Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Zayn was still trying to remember ALL that happened last night.  It was new to him since it was his first time to get really drunk at a party; most of the time he was just tipsy and flirting with anyone he bumps into. But last night was way different from the other nights of dancing and drinking. He wasn't dancing that much, no more coquetries and he almost drank every single bottle of liquor dry. It was like his last day to taste alcohol before going to rehab.

Scenes from last night were flashing into his mind randomly which gives him a terrible headache even after he sipped hot chocolate from his mug. The girl who wants to take his phone number; the guy who offered brownies that smelled so good and inviting, but never got the chance to hand those to him; and the lips of a Liam touching his. 

"What is that?" he whispered to himself as he snapped out of the trance he was in. "Impossible." He exclaimed to his self. He almost dropped the mug he was holding if not for the hot beverage that splattered in his hand. “Ouch.” He placed the mug on his table and reached for the paper towels. He wiped his hand cussing over his clumsiness.

He was shaking off that memory that just showed itself. But just as Zayn was about stand up and take a shower to clear his mind, his front door flung open and showed that Liam was right there. It was a bad timing and yet it was no surprise Liam was there since he was his best mate. That’s why he has a key to his flat. He walked in with a bottle of orange juice in his hands and threw it at him.

"Here, catch."

"What's this for? Isn't it too early for you to be here?" It made Zayn talk a bit awkward towards Liam after what he just saw. It gave him goose bumps, right at the bottom of his spine. 

"They say that's good for hangovers. You were pretty wild last night and I bet only a mix of everything would do that to you." Liam sounded dry, like he was forced to visit and check on Zayn.

"Was I uncontrollable last night?" He said with an unsure voice.

 "Hmm, yeah, you could say that. Do you... ugh- remember anything... you did?" Liam suddenly felt blood pulsating behind his ears. It bothers him, giving him light heart attacks.

"Ugh, I get random pieces popping out. It's nothing, really." Zayn was restraining himself from asking about that one thing he remembered; that thing with their lips, his and Liam's.

Liam nodded, "Well, that's good." A hard smile followed and he let out a short, deep sigh. Zayn may not really remember anything and he said it was nothing, so it’s all good for him. He thought.

"Good? How did that become good?" He was confused by Liam’s reaction.

"I mean, it's a good thing you remember things. Yes, that's it." he sounds rattled. He’s really careful not to give hints to what Zayn doesn’t notice.

"Okay. I have to take my shower now. Just lock the door when you leave."

Zayn is still thinking about that scene he saw. Even at the shower, he still doesn’t seem to imbibe it. And these thoughts are causing him things, itches, he described; like allergic reactions. He considers it is because of the hangover. Alcohol can have drastic effects on people and this is one of them. “Oh, fuck, I’m not drinking again.” He was whispering to convince his self. He believes it, partially. He is agitated and can’t focus on his shower. His fingers are already wrinkled and soaked and worse he is perplexed.

---

"Have you told him already?"

"He doesn't remember it. So, I just gave him the juice."

"You chickened out? Liam Payne chickened out? Since when did you become a bird?"

"You know what, just stop it, okay? Let's just leave it that way."

"No, we are not giving up that fast." Louis is always pushy when it comes to feelings. He believes that you'll regret it when you weren't able to say what's inside you. That it'll bug you until you go crazy. “Come on, you like him. He kissed you. You kissed him back. It’s all there! What are you waiting for?”

“He was drunk.”

“People’s true colors show up when they’re drunk.” Louis said it like it wouldn’t make Liam feel any more troubled. “Take me as an example.”

“You and Harry are a different case.”

“Well, not that different. Just try to listen to me.”

"And what should we do now?" Liam was getting hopeless on this thing. He has no better plan so he let Louis do it for him.

"We'll make him remember."

"Wow?" He was definitely sarcastic and praying to end this already.

"Trust me. I got this."

---

"What now?" Liam's eyes were so wide his eye balls might fall out. He is nervous that Zayn is only a door away. Louis invited him over for a movie marathon. And Louis still has no dvd's at hand to pull it off. "You prepared everything but the dvd's? That's really smart Louis, really smart." 

"Just leave it to me. Now go inside, before he remembers everything on his own."

