Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

part i.

It had been raining for days, the kind of torrential downpour that moved the earth. Literally. As they headed out from the campsite the fourth day of the storm it was to discover that landslides had shut down nearly every gas station and rest stop for forty miles, and when they were finally forced to detour hours off course and onto busier roads, it was directly into a traffic jam. They spent eight hours and a total of twelve miles in more stop than go, and just as traffic finally started moving again Gladio broke.

"Look, we're all rank as a pile of shit and if I have to spend another day stuck in this car with your ugly faces we're going to be two chocobo asses and one prince short of a crown," he said. After a beat, he added, "No offense."

"Of course not. That wasn't offensive at all," Ignis deadpanned from the driver's seat.

"It was a little offensive," Prompto said.

Noctis turned his head to hide a smile in his folded arm. It had been three nights of restless sleep crowded into the tent on what muddy campgrounds they'd been able to find usable, and three days in the close confines of the car with very few breaks and nothing to do but think about everything that had gone to shit in the last twelve weeks. That they hadn't killed each other yet was testament to their friendship.

Gladio said, "I'm just saying we could use some real sleep. And some personal space."

"A real bed sounds pretty good," Prompto offered after a thoughtful silence. "Maybe some food that doesn't come from a bag."

Ignis seemed to consider it, tapping gloved fingers idly against the steering wheel. "We're only an hour or so from Janus, I suppose, but we really should push through to Metrum."

"A day won't make a difference," Gladio pointed out. "We'll be less than useless if we keep runnin' on empty."

"C'mon, man," Prompto urged Ignis. "You've been sitting in mud-caked clothes for hours. That's gotta be killing you. I bet they have laundromats in Janus…"

Ignis sighed. "Noct?"

Noctis gazed out into the rain and wind. It was harder to see as evening fell and there were fewer lights with the highway slowly became less congested. He managed to catch a road sign that said Metrum: 450 miles. That was at least another six hours driving. He keenly felt the weight of the ring on his finger even though it was tucked carefully into his bag in the trunk, the weight of Lucis and the crown on his shoulders. Ignis was right - they needed to keep moving, they'd lost so much time already, there was so much they - he - still had to do.

It was that distinction that decided for him. "Let's head for Janus."

They were helping him carry a burden that wasn't theirs to bear, staying at his side, and they'd asked for nothing in return. They hadn't left, when they had every reason in the world to, and they'd been going nonstop for weeks, now. They were all run down, ground to the bone. A day off for downtime was the least Noctis could grant them.

They exited the highway and stopped for gas, and Noctis took over driving so Ignis could navigate. Janus was nestled in the Gabbiani foothills, a once small scrap of nothing where it's said that an eccentric scholar had founded Schala University after a falling out with his fellow academics over the exclusion of the middle and lower classes from the Erebus Institute of Tenebrae. Intellectuals had flocked to Janus in droves from all over the world, and in the several centuries that had passed since, a sprawling, eclectic cityscape had developed around the university.

It was supposed to be an interesting place, home to some of the brightest minds and most stunning architecture in the world, but as he navigated the Regalia through the windy roads, all Noctis could dredge up the energy to care about was a room, a shower, and a real bed to sleep in.

"I believe we're almost there," Ignis said, squinting at the windshield. The streets were pretty well lit but if possible it was pouring even harder in the foothills and they had maybe three feet of visibility in front of the car, even at a slow crawl. Ignis must have recognized something through the rain, though, because he sat back and closed out of the nav app he'd been using on his phone. "Ah, yes. Take the next left. The hotel will be about three miles down, on the right."

"A hotel," Gladio sighed blissfully from the backseat. "That means my own room. A real shower. TV. I've almost forgotten what any of that is like."

"We can't afford four rooms," Noctis pointed out, flicking his blinker on as they approached the intersection.

"Sure we can. Smartypants here gets a huge discount at this place, don't you Iggy?"

"Seriously? That's freakin' awesome. Is this where you studied, Ignis?" Prompto asked. It was a nice attempt at his usual enthusiastic curiosity, but he sounded wrung-out and tired. They all did. They were all exhausted. Noctis swallowed the lump of guilt in his throat, felt it settle down to throb like a bruise in his chest with all the rest.

He stayed a beat too long at the stop sign before turning and Ignis gave him a mildly suspicious glance before answering Prompto's question. "Not exactly. Most of my education took place in the Crown City, but I traveled here quite often when I was working on my advanced degrees, and before that I lived here while taking a few courses in my last year of university."

"So when you were like, eleven," said Prompto.

"Thirteen," Ignis corrected. "I spent four or five months here before returning to Insomnia, where I graduated."

Gladio chimed in, his voice teasing, "Yeah, he had to come back home because poor little Noct couldn't bear his absence. He was inconsolable, just sat in his room alone pining."

Cheeks hot, Noctis took a hand off the wheel to hold his middle finger up where Gladio could get a good look at it, which only made him chuckle and drape himself over the back of Noctis's seat to ruffle his hair. "N'aw, don't be embarrassed, kiddo. It was adorable."

"Very touching," Ignis agreed.

"Totally sweet," Prompto said. He drew a heart with his fingers in the rear view mirror.

"Fuck all of you," Noctis grumbled.

It set all three of them off laughing, which was heartening to hear even if it was at his expense. It wasn't like he could deny it, in any case. Those few months stood out in Noctis's memory; with the exception of the weeks he'd spent in Tenebrae recovering from his injury, it was the first time he'd been separated from Ignis for any real length of time since Ignis had become a ward of the Crown and Council when Noctis was six. At eleven, he'd found thirteen-year-old Ignis stuffy and weird (and gods knew what Ignis had thought of him, probably that Noctis was dim and spoiled), but even back then he'd been Noctis's best friend. The months without him had been lonely.

"But you've been back since, right?" Prompto asked Ignis.

"Noct, those lights are it. You'll be able to pull in under the awning and valet the car," Ignis said, before answering Prompto. "I've been back, yes. I occasionally act as a guest lecturer at the university."

Prompto let out an impressed whistle. "Whoa, so you're like a professor, at twenty-two? I knew you were a genius, but damn. That's pretty awesome. Is that why you get a discount, the university puts you up whenever you're here?"

"Unfortunately not," Ignis replied. "However, I do have several friends in Janus, one of whom is the daughter of the proprietors of this hotel."

Gladio snorted. "Yeah, 'friend'."

"Quite," Ignis said in a dry voice. To Prompto, he continued, "It's one of my favorite cities in the world. I visit as often as my duties allow. In other circumstances I probably would have ended up here permanently. "

Noctis pulled into the circular drive in front of the hotel, the sudden absence of rain pounding on the car almost unsettling after so long. Prompto sprung from the back seat as soon as they'd come to a rolling stop, pumping a celebratory fist in the air. Ignis and Gladio followed more sedately. Noctis looked at the seat Ignis had vacated, frowning. He jumped when Gladio rapped on his window. "You comin' or what?"

Noctis's tongue felt glued to the roof of his mouth. An older couple had come out to greet Ignis. He was smiling in a way Noctis rarely saw from him. Genuine. Happy.

Gladio opened the door, brow furrowed with concern. "Noct? Everything all right?"

"Yeah," he answered, and forced himself to release the white knuckled grip he had on the steering wheel. "Yeah."

*

The hotel was nice. Not the height of luxury like the ones Noctis had stayed in on the rare occasions he'd traveled outside of Insomnia as the crown prince, but better because of it, calmer, more comfortable, a lot less chrome. The lobby was furnished with mismatched squashy armchairs and couches, and the walls were crammed with paintings by local artists, which were for sale, and there was a soothing rumble of chatter filtering in from the restaurant attached. It was nice, but there was still something about it that made Noctis feel out of place. Prompto must have felt it too, because he stayed near the entrance with Noctis and Gladio instead of poking around wherever he pleased like he normally would have.

"Wow," he said, rubbing the back of his head ruefully as a group of four people of indiscriminate age in weird layered clothes politely failed to notice him as they walked by. "This place is…"

"Pretentious as shit," Gladio finished for him.

"It's not really Ignis's style, is it?" Prompto ventured, looking curiously over a bulletin board on the wall next to them. "I've never heard of any of these bands. Maybe we should look 'em up?"

Gladio flashed him a smirk. "Watch out, blondie, I hear hipster is contagious. If you're not careful you'll find yourself foaming at the mouth and covered in flannel."

Prompto laughed. "Yeah, I don't think we're cool enough to be staying here."

Noctis yawned, rubbing his tired eyes and the headache that he could feel threatening behind them. "I don't care, as long as I get a shower and a bed to sleep in."

"Damn straight," Gladio said, and then "Finally," as Ignis finished sorting out their rooms at the front desk and gestured them to follow him to the elevators on the other side of the lobby. Noctis and Prompto let out identical groans of strain as they picked up their duffel bags, and Gladio rolled his eyes and grabbed both his own and Ignis's.

"Sorry, the Mrs Vitali are a bit chatty," Ignis said once they'd caught up. He took his bag with a nod of thanks and Noctis noticed that he had a bit of dried mud on his jaw. They were all covered in it pretty much head to toe, but Ignis had bothered to wash every trace of it from his skin with a wet towel after they'd piled into the car that morning. He must have just missed that spot. Noctis wanted to wipe it away for him.

"It's fine," Gladio said. "Everything squared away?"

"Mm. Four rooms, as requested," Ignis said, herding them into the elevator as soon as it opened.

"How much?" Noctis asked.

"Hardly a dent in our funds. Less than the last inn we stayed at. I took the liberty of extending our stay to the end of the week," Ignis said. Noctis blinked, stunned, while Gladio groaned in relief and Prompto cheered. Ignis tried and failed not to look too pleased with himself, pressing the button for the sixth floor with more of a flourish than was necessary. "I thought it would be best to wait out the storm, and we could use the rest."

"I owe you my first born," Prompto said with a theatrical sniffle.

"No, thank you," Ignis said politely.

Gladio gave Prompto a grave look. "Help us all if you ever reproduce."

The bickered the rest of the way up and all the way down the hall to the rooms, only giving it up once Ignis stopped them all. "Here we are. Gladio you're in room 610, Highness you're in 612, Prompto in 611, and I have 613.” He handed out key cards that had been hole punched to attach to kitschy wooden keyrings with the room numbers on them. Noctis's was in the shape of a moogle, Gladio had a cactuar, Ignis a tonberry, and Prompto a chocobo, which delighted him to no end.

