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Chapter Text

Sebastian should probably have known when Jim deposited a box of atypically sugary cereal on the counter as they moved around the kitchen together preparing their breakfasts. The blond sniper had instead stared at the box thinking: 1, Jim really didn't need to increase his sugar intake as he was unmanageable as a rule; 2, there was a cartoon tiger on the box and Sebastian supposed that was the joke, and 3, Jim had eyed Sebastian carefully as though ensuring the box of frosted flakes was noticed. Jim often worried, to Sebastian's mild disgust, that the sniper was too much of a dullard to notice his carefully laid breadcrumbs.

Sebastian had gone about his day and upon texting Jim an update the brunet had responded with a request… or rather, an order dressed up as one. Actually, not even dressed up as one. 'There's a coffee shop around the corner. Pick me up a triple expresso.'

Sebastian's not bothered about the wording. He's dreading Jim with that amount of caffeine in his system.

He scopes the shop automatically as he enters, disregarding each customer and staff member as a likely potential threat, although there is something off about the young woman sitting alone at a table near the counter. Maybe she's using too much caffeine to fight exhaustion: she looks about student age.

There is something familiar about her. Maybe she's dosing on coffee to cope with insomnia the way Jim does?

She plays with her phone as Sebastian makes his order: Jim's horrifying triple expresso and something understated but strong to help Sebastian stay on the ball enough to react to a hyperactive Jim's impulses.

The girl is directly in Sebastian's eye line as he waits for his order. Kind of overdressed for a student, but she can't be a law intern with those girly, unprofessional boots, and why else would she look so tired?

Sebastian pays, tipping the server because he can afford too, but not so much that it makes him memorable.

The girl's boots are a dusty pink suede, edged with a feminine laser cut pattern high on her thighs, even though one leg is crossed over the other. They probably reach mid thigh on those little legs, but her look is almost demure somehow: her cheeks are blushed in soft, friendly pink and she's wearing one of those fashionable ribbed turtleneck things in a similar, glittery pink.

She's not cute. There's something edgy in the outfit and her posture. Most of her skin is covered but her top has the shoulders cut out and her skirt is a quirky, angular thing that looks like a tiny mini with an almost ankle length layer shrouding all but a few inches at the front, stretched over those crossed thighs. Sebastian is aware he could probably see right up that tight skirt if there wasn't a knowing hand with painted nails resting on her lap. There's a tension in her shoulders like she's used to attention and admirers can go hang.

“Sebastian?”

The blond sniper steps over to collect his order. As he does he gets a glimpse of the screen of the girl's phone.

He freezes, but manages not to fumble the coffees.

The kid's received a photograph: a man with a gun in his mouth.

She glances up at Sebastian. “Colonel Tony?”

Tony. Tony the fucking Tiger, from Jim's stupid cereal box. Of course.

Sebastian steps over as she sends off a reply. 'Try something with a less slender muzzle. That looks uninspiring.'

She looks up again and gives Sebastian a bland smile. “Got a present for Uncle Jim from my dad. He said you'd pick it up.”

As far as code names go, Uncle Jim is a weird one. Sebastian watches as the girl twists and leans over her slim handbag, pulling out a wrapped parcel, and holds it out expectantly.

She blinks, realising Sebastian's hands are full. She draws herself to her feet, tugging the front of her skirt down a little, then steps forward into Sebastian's personal space.

He squares his shoulders reflexively. Not even looking at him, the girl grasps his jacket front in a way that does not expose his holster and places the packet safely within his inside pocket. She buttons Sebastian's suit jacket and tugs it into place to hide the parcel.

Sebastian cannot remember the last time he was so objectified by someone who wasn't Jim.

The girl turns and lifts her wool coat. Pulling it on, she could almost be taken for a professional, if it wasn't for those insipid boots. She lifts her bag, moving her impractically long hair out of the way to dump the strap over her shoulder.

And then she looks up, and that blank, bored expression is gone, although the marks under her eyes remain.

She reaches up on her toes, brown eyes glittering, and startles Sebastian by brushing frosted pink lips over his cheek. The blond hairs on Sebastian's neck rise as the kid whispers, “I'll be seeing you around, Uncle Seb.”

Fucking what?

The short teen breezes out of the shop, brushing her dyed hair to the side as she pulls her phone up and starts talking in an aggressive language Sebastian doesn't recognise.

Sebastian stares after her. A short, pale kid with dark eyes and what could be naturally dark brows, with a tired expression and a taste for freaking Sebastian out. No. Way.

It occurs to the blonde that Jim's coffee will be getting cold. Fuck.

Chapter Text

The coffee is cold when Sebastian gets home, but he hadn't dared linger to order another. Jim frowns a little the instant his fingers curl around the cup but surprisingly he does not complain.

That makes Sebastian even more nervous. A Jim too distracted to complain usually has disturbing things on his mind.

Sebastian quickly remembers the package -how could he forget?- and unbuttons his jacket to retrieve it.

Jim smiles with disturbing happiness as he takes the proffered parcel from the blond's outstretched hand. He wanders through to his office to deposit the mystery item in a drawer then arches a brow at Sebastian.

“Well?”

The sniper swallows. “Well, what?”

Jim gives him a look, then takes a sip of his coffee. He instantly grimaces, making Sebastian nervous, but continues, “I thought it was about time that you started to become familiar with my family.”

Sebastian has been working under Jim for years and today is the first clue that the man actually has any living relatives. “Why?” the blond blurts without thinking.

Jim arches a brow warningly. “Why do you think?”

“Honestly? I don't know,” Sebastian admits warily.

Jim sighs. “Fine,” he mutters. He takes another reluctant sip of lukewarm coffee. “Jade, then. What was your impression?”

Sebastian considers. Carefully he responds, “It was a brief interaction.”

“I thought that might be best,” Jim says. “The general consensus is that Jade is… an acquired taste.”

Sebastian thinks back to the girl's unsympathetic handling of him. “I saw some similarities.”

Jim smirks. “Yes, there are, aren't there?”

Sebastian takes a drink. “You seem pleased about that.”

“She might be my favourite,” Jim agrees.

“I thought I was your favourite?” Sebastian teases. “Wait… Does that imply you're 'Uncle Jim' to more than one person?”

Jim nods slowly. He stares into his cup and states, “I've two brothers. And the eldest… he's been around.”

Sebastian blinks. “Right.”

“I won't throw them all at you at once of course,” Jim states.

“You… want me to meet the rest?” Sebastian says.

Jim's gaze flicks up, eerily unreadable. “You don't think it's about time?”

“Hard to judge,” Sebastian says slowly. “I didn't know they existed two hours ago.”

“I have usually tried to keep my professional and personal lives separate,” Jim says. “Until you, of course.”

“Well yeah, of course,” Sebastian says quietly. He shifts his weight awkwardly, uncertain how to respond.

Jim broods into his cup again then makes a face at the vile taste. Handing the coffee over with a sigh, he says, “Pour that out, will you?”

Sebastian takes the cup and pours both cold coffees down the kitchen sink before dropping the empty cups into the bin. He looks around, aware Jim's eyes are still on him.

Jim continues staring, that haughty impenetrable cat glare that he defaults to.

“Did I do something wrong?” Sebastian asks. “Other than the coffees, I mean?”

Jim shakes his head. “Fuck the coffee Sebastian.”

Sebastian nods but presses his lips together warily.

Jim tilts his chin upwards, his shoulders spreading out a little. “Come here, imbecile.”

Sebastian obeys quickly. There's something strange in Jim's mood today. ...More strange than usual.

Jim grips the blond hair at the base of Sebastian's skull. He can't reach the rest without rising to his toes or yanking Sebastian down. Sebastian waits while Jim fidgets, understanding that the brunet is mulling over his words before he speaks.

“You don't understand; do you?” Jim muses.

“Understand what?” Sebastian asks mildly. He's often hard-pressed to follow the brunet's bullet train of thought.

Jim pats Sebastian's smooth cheek. “Of course not. I had thought that you might, but never mind.”

“Jim, is everything alright?” Sebastian asks.

The brunet gives an odd, dry smile. “I suppose that may be a matter of opinion. Come on, I'll take you for lunch.”

Chapter Text

“Sebastian. Wear something nice today.”

The blond looks around from his closet with a quizzical expression. “You don't let me buy my own clothes: everything is 'nice'.”

Jim gives Sebastian a look that the average mother would give a spirited child and crosses the bedroom to scruitinse Sebastian's options. He lifts a hanger and pushes it against the blond's broad chest.

“Right,” says Sebastian. “Thanks.”

Jim hums absently in response. Sebastian eyes him whilst starting to dress as Jim has indicated.

Jim arches a brow. “What?”

“Everything alright?” Sebastian asks. Their shared calendar is blocked out for the day, but Jim hasn't deigned to explain why (an exasperating habit). Sebastian gets the uneasy feeling that whatever Jim's plans for the day are what have the short brunet in such an odd mood.

Jim curls his lip derisively. “Stop forcing your tiny mind to psychoanalyse me and get dressed, you oaf.”

Sebastian sighs and goes back to buttoning his shirt. “Fine.”

Jim pauses, a blank look on his face, then steps forward quietly. He presses his fingers down around Sebastian's nearest wrist for a beat then glances up at concerned blue eyes.

“Alright, what's wrong?” Sebastian demands.

Jim frowns. “It's not wrong.”

Sebastian raises a thick blond brow. “You've been in a weird mood -weird by your intense standards, by the way- for days. Something's going on in that strange head of yours. Is this about your family still?”

“It's perfectly normal that I would want you to meet my family, Sebastian,” Jim grumbles.

“Is it?” Sebastian asks. “Because I didn't even know they existed until a few days ago.”

“I'm hardly fey found in the cabbage patch,” Jim replies with slightly narrowed eyes. “Obviously I came from somewhere..”

“You told me your parents were dead,” Sebastian shrugs. “I pictured you grew up in care, or on the streets, or out of a freaking test tube maybe. Siblings didn't come into it.”

Jim looks slightly offended. “A test tube, Sebastian?”

The blond stands his ground. “Your people skills have always been a bit… off. Would it be so strange if you developed differently?”

Jim purses his lips. “Thanks for that, love. Good to know you barely consider me human.”

Sebastian raises a brow. “And you do, shorty?”

Jim pushes him a little. “Not today alright? I'm too… nervous.”

Sebastian slides an arm around the stiff waist. “What have you got to be nervous about? The great Jim Moriarty, fearsome spider king of the underworld...”

Jim arches a brow, looking mildly amused. “That isn't very intimidating to my family, you know?”

“Why not? I bet you were a horrible, creepy kid. You probably kidnapped neighborhood pets to dissect them, didn't you?” Sebastian teases.

Jim gives the blond an affronted look. “Full of the fucking compliments today, aren't you?”

Sebastian smirks and rubs his lips against Jim's neck. “I bet you put hexes on other kids. I bet they peed themselves if you looked up at them.”

Jim pouts. “Oh, I can't wait for my brothers to tell you how terribly bullied I was my entire childhood,” he says uneasily.

Sebastian slides his other arm around Jim's waist. “I'm sure you got them all back, didn't you?”

Jim sighs. “Yes, but that doesn't change the fact that I had at least one black eye and blood on my shirt every single picture day.”

“I'm sure the fearsome Jim Moriarty burned all proof of his existence, including embarrassing class pictures.”

“I can't burn them from my brothers' memories,” Jim huffs. “Or the thrashings I took for being covered in mud and blood, buttons missing, fresh shirt torn, when their photos were perfectly respectable to look at.”

