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Chapter Text

hi there. my name is jeon jeongguk. i have this addictive, bad habit of picking up someone new every week. like a sex habit, you know? just... maybe a tad too literal.

thrill seeking and impulsive and malicious- i can't seem to stop. a monday boyfriend or girlfriend, my school calls it. a seven day love affair, where i mark you as mine; and then in seven days we part again- you do you and i do i. sounds simple, doesn't it?

it was... supposed to be.

and yes, im infamously known here as 'international playboy'- and this nickname has only fuelled my addiction further, i guess. i don't know why, but this weekly ritual has stuck to me like glue, like an obsession i just can't get rid off. i've tried- okay maybe not too much effort that one time, but still- you get it.

perhaps i just liked the subtle attention? the way others would stare and stare and stare because the things that were mine- they could never have.

today marks the 48th week of my relapse, and- it's a little different from what i expected, though.

MONDAY

(they say... jeon jeongguk is nothing but a predictable playboy)

park jimin is late. he's your typical dance major, a body of fluid emotion in everything he does; a dilligent student, a hardworking attitude towards everything he did.

jimin groans as he approaches the locked back gate- it's the first time in years and it's all because he was helping to lead a stray cat away from the bustling roads. a kind soul, a heart of gold.

brushing a hand through black locks, he sighs. today marks the 48th week, and what were the chances? the usual crowd of girls would probably be lining the car park or the front gates, waiting in hopes to be the first who meets eye contact with the all too reputable jeon jeongguk.

he had been crushing on jeongguk since he younger had entered, and the whole monday girlfriend thing just gave him more reasons to dream of himself having a chance. a dreamer, a hopeless romantic.

but after all- what are the possibilities? its been 47 times he wasn't selected- what makes him so sure today might be the day? so he shrugs it off, a little saddened by the fact he hadn't even gained entry to the race, only to be eliminated- he just wants to be the boyfriend just for once, y'know?

(so sometimes he gets up early and tries to wait somewhere in hopes of it being a calculated surprise encounter; a fairytale, a miracle.)

sighing again, he throws in the towel as he checks in his attendence- this is the 48th week for goodness sake- and honestly what are the chances?

"aish, seriously!" jimin whisper-yells, chiding himself for falling prey to yet another of his literature-esque utopian fantasies. way to go, jimin-ah.

he's too preoccupied with his thought to even notice a pair of timberlands approaching from behind.

"what's with the sigh, buttercup?"

and park jimin just goes blank as he whizzes around on his heel- holy shit- he literally just felt like the epitome of ten exclamation marks whenever his good friend taehyung spammed him.

oh my god today is monday i'm

"holy- i must be dreaming,"

"nope, my object of affection this week is you, pretty little dancer," jungkook announces, lopsided grin gracing handsome features, as he smoothly works a silver bracelet around jimins delicate wrist- a demarcation of his spoil each week- and tucks a bunch of spare keys into his palm.

"see you later, cutie- lunch at the rooftop," he drawls lazily, arranging his fringe from under a beanie as he sets foot on campus.

it must be jimin's lucky day.

the little rendezvous on the access-denied rooftop leaves jimin a little dizzy, cheeks rosy and still in a daze- all this seems too good to be true. but jimin is a perfectionist, an opportunist: one week of a dream- far too short, and yet its been far too long;

jimin was afraid that he would want more, would become insatiable- he had waited so long for this, to be the weekly boyfriend just that one time and now that it had come true, it felt surreal; 

lunch was brief. more of jeongguk talking, getting to know his hyung a little better, jimin mostly nodding along or answering when he needed to, not quite grasping his current plight yet.

under clear blue skies, jeongguk learnt that that was jimin's favourite colour. he sang. danced. took literature. was really shy.

after school, jeongguk brings jimin to an arcade near campus, and revels in the way jimin stares at the grand prize of the claw machine in awe.

"there's nothing jeon jeongguk can't do," he boasts, as he exchanges for tokens and takes on the said machine with focused, furrowed brows and determination glinting in doe eyes.

it takes 4 tries for the pair of piske and usagi stuffed toys to land into an elated jimin's hands, eyes glittering like little sparkles. 

"see? told you," jeongguk smirks, taking in jimin's half gasp, half smile, as he cuddles the plush toy close to his cheeks. 

"thank you so much jeongguk-ah," he mutters shyly, rocking on his heels as he bites his cheek. 

it takes 4 seconds for jimin to approve of his usually dismissed impulsive behaviors, and to press a chaste kiss while on his tippy toes. and then he takes a step back, in shock of his own sudden bravado, a surge of boldness.

"i- i'm sorry, i wasn't thinking properly, i-" he gasps, clutching piske more tightly. "sorry, jeonggu-"

"don't be, boyfriend. you're mine for the week, remember?" 

jimin swallows, and nods slowly. "b-but i don't want to make you uncomfortable, jeonggukie, i want you to be happy if you're going to be... stuck with me for a week,"

"jimin," jeongguk says as he pulls the latter in closer by the tug of his waist. "you're so cute, how could anyone be unhappy around you?"

t-too close, jimin's brain short circuits, he's probably good at lying because he does it as part of his weekly game. 

jimin mumbles something incoherent, but accepts it anyway. 

the day goes by quick, mostly of jimin recieving heart attacks from the up close flirtatious nature he's always been dreaming about; after some more rounds of air hockey and miniature bowling, jeongguk takes him to eat ice cream. 

and jeongguk just loves licking the soft serve seductively while maintaining eye contact to get a reaction out of jimin who turns bright red at the sight, squirming in his seat.

"what's wrong, jimin? why are you so red?" he teases, lifting a brow for added measure. 

jimin shakes his hands and head furiously, allowing jeongguk to think his shy reaction is seriously so cute. thus, he turns it up another notch, taking the opportunity to swipe a thumb at a stray smear of citrus sorbet, before licking it off his finger. 

"ah, it's not bad, but it's too sweet."

the never-ending teasing was causing jimin's rosy cheeks to flare to a maximum as jeongguk leans in, too close, before lowly whispering "you're so cute," in his ear, and that just does it.

jimin knows there's no turning back- he's halfway through day one and probably going to heaven anytime soon, god bless. this was so embarrassing and he was sure his cheeks couldn't have gotten redder- but now here he was, cheeks the shade of crimson rose petals.

"you know, you're the only one who wanted couple things like this," jeongguk gestures to the blissful pink rabbit piske hanging by the straps of his bag, and the small little duckling usagi on jimin's.

under the orange sunset glow, jimin winces. "is that bad?" he asks tentatively.

there's a small smile on jeongguk's face as he answers, "nah, i'm just kinda surprised you didn't ask for more," as he shoves his hands into his pockets. "most of them, well, asked for things like diamonds and watches so,"

"oh," is all jimin breathes. "may i ask for something more, then?"

for a split second, he swears there's a look of 'i knew this was coming' on adonis-like features, followed by a gruff "what." and jeongguk looks into the distance, like jimin had treaded on a taboo topic and this week was going to be pure torture.

oh no, jimin thinks, as he rummages his bag anxiously for the instax seokjin-hyung from film had previously borrowed. 

"i'm sorry in advance if jeonggukie minds, but could i um, take a polaroid with you everyday before the week ends?" he mumbles, holding out the black instax as a peace offering, timid but hopeful smile on his lips. "it would... mean a lot to me," he whispers after a few seconds, as if to strengthen the already reasonable request.

"that's it?" 

"... yes?" 

jimin's answer comes out so innocent and sincere that jeongguk feels guilty for having second thoughts about how pure jimin was about his intentions. the mouth in the shape of an 'o' soon quirked into a smile as the snap of flash went off, jimin smiling till his cheeks hurt.

they wait for the picture to develop, walking back to jimin's quaint little apartment until the doorstep.

"hey. can i keep one too?" 

and now its jimin's turn to blink owlishly back at jeongguk.

"you want a polaroid with m-me?" he squeaks back, as if the younger boy had grown another head or something. 

"if the films are expensive, i can pay-"

"oh my gosh, no no i don't mean it that way! i- i just- i mean it's me, like i'm not of any status like you or, you know," jimin wonders in incredulity, in surprise. 

jeongguk settles for the lamest answer he can find, unsure of what he's doing but instinct tells him he should.

"you're really cute."

so it's no wonder when jeongguk's photo reveals a very rosy-cheeked jimin with a blinding smile, jimin who just dashed into his apartment after mumbling "i love you, jeonggukie," and pressing another small kiss to his jaw.

he stands outside for another five minutes or so, a myriad of emotions coursing through his veins. taking a sharpie, he scribbles down 2 + 1 before keeping the polaroid into his wallet. 

wow. park jimin really was something else altogether. 

TUESDAY

(they say... jeon jeongguk doesn't hold hands, for a relationship like this ought to have no strings attached.)

jeon jeongguk is legitimately suprised when jimin vehemently says no to his suggestion of a nearby 5-star steakhouse to grab a late lunch.

instead, the smaller-framed boy leads him to a tiny cozy cafe he frequented, leaving jeongguk pleasantly surprised. "steak is expensive..." jimin had pouted, ordering him to sit down at an empty table.

they make small talk, and when the food comes, jimin catches jeongguk sulking and poking at the carrots and lettuce leaves in his salad.

"do you want my food instead, jeongguk-ah? i thought... you hated vegetables," he says, inching the plate forward, a few mouthfuls into carbonara.

"you told your dancer friend that day that you like boys that eat their vegetables," jeongguk grumbles, pushing back the pasta to jimin.

this causes the elder to flush, weakly denying with small 'no, no's before he ultimately sticks to his own plate. how could taehyungie and hoseok-hyung have betrayed him and told that to jeongguk! oh, right. taehyung had been the 21st, while he was waiting for jimin in the middle of the car park. jimin had been so salty about it, pouting and having fun ordering taehyung for the rest of the subsequent week. taekook, as jimin had dubbed sourly, had remained good friends even after, and now, a good information source as well.

jimin pouts at the thought, taehyungie pabo! but nonetheless, he feels his heart skip a beat, because jeonggukie cares. maybe.

midway through his latte, jeongguk manages to finish his platter of leafy greens, smug smile reemerging. they walk out together, jeongguk saying he has a surprise in store for jimin.

"sorry, i forgot to text you to wear something more formal," jeongguk says, before turning to look at jimin, who pauses in mid-air, caught like a deer in headlights. 

ah. that explained the all too often, coincidental brush of fingers- touches of jeongguk's veiny hands sending little jolts of electricity down jimin's spine. 

"sorry, i know you don't hold hands, i got carried away." jimin says softly, adverting his gaze. 

"i don't hold hands because of commitment issues, but if jimin hyung wants to... then it's fine." jeongguk shrugs as he clasps his huge palm over jimin's tiny ones. 

"thank you so much, i- holding hands just makes me feel safe so um," jimin replies, clearly flustered. jeongguk kisses his forehead, close to the crown of his head. "i'm dating you this week, remember?"

he holds jeongguk's right hand with both his hands now, doesn't ever want to let go- and he swears jeongguk's grip on his hand tightens ever so slightly, after hearing his rationale. 

 "jimin, choose letter j, a or m."

"j! because jeo- wait, no, i mean, because jimin," he stutters, not wanting to get caught in his perpetually mesmerized state.

jeongguk catches it though, adroit as he is, "we'll be going in my jaguar, then." 

jimin's jaw drops, hands flustered in signalling there's no need to, really, "we can always take the train or bus to go to wherever we're going!"

jeongguk crinkles his aquiline nose at the mention of public transport, a look of 'really, now' that jimin catches with ease.

"really no other less showy car?" he asks meekly, causing jeongguk to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"darling, if i knew you were the extravagant kind, i would have made you choose between the lamborghini, ferrari or porsche- the maserati and audi is already a compromise for me, honestly," oh. he remembers taehyung raving about the ride in the aventador nonstop for that week.