"Sick," he said happily, and peered around nosily to see each of theirs. His eyes caught on something and he frowned, reached impulsively for Gladio's keyring and got his hand smacked for the trouble. "Ow, hey, how come you and Iggy have two cards on yours?"

Noctis was surprised by the question for only long enough to realize he shouldn't have been. He and Prompto had never traveled together outside of Insomnia before this, and since they'd left they'd been sharing a single room with two double beds at inns or in caravans or the tent. Prompto had never cared that Noctis was a prince, and when he looked at Gladio and Ignis he just saw them as two more friends, instead of guardians who had been raised to protect Noctis's life even at the cost of their own.

Gladio and Ignis shared a look that lasted a beat too long before Gladio said, "'Cause one gets us into the super secret fun times club on the top floor." He made an exaggerated sad face at Prompto. "Sorry kid, grown-ups only."

"Really?"

"Sweet Etro," Gladio sighed, long-suffering, and tried to shove a laughing Prompto away from him.

Prompto danced neatly out of the way, still grinning. "No, really, what's it for? I'm all curious now. Is there a sauna or something? I've always wanted to go for a steam."

"There's not a sauna, no," Ignis said.

"That sucks. So what're those for, then? C'mon, you know how I am about mysteries."

"Prompt, man," Noctis said, cutting him off before he went on forever. He knocked their shoulders together gently. "They're for my room. They each have an extra key."

Prompto sobered considerably, which felt like it sapped the rest of Noctis's strength. He was suddenly exhausted beyond on all means. Prompto offered a sheepish, forced smile, "Oh, right, in case someone tries to…" He trailed off with a wince. "Didn't think of that. Forgot we're not on some wild vacation for a minute there. Sorry, Noct."

"Don't be, it's fine."

Into the awkward silence that followed, Ignis cleared his throat. "Well, moving on. I paid ahead for room service, so order whatever you like for dinner. There's a laundry room we can use on the second floor, so after you shower leave the clothes you're wearing now outside your door and I'll take them down when I take my own. Please note that this is not a suggestion."

After he'd bullied an agreement and thank you out of all of them, he and Prompto disappeared into their rooms and Gladio did a quick sweep of Noctis's before retreating to his own. The room was bigger than he'd thought it would be, with a little sitting area that included a desk and a small couch and a dresser with a TV on top. It was decorated a lot like the lobby, mismatched furniture and art that was probably meant to evoke some sort of profound emotion but meant nothing to Noctis. What did evoke profound emotion was the bed, a roomy double with a plush comforter and a small mountain of neatly folded blankets at the foot. Noctis put his bag down and made himself walk into the ensuite, rather than collapse on top of the covers like he wanted to.

He stayed in the shower for a long time, even after washing hair and body twice each until all the mud and grime had been scrubbed away. It had been weeks since he'd had a real shower, since before they'd met up with Cor. The hot water felt good, and the water pressure made it hurt, a little, where his muscles were cramped and sore, and that felt good too. Noctis closed his eyes and turned his face up into the spray to feel it stinging on his face.

Grief still took him sometimes when he was like this, alone and running on fumes, somewhere it wouldn't be overheard if he cried like a kid, but now he could let himself feel it without it overwhelming him. It had been three months, the wound was a little less raw. He remembered how his dad had been those last couple of years, how tired, how frustrated he'd been with his failing body, how stressed and worried he'd been all the time. He'd grown up in a war, won another, spent every moment after giving himself up to prevent another. He'd probably never known what rest was. Hopefully, he was finally getting some.

Noctis shook himself out of the lure of a dark mood and turned off the water, dried off and changed into lounge pants and a t-shirt. Emerging from the bathroom with a billow of steam, he wasn't entirely surprised to find that his room wasn't empty. Ignis had draped himself in a languid sprawl on the sofa. He'd changed into dark jeans and a clean white shirt, for what reason Noctis couldn't fathom considering Ignis's plans were laundry and then bed, and his hair was down, still damp and curling at the nape of his neck and drying in a shaggy fringe over his forehead. Noctis felt his hand twitch uselessly with the urge to brush it out of his eyes.

"Your Highness," Ignis drawled, "there really is no excuse for a forty minute shower."

Had it been that long? According to the clock on the cable box, yes. "How long have you been here?"

"I came to collect your laundry twenty minutes ago," Ignis said, sitting up and covering his mouth as he yawned.

"Oh," Noctis said. He held up the bag he'd shoved his muddy clothes into. "I have them here. Sorry, I didn't realize how long I was in there."

Ignis raised an eyebrow, his gaze a little scrutinizing. Noctis raised one back and felt accomplished when Ignis failed to conceal a grin. "At least you're clean," Ignis said. He gestured to a room service tray by the desk that hadn't been there before. "I assumed you hadn't ordered dinner yet, so I took care of it. It's lasagna. Eat the salad, won't you? We've been eating fast food crap for days."

Noctis glanced at it briefly, and made no promises. The smell that wafted out when he peeked under the lid of the main dish made his mouth water, though. "Thanks."

Ignis rolled his eyes. "You're welcome."

Noctis watched him dump the dirty clothes into a bigger bag with all the others, and after a glance added Noctis's dirty clothes bag too. He was making his way to the door, about to leave. Noctis had been desperate for sleep just minutes ago. And yet.

"Wait, I'll go with you," he said suddenly. Ignis gave him a funny look that made him shift his weight, self-conscious. "You shouldn't have to be the only one stuck staying up late to wash all of our clothes."

"Fair, but I don't mind. Your meal will get cold," Ignis pointed out.

Noctis shrugged. "I'll bring it with."

After an inquisitive silence that felt like it lasted an hour, Ignis shrugged. "Sure. I wouldn't mind the company."

And so Noctis found himself in the laundry room on the second floor at half past eleven, perched on top of a front loading dryer with a plate of lasagna while Ignis stood at an oversized sink in the middle of the small room with his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows to scrub the dried mud off their clothes in preparation of putting them in the washer. It seemed a little redundant in Noctis's opinion, but he'd kept that to himself and instead made understanding and approving noises when Ignis had explained what he was doing, because offending Ignis's delicate sensibilities could only end in a long-winded lecture on the catastrophic ramifications of failing to pre-wash.

As it was, Ignis seemed to be taking the mud as a personal affront. He was scrubbing kind of aggressively, and every once in awhile he made a throaty, offended sound. The fourth time this happened, Noctis glanced up from where he was carefully separating the overly-large chunks of tomato and onion from his lasagna to find Ignis with the same expression he usually wore when he was stabbing magitek troopers in the face.

"You okay, there?" Noctis asked.

"I'm fine," Ignis said.

"You sure?" Satisfied that his meal was mostly free of vegetables, Noctis took a bite and made a pleased sound. The food was good, really good. "Think you're about to score a hole into Gladio's jeans."

"Don't talk with your mouth full," Ignis replied automatically, and then, "What? Oh."

"Uh huh," said Noctis. Ignis dropped the jeans and pulled the plug from the sink, put it and the scrub brush down on the counter next to him, letting out a heavy sigh. His pale forearms were red from the heat of the water. Noctis took another bite and almost missed his mouth when Ignis raked his wet fingers through his hair, mussing it up.

"Apologies, I was just…"

"Yeah?"

"I was going to say letting off a little steam, but I don't believe I was thinking about anything in particular. I don't actually have any steam to let off, as it were." Ignis looked almost troubled by this.

Noctis chewed thoughtfully, and made a face when he crunched into an onion he'd missed. "You want me to piss you off?" he offered.

It surprised a laugh from his friend, and some of the tension drained visibly from Ignis's face and shoulders. All the power of the crystal at his fingertips, and this was the first time Noctis felt like he'd performed some actual magic.

"That won't be necessary," Ignis told him. He moved over to an open washing machine and poured a capful of detergent in, then gathered the wet clothes from the sink and tossed them in, closed the lid, and neatly tucked coins into the little slots to start the cycle. He had this ability to make everything he did look fun and easy, from cleaning and laundry and taking notes to fighting monsters and cooking and driving in stand-still traffic. Noctis knew better, of course, but it was still kind of fascinating. He quickly turned his attention back to his plate when Ignis turned back around.

"You're probably just tired," Noctis told him as he approached. Ignis pulled one of the plastic chairs over from the side wall and sat down in front of Noctis's dryer.

"I'm most definitely tired," he agreed. "I'm glad you made the decision to take a break. We need it, and I would have kept us on the road."

Noctis shrugged. "Gladio would've killed Prompto within an hour."

"You underestimate him. He could have lasted at least two."

Noctis snorted a laugh. He'd devoured half of his lasagna and was taking his time to actually enjoy the rest of it. Ignis looked sadly at the pile of tomato and onion on his plate and then to the untouched salad still on the tray next to him. Resigned, he motioned for it and Noctis handed the covered bowl and extra fork over. "Like you said, you needed the break. Lucky we were near Janus, though, huh? You haven't been back here in awhile."

"In too long," Ignis agreed.

"That why you decided to splurge on a few extra days?" Noctis asked. Ignis, forkful of leaves halfway to his mouth, raised an eyebrow and Noctis frowned, wincing. "I didn't mean that to come out as accusing as it did."

Ignis laughed. "No, but you're right. I wanted to stay for a bit, and the storm gives me an excuse. I've missed it. I really love it here."

Noctis set his plate down, appetite suddenly diminished. Ignis's wistful tone was grating. He mentally chastised himself for thinking so, forced his tone into something normal and teasing. "Here, specifically? Because the hotel is nice, man, but it's a little…" He let his expression speak for him.

Ignis grinned around a mouthful of salad, swallowing before he replied, "It is, isn't it? Not really to my tastes, but the owners are wonderful people. Not to mention, the price was right."

"I'll say. Just how good a friend is their daughter, anyway?"

"We're close," Ignis said. His voice gave nothing away, and he continued to sit there casually and eat his gross salad. "You'll probably meet her, while we're here. If you manage to get out of bed at all."

Getting up probably wouldn't be a problem, actually. It hadn't been lately, but Noctis shook his head and played along. "Don't count on it."

