Chapter 1: How To: Approch All Abnormal Aliens (Or Deal With The Ones That Approach You)
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"Hello! How are you today? I hope you found everything okay."
"Yeah, I di-"
"My name is Alexander Hamilton. That's great to hear. I actually just moved here from the Caribbean, recently."
"Um."
"Oh, sorry. You looked at me like I'm weird and I couldn't tell if- that'll be $12.96- if it was due to my excitement or my accent so I took a guess. Do you have a membership?"
"Uh, yes. It's under the email of [email protected]."
"I can't find it under that one. Maybe its under a different email. I understand it seems like I have a million of them myself."
"Maybe you spelled it wrong."
"Excuse me? I know I'm a foreigner, but I have been studying English for a while now. Where do you people get off with being absolutely atrocious to people like that? No wonder-"
"No. My email is a pun. A play on my last name. So instead of B-R-R-R, it's spelled B-U-R-R."
"Oh. Here's your books."
"Goodbye, Alexander."
~~~
slamilton wants to message you.
bullseye: Who is this?
slamilton: It's Alex. From Office Depot.
bullseye: How'd you find my number?
slamilton: Well it was listed under your email in the system. How come you didn't tell me that you attend PCU? We should hang.
bullseye: I don't think that's necessary.
slamilton: Ofc it is. Meet me outside of your dorm in 15 minutes.
bullseye: How do you know where I live?
-seen at 9:43 PM
~~~
slamiton has created a chat with galacticparisian, shellcity, bullseye, and I-spy.
shellcity: sup
galacticparisian: hi ;)
I-spy: HEYO!
shellcity: leaf no
galacticparisian: laf yes.
galacticparisian: also, im not a leaf. you better watch your phone john, before i check it for you.
I-spy: that was like, 2 different things.
slamilton: so is burr always that,,,
shellcity: quiet, yes
I-spy: stoic, yes
galacticparisian: burr-ly, oui
I-spy: burr-ly? rlly?
galacticparisian: i could not think of a better word.
shellcity: 1 burr is anything but burly. if anything, he looks like he could be my cousin Shirley. or even like my sister Martha. If he had hair.
shellcity: guys?
slamilton: sorry, I'm laughing more than I should be
I-spy: is there a second point for your burr drag tag
bullseye: Yes, is there?
shellcity: I
galacticparisian: hello Aaron!
galacticparisian: you can't see me, but I have deceased myself.
I-spy: YOU KNOW HOW TO SPEAK ENGLISH
slamilton: Also, we /can/ see you.
shellcity: you diDNT TELL ME You adDED HiM?!
slamilton: tbr I didn't think you'd immediately DRAG HIM JOHN
bullseye: neither did I.
I-spy: yikes
galacticparisian: how do you say, yikes?
shellcity: yOU JusT SAid IT.
bullseye: yeeks
slamilton: yeEKS
I-spy: YEekS!!!!!
galacticparisian: YEEKS
shellcity: HE IS DESTROYING THE SANCTITY OF THE GC
bullseye: LET ME LIVE
Notes:
Hi, it's Kas and Tris. We decided to write this thing after a dream that Tris had about dragging Hamilton in order defend Burr. It's also why she is a character in the book. Um. We hope you like it. Hopefully it gets more exciting because we plan to move through the entire alphabet. Thanks, comment and add kudos if you have the time.
Chapter 2: How To: Babble to the Bestie's about the Brats (Or How Get People To Stop Roasting You)
Summary:
Protective Tris. That's all.
Notes:
Burr has some social issues,,, and Tris is working on them.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
"Hey Aaron!"
"Hello, Tris."
"Are you feeling okay?"
"I..."
"Yes?"
"I don't know."
"Why? What happened, Aaron? Did someone hurt you? Was it that annoying Office Depot employee? I bet you he doesn't even have his green card."
"Not really. He's friends with Laurens' crew."
"Makes sense, the easily-roasted have got to stick together."
"That's the thing, I think they roasted me. I'm not entirely sure because that's the way that those hooligans communicate with today's society."
"Mhmmm..."