"s-sorry, i forgot, i didn't kn-"

did he ever mention jeongguk was a great kisser?

"jimin, i swear to god, if you ever apologise again when you're dating me, i'm going to kiss you to make you shut up, seriously," he deadpans, hands cupping jimin's jaw in exasperation. 

jimin, who had always been teased for his incessant 'sorry's, always afraid of not being good enough, inadequate and who desperately wanted to kick that insecure habit- he now felt like there was a need for him to apologise more.

jeongguk drives them- in his sleek black porsche, thank you very much- to a luxury armani boutique.

"oh, good evening, mr. jeon!" the sales assistant chimes, and jeongguk plainly orders her to fetch his pre-ordered dress shirt, and calls out a few more ladies to get jimin something presentable to wear.

unsurprisingly, jimin gets fawned upon, with his diffidence, politeness and humility. jeongguk somehow feels something bitter and acidic churning in his gut, seeing the way jimin had so comfortably smiled at them and pandered to the never ending requests of changing into outfit after outfit to get the desired look.

jimin had never known that he would look this stunning in armenian silk and satin-like apparel; usually he thought ripped jeans and sweater paws were good enough, but wow- this high-class sort of haute couture was just a different dimension altogether. even the price tags were of a different calibre. he felt a little bad for spending so much of jeongguk's money, he had urged the sales assistants to pick the cheapest, but they had waved him off, saying "mr. jeon doesn't mind!"

it takes close to forty-five minutes before jimin is paraded, hair mussed up to resemble a careless tousle by the wind. the first thing he does as soon as the outfit is approved is to pad back over to jeongguk, giving him a bashful little twirl. the reaction he gets when jeongguk whistles lowly is much better than expected, causing his cheeks to become as red as the heart of the choker.

"he looks so lovely, doesn't he, mr. jeon?" the cashier sighs dreamily, taking the credit card sandwiched between two fingers, tips generously given. jeongguk has a navy silken v-neck donned, in contrast to a similar piece on jimin, but in a creamier, milky shade.

"he always does."

in his humble opinion, jimin's reactions from jeongguk bringing him to watch a musical in a private vip booth to the span of the entire show were far more entertaining than the entire medly of phantom of the opera belted out by a world renowned and highly lauded cast.

the way jimin was bouncing in his seat, wheezing and excitement exuding from every fibre of his entire being was much more amusing than the entire run of the show. his eyes never once leaving the grand opera stage, he never noticed jeongguk staring at him the entire time, noticing every single reaction. to jeongguk, he could easily watch an opera whenever he wanted to- but the company, jimin's company- was priceless. 

the image of jimin claping so enthusiastically during the standing ovation, throwing the roses to the stage with everything he had just warmed jeongguk's heart.

jimin was just so passionate and genuine about everything, and if christine taking off the phantom's mask was the climax of the musical, then jimin's face lighting up, so beautifully, brightly and brilliantly was it for jeongguk. he really needed to thank the other dancer friend- hoseok, was it?- the bubbly and loudmouthed one who had no intention of 'announcing' it down the hallway.

the way jimin just was- his happiness was so contagious, the way his laughter bubbled and spilled out like the tinkling of windchimes, the way he found joy in the simplest of things set jeongguk thinking.

thinking that jimin was such a beautiful person, inside and out.

there's a post-musical cocktail reception for esteemed guests, and jeongguk takes the opportunity under waltz music and prestigious chandeliers to backhug jimin, nestling his chin into the artfully styled but still extremely soft hair, under the pretext of a polaroid.

"i'm sorry, this must have been so expensive and my outfit! a-and the car, thank you, jeongguk," he murmurs into the crook of jeongguk's shoulders, earning a kiss into fluffy hair. "don't say that, you deserve it."

after, he takes a slightly tipsy jimin, who is very sure it's the alcohol, not a certain person as his partner, and most definitely one of the best nights of his life- most magical and dazzling night out especially since it's spent with jeongguk.

hand in hand, jeongguk walks him up to the door of his apartment, which jimin hastily unlocks before turning around. even in the pale moonlight, jeongguk can see the rosy hue high on jimin's apple cheeks.

"jeonggukie, i also have something for you, you know," he starts off bashfully, a hushed whisper. "could you please bend down a little and close your eyes?" 

the latter complies and does as he's told, and he can smell the faint whiffs of jimin's armani cologne and puffs of champagne from earlier when he speaks.

"i could never thank you enough, jeongguk-ah, thank you so much for today, i had so much fun, i had the time of my life, i- i love you," looping his arms around jeongguk's neck for leverage, he gently pecks jeongguk square on the lips, and then one on each of his cheeks and then his forehead, just because.

"i love you so much," he utters, as jeongguk's eyes flutter open, signalling him to flee back into his home to take refuge. there's a squeak of a hurried 'good night, see you tomorrow!' as something gets shoved into his hands and the door slams shut. jeongguk felt like he was prince charming looking for cinderella, just that his princess happened to be much prettier and much shyer.

he stands there rooted, for a couple more minutes facing the wooden apartment door- a sincere smile blooming, one that hadn't emerged since a long, long time ago when he had first fallen in love; jimin was just plain adorable in everything he did, and the way that little things like this- just a musical- could make him so elated made jeongguk feel a certain sense of pride.

jimin was just sparkling in everything he did, always so humble and grateful; all the previous weekly trysts had more often than none resulted in heaps of dior, michael kors, kate spade; of asks- no, demands- of riding in the lambo, for rolexes and precious stones.

jimin was so strikingly different, but it was a nice kind of different. as he heads for his car to drive back home, jeongguk finds his lips breaking into a small grin. their polariod looked like a couple at prom, a candid where jimin looked at him lovingly while he hugged the smaller from behind- an angelic and devilish smile on each of their faces. jimin looked so soft, too sweet, and too pure for this world.

jimin was too good, too kind. 

that day, the numbers written were  7 + 2.

WEDNESDAY 

(they say... jeon jeongguk hardly cares during- and mych less after- the week; it's all for the sex on every Thursday.)

everybody knows that jeongguk owns two phones: an iphone and a samsung a8, the former for personal use and the latter he gives openly to all the 47. the loosely circulated had easily found its way into jimin's own phone, profile picture on kakao talk and line confirming the owner.

jimin had occasionally gone to jeongguk's contact information to view the icon of jeongguk's seductive as heck, sometimes provocative, even, and had screenshotted his personal favourites and saved it in an incognito folder.

he easily finds out that the number jeongguk gives him doesn't tally with the mass disseminated one- rendering him confused. why was the number he was given different? he clicks on contact information- and finds that the photos he puts as display is much different; the photos on this mysterious new number has jeongguk looking more subdued, in a sense- he looks more like his casual self, your flower boy next door.

that doesn't stop jimin from saving them to add to his vast collection, of 47 weeks and counting- jeongguk looks much more down to earth with his own boyish charm and bunny teeth, unlike the haughty reputation he's forced to upkeep in the eyes of the public.

but when jimin texts him on wednesday morning, telling jeongguk he has dance after school, he realises the photo has changed. it's a photo from yesterday, a candid of them backhugging under glitzy lighting, dressed to the nines- reminding jimin of his ex.

he saves it, feeling bittersweet, wondering why jeongguk would do such a thing- he thought only he was an idiot for scanning their polaroid from yesterday to set as his wallpaper and lockscreen. 

international playboy, a voice in his head echoes, a warning sign- and jimin feels conflicted. he didn't know what kind of game this was, kind reminders from his close friends not wanting him to get hurt.

jeongguk has known for being sweet in that one week, like a sugar daddy, an atm machine at your dispense- but after the physical aspects were all covered, he would always say 'i don't love you, let's break up' each sunday night. however, both parties would part but in satisfaction, jeongguk appeasing his hormones or loneliness, his pride and ego, while the other would separate in glee, obtaining whatever materials they desired. it was a win-win situation, always.

until now.

jimin felt something constricting his chest, a frown on his face as he continues staring at the photo. could this be a ploy, like everyone said? but jeongguk was so sweet anout everything, so gentlemanly and tender; he just felt so... loved when he was in the playboy's presence, in his arms, in his embrace. was that wrong?

the ringing of the school bell snaps him back to reality, sighing, as he walks to the lecture hall. 

jeongguk easily finds out that jimin has a massive crush on him, the size of busan- apparently perhaps even wider and deeper than all the oceans and beaches there. he almost feels bad, that jimin immerses himself so well into this character of his boyfriend too easily, earnest to give jeongguk his all, his everything;

he easily finds out what jimin likes, given the expanse of his network of connections, and finds jimin such a simple yet complex being. in jimin, he sees his past self falling so hopelessly with a senior, who turned out to be exploiting his wealth and body at the peak of his youth. he remembers crying when he found out that his supposed lover was making out with a girl on their first anniversary- that he was straight and only wanted all those expensive things- jeongguk's big house, big cars, big rings; 

he sees his naivety at eighteen in jimin, who's now twenty two- he wonders how jimin will handle it, as he lies in bed inspecting the polaroids, the discreet photos he's taken of jimin in his phone; jimin just makes him feel some type of way the others hadn't- jimin was a generous and genuine lover, too precious for jeongguk to possess. 

he lies on egyptian cottoned sheets, wondering how jimin is, wonders whether he's doing okay for his calculus test today; wonders why his gut churns when jimin smiles that blinding smile around his dancer friends, that cute blush on his cheeks- wonders why jimin had him wrapped around his adorable littlest finger, wonders why his chest constricts when he sees jimin hold taehyung's hand, latch onto hoseok's arm;

wonders, and falls asleep to thoughts of jimin, jimin, and only jimin. 

jeongguk comes sauntering into the dance studio, with sushi takeout and some cuts of sashimi that jimin likes, according to his sources. 

he sees jimin dance contemporary, midway through a song called 'butterfly', body moving on its own as he feels the rhythm and beat and all the emotion. jimin does everything with overwhelming emotion that jeongguk has to try hard not to be mesmerized- to think that every one says it's difficult to surprise jeongguk, a person of little emotion, always unfazed; but jimin always presents surprises at every little corner when the opportunity presents.

he moves flawlessly, to his routines of 'own it', 'blood sweat and tears' and 'perfect man', to name a few. jimin captivates and takes away all the breaths of his audience, eyeliner on point and killing it with every move of his assets. swaying his hips, half lidded eyes and sultry gaze in check, he mesmerizes the others in their dance team, the more amateur ones, and jeongguk included.

jimin is a living vessel of emotion, all raw and upfront, feeling flowing and rushing in every little thing he does. the way he lets himself go on the dance floor- jeongguk just can't seem to look away. he notices every fine detail; the way he stands with heels clacked together, a v-formation- the way he pants so heavily after an item, but still steadfastly bows ninety degrees to thank his cheering and whooping, supportive audience, hands carding through sweat matted locks.

jeongguk offers a juice box that's ice cold, jimin puckering his lips and missing the straw, making the tips of jeongguk's ears burn. the way the dancer moaned as he downs the chilled refreshment in fifteen seconds flat just further fuels that blush.

they study a while more after dance, at the library, due to an upcoming test comprising 30% of the grade. ever diligent jimin studies, too concentrated to notice jeongguk snapping discreet photos.

the hours fly by, and before he knows it, jeongguk is ushering jimin into a classy omakase ramen shop, full of a cozy ambience and epicurean cuisine, garnering its reputation. 

they wait for their bowls of ramen, jimin fiddling with his rings. "thanks for coming to watch me today, jeongguk-ah, i think- i think i might have done better when you arrived."

"i happened to pass by, is all," the younger shrugs, waving it off casually, despite both of them knowing that the dance studio is in an isolated block behind campus; jimin refuses to pursue it further, beaming, as he leans his head on jeongguk's shoulders. "i love you, jeonggukie," he says, words laced with all the happiness and contentment in the world.

jeongguk pulls him in to kiss him senseless, when jimin checks the time and apologises for such a late dinner at nine-thirty, for he wouldn't budge and leave the library unless he had thoroughly revised for the next day. so much for being a diligent student, he had neglected jeongguk's growling stomach and he felt awful about it. 