They chatted about easy, comfortable things, the weather, the song they'd heard too many times on the radio, the plan to get the car detailed. They didn't talk about home, or this town Ignis loved, or the current pulling them under. Noctis wanted to ask Ignis a thousand questions, but knew he probably wouldn't like the answers, and even if Ignis had anything he wanted to say to Noctis here while they were alone it wasn't likely that he'd take the liberty. Still, it had been a long time since he'd had Ignis's undivided attention, and it was good even if they didn't really say anything.

Ignis was morally opposed to tumble drying, so once the washing machine chimed they took the wet clothes back upstairs to Ignis's room and Noctis helped hang everything on the garment rack Ignis had procured. It was almost two in the morning by the time they finished. Ignis dropped to a seat on the bed with a groan and took his glasses off. He looked different without them. Noctis watched him like that, sleepy-eyed and rumpled, the top two buttons of his shirt undone and collar open.

Years ago, Noctis had made a couple necklaces with beads he'd bought during his time in Tenebrae. They had been simple plain wood, but Luna, who had one day admitted in a quiet, scared whisper that she sometimes heard the voices of the gods, had drawn a sigil that she had learned from them. It was the sigil of light, she'd said, and it was meant to protect those who wore it from harm. Noctis had painstakingly carved every intricate detail into three of the beads for those he most cherished. Lunafreya's had been snapped from her neck during the massacre in the woods that had ended in her mother's death and the loss of her country to the Empire. Cor had told him that his dad had died with his tied in place around his wrist. And the last still rested in the hollow of Ignis's throat, on a black mythril chain that was the latest in a long line of replacements for the leather thong that had originally been threaded through it.

Noctis looked away, a flutter in his stomach, a tight feeling in his throat.

"Thanks for your help," Ignis was saying, distracted by cleaning his glasses.

"Sure," Noctis said. He made his way to the door. "See ya tomorrow."

"Noct," Ignis's voice stopped him. His grip tightened reflectively on the doorknob. When he looked over his shoulder Ignis had put his glasses back on, and was looking at Noctis like if he tried hard enough he'd be able to read his mind. Finally, he said, "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," Noctis said.

They shared a small, ironic smile. Their bar for 'fine' had plummeted in recent past. Gently, Ignis said, "You know I'm always here, if you want to talk."

Gods. Noctis nodded. "Yeah, of course I know. Thank you. Same goes for you, too, y'know?"

"I know the nightmares have gotten worse," Ignis said.

Noctis couldn't keep up the eye contact. He knew that Ignis was being careful with him. He knew they all were. He hated to think that his friends were walking on eggshells around him. He was trying. He was trying so hard, but while his best had always been good, it had never been good enough. He was the height of mediocrity born into a line of extraordinary. The pressure was immense. Even sleep was a mixed bag these days; sometimes it hurt him, but at least the nightmares he could wake up from.

He said, "I'm not trying to shut you out. It's not that I..." It was hard. He'd never been good at this. It was just a matter of admitting to that. "It's not that I don't want to talk, I just don't know what to say."

Ignis was quiet for a long time and Noctis couldn't work up the nerve to look at him. Eventually, Ignis said, "Well, if you ever figure it out."

Noctis let out a startled laugh. It sounded rough even to him. For no reason at all he felt better. He threw Ignis a tired grin. "Yeah, I'll let you know. G'night, Ignis."

Ignis smiled back. "Sleep well."

For the first time in a long time, Noctis did just that.

tbc

Chapter Text

part ii

When Noctis woke the next day he was wrapped in the covers like a cocoon, drenched in sweat and suffocating under too many heavy blankets, his face half buried in a pillow damp with drool. He rolled onto his back with a groan and wiped the back of his hand across his mouth, wriggling to unwrap himself from the covers so he could push them down a little. Cool air was a relief on his sticky skin, and for a few minutes he just lay there in an inelegant sprawl, cotton-headed and lead-limbed, until his mind cleared enough that he couldn't ignore the stale filmy taste in his mouth or the ache in his bladder any longer no matter how badly his eyes wanted to stay closed.

"What time s'it?" he mumbled, only belatedly remembering where he was and that no one else was there to answer. He finally forced his eyes open. His vision was blurry, but the room was conveniently dim. The digital clock on the bedside table read 6:48pm, which meant he'd been asleep for fourteen hours; not even close to his record, but longer than he'd managed even over the course of days in the last few months, and damn it had been good, deep and dreamless. He felt well-rested for the first time in weeks.

It made him want to get up even less, but, yawning, he turned the lamp behind the clock on and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, shoved back the covers and got out of bed, stretching cat-like. He stumbled into the ensuite and used the bathroom and washed his hands, feeling groggy and unpleasantly stale after sleeping for so long. Brushing his teeth got rid of the acrid taste out his mouth, and splashing some cool water on his face helped to wake him up a bit more, so when he stepped back out into the main room he noticed the neatly folded clean laundry on the table in front of the sofa instead of walking right past it again.

A piece of hotel stationary on top of a stack of Noctis's clean underwear said Dinner downstairs at 6. If you wake up, come and join us. in Ignis's tidy scrawl.

Noctis glanced at himself in the full length mirror on the back of the bathroom door. He had lines from the sheets imprinted on his face and his hair was a disaster, and when he sniffed one of his armpits he wrinkled his nose. Even after the thorough shower last night, sweating so much in a confined space hadn't exactly left him smelling fresh, but he dismissed the idea of taking another one. He was starving and already almost an hour late, so he just used a generous amount of deodorant and pulled on his least favorites of the clothes he'd brought, not even bothering to attempt to tame his hair. It was just the guys, and after camping for the better part of three months it wasn't like they hadn't seen him - and smelled him - much worse.

Of course, when he made it to the restaurant downstairs it was to discover that it wasn't just the guys after all. His friends were sitting at a table set for six, joined by two people Noctis had never seen before, a guy with blond hair and a full beard and next to him a woman who must have been the girl Ignis had mentioned last night.

Great. This was exactly how Noctis had been hoping to look and smell when he met Ignis's friends. Honestly, he wasn't even all that surprised. He'd had crap luck since the day was born. It had simply flourished over the years to ever new and exciting levels of shit.

He hesitated where he stood, caught a look at his hair in the mirror over the bar and winced before shooting a quick glance back at the table. No one had noticed him yet. They were all distracted, laughing at something and talking over each other. Noctis backpedaled a couple of steps, thinking to sneak back up to his room and get himself presentable, or at least smelling less like a nauseating mix of B.O. and Ultima for Men, but before he could even turn around Prompto glanced around and saw him. Before Noctis could signal him to pretend he hadn't seen him, Prompto's face split into a grin and he waved Noctis over, catching the attention of everyone else. His last hope of escape snuffed out, Noctis reluctantly approached the table, not quite dragging his feet, and stopped behind the empty seat between Prompto and Ignis.

"Well look what the cat dragged in," Gladio drawled from Prompto's other side. "Sleep well, princess?"

"Yes," Noctis replied, with as much dignity as he could muster while looking like he did. "You?"

Gladio tried and failed to hide a grin. He popped the end of a toothpick into his mouth to chew on. "Like a baby."

The girl sitting next to Ignis cleared her throat politely. "This must be Cae?"

They'd taken to calling him that as they traveled deeper into Empire territory, since they couldn't keep calling him 'Hey, Noc—uh, I mean' and it was the only pseudonym they'd been able to come up with that Noctis sometimes remembered to answer to. He rubbed the back of his neck ruefully, then remembered that lifting either of his arms was a bad idea and dropped his hand back down to his side. Ignis gave him a pointed and disapproving look when Noctis failed to say anything and took up the introductions himself. "Yes, this is Cae. Cae, this is Eliana Vitali and Niko Chevalier."

"A pleasure," the blond - Niko - said with a friendly smile.

Now that Noctis was close enough to see his face it was impossible not to notice that he was a very good-looking guy, with striking grey eyes and perfect teeth. He was somewhere in his late twenties or early thirties, and his accent was similar to Ignis's, so he must have been from Tenebrae or one of the surrounding territories that had once belonged to Lucis. He stood up and Noctis shook his hand, rocking onto his toes so he could reach across the table and still hold his elbow clamped to his side. Prompto looked at him like he was crazy, but Ignis managed to keep his confusion to a subtly arched eyebrow, apparently deciding he didn't want to know. "They're friends of mine from grad school. It's Eliana's parents who own the hotel."

"It's really nice to meet you," Eliana said, smiling sincerely and standing as well to reach past Ignis. As they shook hands Noctis couldn't help noticing that hers was bigger than his own. "I've heard a lot about you."

Noctis let his hand fall as she sat back down, thinking that was probably not true.

"Yeah, you too," Noctis replied, which was definitely not true. He hadn't known she existed until last night, and all he'd gathered through Ignis's gentlemanly ambiguity and Gladio's innuendo was that she and Ignis had maybe-probably been a thing at some point. Meeting her now, he couldn't help looking at her through that lens. Like Niko and Ignis, she was exceptionally pretty, tall and tan with auburn hair and freckles dusting her nose and cheeks. She had nice eyes and a nice smile.

"Eliana and Niko are both researchers from Schala. They were instrumental in helping me complete my doctoral dissertation a few years ago," Ignis told Noctis.

"Oh please," Niko said, "don't pander to us, Iggy. As though you ever needed our help."

"I was just in it for the free trip to Insomnia," Eliana said with a conspiratorial grin.

"That was an excellent perk," Niko agreed.

Noctis faked a smile, as though he'd had any idea that either of them had ever been to his city or why they'd come there. He knew broadly that the dual fields of Ignis's studies had been in political theory and elemental laws, knew that Ignis had completed a doctorate, but he wasn't exactly sure which field it was in or what his dissertation was about, let alone that there had been people from outside Lucis visiting to help him with it. What he did know was that Ignis hadn't been able to attend the hooding ceremony when he'd completed it, because he'd had to accompany Noctis to an event.

Noctis remembered how proud he'd been of him - Dr. Ignis Scientia at nineteen years old - and he remembered how terrible he'd felt that they were all missing the ceremony. Ignis hadn't seemed bothered, and Noctis, Gladio, and Prompto had taken him out the next night for a few drinks in congratulations, and that had been that. It hadn't even crossed Noctis's mind to ask what he'd been studying. It seemed obvious to him now, meeting these friends of Ignis's that Noctis had never heard of, what an unforgivable oversight on his part that was.

