Chapter Text
Slowly closing the book, Lexa then placed the it on the night stand. The two of them were both crying, as they held on to each other in bed. It’s all they could do, to numb the pain the memory brought with it.
“I don’t regret breaking my rules either.” Clarke said as she reached for Lexa’s hand, bringing it up to her cheek and lips. “I just wish we didn’t lose so much time.”
“Me too.” Lexa kisses the top of Clarke’s head, and holds her tighter, because she could. “But you know what?”
“What?” Clarke asked, her lips not moving from Lexa’s palm.
“We don’t have to lose anymore of it.” Clarke looks up at her and she can’t help but smile. Even though tears still fell from both their eyes at having to remember the pain they both went through. That pain, which was now being eased with the feeling of being close, after so long of being apart.
Clarke climbed her way up so she could rest her head on the pillow next to Lexa. “Thank you.” She says, as she runs her fingers through Lexa’s curly brown locks.
“For what, Love?”
Clarke playfully scoffs. “For what? For everything! You didn’t give up on me, when I gave up on myself. For defending me, with my mom and…” She looks down. “and, for reminding me what I have. I wish it didn’t take all of this for me to see it. I’m sorry I was so wrong and lost.”
Lexa reaches over and kisses Clarke, putting as much feeling and passion in the kiss as she could. After a few moments they pull away, but still keep each other’s gaze. “We’re going to work hard and together to try and put this past us. Because what everything I said in that book is true. You are a precious gift to me, to us all. My heart will always belong to you, and there is no better for me, than you.” Clarke nods against Lexa’s lips, having went back in just as her last words were said.
They spent the next few hours cuddled into each other, talking about lighter topics and making out like they were teenagers again. Both were incredibly exhausted, but neither wanted to go to bed. Clarke laughs when Lexa yawns real big, then can’t stop herself from yawning too.
“We should probably get some rest.” Lexa admitted, after another big yawn. Clarke holds her stare for a few moments, not saying anything. Lexa watches as tears slowly start to build and she reaches to wipe them the second they fall. “No, what’s wrong?”
Clarke turns her head so she is facing Lexa fully on their pillow. “I know that I said this wasn’t a dream… but what if it is. What if I’m dreaming this right now.”
Lexa shakes her head no before leaning in for a quick kiss. “You’re here with me Clarke, I promise. Neither of us are dreaming this.”
“But what if I am? What if I go to sleep here, but wake up alone back in Chicago?”
“Well…” Lexa lifts her hand to move Clarke’s hair behind her ear and then kisses her lips again softly. “If you are, when you wake up I want you to come home and find me.”
“What if you don’t want me?”
Lexa wanted to laugh at the absurd statement, but knew Clarke was serious in her thinking and would never hurt her feelings like that. “Trust me, I’ll want you.”
“What if that version of you doesn’t.”
At that, Lexa couldn’t control the confident grin she let out. “Impossible.”
“How do you know?” Clarke asks, scooting as close as she could get to Lexa.
“Because Clarke, every single version of me, will want every version of you.” She leans in and kisses her once more.
“Yea?” Clarke asks her, to which Lexa replies with another kiss. One that left absolutely no room for debate.
For the next little while, they laid there in silence, just sharing breathes and small touches, before finally falling into a peaceful sleep. Both of them knowing that everything was finally going to be alright.
Clarke woke up first the next morning. Lexa had been holding her tight from behind and she had to try really hard to move without waking her. She loved the rare moments in the past when she would wake before her. Where she could take the time to focus on the details of her beautiful lovers face and commit them all to memory. She loved they way Lexa looked when she slept, it was one of her absolute favorite moments to draw. And that’s what she wanted to do more than anything that morning. So, that was what she did.
Sitting at the end of the bed, Clarke’s hand worked quickly against the pad of paper she had in front of her. She knew she didn’t have very long before Lexa woke, and she really wanted to have the memory of how Lexa looked on this morning, because this morning felt different to her. It felt like a new beginning. It felt like the first day of her new life. A life where she belonged.
