaxing a bit at the familiar teasing.

"Everything 'bout me is interesting, platypus," Tony shot back and Rhodey snorted, but the doctor tutted and Tony rolled his eyes before letting him continue his work.

Whatever it was, maybe it was his imagination. Three months stuck in a cave with maniacs and a bitter revelation about your work's misuse would do that to a person, he reasoned.

Things would get better once he got home.

******

Pepper was the one chosen to welcome Tony back. Amanda had been suggested at first but they had shot that down after the older Carter-Sousa woman's own emotional unrest had manifested in an all-out verbal lashout at one of the Stark interns who had made an unknowingly controversial comment about Tony's return, saying that there should be a grand welcome back party.

That had not been a pleasant scene for anyone in the vicinity as Peggy Carter's daughter almost hissed a grown woman into tears.

Pepper was a neutral choice and she had experience with keeping her cool when needed. She also had felt it her responsibility to be there, at least to be a support on Rhodey's side when they brought Tony in together.

The minute the plane landed and Tony stepped out of it holding Rhodey's hand for support though, she felt her emotions threaten to burst again. Her eyes catalogued every inch of her friend and boss, noting the tiredness of his eyes, the disheveled look, the slight sheen of tears, and the ever present air of fake indifference when in public.

"Hello, Ms. Potts," he called out when he got closer and she had to swallow hard to keep her breathing stable, "Tears for your long lost boss?"

She knew this game, knew the necessity to try and make things look normal when in public, because the world only needed a hint to pounce on the Stark heir for weakness.

"Tears of joy," she said with a genuine smile of relief at seeing him again, "I hate job hunting."

"Yeah, well vacation's over," he said with a light smirk and she huffed out a laugh as Happy came forward to guide Tony into the car. It was only then that her eyes met Rhodey's across the distance.

"I'll be back, one second," she muttered to Tony and he frowned but nodded, getting into the car himself. Leaving him in Happy's hands, she swiftly walked towards Rhodey, who was sticking around away from them.

"You're not coming?" she asked as soon as she reached him. Rhodey looked at the airman he was talking to and gave him a dismissive nod before turning to her with a serious expression.

"I've got some work, I'll catch up with you guys soon," he said and she stared at him, searching for the hint of evasion.

"Rhodes..."

"He doesn't know yet," Rhodey said in a clipped tone, before breathing in and continuing in a calmer voice, "And I can't - Pepper, I need a minute here, okay? I'll be there soon, I promise."

"Okay, you take care" she said softly and nodded before turning around and hurrying back to the car.

"What was that about?" Tony asked with a slight frown when she got into the car.

"Tony, the first thing we need to do, " Pepper began without acknowledging the question, "is get you back to the -"

"No, the first thing I need to do is get a cheeseburger," Tony cut her short and tapped on Happy's shoulder, "And then get a press conference ready."

"What? No!"

"Yes," Tony retorted without missing a beat, "C'mon Hogan, step on it and Pepper, get calling. I've already texted half the press."

"What did you - Oh Christ, Tony!" Pepper groaned and looked at her cell that was already buzzing with calls.

They never got back home and even though Tony really wanted to meet everyone and his mom, he had to get one thing done without delay. Pepper kept starting sentences in attempts to dissuade him but Tony kept that at bay by getting on the phone himself.

Fifteen minutes and a cheeseburger later, they were driving down to a press conference venue.

"Tony, please, don't," Pepper tried one last ditch attempt, "This is not the time to -"

"Pepper, trust me," Tony said even as he opened the door to get out of the car, "There is no better time for this."

Obadiah was there to greet them and Pepper saw him be cheerful with Tony in front of the press who had gathered in record time. Cursing her luck, she shot Rhodey a quick text and forwarded it to Sharon who would definitely let the others know.

Pepper knew that this was going to be a disaster even before she entered the venue.

"What the hell is he doing?" Rhodey asked as soon as he came and saw Tony sit down on the floor with the reporters.

"Ruining his life?" Pepper asked sardonically, "I don't know, Rhodes. He didn't tell me."

"Does he -"

"No, not yet," Pepper said in frustration and Rhodey cursed under his breath, an emotion Pepper agreed with.

When Tony announced that he was shutting down the weapons business, there was an uproar like no other and Pepper shot Happy a quick look, but Obadiah was faster and managed the crowd while Happy herded Tony away immediately. Luckily or unluckily, nobody had questioned Tony about Maria.

Pepper was not looking forward to breaking the news at all in the moment.

*****

When Pepper came to drag him away from Obadiah, Tony noted that she looked extremely tensed.

"Hey, what's with the manhandling, Potts?" he tried joking as she all but dragged him away, but she only shot him a glare that went all twisted and emotional in a flash.

"We need to go home, right now," she said in a voice that brooked no argument. Tony opened his mouth to make another joke but her grip on his hand only tightened and he kept mum.

"Okay, who died?" he asked casually when they were halfway through to the Tower and Pepper jerked back as if slapped, looking at him with wide hunted eyes. Tony became concerned at this point and raised both hands in surrender. "Hey, hey, just kidding. Sorry. Too soon for jokes, huh?"

Pepper still looked like he had gutted her but looked away and spoke in a rough and hoarse voice.

"You have no idea."

Tony really didn't have any idea but decided to hold his silence a bit longer looking at the wound tight pose of Pepper by his side. When they reached the Tower, both Pepper and Happy herded him into the elevator without wasting a minute and Tony frowned at them both but they didn't relent.

Finally, when he entered the penthouse floor, he grinned and stepped out with a flourish, striding forward with a new lightness.

"Hey honey, I'm home!" he joked as he always did when he came back from long trips and like always he expected Jarvis to sass him and Maria to come in with her own snark.

Only this time, he was met with the visual of almost a crowd gathered in the living room.

"Wow, welcome party looks nice," he said with a raised eyebrow and noted that most of the gang had made it. Mama Rhodes was standing at the right hand corner and when his eyes met hers, she smiled slightly and strode forward.

"Hey, gorgeous," he said with a grin and she huffed a weak laugh before dragging him into her patented magical hug.

"I'd return the sentiment but you look like shit, boy," she said and Tony chuckled as he leaned back, "Good to have you back, honey."

"Good to be back," Tony said with a nod and looked over her shoulder, his eyes doing a quick check of the crowd before he spoke again, "Where's your partner in crime? What, the old bird's that mad at me that she won't even see me?"

Tony noted how Mama Rhodes stilled immediately and felt the first sliver of real worry creep in.

"Okay, what's going on?" he asked and stared at the gang, eyes locking onto Joseph's because he was the easiest to crack, "Where's mom?"

"Tony, I think you should sit down for this," Mama Rhodes said quietly and the worry was quickly blowing into fear now. He tried protesting but Rhodey's mom was nothing if not a taskmaster when she wanted to be and soon he was sitting on the couch between Mama Rhodes and Sharon, with Mandy sitting in a strategically placed chair to the right, right in his line of view and Joseph standing beside Pepper who was near the lamp across Mandy. 

"Will somebody please tell me -"

"One month ago, there was a construction accident," Mandy said suddenly and Tony's gaze locked onto hers. She was staring at him without backing down and continued, "Aunt Maria had gone to check on the Veterans' Homes project and there was a faulty ceiling. The ceiling collapsed on her and she was rushed to the hospital."

Tony tried to get up immediately but Mama Rhodes placed a hand on his hand and grounded him.

"She slipped into a coma," Mandy continued, now her voice becoming thicker even as she blinked her eyes rapidly, "There was too much damage to her internal organs and her nervous system was in the fray. Eleven days ago, they declared her brain-dead and then there was no response or pulse found later."

"Tony," Mandy said with a quiet tone, "She died ten days ago. Aunt Maria is dead."

Tony stopped hearing after that and felt his world zero down to four words.

Aunt Maria is dead.

There was a faintly growing buzz in his ears and he could feel a chill crawl up his spine as the words echoed in his head. There were other sentences going in through his ears  and they seemed to mean something but his brain wasn't processing things other than just that one sentence. There was nothing left to listen and nothing left to understand after that.

His mother was dead.

The reactor seemed to have stopped and Tony could feel his lungs behind to freeze up as he repeated the words in his head. It was an ugly sentence, one born out of a nightmare. Tony wondered if this was one, a nightmare. Maybe he would just wake up and find warm, fond gray eyes staring at him and an exasperated voice telling him to stop binge working throughout nights. Maybe this was a nightmare that would break to give him back his mother.

Maybe this was a nightmare that hadn't really made him an orphan.

He felt Mama Rhodes' hand rub soothing circles on his hand and realized with a sharp pull of his gut that this wasn't a nightmare.

He couldn't control his bile even if he had tried and threw up right onto the coffee table.

His mother was dead.

It was all over and all he could do was empty his stomach. Just the way his heart seemed to have done. He could feel hysterical laughter bubble up even as he continued retching, almost dry heaving now.

He was too numb to cry and he wasn't sure he could really feel anything other than a deep burning of his insides.

So laughed through a stinking mouth and pulled at his hair to try and stop. But it didn't stop and he laughed, over and over again. In the arms of faceless friends and family, none of whom were his mom, Tony laughed in, trying to see if he could somehow inhale anything that would make him feel again.

It didn't happen. Thankfully though, he did lose consciousness, with the last thought in his mind being that he never seemed to stop the accidents of his life.

With that morbid thought, a new orphan collapsed into the arms of Mama Rhodes, who clutched him close to her heart, praying that they would be enough to pull the broken boy out of his darkness.

*****

When Tony came to consciousness, he showed no emotion.

"Where is she?" he asked calmly and for a second Sharon froze at his bedside, sharing a look with Pepper.

"Tones, what do you -"

"I know she's dead, Sharon," he said bluntly in an emotionless voice, "Where is she now though?"

"We'll come with you," Sharon said and Tony stared at her before looking away and getting up. He didn't look at any of the people in the room and simply walked to the bathroom, where Joseph stood guard till he came back, still looking like a zombie.

"Let's go," Tony said coldly and walked off without looking back. Pepper hesitated but Sharon and Amanda followed him, even as Roberta said that she had to go check on Rhodey and would meet them at the morgue.

The ride to the morgue was eerily quiet, with Tony staring out the window and not saying a word. Nobody spoke throughout the journey and even when Amanda's phone rang mid-way, she cut the call without looking. The silence was too fragile to break with words and they maintained it as much as they could.

The body had been refrigerated on an advanced level with the best technology and had been kept intact for the funeral. Well, as intact as a dead person could look. Tony didn't look at the morgue technician when they entered and simply stared at the vault like storage where his mother was supposed to be kept. When they finally unlocked it and pulled out the stretcher with the body, Tony stared blankly at it. 

"She hates not wearing earrings," he said in a detached tone and tilted his head to observe his mother clinically, "And she hates black, so we should go with something in a pastel shade. Also, shoes. Pick her Louboutins, any one of them. There needs to be make-up too, she looks too pale for her own liking."

"Tony?" Pepper asked cautiously but Tony kept staring at his mother's peacefully sleeping face.

"The ceremony needs to be in Italian traditions," he continued in the same dull tone, not hearing Pepper, "That's who she is. We need to call her cousins and extended family. None of them liked her much. She would love to call them."

"Okay," Pepper said softly and calmly like she was talking to a skittish animal. The assessment was not far off but Tony didn't seem bothered, still looking down at his frozen mother.

And then abruptly he turned and left the room, without a backward glance. Pepper watched him go for a minute before thanking the technician and leaving after him.

The funeral went off without a hitch. People came in from everywhere and behaved like Maria Stark had been the most important woman of their lives. Tony left the funeral once his mother was buried, not bothering to stay for anyone else.

Everybody noticed that he hadn't shed a single tear throughout the ceremony. Nobody said it to his face but everyone spoke about it in hushed tones.

Tony didn't resurface from his Tower for the next entire week. Nobody could get in and nobody;s calls could reach him. Jarvis answered all the urgent calls and always took a message saying that Tony was physically fine.

The not fine part was left unsaid.

Tony spent the whole week in the workshop's couch, watching old videos of Maria. He never got up from the couch and never spoke, only using hand gestures to signal for new clothes, food or a drink's refill. Dum-E was his official butler for the entire week.

On the seventh day, he chanced upon a video from when he was 23, just a couple of days shy of Christmas. They had not been celebrating the day due to memories of the month from the previous years but neither of them wanted to be alone, so they sat in Tony's workshop and drank eggnog. Maria had dozed off sometime during mid-night and had settled into one of the two couches in the workshop, feeling awkward about going back to her empty room that day. He watched as on screen she slept and he went on with his work.

Maria woke up with a strangled scream and Tony shot out of his stool rushing to her side.

"Hey, hey, Mom? You're fine. It's just a nightmare," he said calmly, raising both hands in surrender and staying close but not touching her, " C'mon try to breathe with me. C'mon mom, breathe. Slow and easy."

Maria was shivering and had tears streaming down her half-asleep face, slightly whimpering in choked sobs but Tony kept up his littany of assurances till she calmed down enough to imitate his breathe.

"Okay, hey, it's okay," Tony placed a hand on her shoulder when she rubbed a shaking hand over her face, "You okay?"

"Yeah" she said in a hoarse whisper.

"Good, good," Tony squeezed her shoulder and stayed silent for a minute, "Wanna talk about it?"

Maria shook her head and Tony nodded in acceptance. It took her some time to calm down completely before she spoke again.

"Will you promise me something?"

"Anything," Tony said easily, willing to do anything to make her feel better in that horrid moment.

"Will you promise me to save someone?" Maria asked and Tony paused.

"Who?"

"James Bucky Barnes."

Tony stilled and stared at his mother blankly.

"Mom, James Bucky Barnes is dead," he said slowly but she shook her head frantically, looking so panicked that he shushed her, "Hey, hey, okay, fine, I promise, okay?"

"Remember Tony, remember the name. James Buchanan Barnes. Bucky Barnes. Remember that he saved us. Remember that he will need to be saved someday. And you will be

the one who will have to do it."

Maria paused and breathed in shakily, staring right into the eyes of her young boy, who listened to her with rapt attention.

Remember to save him, Tony. Promise me, you will?"

"I promise, mom," Tony said without hesitation, "I'll save him. Whoever he is, wherever he is, whenever he needs me, I'll save him. I promise."

The woman seemed to relax after that and nodded to herself before raising a shaking hand and cupping Tony's jaw.

"Thank you, sweetheart."

"For what?" Tony snorted but Maria held on to his face and looked so sincerely at him that he couldn't really look away.

"For coming into my life," she said simply and Tony felt a bit embarrassed, "You saved me, you know Tony? You always save me."

"I literally did nothing," he pointed out wryly and Maria smiled sadly but oh so beautifully.

"You do everything, my darling," she insisted, "You give me a reason to live."

"Well, then," Tony cleared his throat at the honest statement, "I guess we should always make sure that I'm near you, won't we?"

"Of course," she said with a grin, "Without you, I'd probably be dead."