Sebastian frowns. “You got punished for getting picked on?”

“Why'd you think they're dead?” Jim mutters. “That was the least of it.”

Sebastian kisses Jim's brow bone, expression grim. “Were your brothers nice to you?”

Jim shrugs. “They were brothers. Sometimes they were kind and sometimes they were mean. They're alright enough that we keep in touch.”

Sebastian growls thoughtfully. Jim pats his arm. “Come on; I don't want to be late.”

“Who are we meeting today?” Sebastian asks.

“Just Jade,” Jim answers. “She takes a few meetings to get used to.”

“And you're nervous about what your brothers might tell me?”

Jim makes a reluctant noise in his throat as confirmation and begins to move away.

Sebastian slaps the brunet's rump lightly. “Jim.”

He turns back around. “What?”

“You do know that they could give me proof that you were the most pathetic little freak as a kid and it wouldn't change how I feel about you, right?”

Jim nods soberly, but a smile twists the corners of his mouth as he turns away.

Sebastian dips to tie on shoes. “So where are we meeting Jade then?”

“Does it matter? She tends to draw all attention to her,” Jim teases weakly.

“Since when do you share the limelight?” Sebastian smiles.

“Share it with you, don't I, imbecile?” Jim smirks, pulling on a dark coat.

Sebastian rolls his eyes. “Suppose. Soft talk's over is it, boss?”

Jim crosses his arms. “Indeed. Hurry up, moron.”

“Moran,” Sebastian replies, reaching for his own coat and Jim's scarf.

“That's what I said, wasn't it?” Jim mutters playfully. He tries not to smile at the mild expression of concentration Sebastian wears as the blond winds the scarf around Jim's pale neck.

Despite the chatter the men arrive before Jim's niece.

Sebastian gives Jim a quizzical look. “A museum? She's not ten.”

Jim's eyes glitter darkly as they enter the Wellcome Museum of Anatomy and Pathology. “Didn't you say I was the sort of kid that dissected pets? Maybe my niece is the sort of girl who dissects humans.”

“Harvesting organs is more profitable,” comes a voice from a shelf of infant bones.

Jim smirks. “That's my clever girl.”

Jade smiles and brushes her fingers over the gravy-coloured bones.

Her uncle steps closer to observe. “What is your fascination with these little things?”

“I don't know; they're cute,” Jade shrugs. She looks around. “I mean, I don't like babies when they're alive, but their skeletons are… Sort of nice. Soothing.”

“Soothing,” Sebastian mutters.

Jade gives a smile that is part awkward and part wicked. “Oh, hullo.” She kisses the blond's cheek, lingering just long enough for Sebastian to wonder whether she is looking under his skin for his bones. Or perhaps she is assessing the colour of his skin and eyeballs to determine the health of some of his organs.

Jim smirks. “Stop spooking him dear; it's not challenging.”

The girl tilts her head. “Well you find him entertaining enough.”

Jim gives Sebastian a playful look that the blond does not believe is entirely complimentary. “That is true.”

Jade gives a skeleton a final pat, drawing her fingers over the cold pin holding it upright. “How squeamish is Sebastian?”

“Uncle Sebastian,” Jim chides. “He's… well, he can stomach a dead body but he's not going to like the people slices.”

Sebastian freezes. “'People slices'?”

“Exactly how they sound,” Jade says with a sliver of sympathy but mostly glee.

“The fuck is wrong with you people?” Sebastian asks, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

The Moriarties grin and twine fingers in a way that sends a little thrill of ice cold trepidation up Sebastian's spine.

“Quite a lot, actually,” Jade says.

“As well you know,” Jim adds. “Come along love. People slices to see.”

Love. Sebastian fixates on that little word over the dreaded people slices. Jade looks entirely nonchalant about the phrase, as though she expects it, but Jim has never referred to Sebastian thus with an audience before.

It makes Sebastian feel odd.

Jim gives him a look like he can read the thoughts right from the blond ape's face. “Chop, chop.”

Sebastian sighs and follows, musing that they kind of look like a family like this. A very fucked up family.

Jim walks in step comfortably with his niece, murmuring to her about eyes in jars and preserved tattooed skin in glass cases. Sebastian definitely feels sick.

The pair are uninhibited by such soft emotions. Jim tugs the stretchy black velvet of Jade's dress. “This is nice, by the way.”

She smiles and runs the fingers which have touched baby skeletons over the glitter flecking the soft material. “Thought you might think so.”

Jim presses a finger lightly into her ribs. “There's you.” He moves to her side slightly and touches her back. “And here I am.”

Jade smiles. “What about Uncle Seb?”

Jim tilts his head thoughtfully and examines the pattern of the dress.

“What are you both doing?” Sebastian asks dubiously.

Jade flicks her gaze to him openly. “Constellations.”

Jim blinks. “Oh. That's Argo Navis.”

Jade beams. “Yes!”

Sebastian doesn't bother to hide his bemused expression and is unsurprised when he receives a pair of patronising looks. Jade curls her hair behind her ear and Jim stills her elbow. “There he is,” the brunet announces smugly.

Sebastian peers at the glittery stars on Jade's sleeve. “Since when did you care about the zodiac?” he asks Jim.

“I don't but I like stars,” Jim shrugs, pressing a kiss to the delicate part of his niece's arm where Sebastian's constellation lies. She grins and reaches for the blond.

“Come on, I'll hold your hand so you won't get scared.”

“I'm a grown-up,” Sebastian grumbles, but he takes her hand.

Jim smirks. “Who was it who needed his clothes picked out this morning?”

“Watch it, love,” Sebastian snorts.

Chapter Text

When Sebastian had pictured Jim's brothers he had rather unimaginatively assumed them both to be short, dark-haired men with cold demeanors and prominent bones.

Jim's eldest brother, James, has dark hair and defaults to a cool, watchful expression, but beyond that, he is not how Sebastian imagined at all.

A tanned, muscular, military-looking man in his forties stands as Jim leads Sebastian into the bar. If it was not for Jim zeroing in on the fellow Sebastian might not have been convinced of the bulky character as Jim's kin.

A tanned hand claps Jim's thin shoulder. “Jimmy.”

Jim's expression twitches as though he is both a little uneasy in his brother's company and concerned how Sebastian will consider the meeting. “James.”

James brushes his gaze over Sebastian and thrusts out his hand. The blond accepts the rough hand in his own and shakes firmly, receiving similar force in return.

James gives a short nod and clipped smile. “Good to meet you, Colonel.”

Sebastian blinks then inclines his head.

“This is my brother, Colonel James Moriarty,” Jim says slightly warily.

That explains the man's bearing, but not why Jim has been silent on this information before now.

“Colonel,” Sebastian returns.

“What do you lads want to drink?” James asks.

Jim shakes his head. “I'll get it.”

James gives his brother a look, as though exasperated that Jim considers an annual wage of over eighty thousand pounds mere buttons. “Jimmy, I'm your big brother. Go sit down.” He glances at Sebastian. “What do you want?”

Sebastian glances at Jim for permission, and answers at Jim's nod. James' lips twist into a thin smile. “Really Jim?”

Sebastian's small smile shrinks dubiously.

Jim makes a face. “I do let him have his own mind; Bastian just knows I'm nervous,” he mutters.

James stares at the short man for a moment. “What is there to be nervous of? I'm your brother,” he says gruffly.

“Exactly,” Jim responds.

James rolls his eyes stiffly, makes the order to the barkeep, and regards Jim thoughtfully. He tilts his head at Sebastian and asks, “Is it because this one's… you know… the 'man'? Because I don't care about that Jim.”

Sebastian almost chokes at Jim's appalled expression.

“I am not the 'woman'!” Jim hisses.

His older brother's gaze trails back over to Sebastian and lingers. “Are… you sure?”

Sebastian's lips twist and he knows he'll hear about that later from a disgruntled little brunet. “I'd say it's about equal,” he tells the other colonel. Jim swallows.

“I'm not judging,” James shrugs. “I'm just trying to understand what there is to be nervous of.”

Sebastian looks at Jim. The man has admitted being nervous of how his brother presents him, and in addition to the general 'meet the family' nerves, Sebastian starts to get the feeling that Jim is uncomfortable about how he might seem to compare to his much stronger, more obviously traditionally masculine brother.

Sebastian places his large hand on Jim's shoulder and feels the smaller man relax slightly.

James pays for the round and leads them over to a table. “There's no reason to worry, that I can tell,” he continues. “I'm just happy you're happy.”

Jim examines his nails. “Been a long time coming?”

James presses his lips together for a moment. “Well yes, but things are different for you, aren't they?”

Jim picks up his glass tensely. “Undeniably.”

James grimaces. “I don't just mean...” He waves a hand at Jim's general proximity, in a barely more polite way of insinuating 'it was always apparent that you were a little poufter'. “Your work… I imagine that makes it difficult to settle.”

Jim takes a drink. “Indeed.”

Sebastian watches the interaction uneasily.

“Have you spoken to our brother recently?” James asks, evidently trying to change tact.

Jim considers and examines the way light bounces off of the contents of his glass as he tilts it in his hand. “A little. He's in a sour temper with his boy again.”

James grimaces. “I don't envy him what they're going through.”

Jim flicks Sebastian a look. “One of my nephews has a bit of a love affair with needles and other things he oughtn't touch.”

“Oh,” Sebastian says. “I'm sorry?”

Jim curls his lips. “He will be if Jade gets her hands on him again.”

James chuckles. “Poor little bastard. But I suppose that in fairness to her it did work for a time.”

“Boy has too much temptation,” Jim shrugs, “she needs to be more persuasive.”

James' expression flickers then he makes a face. “Oh, don't. She's already so like you it scares me.”

Sebastian's lips twitch as he watches Jim's grin enfold as though complimented.

“She's a clever girl,” Jim states fondly.

“Too bloody clever,” James states in disgust. “For her own good, much less anyone else's.”

“Never mind anyone else,” Jim scoffs. Sebastian notes how the little brunet seems to relax when the conversation is moved away from himself to his little favourite.

James arches a brow. “Stop encouraging her, Jimmy, or I can wave a quiet retirement goodbye.”

Jim smirks. “Encourage her a little more and she might fund you to retire to Cyprus or wherever mundane little sun spot pleases you.”

James rolls his eyes, drains his glass, and fetches another round after silencing Jim's protest with a glare.

“Oh, Jade likes you, by the way,” James muses, tipping his fresh glass at Sebastian.

The blond blinks. “She does?”

James smiles wryly. “Devil help you, son.”

“Jade's wonderful,” Jim protests.

James sighs into his glass. He confesses, “I think she's building her own little empire.”

Jim's eyes sparkle with dark amusement. “I had noticed, and it's not little.”

James swears and sits forward, taking a mouthful of whisky.

Jim merely chuckles. “You should be proud of your little girl, big brother.”

James fixes the small man with a careful look. “Oh I'm proud, but she's exhausting. Overwhelming. How am I supposed to keep her safe when she builds secret criminal networks behind my back?”

“I did okay,” Jim states in measured tones.

James gazes intently at his brother, then at Sebastian. “Yeah, kid, I suppose you did.”

Chapter Text

“That wasn't so bad, was it?” Sebastian comments.

Jim gives the blond a look. “Apart from him calling me your bitch? It went swimmingly.”

Sebastian snorts disloyally. “I'm sorry about that.”