“Hey.” Lexa’s sleepy voice drew Clarke’s attention from the paper in front of her. She was almost done, just needed to add a few details to Lexa’s messy morning curls.
“Hey, back.” She said before looking back down.
“Whatcha drawing?” Lexa asked.
“My heart.” Is all she replied with, causing Lexa to grin. Then she put her charcoal down, and held the picture out so she could check it over. Then she flips it around so Lexa could see. “Do you like it?”
“I love it.” Lexa tells her, honestly. Then holds her hand out for it.
“Yea?” Clarke asks, after she gives her the picture.
“Yes.” Lexa confirms. “You’re amazing Clarke. I know I’ve said it before, and I still stand by it. This, is what you need to be doing.”
Clarke laughs. “Like for a job?”
“Yes. As your career.”A louder laugh comes out of Clarke, which makes Lexa frown. “I’m serious.”
“There is no way.”
“Why?” Lexa asks, before turning the picture around for her. “Look at this detail. Look at how good you are, Clarke.”
“Stop.” She groaned out playfully. “You’re partial anyway, always have been.”
Lexa shakes her head. “No I’m not. And even if I was, do you know how many people have said the same thing?” Clarke gets unusually shy and shrugs. “Basically everyone who has ever seen your art has said that. Plus this is what you love, shouldn’t you be doing what you love.
“Yes, I should be...” Rising off the bed, Clarke grabs the sketch from Lexa and went to go put her things away. When she turns around, she made sure she had Lexa’s full attention before slowly lifting the t-shirt up and off. Lexa’s mouth dropped at the sight of Clarke’s now naked body, which was exactly what she was hoping for.
Some how, she was able to keep her strut back to the bed slow, even though the way Lexa was looking at her, made her want to sprint. She needs to fight her urge to moan, when she finally makes it, and straddles Lexa.
“Is this you distracting me from the topic of conversation?” Lexa asks, moving her hands to grip Clarke’s hips.
Shaking her head, Clarke leans down to capture Lexa’s lips in a hard kiss. “Still on topic. You are what I love, Lexa.” Clarke reaches for Lexa’s wrists and pins them above her head. “Now let me do you.” She swallows up Lexa’s laughter from her cheesy line into a kiss, and goes on to prove her point.
They fall back asleep after and don’t wake up again until late afternoon. This time, Lexa woke first. They hadn’t set plans for the day, besides possibly going to dinner at Clarke’s mom’s house, and Lexa knew that could get pretty heavy. So she calls Aden up and asks him to do her a favor for afterwards, hoping it will help to boost Clarke’s spirits if she needs it.
When Clarke wakes a little later, she noticed Lexa had placed a tray of breakfast and her pills on the night stand for her. She could hear the shower running and decides to forgo the food. She reaches for her meds, taking them and hops up to join her girlfriend instead.
After they were both showered, Clarke goes back to the bed to eat the breakfast Lexa had made for her, while she had to go make some calls for the group home. Clarke listens to Lexa’s side of the conversation, smiling at the professional manner in which she handled everything.
“Sorry about that, Love.” Lexa said, once she was finished.
She walked up to the bed, where Clarke was sitting cross legged, and acted like she was bending down to kiss her. At the last second, she switched her direction and took a bite of the toast Clarke was eating instead.
Lexa tosses her head back laughing at Clarke’s feigned look of betrayal. “You did not just choose bread over me.” She joked.
“Why can’t I have you both?” Lexa leans in to kiss Clarke for real this time. Clarke lets her, not wanting her charade to stop her from a delicious Lexa kiss.
“Was everything ok?” Clarke asks, while handing over the rest of her toast.
“Clarke…” She lets out a sigh of relief. “Everything is great. I can’t even describe how happy I am, right now.” She smiles her goofy one, before popping the rest of the food in her mouth.
“Yea?” Clarke puts the tray back on the night and scoots to the end of the bed Lexa was standing at. “That was a good call?” She wraps her arms around Lexa’s waist, and smiles when she feels a kiss to her head.