~~~~~~~~
triskaidekaphobia added schuys-the-limit, angelswings, peggsandbacon, theodozingoff, aceofhearts, prollydolley
triskaidekaphobia: YOOOOO
triskaidekaphobia: I have some concerns
schuys-the-limit: ????
angelswings: ?????
peggsandbacon: ??????
aceofhearts: are you okay?
prollydolley: you gucci?????
theodozingoff: is this about Aaron?
peggsandbacon: wOW
triskaidekaphobia: FIRSTLY
triskaidekaphobia: how daRE YOU ASSUME ALL MY URGENT GROUP CHATS ARE ABOUT AARON????
triskaidekaphobia: secondly
triskaidekaphobia: yes. yes it is.
theodozingoff: to be fair??? aaron is your favorite subject???
schuys-the-limit: i think they're cute.
peggsandbacon: what is the urgency
angelwings: WELL OEGGY,,,, THE URGENCY IS THAT I WANT TO BE ABLE TO LIVE TO SEE THE BURRIS WEDDING THANK
peggsandbacon: not you. and my name starts with a "p"
theodozingoff: pls I was making out with dolley
prollydolley: yes hello tis I omg ignore her
peggsandbacon: how could you even ignore dolly? She cute©©©,, also Angie im done and too old for this childs play
peggsandbacon: pls note how I not ONLY spelled your name right,,, but I also properly capitalized.
peggsandbacon: suck it.
triskaidekaphobia: bAcK tO ME!!! (thank you Angie for trying to stay on topic, oeggy you can't see me, but im visualizing your death and its blood and gore©
tyeodozingoff: did the rest of us fall of the earth orrr...???
triskaidekaphobia: aaron made "friends"!!!
schuys-the-limit: great!
triskaidekaphobia: not so fast (really Eliza, quotations are used for a reason)
prollydolley: oh????
triskaidekaphobia: his new friends are Laurens, Leaf, and Herc
schuys-the-limit: not so great!!! (also, yes I did see them, but I have no regard for them)
theodozingoff: why is this a concern
aceofhearts: yeah! He has friends!
triskaidekaphobia: QUOTATIONS!!!!!
triskaidekaphoba: This is an issue bc they are calling him Shirley
schuys-the-limit: like Johns cousin???
triskaidekaphobia: ig???? do I look like I know a Shirley. In fact, before now, I probably spent my time subconsciously avoiding "Shirley's".
aceofhearts: pls no
triskaidekaphobia: BUT NOT ANYMORE!!!! JOHN'S COUSIN WILL PAY!!
angelswings: for what? Being ugly?
aceofhearts: being roastable?
prollydolley: for being related to john
peggsandbacon: is anyone with her to keep her calm?
theodozingoff: OHNO
schuys-the-limit: ONE HOT MINUTE PLS I MUST SEND A TEXT TO MY MEN
aceofhearts: "her men"
angelswings: it's like a personal army i can't deal
~~~~~~
schuys-the-limit: I talked to Laf
peggsandbacon: and?
aceofhearts: anD?!
triskaidekaphobia: aND?!?!
schuys-the-limit: how much do you /need/ to know
triskaidekaphobia: Eliza I need all of it
schuys-the-limit: Uh well...Alex is currently still calling him Shirley. Aaron doesn't know what it means
triskaidekaphobia: he looks nothing like Shirley!!!!!
theodozingoff: oh god
aceofhearts: what does she even look like?!!
schuys-the-limit: SHIRLEY'S UGLY!!! THE LORD MESSED UP WITH HER
triskaidekaphobia: the lord messed up with the entire Laurens family if. you. ask. me.
triskaidekaphobia: btw, where do you guys live
peggsandbacon: pls no
aceofhearts: DO NOT TELL HER
triskaidekaphobia: tuRN ON YOUR LOCATION I JUST WANNA TALK
schuys-the-limit: I
theodozingoff: don't
triskaidekaphobia: it's okay I'll find it through find friends
prollydolley: oh god
triskaidekaphobia: and thEN I WILL HURT THEM. MAYBE RIP THEM LIMB FROM LIMB
prollydolley: oH G O D
angelwings: they live in Manhattan. I'll pm you the address!!!
schuys-the-limit: ANGELICA
aceofhearts: Why'd you tell her?
angelwings: Bc I'm in London. And there's no good gossip.
aceofhearts: status update: currently putting on black dress
schuys-the-limit: S a MEee
Notes:
Hey! It's Tris and Kas! Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoy this chapter. They get better. Thanks for reading. Means you care:) <3
anna_sun on Chapter 1 Mon 11 Jul 2016 01:29AM UTC
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enkiduu on Chapter 1 Mon 11 Jul 2016 01:38AM UTC
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