"sorry," he murmurs again, when they part, steaming hot noodles served in pork-bone broth landing on their table. 

"one more, sweetheart," jeongguk whispers, pulling him in for another chaste kiss, "don't say sorry when you're with me, you idiot." 

they slurp up their noodles, and jimin asks about him. he wants to, needs to know more about jeongguk- which elicits magnified doe eyes. yet another surprise from jimin.

"the rest of them never really cared, you know? they were just in for the cash, i guess," jeongguk mutters through a bite of 63° onsen egg.

"i mean, some just wanted the prestige of dating the most handsome and well-known rich kid on the block, you know? i got a little disgusted when i saw their posts on snapchat and instagram- it was honestly a nighmare," jeongguk confesses, and jimin recieves it with a forlorn expression.

"that's so mean," he pouts, "i- promise never to do that though! because i love you, very very much!" he completes cutely, sending jeongguk finger hearts as he vouches for his loyalty, plumetting into jeongguk's chest with ease, for added warmth in their childish banter.

jeongguk laughs, putting down his chopsticks and draping them around the dancer's waist, cuddling him in closer. "you make me so happy, hyung. you're like a tiny little rice cake, i could hold you forever," 

both of them are bubbling with laughter, jimin hitting him playfully and jeongguk returning the favour by kissing his nose. god, it felt so nice. to be adored, to be wanted, desired.

they take the polaroid there and then, after emptying the bowls of ramen, jeongguk patting his lap for jimin to sit on, to which the dancer laughs, mirth in his voice, as the bright snap of flash goes off. jimin hands him the first shot, smiling again for the next one, brighter than the flash itself.

"you probably do this for everyone else too, i feel bad for your eyes," he jokes, blinking away the aftereffect the burst of light.

but the dead seriousness of jeongguk's voice, all earnest and stripped down, makes him believe it- the way he all too easily might come apart, the way he all to easily believes whatever jeongguk says.

"only you." 

jeongguk sends him back, one hand lingering on jimin's thigh and the other on the steering wheel, singing high praise of how amazing of a dancer he was. jimin relishes in his compliments, more driven to work even harder in the days to come. 

on the way home, he coaxes jeongguk to talk more about himself, and he learns jeongguk adores marvel, especially iron man, wants ten dogs when he grows up, likes red and black. he loves timberlands and loose plain white shirts, used to sing and dance too. then the car pulls to a stop.

"you're really amazing and beautiful in everything you do, jimin." 

"y-you think so?"

and they gaze at each other for a while more, a comfortable silence nestling snugly between them under the inky black sky full for stars. their hands still linked, and unable to pull apart- jeongguk gently cups jimin's jaw before he goes back in to wash up and sleep, fatigue evident in his body.

"love you, jeonggukie," he says sleepily, pecking his jaw because he's lazy to tiptoe, and jeongguk acknowledges it for the first time. 

"i know, sweetheart, i know. rest well." 

"you too," comes the almost inaudible mumble as jimin shuffles back in after jeongguk kisses his hair back.

8 + 4.

THURSDAY 

(they say... jeon jeongguk sets up all his lover-like ways just for this day; to satisfy carnal desires, and everything goes downhill from there.)

jimin goes to school the next day, a fervent craving for pat bingsu. he spams jeongguk with bingsu! bingsu! jiminnie wants bingsu! until the latter concedes, with a sigh in the middle of his class, promising to take him later.

jimin basks in the icy sweet treat, all smiles and butterflies, warm sunshine on a cloudy day. out of nowhere, jimin begins his mini interrogation session, curious.

"jeonggukie, do you know how many there were before me?" 

there's a shrug from the younger, an answer on the premises of "i lost count along the way, "

"oh... then, was there anyone who was cuter than me? ah, i- i mean since you always say that i'm cute and all, " jimin falters, towards the end, being shameless was no mean feat, especially for a people with lower self-esteem. 

jimin is just eager, testing the uncertain waters- desperate to be recognized, to be remembered; he doesn't want to be left behind, remembered just as a number, a face- he wants to be remembered, at least, as park jimin. and so he holds on tightly, ardently to any possible attachment jeongguk could probably have.

something- anything at all.

"you're pouting again, baby, that's cute. you should pout more," 

the teasing lilt in jeongguk's voice causes a gurgled surprised exclamation from the person opposite him, halfway through a strawberry from his dessert. a hand immediately flies up to clamp against his sticky plush lips, to prevent that duck-lipped pout that had a great effect on jeongguk.

"ah, you're blushing again, that's really cute too," he adds, winking coyly, and jimin felt like such an idiot for choosing this topic, of all things, jeongguk wasn't going to let him live anymore!

his small little palms instantaneously divert back to hide the fiercely rising blush, furnace-like heat radiating off his cheeks. he squishes his mochi-like cheeks, in attempt to surpress the heat from burning up his entire face.

"... still pouting, manggaetteok," jeongguk coos, and jimin literally has to place his his forehead on the table to spare himself of further embarrassment; jeongguk would never let him live it down, rambunctious laughter spilling from his lips.

"now that i think of it, you really are the cutest, boys and girls alike," 

and jimin perks up from his face-planting position, cheeks still very rosy and eyes now sparkling in wonder. 

"r-really!" he gasps, before smiling till his eyes bunched up into crescents and nose scrunched up in bliss, giggles like sunrays shining on glistening ocean waters.

park jimin... was indeed the most beautiful and ethereal creature he has ever seen.

jimin gets cold as they walk down the streets, and jeongguk lends him the most obnoxious looking yellow sweater, complete with doughnuts and sprinkles and pink icing. jimin spends five minutes doubling over in laughter, jeongguk protesting that its functionality was much greater that its appearance, please, jimin.

it smells of fresh linen and softener and for the record, jeongguk argues, he usually lets his dates buy a branded sweater than lend them his own, so hyung can you please appreciate my act of kindness?

he earns kisses of gratitude as they continue walking, fingers entwined, and jeongguk playfully nipping at jimin's fingers whenever he pointed at something in the distance excitedly. the elder would thwack him on the stomach, telling him to stop that, but jeongguk knew chances were jimin wouldn't say no if it was him. 

the way they play by the water fountains, with the stray dogs and the children at the nearby playground makes jimin temporarily forget that the person beside him, holding his hand, happened to be a serial heartbreaker.

the way he would mimic jimin's dances from practice, exaggeratedly and in the most comical manner just to make jimin laugh- augmented variations of jimin's habit of running his fingers through his hair as well; it almost made jimin feel like they were highschool students falling in love, made jimin feel like they were meant for each other. 

the way the little kids by the playground sat around jeongguk, huddled in a circle and egging jimin on to dance for them, screaming in elation when he danced to their idols' songs, fire, run, boy in love- cutely yelling for numerous encores with enthusiasric clapping and fist pumps until they had to leave- made jimin feel so warm and fuzzy inside.

it made him wonder, perhaps this was what it would be like if they got married? had children, had settled down, had fulfilled jeongguk's life ambitions of ten dogs in the house; but jimin shakes his head, patting his cheeks to clear his throughts, breathe. that was probably him dreaming and thinking too far again.

after all, jeongguk was rich, good-looking, smart- he could easily find someone of equal status, marry well, start a family that would leave behind only the finest of natural selection. what was he even thinking?

"-min?" jeongguk waves a hand, calling him back to real life. he's met with a frown, jeongguk displeased with something he sees. 

"jimin, do you have dance today?" 

"uh, no, dance was yesterday!"

"then why are you wearing makeup?" 

suddenly painfully aware of the close proximity, jimin pulls away, walking over to the empty swings where jeongguk took a seat beside him. 

"is there an occasion? the jimin i know isn't that flamboyant, is simple and lovely and down to earth in his own way."

they way jimin's face falls, a little more than just crestfallen, almost makes jeongguk regret uttering those words laced with concern, biting his tongue in response.

"a-ah, i- well, jeonggukie, you see- i was thinking about it, and i realised that, well, how should i put it," jimin swallows, playing with the hem of the yellow hoodie. "you just seemed to be more attracted to the aesthetically pleasing and, like, i noticed that on weeks where your date of the week has a more, uh, flawless face you tend to be happier." 

something sour churns in his stomach, violent and twisting, making him feel the bile rising up in his throat, palms clammy. jimin anxiously licks at his lips, staring at the sand, rocking himself back and forth on the swing but just unable to look at jeongguk in the eyes. "i mean- you did say i was beautiful only since yesterday, and i- i kind of told myself to give up after week 23, but my eyes always ended up wandering to you, and i just thoug-" 

and he stops dead in the middle of all his babbling, realising he had given one of his secrets away. "sorry, i- i should've known better," he adds numbly, eyes glassy and voice breaking up. 

"if you want i can go remove it now-" and before he knows, he feels the tears spilling out, warm, as jeongguk squats in front of him and kisses the salty streaks of tears away.

"jimin, baby, eyes on me," he commands gently, in soothing tones, beckoning jimin to fall into his embrace, "i just wanted to be the best i could for you, i love you, jeonggukie," the literal angel sobs, eager to please, eager to give jeongguk his everything. 

he lets jeongguk kiss away his sorrow, insecurities reassured when he tells jimin he's amazing, so beautiful and wonderfully made no matter in what form; a true masterpiece and a work of high art; the sniffling subsides a little when jeongguk tells him he wanted those people only for their body, but jimin was not in that category- jimin was too good, too pure for this universe.

he kisses away jimin's sadness and fears, in the middle of the neighbourhood playground, fervent and passionate on a cloudy, chilly day- sweeps him off his feet literally, asks a passerby to help take their photo with jimin's tear-streaked face, with jimin scooped in his arms in a bridal carry. 

carries jimin back home in the same exaggerated manner, jimin murmuring how much he loved him, little kisses along the way.

jimin does his little habit of professing his love, a tender, bitersweet kiss when they part:

it's thursday, mid-week; one more day of the week would mean another day less with jeongguk. how ironic.

5 + 5.

Chapter Text

Friday

(they say… it's a week's worth of a fling- nothing more, nothing less.)

it's jimin who catches him, by the lockers of a more isolated wing making out with another girl during the intermission of period three to four. making his way down to the arts block, where he had left his bottle behind, he finds her- one with a killer curvaceous body and it sucks because she's really, really pretty.

in spite of the layers of her heavy makeup, as heavy as her pants as she smears her obnoxiously bright red lipstick all over jeongguk’s face, hungrily devouring his lips as if he were something delectable and addictive- as if he were her's.

it hurts, it hurts so much, to see jeongguk reciprocating, hands wandering down her back and going lower, lower- until it rests casually atop her perky bottom. jimin was a dancer, so it was no surprise was well-built, had a nice butt too; jimin’s also wearing a striped pattern similar to her snug-fitting crop top showing her assets and he can feel his stomach flip, nauseous and queasy as he looks down at his own muscular hands and thick thighs.

he's okay looking, right? then why does jeongguk never kiss him like this? he never goes further than seek unspoken permission before promptly sucking the life and oxygen out of jimin.

jimin can feel the tears prickling at the corners of his eyes, walking back faster, almost a sprint, to avoid the image of that cloyingly artificial and vapid girl that was ironically much more beautiful. they match, he thinks bitterly, blinking the tears back, and on second thought the word playboy immediately springs to thought- afterall, who was he but mere park jimin?

the one that someone had dated because he was the highest ranking dancer to enter the school. the one who, of all people had to go and fall head over heels with someone worlds apart, someone of a ridiculously different status and reputation, someone by the name of jeon jeongguk.

inwardly chiding himself, he pretends the cause of the extreme brisk walking is due to him approaching the brink of being late for his class after retrieving his bottle.

he’s usually clumsy and forgetful- he should never have remembered it.

they meet for lunch, jeongguk looking very handsome as usual, a loose white shirt with sleeves rolled to his elbows, ripped jeans, his favourite boots. jimin just sticks to his usual oversized sweaters, today in black and white stripes and matching monochrome jeans and sneakers.

he tries to pretend it didn't happen, chewing on his kimchi fried rice, half the time zoning out and staring into blank space. jeongguk technically was jimin’s boyfriend for the week right? so it was only logical, it made sense that he had every reason to be jealous... right?

wait, he takes that back about the blank space- jimin just keeps staring at the hickey that really pretty what’s-her-name had left, at the junction between his neck and clavicle and jimin can't help but stare. there are poor dabs of concealer over positively blooming purplish hues, and okay, he reasons, the fact that he tried to hide it meant that gukkie knew it would have an impact on jimin if he saw, right? so that was oddly comforting of sorts, to his wildly beating heart. or so he thinks.

to his chagrin he just blurts "what's that," in monotone before he can rationally stop himself, chin tilted to nudge at that eyesore of a spot- just as jeongguk uses his chopsticks to hand him some tofu from his stew. jeongguk ignorantly shrugs, hyper-aware of the slight waver in jimin’s adorable busan lilt, despite the older trying his best to put up a front and play it cool. jimin’s so easy to read sometimes that jeongguk feels like such a terrible guy for going about his modus operandi.