“It was. We were just approved for a huge game changing grant.”
“Really?” Clarke pulls back to see a beaming look from Lexa.
“We’re gonna be able to open up another home and be able to offer a few more programs.”
“That’s amazing, Lexa!” She pulls Lexa down for a congratulatory kiss.
“Yea.” Lexa runs a hand through her hair, bewildered. “I can’t believe it. I need to tell Octavia, she’s going to flip.”
“So go tell her!” She gives Lexa a playful push and slap to her ass. “I’ll be out on the balcony.” Then she grabs her sketchbook and makes her way out there.
Detroit had been Clarke’s first love. The beauty, the pain, it all resonated with her. The city told a story that she tried to portray in her art, when it was her subject. It was a story she just realized they both shared. About the world and the damage it can do, and the hope that the right eye could still see the worth from within the wreckage.
She never thought she would see it again, let alone that she would be sitting on the balcony of her dream loft, smack-dab in the middle of it. All because of Lexa. Lexa, who saw her worth by carefully sorting through the rubble that consumed her, while mending every crack with her compassion. Lexa’s strength and love, is what braces Clarke’s foundation until the time it is strong enough to stand again, on its own. And as she looked over her city, Clarke knew she was getting there, that it was time. It was time to rebuild her life and herself. Clarke had finally learned the truth. It was that she belonged in the world and that she could be happy. She belonged in that city, with her friends and family who understood her and never gave up hope. But most of all, the truth had been that Clarke deserved to be loved. She wasn’t too broken for that.
Having been so wrapped up in her own thoughts, she hadn’t noticed that Lexa slipped out onto the balcony. Or that she had been admiring Clarke during her peaceful moment of reflection.
When she finally senses Lexa’s presence, Clarke turns to her, giving her a sweet smile while holding her hand out for her. Lexa doesn’t hesitate to take it, climbing right into the chair with her, switching them around so Clarke could be in her lap.
“I love you.” Clarke whispers in her ear, before kissing the side of her mouth.
“And I you, Clarke. Always.”
The two hung around the loft until it was time to go to group. They accepted the invitation to dinner at Clarke’s mom’s that night and Clarke felt that she really wanted to go before having to face Abby. If she wanted a new beginning, she needed to make amends with her past. A lot of the pain Clarke had dealt with, was a result of the relationship she had with Abby. The altercation between the two had been fresh in Clarke’s mind and she knew that it was time to deal with it.
When they pulled up, Octavia’s car was parked there and Clarke was more than happy to see her best friend. As soon as she walked through the door and seen Octavia standing at the front desk, she walked up and hugged her from behind.
“Hey.” Octavia said turning around, hugging her back. “What’s up?”
“Nothing.” Clarke responded, with a huge smile. “Congratulations on the grant.” She whispered this in case the others in the room didn’t know.
Octavia smiled proudly and reached around Clarke to punch Lexa in the arm. “Your mom’s bid for senate really helped garner the attention we needed. I already called to thank her a million times.”
“Yea, but it was your hard work and dedication that really got this for us.” Lexa said. “You really took the lead when I was writing. I appreciate all that you did, Octavia. Seriously.”
“No, it was our hard work and dedication. I didn’t do this alone, fucker. I might have put in a few more hours, but you worked just as hard when you were here.”
“Ok true.” Lexa smiles. “Did you tell Rae? I didn’t get a chance to call her.”
“Yea, she wants to go out and celebrate. Even tried to slip in that she would be bringing her girlfriend, thinking I wouldn’t notice.”
“No way!” Clarke and Lexa both said.
“Yep, they are finally admitting it. So, we’re all going out tomorrow night.” She turns to Clarke. “If you want to.”
Clarke nods just as a man she never met walks in. He smiles at Octavia and places his hand on Lexa’s shoulder, giving it a little squeeze.
“Good to see you Lexa, I keep missing you lately.”
“Hi Dr. I know, sorry about that.”