"Oh God," Tony whispered to himself as he watched the video end and roll into static, "Oh God, mom..."

It was in that moment, that moment when Tony realized again how much his mom loved him, that Tony Stark finally broke.

And wept for his lost mother.

"I'm sorry," he pleaded through choked sobs as he buried his head into his hands, "I'm so sorry, mom. I'm so sorry I wasn't there. I'm so sorry. Please....please give me another chance. Please come back."

Of course, nobody came back for him, except for Dum-E, who whirred in closer and plucked at Tony's t-shirt even as Tony buried his face into his palms and sobbed for the first time in a week.

"I'm so sorry" he whispered into his wet palm, "I love you so much, mom."

He never heard an 'I love you too'.

He knew he would never hear it again.

In the darkness of a silent workshop where brilliance was usually created, that day a genius broke into a boy. A maverick crumbled into an open wound.

A son dissolved into an orphan.

Chapter Text

Anyone who said that there were six stages of grief had probably never met Tony Stark. For someone who operated on infinite levels of emotions and intricately woven cold logic between those levels, six stages was erroneously finite. Grief was the indigo that pervaded every pore of a pristine cloth. It was jarring, blotting every sense of peace and erasing the unblemished white. For Tony though, grief was the rag of an artist - pervaded by every hue, messy and blurred in its complexity.

Grief for a genius was ice for a heart. It froze him, steeled him and made him focused outward.

"I know his workshop binges," Amanda mulled around her smoothie straw, "And I can tell you, this one doesn't seem like the normal ones."

"He's going through grief," Jeanie pointed out and Sharon snorted into her coffee.

"One week is grief. Three entire weeks without coming out of the workshop is growing mold," she pointed out bitingly and Jeanie shared a look with Amanda as Sharon scoffed again to herself.

Everybody who knew Sharon Carter well enough, and that was rare in itself, but whoever did know her knew that she had a defense mechanism of being blunt and rude when she harbored fear or grief. It was an instinctive reaction that lay common between her, Mandy and Tony, something the others had learnt to ignore over the years. 

Mandy brushed her brown curls back from her shoulder and leaned back to raise an eyebrow at her cousin.

"You're not going to break the wall down and drag him out," she said bluntly and Sharon raised her own eyebrow in challenge.

"What the hell makes you think I would break the wall down?" she asked wryly before giving a one-shoulder shrug, "I'd rather crack his code and use the door."

"And drag him out kicking and screaming?" Jeanie asked with a knowing look that got her Sharon's narrowed eyes in reply.

"He needs to come back to normal civilization," Sharon grunted and gulped down her coffee, "He needs to talk to people who aren't disembodied AIs."

"And you need to quit projecting your frustration onto him," Joseph commented as he walked into the floor and promptly ducked when Sharon threw a grape from the table at him, "Exhibit A, right here."

"I'm gonna go now," Jeanie declared with a laugh and got up, squeezing Mandy's shoulder once before walking around them, "Let me know if our resident genius comes out of his hive?"

"I'll skywrite it for your benefit," Sharon winked and Mandy threw a grape at her which hit on target.

"Go hit on someone who actually likes your moves, Carter," Jeanie laughed and walked out to go back home from the Tower where the gang had taken turns to camp out. Rhodey was still expected at his base and Roger had his police work to consider but Mandy, Jeanie and Joseph were good with taking charge. Of course, they hadn't expected a Sharon Carter shaped lump to join in and ignore their questions of her managing her work. She still stayed out for most of the time but when her work ended, she always made it back to the Tower to crash in. 

It was impossible for the gang to roam around in the Tower without feeling the grief of Maria's death weighing them down, but nothing was worse than realizing that Tony's grief was higher than theirs and he wouldn't let them in. At first they had let him handle his shock the way he was comfortable and Mandy had even stood guard when Obadiah Stane had come in to talk to Tony about the company. They knew him well enough to understand that he would rather internalize his pain than showcase it to the world at the moment.

But when he hadn't emerged from the workshop for the third week, they were starting to get antsy.

"He's still alive, right?" Joseph asked blankly and Mandy was about to give a sarcastic reply when they heard someone else talk.

"Who's still alive? they heard an extremely familiar voice and saw Tony walk in.

"Uh, the non-hobo version of you apparently. What the hell are you wearing?" Mandy asked bluntly when she caught sight of Tony wearing a toga, trudging into the kitchen, presumably looking for coffee, "There's no coffee in the pot. Ronnie demolished the last one."

"Why the fuck are we letting Ronnie into my coffee supply?" Tony asked and Sharon scowled at Mandy but turned in her seat to look at Tony as he continued, "And why're you critiquing my fashion choices? I'm in my house, leave me alone, you leech."

"Yeah, sure, that's certainly not what we've been doing for the past three weeks," Sharon countered and Tony flipped her the bird without looking up from the coffee pot which had begun brewing his ambrosia, "Welcome to the land of the living, by the way. Mama Rhodes was going to bulldoze your workshop if you hadn't come out by tomorrow."

"She's classier than you. Stop throwing your ideas onto others," Tony quipped and poured himself a mug of black coffee before inhaling it deeply, "Fuck, that's the stuff. By the way, what are you losers doing here anyway?"

"Waiting for you," Mandy answered and raised an eyebrow when Tony came around the table to collapse onto the chair next to her before resting his head on the table, "You need a shower badly."

"Fuck off. I'm grieving," Tony mumbled into his arm and Mandy shook her head but reached out and ran a hand through his sweaty hair nonetheless, "There's grease there somewhere. Just saying."

"Between you and Naomi, I've handled enough grease to be okay with that," she responded and Tony simply hummed, "Hey, you hungry?"

"If you're cooking, then nope," Tony responded and winced when Mandy pulled at his hair a bit, "I'm hurt, lady, spare me!"

"Really? Where are you hurt, o delicate flower?" Sharon asked and Tony responded promptly.

"In my heart," Tony breathed with a few fake sniffles.

"About that," Mandy cut in seriously and Sharon nodded at her above Tony's head even as the genius narrowed his eyes, "You're gonna tell us about your new metal piercing yet? Because I don't think any of us have seen something like that before and honestly, it doesn't look all that safe."

"It's safe. It's the safest thing I've made," Tony said and Joseph frowned at him from where he stood beside Sharon.

"Did you say 'make'?" he asked and Tony stilled.

"Don't tell us what you don't want to reveal, Tonio," Sharon said firmly yet with a gentle tone, "We just want to make sure that you're safe. That it's...safe."

Tony refused to look at any of them for a few minutes and completely expected Mandy to take her hand off his head but the brunette kept threading her fingers through his hair, a calming motion in contrast to the tensed silence.

"It's an advanced pacemaker," Tony said quietly, focusing his eyes on Sharon's hand where it rested near his own, "Keeps a piece of shrapnel from piercing my heart. I was..I was making it better this week. It's fine now."

The other three shared a quick look between themselves but knew enough to not prod at the 'shrapnel' part. That was for another day. Maybe by another person. For now they were sticking to keeping their focus on their brittle friend.

"Okay," Mandy said and Tony shot her a suspicious look.

"Okay?"

"Okay," Sharon echoed and stole Tony's coffee, grinning at his sputtered protests.

"Fucking John Green maniacs," Joseph shook his head and ducked when both Mandy and Sharon threw grapes at him with vicious strength. For the first time in three weeks, Tony felt a tensed coil in his chest loosen and allowed himself to breathe, throwing a grape of his own for good measure.

He still wasn't acknowledging the elephant in the room or the absence of it with the others but he knew that they were smart enough to not nag him about it. If there was one thing Maria Stark had done for her son, it was to make sure that he would always have a family.

********

Tony didn't comment on the presence of his pseudo-cousins and friends in the Tower in exchange for their silence in his 'grieving process'. He would work in his workshop without interruptions and when he stumbled back up to the penthouse, one of them would be around, whoever had an off from their work. Some times it was Pepper too, lingering with the excuse of work, even though it was technically true. 

It was during one of those occasions that Tony found the need to replace his reactor and finally let someone see it in its complete glory.

"Oh My God, I almost killed you!" Pepper yelled as soon as she had replaced the magnet and coil, followed by the new reactor, holding her 'pus' greased hands away from her body and glaring at Tony, "Do not ever, ever, ever, ever make me do that again."

"But then who else will I ask to play my sexy nurse?" Tony batted his eyes and retraced his words when Pepper's hands clenched extremely close to his neck, "I mean smart, compassionate, highly efficient and professional helper who needs a large bonus?"

"I can take over your entire company and it'll still be less," Pepper quipped but relaxed enough to smile a bit, shaking her head and moving away to clean her hands, "What do you want to do with the old reactor?"

"Trash it," Tony said immediately and Pepper stilled, looking over her shoulder, "What? Pep, I've been called a number of things but nostalgic isn't one of them."

"Sure," Pepper muttered under her breath as she eyed the bare wall across the workshop where Tony had once put up the most ridiculous of photographs - of him and his family, the extended version. Maria had been the one to take them, her passion for photography having manifested on her fiftieth birthday and never left. There had been an array of candid shots - of Tony and Sharon boxing, Naomi and Tony playing chess, Peggy and Mandy bickering with each other over a monkey greased Tony's sleepy head, Roger, Rhodey and Nate disassembling one of Tony's cars, Maria, Peggy, Tony and Mandy in a ridiculous selfie. It had been the definition of nostalgia, a standout in the mechanical world of the workshop otherwise. And now it stood empty.

Somewhere between Tony coming back and now, he had methodically taken everything down. Somewhere between then he had tried to erase things.

Pepper only hoped that he hadn't thrown them all away but then chided herself for thinking that because there was no way Tony was ever throwing anything that had been his mom's.

"Is that all, Mr. Stark?" she asked with a fond smile before she left with the old reactor.

"That'll be all, Ms. Potts," he replied, a small tinge of forced happiness in his eyes that made Pepper feel sad than relieved. For the umpteenth time since she had met the genius, Pepper wondered if there was anybody in the world who considered his own happiness less worthy than Tony himself.

For that thought alone, she decided not to trash the old reactor.

*******

Tony knew that it was Nate, the more laidback Jones twin, who had crashed over that night at the Tower and that had been one relieving factor in his impromptu decision. He had been lucky that none of them had caught sight of the suit he had been building. Once or twice Naomi and Mandy had almost paused near his workstation to peer at his schematics but he had distracted them soundly enough to move them along. 

His plan was working till now and he had no plans to stop with the success.

People always assumed that a grief-stricken man dealt with his loss through mourning, despair and emptiness. It was a stereotype that had been built on years of expectations from the world to make it easier for caregivers to think that they could handle the bereaved. Well, the world had never seen Tony Stark in grief before, not to this extent. When Tony was left grief-stricken, he turned into a workaholic. When he was left angry and grief-stricken, well, he turned into a laser focused genius with unending possibilities.

The suit had been a thinly veiled secret and Tony knew what would happen when the secret broke open.  He could easily imagine the tension spiking among his well-wishers when they found out that he had changed so drastically that he was now seeking danger. The Tony of four months ago had been left behind in a sweltering desert, last visual of his own weapon almost killing him seared into his brain. That Tony had perished when a literal hole had been dug into his chest, electricity running his heart. The person who had come out of it was a man who needed a mission to live. 

At first, Tony had presumed that he would make his mother his mission. He would focus on her more, be more open with her and treasure her more.

And then she had died. The one point of constancy in his life had died when he had survived. 

Now all Tony had was the thought of  righting the wrongs that had happened without his knowledge. He still didn't know how his weapons had gone to the wrong side but that would come later, after he had destroyed them all. Humming to himself distractedly, he eyed the suit that was fabricating now under JARVIS' guidance and flicked his attention to the TV for a moment.

"Oh ho? A party?" he murmured when he saw the images and visuals show Stark Industries hosting a dinner party that he was clearly not invited to. "Too bad I'm not in the mood for rules then," Tony smirked and instructed JARVIS to keep the fabrication running while he dropped a visit to meet some old devils.

The party was a bad idea. A horrible idea, to say the least. 

Pepper had been there, wearing the dress he knew his mom had told her to buy off his expense when he had annoyed her a tad too much during the week before he left for the Jericho presentation. Maria had flicked Tony's Amex with narrowed eyes and had told Pepper to 'go wild and buy a whole designer line for all the shit he's been pulling this week'. Tony had simply smirked over his coffee at the two women who ran his life and had accepted the deal without protest. Seeing Pepper in the party, wearing that dress had triggered Tony a bit and by Pepper's expression, she knew that, but they had moved past it with a soft dance together - both of them holding on to each other to keep their chins up in the face of reminded misery. 

"Why'd Obie not tell me about this shindig, Pep?" he asked as they danced and Pepper's eyes cut to a corner of the room before she looked back at him.

"The same reason I didn't? You're supposed to be staying away from the spotlight till the stocks recuperate, Tony," Pepper said a bit sadly even though he could see a flash of guilt on her face, "After the whole press conference -"

"I want a drink, hey you want a drink?" Tony steered clear of discussing the matter there and Pepper caught his hint before nodding.

"Vodka martini please. Extra dry, extra olives," she grinned and Tony nodded in her direction with a grin of his own.

"Sure thing. Meet you on the roof," he quipped and made his way through to the bar to get their drinks. Which was where everything went wrong. Christie Everhart and he shared a not so pleasant history but he knew that she was a journalist worth her salt when she wanted to be. When she cornered him and showed him the photographs of Gulmira, he froze for an instant, visuals of a dying Yinsen flashing in his mind. Meeting anyone who was not Obadiah after that moment was pointless for Tony.

"Tony, my boy!" Obadiah greeted him in front of the flashing cameras and Tony kept his facade of calm as he let the older man hold his shoulders, "What're you doing here? I thought you were going to let me handle this till everything went back to normal?"

"Sure was, but here's the thing, you seem to have missed the part where I shut down the weapons business," Tony muttered through his teeth, not letting the anger show on his face.

"Or maybe I got the point that we'll lose everything," Obadiah replied with a fake grin, "Tony, the Board has locked you out, don't you know?"

"That's not possible," Tony said immediately but Obadiah simply laughed a bit.

"Everything is possible, Tony," he said and slapped Tony's back a bit, "I should know, I'm the one who got it done."

Tony stood rooted in simmering anger when Obadiah left him with a wave at the gathered press, his cockiness reflecting in his demeanor.

Tony made it back to the Tower and managed to avoid Nate, hearing from JARVIS that he had gone out for some minor work. Locking himself in the workshop again, Tony seethed and fumed, remembering Obadiah's words and recounting the images of Gulmira. The TV was on as white noise but it soon turned important when Tony noted what was being displayed. The news caught his attention and he stilled when he focused on the scenes showing aftermaths of grief in -

"Oh fuck no," Tony hissed under his breath when he felt his blood boil at the very thought of another village destroyed because of weaponry he knew was his and the gang he knew were his kidnappers. It really wasn't much of a choice after that and Tony assembled the armor in whatever form it was in. He had found his mission and it was time to step up to it.

