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“Do you ever wonder what it’s like?” Joel asked one night, his eyes fixed on Etho—as they had been for at least an hour. Etho had noticed it, but he’d chosen to not pay attention. At least, he was trying. It was a little distracting to have Joel burning holes in the back of his head. And his side. And his face. Joel had really been looking everywhere.
Etho turned from across the Relation-Ship, meeting Joel's eyes to find an unusual intensity there, “Wonder about what?”
Joel paused. He hadn’t entirely been his usual bold self with Etho recently, and it was starting to bother him. He wasn’t going to keep letting some game gimmick Grian had thought up get to him. So he shrugged and tried to seem casual as he said, "I mean, we know we share strong sensations. I, for one, am curious if that includes more than just pain and discomfort.”
Etho narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms, “What are you implying, Joel?" He had a feeling, but he wanted to hear Joel say it before he started fully jumping to conclusions.
“We’re soulmates, aren’t we, Etho? I wanna know what it feels like when we act like it.”
Right. That. Etho had expected it, probably because he was curious. It was hard not to wonder, really; who could blame him for thinking about it, at the end of the day. He was about to give a genuine response, to express his own curiosity, when he caught a competitive glint in Joel’s eyes.
Oh, so that’s how this is gonna be.
“I don’t know what you mean,” Etho batted his eyes, overplaying his act of innocence, “We already act like soulmates, don’t we?”
Joel squinted his eyes slightly, before a small grin took over his face. The game was on. “Don’t play dumb, Etho, you know what I’m talking about.”
“Do I?” Etho asked, only partially succeeding in hiding his own grin. Something about Joel just sparked his competitive spirit; it was usual for him to have such a strong desire to win, but Joel never failed to make that part of him show its head. He wasn’t even sure what winning meant, but he knew he wanted it.
“Yes,” Joel lifted his chin and quite literally bit back his grin, the mirrored sting settling into Etho’s own lip. “Yes, you know what I’m talking about. Don’t act like I can’t see right through you.”
“Fine, I know what you’re talking about.” Even with the desire to win going strong within him, it was hard not to cave to Joel when presented with the opportunity so openly. That being said, Etho wasn’t about to roll over and admit defeat just yet, “But weren’t you the one who was unsure about this whole soulmate thing? And I distinctly remember you calling my science experiments stupid. Now here you are, trying to conduct your own.”
“God, you’re such a nerd,” Joel rolled his eyes. He straightened his posture to something more confident, almost accusatory, “This isn’t a scientific proposition. It’s just a regular proposition.”
“You’re propositioning me?” Etho raised an eyebrow, “How scandalous.”
Joel scoffed, “Well, if you’re going to be rude about it, maybe I’ll rescind my offer.”
Etho stepped closer, his weight shifted onto one hip and his arms still crossed, “I didn’t say I wasn’t interested.”
“You didn’t say you were interested, either,” Joel countered quickly, mirroring Etho’s body language.
Joel stepped closer, Etho didn’t back down. They were close enough that Joel had to tilt his head up slightly to look Etho in the eyes, just barely close enough to touch. Not that either of them reached out. That would be admitting defeat.
“You haven’t said a whole lot to entice me, have you?” Etho felt his heart speed up ever so slightly, and he wondered which one of them was the cause. He wasn’t sure it even mattered, when they both felt it.
Joel did feel it too, telling himself it was Etho getting nervous. And if Etho was nervous, Joel could win. “What, is the allure of scientific discovery not enough for you?”
“I thought you said this wasn’t scientific?”
“As if I could stop you from being a nerd. And besides, you can’t say you aren’t curious, can you?” Joel challenged, side stepping his own contradiction. Etho didn’t want to let it work but…
“I can’t. But you’re the one who brought it up, aren’t you, sweetheart?”
Joel ignored the way the pet name caught his breath, ignored the fact that Etho probably felt it. “Sweetheart, really? That’s the best you could come up with?”
The look Etho gave him was borderline patronizing, “You liked it.” He said it without a hint of doubt in his voice. It wasn’t a question, or even an accusation; it was just a statement.
“You don’t know that,” Joel lifted his chin higher, fighting to stay in control of the situation. He could feel it getting away from him—it was an effort to even care about this stupid competition anymore. It would be much better to just pull Etho’s body against his own.
That condescending look didn’t help, like Etho could see through everything Joel said and did; and he could, to an extent. “You know can’t lie to me like that, Joel, not here. I can feel your heart racing, you know.”