“He's such a prick,” Jim grumbles, but he doesn't look terribly cross.

Sebastian shrugs. “He seems fond of you.”

Jim looks up as though appreciative of that reassurance. “You think?”

Sebastian nods, knowing better than to call something Jim is uncertain of 'obvious'.

“He behaved better than I expected,” Jim muses. “Although I had nothing to compare to, so I was unsure quite what to expect...”

Sebastian fixes the brunet with a look. “You've never introduced anyone to your brother before?”

Jim makes a face. “A… partner? Christ, no.”

Sebastian blinks but does his best not to stress Jim further by looking overly surprised. “Why not?”

“I'm not especially good with most people, as you might have noticed,” Jim points out.

“Yeah, but surely...”

Jim pinches the bridge of his nose. “Just because I wasn't a virgin when we met doesn't mean that there's been many… couplings that meant more than mere sex.”

Sebastian's lips twitch. “You think I'm special...”

Jim gives him a sour look. “Don't make me hurt you, darling.”

Sebastian rolls his eyes and grins.

Jim is quiet, lapsing back into thought about the meeting with his older brother. Sebastian notices and crosses over to the short man's hip.

“He didn't even mention the bullying,” Sebastian says.

Jim looks up and nods. “He was oddly well-behaved.”

Sebastian smirks and risks nipping Jim's ear. “I liked when he called you my woman though.”

Jim sighs in disgust and backhands Sebastian's abs lightly. “Moron.”

“Moran,” Sebastian grins and tilts Jim's chin for a kiss.

They both frown as they hear the front door open despite all security measures.

“Uncle Jim? It's me!”

Jim looks around at the call, vaguely amused at the intruder. He gets up and heads towards the door, twining his fingers absently with Sebastian's as the blond follows.

“I thought I told you to give me fair warning first,” Jim chides. “Are you alright?”

“You did, but that was when Seb- when Uncle Sebastian didn't know,” Jade responds. “And I'm fine, I just wanted to see you.”

Jim rolls his eyes. “I don't know where you got that sentimental streak from,” he says, leading his niece into the living area. “And the warning thing still stands. Your Uncle Sebastian and I could have been busy.”

Jade shrugs. “I'm not precious about sex.”

“We don't require an audience,” Jim asserts. He crosses to the kitchen and pours a vodka which he hands to the teen. Sebastian purses his lips.

Jade downs the straight spirit like water and Sebastian wonders whether Jim has actually switched out the liquid. Jade takes the bottle from her uncle's fingers and pours another, carrying both over to the couch.

Sebastian gives his partner a look.

Jim curls his lips. He reaches into the fridge for a chilled beer bottle with a twist cap and presses it into the blond's hand before slinking after his niece casually.

Jade is already on her third, generous measure and puffs out her lips prettily. “If I were to do something Dad wouldn't like, how much help would you give me?”

Jim leans back and considers. “I help you do lots of things he wouldn't approve of. What's so terrible about this one?”

Sebastian reluctantly follows and drops down beside Jim. He takes the neck of the bottle quickly.

Jade pours another glass and raises her plucked brows. “A little bit of kidnapping and tough love?”

Jim snorts, not seeming at all concerned by Jade's alcohol consumption. “I believe James was rather put out about the last time.”

“It was fairly effective,” Jade points out. “I just need to be a little more memorable. Persuasive.”

Jim grimaces. “You're going to make such a mess.”

Jade frowns into her glass. “Already a mess.”

Jim shrugs. “It's up to you, but I'm not fielding James or Jamie for you.”

Jade drains her glass and pours another. “Oh never mind them. What I really need is somewhere safe and soundproofed. Inconspicuous, you know?”

“Meaning you don't care a jot about disapproval and you just need somewhere to misbehave?” Jim smirks.

Jade smiles. “I could do it all myself, but it'd be cleaner if you helped.”

“Until you outgrow me,” Jim teases.

Jade giggles. “I don't think I'll ever outgrow having someone I can actually speak to.”

Jim sighs and leans back. “You're a breath of fresh air in a world of simpletons, dear. Always a pleasure to know you.”

Jade gives her uncle a loving look and passes over the half-empty bottle. Sebastian blinks as Jim puts the neck to his lips lick a savage, knocks back a mouthful, and offers it to Sebastian. The blond blinks and shakes his head, taking another mouthful of beer.

Jim shrugs and hands the bottle back to the perfectly alert looking teenager. “How does the floor beneath us suit you?”

Jade pours another glass and holds it up cheerfully. “Sounds perfect.”

Jim's thin lips twitch. “Don't be too hard on him. He's only a stupid boy.”

Jade curls her lip. “He's my stupid boy and he'll learn to behave even if I have to break him down completely to do so.”

“Just remember that he's a fragile little human,” Jim cautions.

Jade drains her glass again, the disgruntled expression fading to calm. “I know. But I was too delicate before, that's why the lesson didn't stick.”

Jim flashes his teeth. “Poor little bastard has it coming, sweetheart.”

Jade bites her lip. “Is it wrong that I'm looking forward to it?”

Jim considers. “Some people would have you believe so, but your viciousness can take you far.”

Jade nods then narrows her eyes. “I'm going to destroy him wonderfully.”

Sebastian keeps his mouth shut until Jade leaves looking not at all unsteady on her feet. “You give terrible advice.”

Jim merely smiles. “That's why she comes to me.”

Chapter Text

Jake Moriarty has a deathly sort of handsomeness. He took his height from his mother, but his birdlike build is similar to Jim's, and worsened further by addiction. He could be the poster boy for heroin chic, with striking bone structure and large tattoos on his neck and hands.

Jake exudes a sort of effortless, sultry coolness that makes him seem like he has just walked out of a black and white perfume advert even when his pupils are blown and his words are slurred.

Jade has always been remarkably good at finding him. Currently he is smirking his fuckable lips around a slim cigarette filter and sniggering with some sweaty musicians.

She greets him with a brutal slap which knocks the stick from his mouth and makes his teeth rattle.

He winces and covers his sore face. “Hello to you, too,” he mumbles.

Jade's eyes flash darkly enough that everyone around quickly melts away to safety. “What did I tell you?” she growls.

Honest fear lights up Jake's cloudy eyes. “Oh, no Jade, we tried that, please...”

She spins on her heel. “Come along, little boy.”

Ice settles in Jake's chest and he knows there is no point running. She'll only punish him for it. All the same, he cannot bring himself to swiftly obey her command: she's leading him to misery and he doesn't want to go.

Except… She is offering help. Terrible, torturous, awful help, but… help he needs.

Help he wouldn't accept from anyone else.

Jade's a little more forceful than to care whether he accepts her help.

The young woman pauses and stands with her back to Jake. He can see her bones and muscles shift softly as she breathes, her jacket around her waist.

“Jakey. Now,” she prompts.

Jake bites his lip but takes a reluctant step forward. “Jade, please...”

“Never mind please, little boy, you brought this on yourself,” she scolds.

Jake lets a whine from his long, thin throat.

Jake whirls around and crashes her hand hard against the top of his ear. It burns and makes tears prick at the corner of his eyes.

“Don't you dare make this like I'm the bad one here,” she snarls.

Jake raises his long, pale fingers to the scarlet shell of his ear. “I know you're not,” he says meekly.

Jade curls her lip. “You won't be saying that in a few days.”

Jake's insides twist unpleasantly. “I know,” he whispers, “sorry.”

She raises her brows sternly. “You will be.”

He takes a deep breath. Light glints off of the clip of one of his ridiculous braces. He feels sick. “I know.”

Jade holds out her hand. Her expression is cold, but he knows that her care burns voraciously underneath. “You're going to hate every moment, but that is entirely your fault.”

Jake stares at the offered palm. “I can't help myself Jade,” he says weakly.

“So you won't be trusted to your own devices in future,” his cousin declares frostily.

Jake swallows. She keeps her hand waiting. He adds, “I'll fail again.”

“Not if you have any concept of what's good for you,” Jade snarls. “Last time failed because I was too soft on you. I won't make that mistake this time.”

Jake squeezes his eyes closed unhappily. Last time sure hadn't felt 'soft'.

“I'm going to make you better, Jakey,” Jade states.

Jake sighs and drops his shaking hand into her patient hand, feeling instant trepidation at the torture he is consenting to. “I'm too weak.”

She squeezes his palm. “I'm going to break you down. Horribly. But I'll put you back together properly. I promise.”

Jake's sooty lashes blink back more tears. “I… can't...”

Jade's gaze burns intently. “I'm not giving you the freedom to fail. You'll do exactly as I please.”

Jake swallows and shuffles a half step closer. “We can't...”

Jade gives him a coolly casual look. “Why would I care what anyone else thinks? I'll give you everything you need.”

Jake swallows. His younger, much more forceful cousin is fiercely loyal to him in a way that has never been entirely healthy. Her methods of persuasion were not strictly conventional last time, and he feels a thrill of nerves wondering how she will wield that power this time.

She's cruel, but she loves Jake more than he loves himself. Much more.

He sighs and nods as though it pains him. “Alright. I trust you.”

Jade nods. Her expression barely softens but she tugs him along with her.

Jake barely notices the journey as he tries to think about anything other than his horror at what is to come to him. He wants to be sick. And run away. And pee.

He flinches as Jade pauses on the stairs of a building she has led him into. A huge, muscled adult walks towards them with lips pressed together.

“Hello,” Jade greets with a little bit of brightness in her voice over the grit.

Sebastian blinks and regards the pair uneasily. It doesn't take a genius to recognise the skinny, tattooed boy as Jim's errant druggy nephew.

That Jade seems determined to 'cure.' Sebastian feels a surge of sympathy for the teen addict.

But if Jim thinks this is fine then Sebastian's not going to interfere. Yet.

“Play nice, kids,” he responds gruffly, and continues downstairs.

Jade snorts and waves before twisting Jake's arm and leading him to his future prison.

Chapter Text

“Aren't you the least bit worried about what Jade's doing to your nephew down there?” Sebastian asks at last, exasperated.

Jim looks up from his tea. “Mmm, no. Why would I be?”

“She's locking up an addict. Can't the withdrawal kill him?” Sebastian responds.

Jim tilts his head thoughtfully. “She's worked out the kinks I believe. Intends to make him suffer enough that he will recoil from the thought of putting himself through it again, but not kill him.”

“...” Sebastian narrows his eyes at his lover. “When you say 'make him suffer'..?”

Jim raises his brows almost innocently. Sebastian hates that look: it never foretells good things. “Yeeeessss?”

Sebastian scowls. “You don't just mean cold turkey, do you?”

Jim chuckles. “Good heavens, no; she's more vindictive than that.”

Sebastian takes a breath and tries to remind himself that dealing with lunatics does not make you one. “She's going to torture him.”

Jim sips his tea placidly, a mere sparkle of his dark eyes suggesting the blond's horror is amusing. “Oh yes.”

“Why does that not bother you?” Sebastian exclaims.

“Why ought it?” Jim asks calmly.

“That's your nephew down there,” Sebastian protests.

“Yes, and he's going to suffer, but he's in no real danger,” Jim comments. “Jade is far more fond of the little fool than I am.”

“She's going to torture him,” Sebastian repeats.

“As he knows fine well, and he still followed her. Don't let it worry you, dear,” Jim sighs.

Sebastian blinks. “He knows?”

“Second attempt, Tiger,” Jim shrugs. He savours a mouthful of tea before continuing. “There's a terrible misery in his suffering, but he's there because he wants to be. And hardly because he wants to sober up.”