He waves her off. “Don’t be, Octavia told me why you have been gone.” Then he turns to Clarke, with the same polite smile and holds his hand out. “Dr. Eric Jackson.” He introduces himself.
“Clarke Griffin.” She replies, taking his hand.
He nods in acknowledgment. “It is very good to meet you. Octavia informed me that you were looking for a new psychiatrist.”
She looks to her friend before nodding. “Yes, sir.”
“Well, I have a little bit of time before I have to run. I don’t know if you were here for group, but I could squeeze you in, if you don’t mind missing this session.”
“I think I would like that.”
He smiles and holds his hand out. “Ok, I’ll show you to my office.”
Clarke kisses Lexa quickly before following the Dr through the halls of the home. Once they make it in and he closes the door, and offers her a seat.
“Why don’t you tell me a little bit about yourself?” He tells her, once he takes his own seat.
She lets out a nervous laugh, bringing one of her hands to her mouth. “Oh, I’m sure you know the whole story by now.”
He smiles and nods. “Yes, I’ve read her book. But I would really like to hear it from your perspective.”
Clarke hesitates, but then reminds herself that this is all part of her treatment. So, she straightens her shoulders and goes on to tell him a shortened version of her story.
One thing she notices is that he doesn’t write anything down. She likes that about him. All her other psychiatrists wrote things while she talked and she hated that. For one, she hated knowing that things about her would be forever written in some file, that people would read and talk about without her there. Secondly, they never really seemed to be paying her much attention, instead were focused on their notes. Dr Jackson listened. He held her eyes, and reacted with what seemed like his true and honest emotions. He was definitely unlike any of her other doctors.
“So the meds you’re on now, the side effects aren’t too much?”
“I haven’t really been taking the correct dosage, but they do seem to have the least amount.”
He nods, but she doesn’t feel like it was out of judgement. “And how long has it been since you’ve experienced an episode?”
Clarke has to think about it. “Six months or so?”
He nods again. “That’s good. Did you experience mania during that one?”
“No, it’s been about a year. That’s when my old doctor switched me to the meds I’m on now.”
He smiles. “Then I think we should keep you on these ones. Make sure you take the full dosage and let me know if any undesirable side effects pop up.” He hands her his card. “I would like to meet twice a month to start, make sure you’re adjusting to being home and to your medication.”
“Sounds good.” Clarke puts the card into her bag, and goes to stand up.
“Clarke…” She pauses and looks at him. “I want you know how brave I think you are. Coming home, trying get you’re life back and especially facing your mom tonight. I was told by many that you were a very special and strong woman. After meeting with you, I can see that they were right. I look forward to working with you and helping in anyway that I can. Please, do not hesitate to reach out.”
Clarke had done so good, she held her tears in the entire time she had been talking to him. Having heard the story from Lexa those couple days had helped her. His words though, they felt good to hear and she couldn’t help the few tears that did fall. “Thank you.”
As he was leading her back through the home, she caught sight of Lexa. She was leaning over a desk in one of the rooms, helping to explain something to Tris out of her work book. She stops at the doorway, Dr Jackson seeing who was in there, said his goodbyes and kept going.
Clarke watched them for a minute, smiling as Lexa used her finger to draw Tris’s attention to something on the paper. And laughed when Lexa had to look up and away at some invisible object before continuing with her explanation. She always thought it was cute, thinking it was because Lexa knew so many words, and had to slow herself down before speaking because otherwise, she would go on forever. Sometimes, Clarke wished she would.
It only takes a few more seconds before Lexa catches her eye and waves her in. Tris catches the motion and turns around, her face brightens up when she sees who it was.
“Clarke!” She puts down her pencil and hurried over to give Clarke a hug. “Lexa said you guys finished the book. You doing ok?” She asked the last part quietly.
“You know what, Tris.” She responds in just as quiet of a voice. Then looks over to Lexa, who was still standing at the desk, respectfully giving the two their privacy. “I don’t think that I’ve ever been so happy in my entire life.”
“Yea?” Tris couldn’t hold back her excitement and gives Clarke another hug. “That is so fucking great to hear!”