The flight to the village wasn't too difficult and Tony had little time to sort out his thoughts before he had landed at his location. After that, it was cold, brutal and savage in a way that people rarely saw of the charming facade Tony put up most of the time. He didn't bother waiting for the clean up once he had finished destroying his own weapons in the bunkers and loaded tents, people of one more village safe for now. It was only during his flight back did he face problems.

"J, tell me those are not my welcome wagons," Tony quipped when he caught sight of two F-22s tracking him mid-flight, both aircrafts clearly trying to get a good shot at him.

"If your new preference is getting shot at instead of complimentary welcome shots, then yes, sir," JARVIS replied drolly even as he projected the route to try and duck the shots that had begun to fire now, "Sir, you have an incoming call."

"Yeah? Well, if it's Mr. Death, then you can tell him that -"

"Tones?"

Tony cut off his rant mid word and cursed internally when he realized that it was Rhodey on the line. Rhodey on the line when Tony was flying back from a n unauthorized area. 

"Hey buddy, can I call you later? I'm actually a bit busy and -"

"What's that noise?" Rhodey cut him short suspiciously and Tony cursed Rhodey a bit more in his head. Stupid observant best friend.

"Oh, just driving with the top down," Tony commented and gave a choked out curse when he took a minor hit, "Hey, I'll really call you later, okay sugarplum? Okay, bye!"

"Tony, don't you dare -"

He knew that he was going to pay for that abrupt cut of the call but Tony figured that he could deal with that later, if he got out of the current situation alive. It was a dangerous chicken game he was playing with two fighter planes, weaving and tricking and trying to get them off his tail. He thought he could do it, thought he could make it out just fine when he felt his armor act out strangely. He could see how bad the situation was going to get for him and decided to take the proverbial leap of faith.

"Hello?" Rhodey's voice came as a growl and Tony breathed out in relief.

"Okay, okay, it's me," he said frantically.

"I'm sorry, who's this?"

"It's me, sorry Rhodey listen!" Tony yelled a bit, knowing that his voice was resonating in panic, "I know you're monitoring the F22s -"

"How the fuck do you - Tony, tell me you didn't send your tech into my civilian zone!" Rhodey hissed.

"It's not a tech, it's me! I'm piloting it! I'm in the suit!" Tony replied and heard the sharp inhale on the other side even as he heard someone ask Rhodey if there was a problem. He heard Rhodey deny any problems tightly, clearly diverting the attention off the call when he spoke to some officer about maybe pulling back the F22s. People always presumed that Rhodey was the anti-thesis of Tony - all square where Tony was twisted, and all blunt where Tony was more creative. The truth was different though, and it reflected in moments like this, when Rhodey could take charge and use his power to get things done. The times where he proved why he had been chosen as a liaison to Stark Industries. Rhodey knew his tactics better than people believed and Tony counted on him at the moment to get him a breather.

He cut it too close when one of the air crafts failed to deploy the chute despite getting hit by friendly fire. Without really giving it much thouht, Tony dived for the falling pilot, hoping that Rhodey would be able to save his ass for just a few more seconds. As soon as he punched out the chute from the pilot's jammed seat, Tony soared back and gunned it, noting a little late that his call was still on.

"Hey, thanks!" he panted with a hysterical laugh of adrenaline.

"You crazy sonovabitch," Rhodey sounded hysterical too but there was a hint of laughter in his voice, "You know you owe me two planes, right?"

"Come by the Tower and I'll get you more!" Tony replied and heard Rhodey's snort.

"Whatever, you ass. Now listen, Tony how do we explain this to the press?"

"The usual," Tony replied and Rhodey groaned a bit.

"It's not gonna sell, man"

"You'll see," Tony said with a grin and cut the call when Rhodey cursed him fondly one more time before bidding him good bye.

*******

"You're absolutely sure," Amanda asked over the phone as she confirmed Tony's suspicions about Obadiah, "Tony, you're basing this on fact and not anger, right?"

"I'm starting to think you're on his side now," Tony said with a pointed look at the phone and shrugged when Mandy clenched her jaw, "He told me he got me locked out, Mandy. I dunno, doesn't it sound like proof to you?"

"Alright, you cocky ass," Mandy shook her head on the other side and went back to typing on her other phone with a frown, "I'll get into this as much as I can. In the meanwhile, you need to have someone on the inside get some source files too. Anything that'll help us crack the extent of his agenda."

"Pep," Tony nodded in understanding and Mandy huffed on the line.

"She's going to kill you for it, but yeah, she's our best bet," the lawyer paused in her typing to look up straight at Tony, "Hey, keep an eye out for trouble, okay?"

"I always have an eye for trouble," Tony smirked as he walked out of the workshop, an ice pack on his head.

"We'll see about that when I sic Mom on you for the Gulmira stunt you pulled off," Mandy shot back and Tony winced.

"Bringing out the big guns already? I thought you loved me, Mandalot!"

"I love your tech, there's a difference," Mandy grinned teasingly and rolled her eyes when Tony winked at her, "Don't get into trouble that you can't get out of!"

"I can get out of anything!"

Tony grinned softly to himself when Amanda cut the call on his face. Sharon had already chewed Nate out for letting Tony get out of the Tower in an armor and not being aware of it till Rhodey had dropped the bomb. Tony had let Joseph and Naomi handle the rest of the gang's ire while he had got to work with Amanda on finding the dirt on Obadiah. There was nobody as vicious as Amanda Carter-Sousa when it came to cutting assholes down as far as Tony knew. Okay, maybe Sharon came a close second but Mandy was ruthless and had the experience as a female lawyer in a power hungry arena. He shook himself off the thoughts and shot off a message to Pepper with a few instructions for her part. Pepper replied with a colorful vocabulary but finally agreed to check the office files, warning Tony to not get into new trouble in the meanwhile.

He had felt a bit of tension seep out of him and had trudged up to the penthouse to relax for a bit when he felt a shock go down his spine. 

"Tony, Tony, Tony" a mocking voice came from near his ear and Tony had an eerie reminder of how Raza had sounded when he used to mock Tony after waterboarding him. He tried to move, tried to do anything other than collapsing backwards but his entire body had been paralyzed of sorts and he heard himself give a high pitched terrified whine. He saw a meaty hand come into view, holding the pulser tech that had been one of his power-packed mini weapons. Obadiah's face came into the view when Tony felt himself getting lowered, pushed into his couch. 

"You didn't really think that I'd let you ruin my plans twice in a row, did you?" Stane asked with a faux-innocent look before it melted into a cold smirk, "You know Tony, I really thought that I could get you to stay away this time. I mean, you were in grief, you had so many issues to cope up with...I really thought that I wouldn't have to kill you to keep you away, this time."

Stane stroked Tony's forehead, pushing back a lock of hair before leaning forward to whisper, "Guess I was wrong".

Tony felt his heart race beneath his reactor, calculating his escape options and drawing them to a null, sparing an off chance that one of his friends would drop by. He wanted to shove Stane off, get his hands off himself, demand answers and get him locked up. Something must have shown on his face because Stane grinned and patted Tony's cheek.

"I actually never wanted to do this," Stane began, his eyes settling on a spot over Tony's shoulder even as his fingers trailed over Tony's cheek, "None of it, really. Getting you kidnapped, throwing you to Raza's mercy, letting you rot for three months...and then Maria."

Tony felt his heart stop at that before Stane shook his head and continued in his falsely sad tone.

"I told her not to take it too far. We're a business, we're weapons manufacturers. We build on profit and people, not peace," he sighed heavily and looked back at Tony, "She was always a little too smart for her own good, you know? Always knew where to dig for the right information. I thought, with you being kidnapped, she would falter and be compromised. But she just wouldn't give up, would she? Raking up old files, poking her nose into my contracts, gathering evidence...a real Sherlock Holmes, your mother was, when she wanted."

"But she was also a little too straight-laced in the end," Stane chuckled and Tony battled hard to break out of his state and beat the man's face in, "Did you know that she tried to give me a last chance? 'Turn yourself in, Stane', 'You've got no escape now, Stane'. Poor little lamb. All I had to do was act a little remorseful, beg her to meet me in a construction site to talk it out and then...well, it's quite easy to crush a bug when you have a bigger boot, isn't it?"

Stane laughed at his own joke and Tony vowed to kill this man if it was the last thing he would do. He had killed his mother. Stane had killed his mom.

Not minding Tony's murderous looks, Stane brought out a clamping device and gazed at it longingly.

"Don't worry, Tony, I'm sure it won't hurt all that much," Stane smirked and fixed the device on Tony's arc reactor, "At least not as much as it hurt Maria. I'm hoping you won't yell like she did, baby boy."

With that, he pulled the reactor off Tony's chest and walked away, saying something about building himself a better suit. Tony couldn't hear all that well, his ears roaring with the fast draining life in his body. He tried to fight it though, tried to fight it with everything he had.

Do it for her! You've got to do it for mom!

It felt like he was crawling towards his death but Tony did it, dragging himself through the floor, clawing at the carpet. He collapsed twice in the elevator but crawled out, dripping drool on the floor and trying to ingest oxygen through his failing lungs. He knew that Pepper had not thrown away his old reactor. 'It's proof that you have a heart' she had said. If anything could save him now, Tony knew that it was Pepper's act of sentimentality.

Please, please, don't let me fail, don't let me die without avenging her. Please, please...

He collapsed again when he dragged himself to the workshop, banging his head against his worktable. He wouldn't reach the reactor, not in the condition he was. He needed a miracle, a savior, a -

The whirring of Dum-E over his head brought Tony back to the present and he saw as the bot dragged the reactor's case with its claw and lowered it onto Tony's lap. Without a second though and with a promise to himself to love his bots more, Tony smashed the glass case against the floor. Only to feel his body almost give out, not having enough energy to lift the reactor and slot it in. He was going to die, Tony thought hysterically, he was going to die alone.

"Tony! Tones! Tony, where are you man?!"

Rhodey's voice rang out and Tony felt hope bubble up in his chest. He couldn't make any noise but he heard footsteps come closer and then heard Rhodey.

"Tones? Jesus Christ, Tony!" Rhodey cursed and crouched over Tony, carefully turning him over, "What happened - is that your reactor?! Shit!"

Rhodey wasted no time in slotting in the reactor and Tony felt it charge him back to life, reaching up to grab Rhodey by the arms immediately.

"Stane killed Mom," he said on a gasp and it was proof of Rhodey's presence of mind that he didn't question the claim or waste time.

"What do you need me to do?" he asked immediately, all in and with full focus.

"I need to get to Pepper," Tony said even as he moved away to put on the suit, "She's in danger next. I need you to clear air traffic for me."

"Do I call for backup?" Rhodey asked as he quietly watched in awe when the suit folded itself around Tony.

"No, this is on me," Tony growled and Rhodey looked like he was going to argue but then nodded once sharply.

"Go get him," he said and Tony was off, soaring through to get to Stane and Pepper.

Rhodey eyed the spare suit that dangled nearby longingly before grabbing the nearest car and driving out, whipping out his phone even as he maneuvered his way out.

"Hey, it's me. We've got a situation"

***********

Pepper was terrified off her skin the minute she put the pieces of the puzzle together and realized that Stane was creating an armor for himself. She had immediately contacted Agent Coulson, a man she had met during Tony's press conference and someone who had told her to call whenever they got into a situation too tough to handle on their own. But even with Coulson and his team by her side, it took Pepper only seconds to realize that there would be no escape from the monstrosity Stane had created.

She ran, the minute Stane's eyes landed on her in the basement, she ran. It would be no match to his speed but she wasn't going to give in without a fight. 

Thankfully, neither was Tony, as she discovered when a familiar red and gold suit landed between her and Stane's suit.

The battle between Tony and Stane took them away from her, Tony playing chicken to Stane till he got him away from population. Pepper was about to call for Coulson again when a bike raced into the complex and Sharon Carter stopped in front of her.

"Get on" she ordered and Pepper complied immediately, knowing that Sharon's murderous calm meant something more than what Pepper knew. Sharon told her to call Rhodey while she whizzed through traffic and Pepper dialed Rhodey with shaking hands.

"Pepper! You okay?"

"Yeah, Rhodes, Stane is -"

"Yeah, we know," Rhodey cut her short and he sounded seriously pissed, something that confirmed Pepper's suspicion that there was something more.

"What else has he done?" she asked in a steel like voice.

"Not the time, Potts"

"What else has he done, Rhodes?" Pepper repeated herself in a dangerously calm voice.

"He killed Aunt Maria," Sharon answered from Pepper's front and Pepper froze for a second before she felt rage course through her veins.

"Tony's going to kill him" she said furiously and heard Rhodey's grunt of agreement.

"And we're going to bury him," Sharon declared coldly and Pepper realized how deadly Sharon could be when she was truly angered.

In the end, when they reached the Tower, they got Rhodey's call from where he had gone to help Tony.

"Is it done?" Sharon asked as Pepper handled calls to Coulson.

"Yeah," Rhodey said grimly before adding, "Tony fried him alive. Using the reactor power."

There was silence for a minute before Sharon met Pepper's eyes and turned away to reply in a coldly satisfied voice.

"Good"

*********

"Iron Man," Naomi Jones read from the headline as she lounged on the couch, feet dangling from the arm rest , looking up at Tony who was being touched up by Pepper, "Sounds catchy. Like a rock song."

"It's technically titanium gold alloy, the suit," Tony shrugged, "But yeah, the image is provocative."

"It's flashy," Joseph rolled his eyes, "You're flashy."

"Better flashy than boring," Nate commented from beside Joseph and Naomi pointed at him in agreement.

Tony watched his friends bicker around him, warm and strong in their presence. They had all flown in, every single one of them. The news of Stane being responsible for Maria's death had rattled all of them but as Roberta Rhodes put it, it only gave them all the more reason to stick together now. To not allow any more Stanes to tear up their family. For a second, Tony imagined his mom in the group, teasing Roger about his plaid shirt or bantering with Amanda about why Fox News wasn't real news. He could almost see it, see her, live and real and here.

But then she wasn't. She didn't get to have this scene anymore.

"You ready?" Pepper asked quietly, smoothing up his pocket square as the time for the press conference neared. Tony took one last glance around the room, at all these people who had come together with him.

"Let's go give New York a superhero," Tony replied and stood up, to start his new life.

As Iron Man. As the son of Maria Stark who never learnt to give up.

As a man with a beating heart and a family as legacy from a remembered mother.

Chapter Text

Nick Fury had met his first Stark in a freezing pool. It was during the winter of 1987, when he had first joined SHIELD after a successful record with the military. He had been one of the chosen few hand-picked by Peggy Carter, and he took pride in that honor. There were not many people that Nick would obey without a second thought but Margaret Carter had earned a spot among the few he did. She was everything his father and grandfather had inspired him to be - shrewd, pragmatic, and patriotic. He knew that people would consider better adjectives to describe the legendary woman but Nick always saw what others claimed to not see, or avoided seeing altogether.