Sebastian chokes. “What do you-?”

Jim lowers his tea cup and rolls his eyes. “You saw them together and couldn't notice that something was off with them?”

Sebastian grimaces. “Are you saying what I think you're saying?”

Jim shrugs. “Jade isn't particularly good with people or obeying ordinary social cues. And… belonging to a psychopath can be a worthwhile experience, if I am to understand you.” His eyes sparkle playfully.

Sebastian looks a bit sick. “We're not related.”

Jim raises a brow, smirking. “Did I say they were together, Sebastian? I only meant that she owns Jake, and he knows it. Has a love / hate relationship with it, even.”

Sebastian frowns, thinking back to what it was like before he and Jim were together. The honest fear of the dark-haired, perplexing man and the drive to please him. The pride of being a favourite. The-

“But they're kids, Jim,” Sebastian argues.

“If you're old enough to die you're old enough to live,” Jim shrugs, draining his cup and standing. He hands the porcelain to the blond for cleaning and stretches. “I need to get back to work, if you don't mind, darling.”

Sebastian holds the still-warm teacup and watches Jim pad across the room to fetch his laptop. The brunet settles on the couch with it, which is a positive sign: he wants to stay in Sebastian's company.

However, that will be short-lived if Sebastian pursues his questioning. It is difficult to abstain, as the situation surrounding Jake makes his skin crawl, but Sebastian does not want Jim to disappear into his office and lock the door. Or send Sebastian out in disgrace.

The large blond tries not to sigh and stands to wash Jim's cup.

Sebastian uneasily pictures Jade holding Jake's head submerged underwater as he fills the sink. Is she strong enough to do that? Jake is tall, but painfully slim. Even more so than Jim, who can barely be persuaded to eat for days on end sometimes.

Sebastian closes his eyes. His own family are… difficult, but nothing about them had ever prepared him for something like this.

“Bastian.”

Sebastian almost drops the expensive cup as Jim's voice cuts through the room. “Yeah?”

Jim does not look around, staring instead at the laptop even though his eyes are not focused on the screen. “Stop worrying about them. If you can tame me, tolerating my family will be a walk in the park.”

Sebastian snorts despite himself. “Oh, tamed you, have I?”

Jim bares his teeth a little but still does not look around. “What else would you call it?”

Sebastian leans back against the counter. “I could tell you, love, but you'd probably make me into shoes.”

Jim snorts. “A fair assessment. Love.”

Chapter Text

Sebastian rubs his eyes and looks down at the mass of bones and angles digging into his chest. “Are you trying to kill me?” the blond asks in a sleepy slur.

Jim's body remains melted against his lover in a state of relaxation the criminal consultant habitually only permits when he has the excuse of being barely conscious. When Jim speaks he sounds far too awake to justify the unreasonable way he has plastered himself across as much of Sebastian as possible, but the little Irishman is just tired enough that the lilt in his voice is a rougher, more accurate version of the brogue Jim grew up using.

“Can't you see it's working?” the brunet replies dryly. “I have disabled your limbs with my cleverness.”

“You mean with your fat weight,” Sebastian replies playfully. He clenches and unclenches his fists to try to encourage better blood circulation. Jim does not take teasing about his appearance kindly, but that is probably why Sebastian does it: the game is almost fun when Jim is too close to throw things in rebuke.

Jim twists to bury an elbow in the blond and bucks sharp hipbones. “I do beg your pardon, 'Bastian?”

Sebastian plucks the smaller man aside and rolls atop him. “I do like it when you beg, but this seems more effective; do you not agree?”

Jim's palms fly out flat on the mattress as though thrown from some great height. It is an unconscious action but it tugs something in Sebastian's chest to see Jim break a fall the way he himself taught the brunet.

“You're a brute,” Jim grumbles without complaint.

“Mm, and I'm not on the clock yet. However shall I occupy myself?” Sebastian drawls.

Jim's smirk is a slow, sharp thing. It starts as a small glow in his eyes, the everyday ice there shifted just a little, and then the muscles of his face rearrange on a micro level Sebastian has burned into his memory. Almost out of nowhere, but not quite, Jim's lips spread out lazily and then cracks open in a chasm of a grin.

“I think you can answer that yourself,” the brunet assures.

Sebastian takes a dip in the pool which is the frozen tundra of Jim's face broken into something life sustaining. Jim's tongue is so warm it burns like the heat between their bodies. His saliva is not much more than the sweat their skin is misted in after a night tangled in each other.

Jim is already attached to Sebastian's muscle by a glimmering string of icicle clear approval and when the blond slides down it smears upon his chest.

“Breakfast in bed,” Sebastian says, then he frowns and Jim knows the big man is no longer paying attention. Not paying attention to Jim that is.

Moments later Jim hears footsteps approaching the bedroom door. Sebastian is already reaching for the gun wedged between their superking mattress and their headboard when Jim halts his large hand.

“My niece,” Jim warns.

Sebastian barely grimaces; he obediently pushes the weapon back into place and covers himself just in time for their bedroom door to burst open.

“Jade, darling, didn't I tell you about letting yourself in?” Jim drawls. He has, in fact, done this several times. They all know this quite well.

Jade scoffs. “Sebastian looks about ready to let himself in and I don't hear you complaining.”

“Uncle Sebastian,” Jim responds sternly.

Uncle Sebastian feels Jim has rather missed the bigger issue, despite those big brains. “He complains plenty. Why don't you help yourself to whatever's in the fridge whilst we make ourselves decent?”

Jade is dressed in a pajama top which covers most of her pale hands, and matching sleep shorts which expose most of her legs. The co ord does not seem to be suitable sleep attire for any season. She looks over the men with a detached expression Sebastian recognises from Jim and predatory animals. It gives the large blond chills.

Her uncle has no such apprehension. “Vodka's in the cabinet,” Jim says. He points to the floor. “Throw me those.”

Jade dips and picks up the ball of clothing indicated. She holds out the fabric and quirks her brow at the waistband. “I don't think these are yours.”

“They're mine,” Sebastian says more shortly than he intends to. Jade scans their discarded clothing and scouts out her uncle's underwear, which she throws to him casually.

Jim looks at his partner with a mix of sympathy and amusement before relenting. “Sebastian would probably appreciate his boxers back too, Jade.”

“Oddly prudish for this time in the day,” Jade comments. She comes closer to return Sebastian's underwear by hand. He tries not to give her a sour look.

“Uncle Sebastian is always prudish around little girls and that's why we instigated the knocking first rule, remember?” Jim teases.

“Little girls only do as they're told if they haven't the brains or the character to follow their own predilections,” Jade responds with a roll of her eyes. Her lashes seem unnaturally dark as though she has neglected to properly remove the previous day's eye make up. Jim does not fail to notice; his niece is habitually immaculate.

“Little girls who interrupt their favourite uncle's nuptials don't get favours,” Jim prompts.

Jade hesitates then grins wickedly. She bounces out of the door asking, “Should I make coffee?”

“Strong,” Sebastian grunts before she disappears. He looks at Jim's naked stomach, growls, and pulls a pillow over his blond head. “Remind me why little girls who don't do as they're told don't get punished?”

“Can you see that little girl staying put on the naughty step?” Jim responds. He slides out of bed and pulls on a monogramed robe.

“Her dad seems no nonsense,” Sebastian muses.

“He is, but some Moriartys are indomitable,” Jim answers. He crosses around to the other side of their bed and strokes Sebastian's back fondly. “Are you getting up?”

“No. I'm sulking,” Sebastian mumbles.

Jim chuckles and digs his short nails lightly into his lover's skin. “Cheer up. I'll let you recommence your duties once I've established what's frustrating our guest and have sent her on her way.”

Sebastian twists around quietly. “She seemed frustrated to you?”

Jim smirks. “Is there another reason you came up with for why a young thing would want to spend time with us at this unsociable hour? Your body, perhaps?”

“Shut up,” Sebastian grumbles softly. He reappears from under the bedding to pull on his underpants.

“In all fairness to the child: at her age I would have found you a very attractive prospect.” Jim slaps Sebastian's rump affectionately. “However, my love, she would chew you up, spit you out, and keep your spine as a toothpick. And that's not even mentioning what I'd do to you.”

Sebastian chuckles. “I'll bear that in mind if I ever decide I like women.”

Jim marks the bigger man's throat lightly with careful teeth. “I'm certain that won't be an issue.”

Sebastian grins and kisses what he can reach of Jim's face. “Because I know you'd tear my throat out with your teeth, Vlad?”

Jim smirks. “Because I chose you and I'm never wrong.”

Sebastian rolls his eyes and kisses the small brunet again before standing and pulling on a crumpled teeshirt and grey jogging bottoms. “Of course, Boss.”

Jim does not bother dressing further. He pads through to the large, open space which incorporates their kitchen and living area. The flooring beneath his feet is a familiar path of warm pipes. It leads the brunet to his niece who sits cross legged on the breakfast bar with a box of cereal and a bottle of alcohol. Sebastian eyes the cartoon tiger dubiously.

“Well?” Jim asks.

Jade fusses with her sleeves. “He's constantly crying; it's incessant. Why are people so boring?”

“I expect they cannot help it,” Jim responds calmly. Sebastian eyes the pair skeptically.

“They're so useless I could go mad. He's so useless I could go mad. ...Can we go mad? By our standards?” Jade rants quietly. She buries her painted nails within the innards of the cereal box.

Jim indicates himself then his niece with a fluid twisting of his pale wrist. “It helps to have someone to ground you. You'll be fine.”

Jade nods, looking at her uncle as though he is an extension of herself and a mirror of her future. She grazes on a mouthful of sugary cereal before asking, “How did you do it? You didn't have you. ...Not the way I have you.”

“Of course,” says Jim. He takes the vodka from her for a moment and swirls a shot around his mouth before returning the bottle. “It was difficult. I was patient, I planned… but it was extremely trying, often.”

Sebastian gives him a look.

Jim's expression softens from calculating to charming. “Having a companion can be tiresome at first, but when they are satisfactorily trained, Jade, they are not without merit.”

Sebastian gives a mild glower at Jim for the way Jade eyes him like a complicated but useful tool. It used to give him the creeps when Jim looked at him like that.

“I wish I could fast forward past all Jake's patheticness,” Jade grumbles.

“What makes you think he won't be pathetic once he's clean again?” Jim presses.

Jade looks startled then confused. “He'll still be stupid,” she admits, “but… He'll be mine. I won't be sharing his attention with his addiction.”

Jim nods, and Sebastian wonders how much of Jim considers him a mere toy.

Chapter Text

Sebastian cannot help a crooked grimace as their frantically pressed doorbell interrupts what had until that point been a perfectly relaxed dinner.

“Since when does Jade use the buzzer?” the blond says wryly. He moves to get up.

Jim halts Sebastian surprisingly. Throwing down a cloth serviette Jim looks vaguely uneasy as he steps away from the table. “That's not Jade,” Jim mutters.

Sebastian reaches for a holster. “Who else would arrive unannounced?”

Jim sighs and rolls on the balls of his feet for a moment before facing the intercom. “Relax; I've got a clear idea who this is...”

Sebastian keeps his fingers on his gun but does not draw it. “Do you remember back when we didn't know any of your family and other than the criminal underground our lives were perfectly peaceful?”

Jim chuckles. “I'm sorry, Bastian.” The brunet taps the intercom and winces at the voice that comes from it.