“Yea, yea it is. Thank you.” She squeezes Tris one more time before letting go. “So what are you guys working on?”
“Oh just some GED stuff. But I know you guys have to be taking off, but I was wondering if we could hang out a bit tomorrow. Maybe before group?”
Lexa walks over to them and puts her arm around Clarke’s shoulder, pulling her close so she could kiss her temple.
“That sound fun, for sure.” And it did.
“Ok cool. I’ll see you tomorrow then.” Tris waves to Clarke and fist bumps Lexa before the two walked out.
“So what do you think about Dr Jackson?” Lexa asks, while opening the car door for Clarke before getting in herself.
“I really like him.”
“Yea? That’s great, Love. I’m glad you do.” Lexa tells her and then starts the car. “You ready to go to dinner? You going to be ok?”
Clarke looks out at the home, taking in all that Lexa and Octavia had done because of her. “I’m going to be just fine.” She says, turning back to face the love of her life.
Pulling up into her mothers driveway, Clarke sees Aurora on the front porch, smoking a cigarette. “I’ll just be a minute.” She tells Lexa and goes to go sit on the porch.
Aurora pulls her immediately into her lap, hugging Clarke as tightly as she could. “I’ve missed you so much, baby girl.” She kissed Clarke’s head before resting her chin on her shoulder. “So, so much.”
“I missed you so, so much too. I’m really sorry for worrying you.” Clarke hold on to her just as tightly, as Aurora begins to rock them in the chair. “We just finished Lexa’s book, and it made me realize something. I was so mad at my mom because I thought she was keeping me from knowing what it was like to have a mother. But really, I had one all along.” She turns in Aurora’s lap, so she was sitting in it sideways and could face her. “You were always there for me and loved me when she couldn’t. I wish I wasn’t so focused on what I didn’t have and took the time to appreciate what I did.”
“I wish I would have done better, saved you some of the pain.” She pulls Clarke to her chest.
“You wouldn’t have been able to. No one could, not even her.” Aurora knew she was talking about Abby. “People keep telling me that I’m strong and I don’t see it yet, but if it is true, then I learned it by watching you. Thank you for loving me and raising me, Ro. I love you.”
“Oh baby girl, I love you too. It was an honor to watch you grow up into a beautiful and yes, strong woman. I’m so glad you came home so I can keep watching you.” She kisses Clarke’s cheeks. “I’m so proud of you.”
They rock in the chair for a few minutes, until Clarke asks what only Aurora would truly know.
“Think I should forgive her?”
“She’s picked herself up, really turned her life around.” Again, this was about Abby. “And I’ve never seen her work so hard. I feel like I have my best friend back.”
“Yea?” Clarke asks, turning to see Aurora answer.
“Yea. But that doesn’t mean you have to do anything you’re not ready to. I want you to put yourself first.”
Clarke nods, having already made her mind. “I am, don’t worry.” She stands, helping Aurora up as well. “Would you do me a favor and ask her to come outside. I think I want to get this over with while I’m feeling brave.”
Aurora smiles and gives Clarke one last kiss. “You got it, baby. Good luck.”
Clarke paces while she waits for Abby, suddenly nervous things weren’t going to go as smoothly as she had hoped. She was silently going over what she wanted to say, when her mother walked out.
“Clarke? Ro said you wanted to talk to me.” She walks up the steps, going to stand in front of her daughter. “Is everything alright?”
“You really hurt me, mom.” Clarke wastes no time and just starts getting things off her chest.
Abby was taken back by the timing, but had been expecting this conversation. “I know.”
“I lost dad too. You should have been there to help me heal, and it wasn’t fair that you made me take care of us both. I needed you, and you weren’t there.”
“Honey…” Abby started.
“Just, hold on mom. Let me finish.” Clarke waited for Abby to agree before continuing. “We’ve done this over and over again where I tell you how much you hurt me, so I’m not going to repeat it. I just want you to know, that I’m trying really hard to take my life back, to live my life how I want. And I don’t want it to be hating or resenting you for the past. I’m open to working past this. I’m open to learning how to forgive you… if you can promise that you won’t push me and we take this as slow as I need too.”