“Please, that’s your heart, not mine,” Joel rolled his eyes, shifting his weight forward just slightly. Etho’s eyes flicked down, catching the motion.
“It doesn’t matter, does it?” Etho asked, his voice softer and quieter. It was genuine in a way that threw Joel off like nothing else could. “There’s no real separation between us, it’s not yours or mine, it’s ours. Soulmates.”
And if that didn’t turn Joel’s stomach in the best way. Etho was right. The line that separated their bodies was blurred. Standing here, neither of them could tell what was their own and what was bleeding over from the other. Etho was also right that it didn’t really matter—not whose heart was speeding up, or whose breath hitched, it didn’t even matter who won whatever this was.
“Ours,” Joel mimicked. It was supposed to be teasing, it was meant to come out like he was making fun of Etho, but it sounded more like reverence when he said it. He looked away, shaking his head, “This is so stupid.”
“Is that—”
Joel didn’t let him finish. He grabbed Etho by the collar and pulled him close, stopping whatever question he was about to ask. He pressed his fingers against the edge of Etho’s mask, asking silent permission. Etho nodded minutely, and Joel slowly pulled the mask down. Even with confirmation, he gave Etho time to object. But he didn’t. Their lips hovered over each other, the way their breaths synced perfectly becoming extremely apparent.
“This is what you wanted, isn’t it?” Joel asked, pulling back just enough to look Etho in the eyes. It was always a little breathtaking to see Etho’s whole face, even if Joel saw it every morning now.
Etho laughed, “I think it’s what you wanted. You’re the one that started this.”
“I started it because I knew you wouldn’t,” Joel dropped his hands to Etho’s waist, tightening his grip until he could feel it on his own body. He wouldn’t have liked that before, but now it only amplified the moment.
“And yet you’re still stalling,” Etho pointed out, “We’re this close, and you’re still teasing me like it hides that you don’t want to make the first move.”
Joel knew that no matter what he did, he would be proving Etho right. If he responded, he’d be stalling more. If he shut up and just kissed Etho, the incredibly obvious attempt to goad Joel into doing just that would work. It felt a lot like losing this strange game of chicken, but Joel found he didn’t really care anymore.
So he closed the small distance between them.
It was unlike anything either of them had ever felt. Joel used his grip on Etho’s waist to pull him in closer, their bodies flush. Etho tangled his hand in Joel’s hair, his mind going a little fuzzy when he felt the pull on his own scalp. They instantly settled into a rhythm, there wasn’t a single second where they weren’t in sync. They pressed past each other’s lips in turn, the push and pull felt instinctual.
The lines between their bodies blurred even more as they stumbled back towards their bed. Even when they pulled away to lay down—Joel’s weight settling onto Etho’s hips like puzzle pieces—they didn’t feel disconnected.
“This is fascinating,” Etho breathed out, looking up at Joel. It was a sight he could get used to, not to mention the feeling. The edges of his brain were fuzzy, his senses bled into Joel’s like honey into tea; slow and warm.
“You cannot be thinking about your experiments right now,” Joel shook his head, his laugh laced with disbelief; even though it wasn’t surprising, really, and Etho wasn’t wrong. This was unlike anything he had ever felt, the way his entire world felt infinitely expanded and smaller than it had ever been simultaneously.
“I can’t help it!” Etho defended himself, lifting his hands to rest them on Joel’s waist, “I promise it’s not just science on my mind. It’s just so interesting, the way this makes us feel—like it’s not really you and me, just us.”
Another thing Etho wasn’t wrong about. As much as Joel could try to explain the way this felt, it was hard to put into words the emotional aspect of it. The tie that always connected them had become deeper, instinctual, and almost immeasurable in its intensity. Like nothing would be better than just being closer, like he wasn’t entirely a lonely organism, like his thoughts weren’t just his own. It rested just on the line between paradise and something profoundly overwhelming. Everything narrowed down to just this moment, just this room, just their bodies—and yet their senses were heightened and broadened monumentally.
“If we both feel like this,” Joel said, his eyes focused intensely—entitrely—on Etho’s, “Then why are we still talking?”
It was a good point, really. So good, in fact, that Etho didn’t bother responding. He just looped his arms behind Joel’s neck and pulled him down. It felt even more fundamentally correct than before, with Joel’s weight against him like this. It was effortless, their movements against each other’s lips, tongues, and teeth—conscious thought left them as they fell further, unbounded, together into the depths.