“That bloody little bitch is at it again!”

Jim bares his teeth in mild exasperation. “Come on up, Jamie.”

Sebastian rests his forearms on their dining table. “That'll be your younger brother then?”

Jim glances at his partner. “You might as well keep eating. He won't care.”

“He sounds pretty mad. You know what causes indigestion; right?” Sebastian retorts dryly.

Jim chuckles softly. “He won't be here long.”

“Why do you seem so calm?” Sebastian asks. “You were a nervous wreck before I met your other brother.”

“Jamie's in too much of a mood for it to occur to him to tease me,” Jim responds. He glances at their security footage. “Speak of the devil.”

Sebastian watches dubiously as his brunet opens their door. A younger, rather livid looking brunet bursts through the opened doorway mid-rant. He points at Jim.

“This is bloody well your fault. That little psychopath-”

Jim raises an eyebrow. “Your niece...”

“She's off doing who knows what with Jacob again!” Jamie exploded. “His friends-”

Jim looks unfazed. “Jamie, he'll be fine.”

“But he's with-”

“He's hardly safer with his friends who don't bat an eye to his addiction issues,” Jim points out. “Jade prioritises keeping him alive.”

“Jade should be locked up. That mental-”

Jim's voice drops in temperature. “Jamie, I am not going to listen to you speak that way-”

“Oh of course, because she's just like you, that little-”

Sebastian finally clears his throat.

Jamie looks around, vaguely startled. Jim is mildly amused.

“Hi,” Sebastian says. “Jim's partner. I understand you are worried about your son's welfare, but you have already interrupted our meal with very little social courtesy and I am not going to sit idly whilst you insult my husband.”

Jamie blinks.

Jim chuckles. “Thank you, Bastian.” He extends an arm. “If you feel like taking a deep breath and controlling your manners you can join us, Jamie. If not, you can see yourself out.”

Jamie pauses and actually does draw a deep, steadying breath, but he does not apologise. “You can understand I'm worried,” he prattles, striding over to the dining table.

“And you can understand that I won't have Jim insulted under our own roof,” Sebastian states, not easily distracted.

Jim casts the blond a very fond look. He closes the front door and returns to the table.

Jamie picks from his brother's plate. “You understand though,” he repeats. “That girl, she-”

On the one hand, Sebastian quite agrees that Jade is a formidably wicked neurodivergent and Jamie should be quite concerned for Jake's wellbeing.

However.

Jade is undeniably linked in Sebastian's mind to Jim. They are remarkably similar.

And Sebastian would rather chew his trigger finger off rather than let anyone suggest Jim is in any way undesirable or inadequate.

Sebastian's glower causes Jamie to trail off.

“You don't blame the doctor for giving your kid the jabs he needs,” Jim says as he cuts into his meal. “Jade is a bitter pill, perhaps, but you cannot deny that she is effective. And she loves Jake dearly.”

“She's not a doctor!” Jamie protests.

“And Jake's not a fragile little innocent,” Jim declares.

“She's-”

“Your son sticks needles in his arms for fun, Jamie,” Jim says unsympathetically. “He would benefit from whatever Jade can do for him, however atypical her methods.”

“She's not wired properly, Jim, not that you would care about that,” Jamie snaps. “She's a sadist.”

Jim rolls his eyes. “And did Jacob's friends tell you whether he consented to disappear with her?”

A stormy look passes Jamie's face. “He's young and stupid,” he declares. “He doesn't have the brains he was born with. Who would consent to-?”

“Evidently Jake consented, and he's a big boy, Jamie,” Jim says. “You're just going to have to wait until he comes home and give him a talking to then.”

“And what's happening to him in the meantime?” Jamie howls. “I wouldn't be any sort of parent if I let my child be tortured.”

“I'm not saying anything about your parenting abilities to your drug addict son; I am saying that you need to be patient or you're going to give yourself an aneurism,” Jim says.

Sebastian watches the pair and wonders whether he's ever seen Jim so patient. It's fascinating.

“An aneurism!” Jamie scoffs. “I don't even want to tell you what all this stress is doing to me. Me! I'm having such a hard time of it. And Jacob knows what I'm going through. What we're all going through. Heaven knows-”

“You're hardly the only one suffering,” Jim says sharply. Sebastian does not understand what suddenly has his brunet bristling, but Jamie immediately swallows.

“It's alright for you,” Jamie mutters. “You've got your other half and no children to think of. I'm the one who's-”

Jim presses his lips together. “Jamie Moriarty, if you continue to be a self-centred fucking brat I am going to ask you to leave.”

Jamie looks affronted. “I-”

“I don't want to hear it,” Jim says. He stands. “Jake'll be home when he's ready. In the meantime, your feelings really should not be your current fucking priority.”

Jamie stares at his older brother. “Of course I shouldn't expect empathy from a clinically incapable unfeeling prick like you. I'll have you know this whole sorry set of circumstances is breaking my Goddamned heart.”

“You are so like our parents,” Jim says coolly. He crosses to the front door and opens it. “I won't take up any more of your type.”

“Dirty psychopath,” Jamie growls getting to his feet.

Sebastian stiffens but Jim gives him a calm look that tells the blond to stay put.

“Off you fuck,” Jim says sweetly. He closes the door loudly behind his younger brother.

Sebastian feels confusion as Jim returns to the table. The brunet smiles blandly and returns to his cooling meal.

Sebastian arches a brow. “Are you all right?”

“Superb,” Jim says. He bares his teeth ruefully. “As far as these sorts of meetings with Jamie go, that was actually rather good.”

“Was it?” Sebastian says flatly.

Jim picks up their plates and carries them to the microwave. “Jamie likes to fuss. He's perfectly fine. And as he's occupied, he's got no time to mess with you.”

“He seemed to hit a nerve,” Sebastian says.

Jim gave the blond a sidelong look. “He did, but there's no need to worry about that for the time being.”

“Should we check in on the pair downstairs?” Sebastian suggests.

“After dinner,” Jim murmurs. “Jade needs Jake right now.”

Chapter Text

Sebastian and Jim do visit downstairs after their meal but they do not see Jake. They do hear him however: he appears to be having a miserable time of it spluttering and sobbing in the bathroom as his body attempts to rid itself of toxins and reacts angrily to the lack of chemicals he has become addicted to.

Jim does not seem concerned in the least. He does, however, run through a checklist of various drugs and nutrients with Jade, who responds with calm intelligence as though perfectly on top of the small matter of ensuring Jacob does not die in her care. Sebastian does not understand the majority of what the pair discuss but he is grateful that they at least seem to know what they are doing.

“Poor little bastard,” Sebastian cannot help but comment more than once. Jake does sound in a dreadfully unenviable position. Jim and Jade exchange unsympathetic glances and hum non-committally.

Despite the blasé way Sebastian's favourite criminal mastermind treated the situation Jim seemed distracted. After a few days Sebastian thinks Jim might actively be agitated.

“Do you want to nip downstairs for a bit?” Sebastian offers.

Jim looks oddly startled then agrees in a flustered manner. He runs a hand through his hair and Sebastian feels definite unease when the ordinarily immaculate little Irishman's dark locks remain askew. Sebastian reaches over to smooth them down because he feels utterly disconcerted seeing Jim so dishevelled when they haven't been involved in heavy petting or floored by illness.

Jim glances up at the taller man and curls warm fingers around Sebastian's wrist. The brunet's digits are naturally cold but his phone heats them up during constant use.

Sebastian presses a kiss on Jim's dark scalp.

Jim smiles but then his phone buzzes again and instead of responding to it with a neutral or bored expression the criminal seems stressed.

“Love?” Sebastian asks.

Jim presses his lips together and is quiet for a moment. He is clearly running various scenarios in his head.

Sebastian waits patiently. After a beat Jim looks up and says, “Can… you babysit downstairs? I have… something I need to take care of.”

“Will you be alright by your own?” Sebastian asks.

Jim's eyes flicker. He abruptly reaches up on his toes and kisses Sebastian's cheekbone. “I've got you.”

Sebastian gives a lopsided little smile. “Yes you do, but that isn't what I meant.”

“I know. I'll organise something,” Jim says absently. He is already pulling away towards the door as he types.

“Love,” Sebastian calls.

Jim affords him a moment of total attention. “Yes, Bastian?”

“If something goes wrong down there… Should I call you?” Sebastian asks.

“It won't, but yes,” Jim responds. He waves offhandedly, trying for casual but his shoulders are too stiff. Sebastian notices. He makes a kissing noise as Jim leaves and feels grateful that it makes Jim smile a little.

Downstairs is almost enough to take Sebastian's mind off of Jim's evident unhappiness.

There is a distinct lack of any sound suggesting Jacob is nearby. Sebastian does not particularly want to hear the young man retching but he would have appreciated at least hearing signs of life.

Disturbingly, Sebastian does not see Jade either. He closes the door and wanders from room to room with care searching for the absent pair. The blond notices a clicking noise and follows it to source.

Jade does not look up from her laptop but waves absently at Sebastian in greeting. She's so like Jim in this pose, her posture and expression eerily similar. The computer screen casts blue-green light upon her face giving her pallor a sickly tinge.

Sebastian does not spare much time to notice anything else about her: his blue eyes fall upon Jacob. Bright red is fading to rusty brown and wine-hued black across the young man's gaunt face. It has dripped down Jacob's throat and chest but draws little notice there amongst Jake's numerous tattoos.

Sebastian swallows. He's used to violence, but despite Jacob's ink and height there's enough of a family resemblance to Jim that the sight bothers Sebastian. The blood is so smeared across Jake's face and ear it is difficult to immediately discern the source of his wounds.

Sebastian fixes Jade with a look. Like Jim would, she ignores it at first. Eventually pausing typing she sighs and directs to Sebastian a look of her own. She does not quite manage to make the blond feel he is being perceived as a foolish child with quite the intensity Jim manages, but Sebastian does get the general message conveyed.

“I was quite frank with my intentions,” Jade says with a vague air of pity and exasperation.

Sebastian's nostrils flare as he ignores her inflection. “How long has he been unconscious?”

Jade rolls her eyes. Sebastian notes the paint around them is not so carefully applied as usual whilst she responds, “He's not knocked out; he's napping.”

Sebastian nods but cannot help but cross the room towards Jacob to check the young man's pulse is somewhere in the ballpark of not seriously harmed.

Jade sighs and slaps down her laptop lid. She pushes the computer away from herself and drops to her feet gracefully. There's something slower than usual in her precise movements. Sebastian supposes she's tired.

Jake's skin is clammy with toxins beneath Sebastian's calloused fingers.

Jade tosses her ponytail and crosses her arms. She's wearing some sort of shiny black zip up top with the sleeves pulled up near her elbows. It catches the light as she moves which only serves to highlight the smears of blood lazily soaped from her pale skin.

Jade raises a brow at Sebastian's prolonged stare. “Do you question Uncle Jim like this?”

“Your Uncle Jim isn't in the habit of harming his kin, whatever he condones,” Sebastian says.

Jade's dark lips press tightly together and her clavicle jumps beneath her skintight top as she looks away. The ends of the bandana she has tied in a circle around her hair fall just above her eyes and Sebastian gets the feeling she is tightly holding her tongue. He is uncertain why.

Jade smooths her face like Jim does when he is sweeping aside more important matters and tilts her head to the side in query. Her voice is slightly more clipped than usual as she pointedly comments, “You don't normally visit alone.”

Sebastian shrugs. “Doing my master's bidding. Have you eaten?”