"oh. some girl that wanted to get in my pants, that's all," comes the all too easily practiced nonchalant air, as if he were talking about the weather; it renders jimin speechless, so many questions emerging and lying at the tip of his tongue. isn't he the monday boyfriend? how could jeongguk even say such things without batting an eyelash?

"does it bother you, hyung?"

the younger side eyes jimin, with brow raised, making a futile attempt at adjusting the flimsy, semi-translucent collar to hide it- as if it would make anything better- and jimin’s heart screams yes it does, so much! but he wills his head to shake no.

jeongguk shouldn't know. he doesn't even care, anyway.

lunch proceeds with superficial conversation, and jimin felt sick. something uneasy and ominous churning within him, and what was he thinking when he had dreamed of being that monday boyfriend for so long? in all honesty, he really couldn't hold on much longer. maybe it's a good thing the week is coming to an end.

maybe.

to say that jeongguk would abstain from sex the entire week- when it was already an ingrained routine into his extremely messed up weekly trysts- would have him require the self control of a saint; even if he was aware that he didn't want to try these casual one night stands (of sorts) with jimin, it didn't mean he didn't need to gratify his war of hormones elsewhere.

it was to his surprise, however, after closer inspection, that he had picked that social escort for hire not for her deft hands and smooth ministrations, not for her voluptuous body or well painted face- he had picked her immediately, the moment he scrolled past her name.

park minji- and that itself bore too much semblance to the purer, more sincere and genuine person which held the syllables in reverse; the one in which held his heart wrapped around his cute little pinky.

which thus explained the current predicament of the onslaught of hickeys that ferocious girl that delivered, slotted nicely between his thighs in the bathroom stalls; the one who obeyed his every wish and command in the empty desolate classroom, lewd noises echoing off walls as he grabbed fistfuls of her her hair in ecstasy- he had almost called out jimin while riding out his high, for goodness sake. this was bad. so bad.

but however good she was for his virility, she wasn't good enough for his heart.

he knows he's the cause of jimin’s downcast face, the way he walks apprehensively down the hallways, smile a little more tight-lipped with lesser teeth showing;

he tries to make it up subtly, hopes jimin might understand, as he holds those baby-like fingers he adores so much a little more protectively; speaks to him in softer, warmer tones such that all traces of teasing vanish- takes him to a fair that he's always wanted to go to. everything ought to go smoothly according to plan. he'd planned this since monday.

they travel downtown, farther than usual and jeongguk has no regrets about the long travelling time when he sees jimin’s face light up and starts clapping his hands in small exclamations of daebak~! as he scurries around to see whatever he can; before jeongguk tugs him in closer for fear of the excited puppy getting lost amidst the huge crowd. they take in the sweet, crisp autumn air, jimin wearing one of jeongguk’s denim jackets due to the chilly weather.

jeongguk always makes him forget his worries, whatever that's troubling him whenever he gives jimin that soft, soft smile- the one that mimics the boyish charm his iphone’s display pictures exude, just that jeongguk’s a lot more stunning and beautiful up close. jeongguk is an enigma that he slowly unravels, unfurling bit by bit, as jimin delves deeper, always ready and waiting to drown.

jimin never notices, though, the way jeongguk smiles when he's staring at him from afar, the proud look on his face akin to the notion of that's my boy. he never notices the way jeongguk is oddly perceptive, and now has to juggle with the growing of the tiny seeds of affection jimin had sown in his heart. he doesn't notice the way he's altered jeongguk, bit by bit, moulding him to function more like a human being and not a superior apex creature.

this time, it's jimin who takes the lead in bringing jeongguk places- making him win prizes for him at his beck and call, when it's usually the opposite for the previous forty odd rendezvous. it's jeongguk who always calls the shots, has the upper hand; but when it comes to jimin, jeongguk feels all gooey and impossibly warm inside, all his defences slowly coming down. when it comes to jimin, he feels the overwhelming need to preserve and protect.

he earns a kiss from jimin every step of the way- as he gives in into letting him take the rides, gives in into effortlessly winning all the grand prizes at hitting cans and shooting and throwing hoops. he laments when jimin pulls him to ride the grandly lit carousel smack in the middle of the fairgrounds, but with a pout and some whining of ‘but i love you, won't you come with me?’ his resolve melts, utterly whipped but still good at hiding it behind a clandestine pokerface. he's experienced and well-trained in this field, after all.

it doesn't take a genius to figure out that jeongguk’s planning or waiting for something, the way he keeps checking the time on his phone. jimin just knows something is up when jeongguk insists they ride the ferris wheel, suspicious as he makes up lame excuses for them to ride it before the fair closes, when it's only 8:17pm. jimin goes along with it anyway, it's jeongguk asking- which he rarely does.

jimin sits beside him, huddled up and clutching onto his partner’s hand, purring when jeongguk kisses his hair.

“darling?”

and jeongguk pulls out a small box, complete with ribbon to make it look like a tiny christmas present. he takes it out and in a swift movement he clasps a butterfly necklace from swarovski around jimin’s neck. the wings are encrusted with pinkish jewels that glimmer in the fairy lights hanging by the carriage. jimin stares in shock, barely registering how and what, and jeongguk’s already wordlessly working his way to hook on the multiple charms he's bought last night to hook onto the bracelet he gives every single week, only with a single ‘j’ on it.

“mine’s special?” jimin breathes, half gushing, half shocked, jeongguk can tell by the way his cheeks have gone so pink, other hand flying up to touch his lips in nervousness. jimin’s one of the few who wears the plain bracelet so religiously, most of them had swapped that out for some other accessory worth twice of its custom-made value.

“you deserve better,” jeongguk replies, you deserve so much more than me, you deserve the entire universe; there's a star- as brilliant as jimin shines, an angel- like he is, a sun- how bright and bedazzling he is. jimin marvels, fingers tracing over the heart locket, the rose- all in tender strokes as he pecks jeongguk on the cheekbones to say thank you. the rise up to the top of the ferris wheel is terribly slow, and just as how the night gets darker, their conversations get deeper and more vulnerable as the stars come out to play.

jimin sighs contentedly, nuzzling in to inhale more of jeongguk’s comforting smell and for body warmth, and he jokes about how cheesy it would be if the carriage stopped at the top, and they if kiss, they would've successfully reenacted a classic rom com. but that's exactly what jeongguk is striving for, and he just smiles back at the ball of sunshine, glowing under the fairy lights, looking mesmerizing as ever.

not too long after jimin says it, the carriage does slow to a halt, with them almost at the top. “finally,” jeongguk breathes, patting jimin’s thigh along the entire journey up, the other hand laced with jimin’s fingers. his tiny baby of a rice cake looks up in alarm, panicking because jeonggukie, we're stuck! what do we do-

but jeongguk hushes him, tugs him into his lap with ease. “look at the sky, love.”

it's a meteor shower. and that's so awfully romantic, jeongguk has nailed his imaginary chick flick so well he feels himself tearing up. 10382882/10 would recommend. who knew jeonggukie would be so romantic for an asshole of an infamous playboy?

“you have to make a wish, this only happens once every two centuries,”

so jimin does, with his hands clasped together and eyebrows furrowed as jeongguk looks at him and beams, making his own wish in his heart as he strokes jimin’s hair, eyes softening before returning to their cold, unmoving gaze when jimin’s eyes flutter back open.

“what did you wish for, jeonggukie?”

there's a terse silence, and jimin doesn't know what else to say. if jeongguk could think of such a sweet activity for him then why isn't he answering such a simple questi-

“i’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours,” he answers, in a whisper, to which jimin clambers down to sit next to him in order to get a proper look at his face. they both gnaw anxiously at their lips and cheeks, jimin’s fingers playing with his rings and jeongguk’s nails digging marks like crescents when jimin eye smiles into his palms.

“i… i wished for you to remember me,” jimin speaks softly, hands hiding inside his sweater paws, suddenly very shy. he's fidgeting as he looks up at jeongguk in earnest, eyes transfixed whenever they meet his. i wished for you to be mine, i wished for seven lifetimes and not seven days;

"w-what about you?”

"i... i wished for you never to be sad, for you to be happy. happy today, happy tomorrow, happy on sunday. even-" and jeongguk exhales, swallowing thickly, suddenly losing the ability to get the words in his throat out.

"happy even after sunday is over."

he's looking away wistfully, awkwardly carding his hair back as he stares down at the bird’s eye view of the carnival, almost as bright and beautiful as jimin. he feels jimin tugging tighter onto his shirt, visibly on the verge of tears- it's tragic, really, almost as if they know the ending to this, and yet refuse to accept it- and everything happens so quickly within the next few seconds; jeongguk caressing jimin by the jaw, cupping his cheeks and bringing him in, closer, closer until their lips meet and collide against each other like magnets.

and god, jimin still tastes so sweet like the cotton candy, he puts the fairy in fairy floss; he’s so intoxicating, the way he pulls onto jeongguk’s collar, fabric bunching up and jeongguk can't help but want more, more, more- he loves way jimin enchants him and draws him in like no other, the way jimin devotes his everything to jeongguk- it just makes his heart clench with pride and yet there's so much sadness welling up inside of him too.

the way jimin whimpers, initially denying him access, as if to safeguard his own heart- but jeongguk had coaxes him out to play, has him at his own fingertips; jimin has jeongguk wrapped around his finger, and jeongguk has jimin carefully tucked into a special compartment of that particular cardiovascular crevice he locked up after he turned eighteen.

in jimin’s eyes, there's jeongguk, it was always jeongguk;

it was only jeongguk.

when they kiss it's like fireworks, like the sparklers he had let jimin play with earlier, but more fascinating, more enrapturing, more beguiling. jeongguk holds jimin in his arms, carefully, tenderly like there's no tomorrow, like it was their last day together- and jimin latches tightly onto jeongguk, like he's frantically grasping onto the mirage of a 'forever'.

the way jimin caves in, eager and earnest, begging for more, more- has jeongguk burning brighter with every grip if his wrists, every tug at the back of his head to get closer, closer- as much as he can take in before it all ends. jimin explodes and burns magnificently every time he meets jeongguk, be it his lips his hands his words or himself; he draw jeongguk in like a moth to a flame, a very beautiful, exotic moth that jimin would set himself on fire for any day.

jeongguk makes him feel warm and alive and precious and so very loved; jeongguk makes him feel so many things, makes him want to tell the latter how beautiful he makes jimin feel when he's with him- how he makes jimin feel like he's invincible if they're together. all this he tries to tell him as he presses in deeper to jeongguk’s pretty lips, now his turn to kiss the life out of jeongguk, kissing him senseless before they pull apart to breathe, hot and heavy and laden with so much want.