Liam entered the room fidgeting. He can't think of an excuse why there are no movies to watch or where Louis had gone. And he was sure Zayn would leave now. 

"Um, would you like anything?" Liam asked hesistantly.

"How about a few shots of vodka before we start?" Zayn answered.

"But isn't it just last night that you drank?"

"Come on, it's only a few shots. And you're drinking with me. Now go get it." He asked Liam like he's playing fetch with an obedient canine.

Liam searched Louis' cupboards for any alcohol. He's frustrating he cannot find even a single bottle. He continued until finally he found a bottle of Chase. Together with two glasses, he hurried to Zayn who might be already bored counting falling leaves from a tree outside the flat.

"Here."

"Okay. Let's do this." Zayn poured equal amounts of vodka in each glass. It's almost half and Liam's already queasy just by looking at it. "The mechanics, you drink then you ask me a question after. Questions would be answered truthfully."

"What?" Zayn talked too fast that Liam wasn’t able to digest what he just said.

"You heard me. I'll just start. Zayn drank the vodka fast. He wiped some at the corner of his lips where Liam had been focusing before he even took the shot. “What did you two invite me here for?"

"To watch movies?" Liam tried to sound sarcastic, but he sounded like a chicken being strangled. And yet, he still hopes Zayn buys it.

"Lie." Zayn was looking intently at Liam, waiting for a reply.

"Okay, you caught me. Liam is serious now. Although his heart is pounding inside his chest, nothing Zayn can see would tell that he's already panicking. "I asked you to come over because.."

Just as Liam was about to tell the truth, Zayn butted in."That was quick. You’re too easy. Save it. Let’s get this thing go on first. Now, drink." Zayn is turning more aggressive towards Liam. And Liam isn't sure if he's going to be annoyed or amused by it.

"Do you really can't remember what happened last night?"

"I answered that already."

"And I'm asking you again."

"Just parts of it. Everything else was blurry. Nothing unusual."

"Lie. You know exactly what I'm saying." Liam was firm when he said it. He knows Zayn knows it.

"Maybe not. Enlighten me." Zayn's words sounded like invitation to Liam's ears. There was a tingling feeling he got from those words. Liam held the Chase bottle and drank directly from it, bottom up. Some alcohol spilled through his mouth, trickled to his cheeks, down to his collar bone which slightly wet his purple toy story shirt. He would have finished the whole bottle if not for his shortage of air.

"Okay, I will." Liam grabbed Zayn by the back of his head and pulled him closer to him until their lips meet. His lips started to move on Zayn's lips that tasted sweet with vodka and faint smoke. 

Liam pulled away quickly just before Zayn could respond to the kiss. Just enough before Zayn could completely remember what happened between them last night.

"It is true then." It was all Zayn could utter.

"Yes." Liam whispered looking down. Suddenly, the carpet seems interesting to him.

"I want to remember every single detail." Zayn leaned towards Liam and kissed him, but nothing happened. There were no scenes appearing in his head, so he stopped and pulled away. Liam was left with lips parted. 

"Whoa. That is really unnecessary." He was panting. Then he drank again from the bottle that is still in his hand.

"You started it. Besides, you're not the one who got drunk then suddenly forgot to distinguish fantasy from reality." Zayn replied.

"So, you fantasize about me?" Liam was sounding playful this time, very different from the way he felt a while ago. He was feeling lighter now and his ears getting warmer.

Zayn’s eyes widen; he was completely caught off guard. Finally, he managed to compose himself. "Whatever. So you kissed me last night." It should make Zayn feel uncomfortable, but he just felt loose. He can’t feel awkwardness there, just contentment that he was able to prove that everything he saw was in fact, true.

"No. You kissed me." Liam pointed out. His vision was swirling and he feels heavy on his shoulders, like he was carrying a backpack for camping. He tried to focus on Zayn and what he was saying.

“But you just did now.”

“Only because you’re too retarded to remember.”    

Zayn just accepted it. "Okay, anything happened after that? 'Cause I really can't remember anything aside from the you-know-what-I-mean."

"Nothing. You were so wasted that you just went unconscious after it. I even have to drag you to the couch."

"Whew. Good."

"Oh, but you did utter something to me last night and it's the most interesting part." Liam sounded weird when he said it. He was jolly and teasing at the same time.