Jade's carefully constructed expressions break into something entirely open. She looks utterly surprised at the question for long enough that Sebastian approaches concern.

She shakes her ponytail and her expression falls back into polished place. “He's eaten,” she says. “Naturally not much of it has stayed in him.”

Sebastian merely raises his brows. He's lived long enough with Jim that his face can sometimes keep its thoughts to itself. “And you?”

“Not hungry,” Jade says.

Sebastian moves towards the space serving as Jade's kitchen. “You need to eat.”

Jade stares at him. There's something vulnerable in her expression that the blond knows she has not deliberately put there.

He snaps his fingers at her and points firmly at a bar stool. “Come on. You can tell me what you want.”

To his surprise Jade drifts over to the designated seat without pause. “Yes, Colonel,” she murmurs.

Sebastian gets the uneasy feeling he's missing some puzzle pieces, throws a careful look over at Jake to check the boy looks stable enough, then throws open the food cupboards.

Chapter Text

Jim is in a peculiar mood. It is not unusual for the slight brunet to pace all day making phone calls, his tense voice snappish and his fingers circling his temples as he tries to soothe a migraine. This is not that.

Jim has been pacing all day today yes, but it's not the same. Business calls don't make Jim hang up only to sit and stare agitatedly into space for alarmingly long periods of time. Jim does not drum his fingers in that particular rhythm over mere business.

Jim has never been a patient man and his various levels of ire are perfectly familiar to Sebastian. Something has Jim unusually highly strung and it is not a deal gone sour or a particularly complex, high stakes plot causing the vein of Jim's forehead to twitch either.

Jim gets migraines and stress headaches all the time. When he does, Jim turns down the glow of his monitor screens and has Sebastian switch off the lights. Today Jim has done neither of these things, but he constantly rubs his face and kneads his forehead as though it pains him. Jim's dark eyes look periodically glassy and when Sebastian brings his consulting criminal a cool cloth instead of placing it over his face Jim stares deeply at it before almost bursting into tears.

That above all alarms Sebastian. Jim is a dramatic, overgrown brat prone to temper tantrums, but he almost never cries.

Anything that has Jim close to tears cannot be good news.

“What's wrong?” Sebastian asks for the umpteenth time that day. Ordinarily asking Jim such a question when he is stressed is simply asking to get one's head bitten off (or otherwise harmed in some creative fashion) but today Jim has largely ignored the question. That adds to Sebastian's worry considerably.

Eventually Jim sweeps himself up and looks at Sebastian oddly. The brunet blinks a few times then gives himself a shake. Wiping his tense face in his hands Jim declares, “Let's go downstairs. Are you coming?”

Sebastian looks Jim over carefully. “Anything you want. I suppose you're not telling me what the matter is yet?”

Jim gives him a funny look. “Possibly nothing. I'll tell you if things go belly up, Bastian.”

Sebastian purses his lips. “Why do I not feel reassured?”

“Because you're not as stupid as you look,” Jim says tartly.

Sebastian rolls his eyes and follows Jim to the door. “You know I have your back if you need me. Always, love.”

Jim pauses in the doorway and looks at Sebastian properly. “I know, love,” he says slowly. Jim sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “That's never been something I've doubted.”

Sebastian kisses the brunet softly and tries not to show his worry at the tight set of Jim's shoulders. The brunet is almost rattling with tautness.

Jim kisses him back and Sebastian feels marginally relieved.

“Things went a bit more speedily than I expected them to,” Jim says quietly.

There is something uniquely vulnerable in the way he makes that statement. Sebastian feels a shiver of trepidation but even as he opens his mouth to ask Jim turns and weasels his way downstairs.

Sebastian is tempted to mutter something unkind after his partner but refrains. He catches up with Jim just as Jade is letting her uncle into the apartment.

She looks like death.

“What happened to you?” Sebastian asks.

Jade looks at Jim first for permission then shrugs vaguely at Sebastian. She retreats to the couch and huddles up against it with her knees to her chest.

“Marry into a normal family?” Sebastian mutters to himself, “whyever would I do that?” He closes the door and treads after the others. “Where's Jake?”

Jade looks up, blinks, and points towards the bathroom. She's wearing that black zipped top again with what could be the same dark combats. Sebastian cannot recall having seen her recycle an outfit before. He wonders whether Jacob is alright and whether she is coping. She might be eerily similar to her genius uncle but she is still only one person and she's young.

Before Sebastian can think of anything much to say about it he hears Jake moving around and the tattooed young man soon stumbles through to the living room. He looks a little embarrassed to have everyone turn to look at him but honestly he looks healthier than he has for days. He is barely more than painted skin on birdlike bones but he has lost the sweaty grey pallor for the moment.

Sebastian pours the young thing a tall glass of water and carries it over. “You're looking better.”

Jacob gives a crooked smile. “First day I've started to feel a little normal. And Jade's been cutting me a break today too.”

She glances over trying to look unimpressed as she warns, “I might be cruel to you later.” Her lip is shaking.

“I know,” he says. He manages to exude some odd sort of effortless coolness despite his weak state. He crosses over to his cousin purposefully and sits close to her. Jacob takes a slow sip of water and Jade cuddles in without a word.

Jim behaves like nothing about this seems peculiar to him. He seems content to simply sit here in the company of his kin. Sebastian finally takes a seat and feels rather gratified when Jim wordlessly reaches for his hand and grasps it firmly.

Sebastian kisses Jim's temple. The kids don't comment on it.

Over the next few hours the conversation never rises above a peculiarly soft level and Sebastian notes it is easily the most subdued he has seen the trio. Still. At least Jim has put down his phone.

Nothing much happens at all during the visit but Jade seems oddly clingy and she hugs them both tightly when they leave. Her expression is bereft of its usual minxish glee and a few times Sebastian is certain she is close to tears. Jacob comes to the door and wraps his long arms around his cousin. He kisses Jade's temple in a way that seems partly chaste and partly something Sebastian cannot name. When she reaches up to grab Jake's hair the young man looks oddly relieved.

Jim seems oblivious to the interact, and he also seems much calmer when he and Sebastian return upstairs than he did earlier.

Still. Something seems off.

“Bastian?” Jim asks out of the blue, “How do you feel about kids?”

Sebastian is quite certain this was not a conversation he expected. “You… do know how babies are made, right?” he asks because he cannot think of any other way to repond.

Jim makes a face at him. “I didn't mean us having kids. I meant...”

Sebastian stares at him when Jim seems uncharacteristically lost for words. “Meant what?” Sebastian prompts. “Do you mean seeing Jade all the time?”

“Kind of,” Jim says.

“Kind of...” Sebastian repeats.

Jim runs both hands through his hair and Sebastian has the horrible feeling that he had never seem Jim this way before.

The consulting criminal looks at his watch instead of saying anything illuminating. “God, it's time,” the brunet comments.

“Time for what?” Sebastian asks.

Jim does not explain. “Get your coat. We're going out.”

Sebastian stares at him for a beat. “Yes boss. Come here.”

Jim had already turned to get ready but he pauses and does as he is bid in a rare display of unthinking obedience. Sebastian smooths Jim's hair and clothing.

“I love you,” Jim says abruptly.

“You should,” Sebastian says fondly. He cups Jim's face in his hands for a brief kiss then permits Jim to fetch what he needs. “I love you too,” Sebastian says softly.

Jim smiles and pulls on a jacket with less finesse than usual. Sebastian frowns and smooths down the coat's collar evenly before yanking on his own outerwear. Whatever is on Jim's mind today is making for a strange experience.

Sebastian begins to feel a further sense of foreboding as Jim's directions lead to a private hospital. By this point Sebastian asks nothing, he simply follows his pale-faced spouse.

Bloody Jamie Moriarty is sitting outside the room Jim leads them towards and Sebastian begins to understand the nature of what is horribly wrong today.

“Is he out yet?” Jim asks his younger brother crisply.

Jamie is devoid of his earlier attitude and does not remove his forearms from his thighs when he looks up. “Not yet.”

Chapter Text

Even with his tan James Moriarty seems pale. For all Jim's eldest brother has a muscular build for a man of such an age, something about James seems sunken and drawn in the small space of time since Sebastian has seen him last.

James twitches his moustache wryly. “I'll take it from yon pale looks that I won't be winning any beauty pageants soon then?”

“I can loan you some money if you want to get a quick nip / tuck. Perhaps shave a bit off of your nose too,” Jim muses.

“Prick,” James says fondly. “What would you want as collateral? My first born?”

“Well your organs are clearly no use to me,” Jim scoffs with predictably dark gallows humour. “And I'm much more inclined to take Jade, if you don't mind.”

“Cheers, Uncle Jim,” comes the dry voice of a woman from the doorway. Sebastian has been quiet until now, uncertain what to say in the circumstances, but apparently now his face speaks volumes.

“Yes, another Moriarty,” James says with tired amusement. “I think that's you met the entire set now.”

“I thought I had already,” Sebastian admits. Jamie had lingered for a while and seemed less volatile under the sobering hospital lighting, but he had since left.

“Honestly, you'd think no one cared about me,” the woman mutters wryly. She arranges some fresh flowers that she has placed on a side table and takes a seat beside James. “How are you holding up, Dad?”

“Not dead yet,” he says stoutly.

“Not for lack of trying,” Jim says. “He's going to need entirely refitted at this rate.”

James rolls his eyes. “Don't sugarcoat it.”

“Have I ever?” Jim responds.

“Heaven forbid you have a bit of sympathy for your poor old brother in his hospital bed,” James says deprecatingly.

Jim arches a brow. “If you will insist on your lifestyle...”

James chortles, then coughs, then grimaces as he clutches his chest and visibly holds in a pained wince. “I won't have my young brother lecturing me about my life choices,” he jokes weakly.

“Maybe not, but you'll listen to my lectures,” Jade's older sister interrupts. “You'll be doing exactly as the doctors say: no cigars; less red meat; a better diet; gentle exercise...”

“I didn't know you were my new drill sergeant,” James huffs softly.

“You think Jade's a terror wait 'til you see me with your new routine,” his daughter promises.

James rolls his eyes but there is a warmth in them that suggests he is perfectly happy to humour her.

“Where is Jade anyway?” the woman continues.

“I don't want her here when I'm like this,” James says firmly.

His eldest daughter curls her lip. “You're joking, right? You think she's going to be scarred by this? The girl that when every normal little kid was asking for a puppy she was dissecting what I hope to heck was roadkill?”

“She's young, and her Daddy nearly died. If you weren't so mouthy you'd be safe at home where you belonged too,” James counters.

“Like hell would I be anywhere else,” the young woman says adamantly. She is much closer to Jim's age than Jade's, and has been used to living as an adult for quite some years. James is stubborn, but so are his daughters. He takes one look at her set face and knows he is wasting his limited energy upon arguing.

“We've been keeping an eye on Jade,” Jim says.

James nods, giving both James and the muscular man at his side a trusting look. It unsettles Sebastian, but not in a bad way, and he feels a warm feeling in his chest whilst he gives a short, respectful nod in James' direction.

“How's she doing?” James' daughter asks.

“Jade's fine,” Jim dismisses. “She's close by for Bastian and I to check on her and she's got Jake's latest nonsense to distract herself with.”

James fixes his eyes on Sebastian. “She's definitely coping?”

The blond feels uncomfortable but nods reassuringly. “She's a bit worried but like Jim says she's fine. She's got us.”