“i love you very much and... you know that, right?” jimin says, hushed, through overly-bitten and sore strawberry red lips. he says it, embarrassed and shy, just like the many situations he has pictured out in his head confessing a year ago, when he had first laid his eyes on, heart fluttering; when a young jeon jeongguk had entered with his bunny teeth and huge doe eyes that made jimin swoon.

“yeah. i knew all along.”

the ride back is painfully long, jimin humming along to the soft indie music in the car, in order to ease the suffocating silence- despite their hands entwined together tightly as a testimony to the opposite of the insufferable solitude.

they sneak occasional glances when the other isn't looking, hazel crystals twinkling in devotion and ever so doting, as jeongguk keeps his eyes trained on the road ahead of him; doe eyes stealing amorous glances at the ethereal being in the passenger seat, gazing at the vibrant night view when the traffic lights pull the lambo to a halt.

they swing their interlocked hands slightly as jeongguk sends him to the doorstep, jimin thanking him profusely for all the things he has done, for the another one of the loveliest nights he has ever had after living for so long. but after the goodbye kiss, jimin’s hand lingers, eyes uncontrollably fond.

“would you… like to come in?”

jimin’s voice is hesitant, testing the somewhat familiar yet foreign waters. it's lukewarm, comforting- as he steps further into deep blue, the never ending pool of water, vast as the ocean. but he's mentioned before that he was prepared to drown for jeongguk, hasn't he?

(it was always jeongguk.)

“i’ll just stay till you fall asleep, babe,” the use of all these affectionate names drives jimin crazy, really, and even though… maybe jeongguk may not mean it, just says it as a word and not for its underlying implications of commitment and endearment- he still chooses to believe every word. if it's jeongguk, then he can just take his heart and break it and trample all over it.

jimin sometimes hates the fact he's so whipped and undeniably weak towards jeon jeongguk. anything for jeongguk.

he gets washed up and changes into more comfy sweats, he spies jeongguk looking at his framed up polaroids by the nightstand, tracing his fingers over the decorations jimin had adorned it with, drawing flowers and cat ears and hearts and sparkles; but there's something in the way jeongguk looks at them, looks at the other photos with jimin’s dance team, with his family that makes is side profile look so sad.

jimin doesn't really know how to put it- other than jeongguk’s lips being pressed into a wry smile, eyes that somehow look disorientated and maybe a little desirous. it gives him a little more hope, perhaps, that all these days aren't just for show, aren't a ploy- that just maybe, maybe- there were some elements of genuine affection, adoration involved as well.

maybe.

clumsy as he is, he almost knocks something over while drying his hair, trying to approach the younger noiselessly.

“oh. you're done,” jeongguk says monotonous, face moulded back into that stoic, emotionless canvas and hands stuffed into pockets. he watches as jimin takes out their photo from the ferris wheel today, jimin overflowing with joy and contentment through puffy ruby red lips as he blinds in his megawatt smile. jeongguk has his cheek leaned on the crown of jimin’s head, and it make them look so saccharine and so much like boyfriends it makes a part of him hurt.

jimin adds it to the collection, smiling in the dimly lit room, and jeongguk thinks that well, okay, maybe not just a part of him is going to hurt after this. jimin cradles the photo carefully, sliding it to join the other four polaroids and jeongguk can just see how much this means to him, how much jimin values this week with him in the way he oozes with passion and affection in every single little thing that he does.

man, this was really going to hurt.

jeongguk stays the night, watching jimin sleep. before he tucks the little rice cake into his duvet, jimin gently traces his fingers over jeongguk’s face, eyes enraptured and besotted, lost in the large does eyes he had fallen for. he pecks jeongguk on the cheek, whispering “goodnight, my love,” like it was a secret, before tucking himself in and rolling to the other side- such that his back is facing jeongguk and the latter can't see his furnace-like face. jeongguk was right, jimin really was too pure, too good, too kind;

he respects jimin’s decision to not let him see his shy face, so he uses his hands to rake through jimin’s fluffy hair and sings softly to him before he sees the rise and fall of the aphrodite that yearns for his touch. he should leave, but there's something in the way jimin sleeps that leaves him captivated, that he can't look away. jimin rolls over to face jeongguk in his slumber, and jeongguk confirms that jimin sleeping makes him look a million times more vulnerable.

it makes him want to preserve all the innocence left in him, as he clicks at the camera button on his phone to savour and keep this intimate moment forever- makes him want to keep every bit of sincerity flowing profusely out of jimin all to himself. makes him want to make jimin all his.

his to love and to cherish.

as jeongguk watches the delicate beauty with every inhale and exhale, still radiant even in his sleep- he strokes his hair and peppers his beautiful face with butterfly kisses when he's fallen asleep. he murmurs, ‘i like you too, you know’ and he finds himself unable to move, so he just stares because wow, he seriously doesn't deserve someone who's like this, all soft and sweet for him and far too sincere about everything;

“jimin, you know that i-”

he halts abruptly. he what? he can't seem to find the answer or the words to express what he's feeling, what had he wanted to say?

jimin's so hauntingly beautiful and distracting, and even the numbers on the polaroids, he forgets. was it 7 + 3?

maybe this was what the previous 47 had felt about him, and suddenly he feels bile rise up his throat and the knots in his stomach.

he never knew feelings hurt this bad.

SATURDAY

(they say… jeon jeongguk distances himself away from you, slowly and gradually from the depths is your heart, to spare you from that looming ‘heartbreak’;)

jimin wakes up early, to get ready for extra dance practice, and when he pads to the kitchen, he finds an exquisite box from a reputable patisserie waiting for him on the counter top. there's a note attached, and the black box with gold swirls reveals slices of exotic cakes and fruit tartlettes.

manggaetteok♡ :
sorry i couldn't stay longer, i would have piano classes by the time you wake up. please remember to eat breakfast, you need energy to dance, don't you?

see you at lunch, i’ll text you.

jk.

jimin uses his fingers to stop the smile from spreading, blushing as he detaches the handwritten note to join their polaroid counterparts in his bedroom. he scurries up with a small giggle, bashful smile on his face as he sighs lovingly, seeing that jeongguk had put in the effort to draw some hearts- before adding to his collection, ever the romantic.

they arrange to meet in the afternoon for tea instead, jeongguk having errands to run and jimin thinks about him, about what his dance crew had said about him being a lot more expressive when it came to that contemporary piece about someone being in love.

he sits by his writing desk, plugs in his earphones and takes a short nap, dreaming of jeongguk, scented paper all prepared.

right, he still needs to visit the florist's, and write down that list. it’s saturday already, after all.

they have earl grey and biscuits and scones at some fancy avant garde tea house, and jeongguk takes him to walk around; their interaction has simmered down to a minimum, and jeongguk buys him a pair of diamond earrings, despite ardent protests, swapping them out with cheap silver to complete the butterfly on his neck, bejewelled charms on his wrist.

he hints at watching this highly raved horror movie that had premiered just a couple of days ago- and of course his precious darling says okay, even if he fears those films so much.

the movie starts airing, and jeongguk swears he's watching a comedy instead. the horror film has jimin jumping in his seat, screaming at all the jump scares and covering his eyes- his reactions are pure gold.he clings onto jeongguk who remains unfazed, who is honestly just watching him the entire time, and can make out even in the dim ambience of the cinema how pale jimin has turned, goosebumps all over as he grabs onto jeongguk’s arm for dear life.

he calmly and gently tugs onto jimin, all wide eyes and fear reflected in them amidst the flashing lights and creaking of doors amplified, motioning them to the exit, to jimin’s relief.

jimin’s legs are all wobbly and his hands are clammy- he looks so scared out of his wits that jeongguk pulls the smaller into his embrace in order to comfort him.

“you alright there, honey?” he mumbles into jimin’s sweet smelling hair, before pulling apart slightly to look at his reaction.

“b-but the film- you w-wanted to-” jimin stammers back incoherently, still in shock from the sinister and eerie effects, making jeongguk sigh in resignation.

“i can watch it another day myself, it's fine. why didn't you tell me you were scared?” his voice is laced with concern, to jimin’s delightful surprise, instead of condescending as jimin had always been teased for his low tolerance to the horror genre and thus became the subject of many pranks.

“you- i mean, like, you wanted to, so i thought maybe i would be able to take it this time?” he answers, sheepish grin pasted to look cherubic. because there's only one day left before we part, and i thought- maybe if i start distancing away i’d make it out alright.

(maybe because it's you, and i would do anything for you;)

jeongguk sighs again, bending down slightly to brush away his bangs at eye level, before briefly touching their lips together. “don't ever forsake your happiness at the expanse of someone else, got it?”

to which jimin nods dumbly, still a little shaken and he steers the topic away to make things less depressing. "i... don’t think i’ll be able to sleep tonight,” he mumbles in embarrassment, but jeongguk just laughs it off, saying it's cute- that he should just make sure he sticks with someone who isn't afraid in the future so that he'll make it out alive.

someone like you, jimin thinks, forlorn, and he doesn't realise he's said it out loud until jeongguk looks at him in question, saying “what.” a little too loudly as well. it’s late in the evening already, and jimin says he's lost his appetite. the air between them is awkward, highly strung with unconveyed emotions and undaid words- they hold hands but their fingers are rigid, shoulders hunched;

their aimless, mindless stroll renders them quiet, many things on each of their individual minds but the thoughts are similar, pharased differently but of the same thesis- how the other will do after they part, what tomorrow will be like, was this all a dream;

jimin numbly tells jeongguk that he's tired, and he wants to go home- but his mind is the converse, bubbling with incessant thoughts of the younger with each minute. the ride home is silent, jimin doesn't even bother singing along, lets the tension enshroud them and stifle further reasons to communicate.

the faster he gets over him; the faster he'll recover.

the ride to jimin’s apartment ceases after a painfully long journey that felt like eternity, even if it were only fifteen minutes.

jimin kisses him sweetly at his doorstep, before he scampers back in to retrieve the instax. now, the smiles in the photos had become more strained, jimin’s cheeks no longer hurting as he never quite smiled as wide anymore. jeongguk’s face falls as the colours of the polaroid emerge, frowning at how plastic and forced jimin’s smile had turned out. whatever had happened to the looks of pure joy just a few days back?

jimin regains his attention by going back into the house, this time appearing with a flower and a pocket-sized blush pink envelope in his hand.

“jeonggukie… doesn't know flower language, right?”

and the look of lifted brows and are you kidding me?

is enough to appease his burning query. thank god. the tinkling of bells has now faded and died into a forced choked up laugh, and even worse, paired up with such a melancholic smile on an angelic face. sad doesn't suit jimin, jeongguk concludes. but before he can open his mouth to speak, jimin starts talking again.

“ah, i knew it, that's… that's good. i- i really love you, jeongguk-ah. s-see you tomorrow,” but jeongguk can hear the sorrow and the way his voice trembles as he mumbles the words out, telling him to open the letter after sunday in case he forgets to give it tomorrow- and something just seems so fishy and awfully wrong about jimin being so upset, his sparkling personality and smile and laugh all fizzing out like a bright light dimming and short circuiting. this is just… so wrong.

and so the words fly out of his mouth automatically, the words he had carefully tucked away and hidden in a forbidden pandora’s box- of all the days, he had to throw a curved ball today, at 8:59pm, had to make jimin’s eyes widen like saucers and mouth open as if to say something, but still closes in the end. jeongguk always has the final say.

jeongguk is so damned conflicting and confusing a creature, and now jimin doesnt know what to think.

“i- i love you too, jimin.”

that day, the numbers got a little less.