"What?" Zayn's eyes were suspicious, but he judged that Liam wasn't making things up. Liam's a bad liar. He'll know if he's lying. Besides, Liam looked flushed. There’s no way he could still lie with that face.

"Why would I tell you? You even told me not to tell a soul." He poured some vodka to his glass and drank it straight up. He coughed a bit and blinked twice before looking at Zayn.

"That doesn't include me. I told you it. Tell me, now." Zayn is getting bossy, ordering Liam in a stern voice.

"I can't. I promised." Liam chuckled then closed his eyes before falling on his back. The vodka kicked in. He blacked out and was snoring after a few minutes.

Zayn doesn't know if he's going to be angry at Liam for sleeping in on him. He knew Liam wanted him to remember something, that's why he was invited over. It wasn't just the kiss. It was something else. And maybe it was what he said to Liam last night.

"I guess I'll just choke the truth out of him tomorrow."

Chapter Text

 Liam yawned and turned to lie on his right. He hugged the soft pillow that smelled like carrots in his arms and tucked his feet under the blanket. It was cold, so he pulled the same blanket over his shoulders. Everything’s fine now, except that somebody pulled the sheet back.

“Stop being selfish.” Zayn muttered under a sleepy voice.

Liam was suddenly awake and threw the pillow he was hugging at Zayn. He lost his balance and fell down the bed, landing on his butt. “Ou..ch” He was careful not to be noticed by Zayn, although he knew he already did wake him with the blanket and the pillow.

“Up too early?” Zayn was snickering under the pillow on his face.

Liam just ignored the unsolicited remark and tried to sit on the floor. His head was spinning, throat felt parched and he doesn’t like any of it. He placed his forehead on the side of the bed to gather his thoughts of what’s happening.

“Hangover. I’m surprised it’s picking on us consecutively.” Zayn teased.

“This isn’t hangover. I just over slept.” Liam insisted even if he’s feeling nauseous. His view was hazy when he tried to stand, but he tripped on one of the bed legs and fell over Zayn who was playfully watching him wobble.

“Whoa, easy there mate.” He was holding Liam’s shoulders as the boy’s weight was holding him down. He was heavy, heavier than Zayn. “You’re heavy. I can’t hold you up forever.”

“Perfect.” Liam smiled faintly. And with a single wink, he threw up on Zayn. He tried to wipe his mouth, but it just smeared all of it on his cheeks. He coughed then spewed some more, this tme on the pillow that was innocently lying there on the bed.

“LIAM, STOP. STOP THIS RIGHT NOW.” Obviously, Zayn was currently being grossed out by Liam. And Liam can still laugh after what he just did. He loves seeing Zayn nervous because of him. Even if he knows he won’t forgive him after this, he still takes pleasure in the moment.

“Sorry, I can’t.” Liam made another blow and everything dripped down to Zayn’s chest, again. He laughed after what he did and was now playing; and poor Zayn can’t do anything. Liam was scratching his head seeming innocent of what he did. He was still laughing though.

“No! Stand up. Please.” His grip was still firm on Liam’s shoulders since he can’t move him away. It would’ve bruised if Zayn put more force in it.

“What’s happening here?” Louis was suddenly at the door. It took him seconds to understand what’s happening between the two. He walked straight in and helped Zayn with Liam who was lying over him. “My carrot pillow!” He saw the pillow ruined with vomit. He smelled alcohol in it and it stung his nose. “Oh, I’m banning you two in my bed from now on. Look at this mess.” He said this while he helped Liam to get up. He accompanied him to the bathroom sink so he could wash his face.

Zayn was still lying there on the bed, contemplating. He was covered in vomit with bits and chunks of food. God knows how much he doesn’t want to know what those are. He can hear the water flowing, Liam gargling and footsteps coming his way.

“Why aren’t you standing up? That wouldn’t evaporate. Wash it off.” Louis exclaimed.

“I.. I..” Zayn was breathing heavily, almost sobbing. “I’m gonna kill Payne.”

“Yeah, yeah. Clean up first, and then you can kill him.”

  ---

Liam and Louis were first at the dining table. Even though it’s now half eleven, Louis prepared breakfast for them: bacon, poached eggs, tomatoes, toasted bread, sausages, and baked beans. They all looked delicious to Liam’s eyes. He can’t wait to grab a whole plate of those.