James nods. “Good,” he says. It's a short response but it speaks volumes of his trust, and the value he places on his child.

James' older daughter gazes at Sebastian thoughtfully. At her father's sickbed was not how they had envisioned her introduction to her uncle's partner, but they had also known her father to be sick for a while. It had just gotten worse very quickly.

Her Dad seems to have taken the surgery rather well. She wonders whether Uncle Jim did more for the situation than throw some money at it. They are not a poor family, but her Dad had not expected recovery to be so easy.

And it looks like it will be. Her father is tired and weak but he seems much more likely to live than he had as recently as the night before.

She is very grateful. She would normally want to drink in the details about their new family member and perhaps even tease her Uncle Jim (for they are not so far apart in age) about the muscle-bound blond's rugged good looks. She had always rather thought Uncle Jim had to be in control of everything but he looks oddly relaxed at his partner's side, even in a tense situation such as this. The blond seems to bring Uncle Jim a comfort she has not seen before and she cannot think of many better times for it.

“I think I need to sleep, if that's alright,” James says after a pause.

“Of course,” Jim says quickly. He takes Sebastian's wrist -the blond stares at the hand- and stands to leave. James takes note of the contact and his tired eyes crinkle.

Sebastian smiles shyly at him. “Hope you feel better soon, Colonel. We'll look after Jade.”

James gives him a serious look. “Thank you, son.”

“You're lucky you didn't die,” Jim says to his brother. “Your child would likely have gone on a killing spree and I would have been forced as her doting uncle to clean up the mess and trust me I would have brought you back just to kill you for that.”

James grins. “Always a pleasure, Jimmy.”

Jim scowls at the nickname but there is fondness in his posture. “If you need anything; call me.”

“I'm not sure I'm fit enough to draw a pentagram on the floor right now; would lighting a black candle suffice?” James teases.

Sebastian tries not to laugh. He is surprised and vaguely pleased when Jim grins in response. The brunet tugs Sebastian by the arm from the room.

James' daughter lingers with her father for a few moments exchanging conversation before she joins Jim and Sebastian outside of the room. She looks at Sebastian and makes a wry face before sticking out her hand. “I'm Jasmine, by the way. Sorry about the circumstances or I'd have thought to say before.”

The blond takes her hand warmly. “Sebastian,” he says.

“Good luck with Jade,” she says.

“I've known her long enough now that I appreciate that,” Sebastian says ruefully.

Chapter Text

If Sebastian had expected Jade to react favorably to the good news about her father’s health the blond is sorely mistaken. He takes his eyes off of the road for a moment to glance Jim’s way and his consulting criminal shrugs as he puts away his phone. Jade had hung up rather abruptly, and by the familiar, slightly ominous set of Jim’s face Sebastian knows things are not likely to be fine and bloody dandy anytime soon.

Sebastian sighs and drives just a little bit over the speed limit to get them home sooner.

Based upon Jade’s terseness on the phone Seb had prepared himself for dealing with a volatile young woman with a penchant for alcohol and violence. He had had concerns for Jake’s safety and would not have been surprised to find the skinny youth bloody and stumbling upon injured, coltish limbs upon their arrival.

Sebastian is not prepared for the sight which actually greets him upon opening the door. Jim swans on through nonchalantly as though the change to the setting is entirely plausible and not at all bizarre. Perhaps to Jim that’s the truth.

Sebastian steps through off white piles of plaster dust and wrinkles his noise at the tickle of stoor invading his nostrils. “What are you doing?”

Jade is on Jake’s shoulders and based on the condition of the ceiling it appears she has been there for quite some time. Seb marvels slightly that Jake is in any condition to stand upright for prolonged periods of time, much less have Jade’s firm thighs warming his skeletal jaw. Jake’s nausea had already passed but the last time Sebastian and Jim had seen Jake the young bloke was still bunched up with cramps.

Jade wrinkles her nose with derision. Evidently the question is a foolish one. “What does it look like I’m doing?”

Jim wanders around the room with his hands in his pocket and his throat entirely exposed as he looks up. “It looks like you’ve fucked up Cancer.”

Sebastian casts Jim a look for his partner’s lack of tact but Jim seems unconcerned. Jade curses, but seems far from triggered as she hops down from Jake’s shoulders and strides over to stand beside Jim. She squints above their heads, considers, then sighs and reaches for a power drill. Jake rubs his neck.

Sebastian wonders what foolish bastard let Jade Moriarty have a power drill and narrows his eyes a little at Jim.

Jade snaps her fingers impatiently at Jake and he joins her, lifting her up as though she is made of mere bird bones and malice. Jim hums approvingly as she adjusts the complex array of lighting she has built above their heads.

Sebastian sits down on the dusty couch and supposes Jim will scold him afterwards for the power now coating his suit. What Jade (and perhaps Jake) has managed to do to the room is admittedly rather spectacular. Jim has not permitted Seb to be so uncultured as to be unable to recognize the intricate and seemingly accurate constellations worked into the ceiling with brute force and thousands of LEDs.

Jim does not mention Jade’s father, or Jasmine. “Have either of you eaten?” he asks instead.

Jade and Jake both grimace in response.

“I know, I know,” Jim says, “but you each need to eat.”

Sebastian eyes his brunet a little incredulously from across the room. Jim’s lack of interest in food during the completion of a project or a poor mood has always been a bone of contention between them. Seb would beg, bribe and threaten Jim to try to get his exasperating consulting criminal to eat anything of sustenance, and Jim would often point blank refuse. The hypocrisy or perhaps mere irony is not lost upon Seb here, not one little bit.

Still, Sebastian says nothing about it, for now at least. He will likely have a good, long word with his little ball of trouble about it later, but for the moment Seb holds his tongue. He watches Jim’s nephew and niece reluctantly concede to eat and understands that any seemingly insignificant change in the atmosphere can –if they are as like Jim as Sebastian expects- at once make them lose all enthusiasm for any agreement they make towards food.

Somehow Sebastian ends up cooking for the group. This does not surprise him either, but honestly, Seb does not really take umbrage at the task. He feels a minor thrill of surprise when Jim approaches from behind to give him a pet and a kiss ‘for being so good in the kitchen’ and Sebastian wryly notes that any previously sour feeling he might have harboured towards being expected to cook instantly evaporates. Jim is often a cold man and Sebastian adores his praise, however manipulative it may or may not be in this moment. Jim’s dark eyes meet Seb’s rueful blue ones and the way Jim’s lips twitch suggest that yes, his machinations are deliberate, but that pointy little face is also full of possessive admiration and love.

Sebastian purses his lips at Jim and bats the smaller man with a utensil. “Don’t think this means we’re getting domestic,” he warns.

Jim takes the item smoothly. “Who am I to think one can domesticate a tiger?”

Sebastian gives his brunet a Look, which only deepens when Jake tries and fails to stifle a snort of amusement.

Jade snaps her fingers. “Don’t burn my meal if you want to live, Uncle Seb.”

Jim turns and eyeballs his niece. “He’s off limits and you know it.”

She grins at him. “Seb should know it too, but every time I stare at him he doesn’t believe it. Which suits me.”

Sebastian scoffs and focuses on his cooking. “I’ve lived with your Uncle Jim long enough to know not to trust a Moriarty.”

Chapter Text

Jade is not much of an eater, and like her Uncle Jim she seems far hungrier for the project she was working on than for any food Sebastian could have put before her. She consumes chaotically, sliding off her chair as though physically drawn by the missing constellations in the ceiling.

Sebastian is fully familiar with the sight of Jim seemingly being tugged back to his laptop, office screens or phone by the invisible strings of his criminal web. Seb is not at all familiar with the way Jim pushes Jade towards her plate repeatedly and in a calm, firm voice insists, “Eat.”

Jim eats heartily himself, even though he moves his food around his plate in a way that usually signals stress and a lack of appetite. “You too, Jake,” the Irishman says.

Jake is considerably taller than his uncle but sloped over the table enough that he has to lift his head to look up at Jim. Jake licks dry lips and starts to draw together a protest – he's still rather poorly, truth be said – but Jim stares the heavily tattooed young man down and Jake quickly picks up his fork.

Jade edges off of her chair again. Jim clears his throat.

Sebastian idly wonders if this is what it would be like if Jim had children. Jade is uncannily like the man in so many ways, and wouldn't it be just Seb's luck if Jim ever had a daughter full of Jim's genius and quirks?

Or Jacob's. That young man has vanity and self-destructive impulses written all over him and if that isn't a family resemblance Sebastian doesn't know what is.

Jim is oddly attentive to both Jade and Jake. Perhaps the man is feeding what he recognises as himself, but he is persistent in seeing the teenagers' needs met. Sebastian watches Jim set a good example by eating and wonders whether having the pair of young Moriarties around might be strangely good for Jim's wellbeing. He normally always has to be coaxed into mealtimes.

Jacob is actually eating now. For all his rebellious young man aesthetics he seems like quite an obedient boy when he is given directions. Seb feels his face crinkle in amusement imagining how insane it would be if Jim had an ounce of that obedience. Sebastian would probably collect a lot less wrinkles.

“Jade. Eat more,” Jim says.

The girl looks up and flashes a warning look of coquettish bullishness. It disturbs Sebastian to see Jim's stubborn, flirtatiously challenging posture on anyone else, much else a young woman. Jade makes a play with her sensual lips and picks up her utensils as though they are weapons.

Sebastian looks away from her face, feeling uncomfortable, but keeps his gaze on the metal implements in Jade's grip.

Jim is not fazed at all by his niece or her usual way of getting her own way with almost everyone. He stares Jade down and irreverently flicks a small piece of food at her. “Get on with it,” he drawls. “The sooner you've finished that the sooner we can get back to the stars.”

Jade gives her uncle a dry look but cuts up a mouthful of food. She mostly manages to bring it to her lips without pouting. If she tends to use her body as a weapon then she's still a loaded gun, but she's agreed to put the safety on.

Seb decides he's glad not to have a daughter, much less one with Jim's willful, sinful, shocking characteristics keyed into her DNA.

“Sebastian.”

Seb almost startles at the stern sound of his name. He turns at once to Jim, feeling flustered and confused.

Jim directs his gaze pointedly to Seb's plate. Sebastian looks at his barely-touched food and back to the glint of Jim's dark eyes that sings out the little Irishman's amusement at their roles being reversed this once.

“Do be a good boy, tiger,” Jim smirks.

Seb gives his lover a droll look but concedes and focuses on his now mostly cold meal.

Jade works slowly through her food and visibly fizzes with the urge to get up and get back to her task. Eventually Jim takes pity on her and gives his niece a nod to escape.

She detaches herself from her seat like a cork from a champagne bottle then turns to her cousin expectantly. Jake pushes his plate aside and slowly pulls himself away from the table.

“No; sit,” Jim says. “Jake should rest awhile still.”

Jade snorts and looks at Sebastian. “And how am I supposed to reach the ceiling then? Are you going to loan your man out as my ladder?”

Seb gives Jim a horrified look. It's been many years since he's had a teenager's thighs pressed against his ears and Jim's niece is the last girl on the planet Seb would want that unpleasant scenario to be with.

Jim chuckles unkindly. “I still don't share my toys, Jade, and poor 'Bastian has never been naughty enough to deserve to be at your mercy.”

“Poor 'Bastian has never been naughty ever,” Seb adds. Jim gives him an amused look that is not sufficiently sympathetic.