"We were starting to worry about you," Prompto piped up, pulling Noctis from his thoughts. "Glad you made it, bro."

Noctis opened his mouth to respond, and then paused, noticing for the first time that Prompto was was wearing a suit, one that Noctis hadn't seen on him before, a navy button-down shirt tucked into pressed black slacks, the matching jacket over the back of his chair. He looked nice. In fact everyone at the table did. Ignis and Niko were in suits too, and Eliana was impeccable in a black cocktail dress. Even Gladio had cleaned up, still wearing jeans but dark blue ones with no wallet chain in sight, and a thick black sweater that covered his tattoos but still showed off every hulking muscle in his arms and torso. Noctis was suddenly painfully aware of his too-small camo print shorts and ratty t-shirt as they all looked at him expectantly.

"Yeah," he said. The sudden urge to fuss with his wrecked hair was only overcome by the more pressing one to avoid raising either of his arms at all costs. "Think I'm a little underdressed, though."

"Think you should be more worried about whatever crawled into your hair and nested, though," said Gladio, smirking around the toothpick he was chewing on. He was too far away to kick discreetly so Noctis settled for scowling at him.

"Gladio," Eliana scolded, tutting. To Noctis, she said, "Ignore him, your hair is fine, and you're not underdressed at all. We're the ones who are overdressed. Trust me, this isn't the kind of restaurant you gussy up for." She smiled at him. "Have a seat, you must be hungry."

"I don't want to keep everyone if you've already finished," Noctis said.

"Not at all, we've only just ordered," Ignis replied pleasantly.

At Noctis's questioning look at the small crowd of empty wine bottles in the middle of the table, Niko gave him a wink. He was so good looking that it made Noctis blush. "Just ordered dinner, that is. The drinking started a little earlier."

"A lot earlier," Prompto corrected in a stage whisper as Noctis sat down. He wasn't drunk, but he was definitely feeling pretty good and Noctis laughed a little when Prompto knocked their shoulders together. Prompto beamed and handed him a menu. "Here ya go. You all right?"

"Yeah. Just still kind of groggy."

"If you slept this long you must have really needed it," Eliana said with sincere sympathy.

"Oh. Yeah, probably. I, uh, really like, y'know, sleeping," Noctis mumble intelligently. Gladio snorted and Noctis stamped on his foot under the table, eternally grateful for the distraction when the waiter arrived.

After cleaning his plate and downing a couple glasses of wine, he was a little more relaxed. He wasn't a normally a wine drinker, but he was already feeling too much like a kid sitting at the grownup table to turn down the offer of what everyone else was drinking, and if nothing else it did the trick. Eliana and Niko were both loud and funny, and booze had made everyone but Noctis loose and talkative, so he was able to listen without having to add much. Eventually, not really wanting to know but needing to, he asked what they'd all been up to during the day while he'd slept.

It was Prompto who leapt to answer, nearly knocking over his glass of water in his fervor. Noctis noticed that Eliana and Niko were smiling, already fond of Prompto after a single day. Unsurprising. Prompto was the most charismatic person that Noctis had ever met. In high school he hadn't been the tallest or most suave and was more on the side of pretty than handsome, but he'd been very popular, funny and bright with a way with words that Noctis envied. At parties he'd always been the center of attention. Girls and boys alike had flocked to him. Everything about him made you want to be his friend.

Prompto clapped once and rubbed his hands together like it was going to be a good story. "Oh, man, you missed out, Noct. Just listen to this."

"Here we go," Ignis said with a long-suffering sigh.

Prompto ignored him. "When I got up at noon, Iggy and Niko and Eliana were taking Gladio around to see the city, so I tagged along. We drove around the Schala campus, which is sick, and then they got all excited talking about 'the mark site' and took us there. Super mysterious, right? Have you heard of it?"

Noctis shook his head. "No. Is it cool?"

"You've got no idea, Noct," Prompto said flatly.

"Is this really necessary?" Ignis said.

Prompto waved a hand in his direction to shush him, and explained to Noctis, "Apparently it's a big deal, so Gladio and I are pretty stoked. They lead us into this like ancient temple, and I get my camera all ready, and then the three of them stop and look at us like they're expecting the applause to break out at any moment, only we've got no idea what's going on, so Ignis gets all huffy - "

"I did not get huffy," Ignis protested.

Prompto pretended not to hear him. " - and starts pointing at the ground all like 'it's right here!', and finally Gladio and I realize what he's talking about, this big—"

"Medium," Gladio cut in. "Maybe. More like medium-small."

"Thank you, yeah," Prompto said, nodding like a bobble-headed doll. "So anyway the great hidden treasure of Janus is apparently this medium-small hole in the ground."

That seemed to be the end of the story. Noctis looked around Prompto at Ignis, who sighed, and then back over his shoulder at Gladio, who held up his hands to make a wide circle in front of his chest and said, "maybe this big," which wasn't helpful, so Noctis turned back to Prompto and repeated, "A hole."

"That's what I said. H-O-L-E, hole. And let me tell you, man, it was..." Prompto gripped Noctis's shoulder and paused for dramatic effect. "Well, it was almost exactly as exciting as it sounds."

Eliana put a hand to her face with a groan and Niko started laughing loudly, Gladio joining in. Eliana shook her head with a wry smile. "I never thought of how it must sound to people who don't already know about it. We're never going to live this down, are we?"

"Nope," Gladio said, popping the 'p'. He turned to Noctis with a grin. "You should have heard them in car, going on about it like we were about to see Etros herself, and then we pull up outside this crappy little hovel built around a damn hole in the ground. We kept waiting for something to happen. Guess what."

"Yeah, yeah," Prompto added, laughing, "we kept looking at each other, like, waiting for what came next, but there was no next. That was it. Just a hole."

"I'll have you know that 'hole' was formed by a phenomenon that only happens once in - "

"Nuh-uh," Gladio cut an indignant Ignis off. "Sorry, Iggy. There's no argument that can make this better."

Ignis crossed his arms over his chest, but he was trying not to laugh. It was a rare sight on Ignis; Noctis had to force himself to look away.

"In any case, you didn't miss much," Ignis told Noctis with a faint smile once everyone had calmed down.

Niko nodded in agreement. "As an apology for making complete tits of ourselves as tour guides, we treated them to lunch at one of our favorite pubs."

"Yeah, that part was great," Prompto said with a smile. "I mean, the whole thing was great - get it, hole? - but the pub really was sick."

Ignis looked amused. "Prompto immediately made friends with everyone there, we had a few rounds, and then we parted ways in the afternoon to get ready."

Noctis tilted his head. "Get ready?"

"For the ballet," Niko explained. "We have tickets for tonight."

Noctis arched an incredulous eyebrow at Prompto, who shook his head.

"Yeah, right. They have tickets to the ballet," he said, pointing to Niko, Eliana, and Ignis. "Gladio and I are going to check out a club with some of the people we met at the pub. It sounds totally sweet. You should come with!"

Noctis frowned thoughtfully. He'd been looking forward to going back to sleep, but a night out didn't sound bad. Losing himself for a while in a group of strangers that didn't know who or what he was. He was shy on his own but Prompto was always the life of the party and that could be contagious if Noctis had enough to drink.

"You're also welcome to come with us," Eliana offered. "We have an extra ticket. Do you like ballet?"

That was a hard no, but that seemed impolite to voice, so he said, "I've never been before."

Eliana brightened. "Oh, you should definitely come then!"

Ignis cleared his throat and replied before Noctis could. "That's very polite of you, El, but I don't know that it's something he would enjoy." He gave Noctis a kind of irritating smile. "I don't think it would be your cup of tea."

Gladio clapped Noctis on the shoulder. "Yeah, might be a little too much culture for Cae here."

"Hey," Noctis protested, his face a little warm. "I like culture."

"Right," Gladio said, ignoring him in favor of scraping the last bit of ketchup on his plate up with his fries. "You're a regular renaissance man."

Ignis, on the other hand, gave Noctis a considering look, which Noctis gave him right back, holding back the questions he wanted to ask. He knew that Ignis was into museums and art galleries and stuff, had been dragged to them by his friend when he was younger, but he hadn't known Ignis was interested in ballet. Just like he didn't know what Ignis's doctorate was in or that Eliana and Niko had spent months in the Crown City helping him with it.

"He'll never know until he tries it, Ignis," said Niko. He nodded to Noctis. "It's a good starting point, if you decide that you like it. This company is excellent and it's a beautiful performance."

"I wasn't trying to dissuade him," Ignis said. "I only meant that he's never - " He broke off, expression smoothing out again as he shrugged. "Well, it doesn't matter. Of course we'd be happy for you to join us."

"We really would," Eliana said. At some point during the conversation she had put her hand on Ignis's arm. It was casual, familiar, and Ignis seemed perfectly content to have it there.

"I'd love to join you," Noctis heard himself say. He hoped it sounded less combative to them than it did to him. "Do I have time to…"

He gestured vaguely at his clothes and hair.

"Plenty of time," Niko answered. "We don't need to be there until eight-thirty."

"Great," Noctis said, and tried to smile again, pretending not to notice the disbelieving looks Gladio and Prompto were giving him and wondering just what he'd gotten himself into.

*

He showered and dressed in his best suit to make up for the train wreck he'd looked like at dinner. Prompto and Gladio had already left for the club, but Ignis, Eliana, and Niko were waiting by the front desk, chatting with the couple who had come to greet Ignis when they'd arrived the night before. The woman speaking to Ignis was tall and willowy with dark hair neatly braided down to her waist, and her wife was short and plump with red curls pinned in an elegant pile on top of her head. They both looked up when they noticed him stepping out of the elevator. Eliana had mentioned at dinner that her moms were both characters, but Noctis wasn't expecting the wolf-whistling as he approached. He slowed to an uncertain stop, feeling his cheeks go red.

Ignis, not even bothering to hide his amusement, said, "Cae, may I introduce Mariangela - " he gestured to the dark-haired woman, and then the redhead, "and Leah Vitali, the proprietors of this fine establishment."

The way he said it made Noctis think there was some kind of inside joke there, and Leah lazily flipping him off confirmed it. "You can shut your pretty mouth, Ignis," she said pleasantly without looking at him, "or the next time I give you food poisoning it won't be an accident." She smiled kindly at Noctis. "Hi there. Aren't you a gorgeous thing?"

