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I. He's a liar.
It's her own goddamn fault. She should have known better than taking him back for the fifth time when she already knows he's a lying, cheating, humiliating son of a bitch. But what can she say? She's been with Kurt Gollovski for more that four years, and even if she knows it's crazy, she fucking loves him.
It's the saddest part of it all, really. Penny knows she has nothing to say about cheating people because she's been the bastard more than once – sometimes she remembers her high school boyfriend and his brother, and wonders if Elliot's nose still looks broken from Kevin's punch – but she never cheated on people who loved her. Whenever it got too serious, Penny just ended things before looking for another, fun, no strings attached adventure, and that was it.
But Kurt… she loves him. She's fallen in love with him as soon as she met him, when she first came to California, four years ago. And she should have known better than accept living with him when after three years of dating, he still hadn't learnt to keep his dick in his pants whenever a gorgeous girl would be in his eyesight. She should have known better than daydreaming about spending her life with him, raising beautiful, muscular blond little boys.
Because it's over, now, and she'll never be Mrs Penny Gollovski.
II. He's not the right one.
The evening is lovely, really. She is a little apprehensive at first, though, because she's never gone out with someone like him before. Of course, she's a little more familiar to his world than she would have been two years ago, thanks to her geeky neighbours, but the fact remains that Stuart Bloom is far from the kind of guys she usually dates.
She's not feeling completely out of place, though, because Stuart is not a genius. He's an average guy, with weird hobbies, sure, but he's just like her, and she's not experiencing that feeling of "not good enough" she gets whenever she hangs out with Leonard, Sheldon, Raj and Howard.
In the end, she realizes, Stuart could be the one for her. Of course, it's a little too early, and she doesn't know yet if she could ever fall in love with him, but he's sweet and nice and kind and visibly very into her, and she guesses she only has to say a word and she can call him hers. Besides, Mrs Penny Bloom does have a certain ring to it.
The day after, when she wakes up fully clothed in her own bedroom, she kind of wonders what went wrong, before the memory comes back to her mind. While saying a word could have make Stuart hers, moaning Leonard's name was obviously not the right thing to do.
She's absolutely mortified, but she prefers not thinking about it. Not because she hurt Stuart's feelings – although she probably did – but because it scares her, that power her friend has on her.
III. He's not good enough.
She lets him fuck her and it does feel good, that physical release. She likes the sound of his hips slapping against hers, she likes the smell of their bestial coupling, she likes the rush of adrenaline in her body. She likes it all, and for a moment, her cloudy, drunken mind thinks that maybe, one day, she could become Mrs Penny Johnson.
It'd be great, really, coming home from her work on the set of a super-production to her gorgeous husband. Zach could take her right there against the wall, or on the kitchen table, or on the living room floor, to take her mind off her bitchy co-star and that stupid director who keeps insisting that blue is her colour and she needs to be painted like a Smurf.
It would certainly be sexually pleasing.
But when they're done, and he opens his mouth, she realizes she could never do it.
"I still can't believe your weird friends tried to blow off the moon."
Oh God, he's too stupid.
He's not good enough.
And after what she once had with Leonard, she starts doubting any man will ever be.
IV. He deserves better than her.
Penny's eyes flutter open and she realizes she's in sheets that aren't hers, naked. She feels her heart skip a beat, because she had promised herself not be so promiscuous anymore, but then she realizes she's in Leonard's bedroom, and everything falls into place. She's suddenly the happiest person in the world, because that means only one thing – Leonard finally dumped Priya, and Penny had sex with him, and maybe they could get back together.
And then, as suddenly as it started growing, her happy bubble bursts and her heart shatters, for the arm draped over her is not Leonard's.
She feels dirtier than ever, staring at Raj's still sleeping face, and for the first time in her life, she feels like she actually hates herself.
She wants to flee as quickly and as discreetly as possible, but of course, God hates her, so Raj wakes up and there's a welcoming party for her in Sheldon and Leonard's living room.