Like a drowning man in a freezing pool on a cold winter's night.

They had been on a surveillance mission at the Stark Mansion, having been assigned to keep an eye out for some ex-Hydra scientist who was supposed to make the rounds during the annual Winter Ball at the Starks'. As a greenie, Nick had been chosen among others for the mission and he had taken it without much room for complain. He had been on a shift change, having finally taken a break from his position to go do a perimeter check outside, when his eyes had landed on a struggling man in the swimming pool. Nick was never one for theatrics, so he didn't bother shouting for help or alerting others. He, very calmly, threw a life-jacket stored below a fire emergency provision at the man and proceeded to calm him down enough to use it. When the frantic man still struggled, Nick had heaved a small sigh and had gone in himself, grumbling internally about stupid white folk not learning basic survival skills.

After a huge hullabaloo regarding the incident later, Nick found out that the man was Obadiah Stane, the partner of Howard Stark. That was the first time Nick Fury came face to face with the man who made a million mistakes but bore a billion miracles too. 

The second Stark Nick met was when he was handling the clean up on a car accident that had caused the death of Howard. That was also the day Nick truly understood that the world had always praised the wrong genius of the Stark family.

December 17, 1991:

Nick knew something was wrong with the evidence the minute he got his hands on them. It was strange, really, for such a critical case to come to him rather than one of the higher ops. The victim of the accident was after all, the founder of SHIELD, and one of the brightest minds of the world. For him to die in a car accident was not only ironic, but also unsettling. 

So yes, it was strange and yet unsurprising in a way for the case to come to Nick Fury. What was stranger though, was the evidence he had at hand. He had puzzled over the sketchy information he had gathered and organized for hours. Things didn't add up in his mind, no matter how many times he went over them.

If Howard had died in the accident, then why had the seatbelts not been damaged? The pictures of his body showed bruising in his face, and chest, but the bruising of his face looked more like those gotten from a fist than a steering wheel. Not to mention, the dirt from Howard's suit were specific to his haunches, knees and pant legs. Like he had been kneeling in the dirt before dying. Nobody got that kind of dirt if they died in a car.

He also went over the extremely brief update he had on the injuries of the survivor, Maria Stark. Head injury, bruises on her arms and finger-marks around her neck. Finger marks, he re-read, like somebody had tried to choke her.

As he sat in his office late at night, staring at the files in front of him, Nick had the foreboding that things were not as simple as the others had considered them to be.

"Figured it out yet?"

Nick looked up at the voice and tensed at the sight of a grey suit clad Maria Stark standing in his doorway, arms crossed across her chest and eyes calm as they gazed at him calculatingly.

"Mrs. Stark...I wasn't expecting you here," he quipped, mind running a million possibilities even as he scanned for any possible threat nearby.

Maria Stark simply stared at him piercingly before coming in, the grace of a confident aristocrat in every step. She came to a halt in front of Nick's desk and stared down at him, a curious expression in the tilt of her head.

"Yes, I believe you did not," she said after a moment, eyes flicking down to the table of files before she eyed Nick again, "So, have you figured it out yet?"

"Figured what out, Mrs. Stark?" Nick deflected with a shielded gaze of his own, feeling as though he was in the presence of a mastermind and not a recently bereaved widow. Maria half quirked her lips in a sardonic grin at that and gestured at the chair nearby, "May I?"

Nick raised an eyebrow, still on guard but nodded once and watched as Maria slid onto the chair with an ease many would envy. She looked at him straight for a minute, searching for something in his face before she spoke again.

"Do you know why you have this case, Agent Fury?" 

Nick blinked once and weighed his words before replying, "I believe it is the job of SHIELD agents to save records of our members for future reference, Mrs. Stark."

"Yes," Maria hummed thoughtfully, her eyes landing on a picture behind Fury's chair, "Is that your family?"

Nick didn't need to look behind to know which picture she was referring to.

"Yes, my grandfather and father"

"Are they alive?"

"Why are you here, Mrs. Stark?" Nick asked again, this time a warning more than an inquisitive question but Maria simply kept her gaze trained on the picture with a faraway look.

"Have you ever seen a loved one die, Agent Fury?" she asked and cut her eyes across to look at him, "Have you ever seen somebody's life go out right in front of you?"

"Ma'am, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to -"

"You know, don't you?" she cut him short and Nick felt the cold shiver of wrong go down his spine when he met her eyes and saw a cold acceptance.

"Know what?" he asked quietly, hands already inching close to the panic alert button under his desk.

"You know that it is a lie," Maria said and Nick's hand stilled, "The whole story. You know that, don't you?"

Nick knew, he knew it but hearing it from the mouth of Maria Stark was like standing under an ice shower. He calculated his moves and took a risk.

"I know that it wasn't an accident," he answered and looked for a reaction from the woman but found none, "I also know that whoever killed him, tried to kill you too."

"But I survived," Maria said what he was  withholding and leaned back against her chair, looking calmer than ever, "That's the part you're still working out, isn't it? The part where I survived. Why I survived."

Nick kept his silence but knew that it spoke more than he was letting on. Maria Stark smirked a bit at that and looked down at the table of files. 

"I watched Howard die in front of me," she began and Nick listened to a story that would haunt him for years to come. Of a ghost with a metal arm and a woman with lips of lies but a heart of survival.

That night Nick forged a relationship of respect with a woman who would go on to shape the future of the Stark family, with one lie that he had somehow become a part of. He would never tell anyone how he had agreed to lie for her, remembering a reflection of calculating eyes from his own mirror. He would never tell anyone of fabricated evidence he had submitted the next day, effectively closing the case of a murder.

He would never tell anyone of how he had met the Maria Stark the world would never know.

April, 2010:

 Nick had never regretted saving anyone as much as he did saving Obadiah Stane. When he had heard about Stane killing Maria Stark and attempting to kill her son, Tony Stark, he had wished he had never thrown that lifejacket decades ago.

Unfortunately, he had no time to mourn the wicked or the victim, not when he had to prepare to throw another lifejacket soon.

"Has he found any progress?" Nick asked as he went through the report on the tablet, eyes roving over the numbers related to palladium.

"Not yet, Sir," Phil Coulson answered from his side, waiting his orders, "According to the latest estimates, he might need to speeden his attempts if he wants to live to see his next birthday."

"Yeah, well, seeing as the man estimates his life on a lower pedestal than we do, it seems like he's made it our problem," Nick shook his head and handed the tablet back to Phil, looking out the floor to ceiling window of his office, "We need more data. Inside data."

"Should I inform Barton then, sir?" Phil asked with a slight sigh of resignation but Nick shook his head with a small smirk.

"No, Coulson," he said and looked at the ever-changing cloud patterns, "not Barton. Inform Widow."

"Sir?" Phil sounded a bit surprised, "But sir...Agent 13 recognizes her and she is Stark's -"

"Phil? Just inform Romanoff about her next assignment," Nick cut him short quietly, "We never send a man to do a woman's job anyway. Let this be a test for Agent 13 on the side as well."

"...Alright, SIr," Phil nodded before leaving, to inform Agent Romanoff of her new target and assignment.

"How do you plan to keep all these secrets from your son for long?" 

"That's the secret, Agent Fury. I plan to hide things in plain sight. And I need you to hide things I can't do that about."

"Why? Why should I help you?"

"Because there will come a time, Agent Fury, when you will need the brilliance of a Stark. And no Stark works for anyone without a push. This, Fury, might just turn out to be your push."

"I really hope you were right, Maria," Nick muttered under his breath as he closed his eyes and saw a blue cube dancing behind his eyes.

*******

Naomi Jones was no stranger to patience. As a curator of art, she had come across many assholes who prided on themselves being faux-art lovers, having read maybe one or two articles online about a piece and going on to lecture her about it in misleading terms. She had borne through it all, with all the poise of a restrained jaguar, sharp teeth sheathed beneath educated arguments and flaming eyes hidden beneath painted lashes. Her grand-dad, Gabe Jones, had always called her a spitfire, and she had proved it true endless times around her neighborhood. Trip, her cousin, still had a scar from a childhood incident on his neck. Nate, her twin, chose to stay away when she unsheathed her claws.

There were only two people who dared to stand before her fearlessly when her claws came out. One was Amanda Carter, Naomi's fiery best friend and fellow BETA member, who had a temper to match and her own sharpened claws. The other was the reckless fool named Tony Stark. 

"No," Naomi said through gritted teeth for the millionth time, fingers pinched on the bridge of her nose as she held her phone in her right hand, "No, Tony. I am NOT letting you donate the collection to the Boy Scouts Of America. Do you even know what the collection is worth? Do you even know what art is present in that collection?"

"Beautiful art?" Tony replied and Naomi took a deep breath, struggling to not crush the StarkPhone in her hand, "Hey, Artpot, come on. It's for a good cause."

"So donate your spare robots," Naomi shot back and saw Tony scowl into the phone, "Oh, what, that offends you? Now you know how this sounds to me."

"Artie-pie..."

"Ten years, Tony," Naomi cut him short with a hiss, "Ten whole years of me and Pepper going through the best collections and selecting a niche collection. A decade of hardwork. Did you - do you even have a heart?"

"I do, Pepper gave me a proof, all snugly encased in glass," Tony shrugged on the phone screen and Naomi let out a strangled sound of frustration.

"Did you even tell Pepper about this or are you gonna spring it on her after you do it?"

"You know me..." Tony winked and Naomi narrowed her eyes even as her lips quirked into a restrained smile at the antics of the biggest dork she knew. Well, apart from Sharon and Nate maybe.

"Whatever, don't expect me to ever help you again," she said with an exasperated roll of her eyes and Tony gave her an air kiss that she ignored, "Hey, we still on for your birthday party, right?"

Tony kept mum for a minute and Naomi frowned, pushing back a few stray frizzy hair from her face before asking again.

"Tony? You there?"

"Hmm? Yeah, sure, yes, we're on," Tony waved a hand dismissively as he carried the phone to a new part of the workshop, "Hey, Dummy says hi by the way."

"Hi, Dummy," Naomi waved with a fond chuckle when the demented bot whirred in front of the phone and Tony's face came back on the screen with a put upon sigh, "Shut up, you drama king. He's cuter than you."

"Traitor!" Tony gasped and batted away Dummy before chuckling, "Hey, Artpot?"

"Hmmm?"

"You think Mom would have..." Tony trailed off and Naomi knew what he was asking. It had been two years since Maria Stark's death but sometimes it still felt like yesterday when she would insist on having a 'family get together' on all their birthdays. If any of them were not available, she made sure that they called in and spoke to all those present, effectively arm-twisting them all with the help of Roberta Rhodes. The previous year, they had done it anyway, without prompting and nobody had needed to mention how much they missed the empty seat she usually took.

This year, they were getting together again for Tony's birthday, with the exception of Nate and Joseph, who were busy with their work.

"I think it'll be a good birthday this year," Naomi said quietly and Tony smiled softly without meeting her eyes before nodding.

"Yeah...alright, I've got genius to do now. Bye, artpot!"

"Bye, Tony," Naomi smiled and stared at the now blank screen as she savored the moment of quiet, feeling a sort of sweet melancholia that only came from missing friends who were family. There was a moment for that.

And then it was back to work.

If Naomi had been relatively easy in her acceptance of the art donation, Pepper was entirely the opposite. Tony had almost expected a shoe to come flying at his head when she confronted him about the donation.

Of course, he managed to divert her attention with a bigger news.

"CEO," Pepper echoed a bit in a daze, "You're...Are you sure? This isn't a guilt thing or something, right?"

"Pep, when I have I ever felt guilty about a damn thing?" Tony scoffed and raised his hands placatingly when Pepper shot him a dry look, "Okay, fair enough. But no, this time it's a thought out decision. We need a stable mind and reliable shoulders to carry this company forward and I cannot find anyone worthier for this than you. So -", Tony poured out champagne in two flutes before offering one to Pepper with a grin, "- be my CEO?"

"Oh God, you're crazy," Pepper had laughed a bit before nodding through a choked throat, "Yes, yes I will."

Little did Pepper know that she was being hoodwinked by a bigger purpose and a sheathed truth hiding behind smiling eyes. Little did she know that Tony was handing over his everything because he didn't have the one thing required to keep it all.

Time.

---

Sharon caught sight of Natalie Rushman the day she came marching into the Tower to yell at Tony about the modifications in her bike he had done without asking her. She had been marching into the mini-gym/boxing room of the Tower, having asked JARVIS where Tony was, and was about to launch into a rant when she caught sight of an extremely familiar redhead.

For a second words choked in Sharon's throat and she made an embarrassing strangled sound.

"Hey! Ronnie!" Tony turned around in his hoodie and wearing boxing gloves, sporting a sweaty grin from the ring, "What brings the Devil to my lair today? Come on in, what're you doing gawking there?"

Sharon gathered her wits and walked in slowly, mind running possibilities and gathering conclusions as she went.

Natasha Romanoff was in Stark Tower. Black Widow was with Tony and Pepper, holding a manila folder for Tony to make an impression. Agent Romanoff was here, with her Tony, looking like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth.

Sharon had three conclusions formed immediately:

1. Nick Fury had sent his best for a mission. Information? Reconnaissance? Elimination?

2. Tony was definitely unaware of who Natasha was. As was Pepper, going by the innocent looks she was giving her.

3. Fury knew that Sharon would find out about Natasha. Which meant that this was a test for her too. Nick expected her to keep her silence over a famed assassin and spy lurking around in her closest friend's house. He was making her choose her loyalty. Which automatically meant that SHIELD was interested in Tony Stark. But why? Iron Man?

"Hey, zombie," Tony snapped his fingers and Sharon glared at him but he grinned unfazed, "What's up?"

"I was just -"

"You know what? I have an excellent idea!" Tony said with a twinkle in his eyes and Sharon knew that he was going to say something stupid. Which turned out to be a true assessment when he dared Natasha, who apparently went by the name Natalie Rushaman here, to get into the ring. With Sharon.

Sharon would have gladly strangled Tony at that point but then Natas-Natalie was coming in with a sheepish grin and Sharon held back from frowning at the expression. She squared her shoulders and set her stance, meeting Natalie's eyes with a daring expression. Natalie smirked and then they began.

It took Natasha two minutes to use her signature thigh maneuver and Sharon wiggled out from under it with an expert flip of her own, one she had learned to specifically counter the trademark Black Widow move in SHIELD. By the time both of them had stood back up though, Pepper and Tony had come to the ring, Pepper looking worried and Tony looking amused.

Sharon was far from amused though, to say the least.

"It's classified," Natasha said the moment Sharon cornered her once they were out of range from Tony and Pepper, in one of the guest bedrooms' bathroom. Sharon had pushed Natasha against the tile wall and was glaring at her unflinchingly.

"I don't care what your mission is," Sharon clarified in a low voice, "but if you end up hurting one of them, then we'll be having words."