Zayn walked in with no shirt. It’s apparent that he’s still upset with what just happened. He didn’t dare to look at Liam who was staring at him since he walked out of Louis’ room. He’d taken the seat beside Louis with the other seated across him.

“Hey, you still have something on your..” Liam told Zayn while hesitantly pointing at his collarbone.

Wide brown eyes met Liam’s. “Where? Here?” Zayn gestured somewhere in his chest, fingers slightly shaky. He stood up and looked for a mirror, and when he got hold of one, he immediately searched it for the thing Liam was pointing. “Where is it?” He said to himself.

“I’m just teasing.”Liam let out a full blown laugh because Zayn’s expression was just priceless; with his color drained and his eyes were just fixed spherical orbs against the mirror. Liam was holding his stomach and tapping at the table with his other hand. He even started tearing up which cracked Louis up who was trying his best to suppress a laugh, but gave in too after a second. He was clearly kidding Zayn who put the mirror down then turned to face Liam. He looks like a lion ready to pounce at its prey, and Liam was the prey that should be running or better yet, hiding. But he was busy having fun.

Zayn chuckled. He should be angry now, but he wasn’t. He took his seat and started to laugh too. “You’re gonna pay, Payne.” It was all he could slip in between his laughter.

“When? Just send me the bill. I don’t have money with me.” Liam was able to answer even when he’s howling so hard.

“Soon.” Then he smiled.

---

 “You’re late!” Harry elbowed Zayn after he ran down the hall to meet them. “Movie starts in 5..”

“Minutes?” Niall blurted.

“4, 3, 2,1. Run!” Everybody ran towards the big door at the movie house. They’ll be watching the re-release of Titanic.  They wore their 3D glasses when they walked in the cinema. People were already in their own seats settled, silent; and the movie started. They found empty seats on the 6^th row from the screen.  They were near the aisle at the right wing.

Harry took the first seat, followed by Louis, then Niall and Liam. Zayn was last since he was late. He’s always late, even in rehearsals and recording. Niall, on the other hand was all jumpy and excited since this would be his first time to watch Titanic. He’s bit a fan of ships. The marvel of constructing spectacular machineries constantly gets him.

“One more twitch, Niall and I’ll spoil everything.” Louis remarked.

“Take it easy party pooper.” Harry countered.

“Thank you, Harry.” Niall snickered while slowly nodding at him.

“Why do I feel that I’m being bullied here?” Louis asked; eyebrow somewhat raised.

“What? How could I ever bully my boo bear? Come, you need a hug.” Harry hugged him and patted him lightly at the back.

“Such melodramatic people.” Niall whispered, but loud enough to be heard by the first row.

Somebody heard him and answered, “Then why are you here?” People laughed at the short conversation Niall had made. It made his heart sink a little, but it didn’t change his enthusiasm.

“Karma.” Liam commented.

“I know. Really fast.” Zayn noted. The two were snickering at Niall for meeting his match after being so loud and jittery. They hadn’t noticed that the film was already on the part where Rose is jumping off the ship’s stern.

“Fuck. That’s high!” Niall shouted. Louis took the liberty to tap him at the shoulders. “Ooops, sorry.”

“Cold.” Zayn whispered.

“Yep, that’s really cold up there.” Liam responded.

“I’m cold.” This time his jaws were trembling. Liam touched his ears and it was chilly. His mom used to check his ears too if he was cold when he’s still a kid. He immediately took off his jacket and put it around Zayn.

“Are you sick?”

“No. It’s just cold here in my seat.”

“Next time, wear something over a simple shirt.”

A few minutes passed, but Zayn’s still shaking. He nudged at Liam so he could snuggle at his side. Liam couldn’t help but stare at helpless Zayn. He wished he could do something more, so he offered to buy him a coffee.

“Would you want coffee or anything to warm you up?”

“No. Don’t leave, stay.” Even when Zayn is looking weak because of the situation he was in, he still orders Liam like he was the usual.

“If you say so.”

Zayn slipped his arm under Liam’s and grabbed a hold of his hand. Once again, they were skin to skin; hands intertwined. It sent shivers down Liam’s spine while sending gushes of blood up his face. He could feel warmth emanating through his body. He stiffened and gasped, not being able to know what to do now. He was just looking straight at the screen, not even daring to look at him.

