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Chapter Text

In the small, western town of Elkhorn, bounty hunter, Jonah Hex, had just walked out of the office of the local sheriff, Ohiyesa Smith, after collecting some money for a fugitive he'd brought in, when he heard the familiar sounds of galloping and creaking that signaled the coming of a coach. He looked up from the wad of bills he was counting and was surprised to see an old, wooden caravan turn onto the town's main street and start heading in his direction. It was painted in several garish, primary colors, which showed cracks and peeling and other signs of weathered aging, yet the colors were still bright enough to make people take notice. The two horses that pulled it were all black and looked wild and unkempt. The coachman sitting at the box seat steering was a strange looking figure whose face and body were completely hidden by a red, hooded, velvet cloak. All that could be seen of them was their gloved hands which held the reigns.

As the caravan came near and then passed Jonah Hex he saw on the side of it the words, "The Mystical Madame Xanadu" painted in purple letters, and underneath that, "Fortune Teller" painted in black. There were white stars and crescent moons all around the words to add a bit of flair. Once the caravan had passed him, Jonah noticed an unlit oil lamp hanging above the back door that swung wildly as the caravan moved.

Jonah smirked to himself.

Too bad for the suckers in this town, he thought to himself, as he resumed counting.

The caravan continued on down the main street until it reached the town square where it came to a stop off to the side out of the way. A small crowd of townsfolk, most of whom had been following it since its arrival, now gathered around the caravan pointing and chattering.

Ohiyesa Smith, a stout Indian with short, dark hair and piercing eyes who was wearing tanned, fringed buckskins and a metal sheriff badge pinned to his chest stepped out of his office to see what all the commotion was going on down the street. Jonah Hex was still standing outside.

"Jonah, what is happening?" Ohiyesa asked.

"Looks like you got gypsies in town," said Jonah, pointing, unnecessarily, with his thumb.

"Then come, help me greet them," said Ohiyesa, as he walked towards the noise and Jonah reluctantly stuffed his money into his pants pocket and followed.

By the time the two men had reached the crowd it had become more like a mob. One unshaven, sweaty, old man with more gold teeth than white ones saw the sheriff walking up and got in his face.

"Gypsies, sheriff, gypsies!" he yelled. "What are you gonna do about it?"

Ohiyesa waved his hand at the man indicating he should calm down, then he approached the caravan where the hooded driver still perched, like a statue, on the box seat with the reigns in their hands.

"What exactly can we do for you, stranger," he asked the driver.

The gloved hands released the reigns and then grabbed the hood, pulling it back to reveal a beautiful young woman with olive skin, dark eyes, and long, braided, black hair.

"I am Madame Xanadu," she said to the crowd. She had a noticeably foreign, yet indistinguishable accent. "And it is not what you can do for me, bit what I can do for you that brings me here, people of Elkhorn," she said.

Everyone eyed Madame Xanadu either with curiosity or suspicion, except for Jonah Hex. He stared at her, transfixed, as though she were the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Now, Jonah Hex had seen and been with many beautiful women of all sizes, shapes, and colors, so it took a lot to get him hot and bothered, but from the moment she removed her hood, something almost supernatural about Madame Xanadu called out to Jonah like a Wendigo.

"Witch!" yelled the unshaven old man, suddenly, pointing at Madame Xanadu. Then as if to get the rest of the crowd to join him he turned to them and yelled, "This gypsy witch come here to steal us blind and the redskin's gonna let her do it. If-"

Jonah cut him off with a punch to the mouth.

The man fell to the ground, unconscious, and minus some of his gold teeth.

"Jonah, you should not have done that," said Ohiyesa, sternly.

Jonah shrugged.

No one else seemed to object to it, though, so Ohiyesa let it go. Then a severe looking older woman in a shawl and bonnet stepped forward.

"I'm afraid I must agree. It is witchcraft, sheriff. Fortune telling is the devil's work," she said.

"I can assure you, Ms. Pennington, I am not in league with the devil," said Madame Xanadu, calmly.

"Now, see," shouted Ms. Pennington to those around her. "How did she know my name? It's indecent! A cloaked figure riding in here on black stallions."

"Yeah," agreed several people.

Jonah held his fist up to Ms. Pennington.

"I swear, you're next, lady," he growled.

"Why I never," said Ms. Pennington, in shock.

"Jonah," admonished Ohiyesa.