"I'm sure Nick was expecting that," Natasha said with a smirk and Sharon raised an eyebrow.

"Your job is your job, Widow," she said, "But if it entails hurting my family, then you'll be making it my mission too. And that won't end in your favor."

"Threatening your colleagues, 13?" Natasha raised an eyebrow and Sharon leaned away from her with a cool expression.

"Informing them," she said and walked away, determined to gather more information about this new turn.

She didn't have to wait long though, when she got news of Tony being attacked in Monaco by a man wearing an arc reactor and wielding electricity. Tony was in danger, she understood.

But from whom?

*******

Rhodey hated lies. He hated telling them and keeping them with equal fervor. He hated most though, when he could taste the lie but could not get past it to the truth. 

"What are you looking at?" Tony asked as he panted into a smoothie bottle, drinking chlorophyll like it was juice. 

"I'm looking at you," Rhodey said honestly, and it was true. Tony looked, in Rhodey's polite opinion, like shit. His skin looked weary, his eyes were tired, he had bags under his eyes, his body looked thinner, his expression weary. But most of all, Rhodey noticed the lines on Tony's neck, rising like a techno puzzle in blue and green veins. They looked like lines of poison etched into Tony's skin and for the first time since the Monaco attack, Rhodey felt a foreboding that Tony was not just being hunted by a madman, he was being killed by his own mind too.

"You're trying to do this whole lone gunslinger act," Rhodey said quietly, watching his best friend sitting lost in a vintage car, drowning in a past he yearned for while dreading a future only he could see, "You're trying to push people away. But you don't have to do this. You don't have to do this alone, Tones."

Tony chuckled humorlessly at that, a huff of air at the most and gave Rhodey a tired look.

"Don't you know, Rhodeybear? I'm always alone"

Rhodey didn't understand the significance of that sentence till a few days later when Tony's birthday rolled out and it turned out to be the worst one till date. Everybody had flown in - Naomi, Amanda, Lilo, Roger, Jeanie. Sharon wasn't there that night but she promised to make up for it the next morning.

Or she would have if Tony hadn't gone completely off his chain during the party that was supposed to be just for them, just the gang. Instead, it was a group of strangers, scantily clad and fake glamor oozing as they cheered a crazed Iron Man to burst watermelons in the air and pee in his suit.

"What the fuck?" Lilo whispered with disgust written all over her tanned face, "What is he even doing? Pepper, d'you have any clue?"

Pepper in particular had a pinched expression on her face and Amanda looked quietly furious as Jeanie simply walked out when the next watermelon almost burst onto her dress. Roger slinked out too with a frustrated expression on his face, dragging Amanda with him when she almost stabbed Tony with her heel.

Rhodey didn't leave though. Not without trying to contain an armored Tony, who was totally out of control.

It came to a physical fight, Rhodey in his War Machine suit against Tony in his red and gold Iron Man armor. Tony was clearly drunk but he was also vicious in temperament. Rhodey though, was a man on a mission and didn't spare any blows to subdue Tony.

"It doesn't have to be this way," he tried one last time as they both raised their palms at each other.

"Get it!" Tony yelled and Rhodey had no choice but to fire the repulsor to counter Tony's shot. As Rhodey left from Malibu that night, he still had the image of a tired Tony in his head. One desperate for help but too tangled in his head to ask for it.

Rhodey had never felt so frustrated as he did that night, flying back to DC to report to his seniors about the suit he had basically taken from his best friend.

*******

In retrospect, Tony should have known that his death wouldn't come without any more drama to it. As he stared down an eyepatch wearing man in Randy's Donuts, completely hungover and too morbid to fight, Tony wondered if the day was even real. If the man in front of him was even real.

"I'm the realest person you'll ever meet, Mr. Stark," the man, Nick Fury, said with a smirk and Tony learnt why when he was stabbed in the neck by his supposed secretary. A spy, a frickin spy. A spy whom he had trusted with his most vulnerable moment.

"You're fired," Tony told Natasha coolly.

"That's not up to you," she shot back with equal evenness. And fuck, that smarted really well, didn't it?

Nick Fury spun some fantasy stories about Howard and SHIELD after that, all the way back to the mess of a mansion Tony had. When Tony scoffed and told him that Howard never cared about him, Fury gave him a crate of files of his father.

"Why didn't you give me this before?" Tony asked as he looked into it.

"Someone asked me not to," Nick said enigmatically before leaving Tony to sort out his problem with an Agent as babysitter.

In all honesty, Tony glossed over the emotional reels of his dad calling him special and his greatest creation and whatnot. Tony didn't care about his dad. Not anymore. It was too little, too late. He had had Maria all his life and he never really felt the void left by his dad. He simply watched the reels and put them back into the crate silently.

What did interest him though, was the element his dad had almost discovered, still incomplete and with faults. Tony played with it, molding it, breaking it, assimilating it and remaking it till lines fell into patterns and symbols became an element.

He called Happy to bring in some stuff from the office, and when was almost refused for Pepper, played the sad card and won him over. He was neither in the right state of mind nor in physical strength to meet Pepper himself at the moment, and he was more focused on saving himself than making amends for what he had done wrong.

The new element was a boon, a gift in itself and Tony really had only one name for it.

"JARVIS, register Marium as the new element in the database," he announced when he fit himself with the new reactor and felt the taste of coconut in his mouth. It tasted better than whiskey. It tasted like survival.

With renewed strength, Tony thought that he had finally caught a break, when he learned about Ivan Vanko having escaped from prison.

"Oh come on" he muttered under his breath and suited up to get into another suicidal mission

***************

"So, you were dying," Jeanie said when it was clear that nobody else was going to speak.

They were gathered in Tony's DC flat that he used whenever he came to visit Rhodey. The ceremony to present Tony and Rhodey with medals of honor had ended an hour ago and everyone who had come in for Tony's birthday had gathered to hash out the disaster.

"That might be an oversimplification," Tony pointed out and winced when Mandy cut him a death glare, "Okay, yeah, I was. But I'm alive now?"

"When were you going to tell us?" Pepper asked and Tony shrugged sheepishly.

"I was going to make you an omelette and tell you," he said with an attempted grin that died down when Pepper shot him an incredulous look. 

"Fuck this shit," Lilo Dugan shook her head and stood up to go grab herself a bottle of beer.

"Duggy..." Naomi warned but the fiery redhead simply threw her hands in the air.

"Are you listening to the same asshole as I am?" Lilo asked and Tony frowned.

"Hey, I was dying. I think I did just fine."

"Really?" Sharon spoke up, the first time in an hour, looking quietly at Tony, "You call this fine. Flinging yourself onto a last minute race. Drinking yourself into oblivion. Manipulating your friend into taking over your company when it was at it's most tensed situation. Playing your best friend to take a suit. You call all of doing fine? If Natasha hadn't found the temporary solution to your palladium problem, what would you have done?"

"And there's that," Tony countered, leaning forward from his couch, "You played me too. You knew that she was a spy and you let her manipulate me. Really nice, Ronnie. I don't know if she was worse or you."

"I was doing my job," Sharon said in a low tone and even Pepper could see the way her hands were curled into fists, "I was letting a fellow agent find out what you clearly weren't telling anyone."

"You were betraying your friend. Why don't you just say so simply? Was the temptation too much, of being the perfect spy like Aunt Peggy? What did it take for you to sell me out? " Tony countered and everyone stilled.

"Sharon..." Naomi started but Sharon didn't look at her. She got up in a flash and moved forward, crowding Tony against his couch, leaning till she was in his face.

"Fuck. You," she whispered coldly before turning around and walking out of the flat, leaving behind an uncomfortable silence.

"Jesus, Tones," Rhodey breathed out and shook his head, "You're really aiming for asshole of the year, aren't you?"

"I..." Tony trailed uncomfortably and met Mandy's eyes which held pity instead of the anger he was expecting, "I - fuck."

"Yeah, pretty much," Lilo commented quietly and Tony groaned into his hands and he recalled the look in Sharon's eyes when he basically called her a traitor.

Tony was alive and well, but he had finally managed to screw things up more than anybody had thought possible.

Chapter Text

Sharon was never one to regret her choices. She had learnt early in life that a person's choices were what made them who they were. So it was but natural for the SHIELD agent to make her choices always based on her instincts. Following her aunt's footsteps, supporting her brother through his choices, opposing her first girlfriend's racist thoughts - Sharon had never regretted her instincts and beliefs.

Making Tony Stark her brother was one of those instinctive choices. She would never regret that one either.

As she ignored the fourteenth call from Joseph in the past hour, her mind reflected on the fight she had been in with Tony. It had been two days since the fight. Two whole days of her and Tony avoiding each other, leading to her avoiding the others as well, knowing that they would try to get her to talk. She didn't want to talk. SHe didn't have anything to say, nothing other than how she would do it all again if it meant that Tony would survive and SHIELD would help him. It was stupid, she knew it was stupid. She also knew that Tony was entitled to his anger. She had known it the minute he had broached the subject. Sharon had known Tony ever since her childhood; she knew his facades, his fears, the way he functioned. Being raised with the burden of a legacy would make anyone wary of intruders and Sharon knew what Natasha's deception would look like in Tony's eyes.

But she also remembered his eyes when he had lied constantly and consistently about his health to all of them. She remembered how he had deflected whenever any of of them tried to find out why he was plunging into an erratic spiral. She remembered how he had been dying of poisoning and had not let out a word to anyone, despite them trying hard to help. Sharon had seen the finality in Tony's eyes then, when he would plaster a fake smile onto his face and distract them with some inane act. She had known that he would die rather than tell them, rather than let them help.

It still sent shivers down her spine when she recalled the moment she had learnt of the palladium poisoning.

"What do you mean 'he's dying'?" Sharon asked in what she hoped was a considerably normal tone. Her insides were frozen and she was sure that she would have nightmares about the very thought but she kept her gaze trained on Phil Coulson, who was giving her an unreadable look. Something that looked akin to pity for a second.

"Agent Carter," her ex-handler said quietly, smoothing the file he was holding in his hand, "the details are confidential -"

Sharon was going to deck him, no matter seniority.

"- but-" Coulson looked at the file he was holding with a thoughtful expression before holding it out to her, "- I believe you'll find out soon enough. Could you please leave this on Agent Romanoff's mail desk? It's regarding her mission."

Sharon knew that this was not the protocol. Agents were never given confidential files on fellow agents' missions. But Coulson looked like he was going to take it back and Sharon's hand caught up to her brain, reaching out to take the file with a nod.

She kept her cool throughout the walk down the hallway and popped into the ladies' room as soon as the coast was clear, locking herself into a cubicle and finally opening the file.

To read her worst intuition coming true. 

She was broken out from her reverie when her phone rang again. Sighing under her breath she looked at the screen with every intention of rejecting the call when she read the name and stopped.

"DJ?" she asked when she picked up Roger a.k.a Danny Jr.'s call, "What's wrong?"

"It's mom," the younger Carter-Sousa sibling replied with a grim tone belying a choked throat, "Ronnie, mom's...mom's been attacked."

Sharon stilled, her free hand clenching into a fist on her thigh as her mind raced with the thought of her Aunt Peggy being attacked.

"Where're you?" she asked firmly and promised to be there soon before cutting the call. Shoving the phone into her jacket's pocket, she grabbed her bike keys from the turtle bowl on her desk before rushing out of her cubicle.

Fight be damned, she was not going to leave her family alone in such a time. And she knew that neither would the others. Especially Tony

Well, this will be a good way to meet again, she thought hysterically to herself as she rushed down to leave for the location Roger had mentioned.

******

Tony had always hated hospitals. It was a part of his life now, this loathing for the sterile corridors and pristine beds that spoke more of death than life. What he hated even more though, was his eternal connection to it. Jarvis, Ana, Mo-

"Nope, not going there," he muttered under his breath and ran a hand through his hair, messing it up even more than it already was. He had rushed in directly from a Board meeting to help out Pepper and try to sort out the problems at SI. Pepper couldn't come, she never did have enough time nowadays to do anything other than salvage Tony's company. The stocks were on shaky ground, the investors were raising their voices regarding doubts of Iron Man's instability and Tony hadn't really helped with his dive into the bottle in the last few months. 

"I'm sorry," he sighed as she kept her eyes on the file she was reading, her face strained with stress.

"I know," she said tightly before letting out a breath and flicking a gaze up at his face, a small yet oddly sad smile on her face, "But you still need to try harder. We've got a company to save."

Pepper was no fool, never was. She knew why Tony had handed over the company to her at the time that he had. He had always considered her the worthiest successor he could find but his own motive of putting his responsibility onto her head wasn't false. She was the best choice but his timing and circumstance hadn't been ideal in the least. Just as his pushing of Rhodey to the corner and baiting him to take the suit wasn't a sane choice. Just as his decision to dismiss Lila and Mandy and Naomi and -

Good lord, Tony thought hysterically, he really had a long list of screw-ups.

"Scoot over", he heard a voice and blew out air, looking up at Liliana 'Lila' Dugan with a wry look.

"Go get your own seat," he said, baiting her like he always did. Lila rolled her eyes and nudged his foot with her boot.

"Move, dumbass," she said and there were very few people who could make curse words sound fond like Lila could. It probably came with the Dugan genes, Tony thought before rolling his eyes but moving nonetheless.

"No respect," Tony shook his head with a put upon grave expression and grinned when the redhead beside him pinched his knee, "When're you ever gonna stop pinching people, poke-a-lot?"

"When're you gonna get your head outta your ass, dumb-a-lot?" Lila shot back but bumped her shoulder against Tony's to lessen the sting of the words, "Y'know, Mandy won't kill you if you talk to her now."

"She was never going to kill me anyway," Tony pointed out without looking at her, "It was her cousin who was inches away from peeling my face off."

"That's pretty dramatic," a new voice came from a few feet and both of them looked up to see Sharon standing in her grey jacket and black jeans, looking a bit wary when she got their attention. She cleared her throat after a minute of silence and gestured to Tony and Lila with her eyes, "Think you got another seat?"

"Ain't my home. It's free seating here," Lila shrugged even though she had a smirk on her face but Tony was simply staring at Sharon, a cautious expression on his face. The agent nodded shortly before walking over to the chairs and sitting down next to Tony, putting him between her and Lila. 

"So..." Sharon said and trailed off awkwardly, not looking at either of them.

"So," Lila agreed solemnly and Sharon shoots her a dirty look that she got a wink in reply to.

"How's she?" Sharon asked quietly, risking a glance at the man sitting next to her. Tony was purposefully looking at the floor but he simply shrugged tightly.

"It was a minor attack. Burglary attempt," Tony said stiffly and Sharon bit back a wince at the formality in his tone, "Two guys got in, one got knocked out by the home-nurse. One knocked out the home-nurse and there was...a struggle, apparently. Aunt Peggy pressed the panic button but she...fell a bit. Basic bruises."

"That's...that's good," Sharon said lamely and Tony nodded. 

