Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It’s hell on earth you know, I’m tweetin’ all about it. I take it blow-by-blow, but I’d never scream or shout it.

The school bell rings and Janus barely makes it to class on time, per usual. They pull down their beanie as Ms. Fleming begins, “Passing period’s over. Find your seats!”

High school is killing me, it’s got me all out of my rhythm and my melody. It’s not cool, it's a fallacy, it's a cruel and unusual brutality. And I can survive it for only so long! High school is killing me, I’m so fucking dead.

Janus makes their way to their seat and Ms. Fleming announces, “Alright class. Pop quiz!”- she walks by them and points- “I Hope you’ve been hitting the books Mx. Hunt.”

“Shit,” they think, “I was up all late last night and I couldn’t fucking study. (Didn’t want to anyway) I was deep in a Twitter fight about a problematic puppy. (Problematic pooch) I had heart palpitations trying to convert crypto to lunch money. There’s nowhere to turn for the class of 2021!”

High school is killing me, it’s got me all out of my rhythm and my melody. A cesspool faux democracy, it’s one hell of a normal abnormality. And I can survive it for only so long, high school is killing me! I’m so fucking-

“Hey. Hey geek,” they nudge the boy next to them.

He looks up from his desk, “Me?”

They nod, “Your name’s Logan, right?”

“Yeah.”

They smirk, “Hi, Lo, we’ve been in classes together for a long time, haven’t we?” (I’m so fucking dead)

He nods again, “Since the first grade.”

“Yeah, and I’m just realizing I’ve never introduced myself, I’m Janus.” (I’m so fucking dead)

“Hunt, the mayor’s kid. Yeah, I know,” he looks confused.

They resist the urge to snicker, “But my friends call me Dee.We’re friends aren’t we Lo?” (I’m so fucking dead)

“I don’t know, are we?” He awkwardly fixes his bowtie.

They turn away a bit, “Well, I wouldn’t advertise it to the whole school or anything. (High school) But there’s an unspoken bond between us. We’re classmates. We’re comrades. We’re Nighthawks! And we don’t leave anyone behind.”

Logan looks slightly lost but annoyed at this point, “I got left behind this morning. Bus driver’s a fucking asshole.”

Janus chooses to ignore that, “Yeah, we succeed together or we fail together. Now, I won’t mince words. I’m going to fail this test, Logan,” he pauses, “Unless you help me cheat.”

He looks baffled, “Cheat?” (I’m so fucking dead)

Eight o’clock bell rings, place my head on my desk.

They nod, “Come on, just finish your exam, pass it to me, and I’ll put my name on it.”-

12 o’clock girl scout, can I just take my test?

-“I’ll give you mine, you get to take the test all over again. Doesn’t that sound fun?”

Three o’clock countdown, everyday lockdown, classroom arrest, is god the one giving the test?

He hesitantly nods, “Well, yeah. But won’t we get in trouble?”

They scoff, “Please Lo. Don’t you want to help me out?

Logan sighs and grabs his paper, “Oh, all right.”

Unfortunately, right behind them sits perfect christian boy Patton Chasity.

“Cheaters!” he stage whispers.

Janus sighs, “Oh god. Butt out, Chasity!”

High school is killing me, it’s got me out of my rhythm and my melody! (my melody, my melody!) It’s not cool, it's a tragedy, I’ve been thrown to the wolves of the community. And I can survive it for only so long! And I still despise it when I am gone! High school is killing me.

Logan adjusted his bowtie again as Patton stepped forward, “Patton, just be cool!” (Fuck you biology)

“I can’t in good conscience Lo” (High school will murder me)

He raises his hand, “Ms. Fleming, they’re cheating!”

I’m so fucking dead!

Chapter Text

Ms. Fleming marched towards them, “Logan, Janus, principal’s office, now!”

They both leave, Janus significantly more annoyed then Logan, “Patton Chasity! That little goodie two-shoes! Man, I hate that nerdy prude.”

They turned around to see Logan much more nervous than before, “Oh god, I am dead. I am so dead.”

“What’s the matter?This your first academic misconduct?”- they flick their wrist- “Don’t sweat it. It’s two hours detention tops.”