2 + 1.

it's 9:46pm when jeongguk reaches home, and 10:01pm when he's settled down and washed up and sitting on his bed, jimin’s single flower and scented envelope seated next to him.

jeongguk searches it up on naver that night, thumb hovering over the enter button, bright light illuminating from the screen. jimin’s stupid wry smile keeps replaying in his head, and something tells him he shouldn't, but the rebel in him tells him otherwise. he presses enter.

and now he wishes he never did.

white tulips meant a one-sided affection.

he tells himself to sleep, and then open the secret laden envelope the next morning, but his phone vibrates, garnering his attention.

the first thing he sees is the clock, 10:13pm, and the immediate thing that comes to mind is that those numbers represent jimin’s birthday. hell, even the time was mocking him.

the message is from jimin, who says he's sorry but he's not feeling well and would like to sleep in till late morning. jimin will see him in the afternoon or something. jeongguk types back a message dripping with genuine concern, telling jimin to rest well and hurry and sleep if he's not feeling too good.

in his heart of hearts, he knows jimin just wants to avoid him at all costs so that the death penalty will be more painless- he knows how deep jimin is in, how invested- it may very well be better for a sweetheart like him. it would make jeongguk feel better too to know jimin’s alright and damage-free, but that's likely to be impossible, and they both know it. maybe a little more space will do them good.

and so he tells himself to sleep.

he can't.

jeongguk tosses and turns until the ungodly hours of 2:03am, where he still can't sleep because his mind is for too preoccupied with jimin, jimin, jimin.

what was he even thinking, giving jeongguk that white tulip? and that enve-

oh, right. the envelope.

jeongguk bolts up from his log-like position and rummages around in the dark to find it. the curiosity gnaws off him savagely, and jimin is far too trusting. he switches on the nightlight, before opening up the flap carefully with a letter opener.

it's a playlist, and it smells like vanilla and cinnamon spice, smells as sweet as jimin.

You Make Me Begin; (for my beloved jeonggukie)
01. let me know - bts
02. talk me down - troye sivan
03. drive - oh wonder
04. million dollar man - lana del rey
05. pacify her // play date - melanie martinez
06. take shelter - years and years
07. drive - glades
08. never gonna change - broods
09. lies - marina and the diamonds
10. should’ve been us - tori kelly
11. don't let me go - shinee
12. we won't - james young ft. phoebe ryan
13. love is not over - bts *

as he buys all the tracks off itunes without further ado, and upon closer inspection jeongguk can see the faint lines drafted out in pencil first before being rubbed out- jimin ever the perfectionist in keeping his lines of words straight, in addition to a flawless elegant cursive script. oh no, he can also see the faint tear stains smudging the sides of the fragrant scented cream coloured paper and where the asterisk is- the songs must have made jimin cry really badly; and the thought itself makes jeongguk’s heart ache.

there are also small timing markings, he notes, that jimin had indicated in subscript by the titles- jeongguk mentally noting it down to pay particular attention to those segments.

01.

The promises we made disappeared
with the time we spent together
Like Juliet and Romeo
Did I like you too much?
Now I look back at the film with you
Too early to do anything by thinking of you
You took away my stars at night,
my sun at day
Only leaving me with the darkness
of a single cold cloud
If there are hellos,
then there’s bound to be goodbyes?

jeongguk remembers jimin telling him that he loved this song, loved the lyrics and expression to this piece and especially since he himself had bore an uncanny resemblance to the maknae of one of jimin’s favourite bands- otherwise known as jimin’s bias or his favourite in the group. he remembers just nodding along, not paying much heed, but now he knows- jimin’s been hinting and telling him all this while; he’s already long known the outcome:

On top of this ending tune
I am standing here alone
Now tell me
That it’s over, let me know

Boy let me know
Although I already know everything is over
Although you’re over me
Boy let me know
Tell me something

I just wanna know
know know
My lingering feelings are trying to withstand the end

oh god. what an idiot he’s been. if the first song’s already this emotional and an accurate representation of them then what about the rest of the twelve tracks?

Maybe we’re all just a bunch of fools
Everyone lives with a love that has come to an end
It’s not that I still have feelings for you
I know we can’t work out

yeah, so maybe he was right about being an idiot. this was going to be one hell of a long night. jeongguk keeps his fingers crossed, and just prays he'll be able to face jimin after this emotional rollercoaster tomorrow.

02.

But I wanna sleep next to you
And I wanna come home to you
I wanna hold hands with you
I wanna be close to you

(And that's all I wanna do right now)

he remembers taking photos when jimin fell asleep- so, so angelic and too pure for his tainted hands to reach; he remembers the way jimin wakes up with sleepy puppy eyes, aegyo sal amped up inherently. he remembers the gravel like tones in jimin’s morning voice which he finds rather attractive, his fluffy bedhair-

suddenly, he remembers everything about jimin, gushing right at him like an angry stormy sea, in the middle of the night. like a tornado, a landslide, a hurricane. he had never seen such a romantic way of confession being throw at his face so blatantly- it just left him defenceless.

03.

You sent this hurricane now it won't go away
And I promised I'd be there but you don't make it easy
Darling please believe me

Cause loving you, loving you is too hard
All I do, all I do's not enough
I cannot be loving you, loving you
Loving you, loving you leaves me hurt
All I do, all I do is get burnt
Loving you, loving you
I cannot be loving you, loving you

jeongguk’s heart beats like crazy when he hears it, despite the indie track being soft and dulcet, just like jimin as an instrumental genre, its purpose to calm and soothe. for some reason, his heart palpitates faster when the singer delivers in mellifluous ranges that she's hurt- jimin's hurt. jimin's telling his that loving him is painful and he can't do it anymore. oh god, his heart felt like it could burst not out of happiness but out of despair and guilt. he hadn't… seen this coming. jimin really was a surprise in every sense of the word.

god, he just really wanted to hold him tightly now. he's been such a fool.

See I remember all the times you made me covered in crazy
I can't forget about the way you played me
Like I was never gonna change your world
It ended long ago so please just let me go

played him? so jimin though he was-

no, no- he wasn't going to let jimin go if he could, hell no; he needs to express it- flowers, was it? alright, he would buy jimin flowers tomorrow after figuring out their meanings. he would. to win jimin back.

04.

I don't know how you convince them and get them, but
I don't know what you do, it's unbelievable
And I don't know how you get over, get over
Someone as dangerous, tainted and flawed as you

It isn't that hard boy to like you or love you
I'd follow you down down down,
You're unbelievable
If you're going crazy just grab me and take me
I'd follow you down down down, anywhere anywhere

jeongguk’s been told umpteen times that he's a force to be reckoned with, with his money, power and glory- he's been told that he get people wherever he wants them, whenever;

he's never been told that someone would follow him all the way down during his darkest days, anywhere he goes.

05.

I can't stand her whining
Where's her binky now?
And loving her seems tiring
So boy, just love me, down, down, down

Someone told me, "Stay away from things that aren't yours."
But was he yours, if he wanted me so bad?

Pacify her
She's getting on my nerves
You don't love her
Stop lying with those words

he remembers how they ate bingsu and jimin crinkling his nose when the girls that had ‘romanced’ jeongguk for his vast fortunes were mentioned- remembers jimin sulk poutily when some of those girls batted their eyelashes at him flirtatiously, asked for his number. he remembers how jimin's eyes had dulled when he stared blankly at his hickey at lunch. he remembers jimin telling him that if he ever were to end up with someone, he wouldn't ask for anything more than one thing.

he remembers jimin just wanting only that special person’s heart.

jimin wanting… his heart?

We're just playing hide and seek
It's getting hard to breathe under the sheets with you
I don't want to play no games
I'm tired of always chasing, chasing after you

(I guess I'm just a play date to you)

ah. he knows this singer, the one with the pretty teeth gap, almost as pretty as jimin's crooked front tooth that overlaps slightly; the one with the half-half dyed hair with as colourful as jimin's personality. the one with the aesthetic double features, videos in tandem with what the writer wanted to convey through the lyrics.

Ring around the rosy
I never know, I never know what you need
Ring around the rosy, I wanna to give you, wanna to give you
What you need

You know I give a fuck about you everyday
Guess it's time that I tell you the truth
If I share my toys, will you let me stay?
Don't want to leave this play date with you

he knows for one that melanie’s songs are based on her littler side, a persona called crybaby, but what the hell. it stung because melanie had meant play date as in, you know, little children playing with friends, sharing their toys on the carpeted floors, toy cars and alphabet bricks on an appointed day;

it stung because they both know jimin was referring to play, as in player, playboy- date as in the one jeongguk takes out for fun each week. date as in the one jimin was considered as for this week, registering as 48th in place.

jeongguk seriously regrets not reading this after sunday. he probably would have felt better about it (okay maybe not, given jimin had done this kind of playlist, what was this sorcery all about?!) than be wallowing in guilt and immense heartache, quietly pining, yearning for someone who deserved so much more than his terrible self.

06.

I don't really wanna stop myself
Nobody's gonna tell me I need help,
Are you coming over soon?
I meet you at the darkest time
You hold me, and I have to shut my eyes
I'm shy. Can I be what you like?

jimin's endearingly shy and jeongguk loves that so much. loves the way he giggles when jeongguk does something stupid, on purpose or not to elicit that cute little gurgle and his pink rosy cheeks; the way he glows and lights up when he talks animatedly about his passions, his dance, before trailing off, afraid he'd be boring jeongguk. the way he indulges jeongguk, to the best of his ability. the way jimin's just jimin, at his finest, his purest, as genuine and lovely as he is.

“you don't need to be what i like, you idiot,” jeongguk whispers to his phone, voice quivering slightly as he bunches the blankets around him tighter.

“you're perfect the way you are, and… i'd love to hold you again.”

it's just a pity the recipient of the quiet confession happens to be the air in his room, not the little fairy he knew that could rival the star of the top of a christmas tree.

07.

I'm caught up when you look at me
You let my heart breathe with ease
Chasing stars in our galaxy
Making our own make-believe

jeongguk recalls jimin telling him that all his dreams are coming true within these few days- that jimin had said he had the time of his life, was happier ever since he met jeongguk. had temporarily been jeongguk's.

he feels something stir within, an incoming storm, the tempests that jimin had ventured into willingly now working into violent waves. like a tsunami about to break free, flood breaking the dam. the dangerous and tainted waters that jimin had willingly dipped into, as if a warm soapy bath that he seeked comfort from instead- now he's a thousand percent sure both of them aren't going to make it out damage-free.

08.

And I hate that I can't say your name
Without feeling like I'm part of the blame
And it's never gonna feel quite the same
But it's never gonna change
And I hate that I'm always so young
Had me feeling like you were the one

jeongguk's never really mentioned about his ex, but he's coaxed it out of jimin before. the steam from the ramen had made jimin's cheeks flush pink, along with the slightly nostalgic timbre of his voice. jimin hadn't blamed the past lover- only himself for being stupid enough to pursue someone he wasn't worthy of. the images of jimin looking at him with eyes sparkling like diamonds etched crystal clear in his mind: jimin had apologised far too many times for not being worthy, for being of only an average caste and not higher- for being unable to afford a finer life, more refined and sophisticated tastes;

oh god, jimin should never feel like he's to blame for anything, shit- it's jeongguk who's the one that should be sorry, should be carrying the weight of a heavy heart of gold. jimin should never be sorry for all the pretty little things he's brought into jeongguk's life, unraveling twinkling jewels and diamonds in the rough.

jeongguk should have known- jimin was innocent, it was just him being wilful and stubborn, prideful and arrogant. he should be the one to take the blame of making jimin feel this way.

09.

You're never gonna love me, so what's the use?
What's the point in playing a game you're gonna lose?
What's the point in saying you love me like a friend?
What's the point in saying it's never gonna end?