"Oh God," Lila groaned in a quiet tone before turning in her seat and facing her moronic friends, "You -" she pointed at Tony with her index finger and a firm look in her eyes, "- stop dying on us. And if you are dying, fucking open your mouth and say it so that people can help. You may be a genius but you're pretty dumb when it comes to some things. And you -" she pointed at Sharon now with a serious look, "- stop thinking that you have to make a choice between your career and us. We're not stupid. This asshole is not stupid, though God knows he acts it sometimes. Talk. Or if you can't say something, try to explain why. This isn't a telenouvella. Don't be a dramatic shit."

"Now," Lila stood up with a slap of her hands against her thighs and looked at both of them with narrowed brown eyes, "Fucking talk to each other. Apologize or whatever shit you need to do. But get over yourselves because the rest of us are getting tired of your shit. You're making me itchy with all your brooding!"

With that parting shot and a totally mature gesture pointing to her eyes and then to both of them, she walked away to go and talk to Mandy, who was currently getting the progress update from the doctors.

"I -" Sharon started and felt herself falling short of words, but swallowed hard and forced herself to continue, "I am not going to apologize for doing my job."

"Brilliant," Tony said in a dull voice but Sharon breathed in shakily and shook her head.

"No, that's not it," she said and saw Tony tensing, "I can't apologize for doing my job, Tony. It's - it's a part of what I chose to do. I chose to be this, chose to take this path. And if I apologize for that...it isn't fair to anyone."

"Sharon-"

"Please," Sharon asked quietly and Tony looked up at her with a weary look, prompting her to continue, "When I first found Natasha in the Tower, I thought it was a test, something to ascertain Iron Man. But I couldn't break her cover because I had to gather more intel. She's - she's the best of us, Tony. Fury doesn't send the best of his agents without something big in mind. So I tagged her and I began asking around. And I stayed around so that I could keep an eye on her. When I found out that you were...ill-," Sharon cleared her throat again and Tony saw the way her throat moved, showing her hard swallow, "When I found out that you had palladium poisoning and she was sent to try and see if you were able o find a cure, I almost lost it. You were not getting any further and every day you were -"

Tony noted the way she clenched her fists against her thighs and blinked quickly to push back stray moisture. He didn't touch her, even though he wanted to hold her hand and tell her to stop.

"When Fury said," she continued with a shaky breath, "that they were finding a cure for the poisoning but could do it only if you were safe against Vanko, I couldn't take the risk. I couldn't tell you anything, not till SHIELD had done it's part. I swear, Tony -" Sharon finally looked at him and Tony could see the girl he had claimed to be his favorite cousin a long time ago begging him to understand through her eyes, "- I didn't do this to betray you. I didn't want to hurt you. I would never - God, Tony, I would never put you on the line like that. You have to - you have to trust -"

"I'm sorry too," Tony cut her short quietly and finally, finally placed a hand over her fist, holding it tightly, "I just - I couldn't do it, Ronnie. I couldn't just tell you all that I was such a loser that I couldn't even save myself from my own reactor and then -"

"Shut up," Sharon said hoarsely and Tony found himself being pulled into a tight hug, blond hair soft against his face and vice like arms holding him, "Just...Jesus, Tones, don't fucking say that about yourself. You were dying, you asshole. If you think for one minute that none of us would have helped, that we would have thought that you were a loser...fucking hell, Tony."

"Yeah, I'm getting that," Tony chuckled against her shoulder and Sharon let out a watery laugh of her own before leaning back and looking at him.

"I'm sorry," she said sincerely and Tony rolled his eyes but she shook her head, "No, I am."

"Yeah, well, then we're even," he said with a small smirk and she rolled her eyes in return, "Also, your Director? Master spy. Sneakiest guy I've seen."

"He does have a reputation," Sharon laughed and Tony grinned at finally having go her to laugh.

"Yeah, I mean, Iron Man Recommended, Tony Stark Not Recommended? Brilliantly sly plan there," Tony said with a forced laugh but Sharon stilled, eyes snapping to Tony's face with a spark of anger.

"What did you say?" she asked sharply and Tony frowned.

"You know, the report Romanoff made," he shrugged, "I don't play well with others, I'm a narcissist, a man with suicidal tendencies, more a liability than an asset in a team -"

"Wait, wait, what the hell are you talking about?" Sharon asked fiercely and Tony raised an eyebrow in concern, "You rejected the proposal, right? That's what they said. That you rejected to come out and join the Initiative. What are you - what does this mean?"

"Sure, I did say no the first two times," Tony acquiesced with a nod, "But the third time, after I was not dying, SHIELD was the one who said I'm not suitable. Or rather, that they preferred Iron Man to Tony Stark."

"But you are Iron Man," Sharon said in a furious whisper

"Exactly," Tony shrugged.

"This doesn't make sense," Sharon said in irritation, flexing her hands, "How can they recommend you and not recommend you too? How is that - No -" Sharon had an understanding look on her face and she looked at Tony with trepidation, "- Tony, please tell me that you didn't agree to this. Please tell me that you didn't agree to a - fuck, what, secret identity?  That's the worst thing you'll do to yourself and -"

"Ronnie, Ronnie, calm down," Tony placed his hands on her shoulders and looked her in the eye, "I didn't agree. I agreed to be a consultant for SHIELD and that's it. Relax."

Sharon looked at Tony with a scanning gaze, searching for any hint of a secret before nodding and letting out a breath.

"You really didn't know," Tony observed after a minute and Sharon shot him a look but shook her head.

"I knew only till they got you a cure and offered you a spot in the Initiative," she said.

Tony looked at her for a minute before leaning forward and dropping a quick peck on her forehead.

"What?" she asked with a small surprised smile.

"Nothing," he grinned, looking lighter than before. Raising an arm he pulled her by her shoulder and both of them leaned back against the wall, heads resting on each other's.

"Hey, Ronnie?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm still your fave, right?"

Sharon smiled but closed her eyes and said the one thing that was a constant.

"Can't replace you, Tones."

*******

They saw Peggy some time later and Mandy looked a bit less frazzled when she saw Sharon and Tony being friends again, when Sharon's phone buzzed.

"I gotta go. Got a mission," she said grimly and Mandy raised her eyebrow at Tony.

"Confidential?" she asked and Sharon nodded but smiled a bit.

"It's something for a couple of days, I'll be fine," she said, "You guys'll be fine here, right?" and Tony nodded.

"Would be finer if you took better tech with you," he said pointedly and she rolled her eyes with a grin.

"You know I can't take anything not approved by SHIELD, we've had this conversation a million times," she pointed out with a teasing smirk.

"And now that I'm consulting for them, you'll get better tech from your next missions," Tony said haughtily and Sharon shook her head fondly.

"Whatever you say, Iron Man,' she teased and shot out to give a quick hug to Mandy and Lila before hugging Tony and leaving with swift steps.

Mandy watched her younger cousin go before she turned to Tony and Lila with a more weary look.

"Now that she's gone, I need to tell you guys something," she began, "Sorry, couldn't tell it in front of her. It'll mess up her mission."

"What's wrong?" Lila asked and Tony felt a nervous tingle go down his spine when Mandy looked at him with a pained look.

"The doctors found out something while doing Mom's scans and tests," she said and breathed in before continuing, "They think that she's in the beginning stages of dementia."

There was a stunned silence following the announcement and Lila leaned back against the nearby wall heavily.

"Well, fuck"

----------

The Winter Soldier - Mission A6523 

The Asset could see his target moving on the tracker and waited patiently, not moving a muscle in the seat even as the car lurched from side to side. Chases were always messy. They involved a lot of bullets and the Asset always had clear instructions to never miss his target. More bullets made more missed opportunities and easier escape chances. 

"налево", one of the handlers behind him snarled at the driver and the Asset kept his eye on the target as the driver swore in six different languages. The target's car was fast, moving at the perfect angle to not get caught and was clearly driven by someone adept at evasion maneuvers.

"Иди направо" the Asset said with a quick plan coming to mind and didn't bother to look if the driver was obeying or not. He simply leaned out of the window and trained his gun at his target. Just as he had anticipated, the car in front moved right too, in a forethought that the chasing car would try to take over.

The bullets left the gun with the smoothness of a practiced aim and the target's car swerved violently, signalling that the driver had been shot. Waiting patiently, the Asset kept an eye out for the engineer whom he had to shoot. As anticipated, the panicked man looked behind in the backseat and the Asset aimed a single shot to his forehead.

The shattering of glass and the fall of the body to the car's floor were in sync. 

"блестящий!", the handler behind the Asset exclaimed but the Asset simply stared at the carnage before him and quietly slid back into the car. As their car neared the target's car that was almost precariously hanging off the cliff, they saw it reverse suddenly. It was shaky and rash but whoever was driving the car, had seen them come closer and gunned the accelerator, spinning back from the edge with a mad energy. Even as the Asset picked up his gun to strike again, the car swerved and the Asset caught a flash of red hair slumped on the steering wheel and a blonde woman leaning across from the shotgun seat, driving the car with bloody hands. 

" убей ее!" the handler spat and the Asset raised his arms to comply when the target's car turned completely to face their own car.

And the blonde woman driving it, threw a bomb their way from the window.

The Asset still shot a blind bullet but their car swerved jarringly and the Asset knew that he had missed his target. The bomb turned out to be a minor explosive that sent their car rolling but they didn't explode.

The muzzle on the Asset crashed into the windshield and the Asset knew that if he didn't have it, he would have lost his teeth. The driver of their car had been killed instantly by a snapped neck and the Asset could hear the handler behind groaning something about a leg.

The Asset didn't care though. He never did. The only thing that mattered was the mission. Which was a success by the parameters but still left unfinished.

Unbidden to the memory, a flash of another blonde came to the Asset's mind, like a fading face. A blonde woman with sharp nails digging into his arm. In a car crash. A blond man with a bruised body and blue eyes.

The blonde woman and the man seemed to meld together in the Asset's mind and it hurt, it hurt more than anything to think. Distantly, the Asset thought that he heard someone screaming. A word maybe. A name. A denial.

He never found out, on that day in Iran under the sweltering heat of a mid-day sun, that it had been himself who had screamed.

That it had been his own voice that had denied.

That it had been the one word he had never said in the recent past.

"NO!"

The blonde memories were erased after the mission, replaced with silence and a blank slate. But the scream of a distant denial remained in the confused brain of a soon-to-be frozen-again Asset.

*******

SHIELD HQ, parallel time:

"You think this will work?" Nick Fury asked Dr. Erik Selvig as they both stared at the glowing blue cube trapped in Selvig's invented safebox.

"I think, Director, it might work more than what we're expecting," Selvig replied, still enthralled by the glow of a forgotten power.

Chapter Text

"There are a number of reasons why this could be a horrible idea," Amanda said as she carefully set the sleek StarkTab down and looked Pepper in the eye, completely ignoring a petulant Tony by her side.

"Maybe," Tony piped up before Pepper could speak and leaned forward with a smirk in Mandy's direction, "but there is one really good reason why this is the best idea."

"If you say 'me' I will throw something. At your face," Mandy said and Tony mock-gasped even as Pepper suppressed a grin at a reminder of words she had said to Tony once as well. Tony rolled his eyes and leaned back, gesturing with his hand for them to continue. Pepper shot him a pointed look before looking back at Mandy.

"You're right, there are," the CEO of SI said calmly, "but we've considered them and reasoned that it would still be worth it if you could join us. Amanda, you're the most professionally competent person we could find and since Tony is not the CEO of SI anymore, it would be less complicated than perceived for you to go through with this. Of course, having said that, it is still your decision and we'll respect it."

Mandy raised an eyebrow at Tony when he looked like he was going to add something and bit back a smirk when he closed his mouth and raised his hands in a surrendering gesture. She already knew that she was sold to the idea, both personally and professionally, but had still wanted to hear Pepper's points before offering her decision.

"Alright then," she said with a polite nod, "I'll take it."

Pepper stretched out a hand and Mandy shook it firmly, before they went over the formalities, signing a couple of forms and making finger impressions.

"Finally!" Tony slapped his thighs and got up from the floor where he had slid down to while the women discussed their formalities, "Are we done? We're done. Great! Now, let's get to some real work!"

"Really," Mandy said dryly but did lean back and toe off her heels when she saw him wink at her before walking toward his helipad. Pepper rolled her eyes at Mandy but got up as well, not following Tony but instead walking towards the expansive bar to pick up the champagne bucket.

"So," Pepper says as she offers Mandy a flute of sparkling liquid, "how long since you'd decided to say yes?"

"How long since you guys began asking?" Mandy asked with a small smirk and Pepper chuckled lightly, "I just wanted to see if he really meant it."

"He does. When it comes to us, he always does," Pepper shrugged with a brief fond look, taking a sip of her champagne and savoring it, "Welcome to SI, Ms. Sousa."

"Thank you, Ms. Potts," Mandy took a sip of her own champagne and reflected back to the past year she had spent making Tony and Pepper string along on the offer to join as the General Counsel of revamped SI. She had known it was coming, even back in 2008 when Tony had begun weeding out Stane's loyalists from the company. Her suspicion had only strengthened with his appointment of Pepper as the CEO. He was strategizing, she had observed, bringing in people he could trust implicitly without having to compromise on the integrity of SI or the new area they were working towards. Lila was already working with the Creative Department of SI after a successful internship earned and completed, Nate was working closely with Maria Stark Foundation (MSF)'s educational ventures, and now Mandy had been roped into the legal department. "I'm glad I just bake," Joseph had said when he had figured out this pattern too, thankful to stay in his downtown bakery rather than run with anything Stark related. 

"You really think this'll work?" Mandy asked as she got up and followed Pepper to the holographic screen where Tony's schematics were running live, "It's a big step."

"Clean energy is a dream project. For both of us," Pepper said but Mandy knew that it was more of Pepper's brainchild than Tony's. She didn't say it out though and simply hummed, brushing a few of her brunette bangs off her forehead as she observed the readings.

"You guys getting this?" Tony's voice came through the speaker on one of the holographs.

"Yes, are you there yet?" Pepper asked with a deep breath, looking equal parts excited and nervous.

"Worst cliche ever, Pep," Tony teased but then proceeded to relay his actions, giving them updates as he went about fixing the last touches to a year long project.

"Are we online yet?" Mandy asked after Pepper keyed in a code at Tony's command. Pepper took a breath and looked out the ceiling to floor window.

"I think..I think we are," she said and Mandy watched as the Tower lit up like a Christmas tree, an albeit phallic one. 

"It's like Christmas but with more me," Tony said as he flew back and Mandy chuckled, thinking he was right.

Of course, that was when it all went wrong. Thinking back to that day, in a long time down the future, Mandy would wonder if she had jinxed her confidence by being too calm.

If Pepper had jinxed her laughter by being too easy with it.

If Tony had jinxed his life by being too responsible.

"Ms. Potts, I have Agent Coulson on the line" JARVIS said and that was when it all went wrong.

That was when it began.