Joel bit at his lip (or was Etho the one who sunk his teeth in?), the sensation felt doubled and hazy. Etho dug his fingers into Joel’s waist; it felt less like he could feel the phantom pressure of his own hands and more like Joel’s body was an extension of his own.
When Joel pulled, Etho chased his lips unconsciously, not ready to let go of their main point of connection. But Joel sat up, his weight shifted back. Etho could see—no, feel, Joel’s chest heaving.
“What, you don’t know how to breathe while kissing or something?” Etho teasing, half-heartedly trying to pull Joel back down already.
“No,” Joel rolled his eyes, just as half-heartedly trying to seem offended, “I just figured… lots of clothes, don’t you think?”
“Scandalous intentions, I tell you,” Etho shook his head, faking disappointment. He lifted and tilted his hips, lightly pushing Joel off of him. He sat up, slipping his hands under Joel’s shirt.
“Doesn’t seem like you’re all that opposed,” Joel raised an eyebrow, leaning back on his palms. Etho’s hands were cold on the skin of his torso, but he didn’t mind—he could feel the warmth on his own palms, too.
Etho leaned in, pressing a light kiss against Joel’s neck, who responded by tilting his head to give Etho more room. Etho peppered more kissing across Joel’s neck before speaking against his skin, “Who could’ve predicted that?”
<><><><><><>
The morning after was warm and sweet. Etho woke up with Joel tucked against his chest and a soft glow settled over the both of them. It felt… right. He stayed still, not wanting to wake Joel up before needed. It was the most comfortable—most comforted—he had ever felt. Etho drifted in and out of sleep, not looking to rush any part of this.
Eventually, Joel stirred against him, and Etho couldn’t help but tease, “Good morning, Sleeping Beauty."
Joel groaned, “You cannot start calling me that, twice is already too much. Once was too much.”
“I’m not gonna stop, telling me to stop will only encourage me,” Etho said, then wrapped his arms around Joel and pulled him closer. Joel squirmed, but didn’t actually try to get away.
“You’re the worst,” Joel complained, his breath hot against Etho’s skin. It didn’t feel quite the same as it had last night, but it was still nice. This was calmer, at least. Etho’s not sure he could survive if every second felt like that.
“That’s not what I remember you saying last night,” Etho grinned when Joel huffed in response.
“You seduce me with your science, you do uncouth things in our bed, you say uncouth things in our bed, and then you use it against me.”
“That’s also not how I remember it,” Etho loosened his grip on Joel, letting him sit up so they could look at each other. “You most certainly seduced me, not the other way around. Mr. Do you ever wonder what it’s like?” Etho pitched his voice up to mimic Joel, putting on a truly terrible British accent to go along with it.
“That is not what I sound like, I—” Joel paused mid-sentence, looking at Etho’s torso and neck, before looking across the room to their mirror to see his own, “Oh my god.”
“Did you forget about all the marks? Because it felt pretty evident how you felt about them when you said—”
“They match, Etho, we share bruises,” Joel pointed out, still looking between Etho and the mirror.
Etho just smiled, “That’s part of the charm, I think.”
“Says you! You wear a mask that covers your neck!” Joel wasn’t really upset, but the reality that everyone was going to see his neck covered in marks was a little embarrassing.
Etho reached over, pressing a finger against a particularly dark one; dull aches bloomed on the sides of both their necks. “I think it’s nice,” He tilted his head, a glint of fascination in his eye hiding something darker, “They’re like little… soulmate marks.”
“Soulmate marks,” Joel repeated, flat and unamused, “Seriously, Etho?”
“Yeah,” Etho nodded, but he laughed a little, “Like everyone can see that you’re…” Etho trailed off, unsure of how to phrase it in a way that didn’t sound too intense—not that there was much past the many lines they’d already crossed the night before.
“Yours?” Joel finished his sentence, wishing he wasn’t blushing, “I think they already knew that. That’s kind of the whole point of this game, isn’t it?”
“It’s different. This is more… intentional, I guess.” Etho’s eyes were still shining, clearly entertained by this whole thing, “I’ll fend off anyone who makes fun of you too much.”
Joel rolled his eyes, “How honorable of you, what would I ever do without a gentleman like you?”
Etho ignored the sarcasm, “I don’t know, I don’t think you’d manage, really.”
“You’re so stupid,” Joel said through a soft laugh. He leaned forward, pushing Etho back onto the pillows, “Whatever, I’m not ready to get up yet, so that’s a problem for future Joel.”
“Oh, I’m sure he’ll love that.”
“Shut up and cuddle me.”