You're too proud to say that you've made a mistake
You're a coward 'til the end
I don't wanna admit that we're not gonna fit
No, I'm not the type that you like
Why don't we just pretend?

now he knows why jimin's wanted to hold his hand so badly, told him everyday he loved him; to pretend until he couldn't, take on the lead role of this coveted play until he reverted back to understudy when the true hero or heroine renters the scene;

jeongguk feels the screen of his phone getting wet with tiny droplets of water. wait, was the high ceiling leaking?

oh, it was just him crying.

10.

Back and forth like a tug of war
What's it all for, do I want it back
I still got a little flame for ya
Even though you drove me mad
Now and then, I pretend
That it's you when I close my eyes
You got yours, I got mine
But I wonder where you are tonight

jimin loves tori kelly, he knows. he had presented her new album, signed and with a personal message mailed to his apartment in secret, having caught the elder lip syncing along in the car, when he plugged in- knows because he had cornered jimin into confessing shyly, covering his face in embarrassment.

jimin's the one driving him mad now- what was he thinking, getting jeongguk all emotional with this somewhat romantic playlist close to the heart, of all things; jeongguk could have settled with champagne or liqueur truffles, thank you very much. this was… too real, up close and personal and overwhelming, goddamn, jimin.

11.

Like a passing season, you
Left everything in our memories
You said that you’re gonna leave laughing, laughing
That we shouldn’t be dramatic
About tomorrow when we’ll both be alone
That’s how you’ll do it

shit.

that's not what jeongguk had planned for jimin, even if he had done it for the rest of the nameless faces, some of which now a vague and hazy memory with nothing attached to it. that's what he had done for the rest of them, that they would part happy, have a blast on sunday, splurge wads of dollar bills to have a good time; honestly, he had initially wanted to do the same, then move on to number 49- but jimin, a beautiful soul too good for all of humanity, jimin was something else altogether.

something he may or may not have wanted to keep for himself.

12.

Cause I'm so confused when we're together
Feels like I'm choking, these emotions
I know I'm gonna let you down
So don't hold your breath now
Bittersweet in your mouth
Can you stomach the doubt?
I wish I could say what I'm feeling
I'm scared to let these words out

sure, he's seen those weird looks jimin gives him that he can't seem to decipher- this must be it. the way jimin stares like jeongguk's a designer brand his annual paycheck couldn't afford, like jeongguk's the entire milky way but he's only a tiny little star in the galaxies; the way jeongguk has so many greenhouses and expansive gardens waiting for him to pick from, but jimin's just a tiny little flower bud that has close to zero chances of getting picked- there are so many beautiful blooming flowers, and jimin sometimes feels so small, like he's unworthy, never will be noticed;

the song tells him how jimin's not wrong in thinking that he's going to have a number assigned to him after all this fun and games, how his insides churn and do somersaults and cartwheels when he thinks it's all ending. about to crash and burn into nothing, like fireworks blooming but all that's left being ashes;

how he feels when he knows jeongguk will be holding someone else's hand and kissing them with the lips that jimin had so sweetly embraced;

This isn't fun anymore
Never hurt like this before
Broken dishes on the floor
Hearts exploding
Tell me why I'm still holding
Onto the love that we've been breaking
Damn, I thought we'd make it

jimin's hoped, dreamed, wished to make it for seven days someday- even if he hasn't spoken a word to the younger until now, jeongguk has always been and will always be jimin's wish at 11:11. jeongguk will always be the one he burns brighyly for, the one he doesn't mind setting himself on fire to keep warm and snug and safe. the one he had wanted to end up with, forever and ever, in his wishful thinking.

the song has jeongguk crying even more.

13.

for jeongguk, it's the last song that delivers the final blow, turns him into a sobbing mess.

You said goodbye to me
Every night before I went to bed
I hated that even more than dying
It feels like this night is the end of you and me
I don’t know you, you didn’t know me

Time follows you and fades
Why are you getting farther away?
So far that I can’t reach you?

Tell me why, you’re so far away, why
Can’t you see me in your eyes anymore?

what the hell is this all about, jeongguk wants to say, why are you doing this, jimin? i still see you, in all the things i do;

I always smile at you
Even the love is a tragedy for me
I always cry after it’s over
Farewell, Even it is a comedy for you
Yes nothing is everlasting
I live without you even I feel like dying
(Hope it lasts forever, boy)
Over, over, love is not over
Please take me out of this endless maze

Love is so painful
Goodbyes are even more painful
I can’t go on if you’re not here
Love me, love me
Come back to my arms

jeongguk can almost hear the song in jimin's voice, singing to him as he repeats the last track over and over, convulsed in a puddle of nerve wracking emotions. the dam has broken, tidal waves unleashed and surging over any surface it can reach. he wonders how jimin has been holding all this inside of him for so long, how he's been patiently enduring and bottling up all of his unwavering love even when jeongguk has done unsavoury things against him, done shameful and guilt-ridden things; has sinned and hooked up with someone else when he's supposed to be faithful this week, has been a brat, he's been impatient and belittling and unbecoming;

it's almost like jimin has parted the sea or something- jeongguk doesn't know how he hasn't drowned and manages to still smile so brightly at him every single day, a near perfect facade when jeongguk's looking at him with intent. he needs to make it up to jimin before sunday ends, but how?

it's been years since he's cried like this, felt the feeling of guilt and grief again;

jimin is the one who makes him begin again.

SUNDAY

(they say… jeon jeongguk let's you go, like sand slipping from his elegant fingers; like he never loved you at all.)

jimin spends the morning playing games, consistently on a losing streak given that he's so darn distracted. he's spent every single morning staring at the long lashes fanning off doe eyes, big bunny teeth with a haughty grin.

jimin's trying his best to distance himself from it all, but his heart can bear no further attack. his morning his dull, playing mystic messanger and mario kart and everything he can find to satisfy the empty void that longs for jeongguk. everything seems to have transformed into a vintage black and white, away from the pretty pastels and sultry taupes and shimmers jeongguk makes him see. this is bad.

jeongguk goes to the florist’s early sunday morning, finding his own array of flora and fauna for the bouquet he wants to present jimin with before the day ends, and he's come prepared with a full list of the flowers and the meanings he wants to tell jimin. he's owed jimin too much.

when late afternoon comes, conversation gets cut to a minimum. laconic answers, mostly monosyllabic, a curt nod or shake of the head here and there; the air between them is painfully suffocating, their lungs constricting, chest tightening. jeongguk wants so badly to hold jimin's hand, but the latter keeps them safely tucked away from the million dollar man’s, into his coat pockets in spite of how much he'd like to hold them too.

time flows by arguably slow, unlike the previous days where they had flown by too quickly- now there were no more smiles like the sun, laughs like shining stars at night and eyes like pretty crescents;

no more kisses and no more ‘i love you’s from jimin.

jeongguk feels his heart pang, the way he can see the same sort of emotions the songs have conveyed and nestled itself into the depths of both their hearts; jimin is zoning and so listless and he looks so very tired. he no longer excitedly answers jeongguk's queries, even if he does it's done in dull mumbles, completely drained of energy, devoid of emotion.

oh boy was this going to be long day.

“jimin? what would you like to eat for dinner?”

“... yes,”

“jimin?” and jeongguk worriedly waves a hand before jimin's face, snapping him out of his reverie.

“h-huh?”

jeongguk sighs, dejected, “you've been really out of it this whole time,” and the words of are you okay? dies at the tip of his tongue, for he knows better than to ask a rhetorical question at such a critical moment like this.

there's only around 5 hours left. no wonder.

he catches jimin staring at him, gaze full of longing and want and the way jimin hurriedly adverts his gaze when jeongguk catches him like a deer in the headlights makes it feel like looking at jeongguk was illegal, something intangible;

something jimin couldn't have.

jimin still has his hands stuffed into his pockets, keeping them to himself. it's pretty clear that both of them have lost their appetite, but jeongguk wouldn't allow jimin to starve- jimin may not want to eat, but his body needs to.

he settles with buying an orange chocolate muffin from a reputable store, near the han river where he intends to tell jimin the things he's feeling, the things he wants to get out, things he needs to say. jeongguk plans on taking jimin home after this, presenting his bouquet, holding his hand, winning back his heart; ambitious, he knows, but for jimin then… it's worth the wait, worth the fight.

jimin eats off tiny chunks of the muffin, jeongguk brushing off stray crumbs when he messily gets them by the corner of his lips.

“jimin?”

“mm?”

“give me your hand,” jeongguk requests, softly, and jimin pulls out his hand reluctantly. the younger kisses his fingers before holding it, like a gentleman, and jimin's fingers are cold- so he interlock theirs together and nestle them into his hoodie pocket for warmth.

jimin's eyes shine a little, operating at 5% instead of 0% now, feeling a tiny bit more hopeful; but he shakes his head, reminding himself about the garden and galaxy analogy regarding jeongguk and himself. no way, no way, we can't.

his head starts playing dead leaves and house of cards by his all time favourite bts, and it's true, he thinks sadly, their love is collapsing without strength, he wants the jeongguk that wants him again;

they wander aimlessly, eyes taking in nothing much despite how many rounds they've been going in, absorbed in their own worlds built on the same foundations.

jeongguk notices that this time, jimin wearing a billowy white shirt and jeans makes him look far more ethereal, out of this world, out of his grasp; he notices the butterfly necklace still adorning his neck, but the bracelet full of charms that represented him was gone, the earrings too.

they continue walking around, in stuffy silence hanging between them like a wall between; and then they pass by a church, magnificent clock and tainted glass windows with sacred paintings, just shy of light to illuminate and glow at its most majestic, most beautiful. like jimin, jeongguk's head offers, he who used to shine so brightly he could rival the sun.

jimin pulls his hand away from jeongguk's warm pockets, slowly and carefully, eyeing the grandfather’s clock. the lyrics of i need u start violently repeating in his head like a mantra, give me my last gift so i can't ever go back to you.

he spends the last few minutes in jeongguk's embrace, face against jeongguk's hammering heart and arms wrapped tightly around the his waist. his voice is coming apart, breaking up like they were going to, soon.

“jeongguk-ah, you have three minutes to tell me you don't love me,”

he's an idiot, jimin knows, so he holds on a little tighter, fastening himself onto jeongguk and counts down to his death wish, feeling like death and all the worst and ugliest feelings in the world coming for him all at once.

when jimin counts till sixty, indicative of 11:59pm, he kisses jeongguk goodbye on his tippy toes and immediately starts crying."j-jeon jeongguk, i- i just want you to know that even after everything i still love you- i still do, even after the 47 that came and went and i'm just number 48- i still love you i still do; i love you so much,"

and jimin reluctantly pulls away when the church bells toll, chiming a brand new day, it's midnight, and a brand new week awaits. jimin strikes, when jeongguk does nothing, like time was at a standstill.

“why aren't you telling me you don't love me!” jimin yells.

"why are you so cruel? why can't you say it so i can force myself to move on? why!" he shouts, and jimin is hollering at him- jimin who is the sweetest, the most enduring and patient and kind actually yelling- hot tears streaming down elegant features and jeongguk feels his unmoving heart ache badly.

jeongguk goes numb because it's jimin who has taught him to appreciate the little things and shown him what kindness is, that innocence and purity still exists in this cruel, cold and harsh world; it's jimin who has taught him money can't always buy you happiness; its jimin who has been ever so sweet and gentle about everything since the start-
and he's coming all undone like this shouting by the river, a futile bid to mask his unwavering love, with anger and hate and desperately trying, to no avail in convincing himself he isn't worthy-

and then jeongguk starts crying too.

jimin just impulsively grabs the first thing in sight-jeongguk's phone- from his hand in a blinded, desperate rage and threatens to throw it. he doesn't know what else to do, with all his feelings that were bottled up now opened and overflowing with so much vigour. he can't seem to stop the tears and he doesn't know how else to get this across. the part that shocks jeongguk most is that jimin never yells. he never loses his composure or his calm tone of voice even in the worst of situations, so he must've been so distressed, conflicted;

but how can jeongguk bring himself to say things that he doesn't mean to jimin anymore? jeongguk cocoons him once again, please don't, all your photos are in there, he pleads, as jimin is poised and ready to hurl the device. jimin shouts back. shouts that he doesn't care! if his photos are gone then so will the photos of the other 47 other people perish! let them all disappear forever, i doesn't care anymore!

and he pushes jeongguk away forcefully when the younger triesto protest, “... but you're the only one i took photos of,” and jimin remembers vaguely something about jeongguk having two phones, one for his personal use and the other for his weekly salacious escapades;

"why..." the hoarse voice bemoans, "why are you like this," jimin whispers in jeongguks overwhelming embrace. "you can't just pretend you loved me for a week and ask me to pretend like nothing happened," he falters.