Jade puts her hand on her hip and makes a face. “What do you suggest then? You're hardly endowed with an extendible spine. Oh, don't tell me; you've a pair of eleven inch heels in your closet that'll be just the ticket.”

Jim pretends to consider. “What colour would you suggest?” He straightens his features and says, “We do have practical things like ladders in this building. How do you think I get the cameras up there?”

Jade indicates Sebastian. He's not certain whether she means as a ladder or as the help. Neither option seems flattering.

“That's only useful when I don't mind him knowing they're there,” Jim scoffs.

Seb frowns quizzically. He does a regular sweep for bugs anyway, but he's not enthusiastic about any reason Jim could have to spy on him using even more cameras than Seb currently knows about. Jim has always been a fan of the paranoia game however.

“Shall I get the ladder?” Sebastian asks.

“No,” Jim waves at him dismissively. “Watch the kids for me, will you?”

Sebastian expects the 'kids' to protest being referred to as such, but they don't. Seb tries not to too closely examine his feelings on Jim saying such a phrase.

Sebastian realises he probably doesn't actually want to be left alone in a room with two hormonal young Moriarty spawns about the same time that Jim disappears off to fetch the damned ladder. Or at least Seb presumes that's what the little bastard is doing. Typical of Jim to leave him in some awful situation for chuckles.

Jade turns twinkling eyes on Sebastian.

He pales.

“Well, Uncle Seb,” she says with far too many teeth, “what are you going to do to entertain us?”

Sebastian miserably wonders how much authority he can bluff in this situation and curses Jim and the man's delectable little arse that always persuades Seb to accept these fecking awful situations.

“Nice try,” the blond says in a voice he is certain fools no one. “Jim'll be back in a minute. You can wait that long.”

Jade makes a face. On Jim that same expression makes Seb want to slap Jim's arse and bite the little Irishman's lip. On Jade that look makes Sebastian want to do the exact opposite. It takes all his willpower not to take a wary step backwards lest Jade be given blatant proof of his discomfort.

“Oh well,” Jade says, “if you think I should entertain myself-”

“No,” Sebastian interrupts firmly. “No, I think you can manage being patient for just one minute...”

Jade sighs theatrically. She widens her eyes even as she rolls them and somehow manages to bat her lashes heavily when she finishes. No wonder poor Jacob's probably broken laws for her – she's exuding raw sex appeal like it's her core component.

However, Sebastian is not interested in little girls, and given that he has managed to (briefly) withstand Jim trying this very tactic, Jade is not going to win a round with this.

She's likely to win by making Seb flustered, and Sebastian is sure as heck embarrassed and unnerved when Jim's niece all but purrs, “Oh my, Uncle Seb, aren't you interesting when you're firm?”

Sebastian is all but struck dumb. It would be awkward enough if the young woman just had a crush, but the fact that she is putting on Jim's Let's Have Sex Voice just to fuck with him is simply not fecking cricket.

“If you don't behave, little madam, you won't be finishing this ceiling tonight,” Seb tells the girl stoutly.

Jade's brows rise softly in open shock and Sebastian feels a momentary wave of satisfaction at a job surprisingly well done. His pride plummets as a sinful grin splits Jade's face wide.

She tugs at her clothing and affects a lispy, girlish voice as she says, “Oh no, Uncle Sebby, I haven't made you cross, have I? I wouldn't want you to spank me...”

Sebastian freezes. He has entirely no response for this and how the fuck does he respond to that utter fuckery with his authority intact? He can feel his ears are scarlet dammit.

There is a snort from the table.

Seb looks at Jacob in surprise. Jake is rising his lolling head from the table to look at his cousin. “You heard what Uncle Jim said,” Jake tells her.

Jade reverts back to her own posture and mannerisms. She crosses her arms. “You're being no fun at all.”

“And Uncle Jimmy said not to fuck with Seb,” Jake says.

Jade rolls her eyes, without batting them this time. “You think he'll tattle?”

“He won't need to,” Jake scoffs. “He'll read the room and know before any of us even open our mouths.”

Jade rolls her jaw. Sebastian can see her concede the point. “Fine,” she sighs.

Seb eyes Jacob and rather thinks he likes the boy.

Chapter Text

“Oh ho,” Jim says, swanning back into the room. His eyes glint and he bares his teeth as he surveys the others; what he sees in their telling body language amuses him greatly. “This, I did not expect.”

Jade narrows her eyes at her uncle a bit sulkily. She is sitting a little apart from Seb and Jacob. “What?” she snaps.

Jim smirks even more widely at her evident irritation. “I thought I was going to have to tell you off for picking on poor Sebastian… What happened?”

Jade scoffs and rolls her eyes. “Honestly, what do you take us for, children?”

“Hmm; young, vindictive, petty, and filled with Moriarty blood,” Jim says, pretending to rub his chin thoughtfully as he stalks around his niece playfully. “No, I was judging you because on top of your prior misbehaviour, you are predisposed to be a nasty little bully, aren't you?”

Jade answers with a curled lip and a faux-bored sigh. “You told us to play nicely together, did you not?”

Jim mockingly taps his forefinger off of his niece's nose without any real fear that she will bite the finger off in a fit of pique. “It's. Not. Like. You. To. Be. A. Good. Girlie.”

Sebastian shifts in his own seat with a scowl. Jade's soft huff does not settle his earlier uneasiness about her toying with him. Seb broadens his shoulders and says coolly to his lover, “And yet you left me alone with such sparkling company?”

Jim laughs. It is a small, teasing, content thing and Seb resents the way it makes the tension recede from his shoulders. “I was certain you could handle a pair of kids, 'Bastian.”

“No thanks to you,” Sebastian grumbles. He looks away before Jim can give him a warm look that will melt the resentment he is nursing.

Jim flashes his teeth charmingly. He knows fine well what the other man is doing and it does not deter him in the least from continuing his game. “So do tell, Sebbikins, however did you manage with the kiddliwinks?” he asks.

“Jesus, never call us that,” Jade sighs. She picks at her sleeves, which she had pushed up to her elbows earlier and seem overlarge for her frame. Given the cut of the top, Sebastian thinks it has been pilfered from Jacob.

Jim gives his niece an unrepentant look. “Do you think you have much bartering room, after bullying my poor 'Bastian?”

Jade hisses indignantly and waves an arm at the blond. “Clearly he's fine!”

“Oh no, trust me, I'm scarred for fecking life,” Sebastian says. He catches the wry, mildly sympathetic look Jake casts him.

Jim laughs brightly. “Oh dear. You naughty thing, Jade my darling, whatever did you do?”

Jade affects innocence, but makes no real effort to make it convincing. “Why, nothing at all, Uncle Jim,” she says. She flashes Sebastian a playfully cruel look. “Maybe he's imagining wicked things.”

“You're going straight to hell with your uncle,” Seb tells her coolly, then wonders if that is an appropriate threat from him for an impressionable (possibly evil) teen.

Jade rolls her eyes, looking no less the worse for his comment and if anything looking pitying of his presumed lesser intellect. “Well you'll get no rest from us there, will you, Mr Gun-for-hire?”

Sebastian raises his head to the ceiling and mutters, “Sweet Christ.” It's one thing being insulted and toyed with by Jim, but this young Moriarty is a whole new form of torture.

“Hey, Uncle Jimbo?” Jake interrupts.

Jim looks over to the young man and gives a questioning hum. Sebastian gets the feeling he has just been thrown a lifeline by Jacob Moriarty, and how low has Seb sunk in life that he needs to be rescued by a scrawny, tattooed addict who might have an inappropriate thing going with his disastrous younger cousin?

“I thought you were going to fetch a ladder?” Jake says.

Sebastian's expression darkens. “Yeah, Jimbo, I thought you were abandoning me with your bloodline in order to fetch a fucking ladder.”

Jim tisks. “'Bastian! Is that any way to speak in front of the kiddies? They are terribly impressionable, you know.”

Sebastian growls at the playful glitter of his lover's dark eyes. Jim Moriarty has never been a man good at taking responsibility for his actions without a game or six first. Seb points an accusing finger at the exasperating criminal mastermind. “Then you'd best reign it in sharpish, or they're going to have to witness me beat your deserving arse.”

Jim scoffs. His mildly nervous gaze suggests he is well aware that Sebastian intends to hold him accountable for his recent crime of abandoning Seb with another ridiculous Moriarty, but Jim refuses to concede his guilt lest that encourage Sebastian to introduce fair repercussions. Jim instead wags a finger of his own at the much bigger man. “Now really, is that any sort of example to be setting? I might have to wash your mouth out with soap if you can't behave yourself.”

Sebastian stands slowly. Jim drops his hand at once lest the big brute he shares a bed with sees fit to snatch his skinny wrist and deliver those repercussions. Seb clears his throat in only mildly playful threat. “Kids, excuse us. And cover your ears.”

Jim giggles a little anxiously and circles the sofa away from the antagonised, exceptionally muscular man. “Now come on, 'Bastian, you've got to admit that was funny...”

“Come closer; I want you to feel my applause not just hear it,” Seb purrs.

Jim clears his throat. He looks a little pale. “Honestly, darling, I am much too busy for your shenanigans right now. Can't you see that I'm terribly busy?”

Jim claps his hands hurriedly – managing not to disrupt any of the ceiling dust around them - and shouts in a mildly strained voice, “Come in!”

Sebastian turns slightly to be able to see the entrance whilst still not taking his attention away from the wicked little trickster known as Jim Moriarty.

A small group of the security crew make their way in with poles and a few thick sheets of textured metal. A cloud of plaster dust flies up upon their entrance and Jacob starts to gather the now unappetisingly dirty dinner plates to wash.

Jade understands the group's purpose at once and gestures regally. “Set it up over there,” she drawls. Her eyes are glittering oddly and Sebastian feels a new sense of unease at her fresh amusement – that cannot indicate anything good.

The security crew recognise the family resemblance and unquestioning tone; they get started on assembling the painter's scaffolding. The clatter of Jacob dropping cutlery into the sink goes almost unheard as a much more unpleasant clattering indicates the scaffolding is not able to be built up in silence, despite sharing the room with three Moriarties.

“Where the hell did you get that?” Sebastian asks.

Jim shrugs and preens a little. He wipes dust from his clothing. “I am resourceful, you know.”

“How do you think he gets all those cameras up in the ceiling?” Jade points out.

Jim gives her a dirty look. “You're ruining the mystique.”

“Oh, I've got a mystery for you, Uncle Jim,” Jade says brightly. For a genius Jim doesn't have the sense to immediately look wary. Jade continues, “Why are you scared of Uncle Sebby?”

Jim splutters. “I- What- I'm not-”

Jacob interrupts with a scoff from over by the sink. Sebastian wonders whether the young man is brave or merely reckless to be washing the dishes by hand - given that it means having his back to the others - when there is a perfectly serviceable dishwasher. “Like you've never had your behind handed to you, Jade,” Jacob teases comfortably.

Sebastian feels a spike of concern as Jade makes a noise of outrage and embarrassment. Jake merely turns and flicks some bubbles at his younger cousin with a grin.

Jim swallows, crosses his arms, and then tosses his head with a haughty sniff. He then attempts to look down at Sebastian despite Seb being rather a bit taller than the Irishman. “I'm not afraid of you,” Jim insists.

Sebastian closes the distance between them and snatches the scrawny genius up close to his broad chest. “You should be,” Seb scolds in a loud whisper. He bites the shell of Jim's ear, then kisses it, and says, “Don't you know how dangerously insane I must be to be involved with this family?”