"Since when is it a crime for a lady to make a living in the entertainment business?" Jonah asked loudly, looking around him. "Fortune telling ain't no different from ventriloquism, singin', or whorin'."

Ms. Pennington pulled her shawl closed tightly and shuddered.

Madame Xanadu smirked.

"If the sheriff says it ain't a crime, then there ain't no reason for this woman to not set up shop in this here town." Jonah finished.

Everyone looked at Ohiyesa.

"Madame, if you swear you're on the up and up, then you are allowed to operate here in Elkhorn, but if I get word of any funny business connected to you, you must leave," Ohiyesa said to Madame Xanadu.

She nodded solemnly.

"Then welcome," said Ohiyesa, stepping forward and shaking Madame Xanadu's hand.

There was some grumbling, but the crowd seemed to accept his word as final and quickly dispersed and everyone went back about their business, including the sheriff. Jonah stayed standing where he was, though, for a moment looking at Madame Xanadu. Then he smiled a rare and quite ghastly smile considering the right half of his face was horribly scarred, then he stepped over the body of the old, unshaven man and headed to the local saloon for a drink.

Madame Xanadu noticed him looking and smiled back as he walked away from her.

Chapter Text

For the next few days that followed, most of the townsfolk avoided Madame Xanadu's caravan like poison. The ones who did come by mostly did so just to tell her she was going to hell. But finally, one day, a plain-looking, blonde, young woman knocked nervously on the caravan's door.

"Enter," said the madame's mysterious voice from within.

The girl opened the door and climbed the few steps inside. The caravan was full of burning candles and incense. Colorful fabrics and ornaments hung from the walls. And there at the back of the caravan sat Madame Xanadu at a small, round table with an elaborately embroidered table cloth and a crystal ball on it. She wore a white, peasant blouse and long, prairie skirt which was mostly purple with an elaborate design on it that had red, gold, and black in it. She wore many amulets and baubles around her neck and on her head her hair was tied up in a dark green scarf. She also wore large, gold, hoop earrings and bracelets.

"Come my child, sit. Do not be afraid," she said to the girl. Beckoning her with her slender hand.

Though she was hesitant, the girl did as she was told and went and sat across from the fortune teller.

"My papa would kill me if he knew I were here," said the girl, nervously.

"He will not know," said Madame Xanadu, certainly. "Now, give me your hand."

The girl reluctantly held out her trembling hand, palm up. Madame Xanadu took it, gently, and ran her finger over the lines on the girl's skin.

"Let me see... you're name is Josephine Peters. You are a farmer's daughter. You have three brothers and a grandmother who you love dearly. You have come here today with but one burning question."

Madame Xanadu released her hand and the girl nodded at all she had said.

"What is it, then?" asked Madame Xanadu, kindly.

"There's a man... who wants to marry me," Josephine began. "I love him and he loves me, but I just don't know if he's the one I want to be with for the rest of my life."

Madame Xanadu nodded, understandingly.

"He wants us to get married and move to Kansas and start a farm there," Josephine went on. "But I don't know if... if I'm ready for that. It's so far from here... and my family. Should I marry him? Should I marry Eli Kent?"

Madame Xanadu listened with her head resting on the backs of her hands, then after Josephine was done, she blinked.

"Let us see what the future holds for the two of you, my dear," she said.

She began to rub her hands on the surface of the crystal ball in front of her. As she did, she looked deep within it.

"I see you very happy with this young man," she said after a moment. "I see you having many children and a loving home."

Josephine smiled.

"I see your father and brothers coming to visit you many times. And even your grandmother for as long as she's able."

Josephine smiled even bigger.

"I also see that your marriage to this man, Kent, will bring about great things for generations to come. In the distant future one of your descendants will be a great man who will change the world."

"Oh my," said Josephine in surprise. "Will he be a president?"

"Madame Xanadu starred into the ball for a few seconds in silence and then looked up at Josephine with an unfathomable expression on her face. "Something like that," she said to the young woman.

"Oh, thank you very much, Madame Xanadu. You've really put my mind at ease," Josephine said, standing up. "I still have some thinking to do, but knowing that things will end up well if I say yes is a huge weight off my shoulders."

"My pleasure," said the madame, still seated.

Josephine reached into a small coin purse she had been holding and pulled out a silver coin. She laid it down onto the table and Madame Xanadu picked it up.

"Bless you," she said to the girl.

Josephine smiled, nodded, and then hurried out of the caravan.