"... like we never happened.”

it's terrifying that just one jeon jeongguk can make him come undone by the river past midnight, make him feel so much he can't cope no more.

"jeongguk, please- i can't go on like this any longer-"

there's a pregnant pause, and jimin chokes back on his words, "why am i hurting alone and you're still all okay? why was i so stupid to let you ruin me,"

"everyone told me i was an idiot for still falling in love with you even when everything you've done week after week and i- i don't know, i'm still hoping- hoping they were wrong about you because i thought-" i thought that maybe you would have loved me, and he trails off because he doesn't want to augment the pain further, and make things worse- so he just bites it back as his tears fall to the ground as a quiet surrender.

“i hate myself for still loving you, i hate that my love for you is such a burden-” he falters, hiccuping, and jeongguk, previously brooding, explodes.

"so you think i'm okay? that i'm not hurting? it sucks so bad that i've finally come to terms with the fact that i like you, park jimin! you made me feel like i was special, jimin- you made me feel butterflies, like the first time i fell in love- and now that it hit me that i'm going to lose you without even getting to tell you how much i love you, that im torn to pieces inside knowing that i'll never be able to hold your hand again? you think i'm okay?! just because i fucked up real bad doesnt mean i didn't feel that- whatever that thing we had was."

jeongguk guk has his head in his hands, sobbing uncontrollably as he scrubs at his eyes because now he knows- he's always been in control in every relationship, its always him to inflicts the pain, he hurts. but how he hurts.

the words sting but jimin keeps mum about it, in both shock and agony; everything is reaching its peak, about to hit full bloom, and they're both so riled up it might be better to lunge at the suffocating air, in a bid to get back the kind of air that actually allowed them to breathe comfortably.

"it took me seven days, jimin! seven fucking days to realise that i had fallen in love with you- and i now feel so fucking useless and inadequate and miserable knowing i have to let you go!" jeongguk shouts back in equal measure, and has his hands gripping tightly onto the other phone- he doesn't know what else to do; so he throws the goddamn root cause- that dumb phone he uses to contact all his monday playthings with- he throws it into the river with the most force he can muster.

"go away!" he shouts at the phone petulantly, as he hurls it into the water, watches it plop and sink and be buried,shrouded by the calm waters just like the relationship he was going to ruin as well, like titanic.

now it's jimin who's being rooted to the spot. did he just say he loved me? jeongguk's monologue full of heated passion starts to dwindle in volume as the tears get in the way and his throat clogs up.

"so what if i was an idiot! so what if i realised i fell for you after 31 kisses and your 16 'i love you's? so what if those were the goddamn numbers i wrote everyday on the polaroids and that i even counted, huh? the number of times you kissed me and the number of times you said you loved me- i remembered, damn it, when i usually don't give a shit! but you're still going to leave me and i’ll... never be able to kiss you again! or hold your hand or your waist! or tell you i felt so much when i heard your playlist to me! or hear your stupid cute laugh and your dumb crescent eyes! so what if i like you for real now..." he says as the tears come gushing down like a waterfall, tear after tear;

"so what if i do," and it comes out as a timid whisper, voice cracking and wracked with so much sorrow as he rubs his red eyes, all of a sudden so, so small as compared to the haughty elite that held his head up so high before;

and jimin finds himself crying even harder because jeongguk just looks so, so broken and jimin wishes he could mend him in whatever way he can.

"i'm so sorry, jimin." the shameful whisper echoes into the endless stream of water, leaves falling around them as guk claws at his face in shame and humiliation and every single awful feeling in the world attacking him all at once as well, as he leans onto a walled surface facing the river, all balled up in a corner and shaking with his emotions on overdrive.

jimin blinks once, twice, and then panics when jeongguk lets go of him and starts slumping down with head in his hands, body going all numb and so he crouches down also to kneel by his side, instincts kicking back in.

holy- oh man my soft baby boy is crying what do i do- oh my god-

he just does what he does best. being jimin.

"-guk? jeongguk are you alright? you're scaring me!" the raspy voice hoarse from the outbursts he previously uttered in a pique of anger; even though he was throwing a tantrum his heart will always have a soft spot for jeongukkie; and jeongguk doesnt say a word but guides jimin's head two inches before his, staring back into glittery orbs with a sheen of fresh tears. he drags jimin in, his lanky legs circling jimin now and he just goes in and kisses jimin fervently like he was going to lose him forever, and jimin kisses back so slowly, hands snaking to the back of his head and it feels so bittersweet and jeongguk feels like he never wants to let go- but moments later jimin forces and pries himself out, with a vehement chorus of "no, no we shouldn't-"

and in that instant jeongguk figures how painfully brave it must have been for jimin to beg him to say everything was unrequited, begging jeongguk to say he didn't love him even though his eyes were hoping for something else, another answer so desperately- hoping for jeongguk to ask him to stay;

and so his pride crumbles the way jimin unfolds him- slowly, and then all at once.

jeongguk just brings jimin into his arms and quietly sniffs as the night breeze washes over them and holds jimin tenderly and so tightly because now he's not gonna let go- and there's a muffled cry of "can't breathe-" that he retracts but still protectively sits jimin within his own bubble, legs encircling him in.

"sorry," a mumble inaudible makes its way and jimin is so lost and confused. "what are you doing why are you shaking up my heart, it hurts-"

jeongguk feels like his heart is exploding and his veins on fire and can't you see that... i'm trying?

"you think i wanted sunday to come? all the things i did- we did- you think i would keep a whole set of polaroids with your stupid face for fun? what makes you think i'm not suffering as well!" his exclamations are a lot more subdued, rising tones now more of explaining himself rather than spikes of anger.

"i'm sorry! i know i was a fucking piece of shit for treating you this way and playing with so many people's feelings- but now karma has found its way back and you're going to leave me.” jeongguk looks away, ashamed to even look jimin in the eyes after all that has happened.

"so go. go, run! find someone who won't hurt you like i do."

jimin's expectant face when their eyes accidentally is all it takes for jeongguk to keep going. “remember when i took you to the fair ? i hate carousel rides, it reminds me of a bad childhood memory but i went, still, because your face lit up brighter than the fairy lights there and i was blinded; remember when i went out of the cinema even though i really wanted to watch that movie? you were scared and all of a sudden i had this overwhelming feeling that i wanted to protect you. remember when i said you looked pretty when you wore makeup? i say it to most girls but they were never pretty- neither inside nor outside- but to me you shone like a brilliant star, and i- i just thought you looked so beautiful, as park jimin and nothing else. and you were right when you said you weren't worthy. you were right. you're unworthy of a superficial bastard like me who doesn't know anything about love and goes round fooling and fucking with people and plays with their feelings and someone who only knows how to spend money to buy people over and oh my god-”

and jimin softly kisses his cracked and overly bitten lip to silence him, reassuring hands cupping his face-

"i... i still think you're perfect as you are, jeon jeonggukie."

there's a terse silence and jeongguk squeezes his eyes shut, and bites down so hard on his lower lip to stop it from quivering and trembling until he actually tastes the coppery tang mixed with salty tears in his mouth.

"you always were to me," jimin whispers softly as cradles jeongguk's head and coaxes him and tells him he loves him over and over again until jeongguk stops shaking and the whimpers and sobs die out- jimin's too trusting, too good for this impure world.

"i'm so sorry for everything i did, i hurt so many people because i was an asshole, i thought i was a genius, a millionaire, a playboy- i, i hurt you, jimin, of all people i-" he hiccups.

"hush, my love," jimin forgives all too easily- and that all the more sends tenfolds worth of guilt ringing through his ears and coursing through his entire being like rapid waters because jimin, precious angel jimin;

he hurt jimin.

he hurt jimin.

he hurt jimin;

"im sorry... for hurting you, " jeongguk chokes, desperate for forgiveness, wetting the fabric over jimin's tummy for all the profusely leaking tears of shame and guilt and everything he had never envisioned he would one day say aloud.

"p-please don't leave me now- i really, i d-do love you," and he pauses to catch his breath, "i promise to l-love you and protect you and to ne-never hurt you again, i swear-"

"why were you still there even when i least deserved it? you should never have woken up late on monday, i didn’t know you had to go through so much in seven days, but now i do and it's killing me that i made you feel so much and i'm just not worthy, jimin, i-"

but jimin kisses the bitterness and guilt out of him- the way he had never felt ever, to feel himself growing weak and vulnerable to someone, opening up his heart again- that he had promised and never allowed to happen ever again;

and this, this park jimin had stumbled into his life with that cute little smile and dimpled pink cheeks and pretty eyes and jeongguk just wants to keep him in his arms forever, as his and only his bc jimin is such a precious being and he's taught him so much more than just existing and being kind.

jeongguk crouches down, tells jimin to get on, after about another twenty billion shared kisses, and he tells jimin he's taking him home.

jimin sleepily mumbles to tell him when they reach, as he cuddles and nuzzles at his neck like a koala, inhaling his favourite scent in the world.

the clock in the living room reads 2:48am, as jeongguk gently leads jimin to his room. “weren't- weren't we going home?” he blinks owlishly, and jeongguk kisses him sweetly, tells him this is now also his home- and jimin blushes, and to surprise jeongguk hangs the polaroids above the headboard of his bed;

also he tells jimin to wait here as he rushes out and back in, coming back fetching a loosely bundled bouquet, shyly proclaiming that he had bundled it himself. "I wanted to give it to you but... i thought i wouldn't have the chance to," and he bashfully explains that while all the others were satisfied with an expensively wrapped red rose imported from holland, he tried to arrange the bouquet himself because he's sure jimin would appreciate sincerity.

it has lilacs, silver sterling roses, yellow jonquil and white lilies and jimin understands it all- he just breaks into the most beautiful, breathtaking smile that jeongguk oh so adores and he tackles him into a bone crushing embrace, hugs him tightly until they stack atop of each other.

"i'm so glad you didn't leave,"

"i love you too."

jimin wakes up early, head resting on jeongguk's stomach, where guk is sleeping and snoring softly beside him. just to double check, he keys in the flowers to search up their meanings on naver. gnawing on his plush lower lip, he hovers his finger above the button to press enter, brightness of his phone set to the lowest as the natural sunlight starts filtering in, and he's so glad he's right.

the first time one feels love for someone, love at first sight, enchantment- followed by desire and purity, innocence.

he kisses jeongguk good morning, takes a photo of jeongguk's duck butt hair, sleepy and not fully awake. so this is what a requited love felt like.

hi there. my name is jeon jeongguk. i feel like i've been sent into rehabilitation the past week, and i’ve been reincarnated into a new person, after these seven days. okay maybe i'm not entirely a different person, but at the very least... i think i might be an international playboy no more.

i still get a lot of attention, though- i especially love how they stare and stare and stare because the things that are mine- they can never have.

and starting from today, i can proudly hold his cute hands as we enter the school gates. i can kiss the life out of him wherever and whenever i please.

jimin hyung is now officially mine. seven days? oh please. he's stuck with me for the next seven decades.

(or maybe seven lifetimes, if i ever get greedy.)