Abby had tears running down her cheeks and she had to hug her arms around herself, so she didn’t push any boundaries by wrapping them around Clarke. “That’s all I want, is just a chance Clarke. I promise I won’t push, I’ll take whatever I can get.”
“As long as you keep working on staying sober, I don’t want to miss out on a chance of having my mom back.”
“I promise you, Clarke, I will. And I want you to know how sorry I am. I love you so much, honey.”
“I love you too, mom.”
Abby looked like she was going to combust. “Can I hug you?”
Clarke laughs and holds her arms out. “Of course you can.” Her sentence wasn’t even fully out before Abby had rushed into her arms. Clarke was relieved that things had went the way they had. She was ready to let go of everything she held in and work on building the relationship back up.
Dinner went better than Clarke had thought, since she felt like a stranger during the last one. It felt more like old times, with the laughter and the jokes. Lexa even choked when Aurora recited a certain sexy excerpt from Lexa’s book. It took a good hour for the blush to leave her cheeks. Of course, she didn’t really help things by whispering her own favorite sexy scene into Lexa’s ear, asking if they could reenact it that night.
Octavia spilled the beans about her pregnancy, well actually it had been Lincoln. He thought Octavia was drinking wine, and said “you can’t Octavia, the baby”. It had ended up being some of Abby’s nonalcoholic cider. But, the cat was out of the bag and the entire room erupted with the excitement from the Abby and Aurora.
All and all, it had been a great night. Little did she know, it was only going to get better.
“So this has been quite the eventful day, huh?” Lexa asked, in the car on the way home.
“Yea, but it’s been good.” Clarke reached for Lexa’s hand, wanting to hold it as she looked out the window. She had asked that they take the long way, down Gratiot Ave instead of the expressway. It was a street that a lot of Detroiters used to cruise around in their custom cars.
Gratiot was where homegrown Detroit muscle met the suped up imports. Everyone liked to show off in front of all the different car clubs that gathered. It wasn’t serious, and all spontaneous races were held in good fun. She and Lexa both had raced their fair share on Gratiot. But Lexa, she never turned down a chance to race when taunted by the revving of another driver.
So, when she heard the familiar sound coming from a Mustang that sat next to them at a red light, she knew it was only a matter of time. As soon as she turned to face Lexa, the 240’s engine roared to life.
“Well, all right then. Hurry up and spank the kid so we can get home… where I’ll let you spank me.” Clarke had timed it perfectly. Due to Lexa’s excitement from her statement, she let off the clutch just as the light turned green and they shot forward, leaving the kid in the Mustang a few car lengths behind.
Lexa weaved in and out of traffic to make it home as quickly as possible. Clarke was spurring her on with her hand, as it trailed slowly up and down her thigh before eventually finding its way under Lexa’s shirt and bra. And as soon as they pulled into the parking garage, Lexa shut the car off and kissed Clarke hard, leaving them both breathless.
“Let’s go upstairs.” Lexa said against her lips.
“No time. Now.” Clarke said, pushing Lexa away from her, while she unbuckled both their seat belts.
Lexa pushed her seat all the way back, just as Clarke was climbing on top of her and they continued their heated kiss. Lexa was fumbling with the button on Clarke’s jeans, and she pushed her hand away to help. They didn’t have much room in the car, but they didn’t need it.
The second Lexa’s long, slim fingers found their way into Clarke’s jeans, she couldn’t help her moan. She was so turned on, she knew she wasn’t going to last very long.
Car sex was not something new for the couple. In fact there had been countless times when Clarke couldn’t wait and needed to have Lexa right in her car. She loved how the tight space forced them to be closer than they could ever get in their bed. Being able to grip the headrest as she ground her hips against Lexa’s hand, was another one of those things she never thought would happen again. And as Lexa’s fingers pushed deep into her, hitting that perfect spot, she had never been more thankful for getting another chance at it.