Madame Xanadu watched her go and then nonchalantly bit the coin to make sure it was real.

It was.

Later that evening, around dusk, there came another knock on Madame Xanadu's door.

"Enter," she called again and the new visitor did as instructed. It was Jonah Hex.

Jonah quickly took note of all the candles and thought it was pretty dangerous to be burning them in a wooden vehicle, but it wasn't his way to tell other people what to do with their property, so he ignored them.

"How do you do, Mr. Hex?" asked Madame Xanadu, still sitting at the table, gazing over her crystal ball.

"I suppose you want me to ask you how you know my name," said Jonah in his usual low growl, "but that would be mighty stupid of me, wouldn't it, seeing as how you're supposed to be psychic and all?" There was a negative emphasis on the word psychic.

"You are skeptical of me and my powers, correct?" asked Madame Xanadu.

"I've met fortune tellers before," said Jonah. "I ain't a fan of 'em."

"And yet you stood up for me when I first arrived," said Madame Xanadu.

"I don't like seeing people being ganged up on without good cause fer it," said Jonah. "specially women."

"Well for what it is worth, I thank you for your help," said the madame, getting up and heading over to a cabinet and opening it. "But I am surprised at how long it has taken you to come and visit me."

"I should think nothin' surprises you," said Jonah.

"I only knew it was in your heart to want to come to me, when you chose to was still up to you. You have great willpower, but eventually all men fall to their temptations," said Madame Xanadu, pulling out what she was looking for from the cabinet. It was a waterpipe.

"You are a man who enjoys a good smoke, yes?" she said. "Have you ever tried one of these?"

"Can't say's I have," answered Jonah.

"Then come, smoke with me. Tell me why you have come," said Madame Xanadu as she moved the crystal ball from the table and replaced it with the pipe.

"I can't rightly say to be honest," said Jonah, taking a seat. "Ever since I first saw ya something about ya has gotten under my skin."

"This American expression, is it good or bad?" asked Madame Xanadu, as she lit the pipe.

"Ain't sure yet," said Jonah. "Where ya from?"

"Far away," said Madame Xanadu, giving Jonah a mysterious look.

"So... ya had much business since ya been here?" asked Jonah, feeling slightly awkward, which he never had before with a woman.

"No, the people here fear me," said Madame Xanadu, handing Jonah the pipe's hose.

"Why do you stay?" he asked, then he took a drag.

"Because I do not fear them," Madame Xanadu answered, plainly.

Jonah exhaled the smoke smoothly and then cocked his eyebrow at the woman who had finally taken a seat across from him.

"This ain't tobacco," he said.

Madame Xanadu smiled.

Chapter Text

Half an hour later Jonah Hex and Madame Xanadu were both laughing as they regaled each other with personal stories. Jonah told about the time he had shot a voodoo practicing snake oil salesman in the legs and left him to be tortured and killed by Apache and Madame Xanadu told about her days living in King Arthur's court and how her sister was the Lady of the Lake who gave the king his sword, Excalibur. Jonah Hex never had much reason to laugh, but something about this woman and her strange smoke charmed him to no end and made even the most phantasmagorical tale seem amusing.

"Jonah, you are a most enjoyable companion," said Madame Xanadu after taking a puff on the hose. "Would you like for me to give you a reading?"

"Do I have to pay ya?" asked Jonah.

"No," said Madame Xanadu. "It would be merely for practice. I would love to get to know you... intimately."

Jonah grunted approvingly.

"You are a card man, I think," said the madame as she stood up and went to another cabinet.

"I've played my share of poker," said Jonah.

"The Tarot, Mr. Hex," Madame Xanadu said, pulling a stack of large cards out of the cabinet and bringing them to the table. She moved the pipe, shuffled the cards, and then laid them face down in front of Jonah.

"Place your right hand on the deck," she instructed him.

He did as she said. She laid her own soft, feminine hand over his rough, sunburned one and looked into his eyes.

"You are a hero to some," she said. "A villain to others. Everywhere you go people speak your name in whispers."

Jonah smirked. Anyone who'd heard his stories could figure on that, he thought.

"You have no friends, Jonah Hex, but you do have two companions," continued Madame Xanadu, becoming very serious. She moved Jonah's hand aside and drew a card from the top of the Tarot deck and placed it face up on the table. It was the death card.

"One is death itself," she said, looking into his eyes again. He didn't blink or flinch or show any emotion. She drew another card and laid it down. It was the ace of swords.