*******

2012, Siberia - HYDRA bunker:

They call it training. The Asset called it a mission.

The man stuck between the Asset and some intangible part of the person he was before calls it suicide. Somehow, it comes out less terrified than the previous fourteen hundred times. 

He's bleeding, he thinks blankly, feeling the drip of hot red drops trickling down his nose. For a minute he thinks about slipping his tongue out and tasting it. Tasting how his own blood feels like on his tongue, after having tasted dirt from boots, metal from mouth guards, and electricity from a chair. Blood, he figures, would probably taste better. More raw. More alive.

He sweeps up a drop from where it lands on his lips and feels the tang of it bursting in his mouth. It feels real, for that one minute, he feels real.

The next minute, he's being shoved back into the corridor leading away from the cells where rabid, snarling future Winter Soldiers glare at him. He thinks for a minute that he should wave at them or wink. Do something to feel more than just the guy who got based up and was called in to train them.

He does neither and keeps his stoic expression, trying to wrangle his racing heart under control. It's strange, he thinks, the knowledge of not being the only fucked up machine in the place does nothing to make him feel less lonely. The thought of five more serum pumped puppets to keep him company and carry forward his 'legacy' does nothing to make him proud.

He wonders what that feels like though. Pride. He wonders and wonders and wonders through the electricity that courses through him as his wonder is taken away again.

The taste of blood on his tongue remains though, and this time when he is put back in the cryo chamber, he closes his eyes.

And sees blue. Blue what he doesn't know. Maybe eyes, maybe a circular metal, maybe a uniform.

He just sees blue.

And then sees nothing.

*******

2012, Stark Tower:

"I have to go," Tony said as he wiped off the holograph, a grim expression on his face. Pepper had left for DC the last night and Mandy had stayed back at the Tower with Tony, both of them feeling out of sorts after seeing the information brought over by Agent Coulson. Tony had been caught up with curiosity and intrigue over the blue cube, but Mandy was more unsettled by the information of a certain supersoldier being alive. Tony hadn't objected to her staying back, probably knowing the reason for it, and she hadn't offered any explanation either.

"I'm guessing the cube thing isn't good news," Mandy commented quietly, crossing her arms against her chest and trying hard to not clench her jaw. She breathed out slowly, counting backwards from ten. It's his job, she reminded herself, he's not dad. He's not going to end up dead because of SHIELD. He's safer. Calm down.

"So...Captain America," Tony said as he walked past her to the elevator, with her following him without prompting, because she really couldn't let him go silently.

"Yeah, looks like it," Mandy replied and carefully kept her eyes on the elevator door, not looking at Tony. They both had issues with Captain America from their childhood. Out of all the others, they were the only two who had serious issues with the name.

To imagine the man being alive now, back to the world, was something that had set both of them on the edge. Mandy knew all about Tony and Howard's problems when it came to the supersoldier but not many people knew of her own insecurities when it came to him. She didn't blame her mother, she never would say it out loud. Well, she didn't blame her anymore, maybe. Growing up as the daughter of Peggy Carter was easier when people weren't constantly reminding her that Peggy was Captain America's girl. That she had always belonged with him. Her dad hadn't minded it much, always ruffling Mandy's hair and telling her to focus on what they had. But she had seen it sometimes, the tired sigh Daniel Sousa would let out whenever another person linked Peggy to Captain America alone. Peggy wasn't less annoyed, but it was more to do with her anger that they would reduce her to just a supersoldier's love than see her for what she had grown into. 

Mandy had gotten a better deal than Tony, she knew that. That didn't mean that she wasn't wary of Captain America though. And going by Tony's body language, he knew that too.

"I'll just-" Tony jerked a finger to his bedroom and Mandy nodded shortly, waiting in the living room till Tony changed into better clothes. When he finally came out, she exhaled and nodded.

"Tony, listen -"

"Mandy, just -"

Both of them looked at each other for a minute before Tony chuckled and Mandy huffed out a small laugh too.

"Try not to blast anyone away," Mandy said with a calmer breath and a small smirk, "Well, anyone other than the ass who's causing the problem."

"You know me," Tony shrugged, "Always up for a little ass kicking."

"Yeah, yeah you are," Mandy rolled her eyes at the smug look on his face before sobering up a bit, "Hey"

Tony paused and looked at her curiously but Mandy found the words hard to get out. She knew that he had been through missions before, that he was Iron Man and a goddamn superhero now, but  this one felt off. This mission felt wrong and that last time Mandy had felt this way, she had lost her dad.

"Yeah," Tony said and she saw his eyes soften a bit before getting back the mischievous spark in them, "I'll come back in one piece. Can't miss goading over you at work now."

"I'll push you off the pad myself," Mandy mock-warned and pushed him to go get suited. 

 "Don't destroy my bar!" Tony yelled as he jumped off the pad with his faceplate still up.

"Make a good entrance!" Mandy yelled back and stood by the pad for a minute, watching her best friend fly towards danger.

He'll come back, she convinced herself and took a deep breath before walking back inside.

"JARVIS" she called out when she herself was leaving.

"Yes, Ms. Sousa?"

"Keep an eye on SHIELD, will you?" she said with a deep breath, looking out the floor to ceiling window, "Something tells me they're gonna do something stupid and use Tony for it."

"Is there a specific reason for that, ma'am?"

"Apart from them suddenly deciding that Tony is suitable to be a part of the Initiative?" Mandy said out loud to herself, "Well, call it an intuition. Knowing Nick Fury and SHIELD, they don't do things without a reason. And something tells me that this reason isn't going to be pleasant."

"...I will keep him safe, Ms. Sousa," the AI said solemnly and Mandy nodded to herself before leaving the Tower to go back home. She was sure that whatever it was, Tony and JARVIS would handle it. 

*******

Stuttgart, Germany:

Tony knew that the world was weird and he had read up on Dr. Selvig's papers as asked for, but nothing had prepared him mentally to meet a literal God and then a not-so-dead soldier. Well, the God he could deal with using his entire arsenal of missiles and a very valid threat but the soldier, not so much.

Which was probably why he had blabbered something about pilates and looking fit, internally screaming at himself to stop poking the guy with a proverbial stick. It was Tony's natural mechanism in handling situations where he felt awkward though, and he couldn't stop his mouth from making puns and referring to the Captain's iced life. Just when he thought that Agent Romanoff would taser him to pull his foot our of his mouth, they had another visitor and Tony was never so thankful to actually jump out of a plane to get away.

Of course, the new visitor, another God, had a swing-happy hammer that channeled lightning and Tony felt like he was fighting Vanko all over again. Except, Vanko didn't level an entire forest and Vanko probably wouldn't have been defeated by a spandex-model with a shield. Probably. Maybe.

"That was an impressive stunt you pulled," Agent Coulson commented when they landed at the Hellicarrier's helipad. Capsicle and his band of poker faced merrymen walked past Tony without much of a second glance and Tony was glad about it as he opened up his faceplate. Raising a curious eyebrow, Tony smirked a bit at the impassive looking Agent.

"Yeah, comes with the job," he said modestly (not so much), and saw a small twitch of the other man's lips, which Tony took as an explicit win. 

"You can leave the armor for now," Agent said as he handed Tony his custom devised pass-key for the armor's containment chamber.

"Got my own," Tony said and tapped a hand against his armor before walking beside Agent, "Hey, what's up with your Portland life?"

Agent shot him a side-eyed look but indulged him a bit by listening to Tony rant about why it was important to keep the love life alive. The minute Tony entered the deck on the Hellicarier with the others discussing Loki and the cube, he knew that he was entering a whole new complicated world. 

"When'd you become an expert on thermonuclear astrophysics?" Maria Hill asked with a judgemental look and Tony raised an eyebrow as he scanned the small audience.

"Last night," he said plainly, looking for any other person who had done their homework like asked, "Selvig's papers? Did nobody else read like we were asked -"

"Does Loki need a particular power source for the Cube?" Captain America asked with a look that clearly said that Tony was wasting their time by telling them what's what. Tony wanted to scowl but moved on and thought out aloud about the problem, delighted when the quiet Dr. Banner spoke up to.

At least someone in the new circus knew their job, he thought and heaved a sigh of relief when he was asked to go and work with Banner instead of trying to play nice with Rogers, who definitely wasn't gaining any points in Tony's book yet.

Turned out, Tony didn't have many points in Rogers' book as well, as Tony found out when the man came in with a reproachful look and lecture about Tony's recklessness.

"Cap, tell me you're not smelling a rat," Tony tried, needing the man to see what Tony was seeing, "An intelligence organization that fears intelligence? An organization that depends on weaponized tech going into the green energy business? It doesn't add up."

"We have orders," Rogers said, his jaw tight and eyes firm, " We should follow them. Loki is trying to split us up and start a war."

For a minute, just for a minute, Tony wanted to tell the man to go screw himself. To tell him that Tony would rather follow his gut than orders. And then he remembered something. Something he had learnt from his mother a long time ago.

"He's nothing more than a stupid rules-puppet!" Tony spat as he crashed onto the couch, viciously loosening his tie, "Always saying no, always stopping progress. It's like he doesn't have a mind of his own! God! We should just fire him and be done with it."

Maria calmly continued signing her files as he blew off steam in front of her, not giving him attention till he had settled down a bit.

"Well?" she heard and looked up to see Tony looking at her from the couch he was sprawled on, "What do you think?"

"I think," she leaned back and pulled off her glasses, "that you don't remember what he was doing before he joined SI."

"What?" Tony asked blankly, frowning, "Of course I do. He was in the army."

"True," Maria nodded and regarded her son with a soft smirk, "but that's not everything." Tony stared at her for a minute before huffing and gesturing her to continue.

"He was following rules," she said and held up a hand when he opened his mouth, "No, I get it. I get that it's not always advisable and it's not what SI is looking for. But we hired him for who he is, not parts of him. Who he is includes who he was. Just because you disagree with him does not make him a bad choice."

"But he needs to think for himself!" Tony threw his hands up in the air.

"He does, and I think that he already does that," Maria said with a shrug and her smirk softened, "Tony, even the smartest of men need time to get over things that were ingrained into them. Being in the army...I know of your Dad's friends who couldn't get over certain things after a war. War and war times change people. But it doesn't change their importance. Rules represent safety for people who are not sure of a new world. If you want to convince them of not being tied up in rules, you have to trust them and give them an opportunity to trust you. Be it in business or life, trust plays the most important role in every relationship. If someone is hesitant to trust you and you want them to listen to you, it becomes your duty to give them a little leeway. It's all about give and take, bambino. You can't be a team without some compromise. And this, this business, it's all about teamwork."

Tony felt his throat constrict at the memory of his mother but brushed that aside to look at the current situation with a new angle. He was looking at the man before him as Captain America. The Star Spangled Man. The comic-book hero. He was looking at someone who had been branded as a legend.

But was he one? Was he truly just a legend? Or was he just a man who wanted to do something good for the world? And if he did, then which world did he want to do good for? 

It struck him with the power of lightening that the man in front of him had no world of his own. His world had died with him seven decades ago, plunged into the darkness of an ocean. He remembered the rare days when his Dad had spoken about the day the aircraft had crashed. The man had willingly crashed it, knowing that he would die. He had expected to die and not hesitated one bit, because he believed in what he was doing. Was that idealism? Or was it just plain goodness of heart? 

People had always called Tony a gambler in life and this was no exception. Making a quick decision, Tony took a risk when he opened his mouth.

"Can we trust you?" he asked quietly and saw Rogers bristle a bit physically, probably imagining that Tony was being condescending, but Tony kept quiet and waited for him to answer.

"I will always do everything possible to push back against bullies and mad men to save the world," Rogers said tightly and Tony saw Banner shift a bit from the corner of his eye.

"Good," Tony nodded and breathed out before continuing, "Then you need to know that you're talking about following the orders of mad men who are probably the very reason the world is in danger."

Rogers blinked at that and Bruce cleared his throat.

"What have you got, Tony?" the scientist asked and Tony answered without taking his eyes off Rogers'.

"The cube, the Tesseract we're looking for? It's pure energy," he began, "Now, pure energy can be utilized for multiple purposes, but it all depends on the user of it. In the hands of an innovator, you get something productive. In the hands of a defense organization? You get something destructive."

"What do you mean?" Rogers asked and Tony noted that this time the wariness was a bit lesser while the concentration was higher.

"I mean," Tony waved to the screen where the tracking was happening, "we're being called by an organization that has been known to be based on military operations to bring back a source of energy that has the power of a dozen nuclear cores, which they claim was being held by them just for scientific purposes and for 'clean energy'. SHIELD doesn't indulge in energy dealings, Captain. I know that, I lead that market. Which means that they lied to us. Deliberately and to three -" Tony paused and corrected himself after remembering the Norse God, "- okay, four highly potent, dangerous individuals who are known to be aggressive in the plainest terms. This isn't just fishy, this is an entire sea of fish."

"But they're protecting the people," Rogers argued, "That's what the military does."

"Does it?" Tony asked and raised his hand when Rogers frowned fiercely, "No, I'm not demeaning the armed forces, relax. I've got buddies in them who are better men than all of us combined. But this is not about soldiers, Cap," Tony was a bit surprised at the moniker himself but he continued nonetheless, "This is about spies who have no boundaries and secrets within secrets."

"Why would you -"

"Do you know how I first met Nick Fury?" Tony asked, changing direction and Rogers shifted his jaw but nodded, a bit warily, "Good, that means you've been given an edited version by SHIELD. Look, I know Fury better than you, and even I  don't know much about the guy other than the fact that he is the most manipulative and secretive guy I've known. Which is a good thing in spy business but it's a bad thing when we blindly follow him. He's lying, Cap. I can feel it. Banner can feel it. I know that you can feel it if you look around and pause for a minute. He's lying and he's lying about something big. Now, maybe it's about the cube or maybe it's about Loki, but it's definitely about this mess. And Cap, you're our trump card to find out more. Fury won't tell me or Banner, that's for sure. But you - you've got a different game. And we need you to use it right now."

Rogers looked indecisive for a minute and Tony wanted to yell but Banner spoke up.

"Steve," the mild mannered doctor said and Rogers looked at him, "Tell me you're not smelling something wrong here. Tell me you trust Fury completely."

Rogers breathed in and looked back at Tony with a calculating look before breathing out.

"Just find the cube," he said after a minute and Tony felt the disappointment twinge in his chest. He looked away and shook his head slightly, not wanting to watch Rogers walk away. 

"I can't believe that's the guy my father spoke about as a tactician," he huffed to Banner but the doctor simply looked somber and shrugged in reply.

It took Tony longer than he'd liked to get JARVIS hacking into the files of SHIELD and he was internally seething by the time Nick Fury barged into the lab with indignant shouts of Tony messing with the security.

"I thought you were supposed to find the cube, Stark," Fury grunted and Tony moved the screen towards him.

"We'll find out the location when it matches," he said dismissively before getting to the point, "What is Phase 2, Nick?"