Logan glares at them, “I’m not worried about the principal. I’m worried about what the popular kids are gonna do when they find out I was talking to you. I don’t need this kind of attention.”

Janus laughs, “Okay. So you don’t want to be bullied?”

Logan’s glare intensifies, “No! I want to be invisible.”

Janus tilts their head, “Then why do you come to a public school dressed in suspenders and a fucking bowtie?”

Logan rolls his eyes, “Because bow ties are high-class. Do you remember Travis Coulson?”

They nod, “Oh yeah. That really poor kid. Didn’t he and his family starve to death?”

“No. And they weren’t poor. He wore a dirty shirt once and he got bullied so bad that his parents had him transfer to Sycamore,” he explains, gesturing as he talks.

Janus laughs, “Sycamore? I’d rather starve to death.”

Logan ignores them, “And these suspenders are to hold my pants up. One time Brad Callhan pantsed me in the sixth grade, right in front of Sarah Zimmerman. Then she started the rumor-”

Janus cut him off, “Oh my god! You’re Micro-Logan!”

“Oh god,” he pinches his nose.

“You’re, like, famous! Can I ask about it?” They try not to laugh.

“It’s not actually a micro-penis!,” he snaps, “I was a kid. It’s grown since then.”

Janus dramatically sighs, “Well, there goes your claim to fame.”

“This outfit is a tapestry of my trauma. It is designed to prove as little teasing as possible,” Logan finally finishes.

Janus walks closer to him and grabs a suspender, “Anyone ever do this?” He releases with a crisp snap.

He rubs the spot, “Every damn day. My titties are tenderized.But it’s better than getting saddled with another humiliating nickname. I have a real name. Logan Berry.”

Janus snickers.

“My parents really liked the jam.”

That only causes Janus to laugh more, “I didn’t know you were funny.”

Logan pauses, “Neither did I.”

Janus laughs again, “I like funny guys.”

Logan starts to smile before the school bell rings, “Oh shit. Shit, shit, shit! I can’t let him see me talking to you! He’s creamed nerds for less!”

He runs off, leaving Janus yelling after him, “What? Who Has? Berry! Who are you running from?”

They revive no answer and huff off to their next class.

Chapter Text

Remus rushes through the hallway, accidentally bumping into Abigail before finding Logan and Virgil within the mess of panicked nerds.

“He’s got the hallway on lock, his fists are always half-cocked, he’s got me hiding in my locker,” Logan starts.

Abigail chimes in, “He’s got the face of a saint, that post-pubescent strength. The hottest guy, yeah he knocked him.”

“You have a man he’ll seduce him,” Virgil adds.

Remus nods, “You’re not him, you're a loser.”

Logan pops up behind them, “It’s best to drop and play dead, place your hands on your neck, call the feds, lock the thread”-he points- “He’s straight ahead.”

You better leave your hopes behind, no one’s gonna stop him. You better hope you’re out of sight or you’re doomed to be his victim. You won’t defeat his kind, never look in the eye, he’s a literal monster.

They begin making a dash for it, managing to briefly escape the hallway.

Virgil begins again, “He is juiced, he is jacked, he’s hormones on the attack, he’s the horror in every rumor.”

“I swear to god he has fangs, everyone knows how he bangs! No one to blame if there’s no accuser,” Remus adds.

Abigail pipes up, “I once was his tutor, then I regarded my future!”

Like a nighthawk he preys, like a jock he cliches, and we pray and we pray! You better leave your hopes behind, no one’s gonna stop him. You better hope you're out of sight or else you’re doomed to be a victim!

Kim finally starts as they all huddle, “He roars and we cry. He’s the reason with no why. He’s a literal monster!”

A damn literal monster!

They all run off in different directions.

Chapter Text

Virgil is getting books out of his locker, hood pulled up over his head.

“Hey! Virgin!”

“It’s Virgil. Virgil Chase…” he turns around to see Roman, “Ro-Roman King.”

Roman smirks and pins him against the locker, “It’s third period, Virgian. I’ve gotta get to remedial algebra. Meaning I’ve gotta walk through this hallway, and I don’t need you stinking it up.”