"Um. Thank you," said Noctis warily.

"Beautiful. Such exquisite bone structure," said Mariangela. "You must sit for me while you're here, love, just for a sketch." She tapped her chin, studying him. "How do you feel about posing nude?"

Noctis must have looked as shocked stupid as he felt, because Niko and Ignis both laughed and Eliana stepped between Noctis and her parents.

"He's not sitting for you, mama, ever," she said firmly, and then gave Noctis a despairing glance and said, "I'm so sorry," before snapping a narrow-eyed look back to her parents. Both ladies affected an angelic expression.

"I was only joking, darling," said Mariangela, reaching over casually to fix a small twist in the strap of Eliana's dress. She smiled at Noctis. "You'll have to forgive an old woman her fun. It's lovely to meet you, dear."

Leah beamed at him disconcertingly. "So glad you'll be staying here with us a few days, honey."

"Nice to meet you," Noctis said, keeping a careful distance.

Eliana sighed.

"Gods, you two are shameless. We're leaving now," she said. She kissed each of her laughing moms on the cheek, and then swept Ignis, Noctis, and Niko pointedly away from them and out of the hotel.

There was only room for three in the back of the waiting taxi, so Noctis sat up front with the driver, feeling out of his element while Ignis and his friends spent the entire ride in intense conversation about some brilliant documentary that Noctis couldn't have paid attention to if he tried. Instead, he looked out the window and took in what he could of the city. It was still raining, but significantly lighter than it had been the night before, and there were a lot of people out on the sidewalks with umbrellas and in the shops and restaurants they passed, which were all far smaller and weirder than the ones in the Crown City.

Once they arrived at the theater, which was a huge and pretty building, they hurried up the steps and inside, where they stopped at the trendy bar for a trendy drink that came in a barely-functional glass and tasted like gasoline smelled. Noctis's gag at the taste went thankfully unnoticed, as Ignis and his friends had already launched into a deep discussion about another ballet they'd seen the last time Ignis was in town, and then a composer that Noctis had never heard of, and then the performance they'd be watching tonight, which was apparently based on a book that Noctis had never read.

"La chute de l'épée, 'The Fall of the Sword,'" Eliana explained to him. "It's such a sad story, about two lovers during the Massacre of Dessous. The choreographer who adapted the novel is just incredible. The dancing is noted for its virility and it has perhaps the best-known male-male pas de deux in the canon, to a minor-key score which wonderfully reflects the muscularity and intensity of the narrative."

What? She was obviously waiting for Noctis's reaction, so he said the only thing that came to his head, which was a moronic, "Neat."

"Oh, that reminds me," Ignis said, smoothly moving the conversation along, "have either of you had a chance to read Exeter's latest book?"

"Gods, yes," Niko said, with an uncomfortably euphoric expression on his face that made Noctis wonder if Exeter's latest book had included a real life blow job, and Eliana joined in with equal enthusiasm. This went on for another fifteen minutes until Noctis decided that they were sufficiently distracted for him to make like a tree - an awkward desperate tree - and leaf it to the bar, where he set his mostly-full drink on the counter.

"Hi," he said to the bartender, who had slicked back spikes of dark hair and a nametag that said Alvin. "Could I get something…"

"Not that?" Alvin finished for him with a commiserating smile.

"Not that," Noctis repeated, relieved.

Alvin winked. "Tastes like tar, doesn't it? I don't know where they came up with it."

"It's probably the worst thing I've ever put in my mouth," Noctis agreed. Alvin blinked and then grinned, and Noctis didn't know why, so he said, "Do you have soda?"

"With rum?"

"Please."

While he was waiting his eyes were drawn inevitably back to Ignis and his friends. A few things he'd heard over dinner had suggested that Eliana wasn't the only ex-lover Ignis had at the table.

He couldn't help but notice the way Ignis interacted with them, casually touching Niko on the arm or hand, and Niko's hand resting for a moment on the back of Ignis's neck, both of them bracing Eliana with a hand on her back and waist to help her balance as she fixed a strap on her shoes, and Eliana kissing their cheeks when the bell rang and taking each of their arms when they both offered. Watching the three of them together now Noctis had the impression that maybe the 'ex' part wasn't applicable either, and the sinking feeling in his stomach got worse with added embarrassment.

This was a date, and Noctis had been too stupid to realize it until it was too late. He completely missed the hint when Ignis had tried to talk him out of joining them, too busy trying to prove himself educated and cultured. He felt like a kid tagging along with the grown-ups, pretending to be one while they indulged him, and he couldn't leave now without looking like an ass, so there was nothing to do but grin and bear it.

Resigned, he chatted with Alvin the bartender for a few minutes, inane conversation just for the distraction, and then paid for his drink and tipped well, thinking that Alvin would be a good friend to have, as this was likely the first of many if he was going to make it through tonight.

When he turned back around, Ignis was looking around at him. It was terrible, the way Noctis's heart pounded at the smile that quirked Ignis's lips when their eyes met, the burst of satisfaction Noctis felt when Ignis broke away from his swank refined friends to come to Noctis's side. He drew attention as he walked and didn't seem to notice it, but he always had and never did. Noctis met him halfway, and they had a silent 'All right?' 'Yeah,' conversation with their eyebrows before starting toward the entrance to the theater where Eliana and Niko were waiting for them.

What followed were three of the most torturous hours of Noctis's life. He could tell that technically the dancers were flawless, and that the orchestra was excellent, and that the story was sad, probably, if you could take men dancing aggressively at each other and make the mental leap to actual war. He really tried to enjoy it, but it was weird and boring and it took all his willpower to keep from fidgeting or pulling out his phone to play a game.

When it was finally over he could only stutter unconvincingly that he'd liked it when Niko asked him in the cab on the way back, but luckily he and Eliana both were too high off the performance to actually pay attention. Noctis resisted the urge to bang his head repeatedly against the window and stayed silent for the rest of the ride.

The rain was supposed to be letting up, so plans were made to see more of the city the next day, and then Noctis and Ignis were dropped off back at the hotel while the taxi carried Eliana and Niko off, presumably to their homes. Ignis wasn't even bothering to hide his smirk, but Noctis waited until they were alone in the elevator to say, "Shut up."

"I didn't say anything," Ignis said.

He was teasing, but the words hit a little too close to home for Noctis. He was beginning to understand that Ignis had left a lot of things unsaid. At the theater, Noctis had spent more time watching Ignis than the ballet. While Noctis had been bored out of his mind, Ignis had been riveted, truly touched by the performance. It had meant something to him that Noctis couldn't understand, and watching it with Eliana and Niko had meant something to him too, which made Noctis felt even worse for tagging along.

Noctis stopped Ignis in the hallway outside their rooms, wanting to apologize but not sure how and stalling by fiddling with his room key. What eventually came out of his mouth was, "I didn't know you were into that kind of thing."

"Ballet?" Ignis asked. "Yes. I used to go quite often back home."

Noctis frowned. "Really? You never invited me to go."

Ignis said, "Yes, because I know you."

That was obviously true, but Noctis was starting to think that maybe he didn't really know Ignis. Not as well as he should. Not all of him.

*

He slept poorly and woke up early from a nightmare he wished he could forget, trembling and with tears on his cheeks, head aching from how hard his jaw was clenched. It was a bad start to the day that put him in a shitty mood from the get go, which was further exacerbated by an endless day walking around the city with Ignis's smart, fashionable, academically-minded friends, which he seemed to have everywhere. Noctis zoned in and out of conversations about "Sidus's theory on technological dependency in wartime" and "Inferio's rebuttal to The Merkmar Solution", only ever zeroing in on Ignis's voice, always engaged, talking and laughing and enjoying himself.

Worse, everyone they met was genuinely nice, which made it hard to dislike them and made Noctis feel like a jerk when he did anyway. They made sure to include Noctis, Prompto, and Gladio in their conversations, but Noctis was distracted and constantly forgot to answer to the name 'Cae', so he kept coming across as either slow or rude, and even when he did pay attention he rarely knew the article or journal or mathematical theory under discussion and had none of Prompto or Gladio's ability to segue into more common ground, so ended up stuttering idiotically or humming and taking a drink of water to keep from having to say anything.

In the evening the party narrowed down to just the four of them plus Eliana and Niko, and they went to a pub close to the hotel to grab some food. It was too crowded to sit together, so Gladio, Prompto, and Noctis grabbed an empty table in the middle of the room, and Ignis and his friends found one in the back corner. It was obviously a table meant for two, but they didn't seem to mind the close quarters.

"Whoa, both of them?" Prompto said in a low voice, coming back from the bar with their first round. He jerked his head in the direction of the other table. "Go Iggy. Is that new?"

Gladio snorted. "No. They're just more obvious 'cos they got cock blocked by Noct last night."

Noctis flushed. "I didn't mean to."

"You knew?" Prompto asked Noctis, mock-wounded.

"No, I just figured it out last night. Gladio knew. You could have told me," Noctis groused.

"Well I wasn't expecting you to take them up on an extra ticket to the fucking ballet," Gladio pointed out lazily. He leaned over to show them something on the menu, unfazed by Noctis's grumpy glare. "These look good. Want to split these Totcho things?"

"Fine," Noctis said.

"Hey, good for him though," Prompto said, looking around at the other three again. He turned back to Noctis and Gladio and wiggled his eyebrows, giving them a saucy grin. "Stress relief."

"Right?" said Gladio.

Noctis didn't comment, opting instead to drink his beer and try to convince himself that he was happy Ignis was getting to spend time with people he cared about and didn't get to see often in the middle of the mess that had become of their lives. The others were right; Ignis had spent the last few months worrying himself to ulcers. He had earned some downtime and, as Prompto had so eloquently put it, some stress relief.

Noctis had never slept with anyone, but he'd been the only virgin among his friends for a few years now and it wasn't like it was unheard of for one of the others to hook up with someone they met and hit it off with. Hell, they were still good-naturedly teasing Prompto for the loud and enthusiastic night he'd spent with a girl they'd met in the last town they'd stayed the night in, and Gladio and Cindy had been disappearing together for hours at a time whenever they crossed paths. It hadn't bothered Noctis at all. He couldn't very well protest Ignis having a good time when he had no problem with the other two doing the same, and it wasn't a surprise when Ignis approached their table after dinner to let them know that he was going to accompany Eliana and Niko back to Eliana's apartment 'to watch a film'.