Leonard. Of course he's here. She can't look at him when she runs for the door, muttering that "It's not what it looks like", but in the refuge of her own apartment, she breaks down, because it's exactly what it looks like.
Penny's a skank, will say Amy later that day – well not in these terms, but it definitely sounds like this anyway –, and she has to agree with her. She really is a skank, and that's probably why she'll never be truly happy. Even Raj deserves better than hers, even though he probably thinks they're a couple now. Knowing her friend, he's already calling her Mrs Penny Koothrappali in his mind, not realizing that she's not deserving.
V. He's not her adorable boyfriend.
She's mad at Leonard, because he's not trusting her – or maybe he's not trusting himself; actually, it's probably a bit of both – but then again, she has to admit Cole is more than cute. A few years back, Penny would have probably fallen for him, and it wouldn't have been bad, because he's a nice change from idiots like Kurt and Zach. He's not as intelligent as Leonard, of course, because no one really is – Sheldon may have a higher IQ, his lack of social skills makes him dumber than her boyfriend – but Cole definitely knows what he's talking about.
And he's gorgeous, he really is. His hair looks smooth and his skin so soft and Penny is sure she could get lost in his eyes if she were to look at him for more than ten seconds over a history book. He's tall and broad, just enough so she could feel secure if he wanted to take her in his arms, but not too much so she doesn't get the feeling to be back with an ape like Zach or Kurt.
And there's something about him that goes beyond his attractive looks. That's probably because he's British, and he's got that accent.
Yeah, a few years back, she would have seduced Cole and while she would have straddled his hips, she'd thought of what it would be like to be Mrs Penny Smith.
But now, she doesn't care. Because in spite of all his gorgeous looks and charming accent, he's not what she wants. He's not who she loves.
Leonard has no need to worry, really.
VI. He's been the one all along.
She's the happiest person in the world. There is no other way to put it. She's so happy that she could cry, and actually, she does. She doesn't even hear Amy scolding her, telling her to try and calm down because her make-up has only been just done, claiming that she handled her own wedding waaaybetter than Penny does. She doesn't hear Bernadette telling Amy to leave her alone, that Penny's allowed to cry if she wants to, and that there is no shame in it, either, thank you very much.
All she can hear his Leonard's voice when he croaks out a "yes", three months earlier. All she can she is his surprised eyes and his ecstatic smile. All she can feel is his mouth against hers.
She knows she surprised him, that day. They'd been living together for two years now, but in spite of what was a pretty serious commitment, Penny had still been too scared to go further. Sometimes, she'd thought about being Mrs Penny Hofstadter and she'd be positively afraid of everything it meant and would go back to thinking about harmless things.
And then, one day, Amy and Sheldon walked through their door and she spotted the engagement ring on her Bestie's finger. After obligatory congratulations, Leonard asked Amy if she'd take Sheldon's name, and his best friend said that she wouldn't, for he loved saying "Amy Farrah Fowler" way too much.
Penny remembers thinking "Why?"
Why wouldn't Amy take the name of the man she loved? Why wouldn't she be proud to be Mrs Cooper? Why wouldn't she want to tell the world they belonged to each other?
And then a nagging voice at the back of her mind had asked her "Why won't you?"
Penny had tried to come up with an answer. A logical answer, just like Leonard loves them. And she couldn't.
She was scared, of course, she knew it, but as she watched Sheldon Cooper – the one man on earth she last expected to tie the knot – timidly intertwine his fingers with his fiancée's, she realized that if he had been able to put his fears aside, she should at least try to do the same.
She'd turn the question over in her head for a few weeks, until she decided she had waited enough and that it was time for her to grow a pair.
So one night, a night that wasn't Valentine's day, or his birthday, or their anniversary, a night that was a normal night, because she loves him equally every day, she just looked at him over dinner and said "Leonard, will you marry me?"
And there she is, three months later, about to walk to the altar to become Mrs Penny Hofstadter. And she's the happiest person in the world, because really, it's who she's longed to be all along.