"Phase 2 is SHIELD making weapons" Tony heard and saw Rogers march into the lab with a strange looking gun, slamming it onto a table before turning to look at Tony. Tony raised his eyebrows in a bit of surprise but Rogers simply shrugged and it felt as though he was genuinely casual and not hostile anymore. 

"Sorry, computer was moving a bit slow for me," he explained and Tony smirked with a nod before both of them turned to face Nick Fury and the newly entering Thor and Natasha Romanoff. It was like an involuntary gravitation after that. Without a word of discussion, Tony, Banner and Steve teamed up to defy Fury and counter his excuses.

When the spy diverted attention to Thor, Tony wanted to scoff. It only turned worse when Fury insinuated that Tony shouldn't be warning against nuclear deterrents.

"If Stark hadn't stopped making weapons, you would be knocking on his door for help with keeping this secret, wouldn't you Director Fury?" Rogers spoke up before Tony could snarl and the genius actually paused to blink at the way the Captain moved forward slightly, as though coming to shield Tony from Fury. What the hell, he thought in a bit of a wonder before focusing on what Rogers continued with. "Now that he is the one who saw your lie, you're pointing fingers."

Fury looked like he had been dunked into a vat of lava for a second before he came back with more excuses but this time Tony had moved forward too, knowing that Rogers was finally seeing things the way they were.

"Why'd you call us?" he asked with a raised eyebrow, "You could have gotten the data from anyone. I know that because I know that you've got science brains here too. But no, you specifically called us."

"To be the deterrents against the nuclear deterrents," Banner answered before Fury could speak and Tony turned to look at him but the man was looking at Romanoff with narrowed eyes, "That's what you meant. That's why you called for us specifically. You didn't need us to detect the cube, you needed us to be your defense line when your secret research backfired and Selvig and Agent Barton helped Loki achieve what you were trying to achieve."

"Doctor Banner, maybe you should remove yourself from the environment," Romanoff said lowly, "Loki is manipulating you."

"And you do what exactly?" Banner scoffed.

"You didn't come here because I batted my eyelashes at you," the spy said in a steel like voice.

"And I'm not leaving because you suddenly realized that I'm not under your pretenses anymore," Banner informed her and Tony inched further to stand next to Steve, in a strategic position to cover Banner if things went wrong.

"Why shouldn't the guy ask questions? Afraid of a little steam, Agent Romanoff?" Tony asked and casually placed a hand on Rogers' shoulder. The man tensed and looked like he was going to shrug it off but instead shot Tony a side-eyed look.

"That would be sane," he said dryly and Tony rolled his eyes.

"He's got a right to know. We all do," he reminded Rogers and patted the man on the shoulder, "C'mon Cap, join the inquisition squad a little. Don't be a quitter."

"Put on the suit and we'll see who's quitting," the man said and Tony raised a eyebrow before making a song and dance about removing his hand from the shoulder.

"I'm not afraid of a little muscle, old man," he smirked and Rogers eyed him challengingly but not with hostility.

"Put on the suit," he repeated like he was the poster boy for fight club and Tony opened his mouth to shoot back a quip when Banner gasped in a shocking voice about something that got cut by an explosion that rocked the lab. Tony would later probably be embarrassed about falling on his ass but then he opened his eyes and met the gaze of a fallen Rogers too.

"Put on the suit," the man said but this time with a serious urgency and Tony nodded before stumbling to get up, helped by Rogers' steady hands. They both rushed to the engine room and Tony told him to meet him at the point where the Helicarrier had been hit before getting into his suit.

They saved the Helicarrier together. They failed to save Coulson. Tony couldn't bear to sit through Fury talking about the Initiative and heroes, especially when he felt like a failure. 

Rogers came looking for him after a while, dressed in civvies and wearing a solemn expression. Tony was bubbling with a tornado of emotions and Rogers was like a calm wall he wanted to dash against, to make things break, to let off some steam. He flared up, predictably, when Rogers spoke about them being soldiers. Rogers, again predictably, was unfazed. It was like he had put off the Tony Stark Is A Hostile memo into the trash and was now genuinely listening. 

So Tony spoke and spoke out loud till he figured out where Loki, the bastard, was.

"We won't be enough," Tony said as both of them rushed to get their costumes - Tony his battered armor and Rogers his spangled outfit.

"Maybe not just us," Rogers agreed without missing a beat, "But I'm betting we'll find others."

"I'll lead the way," Tony said and paused for a second, just a second to meet Rogers' eyes seriously, "But you're taking charge."

For that second, Rogers looked surprised by the easy acceptance and then nodded, but this time with less tension in his shoulders.

"You lead, we'll follow," the man agreed and Tony was a bit surprised at the phrasing but nodded and moved away to work on his armor a bit while Rogers rushed to find more people who could join in.

They ended up being Romanoff and Barton, the latter having finally come out of Loki's mind control whammy. Tony didn't question it when they reached Stark Tower's site. They didn't have time for psych analyses.

He told Rogers that Banner would join too and Cap sounded unsure but chose to take Tony's word for it. Tony wanted to record that trust for posterity but focused on the fight.

Banner came. And brought the Hulk in all his glory. They also got Loki's better brother on their side and that guy, Thor, had some serious lightening powers. 

It was as though they had practiced for years together and knew each other seamlessly. Cap was throwing commands and everybody fell effortlessly into their roles. Tony had heard and learnt of teams going through years of grueling training together before they could establish this kind of sync but he had never been part of that kind of a team. Romanoff and Barton were two halves of one whole and it showed in their seamless movements, both working off each other. Hulk was doing what he did best - smash. Thor was flying around, bringing his power while also trying to get his dick brother to see sense. Cap was directing, coordinating, jumping off buses and plainly being the stuff of legends. And Tony, well, he was being all over the place trying to hit as much as he could. 

Of course, things had to go wrong when they were almost going right.

"Guys, I can close it. Can anybody hear me?" Romanoff was saying on the comm and Rogers commanded immediately, "Do it!"

But Tony had other information thanks to Fury.

"No, don't," he said even as he flew at his fastest, "I've got a nuke coming in."

"Stark, what -"

"Trust me, Cap," Tony said tightly and tracked the zooming missile before looking at the portal, "I know just where to put it."

"J, where's Rhodey at?" he asked as he pushed further to catch up to the missile, having sent out an alert for War Machine to come in when they had begun fighting.

"He's crossing over to New York at Mach 3, sir," JARVIS replied, "ETA 15 minutes."

"Not good enough," Tony groaned as he caught the missile and went into a graceful turn upwards.

"Stark," Cap spoke up again and Tony did not think about the quiet tightness of the man's voice, "You know this is a one way trip."

"Yeah, but gotta be better than water, right?" he joked and heard a choked huff before he switched off his comm, not willing to do any ridiculous last moment talk.

"Sir, would you like me to call Ms. Potts or Ms. Sousa?" JARVIS asked in a solemn tone and Tony blinked against the stinging of his eyes.

"Might as well," he muttered, "Call Pep. Mandy'll just kill me."

The call went but ended unanswered. Tony saw the dying out of Pepper's picture on his HUD and then looked ahead at the portal he was entering.

For years, decades even, Tony had always dreamed of space. Like every nerd heart, he had harbored fantasies of learning the mysteries of an infinite darkness, of scattered light in planets, stars, galaxies. He had loved the idea of an endless space where knowledge and curiosity never stopped. Where science multiplied with every new discovery. Where his mind could finally feel in equal pace.

He had never thought that he would associate space with death. But when his eyes took in the swarming locusts of Chitauri, the large ship like structure which hinted that they were definitely more advanced than Earth, the endless darkness that seemed to swallow life instead of letting it shine - Tony felt his air supply cut off.

And then it literally cut off. He closed his eyes to an explosion - a metaphor of his life in a whole.

He reopened his eyes to a concerned face of a man who had survived death, just like him apparently right now.

"What the hell," he gasped and panted, "What happened? Please tell me nobody kissed me."

Rogers smiled and Tony learnt that they had won. Well, that only deserved one result then. A celebration with food.

***********

Rhodey had never admitted to being completely sane when it came to his friends. He knew his eccentricities. He knew that people didn't see it because they were always masked by those of Tony in comparison. He also knew that his friends knew his faults well enough to know that he was not the perfect image that the world like to project of him.

He had always been a man who put people over patriotism. It was one of the reason he had admired Captain America as a kid. While the world saw him as a perfect soldier, Rhodey had seen a man who would save the day by any means possible. And a man who was never afraid to take a risk for the people, even if it cost him reprimand personally.

Looking at the disastrous aftermath of Manhattan, he wondered about the risk involved in this. It would cost those who took it. The public could be grateful but could also turn on the saviors for collateral damage as easily. Rhodey knew that.

Knowing that Tony was one of the saviors, was the prime savior, did nothing good to his insides. He knew how the public would turn on him. Knew how the politicians would turn on him.

"What a mess," he breathed as he finally landed on the spot Tony had projected as his location, looking around at the unending rubble. 

He trudged through it in his armor, trying to hone onto the exact place where Tony's tracker pointed and entered a shawarma joint.

"Hey! The turtle finally arrives!" Tony exclaimed, looking worse for wear and Rhodey raised an eyebrow at the tableau presented. Six people slumped around a table, each looking minutes away from collapsing. And they were in costumes.

Well, Rhodey was probably not the right person to comment on that considering his own condition.

"Really? You called me to pay your bill?" he called out and walked forward towards Tony, a teasing smirk in place, "That's low for you, Mr. Billionaire."

"Not my fault you're late for the real party," Tony replied and winced a bit as he got up to wrap Rhodey in a one-armed hug that ended a tad too quickly, but not before Rhodey had squeezed Tony's shoulder reassuringly, "Come on, let me introduce you to everyone."

Rhodey calmly greeted and spoke to Dr. Banner, who he learnt had literally saved Tony and felt a bit warmer to the man. He nodded at Clint Barton when the man simply nodded at him and noted the vacant eyes, mind racing through the trauma involved after mind-control. With Natasha Romanoff he was a bit wary but also casual, considering that she had saved Manhattan. Thor was...weird, but an overall fun looking guy, even though Rhodey couldn't forget that this guy's brother was the reason they had gotten into this mess. And then finally he met Steve Rogers.

Captain Fucking America. The guy Rhodey had thought was a fantasy. The guy he knew Tony had despised in early years.

He kept a subtle eye out to note Tony's behavior as he shook Rogers' hand. Tony wasn't putting on his facade, which was a bit weird, but was also not being overtly friendly. Which...was actually a good sign, because people who impressed Tony at first glance usually turned out to be creepy in the end. He was a magnet for trouble that way. And Rhodey had made a lifetime of trying to be the barrier between trouble and Tony, which was a success rarely. 

"By the way," he turned to Tony and suppressed a grin, "Pep is going to kill you."

Tony paled visibly before rubbing a hand over his eyes.

"I should have gone with Mandy," he groaned and Rhodey knew that that would have not ended any better, what with Mandy's own brand of cold fury.

"Gone with me where?" they heard a voice and Tony stilled, absolutely stilled.

"I will pay you my entire fortune to give me your suit right now," Tony hissed desperately at Rhodey, who simply quirked an eyebrow.

"And miss this? Not a chance," he grinned and turned to see Amanda Carter-Sousa standing at the entrance of the shawarma joint, the picture of perfect poise and predatory power.

"Heeey Amanda," Tony greeted with cheer he couldn't afford with his current lack of energy and Rhodey saw Rogers eye Mandy a bit warily, considering that she had inspired the sudden change in Tony, "What's a girl like you doing in a place like this?"

"Oh good, you're embarrassing yourself. No input needed from me then," Mandy said calmly and Rhodey had to bite his cheek to swallow a chuckle at the way Tony swallowed when she stalked forward, all grace and strength. When she got close enough, Tony raised a palm in a placating gesture.

Those never worked on either Mandy or Pepper.

"Look, I didn't really intend to -"

"Why don't we sit down before you keel over, hmm?" Mandy cut him short with a placid smile and Rhodey rolled his eyes as he led Tony back to his seat. They were in for a long day ahead.

******

Mandy wasn't impressed by Captain America. Well, Tony knew that already, ever since their teen years. Mandy was hardly impressed by any 'great men'. There was a reason she never gave much thought or importance to history.

So yes, Tony knew that she wasn't impressed by Captain America.

But this was different. 

The Amanda in front of him was the one who ripped her opposition lawyers to shreds with a bared grin and all the elegance of a tigress. The Amanda in front of him was the one who could sock a thug with equal elan as she could cut into a stubborn steak. The Amanda in front of him was the one who had faced down her ex-husband during an ugly divorce and had walked out with respect and the skin off his scalp. This was the Amanda who had been vicious and angry after her domestic abuse came to light in the wrong way. This was the Amanda who faced people she wanted to bury.

And she had faced Rogers with the same look she had given her ex-husband's father when he had accused her of unsavory things. Tony didn't know what happened.

"Okay, now that you've made Captain America pee in his pants probably, wanna tell me what's going on?" he asked the moment he could get her alone and aside.

She shot him an unreadable look but shook her head. She would never tell him that she had learnt of Rogers calling the shot to close the portal on Tony, without even considering a possibility of rescue. She would never tell him that she had learnt of Tony's missed call to Pepper and had calmed the other woman from a hysterical rant. She would never tell him that she had herself felt like she had lost her family all over again.

Steve Rogers might have made the right choice in the broader sense but Amanda could be narrow when it affected her family. 

"Doesn't matter," she said in a clipped tone, "We've got bigger things to worry about."

"Yeah? What?"

"Saving SI's stocks, restoring Iron Man...and now by extension, the other..Avengers' reputation, the legal proceeding of the property damage," Mandy ticked off coolly, "and suing the pants off SHIELD for nuking Manhattan."

"Uh...not sure we can do that," Tony squinted, "The WSC was trying to curb the damage to Manhattan. It was a shitty thing but it was...maybe necessary from a point of view."

"Oh Tony," she paused in her stride and shot him a look, "that doesn't mean that they get away with it."

"With what?" Tony asked in confusion as he regarded her curiously.

"Everything," she said and Tony was reminded of why Amanda was Peggy Carter's daughter even without the flaunting of the surname. He wondered what Rogers would say when he found out that fact, because all he knew was that Mandy went by Amanda Sousa.

Yeah, that was going to be a good conversation to have.

************

Miles away, in an old Siberian bunker, Hydra personnel were in a flutter when they watched the news of their biggest enemy coming back to life. As a frozen Bucky Barnes remained unaware, his handlers watched a supersoldier in blue, red and white swing a shield in a manner reminiscent of a lost time.

When the red and gold armor fell from a portal on the small television in the bunker, the chief handler spat angrily and turned to glare at the cryochamber.

"We will have to be cautious now," he growled as he stared at the frozen Winter Soldier, "the dead friend has come back."

"Don't they always," his fellow agent huffed as they watched Captain America's face being flashed under a new title - Avengers.