“You’re actually hot.”

“I’m sorry?” Liam seemed to swallow a whole turkey.

“Your temperature, I mean.” Zayn cleared.

“Oh, yeah. That.”

“And you’re hard.”

“I’m stiff. I know. I’m a bit cold too.” Liam’s excuse, agreeing with Zayn.

“Not that. I mean down there.” Zayn delivered it with a tone that made him draught. He bumped his knee against Liam’s and went in closer to whisper something, “It’s alright. I already knew all about it.”

Liam pretended he didn’t hear Zayn. But Zayn knew well that Liam got the message since he flinched and became stiffer; as he identifies if Liam lies and that includes his actions. He wonders what he meant by ‘it’s alright and he knew it all’. Could it be Louis told Zayn something?

Louis, among all of them, knew Liam very well. They share secrets like brothers, and each of them helps the other whenever they need it. But he wouldn’t do that.

Zayn let go of Liam’s hand releasing the tension between them, especially in Liam. But just as Liam is fixing his posture, his relief was cut short when Zayn’s hand slid down his thigh. It didn’t slide there accidentally. He purposely did it because he noticed that he was starting to move his hand in a curious way. Then Liam was frozen cold, colder than the iceberg that hit Titanic a hundred years ago.

---

“I didn’t know Liam was a great fan of tragic stories.” Niall mused as he stares at Liam who didn’t even bother to look at him when he heard the remark. “Oh, well.” Then, he turned to the screen whose showing people jumping and dancing, with Jack and Rose joining them.

“Don’t distract him.” Louis said.

Unknown to them, Liam’s having trouble. Zayn was teasing him with his hand and he can’t seem to move. He was manipulating him. It’s surprising how in a short period of time, Zayn had the upper hand in a situation where he started feeble. And aside from that, Liam has his own struggle inside him. Half of him wanted to take Zayn’s hand off him, but half of him also wanted it to stay there. As a result, he can’t think of what to do.

Liam’s trails of thought were eventually extinguished when the back of Zayn’s hand started brushing the inside of his thighs. It began with a circular and slow and small movement. Every motion gave him goose bumps. Each touch took his breath. He filliped his fingers and shifted his position, now leaning very close to Liam who was still solid like a statue. Again, his hand started sweeping his thighs, and now moving closer, higher.

Liam was breathing through his mouth with forehead creased. “Don’t.”

“What was that?” He then went higher to unbutton Liam’s trousers.

Liam turned his head and glared at him.

“Oh.” He said it with a sudden realization. “First, I asked you to tell me what I said to you when I was drunk. Then, I asked you again yesterday to stop throwing up on me. Neither of that you did, so why do you expect me to listen to you now?” He was now running his fingers through Liam’s inseam.

“Stop.” You can see the seriousness in his face even with the faint light coming from the screen.

He just smiled and continued to unzip him. “You shouldn’t use don’t and stop side by side in a sentence.” Then Zayn’s hand crept up and continued to touch him, fondling his very soul.

“Please, please, please, PLEASE.” He was wheezing, maybe choking from what he’s experiencing.

“Okay. I’m done. I’ll stop, but consider it only half paid. You still owe me, Payne.” Zayn made it clear.

Liam exhaled as he withdrew his hand away. He was still breathing heavily when the film ended, as if he had just ran a mile. He was starting to think it was a bad idea coming here. But he doesn’t want to spend the day alone nor waste the few day vacation they have.

The lights brightened every corner and people started to exit. They waited for the crowd to clear first before they exit themselves.

“Liam, I didn’t know you masturbated to Rose,” said Niall who has eyes still welling up from the movie they had just watched.

“What? I am not.”

“Ask your erection.”

Liam looked down and noticed his trousers were still open, “Fuck.” He quickly buttoned then zipped his trousers. He hastened out of the movie house, only to be followed by Zayn. They were at same pace and he started talking, “What is it that you already knew?”

Zayn narrowed his eyes and turned to Liam, “that you like me.”

Liam’s feet started to become heavy, he walked slowly like someone’s pulling him back. His face became pale and cold sweats were present at his forehead. He suddenly felt the need of excusing his self by slipping through the wash room, so he hurriedly walked inside one of the cubicles.