"The other, the acrid smell of gunsmoke," she said.

"Sounds about right," said Jonah, evenly.

Madame Xanadu smiled. "Now for your future, then?"

"Another lady once told me that I'd end up stuffed and mounted, on display for the world to see in some museum," said Jonah.

"Not that far into the future," said Madame Xanadu. The fact that she didn't dismiss the prediction kind of bothered Jonah, but he didn't show it. Instead he stood up and moved towards Madame Xanadu. She stood up too to meet him.

"Well then, if you're talkin' about the immediate future, I can pretty much predict that myself," said Jonah, grabbing the madame by the waist and pulling her towards him. He leaned in and kissed her lips and unlike some women, she didn't flinch or pull back at the sight of his scarred face coming at her. She kissed him right back with all the passion of a woman in love. Then she lightly pushed Jonah away.

"Let me get more comfortable," she whispered and went behind a folding screen where her silhouette could be seen disrobing. Jonah watched her undress like a dog watches its food being served. Soon, she stepped out again wearing nothing but a short, blue and white, silk robe that was only barely closed, so that her ample cleavage could be seen as well as her long, smooth legs. She sauntered over to Jonah and kissed him again and then began to take his coat off. After that, his shirt, and then she roughly pushed him onto the small bed that took up one whole side of the little caravan. She uncinched the belt of her robe and let it slowly slide off of her so that she stood over Jonah naked.

Even naked, without all her scarves and bangles, she still gave off a mystical aura of magic. An old and powerful magic that could elicit passion from anyone, man or woman. She smiled and then climbed on top of Jonah. They made mad, sweaty, passionate love all night long until they were too tired to anymore. In the morning the two awoke next to each other. Madame Xanadu ran her fingernails along Jonah's tan, hairy chest.

"This is gonna sound crazy, and not like me at all," said Jonah, "But I feel like I could spend the rest of my life with you."

"I get that a lot," said Madame Xanadu, sadly.

"I mean it," said Jonah.

"Well, let's see if that's in the cards," said Madame Xanadu, stretching above her head and grabbing the Tarot deck. Jonah watched her nude body contort and felt the passion rise in him all over again.

Madame Xanadu laid the deck down on Jonah's chest and then drew a card. It was the high priestess. She drew a second card, the lovers, and laid it next to the first. She looked at them for a long time, interpreting and thinking, letting her inner eye open and show her Jonah's future.

"I am not your fate," she said, finally.

Jonah frowned.

"Your fate, ironically enough, will involve a one-eyed woman," said Madame Xanadu.

"Why is that ironic?" asked Jonah.

"In Greek mythology the fates themselves were three women with but one eye among them. The woman I see for you here, however, is more fickle and cruel than fate. She will be damaged, and she will be hard, but like a reflection of yourself, she will also be good and just and you and her will share a legendary love," said Madame Xanadu, frowning slightly herself.

"That's horse shit," said Jonah. "You just don't want to be with me and this is your way of brushing me off."

"The lonely have no reason to reject anyone," said Madame Xanadu, angrily. "But what will be, will be. It is destiny."

Jonah sat up and the cards fell.

"Maybe the townsfolk were right, maybe you are a witch," he said.

Madame Xanadu did not react.

Jonah stood up and started to dress in silence.

"I should have known better than to get involved with someone like you, I always end up pissed off," he said, once he was all put together. He went to the door to leave.

"Wait, Jonah," called Madame Xanadu from the bed.

Jonah stopped and looked back at her.

"What we had last night... was still special. But I am like smoke," she said.

Jonah looked annoyed. Having grown up with Indians, he sort of knew what she meant, but he was angry and just wanted to leave, so without a word he turned from her and walked out the door, letting it slam behind him.

The next day, after doing some drinking and some thinking, Jonah went back to visit Madame Xanadu and apologize, even bringing some wild flowers with him. This girl had him acting a fool. Unfortunately, when he got to where her caravan had been, it was not there anymore.

Jonah let the flowers fall from his hand and then he stomped on them with his boot.

Ohiyesa Smith came up behind him and put his hand on his friend's shoulder.

"Must have left in the night," said the sheriff. "No one saw her go, but she was gone come sun up."

Jonah just pulled out a cigarette from his coat pocket, lit it, and took a drag.

"Some people are like smoke," he said.

Ohiyesa nodded.

The End