“Sorry Roman. My Mistake. I didn’t know my locker was in your hallway.” Virgil shrunk in on himself.

Roman backs up as two other football players walk in, “Oh, well, there’s a difference between intent and impact. I learned that at the anti-bulling assembly last month, fuck nugget!”

Virgil tries to pull his hood down more as Roman addresses the two other boys, “What do you think guys? Should I let him off with a warning?”

“Ha-ha. Yeah!” the nicest of the players, Jason, nods.

Roman glares at him, “No. Dumb-ass! I think for this hallway infraction, I’m gonna have to issue a Flick-It ticket.”

Virgil flinches as Roman draws near again, “No, Roman! Please! Can’t you just fart on me or something?”

Roman laughs, “Oh, sorry. I’m fresh out of your favorite food. I think I’m just gonna have to flick it!”

He does exactly that and Virgil immediately covers them, “My Balls!”

“Now move along, bitch!” Roman shoves him and he nearly trips before scampering off.

“Aw, that was cool!” Jason fists bumps him.

Just then, Patton walks through with a stack of flyers under his arm and sticks one up on a nearby wall.

“Hey, Ro! Lookie what we have here,” the third player, Kyle, gestures at Patton.

“Oh, shit! It’s Chasity-belt!” Jason laughs as Patton gives a group of random girls some flyers.

Kyle joins in, “He’s such a nerd!”

“He’s such a prude,” Jason adds.

Kyle nods, “Yeah, he’s so gross!”

Roman frowns, “Really, Kyle? That’s a hot take. How gross is he?”

“Super gross!”-he playfully shoves Roman- “Yeah, yeah, yeah! He’s, like, a total two-bagger!”

Roman shoves him back less playfully, “Oh! A two-bagger? What’s a two-bagger?”

“Uh, it means that he’s so ugly that he’s gotta wear two bags on his head in case one falls off,” Kyle continues, not picking up on Roman’s annoyance.

“Oh! That’s sick, bro! That’s so fuckin’ funny!” he punches Kyle to the ground.

Jason quickly walks over to him, "Jesus, Roman. Get him up! Get this fucker up!”

Jason helps him up as Roman glares at him, “Now you listen to me, you stuttering prick. Nobody, and I mean nobody, talks that way about Patton Chasity.”

Kyle nods, “Sorry Roman.”

“Now deposit this trash into the nearest receptacle,” Roman waves the two away.

“Oh, please! We’re trying to get the dance canceled!”-Patton yells as he speed walks after them- “Tell your teammates!”

Roman walks up to him, “Hey, Patton. What’re you doing?”

Patton lights up a bit, “Trying to get the dance canceled. My parents say homecoming’s just an excuse for kids to mess around in the gym. We run laps in that gym, and I don't want their spunk to send them to hell.”

“Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha ha! Spunk! You’re funny. Can I carry your books for you?” Roman leans against a locker a bit.

Patton gasps a little, “Carry my books? I don’t think either of us are ready for that. I mean, we’re only 16.”

Roman steps towards him again, “Chasity, come on. You’re breaking my balls. Just one little date.”

Patton steps away, “You don’t know me very well, do you?”

Roman takes another step forward with a smirk, “I know that, behind closed doors, repressed dudes are the biggest freaks. Monks, librarians. Watch some porn.”

Patton tries to take another step back, only to be backed against a row of lockers which Roman proceeds to pin him against, “Tell me I’m wrong, dirty boy.”

Patton flinches, “Don’t call me that.”

Roman just leans in further, “But that’s what you are, isn’t it? My little dirty boy.”

Patton manages to push Roman off him, “I am only one man’s boy, Roman, and his name is Jesus Christ!”

He started backing away, prepared to sprint at any moment, “I suggest getting acquainted with him before you end up roasting on a spit in Hell. Now if you’ll excuse me.”

He sprints off, dropping a few flyers as he does so.

Kyle walks back in, laughing, “Oh, man! He is such a prude.”

Roman rolls his eyes, “Yeah. Isn’t he great?”