"I won't be too late," he said.

"Are you kidding?" Prompto said with a grin. "We don't want to see you until at least tomorrow afternoon, man."

Ignis clearly wanted that too, but he looked uncertain. "But -"

Gladio cut him off before he could talk himself out of it. "Seriously. How long has it been since you've gotten laid, like a year?"

Ignis gave him a flat look. "Tactful as ever, Gladio, thank you."

"C'mon, you know what I mean. You haven't seen them in a long time, and it'll be awhile before you can again, so you should take advantage of it. I promise we won't get into any trouble," said Gladio. Prompto voiced his enthusiastic agreement and Ignis pursed his lips, unconvinced, and then looked to Noctis for his opinion and probably, to Ignis's loyal mind, for permission and final word on the subject.

No. You can't. You have to stay with us, with me. You don't need them. Fuck them, and Schala University, and this whole stupid town. Noctis thought. Out loud, he smiled and said, "Yeah, we'll be fine." He even managed a laugh when Ignis looked doubtful. "Really. Go have a good time. We'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

"If you're sure," Ignis said, so obviously grateful that Noctis had to take another drink to hide the way his smile turned sardonic and slightly murderous. After one more protest for the sake of posterity, Ignis said goodnight and returned to the pub entrance where Eliana and Niko were waiting for him, and followed them out.

Expecting it didn't lessen the sting. Back at the hotel Noctis begged off a game of cards with Gladio and Prompto, claiming tiredness. It was only around eight and he wasn't sleepy, but he didn't want them to have to deal with his crappy mood. Up in his room he dropped heavily onto the sofa and dug his palms into his tired eyes.

He had no right to be jealous. It wasn't like he'd ever deluded himself that something could happen between them. Childishly, he wished they hadn't come to Janus, that he was still blissfully unaware of all these sides of Ignis he'd never been exposed to. That just made him feel like the worst kind of friend for not having known they existed, and brought along the awful insecurity that came with reminders of how ignorant his sheltered life had left him. What kind of king could he possibly hope to be?

He sat there fiddling with the moogle keychain and lost in his head, thinking himself in dark, brooding circles, until there was a knock on the door of his room. He opened his eyes to realize with a shock that it had been almost two hours, and that he'd squeezed a moogle-shaped imprint into his palm. The knocking started up again and he set the room key down and went to open the door, a little surprised to find Prompto on the other side.

"Hey," he said, stepping back to let him in. "Sorry, thought I was hearing things at first."

"Just me," said Prompto. He clapped Noctis companionably on the shoulder and shut the door behind himself. Noctis sat back down and watched him rifle through the fridge in the minibar, rambling on about the twenty gil he'd won from Gladio playing poker with him and Eliana's parents downstairs. As his friend talked Noctis felt the dark cloud around him begin to dissipate. It was welcome noise and company when he'd thought what he wanted was to be alone. This wasn't the first time Prompto had proven him wrong on that front.

Prompto emerged with two sodas and handed one to Noctis before taking a seat in the small armchair catty-corner to the sofa. "So anyway, Gladio remains the sorest loser in all the lands."

"This is why we let him win, remember?" Noctis said, opening his drink and frowning when the tab broke off in his hand.

Prompto clucked his tongue disapprovingly. "We shouldn't reward that kind of behavior, Noct. Our giant son is at a crucial stage in his development. What kind of parents would it make us if we let him grow up thinking everything is just going to be handed to him on a silver platter? We have to set boundaries."

Noctis rolled his eyes and lobbed the soda tab at him. Prompto leaned to one side and let it sail over the chair to land on the floor behind him, winking and shooting finger guns. Noctis was helpless to do anything but laugh in response, slumping down on the sofa and rubbing his tired eyes. "Was he actually mad?"

"Nah," Prompto said. He moved from the chair to the sofa, nudging Noctis over so he could sit next to him. "He just growled a little, you know how he is. It did make him decide it was time to go to bed, though, finally."

"Finally?"

"Yeah, I was just waiting for him to take off so I could come check on you."

Noctis's heart jumped into his throat, but he did his best to keep his tone casual. "Check on me? What for?"

"Noct," Prompto said, quiet and softly chiding.

Noctis opened one eye to look at him, and when he noticed the sympathetic smile on his friend's face he opened the other too. He kept his gaze resolutely straight ahead on the blank TV screen, embarrassed and miserable. "Shit," he muttered. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Am I that obvious?"

"No," Prompto said. He snorted at the incredulous look Noctis gave him. "Really, you're not. I guess it had kind of crossed my mind as a possibility before, but I'm not an asshole, dude. You know I wouldn't have kept talking about it at the pub if I'd known." Noctis did know that. Prompto was a good guy, and a great friend. Noctis should probably have told him that more often. Prompto continued, "Gladio still has no idea or he wouldn't have either. I figured you'd want to keep it that way."

"Thanks," Noctis murmured. Common sense said to let the subject drop and stop picking at the wound, but he'd never been great at listening to that part of himself, and after a moment he asked, "So what gave me away?"

Prompto made a dismissive noise he used a lot, something Noctis had long thought of as the sound a shrug would make if shrugs made a sound. "I dunno, a bunch of little things, I guess. I know you really well, and I couldn't figure out why you'd been in such a terrible mood all day, and the voluntarily going to the ballet yesterday? C'mon." He knocked their shoulders together to let Noctis know he was teasing. After a beat he added, more gently, "Then when he left with them tonight the look on your face, man. It was only for a second but all the little pieces kind of fell into place. A lot of stuff from way further back than this week. How long has it been?"

God, this was the last conversation Noctis had ever expected to have, with anyone. This was a pipe dream, impossible, never something that was meant to be voiced. He dropped his arm into his lap and stared up at the ceiling. It had a small water stain, the slightest imperfection. "I don't know. It's always been… I guess I just." He puffed out a breath that blew his hair out of his eyes, frustrated by his inability to put anything into words. It was hard to explain or pinpoint, since it hadn't been something Noctis had to notice or think about for a long time; Ignis had always been with him, and there were a million little innocuous moments that would just sound mundane or generic to anyone else. But, if he had to pick one… "Do you remember my seventeenth birthday?"

Prompto winced at the memory, and wriggled around to get more comfortable, kicking his shoes off to rest his feet on the coffee table. "Of course. Think that one will stay with me for a while. I'm still kind of waiting for Gladio to skin me alive for that night."

Noctis cracked a grin. "Yeah, me too."

It hadn't been a shining moment for Noctis, for all that it had been defining one. He'd been going through a rough patch with his dad, with school, with being a teenager. On top of that he'd developed a cold that was lingering stubbornly thanks to the worthless, damaged immune system he'd been left with after the poison that had almost killed him as a kid. Ignis had nagged him for weeks about eating right and drinking fluids and staying indoors as much as possible, and had urged him repeatedly to go and see the royal family's personal physician, all good advice that Noctis had ignored more out of spite for his own body than anything else.

He'd been tired of being sickly so often, and distracted in school and struggling to keep up, and furious with his dad for things his dad had had no control over, and even more furious at that lack of control they had over their own lives. He'd mostly been holding it together, trying to push through the dark clouds to the other side, but a few bad days and several consecutive nights of little to no sleep constantly interrupted by coughing fits had been more than enough to push him over the edge.

Over the course of the week of his birthday his steadily deteriorating mood had managed to isolate him from almost everyone. He'd gotten in a screaming match with Gladio after training on Tuesday and hadn't spoken to him since, and had ignored Ignis so rudely for so long that Ignis had mostly just stopped trying to interact with him beyond what his duties demanded by Thursday. His dad had been busy with the Council, and the palace staff had taken to avoiding him as much as possible, watching him warily as though expecting him to explode at any moment.

Prompto had been his only saving grace for months, the one person in the world who didn't care that Noctis was a prince, that could cajole Noctis out of his dark thoughts and bad behavior and into something that felt almost normal. He'd been going through a lot around then too, nursing a broken heart only a couple weeks after his girlfriend had broken up with him, and with his parents being gone even more often as their jobs had become more demanding, and the same stresses of school under the looming shadows of university and the future. They'd been each other's rock, but by the end of that week even Prompto had started treating Noctis with kid gloves, wary of his unpredictable mood swings.

On Friday Noctis had turned seventeen. As Crown Prince, his birthday celebrations belonged to the people. An elegant, formal public affair was held at the palace, a masterpiece put together by planners and staff who Noctis had never met and who knew nothing about him, that he was forced to attend because millions of people he didn't know were entitled to every aspect of his life, and a select few hundred of them to celebrate this special day with him personally. After an hour of shaking hands and smiling stiffly, a noblewoman Noctis had never seen in his life had, after ten minutes of gushing over Noctis's character and poise, taken one of his hands between both of her own and said, "I'm certain that your mother would be so proud of the man you've become."

In retrospect, that had been the breaking point. The spectacle of the party had already put Noctis on edge, but after that encounter he'd taken a willing dive off the deep end. It hadn't been difficult to talk Prompto into ditching all the guards and skiving off the rest of the party. They'd set off a bunch of smoke bombs in the ballroom, which had been a big enough distraction even for the ever watchful Gladio and Ignis, and Noctis and Prompto had ducked out amid the chaos and taken off in the slick new car that had been a gift from his dad.

It had been a series of firsts for Noctis; the first time he'd ever been outside the palace without some kind of keeper, be it Gladio, Ignis, or one of the Crownsguard; the first time he'd ever used his title to get into a club underage; his first kiss (a girl whose face he still didn't remember); the first (and only) time he'd gotten behind the wheel while intoxicated. He and Prompto got completely, shitfaced, blackout drunk, and hopped club to bar to club dancing and laughing and high with adrenaline from their great escape. When they'd finally been caught after driving off the road it hadn't just been Gladio, but also Clarus and Cor who had pulled him and Prompto mostly unscathed from the totaled car and taken them home. It was also, after a long talk with his severely disappointed father that left him feeling like shit for all the trouble he'd caused and the very real danger he'd put his friend in, the first time Noctis saw Ignis truly angry.

"D'you remember the fight I had with Ignis after?" Noctis asked Prompto.

"Everyone in the palace remembers the fight you had with Ignis after," Prompto said. After a moment he added, "Wait, that's the moment you're going with? That's kind of messed up, Noct."