Zayn was left alone, but he didn’t follow Liam. He thinks he needs a time to breathe because of the so many things that happened. And being a burden would be the last thing he’ll want for Liam to experience now.

---

Liam woke up in the middle of the night. He’s already in his room. The last thing he remembered was,

“I picked you up from the pub, 2 hours ago.” Zayn was there, seating on the foot of his bed. “What were you thinking?”

“I’m not.” Liam responded in a thin voice.

“I figured.” Disappointment was evident in his voice.

“I just want to clear my mind, sort things out.”

“Did it pay off?”

“Nope. It just made me confused.”

Zayn sat closer to Liam who was now seated, hugging his legs. “Don’t be.”

“Why?” Liam can’t deny what he’s feeling now. His heart is beating so fast, he thinks he’s having a heart attack. Just seeing Zayn there beside him, close, in his bed, staring at him, makes him want to not end this moment.

“’Cause I won’t let you.” Zayn leaned forward and planted a kiss in his cheeks.

“Are you drunk again?” Liam was suspicious with him.

“Not a single bit.”

“Whatever you say.” He smiled.

“So, you like me huh?” Zayn's rubbing his palms against the sheets, quite nervous.

“Yeah.” He sounds confident now, like he was just answering a simple question.

 “Since when?” The odd feeling dissipated the moment he heard his response. He suddenly felt happy, alive; like he was intoxicated, but it felt good.

“As far as I can remember. I just thought I liked you as a friend, a brother, until you forced me into kissing you. Louis knew about this. He always knows things.”

 “I didn’t force you.” Zayn disagreed, but that never removed the smile in his face. 

“You wouldn’t know.”

“Whatever.” He rolled his eyes. “You talk when you sleep. Did you know that?”

“Stop lying.” He said in disbelief.

“I am not.”

“If you really didn't force me, prove it.” It was a dare. A dare he thinks Zayn will never be able to achieve. He smirked, assuming that he won.

“And if I were able to prove it?”

“You decide.” This is how much he’s certain.

“Okay. ‘I like you Liam Payne. I’m so much in like with you that you make me do things I couldn’t think I could. You make me happy, Liam’.” And he kissed him, holding his face with his hand. He stopped shortly, drew back and raised an eyebrow, as if telling him he succeeded. “That is really cheesy, I must say. And accurate.”

Liam was surprised. “Accurate? You mean?” his smile was priceless.

“Yes. You believe me now?”

Liam nodded, still amused that Zayn was able to say it as if it was the first time he’s said it; and this time, he really meant it. “So, what now? You won.”

“We celebrate.” Zayn crawled to the foot of the bed then grabbed something from the floor. It was a big bottle of Chase. He crept into Liam’s side and opened the bottle.

“Not again. You really set me up to this, didn't you?.” Liam can't believe he fell for it.  

“What?” He drank from the bottle, bottom up. He paused and breathed, smell of vodka lingering in his mouth.

“But..”

“No but’s. Here,” He gave Liam the bottle and urged him to drink.

Liam took the bottle. He stared at it for a while. “Oh well,” he tasted it first, feeling the liquid that burns through his throat. Then, he took another following the first, this time, the burning sensation reaches the pits of his stomach. “What do we do after?” He passed the vodka to Zayn who was now resting his head on his shoulders.

“I don’t know, make out? Fuck, maybe.” He snickered. He was gulping everything now.

“That is really straightforward. I’m shocked right now.”

“I thought you’d just agree with me.”

“I do, bu-“

“All right!” Zayn doesn’t want Liam having doubts. All these but’s are giving him headaches instead of calmness.

“But, what if you forget tonight?” Liam insisted.

“Would I?”

“I think.”

“Stop thinking, it makes you paranoid.”

“Come on.”

Zayn sighed. He saw Liam bothered, confused, paranoid, and all sorts of negativity he hides under his skin. It makes him stressed. However, even though Liam’s like this. He knows him well. And he knows exactly how to comfort him. “Then we’ll do it again. As long as you’re there to make me remember, I wouldn’t mind starting over.” And then he held Liam’s hand, being able to touch his soft skin he never noticed before, feeling the warmth he needs; his fingers in the spaces of his fingers; sealing the gap that their minds set apart.