It took no more than a few minutes, and Clarke was silently screaming her release into Lexa’s shoulder, as her hips stilled. Lexa nipped and sucked on her neck as Clarke pulsed around her fingers and she felt so good and satisfied in that moment, she could have cried.
Knowing Lexa was far from done with her, Clarke raised up as much as she could in the tight space, so Lexa could get her hand out from Clarke’s pants. She pulled back to see Lexa’s blown out eyes and wanting expression.
“Do we have time to go upstairs now?” Lexa asked, breathing heavy from her need. Clarke could practically hear Lexa’s heart pounding. She nods and with a quick kiss, lets Lexa lift her back into her own seat so they could get out.
The entire way up to the loft was a complete blur for Lexa. They couldn’t keep their hands from each other and just needed to be close. They needed to feel each other’s skin and taste each other’s breath but more than that, they needed to feel complete. Lexa always talked about how Clarke was her jigsaw girl, and how she loved all the different pieces of her. What she failed to mention, was how all of Clarke’s pieces, fit perfectly with all of hers. Clarke and Lexa will always belong together, and that is just a fact.
As soon as they walked through the door, shoes were being kicked off and shirts went flying. They almost didn’t make it to the bedroom, but Clarke ended up being able to entice Lexa to follow the rest of the way.
When they finally made it, they were both completely undressed and didn’t break their kiss until the back of Clarke’s knees hit the bed. Lexa laid Clarke down softly, admiring the beautiful body below her, before settling herself between Clarke’s legs. She noticed Clarke was shaking below her and brought her hand up to caress her cheek.
“Are you cold, Love?” The question brought her right back to their first time.
“No.” Clarke said, as her jaw chattered a bit. “I just never thought I would have this again. This feeling of being…”
“Whole?” Lexa finished for her and Clarke nodded in agreement.Bending down, she kissed Clarke’s lips softly before pulling back so she could look her in the eye, so Clarke could search for the lie she had yet to find. “I’m sorry, but I’m never letting you go again.”
For the first time, Clarke didn’t need to search. She knew the truth and even spoke her own. “You won’t ever have to.”
If there was anything left to be said, they let their bodies do the rest of the talking for them. The two never felt more connected as they did that in that bed, fading completely into the other. If you could see a persons soul, after that night, you wouldn’t have been able to tell where Clarke’s ended and Lexa’s began. In the love they made and shared in those next few hours, the two truly became one.
It took everything in Lexa to convince Clarke to get out of the bed and go watch the sunrise at the Riverwalk. She wished they could stay in the room, in that bed, that moment forever. But Lexa had one more thing she wanted to show Clarke, now that she was home.
“It will be worth it, Love. I promise.” Lexa grabbed some of her own clothes from her dresser and gave them to Clarke before going to her closet for one of her hoodies.
After they were dressed, they walked hand in hand through the streets, taking their time as they did. Lexa made sure to bring a blanket and Clarke’s sketchbook, knowing she wouldn’t be able to resist drawing the sight.
When they arrived at their spot, Lexa drapes the blanket and her arm around Clarke, earning herself a sweet kiss in thanks. Once the sun finally peaked over the horizon, she watched Clarke draw the scene displayed before them. It was a beautiful sight to behold and wasn’t just from the pretty colors in the sky. It was mostly due to the pretty girl beside her, drawing them.
They watched until the sun made its way over Canada and decided to head back. Lexa made sure they took the long way back again, so they could make it to her last stop, which held her surprise. She wasn’t sure if Clarke was going to notice her gift, or if she would need to point it out. But really, she should’ve known better.
“Lexa, they have pieces set up!” Clarke was talking about in the studio that was across from their building. She dropped Lexa’s hand and started to jog the last dozen yards so she could see them. When she skidded to a halt, Lexa knew she noticed. “Oh my god.” Her eyes go wide and she has to cover her mouth. “These are mine?”
“They’re yours, Clarke.” Lexa told her, once she made her way next to her. Lexa pulled out a set of keys and handed them to Clarke. “This is yours.”