Noctis elbowed him lazily. "No, it was just, we'd never argued like that before."

They'd bickered a lot, and had frequent silly disagreements, but that had been the first knock-down drag-out fight they'd ever had, even if no punches had been thrown. They hadn't touched each other at all, in fact, but a brawl probably would have been less ugly. Ignis had been livid, and Noctis defensive. They'd both gone straight for the jugular, exploited every weakness and insecurity and tore each other apart. Ignis had proven himself just as deadly with words as he was his daggers, and Noctis had finally had an outlet to take months of dark and impotent fury out on. Once the metaphorical gloves had come off it hadn't taken long before the very worst of themselves were out on vicious display. Ignis had almost lost his job, Noctis had almost lost Ignis; if Noctis hadn't been diagnosed with pneumonia less than a week later it was entirely possible Ignis would never have spoken to him again.

"Yeah," Prompto said, looking like he was worried for Noctis's sanity, "that doesn't make it sound any less messed up."

Noctis didn't know how to explain it. "I'd never seen him like that before. Ignis was my friend, but I always knew in the back of my mind that I was his job. I know he tried not to think of it like that, but how could you not, y'know? He'd never be disrespectful with me even if I drove him crazy and deserved it. Even the other arguments we had were all about the stuff I should've been doing because I was the prince, but this time..." He shook his head, feeling silly. "I know it sounds weird."

"No it doesn't," Prompto said. "Keep going. What were you gonna say?"

Noctis wanted to reply that if he'd known that he would have said it, but he held his tongue, Prompto waiting patiently while Noctis searched for the right words. "It was like, even though we were friends, there were certain liberties he'd never take with me that he did with you and Gladio, even back then. It was like he didn't think he had a right to comment on my personal life. I got why, but it was like a buffer, right? He could never be completely real with me. It made, my, y'know…"

"Having a crush on him?" Prompto supplied helpfully.

It sounded just as stupid out loud as he'd thought it would. Noctis made a face. "Yeah. It made it not that big a deal."

Prompto nodded. "I think I get it. When he flipped out that day, all it was about was your personal life, and the buffer was gone."

"Yeah," Noctis said.

That fight had been devastating in a lot of ways. Ignis had almost lost his job, and Noctis had almost lost Ignis (if he hadn't been diagnosed with pneumonia less than a week later it was possible Ignis never would have spoken to him again), but Noctis couldn't regret it. Seeing Ignis as flawed and passionate and unreasonable and human as everyone else had knocked him off a pedestal that Noctis had unintentionally and unfairly placed him on and brought him down onto equal footing, which had only improved their friendship. It had also been the moment Noctis realized that he'd been wrong, that it wasn't loyalty to crown and country that had kept Ignis by his side all those years, that the expectations Ignis had of him were as his friend, not as his prince. He hadn't been angry because he was advisor to the crown prince and the royal brat he was in charge of had done something stupid. He'd been angry because his friend had, and the stupid thing Noctis did had been dangerous and reckless and had scared Ignis out of his mind.

It had been a bad fight but it had been...personal. Painfully, intimately, inescapably personal, and as the fracture between them had closed their relationship had healed into something more than the sum of its parts. They'd come back together closer, stronger, barriers down. Noctis had finally seen Ignis for who he was, everything he was. He hadn't stopped falling since.

Prompto tugged on his hair to get his attention. "Man, that was like three and a half years ago. It's been that long? That's some serious pining."

"Shut up," Noctis said.

Prompto did, for approximately thirty seconds. "But hey, if you ever end up like, confessing all to Iggy, I'd leave out the part about falling for him because you pissed him off so much he freaked, though. Come up with something more romantic, or at least less likely to send him off the rails."

Noctis flipped him off because he knew it was expected, and Prompto laughed.

"I'm not that stupid," Noctis said. "But you don't need to worry about it anyway. There won't be any confessing."

Prompto didn't reply right away, searching Noctis's face like he could find answers there. Eventually, he said, "No, are you sure? But what if, y'know, what if he feels the same?"

Like that hadn't been a hopeful mantra in Noctis's head for years now, but it didn't matter. Even if it was possible, there were too many other obstacles. He could never willingly put Ignis in a position so likely to get him hurt. Just the thought made him feel sick. "I'm sure."

He sunk deeper into the cushy sofa and leaned against Prompto's side and Prompto slung an arm around his shoulders. Neither of them said anything for a long time, and when Prompto eventually spoke his voice was soft and understanding. "I'm sorry, Noct."

Noctis gave his friend a sincere and grateful smile. "Don't be. It was never going to happen. I just - we've been in really close quarters lately. Made it a little harder to ignore than usual, and seeing him with…them. I mean I know he's had, y'know."

"Lovers?"

"Whatever, yeah," Noctis said quickly, "but I've never had to watch him with them before, or meet them, or know who they are." He sighed. "I'm being stupid, and a brat."

"Aw, c'mon, no you're not," Prompto said loyally.

Noctis made a face at him until he laughed. "Seriously, it's fine. That's not even what's got me all," he gestured vaguely.

"So what does have you all…" Prompto made the same gesture.

It was probably better not to open this can of worms, but Noctis had already proven himself self-flagellating and prone to bad decision making, so why not round off the night with a bang. "Did you know about Eliana and Niko? Has he ever mentioned them to you?"

Prompto thought about it. "I think so, yeah, once or twice, like in passing. I'd definitely heard the names before I met them, at least. I can't even remember when. Probably sometime when I was asking him a million questions," Prompto said.

Noctis nodded, pressing his lips together and trying to ward off the tight feeling in his throat. "Yeah, you always ask questions. You like to know what's going on with us. Ignis has done a lot of cool things. Of course you'd want to ask about them."

"I'm a curious guy," Prompto agreed.

"Yeah," Noctis said quietly. He pulled himself up straight again, needing space. "You're a good friend, Prom."

Prompto sat up too and ducked his head so he could see Noctis's face hidden behind his hair. "Is it just me or do you sound weirdly sad about that?"

Noctis's laugh was little despairing, but it loosened some of the pressure in his chest. "No, just, being here has made me realize how much I don't know about him."

"What do you mean?"

Noctis raked a hand through his hair, guilt heavy and sour in his mouth. "Nothing, I just. I should have known about this place and what it meant to him. I should have known who his other friends were, and that he's into ballet. He's done so many cool things and I never asked him about them. I should have asked about this stuff. I've known him our whole lives. It's not like he's been keeping things from me. He would have told me. Why didn't I think to ask?"

"Hey," Prompto said.

"I just assumed his whole life was me. How arrogant is that?" Noctis confessed. "And it's not just with him. It's all of you. I should have tried to talk to you again after we first met when we were little kids. We could have been friends so much earlier. And even once we were it was still years before I even asked you about your family. And Gladio, I knew him literally forever decade before I ever actually talked to him." He snorted derisively and sighed. "No wonder he thought I was such a brat."

"Noct, man," Prompto said, sounding concerned. "Hey, c'mon. You know it's not like that. We all know how much you care about us."

Noctis hoped they did. He wondered if any of them really had any idea how much they meant to him. He was so self-involved, so thoughtless, and he'd missed so much without even knowing. He could feel Prompto hovering uncertainly next to him and sat back again so Prompto could see him, making an effort to smile tiredly when Prompto relaxed a little, reassured that Noctis wasn't having a nervous breakdown. He wasn't really upset. Realizing how thoughtless he'd been for so long was just a hard pill to swallow. "I know. Sorry, it's been a long day."

"It's been a fucking long few months," Prompto said, squeezing Noctis's shoulder. "Look, Noct, I know your mind deals with stress a lot like mine does, so I know with everything that's going on you've gotta be thinking some awful shit about yourself. You've always called me out on it, so this is me doing the same for you, okay?"

"Prompto, really, you don't have to - "

"Sh, Prom's talking now." Prompto pinched Noctis's mouth closed between his forefinger and thumb, and grinned when Noctis batted his hand away. "You're being way too hard on yourself. You're a good friend too, Noct, you're the best friend I've ever had, and not because you know every hobby I've ever had or what my parents' names are. You're a good person, and you're going to be a great king." He squeezed Noctis's shoulder again. "I know it's hard to stop doubting yourself, but try to keep in mind that a lot of that is because of everything that's happened, and totally irrational. You've been through a fucking lot these last few months, okay? If you were emotionally stable right now I'd be way more worried." He smiled and tugged Noctis's hair again affectionately.

"I know," Noctis said, ducking his head. "I do know. Mostly. I'm trying."

"That's all you can do, man," Prompto said. "And try to remember you're not alone, yeah? We're all here because we want to be, and we love you. You don't have to carry all this on your own."

"I… Yeah. Thanks, Prom." Noctis's said, embarrassed and sincere. "Not just for…"

"Talking you down from the crazy place?"

Noctis bit his lip on a grin. "Yeah. Not just that, but for coming with us."

"You already thanked me for that," Prompto said.

"I know, but I'm doing it again, okay? No arguing with your king."

Prompto beamed and smacked a wet kiss to Noctis's cheek. "There's the Noct I know and love."

Noctis shoved his cackling mouth away, grinning. "Really, though, thank you. You've got no obligation to be here. It means a lot to me that you are."

"Always," Prompto said. "And you're welcome."

They bumped their fists together, and nothing more needed to be said.

*

Prompto stayed for another half hour, conversation much lighter, and by the time he left Noctis was still too run down to feel better, exactly, but he felt a lot less worse. He changed into sleep pants and a t-shirt, brushed his teeth, and crawled into bed, but despite how tired he was, sleep wouldn't come. He couldn't shut his mind off, the knee-jerk reaction to shove everything he didn't want to think about down deep and forget about them warred with the better part of him that knew what he needed to do no matter how hard it was, dread heavy in his stomach.

There were a lot of things that had been gnawing at his conscience since they set out on this journey, but of all the things he had to feel guilty for, one stood out bigger and more powerful than the rest, and now that he'd been confronted with what a dick move his tendency to avoid painful things was, he knew he wasn't going to be able to sleep until he made things right. Or at least a little less wrong. It was time to face this worst of the monsters of his own making.