Kyle walks next to him, “You could have any boy in school, Roman. Why him?”

“Forbidden fruit, dick-hole!”-he turns to him- “It’s always the sweetest.”

Chapter Text

Janus walks through the halls of their dad’s stuffy house, they were moving out as soon as they graduated. Go into philosophy, just for the hell of it, live a normal damn life instead of this bullshit puppet show.

Whatever for now though, they threw their bag by the stairs, “Dad, I’m home.”

Their dads assistant, they had never bothered to learn her name, rushed in, “Ugh, Janus! I’ve had three staffers trying to get a hold of you all day. Why weren’t you answering?”

Janus rolls their eyes, “I was at school, or did you forget I have a life outside of a political image for my father?”

“This is politics, Janus. Learn to multi-task,” -she gives them a fake smile- “Have you even seen the new polls? Your father is down. We’re within the margin of error, and you’re doing everything you can to fuck things up! It’s like you don’t care about this campaign at all.”

“Wow, it is like that, isn’t it? Probably because it is.”

“Well, well. If it’s not my October oopsie, emphasis on oopsie cause you were a mistake. Janus, next time you’re going to cheat, do it like a Hunt and don’t get caught,” their father enters.

They roll their eyes, “I wouldn’t have gotten caught if it weren’t for that nerdy, little-”

Their father sits down, “Janus, please, I’d like to have an intelligent conversation with you. In other words, shut up.”

“Yeah, shut up.” the assistant piped up.

Their father points at her, “You. Out.”

Janus returns to the conversation at hand, “Sounds more like a lecture than a conversation.”

Their father ignores them, per usual, “Janus, do you have any idea what’s coming up in a month?”

They roll their eyes, “The election.”

“The election” -their father nods- “I had to personally call your principal this afternoon. Did you know they wanted to suspend you? Imagine how that would’ve reflected on me. The mayor’s kid, a deviant, a flunky.”

Janus resisted the urge to roll their eyes again, of course their father only cares because it would reflect badly on him, that’s how it always is. They had stopped expecting him to care before they even reached double digits.
Their father continues, “We came to an arrangement. They’re not going to punish you, but I am. You will raise your grades, or else.”

They almost laugh, “Or else? How ominous. What are you going to do, ground me? Like I won’t just sneak out. Face it, old man, there’s nothing you can threaten me with.”

“Oh, really? Miss Tessburger,” the assistant comes in with their phone that they had left at home.

Oh, he really was stupid, they don’t care about their stupid phone, they could just buy a new one anyway. But if it meant that their father wouldn’t do something to Plato, their pet snake, then he would play the part of the phone addicted teenager.

“Hey, that looks like my phone,” they say, voice laced with fake worry.

Their father smirks, looking so sure of himself, “It is.”

“Be careful with that dad,” they try not to cringe as they say in their sweetest voice, “Please daddy?”

“I’ll be careful with it,” -he picks up a sledge hammer from the table- “I’ll carefully smash it with this hammer.

Janus steps forward, “you wouldn’t. Not even you would do something so evil! You know all my pictures are on there!”

“I’ve found a weak spot, haven’t I? Your whole generation’s in thrall to these fucking boxes. Little app-junkies.” -he sets the phone down- “I’m going to free you of it, Janus.”

He starts swinging the hammer and Janus forces themselves to throw their hand over the phone to truly sell the act.

Their father pauses, “Did you just throw your hand between the hammer and the phone?”

Janus gets up, not bothering to grab the phone, “Yeah.”

Their father continues the lecture, “Smart phones are for smart kids, not little dumb-dumbs. You can have it back once you’ve raised your grades. I don’t care if you have to lie, cheat, steal, or, shock of all shocks, read a book for once in your life.”

“How am I supposed to study without listening to Spotify? Do you even know what you’re doing? You’re killing me with what you’re doing!” they rant, most of the annoyance real just for a different reason.

They slam the door still hearing their father say, “If only Janus. If only.”

They grab their bag from the stairs, deciding to go to Bilancia to get some good food and maybe call Logan up to study with. Maybe talk about philosophy if he likes that kind of thing.