Clarke couldn’t take her eyes of the keys Lexa was holding out, not really believing what she was seeing. “Mine?”
Smiling, Lexa nods and urges Clarke to take the keys. “Go check it out, I had Aden set it up last night.”
Hesitant but still curious, Clarke finally takes the keys and opens the door. Her art was framed and set out on different sized easels throughout the open room. The drawings were old ones, most she had given out as gifts to those she loved.
Lexa goes over to the wall where a few switches sat and flipped them, turning on the soft spot lights, to help illuminate the art work. She also flips a different one, and soft music started playing from a few speakers that were installed throughout the space. She thought it would give Clarke an idea of what she could turn this place into.
Clarke walks up to the first picture, it was a bigger piece she had given to Aden of the Detroit skyline. Underneath, taped to the easel, was a note from Aden. In it, he mentions how much he has always loved it, that it helps him when he’s homesick for the city and where it hangs in the barn- right in the middle so he can see it from every room.
Then she moves on to the next one, a picture she had given Octavia. It was one she drew of her and her dad and there was a note attached to this one as well. Octavia wrote how touched she had been when Clarke had given it to her for Christmas, the year after both their dads had died and how it hangs in her living room with all the other family photos.
“What is all of this?” Clarke asks before moving on to the next one.
“This is what you should be doing. Clarke, you’re an artist and a damn good one at that. We just wanted to show you the impact your art can have, if you choose to share it.” Lexa met Clarke at the last display. It was the flower, Lexa’s favorite picture of all time.
Clarke run her fingers over the wilting pedals. “You still have it.”
“Of course. It’s my favorite.” Lexa says as Clarke looks and sees that there was no note. “You know how much it means to me, so I won’t repeat that. But, it usually sits on my nightstand. Except for when I was writing our story, it was always on my desk. It helped me feel closer to you while I replayed and typed out the memories.”
“I can’t believe you did this, on top of everything else. I don’t know what to say.” Clarke says looking around her studio.
“Tell me that you’re not going to put up a fight over taking this gift.” Lexa raises an eyebrow making Clarke laugh. Then she reaches her hands out, cupping both hands on Clarke’s cheeks, leaning in for small kiss. “Say that your going to move your desk in here and draw things that are just as beautiful as you. Promise me, that your going to do what makes you happy. In your work, in your life… in love.”
Clarke stares back in awe, wondering how on earth she could ever get so lucky. How she had missed it all that time ago. She wouldn’t make that mistake again though. “I promise. Thank you, Lexa.”
Just as Clarke leaned in to kiss Lexa, a familiar song started playing. It was another from Ray LaMontange named “Hold You in My Arms”. They started to sway with the song, standing in the middle of the room, just holding on to each other. The lyrics were just too perfect in that moment.
When you came to me with your bad dreams and your fears
It was easy to see you’d been crying
It seems like everywhere you turn, catastrophe it reigns
But who really profits from the dying
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever
And I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever
When you kissed my lips with my mouth so full of questions
It’s my worried mind that you quiet
Place your hands on my face
Close my eyes and say
Love is a poor mans food
Don’t prophesize
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever
Now we see how it is
This fist begets this spear
Weapons of war
Symptoms of madness
Don’t let your eyes refuse to see
Don’t let your ears refuse to hear
Or you ain’t never shake this sense of sadness
Lexa sings the last chorus softly to Clarke, meaning every word.
I can hold you in my arms
I can hold on forever
And I could hold you in my arms
I could hold forever
As the violins played the last bars of the song, the two continued to dance and Clarke couldn’t help but look up at Lexa, from where she was being held tightly in her arms. “I love you, Lexa.”
Lexa smiles down at her, that same one only she ever gets to see and pushes some of Clarke’s hair back. “I’ll love you, for always. Everything’s going to be all right now.”
“I know.” Clarke says, laying her head on Lexa’s shoulder, waiting for the next song. She wasn’t ready to leave this perfect moment and hoped it would last forever. “I do.”