He got out of bed and crossed over to the door that adjoined his room to the one next to it, opened it as quietly as he could and slipped through. In hotels and inns Gladio always slept curled loosely on his side facing the open room, and when in a double bed like these ones, instead of sprawling out in the middle like the rest of them did he always chose the side closest to the main entrance, which was exactly how Noctis found him. He was too well-trained to have slept through someone coming into his room, but he pretended to be asleep anyway, staying still and breathing evenly as Noctis crawled over him to the empty side of the bed against the wall and slid under the covers.

Noctis settled comfortably on his back, not quite ready to break the silence. He closed his eyes and drifted into a light doze, until a thought struck him that he couldn't ignore and he carefully nudged one of Gladio's legs, frowning when his foot touched bare skin.

"You gonna tell me why the hell you're waking me up at four in the morning, Noct?" Gladio said, finally giving up the game. He must have been asleep when Noctis came in though, because his voice was thick and a little slurred.

"You don't sleep naked, do you?" Noctis asked suspiciously.

"Why, would that be awkward for you?"

"Yes," Noctis said firmly.

Gladio snorted a sleepy laugh. "Don't worry, I've still got boxers on," he said. After a few seconds, he added, "Bet you wouldn't mind it so much if you crawled into Iggy's bed and found out he sleeps naked, though, huh?"

With a resigned sigh, Noctis took his foot back and turned onto his side facing Gladio's broad back, and pulled his knees up toward his chest. He'd been hoping that Prompto was right about Gladio not having figured it out, but he'd known it was a longshot. Prompto was good at reading people, but Gladio was better. Prompto just hadn't known him long enough yet to get how observant and intuitive Gladio really was, or how good he was at making people underestimate him.

Still, Noctis hadn't expected it to come up now. When he didn't reply, Gladio stretched and rolled onto his back, turning his head to see him. He had eyes just like his mom's, a rare sort of golden brown that were vivid even in the dark, almost like a cat's. Noctis had always liked them, because even though Gladio could be a hardass and liked to pretend he was stone cold, his eyes were always so warm that they gave him away.

"No foreplay at all with you, is there? Just straight up the ass without lube," said Noctis.

"I didn't know how else to bring the topic up. I took the open window."

"Really?" Noctis said. "You couldn't think of anything else?"

Gladio grinned, but it was nice, and tinged with apology. So was his voice. "Sorry I didn't tell you about Eliana and Niko, and for kind of rubbing your face in it at the pub. I got it in my head that forcing it on you might, I don't know, rip the bandaid off and cauterize the wound at the same time or something, but it was really just kind of crappy of me."

In all their years as friends, Gladio had outright apologized to him maybe twice. Noctis figured he must have looked worse than he'd thought after they got back from dinner. "It's okay. Really, don't worry about it. It was a nice thought."

"Yeah, road to hell and all that." Gladio huffed a laugh, blinking slowly, still sleepy. After a bit he let his eyes stay closed. Noctis wanted to move closer to him but stopped himself. He regularly fell asleep on whoever was sitting in the back seat with him when they were in the car, which was most often Gladio, but it felt weird to try it in a bed, and when he was awake to know what he was doing. Gladio had turned the ceiling fan on high, which made sense considering he was like a human furnace, and the pull for the light was clanking against the glass cover. Noctis counted a hundred and fifty-six times before he got up the courage to speak.

"You asked why I woke you up," he said, keeping his eyes firmly on the bit of comforter he was fiddling with nervously. "I was thinking about the day of the signing ceremony, and home, and my dad, and… and yours."

Once it was out it felt like he was dangling over a ledge, the comfy atmosphere from only seconds ago gone. His heart pounded in his chest. Unable to bear not knowing, he glanced up to gauge Gladio's reaction and couldn't look away again once their eyes met. Every part of him hurt. He felt like everything he'd been trying to hold inside him was going to spill out even if it had to cut him open to do it, and he couldn't stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth almost faster than he could think them. "I never told you - I never told you how sorry I am about Clarus, not like it was my fault but just - just that it happened. I wasn't the only one who lost my dad that day." His breath hitched, throat tightening painfully. "I've been moping around for months while you've been hauling my ass around and taking care of me and protecting me and trying to cheer me up, and I never even tried to like, offer condolences or ask if you needed anything or just tell you that he meant a lot to me too and he was a great man and that I wish you could've had more time with him. You didn't even get to say goodbye. I should have told you as soon as it happened that I'm so...I'm so sorry he's gone."

His voice broke on the last word and he had to look away and take a shuddering breath, which was the only thing that stopped him from rambling on until the world ended. His stupid sniffle sounded so loud in the room. He wished the clanking on the fan was louder. Gladio was quiet, but it was more of a stunned silence than a cold or angry one, and when he did eventually speak his voice was soft with surprise.

"Noct," he said. Noctis closed his eyes when he felt Gladio's big hand rest on his head, thumb smoothing back the hair at his temple. "Have you been feeling guilty about that all this time? Hey, look at me."

It was the least Noctis could do, and possibly the hardest thing he ever had. Gladio's eyes were sad and wet, but his voice was even. "Do you really think I didn't know all that? My old man helped raise you, you've grown up with him as much as I have. Of course I knew you were sorry. You didn't have to tell me anything." He cupped Noctis's face in one hand and pushed his hair back to see his eyes. "God, look at you, this has been eating you alive, hasn't it? You little idiot. C'mere."

Before Noctis could even finish uncurling to obey Gladio was tugging him into his arms. He was a tactile guy, Noctis was used to being hugged by him, but he didn't think he'd ever appreciated it as much as he did just then, and he clung to him hard, his fingers digging into Gladio's back.

He wasn't deluded enough to think that Clarus's death had been somehow his fault, but as Clarus was to Regis, Gladio was to Noctis, and losing him in the name of the King of Lucis was a very real possibility, one that could take Noctis to his knees if he let himself think about. "I wanted to say something but I didn't want to think about it. I didn't wanna think about you dying too."

But that had been so selfish. Gladio was his friend, his brother. He'd deserved more while grieving his father than what Noctis had given him. Noctis pressed his face into Gladio's neck, hiding, feeling too raw and exposed as a few tears slipped past his tightly-closed eyes and rolled down his cheeks. Gladio folded an arm around his shoulders and rubbed his back with the other hand, giving Noctis a couple minutes before shifting back and gripping his chin to make Noctis meet his eyes again. He had a few wet trails on his face too.

"My dad died protecting his king, and best friend, and his daughter and sons - biological or not, and Lucis, just like yours did," Gladio said, pride in his voice. "You and I both know they wouldn't have had it any other way." He touched their foreheads together. "And you know I wouldn't either. I'll do everything in my power to make it all the way through this nightmare at your side, but if I don't - Listen to me. If I die protecting you, know that it's the only way I ever would have wanted to, and not because you're the fucking king of Lucis."

"Gladio," Noctis said, breath hitching on a sob.

Gladio smiled and lifted his head to press a kiss to Noctis's forehead, and then ruffled his hair and hugged him again, sniffing loudly, tears wetting Noctis's hair. "Shit, It's too fucking early for this, Noctis. Only you could have me blubbering like a baby in the middle of the goddamn night."

Noctis laughed through more tears, which turned to quiet and embarrassing sobs that he muffled against Gladio's shoulder as Gladio rubbed his back. The storm lasted a lot longer than he expected it to, and way longer than he wanted it to, expelling the toxins from the gaping hole that guilt had been tearing into him for months and flooding it with relief and at last the healthy, cathartic grief that he was only just now allowing himself to feel.

By the time he'd lapsed into quiet sniffling he was completely wrung out, halfway to asleep, and his limbs felt like they were made of lead. He was completely wiped, and Gladio was so warm and familiar and comfortable that there was no way in hell Noctis was moving. He fell asleep to the soothing sound of Gladio's put-upon grumbling.

*

He slept through all of the next morning, half-waking only once when someone else came into the room and talked to Gladio, who wasn't in bed anymore. They were talking too quietly under the noise of the TV for Noctis to hear who else was there and he fell back asleep before he could care anyway.

The next time he woke up it was mid-afternoon. His eyes were crusty and swollen from crying, and his nose and upper lip were covered in dry snot, and he felt a thousand pounds lighter. Metaphorically. He was thankfully alone, and went back to his own room to take a shower and get dressed.

When he got out of the bathroom, Gladio was leaning in the open doorway between their rooms, crunching on an apple.

"Hey," Noctis said, hoping that it was an unspoken agreement that they would never discuss last night again.

"Hiya," said Gladio. "We're going to the store to pick up some stuff. You want to come with?"

"Who's 'we'?" Noctis asked.

"Me and Prom. Eliana and her parents are going to some kind of exhibit. They asked Ignis if he was going but he said you two were gonna take the car to be detailed. I don't know where McBeardo is."

"Niko," Noctis corrected.

"To-may-to, to-mah-to," said Gladio.

Noctis pulled on his jacket, and sat down to put on his boots and lace them up. "Why don't you tell Ignis to go to the thing with Eliana? We're only here a couple more days. I can take the car."

"Noct," Gladio started, but he closed his mouth at the stubborn look Noctis gave him. Noctis had made the decision during his shower that it would better for him to keep away from Ignis and his friends. He didn't want to spoil Ignis's time here, and he couldn't trust himself not to do something like push Niko into the the crocodile pit at the local zoo they were all so keen on, or warp away to escape any more inane conversation about ballet choreography, or accidentally-on-purpose cut off Eliana's pretty hair with one of his swords.

Worse, the conversation he needed to have with Ignis wasn't something he was looking forward to. Ignis would never stay behind without Noctis's okay, and he'd never ask for it, but the journey they were on was in all likelihood a fool's errand, and Noctis hadn't been a good enough friend to deserve the kind of loyalty Ignis felt toward him. After seeing how much of a life Ignis had here, how happy he could be, Noctis couldn't in good conscious let him leave it again without at least letting him know that he had the option to stay, no matter how jealous he was.

He just wasn't ready to hear Ignis's answer yet. He'd accepted the fact that he was head-over-ass in love with Ignis and couldn't do anything about it, but he hadn't quite come to terms with the possibility that when they left Janus in a couple days, it might be without him.

"Fine." Gladio finished his apple and tossed the core into the trash bin under the desk. "You've got the keys, right?"

"Yep."

"Need us to pick anything up from the store for you, then?" he asked. "Snacks? Soda? Box of tissues in case you need to cry like a little girl again?"

The well-aimed sofa cushion Gladio took to the balls was, Noctis felt, entirely justified.