Archive of Our Own ^beta

Arthur is a screamer. That is a fact. Not many people know this. But Merlin does. 

And sadly, so does the little old lady who lives next door.

It's why they had to sound proof the entire flat. she'd called the cops that first time and hadn't that been embarrassing?

She still looks at Merlin as if he's done some unspeakable crime.

Which to her, he has. She now thinks Merlin is some abusive boyfriend so hits Arthur and has soundproofed so he can carry on his beatings in privacy. 

And she absolutely adores Arthur. She bakes him cookies and cakes and has him over for tea almost every afternoon like some kind of protective grandmother.

Arthur finds it all very amusing. He laughs at Merlin while Miss Alice is glaring at him, and leans into her hugs while he knows Merlin is watching.

He doesn't even try to explain to her the truth.

"She wouldn't believe me anyway, Merlin. Abuse victims always try to defend their partners. She'd just hate you more. I'm doing you a favor here."

Merlin ties him to the bed and doesn't let him come for hours for that one.

He's pretty sure not even the soundproofing blocked the screams from that one.

And he's sure of it the next morning when Miss Alice is stood at the door with Arthur's favorite chocolate pie in her hands. Her glare is extra fierce. Enough to put even Morgana's to shame.

And Arthur is absolutely delighted to see her. Of course, the traitor. Now that he's pregnant he eats everything and anything and downs the pie in five minutes flat.

Also, now that he's pregnant, Miss Alice will barely let Merlin anywhere near his own boyfriend.

Arthur says he should just stop messing with her. That she'd be more accepting of him if he'd just stop blatantly riling her up.

Which he doesn't do, of course. Much anyway.

When Arthur stands to see her to the door, she says, "Oh come by anytime, I'll make you some more. I remember being pregnant myself, it can so stressful," with a 'meaningful look'.

So he just laps Arthur's ass says, "Oh we can deal with stress just fine thanks," with a wink and maybe slams the door in her face. But she deserved it.

Either way, he loves making Arthur scream. So Alice will just have to get used to it.

"Well, what do we do about the screaming when the kid comes then? She won't be able to get used to it." Arthur says. Laughing when he sees the look of horror on Merlin's face.

Shit.